Latest / Harder Than Life / 133: Burnout Almost Killed Me - Here’s What I Wish I Knew Sooner Feat. Amberly Lago

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133: Burnout Almost Killed Me - Here’s What I Wish I Knew Sooner Feat. Amberly Lago · Harder Than Life

• 0:07
  I'm Kelly Siegel, and this is Harder Than Life, a podcast about self-love, self-awareness, business, and health. We tell outrageous stories and boil everything down to simple, practical advice you can start using today. Let's get living.
• 0:23
  Welcome back to the Heart of Life Podcast. I have an absolute treat, and this is the second person to come back a second time. So Amberlee Lago was on episode 46 that aired on October 17, 2023. So you can go back and hear about all of her past that we get deep dive in, but Amberlee Lago is an internationally renowned speaker on grit, resilience, and human connection, inspiring others to find joy through life's challenges.
• 0:50
  She is the bestselling author of True Grit and Grace and her latest release, what we're going to talk about today, Joy Through the Journey, which focuses on finding joy despite life's hardships, uncertainty, and pain. Welcome, my dear friend. And I literally had to stop us because we were just going off on all these beautiful tangents. And I talk about what we were just saying off camera to get us started.
• 1:17
  Okay, I will, but I'm just grateful to be here, and I can't believe it's been since October of 23? Time flies when you're having fun. I know. Well, we always have fun when we get together, and yes, we were just talking about the importance of...
• 1:33
  Both you and I, I love the grit, and you're like, let's go hard. When you were saying, head down and let's go and just work hard, and I tend to do that. I just grit it out. Actually, I have this great new assistant that will remind me, Amberlee.
• 1:53
  Shut it down. Like, stop time to time to turn it off. But you think that, do you think some of that's because sorry to cut you off? I'm so sorry. I just, just something popped in my head and I thought about it. Cause I know your background. Do you think that's because of the hardships that we've been through?
• 2:10
  Maybe. I mean, I think growing up, you know, I had to work for everything that I wanted. If I wanted a car, then I had to get a job and save up the money and buy my own car. If I
• 2:25
  wanted to take dance classes, then I had to save up money. I had to work at the dance studio. I had to, and also I wasn't the best dancer. And so I had to take more dance classes than most people. So I think all those things helped me develop grit. But I also think that the hardships and the pain and the sexual abuse that I went through,
• 2:49
  that pain pushed me. And I always say your pain pushes you until your purpose and your passion pulls you. And so I really dove into doing things that made me feel good, which was athletics and dance and becoming a straight-A honor student. And so I think a lot of those things, when you're going through a hard time, they can either...
• 3:15
  steer you into not some not so great habits or it can, you can use all of that pain and it can push you into something for good. So let's jump right into it guys. Again, she was episode 46 gets into her crazy backstory of, of a motorcycle accident, overcoming addiction, overcoming alcohol. This is my sister from another mister. Literally she's the Texas seagull.
• 3:41
  And I love every part of her. Everybody else loves her. So you should too. And let's talk. So how does the book Joy Through the Journey help readers navigate their own challenges? Well, I really was inspired to write this book. Well, can I just keep it real with you? No, please lie to us. Well, like in the first chapter, actually, one of my clients was like, wow, you seem so like worked up and like.
• 4:12
  amped up about this book more so than you did even your first book. And I said, I think it's because this book, I am even more raw, more real, more vulnerable and sharing stories that I've never shared before. But I wanted to share
• 4:29
  the challenges and the struggle and the dark moments and the moments that I was filled with shame so others know how I climbed out of that and was able, you know, to spark more joy. And so I wrote the book and I was really inspired to write the book because, you know, I had survived this motorcycle accident and 34 surgeries to save my leg from amputation.
• 4:54
  And life was going pretty good. And my schedule was getting packed. And I was on the brink of burnout. And I thought, you know, just like we were talking about before we started recording, I was like, wait, where did my joy go? I've always been a very joyful person. And I found myself just over committing, never saying no, just filling my plate was full. And that was on me. I was the one that filled it.
• 5:22
  But I would literally spend days. There was one day where I did three keynotes in one day, and then I was hopping online to go live with a client of mine to help her promote her new book. And I crashed.
• 5:36
  And I was so embarrassed. I had been sick. I was in the emergency room. The doctor wanted to hospitalize me. And I was like, nope, just give me some antibiotics. I'll be fine. And she did. I took them on an empty stomach. I didn't even make time to eat because I had to hop on that next call. And I was pushing, pushing, pushing until I barely made it through the live. I was so embarrassed of how I showed up that day.
• 6:05
  didn't even make it to bed, crashed on the sofa and did not wake up till the next morning and woke up to so many messages of people going, are you okay? Like what, what happened to you? What's wrong with you? And I thought, if I want to make an impact, you know, somebody told me a long time ago, your impact is only as strong as you are healthy. Well, how can I pour into other people and how can I show up being my best if I'm not taking care of me? And,
• 6:34
  I want to have joy. I want to continue to be a joyful person. And so I really had to get back to basics. And I wanted to write this book.
• 6:43
  to share everything I learned from when I did, when I was on the brink of burnout, when I was struggling big time with health. And sometimes still am, by the way. I mean, I just got back in town. I was speaking at two different events in California and I had an IV nurse actually come to my hotel room. And so I take my health very seriously. And I don't spend money on fancy things
• 7:10
  purses or handbags or whatever, but I will spend it on my health because I know that as long as I can stay healthy, the more I can help other people. There are no coincidences. I started off with that. I want to say it again.
• 7:23
  I asked you to come on. We've pulled us together because of your book. And I need to hear this message more than anything. So I'm very grateful that we're on. My schedule the last three weeks has been insane. And I'm trying to juggle everything. So burnout is real, people. Self-care is not selfish. They tell you on the airplane to put your mask on before you can help anybody. Because you're no good to anybody dead. Right.
• 7:47
  And good grief, Amberlee, the world needs you. For me, I have been in a different city every single weekend. I'm headed out of town this weekend, and I was asked to be out of town the following weekend, and I finally said, I've had enough. I know when I've had enough because
• 8:03
  I can't enunciate words. That's what I did. I was like, it was like, I could think about it, but the pain from the infection and from CRPS had like taken over, then it took over my brain and I couldn't even speak properly. And I was, I mean, I was so embarrassed. I was so embarrassed. And I was like, something's got to change. And maybe that's what I needed. That was my wake up call. It wasn't...
• 8:33
  Wasn't an emergency room when they're like, we need to hospitalize you. But it was making a fool out of myself in front of all these listeners and all these people that were watching this live in horror.
• 8:45
  So what would you say, because I value your opinion and the listeners are going to value your opinion. What would you say when some of these other influencers, our friends say, oh, it's time to go harder. You got to go harder. Like even me, Rudy, our good friend Rudy said, Kelly, I know that your mantra is harder than life, but you got to slow down. Hence, my next book is happier than life. But what is this book?
• 9:10
  grind more mentality what what were you trying to do and what might you know johnny law the person who's a police officer what might they be trying to do if they're just trying to push through
• 9:25
  Well, I think there is a time to push through, but there's also a time to slow down. I mean, you know, if we're going, I love going fast. And I think you and I are a lot alike, whereas like I love going fast. But if we don't slow down around the curves, we're going to crash. And I think it's so important. You said self-care.
• 9:49
  And I think self-care is so important, but more than just a massage, more than just meditation or whatever that looks like. I'm talking about creating a life that you don't want to escape from because that is like somebody like...
• 10:06
  me who was a full, you know, addicted to alcohol at one point in my life. I, when you have, when you want to escape, whether it's alcohol or speed dating or, you know, shopping, over shopping or whatever it is, if we have this life that we're just trying to escape from it, then what's the point?
• 10:30
  And so I think that that, that whole hustle culture, I think it's actually starting to change a little bit. And you know what, even if it doesn't change, I'm changing because it,
• 10:45
  I mean, there was one point where I pushed through passing a kidney stone. And my thought was, and I went to give a motivational keynote speech. I'm not kidding you.
• 11:02
  passing a kidney stone. And my thought was, well, my back hurts a lot, but my leg doesn't hurt as much. So I can walk without a limp. Like there I was focusing on the good and got through the motivational talk, um, got home. And I was like, you know, I told my husband, I was like, I think I'm getting the flu. He goes, we'll call the doctor, called the doctor, had an appointment, got in the shower, got out, could not even get up.
• 11:29
  from the bed and all of a sudden I started convulsing. Like I was shaking uncontrollably. I've never experienced that before. Not like a little jittery, like my whole body was shaking and,
• 11:42
  And I yelled for my husband. He comes upstairs and he calls a friend of ours who's a doctor. And he said, I think she's gone septic. Don't take her to the doctor. Take her straight to the ER. I went to the ER. He dropped me off. I've been to the hospital and ER so many times. He drops me off. And I said, you know, I think I told the doctor, I think something's going on with my kidney. They did blood work. And he comes in and he crossed his arms and he looked at me. He goes, you know,
• 12:09
  you know, you shouldn't be here. You, we have to put you in ICU. He said, you look healthy. You don't look like you should be this sick or you could be this sick. And I said, well, I don't want to go to ICU. And the nurse looks and says, well, why not? And I said, because then I won't be able to see my kids.
• 12:29
  In ICU, it was a blur. I was there for three days. And what scared me to death was I had two different doctors walk in and say, you know what, Amberlee, if you would have waited one more day, you would have died. And so it's those kind of wake up calls. That's like, you know what? Life is precious. You know, it's not, it's pretty fragile. And so I'm really as hard as it is, like I was going to be on Rudy's
• 12:59
  podcast and, um, our friend Rudy Ricksteins and I was not feeling well. And I called him and I said, Rudy, I've been trying, I wanted to be on your podcast so bad. And I am just not feeling well now in the past, I would have pushed through that and probably not shown up as my best, but that's a disservice, not just to me, that's a disservice to the people that, um, that I want to serve. And so, um, it's been a real wake up call and, um, it's been a real wake up call.
• 13:28
  And I think getting back to basics is like, what is it that I need to do? What are my non-negotiables? And I would encourage everybody listening to think about this. What are your non-negotiables? What is it that you need to do throughout the day that will ensure that you can show up your best, be your best, be in your best health mentally, spiritually, physically, and,
• 13:53
  And I know for me, it is mental, physical, spiritual, all the things like I need to get. I had to go back to when I say basics, I mean, really like drinking enough water, making sure that I'm eating properly, moving my body, focusing on my sleep. I mean, I wear a whoop. It's charging right now. A whoop. I have an aura ring. I monitor my sleep and I've made sleep a part of my business strategy.
• 14:21
  And so I think that, you know, when I get more sleep, I used to beat myself up. Now I'm like, yay, I got more sleep. And I notice my brain works better. I'm in a better mood. I'm more joyful. And so...
• 14:38
  You know, whatever your non-negotiables are, I would encourage you to take a minute to write those down and put them in your calendar. My assistant makes fun of me because I have this old school paper calendar, but I have that so I can look at it and I have things highlighted. Like I have my 12-step meetings circled. I have, you know, my meeting with my sponsor in my calendar so my assistant can see it. And she goes, we need to cancel this. I'm like, oh, no, no, no.
• 15:07
  I cannot cancel that. That's my sponsor. I don't care what's going on. I don't care how big of a deal it is. I am not missing my sponsor. So I take these non-negotiables seriously. Do I mess up? All the time. But I do my best to get back on track so I can show up to be the best person and the best version of myself possible. Thank you for reminding me that
• 15:31
  That's how I make it through my day is who, you know, my, my routine is insane. Like people think I'm insane. I am insane. I'm doing the 500 workouts this year. I'm up to 92 workouts in day. What is today? 55 or 56. Wow. So I'm almost on two a days all the way through the year. So I pushed myself to the brink, but that's what allows me to run hot and heavy. Um, yeah.
• 15:57
  Ladies and gentlemen, this woman is resilient as her middle name. She was hit by a car on her motorcycle and had to have 34 surgeries. And then O had a little sepsis issue where she had to go to the... So she's tough. But...
• 16:14
  I want you guys to listen to me. Do not wait for the wake-up call before making changes. I'm going to swing it over to you and ask how you would recommend the audience. We change that. How do they change that so they don't have to hit the proverbial rock bottom? But I want to throw my two cents in here for a second and remind people, the people that haven't done the work on themselves like Amberlee and I have, probably in the 12 steps, maybe in meditation. Who knows what it was? We've done a lot of work.
• 16:41
  What the people that haven't, that just, that listen to the show on a regular basis or Amberly's followers, I want to remind you, if you haven't done a lot of work on yourself, how is putting yourself first is parenting that inner child. And I say this because I was just with 40 absolute killers who were very transparent. And we need to talk to our seven year old or younger self. That would be your subconscious. And you need to put that person first
• 17:09
  Because if you don't, that's the one that acts up and does all those bad things. So just a little mental well-being thing when you don't, when you can't put your finger on it, take your feeling, identify it, and then relate it to that seven-year-old and younger self.
• 17:25
  Reparent that kid and you'll do yourself a service by not going down the crutch, the bad, the negatives. For me and Amberlee, it was alcohol. For you, it could be scrolling, it could be Netflix, it could be masturbation, whatever it is. That's my little self-service for most people. Reparent that inner child. But before somebody hits that wake-up call, hits rock bottom,
• 17:53
  What can they do to change it? Well, I think what you just said is powerful because part of what I share in the book is I had to ask myself, why was I pushing like this? And why didn't I feel like I needed or was worthy of getting the medical treatment or worthy of taking a break? And it did. It went, I talk about it in the book, it went back to my inner child where it was the first time.
• 18:22
  that I ever asked for help. And it was after I'd been sexually abused. And I finally got the courage to go ask my dad and tell him what was going on. And I did say, dad, please don't tell anybody, because if you tell anyone, um, he's my stepdad said he would kill my mom and I believed him. And so my dad didn't do anything. And,
• 18:46
  at that moment I felt like, well, I'm not worthy of being loved. I'm not worthy of being protected. And that, that also, then I was like, well, my second thought was if I want to be safe, and if I want to be okay, then it's up to me to do it. And I'm going to have to fight for it. And so I had this, this, you know, identity of I'm not worthy and the identity of, I have to fight hard for everything that I want. And,
• 19:16
  And, um, anytime, like you were talking about going back to those feelings, where do they come from? I'm like, wait a minute, let me talk to that inner child and tell her she is worthy. And I just, this is kind of getting off topic, but this just happened and I wanted to share it because it's kind of bizarre.
• 19:35
  Um, so I just got back from a trip. I came back from a speaking event and my first book signing for the book and I was exhausted. I had only, I didn't sleep well in the hotel. I think that night it was a long event with a dinner afterwards. And I had gotten like three hours of sleep to get up and get on the plane. And it's like 645 in the morning and I'm about to board the plane.
• 20:01
  my phone rings and it's a number from Kentucky. And I don't know why I answered it because I never hardly talk on the phone anymore, but I answered my phone even when I was about to board the plane. And it is someone, an acquaintance that I had spoken to, I don't know why a while ago, she's actually coming to my event and she had never called me before. And she said, Amberlee,
• 20:27
  this is going to sound so weird. And I really can't believe you picked up the phone, but she said, God has been just giving me this message over and over and over. And I felt like I needed to tell you, like I couldn't wait to tell you. And I, she goes, I really hope you don't think this is weird. And she goes, I don't even know if you believe in God. And I'm like, yes, I do believe in God. And she said, well, God has given me this message. And she read this whole long
• 20:57
  The main point she said was, it's okay to rest in God. You need to take care of yourself. You are worthy. And I mean, everything that she said was like, wow. And I was planning on going on the plane, even though I was exhausted and just like,
• 21:15
  hustling and grinding hard before I got home to be with family. And I just had tears walking on the plane with tears coming down my face. Like, I don't believe that there are coincidences. Like this lady calls me out of the blue that tells me there's a message. And it was like exactly the message that I needed to hear.
• 21:35
  And it wasn't weird that she had messaged me and said this, by the way. And some of the listeners might be going, oh, Amberlee's lost her mind. She's crazy. But it didn't feel weird when she told me that. And it was exactly what I needed to hear. And so I would say any...
• 21:54
  suggestion that I might make for you listening, whether you're on the brink of burnout or you're like, man, I need some more joy in my journey is there is power in the pause that it's okay to give yourself some grace. And you know what? There were times when I was just go, go, go, go,
• 22:16
  still enough to listen. And if we don't take time to be in that quiet, we don't often get to spark that, not just the joy, but spark that creativity. And also we don't notice all the blessings and the joy and the gifts that are around us. And so I would say there's power in the pause and take some time each day, especially for me, I like it to pause in the morning. It's my time of just like,
• 22:46
  quiet. You know, my new puppy's not crazy at that point yet. My family's sleeping and I just get to breathe and write and pray. And man, I get on my knees and pray and then I listen. And it's just been powerful to start my day that way. But I had let that get away from me for a while. And again, going back to the non-negotiables, I was like, no, I need that in my morning.
• 23:12
  So many things I want to say. You're a remarkable human being. And I get to know you and I get access to you. And I want people to use you as the inspiration and motivation and modelization of what life should look like. I can only hope that my daughter grows up to be like you. And I know that your daughter, the last time we spoke, got accepted to Princeton? Or was it? I've got one daughter. Yeah. There's two opposites for sure. One is at Yale. Yale. Yale.
• 23:42
  And I might get to see her. I'm so excited. Her and my grand puppy. I'm going to New York in a couple of weeks and she's, you know, could maybe take the train down. I'm actually going to get to be on the NASDAQ. Can you believe that? You're the first person I'm telling you.
• 23:59
  You called me when you were on Ed's show too. I love that. I love how you share everything with me. I just think you're one of the most remarkable human beings. You were sexually assaulted. You were run over on your motorcycle. You've had tremendous heart. Every time I see you, you're excited and happy and joyful. So ladies and gentlemen, she exudes this stuff. I do want to ask you personally, when you reparent your little inner child, that little girl that
• 24:25
  What did she want now that you've done the work? What did you ask dad not to say anything or not do anything? And he didn't. And you still felt some kind of something, which is when you reparent that little girl, what do you say to her? Do you say you, she matters? What did you need dad to do? Because I know as a girl, dad,
• 24:44
  There was no way I would... I told my daughter this yesterday. I said, if anybody... She was telling me a story about a 23-year-old man that had sex with one of her 15-year-old friends. And I said, straight to the wood chipper, there's not enough money to bail me out. I would literally...
• 25:02
  you know, you know, I'm like you, I'm carrying a gun and I got two big guns and, uh, there's, there's nothing that would stop me. And she, she was asking from a question of, you know, why would people do this? And we, we broke it down. What did you, how did you reparent that, that girl? Because your dad did what he thought you wanted. Yeah, he did. And then he did. And you know what we have,
• 25:28
  Writing my first book and talking about that was very cathartic. But let me tell you, it took me, it was hard. It took me to a dark place, actually. I thought that I had dealt with a lot of those feelings, but actually I had just stuffed them down and pain demands to be heard and it will rise up.
• 25:48
  in every area of your life. I mean, the way you lead, the way you love, the way you parent, all your relationships. And so I had done therapy. Um, and I remember going to this one therapist and she, I didn't, it was for some relationship that I was in. This is years ago. And she asked me out of the blue, she goes, have you been sexually abused? And I was like, yeah, but I'm not here for that.
• 26:17
  I'm so sorry. That was inappropriate because I just saw your face. For those of you that aren't watching this on YouTube, she just gave the cutest little girl twitch of her hair, and she's just beautiful. So if you're watching this on YouTube, you'll understand why I laugh. Inappropriate but funny. Sorry.
• 26:33
  No, I'm just like, no, no, no, no, no. I got to fix this relationship, you know? And so not knowing that, well, maybe you could fix the relationship if you worked on your inner child and worked on some of the trauma that you experienced, you know? And you would maybe, you know, I had a broken picker. I kept picking the wrong guy. And maybe...
• 26:56
  Maybe I could fix that if I worked on these things. And so I did. She gave me some books to read and I dug deeper into it. But it was very cathartic when I wrote my first book and wrote about it. And as far as the little girl, I say, you are safe. You are loved. You are worthy. Yeah.
• 27:18
  And listen to your gut because your gut never lies. Because I was told that that was the way dads taught their daughters. And I knew that did not feel right. And I knew it was wrong. But I learned to not trust my gut because I had this authority figure telling me, no, you're wrong. I'm right. You trust me. This is how it goes. But safety is a really, really...
• 27:46
  big thing for me. Like I need to feel safe. Um, and for the first time in my life, when I met my husband,
• 27:57
  It was the first time I actually felt safe. He makes me feel safe. Because he's huge. I am a big man and he's standing next to me. It's ironic you say that. Again, this is why we get along so well. So when I have this big, massive armor to make myself safe and to make everybody around me safe, but it is the ultimate thing.
• 28:24
  connection when you can make someone feel safe in their mind, by safe with their words, emotionally safe. When you haven't met my significant other yet, which we're gonna get this, make this happen, but that's the highest compliment I can receive that I make her feel safe emotionally in addition to physically. Physically, any man can do. Emotionally takes a lot of work.
• 28:49
  You have to see them, you have to hear them and you have to not respond with any sort of judgment. And I have worked, that is the greatest part of this whole self-improvement journey that I've been on. So you want to talk about joy in the process? When she says that, I'm just freaking putty. So, and I'm sure that's what his name, your husband's name is John, right?
• 29:11
  Yes. Yeah. I'm sure that's what John. Yeah. And you met him for like a brief second at the event. He grabbed onto me. He's like, I heard everything about you. I was like, Oh, he is a character. He is like the town mayor. You should see him in the gym. He's talking to everybody going around. And I'm like, yeah, honey, I want you to come to my event and do that at my event. But he will kind of sneak in the back and then.
• 29:38
  Sneak out and then hide in like the green room for a little bit and then help put stuff away. But like the event thing is like not his thing. It's he's actually going with me to New York, which is pretty wild because he doesn't usually travel with me on trips. But we're leaving our 16 year old home for the first time by herself. So it's a big deal. Party over there.
• 30:05
  Um, like attracts like, so if you haven't seen yourself bouncing around, working the room and being, if he's the mayor, then you're El Presidente, the Madam president. So I love the energy. I went to last year's event and made so many new friends. Um, you have an event coming up and I'll give you time for that, but I wanted to go back to what you just said. Pain demands to be heard people. She just gave you a gem.
• 30:35
  If you have a reoccurring feeling, a thought, or an output, if you keep, as Amberlee said, her picker was broken. If you keep ending up in failed relationships, if you keep ending up in toxic relationships, if you keep ending up broke, that is God speaking to you.
• 30:56
  That is God. And God spoke to Amberlee through her friend that she hadn't talked to in years and said, Hey girl, slow down because you're not paying attention to any of the signs that I keep sending you. Would you like to expand on that? Yeah. You know what's slowing down? You know, my first book was, is called true grit and grace. And it's really because I,
• 31:24
  You know, I said, I've got a PhD in grit. Grit's good. You know, when you've got grit, there is no quit. But what I realized is like, oh no, there is some quit when you've got grit. If you were just pushing, pushing, pushing, pushing, pushing.
• 31:39
  and not giving yourself some grace and not listening, I feel like to God and, you know, and, and my book was about God's grace. And I think it's so important to listen to those signs. I mean, I don't know about you. I, I, I can imagine that we're a lot alike in this aspect, especially since you're doing two workouts a day. But, and when I was a professional dancer, I mean, I grew up a dancer, then I was a,
• 32:07
  professional dancer for years. And I was about to perform with a broken leg at one point. And it was just, it was insanity. Like I could have had a compound fracture and they didn't look at the X-ray until later. And I remember my grandmother came running into the auditorium and said, get off your leg, it's broken. They just looked at the X-ray and I was backstage.
• 32:37
  And my dance teacher was saying, hey, are you going to be able to do this or not? Do we need to have your understudy take over for you? And I was like, oh, no, I'm going to do it. And I remember pacing back and forth and just trying to breathe through it and push through it. And it's like, when are you going to stop and listen to the signs? Because at first, there will be a whisper.
• 33:01
  They'll be kind of talking to you. Come on, telling you, and then yelling at you and screaming at you, and then it's too late. And so listen to the whispers of your soul. Listen to the whispers of your body telling you, slow down.
• 33:16
  It's time to take care of yourself. And it's made a huge difference. In fact, in my gratitude list this morning, so I have a gratitude practice. And I say practice because I know sometimes when you're going through a hard time, it might be hard to be grateful, but it's always possible. But I have a group of ladies, and every morning we do our gratitude practice together. And this morning, the very first thing on my gratitude list was...
• 33:45
  I'm grateful that I overslept for an hour and I was beating myself up about missing my first 12-step, you know, I had a 12-step meeting that started and I was like, well, I'm not going to make that early morning meeting. And I was beating myself up and I was so shameful and I wrote in my gratitude list that I'm giving myself some grace and I'm grateful for the ability to learn to shift that quickly.
• 34:13
  And I think that when you practice the gratitude, it really sparks more joy because it's a foundation and it really gets you focused on what you can do instead of what you can't do and what you do have instead of what you don't have. You know, I could have beat myself up all day like, oh, you loser. You overslept. You got that extra, you know, little sleep in. You can't even get up and.
• 34:39
  Instead, I was like, you know what? My body needed that sleep. And now I'm sitting here and I'm doing extra writing. And I'm having my coffee next to my cute little new baby puppy nugget. Your ability to shift your perspective quickly. And that's one of the reasons I talk about gratitude a lot in the book. And it's because it's my medicine.
• 35:02
  That's beautiful. I got one more question about the book. So it's what's the one key message you want listeners to remember about finding joy in life? You know, if I can give just three quick little things for people to do that I do on a daily basis.
• 35:20
  that it really, really helps me is, and a lot of it we've already talked about. So I'll just get into the last one a little bit more, but gratitude, the first thing you can do if you're like, well, I don't even know where to start. And I know this sound, you hear about gratitude all the time, but it truly is alchemy. It will change the way you feel about your circumstances. And so practicing gratitude, I do it in the morning. I do it at night before I go to bed. I ask my daughter, what's one thing for just a second?
• 35:48
  Can you give us a sample? Like I say gratitude for the simplest things that I have because we all do it differently. For those of you who do it, we just did a solo on gratitude so we can talk all about how it changes your life. But I'm going to give Amberlee's perspective. Can you say how simple you do? I say the simplest things. It's like and I don't say the same thing for a week. Like it's so easy to say I'm grateful for my new puppy. I'm grateful for my daughter. But can you give me one or two, the listeners, one or two of what you said this morning?
• 36:18
  Oh, yeah. Well, the first one was I'm grateful that I overslept. I guess my body needed more sleep. And then the next one was, you know, I'm grateful that the bruise on my foot that's been there for three weeks looks like it's healing better. I'm grateful that we finally have a blue sky in Texas instead of rainy skies because blue sky makes me happy.
• 36:43
  So it's little things and it could be that I am grateful for this collagen that I just put in my coffee that's so delicious or, you know, it's the most simple things and what?
• 36:57
  when I go to ask my daughter every night, let me just tell you, it's truly kind of goofy sometimes, you know, I'll say what is one thing you're grateful for and what's the best thing that happened to you today. And she might say something like, well, I'm grateful I was twerking pretty good today. And I'm like, I better not catch you twerking girl. So she's silly, but, but, but you know what, at least I know it's, it's,
• 37:25
  sinking in. She sees that gratitude in action. And I think it's really important too. And it can shift your whole day just by reaching out to somebody and telling them not just, hey, I'm
• 37:42
  why you're grateful for them. Like you started out saying that to me and I was like, well, I'm grateful for you for these reasons, you know? And, um, but I really think it's that gratitude. I think it's creating a life that you don't want to escape from.
• 37:58
  And I think it's being very, very intentional about doing some joy spotting. And what I mean by that is like actively seeking joy, things that bring joy to you. And it could be anything from like what I mentioned before, the blue sky. Like when we have blue sky here in the winter months, it's amazing. Like I'm like, yes, I when I was in California for 31 years, we had blue skies all the time.
• 38:25
  In Texas, when we have one, I'm like, oh my goodness, we've got some sunshine today and sunshine makes me happy. But joy spotting can be, you know, I always kid around and I'm like,
• 38:38
  It's no joke, though. I listen to gospel music in the car on the way to the gym, but then I listen to ACDC or Eminem while I'm working out. That brings me joy. Moving my body brings me joy because scientifically, as you know, it's probably one of the reasons you work out twice a day.
• 38:56
  it releases endorphins, those feel-good chemicals in your body. It really makes you not just feel joyful, but confident and energized and like you're moving in the right direction. And so that's why I'm like, move your body however you can. And Kelly, I can't tell you how many people have come up to me and said,
• 39:17
  well, I have CRPS and I can't move. And I'm like, well, where's the CRPS? I said, mine's in my right leg. And this one lady goes, well, I don't know how you can work out when you've got CRPS in your right leg. I said, I stand on my one leg at a time if I have to.
• 39:36
  I worked out from my hospital bed. The doctors thought I was crazy. I asked for a pull-up bar to be installed over my hospital bed because I was completely bedridden. And my friend to bring me some dumbbells. And so I did whatever I could. Wasn't like I was getting these massive, you know, biceps. But at least I was moving my body. And it made me feel like I was moving in the right direction. And it made me feel more joyful.
• 40:04
  You said three gratitude, joy spotting. What was it? Was there a number three or did you mix it in there somewhere? Self-care and not in really creating a life that you don't want to escape from. People are going to say it's easy for us to say that because we are who we are. And I'm going to tell you, there was a time where we weren't like this. And mine was only six years ago. Amber Lee's was a little longer than that, but mine is six years ago. So,
• 40:29
  And it doesn't take long. When you cultivate this life, when you follow Amberlee, when you read her books, you follow our solo episodes, you join our programs, you see this life is cultivated slowly but consistently and continuously day after day after day. I want to ask you, was the second book harder or easier to write than the first? Because I was like you. The first book was very cathartic. It was...
• 40:58
  hurtful and healing. I guess that's cathartic at the same time. Um, and hard, but I'm having a different kind of hard finalizing the second book because literally every day I'm changing. Cause I'm growing so fast. Have you, what, what experience have you had on this second book? Oh yeah. And, and also I just want, you know, you listening out there to know that I mess up, you know, and this is like,
• 41:27
  This is something I work on and I'm not perfect at it. And, you know, before we started recording, I was like, the day that I found out that my book was a USA Today bestselling book, I was like, I had to run out the door. I was catching an Uber and on television.
• 41:44
  In the Uber, I had two client calls scheduled back to back. And then I get out and I'm going through TSA and I get on the airplane and I get back and somebody said, oh my gosh, I heard your book got USA Today bestselling author. Have you celebrated yet? And I was like, oh no, I hadn't even thought about it.
• 42:03
  And that was like, Amberly, this is what I write about in the book. Like, what are you doing? What are you doing? Slow down. So I catch myself, but I get on track again. But yes, the first book for me was very cathartic, but the launch of it,
• 42:22
  I didn't know anything, Kelly. I didn't have hardly any social media following. I mean, I still don't. But back then, I really didn't. I didn't know about pre-launch. I didn't know to have a landing page for my book and offer bonuses, but
• 42:38
  I didn't know to have like a virtual book launch party. I didn't know anything. And so, although this book was a little bit easier to write, I think because it was, I was writing as I was going through, like going through things. The writing process, I got really super serious about, because I had deadlines. The first book,
• 43:01
  I wrote it and then got a publisher with this book. I got a publishing deal and I had deadlines. And if I didn't meet those deadlines, well, then I wasn't going to get my book published. So I was like, I was determined to get up at four o'clock in the morning every Tuesday and have that time and every weekend to have that time. But it was a little easier. The launch of it was harder. Yeah.
• 43:25
  Because it's been like back to back to back to back things, you know, which I'm grateful for. And I've had to go look at my schedule is like, wow, how blessed am I that I have all these opportunities instead of, oh, look at this, all these things I have to do. Look at all these things I get to do. But that's the difference, I think, is it's it wasn't as cathartic.
• 43:48
  authoritative is the first book because my first book was a memoir. And this is more, this is a self-help book and I'm no guru. I'm no therapist, but I just share by, you know, my experience of, well, this is what I was going through. And if you were going through anything like this, these are the things to get through it. And it's got action steps too. So. But I want to say something about you. You're lighter now.
• 44:16
  There is a much more calmer, lighter sense. Even the last time when I saw you, it was April. And no, no, no, no. We were together in November at Ed's event. So it's just you're much lighter than I've ever seen you. Yes.
• 44:34
  I can feel it through the computer screen. And I just wanna hug you. I always wanna hug you. And I think that's the first thing I do every time I see you because I just- I know, I was so excited when I saw you in Florida, you and Steven together. I was like, oh, my brothers. We got the catch up. I actually did some, he needed me there.
• 44:56
  I had a lot of talk with him and it was very good. And we, you know, nothing happens that isn't supposed to happen. And if you just allow and you listen to everything that you just said is, and I want to spend a couple of minutes on your, on your event. That's coming. I was just going to air next week because I wanted this to air quickly. Cause your book's out. Oh, thank you so much.
• 45:18
  Go out and get the joy through the journey. It's a bestseller. It's a page turner. It's so good. I didn't deep dive into it because I want you to get the book. It's so good. And I think it's hilarious that it's about happiness and joy like mine is. We did not plan that. We are two souls connected by God.
• 45:39
  brought together by God and anything she ever asked the answer is yes. But I just, I just want to tell you that you're lighter, you're full of love. You're always full of energy. And tell us about the event that's coming up. It's what's the dates. April 25th and 26th, which is right around the corner. And,
• 45:58
  And I'm super excited about it. It's the Unstoppable Success Summit. And you were there last year. I hope to see you and meet your significant other, who I would love to see in Dallas. But yeah, we've got Trent Shelton, Renee Rodriguez, Brooke Hemingway, Tamara Andrus. And this time is a little bit different because Friday night we're actually having like,
• 46:23
  a dinner, like nice VIP dinner with the speakers and an extra fun event. And then all day, Saturday, and then Sunday, of course, is reserved for the mastermind ladies. We do a brunch together. But yeah, I'm super excited about it. It's really for people who are ready to level up in their lives, in their businesses, especially if they want to share their message and really
• 46:53
  If you're a woman, you've got to look up her program. The ladies that marched up on stage, I've gotten to know several of them. Dana, Erica. Aren't they amazing? It's just, and the love, they're extensions of you, the love. When you go do this work,
• 47:09
  You get introduced to the most amazing people. I mean, we've, we all have this similar friends. I mean, I'm going to be with Renee Rodriguez the week before your event. So I love him. I love him. So, so you get to like attracts like, if you look around and you don't have friends that are absolutely fueling you and pushing you to be harder.
• 47:33
  then you got a cage and you should get rid of those, those people right away. I don't care if they've been your best friend since elementary school. If you're not growing, you're dying.
• 47:45
  You need to be harder than life. It's fun. Be happier than life and chase the joy through the journey and keep it simple. But so April, you know, by the way, the only person I haven't met is Trent Shelton. He's the only one I don't know. And his name keeps coming up. So it's only a matter of time before that happens. Oh, he is. He's incredible. Like I heard him on Ed's podcast twice.
• 48:11
  I mean, but he is the real deal. Like who you get on stage is who you get off stage. He is the most genuine, kindest person ever. He's amazing. I met him like six years ago. And I remember I had a really important question. We shared the stage and an event. It was like six years ago. And I had this business opportunity and somebody had said, well, Trent did our program and you know, this...
• 48:40
  is this much money and blah, blah, blah. And so I messaged Trent and my husband was like, are you kidding me? You just texted Trent Shelton. Do you know who he is? He's a former NFL player. And I was like, yeah, but I needed, I needed help.
• 48:59
  And you know what? He saved me thousands of dollars. And I wasn't like, hey, can I pick your brain? I don't like when people say that, you know, I was just like, I had a very specific question. And he got back to me and he is the most loving, genuine, caring. So yeah, you need, y'all need to meet.
• 49:20
  That's all you have in your circle, by the way. I had every single speaker from last year on the podcast. Everyone was beautiful. That event, again, I'm pumping it up because it's good. It's in Dallas. She has so many people that come in and love her. And the most remarkable thing about it is this. I went down Friday night, I looked around,
• 49:42
  And everybody was in the restaurant and nobody was drinking, but everybody was talking. And the best part is everybody had non-alcoholic drinks. Yeah. Everybody had fun. So there's a little disclaimer about alcohol is if you need alcohol to have fun, it probably just ain't fun. So there was not one person that had one drop of alcohol at this three-day event.
• 50:04
  Yeah, it's I didn't even think about that. I didn't until I just looked around one night and I saw Heineken zeros being delivered. And then when I was walking around, of course, you know me, I talked to everybody and there was no place because I went to Ed's event and there was alcohol. And I was think so little people drink anymore.
• 50:26
  That it was inspiring to see you not have it. And you didn't even think about it. I didn't even think about it. And it wasn't something I planned. But I also think it's a different experience when you aren't drinking and you're there and you are completely clear. I think that when, well, I know for me, I can only speak for myself.
• 50:46
  I feel like when you drink, it numbs you out, but it also cuts off, numbs you to everything else. And it cuts off my connection with God. And so I feel like when you're not drinking, you're so open and aware and clear-minded and able to spark more joy.
• 51:07
  And it wasn't something that I was like, don't serve alcohol. I didn't even think about it. It just, I think that sometimes when you have an event and...
• 51:18
  It's for people who want to grow and who want to thrive. They're not really, you're not really attracting those party animals who are wanting to hang out at the bars all night and party and whatever, you know, they were there to connect and network and grow and level up and collaborate. And that's what happened.
• 51:39
  Well, I did a 5 a.m. workout with frickin Ben Newman, which to this day, I still don't like him. I was like, he's talking to me as we're doing this crazy workout. And I'm like, Ben, stop talking to me. I'm struggling. And Eric Rock messaged me. And I'm sorry I'm name dropping, but these are all people that were there and good people and friends of friends. And they're like.
• 51:59
  Kelly, you're not going to make it through his workout. This isn't for weightlifters. You don't understand what you're getting yourself into. But 5 a.m., it's raining, and we're out in front of the hotel doing his 4-4-4 program. This is the beauty that is Amberley.
• 52:14
  You bring this together and make it happen. And guys, this, she's extremely approachable. So any women that listen to this, reach out to her. All of her contacts will be in the show notes. So let's have a little fun. We got a couple more minutes. I want to have a little bit of fun. We're going to lighten the mood. And again, we just surface level touch the things because we've known each other for so long. I wanted to get the book out there. Order it now.
• 52:43
  But if you really want to hear the deep episode 46 of Heart of the Life, again, she's the second person to come on twice. We don't do much of it, but she's remarkable in her story. And she's my sister from another message. And I do love you. I love you. Absolutely. And Kelly, can I just say you, everyone loves you and everyone loves your show so much because of who you are.
• 53:07
  You're the real deal and you light up a room and everybody's always so happy to see you. And like, including me, I told you when we started, I was like, oh, I get to see my friend. I get to take a breath. You know what I mean? And so thank you for your kind words. And just, I feel the same. Yes, you are my brother from another mother and I would do anything for you. So thank you for having me on and for being so amazing.
• 53:35
  I received that. I have been, the way I grew up, so abused, so love starved, that it's still to this day takes me a lot of work to receive that love. But I feel that Amberlee all the way through to my heart and my soul, and thank you. I'm gonna ask a couple funny ones. We got a couple more minutes, and I know these are gonna be funny. So have you ever had a meltdown so epic, it's funny?
• 54:03
  Well, yeah, actually, when we first moved to Texas, we didn't realize that the internet was gonna be so bad. And I, for two weeks, was struggling with internet. It would just like cut out and cut out. And there was one day I was in my office having a meltdown that was so bad, apparently. Like, it was the first time I ever understood why people just pick up their computers and throw them out the window. Like, I was so frustrated. My husband comes in and he's like,
• 54:33
  Well, honey, he's like, we moved to this area so Ruby could get into this school. And I said, honey, Internet trumps school. Like, if I can't have Internet, I can't pay for this house. And I was freaking out. And then we ended up just laughing. But he was like...
• 54:52
  we've been through a lot of shit together and I've never seen you like this. And I was like, Ooh, I guess I was pretty scary. Uh, but we did end up being able to laugh about it. And, um, now he knows to always make sure that the internet is working. And by the way,
• 55:11
  He threw a fit when I got the call that my book got USA Today bestseller. I was wondering why it was kind of cutting out. We were online. It was kind of cutting out. Well, I was so into the call. I didn't realize that our new puppy had chewed through our internet cable while I was on the call. And so I was like standing there and I'm holding the cables and my husband comes in and I'm like, I'm like,
• 55:41
  Well, I got bestseller. I said, but look at what Nugget did. And he goes, oh, my God, you know how long it took me to put that together and was just freaking out. So, yeah, we've both had meltdowns about the Internet.
• 55:57
  You know, I'm so old that I sold companies that, you know, I own an IT company, a cybersecurity company called national technology management. I'm so old. I sold companies their first ever internet connection. And I used to tell people before the internet was the internet that this one day is going to be more valuable than air. And it is. Wow. You imagine like what?
• 56:18
  how we've put that in perspective. Like you said, it is more valuable than anything. If you don't have the internet, these kids would die. Oh, well, if I'm like, if I don't have internet, I can't work.
• 56:28
  Drives me. I, I took an 11 day vacation from my phone. Amberlee, I challenge you this. I will donate money to charity. If you take one week away from social media, your phone and the internet, I was no email grid for a week. Steven Scoggins is doing that right now. And I did it for 11 days. And I'm going to tell you, you're going to call me up and you're, after you're done, you're going to say, thank you. It is you clear your head.
• 56:56
  But I will warn you, you do not realize how much stuff we have to use our phone for, for all your streaming services, for your gym membership. I'm not saying be a shut-in. I'm saying go back to pre-phone, pre-internet days. Oh my gosh. After three days of me working out the stuff. No. After three days, I calmed down and it was nice.
• 57:23
  People, heart of the life nation, I'm telling you, take a week. Now, every week between Christmas and New Year's, I'm shutting off my phone. I shut it off. I had to meet my lawyer for dinner and he's like, what is this? Your phone's off business. What if I need to get ahold of you? I said, there's foolproof. Everybody's got my daughter's number. You got ahold of me, we're good.
• 57:40
  I got a couple more minutes, but try that. And then I will challenge you. Okay. You can do something fun for charity. Okay. You had mentioned you listen to ACDC and gospel music. So if the darkest day, which I could imagine was the day that you were in your car accident, but if your darkest day had a soundtrack, what goofy song would play on repeat?
• 58:03
  What goofy song? Well, the first thing that comes to mind is every time I was just speaking at this other event, and they had me as the last speaker. It was a 13-hour day, and they wanted me to wrap up the event, bring the energy up, tie a bow around it.
• 58:26
  And I went over to AV and I was over in the corner doing pushups and squats and stretching because I was tired too. I felt sorry for these people being in this dark room all day. And I went over to AV and I was like, you know, we got to get the energy up over here. I was like, I need, can you play some Uptown Funk? And so they were like,
• 58:48
  introducing me and they couldn't find me. And I had gone through the middle of the audience and got people up and got them dancing and stuff and then went on stage. So I think in my darkest day, like man, some Bruno Mars, Uptown Funk, some Bee Gees. I don't know. I'm pretty eclectic. I listen to all kinds of music. It just depends on also what my daughter has in the car, like between rap, country, but
• 59:18
  Uptown funk man will always get me moving. Uptown funk will funk you up. Last question. Tell us about a why me moment that became a heck yeah story. Oh, I would say that was probably when I was like after my motorcycle accident. Or you know what? Nevermind. I take that back.
• 59:44
  It was when, because this was actually, even though I didn't have a bunch of surgeries, Ruby and I were riding our scooters. And this is a few years. It's been three years already. And we were going through a crosswalk and a car hit us, took us both out, got rushed to the, and I know people are probably going, man, your next book should be called Look Both Ways. But we got hit. We got hit.
• 1:00:10
  got taken to the hospital after she had a CAT scan on her head and everything. They said, we're like, her brain's okay. Anyway, we got released from the hospital. And when I was in the hospital, there was that brief moment of, man, why me? I can't believe I got hit by a car again.
• 1:00:29
  And then we are walking out of the hospital. And let me tell you, we were practicing gratitude in the hospital bed. And they let us share a hospital bed. And when we were walking out, my daughter looks over at me and she goes, Mama, we got rolled in here on a gurney and we are walking out of here like rock stars.
• 1:00:49
  wow, she's really got that attitude of gratitude and that resilient mindset. And so that was a moment of like, heck yeah, we're walking out like rock stars. Come on now. You can't be killed. I'm singing a song. What's that freaking, is it ludicrous? Move, bitch, get out the way.
• 1:01:10
  I only say that because I know you. I just, I'm like, what the hell? Two times Amberlee. Let's get that head out of swivel. This is crazy. I didn't even know that about you. Listen, you make the world a better place. Go out and get her book, Joy Through Journey. Follow her podcast. She is beautiful, doing beautiful things with a beautiful family and just an awesome person. And look at how I said beautiful many times, but she's literally physically beautiful.
• 1:01:38
  Oh, I paid him to say that. I love you. Until next week, be harder than life, everybody. Please rate and share this podcast. I'm active on all social platforms and love to hear from my Segal supporters. Each and every episode is sponsored by my company, National Technology Management, the easiest and best IT company to do business with, delivering peace of mind with technology every day, even simplifying cybersecurity. Visit TrustNTM.com for more info. Until next week, be harder than life.