Latest / Mother Makes Music / Episode 1: The Juggle is Real

Transcript

Episode 1: The Juggle is Real · Mother Makes Music

• 0:13
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome to the first ever Mother Makes Music podcast.
• 0:17
  SPEAKER_00: My name is Megan McKay.
• 0:19
  SPEAKER_00: I'm your host, and I'm so happy you're here.
• 0:21
  SPEAKER_00: I want to be completely honest with you as we start this podcast and share that this is not the first time that I have recorded an intro episode.
• 0:29
  SPEAKER_00: I did one in the spring and I even did a couple interviews.
• 0:33
  SPEAKER_00: And then what was going to be a short pause for the summer turned into a significantly longer pause as I kind of wrapped my head around a really interesting summer and what I wanted to do with this podcast.
• 0:49
  SPEAKER_00: So let me tell you about it.
• 0:50
  SPEAKER_00: I got a job this summer that is with an organization that I've been working with for several years and a job that I've really wanted for a while.
• 0:59
  SPEAKER_00: And I am the kind of person where when I commit to doing something, I want to do it well.
• 1:04
  SPEAKER_00: And this organization was in a bit of a transitional period, and I really just wanted to carry them through it and show up and just make things as smooth and good as I could.
• 1:17
  SPEAKER_00: And I put a lot of time and energy into this job at a time where I really didn't have much time or energy to give.
• 1:25
  SPEAKER_00: It was the summertime.
• 1:26
  SPEAKER_00: My kids don't go to daycare.
• 1:28
  SPEAKER_00: So aside from a couple of day camps, I really don't have childcare over the summer.
• 1:32
  SPEAKER_00: And my husband is a touring musician, so it is one of his busiest seasons.
• 1:35
  SPEAKER_00: So it was a lot of multitasking, a lot of working at night, a lot of trying to balance everything to be able to do the job that I knew I was capable of doing for this organization that I really care about.
• 1:47
  SPEAKER_00: Then my husband started working with this really cool artist, and she ended up in a situation where she was going to a festival and just needed somebody to be like a day of tour manager.
• 1:59
  SPEAKER_00: So I, for the first time ever, got to travel with an artist to a different province.
• 2:04
  SPEAKER_00: We were there for four nights, got to go to what I think is probably one of the best folk festivals in Canada.
• 2:11
  SPEAKER_00: It was incredible.
• 2:12
  SPEAKER_00: And it was really neat to kind of experience what my husband experiences all the time.
• 2:18
  SPEAKER_00: The traveling and being with a band.
• 2:20
  SPEAKER_00: And I mean, it was great.
• 2:22
  SPEAKER_00: Went out for dinner.
• 2:24
  SPEAKER_00: I went for walks in the morning.
• 2:25
  SPEAKER_00: I got my match.
• 2:26
  SPEAKER_00: I went to the pool.
• 2:26
  SPEAKER_00: I went to the gym.
• 2:27
  SPEAKER_00: I went to the bar.
• 2:28
  SPEAKER_00: I talked with adults.
• 2:29
  SPEAKER_00: It was delightful.
• 2:30
  SPEAKER_00: And the camp of people that I went with were really, really cool.
• 2:33
  SPEAKER_00: I really enjoyed getting to know them and getting to spend time with them.
• 2:36
  SPEAKER_00: But here's okay, here's what happened.
• 2:38
  SPEAKER_00: So I'm out on the road with a band, something I've always dreamed of.
• 2:42
  SPEAKER_00: I'm getting to play tour manager, which is a job that I've never gotten to do, but I would love to do it.
• 2:48
  SPEAKER_00: And I think I'd be really good at it.
• 2:50
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know how, when, where that would ever happen to me, but I would love to do that.
• 2:56
  SPEAKER_00: So I'm getting to play pretend doing a job that I would love to do with a really cool group of people at an amazing festival in the middle of the summer.
• 3:02
  SPEAKER_00: It was delightful.
• 3:03
  SPEAKER_00: And even though I was having the best time, I still felt completely heartsick about it.
• 3:08
  SPEAKER_00: And I was just like, well, there's four bedtimes I'm never getting back.
• 3:13
  SPEAKER_00: My best friend's daughter had her birthday party.
• 3:15
  SPEAKER_00: She's the closest thing I will ever have to a niece.
• 3:18
  SPEAKER_00: Missed it.
• 3:18
  SPEAKER_00: My husband was working really weird hours for a show that entire time that I was gone.
• 3:24
  SPEAKER_00: So I was hemorrhaging childcare, like pulling favors with everybody.
• 3:29
  SPEAKER_00: My mom, my dad, a neighbor that babysits, just like anybody that I could get to watch these children, which also made me feel guilty because they didn't have a consistent childcare person for the four days.
• 3:40
  SPEAKER_00: It was, it was just really pieced together.
• 3:43
  SPEAKER_00: And it sort of made me wonder.
• 3:45
  SPEAKER_00: Here I am having an incredible experience.
• 3:49
  SPEAKER_00: Like the kind of thing that I will be talking about forever.
• 3:52
  SPEAKER_00: Because this artist, she's incredible.
• 3:55
  SPEAKER_00: She's kind of at the beginning stages of her career, but she's gonna be huge.
• 3:59
  SPEAKER_00: I will be insufferable one day telling this story, because that's just the caliber of this artist.
• 4:04
  SPEAKER_00: So it couldn't have been a cooler situation for me to be in.
• 4:08
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm still missing my kids, feeling guilty that I'm not at home.
• 4:12
  SPEAKER_00: And it just sort of made me wonder if that's just my reality.
• 4:17
  SPEAKER_00: If I am always going to feel like I'm not doing what I should be doing.
• 4:20
  SPEAKER_00: Because I have aspirations, I have goals, I have things that I want to do in the industry.
• 4:26
  SPEAKER_00: And I also have always wanted to be a mom.
• 4:28
  SPEAKER_00: That is, at the end of the day, my favorite job, my most important job.
• 4:32
  SPEAKER_00: There will never ever be anything more important to me than being a mom.
• 4:34
  SPEAKER_00: But I still find myself when I'm with my kids.
• 4:36
  SPEAKER_00: I feel guilty about all the things I'm not doing, whether that's professional, all the work that I'm not doing, or just around the house, all the dishes that need to be done, all the laundry that needs to get put away.
• 4:46
  SPEAKER_00: I'm thinking about all those things.
• 4:48
  SPEAKER_00: And then when I'm working, I'm thinking about how I should be home with my kids.
• 4:50
  SPEAKER_00: And you know, I remember seeing this post where she was talking about how part of being a mom is knowing that it is a juggling act, but that some balls are plastic and some balls are glass.
• 4:59
  SPEAKER_00: I feel like for me, when I'm in something, it's really hard to identify what is glass and what is plastic.
• 5:06
  SPEAKER_00: Especially with parenting, I just feel like every decision when you're in it feels like the biggest deal.
• 5:12
  SPEAKER_00: Like I can remember I would contact nap with my daughter and you look online and there's accounts that'll tell you you're ruining your kid, they're never gonna sleep independently.
• 5:20
  SPEAKER_00: That's the worst thing that you could do.
• 5:22
  SPEAKER_00: But it felt right to me, so I did it.
• 5:24
  SPEAKER_00: And she sleeps beautifully.
• 5:25
  SPEAKER_00: Both my kids are great sleepers, they both contact napped, but there are accounts that will tell you that you're ruining your kids.
• 5:33
  SPEAKER_00: And at the time, napping did feel like the biggest deal in the world.
• 5:38
  SPEAKER_00: Now she's five and a half.
• 5:39
  SPEAKER_00: I can look back and be like, wow, you that was a little bit much.
• 5:44
  SPEAKER_00: We did not have to spend that much mental energy thinking about napping.
• 5:48
  SPEAKER_00: But at the time, it did feel like the biggest deal in the world.
• 5:51
  SPEAKER_00: So, all this to say, I think when I originally was thinking about this podcast, it was about connecting.
• 5:59
  SPEAKER_00: I just wanted to talk to other moms, see what they were doing.
• 6:05
  SPEAKER_00: But when I really think about it, think about how motherhood can feel so lonely.
• 6:13
  SPEAKER_00: Like I can remember having this feeling my kids were little and they would wake up crying in the middle of the night, and everyone in the house would be asleep except me and the baby.
• 6:23
  SPEAKER_00: They're losing it.
• 6:24
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know what they need, I do not know how to fix it.
• 6:26
  SPEAKER_00: You look outside, everyone in your neighborhood, their lights are off.
• 6:30
  SPEAKER_00: And just this feeling of like, I am the only person in the world awake right now, even though you know it's not true, it just feels unbearably lonely.
• 6:40
  SPEAKER_00: And I think motherhood can feel that way, especially in an industry that is not designed for mothers.
• 6:47
  SPEAKER_00: But I think there's something to be said for talking to each other, and there's something to be said for knowing that somebody else that you look up to or admire or even consider a peer is having the same struggles you are.
• 7:02
  SPEAKER_00: They're just not talking about it.
• 7:04
  SPEAKER_00: Or maybe different struggles than you are.
• 7:06
  SPEAKER_00: I think there's so much to be said for sharing stories and experiences and problems and solutions and gripes and wins, and there's so much in motherhood that is so joyful and you can't understand unless you're a mom.
• 7:20
  SPEAKER_00: And there's so much in motherhood that is so hard that you can't understand unless you're a mom.
• 7:27
  SPEAKER_00: And I just wanna I just wanna talk about those things and normalize those things and just say, you know, I think this is a battle that we are all in, even if it's silent, because this is the hardest struggling act I'll ever do.
• 7:44
  SPEAKER_00: So I think this podcast is for you if you are a mom.
• 7:49
  SPEAKER_00: If you're a mom working in music, if you know a mom, if you love a mom, if you want to support a mom, if you want to understand a mom, if you want to be a mom one day, I think you'll find something here.
• 7:58
  SPEAKER_00: I think there'll be a little something for everybody.
• 8:01
  SPEAKER_00: I'm really looking forward to the conversations that we're gonna have in this space.
• 8:06
  SPEAKER_00: And I just invite you to come along for the ride.