Latest / Alive, I Guess Podcast / Episode 31 - Self Care Be Happenin

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Episode 31 - Self Care Be Happenin · Alive, I Guess Podcast

0:00
unknown: I'm a live.
0:01
unknown: I'ma live I guess.
0:03
SPEAKER_00: I'ma live I guess in love.
0:06
SPEAKER_00: I'ma live I guess I'ma live I guess so we might as well talk about it.
0:16
SPEAKER_01: What's up, y'all?
0:18
SPEAKER_01: Welcome to your safe space.
0:19
SPEAKER_01: I'm your host, RJ, and this is the Alive I Guess Podcast.
0:24
SPEAKER_01: If you're new here, welcome.
0:26
SPEAKER_01: I appreciate you for joining.
0:28
SPEAKER_01: And if you've been here, welcome back.
0:31
SPEAKER_01: I appreciate you as always.
0:34
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1:07
SPEAKER_01: Get the bonus, exclusive content, bonus episodes, and so much more.
1:12
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1:14
SPEAKER_01: Today we are going to be discussing self-care.
1:18
SPEAKER_01: Not necessarily like getting in the tub and going to get a massage and living this glamorous lifestyle.
1:26
SPEAKER_01: I'm talking about real self-care.
1:30
SPEAKER_01: We're gonna we're gonna get all into the differences and what that truly means in a second.
1:36
SPEAKER_01: Because right now, you already know we gotta do a moment of gratitude.
1:41
SPEAKER_01: So if you are listening today, say something out loud that you are grateful for.
1:45
SPEAKER_01: And if you are watching, drop something below in the comments.
1:49
SPEAKER_01: Today I'm grateful for overcoming obstacles and the ability to overcome obstacles.
1:55
SPEAKER_01: Life is going to be full of obstacles, adversity, difficult moments.
2:02
SPEAKER_01: Being able to stay the course, to stay down for the come-up is really key, especially in times like now, where there is so much conflict, so much destruction, so many dark days.
2:17
SPEAKER_01: You need to be able to wiggle through these hard times and come out on the other side.
2:22
SPEAKER_01: Otherwise, it's gonna take you over.
2:24
SPEAKER_01: And I've had to learn how to do that, and I'm so grateful that I did, because I could have been swallowed up years ago.
2:31
SPEAKER_01: And I wouldn't be able to do that if I didn't have great self-care practices.
2:37
SPEAKER_01: So let's get into it.
2:39
SPEAKER_01: Cause self-care be happening.
2:41
SPEAKER_01: When you hear the words self-care, what's the first thing you think of?
2:46
SPEAKER_01: Is it bubble baths, massages, going on resorts and to vacations and stuff like that?
2:56
SPEAKER_01: Real self-care is a lot less aesthetic and more intentional, and is honestly a lot less expensive if you're doing it for the right reasons and in a more mindful way.
3:12
SPEAKER_01: Because I feel like sometimes people conflate self-care with self-soothing, things that kind of help on the surface.
3:20
SPEAKER_01: Self-care restores you, self-soothing temporarily numbs you and makes you feel okay for a brief second.
3:29
SPEAKER_01: The term self-care has been co-opted by wellness culture and has turned away from its original meaning and the intentional impact it's supposed to have, and has turned more to a collective purchaseable luxury that is more like self-soothing than actual self-care.
3:52
SPEAKER_01: The actual practice of self-care revolves more around understanding and knowing what you want and giving that to yourself.
4:02
SPEAKER_01: Not necessarily in the material, but rest, food, a moment of silence, isolation, things like that, not things you gotta go by in order to feel good for that day or that hour when you're receiving it.
4:19
SPEAKER_01: Going through things that I've gone through, experiencing hard lessons, running myself ragged and to the ground, and being forced to take these pauses has really put me in a position to learn what self-care actually is and actually care for myself in the appropriate ways that actually restore.
4:39
SPEAKER_01: Sometimes it does look like going out and purchasing things or taking the bath or taking a vacation, but that's not the only form of self-care that I lean on.
4:50
SPEAKER_01: Before I'm spending money on unnecessary stuff, stuff that really did not help me feel better.
4:59
SPEAKER_01: It's just things that I thought are supposed to make me feel better.
5:03
SPEAKER_01: I'm spending money because I have this internal conflict that I'm dealing with and I want a quick dopamine hit.
5:11
SPEAKER_01: So I'm going out and buying things I really do not need.
5:15
SPEAKER_01: I can't even name some of the past stuff that I've bought.
5:18
SPEAKER_01: Like, but I've spent thousands, thousands of dollars on just purchasing.
5:24
SPEAKER_01: Then I realize, oh, maybe that's not actually the answer.
5:28
SPEAKER_01: And so I need to start doing more self-care.
5:30
SPEAKER_01: Then it just turned from buying things and buying items to going and purchasing services like the massages, like the trips, like the body care and stuff that other people have to provide for me so that I can experience these things and feel good only during the service.
5:50
SPEAKER_01: But today it looks completely different.
5:52
SPEAKER_01: And I recognize moments where I've been neglecting my self-care and moments where I need to lean into it because when I'm caring for myself and when I'm not, there's a big difference in who I show up as.
6:07
SPEAKER_01: When I'm not leaning into those practices, oh, the signs are there.
6:12
SPEAKER_01: So I'm running on empty, I'm irritable, I don't want to be bothered, I don't really have the energy to do much of much.
6:22
SPEAKER_01: My capacity is at maximum.
6:26
SPEAKER_01: Like I just want to be left alone.
6:28
SPEAKER_01: And at the same time, I'm so tired and I'm so exhausted that sleep isn't even the fix.
6:36
SPEAKER_01: Like, this is like a full existence exhaustion that is further than sleep.
6:43
SPEAKER_01: So then I overcompensate and I start overgiving and I neglect myself.
6:49
SPEAKER_01: And now I'm pouring from an empty cup.
6:52
SPEAKER_01: Which, how do you do that?
6:54
SPEAKER_01: If you have nothing to give, how are you giving?
6:57
SPEAKER_01: We find a way we pull from reserves, reserves that we need to be turning and using for ourselves.
7:04
SPEAKER_01: I am usually picking up more around the house or more responsibilities or really going the extra mile to show that I care, especially in times when like I don't have it.
7:16
SPEAKER_01: Like that's another way I can know, like, oh, I think I need to turn inward.
7:22
SPEAKER_01: And now that I'm in a place that I've moved through shame and imposter syndrome and moved out of being the strong friend, I can understand that doing for myself isn't the negative version of selfish.
7:37
SPEAKER_01: So when I start to feel guilty again for putting other people first, that's how I know something's wrong.
7:45
SPEAKER_01: Because if I am moving and operating out of a surplus, I shouldn't feel bad for giving.
7:50
SPEAKER_01: So feeling bad for giving means that I don't have nothing that I'm giving myself, and that's a problem.
7:57
SPEAKER_01: So these days I try to recognize it early before we hit the wall, before we have a breakdown.
8:04
SPEAKER_01: Because before I would just go and go and go until there is some sort of event where it's like, now I have to sit down.
8:12
SPEAKER_01: Now I don't have a choice.
8:14
SPEAKER_01: Now I gotta do some self-care.
8:15
SPEAKER_01: And the self-care is probably more aggressive and probably takes a little medication because I've run myself to the ground.
8:22
SPEAKER_01: So now I'm at a place where I can just recognize the signs before we get there versus waiting till we hit rock bottom.
8:31
SPEAKER_01: Me personally, I have a few self-care practices that help.
8:35
SPEAKER_01: Um, and they don't always seem like self-care practices, but this is what works for me.
8:43
SPEAKER_01: So one is actually taking baths.
8:47
SPEAKER_01: The act of taking a bath and sitting in hot, not warm, hot water in isolation.
8:55
SPEAKER_01: Unfortunately, I do be on my phone, but at least I have a moment to myself where I am giving to myself and I literally can't do anything else for anyone else.
9:04
SPEAKER_01: That is like my biggest form of self-care.
9:08
SPEAKER_01: It's my solitude, it gives me a moment to actually stop moving and actually rest my body and recover.
9:16
SPEAKER_01: And it forces me to just be present and be still.
9:20
SPEAKER_01: So I take a lot of baths.
9:23
SPEAKER_01: I can't wait till this blow up, and I make me a little change and I give me a house with a huge bath because I love a bath, but I am six feet tall and these little standardized tubs, ain't cutting it, baby.
9:37
SPEAKER_01: So I need something big that I can really spread out in.
9:40
SPEAKER_01: I also set limits in times in which I am not doing anything else for anyone else or any sort of work.
9:51
SPEAKER_01: When you are giving so much to other things, entities, people, you have to be mindful of how much you're giving and your limit that you need to set before you completely deplete yourself.
10:06
SPEAKER_01: So when I hit certain times of the day, first of all, with work in general, like I don't bring work home.
10:15
SPEAKER_01: Now, there are some times where you gotta kind of do a little bit extra, but for the most part, work ends when work ends.
10:22
SPEAKER_01: You know, this goes for this podcast too.
10:25
SPEAKER_01: Now, this takes a little bit more work, but at certain times, it's like we are done at this time.
10:31
SPEAKER_01: We've been working on it for this long.
10:34
SPEAKER_01: Like when this hits, after that, my time.
10:37
SPEAKER_01: We're not doing that.
10:38
SPEAKER_01: Like, you have to really be intentional with setting that boundary with yourself because that is a form of self-care.
10:45
SPEAKER_01: Listening to music, especially during moments of movement, going on walks when I'm cleaning, which I enjoy cleaning, that's another form of self-care.
10:56
SPEAKER_01: But shutting out the world, tuning everything out, and being with yourself and the music and just being in your own world, doing your thing, that is a form of self-care.
11:07
SPEAKER_01: Turning that phone off sometimes, that's a form of self-care.
11:11
SPEAKER_01: Not letting people have access to you all the time is a form of self-care.
11:17
SPEAKER_01: Treating yourself to a little sweet treat or a little warm meal, something delicious, cheesy every now and then is a form of self-care in moderation.
11:29
SPEAKER_01: Because let me tell you, too much of a good thing is bad.
11:33
SPEAKER_01: Okay, take my word for it.
11:34
SPEAKER_01: But those are just a couple of things, just to name a few.
11:38
SPEAKER_01: But there are so many different ways in which I implement different self-care practices, but usually it comes with solitude, physical rest, some form of spiritual rest, and being intentional with all three of those things.
11:55
SPEAKER_01: The role of solitude is so important, like giving yourself permission to be alone with yourself and your thoughts and anything that you're thinking, any way that you're feeling, not judging anything, is important because every other moment of your life, you have to be mindful of all of those things.
12:16
SPEAKER_01: So giving yourself that time is crucial.
12:18
SPEAKER_01: Implementing the physical resets that you need, sleeping in, eating well, moving your body, stretching your body, doing whatever else you need to to your body to give yourself that reset, it's gonna be important that you do that.
12:37
SPEAKER_01: Our body literally is the thing that is putting us in society, in the world.
12:43
SPEAKER_01: It's why we can do things.
12:45
SPEAKER_01: If you were able-bodied, it's how we get around, like our legs, our feet, our arms, we talk, we are constantly moving, things we are weighing on to ourselves that we don't even recognize.
12:58
SPEAKER_01: Stress.
12:59
SPEAKER_01: You have to have these moments where you are doing a physical reset, and that's inside and out.
13:04
SPEAKER_01: What you're eating, what you're watching, how you're moving it, how you're treating it, you gotta reset.
13:10
SPEAKER_01: Occasionally, I'll even throw in like a juice cleanse, not a total juice cleanse, because that don't work for me.
13:17
SPEAKER_01: But juice with like vegetables and fruits and other things that I'm eating between them, that be making a world of a difference.
13:26
SPEAKER_01: I have not gone full like fasting.
13:30
SPEAKER_01: I maybe one day, but we're not there yet.
13:34
SPEAKER_01: And that's okay.
13:35
SPEAKER_01: The spiritual reset is something that is more new to my life and has been one of the most influential with getting me to this point in this most recent chapter.
13:47
SPEAKER_01: I'd say in the last two years.
13:50
SPEAKER_01: Um, and that doesn't necessarily mean like spiritual reset.
13:54
SPEAKER_01: Like I journal, I do self-reflections, not as much, but there are moments where it's like I just gotta get this out and on a page or in a voice note or doing these episodes and talking about things, processing things in real life, having deep conversations with people all around me.
14:13
SPEAKER_01: I just went to like a dinner party with complete strangers and one person that I knew in the room, other than my wife, and the conversation got deep.
14:23
SPEAKER_01: It was beautiful.
14:24
SPEAKER_01: Like having these open, honest conversations with people instead of these surface level, unnecessary waste of time conversations really does something to my my spirit, to my soul.
14:39
SPEAKER_01: It allows me to move through my emotions and my feelings without having to bottle them up and then just sit with them and let them callous and eat at me internally when I'm not even paying attention to it.
14:53
SPEAKER_01: So that is for sure a form of self-care.
14:56
SPEAKER_01: And then there are just small things throughout the day that I do that don't even seem or feel like self-care, but they definitely are.
15:04
SPEAKER_01: My coffee.
15:06
SPEAKER_01: I'm not going without it.
15:07
SPEAKER_01: I need my coffee.
15:08
SPEAKER_01: I have since given up Celsius.
15:11
SPEAKER_01: I am two weeks clean, two weeks plus clean of Celsius.
15:17
SPEAKER_01: Because I recognized that was not serving me, and I really didn't even need it.
15:22
SPEAKER_01: I didn't even feel it, honestly.
15:24
SPEAKER_01: I needed to shift how I was treating myself and finding more of a flow with my routine so I can be more restored versus trying to overcaffeinate myself.
15:37
SPEAKER_01: A form of self-care, listening to your body, understanding you need more help.
15:41
SPEAKER_01: And that's just one.
15:43
SPEAKER_01: But there's a lot of different things throughout the day that I have done for so long at this point that I need to do them every day because that's what helps me get through the day.
15:54
SPEAKER_01: Because that is what is needed to care for myself.
15:58
SPEAKER_01: Because like caring for yourself, self-care is a form of protection.
16:04
SPEAKER_01: You know, I touched on it a little bit, but like boundaries and self-care, you can't really have one without the other because you can't care for yourself if you don't have boundaries, and you can't have boundaries if you don't care about yourself, like they are so coupled, and you need both of them to achieve one of them at all.
16:25
SPEAKER_01: Protecting your time, your energy, your peace are things that you absolutely need on a daily basis, and not just when you are in crisis mode.
16:38
SPEAKER_01: Sometimes you gotta say no to other people, other opportunities, other things to say yes to yourself.
16:46
SPEAKER_01: And that is okay.
16:47
SPEAKER_01: Don't let nobody convince you that you are selfish, don't let nobody convince you that what you are doing is wrong.
16:54
SPEAKER_01: Because I guarantee you that person don't care about themselves.
16:58
SPEAKER_01: Because what they're saying is they'd basically do it.
17:00
SPEAKER_01: They'd if they were in your position, they would overgive, they'd pour from an empty cup.
17:05
SPEAKER_01: That's on you.
17:06
SPEAKER_01: We practicing self-care over here, babe.
17:09
SPEAKER_01: But that self-care, that protection of peace and self, that rest, is not up for negotiation, it's not up for compromise, and it's not up to your decision if I do it.
17:21
SPEAKER_01: So you could kick rocks if you don't like it.
17:24
SPEAKER_01: That I don't care.
17:25
SPEAKER_01: I also want to call out life is seasonal.
17:29
SPEAKER_01: Things change.
17:30
SPEAKER_01: Our demand changes, our capacity changes.
17:34
SPEAKER_01: I am in quite the transition right now myself, and my daily life looks completely different from how it looked six months ago, three months ago.
17:43
SPEAKER_01: I don't have time for the things that I had time for before.
17:46
SPEAKER_01: I don't have time to pour into myself as much.
17:50
SPEAKER_01: And admittedly, I'm recognizing that I need to be more intentional with those things because that can't be put on the back burner.
17:59
SPEAKER_01: I can't deplete myself.
18:01
SPEAKER_01: I have to refill my cup, or I'm not gonna have none of this for much longer.
18:06
SPEAKER_01: Like I'm going to burn myself out.
18:08
SPEAKER_01: I have a lot of irons in the fire.
18:11
SPEAKER_01: You have to find a way to manage it.
18:15
SPEAKER_01: I don't want to say balance because nothing's really balanced.
18:19
SPEAKER_01: It's more like levels.
18:20
SPEAKER_01: Sometimes things are gonna be higher than they were before.
18:24
SPEAKER_01: Sometimes this is gonna be in a deficit, and you're gonna have your intentions and your attention over here.
18:29
SPEAKER_01: That's just life.
18:31
SPEAKER_01: But the balanced thing, like, I feel like that don't exist.
18:34
SPEAKER_01: And so I'm currently in a space where I'm trying to figure out what that is.
18:39
SPEAKER_01: Cause I'm not going to the gym as much, I'm not doing as much cooking, but I know that's what I need because those are now things that are part of my self-care.
18:50
SPEAKER_01: And when I'm not doing it, I can feel it.
18:53
SPEAKER_01: I don't feel as good.
18:55
SPEAKER_01: And so I'm figuring out the best way to get back to that because it's very important.
19:00
SPEAKER_01: But like going to the gym three times a week and meal prepping and cooking every night, it's harder.
19:07
SPEAKER_01: It's not working out that way right now.
19:10
SPEAKER_01: Maybe it will, maybe I'm still figuring it out.
19:12
SPEAKER_01: But what worked before might not work in the future or might not work right now.
19:19
SPEAKER_01: So there's always gonna be room for adjustments, but not necessarily dropping the ball.
19:24
SPEAKER_01: Sometimes it's just gonna look different.
19:26
SPEAKER_01: But especially in hard seasons, busy seasons, where you're ripping and running and you barely getting sleep, and there's so many deadlines and things to do and events coming up and people to see and errands to run, things to check off your to-do list, that's when self-care is the most important.
19:46
SPEAKER_01: But it's also when it's the most difficult to prioritize.
19:50
SPEAKER_01: Oh, y'all thought I had a solution?
19:52
SPEAKER_01: No, I'm just calling it out.
19:54
SPEAKER_01: I'm trying to figure it out myself.
19:56
SPEAKER_01: If anybody knows, let me know.
19:58
SPEAKER_01: In the words of the great Salorne, if you find a better way, let me know.
20:03
SPEAKER_01: But I already know that you really don't.
20:06
SPEAKER_01: But all that to say, you gotta learn how to shift and adapt with your priorities, because neglect and abandoning them is not an option, because you're not going to be able to sustain in that high stress season if you aren't refilling your cup.
20:24
SPEAKER_01: It's literally like if you have a cup of yourself, a full cup, and you go to work, you go to your kids, you give to your relationship, you give to your friends, you give to your parents, you give to your family, if you go to church, you go give to your church, you go give to people on the internet, I don't know, you're giving, giving, giving.
20:47
SPEAKER_01: If you aren't refilling that cup, pretty soon when you pour, ain't shit gonna come out.
20:55
SPEAKER_01: And that's when you have that breakdown.
20:57
SPEAKER_01: That's when you lose your shit.
20:59
SPEAKER_01: That's when you're in the red, that's when you need the medication and the FMLA to go off work because you have nothing to give and now you're depressed.
21:08
SPEAKER_01: Trust me.
21:09
SPEAKER_01: That's when it happens.
21:10
SPEAKER_01: So we find a way to adapt so that we don't neglect our practices, because it is crucial at this point.
21:18
SPEAKER_01: So it's important to try and build that awareness so that you can be aware that you need to check in with yourself to see how you're doing instead of waiting for it to completely deplete, and then you have to confront it.
21:34
SPEAKER_01: And when you check in with yourself, ask what you need right now.
21:40
SPEAKER_01: What is it that is calling to you in this moment?
21:44
SPEAKER_01: And it might be a vacation.
21:46
SPEAKER_01: Let me let me be clear.
21:47
SPEAKER_01: I'm all for the massage, the vacation, going on little shopping sprees.
21:53
SPEAKER_01: All for it in doses, not all the time, not as a one stop solution.
21:59
SPEAKER_01: That is.
22:00
SPEAKER_01: Is not the only way you can care for yourself.
22:02
SPEAKER_01: But I please catch me at a resort.
22:06
SPEAKER_01: Catch me spending a little bag on some clothes, some shoes, some food.
22:11
SPEAKER_01: Okay?
22:12
SPEAKER_01: I'm all for it.
22:13
SPEAKER_01: But like that's not the only thing that works.
22:15
SPEAKER_01: And usually that only works for a little bit.
22:17
SPEAKER_01: You feel good, but then you come home and be like, damn, I did not have that money to spend.
22:23
SPEAKER_01: And if you, watcher, listener, are in the early stages of your self-care journey or understanding what self-care means to you.
22:34
SPEAKER_01: I just want to say self-care is not selfish.
22:38
SPEAKER_01: Pouring into yourself does not mean you are a selfish individual.
22:43
SPEAKER_01: It means you are self-ish.
22:46
SPEAKER_01: Like you care about yourself and you're giving to yourself, but you're not selfish.
22:51
SPEAKER_01: Like it's not a bad thing to be doing so.
22:54
SPEAKER_01: It truly is like the foundation that everything else can be built on.
22:58
SPEAKER_01: Because how you gonna win if you ain't right within?
23:02
SPEAKER_01: You know, you gotta pour into yourself so that you can give and show up and be the person, wife, mom, daughter, cousin, co-worker, whatever to everyone else.
23:14
SPEAKER_01: But you can't do that if you in a hole, if you in shambles, if you in crazy house.
23:19
SPEAKER_01: Cause you literally cannot show up for anyone else if you have nothing to give yourself.
23:25
SPEAKER_01: You can't drive a car that ain't got no fuel.
23:30
SPEAKER_01: You can't.
23:31
SPEAKER_01: You get out and push, somebody gonna have to help push, but you can't just go because you have nothing in the tank.
23:39
SPEAKER_01: If you're trying to figure out what I can do that can be a form of self-care to myself, start small.
23:47
SPEAKER_01: It don't have to be real expensive, it don't have to be external, it don't even have to be outside the house.
23:52
SPEAKER_01: You can start at home if you got a tub, get in that tub, light you some candles, get you some Dr.
23:59
SPEAKER_01: Teals, some bubble bath, maybe a little Epsom salt for the muscles, put it in your tub, sit there if you drink, have a little wine, if you smoke, smoke you a little something, and you sit there in solitude.
24:11
SPEAKER_01: If you can, off the phone, read a book, listen to music, do something, but like be intentional with doing something for yourself.
24:21
SPEAKER_01: And it don't have to be super long, it don't have to be for hours.
24:25
SPEAKER_01: If you only got 15 minutes, you take them 15 and you run with it, and you make it the best 15 minutes of your life.
24:36
SPEAKER_01: But you have to be intentional, that's what it's all about.
24:38
SPEAKER_01: Being intentional with pouring back into your cup, not what it looks like on paper or Instagram or to your friends or what other people might think about it.
24:49
SPEAKER_01: Like, that's not self-care girl.
24:51
SPEAKER_01: Maybe not to you, but this works for me.
24:54
SPEAKER_01: So pick one thing, just one.
24:57
SPEAKER_01: It could be a cup of coffee, it could be a little sweet treat, it could be watching one episode of one show uninterrupted by yourself.
25:06
SPEAKER_01: It could be you taking a nap, it could be anything, but just one thing that is purely for you.
25:12
SPEAKER_01: Not a two birds, one stone type situation, like you grouping in other people to make it convenient.
25:19
SPEAKER_01: Like just take a moment for yourself to do something for yourself, nobody else.
25:26
SPEAKER_01: Because the version of you that takes care of themselves is not indulgent, she is wise, she understands the ramifications of ignoring herself, of neglecting herself, of not giving the things that her body and her spirit is literally calling for.
25:46
SPEAKER_01: That's smart.
25:48
SPEAKER_01: Ignoring it is not smart.
25:50
SPEAKER_01: Are you not smart, babe?
25:52
SPEAKER_01: I don't think you are.
25:53
SPEAKER_01: Smart people watch this show, so I don't think you're a dummy.
25:56
SPEAKER_01: So listen to that wine, that mind, that inner knowing.
26:01
SPEAKER_01: They know.
26:01
SPEAKER_01: Do what you gotta do to take care of yourself because you deserve the same energy and the same amount of love and care and intention that you give everybody else.
26:13
SPEAKER_01: So give it to yourself.
26:16
SPEAKER_01: You already know what time it is.
26:19
SPEAKER_01: It's time for I Say This With Love.
26:22
SPEAKER_01: And as a reminder, if you want to have your submission read on one of these episodes, visit the tiny URL link and submit your information there.
26:31
SPEAKER_01: A friend took me out for my birthday dinner, said it was on her, then sent a Vimo request for half two days later.
26:42
SPEAKER_01: I paid it because I didn't want to deal with anything, but girl, what the hell?
26:48
SPEAKER_01: I'm still tight about it.
26:50
SPEAKER_01: I feel like I shouldn't have paid and I need to say something.
26:54
SPEAKER_01: But at this point, I feel like that just ruined the friendship.
26:58
SPEAKER_01: I don't know.
26:59
SPEAKER_01: Help me decide what it is that I need to do.
27:02
SPEAKER_01: I say this with love.
27:04
SPEAKER_01: I um don't know what I would do because my friends would never uh they know I don't even get down like that.
27:11
SPEAKER_01: Um it's giving cheap, it's giving manipulation, it's giving if you broke, just say that.
27:19
SPEAKER_01: You know, like I was not a part of this, I wasn't the group that had to deal with this.
27:25
SPEAKER_01: But years ago, there was a person that I knew, and we were all out, and they told the person whose birthday we were celebrating for, like, we getting you a bottle, like it's on me.
27:40
SPEAKER_01: Don't even, don't even worry.
27:41
SPEAKER_01: I'm getting you a bottle.
27:43
SPEAKER_01: Don't even trip.
27:44
SPEAKER_01: She was like, okay, cool, you know?
27:47
SPEAKER_01: Then they proceed to Vemo or Cash App Zell something, request X amount of dollars from each person in the group, except me, because again, come on now.
28:01
SPEAKER_01: Also, I wasn't drinking, so like, girl, please.
28:04
SPEAKER_01: Um, asking them to go in on it, and they like, uh, what?
28:09
SPEAKER_01: You wrote that check, you cash it.
28:11
SPEAKER_01: If you ain't got the money, don't offer because that's weird.
28:15
SPEAKER_01: But also, this is your birthday, and they said they're taking you out, and then they asked you to pay for half, and it's your birthday.
28:29
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I wouldn't have paid it.
28:31
SPEAKER_01: Um, if you want, you could ask for the money back and really like get that off your chest and express that, but that's weird.
28:38
SPEAKER_01: Like, did this person give any context about why they need the money?
28:44
SPEAKER_01: Like, did they not really have it?
28:46
SPEAKER_01: Are y'all like cool like that?
28:48
SPEAKER_01: I don't know.
28:49
SPEAKER_01: Um, but I absolutely wouldn't take it.
28:51
SPEAKER_01: I feel like if you not even feel like just like a general rule, if you invite somebody somewhere, I feel like you should pay unless it's expressed before you get there.
29:04
SPEAKER_01: Cause what what do you what do you mean?
29:08
SPEAKER_01: Now I get if you go into like someone else's birthday dinner and someone invites you, like of course they're not paying.
29:14
SPEAKER_01: But like, again, it's your birthday, you the birthday.
29:18
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, it's weird.
29:19
SPEAKER_01: I don't know.
29:20
SPEAKER_01: And how much was the dinner?
29:21
SPEAKER_01: You know, like was it a lot?
29:22
SPEAKER_01: Like, I look.
29:25
SPEAKER_01: Let me I would express how you feel.
29:31
SPEAKER_01: Let her know that's weird.
29:34
SPEAKER_01: If you choose to move forward with the friendship or collecting your money, do so.
29:40
SPEAKER_01: Um, but that is not normal behavior.
29:43
SPEAKER_01: Uh, hopefully, she could provide some context as to why she did it, and if she catches an attitude, then you really have your answer.
29:52
SPEAKER_01: Because no real friend would do no weird shit like that, in my opinion.
29:56
SPEAKER_01: None of my friends would.
29:57
SPEAKER_01: So I that's not what I know as a friend.
30:00
SPEAKER_01: So yeah, I would say something.
30:03
SPEAKER_01: And that is all for today's episode.
30:06
SPEAKER_01: As a reminder, follow us on the socials, hit us for all inquiries on the email, use the tiny URL link for all I say this with love submissions, and follow us on the Patreon.
30:19
SPEAKER_01: And don't forget to like, share, comment, send this out, engage with the posts, with the videos, spread the word.
30:28
SPEAKER_01: Because that's how this gets bigger.
30:30
SPEAKER_01: That's how we get our name out there, and that's how we start doing more cool shit, having more guests.
30:36
SPEAKER_01: You know, the people that I want on here.
30:38
SPEAKER_01: They probably not gonna be cheap, and they're not gonna do it for free if they don't know who I am.
30:43
SPEAKER_01: So let's blow this up so we can make this more interesting with the people that we bring on.
30:48
SPEAKER_01: Because y'all gonna see when the money starts getting long, y'all will see.
30:52
SPEAKER_01: There will be changes.
30:53
SPEAKER_01: But I appreciate y'all.
30:55
SPEAKER_01: And as always, I'm RJ.
30:58
SPEAKER_01: This is the Alive I Guess podcast, and I'll see y'all same time next week.