Latest / Stuff Mom Never Told You / SMNTY Classics: Daddy Issues

Transcript

SMNTY Classics: Daddy Issues · Stuff Mom Never Told You

0:05
Speaker 1: Hey, this is Annie and Samantha and welcome to stuff.
0:07
Speaker 1: I never told your production of iHeartRadio. And today we
0:20
Speaker 1: have a classic that was mentioned in a recent episode
0:24
Speaker 1: on Daddy Issues because we were talking about the whole
0:26
Speaker 1: internet phenomenon of daddy I embarrassed myself quite a bit,
0:30
Speaker 1: I think, but you know, I wanted to talk about it,
0:33
Speaker 1: learn more about it, and we are going to talk
0:35
Speaker 1: about this more in our some of our upcoming Last
0:39
Speaker 1: of Us React podcast because I didn't really talk about
0:42
Speaker 1: like the the kind of softening of the like, oh
0:47
Speaker 1: now we're hearing these jokes and this music and all
0:49
Speaker 1: this stuff in the spectoria. But we will we will
0:51
Speaker 1: talk about it. But in the meantime, please enjoy this
0:55
Speaker 1: classic episode. Hey, this is Annie and this is Samantha,
1:03
Speaker 1: and welcome to stuff. I never told you. A protection
1:04
Speaker 1: of I Heart Radio's house to works in our continuing
1:17
Speaker 1: discussions around sexuality. Today, we have one that Samantha and
1:22
Speaker 1: I we came up with while we were having some drinks.
1:26
Speaker 1: Of course, yeah day, every day, every time. Yes at
1:29
Speaker 1: my ideas spawn from cheese, adult beverages and or adult beverages,
1:36
Speaker 1: and it is daddy issues. Daddy issues because we were
1:40
Speaker 1: talking about fetishes and we were trying to come up
1:42
Speaker 1: with because we felt like there weren't that many female
1:46
Speaker 1: fetishes right in pop culture, right or that's referenced yeah, yeah,
1:50
Speaker 1: And somehow that turned into what about daddy right. I
1:55
Speaker 1: think we were just talking about some ideas or some uh,
1:59
Speaker 1: what you would say, stereotypes for women, and especially when
2:03
Speaker 1: it comes to sexuality, Yeah, and their sexuality or whatever
2:07
Speaker 1: or from her person who is female. So that's one
2:10
Speaker 1: of those daddy issues comes out a lot. Yeah, I've
2:13
Speaker 1: seen it a lot in men's columns, like in men's magazines.
2:16
Speaker 1: Ye were weird. Yes. When I was researching this, most
2:19
Speaker 1: of the top results were like questionable soil websites being
2:25
Speaker 1: like does your good friend signs of daddy issues? Exactly?
2:31
Speaker 1: Do you need to get out exactly? When I say
2:35
Speaker 1: daddy issues, what do you think of? Samantha? So when
2:38
Speaker 1: I think of daddy issues, I'm actually just thinking in general,
2:41
Speaker 1: like people who are seeking their father's approval essentially and
2:46
Speaker 1: or seeking a father's figure because there was a lack
2:49
Speaker 1: of one or a lack of males in their lives.
2:53
Speaker 1: And I think that goes either way for males or females.
2:56
Speaker 1: I think it translates differently in each one. When it
3:00
Speaker 1: comes to stereotypes, I think of men mate being angry
3:03
Speaker 1: and resentful, and then I think of women as being
3:06
Speaker 1: insecure and needy. And these are just the stereotypes once again.
3:10
Speaker 1: Oh sure, yes, but that's what I think of. Um,
3:13
Speaker 1: I think of strippers, and I know that's terrible. I
3:17
Speaker 1: know it's terrible, but I think it is a running joke.
3:20
Speaker 1: It is and a lot of pop culture that I
3:23
Speaker 1: have consumed that. You know, if you see the stripper,
3:26
Speaker 1: she's got daddy issues, like her dad wasn't there, and
3:29
Speaker 1: that's why she became a stripper. As I'm rewatching thirty Rock,
3:32
Speaker 1: that was literally one of the scenes between Tracy Morgan's
3:37
Speaker 1: character who loves going to strip clubs, and one of
3:39
Speaker 1: the things the stripper is like, oh you have daddy
3:42
Speaker 1: issues or I think tating the face character says something about, yeah,
3:46
Speaker 1: you with all these daddy's issues, these women blah blah
3:49
Speaker 1: blah blah very yeah, telling him that that's what the
3:52
Speaker 1: culture things. Yeah, And I feel like it was in
3:58
Speaker 1: what is that called lampshaded. I don't know if that's character.
4:01
Speaker 1: It means when it's like played on. Um, people know
4:04
Speaker 1: that you think this, and then they kind of reverse.
4:06
Speaker 1: I feel like they did that Independence Day, but it's
4:08
Speaker 1: been a long time since I've seen that. Um. Yes,
4:12
Speaker 1: because Will Smith's wife is a stripper. Oh they did that,
4:16
Speaker 1: I think in UM New Girl Gotta watch way too
4:19
Speaker 1: many second Um, but they nick. The nick character dates
4:24
Speaker 1: a stripper who wants to be a stripper, and takes
4:27
Speaker 1: on the fact that she's a stripper. But of course
4:28
Speaker 1: she's plays the bad girl, you know, like a rebellious individual,
4:32
Speaker 1: hard girl. But yeah, it kind of flips onto the
4:35
Speaker 1: fact that she's not doing it for ABC's this is
4:38
Speaker 1: her job and she enjoys it. Yeah, which you know what, Yeah,
4:41
Speaker 1: go for it. Yes, if it's done legally with consent,
4:44
Speaker 1: M go for it absolutely. Um. When I do think
4:48
Speaker 1: about it a bit longer, I think I have a
4:51
Speaker 1: similar I kind of come more on your track. Um.
4:54
Speaker 1: I have used the phrase jokingly to refer to anyone
4:58
Speaker 1: who has a problic problematic relationsh ship with their father right,
5:01
Speaker 1: and I often comes up again with d D world.
5:07
Speaker 1: Um our entire everyone playing in our campaign has difficulties
5:13
Speaker 1: with their fathers. Shall we say absent fathers, murderer fathers. Wow,
5:19
Speaker 1: got one next step? Yeah, like where will father? It's
5:24
Speaker 1: every single character has something going on with their dad.
5:27
Speaker 1: And this might be a podcast idea for later on.
5:30
Speaker 1: But I was just recently thinking with all of them,
5:33
Speaker 1: I guess dramatizing and or romanticizing up serial killers right now? Yeah? Sure?
5:38
Speaker 1: I wonder how this affects the women in these serial
5:41
Speaker 1: killers lives, you know what I mean? Like what happens
5:44
Speaker 1: to them? How does it follow them? Do they have
5:46
Speaker 1: to like change their identity? What happens to the children
5:49
Speaker 1: that are involved? But like I'm like talking about daddy
5:51
Speaker 1: issues right there? That's true? Or no, you know what
5:54
Speaker 1: I mean? But I think it's something we should search. Yeah,
6:00
Speaker 1: cast either. Um My, my father is not a serial killer.
6:05
Speaker 1: I'm going to put that out there, but I do
6:08
Speaker 1: have a problematic relationship with him, and I think that
6:13
Speaker 1: probably some men I have dated have secretly thought to themselves, right,
6:20
Speaker 1: that's a serial killer? Why children don't know? Samantha, Okay,
6:23
Speaker 1: I don't put that idea in my head, because I
6:26
Speaker 1: will I'll be trying to sleep at night. I'll be like,
6:29
Speaker 1: where was the night of this? I watched too many
6:33
Speaker 1: horror fies. Well, you know that's where it goes. It
6:36
Speaker 1: kind of comes down with people don't know. Sometimes this
6:39
Speaker 1: is true anyway, I won't be able to stop thinking
6:44
Speaker 1: about for me, I think, and for my own relationships.
6:47
Speaker 1: I have a great relationship with my adoptive father. Um,
6:51
Speaker 1: I don't have great relationships with men in general and trust.
6:57
Speaker 1: But I don't think I've ever thought been thought of
6:59
Speaker 1: as having daddy issues as much as being just a bitch.
7:04
Speaker 1: Is that daddy issues? I think that it can be.
7:07
Speaker 1: I think it can be. We'll get into some popular
7:10
Speaker 1: definitions in a second. Um. It is in a lot
7:14
Speaker 1: of our pop culture. It's the name of a movie.
7:17
Speaker 1: There's so many. I think it was like two point.
7:20
Speaker 1: It was the name of a band. A Lana del
7:24
Speaker 1: Ray song. Also apparently Lana del Rey has daddy issues herself.
7:30
Speaker 1: I don't know. Um. A Demi Levado song, a once
7:34
Speaker 1: popular dance party in la Um. The title about twenty
7:38
Speaker 1: eleven episode of The Vampire Diaries, and I'm sure countless
7:42
Speaker 1: and counts so many other things. Um. And it got
7:46
Speaker 1: me to thinking about this whole joke. That's really really
7:48
Speaker 1: sad when you pause to think about it for two seconds,
7:51
Speaker 1: but the whole thing of my dad left for cigarettes
7:53
Speaker 1: and never came back. Yes, in thirty Rock they have
7:57
Speaker 1: this whole somewhat racist. There be sessions based off those. Um, okay, okay,
8:05
Speaker 1: but let's get all right, no no off check with
8:08
Speaker 1: pop culture. So culture is always welcome here, dated pop
8:11
Speaker 1: culture especially welcome. Dictionary dot com defines daddy issues as
8:18
Speaker 1: an informal phrase for the psychological challenges resulting from an
8:22
Speaker 1: absent or abnormal relationship with one's father, often manifesting in
8:26
Speaker 1: a distrust of or sexual desire for men who act
8:29
Speaker 1: as father figures. Indeed, according to most things I saw
8:36
Speaker 1: on the internet, daddy issues refers to a woman who
8:38
Speaker 1: is yeah, and usually as a weird sexualized component, because,
8:44
Speaker 1: of course, because women are involved, yeah exactly. Most of
8:47
Speaker 1: these definitions come from men trying to diagnose their girlfriends
8:52
Speaker 1: daddy issues like we were talking about earlier, and according
8:54
Speaker 1: to them, the signs are sexual aggressiveness, excessive flirting, clingingness,
9:01
Speaker 1: sometimes delusionally overly confident I'm sorry, you're not sorry? Is
9:09
Speaker 1: that just like another word for confidence? The same confidence
9:13
Speaker 1: that men have in general, Mediocre men have probably totally
9:19
Speaker 1: confident if you actually like yourself delusionally, so yes, yes,
9:23
Speaker 1: don't like yourself? Yeah, And now that we're going to
9:25
Speaker 1: talk a little bit about the popular definition. Here's the
9:29
Speaker 1: Urban Dictionary, because you know, they got some good stuff.
9:32
Speaker 1: Their definition is whenever a female has a sub relationship
9:36
Speaker 1: with her father or absence of a father figure during
9:39
Speaker 1: her childhood, it tends to spill into any adult relationship
9:42
Speaker 1: they embark on, and when usually to the chagrin of
9:44
Speaker 1: any poor male in their life. So the sentence comes with, geez,
9:51
Speaker 1: I came home one minute late and my old lady
9:53
Speaker 1: wants me to sleep on the couch. She has some
9:56
Speaker 1: serious daddy issues. Okay, okay, I'm like, that's citizen itself
10:02
Speaker 1: is absurd. But here ten wars related to the daddy issues,
10:05
Speaker 1: according to again Urban Dictionary, which includes slut, sluts, cougar,
10:11
Speaker 1: I didn't know that, douche. That's interesting, sugar, daddy at tension,
10:16
Speaker 1: wore bitch, modern women modern We're just gonna put all
10:20
Speaker 1: that out there. Ohmsa meter, I don't know if that is.
10:25
Speaker 1: I think we need to look that up. And slag,
10:28
Speaker 1: which is a British English term. I said, hi hair
10:32
Speaker 1: often um but yeah, I don't know what I own sameter.
10:37
Speaker 1: It's an older man who has high sexual attraction. Oh
10:42
Speaker 1: really yeah older. It's a gauge women measure in their
10:47
Speaker 1: own mind when considering sleeping with and or admiring the
10:50
Speaker 1: sexual attractedness of an older man. Usually, this gauge is
10:54
Speaker 1: called the msameter and is finally boosted by how much
10:57
Speaker 1: money power of fame this older man has. Do not
11:00
Speaker 1: mistake this for a sugar day. Poor older men can
11:05
Speaker 1: possibly have hell, do not mistake you, fool, you fool?
11:16
Speaker 1: How dare you? Um? Were the olmsa originated from Oh,
11:20
Speaker 1: I'm just going on the whole other issue now, But okay,
11:24
Speaker 1: well olmsa meter. Well, I'm gonna put that in my
11:27
Speaker 1: pocket somewhere. I'm gonna completely forget about it the second
11:32
Speaker 1: we move on. Nah, I'm gonna remind you. Please, how
11:36
Speaker 1: about him? I'd be like, no, neither none. We need
11:41
Speaker 1: to go see how much money he makes. So we
11:43
Speaker 1: need to go up and ask yes, tell me what's
11:46
Speaker 1: your yes? What plan? Do you own a home? And
11:52
Speaker 1: then be taking like studious notes, what is your percentage
11:56
Speaker 1: rate in your UM in your credit card debt and
11:59
Speaker 1: your mortket the APR. I'm sorry, all very important. And
12:03
Speaker 1: then we'll be like, you have homes, you're on the
12:04
Speaker 1: holmes the meter. I guess, the higher the better, I
12:08
Speaker 1: guess well, And then they'll they'll wonder, why is this
12:12
Speaker 1: these random women coming up to me asking me very
12:14
Speaker 1: personal financial question. I'll be like Urban Dictionary. One guy
12:18
Speaker 1: got on here and said this is related. So I'm
12:19
Speaker 1: wanting to know if the men were right. But you're not,
12:22
Speaker 1: sugar daddy. Well, that's why I'm like, I have to
12:24
Speaker 1: categorize you could properly, because that's what we need. Category.
12:29
Speaker 1: I'm gonna put a name tags on people with it
12:32
Speaker 1: the meter or sugar daddy. Oh my goodness, okay, oh
12:39
Speaker 1: me all moving on, Moving on and the LGBTQ plus community.
12:45
Speaker 1: Daddy issues is sometimes applied to gay men, and sometimes
12:48
Speaker 1: to refer to a man in a relationship with an
12:50
Speaker 1: older man. Yeah, and I know there's a category for
12:53
Speaker 1: gay men daddies. Yes, you know. I just take daddies again.
12:58
Speaker 1: Why do I watch so much thirty Rock Alec Baldwin,
13:03
Speaker 1: his character refers himself as a daddy. Oh no, oh yeah,
13:07
Speaker 1: because he's talking to a gay man apparently, But like
13:09
Speaker 1: he's like, I'm a daddy, a daddy bear. I like
13:14
Speaker 1: your Alec Baldwin impression he gets because he got he
13:17
Speaker 1: has those piercing blue eyes. But it's real serious, right,
13:20
Speaker 1: I know how this works. Um, Yeah, but I'm with
13:23
Speaker 1: all of that again. I've also related it to men
13:26
Speaker 1: who are afraid of either turning out to be like
13:28
Speaker 1: their fathers or terrified of being fathers. So these are
13:32
Speaker 1: like actual daddy issues, like literal dad issues, right. I know.
13:37
Speaker 1: It's often used to shame people who are single parents,
13:40
Speaker 1: and specifically used as an argument of having children outside
13:44
Speaker 1: of the marriage. Like I saw a random um article
13:50
Speaker 1: written in a political blog, so an old school political blog,
13:54
Speaker 1: talking about how these daddy issues these are these are
13:57
Speaker 1: not complete nuclear family and so therefore we're creating chaos
14:03
Speaker 1: outside of the perfect family because oh, you know, if
14:07
Speaker 1: there's not a father in the figure, causing more problems
14:09
Speaker 1: and you're going to have more issues and these kids
14:11
Speaker 1: are bad kids or whatever however it might be noted.
14:14
Speaker 1: So daddy issues links to problematic children or problematic futures
14:21
Speaker 1: and dissatisfied futures because there's no true male figure in
14:25
Speaker 1: their lives. So I've seen that too, which is weird
14:29
Speaker 1: in itself, I guess, because apparently there's only one way
14:31
Speaker 1: to have a family. Apparently, all said with a sarcasm.
14:39
Speaker 1: It is a popular phrase in the fetish or king community.
14:44
Speaker 1: A twenty eighteen study found that women who grew up
14:47
Speaker 1: disappointed in their fathers are more likely to interpret interactions
14:50
Speaker 1: with men as sexual. Other studies have linked a daughter's
14:54
Speaker 1: poor relationship with fathers to hire instances of unplanned pregnancy
14:59
Speaker 1: and divorce. And then you gotta think about this, when
15:01
Speaker 1: we say disappointed and their father's there's some things that
15:05
Speaker 1: were not completely noting, such as like abuse within relationships,
15:09
Speaker 1: abuse between like stepfather or you know, an uncle, those
15:13
Speaker 1: strong male figures, which probably made the statistics higher. And
15:16
Speaker 1: I'm thinking that's probably who they kind of get the
15:19
Speaker 1: research based on, mainly because they're more accessible, like based
15:23
Speaker 1: on like police reporting and blah blah blah blah blah. Right,
15:26
Speaker 1: So I think that that needs to be noted as well,
15:28
Speaker 1: because this is not just a number random amounts. I
15:32
Speaker 1: don't think. I think you have to look at the
15:34
Speaker 1: background of what disappointment means, right well, and also as always,
15:41
Speaker 1: so you got you can't causality and correlation or different things,
15:46
Speaker 1: and so many different factors going into people. People are complex,
15:51
Speaker 1: so always you know, got in mine. Another study, yeah,
15:55
Speaker 1: found no link at all between daddy issues in quotes
15:58
Speaker 1: and attachment styles in regards to in dating older men.
16:01
Speaker 1: They found no difference between women in significant age gap
16:04
Speaker 1: relationship which means men who are ten years older at
16:08
Speaker 1: least and those not in significant age gap relationships. In fact,
16:12
Speaker 1: seventy four percent of women in significant age gap relationships
16:16
Speaker 1: were securely attached according to the study. Note these were
16:20
Speaker 1: all heterosexual relationships. I believe thanks, you're about mature man.
16:26
Speaker 1: I guess my parents were eleven years apart. But we
16:31
Speaker 1: have some history about this phrase. But first we're gonna
16:35
Speaker 1: pause for a quick break for word from our sponsor,
16:50
Speaker 1: and we're back. Thank you sponsor, and we're back with
16:54
Speaker 1: some history. Some history daddy issues goes back to Carl
16:59
Speaker 1: Young's idea of electric complex, which is the flip side
17:02
Speaker 1: of the coin of the Oedipus complex, suggesting women compete
17:05
Speaker 1: with their mothers for the attention of their fathers. It's
17:08
Speaker 1: a young woman's subconscious attraction to her father. If you're wondering,
17:13
Speaker 1: because I kind of got to wondering. The sexualized context
17:16
Speaker 1: of daddy came about into the twentieth century, especially in
17:20
Speaker 1: the b DSM Gay in prison communities community. Yes, the
17:24
Speaker 1: related phrase daddy's girl goes back to nineteen twenties, right,
17:29
Speaker 1: It is a fairly recent term entering the records in
17:32
Speaker 1: the nineteen nineties, and Charles Skulls nineteen ninety two book Fathers,
17:36
Speaker 1: Sons and Daughters discussed it, quote, power and authority are
17:40
Speaker 1: daddy issues inside the bedroom as well as out. The
17:43
Speaker 1: first man a girl flirts with is her father? Is
17:46
Speaker 1: her daddy? What gross gros I'm sorry, this is some
17:51
Speaker 1: like freud nonsense that he's trying to put back in
17:54
Speaker 1: the well. I guess one nineteen nineties. But that's absurd.
17:59
Speaker 1: Oh what was its research based on? I don't know.
18:02
Speaker 1: I don't know that there was research. Maybe his own
18:07
Speaker 1: Oh no, oh no. The more acceptable psychological term is
18:12
Speaker 1: father complex, which both women and men can have. Some
18:16
Speaker 1: psychotherapists say that in hetero relationships, a daughter's observance and
18:19
Speaker 1: understanding of how a father treats her mother is one
18:22
Speaker 1: of the most formed of things, or it can be
18:26
Speaker 1: in the daughter's future relationships. Can impact self esteem as well.
18:29
Speaker 1: If the mother puts up with a less than ideal
18:32
Speaker 1: situation or less than ideal treatment, a daughter can internalize
18:35
Speaker 1: this as how women behave and what they're expected to
18:38
Speaker 1: take in relationships. Soun's will experience the same thing in
18:42
Speaker 1: this case that men treat women less than ideally and
18:46
Speaker 1: that's normal and right. I think we've said before, like
18:48
Speaker 1: the tools you get, the tools you learn from your
18:52
Speaker 1: parents are often you find yourself using those tools in
18:56
Speaker 1: your relationships. It just makes sense. It's like observing early
18:59
Speaker 1: and that's the idea that is cyclical whom it comes
19:02
Speaker 1: to abuse. So women who are involved in domestic violence
19:05
Speaker 1: who allow that children expect this is the rest of
19:08
Speaker 1: their life and this is normal, This is normalized behavior.
19:11
Speaker 1: So it becomes a cyclical thing where children after children,
19:14
Speaker 1: generation after generation. It goes through the same process that
19:18
Speaker 1: they go through the same types of relationships. And it's
19:21
Speaker 1: the same way for men where they see this and
19:23
Speaker 1: even if they're very very protective, like I've seen that
19:26
Speaker 1: a lot where the boys want to be protective about
19:28
Speaker 1: the mother, but because they don't understand exactly what's happening,
19:32
Speaker 1: they internalize anger and we act that way because that's
19:34
Speaker 1: what they learn. Like we saw that with Chris Brown.
19:37
Speaker 1: He came from a very abusive relationship, talked about it
19:40
Speaker 1: on Oprah, cried about it, and now we see all
19:43
Speaker 1: of these really disturbing behaviors from him. Because not completely obviously,
19:48
Speaker 1: but there are some ideas like this is a linkage
19:51
Speaker 1: and that you can't ignore that. Yes, and how to
19:55
Speaker 1: break that cycle. Yes, because that is an important point
19:58
Speaker 1: to emphasize it can be broken. Yes. Um. In a
20:01
Speaker 1: nineteen ninety five interview, playwright Tony Kushner said, my anger
20:05
Speaker 1: maybe at a pool mommy and daddy issues, but it's
20:08
Speaker 1: politically and dramatallurgically useful, and we've seen it in pop
20:13
Speaker 1: culture several times. One of the most notable instances was
20:16
Speaker 1: in the poem Daddy by Sylvia Plath, and the poem
20:19
Speaker 1: she declares she is over her daddy issues after she
20:22
Speaker 1: kills them. At the end of the poem, I guess
20:24
Speaker 1: spoiler alert alert, I'm so sorry. I do love some
20:27
Speaker 1: Sylvia Plath. Look. I was like emo girl, feeling my
20:31
Speaker 1: feeling not really emotionally because I was I was about
20:36
Speaker 1: to be like, oh, I was dark. I had a
20:38
Speaker 1: lot like if you looked at my poems from the past,
20:40
Speaker 1: they're all about death. Oh man, we should bring in
20:42
Speaker 1: our poem My mothers I literally read one and she
20:45
Speaker 1: got really concerned. She's like, are you okay? What's wrong
20:49
Speaker 1: with you? I'm like, this is how I think. I
20:51
Speaker 1: remember I was crying because she was really worried, and
20:53
Speaker 1: I was like, no, no, no, this is how I
20:55
Speaker 1: express things. And when I'm sad, this is what I
20:58
Speaker 1: have to do. So nothing, and I'm like, things really
21:00
Speaker 1: good in here. I do have some god ones in there.
21:02
Speaker 1: I think from a religious days. Oh I'm a bad poet.
21:06
Speaker 1: Though after I looked back, I was like, oh bad,
21:09
Speaker 1: that's what makes them fun. Now I'm just saying we
21:13
Speaker 1: should have a poetry a police though my phase is
21:17
Speaker 1: already turning a red with that thought. You if we're
21:19
Speaker 1: gonna do speed dating, then we're gonna do poetry. Now
21:21
Speaker 1: that's going down. Don't can we do it while we're
21:24
Speaker 1: speed dating? Oh, that's that's gonna get all. Everybody's going
21:28
Speaker 1: to want to datas After that, everybody, I'm gonna just
21:32
Speaker 1: do dramatic readings. Bill sit down and I'll be like
21:34
Speaker 1: I kind of want you to take excips of your
21:36
Speaker 1: fan fiction too at the same time, just out of
21:40
Speaker 1: I have a real witness, just put all of that
21:42
Speaker 1: to them and just stare at them intently in the eyes,
21:45
Speaker 1: just as you're reading this out loud. Yes, And every
21:48
Speaker 1: time they try to interrupt, I'm like, ah, not done,
21:51
Speaker 1: not done, rude, rude. I am a catch. Yes you are.
21:58
Speaker 1: In the show How I Met Your Mother, Barney describes
22:01
Speaker 1: the perfect one night stand as a woman with daddy issues.
22:04
Speaker 1: And it's meant to be kind of a joke, right, um,
22:07
Speaker 1: And we wanted to touch on briefly here. Um, the
22:10
Speaker 1: Mama's Boy the male equivalent, although really anyone can have
22:15
Speaker 1: daddy issues, it's just generally assumed to be a woman. Um,
22:20
Speaker 1: compared to daddy issues, Mama's Boy doesn't necessarily have to
22:24
Speaker 1: be a bad thing, right, but it does emasculate a
22:27
Speaker 1: man as where other sexual like highly sexual. Yeah, terms,
22:32
Speaker 1: this is now a pansy essentially, right. I don't believe
22:36
Speaker 1: that I'm just saying that, right, right, right, right? Um? Yeah,
22:40
Speaker 1: I feel like you know, in our in our culture
22:43
Speaker 1: than being more feminine, being emasculated is bad, right, But
22:48
Speaker 1: I do think that, um, it can have kind of
22:51
Speaker 1: aspects of it can be good, like oh, he's just
22:55
Speaker 1: you know. But you know what, I even see that
22:57
Speaker 1: turned on women as well, because the mom due a
23:02
Speaker 1: mom is the one that was overly protected and didn't
23:05
Speaker 1: want to share him with anyone and make sure that
23:07
Speaker 1: no other woman is as good as her. That's true,
23:10
Speaker 1: and that's used in like the mother in law context
23:12
Speaker 1: as well. But yeah, even with this, even though it's
23:16
Speaker 1: supposed to be about a boy, and it's still not awful,
23:18
Speaker 1: the mom, the female, the mother figures the one that
23:21
Speaker 1: still comes out as a monster. Isn't that interesting? M
23:29
Speaker 1: I've never heard mommy issues used in conversation to my recollection,
23:34
Speaker 1: but it does exist and refers to emotionally unavailable men
23:38
Speaker 1: without the sexualized connotation of daddy issues exactly exactly. I
23:42
Speaker 1: have also heard this as an excuse of the failing
23:44
Speaker 1: of the nuclear family once again. Yeah, this whole idea
23:47
Speaker 1: that without a father and the family just it fails
23:50
Speaker 1: somehow to teach the daughter or soon how to be
23:52
Speaker 1: normal and well well adjusted. And we can argue how
23:56
Speaker 1: inaccurate normal is in the ideation of Yeah, so I
24:01
Speaker 1: think this is why they use this as an argument
24:04
Speaker 1: in the LGBTQ not being allowed to adopt, saying that
24:08
Speaker 1: this is not a Christian family, which we're seeing a
24:11
Speaker 1: turn right now with Trump trying to allow adoption agencies
24:15
Speaker 1: to deny gay and lesbians of the LGBTQ will allow
24:21
Speaker 1: to be adopt children, which is which again is ironic
24:26
Speaker 1: in comparison with the whole fetus life idea in taking
24:32
Speaker 1: care of children, because I will say, from the d
24:35
Speaker 1: years of working in this field, that is seriously sad um.
24:41
Speaker 1: But anyway, yeah, so I think a lot of that
24:44
Speaker 1: has to do with this whole idea of Okay, if
24:47
Speaker 1: there's no mother figure to balance this out or a
24:49
Speaker 1: father figure to balance this out, this is not going
24:52
Speaker 1: to be healthy for this child and they're going to
24:55
Speaker 1: turn gay. That's my other favorite dumbass argument. But I
24:59
Speaker 1: hear which I am passionate about advocating for those because
25:05
Speaker 1: as a person who has adopted myself, and as a
25:07
Speaker 1: person who sees so many kids in the foster home
25:11
Speaker 1: that needs someone just to care. So it makes me
25:14
Speaker 1: really angry that we would deny the children to have
25:18
Speaker 1: a saving, happy home. Absolutely, and I think that when
25:24
Speaker 1: we hear the phrase daddy issues and we see it
25:28
Speaker 1: thrown about in our pop cultures so much it is
25:31
Speaker 1: easy to kind of dismiss it as though this is just,
25:34
Speaker 1: you know, a silly, silly thing, But it touches on
25:39
Speaker 1: things undercurrents in our belief systems, right, what our society
25:45
Speaker 1: is built on, that point to very real problems that
25:50
Speaker 1: are impacting. Right, that people that literally deny people happiness
25:55
Speaker 1: and deny people some rights essentially because of an idea
26:00
Speaker 1: that's not really proven. Yeah. Yeah, so it's it is important, um,
26:07
Speaker 1: more important than perhaps I would think, or you would
26:10
Speaker 1: think at first hearing Daddy Issues. It's kind of it's
26:13
Speaker 1: a joke to a certain extent, and apparently mentally believe this,
26:18
Speaker 1: I guess. So, like I said, all the first page
26:20
Speaker 1: of Google search results was Yeah, I think that's all
26:23
Speaker 1: like GQ and the Little Muscle magazines or whatever, all.
26:26
Speaker 1: Just like Cosmo has ten tips to have great sex,
26:29
Speaker 1: it's like ten tips to see if you're not Daddy
26:32
Speaker 1: issues you y'all. Uh, we do have a little bit
26:39
Speaker 1: more touching on that, but first we have one more
26:42
Speaker 1: quick break forward from our sponsor and we're back, thank
26:57
Speaker 1: you sponsor. So we have some concluding thoughts on Yes,
27:04
Speaker 1: clearly on daddy issues, and I feel like we were
27:09
Speaker 1: talking about um a bit earlier. It's another way of
27:14
Speaker 1: putting men's failings on women, blaming women, right, they're all
27:18
Speaker 1: crazy men exactly um or. I mean I've even heard
27:23
Speaker 1: and I know we've seen this in our pop culture too,
27:26
Speaker 1: but like the wife in this very nuclear family UM context,
27:34
Speaker 1: she's the reason that the father figure cheated or left
27:38
Speaker 1: or the daughter is like, it's not his fat as.
27:42
Speaker 1: In fact, you paint these women as being uh oh
27:46
Speaker 1: like like essentially this herpy type of um nag essentially,
27:54
Speaker 1: and they're always that way, Like even when you know
27:58
Speaker 1: that this is not you still have the feeling of
28:00
Speaker 1: I don't like you, you know what I mean, Like, um,
28:04
Speaker 1: what is the old school show Raymond? Yeah, the wife
28:09
Speaker 1: was portrayed that way. Yeah, I think that was like
28:12
Speaker 1: I think they ended up be in a good relationship,
28:13
Speaker 1: but it still was like, uh yeah. I got really
28:16
Speaker 1: turned off from sitcoms like that for a while because
28:18
Speaker 1: I noticed, like it was always a husband who Chamberlain
28:22
Speaker 1: wasn't that attractive, right, oh, Always that was the formula,
28:27
Speaker 1: the super particulously hot wife that that doesn't make sense
28:30
Speaker 1: and he is like screwing up and never around right
28:33
Speaker 1: and painting her as yeah, being shrill or annoying. Right,
28:38
Speaker 1: she's like, you need to come home and take care
28:40
Speaker 1: of the kids while holiday, you'd be late, and he's like,
28:44
Speaker 1: I'm just having my fun, yeah, being nice, or that
28:47
Speaker 1: same trope of men being forgetful but being forgiven, and
28:52
Speaker 1: she's being overly thoughtful but at the same time demanding. Yeah,
28:55
Speaker 1: it's kind of just the over the top. You're like,
28:57
Speaker 1: why is it always that the mom has to be
29:00
Speaker 1: bad guy? Yes, the same thing with um. This is doubtfire.
29:04
Speaker 1: The perfect example. Sally Fiels is painted as and she
29:08
Speaker 1: says it, I am always a bad guy because I
29:10
Speaker 1: have to be responsible. And he's doing all these things
29:12
Speaker 1: without talking to her, and he seemed like the victim.
29:16
Speaker 1: You have the sad picture of him the entire time,
29:20
Speaker 1: as if he's being persecuted. Yes, she's asking me to
29:24
Speaker 1: do the dishes, right, not true? Right, I can't keep
29:29
Speaker 1: a job. How dare you be that demanding and you
29:31
Speaker 1: have the better job that takes your time because I
29:34
Speaker 1: don't have a job. Yeah, man, I die hard too.
29:38
Speaker 1: It is a lot a lot anyway. Pop culture time,
29:44
Speaker 1: culture time all all the references in this episode specifically,
29:49
Speaker 1: that's what we're here for. If a woman has issues
29:52
Speaker 1: because of their father, it is somehow their false and
29:55
Speaker 1: excusing bad fathers and turning it around with the daughters
29:58
Speaker 1: is kind of the I would say of daddy issues.
30:02
Speaker 1: It's that it's also or the mother's fault. Yeah, it's
30:04
Speaker 1: one of the female's faults for sure. Throw them away, right.
30:09
Speaker 1: It's kind of an equivalent to shutting down women for
30:11
Speaker 1: being hysterical or emotional, kind of a way of gaslighting. Also,
30:17
Speaker 1: the narrative of absent fathers creating daddy issues suggest a
30:20
Speaker 1: father is necessary to grow up without such issues. She
30:24
Speaker 1: ignores non hetero couples, single mothers, so many others, so
30:28
Speaker 1: many other experiences, and again single parents, all the rock stars.
30:33
Speaker 1: That's all I have to say. When you keep that
30:36
Speaker 1: money going and keep the house going and keep the
30:39
Speaker 1: kids saying wonderful. I Also, I do feel like daddy
30:44
Speaker 1: issues is frequently used to shut down kinks and sexual
30:47
Speaker 1: interest a woman might have. The daddy fetish is more
30:51
Speaker 1: about authority and power play, just a fire right, and
30:55
Speaker 1: they need to be watched over. Yes, and we're gonna
31:00
Speaker 1: touch on that a bit sure episodes, you have some
31:03
Speaker 1: good stuff coming. We do. If you think you do
31:06
Speaker 1: have a father complex, experts recommend therapy if possible, and
31:10
Speaker 1: if not, taking time alone to do some introspection, take
31:13
Speaker 1: stock of any relationship patterns, and learning to be okay
31:16
Speaker 1: with yourself in general. I think that's good advice, right.
31:18
Speaker 1: I mean, I don't think I have daddy issues, but
31:20
Speaker 1: I definitely have parent issues, you know what I mean.
31:23
Speaker 1: We were talking about one of the big things for
31:26
Speaker 1: me as my families political opinions and mine are very
31:30
Speaker 1: extreme and sometimes it is a little difficult. Especially I
31:33
Speaker 1: am an adopted careeran girl, so therefore I'm a brown
31:37
Speaker 1: girl in a white family, and it becomes problematic because
31:41
Speaker 1: of the way I see the world and the way
31:43
Speaker 1: they see the world are two different perspectives. And that
31:46
Speaker 1: has nothing to do with the fact that I had
31:47
Speaker 1: daddy issues. It's just parent issues. Yeah, that's most people. Yeah,
31:52
Speaker 1: And I say this as I agree. You don't have
31:54
Speaker 1: to say you have a father complex. If you say
31:55
Speaker 1: you have issues with your parents, with your father, with
31:58
Speaker 1: your father, whatever, you need to get araby because therapy
32:02
Speaker 1: is wonderful. So we all amen, Hallelujah. We don't get
32:11
Speaker 1: any sponsorship, don't get any referral fees, mysterious therapy, a
32:19
Speaker 1: counsel that's paying us to say this, it does not exist,
32:22
Speaker 1: it doesn't know. Or counsel yourself with your friends. Yeah. Yeah,
32:26
Speaker 1: And I do think that you can have a lot
32:29
Speaker 1: of growth by especially if you've ever had a relationship
32:35
Speaker 1: that lasted for a while and like, and I'm just
32:39
Speaker 1: a nerd, but like I would suggest to look at
32:44
Speaker 1: what why it failed or it didn't work out right, um,
32:48
Speaker 1: and then just see. I think a lot of for
32:50
Speaker 1: me is watching other people's relationships as well, and and
32:54
Speaker 1: talking to other people because I get generally confused about
32:58
Speaker 1: how it works. Sure anything long term doesn't seem real
33:03
Speaker 1: to me anyway, one of my mini issues. So, but talk,
33:08
Speaker 1: being able to talk to friends who have experienced good
33:10
Speaker 1: relationships or even bad relationships really helpful. You start like
33:14
Speaker 1: understanding a little more about the individual tracks and like
33:17
Speaker 1: watching from the outside of the different perspectives and voices.
33:20
Speaker 1: I think it's important too. Yeah yeah, so, and I
33:26
Speaker 1: feel we all reach that point when we get older
33:29
Speaker 1: where we do see ourselves making the mistakes that our
33:31
Speaker 1: parents made and we just didn't realize it right. Maybe
33:35
Speaker 1: I'm over generalizing, but I feel like me and a
33:36
Speaker 1: lot of my friends experienced that. Yeah. So instead of thinking, oh,
33:42
Speaker 1: I've got daddy issues, yeah, you just I mean, honestly,
33:46
Speaker 1: my sister used to get whatever, she used to get
33:50
Speaker 1: flack for the fact that she had a really great
33:52
Speaker 1: relationship with our father, and therefore she wanted to have
33:56
Speaker 1: a relationship like her mom and dad. Like her mom
33:58
Speaker 1: and dad, because they're very as a couple, they're amazing,
34:02
Speaker 1: And I think, is that a daddy issue? I guess,
34:05
Speaker 1: so you can't win for losing because they have a
34:08
Speaker 1: healthy relationship. They really do, and they're really close. And
34:11
Speaker 1: I said, I have a good relationship with my dad
34:12
Speaker 1: as well. We may not agree on things, but he's
34:15
Speaker 1: very understanding to a certain degree. At least we talked
34:18
Speaker 1: things through. That's what we can do. And for my mother,
34:22
Speaker 1: for my father and my sister, they really really close.
34:26
Speaker 1: He's a cuddler. He will always hug you. He makes
34:28
Speaker 1: you to tell you I love you every time he
34:30
Speaker 1: sees you like he's one of those I went away.
34:32
Speaker 1: This is really dorky. I went away across the country
34:35
Speaker 1: for two years, and he would be like, Okay, when
34:39
Speaker 1: you see the moon. No, I'm looking at the same
34:41
Speaker 1: moon too, and I'm thinking how much I love you
34:43
Speaker 1: and how proud of you I am. That's my dad,
34:45
Speaker 1: you know what I'm saying. But the fact is she
34:48
Speaker 1: got flat for being too healthy in that relationship and
34:52
Speaker 1: actually caring about our father's opinions and or going to
34:55
Speaker 1: our father for opinions and for encouragement and love. So
35:01
Speaker 1: even though you can't win, yeah, you really can't win.
35:03
Speaker 1: I personally feel like it's just another kind of misogyny
35:10
Speaker 1: generally right, misogyny rearing its ugly ahead and shutting down
35:14
Speaker 1: women for what X, y Z whatever reason exactly. Yeah,
35:18
Speaker 1: I can't connect with you till that means you have
35:19
Speaker 1: daddy issues. Those are our thoughts, but we would love
35:24
Speaker 1: to hear your thost listener, Please indust your thoughts because
35:27
Speaker 1: we're gonna be in our own heads or talking on
35:29
Speaker 1: the mic about it. Yes, we keep put some facts
35:31
Speaker 1: in here though we did, We did, and we would. Yeah,
35:35
Speaker 1: we would love to hear anybody what your take on
35:37
Speaker 1: daddy issues is. We would love to hear from you.
35:40
Speaker 1: You can email us at Stuffmedia Mom, Stuff at iHeartMedia
35:44
Speaker 1: dot com. Anything sent to the multitudes multiple old email
35:48
Speaker 1: address as I cannot keep track. It should all arrive
35:51
Speaker 1: to this final destination, so don't worry about that. You
35:56
Speaker 1: can also find us on Twitter at mom Stuff Podcasts
35:59
Speaker 1: and on Instagram at Stuff I've Never told you, And
36:01
Speaker 1: I do have a quick announcement quick announcement. Yes some
36:04
Speaker 1: of you know. I am also on the podcast saver
36:07
Speaker 1: all about food and drink and we are going to
36:09
Speaker 1: Hawaii for not one but two weeks. Yes, that's okay.
36:14
Speaker 1: I don't get to go, so I'm really better. Is
36:16
Speaker 1: a very bitter, very strong cup of tea over there.
36:23
Speaker 1: So I just want to put that out there because um,
36:26
Speaker 1: there's a rush to get a lot of stuff done
36:29
Speaker 1: before I go, and I think we'll manage it. But
36:33
Speaker 1: if if there are a couple more classics, then you'll
36:36
Speaker 1: know why. You'll know why because I am in Hawaii
36:40
Speaker 1: and I refuse to work while she's on the beach. Yes,
36:43
Speaker 1: you're just gonna protests at my desk even though I'm
36:46
Speaker 1: not there. I'm just gonna start putting like random fishes
36:48
Speaker 1: on your desk. Yes, I told you the plan. Oh no,
36:56
Speaker 1: you're always doing that. You're always telling me the plan,
36:58
Speaker 1: but it somehow still works, So I guess you're you're
37:01
Speaker 1: doing something right. I'm just a little bitter. Thanks, as
37:04
Speaker 1: always to our super producer Andrew Howard was also leading me.
37:08
Speaker 1: Yes like you either. Thanks to you for listening. Thank you, guys.
37:13
Speaker 1: Stuff Mom Never Told You's a production of iHeartRadio's House
37:16
Speaker 1: Stuff Works. For more podcasts from iHeartRadio, visit the iHeartRadio app,
37:19
Speaker 1: Apple podcast, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.