Latest / Love You Moore with Willie Moore Jr. / Modern Women vs Masculine Men? Dr. Sarah Fontenot Says “Your Trauma Is Blocking Love”

Transcript

Modern Women vs Masculine Men? Dr. Sarah Fontenot Says “Your Trauma Is Blocking Love” · Love You Moore with Willie Moore Jr.

0:00
[SPEAKER_04]: Next, on the Love You Worsh, I need a man because there's something about masculinity coming into my life.
0:05
[SPEAKER_04]: I've become a better version of myself.
0:06
[SPEAKER_04]: It's just like there are things inside of motherhood, motherhood is the ultimate sense of selflessness.
0:12
[SPEAKER_04]: And I feel like being married is the ultimate sense of trust.
0:15
[SPEAKER_04]: Because I have to let go and trust your leadership.
0:18
[SPEAKER_04]: And I think that women need to learn there are some things that even though you might think it in your head.
0:23
[SPEAKER_04]: You need to know it's not okay to speak that from your mouth.
0:26
[SPEAKER_04]: But the problem is we live in this 20, 25 era.
0:29
[SPEAKER_04]: where anything is okay.
0:30
[SPEAKER_04]: Oh, yeah, it's called him a, you know, this, that and the other, I'm going to hear it in.
0:35
[SPEAKER_04]: Like, you should never fix your mouth to say that, because ultimately what happens is you've got to, you've got to move an alignment with the result that you want.
0:43
[SPEAKER_04]: I'm not going to say I never custom-man out in my mind.
0:46
[SPEAKER_04]: And then I have to think, what is the result that I want?
0:51
[SPEAKER_01]: You know, you ever thought about being in a relationship and then you have all of these very unique,
0:58
[SPEAKER_01]: points of references, if you would.
1:00
[SPEAKER_01]: And so a lot of times you're looking for answers, but you can't really receive the true answers that are necessary for you, because a lot of time trauma just kind of blocks the answer that's necessary.
1:12
[SPEAKER_01]: Today I want to talk to a young lady who literally has been on a lot of different podcasts, but I believe that you never, ever, ever seen her in this fashion.
1:19
[SPEAKER_01]: Um, she probably wanted to choose people I ever met from Canada who's not from Toronto.
1:24
[SPEAKER_01]: Of course, she has been all over television Then you're all in life.
1:28
[SPEAKER_01]: She has a face that's made for TV and just a strong and intelligent young lady The one and only doctor Sarah Fontano is here.
1:36
[SPEAKER_01]: She is my Saskatchewan Canada Canadian friend and I said it right.
1:42
[SPEAKER_04]: You said it right
1:43
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm so proud to have you on, I want to tell everybody I met Sarah on True Talks, a show that heard what I was on and she would come in and guest hosts and I was like, oh, like you really really dope and I was gonna know him by the way, come on, you know, you know, take it
2:04
[SPEAKER_01]: So on the love you more show, we like to do this thing that we call the icebreaker.
2:08
[SPEAKER_01]: Okay.
2:09
[SPEAKER_01]: So this thing we do with icebreaker is some corny joke and then everybody kind of laughs and it kind of brights for us, we like to do music.
2:16
[SPEAKER_01]: Okay.
2:16
[SPEAKER_01]: And during this particular song, I'll give you a little backstory.
2:20
[SPEAKER_01]: I was married for like 15 years in the house, 17 years.
2:26
[SPEAKER_01]: in the process and then by the time we got to year 18, I think we made it to court.
2:31
[SPEAKER_01]: But before we did all of that, we had Lisa tempted to do counseling.
2:36
[SPEAKER_01]: Check this out.
3:40
[SPEAKER_01]: The name of the song is Clockwork.
3:43
[SPEAKER_01]: Come on somebody, it is available right now whatever music is stringed or sold.
3:47
[SPEAKER_01]: If you want to spend a little money come on, we don't mind that offering.
3:50
[SPEAKER_01]: Hallelujah.
3:51
[SPEAKER_01]: You know, in that particular song, we talked a little bit about relationships.
3:55
[SPEAKER_01]: And when I was on True Talks with you, it was something very, very unique that you share with me that you have been proposed to two strong times.
4:05
[SPEAKER_01]: What was the determining factor to get in to the relationship?
4:09
[SPEAKER_01]: But then when it came to that finish line of calling it forever, what made you say?
4:14
[SPEAKER_01]: Hold up.
4:15
[SPEAKER_01]: Way.
4:17
[SPEAKER_01]: Like what was other things that were kind of turned out to take me there?
4:20
[SPEAKER_01]: And was it something?
4:21
[SPEAKER_01]: Was it something that could have been seen early and you may not have had the courage to tell them like, this ain't really like going there.
4:27
[SPEAKER_01]: We just kicking it.
4:27
[SPEAKER_04]: Yeah, you know, honestly, I feel like, especially for women, most of us get into a relationship because someone is persistent enough or because, you know, they show enough action or they're doing just enough, but that doesn't mean we're aligned, that doesn't mean that we have core values.
4:42
[SPEAKER_04]: And so for me, I grew up thinking I was going to be married, white picket fins, three kids, two boys in the girl with my girl in the middle, happy, six figures by the time I was 25 years old.
4:52
[SPEAKER_04]: And when I hit 25 and that hadn't happened, I was like, okay, maybe 28 that'll happen.
4:56
[SPEAKER_04]: And so, you know, it's crazy because we as women are almost seen as more valuable if we are married with children and we are valueless if we are single.
5:06
[SPEAKER_04]: And people will weaponize singleness.
5:08
[SPEAKER_04]: And so most of us choose from a space of our mom and dad told us we're supposed to get married.
5:14
[SPEAKER_04]: Our brothers and sisters say we're supposed to get married, our aunty and them.
5:17
[SPEAKER_04]: Everybody's saying we're supposed to get married, but the truth is marriage only works if it's rooted in the right things,
5:26
[SPEAKER_04]: Right.
5:26
[SPEAKER_04]: So when I first said, yes, the first time I was a baby.
5:29
[SPEAKER_04]: I was, I was, I was 18.
5:30
[SPEAKER_04]: 18.
5:31
[SPEAKER_01]: I was 18.
5:32
[SPEAKER_01]: He was older.
5:33
[SPEAKER_01]: He was a little older.
5:34
[SPEAKER_01]: I could just kind of feel like I'm going to get this little older.
5:38
[SPEAKER_04]: And that's before I moved to America.
5:40
[SPEAKER_04]: You know, I'm going to go to an old 20 years old.
5:42
[SPEAKER_04]: And the second time that I was engaged, I was, I think I was 26, 27.
5:45
[SPEAKER_04]: However, old I was in 2015.
5:46
[SPEAKER_04]: It was a long time ago.
5:48
[SPEAKER_04]: And I'm so grateful that
5:52
[SPEAKER_04]: In those relationships and every relationship that I've been in, I've really learned to ask myself, what is it that I desire most?
6:00
[SPEAKER_04]: Who is it that I actually want to be?
6:02
[SPEAKER_04]: Like when I put on my wife hat, what does that look like?
6:06
[SPEAKER_04]: And how is that person pouring into that now instead of being after, you know, marriage and a family?
6:11
[SPEAKER_04]: Because anybody can give you family.
6:13
[SPEAKER_04]: Anybody can make you married.
6:15
[SPEAKER_04]: But when you're after happiness, alignment, it's rooted in God.
6:19
[SPEAKER_04]: Now it really matters who fills that space.
6:22
[SPEAKER_04]: So for me, it was always like, oh, they were persistent enough.
6:26
[SPEAKER_04]: I fell into relation just because it felt good.
6:28
[SPEAKER_04]: I fell into relation just because I was getting attention.
6:31
[SPEAKER_04]: But now, my vetting process is different.
6:33
[SPEAKER_04]: So I said yes because I thought that's what I was supposed to do and I made it right people think the goal is marriage.
6:40
[SPEAKER_04]: No, that's not the goal.
6:41
[SPEAKER_04]: That's the goal is happiness fulfillment peace.
6:44
[SPEAKER_04]: You know alignment.
6:45
[SPEAKER_04]: That should be the goal and and marriage is just something that you do along the way and so now saying no.
6:52
[SPEAKER_04]: I've, you know, I walked away from both of those with my head held high.
6:55
[SPEAKER_04]: knowing that ultimately I'm honoring myself and you know there was almost a third time someone asked my dad permission to marry me in front of my mother and I and my dad didn't like that at all.
7:07
[SPEAKER_04]: But what I'm learning is talk is cheap.
7:10
[SPEAKER_01]: So you're dead.
7:10
[SPEAKER_01]: You're dead and like that at all.
7:12
[SPEAKER_04]: No.
7:13
[SPEAKER_01]: No.
7:14
[SPEAKER_04]: No, my dad and my dad is from Compton, okay?
7:17
[SPEAKER_03]: Okay, so daddy is from Compton.
7:19
[SPEAKER_04]: No, daddy's from Compton.
7:20
[SPEAKER_01]: So it's making sense, because I was like, it can't be like gangster in Canada and Saskatchewan.
7:26
[SPEAKER_04]: Oh, but my mom's against the now.
7:27
[SPEAKER_04]: Don't let her.
7:28
[SPEAKER_04]: She's little.
7:29
[SPEAKER_04]: She's five foot one, my dad six foot eight.
7:30
[SPEAKER_04]: But I'm more afraid of my mother.
7:32
[SPEAKER_04]: I love you, daddy.
7:33
[SPEAKER_04]: I'm sorry.
7:33
[SPEAKER_04]: You know, I am a more, she, that lady, she don't play.
7:37
[SPEAKER_04]: And my dad doesn't either, but he's more like the hard disciplinary, and my mom is like the methodical, psychological, inspire you to do something.
7:46
[SPEAKER_04]: So the two of them together, like my dad's from Compton, my mom's Canadian, I'm right in the middle.
7:51
[SPEAKER_03]: Yeah.
7:51
[SPEAKER_04]: You know, so my dad didn't appreciate it because that's a man to man conversation and he said don't ever ask me this question in front of my wife and my daughter like this, this you need to come to me as a man and then I learn through therapy and learning different things.
8:03
[SPEAKER_04]: It was breadcrumming, right?
8:04
[SPEAKER_04]: It was someone telling me all the things that I needed to hear so that I would get more locked into and bought into the vision that was being painted in front of me.
8:13
[SPEAKER_04]: But the truth is ultimately
8:15
[SPEAKER_04]: We have to do the work to know ourselves enough, to love ourselves enough, to say no to what we know is not in alignment and it doesn't matter if you're alone at night, it doesn't matter if you're not, you know, out there in the street, to doesn't matter if you're not getting attention, you have to love yourself enough to be paid.
8:31
[SPEAKER_04]: patient enough.
8:32
[SPEAKER_04]: This is a love you more show.
8:33
[SPEAKER_04]: You got to love you enough to be patient enough for what is not only right, but what's aligned.
8:39
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, so it's a lot of women on the other side.
8:41
[SPEAKER_01]: Do me a favor of you feeling what you feeling that you're shining.
8:44
[SPEAKER_01]: I share likes, subscribe.
8:45
[SPEAKER_01]: It's all good.
8:46
[SPEAKER_01]: You know, but there's a lot of women looking at that club.
8:48
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
8:49
[SPEAKER_01]: They're looking at that club and they said, you know what?
8:52
[SPEAKER_01]: 40 is knocking at my door 40's knocking at my door and I don't see the I don't I don't see the fruit of my labor Do you think that there is a beautiful balance between success and family because most of the women that I see that are high functioning You're winning on all what what's of life financially it's like
9:12
[SPEAKER_01]: Dang, I know man, but then there's other woman over here who's a little bit more kind of humble than her approach in terms of what she does, how she submits.
9:21
[SPEAKER_01]: Like it seemed like she'd get all the men and all the other stuff.
9:24
[SPEAKER_01]: Do you have to choose between business and family?
9:27
[SPEAKER_04]: Yes.
9:27
[SPEAKER_04]: especially for the men that I date.
9:30
[SPEAKER_04]: So let me be clear because I'm very clear, I believe a woman should be feminine and I believe a man should be masculine and I feel like we've gotten to a space where the roles are inverted.
9:41
[SPEAKER_04]: Now men are much more feminine and females are much more masculine.
9:44
[SPEAKER_04]: I mean, you got to look at it, you got to think about the statistic of how many black mothers are raising their sons by themselves, and so it's not by a desire.
9:53
[SPEAKER_04]: It's a necessity.
9:54
[SPEAKER_04]: You've got to show that be the breadwinner.
9:57
[SPEAKER_04]: You've got to go to work.
9:58
[SPEAKER_04]: You've got to raise those children.
9:59
[SPEAKER_04]: You've got to pay the bills, and so I can understand why that's happening, especially to our people.
10:05
[SPEAKER_04]: But I also feel like it's so important to understand, like,
10:08
[SPEAKER_04]: What is most important inside of inside of what it is that we're choosing and can you choose yourself?
10:14
[SPEAKER_04]: So for me, I want high value, high earning, masculine men.
10:20
[SPEAKER_04]: And when I'm with my man, in the street, okay, I'm Sarah Faughton, no, name and lights.
10:24
[SPEAKER_04]: Like, oh, okay, yeah, that's great.
10:25
[SPEAKER_04]: When I'm home, I am goo.
10:28
[SPEAKER_04]: I am soft, I am nurturing, I am cool like I learned from my mother.
10:32
[SPEAKER_04]: My dad ruptured a disk in his back when I was 10 years old, moving from a two-family income household to one.
10:38
[SPEAKER_04]: And so my mom had my dad's injury, all of us kids.
10:40
[SPEAKER_04]: She was going to school to get her masters in engineering, a full-time job, trying to make sure we weren't homeless and her own life.
10:47
[SPEAKER_04]: And inside of all of that, my mom still made my dad head of household.
10:51
[SPEAKER_04]: My mom still submitted to his leadership in the household, and I think that a lot of women oftentimes, it's like, I make money, I get to tell you how to act, no, no, no, baby, just because you make money.
11:02
[SPEAKER_04]: I don't even, I never lead with how much money I make, and women should not lead with their wallet at all, because ultimately a masculine man doesn't care about how much money you make anyway, because his true desire is to have provision anyway, and obviously not just financially, but in this sense, I'm talking about financially.
11:18
[SPEAKER_04]: So I think that there's a fine line where a lot of these achievement oriented women, it's not that they're missing out on family, it's that they haven't taken the time to get softer.
11:32
[SPEAKER_04]: So where they can attract a certain type of man that they say that they want.
11:36
[SPEAKER_04]: And honestly, a lot of these women that are achievement oriented need to go get a more feminine man.
11:41
[SPEAKER_04]: Like, why are you looking for the top earning more masculine man when you can't pop off at a certain type of man?
11:43
[SPEAKER_04]: You can't, you can't use a certain tone with certain types of men.
11:45
[SPEAKER_04]: You can't raise your voice to, you, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're
11:55
[SPEAKER_04]: You ain't gonna get away with certain stuff, you know, and so a lot of these women are saying what they want, but their actions are not in alignment, you know, they're saying, Oh, I need a man to put me in my place.
12:06
[SPEAKER_04]: No, you need to put your trauma down so that you don't have to be putting your place.
12:10
[SPEAKER_04]: You should know your place already, right?
12:12
[SPEAKER_04]: And so for me, I do feel like there is this weird, you know, the clock is turning, but you also just have to surrender.
12:19
[SPEAKER_04]: Because having a child is easy, but choosing the wrong partner is hard.
12:26
[SPEAKER_04]: That's a hard life.
12:27
[SPEAKER_04]: So it's better to, for, in my opinion, because, you know, I didn't tell nobody had lived nothing, but in my opinion, I would rather be happy.
12:36
[SPEAKER_04]: I would rather bring value.
12:38
[SPEAKER_04]: I would rather be in a space where I truly enjoy my life than I'm sitting in my car outside the house for an hour before I go inside because I don't want to argue.
12:49
[SPEAKER_01]: Why do I feel so much in this room talking about, ooh, so to those of you on the other side of the camera, we got a light audience in here.
12:55
[SPEAKER_01]: And every time she say something, they hit people in the shanana, all I hear is just, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, ooh, I know this writing the spirit, shanana,
13:05
[SPEAKER_01]: I can just feel it.
13:06
[SPEAKER_01]: It's like stop out at the oon and not help.
13:10
[SPEAKER_01]: Go fellas.
13:11
[SPEAKER_01]: This is what I'm on.
13:12
[SPEAKER_01]: Anywho.
13:13
[SPEAKER_01]: So let's run back real quick.
13:15
[SPEAKER_01]: That's from Compton, Miles from Canada.
13:16
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, that gets a very, very life changing injury.
13:21
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, and she is putting a place where she has to be the breadwinner financially to take care of this family.
13:29
[SPEAKER_04]: and the feminine woman still in the household.
13:32
[SPEAKER_01]: And the feminine woman still in the household.
13:34
[SPEAKER_01]: Seeing her line, it was as young lady, she was getting the divorce and she got up there and she said, I told him when I met him that he was gonna have to take care of all these bills and I gave him two weeks to go out there and do whatever he had to do and so now I'm moving on.
13:49
[SPEAKER_01]: And she was on some type of podcast and I think he said, well, I know he's glad he missed you.
13:55
[SPEAKER_01]: Do you believe that during this day, day and age where either your high functioning or high earning and all of this could a woman be able to stay true to a man who may not be the same version he was when you come into the relationship?
14:10
[SPEAKER_01]: because as you know now, freak accidents happen and you may be put into that place.
14:15
[SPEAKER_01]: Do you think the climate of the environment that we have in relationship could a woman steal submit to that type of leadership in the midst of a tragedy?
14:22
[SPEAKER_04]: I think it goes back to who are you choosing because the money doesn't make the man.
14:27
[SPEAKER_04]: the man will make the money, but the money does not make the man.
14:31
[SPEAKER_04]: And I think that we kind of got a, we kind of got to go back.
14:33
[SPEAKER_04]: There's a couple things that are coming up for me.
14:35
[SPEAKER_04]: One being my heart goes out to men who don't get a chance to vocalize their pain and the hurt that they have because those types of things happen.
14:45
[SPEAKER_04]: And they don't even get to vocalize the fears that they have.
14:47
[SPEAKER_04]: inside of if I fall off will this woman still love me and this goes back to your vetting process baby girl if you chose a man that you only respect because of the money then you deserve to stay with that man your shallow do your job that's what you signed up for so if you only want them while he's paying the bills and what's the point and so for me inside of my vetting process that's actually one of the things that have made um dating this beautiful experience for me because
15:15
[SPEAKER_04]: Most people quit because you like that picture on Instagram.
15:19
[SPEAKER_04]: Most people quit because, oh, you know, this person's giving me attention, well, don't confuse interests with value.
15:26
[SPEAKER_04]: Because there's a lot of people that will give you interest that don't value you, they just want to smash you.
15:31
[SPEAKER_04]: Right, and so I think that women and men have this false sense in this inflated sense of ego thinking that, well, I could do better than you, if you could than you would have.
15:40
[SPEAKER_04]: And so for me, I just very strongly feel like, if you choose your person and you respect that man.
15:47
[SPEAKER_04]: See, that's the thing about my parents that I saw.
15:49
[SPEAKER_04]: My mother respects my father.
15:51
[SPEAKER_04]: And my father loves my mother and he respects my mother.
15:55
[SPEAKER_04]: And so inside of their dynamic, just because you, you, you, my, my dad got a bad hand.
15:59
[SPEAKER_04]: To be honest, 2023 was a hardest year of my entire life.
16:03
[SPEAKER_04]: My dad got cancer and we thought we were going to lose him.
16:06
[SPEAKER_04]: It was literally one of the most challenging years of my life.
16:09
[SPEAKER_04]: And inside of that, they still choose each other.
16:12
[SPEAKER_04]: My parents still hold hands.
16:14
[SPEAKER_04]: They still, like, flirt in rubber each other's legs.
16:16
[SPEAKER_04]: And if it isn't that, I don't want it.
16:19
[SPEAKER_04]: But also, you know, Willie, I do have to say this because oftentimes, and we got to rewind, because I don't want to just demonize women here, we have to understand as the human nature of the human, in male and female.
16:31
[SPEAKER_04]: Women naturally are going to seek safety and security.
16:35
[SPEAKER_04]: It goes back to the hunter gatherer times.
16:38
[SPEAKER_04]: And men naturally are going to desire and aesthetic because it goes to his legacy and it goes to health.
16:44
[SPEAKER_04]: Oftentimes, symmetry is equated to health, right?
16:48
[SPEAKER_04]: So it's a subconscious reason why men are seeking women, which is why often say, ladies, we got to take care of ourselves.
16:54
[SPEAKER_04]: You know, I'm a, I would believe her in that.
16:56
[SPEAKER_04]: And so I don't want it to be so much that like, you know, that woman only wants me for my money.
17:00
[SPEAKER_04]: Well, a part of that is nature.
17:02
[SPEAKER_04]: And the other part of it is, why are you choosing that man if you're only choosing him for the money?
17:06
[SPEAKER_04]: What's the point?
17:07
[SPEAKER_04]: There's no way you're, you're, you, you actually value this.
17:10
[SPEAKER_04]: There's no way, because money's too easy.
17:13
[SPEAKER_04]: It's, it's still fleeting, you know?
17:14
[SPEAKER_04]: So I don't agree with that woman.
17:16
[SPEAKER_04]: And, and I've been in situations where my man is lost to income to stay with me before.
17:21
[SPEAKER_04]: You know, I've been in situations where,
17:24
[SPEAKER_04]: elite.
17:25
[SPEAKER_04]: I am the men that I date are incredible, you know, in my past and even now, they're incredible.
17:32
[SPEAKER_04]: And so I think that it can't just be about the money, but you have to go for a man that you respect, or you will, it's over, it's over before even began.
17:42
[SPEAKER_01]: So when you look into family dynamic, what part of the relationship that I know there's things that you honor, it was that every part of the relationship that you see it.
17:51
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm not gonna take that with me because I would watch my mom and dad, you know, they've been married 52 years my daddy 94 years old.
17:59
[SPEAKER_01]: They love each other.
18:00
[SPEAKER_01]: It's like handing glue.
18:03
[SPEAKER_01]: But when I seen how much my dad worked and he didn't really do date nights and vacations and all of that stuff.
18:09
[SPEAKER_01]: I took that into my relationship.
18:11
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm like, you want to go on vacation.
18:13
[SPEAKER_01]: Click that light real quick.
18:15
[SPEAKER_01]: Right.
18:15
[SPEAKER_01]: You see it go on.
18:17
[SPEAKER_01]: Oh, you know what that is?
18:18
[SPEAKER_01]: Hawaii.
18:19
[SPEAKER_01]: Right.
18:20
[SPEAKER_01]: You know that or, you know, I was just really frugal in that regard.
18:24
[SPEAKER_01]: And then, of course, he worked 16 hours a day.
18:28
[SPEAKER_01]: Oh, all my life until I got in the high school and started selling.
18:32
[SPEAKER_01]: He was like,
18:33
[SPEAKER_01]: You don't even have to do that.
18:34
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm gonna have to give everyone these jobs.
18:36
[SPEAKER_01]: Like, you know, make sure that you're good and start getting the street a little bit.
18:39
[SPEAKER_01]: And I was like, I'm not gonna work myself to death.
18:43
[SPEAKER_01]: You know, without honoring my woman, the second time I'm gonna do the right thing.
18:48
[SPEAKER_01]: Last time, I'm sorry, I didn't get it right.
18:50
[SPEAKER_01]: That was the work.
18:50
[SPEAKER_01]: I was trying to get us out of poverty.
18:53
[SPEAKER_01]: I was a hero didn't want you to work.
18:55
[SPEAKER_01]: But this time, you know, I'm gonna do better.
18:58
[SPEAKER_01]: Are there anything in your family dynamic?
19:00
[SPEAKER_01]: You was like, nah, I ain't taking that with me.
19:02
[SPEAKER_04]: You know, oddly enough, because I've worked really hard on myself and done the work to find and reflect on the things that I think would work or wouldn't work.
19:12
[SPEAKER_04]: And oddly enough, the thing that stands out for me with my parents is I never saw them fight.
19:17
[SPEAKER_04]: And so for me, when I wasn't a relationship, it was like, oh my God, we're fighting.
19:23
[SPEAKER_01]: And so be.
19:23
[SPEAKER_01]: Me, I never say I'd never say I'd never.
19:25
[SPEAKER_01]: I know that's crazy for you, but I've never seen my mom and dad be like,
19:29
[SPEAKER_01]: Like if they get to if you if you they go about their business in life and they be friends It's never been a night never where they was like We don't talk to each other.
19:40
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm going to another house I was like what the hell We did different bedrooms.
19:44
[SPEAKER_04]: I wish somebody would now if you walk out this door You just told me you want to be single we we broke up that's what that is so because I never saw them fight I never saw repair
19:55
[SPEAKER_04]: You know, and because I never saw repair, I didn't know how to do it.
19:58
[SPEAKER_01]: You know how to repair.
19:59
[SPEAKER_04]: And because I didn't know how to repair it now.
20:01
[SPEAKER_04]: Yeah, just transparently speaking now because I'm like, you know, I'm pretty smart.
20:06
[SPEAKER_04]: You know, I could intellectually try to figure things out, but also this don't make sense.
20:10
[SPEAKER_04]: And I don't know where this feeling is coming from.
20:12
[SPEAKER_04]: And now my neck is hot and I don't know how to cool.
20:14
[SPEAKER_04]: So now I'm dealing with all of these things that I've never dealt with before.
20:18
[SPEAKER_04]: And now that I'm in this relationship, and I'm like,
20:24
[SPEAKER_01]: that was my problem.
20:25
[SPEAKER_01]: I don't have my learn journal.
20:27
[SPEAKER_01]: I don't know, I didn't know how to repair.
20:32
[SPEAKER_01]: I didn't know how to repair because I'd never seen argument.
20:34
[SPEAKER_01]: So I would put it on my chest that like, I ain't never seen them like this in my life.
20:40
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
20:41
[SPEAKER_01]: Like my parents ain't do this.
20:42
[SPEAKER_01]: Take my word for it.
20:43
[SPEAKER_01]: You ain't had your mom in that.
20:45
[SPEAKER_01]: This is the way it should go.
20:47
[SPEAKER_01]: You know, like you didn't grow up in that dynamic now.
20:49
[SPEAKER_01]: And I would say those things too.
20:50
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm just being honest.
20:51
[SPEAKER_01]: Like I was saying, I was very not this version.
20:55
[SPEAKER_01]: And I realize when you say that I just learned to this day, I still don't know how to help in a healthy manner repair conflict in a relationship.
21:05
[SPEAKER_01]: Because it's wise to be like, hey, that was just business man.
21:07
[SPEAKER_01]: You know, that's all it was.
21:08
[SPEAKER_01]: That's a repair.
21:09
[SPEAKER_01]: I think I love you.
21:10
[SPEAKER_01]: Right.
21:10
[SPEAKER_01]: It's just, you know, this ain't working.
21:11
[SPEAKER_01]: Right.
21:12
[SPEAKER_01]: But as far as the relationship goes, I'd be like, this ain't the way it's supposed to go.
21:16
[SPEAKER_04]: Yeah, I'm not supposed to feel like this.
21:17
[SPEAKER_01]: So how did you, are you still, are you actively working on your parents?
21:21
[SPEAKER_04]: I'm actively, I actively work on it.
21:25
[SPEAKER_04]: And it's crazy, especially as a woman, because we're more emotional, we're as men are more logical.
21:31
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, it's like this.
21:33
[SPEAKER_04]: Oh, we, so now I've learned, I found out I was crazy in 2012.
21:38
[SPEAKER_04]: I didn't know.
21:39
[SPEAKER_04]: Like I didn't know, I really didn't know.
21:41
[SPEAKER_04]: You know, I have my diary of a mad black woman moment and I'm grateful for that.
21:46
[SPEAKER_04]: But I shamed myself for a really long time about it.
21:50
[SPEAKER_04]: And now that I know that I got crazy in me, there's like literal cues that my body starts to give off.
21:56
[SPEAKER_04]: Like you know how people with that are triggered, they just are reactive, right?
22:00
[SPEAKER_04]: Now I'm more responsive.
22:02
[SPEAKER_04]: I know.
22:02
[SPEAKER_04]: And this is an in business in love in platonic relationships.
22:07
[SPEAKER_04]: When I'm really frustrated, the the highest level cue that my body will ever give me is literally my neck.
22:15
[SPEAKER_04]: Like from my chest, up to my neck starts to get hot.
22:18
[SPEAKER_01]: See, that's why you're like, it's like physically.
22:21
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm like, I don't like the way my chest feels.
22:23
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm burning up in the chest.
22:24
[SPEAKER_04]: I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm
22:24
[SPEAKER_04]: I'm about to, who's the person in, you know, inside out the angry guy like I feel the heat I am brewing.
22:32
[SPEAKER_04]: And so now, now if this is where regulation comes in, right?
22:36
[SPEAKER_04]: I need to emotionally regulate how I'm feeling.
22:38
[SPEAKER_04]: What I really want to say is, you got me, I'm ready, like this is a different thing.
22:44
[SPEAKER_01]: No, no, Sarah, you got me, well, and you can be a different version.
22:49
[SPEAKER_01]: You're like,
22:49
[SPEAKER_04]: I'm not that version anymore, it's like for someone to take me out of character at this point Yeah, I don't even know if you can because this a choice for me at this point.
22:58
[SPEAKER_04]: Yeah, but in the past Yeah, oh my um, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm,
23:06
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
23:07
[SPEAKER_04]: She ain't that nice.
23:08
[SPEAKER_04]: She won't ever.
23:09
[SPEAKER_04]: This is just personally developed, you know, I've worked hard on myself.
23:13
[SPEAKER_04]: I understand who it is.
23:14
[SPEAKER_04]: I want to move in alignment with my highest calling on my life.
23:18
[SPEAKER_04]: But like, I don't give no apps.
23:20
[SPEAKER_04]: Giving you going to know who you don't don't.
23:21
[SPEAKER_04]: You can't go talk to me any type of way.
23:23
[SPEAKER_04]: She's still in here.
23:24
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
23:25
[SPEAKER_04]: She's just sleeping.
23:26
[SPEAKER_04]: She's just sleeping.
23:27
[SPEAKER_04]: Yeah, she's hibernating.
23:29
[SPEAKER_04]: And only under dire circumstances, what I allow her to come out.
23:34
[SPEAKER_01]: How does a person actively learn how to repair?
23:36
[SPEAKER_01]: Like, because I'm not an expert in repairing in relationship.
23:41
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm really having a real epiphany right here.
23:43
[SPEAKER_01]: I didn't know I was going to learn something about myself.
23:45
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm like, I'm like, do the, I'm like, do the Sarah thing.
23:48
[SPEAKER_01]: But, but,
23:49
[SPEAKER_01]: So do you not that you know that you didn't do good with repairing like what's the process of saying man I've been to learn some conflict resolution skills.
23:58
[SPEAKER_04]: Well number one you need to understand your cues You need to understand what do we do and that's a physical cue, but maybe some people shut down
24:07
[SPEAKER_04]: maybe other people start to get defensive like like Dr. Gottman says he he says there are four things he calls him the four horsemen in a relationship or if you have all four of these things over a period of time your relationship will absolutely end and those four things are defensiveness criticism, uh, contentment and stonewalling.
24:25
[SPEAKER_04]: So defensiveness is where you can't take anything in, so I'm just gonna keep deflecting, deflecting, deflecting, deflecting, criticizing is obviously picking at that person.
24:33
[SPEAKER_04]: Contimment is where you put yourself above your partner and stonewalling is where you shut down.
24:38
[SPEAKER_04]: So when you have all four of these things in a relationship, it's absolutely going to end.
24:42
[SPEAKER_04]: There's no, like, he has timelines.
24:44
[SPEAKER_04]: And he's done this for decades.
24:45
[SPEAKER_04]: He studied couples that have either divorced or stayed together, or whatever it may be, from one year, five years, 30 plus years he's been doing this research, right?
24:53
[SPEAKER_04]: And so, inside of those things, are those your cues?
24:57
[SPEAKER_04]: Like, what is your reactive state?
24:59
[SPEAKER_04]: What is it that you automatically go to?
25:02
[SPEAKER_04]: And oddly enough, even in one of my relationships that I was in, highly effective speaking,
25:09
[SPEAKER_04]: international speaker.
25:10
[SPEAKER_04]: I've been translated and Greek in Spanish.
25:14
[SPEAKER_04]: I've been transited in all these languages.
25:16
[SPEAKER_04]: Sarah Fauntno, world traveler, all of these things.
25:19
[SPEAKER_04]: When I was in a relationship, there was a person that was so critical and so defensive that within a seven-month span, I was stonewalling in five months.
25:30
[SPEAKER_04]: We only get together for seven months total, but it felt like five years.
25:34
[SPEAKER_04]: And after doing more research, I found that
25:37
[SPEAKER_04]: Stonewalling usually doesn't even show up in your relationship until two years in.
25:42
[SPEAKER_04]: So you mean to tell me, I'm on the expedited track for Stonewalling because this is how much of a of a toil it was on a daily basis with this person of all the ways that I wasn't doing what I said I was doing.
25:54
[SPEAKER_04]: And so you've got to be, it goes back to your partner choice, right?
25:57
[SPEAKER_04]: It goes back to the fact that certain people bring things out of you.
26:01
[SPEAKER_04]: What are the cues?
26:02
[SPEAKER_04]: If you know that you feel like dang, that hurt, are you vocalizing that in a way that's vulnerable?
26:07
[SPEAKER_04]: And that's another thing for women.
26:09
[SPEAKER_04]: We don't, we don't say how we feel we're constantly blaming.
26:13
[SPEAKER_04]: So one of the things that I say all the time really is, if you have a thing that you wanna say to your man, right?
26:19
[SPEAKER_04]: Instead of saying, you don't do this, you don't hear me, you don't help me with nothing.
26:23
[SPEAKER_04]: I'm exhausted, you don't see how hard I work.
26:26
[SPEAKER_04]: A man here is conflict, conflict, conflict, conflict, conflict.
26:28
[SPEAKER_04]: You are in your masculine, he isn't his masculine, masculine and masculine does this.
26:32
[SPEAKER_04]: They do not go together, but if I were to say to you, let's say I'm exhausted because the kids and you're gone all the time and I were to say, baby, I am exhausted.
26:44
[SPEAKER_04]: The house is a mess.
26:46
[SPEAKER_04]: The kids are stressing me out.
26:48
[SPEAKER_04]: I really just need time for myself.
26:51
[SPEAKER_04]: Maybe it's an hour, maybe it's three hours.
26:54
[SPEAKER_04]: Maybe I can go to the spa.
26:55
[SPEAKER_04]: What can we do about it?
26:57
[SPEAKER_04]: I'm breaking.
26:59
[SPEAKER_04]: I'm literally falling apart.
27:01
[SPEAKER_04]: I need your help.
27:03
[SPEAKER_04]: What can we do?
27:04
[SPEAKER_04]: A man that loves you is going to say, baby, let me, I'm a book your appointment.
27:09
[SPEAKER_04]: A man that loves you is going to say, go take a nap, I got the kids from here.
27:12
[SPEAKER_04]: A man that loves you will say, you know what, let me, let me get a nanny or a sitter or something, let me help in some type of way.
27:18
[SPEAKER_04]: But if you're always saying, you don't help me, you don't, it's not effective.
27:22
[SPEAKER_04]: So it goes back to how are you even communicating with that person?
27:26
[SPEAKER_04]: We need to be vulnerable in just saying what it is in how we feel, which creates a safe space now for that man to also share how he feels.
27:34
[SPEAKER_01]: But most people miss it because that's like feminine like if a dude if a dude share the way he feels To a woman like to his woman like it's automatically like Well, you can't have an issue it's it I'm just telling you how it feels to a man because you don't have an issue It's like you have compound interest with a woman
27:55
[SPEAKER_01]: Because as I'm talking to men a lot of times they feel like at home their opinion just does not matter So they can go out and kill it on the elite circuit and deal whatever you're gonna build But because there's such a tension in between between life Well, I'm doing this and I'm doing this, you know you'll sit there and listen every single day you'll come home You'll hear about the kids you'll hear this you'll hear this you'll you some men step up to the plate But like what that I'm putting points on the board making sure that you have this beautiful lifestyle So as I come in you cannot just give me the kids as much as I love you
28:24
[SPEAKER_01]: You know, it's really, really tough to just pop in here and do that.
28:27
[SPEAKER_01]: I need a moment.
28:28
[SPEAKER_01]: You need a moment.
28:29
[SPEAKER_01]: Now what I've seen success shot out to my brothers, I met you yet for one of my white counterparts shot out to my brother David.
28:36
[SPEAKER_01]: I came to his house.
28:38
[SPEAKER_01]: I was like, what the hell?
28:39
[SPEAKER_01]: He's all these people coming in and out of the house.
28:41
[SPEAKER_01]: He's like, oh, this is all the stuff we need to keep my marriage going.
28:45
[SPEAKER_01]: I was like, what that mean?
28:46
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, Miss Sidney, she cooked meals Monday through Thursday.
28:50
[SPEAKER_01]: Miss Jellin, she keeps the kids for us.
28:54
[SPEAKER_01]: She does that four times a week because she was getting tired because he has that type of money to be able to hire a staff and staff his home.
29:01
[SPEAKER_01]: Shout out to Dave.
29:02
[SPEAKER_01]: He actually helped me staff my home during the opportunity that I had on television.
29:06
[SPEAKER_01]: I didn't know how I was going to do.
29:08
[SPEAKER_01]: You got to spend some of that money.
29:10
[SPEAKER_01]: That would do what I have to do to say yeah.
29:12
[SPEAKER_01]: And you got to spend some money.
29:13
[SPEAKER_01]: How much you make it?
29:14
[SPEAKER_01]: That would be single.
29:15
[SPEAKER_01]: I have to go on building this house.
29:16
[SPEAKER_01]: You're going to change things.
29:17
[SPEAKER_01]: Right.
29:18
[SPEAKER_01]: But a lot of men don't feel appreciated if they're not able to at least get a sense of rest.
29:22
[SPEAKER_01]: Everybody thinks they're what they're doing is important.
29:24
[SPEAKER_01]: Can I give a hack to the men?
29:26
[SPEAKER_04]: Come on, give a hack and we'll see if we'll take it.
29:28
[SPEAKER_04]: Okay, so you've read this book because we talked about it.
29:31
[SPEAKER_04]: The way of the superior man by David Data, incredible read and inside of the book, see a lot of men think they want feminine woman, but they don't understand that femininity leans on masculinity.
29:41
[SPEAKER_04]: And I think it's really important, also just to give this disclaimer, all of us have both, right?
29:46
[SPEAKER_04]: on the most masculine man still has 10 to 20 percent femininity.
29:51
[SPEAKER_04]: The most feminine women still has 10 to 20 percent masculinity.
29:55
[SPEAKER_04]: It is necessary because there are traits that we need inside of compassion, inside of nature, inside of achievement.
30:01
[SPEAKER_04]: There's things that we need from both.
30:03
[SPEAKER_04]: So we all have both.
30:04
[SPEAKER_04]: I don't want to weaponize either.
30:05
[SPEAKER_04]: And if a man is more feminine, that's not wrong.
30:08
[SPEAKER_04]: It's not bad.
30:08
[SPEAKER_04]: It's just truth.
30:10
[SPEAKER_04]: The problem is people start weaponizing it.
30:12
[SPEAKER_04]: Right, and no, you're a feminine man, and then a man thinks, I'd be like, she's a, I'm a girl, no, femininity is an energy and an essence, it is not a gender, okay?
30:21
[SPEAKER_04]: Disclaimer done.
30:22
[SPEAKER_04]: Now that being said, femininity.
30:25
[SPEAKER_04]: The way that a feminine woman works is, everything is right now.
30:30
[SPEAKER_04]: So if you have, for the last year, you've been like, I'm gonna pick up the kids and pick up the dry cleaning.
30:36
[SPEAKER_04]: In every single day, you have picked up the kids and you have picked up the dry cleaning.
30:41
[SPEAKER_04]: Every single day, and then the day where it matters, and she's having a rough day, you forgot to pick up the kids and the dry cleaning.
30:48
[SPEAKER_04]: Everything that you've done in the past doesn't count.
30:52
[SPEAKER_04]: No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no
31:11
[SPEAKER_04]: And men are like, oh, yeah, you know what?
31:12
[SPEAKER_04]: Logically speaking, because men are logical, logically speaking, this track record is pretty dope.
31:18
[SPEAKER_04]: So let's say, yeah, you know, you probably right.
31:20
[SPEAKER_04]: That's okay, we go mid, but women are emotionally speaking.
31:24
[SPEAKER_04]: What does that mean for woman for feminine woman?
31:26
[SPEAKER_04]: It means does he love me?
31:27
[SPEAKER_04]: Did he forget about me?
31:29
[SPEAKER_04]: Am I not valuable?
31:30
[SPEAKER_04]: How could he miss her kids?
31:31
[SPEAKER_04]: How, and so it literally has nothing to do with the men not doing anything right.
31:35
[SPEAKER_04]: It's the woman that's not regulated in herself.
31:38
[SPEAKER_04]: Oh, hell, nice.
31:40
[SPEAKER_01]: That's the thing.
31:41
[SPEAKER_01]: See that part right there.
31:42
[SPEAKER_01]: I didn't know that.
31:43
[SPEAKER_01]: Yes.
31:43
[SPEAKER_01]: There might be some new information and the meter is shaking a head like pre-t.
31:51
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm going to be honest, it's don't make no sense to me.
31:53
[SPEAKER_01]: Because I don't want to see fellas.
31:55
[SPEAKER_01]: You're about fellas.
31:56
[SPEAKER_01]: I ain't not going to feel fellas.
31:57
[SPEAKER_01]: Katie, do that makes it.
31:58
[SPEAKER_04]: I just call will.
31:59
[SPEAKER_01]: Is that makes sense to you?
32:00
[SPEAKER_01]: That makes it.
32:04
[SPEAKER_01]: Hey, like the men of God said he just went through a kitty look like see talking right for me I'm just like oh my god is this what I'm gonna have to do it work through all every relationship And then woman now if you could I dance or don't want no tough it so that's excuse me
32:19
[SPEAKER_01]: I don't want none to.
32:21
[SPEAKER_01]: I don't even like my steak took.
32:23
[SPEAKER_01]: I don't even like my steak took.
32:25
[SPEAKER_01]: You were having it.
32:25
[SPEAKER_04]: You were oh So this is the thing so now men get mad and instead of because and then they say things like I don't feel appreciated look at all the work that I've done all of these things.
32:34
[SPEAKER_04]: So now what you're doing
32:35
[SPEAKER_04]: So now what you're doing is you're putting her into her masculine, which is what you don't want.
32:41
[SPEAKER_04]: And so now it's a battle of masculine and masculine instead of it just allowing for her to be in her feminine.
32:47
[SPEAKER_04]: So look, this is the hack, this is the hack, this is the answer.
32:50
[SPEAKER_04]: You forgot the dry cleaning and the children, baby.
32:53
[SPEAKER_04]: How could you forget the children?
32:55
[SPEAKER_04]: Oh my God, instead of being like, this is the first time that I forgot to drive clean into the children.
32:59
[SPEAKER_04]: In the year, don't you see my track record?
33:01
[SPEAKER_04]: And we know that this happens.
33:02
[SPEAKER_04]: This is the first thing that men say because they go to logic.
33:04
[SPEAKER_04]: You can't go to logic.
33:05
[SPEAKER_04]: You have to go to emotion.
33:07
[SPEAKER_04]: So now you've got to say, damn, baby, you're right.
33:10
[SPEAKER_04]: I am so, start, let me know.
33:12
[SPEAKER_04]: I'm gonna go get the kids right now.
33:13
[SPEAKER_04]: But what do most men say?
33:14
[SPEAKER_04]: Well, now she wants me to act like a little bee.
33:16
[SPEAKER_04]: She wants me, she wants to run.
33:18
[SPEAKER_04]: No, it's none of that.
33:19
[SPEAKER_01]: She is in her.
33:20
[SPEAKER_01]: You know, you know, it's still a cause where even if you just say B.
33:23
[SPEAKER_01]: Okay, go ahead.
33:25
[SPEAKER_04]: I don't know because then I'm not a customer.
33:27
[SPEAKER_01]: No, I know because I was okay.
33:29
[SPEAKER_01]: I said B. I did still be little little baby.
33:34
[SPEAKER_01]: Hey, wait, hold up.
33:36
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm gonna look this way and just go ahead and subscribe to the channel.
33:40
[SPEAKER_01]: No, because I'd ask you to do that early in the show and you ain't being remembered.
33:43
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm pretend like I ain't seeing it.
33:46
[SPEAKER_01]: Did you subscribe?
33:47
[SPEAKER_01]: I hope you did.
33:48
[SPEAKER_01]: Because listen, the only way that we can expand is if you share with someone else that you comment and that you make sure that you tell a friend and tell another friend.
33:57
[SPEAKER_01]: So subscribe.
33:58
[SPEAKER_01]: Now back to the episode.
33:59
[SPEAKER_01]: Flada.
34:00
[SPEAKER_04]: She wasn't acting like a little baby.
34:02
[SPEAKER_04]: That's better, good.
34:04
[SPEAKER_04]: Okay, so I say that to say that you've got to understand who your person is, and you've got to do the work to understand a woman, men say they want a woman, but then they get mad when she doesn't act like a man.
34:18
[SPEAKER_04]: that doesn't make any sense and women say they want a man but then they get mad when he doesn't act like a woman.
34:24
[SPEAKER_04]: So you have to find that middle ground and you've got to do the work to understand did I choose a more feminine partner?
34:31
[SPEAKER_01]: I did.
34:32
[SPEAKER_04]: Which is a beautiful thing because a thing about femininity is a feminine woman that loves you will help you move the earth and you won't even know it.
34:42
[SPEAKER_04]: feminine energy that loves you is a force.
34:45
[SPEAKER_04]: It is in essence.
34:47
[SPEAKER_04]: It is effortless.
34:48
[SPEAKER_04]: We are naturally seeking the need before you even speak it.
34:51
[SPEAKER_04]: It is addressed.
34:53
[SPEAKER_04]: It is a way where it's like, damn, um, my neck is sore.
34:57
[SPEAKER_04]: I asked Lepron.
34:57
[SPEAKER_04]: Next thing you know, that night you got a massage scheduled.
35:00
[SPEAKER_04]: or it's the little things like, oh man, I forgot, I needed this.
35:05
[SPEAKER_04]: I don't have enough pins at work.
35:06
[SPEAKER_04]: Everybody keeps stealing my pins.
35:07
[SPEAKER_04]: Next thing you know, you got pins with Willie, more junior engraved on the top and you got a whole, whatever it is because we're constantly listening for what does my man need?
35:18
[SPEAKER_04]: So you can't get mad at her for being the person that pays attention to everything because it's actually that emotional intuition that is the answer to all of your problems as well.
35:29
[SPEAKER_04]: We're more intangible, y'all are more tangible, which is why the whole conversation around men getting upset about men, women wanting, men with money doesn't make sense because it's natural.
35:41
[SPEAKER_04]: You want a woman that brings you peace, that's what every man says, right?
35:44
[SPEAKER_01]: Praise the Lord.
35:46
[SPEAKER_04]: You want a woman that brings you peace, that's intangible.
35:48
[SPEAKER_04]: How do you measure peace?
35:50
[SPEAKER_04]: How do you measure value?
35:51
[SPEAKER_01]: You said my chest.
35:53
[SPEAKER_04]: It's a feeling because it's emotional.
35:55
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, the Bible says that peace be your empire.
35:58
[SPEAKER_01]: Oh.
35:58
[SPEAKER_01]: So it's strike.
35:59
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
36:00
[SPEAKER_01]: Or it is a home room.
36:02
[SPEAKER_01]: Yes.
36:02
[SPEAKER_01]: Boom.
36:03
[SPEAKER_01]: All right.
36:03
[SPEAKER_01]: That was a strike.
36:05
[SPEAKER_01]: That was a wall.
36:06
[SPEAKER_01]: That's a home room.
36:07
[SPEAKER_01]: So I now know.
36:08
[SPEAKER_01]: I think discovering peace for me was really beautiful at time being alone.
36:12
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
36:12
[SPEAKER_01]: That's been, that's been time alone.
36:14
[SPEAKER_01]: I was like.
36:15
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, this was peace field like so bringing somebody else in and you come in and I'm like, okay, cool, peace is not live.
36:21
[SPEAKER_01]: But all when you just said that little poor, where like, if you did everything right and then after three years you do something wrong and the whole thing, oh hell, now we're not doing that.
36:30
[SPEAKER_01]: But you have to.
36:31
[SPEAKER_01]: No, that's what I've been on.
36:33
[SPEAKER_01]: If you love her, you don't love her.
36:34
[SPEAKER_01]: You don't love her.
36:35
[SPEAKER_01]: No, no, no, no, no, you don't love her.
36:37
[SPEAKER_01]: You don't love her.
36:37
[SPEAKER_04]: You don't want to meet her where she's at.
36:40
[SPEAKER_01]: This is you didn't know what you mean there, because that don't make sense.
36:43
[SPEAKER_04]: It's because you're logical, but it makes sense to a woman because we're emotional.
36:47
[SPEAKER_01]: And put it on paper though, like I like to put it on paper.
36:50
[SPEAKER_01]: But that's tangible.
36:51
[SPEAKER_01]: So there go 30 times.
36:53
[SPEAKER_01]: And here go one time.
36:55
[SPEAKER_01]: I don't know.
36:57
[SPEAKER_01]: And so, but here's the thing, I don't mind it.
36:59
[SPEAKER_01]: But can you still give me that same baby was late, you know, or whatever.
37:06
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm going to go to the audience real quick.
37:07
[SPEAKER_01]: A few people have questions as well.
37:10
[SPEAKER_01]: Speak out loud.
37:11
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm going to go here.
37:12
[SPEAKER_01]: And what's your name?
37:14
[SPEAKER_01]: This is Shave From.
37:15
[SPEAKER_01]: Atlanta, say what your question
37:30
[SPEAKER_01]: This is the second time three years second time three years.
37:33
[SPEAKER_01]: You got to write this time down.
37:34
[SPEAKER_01]: I'll make sure you know what she's doing and what she's saying is our husband.
37:39
[SPEAKER_01]: He says that you're telling the truth because he can do it.
37:42
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm 10 times he get it once and then he get it upset.
37:45
[SPEAKER_01]: Like, wait a minute.
37:46
[SPEAKER_01]: I've been doing this did for kids and kids.
37:48
[SPEAKER_01]: We like she like none of no you didn't get it this time.
37:50
[SPEAKER_01]: Let's address this time.
37:52
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm learning something the day fellas.
37:53
[SPEAKER_01]: Hopefully you send next to her just like me, think it to yourself.
37:56
[SPEAKER_01]: This don't make no damn soon.
37:58
[SPEAKER_01]: It doesn't.
37:58
[SPEAKER_01]: But it's just a truth, and I gotta make sense.
38:00
[SPEAKER_01]: You just gotta make right.
38:01
[SPEAKER_01]: That's all.
38:02
[SPEAKER_01]: And the way we learn is we just like guess we got to look at this stuff right.
38:06
[SPEAKER_01]: Kindness over that cringey.
38:08
[SPEAKER_01]: Cause he realized he didn't got a lot of stuff wrong.
38:10
[SPEAKER_01]: I was like a flipped in camera.
38:11
[SPEAKER_01]: This nigga's scratching his head.
38:13
[SPEAKER_01]: Just like me.
38:14
[SPEAKER_01]: I can't believe I want to eat that.
38:16
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm hot as I'm.
38:17
[SPEAKER_01]: I thought of these bad.
38:18
[SPEAKER_01]: Oh my god, it wrong, man, it's week.
38:21
[SPEAKER_01]: I don't want to do the whole ship away over something like this, because this don't make no sense.
38:25
[SPEAKER_01]: Katie, you had your hand up.
38:28
[SPEAKER_01]: Where's the grace of us?
38:30
[SPEAKER_01]: That's all I have.
38:31
[SPEAKER_01]: Katie Boses.
38:32
[SPEAKER_01]: Doc, where's the grace for a man who doesn't know this information because you know because you a business woman if you have a person who's been doing the right thing for all these years been working with you they make one mistake don't post on don't do something you're not just gonna be like you're fired or maybe you do or you say man give me it I'm gonna give them a little grace I'm gonna come at them different the grace comes in your accountability
38:57
[SPEAKER_01]: Oh, so we got to be a kind of build because of the way you feel.
39:00
[SPEAKER_01]: No, you don't think that's what we didn't do.
39:02
[SPEAKER_04]: But you didn't do.
39:03
[SPEAKER_01]: Okay.
39:03
[SPEAKER_04]: And it's so easy to just say down, baby, you're right.
39:07
[SPEAKER_04]: That's my bad.
39:07
[SPEAKER_04]: All right, come on, let's work.
39:09
[SPEAKER_04]: Roll play.
39:10
[SPEAKER_01]: Because, hey, wait a minute.
39:12
[SPEAKER_01]: Let me just say this, because every time I sit next to a pretty woman, you think I'm doing something.
39:16
[SPEAKER_01]: I ain't doing nothing.
39:18
[SPEAKER_01]: We're about to, she said it.
39:20
[SPEAKER_01]: Roll play a scenario.
39:23
[SPEAKER_01]: Do not take this clip.
39:25
[SPEAKER_01]: and go viral with it because they do me all the time and then every time my podcast he was doing robo anyway so all right so I'm coming in yeah I did not get
39:39
[SPEAKER_01]: I didn't pick up the children.
39:41
[SPEAKER_01]: I forgot, long day of work.
39:42
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm coming in, and my stuff.
39:44
[SPEAKER_01]: Usually I'm gonna have my phone, and I'm like, let me turn this off because I believe you turn your phone off when you go in the house.
39:50
[SPEAKER_01]: You can pay attention for the least the first hour which you've had.
39:52
[SPEAKER_01]: I love that.
39:52
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm like boom, I'm turning my stuff off.
39:54
[SPEAKER_01]: Now in my head, that's heroic should be honored.
39:57
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
39:58
[SPEAKER_01]: Because most men that you talk to don't take,
40:02
[SPEAKER_01]: Recono building for his phone.
40:04
[SPEAKER_01]: So in my head, I realized some pride in me already because I traditionally wouldn't do this because let me tell you something I'm that phone.
40:11
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, oh Cortés don't call me with a music.
40:14
[SPEAKER_01]: Come on.
40:15
[SPEAKER_01]: Oh miss Jody done call with a new deal.
40:18
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah I'm talking about you can speak where I'm speaking that next week.
40:21
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm gonna be with Dr. Eric Thomas.
40:23
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm excited about some stuff But I gotta call you bad bro.
40:26
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, I'm gonna call you back in the going with the bag.
40:27
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, yeah, yeah, bad in you know She gonna want you to need
40:30
[SPEAKER_01]: All right, love.
40:31
[SPEAKER_01]: I love.
40:31
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, sometimes I might do it in the for you.
40:34
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, to make sure you hear that I am Putting putting you first.
40:40
[SPEAKER_01]: All right.
40:42
[SPEAKER_01]: No, no, I see right here.
40:42
[SPEAKER_01]: She's looking.
40:43
[SPEAKER_04]: I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm
40:58
[SPEAKER_04]: How are you going to leave the kids, Willie?
41:00
[SPEAKER_04]: You know that Tuesday is your day to pick up the kids.
41:02
[SPEAKER_04]: Why wouldn't you pick up the kids?
41:05
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm going to pick up the kids.
41:07
[SPEAKER_01]: I made a mistake and I'm going to get them no words.
41:10
[SPEAKER_01]: It's all good.
41:11
[SPEAKER_01]: Thank you.
41:13
[SPEAKER_01]: Traditionally, that's what not would happen.
41:15
[SPEAKER_01]: What would she keep talking?
41:16
[SPEAKER_01]: I tried.
41:17
[SPEAKER_01]: I tried to get to you.
41:19
[SPEAKER_04]: In the role play, when I humble down, if you go back up, then you got to set a boundary.
41:26
[SPEAKER_04]: And also, so two things need to happen.
41:28
[SPEAKER_04]: First of all, one thing that I think I'd see, usually I'll be champion in the men, but in this case, I got a champion in my ladies.
41:34
[SPEAKER_04]: Because you said something that stood out to me, you said, let me show you, I'm thinking about you so much that I'm about to give you this next hour, not realizing that you're feminine partner thinks about you all day.
41:45
[SPEAKER_03]: Yeah.
41:45
[SPEAKER_04]: Not one hour.
41:46
[SPEAKER_01]: No, so I'm just saying, no, no, no, I'm just saying that you're intentional about the time on our tissue about the first hour that I'm doing.
41:56
[SPEAKER_01]: I've been texting nasty stuff all day, because I'm letting you know, sex happening in from the moment you wake up, I'm glad.
42:04
[SPEAKER_01]: You look good this morning with that one eyelash on.
42:08
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm making you laugh about he laughing.
42:10
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm expecting like, I don't believe this coming into it.
42:13
[SPEAKER_01]: You have to do so.
42:14
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm gonna cut it off to kind of put the icing on the cake.
42:17
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
42:17
[SPEAKER_01]: Girl, all he do is work.
42:18
[SPEAKER_01]: I know him to be a worker.
42:19
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, but what I get it but where the problem is I'm sure in the me and on the other side of the camera is when we do back down Yeah, because I'm a humble myself down.
42:27
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, like I'm not that type of guy now.
42:29
[SPEAKER_01]: There are some guys like my been working on that You could pick up the kids.
42:32
[SPEAKER_01]: You could have texted remind me.
42:33
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm not him.
42:33
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, maybe you all fixed that.
42:35
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm a leader But I think when the man humbles down and then the woman stays up It'd be like bro like I can win this.
42:42
[SPEAKER_01]: That's a respect to you
42:43
[SPEAKER_04]: That's a boundary that needs to be drawn.
42:46
[SPEAKER_04]: So the truth is, the truth is, if you are humbling yourself down to be a man, ladies, let that man be a man.
42:55
[SPEAKER_04]: If you punish him, he's never going to want to do anything nice for you anyway, because who wants to do something when you're entitled to it?
43:01
[SPEAKER_04]: Or you feel like he's supposed to, or you feel obligated?
43:03
[SPEAKER_04]: That doesn't feel good.
43:05
[SPEAKER_04]: So let that man live, number one.
43:07
[SPEAKER_04]: Number two, men.
43:08
[SPEAKER_04]: You've got to say if it's because you let her do it already.
43:12
[SPEAKER_04]: That's the real problem.
43:14
[SPEAKER_04]: If you've gone 50, 11 years and all of this time, you've allowed her to come back and you come back and you, and now you feel like you've got to defend yourself.
43:23
[SPEAKER_04]: Man, I've been at work.
43:24
[SPEAKER_04]: You could've been got the kids already.
43:26
[SPEAKER_04]: There's no boundary.
43:28
[SPEAKER_04]: There's no, there's a lack of respect.
43:29
[SPEAKER_04]: So the conversation, if I were the man, what I need to hear because I, you give me an inch, I'll run a marathon.
43:36
[SPEAKER_01]: So let's run a play team.
43:37
[SPEAKER_04]: Oh, I'll be the guy.
43:38
[SPEAKER_01]: So you to do, okay.
43:40
[SPEAKER_01]: And I'm the counterpart.
43:41
[SPEAKER_01]: Okay.
43:42
[SPEAKER_01]: I ain't done so about me.
43:44
[SPEAKER_04]: Ha ha, theory.
43:44
[SPEAKER_01]: That's so cool.
43:45
[SPEAKER_01]: So real man.
43:45
[SPEAKER_01]: So we come in.
43:46
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
43:47
[SPEAKER_01]: Come in.
43:47
[SPEAKER_01]: All right.
43:48
[SPEAKER_01]: Let me show you what we get.
43:49
[SPEAKER_01]: Okay.
43:50
[SPEAKER_01]: You come on in the house on your phone.
43:52
[SPEAKER_04]: Okay.
43:53
[SPEAKER_04]: I'm on my phone.
43:55
[SPEAKER_04]: I'm hey, baby.
43:55
[SPEAKER_04]: I'm hanging up the phone right now.
43:57
[SPEAKER_01]: All right.
43:59
[SPEAKER_01]: What up, babe, you good?
44:00
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, I'm good.
44:00
[SPEAKER_01]: How you doing?
44:01
[SPEAKER_01]: You look good.
44:02
[SPEAKER_01]: I was just about to tell you the same thing.
44:04
[SPEAKER_01]: Look at us, we find it.
44:05
[SPEAKER_01]: I love the way you put your eyebrows right there.
44:07
[SPEAKER_01]: You did it right, man.
44:08
[SPEAKER_01]: I told you to do it like that.
44:09
[SPEAKER_01]: You did it right where you supposed to.
44:10
[SPEAKER_01]: Thank you.
44:11
[SPEAKER_04]: I learned.
44:12
[SPEAKER_01]: Do you miss something?
44:13
[SPEAKER_01]: What am I missing?
44:15
[SPEAKER_01]: The kids in the car, I don't know.
44:18
[SPEAKER_01]: Oh, damn.
44:18
[SPEAKER_01]: It's Tuesday.
44:20
[SPEAKER_01]: You didn't check your text, but I texted you earlier to remind you to pick up the children.
44:23
[SPEAKER_04]: You know what?
44:24
[SPEAKER_04]: I missed it, and I'm sorry.
44:25
[SPEAKER_04]: I'm gonna go get them right now.
44:27
[SPEAKER_01]: But how do you keep, how do you not told you?
44:29
[SPEAKER_04]: I'm going to go get them right now.
44:32
[SPEAKER_04]: But I'm just saying that it's true.
44:33
[SPEAKER_04]: No, look.
44:34
[SPEAKER_04]: I don't want us to get into the habit of you thinking that it's okay for you to talk to me in a disrespectful manner.
44:40
[SPEAKER_04]: I just told you I'm about to go get the kids.
44:42
[SPEAKER_04]: I'm going to get the kids.
44:43
[SPEAKER_01]: Man, I'm not your mother.
44:44
[SPEAKER_01]: When I'm there, give it.
44:46
[SPEAKER_01]: That would never happen.
44:47
[SPEAKER_01]: All right, well, look, y'all like that.
44:48
[SPEAKER_01]: Ladies, could you, could you handle that ladies?
44:50
[SPEAKER_01]: Yes or yes?
44:52
[SPEAKER_01]: Can I?
44:52
[SPEAKER_01]: Yes?
44:54
[SPEAKER_01]: No.
44:55
[SPEAKER_01]: Can I take it?
44:55
[SPEAKER_01]: Can I take it?
44:56
[SPEAKER_04]: No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
45:16
[SPEAKER_04]: It is a way that we feel safe.
45:19
[SPEAKER_04]: So now I'm really testing you to see how far will you let me disrespect you, but ultimately what I want the most is my man to be a leader.
45:29
[SPEAKER_04]: So if you stop me from the beginning, I might be cursing you out of my mind, but secretly I love it.
45:35
[SPEAKER_04]: Secretly I'm like, oh my baby, that's a man right there.
45:39
[SPEAKER_04]: That man took charge on me.
45:41
[SPEAKER_04]: You're letting me know how I get to move and shake within your boundaries, because you're the lines.
45:49
[SPEAKER_04]: You got to teach me to color inside of the lines.
45:52
[SPEAKER_04]: So if you don't set that strong boundary, if you're gonna have a snapping in here.
45:59
[SPEAKER_01]: I'll see you.
46:00
[SPEAKER_01]: We come alive to your city, too, so you can do all this stuff that they do.
46:03
[SPEAKER_01]: We come into a city near you.
46:05
[SPEAKER_01]: If you watch it in February when Virginia, you watch it in March when DC, you watch it in.
46:10
[SPEAKER_01]: We come to Chicago past the handle them, just ticks.
46:14
[SPEAKER_04]: So I say that to say you, you, and it has to happen from the beginning because there's nothing harder than trying to that compound interest.
46:24
[SPEAKER_04]: Remember a penny that compounds over 31 days turns into 10 million dollars.
46:30
[SPEAKER_04]: A penny that doubles every day for 31 days is $10 million plus dollars.
46:35
[SPEAKER_04]: So if you have all this compound interest of disrespect, disrespect, disrespect, now you got $10 million or the disrespect, that might be harder to fix.
46:44
[SPEAKER_04]: But if at the beginning it's a penny, what we ain't gonna do is that.
46:47
[SPEAKER_04]: I don't even know why you feel comfortable talking to me like that.
46:50
[SPEAKER_04]: So I'm gonna let it slide this time.
46:51
[SPEAKER_04]: I'm going to get the kids.
46:53
[SPEAKER_04]: In the conversation, and now, so, ooh, I can't double this, Penny.
46:57
[SPEAKER_04]: I don't want my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my,
47:19
[SPEAKER_04]: I don't need to.
47:20
[SPEAKER_04]: Yeah.
47:21
[SPEAKER_04]: Yeah.
47:21
[SPEAKER_04]: You got to follow my lead.
47:23
[SPEAKER_04]: And so now as a woman and trust me, I could be as masculine as I want to be, but with a man, I know my place.
47:31
[SPEAKER_04]: So now it's to a point where you don't have to teach me not to talk to a certain way.
47:34
[SPEAKER_04]: I just be like, damn, baby.
47:36
[SPEAKER_04]: are you going to go get the kids or what like what's up you know like okay can you go get them please or whatever it is or or you could even be cute and coy with it like the kids ain't here we got 15 minutes you know like I go get them and I'm out there think you can make it up I got the camera was you're up in the mirror what you say I'm sorry guys my professionalism was out of the window
47:58
[SPEAKER_04]: I'm just saying there's so many different ways that you can go about it where disrespect doesn't creep in.
48:03
[SPEAKER_04]: But we live in a disrespectful era.
48:06
[SPEAKER_04]: And so now, you know, when sexy red is raising our children, or, you know, when the goal when the goal is just at absolutely sub-level, you've got to raise your own bar, which goes back to, what is it that you want?
48:22
[SPEAKER_04]: What are you aware about yourself?
48:24
[SPEAKER_04]: How are you vetting out your partner?
48:26
[SPEAKER_04]: And are you, are you, are you ladies?
48:28
[SPEAKER_04]: Are we the color?
48:29
[SPEAKER_04]: Or are we trying to be the lines?
48:31
[SPEAKER_04]: I want to be the line.
48:33
[SPEAKER_01]: Hey, I feel by already here.
48:35
[SPEAKER_01]: How many, how many yes.
48:37
[SPEAKER_01]: Anybody got a challenge in the room?
48:39
[SPEAKER_01]: You feel like, wait a minute now.
48:41
[SPEAKER_01]: No, wait a minute, because you're going to die.
48:44
[SPEAKER_01]: All this stuff you, y'all be saying, be so good.
48:46
[SPEAKER_01]: You answer my friends.
48:48
[SPEAKER_01]: You know, Stefan speaks, he'd be talking right.
48:53
[SPEAKER_01]: Dr. Bryan, and then you y'all all in that same thing, but it's like, man, I'd be feeling like sometimes y'all got it on the outside.
49:01
[SPEAKER_01]: But when you get on the inside and you tie that night, the Bible says that the two would become one flesh.
49:07
[SPEAKER_01]: And that's like a breaking of all ties.
49:10
[SPEAKER_01]: So all of the,
49:11
[SPEAKER_01]: all of the minutia of you know well he doesn't respect she don't respect like some of that stuff is just a moldy of the mirror that God is attempting to break of you yeah so a lot of times like it was a lot things that I saw when we were dating like it was that and that's what made me want to say I do because if I like man and you did you lead a butter I was like yeah I left the butter man let me run back to crying get the butter but I go get the butter because we just date
49:38
[SPEAKER_01]: And then when you get married and you got to go, it was like, damn, the first two weeks, I was like,
49:45
[SPEAKER_01]: You look different before I put that rock on your phone.
49:49
[SPEAKER_01]: And it was like I was learning to adapt but when I was learning, like literally I would tell myself like damn, I feel like I'm dying here, bro.
49:56
[SPEAKER_01]: Like, like I'm having to learn so much about her that I'm not being as creative as I need to be because I'm a creative I want to be fun.
50:05
[SPEAKER_01]: I want to be, and then my mentor was like, now I'm part of you got to die.
50:08
[SPEAKER_01]: That's the fact.
50:09
[SPEAKER_01]: Because like God is that it's like she's supposed to feel some things in because you guys are gonna come so if he feels like death
50:16
[SPEAKER_01]: That's the way it's supposed to be.
50:17
[SPEAKER_01]: Right.
50:18
[SPEAKER_01]: And I was like, no, I don't want to die.
50:21
[SPEAKER_01]: It's like, yeah, it's a painful death.
50:22
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
50:23
[SPEAKER_01]: But there are parts of you that have to die for this marriage to work and the question becomes, are you willing to do it?
50:27
[SPEAKER_01]: And I think a lot of times, people are so champions for marriage, marriage, marriage, not knowing that it's not this beautiful matrimony, beautiful ceremony.
50:37
[SPEAKER_01]: It's like, man, some part of you are going to have to die.
50:40
[SPEAKER_01]: And it becomes so much that sometimes a man
50:46
[SPEAKER_01]: And then it don't feel like she'd done to it be like I said I'm not finna just I'm not finna with her away Yeah, like how did because when you date this is what we get this like sure baby One of my home girls used to work with me.
50:59
[SPEAKER_01]: She was going back and forth with a boy friend I'm like I've been together seven months and yeah, this your boy friend.
51:04
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm going through that.
51:05
[SPEAKER_01]: It's a hell no for me
51:08
[SPEAKER_01]: I think I only don't get words when the break-in start.
51:11
[SPEAKER_01]: You know, and so, like, I'd be loving this information, but I'd be like, come on in the room, close the phone, booth and see what the hell this whole Maristang is about.
51:19
[SPEAKER_01]: Because I wish it was like that.
51:21
[SPEAKER_01]: A person gets used to you, that you start sharing your vulnerabilities, what you afraid of, that you scared of, because you're not married, it's a pillow talk that go on.
51:32
[SPEAKER_01]: It's like, you and this tough, even though you make it money,
51:35
[SPEAKER_01]: I was insecure I was insecure like I was not insecure what you do But I was insecure like now I go from being this who a guy who not a little guy And I'm in the room with Dr. Dolly and Kurt Franklin.
51:48
[SPEAKER_01]: I know seven scriptures Total wed the time
51:52
[SPEAKER_01]: They put me on stages in front of thousands of people.
51:55
[SPEAKER_01]: I know seven strong scriptures.
51:58
[SPEAKER_01]: God literally had to come to me and say, but you mastered them.
52:00
[SPEAKER_01]: They and some of them might not even know how to live about seven.
52:03
[SPEAKER_01]: They just know how to speak 30.
52:04
[SPEAKER_01]: Right.
52:05
[SPEAKER_01]: And I was like, okay, cool.
52:06
[SPEAKER_01]: But then you share these insecurities.
52:08
[SPEAKER_01]: And I feel like sometimes women get a little bit more disrespectful when you share the innermost parts of your vulnerability because it come up at arguments.
52:17
[SPEAKER_01]: It come up in but you the same guy who said the Jews
52:22
[SPEAKER_01]: Well, like, I got you that in confidence.
52:25
[SPEAKER_01]: I ain't scared now.
52:26
[SPEAKER_01]: You know what I'm saying?
52:27
[SPEAKER_01]: And then you get this really crazy riff.
52:29
[SPEAKER_01]: And then when you say, hey, I love the kids.
52:32
[SPEAKER_01]: It's like, you wouldn't love Kurt Franklin.
52:34
[SPEAKER_01]: You know what?
52:35
[SPEAKER_01]: It's like, y'all, what the, what the, the debt come from?
52:37
[SPEAKER_04]: Right.
52:38
[SPEAKER_01]: You know, so, I mean, you know, I think it's, you know, I'm, I don't even know what the question is.
52:41
[SPEAKER_01]: I just kind of give you scenario.
52:42
[SPEAKER_04]: I think that's a beautiful scenario.
52:44
[SPEAKER_04]: And I, I think that that comes back to regulation, right?
52:47
[SPEAKER_04]: And I think that that's the problem.
52:49
[SPEAKER_04]: the people that are influencing or inspiring people to be a certain way aren't teaching women like women really aren't being raised to be ladies anymore.
52:59
[SPEAKER_04]: Women are being raised to be entitled to get money.
53:02
[SPEAKER_04]: You know, oh, I'm with this person.
53:04
[SPEAKER_04]: Be flashy.
53:05
[SPEAKER_04]: Be a boss babe.
53:06
[SPEAKER_04]: I don't need no man.
53:07
[SPEAKER_04]: No, I need a man.
53:08
[SPEAKER_04]: I do.
53:10
[SPEAKER_03]: I'm very clear.
53:11
[SPEAKER_04]: I need, I'm, you know, I pay all my bills right now.
53:13
[SPEAKER_04]: When I'm in a relationship, I don't, I'm in a committed exclusive relationship.
53:17
[SPEAKER_04]: I don't pay a single bill.
53:18
[SPEAKER_04]: But until that point, I, I, I, and I don't need them to pay my bills.
53:22
[SPEAKER_04]: I need a man because there's something about masculinity coming into my life.
53:25
[SPEAKER_04]: I become a better version of myself.
53:27
[SPEAKER_04]: It's just like, there are things inside of motherhood.
53:30
[SPEAKER_04]: Motherhood is the ultimate sense of selflessness, and I feel like being married is the ultimate sense of trust, because I have to let go and trust your leadership.
53:38
[SPEAKER_04]: And I think that women need to learn.
53:40
[SPEAKER_04]: There are some things that even though you might think it in your head, you need to know it's not okay to speak that from your mouth.
53:46
[SPEAKER_04]: But the problem is we live in this 20, 25 era, where anything is okay.
53:51
[SPEAKER_04]: Oh yeah, it's called him a,
53:52
[SPEAKER_04]: uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh
54:11
[SPEAKER_04]: I'm not going to say I never cost a man out in my mind.
54:14
[SPEAKER_01]: I know you cost a man out in my mind.
54:16
[SPEAKER_01]: Oh my god.
54:16
[SPEAKER_04]: I've said like, oh, I can't stand your work.
54:19
[SPEAKER_04]: I literally done all of that.
54:21
[SPEAKER_04]: And then I have to think, what is the result that I want?
54:24
[SPEAKER_04]: Even now, my girlfriends, you know, people asking all the time, what would you do with this?
54:28
[SPEAKER_04]: What would you do with that?
54:29
[SPEAKER_04]: How do I say this?
54:30
[SPEAKER_04]: They ask, and how do I send this text message?
54:32
[SPEAKER_04]: There was one girl I helped her get her man for three months.
54:34
[SPEAKER_04]: He was really texting me to be honest.
54:36
[SPEAKER_04]: I don't know if that's a good thing or not, but it's just the truth.
54:39
[SPEAKER_04]: I really be like, look, you can't, you can't say certain things.
54:42
[SPEAKER_04]: You know what I mean?
54:42
[SPEAKER_04]: Like, you really, you just can't, you can't, you can't do that.
54:46
[SPEAKER_04]: And now, you learn because you've been around me for so long, how to respond to certain way.
54:51
[SPEAKER_04]: What is the result?
54:52
[SPEAKER_04]: So when someone says, should I break up with this man?
54:55
[SPEAKER_04]: Do you want to break up with this man?
54:57
[SPEAKER_04]: Do you want the relationship to don't ask your jaded friends or your your upset or your jealous on tear or who you got a really ask yourself Ask God do I want to be with this person because ultimately if this is the person that you choose over all of the people They are showing you that you're valuable.
55:14
[SPEAKER_04]: They're showing you that you're love.
55:15
[SPEAKER_04]: It's like in the Bible You don't cast pearls in front of swine
55:18
[SPEAKER_04]: Why would you speak to them a certain type of way?
55:21
[SPEAKER_04]: And you have to remember that it's like, not that we keep score, but every time you say something hurtful or hateful, you take a point off that you can never get back.
55:33
[SPEAKER_04]: Every time you're hateful or hurtful, you take a point away from that person.
55:38
[SPEAKER_04]: And so you have to be mindful of, is it worth it?
55:41
[SPEAKER_04]: Is the emotion that I'm feeling right now because again, it goes back to feminine women are much more emotional.
55:48
[SPEAKER_01]: I gotta ask you this.
55:49
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
55:49
[SPEAKER_01]: Thank you for sharing.
55:50
[SPEAKER_04]: Yes.
55:51
[SPEAKER_01]: I thought that was a really great point.
55:52
[SPEAKER_01]: Okay, I'm telling you.
55:53
[SPEAKER_01]: But I gotta know this because I know my time going when they meet you going to do like a rap thing.
55:58
[SPEAKER_02]: But I gotta know this.
55:59
[SPEAKER_01]: So for me, my tongue, I get paid to speak.
56:04
[SPEAKER_01]: Me too.
56:05
[SPEAKER_01]: And I get paid to run my mouth, and I think Jeremy Anderson, who I interviewed once before, he talked about using this for good, and all I could use to be able to, sometimes when somebody coming at me, I often say, you do know I get paid a lot of money to run my mouth, don't you?
56:22
[SPEAKER_01]: Because I could really give you a toned lash, but through therapy, like I've learned how to regulate and say, okay, so if it's later in the evening,
56:31
[SPEAKER_01]: I don't like to get in the conflict because I know my old self comes up.
56:36
[SPEAKER_01]: The superior man doesn't show up.
56:38
[SPEAKER_01]: The dominant who a guy who used to be a party promoter with women like, what's your tripping?
56:45
[SPEAKER_01]: You know what I'm saying that to come out?
56:46
[SPEAKER_01]: And I'd be like, no, you gotta stay down there.
56:49
[SPEAKER_01]: Like, like, relax, you know what I mean?
56:51
[SPEAKER_01]: So I would rather be the virgin that could take all of you.
56:54
[SPEAKER_01]: So if my woman wants to have a conflict about 10 p.m.
56:59
[SPEAKER_01]: I'll say, because I've been a therapy, I know how I process.
57:02
[SPEAKER_01]: I know I can journal.
57:03
[SPEAKER_01]: I can take it to God in the morning and then I reconvene, but I was like, if you just have to get it out, I'll listen.
57:10
[SPEAKER_01]: I might not can respond the way you want me to respond.
57:12
[SPEAKER_01]: That's beautiful.
57:13
[SPEAKER_01]: I want to listen and I promise you if we put a pin in it, I'm going to take it to the Lord in the morning.
57:17
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm going to journal about it.
57:19
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm afraid me differently.
57:20
[SPEAKER_01]: and then I'm gonna be able to bring it back to you so I don't leave a scar on your heart for some of the words that I might say while I'm tired.
57:26
[SPEAKER_01]: Is that okay with you?
57:28
[SPEAKER_01]: And I want to ask you just as a feminine one because you're feminine one, man.
57:34
[SPEAKER_01]: Would that be okay for you if it was something that was kind of plaguing your heart if you know a man being working on it?
57:38
[SPEAKER_04]: Absolutely.
57:40
[SPEAKER_04]: And it goes back to Dr. Gottman.
57:42
[SPEAKER_04]: He talks about there are certain things that you can do with your partner.
57:45
[SPEAKER_04]: Like no matter how upset you are, he talks about it.
57:48
[SPEAKER_04]: Even if you're sleeping on opposite sides of the bed, can you make your toes touch?
57:52
[SPEAKER_04]: Because what we do oftentimes is when we are upset with someone that we create space, right?
57:59
[SPEAKER_04]: So when you create physical space, you're creating emotional space.
58:02
[SPEAKER_04]: That's why I said I have this video and thousands of people are in the comments, just go and off about this thing.
58:08
[SPEAKER_04]: But I said if you walk out that door in the middle of a heated discussion,
58:12
[SPEAKER_04]: And you just leave, and you don't say nothing, you don't say I need to cool down, because you set it up to make me feel safe.
58:19
[SPEAKER_04]: You set it up, you didn't create space, you create allowing, and now I get to be regulated enough to say yes, baby, that's okay.
58:26
[SPEAKER_04]: But if you walk out that door and you didn't give me any disclaimer, you didn't help me to feel safe, seen, heard, acknowledged, understood, none of that.
58:33
[SPEAKER_04]: You had no compassion, because remember, we're emotional, and just like the ocean is beautiful, it can also be wrapped full.
58:39
[SPEAKER_03]: right.
58:40
[SPEAKER_04]: So now it's like, are you opening the canner, or are you opening the canner of serenity?
58:45
[SPEAKER_04]: And so it goes back to, can you when you even if you got to take 20 minutes, you know what, take 20 minutes, go talk to yourself, whatever it may be, or table it if it's late.
58:53
[SPEAKER_04]: I understand that.
58:54
[SPEAKER_01]: I can feel it when I'm feeling a bit trip.
58:56
[SPEAKER_04]: Oh, me, me too, I'm telling you my neck is hot.
58:58
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm like, you know what's hard this?
59:00
[SPEAKER_01]: You don't want, I say, I just want to go to bed, because I'm a patient that I probably ain't all mean in the morning, but it's going to feel good tonight.
59:06
[SPEAKER_04]: Oh, I know that's right.
59:07
[SPEAKER_01]: But I'm learning like to journal.
59:09
[SPEAKER_01]: And I'm like, y'all, this is just a border in the boundary that I set up for myself.
59:12
[SPEAKER_01]: And it don't just go for you, like, even my children.
59:15
[SPEAKER_01]: If it's 10 o'clock,
59:16
[SPEAKER_01]: I like, hey, champ, I can listen.
59:19
[SPEAKER_01]: But by five, I'm gonna go to the Lord.
59:21
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm a journey without.
59:23
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm gonna let my den drives new around, it's kinda work together and I'm gonna see what I'm gonna see what it is.
59:27
[SPEAKER_01]: I just know I've made a whole lot of decisions.
59:29
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
59:29
[SPEAKER_01]: I have the decision for tea.
59:31
[SPEAKER_01]: And I've been crucified for this, but this song might discover the Bible myself.
59:36
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
59:36
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm like, because I got a voice in leadership, I can make everybody go this way.
59:41
[SPEAKER_01]: And that might not be the way God want to go.
59:43
[SPEAKER_01]: We've looked up two years with Egypt.
59:45
[SPEAKER_01]: We supposed to be in cancer.
59:47
[SPEAKER_01]: Right.
59:47
[SPEAKER_01]: You know what I mean?
59:48
[SPEAKER_01]: So I'm just learning that part about it.
59:50
[SPEAKER_04]: I think that that's beautiful.
59:51
[SPEAKER_04]: And I think that goes back to secretly, a feminine woman wants leadership.
59:56
[SPEAKER_04]: You're showing us, and then what happens?
59:58
[SPEAKER_04]: That compounds over time.
59:59
[SPEAKER_04]: Now we know, don't even start an argument at 10pm.
1:00:02
[SPEAKER_04]: He ain't going to talk to me about it, or if I really need to get something off my chest, then I can get your drawing in the line.
1:00:08
[SPEAKER_04]: So that's a beautiful thing.
1:00:09
[SPEAKER_04]: And now people get to decide, am I okay with not arguing after 10pm does that work for me?
1:00:14
[SPEAKER_04]: That's the question for the woman.
1:00:16
[SPEAKER_04]: If that doesn't work for you, don't choose him.
1:00:17
[SPEAKER_04]: But if that does work for you, you know what?
1:00:19
[SPEAKER_04]: I trust his leadership, that's great.
1:00:21
[SPEAKER_04]: And my question for the woman would be, why would you not be okay with that?
1:00:25
[SPEAKER_04]: Like, if you have a space where you get to feel safe, where you get to get something off of your chest, you get to feel heard, seen it acknowledge, why does his response change anything?
1:00:35
[SPEAKER_04]: That's your own trauma that you've got to work on.
1:00:37
[SPEAKER_04]: That's her trauma, right?
1:00:39
[SPEAKER_04]: If she's like, no, I need an answer right now, you're not regulated.
1:00:43
[SPEAKER_04]: And that's not okay, either, that's a you thing, like you got work to do on that.
1:00:47
[SPEAKER_04]: But as a man for you to be the person that's like, okay, I'm leading this ship, I don't wanna do this, I don't wanna sleep, we could touch our toes, let's cuddle baby, I love you, it's gonna be okay, I'm sorry, you feel that way?
1:00:57
[SPEAKER_04]: All of that?
1:00:58
[SPEAKER_04]: That's a completely different man, that's a, that's an elite man, that's a high value man.
1:01:04
[SPEAKER_04]: I think the problem is today, we get high value confused with high earning.
1:01:08
[SPEAKER_04]: You know, we think that money can buy certain things.
1:01:11
[SPEAKER_04]: And I will say, and I've said this before, a lot of black men willy.
1:01:16
[SPEAKER_01]: Come on, black men.
1:01:17
[SPEAKER_01]: You know on which it no matter what she say next.
1:01:20
[SPEAKER_04]: A lot of black men because of societal pressures and norms in indoctrination and systemic oppression and racism, a lot of black men most actually from my experience in America, even the most successful of the successful to the not of the not have a chip on their shoulder where they don't get to be emotionally vulnerable.
1:01:39
[SPEAKER_04]: They don't get to be emotionally transparent.
1:01:42
[SPEAKER_04]: They don't get to be emotionally aware because why they have to be tough.
1:01:46
[SPEAKER_04]: they have to be strong.
1:01:48
[SPEAKER_04]: And so it's a challenge when, you know, when you do start to take hold of your emotions and you do start to step into your man, you also have to remember most black women have an experience that if they date black men.
1:02:01
[SPEAKER_04]: Does that make sense?
1:02:03
[SPEAKER_04]: So now it's like, no, you're supposed to be hard with me.
1:02:05
[SPEAKER_04]: You're supposed to be, because that's what I'm used to in my past with Ray Ray and him, you know?
1:02:09
[SPEAKER_04]: But if you're with a man, yes, if you're with a man who is going to value what you have to say, value how you feel and then say, baby, I don't want to respond tonight.
1:02:19
[SPEAKER_04]: Let's do this in the morning and this is why this is what it's gonna look like.
1:02:22
[SPEAKER_04]: It'll be better.
1:02:22
[SPEAKER_04]: I have to fall into that, because it's safe there.
1:02:26
[SPEAKER_01]: You know now they make that make sense 120% I know that's the truth and that's why I make sure they're much my boys
1:02:34
[SPEAKER_01]: Like, my son, you know, my nine year old, like, he would cry, and I was like, what happened?
1:02:40
[SPEAKER_01]: They were like, well, they wouldn't let me distance any cry.
1:02:43
[SPEAKER_01]: And I was like, well, go ahead and cry.
1:02:45
[SPEAKER_01]: That's a natural response.
1:02:46
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, I would cry if they wouldn't let me play the night.
1:02:49
[SPEAKER_01]: And it looked like, really, I'm like, yes, a natural response.
1:02:52
[SPEAKER_01]: Like, it's okay.
1:02:53
[SPEAKER_01]: Like, I want you to be in touch with these emotions.
1:02:56
[SPEAKER_01]: So you don't have to put, like, I was the softest most.
1:03:01
[SPEAKER_01]: Mushia's hearted kid you ever met, but I grew up in the neighborhood.
1:03:05
[SPEAKER_01]: So you end up getting this rap of I slacked the hell out of you But I was really afraid like this is my defense mechanism like I became tough because I thought tough was cool My daddy always gave me freedom to my emotions, but all my other guys is all I was like well, I'm not gonna be the soft one
1:03:20
[SPEAKER_01]: You know the meaning you become this, but I want to line my children to do it.
1:03:23
[SPEAKER_01]: My bro, if that hurt you Let's talk about it.
1:03:26
[SPEAKER_01]: Let's cry.
1:03:26
[SPEAKER_01]: Let's do whatever we have to do.
1:03:27
[SPEAKER_01]: And I do my best to cry in front of them and just you know get that stuff out Just to land the land the ship land the plane I do want to ask you this you know towards the end of this thing like what do you see now?
1:03:39
[SPEAKER_04]: That's me that in a different way
1:03:40
[SPEAKER_01]: wish for her.
1:03:41
[SPEAKER_04]: What do I see now?
1:03:42
[SPEAKER_01]: I also have a question for you about.
1:03:44
[SPEAKER_01]: Okay, let's let's write your question in and you end with you because you're the guest.
1:03:47
[SPEAKER_04]: Oh, okay.
1:03:48
[SPEAKER_01]: Because I know you're going to put some wrap on that thing.
1:03:50
[SPEAKER_01]: No, you, I mean, you, you, you, let me, let me give you my, let me give you my voice.
1:03:55
[SPEAKER_01]: So when I start doing that, every voice, that's my ministry of voice.
1:03:58
[SPEAKER_01]: So let me actually this.
1:03:59
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
1:04:00
[SPEAKER_01]: If I do that pause and then I get to, I'm going to say look right into that camera.
1:04:04
[SPEAKER_01]: And it's going to be kind of like a TV in there.
1:04:06
[SPEAKER_01]: I used to work there too.
1:04:07
[SPEAKER_01]: Okay.
1:04:09
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, any who.
1:04:10
[SPEAKER_01]: I'll answer your question.
1:04:11
[SPEAKER_04]: Yes, my question is, um, how do you fix that?
1:04:15
[SPEAKER_01]: How do I fix men?
1:04:17
[SPEAKER_04]: Especially in the black community.
1:04:19
[SPEAKER_04]: Yeah, feeling like they have to be tough.
1:04:21
[SPEAKER_04]: What's the resolution?
1:04:22
[SPEAKER_01]: How do you fix men feeling like they have to be tough?
1:04:25
[SPEAKER_04]: Yeah, in a world where we're indoctrinated, how do you address it?
1:04:28
[SPEAKER_04]: How do you create awareness around it?
1:04:30
[SPEAKER_04]: How do you create a safe space?
1:04:32
[SPEAKER_04]: I have a friend that's a well-known person, but he's known as hard.
1:04:36
[SPEAKER_04]: He's honestly one of the most philosophical geniuses I've ever met in my life.
1:04:41
[SPEAKER_04]: Like I'm like, but people wouldn't know he does yoga and people wouldn't know he journals.
1:04:45
[SPEAKER_04]: People wouldn't know he meditates him praise because it's not a part of his persona.
1:04:50
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
1:04:50
[SPEAKER_04]: How do you address it?
1:04:51
[SPEAKER_01]: So I would, I would number one say tough is good.
1:04:55
[SPEAKER_01]: Because there's some situation where you're going to have to be took.
1:04:59
[SPEAKER_01]: But you also have to develop this emotionally intelligent man.
1:05:04
[SPEAKER_01]: And I'm a strong believer that with a strong relationship with Jesus, like that's the part that made me humble enough to receive the type of emotion that God wanted to give me.
1:05:15
[SPEAKER_01]: Because I realize that if I am not emotionally sound on what moment I'm in, I'm going to choose the wrong emotion at the wrong time.
1:05:22
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm gonna be tough when I'm supposed to be compassionate.
1:05:26
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm gonna be compassionate when I'm supposed to be tough.
1:05:29
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm gonna be overtly excited about something in the moment where you would a lot of see-personalities and they're looking for statistics, right?
1:05:35
[SPEAKER_01]: Like I went from $1,000 to $25,000 to speak, just because I learned different personalities.
1:05:41
[SPEAKER_01]: But there are some strong dominant personalities, deep personalities who are drivers, man, you have to talk to them.
1:05:47
[SPEAKER_01]: You have to come on with the come on because they don't really care about how you feel they care about your result I'm gonna match your toughness, but then there's an eye personality like me.
1:05:54
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm an eye like I'm a strong eye personality Hey everybody.
1:05:58
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm gonna make sure everybody feels good even if I'm tired But I'm gonna mess that energy.
1:06:02
[SPEAKER_01]: They're supporting people like I'm gonna do what he's doing in the C-personality He's like Dimitri.
1:06:05
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm well, she's not like totally dead because she's also I too But there's C-personality that you have to come with so I think
1:06:11
[SPEAKER_01]: really let me know that it's okay to be both.
1:06:14
[SPEAKER_01]: And then not just giving roles and media and celebrating the tough guy.
1:06:19
[SPEAKER_01]: I just literally, and I asked you just before, but I literally had to go lobby for my son to be in theater.
1:06:27
[SPEAKER_01]: I said, I identified that that's his call.
1:06:30
[SPEAKER_01]: But Jalan got him in drama this year.
1:06:32
[SPEAKER_01]: because he has Spanish.
1:06:34
[SPEAKER_01]: Is there a way for me to push, take Spanish online?
1:06:37
[SPEAKER_01]: Because I have to get him in drama because I've identified it.
1:06:40
[SPEAKER_01]: That's the way the Lord wants to use him.
1:06:42
[SPEAKER_01]: Well, we don't know.
1:06:43
[SPEAKER_01]: George is staying just that another thing.
1:06:45
[SPEAKER_01]: Because that's not tough.
1:06:46
[SPEAKER_01]: Like he's dancing, he's singing.
1:06:49
[SPEAKER_01]: And I'm like, no, if he was the starring running back, you guys would make adjustments if Georgia was looking for him.
1:06:55
[SPEAKER_01]: So either we're going to figure this out or we're going to figure this out.
1:06:59
[SPEAKER_01]: And we figured it out, but we're going to make sure that you're not going to only celebrate the tough things that this that's tough.
1:07:06
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm like, but my son can not all the football players out with his fish, but his calling is something that may require tights if that is the if that's the role.
1:07:15
[SPEAKER_01]: But we're gonna lie to you for that and he was able to see that although I'm a man who ran track play football, I swear on two speedos and all.
1:07:22
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, I did, I had balanced, but what I taught him was that no matter what it looks like to others, it's okay that if you pick something that may not be the tough thing for everybody else.
1:07:32
[SPEAKER_01]: And I think if me and understand it, they're different options.
1:07:35
[SPEAKER_01]: The reason why I chose Jesus and faith,
1:07:37
[SPEAKER_01]: Because I said, man, if I can make it through this, I know that's a new pathway for black men to see that it ain't soft.
1:07:43
[SPEAKER_01]: That you can be normal, that you can be cool, that you can follow this Bible.
1:07:47
[SPEAKER_01]: And I don't need argue Bible.
1:07:48
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm the proof.
1:07:49
[SPEAKER_01]: If you want to do a barbershop as me, you're like, man, well, how you know he real?
1:07:53
[SPEAKER_01]: How you know he real?
1:07:54
[SPEAKER_01]: Because if we're no jays, and then what now?
1:07:55
[SPEAKER_01]: This, I said, I'm the proof, bro.
1:07:56
[SPEAKER_01]: He's like, what that mean?
1:07:57
[SPEAKER_01]: I was like, because we've been talking for 15 minutes aggressively, and I ain't even did enough to you, champ.
1:08:02
[SPEAKER_01]: That's how you know Jesus real.
1:08:04
[SPEAKER_01]: Everybody in the barbershop was like,
1:08:06
[SPEAKER_01]: I was like, no, I'm not even trying to get at you, because you might come with me, I'm gonna call the police, I'm a tax payer, that's what I'm saying, that's what I'm saying.
1:08:14
[SPEAKER_01]: They are on my payroll.
1:08:16
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm not gonna do that, but what I'm telling you is that because of the blood of the lamb, I don't even respond to that.
1:08:22
[SPEAKER_01]: I won't respond to that.
1:08:23
[SPEAKER_01]: He told me not to even waste my breath on food, right?
1:08:26
[SPEAKER_01]: Because you're gonna misconstrued everything, but the way you're gonna know Jesus is real, it's because I'm gonna let him find my battles on this one.
1:08:33
[SPEAKER_01]: And so I think if you start putting that in the forefront to African American man men and see more examples like even pastors Like everybody wanted to be Martin Luther King.
1:08:40
[SPEAKER_01]: That's why you hear these passes the old the guys they buy and win with all Yeah, because he was the pinnacle of communication in pastor like everybody you stick they tongue out when I was coming up Cuz everybody wanted to be Michael Jordan
1:08:53
[SPEAKER_01]: So I think if we can start championing those people as it pertains to education, people who are kind of emotionally different, like that's why I'm always attempting to be, why you were a big old hat?
1:09:02
[SPEAKER_01]: Come on Dad, you know, in the 70s, this would be what you're telling me every man wore a crown.
1:09:06
[SPEAKER_01]: That's it what he did.
1:09:07
[SPEAKER_01]: So this is my crown.
1:09:08
[SPEAKER_01]: It's different.
1:09:09
[SPEAKER_01]: You know what it is what it is.
1:09:10
[SPEAKER_01]: So I think men will be open to it when they see it succeed.
1:09:13
[SPEAKER_01]: Like we follow what we think succeed.
1:09:15
[SPEAKER_01]: Like we look in for examples because I Daddy's
1:09:18
[SPEAKER_01]: Like how daddy's one there to really give us the guy and then if I daddy's one there Then the hood was and we was like, oh, that's the way I'm being supposed to do Mm-hmm.
1:09:24
[SPEAKER_01]: Like I think I'm for a can't just like he got a dad.
1:09:26
[SPEAKER_01]: He's still cutting his hair every day Can't just he ain't the toughest guy because it's like we got to do all that daddy's been married 50 years You know what I'm saying my dad been married 50 years and when I go back to the hood I'm teaching guys that success is the international language for all people.
1:09:42
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, I know who that I can go to
1:09:44
[SPEAKER_01]: because it's in my eyes what I've been through, but it's on the board, what I've become.
1:09:47
[SPEAKER_01]: And I did that through Jesus.
1:09:49
[SPEAKER_01]: And I think the examples of what black men need.
1:09:52
[SPEAKER_01]: And that's why right now, you can go to Willie, and I'm just like, you know I've got an awful, I have a black man challenge right now for $2.90, and I'm joking.
1:10:00
[SPEAKER_01]: But we might do it, Karl.
1:10:01
[SPEAKER_01]: Ha ha.
1:10:02
[SPEAKER_01]: Come on, black man, mint, mint to a show.
1:10:05
[SPEAKER_01]: Thank you, Sarah, far enough.
1:10:07
[SPEAKER_01]: Okay, so did I answer it correctly?
1:10:09
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm using it.
1:10:10
[SPEAKER_01]: No, no, I'm using it.
1:10:10
[SPEAKER_04]: Yes, that's beautiful, and that's a seri.
1:10:13
[SPEAKER_01]: So my question to you, and you can look right in that camera, not this way.
1:10:18
[SPEAKER_01]: My question for you, like having the success, I know you probably not looking at the clock.
1:10:23
[SPEAKER_01]: What do you see now?
1:10:24
[SPEAKER_01]: Do you still want to be married?
1:10:26
[SPEAKER_01]: Do you still want a traditional life?
1:10:28
[SPEAKER_01]: Because I'll be honest, I started to get used to being by myself.
1:10:32
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm starting to like this too much.
1:10:34
[SPEAKER_01]: Well, I mean, we don't have to, I'm gonna have to, no disrespect, we don't have to be together a little longer or a little longer.
1:10:41
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm starting to like my space.
1:10:42
[SPEAKER_01]: So what do you see for yourself in the next 24 months or three years or like what does vision look like now being at the pinnacle of success for Sarah Farms?
1:10:51
[SPEAKER_04]: I'll be married.
1:10:52
[SPEAKER_04]: I'm certain.
1:10:53
[SPEAKER_04]: Um, I've seen it.
1:10:54
[SPEAKER_04]: I've written my life.
1:10:55
[SPEAKER_04]: I've manifested my life like I see when I wake up in the morning.
1:10:59
[SPEAKER_04]: So I write I do this thing in the morning and this is completely transformed my life where I say, I'm right.
1:11:04
[SPEAKER_04]: I'm so blessed happy and grateful now that and I write my future as if it's now.
1:11:07
[SPEAKER_04]: And then after I do that, I do it to Baroque music and then I speak it out loud like I'm trying to explain a movie to you.
1:11:13
[SPEAKER_04]: So as an example, one of the things that I know is I'm so blessed happy and grateful now that
1:11:18
[SPEAKER_04]: I woke up this morning and as I'm laying on my side, I open my eyes and I see my husband and I touch the bridge of his nose and he's still sleeping and I just think to myself and I say, God, wow, I really prayed for you.
1:11:30
[SPEAKER_04]: And I get up and as I'm getting up, I go to my golf cart, I get on my golf cart, grab the broza, bring the baby down, and then when she brings the baby down here, oh, of course.
1:11:38
[SPEAKER_04]: We got it.
1:11:39
[SPEAKER_04]: Yeah.
1:11:39
[SPEAKER_04]: Broza brings the baby.
1:11:41
[SPEAKER_04]: The baby and we ride the golf cart down in my mom and dad's house, I pick up my mom and we go to walk on her on her because we're on a compound.
1:11:47
[SPEAKER_04]: We go and we walk the land and we go for walks every morning and we stop at the garden and we eat cucumbers straight from the garden.
1:11:53
[SPEAKER_04]: Like we only wash them, join soft and little babies just pitter pattering around and it's like my mom's like, look a wild Delilah and I'm like, oh, all of this.
1:12:01
[SPEAKER_04]: You look at the wild Delilahs and all of these, like, I've,
1:12:04
[SPEAKER_04]: I've seen it, like I've seen my I've seen my husband put me on island wearing this t-shirt.
1:12:10
[SPEAKER_04]: I've seen us going to get him me having on a black sweet heart cut cap sleeve fitted mermaid dress.
1:12:17
[SPEAKER_04]: And my husband comes and puts my my necklace around my neck before we raise a quarter of a million dollars plus for a humanitarian thing that we're really passionate about.
1:12:25
[SPEAKER_04]: I've seen like the bond that I have with my husband and this is the thing.
1:12:31
[SPEAKER_04]: If it's not that, God gave me a vision so clear that maybe I'm only meant to see it in my dreams, but if it's not that, I don't want it.
1:12:41
[SPEAKER_04]: If it's not genuine and real and grounded, I want my dad to drink a beer with my husband often on the porch, you know, Christmas Eve.
1:12:50
[SPEAKER_04]: I want us to sing Christmas carols and the oldest boy living in the house makes homemade egg nog and we sing Christmas carols and we drink the egg nog and there's a parental egg nog and then there's the kid egg nog and then we all open a gift almost at midnight and we bake cookies.
1:13:02
[SPEAKER_04]: Me and the kids are baking cookies because I do think I'll also be a, I'm probably going to be a bonus mom to be honest.
1:13:07
[SPEAKER_04]: So I'll have bonus children and I'll have this one and it's about day.
1:13:10
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, I'm cool with that.
1:13:12
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, grown me and God babies.
1:13:13
[SPEAKER_04]: Yeah, I'm, they do.
1:13:15
[SPEAKER_04]: They definitely do and you know what it is for me.
1:13:17
[SPEAKER_04]: I just caught the second wave.
1:13:19
[SPEAKER_04]: Most people on the first wave, you know, they got married.
1:13:23
[SPEAKER_04]: They learned how to be better at being a husband or wife.
1:13:26
[SPEAKER_04]: I missed the first wave.
1:13:28
[SPEAKER_01]: That was that, miss it.
1:13:29
[SPEAKER_04]: But I'm gonna catch the divorce ones.
1:13:31
[SPEAKER_04]: You know, I'm, I'm already in a space of like, because I'm out.
1:13:34
[SPEAKER_04]: I'm dating.
1:13:35
[SPEAKER_04]: I'm not in a committed relationship.
1:13:41
[SPEAKER_04]: Like, you know when it's right, and you know when it's not.
1:13:45
[SPEAKER_04]: And you know when you're like, dang, I really enjoy this person.
1:13:50
[SPEAKER_04]: Like, despite, you know, I don't know how big or crazy your experience was when you went through that divorce.
1:13:56
[SPEAKER_04]: I don't know if people had negative things to say about you or her.
1:13:59
[SPEAKER_01]: I don't know.
1:14:00
[SPEAKER_01]: That's just won't be up.
1:14:01
[SPEAKER_04]: Yeah.
1:14:02
[SPEAKER_04]: I don't know, I don't know if that was your experience, but what I do know is I don't care what that person comes with because I rock with that person.
1:14:10
[SPEAKER_04]: So like it doesn't matter, you come with kids, great.
1:14:12
[SPEAKER_04]: You come with a crazy backstory, great.
1:14:15
[SPEAKER_04]: You come with something I didn't expect, great, because I'm powerfully choosing my person.
1:14:19
[SPEAKER_04]: Before I was getting chosen, now I'm doing choosing.
1:14:23
[SPEAKER_04]: So I feel like if it isn't that,
1:14:26
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, with all those visions that you just had, I almost said, free at last, free at last, thank God, oh, mighty.
1:14:33
[SPEAKER_01]: And you had a dream today.
1:14:35
[SPEAKER_04]: I had a dream, but you know what, look, and look good.
1:14:38
[SPEAKER_01]: But this is the thing.
1:14:40
[SPEAKER_01]: You're seeing that thing.
1:14:41
[SPEAKER_01]: I was on the golf course with you this day.
1:14:43
[SPEAKER_01]: Telling you, uh, the line?
1:14:44
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
1:14:45
[SPEAKER_01]: I, I started to say, kind, pull it up.
1:14:47
[SPEAKER_01]: Which one is the the line?
1:14:48
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm telling you.
1:14:49
[SPEAKER_01]: I love them, but I like the way you see them.
1:14:51
[SPEAKER_04]: I've seen it, and this is the thing, too, that we have to be, okay, you got to love you more.
1:14:58
[SPEAKER_04]: You got to love you enough.
1:15:00
[SPEAKER_04]: You got to love you so much that you're willing to say no to what you know isn't right.
1:15:06
[SPEAKER_04]: And for me, whoever I choose, that's really going to be my best friend.
1:15:11
[SPEAKER_04]: That's why, you know, I'm dating, but I'm abstinating because I'm also not going to give the best parts of me to somebody that doesn't deserve it.
1:15:18
[SPEAKER_04]: I might like you right now, but what if we don't even like each other in three to six months from now?
1:15:22
[SPEAKER_04]: Like for me, and that's not for everybody, but for me, the person that I choose, I'm intentional about.
1:15:29
[SPEAKER_01]: I've seen this three going on too, like with.
1:15:32
[SPEAKER_01]: Like, what this thing, like, you 50 cent, a few other people, there's like, now I'm in a moped standing.
1:15:39
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
1:15:39
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm like, now I'm going to say, sell a bit.
1:15:42
[SPEAKER_04]: I'm committing to God.
1:15:43
[SPEAKER_04]: Yeah.
1:15:44
[SPEAKER_04]: I'll fail when it's time.
1:15:45
[SPEAKER_04]: But yeah.
1:15:46
[SPEAKER_01]: Like, but a lot of people are just abstaining that.
1:15:48
[SPEAKER_01]: So maybe that's something you should do.
1:15:49
[SPEAKER_01]: Let me put a bone this thing.
1:15:51
[SPEAKER_01]: Oh, so here's the thing.
1:15:52
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
1:15:52
[SPEAKER_01]: When I started this conversation, I'd be very, very honest with you.
1:15:55
[SPEAKER_01]: I was at the Lord, like, where'd you want to go?
1:15:57
[SPEAKER_01]: I got an opportunity to hear just a few things about a woman who's done enough
1:16:02
[SPEAKER_01]: outside work of knowing what someone else is want, that equally balances the inside work that she's done on herself.
1:16:09
[SPEAKER_01]: And so my challenge to everybody black, white, male, female, the question becomes, is are you strong enough and it's love you more season where you win?
1:16:17
[SPEAKER_01]: So number one, love yourself enough to get the help that you need so you can really
1:16:20
[SPEAKER_01]: reframe some of the traumas that you may be going through right like there's some things and issues that you may be going through that that are Really weird picture.
1:16:28
[SPEAKER_01]: They just need new frames on the like the picture and is weird as you think It's just like new frame might for me being insecure and sharing that with you that I came in and they put me in this gospel community and gave me a syndicated radio show It's talking giving me money to do and I'm like
1:16:43
[SPEAKER_01]: from Berkeley and I only know seven scriptures, but then when I put a new frame on it, it was like, yeah, that's when you were most submitted to God because you depended on him.
1:16:53
[SPEAKER_01]: Oh my God, I gotta do force, but you did, but you put a new fart on me on it, you'll see.
1:16:59
[SPEAKER_01]: Second man, this is my second win.
1:17:02
[SPEAKER_01]: I get an opportunity, I've learned so much.
1:17:04
[SPEAKER_01]: So what I wanna challenge you to do, is put a new fart on that thing.
1:17:07
[SPEAKER_01]: And smile at the things that may not necessarily went the way that you wanted them to go.
1:17:11
[SPEAKER_01]: There's two things that we can do.
1:17:13
[SPEAKER_01]: We can need to learn or we can complain.
1:17:15
[SPEAKER_01]: I believe that you've learned enough and now you're gonna use your words effectively so you can go out there and live the best life ever.
1:17:20
[SPEAKER_01]: Shout-out to our guests, Sarah Fontano from Saskatchewan, Canada, behind-gnaw with us.
1:17:28
[SPEAKER_01]: A wealth of information.
1:17:29
[SPEAKER_01]: We really do appreciate you.
1:17:31
[SPEAKER_04]: Thank you.
1:17:31
[SPEAKER_04]: I'm so honored to be here.
1:17:32
[SPEAKER_04]: I just got to say to you, great job.
1:17:34
[SPEAKER_04]: You're doing a great job.
1:17:35
[SPEAKER_04]: You know, one thing about you will always have consistent energy.
1:17:38
[SPEAKER_04]: It's always high, even when I'm sure you're tired.
1:17:40
[SPEAKER_04]: Because you got a lot of different things going on and I just love the way that you are authentically you.
1:17:45
[SPEAKER_04]: You are here to inspire, motivate, encourage.
1:17:48
[SPEAKER_04]: And it's like, you know, in a world full of fake, I'm just so blessed and refreshed by the real.
1:17:53
[SPEAKER_01]: So thank you for the opportunity to share today.
1:18:03
[SPEAKER_01]: Tell a friend about it.
1:18:04
[SPEAKER_01]: Maybe we should put some music right here.
1:18:06
[SPEAKER_01]: Don't put no music right here.
1:18:07
[SPEAKER_01]: You're gonna make me look like my white side.
1:18:09
[SPEAKER_01]: You know my granddaddy, he's full of white men.
1:18:11
[SPEAKER_01]: They're gonna be like, oh, Willie was out beat.
1:18:13
[SPEAKER_01]: It must have been Willie Walton.
1:18:16
[SPEAKER_01]: His grandfather's spirit on it.
1:18:18
[SPEAKER_01]: Don't put no music in here.
1:18:20
[SPEAKER_01]: It's called Best Me Up.
1:18:21
[SPEAKER_01]: Thank you for watching, flat out.
1:18:22
[SPEAKER_02]: Love you more, love you more, love you more.