Latest / The Financial Feminism Podcast / Budgeting Is Not Punishment

Transcript

Budgeting Is Not Punishment · The Financial Feminism Podcast

0:16
There's a sentence that I want you to
0:18
stop saying, I need to get on a
0:20
budget.
0:22
Listen to the way we even say it.
0:25
Nobody says that with excitement.
0:27
Nobody says, girl, guess what?
0:29
I'm getting on a budget.
0:31
No, usually when a woman says she needs
0:34
to get on a budget, she sounds like
0:36
she's been called into the principal's office.
0:39
Because we've turned budgeting into a punishment.
0:43
You spent too much, you ate out too
0:45
much, you bought something that you didn't need,
0:49
maybe you took the trip, you ordered DoorDash,
0:52
you have had too many subscriptions, you need
0:57
to stop getting your nails done, you need
1:00
to make coffee at home, you need to
1:02
cut this, cut that, cancel that, give this
1:06
up, stop doing that.
1:07
And somehow, if we deprive ourselves long enough,
1:10
we're supposed to emerge financially free.
1:14
But I've got a question.
1:16
What are you actually building?
1:19
Because if the only thing your budget tells
1:21
you to do is not have this or
1:24
that, I'm not surprised that you hate budgeting.
1:28
I would hate it too.
1:31
That's not how I want us thinking about
1:33
money and financial feminism.
1:36
A budget should not be a list of
1:38
everything you're no longer allowed to enjoy.
1:42
A budget should tell your money where to
1:44
go so that more of your life eventually
1:47
belongs to you.
1:49
There's a big difference between that.
1:53
Welcome to Financial Feminism.
1:55
Today we're talking about budgeting.
1:58
And probably not the way that you've heard
2:00
it before.
2:02
Because I don't want you leaving this episode
2:05
with another spreadsheet you enthusiastically use for 11
2:10
days and then mysteriously stop opening it.
2:13
And I definitely don't want you to leave
2:16
here feeling guilty.
2:18
I want you to leave asking a different
2:20
question.
2:21
Not, what should I stop buying?
2:24
Ask, what is my money building?
2:28
That question changes everything.
2:31
Because most of us were taught to budget
2:34
around our obligations.
2:36
Money comes in, everybody gets in line.
2:40
Mortgage, rent, car, insurance, utilities, credit cards, student
2:49
loans, groceries, phone, children, child care, subscriptions, family,
2:59
whatever else needs to be paid.
3:02
Everybody gets a piece.
3:04
And somewhere at the very end of that
3:07
line is you.
3:09
And when I say you, I don't mean
3:11
the version of you who wants dinner out
3:14
Saturday night.
3:15
I mean the woman you are trying to
3:18
become.
3:19
The woman who wants options.
3:22
The woman who wants investments.
3:25
The woman who wants a business.
3:28
The woman who wants property.
3:31
The woman who wants enough money available in
3:34
that emergency becomes inconvenient instead of devastating.
3:41
I want you to hear that again.
3:43
The woman who wants enough money available that
3:48
an emergency becomes inconvenient instead of devastating.
3:54
The woman who wants to be able to
3:56
walk away from a job that is destroying
3:59
her.
4:00
The woman who never wants to stay in
4:03
a relationship because she cannot afford to leave.
4:06
The woman who wants to help her children
4:10
without jeopardizing her own retirement.
4:13
The woman who wants to take six months
4:16
off one day.
4:18
The woman who wants to start something, buy
4:22
something, own something, build something, leave something.
4:27
Where is she in your budget?
4:30
Seriously, where is she?
4:33
Because you can pay every bill on time
4:36
and still fail to build financial ownership.
4:39
You can earn six figures and have almost
4:43
no financial breathing room.
4:45
You can have a beautiful house and be
4:48
terrified of missing two paychecks.
4:51
You can look successful and privately know that
4:55
almost everything depends on next month's income arriving
4:59
on time.
5:01
That is why I need us to separate
5:03
two ideas that we often treat as the
5:06
same thing.
5:08
Financial responsibility matters.
5:11
Pay your bills, understand your obligations, manage debt,
5:16
know what's coming in and what's going out.
5:19
Absolutely.
5:21
But paying bills protects the life you currently
5:25
have.
5:27
Ownership helps build the life you want next.
5:31
We need both.
5:33
And that is where budgeting gets interesting.
5:37
Because I do not think the problem is
5:40
always that women cannot budget.
5:43
Some women are incredible at managing money.
5:47
We know exactly when the mortgage comes out.
5:51
We know which card has the automatic payment.
5:55
We know when the tuition is due.
5:58
We know how much groceries usually cost.
6:03
We know how to make something stretch.
6:06
We know how to move things around.
6:10
We know how to make the household work.
6:13
And some women have been making money stretch
6:15
since they were teenagers.
6:17
That's a financial skill.
6:19
But being skilled at making money stretch does
6:23
not automatically mean that money is building ownership.
6:28
You can become incredibly efficient at surviving.
6:32
And I don't want survival efficiency to be
6:36
confused with financial freedom.
6:38
Think about that.
6:40
You can get so good at managing everything
6:44
that nobody notices there's nothing being built for
6:48
you.
6:49
You paid everybody.
6:51
You handled everything.
6:52
You made it work again and again and
6:56
again.
6:57
Five years pass.
7:00
Ten years pass.
7:01
And then one day you look around and
7:04
think, wait, what do I actually own?
7:09
And that's the question I want financial feminism
7:11
to put on the table.
7:14
Not just how much do you make.
7:18
Not just how much do you save.
7:21
Not just what is your credit score.
7:23
But what are you building with the money
7:26
that passes through your hands?
7:29
And I want to give you a simple
7:31
way to start answering that.
7:33
I call it the ownership budget.
7:36
The ownership budget gives your money four jobs.
7:41
Live.
7:45
Own.
7:46
Enjoy.
7:48
Live.
7:50
Protect.
7:51
Own.
7:52
Enjoy.
7:52
That's it.
7:54
And notice what is not in there.
7:57
Punish.
7:59
There's no punishment category.
8:01
There's no shame category.
8:03
There's no you were bad this month category.
8:06
There are four jobs.
8:09
Let's walk through them.
8:11
First, live.
8:14
This is what it costs you to operate
8:16
your life.
8:18
Housing.
8:19
Utilities.
8:21
Food.
8:23
Our transportation.
8:25
Our insurance.
8:27
Child care.
8:29
Minimum debt obligations.
8:33
Medication.
8:35
Phone.
8:36
The things required to keep your household functioning.
8:40
And you need to know this number.
8:42
And I mean really know it.
8:44
Not I think it's around no.
8:46
One of the most powerful things a woman
8:49
can know is exactly how much it costs
8:52
to keep her life running.
8:54
If your income disappeared tomorrow, what amount would
8:58
you need every single month to maintain the
9:02
essentials?
9:03
That number matters.
9:05
Because you cannot build a safety net if
9:08
you do not know what the net needs
9:11
to catch.
9:12
You cannot determine how long your emergency savings
9:16
will last if you do not know your
9:18
essential monthly expenses.
9:21
You cannot evaluate whether you can afford to
9:27
leave a job if you do not know
9:30
what your life costs.
9:32
You cannot intelligently evaluate a new salary without
9:37
understanding the number it needs to support.
9:41
Knowing your live number is not depressing.
9:45
It's information.
9:48
And information gives you leverage.
9:52
Next.
9:53
Protect.
9:54
Now I want you to ask what money
9:59
is protecting me?
10:01
Not growing.
10:03
Not entertaining me.
10:04
Protecting me.
10:07
Emergency savings.
10:09
Insurance.
10:11
Cash reserves.
10:13
Money available for unexpected expenses.
10:17
Your I can leave money.
10:20
Your don't call anybody money.
10:24
That $500 that means when the tire blows.
10:29
You don't have to call your mother.
10:32
Or your sister.
10:34
Or your ex.
10:35
Or put it on a credit card that's
10:38
already carrying a balance.
10:40
Protection money is not glamorous.
10:44
No one's going to compliment you on it.
10:46
Nobody sees it.
10:48
You cannot wear it.
10:49
You cannot post it.
10:50
But protection money changes the way you move
10:54
through the world.
10:55
Because financial breathing room changes decisions.
10:59
Think about the difference between a woman who
11:02
hates her job and has $42 available after
11:06
her bills and a woman who hates her
11:09
job and has six months of essential expenses
11:13
available.
11:15
Same terrible boss.
11:17
Same toxic workplace.
11:20
Different options.
11:22
Money does not solve every problem.
11:25
But money can change which choices are available
11:29
to you.
11:30
That is why I keep talking about financial
11:33
autonomy.
11:35
We are not accumulating money simply to stare
11:38
at a bigger number.
11:39
We're building choices.
11:42
Protect is where some of these choices begin.
11:46
Now, we get to the category I want
11:50
women paying very close attention to.
11:54
Own.
11:55
What did you buy this month that could
11:58
potentially make money?
12:01
Increase in value.
12:03
Create equity.
12:06
Generate income.
12:09
Or give you greater economic control.
12:13
Retirement investments.
12:16
Brokerage investments.
12:19
Business equity.
12:21
Real estate equity.
12:25
Intellectual property.
12:27
Income producing assets.
12:30
Whatever makes sense for your financial situation.
12:35
And this is where we begin moving from
12:37
simply earning money to owning things.
12:41
And I want to challenge something I hear
12:43
constantly.
12:45
I'll invest when I make more.
12:47
I'll start when I get this debt paid
12:50
off.
12:51
I'll start when the kids are older.
12:54
I'll start when I get the promotion.
12:56
I'll start when things settle down.
13:00
Be careful.
13:01
Because life has a funny way of never
13:04
completely settling down.
13:07
There will always be another expense.
13:11
Another responsibility.
13:14
Another season.
13:17
Another reason.
13:20
And I'm not telling you to ignore debt
13:22
or financial obligations.
13:23
I'm telling you to stop thinking ownership belongs
13:26
only to some future wealthier version of you.
13:31
Ownership is not a reward you receive after
13:34
becoming rich.
13:36
Ownership is one of the behaviors that can
13:39
help you build wealth.
13:41
Those are two different ideas.
13:44
You don't need to begin with the dramatic
13:47
amount.
13:48
Your own number might be really small at
13:51
first.
13:53
Fine.
13:53
Small is not the same as meaningless.
13:57
The habit is what matters.
14:00
The category is what matters.
14:03
The intention is what matters.
14:06
Because once own becomes a legitimate line in
14:10
your financial life, something changes.
14:13
You start asking better questions.
14:16
What am I buying?
14:18
What does this money do after I spend
14:20
it?
14:21
Does this purchase disappear?
14:25
Does it protect me?
14:27
Does it grow?
14:29
Does it produce?
14:32
Does it create equity?
14:35
Does it give me leverage?
14:38
Does it give me options?
14:40
That is ownership thinking.
14:43
Now let's talk about the category that traditional
14:46
budgeting sometimes makes women feel a little bit
14:50
guilty about.
14:51
Enjoy.
14:53
Yes, enjoy.
14:54
I'm putting enjoyment in the budget because you
14:57
have a life right now.
15:00
Not just 20 years from now.
15:03
And I'm not interested in teaching women that
15:05
financial responsibility requires permanent deprivation here.
15:09
Have dinner with your friends.
15:11
Take the trip when it fits your financial
15:13
plan.
15:15
Buy something because it's beautiful.
15:17
Spend money on something that makes your life
15:19
easier.
15:21
Get that massage.
15:23
Get your nails done.
15:25
Buy the concert ticket.
15:27
Whatever enjoyment looks like for you.
15:30
The point is not to eliminate enjoyment.
15:33
The point is to stop spending accidentally.
15:36
There's a huge difference between saying I cannot
15:40
spend money and saying I decided where this
15:43
money belongs.
15:45
One is restriction.
15:47
The other is direction.
15:48
And direction is what a good budget should
15:51
give you.
15:53
And this is why I don't want women
15:55
fighting over whether buying coffee is ruining their
15:58
financial future.
16:00
Your coffee is probably not the central issue.
16:04
The bigger question is whether you understand the
16:07
structure of your financial life.
16:09
If you're earning $100,000 a year and
16:13
you have no emergency reserve, no meaningful assets
16:18
outside of maybe your home or investments growing
16:22
and no idea where thousands of dollars went
16:25
last year, I'm much more interested in that
16:28
than your $6 coffee.
16:31
Because financial advice can become strangely obsessed with
16:35
tiny purchases while ignoring structural behavior.
16:40
Yes, small expenses add up.
16:43
Of course they do.
16:44
But so do years without ownership.
16:47
So do years without investing.
16:50
And years of lifestyle inflation.
16:53
And so do years of automatically giving every
16:56
raise to a more expensive life.
17:00
And that's where I want us looking.
17:02
Because here's another trap.
17:05
You get the raise.
17:06
Finally you get the raise.
17:07
And you're making more money.
17:09
And for about three months you feel rich.
17:12
And then the car gets upgraded.
17:15
And the house gets upgraded.
17:18
And the vacations get upgraded.
17:21
And the restaurants get upgraded.
17:23
The subscriptions multiply.
17:26
And you just start shopping differently.
17:29
And suddenly the woman making $130,000 feels
17:32
almost exactly as financially tight as the woman
17:36
who used to make $80,000.
17:39
The numbers changed.
17:41
The feeling didn't.
17:43
And that's why earning much more money is
17:48
important.
17:48
But earning more by itself isn't the entire
17:52
answer.
17:54
I mean income is powerful.
17:55
But income needs direction.
17:58
Otherwise more money can simply finance a more
18:02
expensive version of the same financial vulnerability.
18:07
And I want to say something specifically to
18:11
high producing women.
18:14
Because some of you listening are not struggling
18:18
because you don't work enough.
18:21
You work a lot.
18:24
You produce.
18:27
You lead.
18:29
You manage.
18:31
You solve everybody's problems.
18:34
You may be the person people call when
18:37
they need money.
18:39
You may be the dependable daughter.
18:43
The dependable mother.
18:46
The dependable sister.
18:48
The dependable friend.
18:50
The dependable employee.
18:52
The dependable business owner.
18:54
And your financial life may reflect that.
18:58
Everybody is represented in it.
19:01
Except future you.
19:04
That needs to change.
19:06
There's nothing selfish about protecting your future.
19:11
There's nothing selfish about investing.
19:14
There's nothing selfish about having reserves.
19:19
About wanting assets.
19:21
There's nothing selfish about deciding that every dollar
19:25
you earn cannot immediately become available to somebody
19:30
else.
19:31
Generosity without boundaries can sometimes become financial self
19:36
-abandonment.
19:38
And that's not what I want from us.
19:41
You should be able to help people you
19:44
love when you choose to.
19:46
But I don't want you arriving at 65
19:49
years old having rescued everybody except for yourself.
19:53
That's not financial feminism.
19:57
Ownership means you're on your own financial priority
20:00
list.
20:01
So let me give you something practical to
20:03
do.
20:04
No complicated spreadsheet.
20:06
No 27 categories.
20:09
No color-coded binder.
20:11
Pull up the last 30 days of your
20:13
transactions from your primary account.
20:16
30 days.
20:17
That's it.
20:18
Don't judge anything.
20:20
That is important.
20:21
And don't immediately start saying, That was stupid.
20:25
Or I can't believe I spent that.
20:27
Or I should not have done that.
20:29
Stop.
20:30
We are just gathering information.
20:33
That's all.
20:34
So take four pieces of paper.
20:37
Four columns.
20:39
Four notes on your phone.
20:40
Whatever works for you.
20:42
And all I want you to do is
20:44
write, Live.
20:47
Protect.
20:48
Own.
20:50
Enjoy.
20:52
Now I want you to sort your money.
20:53
Where did it actually go?
20:56
Not where you intended for it to go.
20:58
Where did it go?
21:00
Your rent might go under Live.
21:03
Your emergency savings transfer goes under Protect.
21:10
Your retirement contribution may go under Own.
21:15
Dinner with your friends may go under Enjoy.
21:19
Some things are going to require judgment.
21:22
And that's fine.
21:23
The purpose is not perfect accounting.
21:25
The purpose is visibility.
21:28
When you finish, What is there?
21:33
Okay.
21:34
I want you to look specifically at Own.
21:38
What's in that category or column?
21:41
Not what you plan to invest.
21:44
Not what you intended to do.
21:46
Not what you are going to do next
21:49
month.
21:49
What did you actually move towards ownership during
21:54
those 30 days?
21:57
Maybe that number makes you proud.
21:59
Good.
22:01
Maybe it surprises you.
22:04
Good.
22:05
Maybe it's zero.
22:07
Good.
22:08
Yes, I said good because now you know.
22:13
Zero is information.
22:16
We don't need shame to change a number.
22:20
We need visibility here.
22:22
And now I want you to ask yourself
22:24
one of the most important questions in this
22:26
entire episode.
22:28
If I repeat this exact financial behavior for
22:31
the next five years, what will I own?
22:36
Not what will you earn?
22:38
What will you own?
22:41
If you continue doing exactly what you did
22:44
during the last 30 days, where does that
22:47
put you five years from now?
22:51
That question may be a little bit uncomfortable,
22:54
but ask it anyway.
22:56
Because your financial future is built whether you
22:59
intentionally build it or not.
23:02
Every month is casting a vote.
23:05
Every paycheck is participating.
23:08
Every financial decision is moving something.
23:13
And the question is where?
23:15
And please do not hear this episode and
23:19
decide you need to overhaul your entire financial
23:22
life by Tuesday, okay?
23:24
That's another reason people abandon budgets.
23:28
We make these enormous promises to ourselves.
23:31
No eating out, no shopping, save $2,000
23:34
a month, pay off everything, invest, start a
23:37
business, and two weeks later, normal life happens.
23:41
And then we decide we failed.
23:43
I would rather you make one decision you
23:46
can sustain.
23:47
Maybe your decision is to move $25 into
23:50
own every payday.
23:54
Maybe it's $100, maybe it's 500.
23:58
Maybe your biggest issue is not own yet.
24:02
Maybe protect needs attention first.
24:05
Maybe you discover that your live number is
24:08
consuming so much of your income that you
24:12
need to examine a major expense instead of
24:15
fighting over coffee.
24:18
Maybe you realize you're putting plenty into own
24:22
but absolutely nothing into enjoy.
24:26
And you have made financial discipline so miserable
24:30
that you can't sustain it.
24:33
That's why we're here.
24:35
And that's why there are four categories.
24:37
Your financial life needs balance and intention.
24:42
Live, protect, own, enjoy.
24:48
And here's the financial feminism principle I want
24:51
you to remember.
24:53
A budget should not control the woman.
24:56
The woman should control the budget.
24:59
Your budget is not your mother.
25:01
It's not punishment.
25:02
It's not a monthly report card telling you
25:05
whether you were good or bad.
25:07
It's a decision document.
25:09
It tells you whether today's money is supporting
25:12
tomorrow's woman.
25:13
That's it.
25:15
And once you understand that budgeting becomes something
25:18
very different.
25:19
It becomes strategy.
25:22
It becomes ownership.
25:24
It becomes choice.
25:26
It becomes a way of saying this is
25:29
what matters to me.
25:31
This is what I'm protecting.
25:33
This is what I'm building.
25:36
This is what I'm willing to spend.
25:39
This is what I am not willing to
25:41
sacrifice.
25:42
This is where my money goes because I
25:44
decided it goes there.
25:46
That is power.
25:48
So here's your assignment.
25:50
Pull the 30 days.
25:53
Sort the money.
25:54
Remember live, protect, own, enjoy.
25:57
And then ask which category needs my attention.
26:00
And if I repeat this for five years,
26:04
what will I own?
26:06
And then I want you inside the financial
26:08
feminism community.
26:10
And no, I don't want your salary.
26:12
I don't want your bank account.
26:13
I don't want you posting personal financial information
26:16
on the internet.
26:17
I want one word.
26:19
Live, protect, own, or enjoy.
26:23
Tell us which category needs your attention.
26:27
If you want to tell us what you
26:29
discovered, tell us.
26:31
If you want to help thinking through, well,
26:34
maybe you want us to help you think,
26:36
what should you examine next?
26:38
Just ask.
26:39
If you're comfortable posting one word, post one
26:44
word.
26:45
Because somebody else is going to see your
26:47
answer and think, wait, I need to look
26:50
at mine.
26:51
And that is how financial feminism becomes more
26:54
than something you listen to.
26:56
We learn something.
26:58
We look at our own lives and we
27:01
make one move.
27:02
We talk about what we discovered.
27:05
We help another woman do the same.
27:08
That is the movement.
27:09
Because I don't want women simply earning more
27:12
money.
27:13
I want us owning more.
27:15
I want us protecting more.
27:17
I want us understanding more.
27:20
I want us having more choices.
27:22
And yes, I want us enjoying some of
27:25
it too.
27:26
You worked for it.
27:28
So, the next time you catch yourself saying,
27:30
I need to get on a budget, change
27:32
the sentence.
27:34
Say, I need to decide what my money
27:37
is building.
27:38
That's a completely different conversation.
27:41
And before you leave, send this episode to
27:44
one woman who keeps saying she needs to
27:47
get on a better budget or get better
27:49
with money.
27:51
Maybe she doesn't need to hear another lecture
27:54
about what to stop buying.
27:58
Maybe she just needs someone to finally show
28:00
her what her money could start building.
28:04
And remember this.
28:05
A budget should not tell a woman what
28:07
she cannot have.
28:09
It should show her what she is building.
28:12
I'm Dr. Tanika Bruce.
28:14
This is Financial Feminism and I will meet
28:16
you inside the community.