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Transcript

The Anxiety Lie—Everything You've Been Taught Is Wrong and Here's the Proof · Harder Than Life

• 0:00
  For the first time in my life,
• 0:02
  I sat in a loud anxiety and it lasted for 15 straight days. Now I could have very easily gone to the doctor, got prescribed Xanax, but you know what I did? I asked for help. Drinking or drugs or ignoring it or pushing it down only kicks the can down the street and it manifests it in really ugly ways. You cannot think your way out of a feeling problem, especially if you never let yourself feel.
• 0:30
  feel the pain will subside when the lesson is learned so the only way out of this right through it that's the bad news the good news the other side of it is the best life you've been looking for
• 0:46
  Those of you that are watching and you tune in every single week, please smash that subscribe button. We are focused on growing that for you to get bigger and better guests. I appreciate it. It means the world to me and our team breathing into you. If you're watching this on YouTube, Apple Podcasts, or Spotify, subscribe on that platform.
• 1:10
  What if everything you've been doing to kill your anxiety has been keeping you sick and stuck in place? The world has told you anxiety is a disorder, a malfunction, something to be managed, medicated, and minimized. What if that's exactly backwards?
• 1:35
  What if your anxiety is the smartest thing about you and you spent years trying to silence the only voice telling you the truth?
• 1:45
  Welcome to the Heart of Life podcast. This is another Thursday episode. I'm your host, Kelly Siegel, and we're gonna break down what I'm going through and have been going through. And I must tell you right off the bat, I don't claim to be a doctor. I am not a doctor. If you suffer from massive anxiety and you've been to a doctor and they say the only way to subside is with medication, ignore what I'm gonna say. But for the rest of us,
• 2:15
  who have anxiety. Now, I,
• 2:20
  literally for 20-some years. Couldn't feel anything, not the good, not the bad, because anytime I'd feel anything, I would literally just pour a glass of scotch. And it was on autopilot, where I felt any feeling good and bad, it was immediately pouring a scotch. And that just became a habitual routine. So there was years of numbing and dumbing, the alcohol, the drugs, the performing,
• 2:49
  without feeling and yeah, that wasn't the way. So I was. Poster boy for.
• 3:01
  what it looked like to be functional and completely disconnected. And what I'm going through now, I would tell you guys that I understand why I drank. And you guys, you've heard this, you knew people, you haven't heard this, but the loyal listeners, there's a lot of you now, we're growing fast, but there's a lot of you.
• 3:22
  you know that it wasn't like I was an alcoholic. I just drank. I just had a cocktail every day and it was too much. I was great at that, I'm great at this, and I choose this every time. So the protection that numbing provided and what it actually cost is,
• 3:42
  Mind-blowing to me. So if you are, every time you feel any sort of anxiety, having, taking a pill or having a drink or maybe smoking weed, man, I went to a literal, let's call it a concert slash old school reunion party and every single person in there was smoking weed. And I was thinking, hmm.
• 4:12
  I wonder if they even enjoyed themselves or even remember if they enjoyed themselves. So how we attack this, how I personally attacked that numbing feeling was just one day I woke up and said, I don't want to feel this way anymore. And I eliminated the number one thing, which was alcohol. And then all of the emotions flooded in.
• 4:38
  And I've done, it's been well documented, if you guys haven't listened to other previous episodes or read my Heart of the Life book, it's been well documented that I have done hypnotherapy, talk therapy, EMDR therapy, plant medicine, and now I'm in the thralls of the IFS, Integrated Family Systems Therapy, which works on the parts of you that still need to be seen, heard, and loved.
• 5:07
  And really what they call it is witnessed. And this whole podcast is going to be about how you can turn anxiety into the portal of your superpower. Which, if we just give in to the anxiety, we'll never know what that is. So the first time the anxiety hit me full force was very recently. I just did a podcast about it. Go back...
• 5:37
  a few episodes and I literally deep dive in it. I was in 15 straight days, I had a full blown panic attack. I was at breakfast with my daughter. After coming home from a great vacation, I rested, recharged, and I have this crazy knack of going from zero to 100 in 1.2 seconds. So I,
• 6:05
  Made sure that I rested, recharged when I was on vacation, eight days in Costa Rica, and I just absolutely didn't work my phone, I didn't do any work, I just disconnected. And I came back rested and recharged and ready to go, and I slammed on the gas. And I worked six straight 15 hour days in several time zones.
• 6:32
  And it was like, woohoo, I'm healed, let's go. I got to the airport 6 a.m., took a three-hour flight, still was going over my week and what needed to be done the next week. Landed, picked up my daughter, went to breakfast, and literally felt my chest tighten. And I'm a firm believer that that was God saying, hey, Siegel,
• 6:54
  slow down. So just pay attention to signs. And I had a newsflash for you. Anxiety is a sign. It is a positive sign. It's, hey, hey, you big dummy. This is me speaking to myself. Hey, you big dummy. There's some unresolved trauma here and I want your attention. And it got my attention. And for the first time in my life,
• 7:17
  I sat and allowed anxiety and it lasted for 15 straight days. I don't recommend it.
• 7:26
  but 15 days instead of masking it, taking a pill and having it be a regular occurrence every day, I think it's a small price to pay. Are you the type of person that rips the bandaid off or peels it off real, real slow? I don't know, I want it done faster. I was in college and I'd always take the three hour, one day a week classes versus the one hour, three days a week. I like things done in bulk, so.
• 7:56
  I believe that's the shortest path to my goal. So I want you to understand that in my instance, anxiety was not the problem. Anxiety was the signal, the bat signal, so to speak. It just said, hey, Siegel, this is something you haven't dealt with and I want you to deal with it. Now, I could have very easily said, oh, no, gone to the doctor, got prescribed Xanax and said, uh-uh.
• 8:27
  But you know what I did? I asked for help. I asked for all of you guys. I posted every day and said, I'm in the middle of the mud. And guess what happened? Each and every one of you, all of my friends, all of my family came out of the woodwork and said, wow, I'm proud of you. Because on the outside, it really looked like I was winning. And I am.
• 8:52
  but I wanna win more so I can make a bigger impact on all you. I looked at it as a message, it wasn't a malfunction. And for some of you guys, every time it shows up, it's pointing to something that's unresolved.
• 9:06
  Let's resolve it. That's how things get fixed. Taking a drinking or drugs or ignoring it or worse yet what I did, pushing it down only kicks the can down the street and it manifests it in really ugly ways. Guys, this is more than likely the reason why you lash out, maybe why you're not sleeping well, maybe why some of your relationships don't work. Let that sink in. The anxiety...
• 9:30
  could be the portal to all your happiness. So the feeling is not an enemy. The avoidance is what needs to be avoided. So again, what is the anxiety actually trying to say? The unresolved trauma underneath the noise. And this is usually when people say, Kelly, I grew up a good childhood and there wasn't any anxiety, there wasn't any trauma.
• 9:55
  If you're having anxiety, there was trauma. It may be little trauma. It may be something that happened when you were in utero. It may have been something that before you even can remember. But there's trauma if you have the anxiety. And it's something to explore. What I'm about to say to you is going to suck. The pain will subside when the lesson is learned. The pain will subside when the lesson is learned. So that means you got to sit with it.
• 10:24
  That's it. You cannot think your way out of a feeling problem, especially if you never let yourself feel. And that, my friends, is what taking our trusty old Xanax or drinking drugs or even these magic mushrooms or cannabis and it's not the way.
• 10:47
  It does not heal. It only delays and worse yet compounds. Because God, and yes it is God sending you this lesson, doesn't give up on you. You're here for a reason. So he's going to keep trying, keep pushing, keep sending you those lessons, keep sending you those downfalls and those pitfalls. And you're going to say it's bad luck. But deep down when you look in the mirror, you know.
• 11:15
  You're running from something. The only way we have to fear is fear itself. Face your fears, live your dreams. This one, my friends, I can guarantee you is one of the biggest asks I'm ever going to ask of you.
• 11:27
  If you're feeling anxiety, anxious, I want you to sit in it. Sit in your shit. Feeling is healing. And I guarantee you this is the fastest way through it. And it's the fastest way to heal it. The intensity will decrease. The frequency will decrease. But only if you sit with it. Now, bonus points if you go to...
• 11:54
  one of the aforementioned therapy, and I highly recommend it. But you got to go in the order that makes sense for you. So if you're in talk therapy, ask what it would mean to go to hypnotherapy or EMDR therapy, what it would mean to do a plant medicine ceremony with a shaman, with someone who is actually officiated, is there to help you, who's licensed. And then for those of the really wicked, this IFS, it's the hardest thing I've ever done, but I assure you,
• 12:23
  going to break the ceiling off of this. We're going to take the Harder Than Life podcast to number one. And I did this intentionally. I often think I'm crazy, which most of you know I am. I prefer uncommon. I love that. I love doing the uncommon hard things. That's why we call it harder than life and not easier than life. So again, if you sit with it,
• 12:44
  promise you it will subside and if nothing else reach out to your best friend and say sit with me while I'm doing this and they will that was the best part about this each and every one of my closest ecosystem inner circle people reached out you'll get some bad advice my best friend I love him to death he just wanted me to stop feeling pain and he said maybe you should go get an antidepressant
• 13:10
  And I loved him for it and I thanked him for that. And I said, I'm just gonna sit in this because I am prepared to die before this beats me. Now I knew that was hyperbole and I knew that you're not gonna die from anxiety, you just won't. I assure you this, that much I do know. And what do you know? It's subsided.
• 13:36
  Now, for another podcast, I will tell you what took its place was sadness. But that too didn't last. So what I learned in therapy is that these are all emotions that I suppressed when I was a little child being alone. And what do you know? One by one, they're coming up. And the next one is joy and happiness. I realized through this that I haven't been happy or joyful before.
• 14:06
  And that's why I drank and did drugs, because it allowed me to be what I thought was happy. But it wasn't true happiness. What I'm allowing into my life now is true happiness and joy. But I had to go through, get rid of all the protectors.
• 14:24
  I had to stop the numbing and numbing. And then I had to acknowledge the deep trauma emotions one by one and witness them to get to the one emotion that I truly want to feel, which is joy and happiness. And it's coming, my friends. And once it comes full force, I will do a podcast about that as well.
• 14:47
  So reminder, unresolved trauma does not disappear. It waits. Again, I want you to understand I'm not a doctor. I'm not anti-medicine, but this needs to be said. Keep in mind, a doctor that prescribes you drugs, it is a pharmaceutical industry is a billion, multi-billion dollar industry. It does not mean it's all right. The same with the cannabis. Just because everybody's doing it,
• 15:15
  Most people aren't happy. You're not most people. You listen to the Heart of Life podcast, you're not most people. Most won't, you will. Sit with it, my friends. No alcohol, no drugs, no prescriptions. Stop the numbing and dumbing. It will not fix your anxiety. They just mask. They mask the good stuff, my friends, as well as the bad stuff.
• 15:38
  And remember all the masking, it does not resolve the underneath trauma. So you have got to witness and feel. Feel it, then witness it, and then it'll dissipate. I assure you this, look it up. So the only way out of this, straight through it. That's the bad news, the good news. The other side of it is the best life you've been looking for. It's what we've all tried to create.
• 16:09
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• 16:38
  So here's your four action items because I always give you a plan. I give you the problem, the opportunity, the puzzle, whatever we want to call it. And then I give you the antidote. Four steps, my friends. Stop trying to kill the feeling. Get curious about it. Ask, what is this trying to show me?
• 17:02
  Or what are you covering up and what do you need right now? That just gave me the chills. What do you need right now? Number two, find a therapy modality that helps you break through the protectors. Again, I'll list them off everything I've done. Talk therapy.
• 17:20
  which by the way, better help takes insurance. Most insurance does cover mental health now. What we're really talking about is emotional health here, by the way. We need to be able to control our emotions. And we do that through...
• 17:36
  working on our mind and resolving our childhood trauma. So find a modality, whether it be IFS, the brain spotting, talk therapy, hypnotherapy, EMDR therapy, coaching. You guys by now have heard all about my TLC training, learning, coaching. I think I did an episode on that. If not, I will do another one. You're going to hear about it. Train your mind and body.
• 18:03
  Learn through reading and podcasts, coaching and counseling. Hire a coach to hold you accountable, a counselor to point out the blind spots, TLC. Action item number three, sit with the anxiety for five minutes before you reach for anything to numb it. And I assure you, in the time it takes for Xanax to kick in, the weed to kick in, if you sit with it. I had fun with it, pro tip.
• 18:29
  And I would name it, oh, hi, anxiety. Hi, stress. There you are again. What would you like to say today? And I made fun and it laughed. And immediately that laughing diffused the situation. So sit with it for five minutes before you do anything to numb it. Throw it a name. I used to call it my old...
• 18:53
  my mother's married name because I, I hated it and that anything that I hate, I literally will not tolerate. I have learned since learned that it probably shouldn't have made it negative because I wanted to welcome it in and witness it. So name it, name it something good.
• 19:10
  and locate it in your body where it feels. I don't know what it is, but almost everything for me is in my heart. I just must be heart-centered. So you'll see me walking around and rubbing my heart and patting my chest because I'm trying to give that big seagull soaring energy. So sit with it for five minutes, name it, locate it in your body, and let it speak. Grab a journal.
• 19:39
  Say whatever it wants to say. That's number four, by the way. Journal what comes up. Anxiety will leave the clues. Start collecting them and then take them to your therapist and review it with them. So four things. Stop trying to kill the feeling. Get curious about it. Number two is find a therapy modality.
• 20:01
  Number three, sit with it for five minutes. And number four is journal about it. I want to ask you something and I want you to be honest with yourself. What are you medicating right now that you haven't let yourself feel? Where do you just instantly grab a cocktail,
• 20:17
  like I did, grab a Xanax, smoke some weed, scroll, maybe have sex. What are the other bad things? Netflix, eat. Where do you instinctively do that instead of just sitting there and letting you feel? Remember, stillness, silence, and solitude. Stillness, silence, and solitude is the answer to everything, guys. It is hard, but man, does it work. What is your anxiety trying to tell you that keeps...
• 20:46
  that you keep turning the volume down on? What have you not let yourself feel? What do you keep turning the volume down on? And what would happen if instead of running from it, you just let it be there? Or in fact ran towards it and said, I'm very curious about this. My friends, as we come to a close, feeling is healing.
• 21:10
  I know it sounds soft and woo-woo-y, but it's not. Take it from me. It's the hardest thing I have ever done. And I promise you, the thing you're most afraid to feel is not going to kill you. It's the running from it that will kill you. Stop trying to fix the signal. Hear it. This is Harder Than Life. I'll see you next Thursday. Thanks for listening.
• 21:33
  Please rate and share this podcast. I'm active on all social platforms and love to hear from my Segal supporters. Each and every episode is sponsored by my company, National Technology Management, the easiest and best IT company to do business with, delivering peace of mind with technology every day, even simplifying cybersecurity. Visit TrustNTM.com for more info. Until next week, be harder than life.