Latest / The Family Teams Podcast / Ep. 44 | The Sex Talk

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Ep. 44 | The Sex Talk · The Family Teams Podcast

• 0:06
  Hey guys, welcome to the 5-Minute Fatherhood Podcast. I'm your co-host, Jeff Bethke, along with my friend and mentor, Jeremy Pryor. Join us Monday through Friday as we chat about quick tips, skills, and ways to help equip you on your journey as a father to build your multi-generational family team on mission. Stay tuned.
• 0:27
  Hey guys, I'm Jeremy. I'm Jeff. And we want to talk to you guys a little bit about how to talk to young children about sex. And I guess it's probably appropriate to start by saying, should you talk to young children about sex? That's a difficult question to answer. And a lot of times in our culture, we're having a hard time figuring out when to bring this up. So I just wanted to kind of process that with you guys, talk to Jeff about it, see how he reacts to some of these ideas.
• 0:53
  But for sure, one of the things I think that's helpful, and I was told this by a dad when my kids were young, is that it's a very awkward topic at any point, but it gets more awkward the older your kids get. And so one of the ways to sort of diffuse the awkwardness of the talk when they turn to some age where they know as much or more about it than you do all of a sudden, you're like, whoa.
• 1:15
  what happened? Yeah, exactly. Is to bring it up really early and talk about it in a very natural way when the kid, their first reaction is, that's really weird. That's the reaction you really want to get. Not that, oh, I know all this already. I've heard all this before. Or that's horribly gross. I can't imagine you're talking to me. But just it's strange. It should be really strange. You talk to a five or six-year-old about sex and just talk about it in natural ways. And they're just like, oh, OK, that's interesting. And they kind of move on.
• 1:43
  Any thoughts about... Yeah. Yeah. So what I would say is our kids are two and four, so we're not really to that full detailed talk yet or even a huge overarching one about sex. But what I will say should be a precursor to sex for any parent of toddlers is more about a talk on sexuality or body or private parts, et cetera, of that nature. Like we're huge on that. So like are we... And like one thing too is I think one parents do a lot of disservice when we talk to our kids...
• 2:12
  about body parts and sexual language and all these things, um, uh, in a like kiddie nickname-y way. I, so like we use the words penis and vagina in our household and our kids run around yelling them in the street, which is really awkward sometimes. But, um, but for us, it's like, we say like, that's what that is. And this is what it does. And I think just being a little bit matter of fact and black and white with your kids, especially when they're young, um, is actually deeply helpful because it kind of creates a weird disconnect, like, like, um,
• 2:40
  I actually think can almost creep up in a shameful way later in life when it's like, they almost feel like they can't use the real words or whatever. Um, and then on top of that, like their body, like they're kind of like, uh, that their body is their own and that their body is the Lord's obviously. Um, but, and so talking about proper touches, like that's what we're really big on. What is a proper, and we're working on that with Kinsley right now with her friends, not in a, uh, inappropriate way, but just like, she's such a lover of like, she's just, what's the like kinetic learner where she just wants to like punch you and bite you and hit you and touch you and smell you and all those things. Um,
• 3:10
  So like with her friends, she loves them. So she just, when she sees them, she just absolutely bear hugs them and then they start getting red. Um, and it's like that you can tell that kid doesn't like that. So there's, so for us, we're, I think Todd, the toddler stage level is like what's proper touches. Um, obviously in a, um, you know, parental guiding way of like.
• 3:27
  body parts and private parts, but then even above that with just like proper touches of just affection or friendship or hello or hugs or high fives or all those things. So I would say that's the precursor with toddlers. And I think what you said, once they get a little bit above that is kind of the tandem. Yeah.
• 3:43
  Yeah. And one reason why I think this is increasingly critical to talk about early is, you know, we're finding out, of course, that something like one in four girls are sexually abused by the time they either get in or out of college. And so much of that happens in times when they're, you know, fairly young and in the home. And because this stuff is not talked about and, you know, if they're being preyed on by, you know, another child, an older child often or another adult,
• 4:08
  You know, if they don't feel like, you know, you're someone safe to process that with. And if this person is telling them, just don't tell anyone that this happened. That's how a lot of this abuse kind of happens and goes on and on. So to have an early conversation, oftentimes about like swimsuit areas.
• 4:25
  Yeah.
• 4:55
  constantly around their kids. But when there's an older child or an adult who really is being strategic about how to approach your child, you just don't see it until it's too late. And especially if it goes on for some time, that's a really dangerous thing. So you'd want to set up a situation where you're talking to your kids in such a way that they're going to come talk to you if anything like that might be happening.
• 5:16
  Yeah, real quick before we wrap up, I'll add one resource, a favorite book of ours. It's called God Made All of Me by Justin and Lindsay Holcomb. They're actually – Justin was a friend at an old church I used to go to, and him and his wife are both doctors of something. I think it's like counseling or psychiatry or psychology or something up there in the high levels. And so they're Christians. They love the Lord. But brilliant book.
• 5:37
  on walking your kids through your body, the theology of a body, what it means, then it goes a little farther in the end of the book of proper touches, unhealthy touches, etc. Phenomenal book. Our kids actually love the book and talk about it. And that's, I think, really laid a good foundation for us.
• 5:52
  Hey guys, can I just ask you a quick favor? If you could just pause real quick. Well, actually after I'm done with this, so it makes sense. And about for about 30 seconds and just rate and review this podcast. We can 10 X the number of dads we help through this content. If our podcast can be found by more dads. And one of the weird main things about this podcast game is that how they get ranked and how they get in front of other people essentially is because of how it gets rated and reviewed. So if you can just give a quick, honest rating and review, we would greatly, greatly appreciate it. Thanks guys.