Latest / Interview Prep with Fexingo: Behavioral Questions, Case Studies, and Hiring Manager Insights / How to Handle Illegal Interview Questions
Transcript
- Lucas: So at the start of May, a friend of mine—let’s call her Priya—walked into a second-round interview for a senior marketing role at a mid-sized firm here in Chicago. Luna: Second round, so she’s already cleared the screening and the first interview. They’re clearly interested. Lucas: Exactly. She’s prepared. She has her portfolio, she’s practiced her answers, she’s feeling good. The hiring manager, a guy in his fifties, starts off cordial, then about fifteen minutes in he asks: “So, are you planning to have children anytime soon?” Luna: Oh no. That is not just awkward—that is illegal in most places, including the US, under Title VII of the Civil Rights Act. Lucas: Right. And Priya froze. She later told me she felt like the air left the room. She managed to stammer something like “I’m focused on the role right now,” but it shook her for the rest of the interview. She didn’t get the job, and she’s been wondering ever since: did that question cost her? Luna: It’s a terrible position to be in. You want the job, but you also know that question signals a bias that might affect the whole hiring process. So what should she have done? Lucas: That’s exactly what we’re going to unpack today. What counts as an illegal interview question, why they still happen, and—most importantly—how to respond in the moment without torpedoing your candidacy. Luna: Good. Because freezing is completely understandable, but there are tools you can use. Let’s start with the basics: what is actually off-limits? Lucas: In the United States, federal law prohibits interview questions that touch on race, color, religion, sex—including pregnancy, sexual orientation, and gender identity—national origin, age over 40, disability, or genetic information. Some states add protections for marital status, political affiliation, or military service. Luna: So that includes Priya’s question about children. Also asking about a spouse, your birthdate, whether you have a disability, your country of birth—all off limits. Lucas: Right. But here’s the nuance: a question isn’t automatically illegal if the answer is relevant to the job. For example, asking “Can you work evenings and weekends?” is fine. Asking “Do you have children who might prevent you from working evenings?” is not. Luna: That’s a key distinction. The intent matters, but also the phrasing. So why do interviewers still ask these questions? Is it always malice? Lucas: Sometimes it’s outright bias, sure. But often it’s ignorance. A small business owner who’s never had HR training might think “Let’s build rapport by asking about their family.” Or a manager might be trying to gauge long-term commitment and clumsily ask about retirement plans instead of career goals. Luna: Still doesn’t make it okay, but it does change how you might respond. If you think it’s ignorance, you can gently redirect. If it’s bias, you might want to shut it down or even walk away. Lucas: Let’s talk about strategies. I think there are three main approaches, and which one you choose depends on your read of the situation and how much you want the job. The first is redirecting. Luna: Redirecting meaning you answer the intent behind the question without giving the illegal information. Lucas: Exactly. So if someone asks “Are you planning to have children?”—like Priya—you say something like: “I’m fully committed to being present and productive in this role. Could you tell me more about the travel expectations or the typical work hours?” You answer the need the interviewer has—they probably want to know about your availability—and you steer the conversation back to job-relevant territory. Luna: I like that. It shows composure and professionalism. Another example: if they ask “How old are you?” you could say “I have over a decade of experience in this field, which I think is directly relevant to the challenges you mentioned earlier.” Lucas: That works. The second approach is what I call the polite boundary. This is more direct. You say something like “I’m not comfortable answering that question as it relates to personal information, but I’d be happy to discuss my qualifications further.” It’s firm but not confrontational. Luna: And the third approach is calling it out or walking away. That’s for when you feel the question reveals a deep bias that would affect your work environment regardless. Lucas: Right. You might say “I’m surprised to hear that question—it’s generally not considered appropriate in a professional interview. Could we focus on the role?” If the interviewer doubles down or gets defensive, that’s a red flag. At that point, you have to ask yourself: do I want to work for someone who thinks this is okay? Luna: And sometimes the answer is no. I’ve had listeners tell me they politely ended the interview early because they knew it wasn’t the right fit. That takes guts, but it also saves time. Lucas: Absolutely. And if you do decide to walk, you can do it gracefully. Say “Thank you for your time, but I don’t think this is the right opportunity for me at this time.” You don’t owe them an explanation. Luna: Let’s talk about what happens after the interview. Should you report an illegal question? Lucas: It depends on your goal. If you want to flag it for the company—maybe it’s a good company with a rogue manager—you can contact HR. If you want legal action, you can file a charge with the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission, but you usually have a limited window, like 180 or 300 days depending on your state. Luna: And remember: simply being asked an illegal question doesn’t mean you have a discrimination case. You’d need evidence that you were rejected because of your answer or that the question reflected a pattern. But it’s still worth documenting. Lucas: Right. Keep a record: date, time, who asked, exactly what they said, and any witnesses. If you get a rejection email later, save it. That paper trail is gold if you decide to pursue it. Luna: One more thing: how do you prepare for this? Because you don’t want to be caught off guard. Lucas: Practice. Literally role-play these scenarios with a friend. Have them ask you “Are you married?” or “Do you have any health conditions?” and practice your redirect or boundary statement out loud. It feels awkward, but when it happens live, your brain will thank you. Luna: And if today was actually useful to you—and I hope it was—the way these episodes stay ad-free is listener support. You can buy me a coffee dot com slash fexingo. Lucas: Yeah, it really helps us keep doing deep dives like this without any sponsors or ads. Just a small way to say this kind of content matters to you. Luna: Exactly. So let’s get back to Priya. She ended up not getting the job, and she’ll never know for sure if the question played a role. But she did reach out to a couple of people at the company and learned that the hiring manager had a reputation for that kind of thing. She decided not to report it, but she felt better knowing she hadn’t imagined the bias. Lucas: And that’s a valid choice. Not every battle is worth fighting, especially when you’re in the middle of a job search. The key is to have a plan so you can make a conscious decision in the moment—not feel helpless. Luna: So start with awareness: know your rights. Then practice your responses. And finally, trust your instincts about whether to redirect, set a boundary, or walk away. Lucas: And remember: a good employer wants you to feel respected. If they’re asking illegal questions, that’s a signal about their culture. You deserve to be in a place where you can do your best work without worrying about that. Luna: Well said. Next time, we’ll talk about how to answer “What’s your greatest weakness?” without sounding like you’re reciting a cliché. Lucas: Looking forward to it. For now, if you want a cheat sheet of illegal questions and sample scripts, check the show notes on fexingo.com. Thanks for listening.