Latest / Rich Fulcher's TalkBox / Lucy Pearman: Harry Hill’s Sausage, Werewolf, Loose Pills, Egg Girl & Left in Spain I Talk Box Ep.20

Transcript

Lucy Pearman: Harry Hill’s Sausage, Werewolf, Loose Pills, Egg Girl & Left in Spain I Talk Box Ep.20 · Rich Fulcher's TalkBox

• 0:00
  Oh, hi, it's me, Rich Fulcher, and welcome to TALK BOX.
• 0:04
  Now, I know you're excited about our next guest, because I am
• 0:08
  too. Lucy Pearman.
• 0:11
  She is a comedian. She's wonderfully funny and
• 0:16
  eclectic. And she's got a show coming up
• 0:19
  at the Soho Theatre called Lunatic.
• 0:22
  We get into a lot of fun, so let's watch.
• 0:25
  Please. Come on, let's just do it for
• 0:28
  me. Podcast Ghost Girl.
• 0:50
  Hi, how are you? Nice to see you.
• 0:55
  Welcome. Thank you for having me.
• 0:57
  Is this where you live? Yes, this is my cave.
• 1:01
  It's lovely. Some people call it a cave, but
• 1:05
  I don't know. Do you?
• 1:07
  My face this way if that's OK. That's OK.
• 1:10
  Is that? Going to be a way.
• 1:12
  Yeah, because sort of like a witness protection thing and
• 1:16
  then sometimes. I might do it.
• 1:19
  This way we might disguise your voice as well.
• 1:22
  Yeah, if you don't mind. Just because of the recent stuff
• 1:26
  I can't be seen on camera. What recent stuff?
• 1:28
  That's a joke. Oh no, it's political.
• 1:30
  I don't. Think I've been involved with
• 1:32
  the police. Oh, you haven't, have I?
• 1:34
  Yeah, this is too high. Now, not to get this out right
• 1:39
  away, but you're doing a big show just down the street at the
• 1:44
  Soho Theatre. That's Kenny.
• 1:48
  Yeah, let's just do it out like that.
• 1:53
  Can. You be here now, this way more,
• 1:57
  more for you. Yeah.
• 1:59
  Hello. My sense is you're you're making
• 2:02
  fun of the process because maybe it's nerve wracking.
• 2:05
  I've never done this before, really.
• 2:07
  I've never been on a podcast. No, I have, but it wasn't
• 2:10
  filmed. You saw it here first.
• 2:13
  Lucy Pearman, her first podcast. Let's celebrate.
• 2:19
  Woo, yeah. Why haven't you got a whiskey?
• 2:22
  Well, normally I do. I know I saw that on Luke's one.
• 2:26
  But it's it might be a bit early.
• 2:29
  Well, I just, you don't know when you watch it what time you
• 2:32
  recorded it. Oh, that's true, I should have
• 2:35
  gotten. One I've got to drive so it's
• 2:37
  for the best. Oh, so you drove down?
• 2:40
  I drove to the coach and then I got a coach.
• 2:42
  Nice. Yeah.
• 2:43
  Nice. Do you have coaches in America?
• 2:46
  Buses, we call them, but yeah, that's good.
• 2:49
  So you're preparing for this show, but this is a show that
• 2:52
  you did in the French. In Edinburgh.
• 2:54
  Yeah. And it went quite well.
• 2:58
  Would you say you don't need to be modest?
• 3:02
  It went really well. It did go well, but there were
• 3:05
  some empty seats quite a lot. Do you notice that when you go
• 3:10
  out, do you see right away you see the empty seats?
• 3:13
  Yeah. That's just people leaving.
• 3:15
  It wasn't empty to start, they're just all gone by the
• 3:21
  end. No, that's not true.
• 3:22
  What if you started getting seat fillers like at the Oscars?
• 3:26
  You just get people to fill in the empty.
• 3:29
  Seats in Edinburgh. Yeah.
• 3:31
  Yeah, I mean, it's too late for that now.
• 3:33
  We could do it in Soho. Yeah, but hopefully you're going
• 3:37
  to sell out the whole run, right?
• 3:40
  I really hope so. And it's on the 29th, right?
• 3:43
  29th of September. To the third.
• 3:46
  The 4th of October. I almost missed it by a day I.
• 3:50
  Hope that's right. I think it's the 4th 29.
• 3:55
  Better to add on an extra day than to delete.
• 3:58
  Yeah, I'm going to be there anyway.
• 4:02
  I'm just going to be there, you know, hopefully just to just
• 4:06
  have a bit more time, make a bit more money.
• 4:08
  And is this something that you find fun or nerve wracking?
• 4:13
  Is it more fun? It's absolutely terrible.
• 4:16
  Why this? No, no, no, the show the.
• 4:19
  Show. Is it fun?
• 4:22
  It's definitely fun, yeah. Once I get going, I get very
• 4:25
  nervous. It's good to get nervous as long
• 4:31
  as you can channel that energy, right?
• 4:33
  Yes. Yeah, well, that's good advice.
• 4:36
  Channel the energy, yeah. Channel the.
• 4:37
  Energy and it's the show is What about your description of the
• 4:44
  show? How would you describe it to
• 4:46
  people? It's called lunatic.
• 4:49
  Lunatic. And I play the moon and I've got
• 4:53
  a big costume like this and it's about her wanting to come down
• 5:02
  and do a show. Very good.
• 5:06
  So are there a lot of special effects?
• 5:10
  No. By the way, a friend of mine
• 5:12
  used to play the moon. Tell me more.
• 5:15
  No fielding. Never heard of it.
• 5:17
  Yes, yeah, I did know that. No, yeah, I'll try to get him to
• 5:21
  see. Oh, please do, yeah.
• 5:24
  If he's, if he's here, I don't. Know it's different.
• 5:26
  I think it's quite different to that.
• 5:28
  Oh no, no, I'm not saying it's the same.
• 5:32
  I'm I'm in a big costume and I am under the threat of an
• 5:39
  eclipse from the sun. He's the villain of the peace.
• 5:44
  He keeps ringing me up to say you're not supposed to be out
• 5:47
  today. You're the nighttime girl.
• 5:50
  So it's a 2 hander. No, he just rings me on the
• 5:53
  phone. Oh, OK, OK.
• 5:55
  Yeah. So you don't meet him, you just
• 5:58
  sort of get the threat of him. And do you find how long did
• 6:04
  this whole process take? When did you start writing this?
• 6:09
  Genuinely a long time because I I had the idea in 2019 and then
• 6:15
  does. She need to get closer.
• 6:17
  Can you you know what you mean? I had the idea in 2019 and then
• 6:27
  there was a pandemic. Do you know this thing?
• 6:32
  And so I had to stay in my house for two years in the.
• 6:37
  Moon out there. Yeah.
• 6:40
  And then what happened? So you would just write it every
• 6:45
  day or? No, I did some TV stuff in in
• 6:49
  the meantime that had already been commissioned and was
• 6:52
  happening. So I put it on the back burner
• 6:55
  and then can you hear me now? And then I decided to do
• 7:02
  Edinburgh. I did half an hour of it with
• 7:04
  Natalie Palomides. We shared an hour in 2024 and
• 7:09
  then No 2023. And then I had a year off and
• 7:12
  then I kept, just did it, the show, finished the show now.
• 7:15
  It took so long. No, but that sometimes the best
• 7:18
  shows, they take a while to germinate.
• 7:22
  Yeah, and now you're in full blossom.
• 7:26
  Right. Yeah.
• 7:28
  Ready to go? Fully waxed.
• 7:29
  Fully waxed and then you just got off doing an hour and at the
• 7:34
  French. Yeah, yeah, so and so you are
• 7:40
  your rival or your enemy is the sun, Yeah.
• 7:45
  He's threatening to turn the lights off because she can only
• 7:48
  shine if he lights her up. And how would you describe this
• 7:54
  type of it's a surreal type show?
• 7:58
  It's completely normal. It's completely normal show.
• 8:01
  It's got a very wide appeal. Who would?
• 8:05
  What kind of audience do you usually get?
• 8:10
  What do I get? It ranges to be honest.
• 8:13
  Wide boys, mostly. Yeah, yeah, stalkers.
• 8:19
  Stalkers. And then just the elderly.
• 8:24
  Yes, mainly. Yeah.
• 8:26
  Do do people want to interact with you after the show?
• 8:30
  Like what? What would you prefer to do?
• 8:33
  Go out the back way and disappear?
• 8:35
  Or would you like to see them come through the door and say hi
• 8:39
  hi in your moon outfit? I had to in Edinburgh because I
• 8:43
  had to shake a bucket to get some money.
• 8:46
  Oh, the free friends. Yeah, well they they can buy
• 8:49
  tickets, but you can also not pay for tickets.
• 8:52
  I like that. Yeah, it's good.
• 8:54
  Yeah, yeah. But I had to say hello to
• 8:59
  everybody afterwards. And was that difficult for you?
• 9:02
  Yeah. Because some people, they can't
• 9:04
  look at you and they just, they're trying to go as quickly
• 9:06
  as they can. And you think, well, you hated
• 9:08
  it. It's like being at a wedding,
• 9:11
  right? And you have to say hello to
• 9:14
  everyone. I've never been married.
• 9:15
  No, but Can you believe it? No, I'm just making the analogy.
• 9:22
  What happens at the wedding? Talk me through it.
• 9:23
  Well, people you have to say hi to.
• 9:25
  Everyone, Yeah. Thank you for coming.
• 9:27
  Do you like my dress? Look at me do.
• 9:29
  You think it's going to work? Look at me.
• 9:33
  Yeah. Do you think they very similar?
• 9:36
  People avert their eyes because maybe they're embarrassed to
• 9:39
  talk to you. You're a big star where you just
• 9:43
  did a show and they're kind of amazed by you.
• 9:46
  I don't know. Or they just cut they hate your
• 9:49
  guts. It could be either.
• 9:52
  I've talked about this with several other guests about what
• 9:55
  you do after a show. Like, when you see a friend's
• 9:58
  show, do you feel obliged to tell them how you felt about the
• 10:02
  show, or would you kind of gloss it over with a That was a very
• 10:06
  nice show. It's weird when other comics say
• 10:09
  to you, how do you think it went?
• 10:12
  Do you know what I mean? I.
• 10:13
  Hate. That because you're thinking,
• 10:16
  well, did was it bad? How do I think?
• 10:19
  How did you you were in the audience?
• 10:21
  Yeah, you tell me. You tell me, oh God, it's
• 10:27
  difficult, isn't it? Because sometimes you think it's
• 10:29
  been fantastic and maybe it wasn't, and sometimes you think
• 10:33
  it was terrible and they loved it.
• 10:35
  That's why a lot of times people go, they they'll micromanage,
• 10:39
  like the performer will go, oh, I missed this bit and I didn't
• 10:43
  do this bit. And then the the other person
• 10:45
  will go. I thought it was amazing.
• 10:48
  I didn't know you missed. Like you're almost being over
• 10:51
  critical. Yeah, yeah.
• 10:54
  It's a funny old business, it. Is the business of show or is
• 10:59
  that like old school essay show business?
• 11:03
  I think it is show business, isn't it?
• 11:04
  Yeah, it is. But I haven't had any business
• 11:07
  yet. Right, that's coming.
• 11:10
  Where's the money? That's coming, is it?
• 11:13
  You're going to do your run. You're going to get.
• 11:16
  You've invited lots of industry people.
• 11:18
  Hollywood. Hollywood, OK.
• 11:22
  Mr Hollywood's in the audience. Paul Hollywood.
• 11:24
  Mrs Hollywood. Paul Hollywood, Yeah.
• 11:29
  OK. Do you do shows recently?
• 11:32
  I did a show at Soho a little over a year ago about the
• 11:37
  election. I know, political right, but I'm
• 11:42
  just making fun of everybody, OK?
• 11:45
  Both sides, OK Now, one side or the other, I don't want to get
• 11:52
  cancelled. No, I just said to burp, sorry.
• 11:56
  That's OK. But yeah, so I did that.
• 11:59
  But and then I do stand up. I'm trying to get a stand up
• 12:02
  thing going. Oh yeah, yeah.
• 12:04
  But it's difficult because you've got to really work it.
• 12:08
  It's like going to the gym, isn't it?
• 12:10
  It's hell yeah. Yeah, it is hard.
• 12:13
  I'd forgotten how hard Edinburgh was until I got there and I was
• 12:17
  like, and I had to cycle up a hill every morning to get to my
• 12:20
  venue. And my show is at 1:00, so it's
• 12:24
  in the. Morning.
• 12:25
  In lunchtime. Oh oh.
• 12:26
  Oh yeah. But that is like morning for
• 12:28
  Edinburgh, isn't it? Yeah, yeah.
• 12:30
  When do you have your lunch? People just getting up, you
• 12:34
  know, around 9/1. Yeah, yeah.
• 12:36
  What about you, Kenny? Yeah. 1:00 PM one yeah. 12 I'm
• 12:41
  1:00 AM normally, yeah. For lunch, yeah.
• 12:44
  Well, that's nice. Yeah, I don't like to do things
• 12:47
  normally. So yeah, it's both fun and a
• 12:51
  slog. Edinburgh.
• 12:53
  Yeah. So you got to get to the vein.
• 12:56
  You don't realise how much work you have to put into it.
• 12:59
  Yeah, you just kind of remember the good bits about it.
• 13:02
  Yeah, it's tough. Yeah, but once you get it going,
• 13:07
  it's fine. You go.
• 13:08
  You go out with friends, you go see other friends shows.
• 13:13
  You don't I Did you stay in your room and knit?
• 13:17
  I. Stayed in my room.
• 13:18
  You did. Yeah, I didn't really go out
• 13:22
  because I was so tired. That's another way to deal with
• 13:26
  it. Yeah, No, that's another way.
• 13:28
  I had to go to bed. I must have gone out.
• 13:31
  I did see some shows. I saw some amazing shows.
• 13:34
  Because you're very physical. Your comedy's very physical,
• 13:38
  would you say? Yeah, Yeah.
• 13:40
  I, I went to see Harry Hill last night.
• 13:43
  He he is amazing and he does all this dancing and it's the show
• 13:49
  was two hours long. He's amazing, yeah.
• 13:53
  Is he a friend of yours? Yeah.
• 13:55
  Oh my God, Do you know him? No, I, I think I've met him once
• 14:00
  over the years. He's a he seems like a very
• 14:02
  nice. He's so nice, he's so nice, but
• 14:06
  I don't know how he's doing it. He's been in this room before,
• 14:10
  yeah, so we're experiencing some of him.
• 14:14
  When was he here? Years ago or Yeah, he's in the
• 14:18
  promo for this room. Yeah, so but he's he used to be
• 14:24
  a a medical doctor, is that right?
• 14:26
  So he probably would know about taking care of his body.
• 14:29
  And vitamins. He probably gets injected in the
• 14:32
  bum. Yeah, maybe.
• 14:34
  Like me. Have you ever had those B12
• 14:37
  injections in the bum like Madonna?
• 14:42
  She gets those. In the bum.
• 14:44
  Yeah. In your bum cheek.
• 14:46
  Yeah, I think a lot of it's avoid getting a cold because I
• 14:51
  was on a set once and they said do you want AB12 injection?
• 14:55
  And it wasn't anybody connected with the show, It was just a guy
• 14:59
  in a trench coat. Did you take it?
• 15:02
  But yeah, I did. I felt better.
• 15:05
  So you've always been fascinated by the moon?
• 15:09
  Well, basically I kind of spent a lot of time looking at the
• 15:13
  moon on the way home from gigs and it became a bit of a sort of
• 15:18
  nocturnal colleague and I thought, and then I started to
• 15:23
  think, I wonder what she's dealing with, her end.
• 15:28
  Yeah. And I thought that's how it kind
• 15:30
  of came. About and the moon is definitely
• 15:31
  a she. To me, yeah.
• 15:34
  And the moon goes through phases.
• 15:37
  Waxes and wanes. Just like people do.
• 15:40
  Yeah, yeah. And it's how many days?
• 15:42
  18 days with the moon. Isn't it a month?
• 15:46
  Maybe it is, yeah. Yeah.
• 15:51
  It takes a whole month from the tiniest sliver, the Crescent,
• 15:56
  right to a full moon. Which is the werewolf.
• 16:00
  Yeah. Time I didn't have a werewolf in
• 16:02
  the show. Oh.
• 16:04
  Oh, I wanted to. Oh, you missed the boat.
• 16:07
  You could still slip one in. I could.
• 16:08
  Good night. Yeah.
• 16:10
  I think I might. Maybe the werewolf eats the sun
• 16:13
  at the end, Yes, I'll do. It all you have to do is just
• 16:17
  come on and do maybe 15 minutes. Or I thought maybe I could just
• 16:22
  go on and say, what about me? Yes, yes.
• 16:29
  Would you do that? OK.
• 16:31
  And we'll just have you in, you know, like sideburns, bit of a
• 16:34
  beard. Or you can I'll.
• 16:35
  Skip my werewolf costume out. Yeah, it's funny you should say
• 16:41
  that because we've been watching the Our family's been watching
• 16:45
  Wednesday. Oh yeah, is it good?
• 16:47
  Yeah, but there's werewolves in that, Yeah, I don't want to give
• 16:51
  it away, but yeah, anyway, I just threw that.
• 16:54
  Out I don't have Netflix. You don't.
• 16:56
  No. I notice you're not on, so you
• 16:59
  don't have a social media presence, do you?
• 17:02
  I've got Instagram. Oh, you do?
• 17:05
  OK, Maybe I missed that. Do you?
• 17:08
  Yeah. OK.
• 17:09
  Good. Good.
• 17:10
  Because so you're not like I'm. I've had it with everything.
• 17:13
  No, I do have Instagram. I'm not very good on Twitter.
• 17:17
  I can't look into my Facebook. What else is there?
• 17:22
  Oh, there's TikTok. TikTok.
• 17:24
  I've got one but I don't know how to use it.
• 17:26
  OK, that's fine. Do you use it?
• 17:28
  No, I'm not on it yet. But if you'd like me to be on
• 17:32
  TikTok, yeah, write to me and yeah.
• 17:36
  You can tick and tock. I can both.
• 17:38
  You tick, I'll talk. We'll just do that.
• 17:45
  How long is a TikTok? 20 seconds. 20 seconds.
• 17:48
  That you're allowed to have. Yeah, I think so, Kenny think.
• 17:52
  You're allowed up to 10 minutes. Now 10 minutes.
• 17:54
  Yeah, they're, they've lengthened, yeah.
• 17:57
  OK. Well, I kind of like it when
• 17:59
  you're just limited to a certain amount.
• 18:02
  Yeah. Yeah.
• 18:04
  So OK, so you're not like a a hermit like I thought.
• 18:10
  I definitely can hermit. I I am able to hermit but
• 18:14
  sometimes I pop out. Do you feel like COVID affected
• 18:18
  you in terms of staying inside because a lot of people don't
• 18:24
  want to go like to work now anymore?
• 18:27
  No, I don't want to go to work. I just want to come here.
• 18:32
  Do you live here in this? In this.
• 18:35
  In this cave, No. I mean, I live outside of The
• 18:39
  Cave, but I come here a lot. Yeah.
• 18:42
  In Harry. Harry Hill.
• 18:44
  Yeah. So you saw him last night and
• 18:48
  did you say hi to him afterwards?
• 18:49
  Yeah, he's got a very, very, very, very, very big sausage
• 18:54
  that he puts in the audience. Oh, do you want to see a video
• 18:57
  of it? He's so good.
• 18:58
  Well, I mean, I don't know. The audience can't see.
• 19:00
  No. Well, I can show it.
• 19:02
  To you, Kenny will pop it up on the bottom of the screen.
• 19:04
  Oh my. God.
• 19:06
  And he throws it through the audience and they just, like,
• 19:08
  bash it, and everyone's just waiting to touch the sausage.
• 19:12
  Does he have a new sausage every show?
• 19:15
  No, it's the same one, actually, he said.
• 19:17
  It's an old one. He's had it for years.
• 19:20
  Look at it in the air. He must have a huge garage.
• 19:23
  Yeah, I know. It's like a sausage dirigible.
• 19:27
  What's a dirigible? It's like a Zeppelin.
• 19:30
  What's a Zeppelin? It's like a blimp.
• 19:32
  What's a blimp? It's like a Hindenburg airship.
• 19:36
  A massive balloon. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 19:38
  I feel like I'm playing the pyramid 25,000 pyramid.
• 19:44
  What's? That.
• 19:45
  That's an old show. Never mind.
• 19:47
  Never. Mind I'm I'm am I being sick?
• 19:51
  No, not knowing what the pyramid is.
• 19:53
  Well, more. Think about the blimp.
• 19:55
  Yeah, no, I do. I do know what a blimp is.
• 19:58
  It's a massive balloon. Yeah, but so he's got a lot of
• 20:02
  props in this show. Oh my God, He's got a massive,
• 20:06
  massive ice cream. A a lady that just comes on an
• 20:10
  ice cream and he goes, yeah, I've seen you and that's it.
• 20:14
  And then she goes. I love that.
• 20:16
  I love when they use a big prop just for a a small joke.
• 20:20
  Yeah. Yeah, and he's got puppets.
• 20:22
  You're prop intensive. Yeah, I've got too many props.
• 20:26
  But that's good, That means you've got loads of ideas.
• 20:29
  Yeah, yeah, or not enough jokes. And would you, would you ever
• 20:34
  want to go on tour with this show?
• 20:37
  I think I would. If people would come, If I could
• 20:39
  be sure people would come watch it, I'd do it.
• 20:41
  Would you come watch this show please, please?
• 20:45
  Is that how it works? You just say it please.
• 20:47
  Yeah, we're talking to them. They're going to come.
• 20:51
  They're watching. Said back.
• 20:53
  Well, they'll write in. They'll write in and say I want
• 20:56
  to come to the show. Right to, you know how to go to
• 21:01
  Soho's website and it's on the Dean St.
• 21:04
  Yeah, because now there's a couple of.
• 21:06
  They've got a big one. Yeah.
• 21:08
  Yeah, it's too big. Have you been?
• 21:11
  No, have you? No, it's in Walthamstow, right?
• 21:14
  Yeah. No, it's a big theatre.
• 21:17
  Yeah. Yeah.
• 21:17
  Excuse me. So you would like to tour the
• 21:26
  show? I'm just trying to think about
• 21:28
  this show, what you'd like to do after this.
• 21:30
  Like you want to keep doing this show because you put so much
• 21:33
  work into it. Yeah, you're right.
• 21:35
  Maybe pitch it as a as ATV thing.
• 21:39
  The trouble is, it's so interactive with the audience.
• 21:41
  It's so dependent on the audience.
• 21:45
  You know what I'd like to do? OK, Pull people into the telly
• 21:50
  so I could be on the telly and then pull someone from their
• 21:53
  sitting room because I need audience people.
• 21:56
  Kind of like an interactive goggle box, yeah.
• 22:00
  Yeah, exactly. That's what I should do because
• 22:03
  I need normal people that are watching it and I need to be
• 22:06
  able to drag them into the world.
• 22:09
  Maybe that's how I'll pitch it. So have that on telly.
• 22:13
  Yeah, yeah, that would be great. I would love that.
• 22:16
  And they have to go through a tube to get to me.
• 22:19
  Have you ever seen this guy Ernie Kovacs?
• 22:22
  No. He was old school.
• 22:25
  I think he was in the 60s, but he did a lot of imagery with
• 22:28
  that. He was very surreal, like he
• 22:31
  played with the genre, Yeah. Of TV and stuff, yeah.
• 22:36
  Or you can pull people off the street.
• 22:39
  Yeah. What went flat?
• 22:40
  Pull people off the street. Yeah, well, I'm just thinking
• 22:44
  I'm working. It's out now as I say it.
• 22:49
  You know when people talk to people on the street and they
• 22:52
  put a microphone? Vox pops.
• 22:54
  Yeah. Yeah, I could get people that
• 22:55
  way. That's great.
• 22:58
  I was looking over old reviews because I had to do an interview
• 23:01
  to promote the show and one of one of the questions was what's
• 23:04
  the most least welcome post show comment you've had and it was
• 23:10
  from a reviewer. They said no TV commissioner
• 23:12
  would ever put this woman on television.
• 23:15
  Well, see, I don't agree with that.
• 23:18
  That's what they said about the bouche because, well, no people
• 23:22
  would say great show. Yeah, not for TV did.
• 23:26
  They. Really.
• 23:27
  Well, they didn't know what to do with it.
• 23:29
  Yeah, But I'll tell you what happened.
• 23:31
  Maybe you'd want to do this is we then put it into radio, which
• 23:37
  was like a segment of what, however long it is, 28 minutes.
• 23:44
  And it was a full story. So then they realised, oh, this
• 23:47
  can be toned down and put into a nice encapsulated, yeah.
• 23:53
  Story. Yeah.
• 23:56
  So the moon could have a next door neighbour, A wacky
• 24:00
  neighbour. Yeah, well, whatever I do, will
• 24:04
  you be in it? Yes.
• 24:08
  Please. I would love to be in it.
• 24:10
  Anything. I'll be a werewolf, a mop.
• 24:13
  Yeah, anything. A werewolf.
• 24:16
  And a mop. And a mop.
• 24:17
  Double ended. Whatever you need.
• 24:19
  Yeah, Thanks. OK, So you might tour this.
• 24:24
  You might. Tour it and.
• 24:26
  When would you say I'm just going to work on another show or
• 24:29
  you're working on one now? I've already got the idea for
• 24:32
  the next thing. Will you tell us no?
• 24:37
  Why not? Because I don't really know how
• 24:40
  to articulate it and I don't know if it's any good yet, but I
• 24:43
  will try it. Yeah, I know.
• 24:45
  When will you be ready to tell someone?
• 24:50
  Maybe I'll come back on the podcast.
• 24:52
  Yeah, I'll call you. I'll call Kenny.
• 24:56
  Kenny, does she have your number?
• 24:57
  I don't think so. OK, he's going to give you his
• 25:01
  number. OK.
• 25:03
  Thank you. But that's how it works for me
• 25:07
  is you Mull around things and then you sort of go, yes.
• 25:10
  Yeah, because as you kind of finish the show, it creates a
• 25:14
  bit more space in your brain for a new idea that kind of like
• 25:19
  fertile space of something building because you've finished
• 25:24
  doing that part with the previous idea.
• 25:26
  Because that's sort of more a polishing stage.
• 25:29
  Do you know what I mean? Or like performing stage because
• 25:32
  that's kind of what happened. I remember being in Edinburgh
• 25:34
  and just thinking, I haven't, I don't, I haven't learnt it, I
• 25:37
  don't know what's next. And then as soon as I thought,
• 25:41
  oh, it's gone in, I know it. I could have room to.
• 25:44
  Yes. Create something else.
• 25:46
  Because you have little compartments, yeah.
• 25:48
  Boxes. And because I know that the the
• 25:54
  writing process for you is, well, I don't know this, but is
• 25:59
  it just sort of like I'm going to do it, I'm set aside the time
• 26:04
  to do it and then I'm and I just fill up that time?
• 26:08
  Or do you just wait till you get inspired?
• 26:13
  I know some people hate these process questions.
• 26:16
  Honestly, I'm just a bit distracted by that fly.
• 26:19
  Can you see it? Oh yeah, I'm not going to kill
• 26:21
  it. Yesterday when I was talking to
• 26:23
  Harry Hill, a family flew up my nose and I said to him, did you
• 26:26
  see that? And he said yeah.
• 26:27
  And it was his second attempt. I hadn't noticed the fly had
• 26:31
  gone, tried to come out and then gone in and then went in.
• 26:35
  So I'm a. Bit persistent.
• 26:36
  I'm a bit on edge. Do you think he went in your
• 26:39
  brain like Robert Kennedy, who he said he had a worm in his
• 26:44
  brain? Yeah, I've definitely got
• 26:46
  something up there. Well, have you read recently
• 26:49
  about all these plastics that are inside of us?
• 26:52
  Yeah, well, yeah. Yeah.
• 26:55
  What are we going to do about that?
• 26:57
  What are we going to do? I think maybe we'll just be
• 26:59
  plastic boys and girls from now on.
• 27:04
  Waterproof. Maybe, maybe we've got to get
• 27:07
  rid of the plastic. How?
• 27:09
  I don't know, I think everything should be edible.
• 27:14
  Edible clothes, edible trays, buses on the plane.
• 27:20
  You eat your tray table. Yeah.
• 27:22
  Yeah. Like is it cake?
• 27:24
  Have you seen that programme? Is it cake where everything?
• 27:26
  'S yes, I love that do. You know that, Kenny.
• 27:30
  No. Everything's just cake.
• 27:34
  So for example, you'd be like is this.
• 27:37
  Cake and then they cut into A and you.
• 27:40
  Have a little slice. Yeah, I love it.
• 27:43
  And do you like to bake or you or you bake or?
• 27:49
  Love to. OK.
• 27:51
  Haven't done it for a while, but yeah, I love to bake.
• 27:56
  When's the last time I baked? Too long ago.
• 28:01
  Yeah, I love to bake. Do you?
• 28:04
  I like to, I'm not so much baked, but I do we we got a
• 28:09
  bread maker, so I know how to do that.
• 28:11
  You pour the bits in. Yeah, you pour it.
• 28:13
  Yeah, it's kind of cheating. You can still get it wrong
• 28:17
  though, can't you? It can be.
• 28:20
  Too. Like a little brick.
• 28:25
  Sometimes when you don't put the yeast in, it's like a flat
• 28:29
  brick. Yeah, it's like.
• 28:31
  We still eat it. I I do too.
• 28:33
  Because it's a waste. Yeah.
• 28:35
  Yeah. When you grew up, did you like
• 28:39
  waste? No.
• 28:44
  I mean, some people are like, like, you know, don't waste
• 28:48
  anything. Yeah, my mum is terrible.
• 28:51
  She's a hoarder, so there's a lot of stuff about.
• 28:56
  My mom is kind of like that too you.
• 28:58
  Know maybe it's all mums, is it? No, because there are some mums
• 29:01
  that like to have nothing. No, my wife's mum throws things
• 29:06
  out and I'm going. You want to keep.
• 29:10
  Sometimes I want to, you know, what are you doing?
• 29:12
  Like, I'm big on leftovers. I like leftovers.
• 29:17
  If there's leftover food, let's save it, pack it up.
• 29:21
  We'll spend a whole week eating it.
• 29:24
  But she won't sit in the bin. Yeah, well, sometimes and I'll
• 29:28
  go What? What about you?
• 29:35
  I I struggle to throw things away.
• 29:38
  Yeah, yeah, for sure. But I don't like the mental
• 29:42
  problem of having to deal with it.
• 29:46
  This is actually a hoarding podcast.
• 29:49
  I hope you don't mind. Lovely to be here.
• 29:51
  We did some research and we. I found some antihistamines from
• 29:56
  2021 that's not too bad. Can you still take them?
• 30:02
  Here's the thing. I would, but I don't.
• 30:04
  I think I would. Yeah, you should just throw them
• 30:07
  away. What a way to go.
• 30:09
  How did he die? The antihistamines were a bit
• 30:12
  old. I do have a drawer in my desk
• 30:15
  with pills that aren't even in a a canister or whatever and
• 30:19
  they're just loose. Loose pills loose the loose pill
• 30:23
  drawer. I need to throw them away.
• 30:26
  Yeah. 'Cause I some of them I don't
• 30:28
  even know what they're for. So you open the drawer.
• 30:33
  Some of them are melatonin. They help you go to sleep.
• 30:36
  Yeah. So I know those.
• 30:39
  But how do you know? Because they look different to
• 30:41
  the others. Yeah.
• 30:42
  Have you just poured them into the drawer?
• 30:44
  No, no, I'm not that dumb. How?
• 30:47
  Did they get there? Well, initially I I poured them
• 30:51
  out to use the canister for something else.
• 30:55
  For what shots or you can use it for.
• 31:00
  Paper clips, whatever, little things I don't know, I've just
• 31:05
  got to never mind, I'm just going to deal with this and not
• 31:08
  talk about it. Yeah, but it is.
• 31:10
  Good to think they've. Got a drawer of pills?
• 31:12
  Yeah, well, drawer O pills. Drawer pills, Yeah.
• 31:20
  So when you were growing up though, you would take a lot of
• 31:25
  pills. There's so many.
• 31:27
  Too many, too many. Oh.
• 31:30
  No, yeah. OK, one in every hole.
• 31:34
  Did you grow up up north or? On a farm.
• 31:37
  On a pig farm. You did.
• 31:39
  Oh my gosh. So you know a lot.
• 31:43
  Does it make you want to live in the country or do you actually
• 31:47
  go? I'd like to be a city person
• 31:50
  now. I definitely did want to be a
• 31:51
  city person for a very long time and I was desperate to get out
• 31:55
  and then what happened? I got a bit tired.
• 32:00
  See, that's what I find too, is you immediately you rebel
• 32:04
  against your childhood and then eventually you start going back
• 32:08
  to what you were as a child. You start to crave it.
• 32:12
  I do remember I would always be sort of drawn to green spaces.
• 32:18
  Even in the city. Yeah, especially, yeah, but
• 32:25
  that's that. OK, Yeah.
• 32:29
  And so you live on a farm now? Yeah.
• 32:32
  And do you have, how many pigs do you have?
• 32:34
  There's no pigs now. OK, I've got 3 geese and 4
• 32:37
  chickens. I hatched the geese.
• 32:42
  It was very stressful because there it's not easy to do.
• 32:46
  So you get eggs though. Yeah, you get the eggs and then
• 32:48
  you put them in an incubator and then you get a special light
• 32:53
  that you hold up to the egg and you can see it developing.
• 32:56
  You don't have to pay for eggs. Wow.
• 33:01
  But you do have to pay for the food.
• 33:03
  Oh, that's true. Is is it more than you'd pay for
• 33:06
  the eggs? No.
• 33:09
  OK, then it's a win. Yeah, it's good.
• 33:12
  It is good. She's won, ladies and gentlemen.
• 33:23
  And do you eat anything else from the farm?
• 33:25
  No, I only eat eggs. That's it, yeah.
• 33:28
  And that's it. And I don't eat anything other
• 33:30
  than eggs. Are you a veg?
• 33:33
  Just the egg girl. You're the egg girl.
• 33:35
  Yeah, that's your next show. I have got an egg costume.
• 33:38
  I've already done an egg show. You have.
• 33:41
  Yeah, and at the end I hatched and I was a chicken.
• 33:44
  OK, well tick, sorry I missed that one.
• 33:48
  That's OK, That's done. What you should after this next
• 33:53
  show you should do one where you do the best of all your shows.
• 33:57
  That's a good idea. That is a good idea.
• 34:00
  I've got so much stuff, so many costumes and props and bits.
• 34:05
  See, that's another thing I save.
• 34:07
  I save costumes. Yeah, where do you keep them?
• 34:10
  In the garage, but there's too much.
• 34:13
  Yeah, what's your favourite? I have a Russian hat, yeah, that
• 34:22
  I have like a really furry hat, but that's not that's just came
• 34:28
  off the top of my. Hat that's not taking up too
• 34:30
  much space. No, no.
• 34:32
  But you know, I just always have this feeling like I might be
• 34:36
  able to use that or Halloween or.
• 34:40
  Yeah. Or an audition like the self
• 34:43
  tape audition if they need some Russian.
• 34:46
  But also real life in the cold. Yeah, yeah.
• 34:49
  Where are you from? Well, from Massachusetts in the
• 34:55
  Northeast, so it's fairly cold. Yeah, yeah.
• 34:58
  Is it colder than here? It's about this, I think if you
• 35:02
  look on a map, it's the same latitude pretty much, yeah.
• 35:08
  Because when you fly over, a lot of times they go through Canada.
• 35:13
  That's cold. Yeah, that's very.
• 35:15
  Cool. I haven't been but I've heard
• 35:16
  it's cold. Canada's yeah.
• 35:18
  Cold, Yeah. And how long have you lived it
• 35:20
  for? Every It's my podcast.
• 35:24
  It's funny that everyone winds up asking me questions.
• 35:28
  Because you're interesting. No, no, I'm not.
• 35:30
  You are. I think it's because I'm not
• 35:32
  interesting enough with my questions that you go.
• 35:36
  I've got to ask him a question. Now I'm genuinely interested.
• 35:39
  OK, how long? Well, so I lived here on and off
• 35:43
  about 10 years and then I got married and then we went to LA
• 35:49
  for about 7 years and then we just came back during COVID.
• 35:54
  So you've been back for five years?
• 35:56
  About five years. That's to the Home Office.
• 36:04
  No, no, I don't know why I did that.
• 36:07
  They're strict. Five year no.
• 36:09
  Are you allowed if you're? Married.
• 36:10
  No. I'm allowed.
• 36:10
  I'm allowed. I I'm.
• 36:11
  Yeah. Yeah, yeah.
• 36:13
  Is your wife British? Yes, yes.
• 36:15
  So. It's all above board.
• 36:17
  It's all above board. I don't know why I even did
• 36:21
  that, it's just a joke. Yeah, it was good.
• 36:23
  And have you ever lived outside of the UK for like over three
• 36:29
  months? Yeah, I lived in Spain when I
• 36:31
  left university. I worked for a T i.e.
• 36:33
  Company which is. IE what the?
• 36:36
  Theatre in education. Oh, right.
• 36:38
  So you basically you go round in a little van and you perform
• 36:42
  shows to Spanish. Tutors.
• 36:46
  Pills. Yeah, pills.
• 36:48
  Yeah, it's that that's exactly what I did.
• 36:52
  You can and and you can sell them.
• 36:58
  Sorry, sorry that I didn't mean to demean.
• 37:01
  You're a very altruistic job. No, no, it wasn't.
• 37:06
  I mean I. So you'd perform and then the
• 37:08
  kids would join in or. Sometimes, I mean, I perform to
• 37:12
  babies. Tough crowd.
• 37:16
  Oh yeah. There were three shows, so it
• 37:19
  was Dracula for secondary school students, the Haunted Mansion
• 37:24
  for primary school age, and then the Little Haunted Mansion I.
• 37:28
  Think these are too scary for kids?
• 37:30
  It was. It was quite.
• 37:31
  Scary. Oh my God.
• 37:33
  Yeah. Well, did you ever think maybe
• 37:35
  something more innocuous? Well.
• 37:38
  It wasn't up to me. I just I did an audition and I
• 37:41
  got the job. All right, we're going to do
• 37:43
  saw. No, it's just kind of like,
• 37:47
  yeah, maybe the person that ran this theatre was a little bit.
• 37:52
  Mean. Yeah.
• 37:53
  Hadn't occurred to me, but you're right.
• 37:55
  And how many people in the company?
• 37:57
  Were two of us and once so we toured Spain.
• 38:03
  Like in a scooby-doo van. Yeah, around Spain, me and the
• 38:07
  other solving murders. Yeah, and A and a lady.
• 38:10
  This is another show. It is, isn't it?
• 38:12
  Yes. You're in Spain doing a show for
• 38:16
  kids solving murders. Yeah, and the the children are
• 38:20
  the murderers. At the end, yeah, the kids were
• 38:24
  always the murderers. Every time, yeah.
• 38:27
  It's the same baby, those. Pesky kids.
• 38:31
  Yeah. Yeah.
• 38:32
  And what how long did you do that?
• 38:35
  I did it for a year and I was miserable.
• 38:38
  I hated it. I was very homesick and I just
• 38:41
  didn't. I didn't really like the food
• 38:43
  that much, so I just ate doughnuts the whole time.
• 38:45
  Oh, and once they were. You don't like Spanish food?
• 38:50
  I do now, but at the time I was just a bit.
• 38:53
  Yeah, it's being forced on you. Yeah, we were in the van and we
• 38:58
  went to a tiny little village, me and the other actor and the
• 39:02
  lady who did the driving and helped with the sound cues, and
• 39:08
  I went to sleep in the back. Was it a nice van?
• 39:12
  It sounds it. Was like, you know, four seats
• 39:15
  and then like a kind of not like high up like a car with a bit on
• 39:20
  the back. OK.
• 39:22
  And I used to sleep in the back on the way, on the way there and
• 39:25
  on the way back and we got to a tiny village and they.
• 39:29
  Would you be booked in advance or like this?
• 39:31
  Looks good. They want to see Dracula.
• 39:34
  Oh yeah, it was booked. Oh, good, good.
• 39:38
  And they we stopped the van and I got out to get something to
• 39:44
  eat, I think. But I left my phone in the van.
• 39:47
  I had my purse. Anyway, they drove off without
• 39:49
  me. They thought I was asleep in the
• 39:50
  back. Because you had always done
• 39:53
  that. Yeah, and they didn't.
• 39:55
  So I was in this like mad village without my phone and I
• 39:59
  but I did have. Many.
• 40:00
  That's the one that did that scary play.
• 40:03
  Yeah. My kid won't go to sleep because
• 40:05
  of you. Let's get her.
• 40:08
  You have torches. Yeah.
• 40:10
  Let's see what what happened. I went to one of do you remember
• 40:13
  that? The Internet cafes, You.
• 40:15
  Yeah, I went to one of them and I rang.
• 40:18
  I remembered the landline of my mum's house so I rang her and
• 40:22
  she had a list of the numbers of people I was at university with.
• 40:26
  You didn't know that. I didn't know anyone's number.
• 40:30
  I was like, don't panic, but I am in Spain.
• 40:33
  I don't know where I am and I need them to come back and get
• 40:36
  me you. Didn't even know the name of the
• 40:38
  town. No, I didn't know where I was
• 40:42
  anyway. I think it was about an hour
• 40:44
  before they realised I wasn't in the back.
• 40:45
  Holy crap. And they turned around and came
• 40:48
  back for me. She was in peace.
• 40:49
  Holy crap. Holy.
• 40:51
  Obviously it was fine. I'm I'm here, but it was quite.
• 40:54
  Well, maybe you're a ghost. That's another show podcast
• 41:00
  ghost guest. Podcast Ghost Girl.
• 41:04
  Yes. All right.
• 41:05
  Are you writing these down, Kenny?
• 41:08
  OK, good. That's an easy costume, isn't
• 41:10
  it, Ghost? Podcast Ghost.
• 41:12
  Yeah, it's a microphone and a sheet.
• 41:17
  Well, you know, maybe a little bit more.
• 41:19
  Yeah, to that, yeah. Yeah, OK.
• 41:22
  Do you like to watch scary things?
• 41:24
  No. No, I'm so easily scared.
• 41:27
  Do you know why? I'll tell you, OK, when I was
• 41:32
  little, because I've had to think about this, I if I don't
• 41:36
  hear someone coming or if if I see someone I don't know is
• 41:39
  there, I will scream. It's because when I was little,
• 41:43
  my sister hid under my bed. One night I was about 6 and I
• 41:49
  went to bed and I heard she started making noises like I was
• 41:56
  absolutely terrified. So I built up the courage.
• 41:59
  You know when you're little and you're scared and you'll go.
• 42:01
  2123 I got the courage to jump out the bed.
• 42:05
  I jumped out the bed. She grabbed my ankle and dragged
• 42:08
  me along the floor. This is terrible.
• 42:11
  She's a lovely person, but. Now.
• 42:14
  At that time, it was. It was.
• 42:16
  Oh my God. It was that so obviously I was
• 42:18
  terrified and I think that's why I get easily scared.
• 42:20
  Does she know that this affected you?
• 42:23
  She says it was very out of character for her at the time.
• 42:25
  But here's the thing though, there must have been something
• 42:28
  about you that made her want to do it.
• 42:30
  Of course. Because you reacted.
• 42:33
  I reacted in a big way. Yeah, it's funny because.
• 42:38
  So I can't watch scary stuff. I'll, I'll actually almost get
• 42:42
  mad at my youngest for leaving himself open for his brother to
• 42:49
  do tricks for like, don't leave your plate out in the open.
• 42:53
  He's going to grab the food. It's like instead of, you know,
• 42:58
  saying to the the oldest, don't grab the food, I'm getting mad
• 43:03
  at him for like you're leaving yourself open.
• 43:06
  How old are they? Well, they're like 13 and 10,
• 43:09
  but it's like. And do they do that to each
• 43:11
  other? They do pranks.
• 43:12
  Sometimes, but the oldest mostly does the pranks, so I'm going to
• 43:17
  the youngest I go. You gotta fight back.
• 43:20
  Yeah. Do your own prank.
• 43:23
  And does he? He's getting better, He's
• 43:25
  getting better. It's pressure, isn't it?
• 43:29
  It's a lot. Of pressure to do good pranks.
• 43:31
  Yeah, yeah. Are you OK?
• 43:34
  I'm just thinking about the pranks on my brother's done
• 43:37
  pranks on me. So after that incident, did you
• 43:40
  get back at your sister or? Oh, I was deeply hurt.
• 43:43
  Yeah, I bet. I bet she must have felt bad
• 43:46
  though. Felt really bad, I don't think
• 43:48
  she realised how bad it was and how terrified I was, but that's
• 43:50
  what I'm so easily scared. I shouldn't say this, should I?
• 43:53
  Because then people might try to scare me.
• 43:55
  No, no, people won't. And did she did in adulthood,
• 44:01
  Did she ever apologise to you? Like, yeah.
• 44:03
  She's she's devastated. OK.
• 44:06
  She said. I don't know what I was
• 44:06
  thinking. OK, is she going to watch this?
• 44:09
  She's a primary school teacher. She is probably because of what
• 44:14
  she did to make amends. To say sorry.
• 44:17
  Yeah. I think she just does it to all
• 44:19
  the children. It's just build the character.
• 44:22
  She goes to each of her students houses.
• 44:24
  Yeah, it goes gets under the bed.
• 44:26
  I just. Do that bit when I go into the
• 44:27
  bed, is that OK with you? You guys have a history, all of
• 44:33
  you, of scaring children. You do Dracula shows for kids.
• 44:37
  Yeah. Isn't it?
• 44:41
  Maybe it has to do with your parents.
• 44:43
  Yeah, maybe it is. Did they ever scare you?
• 44:46
  Did they? Scare me?
• 44:51
  It's sort of a sky. I found my dad cutting up a pig
• 44:54
  on a table once, but that's because he was a pig farmer.
• 44:57
  Can you say stuff like that in this day and age?
• 44:59
  Cutting up a pig? Well, what's he eat?
• 45:01
  Yeah, to go in the freezer. But like in the kitchen or
• 45:05
  outside? It's kitchen table.
• 45:08
  Oh. My God.
• 45:10
  It's a big knife. Can you imagine walking into the
• 45:13
  kitchen? Yeah, it was dark.
• 45:17
  I mean, emotionally dark, not physically dark.
• 45:21
  Yeah, everyone was naked. Even these Eyes Wide Shut masks.
• 45:27
  Yeah, yeah. That's just farming I guess.
• 45:30
  One time I was in Italy and me and my friend, we were there and
• 45:38
  we looked, we heard something in this woman.
• 45:42
  We parted the bushes and this woman was cutting up a rabbit
• 45:47
  and I was like shocking. Why on a table?
• 45:51
  What in her house or? No, it was like outside, but it
• 45:54
  was part of her. We shouldn't have been looking.
• 45:56
  But yeah, she's cutting up a rabbit.
• 46:02
  They can't cut themselves up. Exactly.
• 46:06
  Yet. But maybe if I'd been younger,
• 46:10
  that would have been like, that's why I'm a vegetarian.
• 46:14
  Are you a vegetarian? No, I love Rabbit.
• 46:17
  Yeah. No, no, no, I I don't like
• 46:20
  Rabbit. But you do eat meat.
• 46:22
  I do. I shouldn't, right?
• 46:26
  Oh. God, I don't know.
• 46:28
  It's difficult, isn't it? It's difficult.
• 46:29
  Do you have you ever had a partner or anybody that like is
• 46:32
  a vegetarian? No, but the closest I've got to
• 46:36
  that is my friend Lou is vegan. She's been a Louis through.
• 46:40
  Oh yeah, Louis Louise through his sister.
• 46:45
  She's vegan. Lou Sanders.
• 46:47
  Oh, Lou Sanders. Yeah, she's been on the show.
• 46:50
  She's vegan. Yeah, and she gave me the what
• 46:53
  for? What does that mean?
• 46:54
  Oh, told you off? Yeah.
• 46:56
  What did she say? Well, you know it's killing.
• 46:59
  Yeah, it is killing. It's not ideal.
• 47:01
  I can't get my head around it, really.
• 47:03
  I don't really know what to do. I got to get out of this
• 47:05
  segment. I got to get out of it.
• 47:11
  This is really too much. But my wife is a vegetarian, is
• 47:14
  she? So not quite a vegan like Lou
• 47:18
  do. You have to have different
• 47:19
  dinners. Yes, that's hard.
• 47:23
  You've got to cook different dinners and sometimes I don't.
• 47:27
  It's just enough that I do the meat thing and then after that
• 47:31
  it's like, oh. Does she cook the meat for you?
• 47:35
  She's done it. She doesn't.
• 47:36
  Mind. She doesn't mind.
• 47:38
  Yeah. Yeah.
• 47:39
  But she, she she would hate it if she ever ate meat.
• 47:44
  And people do try to get her too.
• 47:46
  Yeah, even at this, you know this.
• 47:50
  Stage. Of the age of her life.
• 47:52
  Yeah, So do you, when you're going to plan your dinner, do
• 47:57
  you say, right, what's for dinner tonight?
• 47:59
  And then she'll you'll say, well, I'll have to have a steak
• 48:02
  with that and she'll. No, I'll eat a veggie dinner.
• 48:07
  If she goes, I'm going to make a vegetarian chilli.
• 48:10
  I'll go. Yes, that's great.
• 48:12
  And you'll have. And then, yeah.
• 48:14
  You don't need a side of mince. No, no, no.
• 48:16
  I don't need like a side of, you know, bull testicles or
• 48:20
  something, but I'll make burgers for and then now the other kid
• 48:26
  is trying to be a veggie. Right.
• 48:28
  So now it's half meat, half veggie.
• 48:31
  Yeah, but I don't mind going veggie.
• 48:34
  But the other son wants to stay meat.
• 48:37
  So it's it's a difficult thing, this dinner thing now.
• 48:41
  Yeah, I. Mean.
• 48:45
  Does that mean there's very few things that you all like?
• 48:47
  Everyone likes everyone. Does everyone like anything?
• 48:51
  They don't like, there's like, it's hard to get a mane that's
• 48:56
  veggie, like Portobello mushroom.
• 48:59
  Yeah, they don't like that. Or tofu or tempeh.
• 49:05
  That's all right. Anyway, I'm sorry.
• 49:07
  I've gone off the track. I'm just racking my brains for
• 49:10
  vegetarian. Did your dad cut up a a sow in
• 49:13
  the middle of the kitchen? Yeah.
• 49:16
  And did that affect you? No, I'm absolutely fine and
• 49:19
  normal. OK.
• 49:23
  I'm completely normal, Yeah. You won't meet a more normal
• 49:26
  person than me. You're what?
• 49:30
  Normal. You're more normal than me.
• 49:32
  I'm more normal than anyone. I think so, yeah.
• 49:36
  My grandma. She lived in our sitting room
• 49:39
  before she died. She lived.
• 49:42
  She lived in the sitting room. When she fell asleep there as
• 49:45
  well. Yeah, she had a bedroom.
• 49:48
  It's like her whole life was in our, in our sitting room.
• 49:50
  She lived there and. Would you watch TV there?
• 49:54
  Yeah, sit on the bed. You sit on her.
• 49:59
  I'd lie on top of her and watch the telly like that.
• 50:02
  Would there be TV problems like grandma wants to watch this?
• 50:07
  She definitely absolutely wanted deal or no deal where possible,
• 50:11
  as much as possible. Who wouldn't?
• 50:14
  Other than that, she was pretty. Flexible.
• 50:16
  The show was all about choosing between two boxes.
• 50:19
  Yeah, she loved it. What else did she use to watch?
• 50:23
  I can't remember but that was her favourite.
• 50:24
  Terry Wogan. Terry Wogan maybe, I can't
• 50:31
  remember. Anyway, the.
• 50:34
  Sow chopping show. Yeah, Animal Farm.
• 50:42
  Animal Farm. Why?
• 50:44
  Why am I talking about this? Oh, it's because she said.
• 50:47
  I heard her say once to someone, you might see Lucy when you're
• 50:51
  here. She doesn't want to be normal
• 50:54
  about me. But she's very intuitive, isn't
• 50:59
  she? So she was saying she thinks you
• 51:02
  you were being deliberate. Yeah, about your non normalcy.
• 51:07
  I thought I was quite normal, yeah, until I started making
• 51:11
  shows. That's a good opening for a
• 51:18
  show. I thought it was normal until I
• 51:21
  started making shows. Yeah, well, I think I probably
• 51:23
  did, but maybe no one's normal. No, no one's normal.
• 51:27
  Do you know anyone? Normal.
• 51:28
  No, Kenny, are you normal? Kenny is.
• 51:30
  Is he? I did.
• 51:33
  Kenny's very normal. He's a stand up though.
• 51:36
  Are you trying? No, no, he is.
• 51:40
  That's good, so. I'm not not normal.
• 51:44
  No one's normal. Do you know anyone Normal?
• 51:46
  No. We think our parents are normal,
• 51:49
  but they're not. No.
• 51:51
  Yeah, that's the problem. Yeah.
• 51:55
  So thank you for being here. Time.
• 51:59
  To go. No, but this gets to the segment
• 52:03
  that I've got this written down. OK, this is a called.
• 52:06
  It's like a little, it's not a game show, but it's a little
• 52:10
  thing called. Fill in the blank.
• 52:13
  OK, so I'll read a sentence with a blank.
• 52:15
  You have to fill it in. What do you think?
• 52:20
  I think it's fantastic. OK, brought to you by and then
• 52:24
  we'll, we'll probably have a sponsor for this.
• 52:26
  Really. No, my friends like it when I
• 52:30
  blank. Cry.
• 52:33
  They do. Why?
• 52:36
  Oh. Do we have to explain?
• 52:39
  No, no, you don't have to explain this.
• 52:40
  This is great. Blanks are more annoying than
• 52:44
  blanks. Cats are more annoying than
• 52:51
  dogs. They are, they really are.
• 52:55
  I am so blank when I know I'll be late for something.
• 53:00
  Is this about you personally? No, no.
• 53:03
  Oh, it's just anything, is it not about me?
• 53:05
  This. Is just fill in the blank.
• 53:07
  It's just fill in the blanks. I'm overthinking it.
• 53:09
  You're reading too much into this.
• 53:11
  I'm So what? I am so blank when I know I'll
• 53:15
  be late for something. Cross.
• 53:20
  Yeah, with yourself. Scared.
• 53:22
  Yeah, that's no, it's all good. All different words just create
• 53:28
  such different meanings. Don't.
• 53:31
  Mind which one are you going to land on scared?
• 53:35
  Please no, I know I'm going to be late for something.
• 53:41
  And I know I'm going to remember there's no right answer.
• 53:43
  It's. I didn't.
• 53:44
  Say that. But if I'm just going to be
• 53:45
  honest and say stressed, OK, yeah, I'll be stressed if I know
• 53:49
  he's going to be. Late.
• 53:49
  That's why I don't like being late.
• 53:51
  Yeah. Where did all the blanks go?
• 53:54
  They were around in the 90s, right?
• 54:03
  Where did they go? I don't know.
• 54:06
  Where did all the blanks go? Where did all the blankies go?
• 54:14
  I'm going to steal this from Harry Hill and his show Last
• 54:17
  night he talked about SCART leads.
• 54:20
  What's that? Scart leads 3 Is it Scart or
• 54:23
  Spark? I think.
• 54:25
  It's SCART. Is that a SCART lead?
• 54:26
  Yeah. It's where it's like a, it's a,
• 54:28
  it's like a, it's a, it's a cable with a thing and it's.
• 54:31
  Oh Scart. Pins in it.
• 54:33
  Yes, I had those. Harry Hill was talking about
• 54:36
  that. For DVDs and stuff and and VCRS.
• 54:40
  You don't need them anymore. You don't.
• 54:42
  Because it's H D. MLIHDML, Kenny.
• 54:47
  HDMI it was R OK HDML. HMRCI was here during COVID.
• 54:55
  Blanking still makes me feel guilty.
• 54:58
  I don't know why dot dot dot. I don't know why makes.
• 55:02
  Me feel guilty. Something makes me feel guilty.
• 55:05
  I don't know why. I don't know why.
• 55:07
  I don't know why dot dot dot I don't know why.
• 55:10
  Makes me feel guilty. Kenny, don't give her the
• 55:19
  answer. Being late.
• 55:21
  Being late. I'm trying to use the previous.
• 55:24
  OK, being late still makes me feel guilty.
• 55:29
  OK, you don't like being late? No, I don't, and I wasn't.
• 55:31
  Getting out today. A little bit.
• 55:34
  Yes, and that's why I did these questions because this is a
• 55:38
  podcast about hoarding and being late.
• 55:42
  Now, do you have anything else planned today in the city or are
• 55:47
  you going to? What am I going to do now?
• 55:51
  I've got to go on BBC Radio London today.
• 55:53
  That's good about your show. Yeah.
• 55:56
  Oh, that's great. At 7:30.
• 55:58
  No. Are they going to ask you about
• 56:00
  the, you know, the pig stuff? I hope so.
• 56:05
  OK. Did you get a heads up about
• 56:07
  that before I got here? Usually they go.
• 56:11
  What do you find funny or give us a joke from the show?
• 56:15
  I don't have any jokes. No, but you better be ready for
• 56:18
  that. Oh God, they do that.
• 56:20
  Can you give me one? A joke from the show.
• 56:23
  Oh. Yeah, you could make one up.
• 56:26
  Listen, I feel really bad when they say I'm going to moon you.
• 56:35
  I mean, how would you look? What's your name?
• 56:38
  And then they say, Tom, how would you like it if somebody
• 56:41
  said I'm going to Tom you? That's not bad, right?
• 56:46
  It just came off my skull. It's pretty good, yeah.
• 56:48
  Came off your skull, did you? Say yeah, came off your skull.
• 56:54
  I don't know, but you know. That's a nice phrase.
• 56:56
  It just came off my skull. Do you say that often?
• 56:59
  No, I just said that. I love that.
• 57:03
  Kenny T-shirt idea. Just came off my skull.
• 57:08
  Yeah. So listen, anything else you
• 57:12
  want to plug besides your show? Do you want to?
• 57:16
  I've got a mailing list. You do OK.
• 57:19
  But I haven't sent an e-mail yet.
• 57:21
  OK. I don't know what to say.
• 57:25
  Do you have a lot of press for for this?
• 57:27
  Are you doing a lot of junk? Are you on a junket?
• 57:30
  No. Well, I've done lots of sort of
• 57:32
  Q&A's. You know where they send you the
• 57:33
  questions and you have to type the answers.
• 57:35
  Those are nice because you have time to think about it.
• 57:38
  Yeah, and I did one for Chortle, but he said that my answers are
• 57:44
  too short, so I have to go back and do.
• 57:45
  Longer Oh, Stephen Bennett. Well, sometimes I like Pardon
• 57:51
  do. You call him Stephen.
• 57:52
  No, I mean I I shouldn't. Maybe Steve?
• 57:55
  Well, I don't know, maybe it is Stephen.
• 57:56
  It. Steve is traditionally short for
• 57:58
  Stephen, isn't it? Yes.
• 58:00
  Do you know him? Did he review?
• 58:02
  Your show met him he a long time ago.
• 58:06
  Yeah, he was reviewing your shows.
• 58:08
  Sometimes, yeah, he's been around a while.
• 58:11
  Yeah, yeah. Chortle is an institution.
• 58:14
  I know, yeah. I know, so sometimes I like to
• 58:18
  just write what comes off the top of my head for those because
• 58:21
  you can overthink. Them I know.
• 58:24
  Yeah. One of the questions was most
• 58:27
  exotic gig and I don't think I've ever done an exotic gig.
• 58:32
  Maybe you've been in an exotic costume.
• 58:35
  Well, an egg. Yeah, you could say that I was
• 58:39
  an egg once. That's exotic.
• 58:41
  Is that enough for you, Stephen? I was an egg in Derby.
• 58:45
  Yes, that's funny. I was an egg in Derby.
• 58:50
  Well, I should have bought it here.
• 58:51
  We could have done it together. Yes, damn it.
• 58:54
  And so you did some others where you had to answer questions.
• 58:57
  Yeah, yeah. Yeah, and they sort of ask you
• 59:02
  about the inspiration for the show and how you wrote it and
• 59:05
  stuff like that. And I I don't know because.
• 59:09
  Just say COVID for everything. That's the answer to everything.
• 59:12
  COVID-19. COVID.
• 59:14
  Yeah. Do you remember that?
• 59:16
  Yeah. How many shows this past
• 59:21
  Edinburgh were about COVID? A lot.
• 59:25
  I don't know. Actually, I didn't see any.
• 59:27
  Because usually there's a trend, right?
• 59:30
  Yeah. Like when I was there, this was
• 59:32
  a long time ago, there were about a bunch of covers because
• 59:36
  Demi Moore had that cover of being pregnant.
• 59:39
  Oh yeah, Yeah, There were a lot of posters that had that.
• 59:42
  OK. So I'm is that the?
• 59:45
  Last time you were in Edinburgh? No, I'm, I'm just saying she's a
• 59:56
  granny now. No, that was just an example.
• 1:00:00
  She was in the movie with Robert Redford, who died.
• 1:00:05
  The what was that movie Indecent Proposal?
• 1:00:10
  Did you see that? No.
• 1:00:11
  OK, he died. Recently.
• 1:00:14
  Yeah, he died, Yeah, just yesterday, but like 2 days ago.
• 1:00:19
  Did he really? Yeah.
• 1:00:21
  I didn't know that. So this is an opportunity for
• 1:00:23
  you to say all you know about Robert Bradford.
• 1:00:27
  I don't know anything. Nothing.
• 1:00:30
  Did you see all the president's men?
• 1:00:32
  No. You got to watch that.
• 1:00:35
  I haven't. Seen enough?
• 1:00:36
  So good. All the president's men, OK?
• 1:00:42
  The sting. Haven't seen it.
• 1:00:44
  Oh, downhill racer. Haven't seen.
• 1:00:49
  It barefoot in the park. Haven't seen it.
• 1:00:51
  OK. Kenny, have you seen all these?
• 1:00:53
  Three days of the Condor. So it's not just me.
• 1:00:56
  But these are classic movies. Yeah, the great Waldo Pepper
• 1:01:01
  Electric Horsemen are. These real films.
• 1:01:04
  The way we were, I. Need to snooze?
• 1:01:09
  What? What was that hilarity?
• 1:01:14
  Listen, if you want to see more shows like that, press
• 1:01:17
  subscribe. It's right here.
• 1:01:19
  I know you see it and we'll see you soon.
• 1:01:23
  And hopefully, if you have any questions, maybe I'll answer
• 1:01:28
  them in one of these outros if you're lucky.
• 1:01:49
  Rich vultures talk box.