Latest / The You Project / #1600 Lipstick Duty - Harps & Tiff

Transcript

#1600 Lipstick Duty - Harps & Tiff · The You Project

0:01
Speaker 1: I get a tip, I get ahaps.
0:03
Speaker 2: How are you just grand?
0:06
Speaker 1: But if I feel my fingers still too cold?
0:08
Speaker 2: What's wrong with your fingers? Love?
0:10
Speaker 1: Just cold? It's just cold. I don't got me nana
0:13
Speaker 1: blanket over my knees though.
0:15
Speaker 2: Yeah, I think it's going to be one in Melbourne tomorrow.
0:17
Speaker 2: But let's stop talking about the weather, shall we. Now.
0:20
Speaker 2: I don't want to throw anyone under the bus, but
0:22
Speaker 2: it is forty minutes past five. You and I did
0:24
Speaker 2: have an appointment with a regular. We won't say his name,
0:28
Speaker 2: but I will. I can confirm that it rhymes with
0:31
Speaker 2: Mavid Bilessie, but I cannot tell you his name. Yeah,
0:38
Speaker 2: Kenevid Bilessie. It rhymes with he has not shown. I'll
0:45
Speaker 2: tell you what's I'll be docking his considerable wage and
0:52
Speaker 2: he is on his official first morning. So Mavid, you
0:58
Speaker 2: know who you are. I know no one else. They
1:00
Speaker 2: haven't figured it out, but you know who you are.
1:02
Speaker 2: Mavent be officially warned and appropriately terrified. Hey, I did
1:10
Speaker 2: a gig today. I wanted to tell you. I wanted
1:13
Speaker 2: to tell you about a gig that I did, an
1:14
Speaker 2: idea that came out of this because I just loved it,
1:17
Speaker 2: and it's around a concept that I talk about a lot,
1:22
Speaker 2: which is having having an unreasonable friend or having somebody
1:28
Speaker 2: who tells you, you know, sometimes what you need to hear,
1:31
Speaker 2: not necessarily what you want to hear. And anyway, I
1:36
Speaker 2: was kind of explaining this concept. So I was doing
1:40
Speaker 2: am I allowed to say who I was doing it with?
1:43
Speaker 2: I think? So? So I was doing it with Vic
1:45
Speaker 2: Pole and we're talking about this, and it was we
1:48
Speaker 2: weren't really talking about policing stuff or the main reason
1:52
Speaker 2: I'm in there, which is to roll out of a
1:55
Speaker 2: particular project, but we're just talking about interpersonal stuff. So anyway,
1:59
Speaker 2: we're talking about this idea of self reflections, self awareness,
2:04
Speaker 2: self knowledge, self regulation, and then self actualization, which we
2:11
Speaker 2: could unpack at some stage on the show. I love
2:13
Speaker 2: that whole kind of process. But then we're talking about
2:18
Speaker 2: how this propensity that we have to surround ourself with
2:24
Speaker 2: people that tell us what we want to hear. And
2:26
Speaker 2: while it's nice to hear what we want to hear,
2:28
Speaker 2: it's not necessarily great for our development or our resilience,
2:32
Speaker 2: or our self awareness or our you know, our success
2:37
Speaker 2: over time, because we're probably living in something of a
2:41
Speaker 2: positive affirmation bias echo chamber, which don't really suit us anyway.
2:48
Speaker 2: He said, Ah, anyway, this dude, his name's James. I
2:51
Speaker 2: told him i'd give him a shout out, So I'm
2:53
Speaker 2: giving him a shout out. James, who's a gun by
2:56
Speaker 2: the way. And he said, oh, yeah, yeah, I had
3:00
Speaker 2: with my mum when I was a kid. I'm like,
3:02
Speaker 2: what do you mean he said, yeah, I used to
3:03
Speaker 2: be on lipstick duty. I'm like, what's lipstick duty? And
3:08
Speaker 2: he goes, well, you know, it's like because being the
3:12
Speaker 2: unreasonable friend is pointing out things to your friends that
3:14
Speaker 2: they can't see, right, so they don't know about themselves
3:18
Speaker 2: but other people can see.
3:20
Speaker 1: Yeah.
3:21
Speaker 2: So he was basically the lipstick monitor for his mum,
3:25
Speaker 2: so whenever they would go out and she was frocked up,
3:28
Speaker 2: his job was to be on lipstick duty, so if
3:31
Speaker 2: she ever got any lipstick on her teeth that it
3:35
Speaker 2: was his job to covertly inform her so that she
3:39
Speaker 2: would not be publicly embarrassed and smiling with lippy on
3:42
Speaker 2: her teeth. And I thought, what a beautiful analogy. So
3:46
Speaker 2: I think we're I think we're going to call this
3:48
Speaker 2: lipstick duty, and the lipstick monitor.
3:52
Speaker 1: I love it.
3:53
Speaker 2: Yeah, how good is it? And I thought that is
3:56
Speaker 2: such a it is such a good metaphor or it's
3:59
Speaker 2: such a good compart. Garrison is to you know, to
4:03
Speaker 2: have a person in your life that that cares about
4:06
Speaker 2: you and doesn't want you to fail and wants you
4:11
Speaker 2: to succeed. But it might be the person that has
4:15
Speaker 2: to periodically point out to you things about you that
4:20
Speaker 2: might be not you know, what you want to hear,
4:23
Speaker 2: or might be embarrassing, or might be confronting or you know.
4:26
Speaker 2: And at the same time, it's a person that will,
4:31
Speaker 2: you know, support you and encourage you and tell you
4:34
Speaker 2: you're doing a great job when it's warranted, but not
4:36
Speaker 2: when it isn't. And I think, in you know, in
4:40
Speaker 2: twenty twenty four, I don't know that that person is.
4:45
Speaker 2: I don't know that that's a welcome person in some
4:47
Speaker 2: people's lives.
4:49
Speaker 1: I reckon it takes two. There's two really key aspects
4:53
Speaker 1: to it, and one is the relationship itself. You have
4:55
Speaker 1: to have a solid relationship and understanding of each other,
5:01
Speaker 1: and then the skill of actually having that conversation or
5:06
Speaker 1: that level of communication.
5:07
Speaker 2: What do you think, Yeah, I think there's a lot
5:09
Speaker 2: of there's a lot of variables around this. We were
5:12
Speaker 2: talking today. A big theme of the day that we
5:15
Speaker 2: were talking about was around communication, connection, respect, rapport, so
5:19
Speaker 2: all the kind of interpersonal stuff. And I was talking
5:24
Speaker 2: about one of the challenges that I had when I had,
5:28
Speaker 2: you know, lots of personal trainers working for me, especially
5:31
Speaker 2: in my Brighton center, which was massive, you know, So
5:33
Speaker 2: we would have thirty trainers on the floor regularly, each
5:36
Speaker 2: with one or two clients, so there might be eighty
5:38
Speaker 2: people on the gym floor, and I would, you know,
5:43
Speaker 2: I would do my thing. I would walk around and
5:46
Speaker 2: just kind of I'd either be training someone or i'd
5:48
Speaker 2: just be working the room and you know, pressing the
5:51
Speaker 2: flesh and saying hello. And but there'd be times when
5:54
Speaker 2: I would see people, obviously do see trainers do things
5:57
Speaker 2: that I didn't love. Not too often, but often enough
6:02
Speaker 2: when you've got that many sessions and that many trainers.
6:05
Speaker 2: And it might just be that they're wearing something that
6:07
Speaker 2: looks fucking unprofessional, or it might be that they say
6:10
Speaker 2: something that's not exactly anatomically or physiologically right. It's closed,
6:16
Speaker 2: but it's not right, and or it might be that
6:20
Speaker 2: you know, whatever, and so me. My responsibility is to
6:26
Speaker 2: obviously enlighten them, support them, encourage them, but you know,
6:30
Speaker 2: tell them, you know what they what I'm either not
6:36
Speaker 2: happy with or what I think they got wrong. But
6:38
Speaker 2: the challenge is how do you do that? When do
6:43
Speaker 2: you do that? Like you surely don't walk up on
6:46
Speaker 2: the gym floor and go, hey, can you just come
6:48
Speaker 2: over here for a minute while they're in the middle
6:50
Speaker 2: of a session, because you don't embarrass them, You don't
6:53
Speaker 2: want to draw any attention to that. But there was
6:57
Speaker 2: the odd time where I had because someone was doing
7:01
Speaker 2: something potentially dangerous and I couldn't wait. Not many times,
7:05
Speaker 2: but a few, but yeah, that was an ever present
7:08
Speaker 2: challenge is how do I still be the guy that's
7:12
Speaker 2: supportive and encouraging and positive while talking to people about
7:19
Speaker 2: things that they need to improve or change or be
7:21
Speaker 2: aware of. And of course, if you've got thirty trainers
7:25
Speaker 2: on the floor, you've got thirty personalities and you know
7:29
Speaker 2: they're and even with the same person, like for example,
7:33
Speaker 2: with you and the same with me the other way around.
7:38
Speaker 2: Like there's probably days where I could say to you
7:41
Speaker 2: something which might not be a criticism, but it's just
7:45
Speaker 2: an observation about a way that you could do something better. Now,
7:48
Speaker 2: depending on the day, you might go, ah, yeah, that's good,
7:51
Speaker 2: I haven't thought of that, thanks, Or you might go
7:54
Speaker 2: fuck off, do you know what I mean? You might
7:58
Speaker 2: not outwardly, but you might inwardly go fuck off because
8:02
Speaker 2: on that day. You know, so there's all of these
8:05
Speaker 2: variables around, you know, because I know with some of
8:07
Speaker 2: my staff, I could walk up, I could go hey, listen, champ,
8:11
Speaker 2: just a quick bit of feedback, and they'd go, oh, yeah, cool, thanks. Yeah,
8:15
Speaker 2: I didn't even realize thank you. Thanks, And they're genuinely
8:18
Speaker 2: good and they genuinely fix it and it's there's not
8:21
Speaker 2: even a speed hump, it's seamless. And then with other people,
8:25
Speaker 2: I really have to be careful because I've got to
8:29
Speaker 2: navigate and negotiate you know, shitty self esteem and a
8:33
Speaker 2: bit of ego and all of these things. So yeah,
8:37
Speaker 2: that for me was you know, an ever present kind
8:42
Speaker 2: of into personal challenge. But but back to this go on.
8:45
Speaker 1: I was going to say, how did you if you
8:47
Speaker 1: can remember, or how would you if you don't have
8:49
Speaker 1: an answer, specific answer for it, navigate that you know,
8:53
Speaker 1: those times when you had to confront something in the
8:55
Speaker 1: gym where someone's doing something and you have to address
8:58
Speaker 1: it there and maybe in front of the client. How
9:00
Speaker 1: do you manage that whilst not decredit made them making
9:04
Speaker 1: me ye disredited?
9:05
Speaker 2: I mean generally when that was happening, that was a young, inexperienced,
9:11
Speaker 2: new to the industry trainer who might be I don't know,
9:17
Speaker 2: you know, just the only reason I would do that
9:19
Speaker 2: is if I think they are doing something that could
9:22
Speaker 2: injure the person. Yeah, and obviously I'm not going to
9:25
Speaker 2: wait till after the session, but I would go and
9:28
Speaker 2: I'd say, can I just can I chime in? Can
9:32
Speaker 2: I can I help for a minute or And generally
9:34
Speaker 2: they would be okay, I'd go, look that's pretty good.
9:37
Speaker 2: That's eight out of ten. But I'd just like you
9:39
Speaker 2: to do this for these reasons. You know, what you're
9:43
Speaker 2: doing is not terrible, but it's not optimal. So let's
9:46
Speaker 2: try this. And look, did I ever, you know, did
9:50
Speaker 2: anyone ever get their nose out of join? Of course
9:52
Speaker 2: they did. Did any of my trainers ever fucking hate
9:55
Speaker 2: me for three days? Of course they did? You know.
9:58
Speaker 2: But like this is one of the challenges of leadership,
10:03
Speaker 2: Like there's going to be times where people hate you
10:06
Speaker 2: and you'll say the same thing to someone else and
10:08
Speaker 2: they'll appreciate you. And all you can do is, you know,
10:15
Speaker 2: live in alignment with your values and say, well, I
10:19
Speaker 2: care about my client's welfare. That's the priority, yea. The
10:23
Speaker 2: priority is their well being, not my trainer's ego or
10:27
Speaker 2: self esteem. And so if someone gets there now and
10:30
Speaker 2: knows how to joint, which I don't want, but if
10:32
Speaker 2: that's the consequence, but I have to intervene here, you know,
10:40
Speaker 2: and then we could if I knew that that created
10:42
Speaker 2: a problem for them, then as much as I could,
10:45
Speaker 2: I would sit down with them. But you know, the
10:48
Speaker 2: truth is that you know, I had hundreds of staff,
10:53
Speaker 2: and of course there are I'm sure there are people
10:57
Speaker 2: out there that that worked with me or for me
11:01
Speaker 2: or under my banner who don't have great things to say. Statistically,
11:06
Speaker 2: that's inevitable, and there are other people who say the
11:09
Speaker 2: nicest things. Ever, and by the way, some of those
11:14
Speaker 2: negative things warranted, I'm sure one hundred percent. You know,
11:19
Speaker 2: and being able to recognize that you're going to get
11:24
Speaker 2: things wrong, you are going to do things that the
11:27
Speaker 2: end result of that, even though you didn't intend it,
11:30
Speaker 2: is that somebody got offended or somebody got hurt and
11:34
Speaker 2: you were unintentionally the cause of that. That's just one
11:39
Speaker 2: of those ever present dynamic social dynamic challenges of working
11:47
Speaker 2: with a bunch of different humans, thinking about like, right now,
11:51
Speaker 2: how many thousand people are listening to this episode and
11:56
Speaker 2: some are really resonating and some are not. Some have
11:58
Speaker 2: already tuned out, and some are leaning in, and some
12:00
Speaker 2: are like, I'll see if it gets better. But everyone's
12:04
Speaker 2: listening to the same thing.
12:07
Speaker 1: I was thinking about that same person on a different day,
12:12
Speaker 1: and like, I resonate with that so much because I
12:15
Speaker 1: think of how shit sometimes my initial response wants to be.
12:22
Speaker 1: And it was like, quite recently, I had having conversation
12:25
Speaker 1: with someone who was giving me advice and they're a
12:28
Speaker 1: beautiful person, and I was tired, exhausted and feeling burnt
12:32
Speaker 1: out in a bit, you know, and they're like, you
12:37
Speaker 1: need to have you know, you really need to have
12:39
Speaker 1: a holiday, you really need to take time time out,
12:41
Speaker 1: and I didn't because they're such a lovely person. I'm
12:45
Speaker 1: like fiding my tongue. I'm like, cause if I speak,
12:47
Speaker 1: I'm going to be a little bitch because I'm feeling
12:49
Speaker 1: tired with my responses and it's all me created, right,
12:53
Speaker 1: so I know it's unreasonable where I just want to go.
12:56
Speaker 1: I'm like, I want to winge about all the reasons
12:59
Speaker 1: why not? Which are me reasons? Someone who's going to
13:02
Speaker 1: pay all my bills and who's going to pay for
13:03
Speaker 1: the holiday? And oh, that's all well and good for
13:06
Speaker 1: everyone else in the you know, like yes, And in
13:09
Speaker 1: that moment, I know that that's and it was like
13:11
Speaker 1: any other day this would be a nice conversation, but
13:14
Speaker 1: today this sends me on a tirade.
13:19
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, well that's good self awareness. You know. I'm
13:25
Speaker 2: going through my just little list here, so I think
13:28
Speaker 2: this is relevant for you. So this is one of
13:30
Speaker 2: the it's kind of a a multi layered thing to
13:34
Speaker 2: this self awareness kind of construct that I share with groups,
13:37
Speaker 2: which I don't know if I've ever shared with you,
13:39
Speaker 2: definitely a form of it. So you know, for those
13:43
Speaker 2: of you who want to turn up the volume on
13:49
Speaker 2: your self awareness. By the way, it's like self awareness
13:53
Speaker 2: is one of the hardest things in the human experience
13:58
Speaker 2: because you know it's you are you are trying to
14:04
Speaker 2: examine yourself and your own mind and your own behaviors
14:09
Speaker 2: through the subjective window that is you, right. So it's
14:14
Speaker 2: a real challenge, and that's why sometimes having somebody else
14:18
Speaker 2: give you a little bit of input, you know, watching
14:20
Speaker 2: yourself on a video, listening to yourself on a podcast,
14:24
Speaker 2: your unreasonable friend saying hey, sometimes you you know, like,
14:29
Speaker 2: I know you don't mean this, but sometimes you're a
14:32
Speaker 2: little rude, or sometimes you're a bit intimidating, Craig, or
14:35
Speaker 2: you know, all the things that I've had, you know,
14:37
Speaker 2: or sometimes you're you're not very patient, or sometimes you're
14:42
Speaker 2: a little bit too blunt or direct or I've had
14:44
Speaker 2: all of those things, and I understand times for some
14:49
Speaker 2: people I am because like and I, this is something
14:53
Speaker 2: that I just need to be aware of because and
14:55
Speaker 2: I say this openly, I'm more interested in helping people
14:58
Speaker 2: build a better version of them over the next one two, five,
15:01
Speaker 2: ten years, physically, mentally, emotionally, blah blah blah. That I
15:05
Speaker 2: am concerned with making someone feel good for three minutes.
15:09
Speaker 2: I don't want anyone to feel bad. But my goal
15:13
Speaker 2: is not to stroke someone's ego or make them emotionally
15:17
Speaker 2: secure for the next three minutes just because I want
15:21
Speaker 2: to make them have a comfortable experience. But anyway, so
15:26
Speaker 2: that these five kind of these five steps are. One
15:30
Speaker 2: is self reflection, which is just where we're trying to
15:34
Speaker 2: get a bit of distance between us the observer and
15:40
Speaker 2: our actions, our choices, our responses, our operating system, our
15:47
Speaker 2: normal protocol. So just reflecting without kind of putting any
15:53
Speaker 2: weight or judgment. So it's really just about curiosity. And
15:59
Speaker 2: then what arises out of that is awareness. So when
16:03
Speaker 2: we recognize something when we try to look through that
16:07
Speaker 2: unbiased hard to do, but that unbiased window where we're
16:11
Speaker 2: just reflecting on what happened, we're trying not to emotionalize it,
16:16
Speaker 2: we're just being attentive. Then something comes up where you go, yeah,
16:21
Speaker 2: I am like you said before, So you just demonstrated
16:25
Speaker 2: awareness where you said this person was their intention were good,
16:28
Speaker 2: they were saying something nice, but I knew in the moment, right,
16:32
Speaker 2: that's awareness that I needed to bite my lip or else,
16:36
Speaker 2: so I was going to tell them to fuck off
16:37
Speaker 2: or whatever you were going to do. Right, So then
16:41
Speaker 2: and then that gets embedded in us as So the
16:44
Speaker 2: next one is self knowledge, which is where we just
16:47
Speaker 2: have a greater understanding of us, Like I know now
16:53
Speaker 2: that For example, I can be intimidating, so that's something
17:01
Speaker 2: that I know, so I factor that in. I know
17:04
Speaker 2: that I can talk over the top of people in
17:08
Speaker 2: terms of using language that they might not resonate with
17:12
Speaker 2: or even have heard. So I'm very aware that I
17:16
Speaker 2: need to use words and language and dialogue, especially on
17:20
Speaker 2: this show, where the conversation is meaningful and relevant and understandable.
17:27
Speaker 2: Otherwise what's the point, right, So I operationalize that knowledge,
17:32
Speaker 2: or you know, a much more practical form of self
17:35
Speaker 2: knowledge is I know that my body works well on
17:38
Speaker 2: two meals a day. So that's self knowledge that came
17:40
Speaker 2: out of, you know, experimenting in a kind of awareness.
17:45
Speaker 2: And then the next one so self reflection, self awareness,
17:48
Speaker 2: self knowledge. The next one is self regulation, which is
17:52
Speaker 2: me learning to manage me with this new knowledge. You know.
17:56
Speaker 2: So like you know, for example, you might know that
18:00
Speaker 2: your energy, your focus, your productivity, your efficiency tip is
18:05
Speaker 2: better between six am and two I don't know what
18:08
Speaker 2: it is, right, but like you know how you work best,
18:13
Speaker 2: so you operationalize that. So you know, you doing podcasts
18:17
Speaker 2: at eight pm probably not a great idea, you know,
18:21
Speaker 2: or whatever. You you having a deeper meaningful with someone
18:28
Speaker 2: when you're starving. Not a great idea because you won't
18:31
Speaker 2: focus because you get angry. Right, But you have that awareness,
18:35
Speaker 2: you have that knowledge, and so you would say, all right, well,
18:38
Speaker 2: I've got to do a workshop at three o'clock this
18:40
Speaker 2: afternoon for two hours, three to five, I'm working with
18:44
Speaker 2: these people. There's no way that you would go into
18:47
Speaker 2: that not having eaten, yep, because that would impact your performance,
18:53
Speaker 2: you know. And then and then the last one, so
18:58
Speaker 2: self reflection, self awareness, self knowledge, self regulation. The last
19:02
Speaker 2: one is self actualization, which is just you becoming that
19:08
Speaker 2: better version of you. You know, you having recognized what
19:12
Speaker 2: needs to change, made decisions, taken action, improvised, adapted, and
19:17
Speaker 2: now the actualized version of that is you're better. You're
19:22
Speaker 2: more efficient, you're more effective whatever it is. You're making
19:25
Speaker 2: more dough, you're more patient, you're a better listener. You've
19:29
Speaker 2: changed your body composition, your bank balance has grown. These
19:32
Speaker 2: are all versions of self actualization, which is becoming the
19:39
Speaker 2: thing the person you want to become, or creating the
19:41
Speaker 2: outcome that you want to create or want it to create.
19:45
Speaker 2: And now you're there. So I like that little framework.
19:49
Speaker 1: Yeah, I think it's really helpful because it's I don't know,
19:52
Speaker 1: like a self awareness is funny. It's such a path
19:57
Speaker 1: I feel. Look, I started it years ago and it's
20:00
Speaker 1: just this moving target.
20:03
Speaker 2: Yeah. Well, there's there's you, there's how you experience you,
20:06
Speaker 2: and obviously we've overdone the how others see you. But
20:10
Speaker 2: go on.
20:11
Speaker 1: Well, I was also going to say, and there's the
20:13
Speaker 1: awareness of because I always think of this, if I'm
20:18
Speaker 1: what I want to say to somebody, the feedback that
20:22
Speaker 1: I am thinking about offering, is that just my bias?
20:26
Speaker 1: What's my Why is it just me experience and experiencing
20:30
Speaker 1: them like that? Why is my Is my intentional understanding
20:35
Speaker 1: actually helpful and beneficial to them? Or do I just
20:37
Speaker 1: think it is because I'm me?
20:39
Speaker 2: M Yeah, And what's the space between what's going on
20:44
Speaker 2: for them and what's going on for you in that
20:46
Speaker 2: same moment? Yeah, you know, theory of mine understanding their
20:51
Speaker 2: version of now not necessarily agreeing or aligning. Yeah, that's that.
20:58
Speaker 2: That's that kind of that interpersonal superpower is understanding other
21:03
Speaker 2: people's thinking, understanding their reality, and then, you know, as
21:08
Speaker 2: I've said too many times, understanding how they perceive and
21:11
Speaker 2: process and experience you. I don't do this normally, but
21:14
Speaker 2: I'm going to give a shout out. So we're talking
21:18
Speaker 2: about unreasonable friends and so full of disclosure everyone where
21:24
Speaker 2: we're at right now. So we're recording this twenty five
21:27
Speaker 2: to six. It's Wednesday nights or Wednesday late afternoon, and
21:32
Speaker 2: so the old man Ronald Edward, personal Clarence Terrence, James Ambrose,
21:35
Speaker 2: Aloisious Harper, my dad at Ol. My dad went, he
21:41
Speaker 2: had to go in hospital today for a little procedure.
21:44
Speaker 2: We'll just leave it at that, the procedure anyway, So
21:48
Speaker 2: I had a gig this morning and in the city between,
21:54
Speaker 2: which meant I wasn't going to be back home in
21:59
Speaker 2: hampt until about one month thirty. And Dad had to
22:02
Speaker 2: be at the hospital in Brick, which is an hour away,
22:06
Speaker 2: and he needed to be picked up in more Well,
22:08
Speaker 2: which is two hour anyway, The not too long version
22:11
Speaker 2: is that one of my best friends for the last
22:14
Speaker 2: thirty years, in fact forty years, oh my god, yes,
22:17
Speaker 2: since we were about twenty Greg. So Greg said, you know, like,
22:22
Speaker 2: I'll pick up your dad. So Greg lives in Brick Tiff.
22:26
Speaker 2: He lives in Brick, which is where the hospital is
22:29
Speaker 2: that dad's at. So he lives in Barrick. He drove
22:33
Speaker 2: to Moore, which is an hour and a quarter give
22:36
Speaker 2: or take, picked up Ron. Now remember Ron's eighty five.
22:39
Speaker 2: He's got a few issues, he's diabetic, he's got a
22:42
Speaker 2: bit of stuff going on. Then he drove Dad from
22:46
Speaker 2: Morewell back to Bhrick and to check in at midday.
22:53
Speaker 2: Now they got there probably twenty thirty minutes early. Of
22:56
Speaker 2: course they did checked him in and last time I
22:59
Speaker 2: chat to Greg, which was about thirty minutes ago, they
23:03
Speaker 2: are still sitting there. So five thirty in the afternoon
23:09
Speaker 2: still hadn't gone in to be operated on. So my
23:13
Speaker 2: mate left home this morning at about I guess nine o'clock,
23:18
Speaker 2: went and got my dad, took my dad to the hospital,
23:21
Speaker 2: got there at eleven thirty and has been literally sitting
23:25
Speaker 2: with my dad for the best part of six hours,
23:30
Speaker 2: just to make sure my dad's okay. What a fucking
23:34
Speaker 2: what an amazing how good you know? Like to me,
23:39
Speaker 2: it almost makes me teary that somebody would do that
23:42
Speaker 2: for me. Obviously do it for my dad, but do
23:44
Speaker 2: it for me, like to me, that's I love that.
23:49
Speaker 2: I love that so much that somebody is just And
23:52
Speaker 2: I've rung him a few times and gone, mate, I'm
23:54
Speaker 2: so sorry, because I mean, obviously it's not my fault,
23:58
Speaker 2: but I'm so so sorry. Sorry. It's like, ah, it's okay,
24:01
Speaker 2: it's okay, that's all right, we're having a good time.
24:04
Speaker 2: I'm sure they're not having a good time. They're sitting.
24:06
Speaker 2: He's waiting for surgery. But I just didn't want to
24:09
Speaker 2: be dad to be left alone for six hours, you know,
24:13
Speaker 2: because it's a bit you're eighty five, is a diabetic
24:16
Speaker 2: and also he hasn't drunk anything like no liquid or
24:19
Speaker 2: no food sense yesterday, so twenty four hours and I'm like,
24:24
Speaker 2: I'm a bit worried. And you know, how good is
24:27
Speaker 2: it to have human beings that come into your life
24:31
Speaker 2: that truly there's that unconditional love, you know.
24:36
Speaker 1: It reminds me of There was one of my former
24:40
Speaker 1: guests on LinkedIn. He recently posted this really does these
24:44
Speaker 1: daily doses. He he's researched kindness, so he talks about
24:50
Speaker 1: kindness and I love it. And I'll get this a
24:53
Speaker 1: bit wrong, but there was this snippet I love. I
24:55
Speaker 1: shared it on my LinkedIn the other day because I
24:57
Speaker 1: stopped and watched it and loved it, where he talks
25:00
Speaker 1: out when we don't have enough time. We always complained
25:03
Speaker 1: about we don't have enough time, and we don't have
25:05
Speaker 1: enough time to give yes and they. He points out
25:09
Speaker 1: a research paper, just a small research study, but one
25:13
Speaker 1: that shows the people's subjective relationship with time. These busy people,
25:20
Speaker 1: the ones that actually created time to give to others,
25:23
Speaker 1: to focus on others, transformed both. Yeah, this subjective relationship
25:29
Speaker 1: with time. And I guess how you what you get
25:34
Speaker 1: out of that? It was God, I'll have to share it.
25:37
Speaker 1: I'll share it in the top group because I've just this,
25:40
Speaker 1: but really, because I fall in that category at times,
25:45
Speaker 1: I always complain I'd like to do more meaningful stuff.
25:48
Speaker 1: But I knew live to him, I.
25:50
Speaker 2: Remember a long time ago, would have been maybe two
25:54
Speaker 2: thousand and nine, so fifteen years ago I was talking
26:01
Speaker 2: back then I was doing more in the Look how
26:03
Speaker 2: red I look on this? My room's gone dark. I
26:05
Speaker 2: look like I've got third degree sunburn. Sorry everyone, you can't,
26:10
Speaker 2: but I look like I look like a tomato with
26:12
Speaker 2: a silver kind of frosting on the top. Anyway, I
26:21
Speaker 2: don't know what it is now, but but I do, though,
26:25
Speaker 2: don't I I.
26:27
Speaker 1: Do a little very much so I can't even remember
26:30
Speaker 1: what you'd started to talk about it.
26:32
Speaker 2: Now you can't unsee the tomato with a silver frosting, right,
26:36
Speaker 2: I wonder what that would taste like? Terrible, I'm imagining. Anyway,
26:40
Speaker 2: Here's what I was going to say. So we're talking about,
26:42
Speaker 2: you know, time. The number one excuse that I got
26:45
Speaker 2: given by you know, nearly everyone for years and years
26:50
Speaker 2: and years like as to why they didn't exercise was
26:52
Speaker 2: they didn't have time. I'm like, if I could say, okay,
26:55
Speaker 2: so why not because it's never because I'm lazy? Right,
27:00
Speaker 2: No one ever went I'm lazy. Everyone went, oh, it's time.
27:05
Speaker 2: Because if it's time, then it's not me. Right, It's
27:09
Speaker 2: because it's like I can't control time, so therefore it's
27:12
Speaker 2: out of my hands. It's a time issue, equals it's
27:16
Speaker 2: not a me issue. But if it's laziness, then it's me.
27:19
Speaker 2: I'm the problem. So what I want to do is
27:21
Speaker 2: I want to deflect and I'll go, fuck, it's time.
27:24
Speaker 2: But at that time I did some research and it
27:30
Speaker 2: was a bit varied, but on average, the Australian the
27:36
Speaker 2: average Australian punter watched twenty eight hours of television per week. Right,
27:42
Speaker 2: So four hours a day. Now, you think if you
27:45
Speaker 2: turn on the telly at five thirty or six when
27:47
Speaker 2: you get home, and you turn it off at nine
27:50
Speaker 2: thirty or ten, and you watch a bit on Sunday,
27:53
Speaker 2: or you watch a bit in the morning you turn
27:55
Speaker 2: it on, or you're watching your Brecky in the morning show, like,
27:58
Speaker 2: four hours a day is not a lot. I mean,
28:02
Speaker 2: it seems like a lot, but it's actually easy to
28:04
Speaker 2: like not these days for me, but back in the day,
28:07
Speaker 2: I would turn on the telly at five and flick
28:09
Speaker 2: it off at eleven. Well that's six hours. That's forty
28:13
Speaker 2: two hours a week. So it's a job. You're working
28:16
Speaker 2: with the fucking job, right, So what's my point? My
28:21
Speaker 2: point is in a country where the number one reason
28:24
Speaker 2: that people gave for not having enough time to exercise,
28:27
Speaker 2: and you think, even if people did seven days a week,
28:30
Speaker 2: thirty minutes, that's only three and a half hours, seven
28:33
Speaker 2: days a week, thirty minutes, three and a half hours.
28:38
Speaker 2: Those people who couldn't find the time were on average
28:41
Speaker 2: watching twenty eight hours of television per week. And again,
28:45
Speaker 2: I'm not trying to be critical, I'm not trying to
28:46
Speaker 2: throw on anyone. I'm just going you know what this is,
28:49
Speaker 2: we bullshit ourselves about the truth because it's like, well,
28:53
Speaker 2: if it's a me issue, then I've got to be responsible.
28:55
Speaker 2: I've got to be accountable. I've got to make a decision.
28:58
Speaker 2: I've got to change. And it's so easy to deflect
29:02
Speaker 2: and avoid and deny and point fingers because it's just
29:06
Speaker 2: then I can stay in this holding pattern.
29:09
Speaker 1: I get it though, because back in the day, I
29:11
Speaker 1: wouldn't even go out for dinner with my family if
29:13
Speaker 1: it was at the time that Home and Away was on,
29:16
Speaker 1: So you.
29:17
Speaker 2: Know, I wouldn't own up to that. I would know
29:20
Speaker 2: up to that.
29:20
Speaker 1: That's a true story.
29:23
Speaker 2: Who's your best friend over the years? Like maybe that
29:26
Speaker 2: not that I feel like you're not that kind of person.
29:30
Speaker 1: I reckon Courtney, Courtney Divine. She lives in Perth now
29:34
Speaker 1: and she's a really special friend. I've got another really
29:37
Speaker 1: good friend, Alison. They kind of fall into different categories
29:41
Speaker 1: for me, but Courtney is definitely right up there because
29:46
Speaker 1: we've had some we've been through a lot together and
29:49
Speaker 1: at some times it were pretty big. So, yeah, how
29:53
Speaker 1: many best friends do you have?
29:55
Speaker 2: Yeah, Well, probably my best friend. You know is all
29:59
Speaker 2: you know? Greg and Vin Vin who you met And
30:03
Speaker 2: Vin's just Vin's my longest best friend, like just the
30:07
Speaker 2: best guy in the world. And listen to us, we
30:09
Speaker 2: sound like fucking teenagers at lunch. He's my best friend ever,
30:14
Speaker 2: like Besty lifelong bestie. Anyway, I'm not sure that anyone
30:19
Speaker 2: got anything out of this, but Gillespo, we blame you
30:22
Speaker 2: for this substandard podcast. David Billespie, you're the cause. Thanks everyone.
30:32
Speaker 2: Sorry for the disappointment, but you know we'll be back tomorrow.
30:36
Speaker 2: We'll try to make it better than a three out
30:38
Speaker 2: of ten. See see it, Tim, see it helps fucking
30:42
Speaker 2: nvid