Latest / Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families / Raising Kids in a Post-Social-Media World

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Raising Kids in a Post-Social-Media World · Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families

0:05
Speaker 1: Today. Welcome to the Happy Families Podcast. As we inch
0:08
Speaker 1: closer to Christmas, Friday, the twelfth of December. A lot
0:11
Speaker 1: to talk about today. First off, Kylie and I have
0:13
Speaker 1: been away for the last couple of weeks with the family,
0:15
Speaker 1: celebrating my fiftieth birthday, and there is some stuff to
0:18
Speaker 1: talk about when it comes to old do better tomorrow.
0:20
Speaker 1: But as we always do on a Friday, there's a
0:22
Speaker 1: little bit of this week in parenting. Oh my goodness,
0:28
Speaker 1: has Australia gone bonkers? Global attention is on this country
0:32
Speaker 1: as a result of the minimum age legislation for social
0:35
Speaker 1: media with age limits. If you're under sixteen, you can
0:39
Speaker 1: no longer be on social media. I got a little
0:41
Speaker 1: bit of a special invite to a fancy shindig. We're
0:45
Speaker 1: going to talk about that and a whole lot more
0:47
Speaker 1: in today's episode of the podcast. Stay with us until
0:50
Speaker 1: coming up next. Hello. Welcome to the Happy Families podcast,
0:54
Speaker 1: where you get real parenting solutions every single day. This
0:56
Speaker 1: is Australia's most downloaded parenting podcast. My name's stocks Justin Calson.
1:00
Speaker 1: I'm here with this is Happy Families. My wife and
1:02
Speaker 1: mum to our six children, Kylie and Kylie, let's just
1:06
Speaker 1: crack on straight away, because there's so much to talk
1:08
Speaker 1: about and people are busy. This week in parenting, Wednesday.
1:15
Speaker 2: Was a pretty big day across the country, around the world. Hello.
1:20
Speaker 3: We start in Australia because in a few hours time,
1:22
Speaker 3: the Social Media Band for children under the age of
1:25
Speaker 3: sixteen will come into effect. The legislations aimed at protecting
1:29
Speaker 3: children from cyber bullying, online predators and harmful content.
1:34
Speaker 1: The eyes of the world were upon Australia. Social media
1:37
Speaker 1: legislation finally implemented, and.
1:39
Speaker 2: You've got an unexpected special invite. Yeah.
1:43
Speaker 1: I did a little bit of a flex here. I
1:45
Speaker 1: got an email from the Communications Minister her office, Minister Wells,
1:51
Speaker 1: and went to Kiribilly House on Wednesday, the residents of
1:54
Speaker 1: the Prime Minister, with maybe forty or fifty other people
1:57
Speaker 1: to celebrate the implementation of the new legislation.
2:01
Speaker 2: And here we were thinking all of your travel had finished.
2:04
Speaker 1: I know, yeah, last trip of the year, last trip
2:06
Speaker 1: of the year, in and out in one day.
2:08
Speaker 2: You were you said, there's about forty people there. Who
2:12
Speaker 2: was there?
2:13
Speaker 1: So Julian mcgrant, the Safety Commission, who's obviously running the
2:16
Speaker 1: show as well, as the Communications Minister, Anika Wells, the
2:18
Speaker 1: Prime Minister was there and in terms of the people
2:22
Speaker 1: who were invited, I think I was the only quote
2:24
Speaker 1: unquite parenting expert that was there. Mainly it was families
2:28
Speaker 1: who have experienced the devastating impact of where social media
2:31
Speaker 1: goes wrong. So parents who have lost their children because
2:35
Speaker 1: they've been bullied online, or because they've been sex storted online,
2:38
Speaker 1: or because they've just been they've endured horrendous hardship. It
2:42
Speaker 1: was Fitzi and Whipper from Nova in Sydney. Michael Whipley.
2:47
Speaker 1: Whipper was the MC for the day. He has been
2:51
Speaker 1: involved in a not for profit that's been really pushing
2:54
Speaker 1: let's wait thirty six months, let's push it from thirteen
2:56
Speaker 1: to sixteen before kids are online and so and a
3:00
Speaker 1: bunch of the people involved in that work they were there.
3:03
Speaker 1: It was a really really select and really I think important,
3:08
Speaker 1: meaningful group of people who were in attendance.
3:11
Speaker 2: What was the general vibe as you were there with
3:14
Speaker 2: I mean, these parents.
3:16
Speaker 1: Have to stand shoulder, and the shoulder.
3:18
Speaker 2: Experience the unspeakable, the unimaginable, and to be able to
3:26
Speaker 2: be there and not only acknowledge them, but say we
3:30
Speaker 2: want to do something about this.
3:32
Speaker 1: People like Dannie A. Larchi from the Heads Up Alliance,
3:34
Speaker 1: he was there. The vibe was that there were many tears.
3:39
Speaker 1: I mean, these people who have been affected catastrophically, like
3:42
Speaker 1: you said, unspeakably, horrendously, awfully, and to stand beside them
3:48
Speaker 1: was just humbling, honestly. But the vibe was generally so positive.
3:54
Speaker 1: I mean, these are people who were saying, oh gosh,
3:56
Speaker 1: we've been begging for this for years, this thing has happened.
4:00
Speaker 1: The journalists who has really driven the news corps Let
4:04
Speaker 1: Them Be Kids campaign was there running that. I mean,
4:07
Speaker 1: it was just it was a really, really great vibe.
4:09
Speaker 2: You actually haven't shared a lot about the day with me.
4:12
Speaker 2: What was your highlight? Was your take home?
4:15
Speaker 1: What was your Oh? Yeah, So basically we showed up.
4:17
Speaker 1: Everyone has to wait on the street because the police
4:18
Speaker 1: have to let you in and you've got to be
4:20
Speaker 1: checked and everything. And when you I mean we all
4:24
Speaker 1: just showed up. We've got to hang out on the
4:26
Speaker 1: back deck looking out over the harbor, and a few
4:30
Speaker 1: of us snuck inside of the living room and got
4:31
Speaker 1: a photo in front of Elbow's Christmas tree, which is
4:33
Speaker 1: very nice, but basically there was quite a big press
4:36
Speaker 1: conference and then a lot of I guess socializing in
4:40
Speaker 1: the press conference. Two things. Everybody spoke brilliantly. It was
4:44
Speaker 1: so well done, and I wish I could. We don't
4:47
Speaker 1: have time for everybody, but I wish I could talk
4:49
Speaker 1: about everybody's comments. But there was one thing that really
4:53
Speaker 1: stood out to me that the Prime Minister said, and
4:55
Speaker 1: that was as he was drawing his remarks to a close,
4:58
Speaker 1: he was really magnanim and pointed to Peter Dutton, the
5:02
Speaker 1: former opposition leader, and talked about how without his support
5:06
Speaker 1: this wouldn't have happened as well. So this was a
5:08
Speaker 1: real bipartisan effort. And as a political leader who's saying,
5:11
Speaker 1: look what we've done, this is a big deal, aren't
5:13
Speaker 1: we awesome for him to pause and say, this is
5:16
Speaker 1: actually not about politics. This is about our kids. Both
5:19
Speaker 1: sides of politics were behind this, Both sides of politics
5:22
Speaker 1: gave it, they're all It passed. This legislation passed in
5:26
Speaker 1: extraordinarily fast time given the complexities around it, and it
5:30
Speaker 1: was because of the opposition supporting the government in getting
5:33
Speaker 1: it through.
5:34
Speaker 2: So that was just a nation coming together in unity.
5:37
Speaker 1: Yeah, Yeah, that was a genuine highlight. It was sort
5:40
Speaker 1: of a goosebumps moment because you just don't see politicians
5:43
Speaker 1: giving a lot of credit to the opposition very often.
5:46
Speaker 1: The other thing that was a true highlight. I'm going
5:49
Speaker 1: to have him on the podcast next year. I've almost
5:51
Speaker 1: done it a couple of times. There's a wonderful man
5:54
Speaker 1: by the name of Wayne Holdsworth. His son Mac took
5:57
Speaker 1: his life after being sextorted a couple of years go,
6:00
Speaker 1: and he's created a charity and does a lot of
6:03
Speaker 1: work to help save lives. And his work has been
6:06
Speaker 1: directly linked to a large number of kids who have
6:09
Speaker 1: literally said I would not be here today if you
6:12
Speaker 1: hadn't come and talked to me at the school today.
6:14
Speaker 1: This guy's just doing great work. And when I'm getting
6:17
Speaker 1: teary talking about it, when Wayne spoke to the audience
6:20
Speaker 1: and to the press conference, I mean, it was just chills.
6:24
Speaker 1: He was brilliant, and right at the very end he
6:29
Speaker 1: looked up to the heavens and just pointed up and
6:31
Speaker 1: said this is a few Maac, and it was just
6:35
Speaker 1: just heartbreaking. And for me, it just highlighted why this
6:40
Speaker 1: legislation matters so much. You've got all these people who
6:42
Speaker 1: out there saying, oh, it's an infringement on our rights
6:45
Speaker 1: and our civil liberties. This is the government's way to
6:47
Speaker 1: get backdoor into everybody's digital identities. Blah blah blah. No, no,
6:52
Speaker 1: it's actually not. This is about kids. This is about families.
6:55
Speaker 1: This is about parents getting the support they need. This
6:57
Speaker 1: is about making a difference. These are the same people
7:01
Speaker 1: who are complaining, by the way, who probably complain that
7:03
Speaker 1: we have to wear seatbelts, like, get over yourself. This
7:05
Speaker 1: is good legislation. So they were the highlights. They were
7:09
Speaker 1: the things that made it really worth being there.
7:11
Speaker 2: It feels a little bit jarring to kind of move
7:14
Speaker 2: on from that conversation and continue. But we need to
7:19
Speaker 2: in light of the band. What are kids doing now
7:23
Speaker 2: that the band is in place?
7:24
Speaker 1: Yeah? I know so the newspaper's are full of stories
7:26
Speaker 1: about how kids are getting around the band. We knew
7:28
Speaker 1: this would happen. This is not a surprise. The newspaper
7:30
Speaker 1: just loves a scandal. And now the government's done it,
7:32
Speaker 1: they will be higher. But now there's problems with it.
7:35
Speaker 1: No legislation is going to I feel like I'm an
7:36
Speaker 1: apologist for the government. I'm not, but this is we
7:40
Speaker 1: need to give this time. Kids are going to get
7:43
Speaker 1: around around it. Our daughter called me on Wednesday afternoon
7:47
Speaker 1: and said, this is Lily. She's fifteen, she's about to
7:50
Speaker 1: turn sixteen, but at this very moment she's not supposed
7:54
Speaker 1: to be on social media. She said, Dad, I haven't
7:55
Speaker 1: been kicked off the platforms, and it was so beautiful.
7:58
Speaker 1: She said, would you like me to delete them anyway?
8:01
Speaker 1: And I actually said to her, well, because of the podcasting,
8:04
Speaker 1: because we want to be across what's going on, could
8:05
Speaker 1: you just keep it for another few days because we
8:07
Speaker 1: want to see what happens. And so she still hasn't
8:10
Speaker 1: been kicked off, and so this is really interesting for
8:12
Speaker 1: us to watch the way the tech companies are implementing this.
8:17
Speaker 1: The other thing that's happening is that teenagers are using
8:19
Speaker 1: their big brother's face or their for the boys, or
8:22
Speaker 1: the big sisters face of the girls, or they're lying
8:25
Speaker 1: about their age, or they are just transferring to new
8:30
Speaker 1: platforms that are not covered by the band. So in
8:33
Speaker 1: some ways this is going to be a game of
8:34
Speaker 1: whack a mole. But I think over the next two months,
8:37
Speaker 1: three months, six months, twelve months, that's when we're going
8:39
Speaker 1: to see this happen. Like the any legislation, it doesn't
8:43
Speaker 1: just start and everything is right. So that's where we're
8:47
Speaker 1: up to.
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Speaker 2: I also think, though, while it might not necessarily have
8:52
Speaker 2: the impact that we would love it to have on
8:54
Speaker 2: our fourteen fifteen year olds, and now as as a
8:59
Speaker 2: community we become more aware of the dangers, it's the
9:02
Speaker 2: children that are coming up behind this, this teenage group,
9:07
Speaker 2: that are really going to benefit from it if we
9:09
Speaker 2: can back it, if we can actually you know, kind
9:12
Speaker 2: of recognize that handing over a smartphone to a twelve
9:15
Speaker 2: year old is just, you know, kind of asking for trouble.
9:19
Speaker 2: If we can you know, kind of prolong our children
9:22
Speaker 2: getting on too social media platforms. It's the kids that
9:26
Speaker 2: haven't yet experienced it who are actually going to benefit
9:29
Speaker 2: the most from what you guys have been fighting for.
9:33
Speaker 1: Totally, this is a long game. This is not a
9:35
Speaker 1: oh my goodness, the new legislation is in and now
9:37
Speaker 1: everything is fine. It's not even closed.
9:39
Speaker 2: Look at how long it's taken us to get to
9:41
Speaker 2: this point. It's going to take that much time again
9:44
Speaker 2: for us to kind of find the new space that
9:47
Speaker 2: will protect children and the way.
9:48
Speaker 1: We hope Albo made the comment about alcohol is like,
9:52
Speaker 1: we've got a rule, a law, and that is it.
9:54
Speaker 1: If you're under eighteen, you don't drink. Now, there are
9:57
Speaker 1: a million kids a year who are breaking that law,
10:00
Speaker 1: but we've drawn a line in the sand and there
10:02
Speaker 1: is some enforcement. But more than anything, it just gives
10:06
Speaker 1: parents who really want their kids to stay off alcohol.
10:10
Speaker 1: They're able to say, you know what, it's against the law.
10:12
Speaker 1: We're not going to endorse this. We're not going to
10:14
Speaker 1: So that's that's what we're doing. Anyway. That was my
10:17
Speaker 1: that was my wonderful experience at Curabilly, And that's this
10:21
Speaker 1: week in parenting. Big stuff. Up next, let's review our
10:27
Speaker 1: getaway to Queenstown where we ask our children to get
10:32
Speaker 1: on a bike and ride non stop for four days
10:35
Speaker 1: for my birthday. We're back. This is the Happy Families podcast,
10:43
Speaker 1: reparenting solutions every single day. Okay, Kylie, I've been looking
10:48
Speaker 1: forward to Show and Tell, I've been looking forward to
10:50
Speaker 1: newsday and we would have spent a lot more time
10:53
Speaker 1: on the holiday, but it's been a big week with
10:55
Speaker 1: the social media stuff. For my fiftieth we booked a
10:59
Speaker 1: family holiday to go and ride the Otago Rail trail.
11:04
Speaker 2: It was your heart's desire to put us through the ringer.
11:08
Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah, I actually said, we're going to do something
11:10
Speaker 1: hard because our kids don't do enough hard things. For
11:12
Speaker 1: my birthday, We're going to ride one hundred and fifty
11:15
Speaker 1: two kilometers with ten people, you and I, the oldest,
11:17
Speaker 1: our six children, plus our son in law and our
11:18
Speaker 1: two year old granddaughter.
11:20
Speaker 2: So we aged from fifty down.
11:23
Speaker 1: Two yeah, four days, one hundred and fifty two k's.
11:26
Speaker 2: Rain with two riders in the pack.
11:29
Speaker 1: Yeah, you and I are the only ones that actually ride.
11:31
Speaker 1: And we said to the kids, this will be memorable.
11:33
Speaker 1: You'll decide why. That's pretty much how it worked out.
11:36
Speaker 1: This will be memorable. You decide why it will be
11:39
Speaker 1: memorable and how it will be memorable. And it was memorable.
11:43
Speaker 2: Well, I'm going to put you under the bus a
11:45
Speaker 2: little bit. It started off memorable for all the wrong
11:49
Speaker 2: all the wrong reason.
11:50
Speaker 1: Okay, two things. First of all, I was dealing with
11:52
Speaker 1: enduring food poisoning. I bought a barn me from a
11:58
Speaker 1: place in Springwood and in South Brisbane, and oh my goodness,
12:04
Speaker 1: like two weeks later and I was still in all
12:06
Speaker 1: sorts of trouble. But then we arrived at the airport
12:08
Speaker 1: on the morning were supposed to fly to Queenstown to
12:10
Speaker 1: discover that our youngest child, Emily's passport, had expired. So
12:13
Speaker 1: I waved goodbye to you and the rest of the
12:15
Speaker 1: family while Emily and I drive back into Brisbane to
12:17
Speaker 1: the passport office so that we could get an emergency passport.
12:20
Speaker 1: And then we were at the passport office, they wouldn't
12:22
Speaker 1: give me an emergency passport because.
12:24
Speaker 2: If they needed my signature, you need.
12:26
Speaker 1: To consent to our daughter getting a passport. Otherwise it
12:28
Speaker 1: looks like I'm trying to steal our daughter and fly
12:30
Speaker 1: out of the country tomorrow.
12:31
Speaker 2: So the last thing I did on the tarmac was
12:34
Speaker 2: to send you a picture with my passport.
12:37
Speaker 1: With your face, saying I had said let them come,
12:40
Speaker 1: and they said not good enough. And then they told
12:42
Speaker 1: me that because of the time zone difference and when
12:44
Speaker 1: you were landing and you weren't going to be able
12:45
Speaker 1: to talk to the embassy and confirm and consent and
12:47
Speaker 1: we'd have to wait till monday. I was just looked like, well,
12:49
Speaker 1: I might as well. Not good and you forget it.
12:51
Speaker 1: It's over. My fiftieth birthday has just gone down the toilet.
12:55
Speaker 1: Oh my goodness. Anyway, long story short, we found some solutions.
12:58
Speaker 1: They were flexible and work with us, and you got
13:01
Speaker 1: to give consent in a way that was still within
13:04
Speaker 1: the rules, and we got the passport. So Saturday instead
13:06
Speaker 1: of Friday, I flew out to Queenstown.
13:09
Speaker 2: You guys, but that manned that you actually missed the
13:11
Speaker 2: first day of our trail ride.
13:14
Speaker 1: Which sounds like it was the hardest, most brutal, miserable
13:19
Speaker 1: bay on a bike.
13:19
Speaker 2: That it really was. We were riding through thirty kilometer
13:24
Speaker 2: headwinds and to the point where the kids, who are
13:27
Speaker 2: not obviously experienced.
13:29
Speaker 1: Riders, they're not cyclists and they're.
13:30
Speaker 2: Not strong on a bike. They actually had to weave
13:33
Speaker 2: the path. They couldn't drive a straight line like it was.
13:37
Speaker 1: Which is funny because rail trails don't have steep hills
13:40
Speaker 1: like it's the ascent is there. It wasn't the ascent,
13:45
Speaker 1: it was just how it.
13:46
Speaker 2: Was the wind. And so halfway through the ride, I've
13:51
Speaker 2: seen one of the children up ahead, they've stopped. I've
13:54
Speaker 2: shown up. She's having a full blonde panic attack. Is
13:57
Speaker 2: she was an absolute mess, could not breathe, she was
14:00
Speaker 2: losing the plot.
14:02
Speaker 1: And so I had to I've still got another one
14:04
Speaker 1: hundred and twenty seven killed.
14:05
Speaker 2: I'm like, what this always happened when you're not here?
14:07
Speaker 2: So I had to talk her through that. I managed
14:10
Speaker 2: to work my way with her through that, and then not,
14:13
Speaker 2: I don't know, five kilometers up the road, I've caught
14:16
Speaker 2: up with one of our other daughters. And she literally like,
14:20
Speaker 2: I don't know how she stayed upright. She was moving
14:23
Speaker 2: so slowly because the wind was so bad, and she
14:26
Speaker 2: was weaving, and just honestly, how she stood up, I
14:30
Speaker 2: don't know. But she was bawling her eyes out and
14:34
Speaker 2: she just she was like, I can't do this. She said,
14:36
Speaker 2: there is no way I can do this for four days.
14:38
Speaker 2: This is the worst. Like she was just having a
14:41
Speaker 2: melt down.
14:41
Speaker 1: I meanwhile, Emily and I were sitting on the plane
14:43
Speaker 1: flying across the queen's town and thinking, oh, I can't
14:46
Speaker 1: wait to get there.
14:49
Speaker 2: And I thought, if we've got to do four days
14:51
Speaker 2: of this, I just think this is going to be
14:53
Speaker 2: an absolute.
14:54
Speaker 1: We gave this a year's notice and said go out
14:57
Speaker 1: and practice writing, like, spend some time, get some killer
14:59
Speaker 1: me in your legs, improve your fitness so that this
15:02
Speaker 1: is not too hard that I mean, we gave them
15:04
Speaker 1: so much notice and you know how many bike rides
15:06
Speaker 1: they had. Zero They literally didn't get on the bike
15:10
Speaker 1: zero zero.
15:11
Speaker 2: So day two we finally reunited as a whole family.
15:15
Speaker 2: You join us, you've got fresh legs, where like, I'm
15:18
Speaker 2: not sure if we want to do this to go
15:21
Speaker 2: for a big ride. And it was it was Emily's turn.
15:24
Speaker 2: This was day one for her. She's eleven and she
15:27
Speaker 2: rode forty one kilometers. Yeah, I mean, honestly, for a
15:31
Speaker 2: kid who's never done that, let alone not done regular riding,
15:36
Speaker 2: she did.
15:38
Speaker 1: Just exception also got to highlight on both day one
15:42
Speaker 1: and Day two, which were the two hardest days without question,
15:45
Speaker 1: our eldest Chanel and her husband Jared, even though they
15:49
Speaker 1: were dealing with a two year old, super team players,
15:52
Speaker 1: super support. This is the great thing about big kids
15:54
Speaker 1: if they can be a team player. They were happy
15:58
Speaker 1: to ride beside the kids, give them encurry, give them food,
16:01
Speaker 1: give them a push on the back, and help them
16:03
Speaker 1: to keep on going. Like just it was so good
16:07
Speaker 1: to see the team player thing. Oh I forgot to
16:08
Speaker 1: mention this, well, what about the hay fever? Oh my god,
16:11
Speaker 1: I had to buy a box of ninety because the
16:13
Speaker 1: kids faces were swelling out.
16:15
Speaker 2: We were literally watching what do you call those little
16:17
Speaker 2: fluffy things, dandylion, dandylion blow things. They were literally just
16:24
Speaker 2: like through the whole sky. And some of our kids
16:28
Speaker 2: don't actually suffer from hay fever generally, they were going nuts.
16:33
Speaker 2: But our one daughter, who actually does suffer fairly regularly,
16:36
Speaker 2: face was puffy, case was puffy, her eyes were just
16:39
Speaker 2: she was in agony. And I did forget to mention
16:45
Speaker 2: because this is actually a highlight for me when our
16:48
Speaker 2: daughter was having the big meltdown on day one. I've
16:51
Speaker 2: talked to her lots about, you know, kind of the
16:54
Speaker 2: idea that at any moment in time, any event that
16:57
Speaker 2: we experienced, it is not it's a new mutual experience.
17:00
Speaker 2: It's not positive or negative until we decide.
17:03
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's our cognition is Yeah. The values or the
17:06
Speaker 1: ideas or the way that we choose to interpret it
17:09
Speaker 1: that makes it good about it?
17:10
Speaker 2: Yeah. And so I said to her, I know that
17:12
Speaker 2: what you're doing is really hard right now, I said,
17:15
Speaker 2: We're all doing it hard. We've all got different thresholds
17:19
Speaker 2: for hard, but we're doing it hard. And I said,
17:21
Speaker 2: so knowing and understanding that our thoughts matter, what's another
17:26
Speaker 2: thought that you could have right now that would be
17:28
Speaker 2: helpful because the one you're having is crushing your soul.
17:33
Speaker 1: Other than I.
17:36
Speaker 2: And she literally screamed at me on the track and
17:39
Speaker 2: she said, it.
17:41
Speaker 1: Doesn't make any difference.
17:43
Speaker 2: She was so mad. It was interesting because three days later,
17:47
Speaker 2: I'm on the track and I'm done. I've got no
17:50
Speaker 2: purp in my step. I was really struggling, and she
17:53
Speaker 2: kind of slowed down so she could catch up with me,
17:55
Speaker 2: and she's like, Mommy, how are you doing? And I said, actually,
17:58
Speaker 2: you know what, I'm doing a bit tough today. And
18:01
Speaker 2: she kind of looked at me and she said, make
18:04
Speaker 2: sure you choose good thoughts and write off. And I thought,
18:08
Speaker 2: the irony this kid who told me two days earlier
18:12
Speaker 2: that thoughts didn't make made no difference.
18:15
Speaker 1: Well, the funny thing about that, as well, is that
18:17
Speaker 1: I caught up with her writing beside our youngest eimily
18:22
Speaker 1: literally having exactly the same conversation with her. You get
18:24
Speaker 1: to choose your thoughts. I'm right here with you. You've
18:27
Speaker 1: got this. You've been so strong all the way. But
18:29
Speaker 1: this was the thing and this is why I wanted
18:31
Speaker 1: to do the holiday. By the way, the views were stunning.
18:34
Speaker 1: It wasn't all hard. The kids came together really well
18:37
Speaker 1: and we had experiences that we will remember for the
18:39
Speaker 1: rest of our lives. And the critical thing for me
18:43
Speaker 1: is the kids came together, they supported each other, they
18:48
Speaker 1: worked on hard things and genuinely the highlight for me
18:53
Speaker 1: was when we got in the bus and we had
18:55
Speaker 1: like a two and a half hour drive back to Queenstown.
18:57
Speaker 1: It was all over three hour drive back to Queenstown.
18:59
Speaker 1: When it was done, we went around the bus because
19:03
Speaker 1: the ten of us filled up the bus and we
19:05
Speaker 1: said to all the kids, well, what were your highlights?
19:08
Speaker 1: And they all they just spoke in such glowing terms
19:11
Speaker 1: about how much they'd loved the holiday, the bike riding.
19:15
Speaker 1: They loved the fact that they did something hard, that
19:17
Speaker 1: they were away from their screens. They were doing something
19:19
Speaker 1: that was incompatible with being on a screen, and it
19:22
Speaker 1: felt freeing for them. But the absolute best feedback of
19:27
Speaker 1: all was that several of the kids said, we'd like
19:31
Speaker 1: to do something like this again. When can we book
19:37
Speaker 1: another trip?
19:38
Speaker 2: For me, I look at all of these little moments
19:41
Speaker 2: and I honestly I do wish that we'd had a
19:44
Speaker 2: videographer follow us because there were so many moments where
19:49
Speaker 2: two children were riding side by side and one had
19:52
Speaker 2: a hand on the back of the other because they
19:54
Speaker 2: were struggling, or there was three across the path, or
19:58
Speaker 2: just you know, the baby on the side of the
20:00
Speaker 2: road decided she just had had enough and needed to
20:02
Speaker 2: she was going to walk the pass.
20:04
Speaker 1: The two year old meltdowns were pretty spectacular.
20:06
Speaker 2: She was going to walk the past. She was done
20:08
Speaker 2: ridings is going to walk.
20:10
Speaker 1: That's rough. You're two years old. You're sitting in the
20:12
Speaker 1: back of one of those carriages, or you're sitting on
20:13
Speaker 1: a baby seat on the back of a bike. It's cold,
20:16
Speaker 1: you're not exercising like the whole nobody's talking to you
20:20
Speaker 1: because you're behind. Yeah, this was a This was a
20:24
Speaker 1: real challenge for Shanel, Jared and Indy and everyone did
20:27
Speaker 1: it with flying colors. It was just such a treat.
20:30
Speaker 1: I can't recommend it highly enough. The Otago Rail Trail,
20:32
Speaker 1: it's not sponsored, we don'tet anything for it. We didn't
20:34
Speaker 1: get a discount for the thing. We paid full freight
20:36
Speaker 1: and it was not the cheapest trip we've ever done,
20:40
Speaker 1: but it was. It was a highlight. It was a
20:43
Speaker 1: real delight, and I'm excited about doing another thing like
20:46
Speaker 1: that again as well.
20:47
Speaker 2: So, if you were going to round out the holiday,
20:50
Speaker 2: what's your take home message?
20:53
Speaker 1: Doing things that are incompatible with screens and that are
20:56
Speaker 1: challenging a vastly better than sitting on a beach and
21:02
Speaker 1: staring at a screen and doing nothing. That's really what
21:06
Speaker 1: it is, and the way the kids responded to it
21:09
Speaker 1: is what really drives that home for me. I mean,
21:11
Speaker 1: the reality is I would much rather go on a
21:13
Speaker 1: surfing trip and please myself, right, I'd much rather just
21:17
Speaker 1: eat nice food by the beach. I get I get it,
21:20
Speaker 1: But from a I'd rather choose enlargement rather than happiness,
21:24
Speaker 1: and this was enlarging, and not just for me but
21:27
Speaker 1: for the whole family. I cannot. I was gonna say,
21:31
Speaker 1: I can't think of a better fiftieth birthday present. I
21:33
Speaker 1: actually can. I'm not gonna lie I can, but I'm
21:37
Speaker 1: not going to go into that here. I'm really glad
21:39
Speaker 1: that we chose to do it, and another trip like
21:42
Speaker 1: that is very much on my agenda. I'm already looking
21:45
Speaker 1: at options and Emily can't wait to do it in Japan,
21:48
Speaker 1: So that's what I'm looking at. Okay, I mean it
21:51
Speaker 1: might takes few years to sleep up.
21:53
Speaker 2: He gonna ask me what might take on?
21:55
Speaker 1: Oh yes, of course. I'm so sorry. We're out of
21:57
Speaker 1: time and I was about to wrap it up, but
21:59
Speaker 1: let's just wrap it up with your take home message.
22:02
Speaker 2: So as we did debrief with the kids on our
22:05
Speaker 2: last night around the fire, I asked them.
22:08
Speaker 1: So funny, here we are sitting in the middle of
22:10
Speaker 1: an Australian hot summer, and two weeks ago we were
22:13
Speaker 1: literally sitting around the fire going, oh my goodness, that's
22:16
Speaker 1: so gold.
22:17
Speaker 2: We had friends do this trip and that's why we
22:19
Speaker 2: decided to do it.
22:20
Speaker 1: Yeah.
22:20
Speaker 2: They described it as idyllic. You know, the weather was perfect.
22:24
Speaker 2: We literally rode through rain and you know, eight degrees
22:28
Speaker 2: and like I said, thirty kilometer head wind. It was
22:31
Speaker 2: so hard. But when I asked them what their biggest
22:34
Speaker 2: learning was, one of the kids just said, I'm so
22:38
Speaker 2: grateful that you taught us from such a young age
22:41
Speaker 2: that we can do hard things. She said, because this
22:43
Speaker 2: was really hard and I didn't want to come. And
22:47
Speaker 2: she said, but I did something really hard and it
22:49
Speaker 2: feels good.
22:50
Speaker 1: And this is resilience building right and.
22:54
Speaker 2: For me, outside of putting them into an uncomfortable setting
22:59
Speaker 2: and asking them to do something hard, what I loved
23:03
Speaker 2: the most and my take home is that when we're
23:08
Speaker 2: willing to show up, we get to have experiences that
23:12
Speaker 2: edify and build relationships. And coming from backgrounds and families
23:20
Speaker 2: where often there are individuals who choose not to show up,
23:25
Speaker 2: that is the greatest blessing in my life in yours,
23:30
Speaker 2: I love that our kids choose to come on.
23:32
Speaker 1: The Happy Families podcast is produced by Justin Ruland from
23:34
Speaker 1: Bridge Media. Mim Hammond's provides research and admin and a
23:38
Speaker 1: whole lot of other support and if you would like
23:39
Speaker 1: more information about making your family happier, we'd love for
23:42
Speaker 1: you to visit us at happy families dot com dot
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Speaker 1: a