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Beside Every Calling | Episode 19: When You Don’t Love the Assignment · Beside Every Calling

0:01
SPEAKER_01: Welcome to Beside Every Calling, where a life you love is born beside the call and not lost within it.
0:06
SPEAKER_01: If your date night has occasionally included a hospital stop, or your kids played Let's Baptize in the pool instead of Marco Polo, you understand this rhythm.
0:15
SPEAKER_01: Across every season, from little ones to leadership transitions to emptiness, we live beside the call while creating lives we love along the way.
0:24
SPEAKER_01: So please get comfortable and let's dive into today's episode.
0:30
SPEAKER_01: Hello, friends, and thank you for joining us again on another episode of Beside Every Calling, where a life you love is formed beside the call and not lost within it.
0:40
SPEAKER_01: I'm Debbie Daniels.
0:41
SPEAKER_01: And I'm Jill Barber.
0:43
SPEAKER_01: And today we want to talk about when you don't love the assignment you're in.
0:48
SPEAKER_01: Um maybe it's the church or wherever ministry role your husband or spouse, I should say, because we have male and female spouses, um, is in.
0:56
SPEAKER_01: So, Jill, what do you think?
0:58
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, let me just read this to us real quick.
1:00
SPEAKER_00: Sometimes you love God, love your spouse, believe in the calling, and you just don't love the assignment.
1:07
SPEAKER_00: Maybe you didn't want to move, maybe you miss your family, maybe the culture isn't a natural fit.
1:13
SPEAKER_00: Maybe your spouse loves the new role, but you don't.
1:16
SPEAKER_00: Maybe you expected to feel at home by now and you still don't.
1:20
SPEAKER_00: And I it's such a tough place to be.
1:23
SPEAKER_01: It is a tough place.
1:25
SPEAKER_01: And Jill, we'll start.
1:26
SPEAKER_01: I'll start with you.
1:27
SPEAKER_01: Have you ever had a space where, man, it was a space you didn't want to have ministry in?
1:32
SPEAKER_01: It was, it didn't feel like the right fit.
1:36
SPEAKER_00: Well, that's a hard yes.
1:38
SPEAKER_00: And um, if anybody's listening, that is finding themselves there.
1:44
SPEAKER_00: Uh, I absolutely have.
1:46
SPEAKER_00: Um, our story is, you know, we've pastored uh a handful of churches, and at one of these places, um, I knew everything within me that the Lord was calling us to this church.
1:59
SPEAKER_00: And uh I knew it, I was excited about it.
2:02
SPEAKER_00: Uh, of course, they always, you know, bring you in for the interview, all that kind of stuff.
2:07
SPEAKER_00: We moved there and everything's going okay.
2:10
SPEAKER_00: But what happened, uh let me just say this gently.
2:16
SPEAKER_00: You get to know personalities, or you now know your feet are on the ground, you're unpacking your stuff, you're learning where the milk is in the grocery store, you're starting to make your home.
2:27
SPEAKER_00: And at the same time, you're learning people's personalities that you didn't really pick up on anywhere else in your previous visits.
2:37
SPEAKER_00: And um, that happened to me.
2:40
SPEAKER_00: I let me just say this quickly: the first for the first two years, I was ready to pack up any day, anytime, and come back home, wherever that was.
2:50
SPEAKER_00: You know, I just I'm I'm done here.
2:53
SPEAKER_00: I can't do it here.
2:55
SPEAKER_00: Um some of these personalities were just not warm.
3:01
SPEAKER_00: I uh I don't even know how to say it without being so crude, you know.
3:05
SPEAKER_00: Um pain, oh my goodness, painful, uh, all this kind of stuff.
3:10
SPEAKER_00: My sweet husband, who's absolutely wonderful, could not see that part, what I was experiencing.
3:18
SPEAKER_00: We talked about it a thousand and one times almost a day, um, of just how that was how what was going on, what was said, how I was treated, you know, just different things like that with a couple of these personalities.
3:30
SPEAKER_00: And um finally, uh in one of my devotions at times, I just felt I needed to start praying for my husband.
3:40
SPEAKER_00: Not not that he was wrong, but he couldn't see what I what I was experiencing.
3:45
SPEAKER_00: And I really was praying, I can't remember the scripture honestly where it's found, but I was praying that um the scales would just fall off his eyes, that he that he would just be able to see what I'm experiencing.
3:58
SPEAKER_00: And I prayed that probably, I don't know, it was probably almost a month uh or more, just just whatever.
4:04
SPEAKER_00: And we were traveling um one of the roads back to visit our family, and all of a sudden he said, I just want you to know I I am now understanding what you have been saying.
4:19
SPEAKER_00: And so we just I just cried, I burst out into tears.
4:21
SPEAKER_00: Of course, I cry happy, mad, sad or glad.
4:23
SPEAKER_00: That's kind of what I that's what I love about you.
4:25
SPEAKER_00: One of the many things, yeah.
4:27
SPEAKER_00: I'm just bursting tears everywhere, and um, and we talked as we traveled, and it was such an answer to prayer from my heart.
4:37
SPEAKER_00: It didn't change the situation.
4:39
SPEAKER_00: Uh, but as long as Sam could see, he could now pray about things and maneuver things maybe to help the situation.
4:51
SPEAKER_00: And um, so I was thankful for that.
4:54
SPEAKER_00: So I, you know, we got back home after visiting family, the situation was still there, but my husband now had clarity uh because of the Lord's answer to prayer of that prayer, and then um as we kept praying, and I just kept really enduring.
5:12
SPEAKER_00: Uh it just wasn't an endurance test almost.
5:16
SPEAKER_00: I again, another devotional morning, I just felt the Lord impress upon me just to say, I got this, just wait.
5:25
SPEAKER_00: You know, I'm working on your behalf, just wait.
5:28
SPEAKER_00: And so I felt a little bit of peace about that.
5:31
SPEAKER_00: I wasn't real excited about it, truthfully, but that's what I did.
5:34
SPEAKER_00: And at the same time, I was growing my hair.
5:38
SPEAKER_00: Uh it was short.
5:40
SPEAKER_00: I cut it off, grow it out, grow it, you know, I just kind of my rhythm.
5:43
SPEAKER_00: And it was kind of shorter at that time.
5:46
SPEAKER_00: And um, I just thought, okay, I'm growing my hair out.
5:49
SPEAKER_00: Well, that's gonna be my my timeline.
5:52
SPEAKER_00: I'm gonna grow my hair out and just watch the Lord's timing um to see how long it takes, and it'll be the length of my hair kind of thing.
6:02
SPEAKER_00: I don't know why I did that, it's just kind of came to me, and it's what I did, and it was a little bit right at a little over two years uh growing my hair.
6:12
SPEAKER_00: Um, and the Lord resolved the issue.
6:18
SPEAKER_00: Those those two years were horrifying, they were tough.
6:25
SPEAKER_00: I couldn't, and I couldn't like raise my hand and tell anybody because you know, you there's nobody to tell.
6:32
SPEAKER_00: There's nobody to understand, or I'd be stirring the pot, I'd be ruining relationships, you know, all this other kind of stuff.
6:39
SPEAKER_00: And so the only person I could tell was Sam.
6:42
SPEAKER_00: And um honestly, it was it was some of the toughest, two of the toughest years of our 36 that I have ever experienced.
6:54
SPEAKER_00: And then after the situation got resolved, which by the grace of God did, um I it would it became one of the the most freeing places to be.
7:08
SPEAKER_00: I to minister, to be a part of, uh to be with the people at the church.
7:14
SPEAKER_00: Uh it it became the total opposite.
7:17
SPEAKER_00: It was so hard.
7:19
SPEAKER_00: I don't even know how to say it without saying, you know, just horrible things, but um yeah.
7:26
SPEAKER_00: So I just guess if you're you're listening and if you find yourself there, hold on.
7:31
SPEAKER_00: The Lord knows, the Lord knows, and he is working on your behalf.
7:35
SPEAKER_00: I don't know if your situation will get resolved, but um it it was so hard to because and it honestly it was because of a couple personalities.
7:46
SPEAKER_01: And I love I don't love the situation at all for you, but I love the image even of watching your hair grow.
7:53
SPEAKER_01: Like, Joe, that's crazy God, right?
7:56
SPEAKER_01: And he unfortunately, why does he move the slow as your hair grows?
8:00
SPEAKER_01: But it's only when you're in pain, it is as slow as my hair grows.
8:05
SPEAKER_01: And trust me, I'm trying to grow mine out.
8:07
SPEAKER_01: Um, and it is slow.
8:09
SPEAKER_01: And I do think sometimes, well, for us, every transition, because I love where we've been usually, and I always say it takes three years at a church before you can open any cupboard and not worry, someone's gonna yell at you.
8:21
SPEAKER_01: Like that's right.
8:22
SPEAKER_01: I'm home and I can open that.
8:24
SPEAKER_01: I can, I'm not stepping on toes.
8:26
SPEAKER_01: You figured it out in three years, which is why I love when I always encourage pastors, stay for the long haul, invest your life in these people, don't look for the next thing.
8:36
SPEAKER_01: And I do think also cultural fit matters.
8:40
SPEAKER_01: Oh, yes, in the states, you don't want someone that understands the Midwest to move to LA, right?
8:45
SPEAKER_01: Right?
8:46
SPEAKER_01: Or in LA, really, you might do okay in New York, but it's a whole different coach culture.
8:51
SPEAKER_01: And then you go to the Hawaii, we just finished Hawaii, and that's a whole different laid-back culture.
8:56
SPEAKER_01: And so you do want a culture fit, but God does call us out of our safety zones a lot, and you need to adapt and adjust.
9:05
SPEAKER_01: But I would say that three-year period is so important.
9:09
SPEAKER_01: And for some reason, Scott always settles into our new space way faster than I do.
9:14
SPEAKER_00: Oh, yeah.
9:14
SPEAKER_00: Sam was the same boat.
9:16
SPEAKER_00: I mean, if they're wearing the same tennis shoes, I mean, we got new best friends everywhere, and he was whatever, and it or at least it seemed like it.
9:24
SPEAKER_00: And it was, it was always at least two and a half, almost three years for me, where it's like, oh, I go, oh, I'm finally here.
9:31
SPEAKER_00: Not that, you know, all my stuff's in my house, I know where everything is.
9:34
SPEAKER_00: I even got the grocery store down, but my emotional self tagged along behind me, uh almost every time we moved, and especially during that tough time, you know, it was just it was tough.
9:48
SPEAKER_01: And if when you first move, another, and I know that's really not the topic of this episode, but I always say also when you first move, be question the people that tell you everything wrong with the last pasture, because they're also gonna chat about you.
10:02
SPEAKER_01: So make sure you're really wise and have some guardrails up and don't join that conversation, but be careful of who wants to become your friend right away.
10:13
SPEAKER_01: Typically, that's not a safe space for you, but that's been my experience in 36 years of ministry, too.
10:20
SPEAKER_01: So let me ask us another question.
10:23
SPEAKER_00: Well, wait, let me back up.
10:24
SPEAKER_00: Debbie, did you ever have a time where you didn't love the assignment?
10:29
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I did.
10:31
SPEAKER_01: Um, and it was really hard.
10:33
SPEAKER_01: And Scott and the kids were thriving, and it was the first two years were pretty good.
10:39
SPEAKER_01: And then it was just, and I've shared it in a previous episode, but it was basically two ladies that just didn't like the package I came in.
10:48
SPEAKER_01: And even like I think of back to the women's retreat, and it was basically they want to invite girlfriends and not the whole church.
10:55
SPEAKER_01: And I thought, no, I want to invite all everyone in the community, like the non-Christians, that's my jam.
11:00
SPEAKER_01: Let's let's involve them and have community.
11:02
SPEAKER_01: And I just didn't come in the right package, and that was really hard because it's hard not to take that personal.
11:08
SPEAKER_01: But what they wanted was someone to fit into this box they had, and that wasn't me.
11:13
SPEAKER_01: Um, and so that it was really painful, but I agree.
11:17
SPEAKER_01: I had to get brave and finally share with Scott about hey, and he was clueless, like he knew I was struggling, but Scott and the kids were doing fairly well.
11:27
SPEAKER_01: Um, Sophie wasn't from the kids of the same people, which is crazy.
11:33
SPEAKER_01: Uh, but it's interesting I don't share publicly about it, and I I don't know if I ever will in a space like this, because I I still think these women didn't mean to intentionally be as hurtful to me as it was.
11:47
SPEAKER_01: Um, but I have shared in ministry we Scott and I a lot of times at district assemblies, which I know we have a lot of listeners that don't belong in the Nazarene denomination, but district assemblies are where all the churches on one district get together.
11:59
SPEAKER_01: And a lot of times all the DS will have all the ministry pastors' wives and spouses, male and female, come and we'll do a luncheon.
12:06
SPEAKER_01: And I share in those areas about this, and I share on it briefly, but it was interesting to me.
12:11
SPEAKER_01: In the last assembly season we had here in the States, we had 12.
12:15
SPEAKER_01: And I shared it probably nine of the 12 times we had events, and two other spouses were currently being bullied in their church, and one had been there a really long time, and she just began sobbing because she felt like she could never tell anyone or be seen.
12:30
SPEAKER_01: And I just think, man, that freedom and just someone knowing your pain is so real and so deep.
12:37
SPEAKER_01: And you don't want your congregation to know this is a bad fit or what's happening, right?
12:41
SPEAKER_01: Uh, but I do think it made me realize, oh, I I thought it was so rare, and it's really not.
12:48
SPEAKER_01: Um, and you do want a good ministry fit, but you've got to find someone that understands the pain you're in.
12:54
SPEAKER_01: Um, but it is hard because you don't want the congregation to know.
12:58
SPEAKER_01: And now I think in Scott's new role, most people know that we really did have one heaven and earth assignment.
13:06
SPEAKER_01: We knew God sent us there, and it felt like truly, I was like, why did we ever leave that?
13:11
SPEAKER_01: But at the time we sensed God saying, get up and go to this new thing.
13:16
SPEAKER_01: But it was one of the most painful transitions and seasons in ministry.
13:22
SPEAKER_01: And then I would say this current role is kind of an awkward fit for me, too, just because there's no people.
13:29
SPEAKER_01: I don't have my people.
13:31
SPEAKER_01: I know people for two or three days, and then we move on, and then we move on.
13:35
SPEAKER_01: And we're with the other general superintendents four times a year, but that's really not a lot, like when you're used to every week being together on Wednesdays and Sundays.
13:44
SPEAKER_01: Um, and so it can be really lonely, which is I think how this podcast was birthed out of, which is a good thing out of loneliness, right?
13:51
SPEAKER_01: What are you gonna do with the hard space you're in?
13:55
SPEAKER_01: Do something positive with it.
13:56
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, you know, that reminds me, Sam and I just came from uh the Africa Regional Conference, even where Scott was there and we got to see Scott and a couple of our colleagues were there too that we didn't know were coming.
14:07
SPEAKER_00: So it was really fun.
14:09
SPEAKER_00: But what one thing that in the Nazarene church, at least uh for us right now, um, you know, what people may or may not know is we don't get to fellowship with our colleagues.
14:18
SPEAKER_00: Uh we don't, there's there's just because we're all out doing different things at different times, different places.
14:25
SPEAKER_00: So when it's like, it's like a unbelievably beautiful gift when like there's five or six of us at one conference and we get to have lunch together and we get to sit together and we get to chat or finally tell a joke or just whatever with each other.
14:39
SPEAKER_00: It's like, oh, that's the connection that we finally get to have.
14:44
SPEAKER_00: Uh, and that happened in Africa, and we were just so, so elated with just being with our colleagues, kind of thing.
14:50
SPEAKER_00: So it's just so fun.
14:51
SPEAKER_01: But anyway, Scott and I get excited when we hear you and Sam are going to be at something we're at.
14:56
SPEAKER_01: We're like, yes.
14:57
SPEAKER_01: So I was a little jealous, but I wasn't jealous enough to fly to Africa.
15:00
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, no, I get it.
15:03
SPEAKER_01: Have you ever looked back on an assignment you didn't want and discovered gifts you couldn't see while you were living in it?
15:10
SPEAKER_00: I guess looking back is the only way I could see.
15:14
SPEAKER_00: Because I was just in survival mode uh daily, it seemed like.
15:19
SPEAKER_00: But I I would say the Lord really helped me strengthen my gift of endurance.
15:24
SPEAKER_00: Um and it wasn't, you know, I wasn't being persecuted, you know, it wasn't it wasn't that.
15:29
SPEAKER_00: It was just something that I've never experienced before.
15:33
SPEAKER_00: The unwarmth, the uninvited, the not knowing what to do with me.
15:41
SPEAKER_00: The, you know, I there's a million other things I could say that would be more direct, but um from a couple personalities that were, you know, always there.
15:53
SPEAKER_00: And I I guess it was learning to endure that uh and as well as trying to thrive in the middle of it.
16:06
SPEAKER_00: Um you know, I I I still had to find joy in the middle of it because if not, I'd have been packed up at the end of the second week and out of there, you know, can't because it's it was just so like, wait, what?
16:20
SPEAKER_00: How did I miss this?
16:21
SPEAKER_00: And I and that's the other thing.
16:23
SPEAKER_00: I kept saying to Sam, we were out here a handful of times.
16:26
SPEAKER_00: How did I miss this?
16:29
SPEAKER_00: It was gonna be like this with a few of these people, you know, or whatever.
16:33
SPEAKER_00: And um I just did, and usually I can read people fairly well, um, but I missed it.
16:40
SPEAKER_00: I missed it.
16:42
SPEAKER_00: And um so I guess I would say, yeah, my endurance skills for was enhanced by the only by the strength of the Lord, and and honestly, to learn to say, okay, you know, one thing I did now that it's I'm thinking about it, I had to be able to set it aside and can't live with it 24-7.
17:06
SPEAKER_00: So that was hard because it's usually just all over you, you know, all in you or all the time.
17:12
SPEAKER_00: You wake up with it, you go to bed with it, it's during the day, the whole thing.
17:16
SPEAKER_00: But I had to learn to set it aside and find people that I could have joy with, you know, or got me, or I got them, or you know, all that kind of stuff.
17:28
SPEAKER_00: And I so I had to be intentional in that in the middle of the yuck.
17:34
SPEAKER_00: Um, and that was a skill I did not know I needed in life, or I didn't have to really do that hard before.
17:44
SPEAKER_00: I mean, there was always yucky stuff around, but it wasn't it just wasn't that hard.
17:49
SPEAKER_00: I don't know how to say it before.
17:51
SPEAKER_01: And I don't think you can let it consume you because it will if you let it.
17:56
SPEAKER_01: And I do think, you know, you've got to give it time again because, but you during that season is so tough.
18:04
SPEAKER_01: And for me, it was actually leaving that church that brought the healing from it, the help I needed.
18:11
SPEAKER_01: And I did get help and counseling.
18:12
SPEAKER_01: And I am a huge, as I said in other podcasts.
18:15
SPEAKER_01: If you need help, there's nothing wrong with getting Christian counseling.
18:19
SPEAKER_01: And I highly recommend it to Christian counselor, uh, just because they're gonna understand our language, our lifestyle, our need of the spirit, because I think he is the one that really ultimately sees, did I get myself in a pickle and or did God get me in this pickle?
18:33
SPEAKER_01: And he needs to get me out of it.
18:35
SPEAKER_01: And I always say, God, in this situation, we were positive it was God's voice leading because it felt really crazy, even to make the move.
18:42
SPEAKER_01: And I would tell God, you have this me in this pickle, you have to get me out of it.
18:47
SPEAKER_01: And and he did, he was faithful, but it it was very difficult, soul searching, a lot of tears.
18:55
SPEAKER_01: And I did have two friends that I would walk with and we would pray.
18:58
SPEAKER_01: And I would always pray by myself that God would give Scott and I a love for this congregation and them a love for us, and the same for our family.
19:05
SPEAKER_01: Everywhere we've been, I've prayed for that.
19:07
SPEAKER_01: Um, and I think that helped, but I do think one of the tools is getting the help you need and talking to your spouse, especially if you're like, man, this culture is eating me alive.
19:19
SPEAKER_01: Because truthfully, you might be a bad fit.
19:22
SPEAKER_01: And the congregation is also thinking, man, these are not the people we thought we were calling.
19:26
SPEAKER_01: So I just want to represent them too, right?
19:28
SPEAKER_01: Right, like and then pray for the spirit to move you, and he's faithful and will do that and open other doors.
19:35
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
19:36
SPEAKER_01: Um, but I do think there's it's hard work, and boy, I talk to a lot of people that feel like they're they're in a bad stuck assignment.
19:45
SPEAKER_00: You know, I read something somewhere lately, and I wish I could remember where it was, but the question was, are you teachable?
19:51
SPEAKER_00: And I thought to myself, am I teachable?
19:54
SPEAKER_00: And I want to be teachable, I want to be moldable, teachable, and it only by the spirit, you know, through the scriptures and his guiding and his correcting and um and his giving endurance and strength.
20:08
SPEAKER_00: I want to be teachable because if I'm not teachable, I, you know, it's I'm some arrogant something that is not right, that it is not of Christ.
20:22
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
20:22
SPEAKER_01: And in the classroom, we would call it an open mindset versus closed mindset, right?
20:26
SPEAKER_01: Yes, yeah.
20:27
SPEAKER_01: You want to be open to okay, there's a way out of this, right?
20:30
SPEAKER_01: I'm just stuck.
20:31
SPEAKER_01: This is how it is.
20:32
SPEAKER_00: That's right.
20:33
SPEAKER_00: Exactly.
20:34
SPEAKER_00: It's just not dead, it's not done.
20:36
SPEAKER_00: And I knew, I knew with everything in me, uh, as well as Sam, that the Lord called us there.
20:44
SPEAKER_00: We, I, I mean, still to this day, even knowing what I went through for those years, I know that.
20:51
SPEAKER_00: I know we are called there.
20:52
SPEAKER_00: And it could have been for one reason to teach me those things, you know.
20:57
SPEAKER_00: Uh, and I hope that wasn't all the reason by any means, but you know, I I just know that the Lord in his strength and through his word every day, uh, you was the only only way through it.
21:13
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, and just even as we're going to be closing out this podcast episode, but thinking about you can make yourself bitter or better.
21:21
SPEAKER_01: And you have the control, my sweet friend listening, you have the control to decide which you're going to do.
21:27
SPEAKER_01: And Jill and I will both say we've met both people, and we absolutely could be bitter about the church from our experiences, but I used it to make me better.
21:36
SPEAKER_01: So if you're in that season, I want to encourage you to ask yourself, what can I control?
21:43
SPEAKER_01: What piece of this?
21:44
SPEAKER_01: And for me, it was my home life.
21:46
SPEAKER_01: So I created a refuge in my home.
21:49
SPEAKER_01: Never let anyone in your home that doesn't feel safe.
21:52
SPEAKER_01: We have that rule in our house.
21:54
SPEAKER_01: From the time my kids were little, we had a rule if you weren't nice to everyone in our space, you were not allowed in.
22:00
SPEAKER_01: So even Caleb had a friend, I think I may have shared on one of our podcasts, or I share it so much that I think about, but this sweet print, well, it wasn't sweet, he was really mean to one of Caleb's brothers to Jonah.
22:10
SPEAKER_01: He just didn't like him.
22:11
SPEAKER_01: And so I gave Michael three warnings.
22:13
SPEAKER_01: And the third time he was ugly, I said, Michael, I think you're a great kid, but you are not kind.
22:18
SPEAKER_01: And this is Jonah's house, so you can never play in our home again.
22:21
SPEAKER_01: And I would, and his mom was on our church board, and they started playing at Michael's house.
22:27
SPEAKER_01: But our home was our refuge.
22:29
SPEAKER_01: And I always wanted Scott and myself and our kids to know when you hit that front door and turn that knob, you are safe.
22:36
SPEAKER_01: This is your safe space.
22:37
SPEAKER_01: And so what I could control in my hard season was creating a space where it was just so heaven and earth when I got here.
22:46
SPEAKER_01: And that church, you know, you're there probably four or five hours a week as the spouse.
22:51
SPEAKER_01: I actually was doing women's ministry, so it was more.
22:54
SPEAKER_01: Um, but I just think when I got home, no, the spirit was so meeting me and comforting me and reminding me who I was, and that this too shall pass.
23:05
SPEAKER_01: And let him do it.
23:07
SPEAKER_01: What would your closing advice to be, Jill, to that person listening that's like, but I'm you don't understand, ladies, I am dying right now.
23:14
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
23:15
SPEAKER_00: Hold on, hold on.
23:17
SPEAKER_00: Talk to your spouse.
23:18
SPEAKER_00: Uh just hold on.
23:21
SPEAKER_00: Uh, it is, it is.
23:22
SPEAKER_00: First of all, I'm sorry that that's happening if you're going through that.
23:26
SPEAKER_00: Uh, because it is painful, it's horrible.
23:29
SPEAKER_00: It's it's hell on earth, so to speak, you know, or whatever.
23:34
SPEAKER_00: But it is, it's horrifying to be in that time period in your ministry.
23:39
SPEAKER_00: But hold on, because this isn't the last chapter, this isn't the the final say.
23:46
SPEAKER_00: Um, it's the Lord is working, whether you see it or not.
23:51
SPEAKER_00: Uh, and it if you can get your spouse to see what you're struggling with, uh, that is that's a answer to prayer for you.
24:00
SPEAKER_00: Uh, hold on, go through it together.
24:03
SPEAKER_00: Um, maneuver ways around it through it.
24:06
SPEAKER_00: Um, pray for joy, have joy, set it to the side if you can.
24:11
SPEAKER_00: Don't live and breathe it 24 hours a day.
24:14
SPEAKER_00: Uh, it's not healthy.
24:15
SPEAKER_00: And do get a counselor if you need to.
24:17
SPEAKER_00: If you need to just puke it all out with somebody, you have to do that.
24:21
SPEAKER_00: Um, and I again, I'm just sorry if that's where you find yourself.
24:25
SPEAKER_00: Uh, because I've been there, Debbie's been there.
24:28
SPEAKER_00: And um it is it is bad.
24:31
SPEAKER_00: It's hard.
24:31
SPEAKER_00: It there's nothing easy about it.
24:34
SPEAKER_00: But hold on, because we have we're two women right here that have made it through, and uh, you're gonna make it through.
24:43
SPEAKER_01: And if you do have littles at home and you're pastoring, make sure you check in with them.
24:47
SPEAKER_01: Like you and your spouse may be doing great, and they're not, the youth group or some other part of children's church.
24:54
SPEAKER_01: And make sure you're helping them control what they can control because I think sometimes we forget to ask, How are you doing here?
25:02
SPEAKER_01: Do you and you know you're quiet.
25:04
SPEAKER_01: So, even one easy tool to just Scott and I, we would always have one meal a day.
25:08
SPEAKER_01: And if it had to be breakfast at 5 a.m., it was breakfast.
25:11
SPEAKER_01: Otherwise, it was because table time matters and the family checks in together, and we would do the high and the low of your day, and you could just create a little question just so you all you really hear your family and make sure that they're doing okay with the season too, because if you're struggling, most likely your children are too, at least one of them, because they pick up on that.
25:33
SPEAKER_01: So that's right.
25:35
SPEAKER_01: Well, Joe, for this episode, when we know that we might have a listener out there that's struggling, would you mind closing us in prayer?
25:42
SPEAKER_00: Sure, let's pray.
25:44
SPEAKER_00: Our father, we come to you with a humble and grateful heart, and we bring our brothers and our sisters to you that may be finding themselves oh, in a hard season, in a hard chapter, in an assignment that they are just not liking, and it just it might just be killing them, and it could be for a handful of reasons, Lord.
26:16
SPEAKER_00: But I just pray that you would put your hand of protection over them right now, that you would protect their hearts, protect their minds, revive the joy inside them, in their soul and in their spirit, revive and protect their marriages, Lord, and their sweet families if they have them, Lord.
26:44
SPEAKER_00: Just put them all in a firewall of protection at this moment and at this time.
26:52
SPEAKER_00: And Lord, I do pray that all of the hard seasons and all of these hard chapters would be resolved by your grace and your hand.
27:01
SPEAKER_00: Whatever that answer looks like, um, Lord, you know and you care for these brothers and sisters that are supporting the call, that are living all into it, that are giving everything they have to make your kingdom go down the road further, Lord.
27:23
SPEAKER_00: And Lord, we just pray with faith believing that you are going to do that.
27:29
SPEAKER_00: You are working right now.
27:30
SPEAKER_00: We sing Waymaker at the top of our lungs.
27:34
SPEAKER_00: And may we believe it with every inch and everything in our bodies right now, Lord, that we love you.
27:42
SPEAKER_00: You are working when we don't see it.
27:44
SPEAKER_00: We know that you're at it.
27:46
SPEAKER_00: You are caring for the needs of the hurting heart right now.
27:51
SPEAKER_00: And we give you praise and we thank you for that.
27:54
SPEAKER_00: And we look forward to hearing all about the testimonies of these resolved situations for all of our hurting friends out there.
28:03
SPEAKER_00: Lord, ministry is tough and sometimes it's just heart-wrenching.
28:09
SPEAKER_00: And as two people that have been there, Lord, uh, we we have seen your hand at work and we have seen you make a way out.
28:17
SPEAKER_00: And Lord, I pray that for all of our friends, and we just give you the praise and the thanks and faith believing, and we give you, we love you so much, we pray.
28:28
SPEAKER_00: Amen.
28:29
SPEAKER_01: Amen.
28:30
SPEAKER_01: Thank you, Jill.
28:31
SPEAKER_01: And thank you for listening to this episode of Beside Every Calling.
28:35
SPEAKER_01: And I Jill and I are sorry that God sometimes moves as slow as hair grows.
28:39
SPEAKER_01: But I Jill, I find that analogy.
28:41
SPEAKER_01: Like, yeah, start growing and just trust that while you're in this season, he's still at work even when you don't see it.
28:49
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
28:49
SPEAKER_01: And if you'd like to, we do answer emails at beside everycalling at gmail.com.
28:54
SPEAKER_01: Send us an email.
28:55
SPEAKER_01: We'd be happy to add you to both of our personal prayer lists so that you know someone else sees you and is praying for you.
29:02
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
29:02
SPEAKER_01: And if this happened to be an episode that you're like, well, that's not where I am, but I know another ministry spouse that is in this season, would you just stop and forward it so we could get her or him a little help today, a little feeling seen and valued within this role that we live and love beside our calling?
29:20
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
29:20
SPEAKER_01: So with that, we say goodbye and we thank you for joining us, even though this has been a tough topic.
29:25
SPEAKER_01: And we hope you'll join us on another episode of Beside Every Calling.
29:30
SPEAKER_01: If this conversation felt a little too familiar, like, were they sitting in my living room this week familiar?
29:36
SPEAKER_01: That's your sign.
29:38
SPEAKER_01: Text this episode to one ministry spouse who might need it today.
29:42
SPEAKER_01: And if this space feels like oxygen in your season, would you please take 30 seconds and leave us a review?
29:49
SPEAKER_01: It helps more spouses find this beautiful, sometimes overlooked, but wildly important community.
29:55
SPEAKER_01: We'll see you next time on Beside Every Calling.