Transcript

0:00
What's up everybody?
0:01
Welcome back to another episode of the Christian Agent Podcast.
0:05
I'm excited for you all to be here today with me with an incredible guest, Ashley McDougall.
0:09
We're gonna get to her in just a second.
0:12
And you all know how much it means to me to tell the dad joke, but I am so humble, obviously, as our audience knows Ashley.
0:22
So I'm going to defer that to Ashley today.
0:24
In just a moment, you're gonna wanna stick around.
0:26
And here, it's not a joke, it's a hilarious story from her time in children's ministry.
0:30
You're going to want to stick around for that.
0:32
I'm excited for us today to talk about balance and is balance a myth and what does that look like pre-show as Ashley and I were talking, she said she made a commitment not to regret a moment.
0:42
And we're going to dive in and unpack that today because we both know, Ashley and I both know how elusive this idea of balance is in the real estate world and how much the industry wants you to say.
0:53
just spend all your time selling homes and we're gonna judge success whether you sell more than the person next to you, not whether you were home at dinner or present with your kids.
1:00
So we're gonna talk about that and how as believers we can follow the Lord's way, not the world's way.
1:06
And we're gonna try to encourage you in that today.
1:08
But before we dive in as a reminder, I've got a free online school for Christian agents to help you sell three to four homes a month.
1:15
I hope that you'll go check that out.
1:17
If you haven't, it's in the show notes, SKOOL.
1:20
click the link for the school, totally free to you.
1:21
I coach on there every Wednesday.
1:23
Would love for you all to participate and be part of that.
1:25
So before I introduce Ashley, I'm gonna let you hear her story first and then do the introduction.
1:32
That's a little bit of a backwards way to do it, but let's do that, Ashley.
1:35
So tell us the story from your time in children's ministry.
1:39
Go ahead and share that with us.
1:41
Yeah, so I was very, very new in children's ministry, not even a year in, and all of a sudden I teach this kindergarten class of girls, and they're all these stunning young girls, and one of them comes to me and she says, Miss McDougal, Miss Ashley, I can babysit the class if you need to.
2:01
And I said, well, thanks so much.
2:03
I'd love your help.
2:05
She goes, well, I babysit my little sister when my mom and dad are doing taxes in the bathroom.
2:10
But now, but go to them when they picked them up and I was, when they picked the girls up, said, so you guys don't have an IRS problem because you guys are doing taxes in the bathroom when Sophie is babysitting.
2:23
That's fantastic.
2:24
That is fantastic.
2:26
Just so many things.
2:27
Great about that story.
2:29
I couldn't come up with a joke that's better than that.
2:31
So thank you for sharing that.
2:33
Ashley Ashley McDougal runs the cell seven five seven team.
2:37
She's actually in my backyard and we just figure that out as we hopped on this call.
2:41
She's the co-founder of women to women, which I want y'all to hear about.
2:45
She started in real estate at age 19 doing mortgages.
2:49
and she is the wife of her high school boyfriend and mom of two boys.
2:53
We are so excited Ashley that you're here.
2:55
Thank you for joining me today on the show and I'd love for you to introduce yourself.
3:02
Thank you so much for having me.
3:03
I'm so excited.
3:04
I love the community that you've grown and having people that are like minded that you can do arm and you can go arm and arm with in this crazy world called real estate is so, so important.
3:17
so I'm Ashley McDougall.
3:19
I like, like you said, I run cell seven, five, seven.
3:22
I'm here in Suffolk.
3:24
I was born and raised in Norfolk, married to my high school boyfriend.
3:28
I have two boys.
3:29
We are getting ready to embark on some really big life things.
3:33
So my oldest is graduating college and my youngest is almost a senior in high school.
3:39
So while those seem really, really great, we're going to be empty nesters really soon.
3:46
So we have some really big important moments coming up that are moments that you can't miss.
3:53
So we're super excited.
3:55
I love selling real estate.
3:58
it's been a passion of mine for years, but it's not the actual selling part of it.
4:04
It's being a part of a really big life journey or life goal of people's and just being a very small part of that has been so, I just have had an enjoyed every minute of.
4:19
That's awesome.
4:20
you, so you get in at age 19, right?
4:22
You get into mortgages.
4:23
I think you said your mom was in real estate beforehand.
4:26
How did you get there?
4:27
Was it, you just figured you follow your mom, you follow her footsteps and go right into the real estate world.
4:32
Just give me a background kind of how you even got to where you are running your own team.
4:37
Yeah, so it's funny story.
4:39
So my mom's lender at the time, he actually came to me and he said, you know, actually, you're really smart.
4:46
I was going to school for radiology.
4:49
Thought that was going to be the life thing.
4:51
I was going to just do that for a living.
4:54
And lo and behold, he offers me this job.
4:57
I cannot turn down.
4:59
I'm 20 years or 19 years old, almost 20.
5:02
and I'm making way more money than all of my friends and I'm just doing mortgages and I could not, I could not believe the opportunity.
5:11
Well, from there I grew to processing mortgages.
5:15
Then I went to originating mortgages.
5:18
And so it just progressively got, I got higher in the ladder, higher in the ladder.
5:23
And then it got boring.
5:26
To be honest, it got boring.
5:28
And so, I said, you know what, I'm 25 years old.
5:31
have so much more life to live.
5:34
I called my husband one day.
5:35
said, you what, I'm going to be a real estate agent.
5:38
I said, I'm going to go see my girlfriend in Texas for a weekend.
5:42
She had just had a baby.
5:43
I said, when I get back, I'm starting real estate school and I'm going be a realtor.
5:48
So, but let me just say it was easier for him to be on board with that because I was already on commission.
5:54
So a lot of people have that hard.
5:57
Yeah, so it wasn't like I was getting a paycheck anyway.
6:01
It was commissioned anyway.
6:03
that's what I did.
6:04
And then we grew so fast.
6:08
And I honestly didn't want to have a team.
6:12
It was just the amount of people that I knew that needed a leader in this industry and in this market to be taught how to do it right.
6:22
And so that's when I started the team.
6:25
And I actually had my pastor on my team at one point.
6:30
So it's been fun.
6:34
I had a very large team.
6:35
I got rid of that large team about two years ago, kind of down, downscaled a little bit.
6:42
We're not as big as we used to be.
6:45
But I think everybody kind of did that last year.
6:48
Yeah, fair point.
6:49
Right.
6:49
Exactly.
6:50
Yeah.
6:51
And so what we're going to dive into, and I agree with you, what we're going to dive into, because as Ashley and I were talking pre-show again, her words were she made a commitment not to regret a moment.
7:02
And so we want to talk about the elusive idea of balance.
7:05
And specifically, I wanted her to talk about it because I recognize that the challenge that a mom has in real estate is different than what I have or what it...
7:14
what a dad has or a single person might have.
7:16
And if you're any of those in that category, it doesn't mean you can't listen and be encouraged by this.
7:21
I hope you will and be encouraged and be challenged by what we might say.
7:25
But the reality is I think a mom has a very unique challenge and there's a lot of moms in real estate.
7:32
And the reality that I see from a husband perspective, my wife is a stay at home mom, praise God for that, for all the kids, right?
7:39
She homeschools, that job is hard enough.
7:41
but all the friends I have who are moms and real estate agents, the challenge of always feeling like, how do I live up to any of those things?
7:50
You know, if I'm, you know, out there showing houses and I'm doing a deal, well, maybe I'm not doing laundry or getting dinner ready or not taking my kids to soccer, but whatever it is, whatever those extra pressures are that you might have.
8:02
So kick us off, Ashley, this idea of the balance, right?
8:06
Your kids are older.
8:07
You've got two older boys.
8:08
When did you start kind of.
8:10
really focusing on this to make this commitment not to regret a moment?
8:14
Was it from an experience you had where you did miss something and you realized that?
8:18
How did you come to say, I can't miss any more moments.
8:21
Let's start there.
8:22
Then we'll talk about what did you do about it?
8:23
So how did you come to that realization?
8:26
Yeah, that's so good.
8:28
So early in my career, I think I got a realtor magazine.
8:32
It was some magazine that was really focused on real estate and realtors.
8:37
And in that magazine was an article about a woman who was dropping her daughter off for college.
8:42
Now at that point, my kids were very, very young.
8:45
I don't even think my oldest was in middle school at that time.
8:49
And I read it and I thought, man, that has to be heartbreaking driving away from dropping your daughter off at college and feeling like you regret not spending the weekends with her or not doing whatever with them.
9:03
So from that moment on, that article has stuck with me from that day.
9:08
And now we go in into high school and my son wrestles.
9:11
He's a collegiate wrestler and leading up to that, obviously he had to wrestle in middle school.
9:17
He wrestled in high school and I committed to myself.
9:20
I was never going to miss a wrestling match.
9:23
was not a little bit of fear.
9:25
Like I needed to be there in case he got hurt.
9:28
But a lot of bit of just, a lot of bit of just, I don't want to miss what's important to him.
9:35
So what I did is I asked both of my boys, what are most important things in your life right now?
9:42
And we constantly re-upped those lists.
9:45
What's most important?
9:46
And if they wrote wrestling is most important, then I said, okay, wrestling is most important to me too.
9:52
If, Like my youngest, it was very important for him for me to be home when he got off the bus.
9:58
So in my calendar, every day I had an appointment set for when he got off the bus, there was an hour block that I would be home to be there.
10:09
And I would go back out and do appointments afterward, but I was at least there to get him off the bus.
10:15
checking in with my boys and seeing what's important to them and making that equally as important to me has helped me feel like I'm not missing out because I know what's important to them.
10:27
I put that on my calendar as well.
10:29
And so the little things that I'm missing or the things that I am missing aren't really big, big things to them either.
10:36
So it's kind of that love language.
10:40
I know you've read the five love languages.
10:43
Have you?
10:45
yeah, it's a good one.
10:47
So it's kind of the same thing.
10:49
know we're like for my husband and I, I would always think, he just wants me to sit on the couch with him or he wants me.
10:56
But if you're not in tune with what really is their love language, you miss it.
11:01
And then you do start regretting it because you feel like you've missed out.
11:05
so having my boys write down what is most important, where do they want to see me?
11:11
And most like, do they want me at the wrestling matches?
11:14
Do they want me at all the teacher conferences?
11:16
Where do they want me?
11:17
And then making sure I put that in my calendar first before anything else.
11:22
That has been huge for us.
11:24
Yeah, I love that as a question.
11:26
And first I'll say my only problem with the five love languages is that he missed the sixth love language, which is donuts.
11:34
That should be in the revised edition, if you ask me, Ashley.
11:37
But other than that, think it's great.
11:39
No, so I love that as a question.
11:41
What's most important in your life right now?
11:43
And that applies, right, for our audience.
11:46
That applies to anybody.
11:47
If you're a husband, if you're a wife, if you're a mom, if you're a dad, if you're single, the people that are important in your life.
11:52
I think one of the problems that we have, and I'll tell a story actually, because it makes me think about it, is I had come to my wife relatively early on in my career.
11:59
think we maybe had our oldest at the time and that was it.
12:02
And I'm working and I'm selling a lot of homes and saying, hey, we're going to make money.
12:06
We're going to be able to buy this rental property and that.
12:08
And, you know, certainly everybody's driven by money, but I wasn't obsessed with it necessarily.
12:12
I just want to do more more and more.
12:14
was kind of in that crazy ambition mode without any guard rails.
12:18
And so I'm working, working, working.
12:20
And for whatever reason, I forget what day it is or what time of year it is, but I come to my wife one day and I say, Hey, wait a minute.
12:28
I never asked you a question.
12:30
If it takes us 10 years longer to get here, but I get to be home more.
12:35
Is that what you want?
12:36
Or do you want me to be working this much so I can get us there really fast?
12:41
And she was like, I want you to take longer so you can be home.
12:44
it was, I never asked you, I just assumed that you wanted what I wanted.
12:48
And we were on the same page.
12:50
Right?
12:50
So.
12:50
I love that just the discipline to ask the question, what's most important to you in your life right now?
12:56
Where do you want me to show up?
12:57
Because how easy would it be to show up in the places that they didn't necessarily need us to show up and we miss the things that they did need us to show up in.
13:05
So, excuse me, love that as a question.
13:08
So you start putting that in your calendar.
13:10
Your boys are young, right?
13:11
I think you said your oldest, maybe in middle school, you start asking that question.
13:15
So.
13:16
you start putting those things in your calendar.
13:18
What was happening then?
13:20
Because in real estate, everyone thinks they get all of our time all the time.
13:23
So what was happening when someone would say, hey, I want you to come show a house for me at three o'clock, whatever time pickup was, how are you handling that kind of conversation?
13:35
So I have a communication policy that I have with all of my clients and it talks about what's their preferred type of communication.
13:43
But in there, it tells them that my family time is just as important as their family time.
13:49
And here are the things that I, here are the hours that I'm available and here are the hours that I'm not.
13:55
And that changes.
13:57
Right now, I'm almost, like I said earlier, I'm almost an empty nester, so I'm pretty available now.
14:03
But during those times, I would say from three to five, I'm at home cooking dinner, getting my kids off the bus, but 5.30, we can get back on the road.
14:12
Or you give me a call at 5.30, I made boundaries and made it abundantly clear to my clients that I'm not ignoring you, but I'm doing what's best for my family at this time.
14:23
But I do want to circle back and say one more thing about asking the boys what is most important for them and their time.
14:32
I also coupled that with who were three other people in your life that if I wasn't there, you would want to be there.
14:40
And so I made them identify other influencers in their life so that if I couldn't be at one of the most important events, if they were, we had like a pastor, a youth pastor that my oldest loved or his wrestling coach, I would ask them to go to the event or be a part of it or.
14:59
or text Andrew and say, Hey buddy, I hope you do great at your wrestling match.
15:02
Whatever the case may be, I would get those three people that are, that he felt were influencers in his life to be a part of it when I couldn't be there.
15:11
And so that helped a lot with the times when I just couldn't be there.
15:18
That's so good.
15:19
I remember listening to, it was a podcast or a book or something.
15:23
And whoever it was is just sharing this idea that, not everybody always says time is create all time is equal.
15:31
And he said, that's not true.
15:32
And he was talking about being a dad.
15:34
think he was a dad to four kids like I am right now.
15:36
And he says, not all time is created equal.
15:39
When my kids are young, that time is more precious than when my kids are older or like you said, actually, when my kids are out of the house.
15:47
It's not that a day doesn't equal a day.
15:49
It's that my kids, when they're young, need dad to be present more than they do when he, when they're older and they're out doing their own thing.
15:57
Or like you said, when they're empty nesters, you still want to show up, but it's a different type of showing up.
16:03
And I remember listening to that, hearing that when I was a couple of years ago and my kids were still pretty, I they're still really young, right?
16:10
The oldest is seven, but and realizing that's totally true.
16:14
know, I think we kind of live and we talk about balance, Asha, I'd love for you to speak to this, but we kind of live in this environment where, again, it feels like we, if I, if in 10 years from now, I could be doing X, Y, and Z with my time, I should be doing that right now too.
16:29
Why can't I fill in the blank, right?
16:32
Why can't I run a business and start a new business and...
16:36
start a nonprofit and why can't I show up to these events and why can't I be home having dinner and why can't I see my friends and all of these things and the reality is it's just not possible, right?
16:47
Balance exists from my perspective.
16:49
I love you speak to it.
16:51
Balance exists from my perspective by only by me being really intentional with what I want to show up to, right?
17:00
Where should my energy go?
17:02
not to where everybody wants it to go, that it's going to require you to say no to a lot of things and maybe even disappoint some people.
17:11
But when I look at it for me, I think I'd rather disappoint them, not that I want to, but I'd rather disappoint them than my family because my kids can't go get another dad, but that person can go get another speaker and it's okay.
17:25
And I don't want to miss those either because I'm, you know, I like that kind of stuff, but who do I need to make that choice for?
17:32
And I think it requires that really intentional discipline to say, who do I need to be showing up for?
17:40
Or like you said, what's most important in your life right now?
17:42
Where do I need to be showing up?
17:44
And then nothing else takes precedence over that.
17:46
And that's a discipline.
17:48
But what do you think?
17:49
mean, that's my perspective.
17:50
Balance really only comes from knowing what to say no to.
17:53
Because we're agents, right?
17:54
We're good at saying yes to everything.
17:56
We're good at thinking we're going to be able to do everything.
17:58
And it's all going to be great.
17:59
We're walking miracles.
18:01
it's going to be amazing and don't worry i can solve all your problems and i do all the things look how great i am right and that's just not true it's not the reality that we live so how do you think when you look at this idea of balance right how do you achieve balance if you will and we'll dive into what that means but how would you achieve balances by saying no Yo, there is so much power in the word no.
18:28
And I mean that in the most gracious, full of love way.
18:33
Because if you do not know how to say no, you're constantly saying yes, and you are running on empty.
18:41
And we cannot minister, we cannot give, we cannot even be great agents if we're not in the overflow.
18:48
So currently in my life, knowing my balance and figuring out where I need to spend my time is I realized that there was a gaping hole of who am I?
19:02
When the kids were all grown up, like my kids are a little bit older and now they're ones in college, ones in high school, I have a lot of free time, we'll say.
19:13
And through that, lost, you know, as a woman, as a woman in real estate and as a mom, you tend to lose the friendships because you grow out of that season or your kids are no longer playing that sport.
19:27
So I decided to grow this community of women that I could actually start putting more energy and time in because I needed that time.
19:36
It wasn't just being around there for my kids, but being there for me.
19:39
So I actually started a group with another girlfriend called Women to Women two years ago.
19:46
It was this audacious idea.
19:48
And it was just creating a space where women could literally just be women.
19:53
leave our titles at the door.
19:55
There's tons of real estate agents in there.
19:57
It's not a lead gen.
19:59
We're not buying leads for each other or nothing like that.
20:03
We talk about what's the best mascara.
20:06
Where should we go when we go to Disney?
20:08
You know, all of the things that women talk about and we just come arm in arm with each other and be helpmates to make life better for each other.
20:17
So.
20:18
We started this thing and it's a really cool idea.
20:20
We'll have like 50 ladies and that'll be great.
20:22
Like we'll totally be wonderful with 50.
20:25
Well, we're up to 1500 women in the Hampton Roads area.
20:29
And we are starting a chapter in Suffolk now.
20:32
We've been doing Chesapeake and Virginia Beach.
20:35
And it has been one of the one places in my monthly schedule that I can fully be engaged and be myself.
20:43
I'm not on.
20:45
I'm not Ashley the realtor, I'm not Ashley the mom, I'm not Ashley the wife, I'm Ashley.
20:51
And so it is so good to have a spot like that in your life because if you don't, you just are always constantly running that hamster wheel of what's the next hat that I'm wearing.
21:06
so community, as we all know, communities, we were made for community.
21:12
And in creating those spaces where, yes, there may be business that comes out of it, but what's more that comes out of it is friendships and being able to be with other women who are dealing with the same things that I am.
21:26
Either they're the season above me or they're the season below me where I can minister to them or the ones that have already gone through kids graduating college, they speak to me.
21:36
And so that's where it really gets so fun.
21:39
is when you get to a spot in life where you have created those boundaries and you know what needs to happen and now it's time for you.
21:48
And that's where I'm at is this the three o'clock that I needed to get him off the bus, he drives now.
21:53
So I get to be at three o'clock and I get to be at women to women.
21:58
That's great.
21:59
I love that, you know, the reality of that.
22:02
think that's a unique challenge for women.
22:06
And I could be wrong.
22:07
Not that I don't have a hard time trying to find time for myself as well.
22:12
But I think for women and moms in particular, I know for my wife, it feels so challenging for her to take any time to just go rest.
22:23
know, the times that I've encouraged her, like, babe, please just leave the house.
22:26
I got it.
22:27
I have to take the kids out, know, take them on a hike so she can get some downtime or take them to my dad's house for the weekend so that she can just have quiet.
22:37
And because it feels, think, again, not that the husband, we have our own challenges, but not that the husband doesn't, but that the wife and the mom feels the specific challenge of having to show up for every, yeah, mom guilt.
22:51
Yeah, there you go.
22:52
And that's there.
22:54
And then you tack on top of that.
22:56
real estate and it's you've got these kids want you, your husband needs something, your house needs something and your clients need something.
23:03
Right.
23:03
I mean, that to me feels like a recipe of going crazy and burnout.
23:08
and so you've got to have times like that where you just shut it down and just show up and have fun and be yourself and not try to be anything else.
23:16
Right.
23:16
I think it's exhausting for us, all of us, every person, whether you're a mom or dad, it doesn't matter who you are to try to put a hat on.
23:25
all the time and be something for somebody.
23:28
It is challenging.
23:29
is difficult.
23:30
It's not possible.
23:31
There needs to be time where you just relax, just be yourself, just show up and be authentic to who you are and not try to be anything other than that.
23:40
Right.
23:40
Why do you think that?
23:42
Go ahead.
23:43
well, I think that though, though we say that, you know, that's, we have to run the hamster rail.
23:49
We have to do this.
23:50
The truth of the matter is if the clients that you have in real estate truly care for you and truly are Ashley's number one fan, you know, They know, they know me as a person.
24:06
They know where my heart is and they know if I'm with my family or I'm on the wrestling mat or I'm doing something like that, they understand I'm gonna get right back to you.
24:16
But right now I need this moment with my kid.
24:19
And so, and I say that because just recently we, as in last Thursday, we had senior night for my oldest, so wrestling.
24:29
They announce all the seniors, they bring us out and we take pictures on the mat and they give the moms flowers.
24:35
And literally one of my clients, I haven't sold them a house in probably five years, framed the picture and mailed it to me.
24:42
And she said, I know this is the most important night you had this week and I just wanted to make sure you knew that I saw it.
24:49
So, know, when you have clients that are the same as you and like-minded, And most of the time, if you work off a referral or you work your sphere, you do tend to have people who are like that and you can inspire them by creating those proper boundaries as well.
25:07
You know, so I just want to put that out there that not only are we there to be good realtors and get them the best deal for the house and sell their house the most and not leave a dollar on the table when we're selling their house, but we also can teach them and inspire our clients by how we do our business and how we manage our family during that.
25:28
So good.
25:30
I remember early in my career I would say to clients, you here's my, like you said, here's my hours, here's when I'm available.
25:37
And I would say Wednesday night is date night.
25:38
You won't be able to get a hold of me.
25:40
And you know, Saturdays is my appointment only, Sundays I don't work unless we're actively negotiating.
25:45
And a couple of thoughts around that.
25:47
I was amazed how many agents would comment when they'd call me and they're my, that's what my voicemail said too.
25:53
And they'd be like, wow, good for you for putting that on there.
25:55
I'm like, why aren't you?
25:56
You know, why do we have to believe what the industry says, which is, need to be available 24-7?
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No, you don't.
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That's not true.
26:04
We have this unique advantage.
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We have challenges, I think, as believers in this industry, because we have to operate with integrity, tell the truth, right?
26:12
All of those things that, you know, make it a quote unquote disadvantage for us to some degree.
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But we have a very unique advantage, which is if we honor the Lord with our time and do the things that He's called us to do.
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which would be our walk with the Lord for me, my wife, or for you, your husband, and then our kids, and then our work.
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If we honor him in that way, he can build our business, right?
26:33
He can be actively building it for us and he will.
26:37
And so we need to know that it's totally okay.
26:40
And I would say necessary for you to set boundaries with your clients.
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And I would always tell them, because I assumed that they would ask and then no one ever cared, but.
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I assumed that they would say, what if I need you on Wednesday night?
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So I would just say, here's the truth.
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If I can't take care of my family well, I certainly can't take care of yours.
26:59
And everyone would like, that's a good point.
27:00
They respect that, right?
27:01
It's, you know, agents, if you're listening, it's not the client, it's you.
27:06
You're the problem, but you're also the solution.
27:09
And the solution is you set boundaries and you set, you can't call a doctor's office and say, I need help.
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I'm coming in tomorrow night at 8 p.m.
27:17
And they're like, no, you aren't.
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You say, when's your next available appointment?
27:20
I'll make it work.
27:21
That's how the world works.
27:23
We have to realize the industry has been telling us for so long, hey, you know what success is?
27:29
Throw everything away.
27:30
Who cares?
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Sell a million bajillion homes and make a ton of money.
27:35
That's success.
27:36
We're going to put you on stage.
27:37
You're going to be on the panels.
27:38
You're going to speak at all the events.
27:39
You're going to do all the things and everyone's going to love you except the people that you actually care love you.
27:44
But that's success.
27:45
It's okay.
27:45
Don't worry about that.
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That's not.
27:47
biblical worldview, and that's not what the Bible says is success.
27:51
So even backing away from that and looking and saying, what does success actually look like for me from a biblical perspective?
27:59
You know, was talking to actually another Ashley.
28:02
We had her on the show, Ashley, and many months ago, and I remember her talking about that she has specific, she's got young kids at home and she's homeschooling and doing those things.
28:12
And she specifically has chosen not to sell more than 10 homes a year.
28:17
and I said why not she said because if I do then I can't fulfill my actual priorities from a biblical perspective like praise God for that we need to put you on stage not the person that gave up their family and sold a billion homes we need to put you on stage that said you know what I made it important what was actually important and I love coming back to what you said earlier that.
28:40
no go ahead God honors that discipline.
28:44
He honors, God honors that we put Him first versus what the world tells us.
28:51
And I'll tell you, in all fairness, there was years where I did really, really well financially, but it was really, really lonely.
29:00
Really lonely.
29:01
I had no friends.
29:03
I barely made it to church because I was cranking them out, you know, and it was incredibly lonely.
29:09
I, I I just thirst for community and I would much rather make less money than make the money I made that year just to have people in my life that I could surround myself with.
29:23
Love that.
29:24
Again, it's an intentional choice, right?
29:27
I think that when we think about the idea of balance, right?
29:32
And is it real?
29:34
Is it not?
29:34
What does that look like?
29:36
And Ashlyn, can't tell you, listener, what balance is for you.
29:39
I don't know.
29:39
I don't know what's going on in your specific life, but I will say this.
29:44
I don't think, Ashlyn, that balance is possible if you're letting everybody else define what success is.
29:51
Because the world's going to tell you, I remember being a young agent and doing well.
29:55
And the world tells me, the industry tells me you got to go grow a big team.
29:58
I was doing the same thing as you.
30:00
And I realized, well, wait a minute, this is eating up way more time than I wanted to.
30:04
And the only reason I was doing it quite honestly was I thought I could make more money and sell more homes and people would be happy about that.
30:11
Right.
30:12
I'd get celebrated more.
30:13
And it was driven by my own personal pride.
30:15
It doesn't mean if you're listening and you're like, Hey, I want to have a big praise.
30:18
God, if you're doing it with a heart posture.
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of this is what I really believe the Lord wants and you've made sure that your family is number one, okay with it, desires that with you and you still get to show up, right?
30:30
Those things are okay.
30:31
But I realized that too, I'm just doing this because people are telling me to do it and I never made a choice, right?
30:37
And I think a lot of times for agents, for any business owner, but a lot of times for agents, It's not that we're choosing to miss every dinner or be gone every weekend.
30:47
It's that we haven't actually made the choice to not miss dinner, to not be gone on the weekends, right?
30:53
By not making a decision, we're letting other people decide for us.
30:58
You can't have balance like that.
31:00
You've got to make the choice.
31:03
You've got to decide, this is where I'm showing up.
31:05
And I love actually your example of you telling your clients, this is what's important to me.
31:10
And so, This is when I'm not available.
31:13
This is when I'm available.
31:14
And people probably aren't like, how dare you not be available to me 24 seven, right?
31:20
They're good for you actually.
31:21
And like you said, these, what's the point of being in business if you have no choice of where you spend your time, you might as well just leave.
31:27
There's no point in that, right?
31:29
But agent, you're the problem.
31:31
You're also the solution.
31:32
You get to choose what balance looks like.
31:35
And then the hard part is to actually go implement and take care of that, right?
31:39
So Ashley, you've got all these things going up.
31:41
We'll wrap with this question.
31:42
You've got now women to women, you're a wife, you're a mom, right?
31:46
You're doing these things, you've got a team, you've got all these things.
31:48
For you, is there one thing that you come back to consistently to keep you grounded in that idea of balance, right?
31:54
Because we can get pulled away very quickly.
31:57
What's one way or some ways that you just say, this is how I stay focused on keeping a balanced life?
32:04
Is there anything like that?
32:07
I would say my biggest piece is I start my day with great gratitude.
32:13
Every day I say, what are three things I'm grateful for?
32:16
And it can be as simple as a cup of coffee or a warm pair of socks, but I'm always start my day with gratitude.
32:24
And then from there, I know this sounds crazy.
32:27
The world's going to tell me I'm crazy.
32:29
I have a paper calendar.
32:31
And so I still have a day timer like.
32:35
decision.
32:35
No.
32:36
I cannot.
32:37
And so what I do with my day timer is I have colors.
32:42
So family time is yellow, work time is green, me time is red.
32:47
And if I go back in a week and I see more of one of those, I know that I'm not where I need to be.
32:53
I'm not balanced.
32:54
Or I say, okay, I wasn't balanced last week in this, but I need to be more balanced in this this week.
33:00
I need to put more time in my marriage this week.
33:02
We didn't do date night last week because my husband's also an executive at a company, so he's very busy.
33:08
So, you know, we're constantly shuffling each other's schedules, but always seeing that visual of how much time have I spent?
33:17
Because we all know where you spend your time is where you're going to get your results.
33:21
So I'm always, I'm always challenging myself to make those measures equal or knowing where I'm at so I can make them equal.
33:30
The other thing is, and I know this is another old school thing, I do not have an Apple Watch.
33:35
I don't have anything on me that can tell me if a client needs me, I have to actually look at my phone.
33:42
I had an Apple watch and it would mess me up because I would see a text come through and then at the whole time, the rest of the dinner, I'm like, I wonder what she wanted because I wanted so bad to look at my phone.
33:53
And so now I don't, I called that the leash.
33:57
So I leave my leash.
33:58
I don't have one.
33:59
And if I did, when I did have one, I didn't bring it to date night.
34:05
Hmm, it's good.
34:07
I love that.
34:07
It's so good.
34:08
And I, as I have my leash on, you know, I do sometimes actually put it on, not disturb, but I will say in that vein though, I love that.
34:17
Just so much good advice there for me.
34:19
One of the biggest changes has been we have a little box called an RO box, ARO, and you, it's nice looking.
34:24
You put it in there, start tracking how much time you've been away from your phone.
34:27
I go downstairs at five o'clock, put my phone away, take my watch off, put it in there.
34:32
And so then my family knows Garrett's here, know, daddy's here, you know, my husband's right here.
34:36
And so, you know, to show people that you're present and I'm showing myself more than anything, how to stay present.
34:44
So I love that.
34:45
I love one of the things that I take away from this interview and you sharing is you just ask yourself and others, lots of questions, right?
34:53
You're not perfect at it.
34:54
We're sinners as the whole point of Jesus coming, but you're asking yourself questions.
34:58
How did I do last week?
35:00
Or did I spend enough time here?
35:02
you know, how do I rebalance that, whatever that is, it's not a perfect, easy, natural thing.
35:07
We're going to go out of balance either on purpose or on accident, and most of the time it's on accident.
35:13
how do you get back?
35:14
Ask yourself questions.
35:16
Ask the people in your life questions.
35:17
How do you think I'm doing with balance?
35:19
Do you think that I'm showing up as much as I need to?
35:22
Maybe ask your...
35:23
your spouse, maybe ask your best friends, whatever your situation in life, maybe ask your team or ask your kids, is daddy there enough?
35:30
Do you think that daddy's working too much?
35:32
Right?
35:33
Whatever it is, just ask questions.
35:35
And I love Ashley that you're not afraid to do that.
35:38
you're not afraid to ask yourself.
35:38
You're not afraid to ask others.
35:40
And that's how you get back on track.
35:41
So I just appreciate your heart and that actually, if they want to learn more from you or connect with you or whatever, how would they go about doing that?
35:49
Yeah, so you can always reach me on my social.
35:52
My Instagram is mcdiggie, M-I-C-D-I-G-G-I-E.
35:58
But Women to Women also has a Facebook page and then also I have the Cell 757 website where you can find my contact.
36:07
It's www.cell757.com.
36:11
I do coaching for women, so I'm always here and love to help share.
36:17
anything that I've learned so that you don't have to reinvent the wheel.
36:21
That's awesome.
36:22
And I'll add those to the Show Notes agent so you can check those out as well and connect with Ashley.
36:27
Ashley, I so appreciate you coming in and sharing your heart with us.
36:30
It was impactful for me too.
36:32
And I hope for all of our agents that we recognize that our primary mission is to honor the Lord with our first fruits and then whoever you've covenant with, your wife, your husband, whatever it is, and then your children, and then work.
36:45
Work comes down later.
36:47
and be aware and be careful and make an intentional choice as to where you're spending your time.
36:53
Don't let the world make that for you because it will not make the right one.
36:56
We love you, Christian agents.
36:57
We are praying for you.
36:59
I pray for you every single day.
37:01
We love you.
37:01
We desire good things for you and pray for us as well as we seek to honor the Lord in all that we do.
37:07
I'll see you next week.
37:08
Ashley, we appreciate you being on.
37:10
Agents, see you next week.