Latest / Papa Gut / Groomer, Cheater, Youth Pastor, Minister | Another Insane TikTok Rabbit Hole

Transcript

Groomer, Cheater, Youth Pastor, Minister | Another Insane TikTok Rabbit Hole · Papa Gut

• 0:00
  What's up, guys? Yeah, I'm going to keep this
• 0:02
  short and sweet. I came across this kind of
• 0:05
  insane rabbit hole about this woman who wants to make her
• 0:10
  content about how she's recovering from betrayal because
• 0:13
  her husband, who used to be a youth minister, cheated on her
• 0:17
  with somebody who was her best friend and also another content
• 0:21
  creator, but she was actually successful.
• 0:24
  Who is this person? But then it turns out that the
• 0:31
  husband seems to have been the girl's youth pastor when she was
• 0:34
  still a minor. I believe she was 17.
• 0:37
  And then they turns into a massive kind of just scandal of
• 0:42
  group the church settled. There's a lot that happens in
• 0:45
  here. It kind of comes out of nowhere.
• 0:49
  Yeah. So enjoy.
• 0:50
  Enjoy the ride because it's a it's quite a doozy.
• 0:54
  I'll tell you that much, but you guys know really quick where to
• 0:56
  do the plugs. If you guys like the members
• 0:57
  only content you get on Patreon or YouTube, the small guide
• 0:59
  gives you access to the discord. The full access to the medium
• 1:02
  guide gives you access to a tremendous amount of backlog
• 1:03
  content. Again, you can get on YouTube or
• 1:05
  Patreon. Papa got, excuse me, Robin Dan
• 1:08
  channel with my wife or podcast channel.
• 1:10
  It's a lot of fun and then I got stickers link in the
• 1:12
  description. So let's get this going.
• 1:13
  I found the reason why why no one wants to come forward about
• 1:16
  why their husband's cheating on them and their porn addiction or
• 1:20
  anything that's going on in their marriage because the
• 1:22
  Internet. Sounds like a trauma dump for #1
• 1:24
  #2 Why would you want to come forward and talk about that
• 1:26
  publicly on the Internet? I mean, listen, if you're going
• 1:31
  to, OK. Is like a tough place to be.
• 1:34
  This person said staying with a file is insane.
• 1:36
  I must not understand the lore behind this person.
• 1:38
  This is insane. Because I posted a video about
• 1:43
  my husband's affair and it. Why like not for nothing, like I
• 1:48
  don't know your relationship. If you want to be like, hey,
• 1:49
  maybe he did it because I don't know, she's been messing with
• 1:54
  the dog or something, whatever. I don't know.
• 1:56
  I don't, I don't have any interest.
• 1:57
  But like you're, you're telling people online and then you're
• 1:59
  getting upset with them if they don't like have compassion for
• 2:01
  your you or your husband. You're embarrassing yourself.
• 2:04
  Like that's embarrassing when that happens to you.
• 2:06
  Why would you want to publicize that and talk about it on the
• 2:08
  Internet? What kind of what are you just
• 2:09
  looking for the Internet to be like?
• 2:10
  No, no, no, stay with him. He's still like a really good
• 2:12
  guy. Don't worry about it.
• 2:15
  I don't get it. Is incredibly complicated and
• 2:17
  I'm not here to say that it's not.
• 2:19
  It was. It's tremendously harmful.
• 2:21
  I'm hurt by it and. Why are you talking about it
• 2:24
  online? You're obviously not hurt enough
• 2:25
  by. It I'm in the process of
• 2:27
  recovery, my husband's in the process of recovery and maybe
• 2:29
  one day like. What is he recovering from?
• 2:33
  Like a strong has been another. Woman, we'll know a five year
• 2:35
  plan, but right now I'm committing to the like next
• 2:38
  step. But the goal of my post is that
• 2:41
  this is supposed to be a place that, like women that are
• 2:43
  walking through betrayal can get resources and feel seen.
• 2:47
  What resource do you possibly have for women that have been
• 2:50
  cheated on like a knife for their husband?
• 2:54
  Because I know there's women that are sitting next to you at
• 2:56
  work, that are sitting next to you at church and they are going
• 3:00
  through betrayal and they don't want to say it because like,
• 3:04
  they're nervous. Maybe they recently caught their
• 3:06
  husband. Maybe their husband recently
• 3:07
  said something. Well, I mean, if they're part of
• 3:09
  a church infrastructure, I feel like one of the reasons they
• 3:11
  don't feel comfortable expressing that they were
• 3:13
  cheated on this because the church community is going to
• 3:15
  bury it because it justifies male like bad behavior from men
• 3:17
  and all you have to do is say sorry to God and everything is
• 3:19
  better. Or like they're struggling with
• 3:21
  a poor addiction or like they just like they're struggling
• 3:25
  with something and people don't want to come forward with it
• 3:27
  because we live in such a culture that like betrayal and
• 3:31
  cheating is like murdering someone and.
• 3:33
  You could just not talk about it online dude.
• 3:35
  Yes, like this is, I mean, this is the death of a marriage,
• 3:38
  right? That's what we're talking about.
• 3:40
  We're talking about whether or not this is the end or the death
• 3:43
  of someone's marriage. It is very serious.
• 3:46
  And I do think like I get a little saucy in the.
• 3:50
  Comment Now we got it. Now we got it, guys.
• 3:52
  Look, she's following Nick Shirley.
• 3:55
  There you go. That's that's all I really
• 3:57
  needed to hear. OK, she's following next year.
• 3:59
  OK, so she's obviously some weird freak conservative.
• 4:03
  Got it. OK.
• 4:05
  Comment section because I'm a little bit sassy and like when
• 4:09
  it comes to like the legal side of what I'm going through, like
• 4:12
  that's a whole nother betrayal in and of itself.
• 4:16
  What? So like, that's just a whole
• 4:19
  other thing and I think people are really getting caught up in
• 4:21
  that. What my focus is is betrayal.
• 4:26
  Let's walk through that together.
• 4:28
  Like what does it look like? I'm curious about what her first
• 4:31
  video like was about now, honestly.
• 4:34
  When you've been harmed by your spouse, like yes, I was also
• 4:38
  harmed by a friend, but like, what does it look like when like
• 4:40
  betrayal was in your home and I. I don't know, this deep dive is
• 4:47
  crazy. Just listen to like the first
• 4:49
  few seconds. Do my close friends filed A
• 4:50
  lawsuit against my husband for and sexual harassment.
• 4:55
  All right. I'm excited.
• 4:58
  I'm excited to see what this is about.
• 5:00
  OK. In in a recovery like I've been
• 5:03
  in a recovery program, a 12 step program.
• 5:05
  My husband was in a 12 step program.
• 5:07
  Wow. And it was really powerful
• 5:10
  because you have these women that have like effectively
• 5:13
  ruined their lives. Some have murdered people.
• 5:16
  And I'm praying for restoration of their families.
• 5:19
  I'm praying for restorations of of their life.
• 5:21
  And I'm seeing that. And I pray that for all my
• 5:24
  friends that they don't walk through this again.
• 5:27
  And the least that I can do is talk about like, yeah, what are
• 5:30
  the red flags that maybe like I didn't see before that I would
• 5:35
  probably talk about now, what are the boundaries right now
• 5:37
  that I would have in my marriage that I didn't have before
• 5:40
  because. I don't know, maybe like harm
• 5:42
  your husband physically if he cheats on.
• 5:44
  Like, I, I like, listen, we need to kind of get rid of this
• 5:47
  respectfulness here. Like I'm if you do, you know,
• 5:51
  there should be a reasonable threat from a woman that if a
• 5:54
  man cheats on her, that like she'll stab him in his sleep or
• 5:57
  not. Like, Dad, I'm obviously joking,
• 6:00
  guys, but like, yeah, I don't know.
• 6:05
  Be crazy. Be a crazy fucking bitch, man.
• 6:07
  In a good way. Like, men love that.
• 6:09
  Set us really strong, sharp boundaries.
• 6:11
  What do you want me to tell you? I got married young.
• 6:14
  Like, what are those things that we need to talk about?
• 6:17
  Lawsuits. Yeah, I get that.
• 6:19
  That's the juicy portion and I get that that is complicated.
• 6:23
  But I don't have any question of whether or not like my like I
• 6:28
  don't have any questions about the lawsuit because I do like I
• 6:32
  trust the legal system. I also trust myself because like
• 6:35
  I participated in all the discovery.
• 6:39
  Trust the legal system? Let's see.
• 6:41
  Oh, apparently she's following Donald Trump.
• 6:43
  You trust the legal system? That guy raped women and
• 6:46
  children. He also instructed the
• 6:49
  government. You trust the legal system.
• 6:51
  Which was really painful, but I had to know for myself what was
• 6:56
  true that was really important. And for you, like maybe you
• 6:59
  just, you know, need to just hear it from your spouse and you
• 7:03
  want them to confess. And I'm praying that like they
• 7:06
  come clean to you because I do think there's.
• 7:08
  Powerful. It sounds like he came clean to
• 7:09
  a different woman. Power in disclosure.
• 7:11
  It became dirty. I don't know.
• 7:11
  Closure versus discovery I was disclosed that my husband had an
• 7:16
  affair and it does change when you you know catch, you know
• 7:20
  your spouse in sin. Yeah, OK.
• 7:25
  I don't know, I just feel like we're losing the plot.
• 7:27
  Like, don't we want to be there for our friends and our family
• 7:31
  and our sisters and our brothers that are walking in betrayal?
• 7:34
  That doesn't mean they need to stay together.
• 7:35
  They could walk a different journey.
• 7:37
  I. Oh my God, walk a different
• 7:38
  journey. I do think betrayal is the death
• 7:40
  of a marriage. So then what are we doing here?
• 7:42
  Like I am walking through that so.
• 7:45
  Get a fucking friend talk to Grok like it's what are you
• 7:47
  trauma dumping on the fucking Internet for?
• 7:49
  For all of you in the comment section that are like, Oh my
• 7:52
  gosh, your husband is a groomer, a pedophile, all these things
• 7:55
  that. That's fucking insane.
• 7:57
  Was a lawsuit that was dismissed and.
• 8:01
  That that you're not even saying no, you're saying it's a lawsuit
• 8:03
  that was dismissed. I'm very skeptical of what's
• 8:05
  happening right now. And I have some feelings about
• 8:08
  why that lawsuit even happened, but it is not the plot.
• 8:11
  The plot is. I'm walking through betrayal and
• 8:16
  I'm walking alongside like friends and family and like
• 8:20
  people within the church. And honestly, if they said if
• 8:23
  people close to me said you need to leave your husband, like he's
• 8:26
  not getting well, he is not working on himself, I would
• 8:29
  listen to them. So you're saying your husband is
• 8:32
  working on himself? OK.
• 8:34
  I'm not going to listen to a bunch of.
• 8:36
  It sounds like he could just do whatever he wants and you'll let
• 8:38
  him get away with it. That's what I'm interpreting
• 8:40
  this. As random people on the
• 8:41
  Internet, but what I want to provide are resources of things
• 8:45
  that I'm learning. Like Even so many people like
• 8:47
  today have messaged me like what they're learning and like what
• 8:52
  resources that they have, but I would just really glean like.
• 8:57
  OK. Like bullying someone on the
• 9:00
  Internet that is walking through a really hard time.
• 9:04
  It's just not the move. Like it's just it's just not the
• 9:07
  move. And I did post a story about
• 9:10
  like the lawsuit a little like the timeline, like I can go more
• 9:14
  into that. That's just not.
• 9:16
  This is the weirdest rabbit hole I've ever seen right now.
• 9:19
  That's just not my story. Like my story is like, I'm a
• 9:22
  recovering woman right now. I'm in a hospital season.
• 9:26
  I need Jesus and I need friends around me.
• 9:30
  And I know that there's people on here that.
• 9:32
  What does that have to do with you being online?
• 9:33
  Are you looking for friends on TikTok?
• 9:35
  I don't understand. You're like 40 years old.
• 9:37
  I need that too. What the fuck?
• 9:40
  This isn't ridiculous. Wait, this is like this is going
• 9:42
  to be deeper than I thought it was going to.
• 9:44
  Be I haven't been here on a while because my husband had an
• 9:46
  affair with one of my closest friends and I've been a a little
• 9:49
  bit busy dealing with the impact of that and how is.
• 9:52
  You've been burying him or something.
• 9:54
  What's going on with that? Affected my life and all of
• 9:56
  those around me and I have recently felt really compelled
• 9:59
  to talk about it. You really you felt compelled to
• 10:02
  come online and talk about this? This seems like the dumbest idea
• 10:04
  you could possibly fucking engage in.
• 10:06
  Because I'm like a year, more than a year out of disclosure
• 10:10
  from my husband. But also Jen Hamilton has been
• 10:13
  talking about her like her husband's affair.
• 10:15
  And a lot of people have been like, why are you wearing out
• 10:17
  your dirty laundry? Why are you even talking about
• 10:18
  this? Great question.
• 10:19
  Just keep it to like, keep it offline.
• 10:21
  Blah, blah. And I feel for her because I do
• 10:23
  think betrayal is something that people definitely talk about
• 10:26
  like it's dirty laundry, like they're like, well, it was just
• 10:29
  an emotional affair was just a kiss or like we minimize so much
• 10:34
  of the impact of what's going on in people's lives when they
• 10:36
  experience betrayal. So I.
• 10:38
  Talk to a friend. Where the fuck are you online
• 10:40
  like this is like you don't need to be online talking about this.
• 10:42
  I have decided that I'm going to talk about it and it's time to
• 10:44
  talk about it. I literally just.
• 10:47
  Got out. Of my therapy session, I go to a
• 10:50
  betrayal trauma therapist I'm. What is that?
• 10:53
  Is that religious centric or like an actual therapist?
• 10:55
  Did the therapist say you should come talk online about this?
• 10:58
  She's here. She reminds me of that one girl
• 10:59
  that thought she was like in love with a therapist.
• 11:01
  So lucky to have her. I'm very thankful that I have a
• 11:04
  specialist, but something that I have learned along the way is
• 11:08
  that the road of betrayal is incredibly isolating.
• 11:11
  And when my husband first came forward in June of last year, to
• 11:14
  me, there was like no resources is it was like, oh, go to
• 11:17
  marriage therapy and I'm like, wait a second, there's something
• 11:20
  deeply wrong with my husband that.
• 11:22
  Wait, if if there's pedophilia allegations, was she?
• 11:24
  Yeah, that's a good question. Do you think she met her best
• 11:26
  friend's daughter? Yeah, I don't know, maybe.
• 11:28
  He has had an affair with one of my closest friends for years.
• 11:30
  Like going to marriage therapy. I don't think it's going to
• 11:32
  solve that. Now my husband and I like we
• 11:35
  have been in marriage therapy. I love my husband a lot and
• 11:38
  really just wanted him to get well.
• 11:39
  And I basically said I don't care who you choose but I will
• 11:42
  not share. And but my husband pretty
• 11:44
  quickly was like I am not well. Like this is not me.
• 11:46
  This is not who I want to be like I don't know who.
• 11:48
  I Oh a demon A demon entered the body I.
• 11:52
  Am right now and so to complicate the matters he is
• 11:56
  like in a ministry position at a church.
• 11:58
  He was in a ministry position at the church at the time, so we
• 11:59
  also. Oh yeah, the grooming should
• 12:01
  make sense then. He's in a ministry position.
• 12:03
  He's in a position of power in the church.
• 12:06
  Yeah, I think that that sounds like grooming to me.
• 12:11
  That sounds like it could be grooming to me.
• 12:12
  Even if you could, you could potentially groom an adult as a
• 12:15
  minister at a church. This is the problem is that like
• 12:17
  it doesn't mean that that is what happened, but you have an
• 12:20
  entire ideology that centralizes around like completely giving
• 12:23
  yourself up to like God, right? This ultimate figure and being
• 12:26
  and these people that are working in the church to priests
• 12:28
  and whatever ministers, they are representations of God.
• 12:32
  And so like if you're somebody in the church and you're like,
• 12:34
  hey, what's going on minister? Like you're telling me about
• 12:37
  God. Like you have a significant
• 12:38
  amount of power over these people with religious psychosis,
• 12:41
  right? Like it's basically like I would
• 12:42
  consider everybody that gives money to mega churches, like
• 12:44
  they are intellectually like they have religious psychosis
• 12:46
  and they're intellectually groomed by like a charismatic,
• 12:49
  the devil worshippers that pretend to be of God.
• 12:54
  So like, yeah, that would make sense why there's allegations of
• 12:58
  grooming against this guy. Apparently pedophilia too, but
• 13:01
  we'll see when that happens. Only or he chose to resign like
• 13:06
  that was a choice that he made there, but basically.
• 13:08
  I'm hoping that they asked him to resign, but OK.
• 13:11
  Like we like I found out my husband had an affair with one
• 13:14
  of my closest friends and then like he doesn't have a job and
• 13:17
  so now I'm the income provider. And then and then like a few
• 13:20
  months later, then the person that he had an affair with,
• 13:23
  which was one of my closest friends, you probably know who
• 13:25
  she is. Like we were really close, like
• 13:27
  close, close friends. We travel the world together.
• 13:29
  She has a social media platform. And so like we were together a
• 13:32
  lot. And then she said that he had
• 13:34
  taken advantage of her. And so for years I've been
• 13:36
  sitting around while like she's been groomed by him effectively
• 13:39
  and I was devastated and on. You're you're saying you believe
• 13:43
  her. OK, so it sounds like you
• 13:45
  actually think that she was groomed?
• 13:47
  So many levels, right? Like you, like your husband
• 13:50
  tells you that they have an affair and then suddenly like
• 13:52
  then your church is your church is being sued for sexual
• 13:53
  harassment because of something that your husband did or didn't
• 13:56
  do so. Well, you sounds like you
• 13:57
  believe her. Ultimately, like, like my
• 14:00
  experience wasn't that like she was being taken advantage of,
• 14:03
  but what's important is that. She now you do think OK.
• 14:06
  Felt like that and so she filed A lawsuit and so I became the
• 14:09
  paralegal of that. I did write a sub stack recently
• 14:11
  about that. Why are you writing sub stacks?
• 14:13
  You became paralegal? What?
• 14:14
  Why are you writing sub stacks about lawsuit against her
• 14:18
  husband? This is this is weird.
• 14:19
  Is she doing all this just to get people to go to her sub
• 14:21
  stack? That's pretty raw about the
• 14:22
  impact of then what a lawsuit kind of did to me because I was
• 14:25
  like, well, I need to know like what is true because betrayal's
• 14:27
  incredibly disoriented, like so disorienting.
• 14:30
  It's like, wait, were we friends?
• 14:31
  Did that happen? Like I'll talk more about that
• 14:34
  later, but basically. You shouldn't.
• 14:35
  You should not be talking about this online.
• 14:37
  It's very clear that she has no friend.
• 14:38
  This actually makes sense of her friend and cheated or was taken
• 14:41
  advantage of or whatever by her husband.
• 14:42
  I don't really know. It makes sense that she has
• 14:44
  nobody else to talk to because she had like 1 friend.
• 14:46
  Like I became paralegal, went through all the stuff.
• 14:50
  Ultimately there were no depositions or anything.
• 14:53
  My husband was found not liable. Well that makes sense.
• 14:55
  If it's a very religious community and he was part of the
• 14:57
  church, it sounds like it was dropped in some way.
• 15:00
  Like I wouldn't doubt that there is an influence there, but OK.
• 15:02
  Well, it was dismissed basically, like my husband was
• 15:04
  dismissed from the lawsuit. And so, yeah, that had a huge
• 15:07
  impact on me because then that was like posted everywhere.
• 15:10
  He was her youth pastor when she was underage 17.
• 15:12
  They had an affair when she was 24 to 27.
• 15:14
  Interest now? And so I was getting messages
• 15:16
  like your husbands, A groomer, like why you're staying with
• 15:18
  him, all the stuff. So my husbands like during this
• 15:20
  time like going through a recovery program like he's he
• 15:23
  had pretty immediately gone to go to like a retreat.
• 15:26
  He then had accountability partners.
• 15:28
  We both went to have been in recovery program for the.
• 15:31
  Accountability Partners, The. Past year like a 12 step
• 15:34
  program. Highly recommend.
• 15:35
  I'll probably talk more about that too.
• 15:36
  But like we were like in the hospital season of life like my
• 15:39
  husband was like, I'm not OK. I was like, you're not OK.
• 15:41
  You need to go get well. I need to get well and.
• 15:44
  He fucking he's like taking advantage of women that are in
• 15:46
  the church and he's like, I'm not well.
• 15:47
  I'm not well. I need help.
• 15:49
  I only fuck dude. What a cop out.
• 15:52
  We are not answering the question like some people would
• 15:54
  be like, why are you with him? Why are you playing it?
• 15:55
  And I was like, I'm not here to answer that question right now.
• 15:57
  I'm here to say in sickness and in health.
• 15:58
  My husband's not well. I've been with him since we were
• 16:01
  15. Jesus Christ.
• 16:04
  Oh, I guess that's why he's looking at other women.
• 16:06
  That's what happens when you, like, this is the problem.
• 16:07
  Like, I, I think religion, religion can be good.
• 16:09
  But like, this is what happens when you get together at 15.
• 16:11
  You're like, oh, God, so stay together forever.
• 16:12
  Like, that's fucking perfect. She looks like she's like in her
• 16:14
  30s or 40s. Like they've been together
• 16:15
  forever. Like they obviously weren't in
• 16:16
  love and they grew in different directions.
• 16:18
  You know, they're trying to force each other to stay
• 16:19
  together. So we've been together for we've
• 16:21
  been married for 10 years, like together for 20 years.
• 16:24
  I was like, this is not my husband.
• 16:25
  Like we need to get him well. So for like a year, we just
• 16:28
  focused on. 20 years, so 35 like.
• 16:31
  No, like what does the next 10 years look like that Those are
• 16:34
  not questions that you ask. You don't make big life
• 16:36
  decisions in traumatic experiences.
• 16:39
  And now we're in the process of restoration.
• 16:41
  What does it look like to like restore marriage, like post
• 16:43
  betrayal? And there's a saying of like it
• 16:45
  takes 3 miles to walk in, three miles to walk out.
• 16:47
  So like a three-year affair, like it's going to take three
• 16:49
  years to even like, get to a place of like feeling any sort
• 16:52
  of like normalcy maybe. And like trust is time plus
• 16:56
  believable behavior. So some people are like, well,
• 16:58
  why didn't you separate? Well, I want the time plus the
• 17:00
  believable behavior. If you want to have level 10
• 17:02
  access to me, you have to have level 10 accountability.
• 17:04
  And I knew that like being close to our friends and family, he
• 17:07
  would have that. And he like, just went all in
• 17:10
  for that. We like resource ourselves
• 17:11
  pretty quickly. And yeah, so now I'm just going
• 17:15
  to like talk about. This government's funny down
• 17:16
  here church does a fantastic job of forgiving men and making
• 17:20
  women miserable. True, that's.
• 17:23
  Because this is something that's really important to me about
• 17:25
  like documenting your documenting, like the impacts,
• 17:28
  like your impact letters. So for me, there's an impact
• 17:30
  like my husband's disclosure to me, my friend's disclosure to me
• 17:34
  and that betrayal. And then also like the lawsuit
• 17:37
  and that betrayal and then like. What it was like.
• 17:39
  To read every text message that had been written over three
• 17:42
  years time to basically like prove that my husband had an
• 17:46
  affair and it wasn't like nefarious.
• 17:49
  So like there's a lot there, right?
• 17:50
  So. It wasn't nefarious was our
• 17:52
  issue referring to this like alleged grooming aspect so I'm.
• 17:55
  Just going to be talking about it.
• 17:56
  I know I haven't done to talk in a long time, but I, I did really
• 17:59
  enjoy when I was posting on TikTok.
• 18:01
  And I think that sometimes we don't want to talk about affairs
• 18:03
  because they feel like dirty laundry.
• 18:05
  It's like we don't want to talk about pornography.
• 18:07
  We don't want to talk about these things that like they do
• 18:09
  affect our marriages and they affect our life.
• 18:10
  And it was really hard to find resources.
• 18:13
  And so I'm just going to like be here talking about this.
• 18:16
  I literally right now have. Why talk to your therapist?
• 18:19
  There's no way your therapist gave you the OK to have this
• 18:21
  fucking meltdown online. This like worksheet from my.
• 18:24
  Therapist that she gave me today, that is like really
• 18:28
  great. So maybe I'll like share some of
• 18:30
  this stuff. I know that a lot of people out
• 18:32
  there are going to be like, why are you talking about this?
• 18:34
  And I'm like, you know what? I don't know, I feel really LED
• 18:36
  that when things are brought to the light, like there is
• 18:38
  freedom. Like I felt that I have seen
• 18:39
  restoration happen and I don't know what the next five years
• 18:42
  has in store, but like I know that today I can make the next
• 18:45
  right step. And that means like, being the
• 18:46
  person that I wish I would have had a year ago.
• 18:50
  Because if you're walking through a betrayal, if you're
• 18:51
  walking through abandonment, if like in your marriage, maybe
• 18:54
  there's like, I don't know, minimization of some sin.
• 18:57
  Like, let's talk about it. Like, I don't know, I know I
• 19:01
  used to like, talk about fun stuff, but but this is good
• 19:05
  work. And I do think the Lord has
• 19:06
  really put it on my heart to talk about it.
• 19:08
  And it's going to be messy. Like, I'm not a perfect person
• 19:11
  by any right? And yeah, but we're just going
• 19:15
  to navigate it together. It's a terrible idea to put all
• 19:18
  this online. My husband cheated on me with
• 19:20
  one of my closest friends and now the comment section is
• 19:23
  absolutely feral. So welcome.
• 19:25
  Wow. OK, well, what did you expect to
• 19:27
  happen? Everyone, you're all so kind.
• 19:30
  I'm navigating betrayal. There are.
• 19:32
  Adults can grandmother. I mean, like true.
• 19:34
  It depends on the community. It can happen.
• 19:36
  It's very rare. But I don't know.
• 19:37
  And this is like very religious community that they're in.
• 19:40
  The minister sleeping with this girl.
• 19:42
  Apparently he met her when she was young, like 17 and he was in
• 19:46
  his like mid 20s. I don't know, you know,
• 19:48
  especially with that relationship with God, man, You
• 19:50
  never fucking know, dude. A lot of comments with people
• 19:52
  that must be familiar to the situation.
• 19:54
  My goal with posting about this has nothing to do about.
• 19:56
  Kind of like the drama surrounding the situation has
• 19:59
  everything to do with like I'm a woman walking through betrayal.
• 20:02
  I honestly believe that like she's not doing this for social
• 20:05
  media attention. I think that she's doing this
• 20:07
  because she has no friends left because she had one friend and
• 20:10
  her husband potentially groomed her so.
• 20:14
  And then what, how do we move forward from that?
• 20:15
  But I do feel like I guess since the comments section is
• 20:18
  absolutely fair, I could address the situation.
• 20:20
  I never have said I know what the next five years looks like.
• 20:23
  I know what the next 10 years looks like.
• 20:25
  All I know is that my husband confessed something that he did
• 20:28
  something he was involved in and he said he wanted to get well.
• 20:30
  And I was like, good for you. Like I want you to do that.
• 20:33
  I'm here to cheer you on and support you doing that.
• 20:34
  I don't want you to hurt me anymore.
• 20:35
  So we have boundaries and we can talk more about that.
• 20:38
  Clearly the comment section is very interested and they're just
• 20:41
  like. Well, you're posting it on the
• 20:42
  Internet, so. Dump him.
• 20:44
  So if you think about it through the lens of addiction, when you
• 20:47
  have someone that has, let's say, a alcohol addiction and
• 20:50
  you've tried to get them into a A and like, you keep on going to
• 20:53
  their house and they're still, you know, alcohol and they still
• 20:56
  is. She saying that he has a
• 20:56
  cheating addiction. Keep on messing up.
• 20:58
  Or does she mention he has a porn addiction or something?
• 21:01
  Yeah, that's an issue because, like, it can continue to be an
• 21:03
  abusive situation. And I'm very aware of that.
• 21:06
  I have family members that struggle with addiction.
• 21:08
  And so I saw it like that. I immediately told my husband,
• 21:10
  like, OK, like, you're unwell. Like, this is similar to an
• 21:13
  addiction. Like you've been living in a
• 21:14
  fantasy. World for the past few years and
• 21:16
  what's the fantasy world? I mean I understand a porn
• 21:18
  addiction, I probably like have one myself but like what?
• 21:22
  Like what? What the fuck is this have to do
• 21:25
  with him being in a position of power I don't understand.
• 21:27
  And in order to do that, we kind of have to like strangle every
• 21:31
  sin, everything that's below this because it's not about like
• 21:33
  to be honest, it's not about the cheating.
• 21:35
  It's not about that that is a symptom of something else that's
• 21:37
  wrong. And so whether it be like
• 21:39
  codependency or a sex addiction, we are going to delve into that
• 21:42
  because I do care about my husband and that like whether or
• 21:45
  not we would. Stay together and are going to
• 21:46
  pursue restoration of our marriage.
• 21:48
  You know, she keeps talking. I'm starting to think like, hey,
• 21:50
  you know, maybe he's valid for cheating on her because she's so
• 21:52
  fucking annoying. Sorry she's shut the fuck up.
• 21:57
  Talk about this to somebody offline.
• 21:59
  Dude, get a get a second therapist.
• 22:03
  That's my advice to you. Get a second therapist.
• 22:05
  Talk to both at the same time. I want to see him well and I
• 22:07
  want to see my friend well. I told my friend when I talk to
• 22:11
  her, the same grace extends to her too and ultimately want her
• 22:13
  to be well. Now it is different because this
• 22:15
  is my husband. I live in the same house with
• 22:17
  him. Like there are different.
• 22:19
  There's a different impact when, you know, you choose to separate
• 22:22
  and that's a choice that like down the line we could make if
• 22:25
  he keeps on like if like alcohol, if he keeps on bringing
• 22:27
  his addiction into the house. And I will talk more about this
• 22:30
  like I have certain. Brings his addiction to the
• 22:32
  house. Are you saying that they had sex
• 22:34
  in your house? What?
• 22:38
  Like I have certain like rules and things that are part of our
• 22:42
  marriage now that weren't part of it before.
• 22:44
  And we are learning and we are very much in a recovery phase.
• 22:49
  I call it like the hospital stage of like we both are
• 22:52
  bleeding out and need resources and support.
• 22:54
  And so my intention in posting this video has everything to do
• 22:57
  with like I know there's other women that just found out that
• 23:00
  their husband has cheated on them and they are lonely and
• 23:02
  they're scared and they like clearly they don't want to talk
• 23:04
  about it cuz everyone. I'm going.
• 23:05
  To be like leave right now. Is this what she's trying to do?
• 23:08
  Like she's trying to turn her like getting cheated on into a
• 23:10
  career to have resources for other women Because again, she
• 23:13
  has a sub stack stumbling through this is what it says.
• 23:17
  Stumbling through healing and portrayal or excuse me from
• 23:19
  portrayal if you're figuring life out two welcome launched 2
• 23:24
  months ago. Oh dude.
• 23:25
  I think that she is like soft you go.
• 23:28
  No thanks. I think that she is like soft
• 23:31
  launching this. What the fuck?
• 23:33
  Look at this stuff. This one says your husband is a
• 23:35
  groomer. Or leave.
• 23:38
  OK, she's real. She's a paralegal.
• 23:40
  Now that's interesting. This is so strange.
• 23:45
  Pride may look cleaner than adultery.
• 23:47
  Gossip may look cleaner than addiction, but every sin nailed
• 23:50
  to Christ to the cross. OK, and God kind of did that.
• 23:54
  Wait, what? Pride may look cleaner than
• 23:57
  adultery. Dude, this is this is a weird
• 23:59
  one because this is her. Like she restocked this.
• 24:02
  I don't know what the fuck that means, but I'm assuming she's
• 24:04
  signal boosting this. What she's saying is that her
• 24:06
  husband is a cheater. But like you being happy,
• 24:12
  prideful in something like, oh, I'm proud of my, I don't know,
• 24:15
  my kid for winning the wrestling tournament.
• 24:17
  That's that's also a sin. This is a downplay of his
• 24:20
  fucking with what he did. This is a cope.
• 24:22
  She's in a complete fucking religious psychosis.
• 24:23
  Cope. Wow this is incredible.
• 24:29
  Holy fuck Jesus Christ. Confession without repentance is
• 24:32
  coping true? Thanks girl, really like that
• 24:36
  one. It's really not that easy.
• 24:38
  Now, if it's like an abusive situation, like we can talk
• 24:41
  about that. There's a reason why this is
• 24:43
  difficult and it's not just like so easy.
• 24:47
  And my intention with this, like me talking about this is so that
• 24:52
  we can get women the help that they need.
• 24:53
  And ultimately, like posting in the comments section that like
• 24:56
  your husband is a groomer is not helpful.
• 24:59
  And it's not. Well, no one's really trying to
• 25:01
  help you, man. I don't.
• 25:02
  Know an honest like it's just not an honest assessment of the
• 25:05
  impact of the situation because we can blame my husband for a
• 25:08
  lot of things a lot of things and he's taken ownership for a
• 25:12
  ton of things but he can't take ownership for her sin also so
• 25:15
  like. It sounds like you're saying I
• 25:19
  actually kind of forgive my husband because he said sorry.
• 25:21
  But like what about her? She didn't take ownership.
• 25:24
  This is weird. He gets out with a light tap on
• 25:26
  the wrist here. I don't know, dude.
• 25:28
  Two people did something wrong to me and he can own up to his
• 25:31
  sin. Unfortunately there was lawsuit
• 25:33
  and like I don't want to talk about, I don't want to talk
• 25:35
  about that, but. You clearly do.
• 25:36
  You won't shut the fuck up ultimately.
• 25:38
  Like you're taking this online regardless.
• 25:40
  He was dismissed. Like it literally didn't even
• 25:42
  move forward to deposition. It was not a criminal case.
• 25:44
  It was a sexual harassment lawsuit with the church, and
• 25:48
  there was no liability that was claimed.
• 25:50
  And ultimately, like all the claims against Joel were
• 25:53
  dismissed. So it all happened really
• 25:55
  quickly like I did. Was it dismissed or was there a
• 25:58
  settlement? They do a lot of work on the
• 26:00
  case and so it was really hard and like maybe.
• 26:03
  What wait sorry she became she became a paralegal to do work on
• 26:08
  the case to defend her husband of the with the church.
• 26:13
  This is so fucked. What the fuck is happening dude?
• 26:17
  You could tell like there's something going on in this
• 26:19
  community where she had to become a paralegal to help do
• 26:22
  work on the case to defend her husband.
• 26:23
  It's just fucking insane from like grooming allegations.
• 26:26
  Like maybe I need to talk about it.
• 26:27
  I just like don't really think that that's what is at the heart
• 26:30
  of this is like I'm someone that's navigating the trail and
• 26:33
  I know there's a lot of women that are and I'm not going to
• 26:37
  sit, sit on. This also doesn't seem like this
• 26:40
  was cheating. Like cheating's bad, obviously,
• 26:43
  but there's a difference between like having sex with like
• 26:45
  somebody once versus having a long term relationship.
• 26:49
  It sounds like he had some kind of a long term relationship with
• 26:51
  her best friend, you know, and and listen, again, she might
• 26:55
  have been grouped. I don't know the specifics,
• 26:56
  whatever, but like, that's deeper than just cheating like
• 26:59
  that is. That's insane.
• 27:01
  Hear and say, like, you have to stay with your husband.
• 27:03
  You don't have to stay with your husband.
• 27:05
  Absolutely you're not. How about like, what do you do
• 27:07
  when you find when you find the pornography on your husband's
• 27:09
  phone, what do you do? You know, masturbate to it with
• 27:12
  them. I don't.
• 27:12
  Know what's the next step you take?
• 27:13
  How can we support women that are like?
• 27:15
  Sometimes I'll watch my wife's porn, I'll cheat, never mind
• 27:20
  she's saves it. I don't know, it's got anyway.
• 27:23
  Being betrayed daily from pornography but your husband
• 27:26
  just came forward about an affair or an emotional affair at
• 27:28
  work or their work wife or work husband.
• 27:30
  Like how can we support people in that disclosure?
• 27:32
  Because to be honest, the comment section is proving.
• 27:35
  You know, I saw my work wife the other day at Tropical Smoothie.
• 27:37
  I haven't worked my job in like 6 or seven years, so isn't that
• 27:41
  so interesting? That's kind of funny.
• 27:42
  It wasn't like a real thing. It was just like I was silly
• 27:44
  little like. But this one's obviously much
• 27:47
  more. Real like it's not a safe place
• 27:48
  to talk about betrayal because people are really ready to carry
• 27:52
  a torch that they know. Dude, I know it's CMI, that's
• 27:54
  why I stopped talking. OK, stop.
• 27:56
  They know what's right in the situation and like every
• 27:58
  situation is so different, so. Yeah, I guess I'm.
• 28:01
  Working on myself, dude, I have a fucking, I'm having a
• 28:02
  daughter. I got to, I got to start.
• 28:04
  I got to start reeling it in, honestly.
• 28:06
  Welcome for those of you who are joining like I did, get it.
• 28:09
  You know, for all of you that are following along, I am here
• 28:11
  to see you. And I know that this road is
• 28:13
  really hard and I will continue to share resources.
• 28:18
  And there was like a comment like, is your betrayal trauma
• 28:21
  person like hard no. My betrayal trauma therapist is
• 28:24
  an incredibly amazing woman who is well trained and.
• 28:27
  Not woman, we're. All part of a cult.
• 28:29
  I don't. She's probably part of the
• 28:31
  church. Let's be fucking real.
• 28:32
  Whatever church you belong to sounds like a cult.
• 28:34
  Even think she's religious. I got the best that we also have
• 28:38
  like a sex addiction therapist too, so I can talk more about
• 28:41
  that. Yeah, there's like a lot to talk
• 28:43
  about when it comes to betrayal. And there's a lot of layers of
• 28:47
  betrayal, like, like I said, like the how you get there.
• 28:52
  So whether that is sex addiction, codependency, need
• 28:55
  for approval, maybe you don't feel like you could be loved any
• 28:59
  other way, so you like seek that.
• 29:00
  What about an Aliexpress shopping addiction?
• 29:02
  How about that? Look at this thing.
• 29:04
  It's like a God of War Cubone. What the fuck?
• 29:07
  That's crazy. I also have Legos.
• 29:08
  Validation we're going to be navigating that and I know that
• 29:12
  people have opinions and so I guess welcome you're welcome to
• 29:15
  be feral in the chat I. Am I was considering going
• 29:19
  guardian. It's a wow joke.
• 29:21
  I'll talk more about the case. I just, it's what's important
• 29:24
  about it is that it had a huge impact on me and I'm really hurt
• 29:26
  by it and shut up. Yeah.
• 29:30
  Like those are not words that I heard from my friend.
• 29:32
  I I didn't know about the allegations until it was posted
• 29:36
  to millions of people. So it had a huge impact on me
• 29:39
  and I'm working through that. It's.
• 29:40
  A massive impact. And I can talk a little bit
• 29:42
  about the forgiveness journey. And yeah, I guess welcome to the
• 29:46
  Feral group chat. Well, you really should stop
• 29:49
  doing this, but I'm honestly investing in this now so.
• 29:52
  My close friends filed A lawsuit against my husband for grooming
• 29:56
  and sexual harassment. And it was like, this is this is
• 29:58
  the flagship then this is the one we've been waiting for.
• 30:01
  Dude only fuck. It's the church that we had.
• 30:04
  Already just done like fucking half an hour worth of research
• 30:06
  up to this. I did.
• 30:07
  So I guess this is something I need to talk about now and kind
• 30:11
  of what happened like this is my perspective on the matter.
• 30:16
  I am not a like perfect person in the slightest.
• 30:19
  So I'm just going to talk about like what my experience was and
• 30:23
  I will profits if I like know something is like not fact or
• 30:25
  like just opinion. The story starts back in 2025.
• 30:28
  Really buckle up because I'm going to try to do this in under
• 30:30
  10 minutes. In May of 2025 my husband came
• 30:33
  forward to a supervisor that he was having an inappropriate
• 30:35
  relationship with my friend who also was a Co worker at the
• 30:38
  church. OK, got it.
• 30:40
  And then nothing really happened from that from what I
• 30:43
  understand. And so two weeks later he came
• 30:45
  back to the supervisor and he said I'm still having an
• 30:49
  inappropriate relationship. And in between those two weeks
• 30:51
  there are text messages from my husband's phone that are
• 30:54
  basically her saying the supervisor can't tell us what to
• 30:56
  do. Like we will still talk.
• 30:57
  I will get a burner phone. It sounds like they're still
• 30:59
  have a crush on each other. Like it was very much like we
• 31:03
  will still continue on a relationship like no matter what
• 31:05
  if there's more boundaries at work.
• 31:06
  And I think like one of the boundaries was like don't drive
• 31:08
  a car together or something like that.
• 31:09
  I'm like 2 weeks late. Well, you probably shouldn't
• 31:11
  have any interaction. What?
• 31:12
  Later he comes forward to me and says hey, I'm in an appropriate
• 31:14
  relationship and I've been cheating on you with one of your
• 31:16
  closest friends. Why did he come forward?
• 31:18
  It's like, why did he? Unless he felt pressured too.
• 31:22
  All the things and then like the next few weeks are absolute
• 31:26
  shock. Like I truly like it was an out
• 31:28
  of body experience. I was like, wait, I love this
• 31:30
  person, my husband, I love this person, my friend.
• 31:33
  And I'm not sure what to do. Like I don't know what the way
• 31:34
  forward is, but it was very. Quick so how do we get to the
• 31:36
  part where she accused him of grooming?
• 31:38
  Fear that I wasn't to talk about it.
• 31:40
  The supervisor told me like, this isn't something we're going
• 31:42
  to talk about. And I was like, OK, got it.
• 31:45
  So we I didn't talk about it with anyone.
• 31:47
  And that was really hard because I like truly didn't know what to
• 31:50
  do. So on like June 28th 2020. 5 is
• 31:54
  that the biggest issue? Like she only had she was like
• 31:56
  she had a husband and like one best friend.
• 31:57
  She had nobody to talk to this about actually makes sense.
• 32:01
  And then she's in like a super religious community so she's
• 32:03
  like nobody she can like confide in.
• 32:05
  Wow, sounds like you have a lot of good support structure there
• 32:07
  girl. I went to my friend and I said
• 32:10
  like, hey, I know what's going on.
• 32:13
  If, you know, we have to be around each other.
• 32:15
  Like I'm just not going to be like the same me.
• 32:18
  Like we're not the same. How in the fuck are you civil
• 32:20
  with somebody your best friend cheated on?
• 32:22
  Your like fucked your husband and you're just like you're
• 32:25
  having a rational conversation like this.
• 32:27
  Like throw fists dude. What the?
• 32:28
  Hell, name us and we're going to have to figure out this out in
• 32:30
  the future because for the two weeks before I was like kind of
• 32:34
  pretending like I she didn't know that I knew and like it was
• 32:37
  it was really hard like you can't live you can't live your
• 32:39
  life like that in. Two weeks, Two weeks.
• 32:42
  You held on to this? What the fuck?
• 32:45
  That's crazy. And so then on June 29th.
• 32:49
  They had like a physical. It sounds like they had a
• 32:50
  physical, sexual, and emotional relationship for years.
• 32:53
  We all headed to summer camp. Like literally, they sent us up
• 32:56
  a mountain to camp together. And yeah, I'm an adult, I can
• 32:59
  make a decision not to go. But I was like, I'm going, I
• 33:02
  love camp, I love my students and that is what I'm going to
• 33:04
  do. So I did that.
• 33:06
  I went to camp and I like really did focus on the students.
• 33:09
  It was truly, it was such a sweet week at camp.
• 33:11
  Should I have been there? Probably not.
• 33:12
  Is that the camp that your husband groom your best friend
• 33:15
  at that camp that was like 7 years younger?
• 33:18
  Than you and it was a really hard week for, you know, for the
• 33:22
  people involved. And then the Saturday after
• 33:24
  camp, Joel was like, I need to get out of here.
• 33:28
  Like, I can't, like, I can't be working, you know, around this
• 33:31
  person. Like we've been in this dynamic.
• 33:33
  Joel is your husband. 'S name Mick for years.
• 33:35
  And like, we try to get out. We, like try to make excuses to
• 33:38
  get out. We try to bring people in to get
• 33:39
  us out. Like it's just it's not working.
• 33:41
  And so then two weeks later, he resigned from his position at
• 33:45
  the church and he wrote a resignation letter.
• 33:48
  And it didn't include that he had let down his marriage.
• 33:51
  The church leadership at the time decided that it wasn't best
• 33:54
  to say that. So they went ahead and said it
• 33:56
  was burned out. Now 100% he was burned out.
• 33:59
  He was burned out years ago. He should have not been doing
• 34:00
  ministry like he will. How is he burnt out?
• 34:03
  What does that mean? Does he like losing the faith?
• 34:05
  He will be the first to tell you that that he was not in a place
• 34:07
  to be doing ministry. So it said it was burned out.
• 34:09
  And then people at the church were like, wait a second, we
• 34:11
  know him. We know it's not burnt.
• 34:12
  Like we know he's probably burnt out, but we know that's not why
• 34:14
  he's leaving. Like we are much smarter than
• 34:17
  this. So they started to have
• 34:19
  questions. They like definitely were like
• 34:20
  kind of pushing back on leadership and she had her like
• 34:23
  remained there and there were some like inklings that there
• 34:25
  was an inappropriate relationship, but it wasn't like
• 34:27
  being said because they had the leadership at the church
• 34:31
  basically said we must well. Because they wanted to cover up
• 34:33
  a story? Is that the real reason why?
• 34:35
  Maintain the dignity of all people involved.
• 34:37
  And because she was still there and she wasn't like coming
• 34:39
  forward with the situation, like, you know, you can't like
• 34:42
  speak to someone what someone else is doing.
• 34:43
  So then oh, and also an NDA was signed so he couldn't like speak
• 34:48
  to the situation. So then like Fast forward to
• 34:51
  October. I think I'm really
• 34:53
  oversimplifying this. Fast forward to October, then I
• 34:56
  don't know what happened with her employment, but there was
• 34:59
  conversation with our high school leadership team, their
• 35:01
  volunteer staff, and she told them that she had been
• 35:04
  manipulated by my husband for years.
• 35:05
  And so like, this was a huge. Hey, catch your bag girl.
• 35:07
  Fuck it, catch your bag talk. To them like they were very hurt
• 35:10
  because they're hearing this for the first time, right?
• 35:12
  They're like, wait, what do you mean she's?
• 35:13
  Probably prepping A lawsuit dude.
• 35:14
  What do you mean there's something nefarious?
• 35:16
  Like, it was a huge impact. And like, yeah, I, yeah, feel
• 35:21
  deeply for them. And so, yeah, that was kind of
• 35:25
  the first time, like, I heard any form of, like, manipulation.
• 35:28
  Maybe that was the term. I wasn't in the room, so I can't
• 35:30
  speak to that at all. But I want to be clear that I
• 35:33
  did ask her months prior if she was taken advantage of by my
• 35:37
  husband, and she said no. And then there was another
• 35:39
  conversation. Well, I mean, listen, she might
• 35:41
  just be trying to get her bag. Or maybe back then after they
• 35:43
  just got out of the relationship was what it sounded like.
• 35:45
  Like she didn't realize that it was she was manipulated and then
• 35:50
  she had some time to sit and think and maybe it was like, oh
• 35:52
  shit, she was manipulated. I mean, again, from my
• 35:53
  understanding, and I don't know, I haven't been able to confirm
• 35:56
  this yet, but like they started talking when she was 17 and he
• 35:59
  was like in this 20, mid to late 20s.
• 36:01
  He was some kind of like a youth pastor.
• 36:03
  I don't know. Sounds like you're taking
• 36:05
  advantage of to me. It's kind of fucked up.
• 36:07
  That we had had about another relationship and she had named
• 36:10
  that as her being taken advantage of.
• 36:13
  So, so there was another relationship during this period
• 36:16
  that she was like also had said that she had been taken
• 36:19
  advantage of. So that's why I was really
• 36:21
  clear. I wanted to ask her like what
• 36:22
  the situation was. And yeah, then Fast forward to
• 36:26
  February, 'cause this is once again an oversimplification of
• 36:29
  the matter. I don't know.
• 36:30
  I don't even know if I should be saying this on the Internet.
• 36:32
  Like you guys are all just. You should know you shouldn't be
• 36:34
  saying this on the. Internet control me.
• 36:37
  And so then in February there was a lawsuit that was filed
• 36:41
  against the church and it claims sexual harassment and stalking
• 36:45
  and like like, oh shoot, I'm I'm blinking.
• 36:49
  I should know this. And then she posted on social
• 36:53
  media that, like my husband had manipulated, was.
• 36:56
  The other one, statutory rape. I'm just curious.
• 36:58
  Her and groomed her since she was like in high school
• 37:01
  presumably. And that was the first time I
• 37:04
  heard that. And that was probably the
• 37:06
  hardest day of my life because if it was true, like if it was
• 37:11
  true like I sat around like I was here it like they were in my
• 37:16
  house, like we were eating dinner together, cooking food.
• 37:19
  We traveled to Europe, we went to Florida.
• 37:22
  Like we were with each other all the time, like.
• 37:23
  I went with her to New York like.
• 37:26
  Like if I wanted to go golfing, like shoot, come golfing with
• 37:30
  me. Like she babysat my nieces and
• 37:33
  my nephews like this. Like just saying grooming like
• 37:35
  I'm like. I'm like, Oh my gosh, I need to
• 37:37
  take this seriously. So like I took it seriously and
• 37:40
  I said I don't want to hear from you husband.
• 37:42
  I'm going to be the paralegal on this case and luckily like our
• 37:44
  attorney. I don't want to hear from you
• 37:47
  husband, but I'm going to be the paralegal on this case.
• 37:50
  Isn't a paralegal like somebody who does like the bitch work?
• 37:54
  It is amazing and he allowed me to do all the like, disclosure
• 37:59
  and the digging and I made the time.
• 38:00
  So paralegal does the legal research, the drafting
• 38:03
  documents, case management, client communication, can't do
• 38:07
  legal advice, no court representation, no fees setting.
• 38:11
  OK, so it sounds like yeah, she's doing bitch work for her
• 38:14
  husband's trial, OK. Mines and and I went through
• 38:18
  thousands of text messages for years.
• 38:21
  And you might be like being like, that's crazy.
• 38:23
  That is crazy. That's the only valid thing from
• 38:25
  this is that she became a paralegal so that she could sift
• 38:27
  through all of the text messages to know exactly what was going
• 38:30
  on. This is fucking insane.
• 38:31
  Yes, yes it is I. Yes, I know, but I was like, I
• 38:36
  have to know if I'm going to make a decision one day whether
• 38:38
  or not I'm going to be with this person.
• 38:40
  And that like wasn't on the table, wasn't my five year plan,
• 38:43
  but I need to know. I need to know the truth.
• 38:45
  And once again, like I'm only me.
• 38:47
  And my experience of the situation was that she was
• 38:50
  welcome in our home and she chose to be in my home.
• 38:52
  And she chose to make videos here with her brother making
• 38:54
  cookies. And she chose like.
• 38:56
  Who the fuck? Who the fuck is the this best
• 38:58
  friend that's a content creator because she mentioned they were
• 39:00
  a content creator before. She chose to be part of our
• 39:03
  lives. Yeah.
• 39:06
  Her and her boyfriend Jake. We became really close friends
• 39:09
  like with them did. You, you fucked Jake.
• 39:11
  Like. During COVID time in 2020, like
• 39:13
  it just was like altering my reality.
• 39:15
  And we're at like 9 minutes right now.
• 39:16
  So this is too long. But yeah.
• 39:19
  And then the case like happened pretty quickly.
• 39:21
  There was no like, depositions, no trial.
• 39:23
  Like I was honestly prepared to move to depositions.
• 39:25
  Like I was going to take it seriously.
• 39:27
  Also, this is not a criminal case.
• 39:28
  This is like a there's no like guilty verdict.
• 39:31
  Like this isn't a criminal lawsuit at 20 seconds.
• 39:35
  Oh my gosh. Then so there was mediation.
• 39:38
  We were not even involved in the mediation.
• 39:39
  And then Joel was dismissed with prejudice.
• 39:42
  Am I close? OK with prejudice means they
• 39:45
  can't that it means that they can't redo the lawsuit later.
• 39:48
  OK, what is? This I found the reason why no
• 39:52
  one wants to come forward. Oh, we watched this.
• 39:55
  OK, so people want a timeline of the court case, so I'm just
• 39:58
  gonna. Why are you giving us this?
• 40:00
  I'm gonna. Put this online quickly.
• 40:02
  Why? Here you go.
• 40:06
  What the fuck? February 17th case.
• 40:10
  Civil case cover sheet filed Summons issue Case assigned to
• 40:15
  the judge. Case Management conference on
• 40:17
  the 18th. Proof of personal service file
• 40:21
  to the 10th March, March 16th for the service and someone's OK
• 40:25
  Angel complaint filed by Joel Mitchell.
• 40:27
  Who's Joel Mitchell? Is that her husband?
• 40:29
  I'm so confused. Niles, who's all these people?
• 40:32
  Wait, so wait, hold on a second. Dude, is this the fuck?
• 40:35
  I don't know. Did I just did I just go into
• 40:37
  like, am I? Is this the husband?
• 40:41
  Maybe if you're starting small it's much harder.
• 40:43
  To what the hell? How to grow your youth ministry
• 40:45
  if you're starting small, it's much harder to grow from 5 kids
• 40:48
  to 10 kids than it is to grow from 100 kids to 150 kids.
• 40:51
  This. Guy's ugly as shit, how the fuck
• 40:53
  did he groom a girl? We're trying to do is.
• 40:55
  I guess he had to groom a girl. Trying to find that critical
• 40:57
  mass feeling when you walk into a room and there's like enough
• 41:00
  people there where it doesn't feel awkward, like two kids go
• 41:02
  missing, like your whole youth ministry doesn't fall apart.
• 41:05
  The first tip is to find. Dude, what the fuck is this?
• 41:07
  This is the guy. Wait, is this the girl?
• 41:09
  Naya Esperanza? This is the girl.
• 41:13
  I think this is the girl. Dude, she looks very young.
• 41:16
  What the fuck is happening? How did I get?
• 41:19
  I think I just, like, really just went down the rabbit hole.
• 41:22
  You can find him on the page too.
• 41:23
  Yeah. Yeah, Well, we did just before
• 41:26
  this one right here. Nya is.
• 41:28
  Currently telling me. A lot of people on my tarantula
• 41:31
  TikTok this is a terrible filming think that Joel looks
• 41:35
  like Gibby for mycarly we have is that gibby?
• 41:38
  There were people that were like, you go to church with a
• 41:40
  Gibby. Look at this.
• 41:42
  This is. This is fucking crazy.
• 41:44
  What is this are? You wondering if I'm embarrassed
• 41:47
  that I'm riding on the coattails of a famous Tik Toker?
• 41:50
  2 gain followers here on this app.
• 41:54
  Why is your why is your fucking audio so terrible?
• 41:57
  This is the girl we've been watching.
• 41:58
  Holy fuck dude the rabbit hole is literally shitting in my
• 42:00
  mouth. I'm not embarrassed, I'm
• 42:02
  embracing it. Follow me because you love.
• 42:05
  You should have refilled this. I can't hear what you're saying
• 42:07
  and I hate you for it. Tomorrow we have Youth Alpha, so
• 42:10
  we have this massive To Do List that we've been going.
• 42:12
  We have. Wait where am I bring bring it
• 42:15
  to me? 202 students are pre registered.
• 42:18
  So this is the part of the night where ideas that we had like.
• 42:22
  All right, what the fuck is this the wedding day with time?
• 42:28
  So she had a husband too that she was cheating on?
• 42:30
  I'd love to know like the ages of these people.
• 42:33
  OK this seems like the girl though.
• 42:34
  Is this a statement? What the fuck?
• 42:38
  Oh my God, there's a statement. You want to know the best part
• 42:41
  of my day every day. Forrest does not sleep with me
• 42:43
  at night. Wait, this is so check, check
• 42:45
  1-2 is this. I think that's this is the only
• 42:48
  thing that she's mentioned talking about it.
• 42:51
  I need to share something with you that has been going on in my
• 42:54
  life. If you followed me for any time
• 42:55
  and you know that for the past 10 years, I had privilege of
• 42:57
  working at the church I grew up at.
• 42:59
  Last week, I filed a sexual harassment lawsuit against my
• 43:02
  former boss at the church. Sexual harassment within the
• 43:05
  church effects so many people and often stays hidden.
• 43:07
  Not being able to speak about this has been incredibly
• 43:09
  painful. I know transparency and light
• 43:12
  are imperative for my healing and for the healing of my
• 43:15
  community, so I'm going to share what has been going on in my
• 43:18
  life for the past few years. Before I continue, I want to be
• 43:20
  clear that I regret every day that I did not come forward
• 43:22
  sooner. I wish I had asked for help and
• 43:24
  had been honest about what was going on earlier, and I'm sorry
• 43:28
  that it took me this long. I am deeply grieving that what
• 43:31
  happened has hurt so many people that I love.
• 43:34
  If you know me for any time, you know that I love the church and
• 43:37
  I'm passionate about helping people encounter Jesus.
• 43:39
  Whoa, so the fact that the situation could get in the way
• 43:42
  of that is my worst nightmare. I am so sorry for the way this
• 43:44
  has affected others and for the pain that has come from it.
• 43:47
  I wish every day or excuse me, everything had gone differently
• 43:50
  and I carry the grief every single day over the impact that
• 43:53
  it has on the community I loved so much.
• 43:55
  I carry deep grief for the ripple effects of what happened,
• 43:58
  and I was also manipulated, coerced, and spiritually abused
• 44:01
  by somebody in authority beginning when I was young.
• 44:03
  Both of these things are true. Holy fuck.
• 44:05
  OK, this is like 6 months old. Over the past several years, my
• 44:11
  experience at church became complicated.
• 44:12
  I have spent the last six months trying to navigate the fallout
• 44:15
  quietly and privately. I had been filled with fear and
• 44:17
  shame and was scared of what would happen when people found
• 44:20
  out. And so I stayed silent for a
• 44:22
  long time. I mean, that makes sense if
• 44:23
  she's in a religious community and she's like, she's messing
• 44:25
  with like the minister, right? And they met when she was young.
• 44:28
  I've since learned that silence and lack of clarity allow
• 44:30
  speculation and misunderstanding to grow.
• 44:32
  A problem with healing and restoration is that it requires
• 44:35
  a shared understanding of what happened.
• 44:36
  As I stated, quiet and understanding of what had
• 44:38
  happened was formed in my community without anybody
• 44:40
  hearing my experience. I thought saying quiet was the
• 44:42
  right thing to do to allow people's face to heal, and it
• 44:44
  was not. It became evident that filing a
• 44:47
  lawsuit was the only path left to bring necessary clarity into
• 44:50
  light. Oh, this makes sense that like
• 44:52
  if they had some kind of separation, like she finally
• 44:54
  broke it off with him or whatever.
• 44:55
  And like he was like, Oh yeah, she wanted it, blah, blah, blah
• 44:57
  or some whatever narrative. They pushed it out.
• 44:59
  She's doing this like, so to counter the narrative only path
• 45:04
  left necessary blah, blah, blah. I want to be clear that this is
• 45:06
  my last resort and something I hoped I would never have to do.
• 45:08
  I pushed this off for the past six months because lawsuits are
• 45:12
  public. I wanted you to hear about this
• 45:14
  for me first. I work at a church I love.
• 45:16
  I was groomed for years by the person who had once been my high
• 45:18
  school pastor. Oh shit dude, that's fucking
• 45:21
  crazy. He used his position of
• 45:23
  spiritual authority and professional power to manipulate
• 45:27
  and exploit a significant power imbalance.
• 45:28
  When I was attempted to get out of it, he would stalk and harass
• 45:32
  me. He would use AI to confirm his
• 45:34
  claims. I was scared.
• 45:36
  This led to many years of spiritual emotional abuse.
• 45:38
  It left me confused and deeply hurting.
• 45:40
  Coming to terms with that reality took time to fully
• 45:43
  process and was so painful. More details will be addressed
• 45:46
  through the legal process and are stayed.
• 45:49
  Excuse me stated in the lawsuit, but please know that what I'm
• 45:51
  claiming is well documented. When pastors were informed of
• 45:55
  the situation, I remained employed at the time because
• 45:57
  they recognized the power imbalance involved.
• 45:58
  Since then, two additional investigations, one from the
• 46:00
  church elders and one from the denomination, which is literally
• 46:03
  means nothing because they're going to want to protect
• 46:05
  themselves more than anything else, have reached the same
• 46:07
  conclusion. But those findings have not been
• 46:08
  made public because the individual resigned privately
• 46:12
  and the church did not clearly communicate what had occurred
• 46:14
  when he left. They have since stated that they
• 46:17
  are unable to speak publicly about what happened.
• 46:19
  This has allowed confusion and speculation to grow where
• 46:21
  transparency could have been brought to an understanding.
• 46:23
  Yeah, of course. They probably said that you need
• 46:24
  to resign or we're going to go public or something.
• 46:27
  When everything first came to light.
• 46:28
  I can't. Or they wanted to just
• 46:29
  disconnect them 'cause they didn't want the bad, the
• 46:31
  backlash. When everything first came to
• 46:33
  light, I came to understand that the church believed it could not
• 46:36
  correct the record because doing so might create legal problems
• 46:38
  with them. My attorney had since explained
• 46:40
  to me that this is not true and that refusing to clarify the
• 46:43
  truth only allowed false rumors to grow.
• 46:47
  Jesus is a lot. His resignation now letter took
• 46:50
  no responsibility for his misconduct, and the silence from
• 46:53
  leadership left space for people to draw their own conclusions.
• 46:56
  As a result, misinformation spread within the church
• 46:58
  community. Silence in this situation fueled
• 47:00
  rumors that harm to not only me but also the young girls
• 47:02
  listening to how their community speaks about a victim, teaching
• 47:06
  them that not coming or excuse me, that teaching them that
• 47:08
  coming forward may not be safe. Eventually, I had to leave the
• 47:12
  church I grew up in when it became clear that I was no
• 47:16
  longer welcomed or able to maintain in that environment.
• 47:19
  Amid the weight of the situation and the fallout, my boyfriend
• 47:21
  David, who was the contemporary worship leader, Oh my God, also
• 47:25
  stepped down and left congregation.
• 47:26
  As a result of the situation, we lost our church home.
• 47:28
  Jesus Christ. That's rough.
• 47:30
  I mean, that's part of the whole.
• 47:32
  I mean, that adds to the whole grooming thing, right?
• 47:33
  Like, if you come forward and like, everything starts to
• 47:36
  crumble because, you know, you don't want to be a part of this,
• 47:37
  like, horrible thing. His wife claimed claims he tried
• 47:46
  to say he cheated in his resignation with the church.
• 47:48
  We would say that it was burned out.
• 47:49
  Interesting. I miss the community that I grew
• 47:51
  up in. So every single day, excuse me,
• 47:54
  every single day. But more importantly, I miss all
• 47:55
  the students that I still love so much.
• 47:57
  Getting to walk through life with two classes of girls was
• 48:00
  the biggest privilege of my life, and I wish more than
• 48:02
  anything it didn't have to end this way.
• 48:05
  The students have had a profound impact on my life and I will
• 48:08
  never be able to put into words how special it was to be able to
• 48:11
  witness God's work in and through them.
• 48:14
  That sounds weird. You may be wondering why I'm
• 48:17
  sharing this now. First, I have spoken publicly
• 48:19
  about my faith for years, and I cannot continue living a life
• 48:21
  where I am hiding significant parts of my story.
• 48:23
  Healing requires honesty. Second, isolation is interest.
• 48:27
  Secrecy allowed confusion and harm to be deepened.
• 48:29
  I need. I needed community then, and I
• 48:32
  needed even more now. David and I lost their spiritual
• 48:34
  home and much of our community through this process.
• 48:36
  If there's one take away from this, though, I want it to be
• 48:39
  this. In my darkest moments, Jesus met
• 48:41
  me. He pursued me and placed people
• 48:43
  in my life who protected me, loved me, and reminded me of
• 48:45
  what is true. I want to thank my family for
• 48:48
  stepping in when I told them would have been happening.
• 48:50
  I want to thank them for holding me and carrying me through this.
• 48:53
  I struggled to ask for help and their support has been humbling
• 48:56
  and healing. I want to thank David for
• 48:57
  hearing me and believing me and walking through this with me at
• 49:00
  a great personal cost. He did not have to stay, but he
• 49:03
  chose to stay in with me. His support has meant more than
• 49:06
  I can put into words. I also want to thank David's
• 49:09
  family for standing with us in a season that has been difficult
• 49:12
  for them as well. Their support has meant the
• 49:14
  whole world and has also come at an extremely high cost of them.
• 49:18
  Jesus is just fucking going on and on.
• 49:20
  Sorry. Jesus redeemed his broken
• 49:22
  stories and I believe he will continue to redeem this one.
• 49:25
  He has scarred me through some of the hardest months of my life
• 49:28
  and through the ugliest parts of my story.
• 49:30
  The church is a beautiful place filled with imperfect people.
• 49:33
  I am one of those imperfect people.
• 49:34
  My fear is sharing this. My fear in sharing this is that
• 49:38
  it would become a story that makes people hate the church.
• 49:40
  That is not what I want. I believe it is an important
• 49:42
  moment for healing in the church.
• 49:43
  I believe it is a reminder of why we need accountability.
• 49:45
  Light and community, is a reminder why we need to be
• 49:48
  known, and it is a reminder why we cannot put our faith in
• 49:51
  anything other than God because people and earthly things will
• 49:53
  continue to let us down. I thought my life was over.
• 49:57
  I believe the lives of the enemy, that I was too far gone
• 50:00
  and thought there was no way out.
• 50:01
  My life wasn't over, Jesus was there and I was rescued.
• 50:03
  He put people in my life to carry me through the moments I
• 50:05
  didn't know I would make it, know if I would make it.
• 50:08
  It has been hard, hard feeling. Excuse me?
• 50:11
  It has been hard, but freeing. It has been painful but healing
• 50:15
  and so much better than anything nya of one year ago could have
• 50:18
  imagined. Being honest about what I had
• 50:20
  been going through opened the doors for healing and a
• 50:22
  closeness with Jesus I had never experienced before.
• 50:25
  The Though the situation is deeply traumatic, I'm learning
• 50:29
  to live in the light Now. If I could ask one thing, it
• 50:31
  would be this. Please remember that this is an
• 50:33
  extremely complex situation that cannot be fully captured in one
• 50:36
  post. I asked for the space to
• 50:37
  continue healing and processing, and I asked that you extend
• 50:40
  grace to everybody involved and unfolds.
• 50:41
  OK, interesting. All right, let's get back to the
• 50:43
  fucking other stuff. But holy shit, this is OK.
• 50:45
  This is the proof this. And request for dismissal with
• 50:49
  prejudice entire all. Right, she's reading it.
• 50:52
  And. It'd be an intimidation tactic.
• 50:54
  Like you can be interviewed, you know?
• 50:57
  Got it. My husband is being.
• 50:59
  I should probably listen to. This.
• 51:00
  OK, so people want a timeline? Of the court case.
• 51:03
  So I want to put this online quickly.
• 51:04
  Here you go. Complaint was filed by Nias
• 51:05
  Bronza February 17th, 2020 sixth.
• 51:07
  Then it was assigned a judge in case it was going to go to trial
• 51:09
  and then we answered the complaint on April 15th.
• 51:11
  And then a. Settlement was made on April
• 51:13
  30th, so there must be a settlement between Trinity, the
• 51:15
  church and her and then requests were dismissed with prejudice.
• 51:18
  Entire action filed by Nias Bronza.
• 51:20
  So that's a request for with on June 26.
• 51:22
  Got you. So they dismissed it because
• 51:24
  there was a settlement. Okay, got it.
• 51:26
  See. Nothing really happened.
• 51:26
  I'm not saying this is a good thing.
• 51:28
  This. Is really nothing happened.
• 51:29
  They settled, something happened behind the scenes that say they
• 51:31
  can't talk about and then they dismissed it of the settlement.
• 51:33
  All about let's depose people, let's put them on and
• 51:36
  definitions are great, especially if you're a victim.
• 51:37
  Like you don't have to go to trial in front of people and it
• 51:39
  be an intimidation tactic. Like you can be interviewed by
• 51:42
  your attorney in a room, it's a safe place.
• 51:44
  But none of that happened here. So if anybody has any questions
• 51:46
  and then I'll go to the next thing, I'm gonna go.
• 51:47
  Through the courts a safe place okay the.
• 51:49
  Court filing next. Got it.
• 51:52
  My husband is being called a groomer in a pedophile in my
• 51:54
  comment section so I feel like I do need her.
• 51:56
  I don't know about a pedophile, but grooming maybe?
• 51:58
  Address that and a lot of people are gonna be like, why are you
• 52:00
  defending your husband? This is morally reprehensible.
• 52:02
  I mean, he was the girls youth pastor back in the day, so.
• 52:06
  Yes, you're right. But I also think it's the right
• 52:08
  thing to do to call out when something is just wrong and not
• 52:12
  correct. And let's talk about grooming,
• 52:14
  because grooming is a pattern of manipulation to gain trust, to
• 52:18
  create dependency, to normalize boundary violations and exploit
• 52:20
  someone or abuse them. Yeah.
• 52:22
  So he was her youth pastor when she was in the youth camp.
• 52:26
  I believe she was 17 when it started, but she could have been
• 52:28
  younger. He was the minister.
• 52:30
  So he had a position of power over her within a church
• 52:33
  atmosphere that forgives men too much for things and beats women
• 52:37
  down for doing the wrong thing. And then he was sleeping with
• 52:41
  her for however long inside of this church infrastructure where
• 52:43
  he held a drastic power dynamic where these people believe that
• 52:46
  there is a God and that the minister is a representation of
• 52:48
  God. How is this not grooming?
• 52:51
  Like maybe he's not a pedophile, but he sounds like he's a
• 52:54
  predator. That is not what was that issue
• 52:56
  at the case Esperanza versus Trinity United Presbyterian
• 52:59
  Church. No minors were talked about.
• 53:01
  Also, this was a civil case and not a criminal case.
• 53:03
  If you are tried for pedophilia or grooming, this would be a
• 53:09
  criminal case that we're talking about.
• 53:10
  This was. Or that means a church that's
• 53:11
  going to move into somewhere else in the country, right?
• 53:13
  The civil case that Joel ended up being dismissed from, so I
• 53:18
  will talk about this. Because they settled privately.
• 53:20
  In more detail, but if you're gonna call someone a groomer, we
• 53:22
  really need to talk about not doing that, especially when
• 53:26
  they're dismissed. There was no depositions.
• 53:27
  She. She she settled so she didn't
• 53:30
  have to like drag her personal stuff to the public like you're
• 53:32
  doing right now. So she must be in the.
• 53:34
  Sense didn't even do a deposition and interview and he
• 53:37
  didn't either. So because they brought forward
• 53:40
  the suit, they were like the first mover.
• 53:41
  So they move forward the accusation and then the
• 53:44
  plaintiff can go through and basically be like, OK, like
• 53:47
  that's evidence, that's evidence, that's evidence.
• 53:48
  And then you respond to each one of those things and then you
• 53:50
  could do depositions, you could go to trial.
• 53:52
  But this was all handled internally between her attorney
• 53:55
  and on the church's attorney. We really didn't do anything.
• 53:59
  We sent like 2 emails basically like responses so.
• 54:02
  Right, because she became a paralegal just to like read
• 54:04
  through the this whole situation to defend her husband and the
• 54:06
  church. The defendant Esperanza agreed
• 54:09
  to do mediation with the church. So on a Wednesday they did that.
• 54:13
  And at the end of the day on that Wednesday, we received a
• 54:15
  call at 9:00 PM that said Joel was dismissed with prejudice and
• 54:17
  might be wondering how did we get here within like a week and
• 54:20
  a half before we submitted evidence like the Monday or
• 54:21
  Tuesday before and it basically like prove that there was a
• 54:26
  level of sexual welcomeness and that was affirmed by her
• 54:29
  counsel. So he was innocent because she
• 54:32
  welcomed it. That's in some capacity.
• 54:34
  Got it. OK, OK.
• 54:36
  And so then they pivoted to saying, OK, this isn't a sexual
• 54:39
  harassment case anymore. Really.
• 54:40
  This is a case starting April 2025.
• 54:44
  So I don't know. She would have been 27 years
• 54:45
  old, so this would have started April 2025.
• 54:48
  And this is stalking. And she was scared for her life
• 54:50
  that he was going to murder her. So that was like a total pivot.
• 54:53
  We were not expecting at all. But we did have like text
• 54:56
  messages from like April 2025 on.
• 54:58
  We submitted those the day of mediation, which was the
• 55:01
  following Wednesday. And then we found out at 9:00 PM
• 55:03
  that he was dismissed. And she showed that she filed
• 55:08
  for dismissal because they they settled.
• 55:10
  In mediation, she has her attorney and probably like a
• 55:13
  close trusted friend or family member in the room with her and
• 55:15
  then a mediator, which is in retirement.
• 55:17
  I don't really trust her recounting of what's going on
• 55:18
  here. Her judge goes like back and
• 55:20
  forth between the parties. We were not there.
• 55:21
  We did not participate. Attorneys are expensive.
• 55:23
  I was like, we could go. We don't have to go.
• 55:26
  I don't think we need to go because grooming was not on the
• 55:29
  table. It was not in question at all,
• 55:31
  full stop. So the comments section needs to
• 55:34
  stop with grooming and pedophile because that wasn't an issue.
• 55:37
  OK it. Wasn't.
• 55:38
  An issue, guys. It transitioned to April 2025.
• 55:42
  Her attorney. I don't really trust that like
• 55:44
  this very religious community even knows what grooming looks
• 55:46
  like, so I imagine it would be quicker to dismiss it anyway.
• 55:50
  Did that. So I didn't do that.
• 55:52
  Her attorney did that. It shifted.
• 55:54
  They had their little mediation time.
• 55:56
  They they settled with the church.
• 55:57
  I don't know what they did, but they settled with the church and
• 56:00
  Joel was dismissed so. She settled, settled with the
• 56:03
  church. That's why I got dismissed.
• 56:05
  OK, there you go. What do we do here?
• 56:07
  Because I. Stopped talking about it online.
• 56:09
  Want to move forward and talk about betrayal, recovery and the
• 56:12
  work that I am trying to do personally.
• 56:14
  What do we do here? This girl is seemingly like
• 56:16
  she's a credible victim. Not her, the other girl that was
• 56:20
  allegedly groomed. How do we talk about me though?
• 56:22
  That's what she's saying here. Being downstream of my husband
• 56:26
  cheating on me with my friend. What do you do that is literally
• 56:30
  impossible to navigate? And then also my husband being
• 56:34
  accused of sexual assault because that's another betrayal.
• 56:38
  And then like also this stuff with grooming being thrown
• 56:41
  around like I live this. All of you guys in the comment
• 56:43
  section did not. And there's hundreds of people
• 56:46
  that lived around us that. You didn't really live it
• 56:48
  though. Like you got like you didn't
• 56:50
  even know what was going. On like that wasn't their
• 56:51
  experience of the situation and so honestly, like it probably
• 56:55
  would have been best if there was depositions in this went to
• 56:57
  trial, but she chose not to do that.
• 56:59
  That was a choice there her team of attorneys, her family,
• 57:03
  whatever they made that decision to not move forward and in my
• 57:06
  opinion because they settled to is that egregious.
• 57:09
  He if that if that was what actually happened, you move
• 57:14
  forward to a criminal case. Why?
• 57:16
  If she has some kind of trauma, why would she want to signal
• 57:18
  boost it like you're doing? Full stop, jail.
• 57:21
  Absolute jail. Like my friends would all say
• 57:23
  that. He must be innocent because the
• 57:25
  girl that might have trauma didn't want her trauma aired out
• 57:27
  in public by the And by the way, just to be clear, she became a
• 57:31
  paralegal so that she could have insider information on this
• 57:33
  case. Do you think that she wasn't
• 57:34
  going to come forward? Give me a fucking break.
• 57:36
  Second, my family would say that in a second.
• 57:38
  Plus she has an entire community of people that she doesn't want
• 57:40
  to like completely ostracize because she wants to maintain
• 57:41
  part of the church, which she wasn't able to do.
• 57:44
  Like jail. So like the comment section,
• 57:48
  like we understand you, we get you.
• 57:50
  I see you. And yeah, I think I'm being
• 57:53
  really defensive right now because like, let me tell you
• 57:55
  what hurts a lot is like all of this being so disorienting and
• 58:02
  also like not being heard, like not being understood.
• 58:06
  And I don't need to be heard or understood because like, that's
• 58:09
  fine. This is the Internet.
• 58:10
  Like I probably don't belong here.
• 58:12
  I am coming on here because I think there's a lot of women
• 58:15
  that are struggling in betrayal and why they are not coming
• 58:18
  forward is because there's people in the comment sections
• 58:20
  that are like, get out of there. You deserve better, like.
• 58:24
  I don't know if she deserves better, it kind of seems like
• 58:26
  she's an idiot so. Pedophile groomer like he's a
• 58:30
  criminal. That's abuse.
• 58:30
  Like yes we see you, we hear you, but let the women that are
• 58:35
  betrayed decide what is next for them.
• 58:38
  Do not decide for them what is best for them.
• 58:41
  And in this situation, calling someone a pedophile, that is not
• 58:44
  a pedophile. I mean, that's credibility.
• 58:46
  If she has a boyfriend named David, that means that like, she
• 58:49
  wanted to move on from this guy, right?
• 58:51
  That kind of insinuates that. And he kept going, like kind of
• 58:53
  forcing her to some degree back, right?
• 58:56
  Like honestly if that is the public view on the situation, I
• 59:00
  should be tried too. Because then I sat around for
• 59:03
  years and like was here for it. Like it wasn't just a fantasy
• 59:08
  that they were living in and like it was more she was being
• 59:13
  taken advantage of for years and like all of her friends and her
• 59:17
  family didn't say anything for years.
• 59:19
  And my. They wouldn't have known about
• 59:20
  it 'cause she would have kept it.
• 59:21
  Private my friends and my family didn't say anything for years
• 59:23
  and she's like right, like what? That is just so hard and I know
• 59:27
  people in here will be like you're a victim blaming.
• 59:29
  How about we just be real with a situation that is incredibly
• 59:32
  messy and maybe the Internet doesn't have it all the picture.
• 59:37
  Then why did you she came online with the pic with her version of
• 59:40
  the picture? And I don't even know, but yeah.
• 59:43
  And I don't know if you ever will, but I will be on here
• 59:45
  talking about being downstream of betrayal.
• 59:47
  And honestly, I'm going to be talking about being downstream
• 59:49
  from this lawsuit because when I talked about how it impacted me,
• 59:53
  some people were like, oh, well, it's not a big deal.
• 59:55
  It was dismissed. And I'm like, imagine your
• 59:57
  husband being like allegations of grooming huge.
• 1:00:02
  And I do think that obviously I don't.
• 1:00:04
  Have to be on social media and. Yeah, that's your biggest issue,
• 1:00:07
  right? Now talk about this, but I know
• 1:00:09
  like there's tons of women in my comments that are like wanting
• 1:00:12
  resources and want to talk about this and that's what I want my
• 1:00:14
  focus to be. So like if you're, you get.
• 1:00:16
  Those comments 20 Vicky, please. And it's just fucking Ben
• 1:00:18
  Affleck. This is ridiculous.
• 1:00:19
  Here for the T sure, like come come in the comments section and
• 1:00:24
  do what you're going to do. But like this is going to be a
• 1:00:26
  place that we're going to talk about betrayal and how it
• 1:00:28
  impacts us. So thank you for letting me
• 1:00:31
  share. OK weird weird thing to to to
• 1:00:34
  jump your platform on but OK. Is there more of this?
• 1:00:38
  I think we find, Oh, here you'll be listening to Beyoncé's new
• 1:00:40
  song. All right, that's that's that.
• 1:00:42
  I really have had enough of this woman.
• 1:00:44
  This is actually the most this is fucking an insane rabbit hole
• 1:00:47
  we went down. I didn't even mean to do all
• 1:00:48
  this. I just was like starting with a
• 1:00:50
  TikTok and it just kind of evolved into like this absolute
• 1:00:53
  fucking monstrosity, to be absolutely honest with you.
• 1:00:56
  So, all right, cool stuff.