Latest / The Inner Wealth Podcast / Ep115. Unlocking Your Worth: A Journey Towards Internal Freedom and a Fulfilling Life.

Transcript

Ep115. Unlocking Your Worth: A Journey Towards Internal Freedom and a Fulfilling Life. · The Inner Wealth Podcast

• 0:03
  Speaker 1: This is Mike Kitco and I'm a small business owner just like you.
• 0:06
  Speaker 1: I'll never be a hustle, horror, grind guru, but I do believe in having it all health, wealth and a life full of love.
• 0:12
  Speaker 1: Struggle is not the goal and sacrifice is not glamorous.
• 0:15
  Speaker 1: I like the path of least resistance.
• 0:18
  Speaker 1: It just takes a shift in mindset and the beliefs you hold.
• 0:20
  Speaker 1: Do you believe that you need to sacrifice now to have what you want later or do you believe that you can have it all all the time?
• 0:27
  Speaker 1: Does your beliefs create your outcomes?
• 0:29
  Speaker 1: I choose to feel wealthy, successful and happy every day and you get to choose for yourself.
• 0:35
  Speaker 1: Welcome to lead love, profit play, where small business owners learn and choose to have it all and choose to create success without distress.
• 0:48
  Speaker 1: You know, I think people's main driver of the choices and the decisions that they make in their life is to just be okay, to feel good, to attain some sense of peace and harmony and internal freedom.
• 1:09
  Speaker 1: I think people are really looking, if you really understand the motivators and the drivers behind choices and decisions and actions and goals, direction in life.
• 1:23
  Speaker 1: I think it's all driven by the desire to feel a sense of internal peace, internal clarity, internal worthiness, internal I don't know.
• 1:39
  Speaker 1: Freedom, let's just say freedom, let's just use the F word.
• 1:42
  Speaker 1: I think we all just want some freedom.
• 1:44
  Speaker 1: That's what we're looking for.
• 1:46
  Speaker 1: That's what human being.
• 1:47
  Speaker 1: That's what the human being craves more than anything else, is freedom.
• 1:51
  Speaker 1: Sometimes it's about money and sometimes it's about a relationship.
• 1:56
  Speaker 1: Sometimes it's about your appearance and sometimes it's about a new car and a new house, and sometimes it's about all these things.
• 2:04
  Speaker 1: Sometimes, maybe, it's just about having another child or you know.
• 2:07
  Speaker 1: There's so many things, but really, what it's all about if you peel it all back, it's about experiencing a sense of freedom, the hope and the destination of freedom in our life.
• 2:21
  Speaker 1: Now, I love freedom.
• 2:23
  Speaker 1: I am a lover of freedom.
• 2:24
  Speaker 1: I love my time freedom.
• 2:27
  Speaker 1: I love my financial freedom.
• 2:29
  Speaker 1: I love the freedom to make choices to where I want to go and what I want to do.
• 2:36
  Speaker 1: I feel like I live in a high state of I say yes when I want to say yes and no when I want to say no, and there are no obligations on my calendar.
• 2:44
  Speaker 1: My time is my most sacred possession.
• 2:48
  Speaker 1: It's my time, my valuable asset, my time, and I don't have things on my calendar and I don't have task lists of things that I dread and things that I hate.
• 3:00
  Speaker 1: I mean I don't live that type of life.
• 3:02
  Speaker 1: I live that life for the first 40, you know, four decades, 43 years of my life, where it was always about doing things that I didn't want to do and living out of obligation and duty and external responsibility and trying to make everything okay on the outside.
• 3:17
  Speaker 1: And I think I've gotten beyond that and the next level for me is just another level of internal freedom, spiritual freedom, you could call it, but you wouldn't be surprised how many people I work with, I connect with, I coach, I teach, I encounter that put everybody else's needs in the world above their own, when the reason that my life was so hard for the first four decades of my life and there was this huge transition right around age 43 and I'm 51 now but there was this huge transition right around age 43 when everything fell apart my life and, like I got fired for the second time in, you know, in 20 months and and all sources of income dried up and my marriage basically, you know, had collapsed and I mean my home was abusive, everything there was there was so much to just dysfunction in my life and I got the opportunity to hit the reset and I got the opportunity to start eliminating things that were distractions in my life.
• 4:34
  Speaker 1: I was eliminating things that that were causing pain, eliminating things that were sources of guilt and shame, eliminating I stopped going to work where I didn't want to go and I stopped.
• 4:46
  Speaker 1: You know, I stopped doing things that I didn't want to do and I stopped.
• 4:50
  Speaker 1: I don't know, just living a life of Other obligation to the shoulds of the world.
• 4:57
  Speaker 1: Right, I can't I can't stress that enough.
• 5:01
  Speaker 1: Like, if you really, if you really Investigate and research and examine your life, I want you to pinpoint areas where you're literally doing something, because that's what you think you're supposed to do.
• 5:16
  Speaker 1: And I thought I was supposed to have a job that I hated.
• 5:19
  Speaker 1: It just doesn't make any sense.
• 5:20
  Speaker 1: Like I thought work was supposed to be about, you know, hating your job and I thought it was just, you know, if you were enjoying it, it wasn't really work.
• 5:29
  Speaker 1: If that makes any sense, if you enjoy something, how could it be work?
• 5:32
  Speaker 1: It like work meant pain, work meant sacrifice, work meant struggle.
• 5:39
  Speaker 1: Making money had to be hard, marriage had to be hard, like.
• 5:42
  Speaker 1: This is the life that I lived, holy crap.
• 5:45
  Speaker 1: And in the first four decades, almost four and a half decades of my life were were spent chasing these external things and, internally, absolutely crushing myself, destroying myself, talking, talking awfully to myself, feeling awful about myself, making decisions that would hurt myself If it.
• 6:16
  Speaker 1: If we were in a conversation and I said I liked the color black, and you said that's not a good color to like, I'd say, ok, why guess?
• 6:27
  Speaker 1: I can't like black anymore.
• 6:28
  Speaker 1: So I've got a like what color?
• 6:30
  Speaker 1: What's your favorite color?
• 6:31
  Speaker 1: That's going to be my favorite color.
• 6:32
  Speaker 1: And I remember going back to you know, school and and and, throughout my life, not just school, but whatever your favorite band was, that would become my favorite band.
• 6:43
  Speaker 1: And whatever your, whatever you were wearing, if we were going to be friends, whatever you were wearing, I would find a way to start to start to dress in that, in that that I don't know pattern, in that, in that style, like, like I didn't matter, like you were valuable.
• 7:00
  Speaker 1: Whoever you are, you were valuable and I'm not.
• 7:03
  Speaker 1: So, whatever you do, I'm going to, I'm going to copy it, I'm going to adopt it and it's going to become me.
• 7:09
  Speaker 1: It was almost like I was a chameleon and I felt.
• 7:13
  Speaker 1: I felt that the only role.
• 7:15
  Speaker 1: The role that I served in this world is helping other people like, be OK, and 99 times out of 100 it was at my expense.
• 7:26
  Speaker 1: I would.
• 7:28
  Speaker 1: I would put myself in detriment in order to help you be OK.
• 7:33
  Speaker 1: And I did this with employees and I did it with my marriage, my wife and I did it with my kids and I did it with with family members and I did it with friends.
• 7:45
  Speaker 1: It's like, if it was, if you needed something, I would hurt myself to get it to you, to get it for you.
• 7:51
  Speaker 1: Like, like I was only here to be a martyr and a sacrificial lamb.
• 7:58
  Speaker 1: I literally felt like I was wasting everybody else's oxygen by breathing it and I felt like I was just taking up space in this world, that I was a mistake, that I was an accident, that I was a coincidence, that that I was a problem and I know this sounds really, really dark right now because I lived in that state of darkness.
• 8:26
  Speaker 1: It was dark.
• 8:27
  Speaker 1: It's fucking bleak when, when you feel like a mistake, when you feel like a problem, when you feel like a defect or reject something's wrong with you and that's why I almost killed myself.
• 8:44
  Speaker 1: Shame when you feel broken, when you feel like you're, you're just damaged goods.
• 8:50
  Speaker 1: That is shame.
• 8:51
  Speaker 1: You know what shame was pretty prevalent in my life for the first 43 years?
• 8:58
  Speaker 1: You wouldn't be.
• 9:01
  Speaker 1: You would be surprised how many people I jump on a first coaching call with, I Engage in a prospect call, I tend to workshop, I host a workshop and maybe in a, you know, in an offline discussion.
• 9:20
  Speaker 1: You don't, you wouldn't, you would.
• 9:24
  Speaker 1: You would be surprised at how many people Like tell me that they put themselves second and sometimes they hurt themselves for other people to be okay.
• 9:37
  Speaker 1: Today I was on a on a call and it was.
• 9:45
  Speaker 1: It was a couple and they're wonderful and Both of them Seemed to put themselves into places where they they're.
• 9:56
  Speaker 1: They allow themselves to be second To the conditions in their life and the people in their life.
• 10:02
  Speaker 1: They put their, their own needs in the backseat and they put other people's needs in the front seat.
• 10:10
  Speaker 1: And when I was what, when I was being raised in a, you know, in a, in a religious household, I Mean that shit was the norm, that's.
• 10:20
  Speaker 1: That's kind of like how I don't know how I was taught that Human beings, that was the right way is we subordinate ourselves so that other people can be okay.
• 10:31
  Speaker 1: But you know what, if all 8 billion people are supporting they, subordinating themselves, putting themselves second, who the fucks first, like it's?
• 10:42
  Speaker 1: At one point it just it dawned on me and it clicked like that that is miserable, that's being a martyr, that's sacrificing your own life and it doesn't make any sense.
• 11:01
  Speaker 1: And if everybody, every single person, all 8 billion of us if we elevated our Significance to an equal level I didn't say make yourself more significant than somebody else, I'm just saying stop making yourself less significant than somebody else, stop making yourself less valuable than somebody else, stop making yourself less worthy than somebody else if we all Elevated, all a billion of us, if we all elevated our significance, our value and our worth equally, and we never allowed somebody to lose so we can win, or we never asked somebody to lose so we could win, and and, and we just made sure our basic needs were met, and that, after our basic needs were met our own, not that somebody else owes you that but if we each held a level of responsibility over our own basic needs and our own basic welfare, and Then we, we created our dreams and and we created, you know, we, we honored our desires in a way that would never ask somebody to lose so we could win, this world would suddenly become such a magical place.
• 12:25
  Speaker 1: Could you see that?
• 12:25
  Speaker 1: But instead of that, instead of everyone seeing themselves as equal and feeling like equals and approaching everyone as equals, it's like we're playing this fricking competition.
• 12:45
  Speaker 1: We're playing this whole thing like competition, like somebody's got to lose so we can win, and that's all scarcity bullshit.
• 12:51
  Speaker 1: And not only playing like it's a competition, like somebody else has to lose so we can win, but not allowing ourselves to lose so somebody else can win, and we're eliminating people from our life that require us or expect us or even demand us lose so that they can win.
• 13:24
  Speaker 1: But if you look at society as a large, as a whole, if you look at the whole body, there are a lot of people that feel like their whole life is about putting themselves last so that others can be first and listen from experience.
• 13:49
  Speaker 1: That is a sign of shame.
• 13:53
  Speaker 1: It is a connection, an internal connection, with feeling broken, flawed, like there's something wrong with you and it's bullshit.
• 14:07
  Speaker 1: There's nothing wrong with you and nothing needs to be fixed.
• 14:13
  Speaker 1: On my call with a couple, I kind of got when I kept hearing the story you know get repeated over and over.
• 14:23
  Speaker 1: I kind of got a little like Sergeant Kitco came out and I got a little intense and I said stop engaging in win lose relationships if they ask you to lose so that they can win.
• 14:40
  Speaker 1: Eliminate them from your life.
• 14:43
  Speaker 1: Stop allowing others to win while you're losing and think that that's the right way to live.
• 14:51
  Speaker 1: Stop helping other people get what they want at your expense.
• 14:56
  Speaker 1: Stop helping other people feel OK while you're dying inside.
• 15:07
  Speaker 1: Stop helping other people have their wants met while inside you're being destroyed from the inside out.
• 15:17
  Speaker 1: Stop increasing your stress level so that somebody else can decrease theirs.
• 15:24
  Speaker 1: Stop destroying yourself so that somebody else can feel okay.
• 15:34
  Speaker 1: Stop being a martyr.
• 15:37
  Speaker 1: Stop being a victim of your own decisions.
• 15:43
  Speaker 1: To put yourself in a place where you'll allow yourself to lose so that somebody else can win.
• 15:49
  Speaker 1: That's being a martyr.
• 15:51
  Speaker 1: It's not.
• 15:52
  Speaker 1: There's no glory in that shit.
• 15:54
  Speaker 1: There's no glory, there's no honor in allowing you to be destroyed so that somebody else can be okay.
• 16:04
  Speaker 1: There's no glory in being broke so that somebody else can be rich.
• 16:10
  Speaker 1: There's no glory in you holding yourself back and dimming your light so that somebody else doesn't feel ashamed.
• 16:22
  Speaker 1: Now I want to talk about that last one a little bit, because I've encountered so often where maybe a person was in a family, maybe they had siblings, and not all the siblings are succeeding.
• 16:39
  Speaker 1: So certain siblings dim their light and they stop creating wealth and they stop creating success and they stop the appearance of having an awesome life because they don't want to make the other siblings feel bad.
• 16:54
  Speaker 1: And it's called the fear of outshining.
• 16:59
  Speaker 1: You don't want to make anybody else feel bad.
• 17:01
  Speaker 1: You don't want to make anybody else look bad.
• 17:04
  Speaker 1: Because you're successful, because you're happy, because you're wealthy, you're afraid of shining your light because you're afraid how it'll make others look.
• 17:15
  Speaker 1: It's the fear of outshining and it's self-sabotage.
• 17:21
  Speaker 1: That's all it is.
• 17:22
  Speaker 1: If I look too successful, it'll make you feel bad about yourself.
• 17:30
  Speaker 1: So I'm not.
• 17:30
  Speaker 1: I'm going to dim my light.
• 17:32
  Speaker 1: Maybe you hold yourself back or maybe you just hide in those circumstances and dimming your light helps and serves no one.
• 17:44
  Speaker 1: Dimming your light just serves to keep everybody at a painful level.
• 17:50
  Speaker 1: It adds no value to this world.
• 17:54
  Speaker 1: The greatest way that you can help this world become a wealthier, more successful, more loving, more healthy, more compassionate, more empathetic place to live is by crushing your dreams and making your dreams come true, but not at anybody else's expense.
• 18:17
  Speaker 1: Show people what a human being is truly capable of.
• 18:23
  Speaker 1: Take away their excuses, don't add to them.
• 18:31
  Speaker 1: When you keep yourself small, when you subordinate yourself, when you enable somebody at your own expense, all you're doing is aiding and abetting their excuses and all you're doing is keeping them from feeling the full, the full capability and the full capacity of their, their ability to create whatever they want.
• 18:52
  Speaker 1: They're to empower themselves.
• 18:55
  Speaker 1: You're helping them play small and the bigger you play, the more you choose yourself, the more you put yourself first not at anybody else's expense, but the more you put yourself first and make sure you practice healthy selfishness.
• 19:13
  Speaker 1: Go back a couple episodes and look at healthy selfishness.
• 19:17
  Speaker 1: The more you practice healthy selfishness, you go get what you want and need, not at anybody else's expense, and encourage others to do the same.
• 19:27
  Speaker 1: And if they, if they, start casting guilt and shame on you for you having what you need and what you want, just tell them that they can do the same if and when they choose and they're just being a victim.
• 19:43
  Speaker 1: Flash the V.
• 19:43
  Speaker 1: I'm holding two fingers up.
• 19:45
  Speaker 1: I'm holding a V.
• 19:46
  Speaker 1: Flash the V and tell them they're being a victim to go out and get what they want and get what they need, and stop trying to destroy others that are doing what they refuse to do for themselves.
• 20:01
  Speaker 1: We gotta stop enabling people in their excuses and start showing them that their excuses are invalid.
• 20:10
  Speaker 1: And there's no way to do any of that when you're playing backseat driver to somebody else's life.
• 20:19
  Speaker 1: Get in your own passenger or in your own driver seat, get behind the wheel of your own life and drive to where you want to go and if they scream too loud, if they scream loud that they don't want you to go where you want to go, open the door and kick their ass out of the car Because they're playing small.
• 20:43
  Speaker 1: And because they're playing small, they're trying to keep you from playing too big, because it'll make them feel bad, it'll make them look bad, it'll take away their excuses and that'll increase their level of shame.
• 20:55
  Speaker 1: And the greatest way you can help them and empower them is by showing them the truth that they can be, do and have whatever they want, as soon as they get out of their own way and as soon as they stop believing their excuses.
• 21:13
  Speaker 1: Listen, you're not here to live anybody else's life.
• 21:16
  Speaker 1: You are only here.
• 21:19
  Speaker 1: You are one of one in this world.
• 21:21
  Speaker 1: You are a unique, you are authentic, you are real, you are valuable, you are worthy, you are deserving, you deserve whatever you want in this world, as long as you choose to create it.
• 21:39
  Speaker 1: But if you hold yourself back so that somebody else can be, okay, you're being a martyr and there's no glory and there's no honor in that, because all it's doing is keeping the other person smaller than they can be.
• 21:53
  Speaker 1: So coordinating yourself for somebody else's benefit is not leading, it's enabling.
• 22:07
  Speaker 1: And when my wife was in active pharmaceutical addiction, she was taken between four to 500 pills a month and as long as I made excuses for her and I fixed the problems that she caused, and as long as I kept like patting her pain and keeping her safe in her pain, she stayed in her pain.
• 22:29
  Speaker 1: But as soon as I pulled the plug on enabling she got better it was me enabling her that kept her in the addiction.
• 22:41
  Speaker 1: And as soon as she had no one to enable her and make her life, make her pain easy, as soon as she had no one that would clean up messes that she made, as soon as she had to assume full, 100% responsibility over her life and her circumstances instead of pulling the plug on the relationship.
• 23:04
  Speaker 1: She pulled the plug on her addiction.
• 23:06
  Speaker 1: And that's what happens when we all take full accountability, ownership, responsibility for our own life and stop putting everybody else's needs above yours.
• 23:19
  Speaker 1: It's not helping you and it's not helping them.
• 23:25
  Speaker 1: There's nothing that will make you feel more love in your heart for yourself and for others than realizing that you are a force of nature.
• 23:36
  Speaker 1: As soon as you get out of your own way and that you can be, do and have anything you want in this world and every single person in the world can.
• 23:44
  Speaker 1: As soon as you realize that, you'll fall in love with yourself.
• 23:48
  Speaker 1: You'll fall in love with your purpose, you'll fall in love with your life, and then others might ask you how you're doing that.
• 23:55
  Speaker 1: Some will tear you down because they'll believe, they'll think it's too good to be true.
• 24:01
  Speaker 1: But some will ask you how are you doing that?
• 24:04
  Speaker 1: And that's when you become a real leader, because you get to show somebody how to create the life of their dreams.
• 24:10
  Speaker 1: You get to encourage someone to feel valuable and to feel worthy and to feel deserving, because at that point you'll have no more excuses, so you'll help take away the excuses of others.
• 24:22
  Speaker 1: It's time to lead and you can't do that by putting yourself second.