Latest / Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families / #576 I'll Do Better Tomorrow

Transcript

#576 I'll Do Better Tomorrow · Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families

• 0:03
  Speaker 1: It's the Happy Families podcast. It's the podcast for the.
• 0:07
  Speaker 2: Time poor parent who just once answers, Now.
• 0:10
  Speaker 1: If I fell asleep in a family meeting, what would
• 0:12
  Speaker 1: you say to me?
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  Speaker 2: I would be very upset at you.
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  Speaker 1: I would get the third degree and the subsequent degrees
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  Speaker 1: after that as well, because I.
• 0:20
  Speaker 2: Feel like you don't listen to what I say.
• 0:22
  Speaker 1: Oh my goodness, sorry, what was that?
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  Speaker 3: And now here's the stars of our show, my mum
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  Speaker 3: and dad.
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  Speaker 1: Hello, this is doctor Justin Colson, the founder of Happy
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  Speaker 1: Families dot comte are you and the parenting co parenting
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  Speaker 1: expert and co hosts of Channel nine's Parental Guidance. I
• 0:37
  Speaker 1: knew I'd get there eventually. I'm here with Kylie, my wife,
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  Speaker 1: and Muma, who is looking at me strangely and also
• 0:42
  Speaker 1: going through my wallet as we speak.
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  Speaker 2: You've been holding down on me. You've actually got some
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  Speaker 2: cash in here.
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  Speaker 1: That cash has probably been there for about the last
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  Speaker 1: two and a half years. Who uses Actually I paid
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  Speaker 1: for something the other day with cash in a store.
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  Speaker 1: I'd been out for lunch while I was one of
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  Speaker 1: my trips, and I paid with a fifty dollars note.
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  Speaker 1: And what was so funny is As I was handing
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  Speaker 1: the fifty dollar note over, the lady behind the counter
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  Speaker 1: lifted up the little machine that you tapped your card
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  Speaker 1: on the top or you tap your phone on the
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  Speaker 1: top of. She lifted it up and asked me to
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  Speaker 1: tap my fifty dollar note on top of the machine.
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  Speaker 1: You're like, oh, hang on, what is that? That's that's odd.
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  Speaker 1: I haven't seen that for a long time. Cash.
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  Speaker 2: I don't usually have cash either, But since.
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  Speaker 1: Would you like someone in mine? I'm not using it?
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  Speaker 2: Oh you're going to give it to me, are you?
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  Speaker 1: Oh?
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  Speaker 2: I won't say no.
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  Speaker 3: Well, it was part of our big down size moving
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  Speaker 3: to the coasts. I've been doing a whole heap of
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  Speaker 3: selling on Marketplace, you know, things for thirty dollars, fifty dollars.
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  Speaker 3: And the other day somebody came and brought one of
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  Speaker 3: the last items that I had posted, and I realized
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  Speaker 3: that my wallet felt much fatter than normal.
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  Speaker 1: Oh, listen to you, missus, I've got a fat wallet.
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  Speaker 2: Well I don't ever, I don't.
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  Speaker 3: Even care where my wallet is because there's nothing in
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  Speaker 3: its significance, And and I kind of put the money in,
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  Speaker 3: and then I went out to an event that night
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  Speaker 3: and realized that my wallet wasn't in my handbag. So
• 2:01
  Speaker 3: then I started to panic because I remembered the feeling
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  Speaker 3: of this fat wallet, but I didn't know where it
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  Speaker 3: was anyway. I had put it in a different bag
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  Speaker 3: by accident, And when I came home, I did a
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  Speaker 3: quick count, and I couldn't believe how quickly thirty and
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  Speaker 3: fifty dollars adds up.
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  Speaker 1: Yeah, you get a little bit, and you add another
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  Speaker 1: little bit to it, and pretty soon it adds up
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  Speaker 1: to a lot. We've unloaded a lot of furniture.
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  Speaker 2: We have, we have.
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  Speaker 1: It's been really nice. But what are you gonna do
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  Speaker 1: with all the cash?
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  Speaker 2: I've got a pretty good Heida hold.
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  Speaker 1: Yeah, but that's my point, Like, what are you going
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  Speaker 1: to do with the cash?
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  Speaker 2: It's my stash. When I want something, I don't have
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  Speaker 2: to ask you for it.
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  Speaker 1: Nobody uses cash. What's the point of having cash? Like
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  Speaker 1: I said, I reckon, I've had that in my wallet
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  Speaker 1: for a couple of years. Didn't even know it was there. Anyway,
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  Speaker 1: we're not here to talk about listen, listen to us.
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  Speaker 1: I've got money in my wallet, but we don't money money.
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  Speaker 1: My point is, though we don't use we don't use cash.
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  Speaker 1: That's not what today's conversation is about. Though. Every Friday
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  Speaker 1: we talk about the things that we've learned about parenting
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  Speaker 1: during the week, and this week, Misshappy Families learned. Have
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  Speaker 1: you succeeded or failed? Is your parenting going to be
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  Speaker 1: better because of your insights into parenting this week?
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  Speaker 3: Well, based on the week we've had this week, I
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  Speaker 3: think I know what you're going to share. Oh really,
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  Speaker 3: And as a result, I think you actually.
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  Speaker 2: Need to go first.
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  Speaker 1: Fine, if you say so, well it.
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  Speaker 2: Sets up my story.
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  Speaker 1: Okay, Well, let's hope that I'm going to say what
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  Speaker 1: I think what you think I'm going to say. So,
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  Speaker 1: we have really been slack over the last couple of
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  Speaker 1: months with the whole house move and me traveling and
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  Speaker 1: blah blah blah.
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  Speaker 2: Well, I don't think it's been slack. I think it's
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  Speaker 2: just the reality life gets in the way sometimes.
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  Speaker 1: But we have a really good system of how we
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  Speaker 1: run our family, and when we practice that system. When
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  Speaker 1: we run that system, our family thrives, flourishes, we work
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  Speaker 1: well together. And it hasn't been happening for some time,
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  Speaker 1: not just a week or do. It hasn't been happening
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  Speaker 1: for quite a while, and this Sunday just gone. I
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  Speaker 1: called out to everyone after we had lunch and said, guys,
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  Speaker 1: everyone in the living room, we're going to have our
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  Speaker 1: first family meeting in months. We need to get back
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  Speaker 1: on track. And so everyone dutifully moped their way.
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  Speaker 2: You could really tell they were out of The.
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  Speaker 1: Level of enthusiasm was approximately zero out of ten. But
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  Speaker 1: they all came into the living room anyway, yourself included,
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  Speaker 1: sat down on the couch. I sat down on the
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  Speaker 1: carpet in front of everybody and said, all right, guys,
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  Speaker 1: it's time for a family meeting. You know how this works.
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  Speaker 1: And I just double checked by asking one of the kids,
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  Speaker 1: what are the three questions that we need to answer
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  Speaker 1: to make sure this family meaning goes well and that
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  Speaker 1: our family's on track. And that child looked at me
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  Speaker 1: dutifully and said, what went well? What didn't? What are
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  Speaker 1: we going to do about it? I said, okay, great,
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  Speaker 1: so we know how this works. Let's just dive straight
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  Speaker 1: in what went well this week. And by the time
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  Speaker 1: we got to the end of the what went well,
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  Speaker 1: which was only about three things, crickets, Yeah, it was
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  Speaker 1: pretty quiet. But by the time we got to the
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  Speaker 1: end of it, and we had the two or three
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  Speaker 1: things on the list for what's been going well. I
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  Speaker 1: noticed that in one particular corner of the room things
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  Speaker 1: were very quiet. That happens to be the corner that
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  Speaker 1: you were in, Misshappy Families, And I wonder if you
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  Speaker 1: would tell our wonderful happy family's audience why things was
• 5:00
  Speaker 1: so quiet in your corner of the living room, in
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  Speaker 1: the comfy seat of the lounge. As I was asking
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  Speaker 1: everybody to participate fully in this really important family meeting,
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  Speaker 1: would you mind, missus Coulson, explaining why things were so
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  Speaker 1: quiet in your corner.
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  Speaker 3: Let's just say, after a few therapy sessions, I can
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  Speaker 3: say this with fun, but I may have fallen asleep.
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  Speaker 1: You may have. Let me say that again, fallen asleep
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  Speaker 1: in the first family meeting that we've had in how
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  Speaker 1: many months. In my defense, this is indefensible.
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  Speaker 2: We had we had friends over for dimmer on Friday night.
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  Speaker 1: This is now Sunday. This is one and a half
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  Speaker 1: days later.
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  Speaker 3: Yes, and I have not stayed up that late for
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  Speaker 3: a very long time, and I was still recovering and
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  Speaker 3: I was doing Do you know what this reminds me of?
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  Speaker 3: The Billy Joel concert that we went to that you
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  Speaker 3: fell asleep, I know, but Billy Joel was extreme because
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  Speaker 3: I was sitting right on the couch.
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  Speaker 2: I was kind of lounging.
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  Speaker 1: I'm going to just stop the chase. I'm just going
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  Speaker 1: to highlight our family meetings and not as good as
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  Speaker 1: a Billy Joel concert. The other thing that I want
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  Speaker 1: to highlight.
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  Speaker 3: You shouldn't feel bad because I still fell asleep in
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  Speaker 3: Billy Joel.
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  Speaker 1: Right, that's so reassuring, the issue, of course, with the
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  Speaker 1: late night on Friday is that once you get past
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  Speaker 1: about the age of thirty five, anything that's later than
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  Speaker 1: nine thirty at night, it is a big night that
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  Speaker 1: takes you two days to recover. We were up until
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  Speaker 1: eleven o'clock with these I don't know.
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  Speaker 3: If you noticed I was fighting it, you'd say my
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  Speaker 3: name and I would open my eyes because I really
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  Speaker 3: was trying so but it lasted about I think a second,
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  Speaker 3: and then they closed again.
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  Speaker 2: It was it was completely involuntary.
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  Speaker 1: Now, if I fell asleep in a family meeting, what
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  Speaker 1: would you say to me.
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  Speaker 2: Oh, I would I would be very upset at you.
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  Speaker 1: I would get the third But that has more to
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  Speaker 1: do with and my issue the fifth and the sixth
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  Speaker 1: degree and the subsequent degrees after that as well, because I.
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  Speaker 2: Feel like you don't listen to what I say.
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  Speaker 1: Come on, Oh my goodness, sorry, what was that. So
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  Speaker 1: here's the thing. We're having a family meeting. And it
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  Speaker 1: was a great family meeting. The kids became about it.
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  Speaker 1: The family meeting should take ten minutes, but they got
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  Speaker 1: so involved.
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  Speaker 2: Well, if you had it taken ten minutes.
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  Speaker 1: You absolutely would have. You were gone after about four.
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  Speaker 1: But we talked about what went well. It was a
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  Speaker 1: short list. We talked about what's not going so well.
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  Speaker 1: It was a long list, and the kids all owned
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  Speaker 1: their stuff, like they said, yeah, we're not doing this,
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  Speaker 1: we're not doing that. And it was really, really, really strong.
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  Speaker 3: So you can say whatever you want now because I'm
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  Speaker 3: not here to corroborate your It.
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  Speaker 1: Was a great family meeting. That's all I'm saying. It
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  Speaker 1: was a great meeting. And then I said, so, girls,
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  Speaker 1: you know this, we can only really work on one
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  Speaker 1: or two things at a time. If we try to
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  Speaker 1: work on all these things this week, it's going to
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  Speaker 1: fail miserably. So do we work on And what they
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  Speaker 1: identified was that most of the things that were on
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  Speaker 1: the list, I can tell you we're all right. I
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  Speaker 1: can tell you two.
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  Speaker 3: They were all related to routine. See, I wasn't that
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  Speaker 3: much a sleep, I know that much.
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  Speaker 1: Maybe maybe you've just had conversations with the children since
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  Speaker 1: Sunday it has been five days. I thought, so so routine.
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  Speaker 1: So we just decided we're going to work on the routine.
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  Speaker 1: Work on the routine, work on the routine. And the
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  Speaker 1: one thing that really stood out more than anything in
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  Speaker 1: terms of making the routine work is that our morning begins.
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  Speaker 2: The night before.
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  Speaker 1: So they all committed to make sure that every night
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  Speaker 1: after dinner, we're all contributing to not just cleaning up
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  Speaker 1: the kitchen, but cleaning up the bedrooms, cleaning up the
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  Speaker 1: living rooms, getting things in order, getting school bags organized,
• 8:30
  Speaker 1: uniforms organized, school shoes organized, the whole kitten camodle. And
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  Speaker 1: I'm going to say that that one conversation has led
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  Speaker 1: to a massive improvement. It's still not perfect, and things
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  Speaker 1: have not gone as smoothly as they could because we're
• 8:45
  Speaker 1: a bit out of practice with the routine, but overall,
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  Speaker 1: it's been a positive week, and the meeting was the
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  Speaker 1: instigator of that. So for all do better tomorrow. I'm
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  Speaker 1: claiming it as a win, although I don't know what
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  Speaker 1: you're going to claim it has. But we're doing better,
• 9:00
  Speaker 1: doing better because we had the family meeting. We talked
• 9:01
  Speaker 1: about what worked, what didn't work, and what we can
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  Speaker 1: do better tomorrow because it went so well. Sort of,
• 9:09
  Speaker 1: We're going to record our next family meeting this Sunday
• 9:13
  Speaker 1: and turn it into a podcast sometime in the next
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  Speaker 1: couple of weeks. We'll have to do a lot of
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  Speaker 1: editing on it because you don't want to hear most
• 9:18
  Speaker 1: of what goes on. But we want to show you
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  Speaker 1: how the family meeting works because a lot of people
• 9:22
  Speaker 1: just sort of say, yeah, what do you do? I
• 9:24
  Speaker 1: don't get it. It's not making sense. So we want
• 9:27
  Speaker 1: to turn that into a podcast and show you how
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  Speaker 1: our family meetings operate. Missus happy families. That is my
• 9:34
  Speaker 1: I'll do better tomorrow. I kind of should stop now.
• 9:37
  Speaker 1: I feel like I'm starting to rub it in a
• 9:38
  Speaker 1: little bit. I know that you are tired.
• 9:41
  Speaker 2: Well after the break, we'll find out what mine is.
• 9:47
  Speaker 1: The twenty first century is a tricky time to be
• 9:50
  Speaker 1: a teen girl. Alcohol, drugs, mental health concerns, body image issues, technology,
• 9:54
  Speaker 1: sex our daughters face all these and more. The Happy
• 9:58
  Speaker 1: Families Misconnections. It brings together the best modern day experts
• 10:02
  Speaker 1: on teen girls to show you how to stay connected
• 10:06
  Speaker 1: with your daughter and help her face these challenges head on,
• 10:09
  Speaker 1: available online via video at the Happy Famili's web shop.
• 10:13
  Speaker 3: It's the Happy Famili's podcast, the podcast for the time
• 10:15
  Speaker 3: poor parent who just wants answers.
• 10:17
  Speaker 1: Now, how'd you go?
• 10:18
  Speaker 2: Look?
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  Speaker 3: It's been actually a bit of a rough week in
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  Speaker 3: spite of the fact that you set things up beautifully
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  Speaker 3: with your meeting without me.
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  Speaker 1: If you had been awake, it probably would have been
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  Speaker 1: a much better way.
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  Speaker 3: Well, I'm going to suggest if you had have actually
• 10:28
  Speaker 3: been home that the rest of the week would have
• 10:30
  Speaker 3: run better. Oh oh that's harsh, Okay, Okay, So it's
• 10:33
  Speaker 3: just a really little anecdote. I had an experience with
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  Speaker 3: Miss eight the other night, and like I said, the
• 10:39
  Speaker 3: week wasn't fantastic, but just this little moment with her
• 10:43
  Speaker 3: where she saw me doing making up some little handouts.
• 10:47
  Speaker 3: I do some volunteering work at church, and so do
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  Speaker 3: the people that I look after, and from time to
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  Speaker 3: time I just really like to let them know that
• 10:55
  Speaker 3: I appreciate their efforts because we're all giving up our
• 10:57
  Speaker 3: time for nothing. Emily walked over to me and she said, Mum,
• 11:01
  Speaker 3: I want to be like you when I grow up.
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  Speaker 3: And I said, I said, how come? She said, because
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  Speaker 3: you have a beautiful heart.
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  Speaker 1: Ah, that is the best.
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  Speaker 3: And when you have pretty ordinary weeks, having just a
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  Speaker 3: little moment like that just send it through the stratosphere
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  Speaker 3: into this just remembrance that, in spite of the fact
• 11:22
  Speaker 3: that things do not always go to plan, that there
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  Speaker 3: are little people watching and they know the intense of
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  Speaker 3: our hearts. And to have that little moment with Emily
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  Speaker 3: this week has just made it all worthwhile.
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  Speaker 1: Well, I think anyone who knows you would agree that
• 11:37
  Speaker 1: you have a beautiful heart. That's probably why all the
• 11:40
  Speaker 1: emails that come through to Happy Families Podcasts at happy
• 11:42
  Speaker 1: families dot com dot you talk about how great you are.
• 11:46
  Speaker 1: Nobody ever, even if I fall asleep, nobody ever mentions
• 11:48
  Speaker 1: me still psor about that. The Happy Family's podcast is
• 11:54
  Speaker 1: produced by Justin Ruland from Bridge Media. Craig Bruce is
• 11:57
  Speaker 1: our executive producer. If you've enjoyed the Happy Families podcast,
• 12:01
  Speaker 1: when you jump onto Apple Podcasts takes about thirty seconds
• 12:03
  Speaker 1: to leave a rating and review. Please do it because
• 12:05
  Speaker 1: it helps other people to find out about the podcast
• 12:07
  Speaker 1: to make their family happier. Have a great weekend. If
• 12:09
  Speaker 1: you want more involved about making your family happy, you
• 12:11
  Speaker 1: can find it all at happy families dot com dot
• 12:13
  Speaker 1: au