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The Fear of Being Left: Why You Cling, Push Away, and Can't Trust Love · A Capture Deep Vibs A Positive Space For Inspiration And Embracing Of Heart

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  Speaker 1: Abandonment is a strong word. No one wants to be abandoned,
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  Speaker 1: but a pervasive fear of abandonment is something that can
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  Speaker 1: be picked up on and addressed by a licensed therapist.
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  Speaker 1: Here are a few ways you can spot a fear
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  Speaker 1: of abandonment in yourself. How does a fear of abandonment form?
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  Speaker 1: Examining the childhood of people with a fear of abandonment,
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  Speaker 1: one thing stands out. Lust. This loss could come in
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  Speaker 1: many forms. The loss of a close friend, a close
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  Speaker 1: family member, or divorce can all lead to a fear
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  Speaker 1: of abandonment. A study on the effect of divorce was
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  Speaker 1: published in the Journal of Abnormal Child Psychology, and another
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  Speaker 1: separate study on the effect of the loss of a
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  Speaker 1: parent was published in the Journal of Youth and Adolescents.
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  Speaker 1: A common finding between both of these studies was the
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  Speaker 1: effect each event had on attachment and that both events
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  Speaker 1: were an origin for depressive symptoms. Other factors can contribute
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  Speaker 1: as well, such as constant ridiculing or a lack of
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  Speaker 1: physical affection. Children require a lot of love and care,
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  Speaker 1: but sometimes parents don't consider the long-term effects of how
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  Speaker 1: they speak and act around their children. But a child
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  Speaker 1: can't look at you and say, hey, I have a
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  Speaker 1: fear of abandonment. So how else do we know if
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  Speaker 1: your abandonment is forming? Look at your attachment style. These
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  Speaker 1: can change over time, but can be present from your
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  Speaker 1: childhood into adulthood. This is a good indicator of a
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  Speaker 1: fear of abandonment, no matter what stage of life you're
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  Speaker 1: currently in. Abandonment issues and a fear of abandonment are
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  Speaker 1: a form of anxiety. People with a fear of abandonment
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  Speaker 1: typically show signs of an anxious or an avoidant attachment style.
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  Speaker 1: According to psychologist Dr. Francis Stevens, people with different attachment
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  Speaker 1: styles cope with emotions in different ways. People with an
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  Speaker 1: anxious attachment style have trouble controlling their response to emotions.
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  Speaker 1: People with an avoidant attachment style have trouble recognizing emotion.
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  Speaker 1: If you have an anxious attachment style, you might hate
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  Speaker 1: being alone, you might have a poor sense of self-worth,
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  Speaker 1: and you might constantly be aware of potential threats to
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  Speaker 1: your relationships. It may feel inevitable that your partner or
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  Speaker 1: close friends will leave you. In your relationships, you might
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  Speaker 1: constantly require validation or reassurance. Seeking reassurance is a normal
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  Speaker 1: thing from time to time, but a constant need for
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  Speaker 1: reassurance points towards a deeper insecurity that could potentially come
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  Speaker 1: from a fear of abandonment. Physical Touch If you feel
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  Speaker 1: like something is wrong in your relationship just because your
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  Speaker 1: partner hasn't reached for your hand, hugged you, or kissed
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  Speaker 1: you in the last five minutes, you might have an
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  Speaker 1: anxious attachment style. Remember what we said earlier? A lack
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  Speaker 1: of physical affection can contribute to a fear of abandonment
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  Speaker 1: forming in your childhood. See how the way our childhood
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  Speaker 1: unfolds affects our lives? A study on affection deprivation by
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  Speaker 1: psychologist Corey Floyd found that being deprived of affection negatively
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  Speaker 1: affects us in many ways, namely general health, happiness, social support,
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  Speaker 1: and most importantly, with regards to a fear of abandonment,
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  Speaker 1: relationship satisfaction, and attachment security. We will always try to
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  Speaker 1: fill the voids we find in ourselves. We want words
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  Speaker 1: of reassurance and physical affection because it's a vital part
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  Speaker 1: of our upbringing that we never had. So, we look
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  Speaker 1: for these things in the people we're closest with now. So,
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  Speaker 1: have you asked yourself if something has happened in your
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  Speaker 1: childhood that might have caused you to be afraid of abandonment?
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  Speaker 1: Is something happening now that makes you think that this
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  Speaker 1: fear is influencing your closest relationships? How will a fear
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  Speaker 1: of abandonment affect your future? A fear of abandonment doesn't
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  Speaker 1: have to define your relationships with friends and family for
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  Speaker 1: the rest of your life. All it means is that
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  Speaker 1: some people might think of you as clingy or needy,
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  Speaker 1: and it can make relationships frustrating for you as well.
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  Speaker 1: It may feel like there's always something missing. You aren't
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  Speaker 1: getting enough affection or attention. Your friends don't care about you.
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  Speaker 1: Your family isn't proud of you. These thoughts build resentment.
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  Speaker 1: A fear of abandonment can cause you to grow distant
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  Speaker 1: and avoid building close relationships. According to communication experts Craig
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  Speaker 1: Fowler and Megan Dillow, people with attachment styles that indicate
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  Speaker 1: a fear of abandonment often cause conflicts that result in
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  Speaker 1: their fears becoming a reality. It can be lonely, but
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  Speaker 1: there is hope. A fear of abandonment is something that
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  Speaker 1: can be identified by a licensed therapist. They can offer
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  Speaker 1: you tools that will aid your journey through your fears
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  Speaker 1: and lead you to a place where your relationships can
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  Speaker 1: feel more complete. Aside from professional help, your partner should
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  Speaker 1: be someone who is understanding and present. Try to talk
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  Speaker 1: to them about your fears and the things they can
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  Speaker 1: do to feel present. And if you are the partner
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  Speaker 1: or friend of someone who has a fear of abandonment,
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  Speaker 1: you could use your words in reassuring your partner. According
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  Speaker 1: to a 2009 study published in the Journal of Social
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  Speaker 1: and Personal Relationships, couples with insecure attachment styles tend to
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  Speaker 1: have worse communication. So if you or your partner has
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  Speaker 1: a fear of abandonment, communication should be a major focus
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  Speaker 1: with the goal of making one another feel secure. You're
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  Speaker 1: only human. You can get distracted or busy and can't
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  Speaker 1: give your partner attention 24-7. So whenever you have a chance,
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  Speaker 1: just tell them you love them or send them a
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  Speaker 1: text saying you're thinking about them. It can't hurt to
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  Speaker 1: do this regardless of whether or not they have a
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  Speaker 1: fear of abandonment. Just bear in mind that a person
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  Speaker 1: with a fear of abandonment may just require a little
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  Speaker 1: more attention. Try to become familiar with the anxious and
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  Speaker 1: avoidant attachment styles to better understand what they might be
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  Speaker 1: thinking and feeling in order to avoid conflict. So, do
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  Speaker 1: you or a loved one struggle with a fear of
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  Speaker 1: abandonment Share some tips that have helped you in the
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  Speaker 1: comments below. Remember to leave a comment if you found
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  Speaker 1: this video helpful or interesting, and subscribe to Psych2Go for
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  Speaker 1: more content like this. Thanks for watching!