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Rabbi Moshe Haber Path of the Just- The Subtle Perils of Indulgence and Over-Settling 7.8.25 · Rabbi Moshe Haber - Daily Mussar/Weekly Perasha

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  See, pushing and developing this concept and it's healthy and
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  good for a person to be actually strong, an area which really in
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  a certain sense, not a responsibility, not our
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  obligation. We're allowed to enjoy this
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  world as much as we want. We're allowed to.
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  There's no sense involved at all.
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  Please worry about phase two, which means when a person
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  completely indulges and are there any things that happen?
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  So you gave an example. We know if a person drinks too
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  much wine, it's not healthy, it's not very not safe.
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  Same idea in a certain sense, he also pushed and a person eats
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  too much and become satiated also leaves us safe.
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  It's harder for us to see that as it is a concept that
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  basically you settled, you're extremely settled.
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  If food was a big worry, then we can see that because once you
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  have what you need and you're fully good, you're no longer
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  motivated and driven and caring. We have to replace food with
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  vacation. Foul minds, something like that,
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  something that we need to have and we have.
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  We're settled, we're good, we got we got everything we need.
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  Then it makes a person pretty much over settled and the lack
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  of growth and also the opposite. Now let's do a little more 276.
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  I believe Kaushiki Shiriota Damargilla, he has this concept
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  that a person becomes too used to.
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  Certain things have become normal to us.
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  If you like fine food, if you like certain different things,
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  you name Pama Hadi exala regulatory of one time you don't
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  have what you need, view whatever you got used to be it a
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  good environment, good temperature, good bed,
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  comfortable clothing. I know whatever it, man,
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  whatever it is, good food, whatever you get used to, that
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  becomes your norm. Today's luxury is tomorrow's
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  necessity. Everyone knows that.
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  This is the easel backward. Exactly.
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  It's never possible to go back. So he's telling us a side
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  recommendation. It's not too much about Tadam.
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  It's photos related, is it? The more you become reliant on
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  these luxuries when you become dependent, and then what happens
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  next is they have a hard time being without them.
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  It's painful, it's difficult and then it leads to striving for
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  it, dying to have it. He's now he says even a person
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  might steal just to continue living that lifestyle.
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  This is the concept on a person in Sao Marie's Atsmoba.
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  He's going to require, let's say today, you know, you, you want
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  to live a high lifestyle. You got used to it.
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  Now a person's going to work extra, extra hard at work.
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  Who really has totally enough money to live.
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  He's probably fine, but he has to work extra, extra hard and is
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  to torture himself because he wants to live that extra high
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  lifestyle. Who put that particular on
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  yourself? We do this, he's telling us, in
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  order to have his table very set according to his original will.
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  We said yesterday it's going to lead to sins like stealing
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  Misha. Somehow it leads to, I'm not
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  sure how it leads to false promises.
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  That's how it leads. False promises you can see
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  easily. The guys, you know, basically
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  borrow and make a commitment that's not really practical.
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  And he would never would do this.
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  And we said the other day he would tell his children, don't
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  say that. Don't make promises you can't
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  keep. But he's doing that to himself
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  because he has to. And who's is he honest to?
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  Is he living a OK life? He's living a perfectly fine
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  life because he's set such a high bar, which became his norm
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  and his family's norm. He can't do without it.
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  And they would do anything he never would allow himself to do.
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  Best idea O mesidas Mormon avoda.
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  On top of this, he makes himself unable to serve Hashem proper.
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  Beanie is so busy and working so hard and stretching yourself so
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  thin to be able to make and reach that mark and made-up
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  plateau. Beanie is so busy with that you
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  can't work. The guy can't learn, the guy
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  can't pray. Why is he not going to show in
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  the morning? He's not going to show in the
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  morning because he needs to make money.
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  Why is he need to make so much money?
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  Because that became his ball. That's the level he wants to
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  reach. So everything, it's been pretty
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  much, very much a ripple effect. The more it all depends on what
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  you decide you need to make. If you decide you need to live X
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  type of lifestyle, everything is predicated on that.
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  He's never happy, he's never settled.
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  He's maybe not being so honest in business.
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  He's making promises he can't keep.
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  He can't pray in the morning, he can't learn, he can't think by
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  the way, after the mix, all because of the made-up goal.
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  You know, if I had, they think it's any job.
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  If I had a different goals around my right, let's say my
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  goal was, I don't know, I'm on big speech engagements.
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  So I'm not settled. I'm never going to be settled
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  until I decide that I reached my goal.
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  I'm never going to enjoy any of this because I made that my
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  mark. So you make up a fake goal and
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  now you're targeting that goal the whole time.
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  So when a person makes up his center of luxury that he needs
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  to have, that his family needs to have, and now he's racing
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  after that where he can be perfectly happy and content with
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  the life he has right now. Most of us could have been
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  content our entire lives pretty much at any point.
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  And we obviously have to start all we have to get started and
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  stuff like that. Most of us can be content and
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  here there are people out there who are not at all happy because
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  of this drive, the drive to reach what?
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  The made-up goal and the made-up goal of luxuries, the dependency
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  on luxuries, therefore the made-up goal ends up ruining our
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  life. And it's a very funny thing.
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  This is the funny cycle of life. We're chasing this because you
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  want to be settled, you want to be happy.
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  And we made-up this level. So therefore we're never happy,
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  never settled, because you're chasing this, right?
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  It's like the fisherman story. Literally the fisherman story.
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  Exactly. It's literally that kind.
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  It's so true. Right, And you can decide from
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  the beginning. You can make up from the start.
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  What do I consider normal? What do I?
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  It's all based on ourselves. I know it's based on the
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  community and the family and everyone else.
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  I got it. But you can decide from the
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  beginning. I'm going to Jella and make as
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  much as I want to make, as much as Jam allows me to make.
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  But regardless, I'm going to be happy with this.
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  I'm always going to be content with this level.
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  You make up that bar and no matter ups and downs, good days,
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  bad days and work facing things, not facing things.
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  I know it's all this easy said and done.
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  I got it. It's all way easier said than
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  done. But at least having this in the
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  back, huh? It's a good goal.
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  Hey, don't be having this in the back of your mind allows you to
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  say and what these are not going perfectly.
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  I'm good. I'm the same guy, I have the
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  same family. I'm still able to pay my bills
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  and when things are going great, I'm not going to jump on that
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  and and create problems to myself, which it would not have
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  been problems two years ago, but I don't care because I'm doing
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  well now. I'm going to create problems for
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  tomorrow. No, no.
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  Is that why Hashem gives us all these inconsistencies?
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  I don't know, but I think so. I think Hashem give me thick
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  Consistency leads to a few things.
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  One, it leads to a great level of motivation.
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  You're always praying, you're always pushing.
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  But two at the same time, it leads you to allow yourself to
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  be content. If we are all dependent on that
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  trigger of happiness, that feeling of settled, the
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  unbelievable feeling that never will come to us, settled, it's
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  not there, it's not existent. Those are sweat.
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  You have to be able to. Basically I'll give you the
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  same. Sweat at the brow.
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  Right, I'll give you an example I'm going through right now.
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  So thank God I'm in a predicament, you know, my month
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  and all that. So it's the most summer is
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  officially, in a certain sense, settled moment.
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  I tell myself, like, you know, it's this beautiful thing.
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  I'm very thankful for it. But at the same time, every
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  minute of every day I'm on like, you know, I'm on the run.
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  You just added a whole nother item to yeah.
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  I don't know where I'm going to be.
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  I just give you the predicament exactly how it plays out.
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  Sure. We're in deal.
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  My in laws are in liquid. OK.
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  My wife wants to be with her mother when things happen.
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  How does that work out? All right, let's say it's
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  Shabbat. And how's that going to How?
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  I suppose in the city, Very far into the city, it's a complete
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  wacker predicament. I don't know.
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  I thought myself like, you know, my other kids were born in in
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  February, nothing more blah than that, right?
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  February and April, those are just blah.
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  This is the heat of and the summer supposed to be sad.
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  I'm telling myself instead of this mindset that I want to just
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  have three weeks of now thinking about everything every minute of
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  every day. You're in that mode of not sure.
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  And you know what you have to tell yourself right now.
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  First of all, it's all but right now, this is settled.
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  Currently, right now, this is great.
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  So tomorrow's gonna be settled. You know, I mean, I've taken my
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  crotchet with me. I know where I want to go, but
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  it's all settled. And this is to be the mindset.
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  That's all a good thing. And the same thing is true in
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  every area. We right now, today are fully
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  there. Engagement is the most crazy
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  period of time, right? It's the most, you know, I don't
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  know, back and forth and I don't know, funny level.
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  But yeah, basically they have to be able to be happy and OK and
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  good during that process too. It's an interesting time.
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  It's an awesome time. It's also a little bit of a
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  challenging time, but this is awesome.
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  It's, you know, push yourself. You won't get married.
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  You don't push yourself. It's each thing.
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  So you have to have these two things at the same time, pushing
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  yourself but not driving yourself crazy.
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  Right, right. You begin consumed by it.
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  You can't be, let's say a president has a child who's
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  single and older. If they get in some crazy
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  because they can't be settled until they reached our plateau,
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  then they're not going to enjoy those years.
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  I have many, many people out there who don't enjoy the years
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  at all while they're chosen, waiting to get married.
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  It's a very difficult time or waiting to have a child or
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  whatever it is. It's all difficult times.
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  And they don't enjoy the kid themselves.
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  Like, right, It's just like they're waiting on a line.
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  Exactly. A person that's able to lock
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  into a mode of I'm good, I'm settled, I'm here, highly
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  motivated, I'm pushing, I'm trying to get them married, I'm
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  going to do everything I can. I pray, I do, I call, I push,
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  but at the same time, I'm good right now.
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  This is true about every single area.
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  When a person becomes more dependent on luxuries, this mode
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  of settled is impossible because it is so striving to reach a
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  serum plateau. It's very difficult to keep at
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  and because of that, you cannot enjoy the now.
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  This is that you must see. That's more.
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  I'm in Avodah Omuna Torah masha'en Iftami calls it.
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  He did this to himself. He would have been perfectly
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  free in Matsuyatu lo mashaq osmo Bernard Ellen.
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  If he never pulled himself to these pleasures, he never would
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  be in such a predicament. He put himself in this jail.
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  We do this to ourselves all the time.
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  We now, we gave the example when he spoiled the children.
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  Now the next year, they want that kind of what makes our
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  children decide what kind of birthday present they want?
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  How do they know? Where's the barometer?
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  The barometer is last year. That's the only barometer.
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  Every family's got a different level of a birthday present.
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  How do they know? They know what last year was.
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  I know what their sibling got. So we did it to ourselves.
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  How about we made-up a thing that when I entered birthday.
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  I'll tell you the truth. Hey, birth.
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  We never got birthday present. It's my in laws.
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  Their birthday is a $3 celebration.
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  Literally. OK, I adopt in my in laws way.
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  Great, beautiful. But now my kids expect.
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  How about we keep our original? Now you pay.
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  Now you pay exactly my parents honestly know who they knew who
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  Zach on my birthday was. They definitely didn't celebrate
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  it. OK, not much, but now it's a big
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  deal. And that is literally they say
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  is that works is the in house celebration is the Shabbat in
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  house celebration. And then there's the bobayon the
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  day itself. Cause all these different things
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  is ours was our great day. O Kenya, Isaiah Kenya Isaiah MU
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  Benya band. So there more there the band.
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  So there more. There is the exact same idea on
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  that Torah al soda auto. What's event to them where has a
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  child who is stealing rebelling to eat meat.
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  I drink wine. He's a little kid.
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  He didn't do much wrong yet, but we know where he's headed
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  because he has such an impossible life ahead of him
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  based on his crazy bar. Oh, that, that's all it is.
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  I thought it was like a like a rebel kid that disrespects his
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  parents. It's we see these scientists
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  steal from his parents my mother's pocketbook to get meat
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  and because of that we don't know where he's headed wow and
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  if a person says this plateau for themselves, they can be
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  living beds to them more than or striving on subscribing meat
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  just to survive getting meat getting me as luxury yes and
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  access the Haniana's nut. I'm a new coro ESO topic Cuola
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  and Zeras woman I I the same idea when it comes to
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  inappropriate relationships, and the idea is we have to have a
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  certain level of pretty shoot where they bring this in for the
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  point, which is the Suyava Nazir.
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  The topic of a person avoiding wine is literally this concept.
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  Avoid where you had avoid. We all wait for have in the back
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  of your mind the fact that these things can lead us to a stray.
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  You have to control yourself. How do you control yourself?
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  Stop allowing yourself. He's going to a new point of
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  view, which is that if we allow things to go, they're going to
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  go and go and go. That's the Nazia point.
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  That's the top point. But answer that more point.
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  But back to our original point, A person should keep the the
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  level and the bar low. Keep it low.
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  And that's why you need pretty shoot.
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  Pretty shoot means I am not going to become extremely
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  indulgent in luxuries because when I do that, because my
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  dependency. This is the idea that today, one
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  more paragraph you'll see Quizzotti Takbula Gudula Adam
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  Lamontagne that saw me. It's true.
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  This is the greatest battle against Yezzahara ke Kevin
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  should be. The reality is you can't control
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  yourself. Very hard to control yourself
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  during the time when the temptation is raging.
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  Cashier, I love that this is a mistake that we think is
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  possible. We think that the barrel of
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  Yezzah is always the same. You're driven, you fight it, you
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  win. Not true.
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  The real way is never faced against the idea of Pretty
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  Shoot, which number one is telling us not to set a crazy
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  bar and to be wary of the bands to the more their concept.
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  On top of that, he's telling us the idea of Pretty Shoot hold
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  you back from ever facing a challenge of the Itzhar Kiazi EE
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  cache. You hold the et cetera back and
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  you make it difficult for the et cetera to even get close.
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  It's not all situations are created equal.
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  It's not this case. A person who's fighting about
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  and a person who never faced that battle are two different
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  people. You can't say we're all Jews.
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  We all need to have a good outcome and we all have the same
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  call against the et cetera. It's not correct.
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  If you allow it to fight you, you're putting yourself in
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  harm's right, little harm's way. Literally suck on up, but if you
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  put yourself in a situation then I'm not going to see that be
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  pulled to that be reliant on that.
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  It's let's 2nd that it's again an important element, a
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  component of of pretty shoot. I'm holding myself back from
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  being pulled in to be close to scent is the idea.
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  Chiaz. Yeah, Kacheli.
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  It's in the Corvalda you're holding.
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  It's a robot from pulling it. All right, but so how do you
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  live a normal life with this concept of fish shoot there?
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  I've always struggled with this. Hi, you're, you're a regular guy
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  living in, let's say, in our community.
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  Let's get an example, right? And you go to weddings and you
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  go to events and you've seen and OK, so the alternative is, you
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  know, free shoot, you stay home, right?
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  And there's guys that who become very over the top overnight.
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  And I can't go there and I can't go to my cousin's wedding and I
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  can't go to my aunt's house. But how do you how do you find
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  that? First, we'll do this.
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  That's not a really definition of pre shoot.
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  Definition of pre shoot is a is a strong level of control of
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  your own dependency and interest in things, keeping yourself away
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  from eating and yes, even seeing in that sense through all things
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  or or excess. Mainly the idea of pre shoot is
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  I'm trimming the excess of fine things.
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  What you're referring to as a person of ways and that they
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  think is a partial problem, but how do you do that in this
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  community? You need to work out the dance
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  of every person needs to figure out their dance, how they got
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  where their lines going to be and they have to be very
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  conscious of delegates, very conscious of what's dangerous
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  for them. However right that's that's ABS
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  question, which is how does the person in the community have the
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  balance of not going to that party?
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  Yes, going to the right party, not turning anyone off, not see
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  me arrogant, but not allowing themselves to be pulled in.
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  That's a challenge. That is the dance.
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  That is literally the dance in this community for everyone.
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  No, it's more challenging here. It's much sure of.
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  Course, it's more challenging here 100% because you're in two
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  worlds. Every in this community you have
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  to figure out the dance and you can't turn anyone off and to
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  figure it out, sure, that is a big problem and it's not a
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  problem. It's the avodah.
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  This is the job of of the SY. You have to make sure to not be
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  the type that seems arrogant, turns people off, but you also
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  make sure that yourself is strong.
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  You're strong. That's that.
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  That's not pretty shoot per SE. Pretty shoot is holding yourself
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  back when things are allowed, things that you think are
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  totally fine, but being wary of what they lead to, which is
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  being wary of the concept that over accents of food and things
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  and indulging lead to all these problems.
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  It's it's two different levels of control or AB is talking
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  about is control of themselves and where and where they don't
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  go, you don't go. And this is talking about
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  control yourself of where and where you do don't.
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  The wedding. Of course, but allowing yourself
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  to be pulled in as a problem, right, If you're a young kid and
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  stuff like that, or seeing your own thing as a problem in and of
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  itself, whatever age you are, it's an issue in itself.
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  And then it comes to this area. These are all kosher things,
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  totally kosher, but there's still a problem.
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  And that is also the idea of being pulled in with both these
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  topics have in common is the idea of tomorrow things leading
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  to things and a person being very aware of things leading to
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  things. The overall idea is that every
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  one of us has to be a thinking person.
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  Even though the other day we said don't overthink.
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  And this is there. You have to be thinking.
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  I know there's nothing wrong with this, not so bad, but I
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  don't know but tomorrow is going to lead if I allow it.
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  That's the idea You have to think about these things be
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  conscious, but with the Navy's area and the area pretty shoot
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  because these two things, if you are conscious, you hold yourself
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  at Bay. You keep yourself normal and you
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  keep yourself yourself instead of ruining ourselves by being
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  both allowing ourselves to see everything and be involved in
• 19:36
  everything and also by being allowing ourselves to indulge at
• 19:39
  every level, we totally ruin ourselves.
• 19:41
  These are ideas. OK, let's talk with this every
• 19:43
  little.