Latest / The Inspiring Real Life / "I'll Be Happy When..." (And Other Lies We Tell Ourselves)

Transcript

"I'll Be Happy When..." (And Other Lies We Tell Ourselves) · The Inspiring Real Life

• 0:04
  SPEAKER_00: Hi babes and besties.
• 0:06
  SPEAKER_00: I have a question for you.
• 0:07
  SPEAKER_00: Do you ever buy yourself like a special notebook, piece of clothing, maybe perfume, and then you put it on a prized spot on your shelf, maybe your night table, and you're like, I am saving that for.
• 0:18
  SPEAKER_00: You never use it.
• 0:19
  SPEAKER_00: When I was a kid, I used to collect these really cutesy notebooks, and I'd be like, this one is too pretty to use.
• 0:26
  SPEAKER_00: I bought one over a decade ago that I just started using last year.
• 0:30
  SPEAKER_00: I moved it to every single college dorm.
• 0:32
  SPEAKER_00: I moved it to my first apartment, my first house that I bought.
• 0:35
  SPEAKER_00: And now it's here in my house with my husband, and I'm finally using the notebook.
• 0:40
  SPEAKER_00: Or I've bought really nice perfume and I wasn't touching it.
• 0:44
  SPEAKER_00: I saw a TikTok about a year ago, and this gal was like, why are we waiting to use our things?
• 0:48
  SPEAKER_00: Like every single day deserves to be celebrated.
• 0:52
  SPEAKER_00: And it was like a light bulb went off.
• 0:55
  SPEAKER_00: And I was like, You're so right.
• 0:58
  SPEAKER_00: Why am I waiting to use my things?
• 1:00
  SPEAKER_00: Like today is worthy of burning the really nice candle.
• 1:03
  SPEAKER_00: So I burned a btique candles on Tuesdays now, really any day, but it doesn't matter.
• 1:08
  SPEAKER_00: Or I bought a candle at a hotel that we stayed at last year and I'm using it.
• 1:14
  SPEAKER_00: So now when I travel or I'm out with friends and there's something nice that I want, it's so much more fun to get it because then like the smell and what I'm using brings me back to that moment.
• 1:23
  SPEAKER_00: On a much larger scale, though, I think we do this with our lives.
• 1:27
  SPEAKER_00: It's actually called the waiting room syndrome.
• 1:29
  SPEAKER_00: It's a real thing where you don't let your life really begin, I say that in air quotes, until you have fulfilled like the next milestone.
• 1:37
  SPEAKER_00: So we're in a trap of waiting for the next thing to enjoy or start our lives.
• 1:42
  SPEAKER_00: For example, you could be an individual right now that has so many deadlines between now and January, but you know you need to work out.
• 1:48
  SPEAKER_00: And you're like, well, I just have to like finish getting through like these deadlines and then I can work out.
• 1:53
  SPEAKER_00: Or once I get the promotion, then I'll be able to do X.
• 1:57
  SPEAKER_00: And sometimes, realistically speaking, you actually do need the money to do the next thing.
• 2:02
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe you're driving an old car from 10 years ago.
• 2:05
  SPEAKER_00: And once you get this promotion in six months, then you can buy the nice new car that you've been thinking about.
• 2:10
  SPEAKER_00: But that's not what I'm talking about.
• 2:11
  SPEAKER_00: I am talking about the waiting to have the things that like you're even said you deprive yourself of things you don't think you deserve because you're waiting on the next thing.
• 2:20
  SPEAKER_00: But a really good example of what I'm talking about is I went to school and a lot of my friends got married while we were in school or shortly after we graduated.
• 2:29
  SPEAKER_00: And I was a little single Pringle and I hated it.
• 2:33
  SPEAKER_00: And so everything I did was operating under this assumption of, well, when I meet the guy, or when I get married, or then I can do this.
• 2:41
  SPEAKER_00: And I had a lot of people in my life that were also doing the same thing and were almost encouraging that.
• 2:47
  SPEAKER_00: And so, like every day I'd be like, Well, Mr.
• 2:50
  SPEAKER_00: Wright's just around the bend.
• 2:52
  SPEAKER_00: And he never was, at least not at that time.
• 2:55
  SPEAKER_00: And so I had a very wise friend say, you really should build a life that you will actually grieve when you leave that stage of life.
• 3:03
  SPEAKER_00: And so, you know, I ruminated on that for a bit and I was like, oh, she's so right.
• 3:08
  SPEAKER_00: Well, initially I was like, What are you talking about?
• 3:10
  SPEAKER_00: And then once I thought about it, I was like, Oh, you're so right.
• 3:12
  SPEAKER_00: There's so many things I can't do as an individual in a relationship, as someone that's single.
• 3:18
  SPEAKER_00: Like a super small example.
• 3:19
  SPEAKER_00: I'm a really big baker and I really wanted a kitchen aid.
• 3:22
  SPEAKER_00: I had two different women tell me, Well, you're not married, you don't need a kitchen aid.
• 3:26
  SPEAKER_00: And I was like, What?
• 3:27
  SPEAKER_00: I want to bake.
• 3:28
  SPEAKER_00: I don't want to hand mix, I want my nice mixer to mix it for me.
• 3:32
  SPEAKER_00: So I bought a kitchen aid while I was single.
• 3:34
  SPEAKER_00: Once I internalized my friend's advice, I started living so dramatically different.
• 3:40
  SPEAKER_00: I went out for girls' nights on a whim.
• 3:42
  SPEAKER_00: I had people over all the time.
• 3:44
  SPEAKER_00: So there's all these things, and if you're in a relationship, you know exactly what I'm talking about, that when you're single, it's just a lot easier to do.
• 3:52
  SPEAKER_00: Or even maybe enjoy dating and meeting people in a way you don't do when you're in a relationship.
• 3:58
  SPEAKER_00: So I bought my house in that season of I bought that house while I was in the waiting room of singleness.
• 4:04
  SPEAKER_00: I decorated it, and guess what, ladies?
• 4:06
  SPEAKER_00: It was Hannah's dream house.
• 4:08
  SPEAKER_00: There was pink everywhere, floral, my trim was like this blue-gray.
• 4:13
  SPEAKER_00: And guess what?
• 4:14
  SPEAKER_00: I didn't have to figure out if my partner liked the rug that I chose.
• 4:19
  SPEAKER_00: It was fun.
• 4:20
  SPEAKER_00: It was a really good time of my life.
• 4:22
  SPEAKER_00: Now my husband is a very invested individual and he wants to help pick out the rug.
• 4:27
  SPEAKER_00: But honestly, that season I just took to, and this was before like romantic.
• 4:32
  SPEAKER_00: I wouldn't even have called it romanticizing my life because that wasn't the trendy way to put it, but I did.
• 4:36
  SPEAKER_00: I romanticized a couple nights at home a week, and it was wonderful.
• 4:41
  SPEAKER_00: I was able to thoroughly enjoy my time as a single gal.
• 4:45
  SPEAKER_00: But I just had like this routine of really romanticizing my life and enjoying my life in that moment.
• 4:52
  SPEAKER_00: I was aware that there was something off here that I wanted more, but I was so focused on cultivating a life that I loved while I was waiting that it stopped feeling like waiting.
• 5:01
  SPEAKER_00: And that's when I met my husband.
• 5:03
  SPEAKER_00: And a lot of people say when you stop looking for someone, that's when you'll find someone.
• 5:07
  SPEAKER_00: Well, I think that's what makes you more attractive to other people.
• 5:10
  SPEAKER_00: And you exude a self-confidence that you maybe don't before.
• 5:13
  SPEAKER_00: Um, the other thing that I did is I took trips.
• 5:15
  SPEAKER_00: I took my mom to Europe.
• 5:16
  SPEAKER_00: I did a spontaneous girls' trip to Paris.
• 5:19
  SPEAKER_00: We got$300 round trip tickets, and we had an absolute cheap, cheap, cheap blast in Paris, the four of us, for like three days.
• 5:29
  SPEAKER_00: It was excellent.
• 5:30
  SPEAKER_00: Um, but those are things I was able to do just being single.
• 5:33
  SPEAKER_00: I also just took advantage of that.
• 5:34
  SPEAKER_00: I wasn't waiting to experience things with a partner because I didn't know how long that was gonna be.
• 5:40
  SPEAKER_00: And I wasn't going to just leave my 20s on the table.
• 5:43
  SPEAKER_00: Today, I love my husband and I love my life, but I do look very fondly back on that season.
• 5:48
  SPEAKER_00: I don't feel like I waste it.
• 5:50
  SPEAKER_00: And my husband does work overnight at the hospital, so I get my girls nice at home, but I look so fondly back on that season.
• 5:56
  SPEAKER_00: And I would just encourage you like, if you feel like you're in a waiting room for something, intentionally look for things to like make yourself fall in love with the season that you're in, because we can't spend our entire lives waiting for what's next.
• 6:08
  SPEAKER_00: Our entire lives will have been spent waiting.
• 6:10
  SPEAKER_00: For instance, I just got married four months ago, and it's becoming increasingly easier to be like, well, when we have a baby, well, when we have a baby, we'll do that.
• 6:18
  SPEAKER_00: Stop.
• 6:19
  SPEAKER_00: Enjoy being newlyweds, just stop.
• 6:21
  SPEAKER_00: Like four months ago, the big thing I was waiting on for literally years, like forever.
• 6:27
  SPEAKER_00: And now that I'm married, I'm like, well, when we have a baby, and like I have adjusted so quickly, and now I'm thinking about the next thing, and that's actually like a truly scientific backed thing.
• 6:35
  SPEAKER_00: I have some research for us.
• 6:37
  SPEAKER_00: Coined by psychologist Ben Shaheer, there's something called the arrival fallacy.
• 6:42
  SPEAKER_00: It is the false belief that reaching a future destination will sustain our long-term happiness.
• 6:47
  SPEAKER_00: In reality, when we arrive, we quickly adapt and push the goalposts further away.
• 6:51
  SPEAKER_00: So, instance, the same thing with getting married.
• 6:54
  SPEAKER_00: I have waited literally a decade.
• 6:56
  SPEAKER_00: I, like not all girls, but most girls have had a Pinterest wedding board for years, have thought about the day.
• 7:02
  SPEAKER_00: It came, and then literally on our honeymoon, we were talking about getting pregnant.
• 7:07
  SPEAKER_00: We knew when we wanted to get pregnant.
• 7:08
  SPEAKER_00: We talked about all that before we got married, but then I was like, well, that's the next thing to do.
• 7:12
  SPEAKER_00: We're so addicted to having a destination.
• 7:15
  SPEAKER_00: We have an obsessive focus on what's next.
• 7:18
  SPEAKER_00: We live in this fictionalized version of the future.
• 7:20
  SPEAKER_00: And I think like fictionalized is like the big word that I had underlined in my notes here because we don't know what tomorrow is going to bring.
• 7:27
  SPEAKER_00: We have this like fantastical idea and reality.
• 7:32
  SPEAKER_00: You've like popped on the rose-colored glasses.
• 7:34
  SPEAKER_00: Everybody is just like the slightly better version of themselves.
• 7:36
  SPEAKER_00: Your house is a little bit nicer, even if it's your house.
• 7:39
  SPEAKER_00: It's like everything is just a little bit better.
• 7:42
  SPEAKER_00: And we're waiting on that.
• 7:43
  SPEAKER_00: And so we're always chasing a fantasy.
• 7:46
  SPEAKER_00: And a fantasy is really hard to obtain.
• 7:49
  SPEAKER_00: And with life challenges and things that get thrown at you, even if you had all the money in the world, encapsulating your perfect fantasy can be absolutely near impossible.
• 7:59
  SPEAKER_00: But that's what we are conditioning ourselves to chase, is a fantasy, which leaves us not enjoying our day-to-day life.
• 8:06
  SPEAKER_00: I talked about in the previous episode.
• 8:08
  SPEAKER_00: I want you to be ambitious, but I want you to love the life that you're in.
• 8:11
  SPEAKER_00: And with this whole realm of social media constantly telling us what else we need, it is so easy to build and glamorize a fantasy and think that our lives are not complete, we are not fulfilled, and we cannot enjoy our lives until we have achieved a fantasy.
• 8:28
  SPEAKER_00: We like to treat our current circumstances as an obstacle that we have to overcome instead of treating it as a moment to be enjoyed.
• 8:37
  SPEAKER_00: We just want to get to what's next.
• 8:39
  SPEAKER_00: And our fast-based society, especially with, you know, the constant scroll, if you create content, you know how hard the hook is in retaining viewers are.
• 8:48
  SPEAKER_00: You literally have to capture someone's attention in one to three seconds, or they'll move on.
• 8:53
  SPEAKER_00: And so we as people are doing that with our lives.
• 8:55
  SPEAKER_00: We are always moving on to what's next.
• 8:57
  SPEAKER_00: What is bigger, what will fulfill me, and what will fulfill the void because I don't even know myself.
• 9:01
  SPEAKER_00: Another thing when I was researching this episode that I realized that a lot of us are doing, and all of this is myself included.
• 9:08
  SPEAKER_00: Like I'm saying this as much to myself as I am to you, dear viewer.
• 9:12
  SPEAKER_00: We have a subconscious habit of undervaluing what is happening right now because it does not meet this idealized future that we have constructed for ourselves.
• 9:21
  SPEAKER_00: Because it doesn't meet this ideal future.
• 9:23
  SPEAKER_00: It's almost like a romanticized, romantic future.
• 9:27
  SPEAKER_00: Things that you can enjoy in the moment that you're in right now, but you just have to recognize this that this is a very valuable part of your life.
• 9:34
  SPEAKER_00: You get a predetermined number of days.
• 9:36
  SPEAKER_00: None of us know what that number is, but if you spend so much of your life waiting for what's next, you're literally wasting days because you're undervaluing each day.
• 9:45
  SPEAKER_00: Each day is a gift for you.
• 9:47
  SPEAKER_00: There's this whole idea of like your deathbed.
• 9:49
  SPEAKER_00: If you knew you were gonna die tomorrow, you would live today very differently than I believe you're probably living today.
• 9:55
  SPEAKER_00: But because you're not valuing your day today as that important.
• 9:58
  SPEAKER_00: You still have to go to work, you still have to make food, you still have to do things, but what can you do to help you love your life more now?
• 10:05
  SPEAKER_00: This is a huge part of the passion and mission of this show for me, is that I want you to love the life that you're in today and not be waiting for what could happen.
• 10:14
  SPEAKER_00: Because we don't know when some of these things that we want will happen.
• 10:17
  SPEAKER_00: Let's talk about the common signs of waiting room syndrome.
• 10:20
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, one, are you frequently using if-then logic?
• 10:24
  SPEAKER_00: So if I get this promotion, then I will take a vacation.
• 10:31
  SPEAKER_00: Girl, you need a vacation.
• 10:33
  SPEAKER_00: At some point, even if you can't afford to go anywhere, if you have PTO days, take some PTO days, spend some time at home, take a walk, reset your mental state.
• 10:43
  SPEAKER_00: Do not wait to get the promotion.
• 10:45
  SPEAKER_00: Because then after you get the promotion, the reality is, and I know you know this, is you will feel like you can't take time off work because you have to learn the promotion and work harder and prove yourself for the job you just got.
• 10:56
  SPEAKER_00: Susie, take the vacation, please.
• 10:59
  SPEAKER_00: You need it.
• 11:00
  SPEAKER_00: Do you have a persistent sense of like boredom or a humdrum of daily activity?
• 11:05
  SPEAKER_00: You're like, oh, I gotta get up, and then maybe I'll go to the gym, and then I'll, you know, do my skincare, and then I'll make my breakfast, and then I'll drive to work, I'll sit at my desk, I'll go home, I might turn on the TV while I eat some dinner, I'll go to bed, and then I'll do it all again tomorrow.
• 11:25
  SPEAKER_00: Is that you?
• 11:26
  SPEAKER_00: Do you if you like took stock of your week?
• 11:28
  SPEAKER_00: Do you feel that week and you like maybe only perk up if something's fun coming?
• 11:33
  SPEAKER_00: But you have a vacation scheduled in two months and you are literally just waiting for your vacation.
• 11:39
  SPEAKER_00: That is 60 days, that is 60 individual fresh opportunities for you to like grab the bull by the horns and go love your life.
• 11:49
  SPEAKER_00: And then I contend the vacation is all the sweeter when you're not miserable before nor after it.
• 11:55
  SPEAKER_00: It's just like, huh, versus like suck, suck, suck, great, suck, suck, suck.
• 12:01
  SPEAKER_00: Because I've been in the situation where it's been suck, suck, suck vacation.
• 12:05
  SPEAKER_00: It's suck, suck, suck thinking about going back to the suck, suck, suck, suck.
• 12:09
  SPEAKER_00: You don't really enjoy your vacation well if you're miserable the rest of the time.
• 12:12
  SPEAKER_00: Do you treat your current job, living situation, your relationships as placeholders for things that could come?
• 12:19
  SPEAKER_00: I have a great example here.
• 12:21
  SPEAKER_00: A lot of us struggle with friends in a way that we don't see talked about on social media.
• 12:26
  SPEAKER_00: We just see the people who are getting together for events, they're filming together.
• 12:30
  SPEAKER_00: So a lot of times they're all in the content creation industry and they're posting these really happy groups of friends going out.
• 12:36
  SPEAKER_00: Some of those are authentic, a lot of them are not authentic.
• 12:40
  SPEAKER_00: Do you see your girlfriends as they're fine, they're fun occasionally, but I'm really waiting for friendships like that.
• 12:50
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, it's not a placeholder.
• 12:51
  SPEAKER_00: You need to start working now to cultivate what you're seeing as a hole in your life.
• 12:56
  SPEAKER_00: If there are things you don't like, you also need to stop dreaming of things that you want to happen.
• 13:02
  SPEAKER_00: And you need to start taking very small, very actionable steps to change things.
• 13:06
  SPEAKER_00: If you are into a hobby, go join a hobby club for that hobby.
• 13:11
  SPEAKER_00: Join a new book club, meet some new people.
• 13:13
  SPEAKER_00: It was something that I have done this year.
• 13:14
  SPEAKER_00: I joined a book club and I met several new wonderful friends.
• 13:19
  SPEAKER_00: And it's leveling up my friend game, it's diversifying who I'm hanging out with.
• 13:23
  SPEAKER_00: And I don't feel like I'm just waiting on those one or two friends to be free.
• 13:27
  SPEAKER_00: I have a lot of other people to go hang out with and people that have different interests that match a lot of my different interests.
• 13:34
  SPEAKER_00: So don't use what you have now as a placeholder.
• 13:37
  SPEAKER_00: We are on a hamster wheel of wanting things that we can't have.
• 13:41
  SPEAKER_00: You don't want the promotion, you just want the better house.
• 13:45
  SPEAKER_00: So then you will be happy if you get the promotion because then you can start house hunting with social media and the pace of our society.
• 13:53
  SPEAKER_00: This is so easy, and so many other people are doing it.
• 13:57
  SPEAKER_00: It is so easy to just fall onto this hamster wheel.
• 14:00
  SPEAKER_00: And until I started even thinking about it, I didn't even realize I was on said hamster wheel.
• 14:04
  SPEAKER_00: So I'm just telling you, you're on the wheel.
• 14:06
  SPEAKER_00: And then last is an inability to enjoy your achievements because you're immediately on to the next milestone.
• 14:11
  SPEAKER_00: When I was figuring out what I was gonna talk about for this episode, I was thinking about a story when I was like seven years old.
• 14:19
  SPEAKER_00: I was so excited for my birthday.
• 14:21
  SPEAKER_00: And you know, when you're a kid, the coolest thing ever is like Christmas and birthday and maybe vacation.
• 14:25
  SPEAKER_00: You don't sleep for weeks leading up to it.
• 14:27
  SPEAKER_00: Every day I was like, mom, my birthday's in six days, my birthday's in five days, my birthday, my birthday, my birthday.
• 14:33
  SPEAKER_00: I'm literally at my birthday party on my birthday, and all I am talking about is like, well, our family vacation's in five weeks.
• 14:40
  SPEAKER_00: At seven years old, I couldn't even enjoy my birthday, and I was on to the next.
• 14:44
  SPEAKER_00: So that's my personality.
• 14:45
  SPEAKER_00: I am like massively predisposed to this.
• 14:48
  SPEAKER_00: I have, I have some suggestions for that because I had to start implementing them in my own life.
• 14:53
  SPEAKER_00: But I read this quote from Psychology Today, and I love it, so I'm gonna read it to you.
• 14:57
  SPEAKER_00: Our greatest time thief of all is the firm conviction that our real life, the one we're working hard in preparation for, starts later.
• 15:05
  SPEAKER_00: Your real life is the life you're living right now.
• 15:08
  SPEAKER_00: But we waste so much time thinking about what's yet to come.
• 15:11
  SPEAKER_00: There is an article in the Psychology Review Journal from 2015 that talks about how studies show dopamine, which is the brain's reward chemical.
• 15:20
  SPEAKER_00: If you're not science-y, that's okay.
• 15:22
  SPEAKER_00: Dopamine, the brain's reward chemical, is peaking not when we get the reward, but when we're expecting the reward.
• 15:28
  SPEAKER_00: Think about that.
• 15:29
  SPEAKER_00: It's not actually the wedding, it's the build-up to the wedding that we're getting all the dopamine.
• 15:34
  SPEAKER_00: And it's almost like it'll never be enough.
• 15:36
  SPEAKER_00: And that's why we feel like nothing will ever be enough.
• 15:40
  SPEAKER_00: Like, let that sink in.
• 15:41
  SPEAKER_00: We are getting dopamine in the waiting and in the expecting.
• 15:44
  SPEAKER_00: You are getting a false dopamine sense by sitting and scrolling on Pinterest and thinking about well, when I have the Chanel flat bag, then I'll be happy.
• 15:55
  SPEAKER_00: So then you buy the Chanel flat bag, or in my case, it was a Dior bag, but like I got it, but I was so excited to think about it in all these months of like this is the bag I want, this is the bag I want.
• 16:05
  SPEAKER_00: And then I bought it and it was super cool, and then already like I literally bought it in the Paris airport.
• 16:11
  SPEAKER_00: Which, if you're buying a bag, pro tip, that's probably the best place to buy it, is the Paris airport.
• 16:15
  SPEAKER_00: If you're buying a new bag, by the time I'm landed at home in Cincinnati, it's literally a direct flight.
• 16:20
  SPEAKER_00: The allure of the bag has already started to wear off.
• 16:23
  SPEAKER_00: Isn't that amazing?
• 16:24
  SPEAKER_00: And I had literally been wanting a saddlebag for years, but it makes sense.
• 16:28
  SPEAKER_00: I said this in the last episode, and I will probably say this in every episode.
• 16:32
  SPEAKER_00: I believe you can be content and still want more.
• 16:35
  SPEAKER_00: Being content does not mean you're lazy.
• 16:37
  SPEAKER_00: This came up a lot in my research.
• 16:40
  SPEAKER_00: People were saying, well, if I don't want more and I don't feel like I'm in the waiting for the next thing, how do I not become complacent and how do I not become lazy?
• 16:49
  SPEAKER_00: It's all in your mindset.
• 16:51
  SPEAKER_00: I firmly believe, and these researchers and article writers were also explaining this, but you can find joy and contentment and be happy and recognize you're in today, but still like be working towards building a business, working to become a doctor, trying to get pregnant, hoping to meet someone to get married, but you shouldn't let it invalidate where you are at today.
• 17:16
  SPEAKER_00: And so this is all I almost want to call it semantics, but the power in your life is so much more than semantics, if that makes sense.
• 17:24
  SPEAKER_00: Like, truly the best example I have is when I was waiting to meet somebody so that I could like enjoy going on dates and like having a boyfriend and then ultimately get married, was that desire never went away.
• 17:36
  SPEAKER_00: However, my joy from day to day and my contentment in my everyday life grew exponentially when I started building a life that I loved.
• 17:46
  SPEAKER_00: And that's all I want to help you do.
• 17:48
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, Hannah, we've it all addressed that we relate to this on some level.
• 17:52
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, great.
• 17:53
  SPEAKER_00: What do we do about it?
• 17:54
  SPEAKER_00: Because you're saying it's like simple shifts.
• 17:56
  SPEAKER_00: How do we shift?
• 17:57
  SPEAKER_00: The first exercise I want you to do, and you can do this right now while you're driving along.
• 18:01
  SPEAKER_00: It's very easy, just follow along.
• 18:03
  SPEAKER_00: Think about yourself 10 years ago.
• 18:06
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, 10 years ago, I was this age.
• 18:08
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, I'll do this for me as an example, and then you can kind of follow along or do this later on your own time.
• 18:13
  SPEAKER_00: It's just a fun mind exercise.
• 18:14
  SPEAKER_00: So I'm 26 years old now.
• 18:16
  SPEAKER_00: 10 years ago, I was 16.
• 18:18
  SPEAKER_00: I had just gotten my driver's license.
• 18:20
  SPEAKER_00: I was looking forward to going to college.
• 18:24
  SPEAKER_00: I thought I might want to be a nurse, and that's what I knew I was gonna go to college for, but I was excited to make new friends in college.
• 18:30
  SPEAKER_00: I was looking forward to graduating.
• 18:32
  SPEAKER_00: I was thinking I would get a nursing job, I would probably make some decent money.
• 18:37
  SPEAKER_00: I was convinced I'd get married at 22, I would have a house of my own to decorate, maybe some kids, some dogs, and that I would just like be living a pretty like comfortable, nice life.
• 18:48
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, great.
• 18:49
  SPEAKER_00: Those were like my expectations for myself.
• 18:51
  SPEAKER_00: Let me tell you where I'm at now.
• 18:52
  SPEAKER_00: I'm 26 years old.
• 18:54
  SPEAKER_00: I did get married within that decade later than I wanted, but I got to own a home by myself that I bought at 21 years old.
• 19:01
  SPEAKER_00: I worked as a nurse through a major pandemic.
• 19:03
  SPEAKER_00: I also have two dogs that I got on my own without a spouse.
• 19:07
  SPEAKER_00: I'm just I'm smiling because I'm proud of myself.
• 19:09
  SPEAKER_00: I have traveled to Europe multiple times.
• 19:13
  SPEAKER_00: Many times I saved all my little nursing dollars so that I could go and do it cheaply and see things I only thought I would get to see.
• 19:20
  SPEAKER_00: I realized I didn't love being a nurse and I grabbed that bull by the horns and I've decided what else do I want to do?
• 19:27
  SPEAKER_00: I decided I want to start two separate businesses that are aimed at helping people.
• 19:33
  SPEAKER_00: I'm working in content creation, something we couldn't really even fathom in 2016, what this would look like.
• 19:39
  SPEAKER_00: It's so different from the life I thought I would be leading, but it's so much better in so many ways that I'm glad I've enjoyed all of that up until this point.
• 19:48
  SPEAKER_00: And I enjoyed so many of those days.
• 19:51
  SPEAKER_00: So now I'm sitting here with a smile.
• 19:53
  SPEAKER_00: You complete the same exercise, but you'll probably be thinking to yourself, wow, I've really accomplished a lot more than I thought I would.
• 20:00
  SPEAKER_00: And I would have been happy even if I was at the baseline.
• 20:02
  SPEAKER_00: But I'm sitting here thinking like I don't have enough, I don't have it all together, but you've actually exceeded your younger self's expectations.
• 20:11
  SPEAKER_00: That is so neat.
• 20:12
  SPEAKER_00: But like I talked about earlier, we are so good at coming back.
• 20:16
  SPEAKER_00: We are so good at adjusting what we want based off of what we currently have.
• 20:21
  SPEAKER_00: And so it is, it's this never enough.
• 20:24
  SPEAKER_00: It's never enough.
• 20:26
  SPEAKER_00: I think a lot of us could win the lottery, and that wouldn't be enough because we would really adjust to having won the lottery.
• 20:32
  SPEAKER_00: There is a Harvard study that was conducted by Mr.
• 20:36
  SPEAKER_00: Killingsworth and Mr.
• 20:38
  SPEAKER_00: Gilbert.
• 20:39
  SPEAKER_00: They found that people spend roughly 47% of their waking hours thinking about something other than what they're actually doing.
• 20:47
  SPEAKER_00: You're mentally absent from what you're doing right here and right now for almost half of your life.
• 20:53
  SPEAKER_00: Daydreaming is good.
• 20:54
  SPEAKER_00: Daydreaming is fun.
• 20:55
  SPEAKER_00: We're always thinking about what's next.
• 20:58
  SPEAKER_00: So, what I personally started doing the beginning of this year to help combat that, because that's something that I am very prone to doing, is I like to think about the here and the right now.
• 21:10
  SPEAKER_00: So, for example, this is spring, and I was driving in the car, and it was one of the first like sunny, semi-warm days of spring.
• 21:18
  SPEAKER_00: And my sunroof was open, and I was driving down the street, and the thought was like I knew I was driving.
• 21:24
  SPEAKER_00: Like we all know what we're most of us know what we're doing.
• 21:28
  SPEAKER_00: So I'm driving down the street and I'm like, wow, it's a sunny day in April.
• 21:33
  SPEAKER_00: I feel the sun on my cheek.
• 21:35
  SPEAKER_00: I see the sun.
• 21:37
  SPEAKER_00: It is a nice 70 degrees.
• 21:39
  SPEAKER_00: I am enjoying being in Cincinnati today.
• 21:42
  SPEAKER_00: That's nice.
• 21:43
  SPEAKER_00: And I immediately was like, I don't even like think about what's actively going on around me because I'm so busy thinking about what else I could be doing.
• 21:50
  SPEAKER_00: So now, most days, since I try really hard to remember it, at least once or twice a day, I said here.
• 21:57
  SPEAKER_00: So, great example.
• 21:59
  SPEAKER_00: I could be thinking.
• 22:00
  SPEAKER_00: About when I post this tomorrow.
• 22:01
  SPEAKER_00: I hope I get a lot of listens on this podcast.
• 22:04
  SPEAKER_00: That's kind of what's going on in the back of my head right now.
• 22:07
  SPEAKER_00: But what I'm gonna do instead is I'm gonna fully focus on this moment.
• 22:10
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, I'm sitting in my office.
• 22:13
  SPEAKER_00: I have my cute little podcast mic.
• 22:15
  SPEAKER_00: I have my filming set up over here, and I am getting to talk to people for a living and tell them about things I am wildly passionate about that I think will help them.
• 22:27
  SPEAKER_00: And I get to do that from the comfort of my own home.
• 22:30
  SPEAKER_00: It is the second day of fall.
• 22:32
  SPEAKER_00: It's a bit gloomy outside, and it was chilly.
• 22:34
  SPEAKER_00: I actually got to wear a jacket with my outfit today.
• 22:39
  SPEAKER_00: It's a nice day.
• 22:40
  SPEAKER_00: And honestly, I'm sitting here, I have this warm, fuzzy feeling, and I'm like, truly, what else could I want?
• 22:47
  SPEAKER_00: Sure, there's other things I can want and aspire to, but man, this is this is really really pretty nice.
• 22:55
  SPEAKER_00: And so I challenge you.
• 22:56
  SPEAKER_00: It takes literally a minute.
• 22:58
  SPEAKER_00: You can do it while you're doing anything.
• 22:59
  SPEAKER_00: You're just recognizing and appreciating what is going on around you.
• 23:04
  SPEAKER_00: You are holding off anything else that is coming, and you are recognizing the moment you're in right now, and it really resets my brain.
• 23:14
  SPEAKER_00: I am able to be thankful for the small things, but also just like I am alive today, and it is a dreary, drizzly fall day.
• 23:23
  SPEAKER_00: I love dreary, drizzly fall days.
• 23:25
  SPEAKER_00: I'm getting to experience one today, and that makes me happy.
• 23:28
  SPEAKER_00: I can appreciate my life for the day that I'm in today.
• 23:31
  SPEAKER_00: For those of us that are doers, myself included, I find it really helpful to write things out.
• 23:36
  SPEAKER_00: After my parents' house burned down, I had a really hard time grappling with my emotions and just a lot of like things came up.
• 23:45
  SPEAKER_00: I was crying a lot, I wasn't sleeping well, and I have this notebook and I was like, you know what I'm gonna do?
• 23:50
  SPEAKER_00: I'm gonna start journaling.
• 23:51
  SPEAKER_00: Like just like a brain dump of all of the emotions and just survey the day, the good, the bad, and the ugly.
• 23:59
  SPEAKER_00: And in that season, it was felt harder to have a gratitude journal because there were so many like heavy emotions I had to work through.
• 24:06
  SPEAKER_00: But every single day talking about like this feeling came up and it made me feel like this, which then affected me in this way, was so atherapeutic to name what I was feeling.
• 24:18
  SPEAKER_00: But I really was like in the moment on those days.
• 24:22
  SPEAKER_00: But then at the same time, it would be like, I heard a great song on the radio in Target today, and I got to try a new energy drink.
• 24:31
  SPEAKER_00: A few of those days immediately after their fires, like that was like I felt like I was like grabbing for things that were positive, but I was able to record them and name that like something good did happen today.
• 24:42
  SPEAKER_00: And as soon as I started journaling, I would say within like a week, I really started to feel better.
• 24:46
  SPEAKER_00: And I think that that was massively instrumental.
• 24:48
  SPEAKER_00: I wish I could tell you I journal every single day, but when I feel like I am like in seasonal depression mode, something heavy is going on, I do go to journal.
• 24:59
  SPEAKER_00: I like I become centered so quickly because I'm naming emotions, I'm naming feelings, and I'm actually processing my day and I'm aware and thankful for what's going on in my life.
• 25:10
  SPEAKER_00: So I really recommend if you're like, how, okay, how do I get a bit off this hamster wheel?
• 25:15
  SPEAKER_00: Is it journal about it?
• 25:16
  SPEAKER_00: The second thing, so in the same vein of journaling, something I started doing a year ago after we were traveling, and I saw it on social media was junk journaling.
• 25:25
  SPEAKER_00: I started a year ago junk journaling.
• 25:27
  SPEAKER_00: And if you're not familiar with junk journaling, look it up.
• 25:30
  SPEAKER_00: But the premise is you're taking things that are normally considered junk and you are fixing them in like a scrapbook style in a notebook or a journal.
• 25:39
  SPEAKER_00: I love it when I travel because I pick up things like I do it naturally, but I never had a place to put them.
• 25:44
  SPEAKER_00: Like little like disposable coasters or you know, I don't know, notebook, like a piece of notebook paper from a cutesy hotel, like all kinds of things.
• 25:54
  SPEAKER_00: Here, mine's right here.
• 25:55
  SPEAKER_00: I'll just show you.
• 25:57
  SPEAKER_00: All right, if you are listening to this only, I will very quickly be showing you like my little junk journal, a little snippet of something.
• 26:05
  SPEAKER_00: So this was a map from a castle that we viewed in Scotland.
• 26:08
  SPEAKER_00: This is literally a plain ticket.
• 26:11
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and then this is other like paraphernalia from a couple of castles we visited in Scotland.
• 26:15
  SPEAKER_00: It's literally stuff everybody else would throw away.
• 26:18
  SPEAKER_00: So while you're collecting these things, it causes you to slow down.
• 26:21
  SPEAKER_00: I've cried multiple times while I'm junk journaling.
• 26:23
  SPEAKER_00: So I'm like, wow, I can't believe I got to experience that.
• 26:26
  SPEAKER_00: That's amazing.
• 26:28
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I have literally taken parts of a pizza box, but it's moments.
• 26:33
  SPEAKER_00: It is moments I spent in my life.
• 26:34
  SPEAKER_00: It's a way to immortalize that in a way that I really only know the significance of.
• 26:40
  SPEAKER_00: But I pause and I think about it while I'm putting together.
• 26:43
  SPEAKER_00: And it gives me something to do that's a fun, creative outlet.
• 26:46
  SPEAKER_00: Like every day that you are here, you have lived through another day, you've gained more wisdom, and it's not a season of waiting.
• 26:52
  SPEAKER_00: It's a season of living.
• 26:54
  SPEAKER_00: Like every day needs to be seen as valuable.
• 26:58
  SPEAKER_00: But I think social media has really, and I know I hate saying this, has it has done a lot of good, but it has done a lot of harm to us in the way that our brains work.
• 27:08
  SPEAKER_00: For instance, it's really easy to like be scrolling and like, have you been in this situation where you've seen like five girls promote the same skincare serum?
• 27:16
  SPEAKER_00: And you're like, my skincare routine is so incomplete, and it will be incomplete until I get the skincare serum.
• 27:23
  SPEAKER_00: So you're like him and haw around and you might not even be able to afford it.
• 27:26
  SPEAKER_00: And then you take yourself to Target or Sephora, you buy it, and you're like, yes, this is amazing.
• 27:31
  SPEAKER_00: And momentarily you feel really good.
• 27:34
  SPEAKER_00: And you feel really good, you feel really, really good on your way to Sephora to go pick it up.
• 27:38
  SPEAKER_00: So then you've bought it, you use it a couple of times, and then it either gets discarded or it actually is a good serum and you incorporate it.
• 27:44
  SPEAKER_00: But then, like three days later, there's a new item that your skincare routine is incomplete without.
• 27:51
  SPEAKER_00: The best example for me ever is lip balms.
• 27:54
  SPEAKER_00: It started off when I was in college.
• 27:56
  SPEAKER_00: My friend was like, there's this new brand called Glossier.
• 27:59
  SPEAKER_00: I was like, ooh, cute.
• 28:01
  SPEAKER_00: And she's like, I got this amazing lip balm from them.
• 28:05
  SPEAKER_00: I was like, really?
• 28:06
  SPEAKER_00: I was a Burt's Bees gal and thought$4 for a stick of Burt's Bees was expensive.
• 28:10
  SPEAKER_00: Very quickly, I was spending$16 for the bomb.com.
• 28:14
  SPEAKER_00: And I was like, this is amazing.
• 28:16
  SPEAKER_00: I had it in multiple cents, like all the things.
• 28:19
  SPEAKER_00: Don't know that I've ever gone through a tube of chapstick or lip balm, by the way.
• 28:23
  SPEAKER_00: Well, then Summer Fridays came out, and then you know, they had their whole line, and then there was Road, and then there was the Dior lip oil.
• 28:30
  SPEAKER_00: I have this graveyard of chapsticks.
• 28:33
  SPEAKER_00: I have a chapstick in every purse, and I will buy new ones while I have a bunch.
• 28:37
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm forcing myself to not do that because I know I'm just trying to get on a hype train.
• 28:41
  SPEAKER_00: For three weeks, I have been thinking about getting these lights for seasonal depression.
• 28:46
  SPEAKER_00: And I ordered them because their marketing convinced me I would be sad without these lights.
• 28:52
  SPEAKER_00: Now I do have a really core dark corner of our home and I do have seasonal affective disorder, and lights really help me.
• 28:58
  SPEAKER_00: So I think these will be useful, but their marketing convinced me that I had to have them.
• 29:03
  SPEAKER_00: So on the whole flip side to wrap things up, let's go back to this idea of being content and not in a waiting room, but living your life, but still wanting more.
• 29:13
  SPEAKER_00: If you want to be aspirational but still love your life and not feel like you're in a waiting room, I would challenge you to think about multiple times a day.
• 29:21
  SPEAKER_00: I am here right now, the sun is shining, I'm doing this, what a privilege.
• 29:26
  SPEAKER_00: Because there are other people that don't have that privilege to go grocery shopping the way we get to go grocery shopping.
• 29:31
  SPEAKER_00: Like, think about that.
• 29:32
  SPEAKER_00: You need to write a list.
• 29:33
  SPEAKER_00: If you can think about like the top five things you're waiting on.
• 29:37
  SPEAKER_00: So going back to the friendship analogy, maybe you are waiting on a better group of friends.
• 29:42
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, cool.
• 29:43
  SPEAKER_00: Just waiting on that is probably not gonna fix it.
• 29:46
  SPEAKER_00: Or even just waiting on a spouse is probably not gonna fix it.
• 29:50
  SPEAKER_00: Get on a dating app, ask your friends if they know anybody.
• 29:54
  SPEAKER_00: Join a book club, join a knitting club.
• 29:57
  SPEAKER_00: You know, talk to the girl that you see every single day to your right at Pilates, talk to her.
• 30:03
  SPEAKER_00: I would argue you start to feel a lot more purpose in your life when you're honestly taking concentrated steps to what you want versus living and waiting on the all-glorious fantasy.
• 30:16
  SPEAKER_00: I feel like right now I am loving my life, A, because I have a lot of gratitude towards it.
• 30:21
  SPEAKER_00: I am aware of what my everyday is, but also I'm taking really big and really bold steps to improve my friendships, to improve my health, to improve my content creator journey, to start businesses so that I can help other people and do what I've ultimately always wanted to do, which is run my own business.
• 30:42
  SPEAKER_00: And I get to take you along for the ride.
• 30:44
  SPEAKER_00: Woohoo! And that really makes me feel very fulfilled because I'm working towards things versus just dreaming about winning the lottery and it's solving all of my problems.
• 30:54
  SPEAKER_00: That doesn't work for everything.
• 30:56
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes you put yourself out there over and over again and you don't meet your spouse, or you try all of the infertility treatments you're able to and you can't get pregnant, or you have worked your butt off and you keep getting passed over for promotions and you can't figure out why.
• 31:14
  SPEAKER_00: Those are very real things, and you do at some point have to acknowledge that that is a really hard thing and it does affect your life, but you can't let it ruin your life.
• 31:24
  SPEAKER_00: It's a season, and seasons of not getting what you want can teach you a lot of things, and so you have to start trying to find how you can redeem the situation, but find small ways that you can still cherish your life.
• 31:40
  SPEAKER_00: Just because you can't find the person to marry doesn't mean you don't deserve a full and wonderful life.
• 31:48
  SPEAKER_00: Go figure out how to love your life a little bit more boldly than you were today.
• 31:53
  SPEAKER_00: And I will see you next time.
• 31:55
  SPEAKER_00: Have a wonderful week.
• 31:56
  SPEAKER_00: Bye, babes and besties.