Latest / Rabbi Moshe Haber - Daily Mussar/Weekly Perasha / Rabbi Moshe Haber Iggeret Ramban:Anger, Humility, and Divine Providence 10.26.25

Transcript

Rabbi Moshe Haber Iggeret Ramban:Anger, Humility, and Divine Providence 10.26.25 · Rabbi Moshe Haber - Daily Mussar/Weekly Perasha

• 0:00
  That I'm Bond last week, a letter that I'm Bond writes to
• 0:04
  his son. We found that he was a doctor
• 0:08
  that was clarified. And he writes a letter to his
• 0:10
  son after he moved to Israel at the closer end of his life.
• 0:14
  And he wrote a letter. And in that letter he talks
• 0:17
  about the direction of life. And he says seemingly very
• 0:21
  simple things that actually change a person's entire
• 0:24
  existence. Opening up.
• 0:26
  He said always talk to the soft tone, all people at all times
• 0:33
  and that'll help you save yourself, save yourself from
• 0:36
  anger. The word save is a strong word.
• 0:39
  Saves some anger. Then he says because anger is a
• 0:44
  terrible meda lahti benedam. It's terrible and it makes
• 0:50
  people sin. And then he says he quotes a
• 0:54
  line call a Co S anyone who gets angry, call me Nah, gahanam.
• 1:00
  So Timbo, he has all the gates of Gahanam, which is down there.
• 1:06
  They all open to such a personal no, we don't normally talk about
• 1:08
  gahanam, but they have all the openings of gahanam open to them
• 1:12
  when they get angry. What does that mean?
• 1:14
  That's today's line. And then he says Shinemar said,
• 1:18
  cast me the bed for the pasuk is remove cast from your heart and
• 1:21
  you'll get rid of bed in your life.
• 1:23
  RA means gahanam. Now again, why?
• 1:26
  What does that mean? And when a person allows anger
• 1:29
  to take root, he has all sorts of gates of Vietnam open to him.
• 1:35
  That's a very strong way of talking.
• 1:37
  What do you think that one is? So the simple concept, the
• 1:40
  different ways to see this simple concept is, first of all,
• 1:45
  why is such an evil? Why is it considered such a bad
• 1:48
  trait? The reason is a bad trait simply
• 1:52
  because it costs is no control. The essence of anger is compared
• 2:00
  to drunkenness, drunkenness and that is at the moment of fate of
• 2:05
  anger a person gets really upset, he loses control and
• 2:08
  afterwards they apologize if there's a chance of fix it up.
• 2:11
  But at the time they were out of their own self-control.
• 2:14
  And when a person has in their system an option that allows
• 2:20
  them to go off the rails, it's the equivalent of having a car
• 2:26
  that has the capability cost of Shalomo losing the brakes.
• 2:30
  What happens all in them, right? That's what happens.
• 2:33
  So if a human being has the option or if it becomes a normal
• 2:38
  option, at least now we all have to deal with this.
• 2:39
  We all have certain degrees of Angus, we have to get a hold of
• 2:42
  this. But if a person has a steady
• 2:44
  option of going off the rails and he's literally like that car
• 2:48
  and what happens is he has to deal with that little, you know,
• 2:53
  Fender Bender or that issue on the road and he has to fix those
• 2:57
  things up after the fact. What does it mean to say when it
• 3:00
  says it's a terrible need on and say gana?
• 3:04
  So the mindset is very simple because if I have an option of
• 3:08
  losing control, anything's on the table.
• 3:11
  During that time. The Gemara says these words,
• 3:14
  which again are extreme words. It says that a person gets
• 3:16
  angry. It's as if he served Abu Dhazra.
• 3:22
  Now I understand it's a bad thing to get angry.
• 3:24
  Relax. No, that's strong.
• 3:27
  As if he started up with us it up.
• 3:29
  See, the idea is the exact same idea, and that is avocados.
• 3:33
  It all is the worst serving idols is the worst sins the
• 3:37
  first of us at the broad it's, you know, literally the bottom
• 3:41
  of the barrel. And so on a personal angle,
• 3:42
  they're giving themselves the option of doing whatever they
• 3:47
  want at times. And that is a scary thing as
• 3:50
  he's trying to double down. And Amban is on the knee to be
• 3:55
  someone who's soft spoken because he believes if you're
• 3:58
  soft spoken, you'll get angry less, as we spent last week,
• 4:02
  because the external reflects the internal and it makes you
• 4:05
  into a better person. Because we do not want to get
• 4:08
  close to this concept of the idea of cus.
• 4:11
  We don't want to get close to the concept of Gangnam.
• 4:14
  It's a very scary thing. That's what you're trying to
• 4:16
  tell you. Let me just see another angle to
• 4:19
  this point. Exactly.
• 4:24
  All right. OK, So what do you do?
• 4:34
  Just want to say I want to give one more point and then we'll go
• 4:37
  forward. What do you do?
• 4:38
  We all have different ways that get us angry.
• 4:41
  We all have our moments. It might be that time a week.
• 4:45
  It might be that setting, might be that person.
• 4:49
  What do you do to get over the fact that we all have things
• 4:52
  that get us angry? Anyone, anyone can be soft
• 4:55
  spoken, but they all have the triggers.
• 4:57
  What do you do to get past the triggers?
• 4:59
  Pause. Good.
• 5:01
  So 1 angle is exactly to have a little bit of a a tape delay, a
• 5:06
  little bit of some sort of delay to allow it to go.
• 5:09
  That's number one. You definitely require a pause
• 5:12
  because no matter what solution you're given, if you don't have
• 5:15
  the mind to have that solution will never happen.
• 5:18
  For sure. Step one is to pause.
• 5:19
  That's clear. He gives you an idea from the
• 5:22
  Gmail Al Rahim and that idea the sever brings is the Kamala says
• 5:28
  every single one of us are required to deal with struggle.
• 5:32
  We're all required to deal with struggle.
• 5:34
  Everyone else now the simple struggle is monetary challenge,
• 5:40
  la Lena health challenge, Shalom challenge, family issues.
• 5:46
  We all have to deal with one of these.
• 5:48
  That's our life, your whole week and your whole life.
• 5:52
  You definitely, you know, bouncing back and forth the
• 5:54
  different issues. And the way it works is that
• 5:57
  Shem does that for us actually as a gift.
• 6:00
  It's a cleansing mechanism and my eyes is A2 prong gift.
• 6:04
  It's a gift because it makes us after 1:20 to become fully
• 6:09
  purified because we dealt with those challenges or it's a gift
• 6:13
  because it makes you stronger. All these different things that
• 6:16
  we deal with makes us into a better person.
• 6:18
  That's a reality. All our challenges, if we
• 6:20
  respond properly, make them the very person when you deal with
• 6:24
  someone or something that's about to angry, right, any sort
• 6:30
  of trigger, tell yourself this is how Shem is doing.
• 6:35
  Tell yourself God place this person in front of me in order
• 6:38
  to give me that challenge. We said we have to go through
• 6:40
  them anyhow. So it doesn't need to be a
• 6:43
  health one. Hush Shalom.
• 6:43
  It doesn't need to be a money one.
• 6:45
  It could be an emotional one too.
• 6:46
  The reality is that challenges all come from different angles,
• 6:51
  but they all have the same result.
• 6:53
  The same result is I'm not happy, I'm not settled, I'm not
• 6:57
  good. It could be because someone has
• 6:59
  health issue or I'm dealing with a monetary challenge.
• 7:01
  The result is all the same. They all funnel into one result.
• 7:05
  I'm not in a good state because uncle has a health issue,
• 7:10
  because child's not doing well in school, because money is low
• 7:14
  right now. They all have the same result.
• 7:15
  I'm in a bad state. So someone insulting me was
• 7:19
  someone angering me. Someone triggering is also
• 7:22
  ending up in the exact same results.
• 7:24
  All fun lay down to the same outcome, which is me not being a
• 7:27
  good state. And if you see it that way and
• 7:30
  you can see that person being your trigger, so and so setting
• 7:34
  that line that gets you angry, right?
• 7:36
  So and so doing something that shows you up and makes you
• 7:39
  really frustrated. All those things leading to
• 7:42
  these accidents out to all gods the same way we all can see
• 7:46
  clearly. We just discussed this morning
• 7:48
  this. We all can see clearly this
• 7:51
  political situation as one of the clearest hands of gods that
• 7:55
  you've ever seen. And it's been so for the last,
• 7:58
  at least in my eyes, 15 years. You've seen so much Hashem in
• 8:02
  politics. It's unbelievable.
• 8:05
  Same thing is true with people around you.
• 8:06
  It's Hashem, Hashem, Hashem. You could tell he's angering
• 8:10
  you, he's triggering you. He's pushing the binds that are
• 8:13
  perfect. He's this thought.
• 8:14
  I just went through something recently.
• 8:17
  Then I found that afterwards it was all a mistake.
• 8:19
  Holding was a mistake, but it's still pushed to binds, you know,
• 8:23
  hold. There's some mistakes.
• 8:24
  I asked myself afterwards. So why did it happen?
• 8:26
  The reason it happened was to see how I can respond.
• 8:30
  That's it. It's all 1000 ways of God.
• 8:33
  That's the Hola. So when someone gets you angry,
• 8:35
  it's the equivalent of someone around you not feeling well, or
• 8:38
  the equivalent of you seeing your bank account and you see by
• 8:42
  mistake the wrong number and it gets you crazy and you find out
• 8:45
  you have the right amount of money.
• 8:46
  It's all the same thing. It's an idea and it's an angle
• 8:49
  of God trying to trigger you. And these are all He's suiting.
• 8:54
  It's the same thing as challenges, different form of a
• 8:58
  challenge as a person getting you nervous.
• 9:00
  And when you realize that, you get yourself out of that cost.
• 9:03
  When you don't realize that and you believe it's real and you
• 9:07
  believe these things that are angering you are coming not from
• 9:10
  God. They come from people.
• 9:12
  Then you can go off the rails and it can get you into a person
• 9:15
  you don't want to be. And a person has to realize cost
• 9:18
  leads to downstairs. It's that simple.
• 9:22
  Because cost, like Alva Dazra, because anger is an area where a
• 9:27
  person is driving off the road and not being themselves.
• 9:31
  We've said this many times, you, we all appreciate every one of
• 9:35
  us appreciate good character. We all try to raise our kids.
• 9:40
  I'm good character, always speaking about all day long.
• 9:43
  So and so is a fine person. I cannot get over this being
• 9:47
  that I've gone through sadly more funerals and paid respects
• 9:50
  more often than I used to. Right now that you know more
• 9:53
  people, especially now that you're involved in the community
• 9:56
  more, you end up going pay respects much more.
• 9:58
  And I can't get over the fact that it doesn't matter if the
• 10:02
  person was a rabbi Godola adored man, woman, religious, not
• 10:10
  religious. Even you can say Jewish, not
• 10:12
  Jewish. It doesn't matter who you're
• 10:14
  dealing with. The only conversation that are
• 10:16
  really people talk about by these homes always is covered.
• 10:22
  There's only one conversation. Nice person, not a nice person.
• 10:26
  Gave me, you know, took care of me when I was down, said the
• 10:29
  right word, gave me the phone call when I needed it.
• 10:32
  It's only people talk about. It's nothing else matters.
• 10:35
  It's unbelievable how clear it is.
• 10:38
  So we all believe in character, yet people get angry all the
• 10:41
  time. How do you get that out of your
• 10:43
  system? You get out of your system.
• 10:45
  One of the ways is when you tell yourself it's coming.
• 10:48
  It's the hand of Hashem. It's Hashem trying to make me
• 10:51
  stronger. It's Hashem trying to remove my
• 10:55
  you sitting after 120. It's all God's different ways of
• 10:58
  making me who I am. And when you tell yourself that
• 11:00
  over and over again, you take anger out of your system and you
• 11:03
  delete. The worst part of yourself is
• 11:06
  nothing worse and our thing they're getting angry and
• 11:10
  there's nothing finer and having control over that.
• 11:13
  That's in this Bond's telling his son be a soft person and
• 11:18
  therefore gets out of your system.
• 11:19
  Call a Co S when someone gets angry, they have you hanging
• 11:21
  out. That's what he says and there's
• 11:23
  nothing worse than that, right? And then he says I'm going to
• 11:27
  open up to the next week's concert for a few more minutes
• 11:30
  and then we'll stop because you do not sell them in our cus when
• 11:34
  you get rid of the anger somehow this is this requires around Bob
• 11:38
  tells us tale aliba me data Nava.
• 11:43
  When a person gets rid of anger, it will lead to your Moody.
• 11:47
  Do you see that path or no person gets rid of being a man
• 11:52
  who loses control. It leads to your Moody.
• 11:55
  How's it happened? Or is this them get rid of anger
• 12:00
  get you humble. I see Get rid of anger gets the
• 12:03
  character we just spoke about. Get rid.
• 12:05
  Get rid of anger makes your person you're more proud of.
• 12:08
  Humility is not really the result.
• 12:12
  Where he's going is down this path.
• 12:15
  I believe, down the path that you're realizing.
• 12:18
  Our character challenges and our life challenges are all good.
• 12:23
  When you see it through that prism, you end up becoming a
• 12:26
  finer person. That's clear.
• 12:28
  One would think actually the opposite.
• 12:30
  If I can be on the total control of my character, arrogance would
• 12:35
  be the next step. If I can say I have full control
• 12:38
  of myself. I know sometimes I see people
• 12:41
  who are weak character. You seen them and you watch them
• 12:45
  get so insulted by something or so emotionally upset by
• 12:48
  something, and you watch them and you have a better stop too,
• 12:52
  right? And they're going, right.
• 12:55
  Oh, they remember everything. By the way, those people have
• 12:59
  the greatest memory. You never read or do that you
• 13:03
  ever read these books? Oh my God, exactly right.
• 13:06
  Oh my almonds after these he got he's got correct Charles correct
• 13:15
  my intro. So I always wonder, I always
• 13:17
  wondered if that's the case when you witness these people, a part
• 13:21
  of you, a part of me for sure says a part of me gets arrogant
• 13:26
  in a sense, because when I watch these people who seem so flawed
• 13:31
  and I see them get upset so often and upset is is done in
• 13:34
  many ways. Upset could be angry, upset
• 13:37
  could be insulted, Upset could be frustrated by the way, it
• 13:40
  comes from the same family, people who get upset.
• 13:43
  A lot of the same upsets come from the same family.
• 13:45
  And you watch them and a part of yourself gets arrogant in the
• 13:49
  sink. Why?
• 13:50
  Because you say yourself, thank God or I know better or I'm not
• 13:54
  like that. And that's a very I'm not going
• 13:56
  to try to, you know, rail in one type, but it's very sad to watch
• 13:59
  them. And a part of you starts, you
• 14:02
  know, reflecting the fact that you had a better upbringing or,
• 14:05
  you know, more or the more learning of the you find a
• 14:09
  character. So it really can lead to
• 14:10
  arrogance. How is he explaining how being
• 14:15
  control leads to humility? The angle I believe is when you
• 14:19
  recognize that the point that he said before today's Hashem, if
• 14:24
  you are on the full understanding, not the under
• 14:27
  full control, that's a lifetime work, but clearer than that, you
• 14:31
  recognize that it's kind from God.
• 14:34
  We recognize it's kind from Hashem.
• 14:35
  This is the interesting point. We never make this perfect
• 14:38
  connection, how character and emunah go hand in hand.
• 14:44
  People believe there are two parts to the body is Hashem, man
• 14:48
  and God. There's man and man.
• 14:50
  How does character play into you emunah?
• 14:54
  This is how when you recognize that all these different things
• 14:58
  that can get a person upset are all different things that God is
• 15:03
  sending to you. It's all coming from Hashem.
• 15:07
  Hashem is requiring you to be a person, to find a character.
• 15:11
  I've seen this of ungraved people that they have fine
• 15:14
  character and I've wondered how that happened.
• 15:17
  They sit and learn all day, where does that character come
• 15:19
  from? That and this is the answer,
• 15:20
  because they see Hashem so clearly and therefore they see
• 15:24
  struggle and any form of emotional struggle as the hand
• 15:28
  of God. And that doesn't lead to
• 15:30
  arrogance that leads to your Moody because when you see Isham
• 15:34
  in your life, especially when you see Isham even in the people
• 15:38
  around you. So if someone says as an insult,
• 15:41
  that's God. If someone's always giving you a
• 15:43
  trigger, saying the perfect line, the under your skin,
• 15:46
  that's God. If you go to a meal and they
• 15:48
  start without you and that's the one that bothers you, that's
• 15:51
  God, right? If you deal with a person who is
• 15:54
  saying something that is just showing you up, that's all God.
• 15:58
  And then you say that over and over again.
• 16:00
  Then you become both a fine character and at the same time
• 16:04
  not arrogant, actually humble, because you see a sham around
• 16:08
  you everywhere. And this is the person we all
• 16:10
  want to be. The person who's both humble and
• 16:13
  in control. Not that he uses his control his
• 16:16
  way to saying I'm better than other people.
• 16:18
  Rather, he uses his control of saying I understand what I'm
• 16:21
  seeing and witnessing in the world and therefore he ends up
• 16:24
  becoming a finer and at the same time remaining humble person.
• 16:28
  That's the imbalance thing. That's why these words are so
• 16:31
  deep. You have to be so spoken.
• 16:33
  Your goal is to be humble. Your goal is to lose anger,
• 16:37
  Lose, get rid of anger. Because anger is something that
• 16:39
  takes you out of your system and getting control of it makes you
• 16:43
  finest version of yourself, all while remaining humble.
• 16:47
  That's the idea. We'll start with this.