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The Story of My Journey to Jesus Christ · Council of Kings

0:03
SPEAKER_03: Sending love to everybody today from Germany.
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Feeling really good today and felt a compulsion to record a
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video about Jesus Christ.
0:22
SPEAKER_03: The great mystery of Jesus Christ.
0:30
SPEAKER_03: The sun just came out from behind the clouds, right?
0:33
SPEAKER_03: As I said that name, that's interesting synchronicity.
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SPEAKER_03: Yeah, where to begin?
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SPEAKER_03: I mean, this is such a deep,
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SPEAKER_02: It's such a deep topic for me.
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SPEAKER_03: Very personal, very vulnerable and intimate to share about.
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I was raised Catholic and I went to church about every Sunday
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for 18 years of my life.
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SPEAKER_03: Loved to sing in church.
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SPEAKER_03: I was a
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SPEAKER_03: an altar boy, a server sometimes.
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SPEAKER_03: I was a cantor singing in front of the whole church.
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SPEAKER_03: I was in the children's choir.
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SPEAKER_03: I would do readings sometimes.
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I went to Catholic school,
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elementary school,
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and Christianity and Catholicism.
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SPEAKER_03: are really baked into my DNA on a very deep level.
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I come from a big Catholic and Christian family,
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a lot of ancestors from Germany,
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Ireland,
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Scotland and England,
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who settled as farmers in Iowa after immigrating to the United
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States.
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SPEAKER_03: And yeah, as far as I know, come from a long line of Christians.
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SPEAKER_03: And man, I went through such a full circle journey in my life.
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SPEAKER_03: I became really skeptical of the church,
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SPEAKER_03: started to perceive its shadows,
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SPEAKER_03: and started to really question,
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SPEAKER_03: you know,
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SPEAKER_03: I think I remember asking a priest if dogs go to heaven,
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SPEAKER_03: and he said no,
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SPEAKER_03: and then I think some catechist
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SPEAKER_03: a teacher or something like that,
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told one of my cousins that anybody who wasn't Catholic or who
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wasn't Christian or
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SPEAKER_03: who didn't believe in Jesus Christ was going to go to hell,
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SPEAKER_03: you know,
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SPEAKER_03: burn in hell,
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SPEAKER_03: pit of hellfire for all eternity.
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SPEAKER_03: And things like that just didn't land well for me.
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SPEAKER_03: They didn't resonate as truth.
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SPEAKER_03: Something felt off about them.
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SPEAKER_03: And so...
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SPEAKER_03: I ended up basically leaving.
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SPEAKER_03: I never officially, like, excommunicated myself from the church.
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SPEAKER_03: I was confirmed Catholic.
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SPEAKER_03: I was baptized and confirmed Catholic.
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SPEAKER_03: In that sense, I've been Catholic my whole life for 34 years.
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I never officially left the church,
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but I did internally leave the church around age 18.
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SPEAKER_03: Um...
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I left the church and as often happens when we become
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disillusioned with one
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SPEAKER_03: paradigm in human life,
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SPEAKER_03: the pendulum of our being can overcorrect into an opposite paradigm.
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So I became fairly critical of religion,
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almost an anti-organized religion.
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SPEAKER_03: person for a while,
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SPEAKER_03: really criticizing Christianity,
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SPEAKER_03: flirting with atheism,
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SPEAKER_03: becoming very agnostic.
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SPEAKER_03: And then I found psychedelics around age 19 and
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That initiated me into the mystery of existence on a very
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visceral level.
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I opened to the sheer vividness and artistry and gargantuan
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poem of existence on
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profound levels and open to infinite possibilities beyond the
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life scripts that I
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SPEAKER_03: had inherited.
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SPEAKER_03: And that basically set me on
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A very strange and very winding mystical journey for many years
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that led me to 30
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SPEAKER_03: some countries.
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SPEAKER_03: I traveled the world.
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SPEAKER_03: I explored many earthly wisdom streams, traditions, teachings.
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SPEAKER_03: Searching for truth, trying to piece it all together, trying to.
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SPEAKER_03: Yeah, looking for something, not exactly sure what, just looking for.
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SPEAKER_03: Looking for my own, my own answers, my own meaning, purpose, freedom.
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SPEAKER_03: And.
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SPEAKER_03: That led me to some very profound experiences.
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SPEAKER_03: It led me into jungles where I sat with ayahuasca and bufo,
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SPEAKER_03: profound sacramental mysteries,
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SPEAKER_03: entheogenic mysteries.
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SPEAKER_03: I did a lot of, a lot, a lot of exploration and
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SPEAKER_03: again,
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explored many wisdom streams and began to really open to things
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like non-duality,
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SPEAKER_03: the path of enlightenment,
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SPEAKER_03: the discovery of this here now as miraculous divine artistry,
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SPEAKER_03: miraculous sublimity,
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SPEAKER_03: total freshness,
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SPEAKER_03: total innocence,
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SPEAKER_03: fullness,
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SPEAKER_03: joy,
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SPEAKER_03: jubilation.
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SPEAKER_03: There was a really strong current...
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SPEAKER_03: really my whole life,
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SPEAKER_03: I would say,
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but it emerged very strongly after I discovered psychedelics of
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really being a
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SPEAKER_03: celebrator.
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I remember one of the very first blog posts I wrote about 13
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years ago or so was
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SPEAKER_03: called Life Should Be a Celebration.
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So I really found myself going deeper and deeper into that and
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developing this
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SPEAKER_03: profound,
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SPEAKER_03: profound love for life,
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SPEAKER_03: for existence,
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SPEAKER_03: jubilation,
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SPEAKER_03: celebration.
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And yeah,
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tuning into again,
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many flavors of wisdom,
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flavors of freedom and liberation from
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SPEAKER_03: Everything from the Tao of Lao Tzu to Zen to Dzogchen,
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SPEAKER_03: Advaita,
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SPEAKER_03: Yoga of Radiant Presence,
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tuning in with the Sufi mystics and more like shamanic and
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animistic traditions,
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SPEAKER_03: alchemy,
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SPEAKER_03: hermeticism,
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various types of modern,
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spiritual and non dual and channeled types of teaching.
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So I really explored vastly and widely among the whole gamut
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and smorgasbord of
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SPEAKER_03: earthly wisdom,
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SPEAKER_03: teachings and traditions.
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SPEAKER_03: And I discovered many traps and hazards along the way.
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SPEAKER_03: I had to take some knocks, for sure.
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SPEAKER_03: Had to learn that pride cometh before a fall.
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SPEAKER_03: And had to learn what happens when Icarus flies too close to the sun.
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SPEAKER_03: What goes up must come down, in a sense.
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Yeah,
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at times I became inflated,
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developed kind of a guru complex or a God complex.
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I wrote a book called You Are God at one point and later wrote
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an essay called You Are Not God.
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SPEAKER_03: And wrote a book called Both Neither, Far Beyond Either.
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SPEAKER_03: exploring how the question,
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SPEAKER_03: are you God or not God,
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and any other kind of this or that question could potentially
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be answered both
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SPEAKER_03: neither,
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SPEAKER_03: far beyond either,
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which I still see as quite a profound koan to sit with that can
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reveal a lot about
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SPEAKER_03: the paradoxical
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nature of reality and the the forever beyondness the the way in
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which whatever this
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is evades conceptualization it evades neat and tidy answers
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that can be fit within
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SPEAKER_03: uh linear human frameworks and structures in any way uh
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SPEAKER_03: Yeah,
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SPEAKER_03: my path's been interesting because a lot of people,
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SPEAKER_03: when they find their way back to Jesus,
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SPEAKER_03: after a lot of searching,
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many of them are led to kind of recant or disavow all their
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prior spirituality.
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SPEAKER_03: A lot of them express this rejection of
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of everything they were exploring before,
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and they affirm Christ is the one truth.
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SPEAKER_03: And that's not been my path.
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SPEAKER_03: So to start to go into Christ, yeah, there were definitely...
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SPEAKER_03: hints,
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and there was a beginning of a healing of my relationship with
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Christianity and an
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SPEAKER_03: opening to the beauty of Christianity that began pretty early.
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Like I would say I left my hardcore religion bashing years
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after a couple years of
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SPEAKER_03: that and reading people like
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SPEAKER_03: Joseph Campbell and listening to Jordan Peterson.
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I probably started reading Joseph Campbell 12,
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13 years ago at this point.
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SPEAKER_03: Listening to Jordan Peterson 9, 10 years ago.
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SPEAKER_03: People like that started opening me to seeing the mythopoetic beauty of
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SPEAKER_03: Christianity,
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SPEAKER_03: kind of opening to it as...
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a mythos that contained deep wisdom,
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helping me see the beauty within the tradition.
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I think visiting European cathedrals over the years also helped
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me just experience
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this architectural majesty and this undeniable glory and
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exaltation that was...
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SPEAKER_03: evoked by the incredible artistry of these cathedrals.
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And so there was a gradual kind of softening and a gradual
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reintegration of the
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SPEAKER_03: beauty of my ancestral tradition.
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SPEAKER_03: And then there was a period of kind of reintegrating
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SPEAKER_03: Jesus and seeing Jesus as an enlightened master,
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as kind of like one of many enlightened masters and sages and
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prophets who had
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SPEAKER_03: walked the earth.
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SPEAKER_03: Kind of putting him in the same category as like Lao Tzu or Buddha,
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SPEAKER_03: Anandamai Ma,
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SPEAKER_03: Ramana Maharshi,
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SPEAKER_03: people like this.
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SPEAKER_03: Yeah, venerable saints and sages who I have learned a lot from.
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SPEAKER_03: And interestingly, it was about 2022 when that started to shift into a...
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SPEAKER_03: different direction,
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SPEAKER_03: I would say,
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SPEAKER_03: or a more,
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a more unexplainable contact with the Christ mystery where
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Christ started to,
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Christ started to come to the forefront more notably and all
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encompassingly for me.
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SPEAKER_03: I partook in a journey,
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SPEAKER_03: a container,
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SPEAKER_03: kind of a group,
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an online group program that was working with deep shadow work
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around money,
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SPEAKER_03: sex,
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SPEAKER_03: and power back in 2022.
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SPEAKER_03: And something in that container really
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opened some primordial depth within me and I experienced what I
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would call some
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type of like dark Kundalini possession or archetypal possession
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quasi possession by
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some type of energies within my shadow or transpersonal
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energies that had a lot of
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SPEAKER_03: kind of what I
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notice notably felt as dark dragon energy and while there was i
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think i think that
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process needed to happen i think i'm still integrating that and
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actually one of the
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SPEAKER_03: most alive questions for me in my current process is kind of what
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is the wisest way to relate to the dragon energies within
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ourselves within mankind
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this energy of the shadow this energy of the primal sexual and
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aggressive and
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creative destructive just raw raw primordial primal life force
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that lives i would
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SPEAKER_03: say more in
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SPEAKER_03: the lower centers,
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SPEAKER_03: more in the realm of like the root,
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SPEAKER_03: the sacral,
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SPEAKER_03: the belly,
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SPEAKER_03: the base of the spine.
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I think those are some of the most challenging energies to work
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with that live
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SPEAKER_03: within human beings.
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And as I say,
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it's an alive question for me,
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although in short,
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my current feeling is that
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SPEAKER_03: holding these energies in unconditional love and holding all energies in
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unconditional love what i might call the love of christ feels
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like uh the path
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forward to me it feels like all energies when offered to that
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inmost heart of
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SPEAKER_03: hearts heart of christ the light of christ this
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what feels like an all-transcending and all-including
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omni-center point of pure inmost grace.
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SPEAKER_03: All energies can be offered to that,
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SPEAKER_03: held in that unconditional love,
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SPEAKER_03: and that unconditional love knows better than us.
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SPEAKER_03: You could say Christ knows better than us what to do with those energies.
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SPEAKER_03: So there's kind of a surrendering of all those energies to Christ.
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SPEAKER_03: And Christ knows what to cleanse,
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SPEAKER_03: what to purify,
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SPEAKER_03: what to alchemize,
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what to potentially completely dissolve from our being or what
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to transfigure into
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SPEAKER_03: a new form.
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SPEAKER_03: And I have experienced how some of these dragon energies can...
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when held in love,
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can become allies,
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allies,
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Christed dragons in a sense.
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SPEAKER_03: And that would probably be a controversial view among many Christians.
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SPEAKER_03: Um...
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SPEAKER_03: it's a bit more of a Jungian or alchemical view.
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SPEAKER_02: But that is my current view.
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SPEAKER_03: And I would just say,
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SPEAKER_03: you know,
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SPEAKER_03: people can test it out and see for themselves,
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SPEAKER_03: you know,
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offer everything up to unconditional Christ love and see what
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he wants to do with
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SPEAKER_03: all of it.
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SPEAKER_03: Um,
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if he wants to completely remove those energies from your being
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then he will but if
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he sees that those energies in their inmost intrinsic nature
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are also innocent
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children of God and if he wants to purify and transfigure those
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energies and return
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them to harmony with the whole to their intrinsic numinous
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template and bring them
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SPEAKER_03: into
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SPEAKER_03: harmonization with wholeness,
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SPEAKER_03: with love,
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SPEAKER_03: with grace,
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SPEAKER_03: and bring that power into service of love,
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SPEAKER_03: like the image of Christ,
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SPEAKER_03: you know,
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SPEAKER_03: throwing over,
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SPEAKER_03: getting angry and throwing over the merchants' tables in the temple.
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SPEAKER_03: That's an example, a depiction of
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SPEAKER_03: Dragon energy guided by love, surrendered to love, I would say.
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SPEAKER_03: So, yeah, anyway, that's a deep topic.
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But essentially,
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in 2022,
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there was a lot of repressed dragon energy that erupted forth.
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SPEAKER_03: And I think when energies have been...
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SPEAKER_03: suppressed,
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SPEAKER_03: denied,
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SPEAKER_03: rejected,
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SPEAKER_03: and kind of shamed and locked in a dark basement somewhere within us,
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they tend to roil and boil and writhe and become angry and
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resentful and take on a
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SPEAKER_03: more distorted or corrupted form of themselves.
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SPEAKER_03: And so that might have been part of what happened there.
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SPEAKER_03: I was kind of quasi hijacked by the shadowy dragon energies.
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And I still retained a certain degree of control or sovereignty
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over these energies.
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SPEAKER_03: But I was to a great extent kind of taken over.
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SPEAKER_03: And I acted in some ways that...
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SPEAKER_03: I would see as out of integrity,
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SPEAKER_03: inflated,
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SPEAKER_03: and yeah,
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SPEAKER_03: as I'm saying,
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SPEAKER_03: I'm still integrating that period.
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I made a lot of art and music from that place that are some of
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the most paradoxical
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SPEAKER_03: kind of riddles I've ever birthed artistically,
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SPEAKER_03: and I'm still sitting with those.
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SPEAKER_03: But anyway,
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SPEAKER_03: as I started to kind of snap out of that phase,
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which was maybe about a 10-day phase of being strongly in the
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grips of those
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SPEAKER_03: energies...
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SPEAKER_03: I began to realize that I had become ungrounded,
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SPEAKER_03: that I had become inflated,
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SPEAKER_03: that something was off about how I had been acting.
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SPEAKER_03: And I had a very deep instinct at that time.
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SPEAKER_03: It's like a primal instinct,
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SPEAKER_03: which had come to me at other times over the years,
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SPEAKER_03: even though I had considered myself to have
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SPEAKER_03: to have left the church in some of my darkest moments over the years,
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SPEAKER_03: I would still just naturally pray,
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just pray to God in the way that my parents had taught me to do
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so before bed at
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SPEAKER_03: night and how I did in church.
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SPEAKER_03: And so I would just pray.
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SPEAKER_03: And so again, in 2022, I was
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strongly guided strong instinct to really go deep into prayer
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ask Jesus Christ and
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SPEAKER_03: God the Father to be with me to guide me to cleanse me to purify me
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to right my wrongs,
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to redeem,
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to wash away the sinfulness that I had engaged in.
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SPEAKER_03: Sin can feel like a pretty heavy word.
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SPEAKER_03: One translation of it is simply as missing the mark.
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SPEAKER_03: And without casting large amounts of shame upon ourselves or others,
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I think it's basically a sober view of humanity that we really
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miss the mark a lot of the time.
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SPEAKER_03: I mean,
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our species murdered 100 million of its own kind of our
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brothers and sisters in the
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SPEAKER_03: 20th century alone.
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We ongoingly torture and murder billions,
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if not trillions of animals in ways that are not
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uh not approached in full ethical integrity and sacredness and
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perhaps we'll
26:08
perhaps we'll just move move beyond killing and eating animals
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uh when we're ready
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to do that i don't know if it seems like we're probably not
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ready for that just yet
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SPEAKER_03: i've been vegetarian for about three months at this point and
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I don't know if I'm ready to fully continue with that because
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my body seems to be
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SPEAKER_03: telling me that it may need some meat for grounding purposes.
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SPEAKER_03: So I'm sitting with that.
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SPEAKER_03: But anyway, humanity misses the mark.
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SPEAKER_03: We all miss the mark.
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SPEAKER_03: I think this is a very sober view.
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SPEAKER_03: And so, yeah, I started praying intensely to God and Jesus.
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SPEAKER_03: I...
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And that was about the time that I started to have more direct
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experiences of Jesus.
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SPEAKER_03: I don't know if it was really...
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SPEAKER_03: I mean,
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SPEAKER_03: I would say that...
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I would suggest that I had already been having many direct
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experiences of Jesus
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SPEAKER_03: Christ for years through...
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his light and his presence that didn't necessarily make itself
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known as the Christ
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SPEAKER_03: light or as Jesus because I wasn't ready to receive it in that way.
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But I would suggest that anywhere that the true light and the
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true wisdom and love
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SPEAKER_03: and grace of the creator is encountered,
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I would suggest that Jesus Christ is there and Jesus Christ is
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that light that
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SPEAKER_03: Yeah,
27:54
SPEAKER_03: where I'm at now,
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SPEAKER_03: I see the universal Christ as being present in all times and places,
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SPEAKER_03: in all true and great wisdom,
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SPEAKER_03: traditions and teachings.
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I see Christ as being what is true and good and real in all
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those teachings.
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SPEAKER_03: And I see the physical coming of Jesus Christ to earth and his
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SPEAKER_03: His presence as a living,
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SPEAKER_03: a living etheric presence that we can tap into now,
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SPEAKER_03: a living presence.
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SPEAKER_03: I see that as,
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SPEAKER_03: I would say,
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something like the fulfillment of all of Earth's most beautiful
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wisdom streams and
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SPEAKER_03: all of humanity's reaching toward truth and love and light.
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SPEAKER_03: I feel that
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SPEAKER_03: Yeah,
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SPEAKER_03: my current feeling expressed humbly and yeah,
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expressed humbly is that currently Christ feels to me like the
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fulfillment or the
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full plenitude of all these different earthly wisdom streams
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and feels like
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his own category in a way the Christ light feels like its own
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category and that's
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not to say again it's that's not to say that it is separate
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from other discoveries
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SPEAKER_03: of of truth of love of wisdom of light
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SPEAKER_03: I'm just suggesting that that true light or true logos is Christ.
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And yeah,
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I think it's been contacted in many times and places and called
30:17
by different names and
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SPEAKER_03: You know, even Jesus himself is called by many different names.
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SPEAKER_03: Jesus Christ,
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SPEAKER_03: Yeshua,
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SPEAKER_03: the Logos,
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SPEAKER_03: the Lamb,
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SPEAKER_03: the Lion of Judah,
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SPEAKER_03: the Good Shepherd,
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SPEAKER_03: Savior,
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SPEAKER_03: King of Kings,
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SPEAKER_03: Meshiach,
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SPEAKER_03: Messiah,
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SPEAKER_03: Emmanuel.
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SPEAKER_03: So, yeah.
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SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
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SPEAKER_03: but I may be getting ahead of myself.
30:53
SPEAKER_03: More on that in a moment.
30:55
SPEAKER_03: So kind of going back to the story,
31:00
it was around that time in 2022 that there started to be these
31:03
more direct
31:11
SPEAKER_03: experiences that made themselves
31:14
SPEAKER_03: known as Christ.
31:18
SPEAKER_03: And it wasn't too long after that.
31:19
I can't remember if it was 22 or 2023 when I started having
31:26
clear visions of Christ
31:30
SPEAKER_03: during these experiences,
31:31
the seeing the outline of Christ or seeing the cross made of
31:35
light or seeing the
31:37
SPEAKER_03: face of Christ kind of shining through the etheric light and seeing
31:43
I would just be weeping,
31:45
just weeping,
31:47
and my heart would just be shattering open.
31:50
SPEAKER_03: And the feeling of those experiences was like,
31:57
SPEAKER_03: you shall know the truth when you weep before it,
31:59
SPEAKER_03: when you weep before it.
32:01
SPEAKER_03: It was just the force of those experiences time and time again.
32:08
SPEAKER_03: I mean, this continues to happen to this day.
32:11
SPEAKER_03: I'm regularly...
32:14
I regularly find myself cracked open and weeping while very
32:20
often while listening
32:21
SPEAKER_03: to Christ focused hymns and songs or something about the,
32:27
SPEAKER_03: the hymns and songs that is completely beyond rationality.
32:33
Music just like speaks to levels completely beyond the linear
32:38
thinking mind and
32:42
SPEAKER_03: and just opens this mystery of the presence of Christ.
32:51
SPEAKER_03: And just a note,
32:52
SPEAKER_03: I can already feel that something in me really,
32:59
really struggles with even starting to put forth this notion
33:04
that Christ might be
33:07
the fulfillment of all earthly wisdom streams or in a category
33:12
of his own or some
33:13
SPEAKER_03: kind of higher revelation or greater truth because I'm so very...
33:28
My path has generally been one that has been so allergic to
33:34
dogma and allergic to
33:36
SPEAKER_03: hierarchy
33:37
and really about bridging and more like finding the bridges and
33:45
the perennial
33:46
SPEAKER_03: wisdom that has expressed itself in many times and places and and
34:00
SPEAKER_03: Yeah,
34:00
SPEAKER_03: almost having kind of a relativizing tendency at times,
34:05
almost a postmodern relativizing tendency of like all
34:11
perspectives being in some
34:13
SPEAKER_03: sense valid or in some sense,
34:17
SPEAKER_03: you know,
34:17
real ways for reality to experience itself and all of them
34:21
being in a sense
34:22
SPEAKER_03: ontologically equal,
34:24
SPEAKER_03: like they're all made of being,
34:26
SPEAKER_03: they're all made of
34:28
SPEAKER_03: reality, they're all made of the ultimate.
34:30
And I think that comes from that has come from I think there's
34:36
there's truth in that.
34:38
And I think that's come from an impulse within me that holds a
34:43
lot of compassion
34:45
and doesn't want to make anybody feel left out or feel judged
34:52
or feel like less
34:56
SPEAKER_03: than or like
34:59
SPEAKER_03: your truth is not as true as my truth kind of thing.
35:05
SPEAKER_03: And so that's still something that's very alive in me.
35:09
SPEAKER_03: There's a deep,
35:09
SPEAKER_03: deep yearning in my heart,
35:13
SPEAKER_03: like a deep compassion for every human being and every being and
35:21
SPEAKER_03: as fellow sufferers,
35:23
fellow sojourners through this at times profoundly challenging
35:30
earthly plane.
35:32
SPEAKER_03: And,
35:33
SPEAKER_03: um,
35:35
and I have a deep compassion for kind of whatever gets a person
35:41
through the day,
35:41
SPEAKER_03: whatever lets you sleep at night,
35:44
SPEAKER_03: like life can be really hard.
35:46
SPEAKER_03: And I find that
35:50
SPEAKER_03: I find wisdom in all places, basically, from all beings.
35:58
SPEAKER_03: I feel like I can learn from every being and every being holds wisdom,
36:03
SPEAKER_03: holds riches that I can learn from.
36:05
Every being is a mirror and I'm not here to judge and condemn
36:12
anyone in any sort of
36:16
yeah final or condemning type of sense you know i am here to
36:23
use my own discernment
36:25
um to discern for myself what seems to be true as best as i can
36:34
and so yeah so just
36:41
SPEAKER_03: giving voice to that that that there's that that's alive for me
36:45
And so it's hard for me on one level to even start to vocally
36:54
gesture in this direction.
37:00
SPEAKER_03: And yet, what can I do?
37:03
SPEAKER_03: All I can do is faithfully report what I have witnessed,
37:08
SPEAKER_03: what I have experienced,
37:09
SPEAKER_03: where experience is leading me,
37:12
SPEAKER_03: and what...
37:16
SPEAKER_03: what I find there and what feels valuable to me.
37:23
SPEAKER_03: Notice I'm feeling a little bit lightheaded.
37:25
SPEAKER_03: I had a cacao, banana, coffee, honey smoothie today.
37:33
And yeah,
37:36
just noticing maybe I'm a little,
37:43
the energy's kind of concentrated up here.
37:45
SPEAKER_03: It might be a little ungrounded.
37:47
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, maybe it'd be helpful to sit down just a moment here.
38:19
SPEAKER_01: All right.
38:19
SPEAKER_01: So yeah,
38:21
SPEAKER_03: as I was saying,
38:26
all I can really do is speak to my own experience and I don't
38:31
claim to comprehend
38:33
SPEAKER_03: these mysteries.
38:34
I feel like I'm still smack in the middle of whatever is
38:37
happening to me and has
38:38
SPEAKER_03: been happening for years.
38:41
SPEAKER_03: And yet, you know, I am compelled and guided to speak about it.
38:46
SPEAKER_03: That's
38:48
SPEAKER_03: been a role that I have felt very strongly called toward for many years.
38:55
And that's kind of my MO is that I honestly open source my
39:01
process,
39:05
my journey.
39:06
SPEAKER_03: So, you know.
39:13
Take what resonates,
39:15
let go of what doesn't,
39:16
add what is uniquely your own.
39:18
SPEAKER_03: Or,
39:18
SPEAKER_03: you know,
39:19
SPEAKER_03: if you don't resonate,
39:20
feel welcome to stop reading or listening to my stuff and go
39:26
find other voices.
39:29
SPEAKER_03: Lord knows there's a lot of them out there at this point.
39:35
And I encourage that,
39:37
encourage people to use their voice and speak their truth and
39:43
SPEAKER_03: be honest about their process.
39:44
SPEAKER_03: And so anyway,
39:47
SPEAKER_03: to kind of cut a long story short at this point,
39:52
SPEAKER_03: starting sometime around 2022 to 2023,
39:56
SPEAKER_03: notably,
39:57
SPEAKER_03: I remember the Presence of God retreat that we hosted at Kumankaya,
40:03
SPEAKER_03: the Ayahuasca Center in Mexico,
40:05
SPEAKER_03: where I got married and where I got engaged,
40:09
SPEAKER_03: which was created by
40:12
SPEAKER_03: a man and his wife, Remy and Ashley Delon, who are amazing.
40:17
Remy was an Orthodox Christian monk living mostly in silence
40:21
for 20 years in a
40:23
monastery in France prior to being mysteriously guided to
40:27
become an ayahuasquero.
40:30
SPEAKER_03: In, uh,
40:33
SPEAKER_03: Yeah,
40:34
SPEAKER_03: about 12 years ago,
40:35
SPEAKER_03: and he went through very deep seven,
40:40
SPEAKER_03: eight years of cumulative master plant diets,
40:43
SPEAKER_03: I think at this point,
40:44
SPEAKER_03: to become a really accomplished ayahuasquero who's
40:54
SPEAKER_03: Yeah,
40:54
SPEAKER_03: who's still deeply rooted in Christ,
40:56
but views the Shipibo Ayahuasca lineage as an ancient lineage
41:01
of healing tools,
41:04
SPEAKER_03: plant medicinal healing lineage that he has been initiated into.
41:10
And so,
41:14
yeah,
41:15
he works through Christ and through the Shipibo healing lineage
41:20
to...
41:23
SPEAKER_03: use his voice,
41:23
SPEAKER_03: his songs,
41:24
SPEAKER_03: his Icaros,
41:26
SPEAKER_03: and the Kumankaya space,
41:28
SPEAKER_03: which is very sacred to help people go through deep healing journeys.
41:35
SPEAKER_03: And yeah, I bring people to Kumankaya periodically.
41:39
We're planning to bring...
41:40
I haven't been there in about a year and a half now.
41:48
SPEAKER_03: Planning to bring a group in late 2026
41:53
SPEAKER_03: December,
41:54
SPEAKER_03: 2026 for a retreat that is called,
41:58
SPEAKER_03: uh,
41:58
SPEAKER_03: Christ fire actually,
42:00
SPEAKER_03: and will be a more Christ centered,
42:05
SPEAKER_03: specifically calling in Christ,
42:07
SPEAKER_03: um,
42:07
SPEAKER_03: ayahuasca retreat at Kumankaya.
42:10
SPEAKER_03: So yeah.
42:13
Um,
42:15
feeling a deep sense of,
42:16
of reverence and humility when I feel into that.
42:22
SPEAKER_03: And, um,
42:23
SPEAKER_03: So yeah,
42:24
SPEAKER_03: to cut a long story short,
42:26
SPEAKER_03: Presence of God 2022 at Kumankaya,
42:29
I remember being a massive opening to Christ where I was just
42:35
strongly guided to
42:36
SPEAKER_03: start praying directly to Christ and praying,
42:39
SPEAKER_03: you know,
42:40
SPEAKER_03: make my heart the sacred heart of Christ.
42:43
SPEAKER_03: And then in the years since then, there have been just these repeated
42:53
visions of christ and even more so just a presence that makes
42:59
itself known to the
43:00
heart that cracks the heart open and causes just weeping
43:04
purifying tears that makes
43:06
itself known as jesus christ and yeah in my experience jesus
43:13
christ is a living
43:18
SPEAKER_03: shepherd uh
43:21
SPEAKER_03: who is here with us, who is alive, who is available.
43:34
And for a while that,
43:38
for a while I was more focused on that kind of etheric,
43:47
SPEAKER_03: presence of Christ as a direct mystical experience.
43:51
And I felt less connection to the historical or biblical Christ
43:57
or the Christ of
43:58
SPEAKER_03: the incarnation.
44:01
And that's been another layer of unfoldment that is unfolding
44:04
recently where I'm
44:07
SPEAKER_03: continuing to encounter and wrestle with scripture,
44:11
SPEAKER_03: the gospels,
44:13
SPEAKER_03: the early church fathers,
44:15
SPEAKER_03: the
44:17
Christian saints,
44:18
the sayings of the desert fathers,
44:20
different Christian authors.
44:23
SPEAKER_03: And that's guiding me into this mysterious heart,
44:29
SPEAKER_03: body,
44:29
SPEAKER_03: soul,
44:30
SPEAKER_03: full being revelation that is,
44:33
SPEAKER_03: again,
44:36
SPEAKER_03: feels like...
44:41
SPEAKER_03: it's not something I brought about myself.
44:43
SPEAKER_03: It's not something you can will.
44:46
SPEAKER_03: It just seems like a gift from grace is the experience of it,
44:49
SPEAKER_03: a gift from grace,
44:50
SPEAKER_03: a revelation that yes,
44:55
SPEAKER_03: Christ,
44:56
SPEAKER_03: Jesus Christ came to earth.
44:59
The logos,
45:00
the living word became flesh,
45:03
dwelt among us,
45:05
lived here,
45:06
suffered,
45:07
died,
45:09
SPEAKER_03: on the cross was buried on the third day rose again in fulfillment of the
45:15
scriptures ascended into heaven victorious over death and is
45:22
seated at the right
45:23
hand of the father in some deep and mysterious sense um and
45:32
there's an increasing
45:33
SPEAKER_03: sense that that collision that penetration
45:39
SPEAKER_03: of the logos of the true light of the living God,
45:47
literally incarnating on earth as a most humble servant of
45:55
humanity and the whole
46:03
SPEAKER_03: sequence of events that occurred there
46:07
SPEAKER_03: there's a deep feeling that Earth was never the same again,
46:11
SPEAKER_03: which,
46:12
SPEAKER_03: you know,
46:12
bears itself out historically when you look at the billions of
46:19
Christians who are
46:21
SPEAKER_03: still alive today,
46:23
SPEAKER_03: even in this age of,
46:24
SPEAKER_03: you know,
46:27
SPEAKER_03: with so much materialism and atheism and nihilism,
46:31
SPEAKER_03: there's still...
46:34
How can it be accounted for that this Jewish preacher who
46:43
appeared 2,000 years ago
46:47
SPEAKER_03: and started declaring these things,
46:51
how can it be that he had this scale of impact and that he's
46:58
remembered to this
46:59
SPEAKER_03: extent?
47:00
SPEAKER_03: And not just remembered, how can it be that
47:04
Countless people everywhere on earth have vivid experiences of
47:14
his presence that
47:15
SPEAKER_03: are utterly life-changing,
47:18
SPEAKER_03: that are utterly salvation-bringing,
47:21
SPEAKER_03: that redeem us.
47:26
their lives that wash away their past mistakes and
47:29
transgressions and give them a
47:31
SPEAKER_03: sense of being born again into a new life.
47:33
SPEAKER_03: You know, what is that phenomenon?
47:37
SPEAKER_03: I don't know.
47:38
SPEAKER_03: You know, it's a mystery.
47:41
SPEAKER_03: And Rudolf Steiner has suggested that it was a
47:50
SPEAKER_03: A cosmic evolutionary event,
47:54
SPEAKER_03: an event of cosmic magnitude,
47:57
SPEAKER_03: when Christ,
48:01
SPEAKER_03: the only begotten Son of the Father,
48:04
SPEAKER_03: penetrated into matter,
48:06
SPEAKER_03: visited matter,
48:09
SPEAKER_03: kind of bridged heaven and earth,
48:12
SPEAKER_03: in a sense.
48:17
SPEAKER_03: And so,
48:18
SPEAKER_03: yeah,
48:19
SPEAKER_03: as I journey deeper with Christ,
48:22
SPEAKER_03: you know,
48:23
SPEAKER_03: I don't even,
48:23
SPEAKER_03: I don't know what to really say about these things because it's like,
48:36
SPEAKER_03: it feels like,
48:41
SPEAKER_03: in our age of what is called rationality,
48:46
this hyper-focus on a certain form of linear logic relating to
48:54
the concepts of the
48:55
SPEAKER_03: thinking mind,
48:58
SPEAKER_03: it seems almost impossible to convey this mystery in a way that is
49:10
SPEAKER_03: that is palatable on that level.
49:12
SPEAKER_03: I mean,
49:12
probably some of the best bridges are the Jordan Peterson's and
49:17
the Joseph
49:17
Campbell's who frame it in terms of a mythopoetic story that
49:24
was handed down and
49:25
SPEAKER_03: encodes some of humanity's deepest wisdom into it.
49:29
SPEAKER_03: That's probably one of the best bridges actually for the rational mind.
49:33
SPEAKER_03: So that seems like really important work that's been done there.
49:41
and interestingly though you know my experience suggests that
49:47
it's far far more
49:49
than just a myth a story that was handed down that encodes a
49:55
lot of our deepest
49:56
wisdom um the rabbit hole goes a lot deeper it seems and i have
50:04
no idea how that's
50:05
SPEAKER_03: possible i have i don't claim to comprehend this mystery but
50:13
SPEAKER_03: in accordance with my,
50:15
SPEAKER_03: you know,
50:16
SPEAKER_03: personal code of ethics of openly and honestly sharing my journey,
50:23
SPEAKER_03: I,
50:23
SPEAKER_03: yeah,
50:26
SPEAKER_03: I have to be honest that at this point,
50:33
SPEAKER_03: there is a,
50:34
SPEAKER_03: there's a dawning sense and unexplainable and unexplainable
50:43
SPEAKER_03: revelation by grace is what it feels like, that Jesus Christ is Lord.
50:50
SPEAKER_03: Jesus Christ is king, king of kings.
50:55
SPEAKER_03: And,
50:55
SPEAKER_03: you know,
50:59
SPEAKER_03: like Lao Tzu said,
51:00
SPEAKER_03: the great Lao Tzu,
51:02
SPEAKER_03: he who loves the earth as his own body is fit to rule the empire.
51:10
SPEAKER_03: And,
51:12
SPEAKER_03: Christ is the one who loves the earth as his own body.
51:17
SPEAKER_03: Christ is the one who showed us what perfect love looks like.
51:24
SPEAKER_03: The willingness to completely sacrifice oneself for God.
51:35
SPEAKER_03: the good of others,
51:36
the willingness to put oneself below all others so that
51:40
everything else can grow
51:42
SPEAKER_03: taller than you.
51:43
SPEAKER_03: You know,
51:44
SPEAKER_03: as Remy of Kumankaya once told me,
51:46
SPEAKER_03: true power is allowing everything around you to grow taller than you.
51:51
SPEAKER_03: That's a very, that's a very Christic definition of power.
51:59
SPEAKER_03: And
52:07
SPEAKER_03: As I say,
52:08
my path as of now leads me toward a view that there is great
52:18
wisdom found across
52:21
SPEAKER_03: the earth in many traditions,
52:23
SPEAKER_03: in many streams,
52:24
SPEAKER_03: in the life of every being.
52:28
SPEAKER_03: And yet,
52:30
SPEAKER_03: I would suggest that wherever the true light,
52:33
SPEAKER_03: the true love,
52:34
SPEAKER_03: the true grace has been encountered,
52:37
SPEAKER_03: Christ has been there and Christ is the essence of that light,
52:42
SPEAKER_03: of that wisdom,
52:44
SPEAKER_03: and that with his coming to earth and his presence with us now,
52:49
it has been mysteriously revealed to us that that light has a
52:56
face and has personal
52:59
SPEAKER_03: care for each one of us.
53:01
is a personal savior who wants a personal relationship with
53:05
each one of us is not
53:06
SPEAKER_03: just an impersonal quality lists in infinite void of pure space.
53:19
SPEAKER_03: Yeah, reminds me of David Hawkins, who wrote really beautifully about
53:23
moving beyond the void to discover the heart of divinity as
53:29
more like the center of
53:30
SPEAKER_03: the sun,
53:30
SPEAKER_03: a flame of pure love,
53:35
SPEAKER_03: love as an essential quality of divinity.
53:39
SPEAKER_03: And Christ reveals this, I would say.
53:43
SPEAKER_03: Christ is another name for that love in the heart of hearts.
53:49
SPEAKER_03: And
53:52
And I would say none of these words can pin down what God is,
53:57
what ultimate reality is.
54:00
SPEAKER_03: In the Orthodox Christian tradition,
54:03
they're actually very careful to acknowledge that God in his
54:09
essence is unknowable,
54:12
SPEAKER_03: is beyond all categories,
54:14
SPEAKER_03: is beyond being unknowable.
54:20
And yet they also say that this mystery of God is perhaps best
54:29
expressed in
54:30
SPEAKER_03: language or one of the best expressions is that God is love.
54:34
SPEAKER_03: God is love.
54:36
SPEAKER_03: And yeah.
54:44
SPEAKER_03: So that's about where I presently find myself and I find it
54:51
Very fascinating that so many people at this time seem to be
54:54
coming in contact with Christ.
54:57
SPEAKER_03: Christ seems to be making himself known freshly on earth.
55:02
Many people seem to be discovering and rediscovering him and
55:07
meeting him on new
55:08
SPEAKER_03: depths of personal contact.
55:15
SPEAKER_03: You know, it almost feels like we're in the midst of
55:19
SPEAKER_03: the second coming of Christ.
55:23
SPEAKER_03: And I don't claim to know what that is, what that means.
55:29
SPEAKER_03: I don't know if Jesus will return to earth physically.
55:33
SPEAKER_03: I'm open to that.
55:39
SPEAKER_03: And also open to the idea that the second coming refers to his return to
55:47
SPEAKER_03: in our hearts,
55:49
SPEAKER_03: in our minds,
55:49
SPEAKER_03: in our souls,
55:51
his personally making himself known to us and inviting us to
55:57
walk with him in
56:03
SPEAKER_03: humility,
56:04
SPEAKER_03: grace,
56:04
SPEAKER_03: love and truth to partake more and more fully of God's nature,
56:13
SPEAKER_03: the divine nature on the path of
56:17
SPEAKER_03: Theosis,
56:18
SPEAKER_03: as they call it in Orthodox Christianity,
56:23
SPEAKER_03: perhaps toward apokatastasis,
56:27
SPEAKER_03: an ancient and largely forgotten Christian term which refers to universal
56:34
SPEAKER_03: redemption,
56:35
SPEAKER_03: the redemption of all things.
56:39
He will come again in glory to set right all things among the
56:43
living and the dead,
56:44
SPEAKER_03: and his kingdom will have no end.
56:51
SPEAKER_03: You can't make this stuff up.
56:52
SPEAKER_02: You can't make this stuff up.
56:58
SPEAKER_02: Again, I don't know.
56:59
SPEAKER_03: I don't know what all this is.
57:01
SPEAKER_03: I don't know.
57:02
SPEAKER_03: I don't comprehend this mystery.
57:04
SPEAKER_03: And yet, when you have the experiences like what I've had,
57:15
SPEAKER_03: And not to say that everybody has to have those experiences,
57:18
SPEAKER_03: you know,
57:19
SPEAKER_03: you can just have deep faith in God,
57:21
SPEAKER_03: in Christ,
57:22
SPEAKER_03: but for whatever reason,
57:26
SPEAKER_03: you know,
57:28
SPEAKER_03: undeserving as I am,
57:29
SPEAKER_03: unworthy as I am of those experiences,
57:31
SPEAKER_03: I mean,
57:32
SPEAKER_03: no mortal can be worthy of this gift in a deep sense.
57:40
SPEAKER_03: Like, it's just the gift of...
57:43
SPEAKER_03: of God's love is so far beyond.
57:49
SPEAKER_03: There's a lot of wisdom in the Christian tradition saying,
57:53
SPEAKER_03: Lord,
57:54
SPEAKER_03: I am not worthy to receive you,
57:55
SPEAKER_03: but only say the word and I shall be healed.
58:00
SPEAKER_03: You know,
58:01
SPEAKER_03: because I'm a sinner like the rest of us,
58:03
SPEAKER_03: you know,
58:03
SPEAKER_03: I'm a cub on his hands and knees,
58:05
SPEAKER_03: just trying to crawl towards something real.
58:08
SPEAKER_03: And I slip up all the time.
58:12
SPEAKER_03: And yet,
58:15
somehow somehow some way i have experienced these these
58:23
heart-shattering weeping
58:27
revelations that you know when that hits you personally and you
58:33
feel that personal
58:35
SPEAKER_03: saving grace that personal love
58:37
SPEAKER_03: You know, there's no question.
58:39
SPEAKER_03: There's no question of like, oh, was that just a hallucination?
58:43
SPEAKER_03: You know,
58:43
SPEAKER_03: as a lot of materialists might put it like,
58:47
SPEAKER_03: oh yeah,
58:48
SPEAKER_03: these religious kooks are just having hallucinations over here.
58:51
SPEAKER_03: It's like, no, no.
58:57
SPEAKER_03: It's a holy mystery, a holy mystery.
59:00
SPEAKER_03: And, and, um,
59:05
SPEAKER_03: Yeah,
59:05
SPEAKER_03: with deep,
59:06
deep respect and love for all beings and for all the great
59:11
wisdom streams,
59:13
all the great teachings and traditions and the sizable
59:21
quantities of truth and love
59:23
SPEAKER_03: and grace and beauty and luminosity and God that is found in
59:34
SPEAKER_03: All those places,
59:36
SPEAKER_03: in all times and places,
59:39
SPEAKER_03: God is omnipresent,
59:40
SPEAKER_03: Christ is omnipresent,
59:41
SPEAKER_03: as far as I can tell.
59:48
With deep love and respect,
59:53
I do have to begin to vulnerably,
59:56
gently whisper forth that for me,
1:00:04
SPEAKER_03: Christ feels like the truth.
1:00:28
SPEAKER_03: And the expressions of the church fathers, the saints,
1:00:35
SPEAKER_03: the Gospels.
1:00:37
SPEAKER_03: You know,
1:00:38
any expression in words is never going to be able to fully
1:00:44
encapsulate the mystery
1:00:47
SPEAKER_03: of God.
1:00:49
But it feels like many of those expressions from the
1:00:55
Christ-focused traditions do seem to me to
1:01:06
SPEAKER_03: come the closest to articulating what's really true.
1:01:25
SPEAKER_03: Not only the sacredness of
1:01:28
SPEAKER_03: transcendence,
1:01:29
SPEAKER_03: but the utter sacredness of imminence,
1:01:32
SPEAKER_03: of incarnation,
1:01:33
SPEAKER_03: of embodiment,
1:01:34
SPEAKER_03: of flesh and bone,
1:01:36
SPEAKER_03: of relationality,
1:01:37
SPEAKER_03: of personhood,
1:01:38
SPEAKER_03: of a personal savior,
1:01:40
SPEAKER_03: personal saving grace,
1:01:42
SPEAKER_03: God infinity,
1:01:44
SPEAKER_03: having a face,
1:01:45
SPEAKER_03: reaching out to us,
1:01:48
SPEAKER_03: extending the purest love of the mother's heart,
1:01:52
SPEAKER_03: the father's heart,
1:01:55
SPEAKER_03: the heart of the spirit,
1:02:03
SPEAKER_03: through the mystery of the incarnation and perhaps the second coming,
1:02:12
SPEAKER_03: which we may be in the midst of.
1:02:14
SPEAKER_03: I don't know.
1:02:15
SPEAKER_03: I don't know.
1:02:15
SPEAKER_03: So, yeah.
1:02:20
SPEAKER_03: So this has been a diary entry, a testimony in a sense, um,
1:02:32
SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
1:02:33
SPEAKER_03: Great big love to everybody who has watched this.
1:02:43
SPEAKER_03: Sending so much love to you.
1:02:45
SPEAKER_03: God bless you and your family.
1:02:46
SPEAKER_03: And if it hasn't been clear,
1:02:51
SPEAKER_03: if it hasn't been clear from what I've said,
1:02:53
SPEAKER_03: you know,
1:02:54
SPEAKER_03: I would consider this what I'm saying to be truly,
1:02:58
SPEAKER_03: truly good news.
1:02:59
SPEAKER_03: The good news, the awesome news that, uh,
1:03:04
SPEAKER_03: Pure love is with us.
1:03:05
SPEAKER_03: Grace is with us.
1:03:15
SPEAKER_00: Hmm.
1:03:19
SPEAKER_03: Pure love is with us.
1:03:20
SPEAKER_03: Grace is with us.
1:03:22
SPEAKER_03: Death has been defeated in a deep sense.
1:03:27
SPEAKER_03: All is well,
1:03:28
SPEAKER_03: and all shall be well,
1:03:29
SPEAKER_03: and all shall be well,
1:03:31
SPEAKER_03: as Julian of Norwich put it,
1:03:33
SPEAKER_03: and as Meister Eckhart put it,
1:03:37
SPEAKER_03: none are forgotten.
1:03:40
SPEAKER_03: It is a lie, any talk of God, which does not comfort you.
1:03:50
SPEAKER_03: Grace is here, grace is available, and my deep sense is that
1:04:00
SPEAKER_03: All shall be redeemed.
1:04:03
SPEAKER_03: All shall be brought home.
1:04:07
SPEAKER_03: Realizing that in a deep sense, home has been ever-present.
1:04:11
SPEAKER_03: Home has always been there in our heart of hearts.
1:04:14
SPEAKER_03: Home is love.
1:04:16
SPEAKER_03: Love is now.
1:04:17
SPEAKER_03: And all is well.
1:04:21
SPEAKER_03: All is well.
1:04:22
SPEAKER_03: So nurture the flame of faith.
1:04:29
SPEAKER_03: as your greatest friend and ally,
1:04:31
SPEAKER_03: and if you feel drawn to do so,
1:04:33
SPEAKER_03: call upon Christ,
1:04:37
SPEAKER_03: call upon God,
1:04:38
SPEAKER_03: call upon Mother Mary,
1:04:41
SPEAKER_03: the Spirit,
1:04:42
SPEAKER_03: the saints,
1:04:44
SPEAKER_03: through prayer,
1:04:55
SPEAKER_03: visit churches,
1:04:57
SPEAKER_03: visit cathedrals,
1:04:59
SPEAKER_03: If it calls to you, open freshly to this mystery.
1:05:04
SPEAKER_03: And I would suggest that its treasure is no, no bounds.
1:05:08
SPEAKER_03: Its treasure is no, no bounds.
1:05:10
SPEAKER_03: So...
1:05:17
SPEAKER_03: Merry Christmas.
1:05:18
SPEAKER_03: Happy holidays.
1:05:20
SPEAKER_03: Much love to you.
1:05:21
God bless you and your family and your children and all your
1:05:25
ancestors and
1:05:26
SPEAKER_03: descendants all the days of your lives.
1:05:28
SPEAKER_03: God bless all beings in all worlds.
1:05:31
SPEAKER_03: May all beings know peace.
1:05:33
SPEAKER_03: May all beings know grace.
1:05:34
SPEAKER_03: May all beings rest in love, divine love.
1:05:42
SPEAKER_03: Amen for the highest good of all.
1:05:45
SPEAKER_03: May we carry this forward in a good way.
1:05:47
SPEAKER_03: May we be the mighty sequoias rooted to the earth deeply,
1:05:50
SPEAKER_03: branches to the heavens,
1:05:51
SPEAKER_03: centered in the heart,
1:05:54
unifying heaven and earth for the highest good of all beings in
1:05:58
all worlds.
1:05:59
SPEAKER_03: May we set the kids free.
1:06:00
May we set all of God's children free to be what they truly are
1:06:07
and know how truly,
1:06:09
fully,
1:06:11
SPEAKER_03: immeasurably loved, they truly are.
1:06:14
SPEAKER_03: They truly are.
1:06:16
SPEAKER_03: Amen.
1:06:19
SPEAKER_03: Hallelujah.
1:06:22
SPEAKER_03: He is risen.
1:06:25
SPEAKER_03: Amen.
1:06:27
SPEAKER_03: Be well.