Latest / Impact Ready / 190. Take Up Space

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190. Take Up Space · Impact Ready

• 0:02
  Welcome to Impact Ready, a show dedicated to helping you elevate
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  your impact in the world. I'm Steph Safra, your host.
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  Let's explore the power of showing up with intention and
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  energy each day. This is for those who seek to
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  make life truly meaningful. Get ready for impact.
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  Hi everybody. Welcome to the Impact Ready
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  podcast. I'm so glad you're here.
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  This episode is a conversation that is going to center around
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  this idea of taking up space in our lives.
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  And that can actually mean a lot of different things.
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  But in general, it means being the most authentic version of
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  yourself and letting your energy be big.
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  And for the purpose of this conversation, it also means
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  resisting the urge to shrink in whatever way you feel the urge
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  to make yourself smaller, whether it's your personality or
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  your energy or your leadership, your sense of humor, your
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  bravery or your ideas. It's about letting all of that
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  take up space. And you think I would be having
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  this conversation with mostly women in my day-to-day coaching
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  clients. But the reality is I'm having
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  this conversation with everyone, people from all walks of life,
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  all different careers, different backgrounds, different ages.
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  It seems to be a bit of a universal feeling and I think
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  it's worth addressing. There's a lot of reasons why we
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  might make ourselves smaller. I don't know if you can remember
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  the first time that you somehow found yourself shrinking in a
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  situation. Maybe it's the first time you
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  knew the answer to a question in a classroom and you didn't raise
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  your hand. Maybe it was a time where you
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  were in a group of friends and you wanted to say something, but
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  you didn't because you knew it wasn't going to be cool or
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  wasn't going to be accepted. Maybe it's in a romantic
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  relationship where you had a need or you didn't like
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  something that was happening and you kept your mouth shut because
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  you didn't want to make waves or cause a conflict of some kind.
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  Maybe it was at work when you had a really good idea and you
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  wanted to put it out there and take a risk and take a leap and
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  you didn't because you felt like you couldn't.
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  You didn't have the ability to bring it to life.
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  You felt like it was too big of a risk, that it was going to
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  cause too much disruption. All of those situations are
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  circumstances where we are playing small, where we're
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  hiding, making ourselves shrink a little bit.
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  Sometimes it's an energetic thing.
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  Sometimes we just don't want to be as happy as we feel or as
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  excited as we feel or passionate because it's not acceptable or
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  it's not cool or it's sort of looked down on within your group
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  or your community or your family.
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  All of these situations happen on the daily.
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  I talk about it with my coaching clients.
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  I've been in these situations many times myself.
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  I can remember what it was like with groups of friends when I
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  was in high school or middle school, even in college where I
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  wasn't who I really wanted to be.
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  I shrunk down. I made myself smaller to fit
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  into something that I thought was cool or I thought was a
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  worthy cause. Ultimately, though, we're going
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  to talk about what that does to us and why it doesn't serve
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  anybody in the long term. There's a lot of reasons why we
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  might make ourselves smaller. Sometimes it's because we want
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  to fit in. Like I was saying, we we don't
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  want to be different from the people around us, especially
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  when we're younger. And so we create these patterns
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  of behavior and thinking and we end up showing up in ways that
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  are smaller than who we are, ways that are contained and
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  controlled and predictable. But here's the thing, team,
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  something that I've told myself many times, middle school is
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  long over and many of us need to let that sentiment go.
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  It's OK to be who we are. It's OK to be that person
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  proudly, to take up the space that we deserve and that we
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  require to be able to share our guests with the world because
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  you know it. We talk about it on this podcast
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  all the time. You have unique gifts that we
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  need. The world needs your positive
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  impact. We can let go of that old
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  teenage mentality that it's cool to not care.
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  You remember that? You know that feeling.
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  It couldn't be further from the truth.
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  It's OK to be excited about your life, and in fact, it's a lot
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  more fun when you are. Life is bigger and brighter and
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  more beautiful. When you.
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  Feel the spectrum of emotions and express them outwardly.
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  When you can be the biggest version of yourself and stand in
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  your power proudly, that is what makes an exciting, joyful life.
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  Another reason we make ourselves small is because we've let other
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  people influence how much space we take up.
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  Some of that stuff can be really old.
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  It can be from parenting or childhood friendships with
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  teachers or coaches, maybe the kids in the neighborhood.
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  Whatever the circumstance, whoever the person, whatever the
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  relationship, I'm not saying that that didn't hurt or wasn't
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  real or what you felt isn't valid.
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  What I am saying is that now is now and the reality is that you
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  are a whole capable, resilient person.
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  We can't let the stories from the past be dictating the way
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  that we show up now. I always think to myself, God,
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  if I let my teenage stories and perspectives rule my life, I'd
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  be in a world of trouble team. I can't have my 15 year old self
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  drive the car anymore. In terms of my thoughts and my
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  beliefs in the way that I show up.
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  I need my wiser, more experienced, more self accepting
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  44 year old version of myself to stand here now and take up the
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  space that is rightfully mine and that will actually serve the
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  world in a much more impactful way.
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  I had a coaching client. He's actually a pretty big dude.
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  He's 63, ex football player and one of the things that we've
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  worked on so much is having him practicing being bigger.
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  Over the years he's shrunk himself down not just because of
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  his physical size but also because he always felt like he
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  he had to be controlled and stoic.
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  I think partly because he was so big, he didn't want to be overly
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  emotional or overly excited or too passionate because it was
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  intimidating to people. And so he'd gotten himself into
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  patterns of saying yes to things that he didn't really want to
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  say yes to and not showing emotion when he really felt like
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  he needed to. And the result is that he was
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  feeling a lot of resentment and frustration that was bottled up
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  inside. And our message all throughout
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  coaching, the conversation we would consistently reinforce is
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  be bigger. Take up the space you deserve.
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  Make yourself seen and known. It was really challenging for
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  him in the beginning, honestly. He had in his mind that he was
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  already a big guy, so he really shouldn't be any louder or more
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  assertive because that would just be overbearing.
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  But ultimately, he started to understand a few distinctions.
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  You can take up space and have the big energy you need without
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  being overpowering or overbearing.
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  You can show emotion and say how you feel without it being too
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  much for people. And that brings me to my last
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  point. We are so often afraid that we
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  are too much, that our emotions and our feelings and our needs
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  are too much for other people to be able to manage.
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  And this is especially true for all of you out there who are
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  caregivers or nurturers. It's very easy for you to put
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  your needs second. But I strongly feel like the
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  very thing that we think will help minimize our disruption to
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  other people is the thing that actually keeps us from being
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  helpful to other people. That keeps us from building
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  connection with other people, that helps us express ideas and
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  emotions to other people. It's this idea of making
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  ourselves small, and I think that making yourself small
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  actually suppresses your light that you put out into the world.
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  And in fact, it is a disservice to ourselves and to our families
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  and our kids and our colleagues. We think that shrinking
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  ourselves down and taking up less space will be easier for
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  the world. But in fact, it's stealing our
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  impact, something that the world needs so, so badly.
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  You were never meant to shrink. You were never meant to make
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  yourself small to fit into someone else's picture of you.
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  You were never meant to be a version of yourself that fits
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  into a box that someone else created for you.
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  You are meant to be your authentic self.
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  So my question to you this week, the rest of this week, is where
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  in your life are you playing small right now?
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  Where are you hiding? Where are you not raising your
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  hand? Where are you staying quiet when
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  you know that you need to be a little bit louder?
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  Ask yourself those questions and see what comes up for you.
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  It happens to all of us. It's such a human thing, and
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  it's nothing to be ashamed about or feel bad that you haven't
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  corrected yet. It's just a matter of practicing
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  being more you, being more true to yourself over a period of
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  time. And the first step is
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  understanding where you hide, where you play small, where you
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  shrink down. I'm guilty of it just like
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  everybody else, and it just starts with awareness.
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  So I hope you can look at that and I hope that this episode
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  serves you and spurs on some thoughts so that we can feel the
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  power of those unique gifts that you bring.
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  I appreciate you being here and listening.
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  If you haven't signed up for the Impact Effect yet, it is a twice
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  monthly newsletter that gets sent directly to your e-mail
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  with more coaching, more inspiration, and I'd love to
• 11:08
  stay in touch with you. We've got a lot of cool stuff
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  coming up and I would love for you to know and if you are an
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  avid listener of the Impact Ready podcast and you haven't
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  And that is absolutely the goal is to share this with as many
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  people so that they feel supported and lifted up.
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  All right, that's all for now. I hope you have a great rest of
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  your week. Thank you for being here.
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  And as always, team, thank you for being ready to Impact.
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  Thanks for listening to Impact Ready.
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  I hope today's episode inspired. You to own your impact and
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  recognize that you are powerful. By elevating our energy and
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  awareness. We can create.
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  Exponential change in this life if you enjoyed.
• 11:57
  Today's insights. Share them with a friend and
• 11:59
  subscribe to the show for more. I truly appreciate you.
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  Thanks again for being here.