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Why is it easier to give great advice than to follow it yourself? 🤯 · Deep Thoughts

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  Speaker 1: Welcome everyone to another deep dive. Today. We're going to
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  Speaker 1: be exploring a pretty fascinating cognitive phenomenon. It's called the
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  Speaker 1: Solomon paradox, and it essentially gets at why we're often
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  Speaker 1: wiser about other people's problems than our own. I think
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  Speaker 1: a lot of us have probably experienced this at some
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  Speaker 1: point in our lives, where we're giving advice to a
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  Speaker 1: friend or a family member, and you know, we can
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  Speaker 1: see the solution so clearly, but when we're faced with
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  Speaker 1: the same problems ourselves, it's like we completely lose our
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  Speaker 1: ability to think straight. You know the story of King Solomon, right,
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  Speaker 1: he was renowned for his wisdom. You know, he was
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  Speaker 1: this legendary figure who could solve any problem, giving credible
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  Speaker 1: advice to others, but when it came to his own life,
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  Speaker 1: he made a series of really terrible choices, ultimately leading
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  Speaker 1: to the downfall of his kingdom.
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  Speaker 2: It's really a classic example of this paradox in action.
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  Speaker 1: Yeah, and it makes you wonder, why is it that
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  Speaker 1: we can be so wise for others, but then we
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  Speaker 1: stumble and fumble when it comes to our own lives.
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  Speaker 2: There's actually been some fascinating research done on this by
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  Speaker 2: a psychologist named Igor Grossman and his team at the
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  Speaker 2: University of Waterloo and back in twenty fourteen, they conducted
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  Speaker 2: a series of studies that found something really striking. People
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  Speaker 2: actually reason more rationally and they make wiser decisions when
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  Speaker 2: they're considering someone else's problem compared to their own.
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  Speaker 1: So it's actually like a scientific basis for this, not
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  Speaker 1: just you know, anecdotal that's amazing.
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  Speaker 2: In one of their studies, participants were asked to analyze
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  Speaker 2: a relationship problem, and some participants were told that the
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  Speaker 2: problem belonged to a friend, while others were told it
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  Speaker 2: was their own. Okay, And what they found was that
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  Speaker 2: the participants who were thinking about their friends problem, they
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  Speaker 2: showed much greater wisdom, foresight, and emotional balance in their responses.
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  Speaker 1: So it's almost like having that distance allows us to
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  Speaker 1: see things more objectively exactly, we're not so caught up
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  Speaker 1: in the emotions of the situation.
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  Speaker 2: It's like we have this inherent bias towards self distancing
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  Speaker 2: when it comes to wisdom, which is.
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  Speaker 1: Kind of counterintuitive, right, because you would think that we
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  Speaker 1: would know ourselves better than anyone else and therefore be
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  Speaker 1: able to make the best decisions for ourselves.
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  Speaker 2: It seems like our emotions can really cloud our judgment.
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  Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean we see this playing out all the
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  Speaker 1: time in the real world.
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  Speaker 3: Oh.
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  Speaker 2: Absolutely.
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  Speaker 1: Think about leaders who are incredible at guiding organizations. You know,
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  Speaker 1: they make strategic decisions, they have this vision, but then
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  Speaker 1: their personal life is a complete mess. Their finances are
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  Speaker 1: in shambles, they have relationship problems. It's like they can
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  Speaker 1: be so wise for others, but they can't seem to
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  Speaker 1: apply that same wisdom to themselves.
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  Speaker 2: Right, And it's not just limited to leaders either. You
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  Speaker 2: see this with therapists too. They spend all day helping
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  Speaker 2: their clients work through their problems, but then they struggle
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  Speaker 2: with their own mental health or even something as simple
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  Speaker 2: as personal finances.
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  Speaker 1: It's like they have all the knowledge and the tools,
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  Speaker 1: but they can't seem to use them for their own benefit.
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  Speaker 2: The Solomon paradox. It can affect anyone, regardless of their
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  Speaker 2: intelligence or expertise.
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  Speaker 1: So the big question is how do we overcome this,
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  Speaker 1: How do we break free from the Solomon paradox and
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  Speaker 1: start applying that same wisdom to our own lives.
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  Speaker 2: Well, the good news is there are some practical strategies
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  Speaker 2: that we can use. One technique that's been shown to
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  Speaker 2: be really effective is something called third person self talk.
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  Speaker 1: Third persons self talk, what's that?
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  Speaker 2: It's basically referring to yourself by name or using pronouns
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  Speaker 2: like he or she when you're thinking about your own problems.
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  Speaker 1: So instead of saying I'm so stressed about this situation,
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  Speaker 1: you would say he's feeling stressed about this situation, and
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  Speaker 1: that creates some distance.
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  Speaker 2: Right, It's like you're giving advice to someone else, which
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  Speaker 2: allows you to be more objective. Interesting, And another technique
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  Speaker 2: that can be really helpful is the advising a friend technique.
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  Speaker 2: Imagine that your problem is actually your friend's problem and
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  Speaker 2: you're giving them advice. What would you tell them to do?
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  Speaker 2: It can really help you see things from a different perspective.
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  Speaker 1: And then there's always the classic journaling, but with a twist.
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  Speaker 1: Instead of just writing about your feelings, try writing about
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  Speaker 1: this situation. Is if you're an outside.
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  Speaker 2: Observer, that's a great idea.
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  Speaker 1: It can help you to detach from the emotions and
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  Speaker 1: see things more clearly. Absolutely, and of course having an
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  Speaker 1: accountability partner can be really helpful.
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  Speaker 2: Yeah, someone you trust who can give you an honest
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  Speaker 2: perspective on things. They can help you see your blind spots.
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  Speaker 1: Right, because sometimes we're just too close to the situation
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  Speaker 1: to see it objectively.
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  Speaker 2: It's really important to have that outside perspective.
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  Speaker 1: I think it's also interesting to note that the Solomon
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  Speaker 1: paradox is actually connected to imposter syndrome.
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  Speaker 2: Oh, that's a fascinating connection.
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  Speaker 1: Yeah, you know how people with imposter syndrome often feel
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  Speaker 1: like they're not good enough. Yeah, even though they're successful.
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  Speaker 1: It's almost like they can be wise for others, but
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  Speaker 1: they don't believe in their own abilities.
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  Speaker 2: It really highlights the complex relationship between wisdom, self confidence,
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  Speaker 2: and our emotional state.
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  Speaker 1: So what's the takeaway here? What can we do to
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  Speaker 1: harness our inner Solomon?
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  Speaker 2: Well, I think the first step is awareness, recognizing that
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  Speaker 2: this paradox exists and that we're all sceptible to it.
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  Speaker 1: And then once we're aware of it, we can start
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  Speaker 1: to implement those strategies that we talked about, like the
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  Speaker 1: third person self talk and the advising a friend technique
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  Speaker 1: and journaling from an external perspective, it's about creating that
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  Speaker 1: distance so that we can approach our own problems with
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  Speaker 1: the same clarity and wisdom that we would apply it
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  Speaker 1: to someone else's problem.
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  Speaker 2: I think that's a great way to put it.
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  Speaker 1: So as you go about your day to day, I
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  Speaker 1: want you to think about a problem that you're facing
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  Speaker 1: and try to approach it as if you were advising
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  Speaker 1: a friend. What would you tell them, What insights would
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  Speaker 1: you offer? You might be surprised by the wisdom that
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  Speaker 1: you already possess. You just need to tap into it.
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  Speaker 2: That's the key.
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  Speaker 1: All right. That's it for this deep dive. Thanks for
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  Speaker 1: joining us and we'll see you next time.
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  Speaker 3: Thoughts podcast. I hope you found insights and inspiration to
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