Latest / Play Therapy Parenting: Real Parenting Questions Answered by a Child Therapist / S2E22 - Play Therapy at Home: 30 Minutes to Transform Your Parenting

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S2E22 - Play Therapy at Home: 30 Minutes to Transform Your Parenting · Play Therapy Parenting: Real Parenting Questions Answered by a Child Therapist

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  You're listening to the
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  Play Therapy Parenting Podcast with Dr. Brenna Hicks.
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  Hi, I'm Dr. Brenna Hicks, The Kid Counselor.
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  This is the Play Therapy Parenting Podcast
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  where I give you insight awareness and enlightenment about your parenting
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  and your relationship with your kids.
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  In today's episode,
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  we are going to talk through
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  what it looks like to implement
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  small play sessions
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  or playtime with your children
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  so that you can practice the skills that you've been learning.
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  So we're going to talk through some practical applications
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  of what you can do to schedule small windows of time
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  to play with each of your children,
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  what the benefits are and what that looks like
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  and how that can be an intentional time each week
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  to connect and to practice and all of the positives that come out of that
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  before we dive into that though.
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  I just want to thank you all so much for the questions that
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  you've been emailing in those of you that have been calling the hotline
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  and leaving voicemails on there.
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  When I get questions from listeners,
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  I'm able to do a question podcast as a second episode each week.
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  So I'm really grateful for those of you who have been reaching
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  out and thank you for sharing your stories and asking your questions
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  if you would like me to answer a question. I would love to hear from you.
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  You can email me at brenna@thekidcounselor.com or you can also
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  call 813-812-5525 and you can record a question for me on the line.
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  So
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  really grateful for all of you that have been reaching out
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  and thank you for listening and hanging out with me each week.
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  It's, it's a really fun thing to
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  know that we get to spend time together. So I'm really grateful for that.
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  So as I mentioned, we're going to dive into
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  what it looks like practically speaking
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  to implement playtime with your children
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  and not that it becomes an additional burden or activity or scheduled item,
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  but that there is true purpose, meaning and intention
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  in making sure that you do have that time each week to play.
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  Because while we spend time talking and we spend time hanging
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  out and we spend time doing other things with our children.
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  Sometimes we do not spend time playing with them
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  yet. That's what children want and need most
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  the path to calm, confident and in control parenting starts now.
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  Ok. So
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  you, as you know, we have been going through the child-centered play therapy
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  content. So we covered the four pillars, we've covered, reflective responding,
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  we've covered the practical application of that. And so everything
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  in this path
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  is predicated on the child-centered play Therapy model.
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  And we know that this works because we talked extensively
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  about how children are not rational,
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  they're not cognitive, they're not intellectual,
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  they don't have the ability to process things
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  like we do.
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  So, knowing that we have to meet them where they are,
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  which is in their feelings and in their emotions,
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  well,
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  when they are in their feelings and their emotions,
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  they're playing
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  and when they're playing, they're in their feelings and their emotions.
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  So it is the child's natural state.
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  It is what children naturally do. It's what they most want to do.
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  It's where they are most happy and most comfortable
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  and what does play do for kids,
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  it allows them to make sense of their world.
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  It allows them to desensitize big emotions.
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  It allows them to rewrite their story or their narrative
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  to something that
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  was difficult.
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  It allows them to process something
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  so that it takes away the power and the consumption that it might have had.
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  It is the child's way of figuring life out.
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  If children are left unsupervised
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  and unregulated.
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  In other words,
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  you have a child that is not being micromanaged by an adult,
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  they will play
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  even if there are not toys,
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  even if they are not in a room that has things with which they could play,
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  they will come up with a way to play.
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  Let me share a really quick story.
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  So it was my husband and my 22nd wedding anniversary last Saturday.
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  And we went to a lagoon and spent the day there.
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  So as we were lounging, you know,
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  there were all kinds of activities you could do the water obstacle course,
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  you could paddle board, you could kayak,
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  they have the cabanas and the chairs and
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  you know, the lazy river kind of thing.
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  So, I mean, there's literally just like water involved stuff everywhere. So
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  my husband and I are just kind of chilling out in one of the shallow parts of the water.
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  And four girls come swimming by,
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  I would say they were probably eight or nine, maybe 10 at the most.
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  And they were having so much fun and they were in such a playful moment.
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  They didn't even see that we were there, didn't even notice us,
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  crashed into us as they were swimming because they weren't paying attention
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  and they just laughed and continued on as kids do
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  and as they were swimming away,
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  one of them says,
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  ok, let me be the police officer that comes and rescues her now.
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  And I looked at my husband and I said
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  that's podcast fodder.
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  And he's like, what do you mean?
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  And I said
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  there's four girls swimming around in a lagoon
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  and they're imaginatively and creatively playing.
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  And they've come up with a playful dialogue and a playful storyline
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  where someone is in need of rescue.
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  And so someone's going to assume the role of the one that's gonna go in and save the day
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  because that's what kids do.
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  That is their natural way
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  to
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  engage with the world they play.
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  Interestingly, studies have shown ad nauseam
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  that we are wired to play no matter our age.
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  But for some reason, the older we get,
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  the more we shy away from playing
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  and we think that we no longer need to
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  and sometimes we even prevent ourselves from playing.
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  We need to play too.
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  Kids are just much better at it
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  and it allows them to stay in their emotions more.
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  So, if we understand kids naturally play,
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  then we know that it will be a very easy
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  moment
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  for us to play with our kids.
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  It's what they do, it's what they love.
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  So we meet them in what's important to them and what matters to them.
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  It's a connection point and here's what happens when we play with our kids.
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  We connect on an emotional level with them.
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  We meet them.
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  They don't come to us because they can't developmentally,
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  they're not able to be cognitive.
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  We can be emotional though
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  and we can play with them.
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  So what happens when we play?
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  We
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  learn more about our kids
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  because they express
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  what their lives are like. They express their needs, their desires, their wants,
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  their feelings,
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  they express all those when they play.
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  So it is a wide open window
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  into what matters to our kids. We learn so much about them
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  when we play with them.
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  They reveal so much to us.
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  They're not going to reveal it in conversation.
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  They're not going to answer questions
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  and help us know that stuff,
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  but they'll let us see it when they play.
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  So we learn a ton about them.
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  We learn how to accept them
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  because we have a deeper connection with them
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  and
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  they feel more understood
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  because we understand them better.
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  So not only does it increase our understanding,
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  but they feel more understood.
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  And here's the really interesting thing that happens
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  when a child feels they are accepted
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  when a child feels understood.
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  And when there is a connection,
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  they naturally behave in more self enhancing ways.
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  So often what happens when parents start playing with their kids,
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  they see change in behavior
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  because the child is more likely to behave in self
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  enhancing ways as a result of what's cultivated during play.
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  So all kinds of things happening
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  all positive.
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  So here's what I encourage you to do.
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  It would be really important and helpful for you to set aside 30 minutes
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  each week
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  to play with your child,
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  not all of your children,
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  but 30 minutes with each of your children. If you have more than one.
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  And the reason for this is
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  it gives your child a chance to have undivided attention from you.
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  And it gives you a chance to focus exclusively on that child,
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  cultivate that relationship and connection
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  and it gives you a chance to practice your skills.
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  So decide which skill you want to work on first,
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  which one of the four pillars
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  is something that you
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  want to get a little bit better at.
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  Is it reflecting feelings? Is it encouraging?
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  Is it giving choices now be mindful?
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  You're only going to set limits when they're needed
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  so that 1 may not get used, but you can definitely practice the other three.
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  And it's a 30 minute intentional window where
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  you can stay focused on that specific skill
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  and you can really work to hone that.
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  But while you're doing it,
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  you're going to be permissive and let the child lead,
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  you don't govern what happens in the play.
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  There's no right or wrong,
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  there are no expectations.
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  There are no reprimands.
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  The child gets to play the way the child wants to play. Now, if a limit is necessary
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  because of an unacceptable behavior, then you can practice your limit setting.
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  But otherwise you don't direct the play,
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  you let the child lead and you follow.
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  We're gonna play for 30 minutes. I wonder what you choose to do.
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  I wanna throw the ball, ok? You've chosen for us to throw the ball
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  and you throw the ball
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  or the child says I wanna play a game or the child says I
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  want to color or the child says I want us to build a tower.
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  I want us to play house and you be this character and I'll be this character
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  but the child gets to decide what happens because it's the child's play.
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  You just become a part of it.
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  And we've talked about this so many times, but
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  everything
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  about our parenting
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  comes back to the relationship,
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  everything,
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  everything we want, everything we hope for, everything that we work for.
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  It's all predicated on the relationship.
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  There is no better way to build a strong relationship with our kids
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  than to set aside undivided playtime with them each week.
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  30 minutes,
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  not long, not exhausting.
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  If you have multiple kids.
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  Do one kid on a Tuesday, one kid on a Thursday, one kid on a Saturday.
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  If you can't do a full 30 minutes, do 20 minutes.
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  Figure out what is manageable. Figure out how you can do it.
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  Put your younger kid to bed and spend 30
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  minutes playing with your older kid before their bedtime,
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  do it on a Saturday morning before a couple of your kids wake up.
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  There are ways to work it even when you're busy
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  and
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  to quote the godfather of the child-centered play therapy model.
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  If it's important, we have to make time for it,
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  we make time to go to work. We make time to get groceries, we make time to go to the bank.
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  We make time to do the things that we have to do.
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  We need to make time for our kids
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  and playing with them
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  on a consistent schedule each week
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  is the most important thing that we can do
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  because that's where a child lives. That's where a child wants to be.
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  That's where a child will reveal the most about themselves.
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  You're not going to get it from asking questions.
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  You're not going to get it from having conversation.
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  You're not going to get it when you're in a different room doing something else.
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  But it is amazing.
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  I've been playing with kids for 20 years.
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  It is amazing
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  what you figure out and learn and see and observe about a kid
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  when they're playing.
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  It's the way that they communicate.
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  So
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  I hope that, that encourages you. I hope that you feel that that's feasible.
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  Please set aside time this week to start playing with each of your kids.
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  They get to lead, they get to be in charge of what happens
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  and you choose a skill to focus on and practice.
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  But even if you forget all of your skills,
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  you're giving them your undivided attention, you're giving them attunement,
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  you're giving them time
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  and acceptance and understanding
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  and that's relationship building.
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  It's connection
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  and kids will naturally behave in more self enhancing ways as a by-product.
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  So please email me, let me know how it goes.
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  I would love to hear your stories whether you felt like
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  it was a success or not so much of a success.
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  I'd love to hear from you if you want to reach out again.
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  It's brenna@thekidcounselor.com.
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  I'm super grateful for all of you. Thanks for spending time with me each week.
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  We'll talk soon.
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  Bye.
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  Thank you for listening
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  to the Play Therapy Parenting Podcast with Dr. Brenna Hicks
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  for more episodes and just subscribe to our newsletter.
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  Please go to www.playtherapyparenting.com.