Latest / Pretty In Pink Again / Episode 73: What We’d Tell Our Younger Selves: The Truth About Turning 40

Transcript

Episode 73: What We’d Tell Our Younger Selves: The Truth About Turning 40 · Pretty In Pink Again

• 0:00
  I'm Christina.
• 0:00
  And I'm Teeb.
• 0:01
  And this is the Pretty in Pink Again podcast.
• 0:03
  Where motherhood meets rediscovery.
• 0:16
  I said that in a really long time.
• 0:17
  I- I almost forgot.
• 0:18
  I was- I was like, what am-- where am I?
• 0:21
  I was saying to you before we started recording, it really is one of those things where the second we're out of the rhythm, I feel, like, very out of body right now.
• 0:31
  It's weird to get back into it.
• 0:32
  We had such a long hiatus, the first one in a year and a half.
• 0:36
  I know.
• 0:36
  And- It was awesome, though.
• 0:38
  It was nice.
• 0:38
  Was it a nice summer?
• 0:40
  It was great.
• 0:40
  It was such a great summer.
• 0:41
  We're at the end of it, which is hard to believe.
• 0:43
  But it was nice, and I'm glad that we gave ourselves a little time.
• 0:47
  I feel- This episode is airing on our children's first-- Well, is it your son's first day of school too?
• 0:51
  No, he's, he's after Labor Day.
• 0:52
  Okay, so our, my, at least my kids first- Yeah day of school.
• 0:55
  Wow.
• 0:55
  So it's very appropriate.
• 0:56
  Back to school.
• 0:57
  Back to school.
• 0:59
  You're like,"Get the hell out of here." We've had a lot of time together.
• 1:02
  Yeah, it's been nice.
• 1:03
  I know.
• 1:03
  Lots of time.
• 1:05
  But and it's, it's so funny.
• 1:05
  It's been nice.
• 1:06
  It's funny how if you asked me a couple weeks ago if I was ready for the summer to end, I would've said no.
• 1:12
  But then all of a sudden, there's just this, flip that gets switched.
• 1:15
  Well, there's a crispness to the air.
• 1:17
  For sure.
• 1:18
  And it starts to get dark earlier, and I'm just like, this, no, okay.
• 1:23
  Yeah.
• 1:23
  I needed the routine now because it's just been chaos everywhere.
• 1:26
  Mm-hmm.
• 1:26
  And I'm ready for the routine.
• 1:28
  Mm-hmm.
• 1:28
  I'm ready to have one of two out of the house for more than an hour at a time.
• 1:34
  Mm-hmm.
• 1:34
  So I'm like, please.
• 1:35
  Have you talked to him about, like, you're going back to school?
• 1:37
  Oh, yeah.
• 1:37
  He is ready.
• 1:38
  He's ready.
• 1:39
  Yeah, he misses his friends.
• 1:41
  I think he's got the cutest little setup.
• 1:42
  Didn't you say all of his little friends are moving up together too?
• 1:45
  Yeah, they're all gonna be in the same class again.
• 1:46
  Oh.
• 1:46
  So there, there's no back to school jitters.
• 1:48
  There's no like,"Oh, you're gonna be meeting new people." It's the whole class again.
• 1:53
  That's the best.
• 1:53
  Which is actually nice, but it's like, that is perfect for him.
• 1:56
  And then Layla will start school in January, so excited for her.
• 2:00
  Yeah, me too.
• 2:00
  I am so excited for her.
• 2:02
  She needs it too, so.
• 2:03
  Oh, she's the cutest.
• 2:04
  Yeah.
• 2:05
  We- we got our teachers' assignments last week, and I'm not even kidding, like, it was at noon that they come out and my phone is blowing up.
• 2:13
  That must be so intense.
• 2:14
  My kids' phones are blowing up,'cause, like, the boys are older now, so they have access to logging in on their own, except my kids don't because they're dumb like their mother.
• 2:23
  So I'm on the computer trying to log in to, we use this, like, app called PowerSchool.
• 2:27
  I'm trying to log into PowerSchool and I can't get it to work, and I'm FaceTiming one of Ava's friend's moms to try to help me.
• 2:34
  And I'm like,"You- your oldest is in second grade.
• 2:37
  My oldest is in eighth grade.
• 2:38
  I should be coaching you through this." Yes.
• 2:40
  But I couldn't, like, figure out how to get it, and then I'm looking, and all the kids are,"Who do I have?
• 2:45
  What do I have?" Like, oh, it was like mayhem.
• 2:48
  And then everybody's, texting.
• 2:49
  Texting to see.
• 2:50
  Oh my God.
• 2:51
  And then once you get your teacher, you upload it to, like, the school app so then you can see- Who's in what who's in what.
• 2:58
  So my kids are, like, looking on my phone,"Who's in my class?
• 3:02
  Who's my teacher?" I'm like,"All right, calm down, everybody." I know.
• 3:05
  This is, like, intense.
• 3:06
  I don't even remember what we used to do back in the day.
• 3:09
  I remember that your teacher for the following year was listed on your report card- Yes, yes on your last- Yes day of school.
• 3:16
  Yes.
• 3:17
  So you get your report card- So you knew and then when you get home You open it with your parents and then you had to dial your friend's phone number.
• 3:26
  I still know my girlfriends from home.
• 3:28
  I still know their parents' house numbers.
• 3:30
  Oh, I know a lot.
• 3:31
  I have, almost, like, number combinations in my head.
• 3:33
  Yes.
• 3:33
  And I'm like,"Oh, that was so-and-so's number." Right, but if you got a phone after 2008, I don't know your number.
• 3:39
  Oh, yeah.
• 3:39
  'Cause I probably had an iPhone by that time, and I don't remember anything after 2008.
• 3:44
  Did you know, do you know Nick's number?
• 3:45
  I do.
• 3:46
  Yeah.
• 3:46
  I met him, I think, in 2008.
• 3:47
  Yeah.
• 3:48
  Luckily.
• 3:48
  Yeah.
• 3:49
  Okay, so he was right on the line.
• 3:51
  Luckily.
• 3:51
  Luckily.
• 3:52
  But, like, my mom and my one sister, Nicole, have the same cell phone numbers- Yeah from, like, ever, but my dad and Marissa have cell phone numbers that, came out after 2008, and my own dad, who I speak to multiple times a day, I don't know his cell phone number.
• 4:07
  I don't know yours.
• 4:08
  Like, I don't even know what area you guys are in.
• 4:09
  Oh, I don't even know your area- Yeah, I know I don't know your area code.
• 4:11
  I, it's not your- You could be 203 or 860.
• 4:12
  Yeah, I am.
• 4:13
  I'm a 203.
• 4:14
  So that usually throws people.
• 4:15
  No clue.
• 4:16
  I know.
• 4:17
  That's so crazy.
• 4:18
  No clue.
• 4:18
  Well- But I do know Nick's this is a very good- kind of intro.
• 4:22
  We're, like, really dating ourselves here because we are gonna do our 40s- episode.
• 4:28
  Um- And we've, we went back and forth about how we wanted to tackle this.
• 4:32
  I feel like it's, we're also, putting so much fucking pressure on it.
• 4:37
  It's not that serious.
• 4:38
  But we were just, we we wanted to make it, like, advice to our younger selves.
• 4:44
  And- Well, and when doing that, it also is, a reflection.
• 4:47
  Yes.
• 4:48
  And some of it's fun, some of it's serious.
• 4:50
  Yes, yes.
• 4:50
  I'm sure, like, there's more serious decades or moments- For sure of our lives than others.
• 4:55
  And I'm sure, like, when you look back through your life, you're like,"Oh, yeah, that was, like, a hard time." Yeah.
• 4:59
  Or,"That was, like, an easy time," or, you know, it...
• 5:02
  Or even, like, the current time that we're in right now.
• 5:04
  Right.
• 5:04
  You know?
• 5:05
  Yeah.
• 5:05
  So- I always think that whenever you approach a new decade or a new year or a new school year, like, we're having all of this, like- Mm-hmm newness, right?
• 5:13
  Mm-hmm.
• 5:13
  And it's, like, the turn of everything right now.
• 5:15
  That's why this is so fitting.
• 5:17
  You always do a lot of reflection, and what advice you would give to yourself, or just even how far you've come over this amount of time.
• 5:27
  I know.
• 5:27
  Well, I'm excited to do this with you also because I didn't know you in your first- I- 30 years of life I know.
• 5:33
  So it'll be fun to, hear you reflect on a time- I know where I didn't know you.
• 5:37
  I know.
• 5:37
  Right?
• 5:37
  I agree.
• 5:38
  And I have a feeling just based on kind of what we wanted to talk about, and through how, 70-something episodes and us talking and reflecting about our lives and our experiences, I'm, I think I know how you'll answer some things.
• 5:53
  Yes.
• 5:54
  But I'm curious to know if I'm right about it.
• 5:56
  Yeah.
• 5:56
  You know?
• 5:56
  Yeah, yeah.
• 5:57
  No, that's true.
• 5:58
  So yesterday I was at my friend Lizzie's house, and I met one of her neighbors, and she was saying her son's not starting kindergarten'cause he's a Burr baby.
• 6:07
  Oh, a Burr baby.
• 6:08
  Like all these Burr babies.
• 6:09
  Yep.
• 6:09
  And I was like,"I'm a Burr baby." You are.
• 6:11
  And the first time in 40 years it's worked to my advantage.
• 6:15
  You are the- And she was like- You're the younger one and she kind of like looked at me like,"Huh?" And I was like,"'Cause I'm the last one to turn 40." I was a July baby.
• 6:22
  You're like even younger,'cause that's really young for our- Yeah, a Burr baby you were like probably such a baby- For our year in our year.
• 6:28
  Last one to get our license.
• 6:29
  I know.
• 6:30
  Last one to do everything.
• 6:30
  Do you know that I had to use Liz's ID to get into an 18 or older club- Right at one point, and Liz was like,"T, I'm leaving for college like tomorrow.""Please do not lose this." Mm-hmm.
• 6:42
  Mm-hmm.
• 6:42
  I- It's my license.
• 6:44
  I literally know.
• 6:45
  I- I'm like breaking the law I was like a summer birthday.
• 6:47
  Mm-hmm.
• 6:47
  Which also sucked because you had never had d- an, a chance to like celebrate a birthday there was no like celebrating in school or anything.
• 6:55
  But I totally agree.
• 6:56
  It was like the most annoying thing until I turned 22- and then it stopped mattering because you were like,"Okay now I'm just, I'm the young one." Yeah.
• 7:05
  You know, of the group.
• 7:06
  Even the July baby was considered young.
• 7:08
  It was.
• 7:08
  I know.
• 7:09
  It was...
• 7:09
  it took forever, like to do anything.
• 7:11
  You know?
• 7:12
  Like last one to get a license, last one to turn 21.
• 7:16
  I know.
• 7:16
  My twins are January and they are the youngest of four.
• 7:20
  So they are like...
• 7:21
  I'm like,"I wanted to be you-" Yeah"when I was a kid." I wanted to be the January baby- The older one that was the youngest of a family- Right instead of the September baby- Right that was the oldest- Right.
• 7:31
  Right, right, right'cause I was, you know, I had nothing to my advantage.
• 7:33
  Right.
• 7:34
  But none of that shit matters now, so h- I'm here to talk about that.
• 7:39
  So I think how we're gonna tackle this is like decade by decade- Mm-hmm like T said.
• 7:44
  So we'll each go back and say like what would you tell your, 10-year-old self.
• 7:49
  Mm-hmm.
• 7:49
  What would you tell your 20-year-old self, your 30-year-old self?
• 7:52
  Mm-hmm.
• 7:52
  And then we can obviously talk about things that happened in that decade- Mm-hmm and why you would kind of frame that- Right, right the way you're framing it.
• 7:59
  Okay.
• 8:00
  So let's go- Do you wanna go first?
• 8:03
  I'll have you go first.
• 8:04
  Let's go so- What would you tell, like, your under 10-year-old self or your 10-year-old self?
• 8:10
  So I don't have a lot of advice for my under 10-year-old self- Mm-hmm because my under 10-year-old self was truly, a lover of life, a happy-go-lucky kid.
• 8:23
  She was just starting to get a little taste of independence- Mm-hmm getting to do a couple things here and there on her own.
• 8:29
  But my under 10-year-old self was not an anxious child.
• 8:33
  My under 10-year-old self was really, happy, creative, just starting to get, her footings, in the world.
• 8:40
  Mm-hmm.
• 8:41
  If I had to give, like, one little piece of advice to my- A little nugget under 10-year-old self was that I used to be so embarrassed that I was Italian,'cause I had, dark curly hair and, dark skin but, I would say,"Do not be emba-, it's okay.
• 8:56
  You're gonna love that you have, like, dark skin.
• 8:58
  One day they're gonna invent a hair straightener and- Oh, yeah laser hair removal- Yeah, right and you're not gonna, like, hate these qualities."'Cause I remember as, like, a little kid, like, hating how hairy and dark I was.
• 9:11
  It's like, it'll be handled.
• 9:13
  That part will be taken care of.
• 9:15
  But I don't really have much advice for the little me,'cause I was like- Yeah very happy.
• 9:19
  I love that.
• 9:20
  What about you?
• 9:21
  Okay.
• 9:21
  I, I agree with a lot of what you said, just kind of like looking back at the little girl and trying to make her comfortable with herself, right?
• 9:32
  'Cause I feel like I was told as a little girl that I was quiet, I was shy, and sensitive.
• 9:41
  And I feel like when people are telling you things, they end up your own, inner voice, your own inner thoughts, even if- You start to believe it they're not what you think it-- Ev- right, exactly, even if that's maybe not what you think of yourself.
• 9:54
  So I feel like I kinda took on the persona of that- a little bit more.
• 10:00
  But I still would look back at myself as a little girl and feel protective of her, and, maybe not wanna change things about her, but maybe just tell her to be a little bit more comfortable with who she actually is.
• 10:13
  Mm-hmm.
• 10:14
  But that's a hard place to be, because I wouldn't wanna actually go back and change anything about myself, because then it changes everything about you now.
• 10:21
  Yeah.
• 10:21
  You know?
• 10:22
  So it's like a weird place, but I would wanna comfort her a little bit more and say,"It's okay." Yeah.
• 10:29
  "It's okay that you're sensitive.
• 10:30
  It's okay that maybe you're perceived quiet, even if you aren't." Right.
• 10:34
  You know?
• 10:35
  It's okay.
• 10:36
  I like that.
• 10:37
  That's very good advice.
• 10:38
  Yeah.
• 10:39
  It's so fun to get to go back and revisit ourselves,'cause now we have kids who probably share some of these same- Yeah qualities, and it's like a kind of a good reminder that, the language we use towards them are gonna, shape how they start to perceive themselves too.
• 10:54
  I, I- You know?
• 10:56
  It's so much pressure on you as a parent, and I think that's why out of all the decades, I had trouble with this one the most, like when I was thinking back.
• 11:03
  Right,'cause you have kids in this decade.
• 11:04
  And because I was thinking that exact thing, the things that I say about my kids can shape how they think about themselves.
• 11:12
  Right.
• 11:12
  And even on this podcast, and it's because I have a public persona and I talk about my kids, I try to be sensitive to it because I'm like, I don't want things that I say about them, maybe that's not how they feel about themselves, you know?
• 11:28
  Mm-hmm.
• 11:28
  And I remember that about myself.
• 11:29
  Like- Right, or maybe they don't wanna play that.
• 11:32
  Exactly.
• 11:33
  Exactly.
• 11:34
  So I don't really wanna give little 10-year-old Christina advice.
• 11:39
  I just don't want anyone to convince her that the things that make her her need to be toned down or fixed.
• 11:46
  Mm-hmm.
• 11:47
  You know?
• 11:47
  It's good advice for the 40-year-old version, too.
• 11:49
  So- yes.
• 11:51
  So you, I feel like you wouldn't change the, your happiness and your confidence and your, happy-go-lucky self.
• 11:58
  And I wouldn't really wanna change the creativity and the sensitivity and the kind of like willingness to be seen- about myself.
• 12:08
  Yeah.
• 12:09
  All right.
• 12:09
  So I think as we enter the 10 to 20 decade- Mm-hmm that's like- Well, that's also such a range.
• 12:13
  That's like the cringe, those are like cringey years.
• 12:16
  Yes, yes.
• 12:16
  It should be like 10 to 15- I know and 15 to 20- I kind of agree because I feel like between t- that decade is so different.
• 12:22
  It's wild.
• 12:23
  I- Like 10 to 13, and then high school, and then college.
• 12:26
  That's a lot.
• 12:27
  You're in elementary school all the way to college between these years.
• 12:29
  I was thinking about that.
• 12:30
  When I was looking at it, I was like, wow, from 30 to 40 I blinked but if you think about 10 to 20, it's actually insane how much goes on in that decade.
• 12:41
  Mm-hmm.
• 12:42
  It's wild.
• 12:42
  Yeah.
• 12:43
  So what do you think let's do like 10 to 15.
• 12:48
  I think I had, this was probably maybe one of the harder decades- For you of my life, because I think probably like 10, 11, 12, I was still like super happy-go-lucky.
• 12:58
  Mm-hmm.
• 12:59
  Easygoing, like just flying by the seat of my pants- Carefree carefree.
• 13:02
  And I think once I entered middle school, I think that's when things got tricky for me, because I was starting to become so much more aware of other people and what other people were doing and what girls were doing, and I always felt like I was being left out, or I wasn't good enough at soccer, or I wasn't in the smartest classes, or I wasn't the prettiest girl, or I wasn't the most popular.
• 13:21
  I was always, like, reaching, reaching, reaching for something.
• 13:24
  I wanted to be included.
• 13:25
  I wanted to be invited.
• 13:26
  I think some of that stuff even still sticks with me now- Mm-hmm like today.
• 13:31
  That's actually a huge source of where your- You know?
• 13:32
  anxiety can come from- Yeah even today.
• 13:34
  And I think even now, even when I am in a place where I say,"I'm happy, I'm good," I think sometimes if I get left out of something and it stings, I think it kinda all stems back from when I was, like, a teenager and I was, like, left out of so much.
• 13:48
  It, like, brings you back to that feeling.
• 13:49
  Yeah.
• 13:50
  But at the same time, I wanna tell that girl"You're not for everybody." Right.
• 13:56
  "These aren't your friends.""That's okay.
• 13:59
  There's gonna be other people that you're gonna meet very soon, and that you've already met, that are more your people, and that's okay, too, and you need to, lean into that.
• 14:10
  If somebody shows you who they are, listen to them.""Pay attention to that." Do you feel like when you were little, was it very big for you to be liked by everybody?
• 14:19
  Yes.
• 14:20
  Yes.
• 14:20
  Very big.
• 14:21
  And I think because I was always, so happy and, easygoing and life of the party and, like, at home I was, like, the oldest sibling, and so I had, the spotlight, and I was just always, happy.
• 14:34
  I think that when I wasn't accepted by other girls, and even boys and boys didn't like me either, I was like,"What the f-" You're kinda shocked.
• 14:41
  I didn't like that.
• 14:41
  Yeah.
• 14:41
  Right.
• 14:41
  You know?
• 14:42
  So I think, my earlier years were like that in middle school, and then when I got to high school, I started to change more because I went to an all-girls school, and I started to make a ton of friends, and I that, that started to change a little bit as I got to high school.
• 14:56
  Do you feel like you then cared less about being liked, or do you still feel like- Well, I think I think it actually, started to happen.
• 15:02
  Just naturally.
• 15:03
  I think I started to, like- Find friends that liked me back.
• 15:08
  I felt like it was, like, a little bit more reciprocated.
• 15:10
  Oh, okay.
• 15:11
  So maybe it just, naturally happened.
• 15:13
  And then my friends from Rocky Hill that were always, accepting and nice we just started naturally gravitating I just feel like things started to just, like, work out a little bit more.
• 15:23
  So what would you tell that version of yourself then?
• 15:27
  I think I would just tell her,"You're not for everybody, and this is gonna happen for the rest of your life.
• 15:33
  It's not gonna be a one-and-done thing.
• 15:35
  And you are part of this problem." Mm-hmm.
• 15:37
  "Because if you are constantly acting desperate and trying to be included in things, nobody's gonna want you.
• 15:42
  You're not for everybody, and that's okay." Do you think you realized that decade, or did you realize it after?
• 15:49
  No, I don't think I realized it until I reflected on it, now.
• 15:53
  Wow.
• 15:54
  I don't know why it mattered so much to me.
• 15:56
  I don't know if it's, like, a common thing with girls- For sure or if it was just that I, like, couldn't feel comfortable in what I was doing, and I was just doing what I thought I was supposed to be doing.
• 16:07
  Oh, you play soccer, you do this.
• 16:08
  Right.
• 16:08
  Like, I'm supposed to be in the smart class.
• 16:09
  I'm sup- you know, like- Right I guess I was just trying to, figure out where I, fit in.
• 16:13
  You know?
• 16:13
  So you would go back and tell her that it's okay that she's not for everybody.
• 16:18
  Yeah.
• 16:18
  I think I would tell her, it's okay not to be for everybody, and you will find where you fit in in your life at some point." Mm-hmm.
• 16:26
  "It may not even happen when you're 40." Mm-hmm.
• 16:28
  You know?
• 16:28
  But you will find your thing.
• 16:31
  That's hard.
• 16:31
  I feel like, again, it's hard to give yourself advice because sometimes these things you need to learn, they were- Mm-hmm instrumental to becoming who you are now, to learn those things the hard way, if you wanna put it that way, so- I, I struggle with that, like going back and telling myself something different.
• 16:51
  Like,"Don't be this way," or,"Don't worry about this," because it really shapes who you are.
• 16:56
  Well, I don't know if this is necessarily, anything...
• 17:00
  my advice I don't think would change the outcome.
• 17:02
  Right.
• 17:03
  I think it would just be more like a hug.
• 17:05
  Like- Yes.
• 17:06
  Oh, yes you know?
• 17:06
  Like- Okay you're just- Yes this is what you're doing right now.
• 17:09
  You are searching for friendships, and y- you're, you're looking in places that are not looking for you.
• 17:15
  Look somewhere else.
• 17:17
  Mm-hmm.
• 17:17
  Do you feel like any of that carried into your adult life?
• 17:23
  Yeah, I think I have conversations with my husband about this all the time.
• 17:26
  Mm.
• 17:26
  And I'll say to him, like,"I don't understand.
• 17:28
  Nobody ever calls and checks in on me." And he was like,"Why do you care?
• 17:32
  Why do you need to be checked in on?
• 17:34
  You have people that check in on you.
• 17:35
  Why do you need more people to check in on you?" I'm like,"I actually don't know.
• 17:38
  That's a great point." And I think some of it just comes from, something that was in me from, 20 years ago- that I just won't go away for sure, but I do think that you said it,'cause you were like I wonder if a lot of girls feel that way," and I do think that sometimes it's something that comes with age.
• 17:56
  But it's easy to, look around you and feel like there's nobody there, but there's really a lot of people there.
• 18:03
  It's just that you're looking in the wrong places for those people.
• 18:07
  If I really look at my friendships and the people that are around me, it might not be, like, a specific group of people, but I can think about people who really mean a lot to me, and I can pluck them from, like, all areas of my life.
• 18:24
  Mm-hmm.
• 18:24
  And then when you start thinking of it that way, you feel very full, you know?
• 18:29
  But I do think that comes with age.
• 18:31
  It comes with a lot of experiences.
• 18:33
  But I do think that a lot of women are gonna agree with what you were saying- Yeah.
• 18:37
  Yeah and resonate with that- Yeah for sure.
• 18:40
  All right, so what about you?
• 18:41
  Tell me about your, pre-teen, teen years.
• 18:45
  I I kind of agree with what you were saying, and I resonate a little bit with what you were saying just about I released how much power I was giving other people about the perception of me.
• 18:57
  I do think that came during that timeframe, so I wouldn't go back and say,"Oh, you need to be doing these things," because I think that it naturally happened.
• 19:08
  I think that you kind of were saying that too- Yeah where I really did stop caring.
• 19:13
  There was a point during that decade where I didn't care if everybody liked me.
• 19:18
  Really?
• 19:18
  You know?
• 19:19
  Yeah.
• 19:19
  Even that young?
• 19:20
  Yeah.
• 19:21
  Wow.
• 19:21
  I knew everybody didn't like me, and I was kind of okay with that.
• 19:25
  I also think that's kind of, like, to my demise if I think about that- Really?
• 19:31
  really hard.
• 19:32
  Yeah, like- Why do you think that people didn't like you?
• 19:34
  I,'cause I think because I l- I really leaned into the shy perception of me, right?
• 19:40
  Like, I'm shy, I'm quiet.
• 19:42
  I think that can come across very bitchy to people.
• 19:45
  I think it could come across as standoffish.
• 19:48
  It could come across in a negative way, and I kind of was like that's who I am," you know?
• 19:54
  And I don't know if I should have been like that, so I know I came to that realization and played into that.
• 20:02
  I don't know if that was the right move because- Even at the time?
• 20:05
  Yeah.
• 20:06
  Wow.
• 20:06
  I think that I, I was very understanding that that was the perception that was me, right?
• 20:12
  Mm-hmm.
• 20:12
  And even you said,"Well, I thought that you were kind of shy when I first met you." And I think that was the perception I gave most people, but I didn't really care that it was giving me that perception because I thought that the, it just meant I was shy.
• 20:27
  I think what it actually came across as, was standoffish, that maybe I don't care about people.
• 20:33
  I wasn't asking enough questions.
• 20:35
  I wasn't asking enough people about themselves.
• 20:38
  I wasn't inserting myself enough, and so it would come off standoffish.
• 20:42
  It comes across bitchy.
• 20:43
  And I, I don't think that's actually me, and so that kind of bothers me if I think back at that.
• 20:49
  Like, maybe you should care a little bit more because it's maybe it's not coming across the way you think it's coming across, mm-hmm.
• 20:57
  I was at my high school reunion two years ago.
• 21:02
  Mm-hmm.
• 21:02
  And I saw a bunch of people that I hadn't seen in a long time, and I left that obviously being so filled that I was able to see so many people and connect with people.
• 21:14
  But there was a recurring theme that people were coming up to me, and they were like, I didn't remember how we left off.
• 21:20
  Like, were we on okay terms?
• 21:22
  And that kind of stuck with me because that was said to me a few different times, and I was like, I feel like at that age, right, so if I think about like 16, 17, 18 year old, I was kind of just like,"Eh, if you don't like me, you don't like me." And that was like my vibe, and I think that was coming across the wrong way.
• 21:42
  And even when I would meet people then again into my la- you know, college and into my 20s,'cause now we're at the end of that decade Again, I think I played into that quiet observational role, and I don't think that that was like the best version of myself, if that makes sense.
• 22:00
  Like, I do think it, I came across standoffish, bitchy, and that was not my intention, thinking back on it.
• 22:08
  So what do you think your intention was?
• 22:10
  I think I just was like,"Well, everyone perceives me as shy," and I kind of was like okay with that then.
• 22:17
  And that's how- Are you okay with it now?
• 22:19
  No, I don't like that because I don't know that I actually was.
• 22:23
  I think that there's a difference between being truly shy and then just being comfortable with a smaller group of people.
• 22:32
  I think there's a difference- Okay in that.
• 22:34
  So then if it's, if it's only being applied to 40-year-old Christina today, and you don't wanna be perceived as shy- But it still bothers you.
• 22:43
  What do you think you can- I think- do to, I don't know- Kind of combat that, right?
• 22:49
  combat that?
• 22:49
  Yeah.
• 22:49
  I, I have to put myself out there more.
• 22:53
  I think that instead of hanging back- But with a smaller group of people.
• 22:56
  No, I think that I've just learned, like, as time has gone on, I would say this probably happened, like, at the later end of my 30s- Mm-hmm that I didn't wanna be that person anymore, that I was sort of accidentally bucketed into.
• 23:12
  Mm-hmm.
• 23:12
  I can be very outgoing and talkative, so le- let's lean into that.
• 23:17
  So I'll introduce myself to people.
• 23:19
  I will say hi and ask questions and find a commonality, and I feel like I'm leaning more into that, the outgoing part of my personality that I sheltered for a long time because everyone thought I was shy, and I just leaned into that, so I'm, I find that I'm actually much more comfortable being talkative and being friendly because that's also a very big part of my personality.
• 23:43
  And it was when we had Gina on last week, your sister-in-law.
• 23:47
  Go back and listen to that episode if you haven't already.
• 23:49
  She's hysterical.
• 23:49
  She said something that was like,"It's so much easier to actually just be friendly and outgoing than it is to be standoffish and closed off." And I was like, no, I- you go through life completely thinking the opposite, but when you lean into the friendly side of yourself, it's actually so much more pleasant and- Mm-hmm easy to go with that.
• 24:14
  And- 100% I was s- and that took me a long time to realize.
• 24:19
  And so I would go back to the girl probably in her 10 to 20s and at some point just say,"Please don't lean into that version of you," because I think that- it would've been easier in ways, right?
• 24:33
  To like not be labeled that because I could've broke that curse, right?
• 24:38
  Well, it's never too late.
• 24:39
  I know.
• 24:39
  Well, I'm doing it now.
• 24:40
  You're doing it now.
• 24:41
  Yeah.
• 24:41
  You're doing it now.
• 24:42
  Wow.
• 24:42
  I also think that- How, how...
• 24:45
  So layered.
• 24:46
  It is very layered, but it's, I love that these, these kind of conversations that we wanna have really end up almost being like a journal entry, right?
• 24:55
  Mm-hmm.
• 24:55
  Because you think about that and we try to ask each other like really deep layered questions, and they end up requiring a lot of thought and a lot of like self-reflection.
• 25:06
  Mm-hmm.
• 25:06
  I also think that during that decade, I would tell myself, and I'm sure this is probably very common, to stop replaying, like, every interaction that I have in my head over and over and over again, because I do think I would say at the later part of that decade, is when I started to experience anxiety because of those things.
• 25:30
  Like, that's the first point where I could, pinpoint anxiety, is replaying shit over and over again in my head.
• 25:38
  Like,"That could've been different.
• 25:39
  I wonder how I was perceived."""Did, did that come across too standoffish?
• 25:44
  Should I have said that?" Like, I would replay things over and over and over, and I would say that that probably happened at the later part of the decade, and I would just wanna go to that girl and shake her and be like, Stop it," because this is literally where all of your built-up anxiety is starting from, is probably, like, that 19, 20 year old.
• 26:03
  That's when I started having those thoughts, and I would be like,"Just stop." Like, you're gonna have the rest of your life to worry- Right about things like that.
• 26:11
  I could stop the replay- Ugh I would have, I would just have so much more time.
• 26:16
  Like, where does my time go?
• 26:18
  That's where my time go.
• 26:19
  Same.
• 26:19
  My time goes to replaying- Replaying dumb shit.
• 26:23
  Yep.
• 26:23
  I'm like, oh my God.
• 26:24
  Seriously.
• 26:25
  Stop- Same caring.
• 26:26
  Seriously same.
• 26:27
  Why do I care?
• 26:28
  I agree.
• 26:29
  And I care because of these decades,'cause of things that have happened that make me care.
• 26:34
  Like, some seed of some toxic plant was, you know- Planted there plo- plopped there- Yep when I was, like, 18, and now I care- It's crazy 20 years later, and I'm like,"Why do you care so much?" It's crazy.
• 26:47
  And then I'm like,"Oh, that's why I care." Yeah.
• 26:48
  "That's why I'm replaying." Yeah.
• 26:50
  You know?
• 26:50
  But it's, for me, I went from not caring to caring, and I didn't really care in high school, and then when I got to college, I can almost, like, pinpoint the time in my life where I started to care, and I don't know why that happened.
• 27:07
  It wasn't, like, one experience or another, and I don't know if that came with age, but I became very aware and started to have a lot of anxiety around interactions, the perception of me.
• 27:18
  And it's just funny how that, when I think back, that's when that started, and it carried through my 20s and into my 30s.
• 27:26
  So I would go back and just be like,"Girlfriend, no." Like, go the other way, because this caused a huge source of pain for you, you know, like, later in life- Right uh, with dealing with anxiety the way I have.
• 27:40
  So now that we're on the edge of 20s to 30s, I feel like this is the decade.
• 27:46
  For you for me, I think this was a big decade for me.
• 27:49
  This was a fast decade.
• 27:51
  Mm-hmm.
• 27:51
  So I think, like, my- A lot happened to you during this decade my 20, I think my 20-year-old self was in college.
• 27:57
  I was going to Quinnipiac.
• 27:58
  A lot of my friends came from, wealth and money, and had, credit cards, and,, didn't have to work, and didn't have to hustle.
• 28:05
  And I had parents that were, like, loved me and wanted me to be a worker, wanted me to figure shit out on my own, and I used to almost resent that.
• 28:14
  My mom wouldn't just, step in and save the day.
• 28:16
  Or my dad, I mean, my dad, obviously, if I was house-sitting down in Cheshire and the toilet was clogged, he'd come down with a plunger and unclog the toilet.
• 28:25
  But, my parents weren't, save the day parents.
• 28:28
  They were figure your shit out parents, and I so desperately wanted to be, like, saved and have everything just, done for me.
• 28:36
  And I am so grateful that I got, like, some of that grit- Mm-hmm under my belt- Mm-hmm like, in my early 20s.
• 28:43
  I think it helps a lot.
• 28:44
  It helped a ton.
• 28:46
  So, my ear- my 20s were, like, busy years., I had to work.
• 28:50
  I was in school.
• 28:51
  I was trying to figure out what I wanted to do.
• 28:53
  I graduated.
• 28:53
  I got a job.
• 28:54
  I met Nick.
• 28:55
  I don't have time to give the early 20s Christina advice, because I feel like I crammed two decades- You did and, like, from 20- You really did to 25.
• 29:05
  You really did.
• 29:06
  It happened so fast.
• 29:07
  I wasn't even that girl that you had to say to her, like,"Don't worry, one day you'll find the right guy." Like, literally, one day I was at work, and I literally collided with Nick, in the emergency room, and we met.
• 29:21
  And I mentioned a little bit earlier, I was all over the place.
• 29:25
  I never had, a long-term serious boyfriend until I met Nick.
• 29:29
  Like, he was my first- Wow real, real boyfriend.
• 29:33
  Obviously, I had boyfriends, but, not like Nick, and I feel like I met him, and the rest of my life quieted.
• 29:39
  Like- Yeah I stopped, reaching.
• 29:41
  I stopped trying to go out all the time.
• 29:43
  I stopped trying to, pick up all these extra shifts at work.
• 29:46
  I just was, happy and content, and I don't really have much advice for the 20 to 25-year-old Christina, because things just went so fast.
• 29:56
  They did.
• 29:57
  You were, like, one of those stories where it was like you blinked and life changed for you.
• 30:02
  Life changed.
• 30:03
  Because then you guys got married.
• 30:04
  Yeah.
• 30:04
  You got married in this decade.
• 30:06
  You had kids in this decade.
• 30:08
  You had a h- you bought a house.
• 30:09
  Like, We're the same age and we had completely different kind of, like- timelines- Yeah for adulthood, if you will.
• 30:18
  Mm-hmm.
• 30:18
  Right?
• 30:18
  And, like, all the things that come with being an adult.
• 30:21
  Truly, I had a carefree life until I was, like, 28, 29, and I think that's when I had my first bout of anxiety and fear, in my late 20s.
• 30:31
  So I think where I could start to, like, reflect and give advice would be the Christina from, like, 10 years ago- Mm-hmm that was, like, just about to turn 30, that was afraid of life.
• 30:43
  Like- Do you think that it was because everything happened so fast?
• 30:46
  I don't know.
• 30:48
  I think that life had always been easy for me up until that point, and I think that things had always been going so fast, but it still, life was never hard.
• 30:59
  Mm-hmm.
• 30:59
  I think that being a mother, and you can't duck out of being a mother.
• 31:04
  You can't.
• 31:04
  You can't take a break.
• 31:06
  Every other thing I ever did in my life, I could always escape a little bit.
• 31:09
  Like, when I was in college and college got hard, I could go home.
• 31:12
  Mm-hmm.
• 31:12
  When I was at home and I c- needed, like, a break from my house, I could go to, like, my friend's house or I could go back to college.
• 31:18
  Or like, Nick and I were always so busy.
• 31:20
  He was working, seven days a week and I was working too., I was never in the same place for an extended period of time.
• 31:27
  Even when I was in high school, I would always, take off or go here or go there.
• 31:30
  Like, when you are a mother, there is no escaping your life.
• 31:33
  It's so true.
• 31:33
  You are- every seven days a week, all day long- you have to show up.
• 31:39
  And I think that it was really hard for me to show up every single day for two kids over and over and over again.
• 31:46
  I think that I was so riddled with fear in my life.
• 31:50
  I was afraid of the day.
• 31:52
  I wasn't excited to take on the day.
• 31:54
  I was afraid of the day, and I think living like that was really hard for me.
• 31:58
  And I think that if I can give advice to that girl, it's that you will not be afraid of the day for the rest of your life.
• 32:06
  Mm-hmm.
• 32:07
  This is a stage.
• 32:08
  And I think that's when I started to use that kind of language with myself.
• 32:11
  Like,"This is temporary and this will not last forever.
• 32:15
  This is fear talking." And I don't think I knew what fear was'cause I never had it.
• 32:19
  I was never really fearful of anything before, nothing that was ever serious.
• 32:24
  What do you think helped grow yourself into this version of you?
• 32:30
  Because you blinked and you got married, got the house, and got the kids relatively quickly, if you think about that.
• 32:38
  You went from working and meeting Nick, to blinking and having, a completely new life.
• 32:43
  What got you comfortable with that?
• 32:45
  I don't know, because it's still evolving.
• 32:47
  It's still evolving.
• 32:48
  I struggled probably for, like, 10 years, like, I struggled with anxiety and fear, and I had, highs and lows throughout that point in my life.
• 32:57
  So I don't know if I could, pinpoint, one particular thing.
• 33:02
  But I think at some point in my life, I looked at it and I said,"You did all of this.
• 33:06
  What are you so afraid of?" Mm-hmm.
• 33:08
  Like, I had to, almost, look backwards and be like,"You did all of this.
• 33:13
  Why- what are you so afraid of?
• 33:14
  W- every day you're afraid you're gonna die?
• 33:17
  Like, you're healthy." Why do I care about this?" I get to live today.
• 33:21
  I don't have to be afraid of living.
• 33:23
  I just think something clicked inside of me.
• 33:25
  Maybe it's my medication.
• 33:27
  Maybe it's the cognitive behavioral therapy.
• 33:29
  Maybe it's the fact that- All the work that you put into yourself like maybe it's the fact that my husband bought into this too.
• 33:35
  Maybe whatever I poured into myself, maybe it's starting to work.
• 33:40
  And I also think that you were a very different person outwardly than you are inwardly.
• 33:48
  When I met you, and I met you when we were like 32, 30- Yeah, so I was anxious by the time- Yeah you met me.
• 33:54
  I had already been riddled with this- Maybe 31 or 32 anxiety.
• 33:57
  Yeah.
• 33:58
  It was just- And you- starting to come to its peak you were not outwardly reflecting that.
• 34:03
  So I had met you, you had two kids at the time, and then you ended up with the twins after that.
• 34:08
  But you were already a mom of two, we're the same age, and I thought of you as an extremely confident mom and somebody who was like extremely confident with their life and all of the decisions that were made.
• 34:20
  And then obviously getting to know you probably over the that next year or two, I realized that there was like some anxious, even social anxiety at the time, which I would never have thought.
• 34:32
  So it's interesting for me to hear kind of on the other side, like when that started- Mm-hmm and why, yeah.
• 34:39
  Well, again, I feel very comfortable around people.
• 34:42
  I'm always like so curious.
• 34:44
  I'm like a naturally interested person.
• 34:46
  Mm-hmm.
• 34:46
  I'm not just curious, like I'm truly interested in like other people.
• 34:49
  what makes people tick, like how people do things, like I'm always just so interested in- Mm-hmm in things.
• 34:55
  Sometimes it's to my detriment almost,'cause I care and I'm interested and I'm invested in all of the people around me, right?
• 35:02
  Mm-hmm.
• 35:02
  I just I had like a little bout of anxiety on Friday, and I was with you, and I was like,"I'm so anxious today." Mm-hmm.
• 35:08
  Even being able to say like,"I'm anxious today," is such a huge step other than like,"Oh my God,""My life is over." Yeah,'cause we were saying- Like, I'm done we're having a day.
• 35:19
  I'm having a day.
• 35:19
  And that's like- I'm having a moment but that's okay.
• 35:20
  I almost feel like that's- Totally I love that language actually because to your point of you like learning to tell yourself that everything is temporary, like that gets you out of anxiety.
• 35:30
  Yeah.
• 35:30
  And it's like, okay, you could be having a day, and you can recognize that you're having a day, but then you're you're putting an expiration date- Well, you're shelfing it you're sh- You're saying,"I'm having just a moment right now." It's okay.
• 35:40
  Right.
• 35:41
  It's okay that I'm having this moment.
• 35:42
  You're acknowledging it.
• 35:43
  You know that you're not in the best shape, but you know that it's not forever.
• 35:47
  You're like, this is, it's just not a great day.
• 35:49
  Before it was like,"I'm having a decade." Mm-hmm.
• 35:51
  And I also think, with the kids too, you're surrounded by lots of other people that are having babies and kids- Mm-hmm at the same time as you, and everybody's comparing, like, how hard it is- Mm and how difficult it is.
• 36:02
  Mm-hmm.
• 36:02
  So you think it, like- Yeah should be.
• 36:05
  Yes.
• 36:05
  But once I got on the other side of, like, them being really little- Mm-hmm and they all got into school, and I had some more time, and I used the time to pour back into myself a little bit- Mm-hmm and make myself feel better, I realized, I actually have a pretty big container for life, and I can handle life.
• 36:23
  Mm-hmm.
• 36:23
  And I shouldn't be so afraid to live it every day.
• 36:25
  Right.
• 36:26
  It's a gift to live it, and you can have anxious days.
• 36:28
  You can have anxious moments.
• 36:29
  I mean, whatever.
• 36:30
  You can even have a week if you need a week, but, like, it doesn't need to be your whole life.
• 36:35
  And identity.
• 36:36
  And your identity.
• 36:36
  Right.
• 36:36
  And then I also...
• 36:38
  But, everybody that's around me has to use that same language.
• 36:41
  Even my husband, he even had to kinda learn, that I'm not the battery pack for everybody.
• 36:48
  And I think that when somebody perceives you as openly, outgoing and happy and a ray of sunshine, and all of these things can be true, but, that can be draining.
• 36:59
  It's a lot of pressure.
• 37:00
  That was draining to me.
• 37:00
  Yeah.
• 37:01
  You know?
• 37:01
  Because then everybody goes to you.
• 37:01
  Because everybody would latch on to me- Right as that, and I think that I just needed, a minute'cause I'm somebody that, needs a minute.
• 37:10
  So it sounds like to me this all started in kind of your late 20s.
• 37:14
  Yeah.
• 37:14
  And then in your 30s was when you kind of started to figure out how to address it.
• 37:19
  Not till my late 30s.
• 37:20
  Not until your late 30s, right.
• 37:21
  Not until really, really recently.
• 37:23
  Right.
• 37:23
  And I'm still working on it, like, today.
• 37:25
  Well, we'll get into the 30s, but- Yes for my 20s, I was thinking back on this.
• 37:30
  So I met Raja when I was just about 21.
• 37:32
  We actually celebrated my 21st birthday together, so I was still technically- Did you really?
• 37:36
  20 when I met him, which is wild, and we didn't get married until I was almost 30.
• 37:42
  So it was a full almost decade of being together and sort of starting to build our life, and when I was thinking back on this, I think I was lucky enough to meet my person so young because when I think back on that, I'm like, wow, she was really young to meet somebody that I knew I wanted to marry.
• 38:04
  You weren't even looking.
• 38:05
  I wasn't even looking, and I met him and I knew immediately that I wanted to marry him.
• 38:11
  I knew that this was my person, and to think back- So wild on that- So wild and be like, wow, I really gambled a lot on that, right?
• 38:20
  Because that's a pretty crazy statement to make so young, but back then I didn't feel like I was that young.
• 38:27
  But when I was thinking back on this, it was the biggest decision of my life, and I nailed it.
• 38:34
  Oh.
• 38:34
  I really did.
• 38:35
  That's so nice, Christina.
• 38:36
  I really did Well, so did he.
• 38:38
  I saw, I follow Bridget, she's@Bridget.
• 38:42
  Oh my God, I'm obsessed with her and Mike.
• 38:44
  And her quote, she's obviously been battling a lot of health issues, and she recently beat cancer.
• 38:50
  And she met her husband later in life, like in her late 30s, and her quote is always,"Choose your husband like your life depends on it." And hers did and hers did, and mine did too.
• 39:03
  I think back and he was probably like the first best decision I ever made, truly.
• 39:10
  And I I think if I looked back and told myself at 25, like,"This is a really effing important decision that you're making," I would've been like,"Okay, yeah, like marriage is a big decision." But at 40, the magnitude of that decision is so huge.
• 39:28
  Right.
• 39:28
  It anchors everything in your life.
• 39:31
  And you made that decision when you were 20 and didn't even realize it.
• 39:34
  But I was lucky enough to make that decision, and I realize how one change, right, could really affect that.
• 39:42
  And I look back at, you know, other friends and relationships, and that decision is huge.
• 39:50
  And I feel like if you told me that at 20, I wouldn't have even wanted to hear it, you're like,"Oh, okay." Yeah, obviously getting married is a big decision.
• 39:59
  It is a huge effing decision.
• 40:02
  Who you're gonna spend your life with, who you're committing to, it is huge.
• 40:08
  It's the biggest decision you will ever make in your life.
• 40:12
  It really is.
• 40:13
  Because this person, everything revolves around them.
• 40:17
  Even if we wanna sit here and pretend it doesn't, everything revolves around that decision.
• 40:23
  Everything.
• 40:24
  And that magnitude is very scary to think about.
• 40:28
  Everything pops off of that.
• 40:29
  Everything pops off.
• 40:30
  It anchors.
• 40:30
  Your children, your home- It anchors you your finances- Your life your friend, like it's your friend.
• 40:34
  It's everything.
• 40:36
  Yes.
• 40:37
  Like you What, before, if you're not married, you don't have to be fully seen.
• 40:41
  Right.
• 40:41
  When you are married to somebody, you are fully seen- Mm-hmm by that person- Mm-hmm whether you want to be or not.
• 40:47
  And I think that when I was, like, looking back and thinking about this, the word anchor kept coming to mind.
• 40:52
  Like, that decision anchors your entire life.
• 40:56
  And I hate, you know, like I'm all about, like, you know, it's a girl's world and girl power and, you know, like, women can do anything, but it's a, it's the biggest commitment you will ever make in your entire life other than obviously having children.
• 41:11
  But you're hoping that decision a- of having a family comes from that person.
• 41:16
  Right.
• 41:16
  You know?
• 41:17
  And it's huge.
• 41:19
  It really is huge, and I feel lucky, and I was literally thinking of all of the ways that choosing that person, you're choosing who's gonna be around you when life is fun, when you're sick, when you're struggling, when you don't recognize yourself, when you're desperately trying to have a baby.
• 41:38
  I'm thinking back to me.
• 41:40
  When those babies finally arrive, when you're exhausted, when your career keeps changing, when life is stressful, when money can get stressful, when your parents are getting older, when you're both becoming completely different versions of yourself, this is that person.
• 41:57
  And again, to just think back at the- You haven't named, like, one fun one fun, like, thing right now.
• 42:03
  No,'cause it's, it's the person when life is life-ing.
• 42:06
  Mm-hmm.
• 42:07
  That is the person.
• 42:08
  And I was also thinking about this.
• 42:10
  Because I remember that at 20, almost 21, when I met Raja, Raja was the first person who never gave me butterflies And I think that's shocking.
• 42:22
  I remember thinking it when I met him, afterwards, like probably weeks into like af- meeting him, and I would see him, and I would never get that, that butterfly feeling.
• 42:32
  But I liked it because- It made you scared I felt very steady with him right off the bat.
• 42:39
  Like I was, I felt so at home and at peace and comfortable, and there was no, like, guessing what he was thinking or wondering if he liked me or like- There was no games there was no games.
• 42:51
  And so I, I go back and pat her on the back because I'm like,"Thank God you recognized that early enough to know that butterflies are anxiety." And again, I was thinking because my anxiety started around that time, like a little bit before I met Raja, and Raja was one of the only things in my life that didn't make me anxious, truly.
• 43:15
  Oh my gosh.
• 43:16
  He was like calming to you.
• 43:17
  He was always very calming and steady to me, and so I'm just so proud of that girl that she was able to recognize that.
• 43:25
  I am not sitting here pretending that everything has been easy for us because it absolutely has not.
• 43:31
  You just said a whole decade of hard things that the two of you together- Yes had to endure.
• 43:34
  But I think that I, we didn't really start experiencing real trials until the next decade.
• 43:42
  But when I look back at the decision that was made in my 20s, I didn't even realize how important that decision was.
• 43:49
  So I'm gonna make the 20s about him and the life that we decided to build together because it anchored the shit show that would come the next decade, and really when I spun off the rails and I look back very thankful that I picked the right person for me because I really don't know how I would, like, even be here today without picking that right person, truly.
• 44:15
  It's so crazy, and I ha- I really hate to be that girl.
• 44:19
  It's, I feel like this doesn't even sound like me.
• 44:22
  I hate to put all the emphasis on someone else because at the end of the day, we know that your own happiness comes from you.
• 44:31
  But at the same time, a lot of unhappiness can come from choosing the wrong person.
• 44:36
  So girlies truly, it is not about the butterflies.
• 44:42
  It is about the steadiness of the person.
• 44:45
  The butterflies are anxiety, truly.
• 44:48
  They are.
• 44:49
  They are.
• 44:50
  Yeah.
• 44:50
  you have to look at how you're feeling standing still with that person.
• 44:55
  'Cause it's, there's always things that are gonna be exciting, and that keeps things going.
• 45:01
  When everything's exciting and when there's always something new, when you're traveling and bopping around and ba-ba-ba-ba a- all of those are distractions from what life is like with that person when you're still, and that's what matters, I think, the most.
• 45:16
  Wow.
• 45:16
  Mic drop moment I almost don't wanna tell my girls how important it is- No, you don't because I almost want them- You can't to just lean into the feeling, because sometimes, like, I think, like, my friends that- You can't be told are single later in through life- Mm-hmm they've had so much more time to reflect- Mm-hmm and sometimes when you're, like, put in a pressure cooker, you can't make the right decision.
• 45:41
  But I think that when you don't feel the pressure and you're able just to follow your gut, then you do, and I think that from a young age, you just were able to lean into this feeling of safety.
• 45:51
  Yes.
• 45:52
  And you knew that it was the right person for you.
• 45:54
  I just knew.
• 45:55
  I just think that I didn't know until I knew, right?
• 45:59
  And you don't know what you don't know, and I would never have wanted to be told that.
• 46:03
  And even still, like, when I look back, it's like I don't wanna even tell my younger self anything.
• 46:10
  I just wanna give her a silent hug, like,"Thank God you picked the right person," because it mattered for me later in life.
• 46:19
  Yeah.
• 46:19
  You know?
• 46:19
  It really did.
• 46:21
  Wow.
• 46:23
  There's a lot there to unpack.
• 46:24
  Well said.
• 46:25
  Geez, that was like a full therapy session.
• 46:27
  I know.
• 46:27
  You could be a therapist.
• 46:30
  Found- now we'll get into our 30s.
• 46:33
  I think it was m- you would say your, your hardest?
• 46:36
  I think pieces of my 30s were pretty hard for me, I think I kinda blended my 20s and my 30s into one when I spoke earlier, because it started in my late 20s, and it kind of extended through my 30s.
• 46:50
  I think, like, 29 to maybe, like, 37 were hard for me- Mm-hmm'cause I was so, so riddled with anxiety.
• 46:59
  Mm-hmm.
• 46:59
  And I was so fearful of my life, and I think that those were hard years for me and my husband too,'cause I don't think he knew what to do with me during those years.
• 47:07
  Well,'cause it was probably a very big change, too, from where you started from.
• 47:12
  Right.
• 47:12
  You know?
• 47:13
  Well, I think anybody that meets me really thinks, and my husband too, he says, like, I'm like a ray of sunshine.
• 47:18
  'Cause Nick can be a little bit more, serious.
• 47:20
  He's a little bit more- Nick is more like me...practical.
• 47:23
  Yeah.
• 47:23
  He is a little bit more, like, analytical- methodical, and we do A, and then we do B- Mm-hmm and then we do C, and then we do D.
• 47:30
  And whereas I'm just like,"We just do what we do.
• 47:33
  Like, stop complicating things," you know?
• 47:35
  That just seems to be, like, our flow, and it just always worked for us.
• 47:39
  So to have somebody in your life that is a disaster and is not, like, a ray of sunshine brightening up the life around you, I think that was probably hard for him.
• 47:48
  And also, he didn't know what to do with me, because medically nothing was wrong with me, and because he has that, medical background, he's like,"It's black and white.
• 47:57
  You're fine." Go.
• 48:00
  But I think that both of us had never really dealt with, like, n- I don't know if mental illness is the right word- Mental health or mental health.
• 48:07
  Yeah.
• 48:07
  Or both of us didn't really know where to place me.
• 48:11
  And it was just that I was, like, fearful to do everything and anything- Mm-hmm for so long, and I would show up, and I would go out, and I would put on a happy face, and I would do all the things, but, it took me a a lot to, like, get me out.
• 48:23
  And it's interesting, because I don't have that every day anymore.
• 48:29
  It went away.
• 48:29
  I dealt with it in my 30s.
• 48:31
  And, simultaneously, like, I was raising kids and doing all the things.
• 48:36
  And you went, you also went from having two to four.
• 48:38
  Yeah, I went from having two to four.
• 48:42
  Huge change.
• 48:42
  I had to, like, you know, ask for help in my mid-30s.
• 48:44
  I had to, like, accept other people.
• 48:47
  Like, I'm a Virgo.
• 48:48
  I'm, like, such a Virgo.
• 48:49
  I know I'm, a firstborn.
• 48:50
  I can be such a pain in the ass.
• 48:52
  I like things my way and on my time, and having kids has taught me, like, you just take the help when and where in whatever form it can come in.
• 49:01
  You had to l- release a lot of walls that you put up.
• 49:04
  A lot of walls, and what's interesting about building walls is sometimes you wonder why you even put them there to begin with.
• 49:10
  We talked about that last week- Like, for protection with Gina.
• 49:11
  For, for what?
• 49:12
  Yeah.
• 49:13
  Like, why are these even here?
• 49:14
  Right.
• 49:14
  Are these to keep me safe, or are these just to push people away- Mm-hmm for control reasons?
• 49:18
  Like, why did you put them here to begin with?
• 49:20
  Right.
• 49:20
  Because you think that you should, and you think that you're protecting yourself.
• 49:23
  I feel like that conversation with Gina last week, again, about, like, the in-laws and, that's your sister-in-law, and you guys had that, had a great back and forth about letting go and- Yeah and breaking the walls- Right and kind of, like, letting people in.
• 49:38
  Yeah, and look what happens- And sometimes how much better when you do.
• 49:40
  We- I think that we almost grow up, and you think that you should put all these boundaries and perimeters in place, and sometimes that's to your disadvantage.
• 49:52
  Mm-hmm.
• 49:53
  Not all the time, not all the time.
• 49:54
  We know that it, boundaries are important, but I think that we've we've become so comfortable with that word and what that means that we just do it all the time- Mm-hmm and it ends up alienating us from a lot of things that we don't need to.
• 50:07
  Right.
• 50:07
  And we should just be more open, and that's sometimes the magic key- Mm-hmm is that you need to be open.
• 50:13
  And you need to let people in.
• 50:15
  Agreed.
• 50:16
  I think that another part of my 30s was- Getting back some of the things that I used to like to do- Mm-hmm that I had stopped doing.
• 50:26
  Playing sports, finding hobbies that I liked- Yeah and, like, doing philanthropy work.
• 50:31
  Doing things that kind of, Filled your cup fill- like, created a spark again.
• 50:35
  Yep.
• 50:36
  And that was an integral part, I think, in some of my healing from my anxiety,'cause then it wasn't, everything wasn't so focused on, like,"Oh, Christina's anxious," or,"Christina's this or that"- Mm-hmm or, like- Mm-hmm"she's home with the kids," or whatever I was doing.
• 50:49
  It kind of started to create these little, pieces of me again that, made me feel whole.
• 50:55
  Mm-hmm.
• 50:55
  And doing...
• 50:57
  And it sounded counterintuitive that I was adding some more things to my plate, but it, I was also, like, cleaning some things off in the meantime.
• 51:07
  Yeah.
• 51:07
  And You talked about this in, like, multiple other episodes, and I always thought it was so, it was such great advice because I feel like you learned to find yourself again in this new chapter of your life.
• 51:20
  Yeah.
• 51:21
  And, the importance of that.
• 51:22
  And I also think that you've said in other episodes you gave yourself permission that decade, right?
• 51:29
  Mm-hmm.
• 51:30
  Like, this is for me, but then this also helps my family.
• 51:34
  Yeah.
• 51:35
  I think now that I'm, ending this decade I always say, like you did a funny reel the other day, like, I wanna be on vacation, but I also love being home with my cats.
• 51:45
  Yeah.
• 51:45
  Like, I'm happiest when I'm with Nick and the kids.
• 51:48
  Yeah.
• 51:48
  And same with, Nick's like,"I'm happiest when I'm with you, but I'll take the kids too"- Yeah you know?
• 51:54
  Yeah.
• 51:54
  But I really am happy is when I'm with them, and it sounds sort of ironic because I think that motherhood was what kind of sent me into this tizzy.
• 52:04
  But I think it was the not being allowed permission to, take a break or thinking that I couldn't have permission to, just step back and take a break- Yeah that really sent me into the tiz.
• 52:17
  For sure.
• 52:17
  And made me so fearful of it.
• 52:19
  And now that I'm not as fearful of it, I find enjoyment and pleasure when we're together.
• 52:27
  I think a lot- You know?
• 52:28
  of women feel like that, and that's, I think, again, a huge part of what anchors our podcast is that- Sure message because I don't know why women, and this has probably gone on for decades and decades, w- women just don't think that they deserve a break or, you know, it, or the second you take- Or they don't know how to take one- Yes or it sounds like you're leaving your family- Selfish.
• 52:50
  Right or you're abandoning.
• 52:51
  It's like, it's just like- Right I need, like, a little space.
• 52:53
  Right.
• 52:53
  Yep.
• 52:54
  I found this, in my son's room And it's this little thing and it says,"Give me space." It's like m- planets and- And it, like, has planets on it, and it says,"Give me space." And I put it in here.
• 53:05
  I'm like,"This is exactly what we all need sometimes." Yeah.
• 53:07
  We all just need a little space.
• 53:08
  You need, like, a button, right, to just be like- A little- I need space a little pause button.
• 53:11
  Right.
• 53:12
  Like, I need a little space, and I think that a big part of my 30s was learning how to take space and not how to run at the same time.
• 53:19
  Right.
• 53:20
  Like, you can take space and not, like, peace out and, become a recluse- Yeah and not see anybody for months.
• 53:27
  Both things can happen at the same time.
• 53:28
  You know?
• 53:29
  Yep, for sure.
• 53:30
  What about you?
• 53:31
  I would say that my 30s to 40s were my most humbling decade, I would say.
• 53:39
  I really feel like, back to what we were talking about before, I n- nailed my choice of finding the right husband.
• 53:46
  I was very, very lucky.
• 53:47
  We did a lot of living that decade.
• 53:50
  We, we, we didn't get married until later in that decade, but we did a lot of traveling.
• 53:55
  We both started our own businesses, so we became, like, our own bosses, and we were able to make our own schedules.
• 54:03
  We really lived life.
• 54:04
  I'm proud of us that we were able to do that.
• 54:07
  I love that we got to do it together.
• 54:09
  He's my favorite person, and we got to travel.
• 54:11
  We love spending time together, and we spent a lot of time together.
• 54:15
  You had yourselves a time.
• 54:16
  We had ourselves a time.
• 54:18
  And that even, I would say, continued into my early 30s, and then probably around 32, I started to feel the itch to s- slow down.
• 54:29
  I wanted a family, and it was also around the same time as the pandemic, so I kinda said that this was all at the same time.
• 54:38
  And we wanted babies so badly, and it took us years to end up having the start of our family.
• 54:47
  And I went from wanting to be a mother so badly to being a mother of two within the blink of an eye.
• 54:54
  I'm not gonna get into the whole fertility thing.
• 54:56
  I have a whole episode about infertility and, the story there, so I'm not gonna, like, rehash that.
• 55:02
  But that kind of juxtaposition of wanting to have kids and then blinking and having two under two so quickly knocked me on my ass truly.
• 55:14
  And so I think that it was when you say, like,"Oh, you kind of had never really experienced a hard time," that was the kind of thing for me where that was the hardest time of my life.
• 55:29
  But the weird part of being like,"This is what I wanted," it wasn't a hard time because it wasn't something I was asking for, you know?
• 55:38
  Mm-hmm.
• 55:38
  Which I almost think is easier to wallow in when you're like,"Why did this happen to me?
• 55:44
  Why me?" This was something I wanted.
• 55:47
  I wanted to be a mother more than anything, and it also was the hardest thing I've ever done in my entire life.
• 55:53
  And so I had a really hard time with that, and it really humbled me completely.
• 55:58
  And so I would say, for me, it was probably, like, 32 to 38, was the toughest stretch, but also the most beautiful miracles happened in that time.
• 56:09
  I went from thinking I wouldn't have kids to having two healthy, beautiful babies, one of each.
• 56:14
  It's like, what more could I ask for?
• 56:17
  And at the same time, I was the most lost I'd ever been in my entire life and really struggled with that.
• 56:25
  And I think that was recognizing that, first of all, that two things can be true at the same time.
• 56:32
  I think that was the first time I ever really realized that and, really acknowledged it, that two things could be true at the exact same time, and just because you think one thing doesn't negate another thing.
• 56:44
  And, I would agree with you where asking for help was something that I really had a hard time with, and I wish I asked for it a little bit sooner.
• 56:55
  You never get a medal for doing everything yourself in motherhood.
• 56:59
  Like literally, if you're waiting for that medal, you never get it.
• 57:02
  And, I also think that, like, I would say by the end of that decade, I...
• 57:08
  So this is like 39 into 40, that starting this podcast with you, starting a business with you is, like, part of that too.
• 57:15
  But I feel like I spent a lot of the early years of me having kids wondering if I was doing it correctly, and all of these conversations and, like, meeting so many people, having all these conversations with you made me realize that, you're never gonna 100% do it correctly, you know?
• 57:35
  And, everybody feels like that.
• 57:37
  It's, something that everyone- Even the experts even the experts feel like that.
• 57:42
  And your children think that you're, the center of the universe no matter what.
• 57:47
  You know what I mean?
• 57:47
  So it was a lot of, like, built up pressure, and then, I feel like now I'm in the slow release of the pressure.
• 57:56
  Just how you've kind of seemed like you reached a point, and then you're just, like, bubbling, and then you're, letting the steam out a little bit at a time.
• 58:03
  Yeah.
• 58:03
  And that's how I feel right now.
• 58:04
  So I'm going into my 40s with that, letting the steam out, trying to figure it out, you know?
• 58:11
  And because I'm in my 40s, the pressure is off really.
• 58:16
  The pressure is off.
• 58:17
  And I don't wanna say there's pressure to, enjoy the next half- Yeah but there is this sense of, wait a minute, we get this next- Yes half of hopefully 40 more- Mm-hmm really good healthy years.
• 58:32
  Mm-hmm.
• 58:32
  I wanna use this time wisely.
• 58:35
  But it's not a pressure that I'm putting on myself.
• 58:37
  It's not pressure.
• 58:38
  It's just a mindset of- Yes I want this to be fun.
• 58:42
  I put in some work here- I feel the exact same way on myself.
• 58:45
  I put in some work on raising my kids.
• 58:48
  My kids,'cause Nick and I had them earlier, I feel like we're starting to get some time back on the back end.
• 58:53
  Like- You're, like, rounding the corner and I feel like Nick has been a little bit more conscious about taking some time off.
• 59:00
  I feel like we're kind of entering this, like, fun time that we didn't allow ourselves to have or maybe we were too fearful of having.
• 59:08
  But I think that with turning 40, when you look at, like, all of these decades to kinda, like, close it out for me- Yeah you kinda spend your teens thinking you're trying to find out who you are.
• 59:21
  Mm-hmm.
• 59:21
  You're testing all the limits.
• 59:22
  You have a little bit of an attitude and an I don't give an F mentality.
• 59:26
  You're trying to figure it out, and then you're trying to spend your 20s trying to, like, prove who you are.
• 59:31
  Mm-hmm.
• 59:31
  In your 30s, you're building and building, and now in our 40s, I think you finally get to be who you are.
• 59:39
  You wanna enjoy it.
• 59:39
  And you wanna- Yeah enjoy all of this work that you've spent, you know?
• 59:43
  Right.
• 59:43
  Yes.
• 59:44
  And I think that this is the decade of being.
• 59:48
  Yes.
• 59:49
  And whoever that is, you know, I'm excited to see who she is and, you know, reflect at the end of this decade.
• 59:54
  Yes, I totally agree.
• 59:56
  I expected 40, whenever I would think about it, to feel old.
• 1:00:01
  I would always think that 40 was, like, an older number, and it really is not, if you think about it.
• 1:00:08
  Do you feel old?
• 1:00:09
  No, I don't feel old.
• 1:00:11
  I- I care about aging.
• 1:00:13
  I'm not gonna pretend I don't care that, like, I'm getting wrinkles or, that there's a gray hair now and then.
• 1:00:19
  And yes, that stuff, like, gets to me, but I'm so much less afraid of turning older than I think I was when I was younger, truly.
• 1:00:31
  It's a gift.
• 1:00:31
  I always see these reels that are like,"The goal isn't to be 25, act 25, look 25.
• 1:00:38
  It's to tell the 25-year-olds that, like, being 40 is great." You know?
• 1:00:43
  And, that's exactly how I feel.
• 1:00:45
  It's great up here.
• 1:00:47
  There's a little less pressure, there's a little less trying to prove yourself to people.
• 1:00:53
  There's a little less caring what anybody thinks and what they're doing with their life, I think that you just kinda get to a point where you're like, I am who I am in a sense, but and you could maybe wanna work on things, but you're also, like, comfortable with who you are, you know?
• 1:01:11
  Well, it's easier to say,"I am who I am" when you know who that is.
• 1:01:15
  If you just say the words,"I am who I am" blankly- Mm-hmm without actually knowing it- it's harder to, like, defend that person.
• 1:01:23
  Mm-hmm.
• 1:01:23
  But when you actually know who that is- Yeah I just think it's a little bit easier to make that statement.
• 1:01:29
  I agree, and I feel like you had said it before, you spend so much time in your, teens, 20s, 30s, building up who you are and, trying to prove yourself.
• 1:01:40
  And obviously, we both spent the last, like, several years trying to fix ourselves and try to be better versions of ourselves and, rid the anxiety and the m- mental health and all of that.
• 1:01:52
  But, I kind of don't wanna be a, self-improvement project anymore.
• 1:01:58
  I wanna just be, living my life and be happy.
• 1:02:01
  Mm-hmm.
• 1:02:01
  Yeah.
• 1:02:01
  And that's why, like, what Gina said last week, stuck with me so much.
• 1:02:06
  It's so much easier to just be happy.
• 1:02:11
  There's always gonna be things that bother you, that aren't perfect, but finding the happiness and, leaning into that for the every day, being present, yeah.
• 1:02:22
  Not comparing yourself- n- you can't, that, that sounds great, yeah.
• 1:02:28
  But I think if you do little bits of it every single day, it just becomes your practice.
• 1:02:32
  You know?
• 1:02:32
  Right.
• 1:02:33
  I think when you say it, when you say all the different things, it sounds like a mouthful, and that's, hard to do.
• 1:02:39
  Yeah.
• 1:02:39
  But I think if you just do little bits of just, I don't know- I think that it's- being happy every day- Yes, and I think that, like- then it becomes easier it's easier to just say be happy.
• 1:02:48
  Th- that's actually, like, a bullshit blanket statement.
• 1:02:51
  What I mean is, like, truly be grateful and practice gratitude.
• 1:02:57
  That's what I needed to tell myself, and that's why in my 40s, that's, like, what I'm going to try to do.
• 1:03:02
  I feel that I can look at my life and not look at the things I don't have.
• 1:03:08
  I can look at what I do have and practice gratitude for those things.
• 1:03:12
  For me, it's I still have my husband, you know?
• 1:03:15
  There's other people that can't say that for a variety of reasons.
• 1:03:19
  I still have my husband.
• 1:03:20
  I have my person.
• 1:03:20
  I have the two little kids I wanted.
• 1:03:22
  Yes, motherhood is so freaking hard.
• 1:03:25
  It's knocked me on my ass, but it's what I wanted, and I love being a mom.
• 1:03:30
  And I have a beautiful home.
• 1:03:32
  I have beautiful people in my life from all over the place.
• 1:03:36
  I might not have the biggest group, socially, but I have beautiful friendships with beautiful people.
• 1:03:42
  I have work that's mine and that I'm proud of right now.
• 1:03:45
  You know, I have my parents.
• 1:03:47
  I have family.
• 1:03:48
  I have to constantly be reminding myself of what I have and to be grateful for that, and that's what I, like, wanna lean into.
• 1:03:57
  That's what I mean by happiness.
• 1:03:59
  Mm-hmm.
• 1:03:59
  It's not just like,"Oh, be happy." It's literally be grateful for what I have.
• 1:04:03
  Basically after all of that yapping tea, we wouldn't really change a thing, which is so crazy.
• 1:04:11
  So the under 10 decade for me, I would say Don't change how deeply you feel things, because I was always told I was sensitive and shy and, and all of that, and like, or how willing you are to be seen.
• 1:04:24
  And what do you think that you would say?
• 1:04:27
  Don't change what?
• 1:04:28
  I would say you were labeled kind of like a carefree, bright light, happy-go-lucky, and that will carry with you the rest of your life.
• 1:04:36
  I love that.
• 1:04:37
  So that will be your biggest asset for the rest of your life, and that's who you are, and don't, don't forget it.
• 1:04:44
  Yeah, you like came back to that.
• 1:04:45
  Yeah.
• 1:04:45
  So- Don't forget it I love that That's who you are.
• 1:04:47
  What about- You are a happy-go-lucky girl what about 10 to 20?
• 1:04:50
  I would say don't change the person you choose.
• 1:04:53
  You have no idea what a gift that decision is gonna become later in life.
• 1:05:01
  Yeah.
• 1:05:02
  Mine would probably be don't stop wanting to be seen and heard.
• 1:05:08
  You will be seen and heard by the right people at some point in your life.
• 1:05:11
  Mm.
• 1:05:12
  Oh.
• 1:05:12
  And the most important person that you will be seen and heard by is yourself.
• 1:05:16
  Mm.
• 1:05:16
  You just haven't seen yourself yet for who she is, and you just haven't heard yourself- Mm yet for who she is.
• 1:05:22
  You will see and hear yourself one day, and then you won't need to be seen and heard- Mm-hmm by the others.
• 1:05:28
  Mm-hmm.
• 1:05:28
  30 to 40, I would say to Christina,"Don't change how badly you wanted the life that you have, even when living it became harder than you imagined.
• 1:05:39
  It's okay." Mm-hmm.
• 1:05:40
  I have to be at peace with that And I guess mine would be This is fear that is creeping in, and you will live again- Mm-hmm one day.
• 1:05:49
  Mm-hmm.
• 1:05:49
  And then what about 40?
• 1:05:51
  I never really thought about my existence- Mm-hmm as being a true gift- Mm-hmm until now.
• 1:05:58
  And I think that just existing is a gift.
• 1:06:01
  Yes.
• 1:06:02
  And I will not take that for granted.
• 1:06:04
  Yeah, you become so hyper-aware of that for some reason and it's hitting me harder too in this decade.
• 1:06:11
  I would say for the first time, I don't really even have advice for myself'cause I was always, like, full of replays, right?
• 1:06:17
  Like, how could I have done this different or was that weird or whatever.
• 1:06:21
  And I would just say that I wanna actually be here and be present I wanna just see what the next 40 years is like, you know?
• 1:06:31
  I'm al- I'm also, less curious about how my life is gonna play out, and I'm more curious now what's gonna happen with- With them these four kids- Yes in my house.
• 1:06:42
  Yes.
• 1:06:42
  Like- It's, like, less about you you know?
• 1:06:44
  Yes.
• 1:06:44
  Like, if- Yes me and Nick hopefully will have each other for the next decade.
• 1:06:48
  Mm-hmm.
• 1:06:48
  You know?
• 1:06:49
  Mm-hmm.
• 1:06:49
  Every day is a gift.
• 1:06:50
  Hopefully, he and I are gonna get to have ourselves some fun, yep.
• 1:06:53
  While these kids are, like, figuring their stuff out, but, like, I'm excited for them and for their life.
• 1:06:59
  Yeah.
• 1:06:59
  Like, in the next decade.
• 1:07:00
  Joseph's gonna go from 13 to 23.
• 1:07:03
  That's gonna be a whole life- That's cra- to be lived there yeah, that was the, what we were saying.
• 1:07:08
  You know?
• 1:07:08
  That, like, 10- So- to 20 is so big this next- Yep I guess decade for me as a mom is kinda getting to see, like, what these kiddos are gonna be up to- Yeah also.
• 1:07:19
  Yeah.
• 1:07:19
  You know?
• 1:07:19
  I, I agree with you'cause I'm gonna, I'm going from h- being, with the littles right now, two and- Yeah four to I'll have a 12 and a 14-year-old.
• 1:07:28
  Yeah.
• 1:07:28
  We'll be in a different world, you know?
• 1:07:30
  Right.
• 1:07:30
  It is crazy.
• 1:07:31
  So, I mean, with everything, you don't wanna, like, put so much emphasis ever- On them on them.
• 1:07:36
  Yeah.
• 1:07:36
  But also, it's kind of a cool way to look towards the future.
• 1:07:39
  And it's like for once in your life, it's not about you in a good way.
• 1:07:44
  Mm-hmm.
• 1:07:44
  You know?
• 1:07:45
  We were just sitting here complaining about the transition from life going from all about you to not about you and how hard that is, and if you f- reframe it, it's not about you.
• 1:07:57
  It's about them.
• 1:07:58
  Mm-hmm.
• 1:07:59
  And it's in a good way.
• 1:08:00
  You know?
• 1:08:00
  In a good way.
• 1:08:01
  It's like a fun, less big- In a less pressure way.
• 1:08:02
  Yeah.
• 1:08:02
  So.
• 1:08:03
  I know.
• 1:08:04
  This is really cool to reflect, and you'll be turning 40 very, very soon.
• 1:08:08
  Yeah.
• 1:08:09
  And let's close with our Pink Spotlights.
• 1:08:12
  Anything to share with the gals, with the PIPAs?
• 1:08:16
  If you're new here, our Pink Spotlight, each week, Tia and I share something that's like a person, place, thing, tip, mantra, anything that's making our life and week a little bit better.
• 1:08:27
  Do you have anything to share?
• 1:08:31
  All right.
• 1:08:31
  I was gonna do a product for my pink spotlight, but I think in the vein of this episode, I'm gonna try to keep it a little bit more on brand.
• 1:08:40
  Well, I'm not.
• 1:08:42
  Well, and you can do whatever you want- because you're 40 and you can do whatever you want.
• 1:08:46
  So I think that When I think about turning 40- and you do all these things in your life, right?
• 1:08:54
  And you almost think, like, are you building a resume?
• 1:08:57
  Are you, auditioning for your own life?
• 1:09:00
  Who's reading this resume anyway?
• 1:09:02
  Yeah.
• 1:09:02
  Nobody's reading my resume.
• 1:09:04
  It's just for me.
• 1:09:06
  And, like, have you seen, like, all the different trends, like the biggest flex is- mental health.
• 1:09:11
  Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 1:09:12
  Or my biggest flex is being able to write an email without ChatGPT.
• 1:09:14
  Right, right.
• 1:09:15
  Or...
• 1:09:15
  Which I can't do.
• 1:09:16
  Yeah, not anymore.
• 1:09:17
  I just feel like my biggest flex is not having to give a, or feeling awkward, I'm giving a 60-second spiel about who I am if I meet a stranger for the first time.
• 1:09:32
  I feel like my biggest flex for turning 40 is just to be like,"I'm Christina Bontempo." Yeah.
• 1:09:38
  That's- I really like that the end.
• 1:09:40
  This is my name, period, the end.
• 1:09:42
  We're done here.
• 1:09:42
  I feel like that's huge if you're a regular Pippa listening and you've listened to, like, a handful of episodes, because I feel like even a year and a half ago you wouldn't have been able to say that.
• 1:09:52
  Because there are too many things that I like in my life, and that I'm finding joy in, and, I feel like I am that 10-year-old girl who was a true lover of life and- Are you going label-free?
• 1:10:05
  W- I'm going label-free.
• 1:10:07
  Okay?
• 1:10:07
  I love it.
• 1:10:08
  It's 2026.
• 1:10:08
  I love it.
• 1:10:09
  We don't need a label.
• 1:10:10
  I love it.
• 1:10:11
  Okay?
• 1:10:11
  No, that's really great.
• 1:10:12
  That show- I feel like that really does show a lot of growth.
• 1:10:16
  I would piggyback off of it, but I'm not going to.
• 1:10:19
  I- And you don't have to'cause this is 40s, right?
• 1:10:22
  So- And you don't have to for me, I wanna,'cause th- I had said to you guys last week that we took, like, five weeks off, so there's been, like, a lot of things that I've tried or just, like, things that I've wanted to share.
• 1:10:30
  We, I wanna do a whole episode on stuff.
• 1:10:33
  Like pink spotlight stuff.
• 1:10:34
  So speaking of, I, so entered my 40s I had shared with you guys too that I had did, like, a whole, like, hormone panel- Mm.
• 1:10:43
  Mm-hmm last year.
• 1:10:44
  At, in the fall of last year, so it's almost been a year now.
• 1:10:47
  So I'm, I'm very, very in tune with, like, what my body needs right now.
• 1:10:51
  Mm-hmm.
• 1:10:51
  And I started taking, a couple of months ago, a perimenopause multivitamin, and it really covers a lot of the things that I was deeply lacking before when I got, like, my, my panel done.
• 1:11:06
  'Cause I had done blood work, I had done a hormone panel.
• 1:11:08
  I really saw everything.
• 1:11:09
  So- I really, really like this one.
• 1:11:12
  It's called, it's by Needed, and it's specific for perimenopause, and it's a multivitamin.
• 1:11:17
  And I like this because when I was thinking about it, I'm like, I've taken a prenatal, a postnatal, and it's like I'm in a different chapter of my life right now.
• 1:11:26
  So I'm starting to support my body in that way.
• 1:11:29
  Well, peri just means before.
• 1:11:30
  Yes.
• 1:11:30
  So, you know.
• 1:11:31
  But things were starting to trend in that direction.
• 1:11:33
  So it's really supposed to support hormonal shifts and all the things that I was experiencing.
• 1:11:38
  It helps with, like, energy, mood, brain health, sleep, like, h- healthy hormone balance.
• 1:11:44
  And it covered all the things that I was taking, like, a ton of other supplements for.
• 1:11:49
  So it kind of has them in two capsules instead of me having to take 50 million other things.
• 1:11:54
  And it's for the girls in our 40s.
• 1:11:55
  I love that.
• 1:11:56
  What's it called?
• 1:11:57
  It's called Needed Perimenopause Multivitamin.
• 1:12:00
  Okay.
• 1:12:01
  So- It's needed it's very needed.
• 1:12:03
  And so is this conversation.
• 1:12:04
  Yeah.
• 1:12:05
  This was really great.
• 1:12:06
  I'm really, really excited for fall and kind of us getting back on our good routine here.
• 1:12:14
  Mm-hmm.
• 1:12:14
  And summer survival mode.
• 1:12:17
  The summer fun needs to commence- Yeah because the Bentempels are going to, the Bentempels have had themselves a summer.
• 1:12:23
  Yeah.
• 1:12:24
  We have too.
• 1:12:24
  We are, we are partied out.
• 1:12:25
  Yep.
• 1:12:26
  I'm tired.
• 1:12:26
  I'm ready to get back into a routine.
• 1:12:28
  I'm kinda ready to get back to, work, you know?
• 1:12:31
  And we have a lot of exciting things.
• 1:12:32
  We have a new fall routine coming up in our household- We do too this year.
• 1:12:36
  So I'm- you know- Yeah, we'll have to find some- excited to unpack that- Yeah and see how it kinda all pans out.
• 1:12:42
  And we did- So we also, Pippas, we did create our Facebook page.
• 1:12:46
  So you can follow us there.
• 1:12:49
  I'll put the link in our show notes so you can follow us.
• 1:12:51
  I think we should put on there what we're reading.
• 1:12:53
  I do too.
• 1:12:53
  I've been, like, reading a ton lately.
• 1:12:55
  Me too.
• 1:12:56
  And it's, I just feel like it's so fun to get, like, lost in a book.
• 1:12:59
  I know that sounds so corny and cheesy, but it's the best form of escapism.
• 1:13:02
  It really is.
• 1:13:03
  Like, reading a book- And I've been doing- like a novel a lot more reading than watching stuff, so I would love to, maybe we'll create a thread there, like a little post- Mm-hmm and we can all talk about what we're reading.
• 1:13:12
  Or we had said maybe we can all start reading something together- Mm-hmm and then we can all talk about it there.
• 1:13:18
  Yes.
• 1:13:18
  So- Love that.
• 1:13:19
  Yep.
• 1:13:20
  Love that.
• 1:13:20
  So follow us there, follow us on Instagram, and we will see you guys next week.
• 1:13:25
  See you next week.
• 1:13:25
  Thank you guys so much.
• 1:13:26
  Bye.
• 1:13:27
  Bye.