Latest / The Difficult Boss Podcast with Fexingo: Managing Up, Toxic Managers, and Workplace Survival / Managing a Boss Who Never Admits Mistakes
Transcript
- Lucas: So we've covered a lot of boss archetypes on this show — the credit stealer, the ghost, the goalpost mover. But there's one that might be the most exhausting of them all: the boss who is never, ever wrong. Luna: Oh, that's a special kind of draining. And it's not just about ego — it can genuinely stall projects and kill team morale. Lucas: Exactly. And unlike a boss who withholds praise or avoids conflict, this one actively refuses to own a mistake, even when the evidence is right there. So today we're digging into the psychology behind it and, more importantly, how you operate when your boss can't say 'my bad.' Luna: What's the first thing you should do when you spot a decision going south and your boss is doubling down? Lucas: The first instinct is usually to point out the error — but that's the trap. If you directly say 'you were wrong about X,' you trigger what psychologists call cognitive dissonance. Their brain goes into defensive mode, and the fight or flight response overrides logic. So you need a different angle. Luna: So it's not about winning the argument, it's about getting the outcome fixed. Lucas: Right. You frame it as a shared problem. Instead of 'your forecast was off,' you say something like 'I'm looking at the latest numbers, and I'm worried we might miss the target. Can we walk through it together?' That way you're not blaming, you're problem-solving. Luna: That makes sense. And what if your boss still won't budge? You've presented the data, you've been diplomatic, and they're still insisting the original plan is fine. Lucas: Then you start documenting. Not in a passive-aggressive way, but professionally. You send a follow-up email after a meeting, summarizing what was decided and what you flagged. Something like 'Just to confirm, we discussed the potential risk of X, and you've decided to proceed with Y.' That creates a paper trail that protects you if things go sideways. Luna: And it also subtly forces them to acknowledge the risk, even if they don't admit they're wrong. Lucas: Exactly. And here's a key tip: don't make it public. If you correct your boss in front of the team, you'll get instant and permanent resistance. Do it one-on-one, and give them an out. Say 'I might be missing something — help me understand why we're going this route.' That allows them to save face while you inject a little caution. Luna: I've seen that work. It's like you're giving them a ladder to climb down without admitting they were up a tree. Lucas: That's a great image. And sometimes they take the ladder, sometimes they don't. If they don't, you've at least made your case and you're covered. Luna: But what about the emotional drain? Working for someone who never admits fault takes a toll. You start second-guessing yourself. Lucas: It does. And that's why you need to separate your self-worth from their approval. Keep a private log of your wins and the times you were right, just for yourself. It's a reality check that counteracts the gaslighting vibe you can get. Luna: Yeah, that's crucial. And while you're protecting your sanity, is there any way to actually help your boss get better at admitting mistakes? Lucas: Sometimes, if you have a decent relationship, you can coach them indirectly. After a project succeeds where you incorporated their feedback, you can say 'I really appreciate how you pushed us to consider that alternative — it made a difference.' You're reinforcing the behavior you want to see, even if it's not the one they're showing. Luna: So you're rewarding the good moments, not the bad ones. Lucas: Right. And honestly, you’re not trying to change their personality. You’re trying to survive and succeed within it. Luna: And what if the mistake is already in motion? Like, the bad decision is already causing visible problems? Lucas: Then you switch to damage control. You ask 'What can we do to mitigate the impact?' rather than 'I told you so.' You become the solution. That builds you credibility even as the project falters. Luna: Yeah, being the fixer is a much better position than being the one who pointed out the broken thing. Lucas: Precisely. And if the mistake is big enough, and the boss won't acknowledge it, you might need to escalate — but carefully. You go to your boss's boss only after you've exhausted your options and you have documented evidence. And you frame it as a business risk, not a personal complaint. Luna: That's a big step. But sometimes the entire organization suffers if you stay silent. Lucas: Exactly. And you have to weigh your own risk. If the culture is one where speaking up is punished, that tells you something about your long-term future there. Luna: Let's talk about the long-term. Can you actually thrive under a boss who never admits mistakes? Lucas: You can survive, and you can even grow, but it's a specific kind of growth. You become an expert at influence, at reading people, at documenting. Those are transferable skills. But if it's constant and severe, it might be a signal that the environment will eventually cap your potential. Luna: How do you know when it's time to leave? Lucas: When the cost to your confidence and your health outweighs the benefits of the job. And when you notice you're starting to make decisions based on what your boss will approve, not what's actually best. That's a dangerous line to cross. Luna: That's a good line. And it connects to something we've been talking about on the show — career decisions are often about alignment. Lucas: Right. And those decisions are easier when you have a clear framework to think about them. That's part of why we do this show, honestly. Luna: Absolutely. And if you're a listener who's found these conversations useful — whether you're navigating a tough boss or thinking through your next career move — it's actually a big deal for us that you're here. A lot of people keep this podcast going by supporting it at buy me a coffee dot com slash fexingo. Lucas: Yeah, that support is what keeps us independent and ad-free, so we can keep having these honest conversations. No pressure, but if you've ever thought about it, that's where you can do it. Luna: And it genuinely helps us keep going. But we're not done yet — we still have one more angle on the never-wrong boss. Lucas: Right, and that's the question of whether you can ever get a straight apology out of them. Luna: I'm guessing the answer is 'rarely'. Lucas: Rarely, and you shouldn't wait for one. You can create the conditions where they can apologize gracefully, but if they don't, you move on. Holding out for an apology is giving them power over your emotional state. Luna: So you have to make peace with the fact that you might never hear 'I'm sorry' from them. Lucas: Exactly. And that frees you up to focus on what actually matters: your work, your relationships, your own growth. Because in the end, you can't change your boss — you can only change how you respond. Luna: That's a solid place to land. Next time you're in a meeting and your boss is doubling down on a bad call, remember: you've got options. Lucas: You do. And you've got a framework now. Good luck out there.