Latest / DA CREW Podcast / Let the Healing Begin | CAN WE TALK?

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Let the Healing Begin | CAN WE TALK? · DA CREW Podcast

0:01
Speaker 1: When you've done all you can make, Susie, it's never.
0:10
Speaker 2: And what do say when you'regan s turn away?
0:18
Speaker 3: You're all long? Tell me what.
0:26
Speaker 4: You it came when you're giving your all lane, Susie,
0:34
Speaker 4: you can't make it.
0:37
Speaker 3: Well.
0:38
Speaker 4: You just stand the wind. There nothing left to.
0:46
Speaker 1: Just stand watch the Lord see.
0:53
Speaker 5: Chapter which isn't always perfect, but healing is always possible.
1:05
Speaker 5: Welcome to Let the Healing begin. With your hosts Apostles
1:10
Speaker 5: Lee and Kimberly Thomas. This podcast tackles real life issues
1:15
Speaker 5: with raw truth and a powerful his and her perspective.
1:20
Speaker 5: We talk marriage, we talk sex, we talk lost love
1:25
Speaker 5: and relational challenges couples don't always say out loud. If
1:31
Speaker 5: you're ready for honest dialogue, faith filled insight, and a
1:35
Speaker 5: practical wisdom that restores connection and strengthens your marriage, you're
1:42
Speaker 5: in the right place.
1:44
Speaker 6: Come journey with.
1:46
Speaker 5: Us as we let the healing begin.
1:56
Speaker 4: Harry, good evening, good evening, good evening, and welcome. Welcome
2:00
Speaker 4: to Let the Healing begin. We are your host Apostle
2:05
Speaker 4: and Kimberly Thomas, and we are so grateful that you
2:09
Speaker 4: have joined us here tonight before let the healing begin.
2:13
Speaker 4: We are here because we talk marriage, we talk sex,
2:18
Speaker 4: we talk lost, and we talk relational issues that many
2:22
Speaker 4: married couples do not want to tackle. We tackle all
2:26
Speaker 4: of those issues we do not We do not claim
2:31
Speaker 4: to have the monopoly on marriage, nor have we mastered
2:35
Speaker 4: this thing called marriage. But what we do have is
2:37
Speaker 4: a marriage of which we will be celebrating adversary next Tuesday,
2:43
Speaker 4: Made the twelfth, And we have a mandate, a mandate
2:49
Speaker 4: from God to share our story, to share our journey
2:52
Speaker 4: so that we might help somebody who is coming along
2:55
Speaker 4: in this walk wanting to be married or even married.
2:59
Speaker 4: So we are welcoming you tonight to let the healing begin.
3:03
Speaker 4: We're gonna jump right in tonight because we have a
3:07
Speaker 4: question for you. Can we talk?
3:12
Speaker 2: Can we talk?
3:12
Speaker 4: Can we talk?
3:14
Speaker 2: Can we or will.
3:15
Speaker 4: We well both both, can we talk and will we talk?
3:22
Speaker 2: That's it.
3:23
Speaker 4: So we were just kind of tossing around an idea
3:28
Speaker 4: for tonight, just to kind of see what we were
3:31
Speaker 4: going to at least begin with, because you know, sometimes
3:35
Speaker 4: the Lord just takes it and does what he wants
3:37
Speaker 4: to do with it. But we're going to start with
3:40
Speaker 4: the conversation of can we talk last night or late
3:44
Speaker 4: yesterday afternoon, we did something that we have not done
3:48
Speaker 4: in a while. We jumped in the car headed to nowhere.
3:54
Speaker 4: Just got in the car headed to nowhere. Yeah, we
3:56
Speaker 4: were driving around even though gas is fribed senegallon. We
4:03
Speaker 4: just decided to jump in the car and take a
4:06
Speaker 4: ride because you know, sometimes we're in these four walls
4:11
Speaker 4: and we can't talk because it seems like the four
4:14
Speaker 4: walls are closing in on us. You know, we got bills,
4:17
Speaker 4: we got the dishes, we got dogs, cats, you know,
4:22
Speaker 4: we got all these things that we have to be doing,
4:26
Speaker 4: and we don't want to. Really we can't really talk
4:29
Speaker 4: because when we start conversations they lead to one of
4:33
Speaker 4: those things. So we came tonight with a question, can
4:37
Speaker 4: we talk? Can we?
4:39
Speaker 2: Yeah?
4:39
Speaker 1: We can, and we give each other the chance to listen,
4:44
Speaker 1: you know, because sometimes we really don't talk. We do
4:47
Speaker 1: what you gonna talk at you, not to you, And
4:50
Speaker 1: if you're talking at me, you're not really saying anything.
4:53
Speaker 1: I mean, when we first got started the hints, you
4:59
Speaker 1: know that you catch the hint. And through the years
5:03
Speaker 1: I found out one day she said, oh I don't
5:07
Speaker 1: take hints. So if it's something you want from me,
5:09
Speaker 1: you better ask. So I'm like, I'm trying to figure
5:12
Speaker 1: you out, you know. So direct is the way, and
5:17
Speaker 1: direct is the point. And then we got to learn
5:20
Speaker 1: to really just communicate, you know, get rid of all
5:24
Speaker 1: the glamor the glitz and let's just talk. Everything else
5:30
Speaker 1: will come along with it after the fact.
5:32
Speaker 4: Yeah, you know, you said something that I think a
5:35
Speaker 4: lot of us do, and that's we throw hints instead
5:41
Speaker 4: of getting down to the nitty gritty and just talking
5:44
Speaker 4: about whatever it is that's on our minds, we hint
5:47
Speaker 4: around at whatever it is that we want to talk about.
5:50
Speaker 4: We want to tiptoe around these things. And the thing
5:53
Speaker 4: is that, you know, so many times we have life
5:58
Speaker 4: outside of mayor life. So we go to work every day.
6:04
Speaker 4: We work eight nine hours a day, so we through
6:09
Speaker 4: the run of the day, we have had all types
6:11
Speaker 4: of things going on in our daily life. Everything has happened,
6:16
Speaker 4: somebody's gotten on our nerves, something has happened that has
6:19
Speaker 4: caused us to really be agitated or aggravated, and if
6:23
Speaker 4: we don't know how to really talk, we mess up.
6:29
Speaker 4: For me, per se, when I worked within the prison system,
6:35
Speaker 4: it was very difficult for me because I've had a
6:40
Speaker 4: hard day. I've had to deal with these individuals, and
6:44
Speaker 4: you know, they're not the best of individuals, especially being
6:47
Speaker 4: a female and a male institution. You can just imagine
6:50
Speaker 4: and some of you know some of the things that
6:53
Speaker 4: females experience in male institutions. So I've dealt with all
6:57
Speaker 4: of this stuff, and now I come home and I'm frustrated,
7:02
Speaker 4: I'm aggravated. But I had to learn to check those
7:06
Speaker 4: things at the gate because my frustration and my aggravation
7:10
Speaker 4: was not with the individual that I lived with. It
7:14
Speaker 4: wasn't with the individual that I was married to. And
7:16
Speaker 4: sometimes we don't know how to do that. Sometimes you
7:19
Speaker 4: have to learn how to compartmentalize and be able to
7:23
Speaker 4: separate some things. You can't bring work home all the time,
7:27
Speaker 4: or the aggravation from work home all the time. But
7:30
Speaker 4: can we talk? Can we talk about my day? Can
7:34
Speaker 4: we talk about what happened through the run of the
7:38
Speaker 4: day while we were apart. Can we have a conversation?
7:43
Speaker 1: We can, But the thing of it is, sometimes we
7:47
Speaker 1: talk without saying anything. Facial expressions, looks, you know, the
7:53
Speaker 1: popping of their lips up or what's the favorite one.
7:58
Speaker 2: You know? And what's all that about?
8:00
Speaker 3: You know.
8:01
Speaker 2: So it's a give and take situation.
8:04
Speaker 1: But at the same time you got to learn to
8:06
Speaker 1: actually just have a conversation. You know, Okay, you had
8:10
Speaker 1: a bad day. Guess what me too? Nine times out
8:13
Speaker 1: of ten and when you hit the door. We've been
8:16
Speaker 1: together so long as almost like a routine.
8:19
Speaker 2: So what's the first thing? What we eat?
8:23
Speaker 4: Can we talk before week? Before I get the question
8:26
Speaker 4: what we eat? You know, because sometimes I want to
8:29
Speaker 4: talk and I'll say, you know, such and such happened today,
8:33
Speaker 4: or you know, today was just one of those days,
8:35
Speaker 4: and then the question is, well what we eat? At
8:38
Speaker 4: that point talking is out the window for me because
8:42
Speaker 4: at that point you can have an air sandwich. I
8:45
Speaker 4: don't care what you eating. You can. You've been here
8:47
Speaker 4: all this time, you haven't cook, you haven't fixed anything.
8:50
Speaker 4: And so this is the thing. You know, you an
8:53
Speaker 4: able body, just like me. You got two handswer just
8:55
Speaker 4: like me. You got off of work before I did,
8:57
Speaker 4: you came in out. Maybe you've been here all day.
9:00
Speaker 4: I should walk in the house and say, oom, some
9:02
Speaker 4: smell good. What we eat?
9:04
Speaker 2: So you know, Mama, not the wife either.
9:10
Speaker 4: Sometimes sometimes we really we want to just talk. Can
9:15
Speaker 4: we just sit down and can we talk. You know,
9:17
Speaker 4: we don't take the time a lot of times to
9:20
Speaker 4: even sit down and have dinner together. People. We have
9:23
Speaker 4: gotten away from that. You know, even on Sundays. You
9:26
Speaker 4: used to have family dinners on Sundays. Some of us
9:29
Speaker 4: that don't have dysfunctional families used to have family dinner
9:34
Speaker 4: on Sundays where we would meet at grandma house or
9:37
Speaker 4: Mama house or somebody's house and we would sit and
9:40
Speaker 4: we would communa cats.
9:42
Speaker 1: But see, you have to have those type of traditions.
9:46
Speaker 1: See that's the whole point right there. We have to
9:49
Speaker 1: build a foundation so we can do these types of things,
9:53
Speaker 1: because he is where most of the problems come in.
9:55
Speaker 2: Y'all.
9:57
Speaker 1: You have your idea of how the perfect afternoon is
10:00
Speaker 1: supposed to be. She has her idea how the perfect
10:03
Speaker 1: afternoon should be. But the first thing that we should
10:07
Speaker 1: often think about is can I take the time? Let
10:10
Speaker 1: me get me my time, which is you coming home,
10:14
Speaker 1: use that time just to chill extra thirty to forty
10:17
Speaker 1: minutes just to get yourself ready for home, because you know,
10:21
Speaker 1: you don't know what you're going to run into. Now
10:24
Speaker 1: we've had to learn that, you know, Now we're good
10:27
Speaker 1: because despite what she said, I do cook good at it,
10:33
Speaker 1: you know. But the thing of it is, once you
10:36
Speaker 1: have allowed yourself to get into a routine, that's the routine.
10:40
Speaker 1: And speaking on from a man's point of view, men
10:43
Speaker 1: come and this works for me. I get off work,
10:48
Speaker 1: I come home, stretch out, kicking feetback because I know
10:51
Speaker 1: about six thirty seven o'clock, well it's something.
10:54
Speaker 2: That eg and then you come on. You they had
10:57
Speaker 2: a bad day.
10:58
Speaker 1: And I'm looking like, hey, baby, you're dragging your feet.
11:01
Speaker 1: You know, I'm hungry. I didn't eat all day. I
11:04
Speaker 1: know six study that part's supposed to be rappling something.
11:07
Speaker 1: And now you mad and this is not what we've
11:11
Speaker 1: been doing.
11:12
Speaker 2: Okay. Now, in order for us to do that, we
11:15
Speaker 2: need to compensate.
11:16
Speaker 1: We need to talk, you know, we need to get
11:19
Speaker 1: get to that point the way you know what this
11:21
Speaker 1: is what it is, so be true, but to ourself
11:24
Speaker 1: be true.
11:25
Speaker 2: Right.
11:25
Speaker 4: And so you know, even in that you said something
11:28
Speaker 4: that really made me think about how you start a thing.
11:33
Speaker 4: How you start a thing is how it's expected, yeah,
11:39
Speaker 4: to be carried out. And so I made the mistake
11:43
Speaker 4: almost I made the mistake almost thirty two years ago
11:48
Speaker 4: of making a meal and saying I love to see
11:53
Speaker 4: you eat.
11:54
Speaker 1: That's not a mistake, that was real because see I
11:58
Speaker 1: love that man, I want to see eat.
12:01
Speaker 4: But even in that, even in that, that doesn't mean
12:06
Speaker 4: that I want to be the one to prepare the
12:09
Speaker 4: meal every day, or I want to be the one
12:12
Speaker 4: to as soon as I come into the house, I
12:14
Speaker 4: have to drop myself go straight to the kitchen. Sometimes
12:17
Speaker 4: I just want to be able to sit down and talk.
12:19
Speaker 4: Let's sit down and talk, Let's have a conversation. But
12:24
Speaker 4: a lot of relationships were not started in that way
12:28
Speaker 4: at all. So a lot of relationships were started with
12:33
Speaker 4: no talking. So once you get it, because everything was
12:39
Speaker 4: established before we even got to the point of the house,
12:42
Speaker 4: so there was no talking. And so now you're expecting
12:46
Speaker 4: to have that conversation, and you know, the other party
12:51
Speaker 4: is like, well, what is there to talk about? You know,
12:54
Speaker 4: what do you want to talk about? Because they have
12:56
Speaker 4: already had in their mind. Okay, so we don't really
12:59
Speaker 4: need to talk, We don't really need to communicate. We
13:02
Speaker 4: know what's happening. You come in, you cook, you do whatever.
13:05
Speaker 4: I'm gonna sit here, watch TV, kick back, wait for
13:07
Speaker 4: my plate, and all of this stuff, but sometimes it
13:11
Speaker 4: takes us to be able to say, you know, I
13:14
Speaker 4: just need to talk because we need that outlet you
13:19
Speaker 4: hear that.
13:20
Speaker 1: Okay, I'm gonna just say that to me right now.
13:23
Speaker 1: You just came home and you need to say that, I.
13:27
Speaker 4: Need to talk.
13:28
Speaker 2: Huh talking about what?
13:32
Speaker 7: Right?
13:32
Speaker 2: What we're talking about?
13:36
Speaker 4: To talk about my day while you watch a TV Yeah,
13:43
Speaker 4: CV type of things, and so we get offended.
13:47
Speaker 2: Yes, that's the point I'm making, right.
13:49
Speaker 4: We get offended because the attention is not on me.
13:54
Speaker 4: I've been away all this time. I've been away nine
13:57
Speaker 4: ten hours. I'm trying to tell you something about my day,
14:01
Speaker 4: and you're saying, talk talk about what? Oh, go ahead,
14:04
Speaker 4: go ahead and talk while you're not breaking your gaze
14:08
Speaker 4: from the television, while you still on your cell phone,
14:12
Speaker 4: while you're listening to your videos or whatever, or playing
14:16
Speaker 4: your games. For those that play games, that is not
14:20
Speaker 4: helping because it takes communication. So at that point, from
14:25
Speaker 4: a woman's perspective, you don't want to hear what I
14:29
Speaker 4: gotta say, So let me just move on. I'm gonna
14:31
Speaker 4: go in here, because all you want to hear is
14:33
Speaker 4: the pots rattlin or you want to hear me going
14:36
Speaker 4: through the normal routine of whatever your normal is. And
14:42
Speaker 4: so when that happens, When that happens, we get to
14:46
Speaker 4: the point to where we're like, we shut down. So
14:49
Speaker 4: there's no communication. So three hours later, when there's some
14:54
Speaker 4: show that you don't want to watch, now you say, oh,
14:56
Speaker 4: well let's talk talk about what now I'm talking about? Well,
14:59
Speaker 4: what talking about? Because nothing else to say? And so
15:04
Speaker 4: that makes for a bad home life. So can we
15:08
Speaker 4: really talk? Can we talk?
15:10
Speaker 2: Yeah?
15:10
Speaker 1: But here's the thing. When you first get together, you
15:15
Speaker 1: need to set some grown rules. See, that's the thing.
15:19
Speaker 1: I was one of them guys to set the ground
15:21
Speaker 1: rules because I don't like surprises. It's hard to surprise
15:24
Speaker 1: me anyway. But the thing of it is, you have
15:27
Speaker 1: to set some ground rules and tell the whole truth.
15:31
Speaker 1: You get past the infatuation, just tell the whole truth.
15:34
Speaker 1: I like this, I like that, I like this, I
15:36
Speaker 1: like that. But in the midst of that, I need
15:40
Speaker 1: everybody to hear this. We get older, we change. Now
15:46
Speaker 1: you knew me, but you don't know me now. I
15:51
Speaker 1: used to like hamburgers, Now I like steak, And next
15:56
Speaker 1: week I might like something else.
15:57
Speaker 2: But if I don't talk.
15:58
Speaker 1: You'll tell you that, or when I try to tell
16:01
Speaker 1: you that, then you'd be like, now you just said
16:04
Speaker 1: you like this, Now you liking that. No, don't get
16:06
Speaker 1: upset because I have the right to change, and that's
16:11
Speaker 1: a vice versas situation. But learn to have a conversation
16:15
Speaker 1: so you can talk. Now, my wife and I we
16:18
Speaker 1: do a lot of talking because I like to ride anyway,
16:20
Speaker 1: let's ride, and I like to talk. I love to talk.
16:23
Speaker 1: Sometimes I think she thinks I think she talked too much.
16:27
Speaker 1: But you know what, if I don't talk and I
16:29
Speaker 1: don't communicate, then you don't know me right how you know.
16:34
Speaker 2: If you don't know exactly.
16:36
Speaker 4: And that's a very valid point that you know, we
16:40
Speaker 4: need to stress because lack of communication is really what
16:46
Speaker 4: is destroying a lot of marriages because of the simple
16:49
Speaker 4: fact that we got together when we were teenagers, or
16:53
Speaker 4: we got together when we were in our early twenties.
16:56
Speaker 4: We got together young, and now we're still together. But
17:02
Speaker 4: I've grown, you've grown, and so if we never take
17:06
Speaker 4: the time to realize that things change, then we have
17:11
Speaker 4: really kind of outgrown each other because we don't know
17:15
Speaker 4: what one another likes. It's so funny because well, it's
17:19
Speaker 4: really not funny. I'm not gonna say funny because it's
17:21
Speaker 4: not funny. We counsel with couples and just a simple
17:26
Speaker 4: thing as to what's his or her favorite color, and
17:30
Speaker 4: some of the answers and responses that are given, and
17:33
Speaker 4: then some of the looks that the other partner gives
17:36
Speaker 4: to the one that's given the response, like what who
17:40
Speaker 4: favorite color is? That that's not my favorite color? Well? Who?
17:43
Speaker 1: And she?
17:44
Speaker 4: You know, and that just that starts a whole another
17:50
Speaker 4: and so when you start looking at it, and then
17:52
Speaker 4: they were like, well, you know, when we first got together,
17:55
Speaker 4: you like that color. And then the person says, well,
17:58
Speaker 4: I've grown up since then, I don't like that color anymore.
18:01
Speaker 4: My favorite color is X Y Z. Well I didn't
18:04
Speaker 4: know that. Well, how come you didn't know that? Well,
18:06
Speaker 4: maybe because you never told it, maybe you never expressed it,
18:11
Speaker 4: maybe you never had the conversation. You know, just simple things,
18:16
Speaker 4: even what you like to eat, what you like to drink.
18:20
Speaker 4: I'm one, I'm on and off of pepsi. I'll be
18:23
Speaker 4: on pepsi this month and then next month. Pepsi is
18:27
Speaker 4: the devil, you know. I'm just like so it's hard
18:32
Speaker 4: for him to even keep up sometimes because he knows
18:36
Speaker 4: that I like pepsi. I've always liked pepsi, so he
18:40
Speaker 4: may buy a pepsi and I was like, I'm not
18:42
Speaker 4: drinking pepsy. I need to eliminade. Well how did he
18:46
Speaker 4: know that? How did he know that you didn't want
18:48
Speaker 4: a pepsy?
18:49
Speaker 8: Now?
18:49
Speaker 4: You want to pepsi any other time? That's probably my response.
18:52
Speaker 4: I'll get to, well, you want to pepsi any other time,
18:55
Speaker 4: So why you don't want to pepsy now? Well, I'm
18:58
Speaker 4: just not on that. You know, I'm trying to stay
19:00
Speaker 4: away from Pepsy. But if I never told him that
19:02
Speaker 4: I was trying to stay away from Pepsy, I'll come
19:04
Speaker 4: home and it'll be like three two leaders in there
19:07
Speaker 4: because I never told him that. And it's just the
19:10
Speaker 4: simple things like that, you know, Okay, so he don't
19:14
Speaker 4: like gravy anymore. These are just I know, these are
19:20
Speaker 4: just simple things. I'm just trying to give some adalities.
19:22
Speaker 4: I know, so you know, but when you don't communicate,
19:28
Speaker 4: you don't know, and that is where offence comes in.
19:32
Speaker 4: Because you're in this place and now you've went to
19:35
Speaker 4: all this trouble you spent your money. You've done all
19:39
Speaker 4: this thing. You went out your way, thought you was
19:41
Speaker 4: being sweet and being nice, and then you come home
19:44
Speaker 4: and I got a whole unit because I don't drink
19:47
Speaker 4: pepsy anymore. And so now you offended.
19:52
Speaker 1: You said being sweet and nice. Did you hear that
19:55
Speaker 1: being sweet and nice? Now here's the thing. Before you
19:59
Speaker 1: decide to lose your mind about the pepsi because you
20:03
Speaker 1: want lemonade, think about he was being sweet and nice.
20:09
Speaker 1: Sometime we got to take just a moment to count
20:12
Speaker 1: the five and say, well, baby, see and I get
20:15
Speaker 1: this a lot to y'all. You know, tell me what
20:18
Speaker 1: to say. I know what to say, how I want
20:21
Speaker 1: to say it. Okay, But if I'm explaining to you
20:24
Speaker 1: how to talk to me how I like to you
20:26
Speaker 1: know where I can receive what you're saying, because to
20:28
Speaker 1: me that sounds pretty good. Baby, I don't really want
20:31
Speaker 1: pepsi right now, Thank you so much. Next time, get
20:34
Speaker 1: me elimonade. But before all that, how about call me.
20:38
Speaker 1: But if I'm trying to surprise you, how that gonna work?
20:41
Speaker 1: You know I've had this, you know, men think everybody
20:44
Speaker 1: think I'm bronzi and I don't have a feelings I
20:47
Speaker 1: don't feel nothing. How about I was being nice and sweet.
20:51
Speaker 1: Now I bought her some things and everything, and then
20:54
Speaker 1: all of a sudden she say, I ain't ask you
20:57
Speaker 1: for that, and I'm looking like and that money part,
21:02
Speaker 1: you know that wrong?
21:02
Speaker 2: In my head, I got, you know what I just
21:04
Speaker 2: spent for?
21:05
Speaker 1: Okay, So first time I got mad, But the next
21:10
Speaker 1: time I said, okay, Lord help me with this.
21:13
Speaker 2: And what did I do?
21:15
Speaker 1: I waited good till this occasion came around again, and
21:20
Speaker 1: I was home, chilling in the air. My feet kicked up,
21:23
Speaker 1: and when she walked in the door, she had to
21:26
Speaker 1: look on her face like, I know I got something,
21:28
Speaker 1: you know you don't. I was sitting and I waited
21:31
Speaker 1: for about an hour or two, and then I said,
21:33
Speaker 1: would you like to go eat or whatever you want
21:35
Speaker 1: to do, because I don't want to get the wrong thing,
21:37
Speaker 1: you know, because I don't want my feelings hurt anything
21:39
Speaker 1: like that. And she was like, I don't care, it's okay.
21:45
Speaker 1: And I was cool with that because I'm laughing on
21:47
Speaker 1: the inside.
21:48
Speaker 2: Right. Because here's the thing.
21:49
Speaker 1: Guys, don't take offence to what women say sometimes. Don't
21:55
Speaker 1: allow people to change.
21:59
Speaker 2: Who you are. Thirty three years.
22:02
Speaker 1: In a few days we've been together, and out of
22:05
Speaker 1: thirty three years, I have never missed a birthday anniversary.
22:09
Speaker 2: I got a perfect track record. But she went to
22:14
Speaker 2: eat and we came home.
22:15
Speaker 1: We sat down, We was good, and she was still
22:17
Speaker 1: a little salty. She tried to act like she wasn't.
22:20
Speaker 1: I was still laughing on the inside, because see, you
22:23
Speaker 1: said you didn't want it, you didn't ask for it,
22:25
Speaker 1: but when I asked, you said, I don't know. So
22:28
Speaker 1: we sat in the front room for about another couple
22:30
Speaker 1: hours and finally she ready to go to bed. She
22:32
Speaker 1: goes in there and I peeked down the hall and
22:34
Speaker 1: how great. Yeah, because there was something laying on the
22:37
Speaker 1: bed for her. So the don't allow of people do
22:40
Speaker 1: change to you'all, because what happens is she really wanted something,
22:45
Speaker 1: but get what you want her to have, but make
22:47
Speaker 1: sure you ask her what is it that she desires,
22:51
Speaker 1: and it makes it work perfectly.
22:54
Speaker 4: That's why we have to communicate, because when we don't communicate,
22:58
Speaker 4: you don't know what I like, You don't know what
23:01
Speaker 4: I want. I changed my mind, Okay, well this is
23:04
Speaker 4: what I want. I don't want you to buy this
23:06
Speaker 4: this time. I want this. You know, we have a
23:11
Speaker 4: way of kind of stepping back a lot of times
23:14
Speaker 4: because we don't want to just share and just say, well,
23:18
Speaker 4: this is what I want. So when I asked what
23:21
Speaker 4: I want, a lot of times I will say, well,
23:23
Speaker 4: I don't know. Well, let me say. I used to
23:26
Speaker 4: say I don't know, but now I've gotten to the
23:29
Speaker 4: point to realize that, you know, my wants and my desires,
23:34
Speaker 4: they matter. They matter to me, and so if they
23:38
Speaker 4: matter to me, then they should matter to him. So
23:40
Speaker 4: whenever he says, well, what do you want, then da da,
23:44
Speaker 4: this is what I want. And so there's no miscommunication
23:49
Speaker 4: because I told you what I wanted. And sometimes we
23:52
Speaker 4: have to think about it. And this is where a
23:54
Speaker 4: lot of women make mistakes, because you know, you look
23:56
Speaker 4: at things and you want these big ticket items and
23:59
Speaker 4: all of this stuff, and maybe right now it's not
24:01
Speaker 4: the time for that. Maybe he has to save up
24:04
Speaker 4: for the big ticket item, or you know it's gonna
24:06
Speaker 4: take a little time for you to get that big
24:08
Speaker 4: ticket item. So you give them a list, You give
24:11
Speaker 4: him a list. You start in the expensive category, and
24:15
Speaker 4: you go all the way down to the not so
24:18
Speaker 4: expensive category, not the cheap but not so expensive. And
24:22
Speaker 4: so now he has options because if you say you
24:26
Speaker 4: want this big ticket item and he can't get that,
24:29
Speaker 4: he's gonna do the best that he can to get
24:31
Speaker 4: you what he thinks is at least close to what
24:35
Speaker 4: you want it. And sometimes we have the ability of
24:38
Speaker 4: crushing people, of crushing people because we take it. We
24:46
Speaker 4: don't take into consideration they're hard. We don't take into
24:49
Speaker 4: consideration the things that they did or what they spent
24:53
Speaker 4: to get us, what they were able to get us.
24:57
Speaker 4: We just look at the fact, well, I told you
24:58
Speaker 4: that I want to ask y and so now our
25:01
Speaker 4: face is looking like screw face and everything, and it's
25:05
Speaker 4: like it's crushing to them, and you know what their
25:08
Speaker 4: their thought at that moment. But next time, I won't
25:11
Speaker 4: get you nothing, you know, because I did all of
25:16
Speaker 4: this and you didn't appreciate it. So that's why it's
25:19
Speaker 4: so important for us to communicate. But you know, I've
25:23
Speaker 4: realized that with the people that we talked to and
25:26
Speaker 4: the couples that we have sat down and counseled with,
25:29
Speaker 4: a lot of people live with people that they can't
25:32
Speaker 4: they can't not only talk to, but they don't like
25:36
Speaker 4: each other. They don't like each other and they don't
25:39
Speaker 4: trust each other, but they live together.
25:42
Speaker 1: Then that's a sad situation. That's sad right there. And
25:48
Speaker 1: my past life I was in a situation like that.
25:51
Speaker 1: It's not good, you know, because you're you're always angry
25:56
Speaker 1: and angry. People be angry at everybody else for no reason.
25:59
Speaker 1: They had nothing to do with what you did or
26:02
Speaker 1: what you have yourself in at that moment. But the
26:05
Speaker 1: thing of it is, I can't even talk about that
26:08
Speaker 1: because what was yesterday?
26:09
Speaker 2: I try to leave it there.
26:10
Speaker 1: But let's go back to the point of where we
26:13
Speaker 1: were riding with that five dollar gas Now, actually it
26:19
Speaker 1: was wonderful because you know, we hadn't did that in
26:21
Speaker 1: a while.
26:22
Speaker 2: I like to tell people, what did you do that?
26:24
Speaker 2: I like to ride and get lost.
26:26
Speaker 1: I can find my way back, but let's get lost,
26:28
Speaker 1: because you know we're going where you're going nowhere, but
26:31
Speaker 1: somewhere I have no direction.
26:33
Speaker 2: I'm just going turn the radio off.
26:36
Speaker 1: Don't listen to you the music, don't listen to the beat,
26:39
Speaker 1: Listen to him, Listen to her talk about your day
26:44
Speaker 1: for real, you know, and then talk about how nice
26:46
Speaker 1: it was just for us to be in this solitude,
26:49
Speaker 1: and you know, let's talk about something that really has
26:52
Speaker 1: some meaning to it. You know, we were talking about
26:56
Speaker 1: the ride. We were talking about you remember when we
26:59
Speaker 1: used to do this. Sometime you have to go down
27:02
Speaker 1: memory lane to get back on the right highway, because
27:06
Speaker 1: you know, it's all about the one that you're with,
27:09
Speaker 1: because if you've been together any amount of time, there's
27:12
Speaker 1: no such thing.
27:12
Speaker 2: As you don't care.
27:15
Speaker 1: Some people get along like that, arguing, fussing and all that,
27:18
Speaker 1: but you know what, let somebody else say something out
27:21
Speaker 1: to wait to them. Now you want to lose your
27:22
Speaker 1: whole mind, but at the same time, learn to hear
27:28
Speaker 1: each other. And if you can't hear each other, because
27:30
Speaker 1: I know one time back years ago, when you used
27:33
Speaker 1: to go to church, I didn't want to go to
27:36
Speaker 1: church because I was used to doing something else and
27:39
Speaker 1: it was good until she asked me to go to church.
27:42
Speaker 1: When she said are you going to church? All my
27:45
Speaker 1: whole insides turned upside down. So one day, because the
27:48
Speaker 1: devil is cunning, so one day, instead of talking to
27:51
Speaker 1: her about church, I text her forever to get these
27:55
Speaker 1: big fingers in there. But I text her, I said,
27:57
Speaker 1: whatever you do, don't take this the wrong way.
28:00
Speaker 2: But don't ask me to go to church. Just let
28:02
Speaker 2: me do me please.
28:05
Speaker 1: And it took all she could do not to crickle
28:07
Speaker 1: up her face and all that I said, because you know,
28:09
Speaker 1: I'll tell you tomorrow.
28:11
Speaker 2: But the next day I was up. I was ready.
28:13
Speaker 1: I beat her, ready to go to church, because it's
28:16
Speaker 1: simple things to actually destroy you, because the devil can
28:21
Speaker 1: only come at you with the closest one to you,
28:23
Speaker 1: because that's the one can get to you. And she said, well,
28:27
Speaker 1: why did you text me that? I said, because when
28:29
Speaker 1: you say it out your mouth, it's like it just
28:31
Speaker 1: do something to me, because it's like I'm being made
28:33
Speaker 1: to do something I don't want to do. It's not
28:35
Speaker 1: that I don't want to do it, but when you
28:37
Speaker 1: say it, it's always at the wrong time. Okay, just
28:39
Speaker 1: before that, if I go to bed, hey you're going
28:41
Speaker 1: to church, my right. I didn't even get to say no, right,
28:47
Speaker 1: You ain't got nothing else to do, right, But you
28:50
Speaker 1: have to think about that. We're both too grown individuals.
28:54
Speaker 1: We have to realize that, you know what, sometime we
28:59
Speaker 1: have to row apart to come back together because my
29:04
Speaker 1: thoughts ain't your thoughts, you know, But give me the
29:09
Speaker 1: opportunity to have my own mindset.
29:11
Speaker 4: My own thoughts, you know, And that's that's something we're
29:15
Speaker 4: gonna We're gonna take a quick break here in just
29:18
Speaker 4: a second. But you know, just before we take a break,
29:22
Speaker 4: it's important for us to understand that that it's the
29:26
Speaker 4: way that we say things there and how we talk
29:29
Speaker 4: to each other. So we're gonna take a break and
29:32
Speaker 4: we're gonna come back and we're gonna deal with that
29:35
Speaker 4: for a little while.
29:37
Speaker 7: See y'all in a minute.
30:03
Speaker 3: You got nothing to read, to.
30:16
Speaker 8: Stay, to sleep, to treat and cheese. You said your
30:22
Speaker 8: mom just got to sleep to treating cheese for me hesday.
30:34
Speaker 3: That's why the story away.
30:41
Speaker 4: I've known everything about hunting a.
30:43
Speaker 3: Pain, God calling and throw it all.
30:47
Speaker 1: We now his protection like shulif from I have a
30:51
Speaker 1: problem a lot of time.
30:53
Speaker 4: In the name, but I don't know he's that pay
30:55
Speaker 4: because I'm heard, not the name, You'll get a killing
30:58
Speaker 4: and the real.
31:07
Speaker 6: Sleep sweet sweet, all right, we're back.
31:38
Speaker 4: We're back. So when we took our break, we were
31:42
Speaker 4: talking about learning how to talk to each other. One
31:46
Speaker 4: thing that I have realized I have witnessed and it
31:51
Speaker 4: makes my skin crawl and it makes me cringe when
31:55
Speaker 4: I see individuals, and I'm speaking from a woman's perspect tonight,
32:01
Speaker 4: when I see women talk to their mates as though
32:04
Speaker 4: they're their children. Many times, you know, we have we
32:10
Speaker 4: may have children, we may have adult children, we may
32:13
Speaker 4: have young children, and we have mates as well, And
32:19
Speaker 4: there are times when I have witnessed women talk to
32:22
Speaker 4: their mates as though they are their children, and that
32:26
Speaker 4: just really bothers me. It bothers me for one, because
32:30
Speaker 4: it's disrespectful, and for two, you will not want anyone
32:35
Speaker 4: to talk to you in the manner that you have
32:37
Speaker 4: spoken with them. You know, it's really sad that we
32:43
Speaker 4: take it to that level. But it's because once again,
32:47
Speaker 4: we don't know how to separate or differentiate the situations
32:54
Speaker 4: and the circumstances. So you know, you're snapping and you're
33:00
Speaker 4: fussing at this individual as though they are your child.
33:04
Speaker 4: And many times they will step back and they will
33:08
Speaker 4: give you a look, but a lot of times they'll
33:11
Speaker 4: hold their peace.
33:13
Speaker 2: That's because a lot of times.
33:16
Speaker 1: Men have done things that they shouldn't have and women
33:21
Speaker 1: hold grudges sometimes and so they talk to a man
33:25
Speaker 1: in any kind of way. Okay, I was wrong, I admitted,
33:29
Speaker 1: you know, but don't try to beat bash me with that,
33:32
Speaker 1: because that's look I did that. I'm sorry, you can't
33:35
Speaker 1: get nothing else out of that. But at the same time,
33:38
Speaker 1: don't try to take my manhood by trying to keep
33:40
Speaker 1: talking to me like I'm a child. When you get
33:43
Speaker 1: on work, don't talk to me like I'm your child,
33:45
Speaker 1: your employee. Don't talk to me because the way your
33:50
Speaker 1: boss talked to you, because you allowed that, you know.
33:54
Speaker 1: But then, even as a man, before you give a
33:58
Speaker 1: rebuttal to what you heard, ask a question, am I grown?
34:04
Speaker 2: Are you grown?
34:05
Speaker 1: Do you realize who you're talking to? Those are children
34:08
Speaker 1: over there. I'm your husband, I'm not your child, I'm
34:12
Speaker 1: your wife, I'm not your child. You know, all these
34:16
Speaker 1: things come into play. Don't keep pushing the envelope because
34:19
Speaker 1: sometimes the envelope pushed back. Sometimes the blue stick and
34:21
Speaker 1: that beat them, lips wore up, and I'm just being
34:24
Speaker 1: I'm trying to be funny, but that's real because sometimes
34:27
Speaker 1: people cannot express themselves other than to strike.
34:31
Speaker 5: You know.
34:32
Speaker 1: And if they give you that look and you know,
34:34
Speaker 1: and sometimes they just keep pushing the envelope, keep pushing
34:37
Speaker 1: the envelope, then you hear something that you don't want
34:39
Speaker 1: to hear, you know. But then even further than that,
34:42
Speaker 1: if you got kids in the midst of that, they look,
34:45
Speaker 1: Look how Mama talked to daddy. Look how daddy talked
34:47
Speaker 1: to Mama. Said, it's about respect on both endids. If
34:52
Speaker 1: we don't teach our children and each other how to
34:56
Speaker 1: love and respect one another's boundaries and each other, because
35:00
Speaker 1: you don't. Actually at that point, you're not even respecting
35:02
Speaker 1: yourself because I don't see my wife. My wife don't
35:05
Speaker 1: see her husband, so we don't see each other. So
35:08
Speaker 1: now we walking around the house mad for a week
35:10
Speaker 1: or two, and sometimes it get good because anything you
35:13
Speaker 1: can go two or three weeks. So after a while
35:15
Speaker 1: you get comfortable. Then that opens the door for the
35:19
Speaker 1: enemy to come in. And here the enemy can't do
35:22
Speaker 1: you no harm. He just presents stuff to you that
35:25
Speaker 1: you know you thought were dead, buried and gone.
35:29
Speaker 4: Yes, And you know that's so true. How we decide
35:34
Speaker 4: how to judge people and whether or not they deserve
35:38
Speaker 4: respect because of whatever they have done or said or whatever.
35:44
Speaker 4: And we have to realize that, as you said, when
35:49
Speaker 4: a person says they are sorry, they apologize for it.
35:54
Speaker 4: That's it. You can't get blood, you know. And I'm
35:58
Speaker 4: quick to say that because if I say, all right, well,
36:02
Speaker 4: you know, I understand that I offended you or whatever
36:05
Speaker 4: or whatever I did, hurt your feelings or whatever, and
36:08
Speaker 4: I'm sorry, don't keep coming at me, because my next
36:11
Speaker 4: response is gonna be, well, you can't get blood, what
36:13
Speaker 4: else do you want? And then I'm mad at that
36:16
Speaker 4: point because I've apologized, and now I'm ready to move
36:20
Speaker 4: on from that because I apologize to you. So you're
36:25
Speaker 4: either gonna accept the apology or you're gonna go somewhere
36:28
Speaker 4: and leave mail alone, because that's just life. People. When
36:34
Speaker 4: we get to that point, and just as you said,
36:36
Speaker 4: when you push me, you keep pushing. And I've already
36:39
Speaker 4: said I apologize, I apologize for whatever I said or did,
36:43
Speaker 4: and so you just want to keep rehashing and keep
36:46
Speaker 4: coming back and keep bringing up something. Okay, So yeah, well,
36:50
Speaker 4: let me just go ahead and give you the rest
36:52
Speaker 4: of what I was gonna say when I stopped myself,
36:55
Speaker 4: And so I'm gonna say that, and I'm not gonna
36:57
Speaker 4: say I'm sorry after.
36:58
Speaker 2: That point when you say I stopped myself.
37:02
Speaker 1: Uh huh see because that individual that you're with, they
37:05
Speaker 1: know it's something else behind that, and they keep pushing
37:08
Speaker 1: for that, and they have to realize that, you know what,
37:10
Speaker 1: they didn't say it, they held it. So don't try
37:14
Speaker 1: to push and keep the fire going when it's trying
37:17
Speaker 1: to smother itself. See, a lot of people don't know
37:19
Speaker 1: how to do that. Oh, I know you wanted to
37:21
Speaker 1: say it. I want to I know, I say it,
37:23
Speaker 1: say it.
37:23
Speaker 2: Say it. Okay, Then you get what you didn't want
37:27
Speaker 2: to hear. And now I can't even talk to you.
37:30
Speaker 4: While we can't talk why you had to say all
37:33
Speaker 4: of that? We could have just talked about it. See
37:35
Speaker 4: that's the response that you'll get after you have been
37:40
Speaker 4: the fire starter. Now you want to be the victim.
37:43
Speaker 2: Right there you go.
37:44
Speaker 4: You either gonna play one or the other. You either
37:46
Speaker 4: gonna start the fight and just go on and ride
37:48
Speaker 4: it out, or you're gonna be the victim. You can't
37:52
Speaker 4: be both. You can't be fire starter and victim. But
37:55
Speaker 4: a lot of times, and I'm speaking for the ladies,
37:58
Speaker 4: and y'all can say whatever you want to say, because
38:00
Speaker 4: I know what I'm talking about, and I'm saying what
38:02
Speaker 4: I'm saying a lot of times, you want to be
38:05
Speaker 4: the fire starter, and then when it comes back, you
38:09
Speaker 4: want to be the victim. See, because the amber now
38:11
Speaker 4: has flown over here, and it then ignited something else
38:14
Speaker 4: that was dry and was trying to just go ahead
38:18
Speaker 4: and be dead. But now the amber then got over here.
38:23
Speaker 4: So now here you are you want to cry victim. No,
38:29
Speaker 4: you either gonna be the fire starter and you're just
38:31
Speaker 4: gonna stand up and say, well, I started this fire,
38:33
Speaker 4: so I'm just gonna have to ride it out until
38:35
Speaker 4: the fireman comes. But outside of that, you can't play
38:40
Speaker 4: both sides. And we wanted we do that. We'll start
38:44
Speaker 4: something and then when it really gets hot, you know
38:47
Speaker 4: when when it's the the real the forest fire, when
38:54
Speaker 4: the forest fire starts because you had just a little
38:57
Speaker 4: bit of blades going on, you have had a little spark.
39:01
Speaker 4: But now when that forest fire gets going and it's
39:04
Speaker 4: starting to run and burn down a whole bunch of stuff,
39:07
Speaker 4: now you want to cry, oh my god, oh it's
39:10
Speaker 4: a fire. No no, no, no, no, no no, you
39:14
Speaker 4: started it. And so that's where we get into the
39:17
Speaker 4: place of not communicating. We'll start the fire, and then
39:23
Speaker 4: when it just turns into a blaze that we can't
39:26
Speaker 4: put out at this point because now all the cards
39:29
Speaker 4: are on the table, because now the conversation has not turned,
39:33
Speaker 4: it's turned ugly. So we're gonna talk about the old
39:36
Speaker 4: and new and and everything in between. So were talking
39:40
Speaker 4: about thirty five years ago, and we wasn't even together
39:44
Speaker 4: thirty five years ago. But that's what we're gonna talk about.
39:47
Speaker 4: We're gonna bring all of this stuff to the table
39:49
Speaker 4: because you know why you upen the door, you started
39:52
Speaker 4: a fire.
39:53
Speaker 1: What she said, Now we having a conversation, No, y'all all,
39:57
Speaker 1: y'all ain't having no conversation.
39:59
Speaker 2: Y'all are. And the thing about it is.
40:03
Speaker 1: Women miles are like shotgun, Yes, sir, I'm talking about
40:07
Speaker 1: a submachine gun.
40:10
Speaker 9: And a man can't keep up always loaded exactly, yes,
40:14
Speaker 9: And men can't keep up because you know what, men
40:17
Speaker 9: really don't care about all that that was over then,
40:19
Speaker 9: and while you bringing that up, see, and that's where
40:22
Speaker 9: it get bad.
40:24
Speaker 2: You have to learn to let go and let God
40:27
Speaker 2: in that situation. You know.
40:29
Speaker 1: But even before all that, when was the last time
40:33
Speaker 1: you've seen people hold hands? We pick at us a
40:38
Speaker 1: lot about that. We hold hands we dress herlike and
40:42
Speaker 1: I'm always smiling at her. She's always smiling at me
40:46
Speaker 1: because I love her. But this is who you married,
40:49
Speaker 1: and you've been with him any length of time. You
40:52
Speaker 1: got to learn to do just that. At some point
40:55
Speaker 1: in your life. You'll see significant others should be the
41:01
Speaker 1: only thing that's on your mind. First and foremost. Let
41:05
Speaker 1: me talk to my wife about it. We're writing. I
41:10
Speaker 1: tell her this analogy all the time. They say, well,
41:13
Speaker 1: how do you do that? I said, It's real simple.
41:14
Speaker 1: If that's your wife you married, and then you're supposed.
41:16
Speaker 2: To trust her.
41:17
Speaker 1: So if I'm driving and something come up on the
41:20
Speaker 1: right side and she tell me no, noth I don't
41:23
Speaker 1: have to go and look to the right. If she's
41:26
Speaker 1: seen it, that means I already saw it because she
41:29
Speaker 1: see it for me see and vice versa. But you
41:33
Speaker 1: got to get to that point. Stop trying to compete
41:39
Speaker 1: and battle when we're supposed to be as one, not divided. See,
41:45
Speaker 1: as long as you can learn how to be one.
41:47
Speaker 1: And you know what, it's not about always winning. It's
41:51
Speaker 1: not a win, it's not a give or take. It's
41:54
Speaker 1: just us. Let's talk about it and then don't have
41:57
Speaker 1: paperbag feelings, because you know what people can say what
42:00
Speaker 1: they want to say out their mouths, and sometimes, you know,
42:04
Speaker 1: you got to learn to talk to each other without
42:08
Speaker 1: hurting the other one's feelings, you know. Or you said
42:10
Speaker 1: it like that, Well I didn't mean it like that. Okay,
42:14
Speaker 1: think before you speak, Jerry J. D All time, you
42:17
Speaker 1: forgot the number one rule. Think before you speak. Start
42:22
Speaker 1: practicing being nice to each other. But when you and
42:28
Speaker 1: if you can't do that and do it from your heart,
42:30
Speaker 1: please don't do it, because you know what each of
42:33
Speaker 1: you can feel that.
42:36
Speaker 9: You know.
42:37
Speaker 4: I want to go back to something that you said
42:39
Speaker 4: because I think we need to really touch this and
42:42
Speaker 4: stress this point. You said that women's mouths are like
42:47
Speaker 4: submachine gun.
42:48
Speaker 2: Yes, lord, and I agree with that.
42:51
Speaker 4: We stay cat locked and loaded in and we can
42:54
Speaker 4: unload rapidly, rapid fire. And so what I want men
43:01
Speaker 4: to understand is that we may not be able to
43:07
Speaker 4: fight you physically or to and I'm not talking about
43:13
Speaker 4: domestic violence. Please don't get me, Please don't misunderstand that
43:18
Speaker 4: no domestic violence, because we are definitely not about that.
43:22
Speaker 4: But when arguments come into play, and so we may
43:27
Speaker 4: not be a physical match for you in arguments. But
43:33
Speaker 4: our mouths. Our mouths are what we use to fight.
43:37
Speaker 4: Our mouths are what we use to try to win
43:40
Speaker 4: the fight, because we know that's all that we have.
43:44
Speaker 4: We have our mouths, So we're gonna try our best
43:48
Speaker 4: to win with our mouths. And we should not ever
43:52
Speaker 4: let it get that heated to where we begin to
43:56
Speaker 4: tear one another down, because when we get it to
43:59
Speaker 4: that place, then that's a very hurtful place. Because a
44:03
Speaker 4: lot of times things are said in the heat of
44:05
Speaker 4: the moment that you can't press the rewind button and
44:09
Speaker 4: think that it's gonna rewind and come back in there.
44:11
Speaker 4: It's not because once you have released it, it's out there.
44:15
Speaker 4: There is no rewind. You can't unhear, he can't unhear
44:21
Speaker 4: what he has heard, and you cannot rewind what you
44:25
Speaker 4: have said. And that causes damage. It damages relationships, It
44:30
Speaker 4: tears down self esteem, and it hurts you, and it
44:34
Speaker 4: causes wedges to begin to come in the middle of
44:38
Speaker 4: relationships because you know why, every time something happens, and
44:43
Speaker 4: it can be the smallest little thing that happened, you're
44:46
Speaker 4: gonna go back to those words. You're gonna go back
44:50
Speaker 4: to those words, and those words are gonna replay in
44:53
Speaker 4: your mind, and then it's gonna begin to cause distance
44:57
Speaker 4: to come in between you and the person that you
45:00
Speaker 4: claim to love, because the first thing that you're gonna say, well,
45:05
Speaker 4: if they love me, they wouldn't have said that.
45:08
Speaker 1: Yeah, you're right, if they loved me, he wouldn't have
45:11
Speaker 1: said it. But it wasn't about whether they love you.
45:13
Speaker 1: It's because I wanted to do something that's gonna inflict pain.
45:17
Speaker 1: Without physical pain, I can hurt you back. But see
45:22
Speaker 1: in the midst of all that, sometimes you sit there
45:26
Speaker 1: and you hold that on the inside and you just
45:28
Speaker 1: can't wait. Boy, I ain't gonna say that, but I'm
45:31
Speaker 1: waiting because when they say this here, boy, when they
45:33
Speaker 1: come back, I don't care if it's two weeks from
45:35
Speaker 1: now or what about when you said that right there?
45:37
Speaker 1: You remember you said that, So now you're holding on
45:40
Speaker 1: it yesterday and you.
45:41
Speaker 4: Can't go for That's why we have to be able
45:44
Speaker 4: to talk.
45:45
Speaker 2: You should be able to talk. You didn't have to.
45:48
Speaker 4: If we're going to have successful marriages.
45:52
Speaker 2: We have to be able to We have to talk.
45:55
Speaker 4: We have to because we can't make it like that.
45:58
Speaker 4: The things that we used to do when we were
46:00
Speaker 4: in the world, just trying to find the right person
46:04
Speaker 4: or dating people. You can't do that anymore. Once you
46:07
Speaker 4: have become one. You have to be able to sit
46:11
Speaker 4: down and talk. And I understand, believe me, I understand.
46:15
Speaker 4: A lot of marriages today are not based on any
46:19
Speaker 4: conversation that came into play. A lot of them were sexual,
46:23
Speaker 4: and it's just the truth. They were sexual. It was
46:26
Speaker 4: the fact that Okay, I like what you're putting down.
46:29
Speaker 4: You like what I'm putting down, and okay, so this
46:31
Speaker 4: is what it is. And now I don't want nobody
46:34
Speaker 4: else to be putting down what I'm putting down. So
46:37
Speaker 4: let's put a ring on it, let's get married, let's
46:39
Speaker 4: do whatever. And you get into these relationships, and you
46:43
Speaker 4: know what happens. We can tuck it up, pull it up,
46:48
Speaker 4: pin it up, and when the lights go off and
46:52
Speaker 4: the clothes come up, baby, you see stuff that doesnet
46:55
Speaker 4: been pimped up, tumped up and again to fall apart,
46:58
Speaker 4: and you'd be like, what the devil?
47:00
Speaker 3: What is all of that?
47:01
Speaker 6: Where was where?
47:02
Speaker 4: Where was all of that? And so now the co
47:07
Speaker 4: Cola barter is really not the co Cola barter. You
47:09
Speaker 4: got three or four two leaders put together, you don't
47:12
Speaker 4: even have it, don't even have a shade. And so
47:15
Speaker 4: now you're looking at you trick me, But no, you
47:21
Speaker 4: didn't talk to me. You didn't talk to me to
47:23
Speaker 4: find out enough about me to understand that I'm working
47:29
Speaker 4: on me. I'm not all together. So this is my
47:34
Speaker 4: image that I want to portray because I know this
47:37
Speaker 4: is what men are looking for, women are looking for,
47:41
Speaker 4: and so now I want to be that one because
47:45
Speaker 4: in the past, maybe they weren't that one. Maybe they
47:48
Speaker 4: let it all hang out and they was walking around
47:51
Speaker 4: showing the whole everything that they had and nobody was
47:56
Speaker 4: attracted to them. So now, okay, well I can pin
47:59
Speaker 4: it up, I can pull it up, and I can
48:01
Speaker 4: tuck it up. Oh and I got all kind of combo.
48:04
Speaker 4: But then in the midst of having a conbo and
48:09
Speaker 4: all of this stuff is going on, See, the conbo
48:12
Speaker 4: is just wooing you to the bedroom. And so when
48:18
Speaker 4: you get that, then here we are. It's no talking
48:22
Speaker 4: going on because we already know what we're here for,
48:24
Speaker 4: so there's no talking. But then there's something that happens
48:28
Speaker 4: where okay, well we kind of digging each other or whatever.
48:31
Speaker 4: So let's just go ahead and lock this down and
48:34
Speaker 4: we're gonna be together and this, that and the other thing.
48:36
Speaker 4: But then when you begin to really realize and see
48:40
Speaker 4: that there was somebody up under all of this other stuff,
48:44
Speaker 4: there's a person, and this person actually has feelings, They
48:50
Speaker 4: have wants, they have desires, they have expectations, and a
48:54
Speaker 4: lot of them be false, but you still got them.
48:58
Speaker 2: But in the midst of that, if that was based
49:02
Speaker 2: on a lie.
49:03
Speaker 4: Exactly, and that's what a lot of a lot of
49:06
Speaker 4: relationships are based on lines because there was no communication.
49:10
Speaker 4: It was a falsehood. I saw you, and I'm like, yeah,
49:13
Speaker 4: I'm digging that. So yeah, I'm gonna make that mind
49:16
Speaker 4: so off and the lunckness down because this person, they
49:19
Speaker 4: got a good job and they can take care of me.
49:21
Speaker 4: They can do this, they can do that. And here
49:25
Speaker 4: we are now we cohabitat and I see the ugly
49:31
Speaker 4: part of you, because what I saw when I got
49:35
Speaker 4: with you was all made up and everything. And when
49:39
Speaker 4: I wake up after the first morning, and the makeup
49:42
Speaker 4: is not on who and the devil are you? And
49:44
Speaker 4: how you got in here? Where you came from?
49:48
Speaker 2: I have no idea.
49:49
Speaker 4: I know you say, because you're like, this is not
49:55
Speaker 4: the person.
49:57
Speaker 2: What happened?
49:58
Speaker 4: You know, I know we we might have been a
50:01
Speaker 4: little on it or something last night, but what happened,
50:05
Speaker 4: so you know, we just got we need to talk.
50:09
Speaker 4: We need to be able to talk.
50:11
Speaker 1: You gotta talk because you know, feelings are involved, and
50:16
Speaker 1: most relationships, you know, you start off because you like
50:19
Speaker 1: what you see.
50:21
Speaker 2: Okay, that's cool. But even in that half those boundaries, okay.
50:26
Speaker 1: You like what you see. I know you like what
50:27
Speaker 1: you see and I like what I see. So we're
50:29
Speaker 1: good at that point. But let's have a conversation. You know,
50:33
Speaker 1: I was taught years ago. You know, you get get
50:37
Speaker 1: up here, find out what was happening, it up in
50:38
Speaker 1: that that brain area, because you know, you can look
50:41
Speaker 1: so good and be so fine. And then my sister
50:44
Speaker 1: said it been. She says, a can with a little
50:47
Speaker 1: bb rock runner. I think they hit every corner and
50:51
Speaker 1: that's it. Let's see if this mind working. Because with
50:55
Speaker 1: this mind working, then we can do some things. Because
50:57
Speaker 1: you know what, I don't need I need a spouse,
51:03
Speaker 1: I need a maid. I need somebody that wants to
51:06
Speaker 1: talk to me, be with me. Share my life with me,
51:09
Speaker 1: so I can share my life with them, you know.
51:12
Speaker 1: But we got to be real with one of the
51:13
Speaker 1: other because if you don't talk from the get go on,
51:16
Speaker 1: you got nothing. And if you're together nine it's going
51:18
Speaker 1: to l ra Then stop back up, tell the whole
51:22
Speaker 1: truth and be willing to listen and receive what you're
51:25
Speaker 1: about to hear. Exactly that way you can heal.
51:29
Speaker 2: Let the healing begin, and we can move forward because
51:32
Speaker 2: it's been all this time.
51:33
Speaker 1: He ain't going nowhere. It's just your feelings hurt right now.
51:35
Speaker 1: And nine times out of ten, the reason your feelings
51:38
Speaker 1: hurt because you know what eighty five percent of is
51:40
Speaker 1: the truth, right, You just didn't want to hear it
51:43
Speaker 1: from that.
51:44
Speaker 2: Person, right.
51:45
Speaker 4: So we can't have paperbag feelings in these things. We
51:49
Speaker 4: have to be twenty one, can't be twelve.
51:52
Speaker 9: We all grown.
51:53
Speaker 4: We mature and if you're not mature, let me help
51:57
Speaker 4: your marriages for mature people. Yes, so put your big
52:02
Speaker 4: girl panties on and pop them and just get it together.
52:06
Speaker 4: Get it together. You cannot continue in a relationship to
52:11
Speaker 4: where you cannot communicate because communication is key, and when
52:16
Speaker 4: you are able to communicate, you have to understand that
52:19
Speaker 4: paperbag feelings. You gotta throw them away because there's gonna
52:23
Speaker 4: be things that's gonna hurt your feelings. There's gonna be
52:26
Speaker 4: things that you're gonna say that's gonna hurt his feelings,
52:29
Speaker 4: and you got to be able to man up and
52:33
Speaker 4: just take it.
52:33
Speaker 2: And that's simp of the same with men.
52:35
Speaker 1: Put your boxes on, or your big briefs or whatever
52:38
Speaker 1: you win, you know and understand that you know what.
52:41
Speaker 2: They have feelings too, and we can make it. And
52:44
Speaker 2: at that point we can do what.
52:48
Speaker 4: Hey, y'all, it's been great. We will see you guys
52:52
Speaker 4: back here on the third Sunday night at eight pm
52:56
Speaker 4: Eastern Standard time. We hope you will come back and
53:00
Speaker 4: follow us on this journey as we let the healing begin.
53:04
Speaker 4: Have a great night, y'all, and thank you for joining us,