Latest / MyMaine Birth / 163. MyMaine Birth: When birth doesn't go as planned, Teal's two birth stories

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163. MyMaine Birth: When birth doesn't go as planned, Teal's two birth stories · MyMaine Birth

• 0:00
  Teal: Trauma when it comes to birth is such a wide spectrum.
• 0:03
  Teal: And talking about it is really important, whether you're talking about it with friends, talking about it with family, talking about it with you or a, you know, a complete stranger.
• 0:14
  Teal: There's a really powerful, it's really powerful just to be able to speak about it and share your story as a means of healing for yourself.
• 0:23
  Teal: And whether you had what someone else might think to be an extremely traumatic story or something else that doesn't seem that traumatic, if it was traumatic to you, then it's worth sharing and it's worth speaking about.
• 0:38
  Teal: I'm in a book club and we read, we wrote, we read a parenting book one month and then, you know, a fictional book the next month.
• 0:46
  Teal: But our last book was a parenting book, and we actually took the time to just share some of our birth stories.
• 0:53
  Teal: And uh, you know, the the range was just, it was fascinating because you don't ex you don't expect to hear all the stories from others.
• 1:05
  Teal: You just kind of picture, oh, well, you know, they must be happy and they've never mentioned it, that they their their birth must have been like perfect and everything that they wanted it to be.
• 1:14
  Teal: But going around, almost everybody had something about their experience that really stuck with them and that they struggled with.
• 1:21
  Teal: And so, yeah, a big piece of of what I would encourage is just to talk about it.
• 1:26
  Teal: Don't be afraid to share your experience, whether it was incredibly beautiful or incredibly traumatic.
• 1:36
  Angela: I'm Angela, and I'm a certified birth photographer, experienced dual la, childbirth educator, and your host here on the My Main Birth podcast.
• 1:45
  Angela: This is a space where we share the real life stories of families and unique birth experiences in the beautiful state of Maine.
• 1:52
  Angela: From our state's birth hospitals to birth center births and home births.
• 1:58
  Angela: Every birth story deserves to be heard and celebrated.
• 2:02
  Angela: Whether you're a seemed to be mom, a seasoned mother, or simply interested in the world of birth, these episodes are for you.
• 2:10
  Angela: Hi everyone, welcome to episode 163 of My Maine Birth.
• 2:16
  Angela: Today's birth story guest is Peel.
• 2:19
  Angela: Teal is a fellow miner who grew up in southern Maine, spent some time in Vermont starting her family, and moved back in 2023 to be closer to her people.
• 2:30
  Angela: She is also a pediatric sleep consultant and the owner of Roots of Reverie Pediatric Sleep Consulting, and she supports families virtually through the early years.
• 2:39
  Angela: She also owns a children's consignment shop in Camden called Bubbles and Beans.
• 2:44
  Angela: Today, Teel shares openly and vulnerably about her two birth stories.
• 2:50
  Angela: Her first birth happened in April of 2020 at the height of the pandemic.
• 2:55
  Angela: What was supposed to be a beautiful experience turned into an emergency c section with serious complications, including a spinal block that went all the way up, moments where she felt she might not make it, and a postpartum uterine infection that sent her back to the hospital just days after discharge.
• 3:14
  Angela: With her second baby, she hoped for a be back, but after going two weeks past her due date and facing induction challenges, after lengthy and respectful conversations between her, her husband, and her care providers, the plan has changed to a planned cesarean.
• 3:30
  Angela: And it was different from her first birth.
• 3:33
  Angela: After talking with her midwife, she scheduled her cesarean on a Saturday morning and was able to go to her good friend's wedding that night before going in for the caesarean the next day.
• 3:44
  Angela: She describes it as a much better experience than the first time, although still not the unmedicated natural birth she had dreamed of for so long.
• 3:52
  Angela: Neil talks honestly about the grief that she carried around not having the vaginal birth that she wanted, and how she's working through that while helping other moms feel less alone.
• 4:03
  Angela: This is a powerful, tender conversation for anyone whose birth didn't go as planned, and as a reminder that your story still matters and uh You're stronger than you know.
• 4:16
  Angela: If you'd like to connect with me, you can do so through my website, mymainbirth.com, or you can find me over on Instagram at my mainbirth.
• 4:25
  Angela: Our closing song is by Kate Sutherland.
• 4:28
  Angela: You can find Kate's community songs and deep nature connection work online at KateSutherland.ca.
• 4:33
  Angela: All right, let's dive in.
• 4:38
  Angela: Hi, Teal.
• 4:39
  Angela: Welcome to MyMain Birth.
• 4:41
  Angela: To get started, would you start by sharing a little bit about you and your family?
• 4:48
  Teal: Yeah, yeah.
• 4:49
  Teal: So I um I originally grew up right outside of Portland, Maine, and went up to college in Vermont, where I settled down for about 15 years, met my husband, started our family, bought a house, and then after having kids, we realized we wanted to be closer to family and the ocean.
• 5:06
  Teal: So we moved back here to the Midcoast area where we've just purchased a new home.
• 5:12
  Teal: Um I have two boys.
• 5:14
  Teal: My oldest is just turned six, and my youngest is three and a half.
• 5:19
  Teal: I am a pediatric sleep consultant, so I work with families to help establish really positive and healthy sleep foundations and independent sleep.
• 5:29
  Teal: And then I also own a children's consignment store, which I took over in October, and it's been a really, really, really fun experience.
• 5:37
  Teal: I have about 10 years in special education.
• 5:40
  Teal: And when I moved back to Maine, I was just ready kind of for a change and something different.
• 5:45
  Angela: Oh my goodness, that's amazing.
• 5:47
  Angela: So, what's the name of your store?
• 5:48
  Angela: I know that's something that's super popular with all sorts of moms, right?
• 5:52
  Teal: Yeah, yeah.
• 5:52
  Teal: So it's called Bubbles and Bean, and it's in Camden, Maine.
• 5:56
  Angela: Oh, amazing.
• 5:57
  Angela: That's so cool.
• 5:58
  Angela: I will definitely link your information for that in the show notes for anybody.
• 6:01
  Angela: No, perfect.
• 6:02
  Angela: Wait, what was that?
• 6:03
  Angela: Yes, check the show notes.
• 6:04
  Angela: So yeah, no, jumping into birth, would you share about how you found out you were pregnant for the first time and what your thoughts were in choosing your care?
• 6:14
  Teal: Oh, goodness.
• 6:15
  Teal: Well, I feel there, you know, there are so many families that have a really, really hard time getting pregnant.
• 6:20
  Teal: And so I say this lightly that I feel very fortunate that it happened relatively quickly for me.
• 6:27
  Teal: You know, we were trying just for a short period of time and pretty elated when we found out.
• 6:32
  Teal: It was kind of one of those moments where like, are you sure?
• 6:34
  Teal: Is this real?
• 6:35
  Teal: I don't know, is this actually happening?
• 6:36
  Teal: Is this a dream?
• 6:38
  Teal: Um, and you know, I think as many women do, you kind of have thoughts about what you want your experience to be before you even become pregnant.
• 6:48
  Teal: Kind of like your wedding, you have this vision of like what you want that fairy tale to be.
• 6:52
  Teal: And so I had already had my mind that I wanted to have a very natural vaginal birth.
• 6:59
  Teal: I wanted to go unmedicated.
• 7:01
  Teal: Um, you know, that's what my mom had done with the three of us.
• 7:06
  Teal: And I just feel like it's a really one of the most powerful experiences that we as women can experience.
• 7:13
  Teal: And as as hard as I knew it was going to be, I wanted to kind of like challenge myself to do that.
• 7:22
  Teal: So that is that is the kind of the headspace that I was in when I first found out that I was pregnant.
• 7:27
  Angela: Yeah.
• 7:28
  Angela: And you are living in Vermont at this time, yes?
• 7:30
  Angela: Yeah.
• 7:31
  Angela: Yeah.
• 7:31
  Angela: Yeah.
• 7:32
  Angela: So what were kind of the next things that you did as your pregnancy progressed?
• 7:37
  Teal: Yeah.
• 7:37
  Teal: So I worked with the most incredible women's health clinic called May Tree.
• 7:42
  Teal: They are in South Burlington, Vermont.
• 7:45
  Teal: And I I could not praise them more.
• 7:47
  Teal: I feel like uh a women's health center like that should be in every single corner of this world.
• 7:53
  Teal: And it's just it's a rotating practice.
• 7:55
  Teal: So they have midwives, they have doctors, um, but it's it's this kind of holistic all-around care.
• 8:02
  Teal: So they do a lot of prenatal support, the delivery, and then postpartum support as well.
• 8:07
  Teal: So there's lactation consultants, they do a lot of um pelvic floor work as well.
• 8:13
  Teal: Um, so the whole, the whole works.
• 8:15
  Teal: And I felt really supported in that journey leading up to my pregnancy.
• 8:19
  Teal: I also got into a lot of prenatal yoga, and that was a great space for me to just kind of be one with my child in utero, and also to have that support system around me, meeting other moms.
• 8:33
  Teal: Um, because at that time I was I was kind of one of the only friends in my local friend group who was pregnant or or had was about to have a child.
• 8:42
  Teal: So it was nice to have other people in the similar boat.
• 8:45
  Angela: Yeah, definitely.
• 8:47
  Angela: So how were you feeling like as your pregnancy started out and then as things went along?
• 8:53
  Teal: So I was actually going through uh a master's in educational leadership program when I was pregnant, and it was an online one-year accelerated program.
• 9:03
  Teal: So I was, I was pooped.
• 9:06
  Teal: I was like so tired.
• 9:07
  Teal: I was working full-time at a school, and then I was coming home and you know, do a logging hours of work, writing papers, and I just remember like laying horizontal at the end of the day and just like passing out.
• 9:20
  Teal: So I was tired, but I was so excited.
• 9:25
  Teal: And unfortunately, a lot of that excitement in the beginning and kind of middle of my trimester ended with a lot of anxiety because um I was due at the end of April of 2020, and you know, six weeks before that, the entire world shut down.
• 9:43
  Teal: And so, you know, my baby shower was canceled, I was working from home, I couldn't go in for any of my checkups in person, didn't know if my husband would be able to come into the delivery room with me.
• 9:56
  Teal: You know, he had to be fever-free, he had to be COVID-free.
• 10:00
  Teal: So there was just a lot of anxiety and unknown of pretty much everything.
• 10:04
  Teal: You know, we only left our house to go grocery shopping.
• 10:08
  Teal: You know, I had friends or family who wanted to stop by, we're like, we haven't seen anybody for a while.
• 10:14
  Teal: Like, can we come by?
• 10:15
  Teal: And we just said, no, like we don't want to risk anything.
• 10:18
  Teal: So we pretty much just like locked our doors, were there for six weeks and just and hoped for the best.
• 10:24
  Teal: So it started out as a really wonderful pregnancy, and then it kind of ended on on the the flip side of that.
• 10:32
  Angela: Yeah, that must have been so intense already being so far along in your pregnancy, like everything's going fine, and then all of a sudden that happens in March, right?
• 10:41
  Teal: Like Yeah.
• 10:43
  Angela: Wow.
• 10:44
  Teal: Yeah.
• 10:45
  Angela: Yeah.
• 10:45
  Teal: Yeah.
• 10:46
  Teal: And you know, there was, you know, there's silver linings, you know, at the same time, I was like, okay, well, I did get to work from home for those last six weeks, and like I could be kind of, you know, on my yoga ball bouncing up and down and had a little bit more downtime.
• 10:57
  Teal: But I also just missed that that sense of normalcy that was our life leading up to that.
• 11:04
  Angela: So you mentioned like some anxiety that developed, but were you starting to like develop like some fears almost too of like that setting with the way like all of the news was being, you know, just going at just everything that was going on?
• 11:15
  Angela: Yeah, like were there other things that were coming up for you?
• 11:18
  Angela: How was those last six weeks looking for you?
• 11:20
  Angela: Wow.
• 11:21
  Teal: Yeah, I mean, it was it was everything.
• 11:23
  Teal: My biggest really concern was that my husband wasn't going to be able to be there for me.
• 11:28
  Teal: And that was a scary feeling to be in uh, you know, a delivery room in this completely new environment without, you know, your loved one by your side.
• 11:38
  Teal: And so that like the the idea of having to face that as a possibility was hardest.
• 11:44
  Teal: But then thinking about the postpartum piece that that was really emotional for me because I was like, what like when was when is my friends gonna meet my baby?
• 11:54
  Teal: When with my mom, one with my family, my sister, is everybody on the chance?
• 11:58
  Teal: And also, you know, what if I am COVID positive when I get there?
• 12:02
  Teal: Like, is the baby going to be separated and taken away from me?
• 12:05
  Teal: There was so much in the news, and every, you know, every state and every hospital was handling it differently.
• 12:12
  Teal: And one day they could have certain protocols in place, and the next it completely changed.
• 12:16
  Teal: So it was kind of like my hands were tied and I had to just be prepared for whatever we were met with that day.
• 12:25
  Angela: Like asking a whole nother level of surrendering almost.
• 12:28
  Angela: Yeah.
• 12:29
  Teal: Yeah.
• 12:31
  Angela: Yeah.
• 12:31
  Angela: So how was those last final days and then weeks leading up to when your labor started?
• 12:35
  Angela: And and how was your birth?
• 12:37
  Teal: Yeah, I, you know, I think being home that whole time leading up to my birth, as I said, there were silver linings, but then I also had a lot more downtime to think about.
• 12:47
  Teal: And so, like every little twitch or movement, I was like, oh, maybe this, maybe that's maybe that's the time.
• 12:51
  Teal: Maybe I think we might be going.
• 12:52
  Teal: But it was none of that.
• 12:54
  Teal: I so I was about two days late.
• 12:58
  Teal: And I woke up at about 2 a.m.
• 13:02
  Teal: in the morning to a gush of what I thought was my water breaking.
• 13:07
  Teal: And I ran to the bathroom and I had ended up, I lost a lot of blood.
• 13:11
  Teal: And so it was hard to tell in the toilet like how much was toilet water and how much was blood, how much was possibly my water breaking.
• 13:20
  Teal: So at that time, you know, I obviously woke up my husband.
• 13:23
  Teal: We called our midwife and doctor, and they recommended just based off of the fact that there was a lot of blood, that rather than possibly risk trying to labor at home at all, that I should head into the hospital.
• 13:34
  Teal: And I, you know, we had our, we had our bags packed because we were two days late and we just kind of anticipated something happening sooner than later.
• 13:42
  Teal: But that drive to the hospital was really, really hard.
• 13:46
  Teal: My husband and I were just kind of sitting in silence, like hoping and praying that we would both be able to go in COVID-free.
• 13:53
  Teal: And thankfully, thankfully we did.
• 13:56
  Teal: You know, we had to have our fevers checked upon arrival.
• 14:00
  Teal: And yeah, I I'm not sure what it would have been like had he not been able to come in, but thankfully he was able to.
• 14:07
  Angela: Yeah, just like that biggest fear of yours, like that drive, you know, to the hospital, like manifesting in its like most raw form, right?
• 14:14
  Angela: And then Yeah.
• 14:16
  Teal: Yeah.
• 14:16
  Teal: I mean, you're supposed to be like really excited, and here we are, just like, oh my goodness, what's like what's gonna happen?
• 14:23
  Angela: So, how was it once you got there?
• 14:26
  Angela: Like, what was the like admission process like?
• 14:28
  Angela: How did things unfold?
• 14:29
  Angela: Yeah.
• 14:31
  Teal: So we admissions was okay.
• 14:34
  Teal: We had to wait around a little bit for a room.
• 14:37
  Teal: Um, so I was just kind of doing a little bit of walking around.
• 14:40
  Teal: And once we got in there, I, you know, we just kind of started to make ourselves cozy and comfortable.
• 14:48
  Teal: But then I went to the bathroom again and I lost more blood.
• 14:52
  Teal: And so, you know, the doctors came in, kind of looked at it, chat a little bit more, and they recommended that I just kind of lie down and rest because I wasn't really far along in terms of being dilated, and it could be a long stay there.
• 15:05
  Teal: So I went to lay down on the bed.
• 15:08
  Teal: And as I laid down, I lost another gush of blood.
• 15:11
  Teal: And at that point, my midwife sat me down and just had a real conversation about my heart rate was fine, my baby's heart rate was fine, but the unknown and not knowing where that blood was coming from was a big concern to them.
• 15:26
  Teal: And so she, as much as she knew that I really wanted to have a natural vaginal birth, it was that conversation of like, this is a matter of of safety.
• 15:36
  Teal: And that's our, you know, our main and most important priority here.
• 15:41
  Teal: So they recommended doing an emergency c-section.
• 15:45
  Teal: So that was just like another thing that kind of flipped on uh the other side in terms of not expecting that.
• 15:52
  Teal: You know, I had I had I hadn't planned.
• 15:54
  Teal: Like I was kind of like, oh, I'm not, I'm not having a C-section like that.
• 15:57
  Teal: That's never gonna happen.
• 15:58
  Teal: I don't know why I thought that would be the case, but it wasn't something that I ever thought would be down my pipeline.
• 16:06
  Angela: What unfolded as the like the surgery happened?
• 16:10
  Angela: Was there, did they discover why that bleeding was happening?
• 16:14
  Teal: Yeah, possi a little bit.
• 16:16
  Teal: So I can I can kind of jump into so the surgery itself was what was most traumatic in all of it.
• 16:25
  Teal: So, you know, I didn't really have a whole lot of time to process going in for C-section because it was an emergency.
• 16:32
  Teal: Thankfully, my husband was allowed to come in.
• 16:35
  Teal: There was kind of questions of because of COVID, could he come in or could not?
• 16:38
  Teal: And my doctor, midwife at that time, really advocated on our behalf.
• 16:43
  Teal: And so I feel very thankful for that.
• 16:45
  Teal: And so I ended up getting a spinal block and it worked okay initially, you know, kind of midrift down.
• 16:54
  Teal: And then as things started to progress, it went all the way up to my head.
• 17:00
  Teal: And so I lost full control of my neck down.
• 17:06
  Teal: I felt like I was paralyzed, I couldn't move my body, my arms.
• 17:10
  Teal: The only thing that I could move was my head back and forth.
• 17:14
  Teal: And I started to have a huge panic attack.
• 17:17
  Teal: I was like, something is wrong.
• 17:19
  Teal: You know, they tried lifting my torso up a little bit to see if that might help things move down my body.
• 17:26
  Teal: But I I um, yeah, I was panicking, I was crying, I was kind of hyperventilating.
• 17:31
  Teal: I started throwing up and then started to go in and out of consciousness.
• 17:37
  Teal: And I thought like there was a thought in my mind that like I'm dying, especially after losing all that blood.
• 17:43
  Teal: I was just like, there's something seriously wrong going here going on here.
• 17:47
  Teal: And so I was kind of in and out of consciousness, throwing up.
• 17:51
  Teal: I remember my husband saying, you know, like kind of rubbing my head, saying it's gonna it's gonna be okay, like you're okay.
• 17:57
  Teal: And then I remember them announcing it's a boy, and that was it.
• 18:01
  Teal: The next time I remember anything was in the recovery room.
• 18:04
  Teal: So like I don't remember meeting my son, I don't remember holding him for the first time.
• 18:09
  Teal: But to answer your question, they found after the surgery that I had an extra lobe on my main placenta.
• 18:17
  Teal: So it was almost like I had two placentas, and they don't know for sure, but they hypothesized that that placenta had the extra one had ruptured, and that is what was causing the bleeding.
• 18:32
  Angela: Teal, I'm so sorry to hear like of that experience in the surgery.
• 18:36
  Angela: That's so hard.
• 18:37
  Angela: Yeah.
• 18:38
  Angela: Thank you.
• 18:40
  Angela: How was like the postpartum time then?
• 18:42
  Angela: What was like the next thing that you remember?
• 18:45
  Teal: Yeah.
• 18:46
  Teal: Um, so the recovery was really hard.
• 18:49
  Teal: I remember being in excruciating pain from the c-section.
• 18:54
  Teal: And in my mind, I was like, this can't be right.
• 18:56
  Teal: Like, this can't be how painful it's it is for everybody after C-section.
• 19:03
  Teal: And the one, another silver lining of I guess one silver lining of having a c-section during COVID was that I was actually allowed to leave my room because one of my discharge requirements was to be able to walk the halls three times.
• 19:18
  Teal: And so I was thankfully I was able to like get up and move, even though it was excruciatingly uncomfortable to do so.
• 19:26
  Teal: Um, but we were at the hospital for about three days, and we we went in Thursday, we were discharged Sunday, got home, and things were good for the first couple of days, minus being in pain.
• 19:40
  Teal: And then unfortunately, I had to be re-hospitalized again after that.
• 19:46
  Teal: Tuesday morning, I woke up just not feeling well, just kind of like had minor chills, just felt like I was kind of getting the flu, and it escalated really quickly.
• 19:59
  Teal: Like all of a sudden, I had full-blown body chills, like shaking, my teeth were chattering, I was freezing, I spiked a fever of 104.
• 20:09
  Teal: So I took a super hot shower just to kind of warm my body up.
• 20:13
  Teal: And my husband had to carry me to the shower.
• 20:17
  Teal: He had to carry me out and like put me in front of our Renae heater while we called the doctor.
• 20:22
  Teal: And they, you know, said get to the hospital immediately.
• 20:27
  Teal: And that was another challenge of the process, the protocol at that time was well, only mom and the baby can come and not the husband.
• 20:37
  Teal: And I was like, I'm I'm not I'm not doing that.
• 20:40
  Teal: Like if I'm going to the hospital, my husband is coming with me.
• 20:43
  Teal: I am two days postpartum and I can hardly function.
• 20:48
  Teal: And again, my midwife and doctors from Matri were incredible and wonderful advocates.
• 20:55
  Teal: So wait, so they were able to pull some strings and allow my husband to come back in.
• 21:00
  Teal: Um, so we were at the hospital for another 48 hours as I got antibiotics in IV.
• 21:07
  Teal: So essentially I had a infection from my cesarean surgery, and then I also had a really bad case of mastitis.
• 21:17
  Teal: So it was it was it was uh a whirlwind of a week and a lot of anxiety, a lot of big feelings all all around, and just nothing that we had prepared ourselves for in any way.
• 21:34
  Angela: Yeah, wow.
• 21:35
  Angela: So what was processing that like for you and like the weeks and months that followed?
• 21:42
  Teal: Yeah.
• 21:43
  Teal: Those were honestly um the hardest, the hardest for me.
• 21:49
  Teal: Um, I had a hard time connecting with my baby.
• 21:55
  Teal: I felt like you know, I had this whole vision of what I Wanted my birth to be like.
• 22:01
  Teal: And it was kind of like I was blaming him for it not turning out the way that I had wanted or envisioned it to be.
• 22:07
  Teal: So there's that piece.
• 22:08
  Teal: I had a huge oversupply, which I feel very fortunate to have been able to breastfeed and to have had milk, but it was it was really, really challenging to manage.
• 22:22
  Teal: I had multiple episodes of mastitis.
• 22:26
  Teal: My son had a recessed chin, so he had a really hard time breastfeeding.
• 22:30
  Teal: And I worked with an amazing lactation consultant through Maitri virtually.
• 22:37
  Teal: And, you know, I was just really determined to breastfeed.
• 22:41
  Teal: Like that's something that I had set out to do.
• 22:43
  Teal: And I wanted to do it if I was able to.
• 22:46
  Teal: So I used a nipple shield for two months as my son and I learned to kind of work together and make this a successful process.
• 22:54
  Teal: But it was hard.
• 22:55
  Teal: You know, I my family was able to come visit about a month and a half later to meet my son.
• 23:03
  Teal: And, you know, we had had everybody take COVID tests.
• 23:06
  Teal: We made sure everybody had kind of stayed home prior to, but there was so much anxiety wrapped up in that in and of itself.
• 23:14
  Teal: And then, you know, later in the summer, we were able to come back to Maine to visit family too, kind of on the flip side of making sure that we were safe and everybody else was safe.
• 23:23
  Teal: But outside of that, I, you know, I think one of my friends came over to visit.
• 23:28
  Teal: We didn't have any support in the house.
• 23:31
  Teal: All of my postpartum visits were virtual.
• 23:36
  Teal: I maintained some connection with my yoga community.
• 23:42
  Teal: So I kept doing a few postpartum yoga classes virtually.
• 23:47
  Teal: I was severely sleep-deprived.
• 23:49
  Teal: And honestly, things really didn't turn around for me until I went back to work in September.
• 23:57
  Teal: And that's when I realized like how severely sleep-deprived I was.
• 24:00
  Teal: So we ended up going through a sleep training process with my son when where he ended up sleeping 12 hours a night, and I was able to finally get the rest that I needed to like take care of myself and recognize what I needed to get myself out of this rut.
• 24:17
  Teal: You know, I wasn't diagnosed with any postpartum anxiety or depression, but I was definitely like on the cusp there for a while.
• 24:26
  Teal: And it was hard.
• 24:27
  Teal: I, you know, I keep going back to like I just felt like I wasn't able to connect with my son initially in the way that I wanted to.
• 24:35
  Teal: And I don't know if that's partially because, you know, I didn't meet him right away and there wasn't that like instant connection.
• 24:41
  Teal: If it was the sleep deprivation, like I couldn't sleep because of him.
• 24:45
  Teal: And I, you know, I couldn't breastfeed because he had a recessed chin.
• 24:48
  Teal: And I, you know, it was just all these things.
• 24:50
  Teal: And so I felt a lot internally that I didn't ever imagine.
• 24:55
  Teal: And, you know, becoming a mom is always looked upon as being one of the most beautiful and like glorious and exciting experiences of your life, which it is in so many ways, but there's also a lot of underlying factors that aren't always talked about as openly leading up to becoming a mom.
• 25:17
  Teal: And I wish that I had had the opportunity to have like some more honest and real conversations with what could happen or what to expect if this goes on.
• 25:29
  Angela: Yeah.
• 25:30
  Angela: Yeah.
• 25:30
  Angela: Postpartum can be really, really tricky to navigate, especially when you have a birth that didn't go like as you imagined that it would.
• 25:38
  Angela: It's so hard.
• 25:40
  Angela: So what at which point did you move into like thinking about supporting other families in sleep training?
• 25:48
  Angela: Was it in between your first and second birth or was it after your second birth?
• 25:53
  Teal: Yeah, it was it was after my second birth.
• 25:55
  Teal: And it was actually when we moved back from Maine and I left my my job in special education.
• 26:01
  Teal: I ended up spending a year home with my youngest, just to kind of it was a big change, a big transition for everybody.
• 26:08
  Teal: And I was just burnt out from being in the school system.
• 26:11
  Teal: So I took that time to think about what I wanted to do.
• 26:15
  Teal: And in that process, I felt really strongly about wanting to continue in the path of helping families and kids in some capacity.
• 26:23
  Teal: And so I, you know, I've reflected on my own experience and was like, what was a really transformational moment in my postpartum and my journey to becoming motherhood that I could give back to others?
• 26:36
  Teal: And, you know, sleep training and getting that sleep support was life-changing in so many ways for my own mental health, for my relationship with my husband, for my connection with my son and both my sons, and just my ability to like function during the day and show up and give 100%, whether that's being a mom or friend or family member.
• 27:00
  Teal: Um, so yeah, it wasn't really until we moved back to Maine that I had that time and space to think about what I wanted to do.
• 27:07
  Angela: Cool.
• 27:07
  Angela: So what were your thoughts as you started to think about becoming pregnant again?
• 27:13
  Angela: Or like what were, yeah, how did you find out you were pregnant and then for the second time?
• 27:16
  Angela: And what were your like thoughts in choosing your care at that point?
• 27:19
  Teal: Yeah, yeah.
• 27:20
  Teal: We um we had we planned or we had hoped to have our kiddos be about two and a half years apart.
• 27:26
  Teal: Um, that was the difference that I had with my middle sister, and I really liked being able to be in school with her and have mutual friends.
• 27:35
  Teal: So we aimed for that time difference between them.
• 27:39
  Teal: And again, we're very fortunate to not have to try for a long time.
• 27:43
  Teal: And it was really, really exciting.
• 27:46
  Teal: It was, you know, there was still bits and pieces of, you know, COVID going on and, you know, people testing and all that, but it wasn't that big looming fear of what's going to happen.
• 28:00
  Teal: Protocols were still pretty much in place.
• 28:03
  Teal: And I was kind of at this mindset of, well, my first birth was extremely traumatic.
• 28:10
  Teal: I can't imagine anything more traumatic happening.
• 28:13
  Teal: And so I really um I tried not to let my experience of first time impact my kind of thought process and my connection with my youngest in utero.
• 28:25
  Teal: And I had a lot of conversations with my midwife and doctors about going for a V back.
• 28:33
  Teal: And thankfully, because I didn't have any underlying conditions and they were able to speculate that the blood was really just from the placenta and there wasn't any any major concerns that I was a great candidate for a V back.
• 28:47
  Teal: And so that was like exactly what I wanted to hear.
• 28:52
  Teal: But unfortunately, that didn't unfold the way that we had planned for it to either.
• 28:58
  Angela: Oh boy.
• 28:59
  Angela: Well, we'll get to that point in a minute.
• 29:01
  Angela: Um so yeah, how are you feeling like just mentally, like throughout your pregnancy as it progressed?
• 29:07
  Teal: Yeah, you know, it's it's such a different experience being pregnant with a toddler and to you don't have as much time to sit and kind of be one and um like feel all the feelings.
• 29:20
  Teal: And I remember with my first, you know, every little leg kick or like punch or movement was so noticeable.
• 29:28
  Teal: And there are some days where I'm like, oh my gosh, is the baby okay?
• 29:32
  Teal: Like I haven't felt it moved today.
• 29:33
  Teal: And then in my mind, I'm like, I'm sure it's fine.
• 29:35
  Teal: I've just been so active and busy chasing my my firstborn around.
• 29:40
  Teal: So it was a very different experience in that way, tiring and exhausting, um, but for different reasons.
• 29:48
  Angela: Yeah.
• 29:48
  Angela: And how are your appointments looking as as your pregnancy went along?
• 29:53
  Teal: Good.
• 29:53
  Teal: Yeah, they they everything was positive, things were great.
• 29:56
  Teal: Um, but then I hit that 40-week mark and there had been no progression at all.
• 30:03
  Teal: So that is when uh we started to have some more conversations about, you know, kind of next steps, what to do.
• 30:10
  Teal: And so we waited about another week or so and still no progress.
• 30:16
  Teal: And then it was about 41 and a half weeks where I had conversations with my doctor about going in for an induction.
• 30:23
  Teal: And so that was that was kind of the plan.
• 30:26
  Teal: But unfortunately, the hospital was so booked those next few days that they were unable to fit me in for an induction.
• 30:33
  Teal: So it was the the night or the day before 42 weeks that my mid-wife called me and we talked for probably about an hour on the phone about our options.
• 30:48
  Teal: And she was just very, very, very honest with me.
• 30:52
  Teal: She said, you know, look, I know that your dream is to have a V back, and I want that to happen for you.
• 31:00
  Teal: But I she said, I I feel like there's something, something isn't right here.
• 31:05
  Teal: And so I feel like if we didn't mean that she thought something wasn't right?
• 31:10
  Teal: She just sensed that because I was 42 weeks and there was no movement at all, like I wasn't, I wasn't dilated.
• 31:18
  Teal: Um, I wasn't like feeling any of the changes in your body that you feel going into labor.
• 31:25
  Teal: And so she just said, I just I feel like there is there's something not right here.
• 31:30
  Teal: And I I'm really recommending and encouraging you to go for another C-section.
• 31:35
  Teal: And so, you know, I I balled my eyes out and I called my mom and I called my friends, and I was just like, I can't believe this is happening, and well, you know, the whole why me.
• 31:45
  Teal: And so I had to come to terms with it that I wasn't going to be able to have vaginal birth again, which was really, really, really hard.
• 31:57
  Teal: And again, there's silver linings to everything.
• 32:01
  Teal: So I was supposed to be a um a bridesmaid's in one of my best friend's weddings.
• 32:07
  Teal: And I had to say no because it was right around when I was due.
• 32:10
  Teal: But her wedding happened to be the night before my scheduled c-section.
• 32:14
  Teal: So I was able to go to her wedding, not as a bridesmaid, but as a guest.
• 32:19
  Teal: So I have to, you know, keep that in mind that there's there are definitely positives to every story.
• 32:25
  Teal: But yeah, we we scheduled a c-section first thing for a Sunday morning.
• 32:31
  Teal: And I thankfully had the opportunity to meet with the OR team and the anesthesiologist there to explain my previous experience and make sure that it didn't happen again.
• 32:47
  Teal: So instead of doing a spinal block, they did an epidural, and they really did just like the smallest amount initially and slowly increased it to make sure that I was able to have full control and movement of my arms and torso and head.
• 33:04
  Angela: Yeah.
• 33:04
  Angela: Oh my goodness.
• 33:05
  Angela: So how did that go for you?
• 33:09
  Angela: It went well.
• 33:11
  Teal: It was, you know, it was hard sitting there with the thoughts of still wishing that I had the opportunity to have a vaginal birth, but I was very grateful to have had a much more positive experience with the second C-section and be able to, you know, actually witness the birth and meet my second son and you know, do skin to skin with him right away and you know, have that connection with my husband as well.
• 33:40
  Teal: You know, my my midwife had our also put together a podcast playlist for me to just like make the environment a little bit more calm and comfortable.
• 33:49
  Teal: So it was it was a completely different experience than the first time, you know, also taking out the whole COVID piece.
• 33:56
  Teal: So I'd I'd say despite wanting and hoping for a V back, I I don't think that that second C section could have gone any better than it did.
• 34:06
  Angela: Oh, well, that's good.
• 34:07
  Angela: That's so good to hear.
• 34:08
  Angela: Yeah, yeah.
• 34:10
  Angela: Oh my goodness.
• 34:11
  Angela: Yeah.
• 34:11
  Angela: And just almost having the time, like a little more time with your first birth, you know, you were like, you need to make this decision like right now.
• 34:18
  Angela: And you know, with this one, you had the phone call the night before, or was it a few days before?
• 34:23
  Teal: We had a phone call.
• 34:24
  Teal: Um well, we had an initial phone call Friday, and then we had another phone call Saturday morning to schedule the one for the sketch C section for Sunday.
• 34:33
  Angela: Yeah.
• 34:34
  Angela: So have just a little more time to kind of just mentally prepare yourself, like okay, this is what's gonna happen, and like think of the things that you wanted to do to advocate for yourself, you know, going in just being prepared can just make a big difference too.
• 34:47
  Teal: Yeah, absolutely.
• 34:48
  Teal: Absolutely.
• 34:48
  Teal: Gets you in a much different headspace.
• 34:51
  Angela: Yeah.
• 34:51
  Angela: Had you ever considered like not going in for the C section, or did was there, was there any like back and forth, or was it just like her, she really heavily recommended it?
• 35:02
  Teal: Yeah, I'm glad you bring that piece up.
• 35:04
  Teal: So I I trust, I trusted and I trust the whole Maitre team a hundred percent.
• 35:10
  Teal: And they are some of the most caring and loving women who are incredibly knowledgeable and have years of experience.
• 35:19
  Teal: And I just felt like she was advocating for me in a different way, and it was important for me to lean into and trust her professional opinion.
• 35:31
  Teal: And so the cord ended up being wrapped around his neck multiple times.
• 35:37
  Teal: And so that is kind of, I guess, one of the reasons why she sensed that something wasn't right.
• 35:42
  Teal: And so, in hindsight, if I had gone for a beat a V back, it most likely would have ended up into maybe not most likely, but it could have ended up into another emergency C section.
• 35:52
  Teal: And so there's that piece too of like, okay, there's it's it's it's good that she listened to her intuition and communicated and that I followed, um kind of followed her lead on that.
• 36:04
  Angela: Yeah, wow, that's so interesting.
• 36:06
  Angela: Just babies like just have this intuition themselves too.
• 36:10
  Angela: They're just like, nope, I'm not ready to come out right now because it's not right.
• 36:14
  Angela: Yeah, yeah, exactly.
• 36:16
  Angela: Wow, that's so interesting.
• 36:18
  Angela: So, how is your postpartum?
• 36:21
  Teal: Yeah, postpartum, you know, again with a toddler until was very different.
• 36:26
  Teal: Um, there was a lot of, you know, the having to manage both kiddos at the same time and, you know, making sure that my firstborn felt loved and had that connection and there wasn't a whole lot of separation anxiety, but also making sure that you have time to connect with your secondborn.
• 36:45
  Teal: And it was it was different in the sense that I I had a better idea of what I needed to do to take care of myself.
• 36:55
  Teal: So I'm a very active person.
• 36:59
  Teal: I it's it's hard for me to just sit down and do nothing.
• 37:03
  Teal: And after my first C-section, I I definitely pushed myself too much.
• 37:08
  Teal: Um, I should have spent more time recovering and resting and just being.
• 37:14
  Teal: And, you know, I was going for walks probably sooner than I should have.
• 37:18
  Teal: I was moving, going up and down the stairs more than I should have.
• 37:22
  Teal: And I just wasn't really listening to my body.
• 37:25
  Teal: And I'm sure that that kind of exacerbated some of my, you know, mental health stuff.
• 37:30
  Teal: And so with my second born, I just kind of accepted the fact that this is what it was, and that it was time for me to just to just pause and be okay with sitting on the couch and and not doing anything.
• 37:44
  Teal: And so I um I binge watched the entire series of Handmaid's Tales, which is kind of like not the best show that many people would recommend watching during postpartum, but I I got sucked into it.
• 37:57
  Teal: And so it was kind of like that that helped me be forced and glued to the couch for for the next couple months.
• 38:05
  Teal: Um, so it was it was better in the sense that I I knew kind of what I needed to do to take better care of myself and be able to continue to show up for my firstborn and for my husband and not let the weight of what could have been a different birth experience affect me the way that it did the first time.
• 38:26
  Angela: Yeah, yeah, that's it's so, so important to really just take that time to pause, you know, postpartum.
• 38:32
  Angela: It can be such like a pull to like, especially if you're like a naturally like active person that's always been out doing all sorts of things, to be like, I'm ready to go back out, you know, like I'm still strong, like I, you know, and to just feel like you can still do all of the things.
• 38:45
  Angela: But really, the less you do, like immediately postpartum, the sooner you'll be able to go back and do more things.
• 38:51
  Angela: Like if you just like do nothing for like 15 days, you know, 10 to 15 to 10 years.
• 38:55
  Angela: Yeah, you know, just work your way back, you'll be a lot stronger after that 10 to 15 days than if you were, you know, going out on day two.
• 39:02
  Angela: Like at that point, by 10 to 15 days, you're gonna be really weak, you know, if you're pushing it too soon to just yeah, that pause if you're able to.
• 39:11
  Teal: Yeah, yeah.
• 39:12
  Teal: And now, and you know, I I don't know why I didn't really, I didn't really know much about doulas at that time.
• 39:19
  Teal: And maybe it's it's through becoming a sleep consultant that I've really been able to connect with a lot of doulas and better understand the work that they do, you know, it in the hospital during deliveries, but also postpartum.
• 39:33
  Teal: And, you know, in hindsight, I wish that I had had a better idea of that and had had kind of utilized Adula to help around the house.
• 39:43
  Teal: There was, I think there's this guilt of, okay, well, I'm just sitting here at the at home on the couch all day with my son and my husband is working.
• 39:53
  Teal: And if I don't do the laundry or through the dishes, then he's gonna have to come home and do that and cook dinner and put our toddler to bed.
• 40:00
  Teal: And so there's this piece of like, I felt like I needed to give more and show up more in other ways.
• 40:06
  Teal: So I I have so much respect and admiration for the work that doulas do because it's really powerful and I think it makes a huge difference in how moms are able to connect with their babies, but also heal and really just enjoy that transition to becoming a mom.
• 40:23
  Teal: So I I wish that I had had known about it and utilized a doula in the past.
• 40:29
  Angela: Yeah, and I think that's such a good point that you brought up about just like the feeling like, you know, you have to still kind of do the chores that you're normally doing, you know, because then, you know, your husband would have to do all this extra stuff when he comes home and he's already working, you know, his full-time job.
• 40:44
  Angela: And it's just like a lot of moms are dealing with that, you know, that situation is like why maybe they can't pause as much postpartum.
• 40:52
  Angela: But you know, like the the it it the the house will survive, like some laundry will get done.
• 40:58
  Angela: Like if you can just like find a way to still like just really like take that pause, even if you don't have a doula or any help, just like it's it's so important to just just like lower your standards almost like the first like few days and maybe week or two.
• 41:12
  Angela: Yeah.
• 41:13
  Teal: Yeah.
• 41:13
  Teal: Yeah.
• 41:13
  Teal: It's kind of like it's kind of like the surrendering of just like throwing your hands up and saying, I'm done, like somebody take take care of me for a couple weeks.
• 41:22
  Teal: And you know, whether it's you know, friends setting up a meal train or offering to come over or take the dog for a walk or take your toddler out for a play date so you can have some quiet time.
• 41:34
  Teal: It's just like take take advantage of it when it's there.
• 41:38
  Angela: Yeah, accept the help if you have anybody offering.
• 41:41
  Angela: You don't have to be on the phone.
• 41:43
  Angela: Right, right.
• 41:44
  Angela: Yeah.
• 41:45
  Angela: So would you share more now about like your sleep business?
• 41:50
  Teal: Yeah, yeah.
• 41:51
  Teal: So I started my sleep consulting business about two years ago.
• 41:54
  Teal: It's called Roots of Reverie.
• 41:56
  Teal: And when I decided that I wanted to go down that avenue, I I did a lot of research in terms of getting my certification.
• 42:03
  Teal: And I ended up doing a program through the Cradle Coach Academy, which was about a three-month program, and then we had a practicum experience.
• 42:12
  Teal: So it was all online, and then we had virtual meetings and classes, and um then I had the opportunity to work with a handful of families while being um under supervision, for lack of a better word, with my mentor.
• 42:27
  Teal: And so I had a lot of great experience before actually graduating the program.
• 42:32
  Teal: Um so now, yeah, I work with families in a couple of different capacities.
• 42:36
  Teal: I offer one-time consultations all the way up to, you know, two to three week sleep training packages, depending on the child's age.
• 42:45
  Teal: It's all virtual.
• 42:47
  Teal: I work with families in Maine, across New England.
• 42:51
  Teal: I have a client right now out in California.
• 42:53
  Teal: So it's it's really wonderful that I'm able to connect with families around the country, but also, you know, around that could be around the world and offer the same support that was so meaningful and powerful to me.
• 43:08
  Teal: So one of the, you know, I always say, like, I'm my sleep training or my sleep support is is helping the baby sleep, but really the heart of it is helping moms and parents really be able to show up and give 100% so that they are able to get the sleep that they need to take care of their mental health and create, you know, happiness in the home.
• 43:31
  Teal: There, in my opinion, there's there's nothing um harder than being an incredibly sleep deprived parent and having to, you know, wake up in the morning and and be present and then go to work and then you know, the impending sleep challenges for the next night.
• 43:54
  Teal: It's just this domino and spiral effect and the effect that's Sleep deprivation has on our mental health, our emotional, physical being is profound.
• 44:07
  Teal: And so helping families, especially moms, get to a place where they aren't needing to struggle and they're able to take care of themselves and their families is really why I do the work.
• 44:19
  Angela: Yeah, that's so important.
• 44:21
  Angela: So do you work with like kids that are a little bit older too that might be struggling with their sleep, like toddlers?
• 44:26
  Teal: Yeah.
• 44:27
  Teal: So I'm I'm certified to work with kids up to age seven.
• 44:30
  Teal: Based on my experience, I I really gear my work towards five-year-olds and under.
• 44:35
  Teal: And so I do my sleep training program doesn't start until babies are about five, five and a half months and up to five years old.
• 44:44
  Teal: And so I can do sleep training for that age group or I can just do consultations for that as well.
• 44:50
  Teal: Toddlers are so fun to work with.
• 44:53
  Teal: Initially I was kind of intimidated.
• 44:54
  Teal: I was like, oh goodness.
• 44:55
  Teal: Like they're kind of mind of their own and they're little human beings.
• 45:00
  Teal: But um, one of the things that I love most about working with a toddler is that I become a bedtime fairy or a bedtime buddy.
• 45:10
  Teal: And so I actually send them personalized video messages to take some of the weight off of the parents as being kind of the bad guys for creating new rules and routines.
• 45:21
  Teal: And it's it's so fun to see how involved they can become just having that little extra like voice.
• 45:31
  Teal: It's almost like you think of a classroom where at home parents really struggle to get their child to listen to something different, but then you add a teacher into the mix and they are somehow the most like lovely child ever.
• 45:42
  Teal: And so here I am as a bedtime fairy, kind of just this extra voice of saying, like, oh no, you have to do this.
• 45:49
  Teal: This is the new routine, and this is why we're doing it.
• 45:51
  Teal: So it's really fun to work with toddlers because there's a different way of connecting with them.
• 45:57
  Angela: Oh my gosh, I love that.
• 45:59
  Angela: Bedtime fairy.
• 46:01
  Angela: Yeah.
• 46:03
  Angela: Awesome.
• 46:05
  Angela: So do you have contact information for your website?
• 46:09
  Angela: Are you on Instagram, Facebook?
• 46:10
  Angela: Yeah, yeah.
• 46:11
  Teal: So my website is www.rootsofreverie.com and my Instagram is at roots.of dot reverie.
• 46:20
  Teal: Um, and then my Facebook is is Roots of Reverie as well.
• 46:25
  Angela: Awesome.
• 46:25
  Angela: I will link all of that in the show notes along with your event shop info.
• 46:30
  Angela: So support you.
• 46:33
  Angela: Now, as a final question, if you were to give advice to someone who's expecting or even new parents, after your experiences and the things that you've been through, like what would be the biggest thing that you want to share with someone?
• 46:46
  Teal: Ooh, the biggest thing.
• 46:48
  Teal: Um things.
• 46:51
  Teal: Yeah, yeah, there's a couple.
• 46:53
  Teal: I would say one for sure is is to lean into support postpartum.
• 47:01
  Teal: Is as if you are kind of that type A person like I am, of needing to have like full control and be the doer and have a hard time letting people help you out, I would just say now is the time more than ever to just to just surrender and let people take care of you.
• 47:21
  Teal: It's a short period in your life and it will make all the difference in your mental health, your connection with a baby, and just your recovery process.
• 47:30
  Teal: I would say that we're trauma when it comes to birth is such a wide spectrum, and talking about it is really important, whether you're talking about it with friends, talking about it with family, talking about it with you or a you know, a complete stranger.
• 48:38
  Teal: There's a really powerful, it's really powerful just to be able to speak about it and share your story as a means of healing for yourself and whether you had what someone else might think to be an extremely traumatic story or something else that doesn't seem that traumatic, if it was traumatic to you, then it's worth sharing and it's worth speaking about.
• 49:01
  Teal: I'm in a book club and we read, we wrote, we read a parenting book one month and then, you know, a fictional book the next month.
• 49:10
  Teal: But our last book was a parenting book, and we actually took the time to just share some of our birth stories.
• 49:17
  Teal: And uh, you know, the the range was just, it was fascinating because you don't ex you don't expect to hear all the stories from others.
• 49:29
  Teal: You just kind of picture, oh, well, you know, they must be happy and they've never mentioned it, that they their their birth must have been like perfect and everything that they wanted it to be.
• 49:37
  Teal: But going around, almost everybody had something about their experience that really stuck with them and that they struggled with.
• 49:45
  Teal: Um and so yeah, a big piece of of what I would encourage is just to talk about it.
• 49:51
  Teal: Don't be afraid to share your experience, whether it was incredibly beautiful or incredibly traumatic.
• 49:59
  Teal: One other thing that I would recommend is I'm gonna grab the book really quickly.
• 50:05
  Teal: So this was the book that we just read for our book club, and it's called To Have and To Hold Motherhood, Marriage in the Modern Dilemma.
• 50:14
  Teal: And it's actually written by one of my college professors, which I didn't realize until after the fact.
• 50:19
  Teal: I was like, this name looks so familiar.
• 50:21
  Teal: But it is a parenting book that I feel as though every mom should read before becoming a mom or at the beginning of becoming a mom.
• 50:30
  Teal: There are so many books that are there to like help you and fix you, and kind of like, yeah, they're just offering fix, like how to how to overcome this or how to.
• 50:44
  Teal: Whereas this book is really about just naming the feelings and emotions and experiences that you're going to and through and normalize them.
• 50:52
  Teal: Dr.
• 50:53
  Teal: Millwood is a psychotherapist and professor.
• 50:56
  Teal: And even with all of that, she struggled with her journey to becoming a mom and you know, said things that she wished she hadn't done, acted in ways that she wished she hadn't done, had this guilt that loomed over her.
• 51:10
  Teal: And so it's just, it's really a wonderful way to connect with all the experiences that every mother is is going through, but doesn't always talk about in a way that's not trying to make you feel as though something's wrong with you and trying to fix you.
• 51:25
  Teal: So that is something that I think is probably one of the best books that I've I've read.
• 51:30
  Teal: So I would, I would also recommend that for anybody who's thinking of becoming a mom or or a newly newly mom.
• 51:37
  Angela: Yeah, I will also link that in the show notes.
• 51:40
  Angela: Yeah.
• 51:40
  Angela: That sounds like an amazing resource.
• 51:42
  Angela: Yeah.
• 51:43
  Angela: Teal, thank you so much for taking the time to chat with me today and share your stories.
• 51:48
  Angela: It's been such a pleasure chatting with you.
• 51:50
  Teal: Yeah, thank you so much for this opportunity.
• 51:52
  Teal: I I really appreciate it.
• 51:53
  Teal: It's nice, nice to connect with you.
• 52:00
  Kate Sutherland: Follow the walk of the wild ones into the woods and the darkness.
• 52:05
  Kate Sutherland: We both away the ancient ones who back or walk away, but it's up to us now to open up and take the gun what we got.
• 52:16
  Kate Sutherland: We got the weight and one.