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Danny Boy - Gallegos · Comedy Central Stand-Up

• 0:02
  Comedy Central Podcast. How we are. I' m Daniboy Rivera, I
• 0:17
  ' m Galician. It' s no weather luck. You' ve got
• 0:21
  this awesome guy here. In Galicia we do not conceive temperatures above thirty-
• 0:24
  five degrees, that is, the other day a colleague from Cordoba calls me.
• 0:26
  They tell me no other you' ll believe, Dani we' re
• 0:28
  forty- five degrees away. I didn' t even think I could be
• 0:30
  talking about temperature degrees. I thought they' d be very inclined Hostia.
• 0:36
  Yes, that' s how this art is to ask me why in Galicia
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  and so much drug trafficking. It' s the last time I say it,
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  because there' s nothing like Galician character to survive an interrogation by the
• 0:46
  Civil Guard. You know what I mean. You know this man, you
• 1:00
  know what you mean by knowing and you don' t get any more uncle.
• 1:08
  That' s how we Galicians are. Forbidding drugs is forbidding the poor
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  to go on vacation. It doesn' t say drugs are bad. It
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  ' s also bad smoke when your cars go from Madrid to Valencia, uh,
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  they' re all a fucking caravan. It' s bad, it
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  ' s smoke, because there are people who want to go on vacation,
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  they don' t have a car and they make a different smoke, because
• 1:33
  less harmful, more fun and I can assure you that more people die traveling
• 1:36
  by car than traveling in their living room. This fact is true. There
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  ' s no documented case of someone dying of marijuana overdose. I guess because
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  you' re fucking asleep first. You know, you' d have to
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  smoke a lot of joints and put a lot of alarms on the alarm clock.
• 1:59
  Yeah, man, the other day I was reading about a girl,
• 2:00
  an English girl, man, Jemman Mos, we got this name. Jemma
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  Ms thirty- one years, the first candidate to die of marijuana overdose.
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  Jemman Mos' acquaintances said she smoked half a joint a day. I didn
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  ' t understand anything until I saw the pictures. You have to see that
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  half joint. Dude, there were whole eggs just shitting inside that joint.
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  You know so it' s not worth it I feel isolated case. Marijuana
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  remains the safest means of transportation in the world. It' s worth ironically.
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  They don' t let you smoke, they don' t let you
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  drive. I don' t know if I know this fact You go to
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  a drug control and you can give positive marijuana 24 hours after you' ve
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  smoked, that is, the THC of marijuana, but it stays in the
• 2:47
  body longer than heroin. That means you could give this case. Hey Juan,
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  Juan wakes up, man that I just remembered that I smoked half a
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  joint in the morning that you' re gonna have to drive. Don'
• 3:00
  t worry about it. This isn' t a coconut. I pricked myself
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  three hours ago It was fucking how you smoke half a joint. Teño,
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  you' re crazy. You haven' t seen what happened to the English
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  girl. Impressive. Man, no one cares about the poor, not those
• 3:22
  who care about them worry badly. An example Antonio Abad, creator of the
• 3:25
  MEGA technology platform was a net intended for people at risk of social exclusion to
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  share video image files. That' s a very good idea, Antonio.
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  If it wasn' t for people who are at risk of social exclusion don
• 3:40
  ' t have the Internet, what' s your next project, Antonio,
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  you' re going to organize a coup tournament in Damascus for Syrian refugees to
• 3:52
  improve their swings. Those are his Arpono plans. I don' t like
• 3:58
  sports, but now I have a kid. When you have a child,
• 4:00
  you have a new superpower pretending interest suy a dro an example. Another day
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  I was in my room jerking off all of a sudden dad' s kid
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  calls me Dad, dad braked Frené who can give you a stroke I run
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  out with blue eggs into the living room and I see my son playing it
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  Ui look dad I' m champion of the Copa Caparazon with great trupa cup.
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  Diego, I' m going to my room to get the champions'
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  flag. It took me 15 minutes and she doesn' t want to have
• 4:35
  another child. Carloca uncle not another. Now it' s no longer worth
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  it. They' re for life, man It' s not independence anymore.
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  I' ve seen cradles in Ika that set zero forty years. They
• 4:47
  ' re making you cribs of marriage. Fuck. There' s no bun
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  oven. Not the bird is the fastest train in the world and point,
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  there' s no magno totren in China that' s faster, but it
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  doesn' t touch the ground. If you don' t touch the ground,
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  it' s not a fucking train. It' s a semantic issue.
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  It is as if now we build a highway from here Barcelona to Madrid,
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  we put a plane flying low and say that we have the fastest bus
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  in the world, but that it does not touch the ground, not the
• 5:18
  alsan magneto missile that takes. The truth is, I' m an atheist,
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  not because I choose him. My parents washed my head when I was
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  little. I' d like to be a believer, Uncle eight miss is
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  to have faith uncle, any religion would have been worth less Jewish don'
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  t get me wrong. It' s nothing racial, but I don'
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  t trust people who have very bad luck. Both jujos are very unlucky.
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  Not always surrounded by tragedies. They didn' t do anything, they don
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  ' t remind me a little, like Mariana Rajoy and Esperanza Aguirre. Not
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  always surrounded by corrupts with how good people they are, not because they were
• 6:00
  saved from the helicopter, but if I didn' t want them to be
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  Jews look at the bad luck of those people. I found a website where
• 6:13
  they recount all the corruption cases that have occurred in the history of democracy.
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  Evidently, since I don' t have DSL, I couldn' t see
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  it and went to another website where they put a recount of corruption cases that
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  have occurred in this legislature. There goes PP data one hundred and seventy-
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  seven corruption cases. It weighed one hundred and twenty- eight converges and unites,
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  fourteen GNP, thirteen united Left, eight fuck, if it is the
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  seats that are giving them the FIS polls. You know what I mean.
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  It' s the demonstration that people like to vote for those who steal isn
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  ' t like that' s why on the united left they' re putting
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  up chicks wow say Hostia with eight corruption cases. We' re not gonna
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  rule in our fucking life. It makes you respect. I go with the
• 7:02
  ego of the human being. It' s like every time we make a
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  movie, think about this about aliens, whenever they come down they talk to
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  us, that' s to say they really believe a being who' s
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  able to cross the whole universe. It' s good to come here what
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  an intellectual quotient has nine thousand ninety zero. You think he' ll see
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  the difference between the intelligence of a human and any other animal. I'
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  ll put it on another phone. Imagine it' s worth it. Imagine
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  that it takes you a planet where there are only ilubin salmon who you'
• 7:31
  d talk to first and fucking idea truth you still talk to a salmon and
• 7:33
  you' re disrespecting sea bass, but you don' t have the fucking
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  idea, because why it blows you. And that' s what I think
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  would happen if they come and blow it to us, the trees blow it
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  to us, they' re not living beings like us and we rip them
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  off to make Christmas ornaments, what they' re going to suffer, they
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  ' re not trees. That' s what we deserve, that aliens come
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  with a single mission, use us as Christmas ornaments and that' s the
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  end of the human being in balls, in the corner of the living room
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  of a Vulcanian with two colored balls, hanging from the eggs and in front
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  of a guy saying they' re going to suffer. Fuck, they'
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  re just human,' cause I got a plastic one. Pacma' s
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  Martian plays balls. Even the word extraterrestrial is already offensive but I know,
• 8:18
  uncle, I' d like you to call yourselves extra- Vulcanians. For
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  example, no one imagines this is another side. No one imagines believing aliens.
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  True, we assume that they are atheists, that, that is,
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  there was never a news in the fourth millennium of a guy saying they cut
• 8:37
  me off and made me the first Communion. That never happens. No,
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  yeah, they' re always like scientific experiments that have to do with the
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  ass It' s okay, and I didn' t do the first Communion.
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  But that' s not the first Communion. Man, that' s
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  before in the pop parish Oh. But we do need to, we don
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  ' t need to believe in things. We don' t always need like
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  a demigod not to tell us more or less. How to behave, no,
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  how to behave like Jesus Christ was not even the first, it will
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  not be the last. Let no one be surprised if in two thousand years
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  we see a gentleman saying then I don' t like that my wife wears
• 9:18
  those measures, because Superman wouldn' t see it well, no and hold
• 9:22
  on to the fact that at Christmas the gifts bring them the fantastic four unless
• 9:26
  you behave badly. Then Magneto comes in and they give you some bracquets and
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  fuck off. No, because that' s what it' s all about,
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  not making up moves. Before I leave here, I want to send
• 9:35
  a message to a lot of people here right now who are having a hard
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  time and don' t have to have a hard time. I' m
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  talking about all those who have been unfaithful to your partner and feel like your
• 9:50
  ass, because you haven' t told each other, you can raise your
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  hand. No, we' re not gonna pretend there' s nothing here
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  in that situation. And hating me, I' m not gonna tell you
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  the truth. It' s okay for you to stay calm, so tonight
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  you' ll sleep with each other and say it' s okay. I
• 10:09
  ' ll tell you the truth. Faithfulness is bullshit. Jesus Christ said it
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  how you stay put it in the fucking Bible. Uncle killed five twenty-
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  seven Bar twenty- eight and I say literally you heard what they said.
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  You will not commit adultery. I, however, love jc however, I,
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  however, tell you that everyone who looks at a woman greedy for her
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  has already committed adultery in his heart with her, for look male. If
• 10:54
  I' ve already screwed up thinking about it, I' ll fuck her
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  up. I mean, if you think about it, if the sins of
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  thought are worth the same as the sins of action. The sins of action
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  are not going to make a difference in global computation, so since we'
• 11:13
  ve screwed up so much throughout our lives, how it is now to have
• 11:18
  fun and fuck wo