Latest / Do You F*cking Mind? / 383. Reclaiming you: Boosting confidence and rediscovering your true self.

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383. Reclaiming you: Boosting confidence and rediscovering your true self. · Do You F*cking Mind?

0:11
Speaker 1: Hello, beautiful beans, and welcome to the podcast episode of today.
0:14
Speaker 1: So in today's episode, we have decided to do a
0:18
Speaker 1: little bit of a Q and A. So what we
0:21
Speaker 1: did is we put out a little question box on
0:23
Speaker 1: the podcast Instagram. If you're not following the podcast Instagram,
0:26
Speaker 1: it is at do you Fucking Mind? I used to
0:30
Speaker 1: have it as at dyfm pod, but we thought or
0:33
Speaker 1: D wife and podcast, but we thought, fuck it, let's
0:35
Speaker 1: just give it its real name.
0:36
Speaker 2: Let's just.
0:38
Speaker 1: Fucking put some respect on the podcast name and call
0:41
Speaker 1: the Instagram handle that. So it is at do you
0:43
Speaker 1: Fucking Mind? Maybe with an asterisk in there, I'm not
0:46
Speaker 1: quite sure. But what I did basically was I put
0:49
Speaker 1: out a you know, call out for people asking around
0:53
Speaker 1: like questions around confidence and questions around self esteem. I'm
0:57
Speaker 1: actually going to read out what we wrote. It said,
1:00
Speaker 1: what are your questions around confidence and finding yourself again?
1:05
Speaker 1: So we had, as always, a whole bunch of questions
1:08
Speaker 1: come through. I love receiving your questions, so I thought
1:11
Speaker 1: I would just go through them and talk about it.
1:13
Speaker 2: This is going to be very conversational.
1:15
Speaker 1: I have got heaps of episodes around self love confidence obviously,
1:19
Speaker 1: but I think it's really nice to just address specific,
1:22
Speaker 1: more individual.
1:23
Speaker 2: Questions every so often.
1:25
Speaker 1: So this is all about self love, confidence and finding yourself.
1:30
Speaker 2: Life update.
1:31
Speaker 1: I mean, you're hearing this probably two weeks after the fact,
1:34
Speaker 1: but as from the day that I'm recording this. But
1:36
Speaker 1: Spotify Wrapped came out today, and it is so fucking cool,
1:40
Speaker 1: so fucking cool to not only see the rapped because
1:43
Speaker 1: you get obviously you get Spotify Rapped from the creator's standpoint,
1:47
Speaker 1: like from like as a user, but then if you're
1:49
Speaker 1: a creator on Spotify, then you get all the data
1:52
Speaker 1: from your podcast and on Spotify, I had like one
1:57
Speaker 1: hundred and eighty seven thousand people that listen to my
2:00
Speaker 1: podcast in their top ten podcasts, and it was just crazy,
2:03
Speaker 1: Like it's just quite fucking amazing the reach that the
2:06
Speaker 1: podcast has.
2:07
Speaker 2: It's listened to in how.
2:08
Speaker 1: Many countries I think one hundred and forty something countries
2:11
Speaker 1: or just wild a lot of countries.
2:14
Speaker 2: Anyway, it's very cool.
2:15
Speaker 1: And then the Wrapped also came out for authors because
2:18
Speaker 1: my book how to Chest Change is an audio only
2:21
Speaker 1: book and it's obviously available on Spotify, and the wrap
2:25
Speaker 1: for that book was really really cool. The biggest country
2:27
Speaker 1: for that book is actually in the United States, people
2:32
Speaker 1: shared my book on average sixteen times more than the
2:36
Speaker 1: next book that they shared on average, So I'm like,
2:38
Speaker 1: this is just wild. People are fucking loving the thirty
2:41
Speaker 1: Days to Master Your.
2:42
Speaker 2: Mindset kind of flex And also, I thought.
2:45
Speaker 1: Before we get into the topic of today's podcast, I thought,
2:48
Speaker 1: in January, I'm going to do another kind of big
2:51
Speaker 1: thing around the book because I have a feeling that
2:54
Speaker 1: a lot of you guys are going to be wanting
2:56
Speaker 1: to do the Thirty Days to Master Your Mindset the
2:59
Speaker 1: how to test book throughout January, and if you haven't
3:03
Speaker 1: already heard it, my audio book, which is available on Spotify,
3:06
Speaker 1: on Audible and heaps of different audiobook sites. But you're
3:10
Speaker 1: supposed to do one chapter a day for thirty days.
3:13
Speaker 1: There's five modules. They're all different topics, and each chapter
3:16
Speaker 1: at the end, it either gives you a task to do,
3:19
Speaker 1: like a little homework task, or it gives you like
3:22
Speaker 1: a resource or go and watch this Ted talk, or
3:25
Speaker 1: if you want further reading, here's a really good book.
3:27
Speaker 2: Whatever.
3:27
Speaker 1: But every single day it gives you something that you
3:29
Speaker 1: can action if you want. And I feel like it's
3:32
Speaker 1: just one of the best things to do in January,
3:33
Speaker 1: and if you've already started the book, then just keep
3:36
Speaker 1: going through it through January.
3:38
Speaker 2: Love that so much.
3:40
Speaker 1: Anyway, Let's get straight into the questions that you guys
3:44
Speaker 1: have sent in because I am loving it, okay. The
3:49
Speaker 1: first one is how do you become your own person
3:53
Speaker 1: after a breakup or a big life change? So I
3:57
Speaker 1: actually find that breakups end up being a very positive
4:01
Speaker 1: not immediately it doesn't feel positive immediately obviously, but a
4:03
Speaker 1: very positive catalyst to change because I look at it
4:07
Speaker 1: as well, given that this one big thing has changed
4:09
Speaker 1: in my life, what else can I change in my life?
4:11
Speaker 2: I'm gonna do a bit of an inventory.
4:13
Speaker 1: Sometimes we have a breakup and for a lot of
4:17
Speaker 1: people the relationship was the best thing in their life.
4:21
Speaker 1: For some people it's the best thing by far in
4:24
Speaker 1: their life, and for other people, For a select number
4:26
Speaker 1: of people, it's the only good thing that they really
4:29
Speaker 1: love about their life, which is very sad because when
4:32
Speaker 1: you go through a breakup, while you're going to be
4:34
Speaker 1: heartbroken and devastated in all of that, ideally you want
4:37
Speaker 1: to be able to look at your life as a
4:39
Speaker 1: whole and be like, I'm still very fulfilled in all
4:42
Speaker 1: these other areas.
4:43
Speaker 2: I might not feel very fulfilled.
4:44
Speaker 1: While I'm grieving the relationship, but I know that all
4:47
Speaker 1: these other things are actually quite fulfilling for me, and
4:49
Speaker 1: it's really propping me up. I've got a really nice
4:52
Speaker 1: even spread throughout my life, with friendships, with hobbies, with
4:55
Speaker 1: things to look forward to, with feeling like I'm growing
4:57
Speaker 1: every day with my relationship with myself, my relationship with
5:01
Speaker 1: my body, my health, all of these things. Okay, if
5:05
Speaker 1: you feel that you've completely lost yourself after a breakup,
5:08
Speaker 1: and you kind of or a big life change that
5:10
Speaker 1: you haven't really anticipated, anticipated or wanted, I look at
5:14
Speaker 1: a breakup as your prime opportunity to completely refresh and
5:18
Speaker 1: revamp your life, because it gives you a chance to
5:22
Speaker 1: be like it doesn't have to be this way. And ideally,
5:27
Speaker 1: if you're in a relationship, you should still be able
5:29
Speaker 1: to live your life exactly how you want to live it, regardless.
5:32
Speaker 1: There might be a few compromises here and there because
5:34
Speaker 1: you might live together whatever.
5:35
Speaker 2: But ideally you should already be able to do this.
5:37
Speaker 1: But a breakup, it's kind of like I've got no
5:39
Speaker 1: one to answer to. I've got no one that I
5:41
Speaker 1: really have to factor in that much into my life.
5:44
Speaker 1: This could be a time where I dive headfirst into
5:47
Speaker 1: self discovery and really figuring out what it is. I
5:50
Speaker 1: have more time up my sleeve, that's for sure, because
5:53
Speaker 1: just by default, you're likely going to have more time.
5:56
Speaker 1: When you're not dedicating it to a partner. You've got
5:59
Speaker 1: more time to do things on your own, which means explore, explore, explore,
6:04
Speaker 1: So that explore can be a whole bunch of different things.
6:08
Speaker 1: It could be I'm going to start different hobbies. I'm
6:11
Speaker 1: going to start a different morning routine. I'm going to start,
6:14
Speaker 1: you know, like, for example, today I started doing something
6:16
Speaker 1: and it's just the coolest thing ever, and I'm going
6:18
Speaker 1: to try and like see it through for the whole year,
6:21
Speaker 1: even into winter. But today, I've been saying for the
6:23
Speaker 1: last couple of weeks, i want to wake up and
6:25
Speaker 1: go to Bronti Beach and do an ocean swim. I
6:28
Speaker 1: don't even live that far from the beach, It's like
6:29
Speaker 1: a fifteen minute drive. So I spoke to my two
6:34
Speaker 1: friends Luke and Aston, and I'm like, let's go. I'm
6:36
Speaker 1: going to pick you up in the morning. Let's fucking go.
6:37
Speaker 1: So this morning, woke up, got in the car, picked
6:40
Speaker 1: them up. We went to Bronti Beach and we went
6:42
Speaker 1: for two ocean dips. It was freezing, it was amazing.
6:46
Speaker 1: There were so many people out exercising, swimming, whatever. And
6:49
Speaker 1: that tiny little change in my morning routine, just an
6:52
Speaker 1: ocean dip.
6:53
Speaker 2: And for you, it doesn't have to be that commit anything.
6:55
Speaker 1: Has set me off in the best like I'm talking
6:59
Speaker 1: about because I'm often yeah, I'm in a good mood, whatever,
7:01
Speaker 1: but elation, elation because I did something for myself.
7:04
Speaker 2: I felt fucking good. I was like, oh my god.
7:07
Speaker 1: And I thought this and I haven't even read this
7:08
Speaker 1: question yet, but I thought, if I was going through
7:10
Speaker 1: a breakup, this is what I fucking do. I would
7:13
Speaker 1: go out of my way to make my mornings mine.
7:16
Speaker 1: I would own my fucking mornings and whatever that looks like.
7:19
Speaker 1: You might be like, well, that's not really my vibe
7:21
Speaker 1: to take a dip in the ocean, or I don't
7:23
Speaker 1: live near a body of water, so that's not gonna
7:25
Speaker 1: be possible for me. But you might be like, from
7:27
Speaker 1: now on, I'm gonna have no TV, no news playing, nothing,
7:30
Speaker 1: I'm gonna wake up, make myself a tea, sit on
7:33
Speaker 1: the balcony or sit on my couch, light a candle,
7:37
Speaker 1: read a book. I'm gonna shut everything else out and
7:40
Speaker 1: just focus on me. Then I'm going to go for
7:42
Speaker 1: a walk, maybe have a coffee, and like the whole
7:45
Speaker 1: first hour of the day, You've just completely transformed it
7:48
Speaker 1: to your own thing. If you want to take it
7:50
Speaker 1: to the next level, and you have the resources and
7:52
Speaker 1: the funds, fucking do a trip, go away for a trip,
7:56
Speaker 1: move countries. But that's extreme behavior. That's something I did,
8:00
Speaker 1: but love that so much for you. But what I'm
8:02
Speaker 1: saying is, how can you rebrand yourself? Because right now,
8:08
Speaker 1: and we don't mean to, but when we're in a relationship,
8:10
Speaker 1: we think I'm with this person, part of my identity.
8:13
Speaker 1: Is this my partner and my relationship. Then when they leave,
8:17
Speaker 1: it's a void. So now you're like, I'm sad girl.
8:20
Speaker 1: It's sad girl Sundays here, and I'm fucking that's now
8:23
Speaker 1: my identity. So now I need to rebrand who am I?
8:26
Speaker 1: Who do I want to be? And once I've identified
8:28
Speaker 1: who I want.
8:29
Speaker 2: To be, who do I look up to? And why?
8:31
Speaker 1: What are traits that these people have that I really
8:34
Speaker 1: admire or aspire to, and why what value would that
8:38
Speaker 1: bring me if I had that? And then now you
8:40
Speaker 1: identify what that looks like and then think, well, what
8:43
Speaker 1: can I be doing in my day to day that
8:45
Speaker 1: would kind of align with what these people do that
8:47
Speaker 1: I look up to things that make you independent, things
8:51
Speaker 1: where you really value yourself and put yourself first, like
8:53
Speaker 1: time alone, doing really nice things for yourself, things that
8:56
Speaker 1: maybe pull you out of the comfort zone, like a
8:57
Speaker 1: cold ocean swim. Other thing that I need you to do.
9:01
Speaker 1: I need you to set yourself some random goal that
9:06
Speaker 1: is not linked to money, that is not linked to esthetics,
9:09
Speaker 1: that is not but it's personal. It's this personal. If
9:12
Speaker 1: I achieve this, I'd prove this to myself.
9:14
Speaker 2: It'd be the biggest show of self love.
9:16
Speaker 1: So, whether that be a physical thing like signing up
9:19
Speaker 1: for a marathon or a half marathon or a ten
9:20
Speaker 1: k run and it's like I am committing. Whether it
9:23
Speaker 1: be like a mental thing like I'm going to do
9:27
Speaker 1: this course and I'm going to finish it and it's
9:28
Speaker 1: going to be epic, whatever it is. But I want
9:30
Speaker 1: you to give yourself a task that is one of
9:33
Speaker 1: the best things you can do. When you've gone through
9:34
Speaker 1: a breakup, because not only is it distracting, it's feeding
9:37
Speaker 1: your brain and your mind. So it's healthy distraction, not
9:40
Speaker 1: one where you spiral. You're really like switching off and
9:43
Speaker 1: switching on to another task. But it is demonstrating commitment
9:47
Speaker 1: to yourself and a crazy amount of growth. You are growing, growing, growing.
9:50
Speaker 1: Do you know how many people I follow that have
9:52
Speaker 1: been dumped and then are signing up to do half
9:54
Speaker 1: marathons or marathons and it is changing their lives, changing
9:58
Speaker 1: their lives. Actually hit up this goal in the U.
10:00
Speaker 1: She unfortunately never like replied, but I'm still got hopes
10:03
Speaker 1: that she will because this really cool chick in the
10:05
Speaker 1: UK and she had this really bad breakup and then
10:08
Speaker 1: she's like signing up to become a like she's fully
10:11
Speaker 1: become a runner and running and running and running, and
10:13
Speaker 1: you see her change throughout all her videos. She's like
10:15
Speaker 1: crying and all the videos of it, and then she
10:17
Speaker 1: just evolved. The evolution is wild. Anyway, that's a huge
10:21
Speaker 1: reply to this, but so much you can do. Take
10:24
Speaker 1: it all on board. So fucking important. Now, next question,
10:29
Speaker 1: how can I base confidence on inner strength and not
10:32
Speaker 1: on the opinion of others, So put it like put
10:37
Speaker 1: extremely Basically, if you find that most of your confidence
10:41
Speaker 1: derives from the opinions of others or people complimenting you, whatever,
10:46
Speaker 1: you're likely going to find that you're not really satisfied
10:50
Speaker 1: with who you are as a person. You probably put
10:53
Speaker 1: yourself down, or you might be a perfectionist, or you're
10:56
Speaker 1: not very confident in who you are. You're not really
10:58
Speaker 1: thrilled with the person that presents themselves to other people.
11:03
Speaker 1: You might want to change a lot of things. You've
11:05
Speaker 1: got a level of dissatisfaction with yourself or with your life.
11:08
Speaker 2: And the reason I say that is because when you
11:11
Speaker 2: are really legitimately.
11:12
Speaker 1: Happy with who you are, with yourself, with what you've achieved,
11:16
Speaker 1: with where you're headed with your journey, with all these things,
11:20
Speaker 1: then other people's opinions just feel like the cherry on top.
11:23
Speaker 1: But it's not a need. Don't get me wrong. When
11:25
Speaker 1: someone sends me a nice message and when someone gives
11:27
Speaker 1: me a compliment, I fucking love it. Okay, I'm not
11:30
Speaker 1: a robot, of course I love it, love it, but
11:33
Speaker 1: it's the cherry on top, and if I didn't get it,
11:37
Speaker 1: I wouldn't seek it. Okay, I think that's the most
11:40
Speaker 1: important thing.
11:40
Speaker 2: You've got to ask yourself.
11:41
Speaker 1: It's because I don't want everyone to think I can't
11:44
Speaker 1: like compliments. It's got to all come from me, because
11:46
Speaker 1: that's bullshit and that's just not true. And everyone likes
11:48
Speaker 1: to get, you know, words of afformation from other people,
11:50
Speaker 1: and we like other people to like us. That's kind
11:52
Speaker 1: of instinctively built in us anyway. So you shouldn't be
11:55
Speaker 1: thriving to like or striving to never want that or
11:59
Speaker 1: seek that at all. It's just is this the only
12:02
Speaker 1: way I get validation? That's when it becomes a problem.
12:05
Speaker 1: You should ask yourself if I don't get validation from
12:07
Speaker 1: other people, and it's just neutral, it's not like I
12:09
Speaker 1: get negative things. If I just don't get validated from
12:12
Speaker 1: other people today, does.
12:13
Speaker 2: It ruin my day?
12:14
Speaker 1: And if the answer is yes, then you probably aren't
12:17
Speaker 1: happy with who you are enough that just how you
12:20
Speaker 1: live your life validates yourself. Because mind you, you also
12:23
Speaker 1: don't have to sit there and give yourself positive affirmations
12:26
Speaker 1: every single day in order to validate yourself. I don't
12:28
Speaker 1: have to sit there and say I'm so smart, I'm
12:31
Speaker 1: so this, I'm sorry that I am verbally validating myself.
12:34
Speaker 1: Your self validation comes through your behavior, your character, how
12:38
Speaker 1: you act, how you prioritize yourself. If you behave in
12:42
Speaker 1: a way where you put yourself first, like alone time,
12:47
Speaker 1: striving towards a goal, growth, connection purpose, those three pillars
12:52
Speaker 1: that I say, the three pillars of happiness, growth, connection purpose.
12:56
Speaker 1: If I'm striving to all these things every day, even
12:58
Speaker 1: if it's tiny, minuscule little things, that is validating. It
13:04
Speaker 1: doesn't have to come from my language. Because I've seen
13:07
Speaker 1: myself growing, I start to like myself. I start to
13:09
Speaker 1: love myself. I start to notice that all these actions
13:12
Speaker 1: equal respect, It equals I've got to start putting myself
13:15
Speaker 1: first in certain areas, and then I start feeling really good,
13:18
Speaker 1: and then I do more of the same, and like
13:20
Speaker 1: attracts like, and then I start doing more behaviors that
13:22
Speaker 1: feed my soul. And then because I feel better, I
13:24
Speaker 1: want to do it more. And then I want to
13:26
Speaker 1: be useful and I want to help other people. And
13:27
Speaker 1: my actions validate me and I can go through a
13:32
Speaker 1: whole day without someone complimenting me and feel really fucking
13:36
Speaker 1: good about myself. So you've got to So the question was,
13:40
Speaker 1: how do I base confidence on inner strength. You got
13:43
Speaker 1: to ask yourself, why am I not satisfied with my life?
13:47
Speaker 2: Am I?
13:48
Speaker 1: Is there areas that I could be doing more? Am
13:50
Speaker 1: I putting myself bottom of the barrel? Do I always
13:53
Speaker 1: put other people ahead of me? Because I do seek
13:55
Speaker 1: that validation, but it's really not serving me anymore? What
13:58
Speaker 1: can I be doing myself? And again back to the
14:01
Speaker 1: old the question prior to this and this one, set
14:04
Speaker 1: yourself some sort of goal, set yourself some target where
14:07
Speaker 1: you're seeing growth?
14:08
Speaker 2: Are you connecting? Do you feel connected?
14:10
Speaker 1: And it doesn't have to be with other people, but
14:12
Speaker 1: ideally yes, But like with your pet with the earth?
14:15
Speaker 1: Can I go for the swim? Can I go for
14:16
Speaker 1: the run? Can I do whatever? How am I feeling
14:19
Speaker 1: switched on? Connected and present in the moment?
14:21
Speaker 2: Okay?
14:22
Speaker 1: All these little tiny things start to grow your relationship
14:26
Speaker 1: with yourself in a really positive way. None of it
14:29
Speaker 1: is linked to anything esthetic, and none of it is
14:31
Speaker 1: linked to needing approval of other.
14:33
Speaker 2: People for you to know that you're good enough.
14:35
Speaker 1: Because ultimately, when you seek approval from other people, it
14:39
Speaker 1: is am I good enough?
14:40
Speaker 2: Yes?
14:40
Speaker 1: I am Okay? Now I can breathe easy, and that
14:43
Speaker 1: lasts how long? Not fucking long and for some people
14:46
Speaker 1: very very little amount of time.
14:48
Speaker 2: And then you do it again, so then the cycle
14:50
Speaker 2: repeats itself.
14:51
Speaker 1: You start to doubt yourself and my good Oh yep okay,
14:52
Speaker 1: I got yep okay good, I'm good enough, I'm good
14:55
Speaker 1: And the problem is, it's a vicious circle that feeds itself.
14:57
Speaker 1: If I keep asking myself, or if I keep thinking
15:01
Speaker 1: that I need other people's approval in order to feel good,
15:04
Speaker 1: then I'm reinforcing that that's the only way that I
15:07
Speaker 1: can get approval, and that's the only way that I
15:08
Speaker 1: can feel that I'm good enough. So if anything, you
15:11
Speaker 1: want to think, how can I seek that out? Less
15:14
Speaker 1: Like if someone wants to fucking come up to me
15:16
Speaker 1: and give me a compliment, that's fantastic, but how do
15:19
Speaker 1: I not seek it? I will allow it and welcome
15:22
Speaker 1: it wholeheartedly. But I want to seek my own approval
15:24
Speaker 1: by doing things for myself while I'm prioritizing myself, and
15:27
Speaker 1: that will start to change the game. And I've got
15:29
Speaker 1: many podcasts on self love, self confidence, all of that,
15:32
Speaker 1: So dive deep into all those episodes to get a deeper,
15:35
Speaker 1: step by step thing of what you should be doing.
15:37
Speaker 2: But ultimately that's what it comes down to.
16:00
Speaker 1: Now, someone said, how do I regain my confidence after
16:03
Speaker 1: gaining weight? And I'm unhappy now with how I look
16:06
Speaker 1: while I'm working out. So if you're this is specifically
16:11
Speaker 1: to weight gain and weight loss and your relationship with
16:14
Speaker 1: your body. I feel like when it comes to losing weight,
16:18
Speaker 1: a lot of it comes from this kind of negativity
16:22
Speaker 1: to our body and around how we look, how we
16:25
Speaker 1: look in the mirror, how we look when we do
16:27
Speaker 1: certain things. I don't like how my clothes look on
16:29
Speaker 1: me anymore. And then we start this like crazy heavy,
16:33
Speaker 1: like really loaded narrative around our appearance, which then we
16:37
Speaker 1: automatically tie into our value as a human.
16:40
Speaker 2: You know, there's a lot of and not just us.
16:42
Speaker 2: You're not crazy.
16:43
Speaker 1: There's so much value placed on physical appearance in this world,
16:47
Speaker 1: whether we like it or not. That's just a fact.
16:49
Speaker 1: So it's really hard to pull the two apart. Okay,
16:52
Speaker 1: But what we have to realize is we can't control
16:57
Speaker 1: society or the media or whatever all of that. We
17:00
Speaker 1: can only control what's going on between our ears in
17:03
Speaker 1: our head.
17:03
Speaker 2: Okay, that's where the power is.
17:05
Speaker 1: So you've got to start to ask yourself, Okay, given
17:08
Speaker 1: that you know I've turned my negative language about my
17:11
Speaker 1: parents to be a negative about who I am, I
17:13
Speaker 1: can also do things to turn that around. Okay, Yes,
17:17
Speaker 1: with language, but I think more so with behavior, because
17:21
Speaker 1: language and affirmations. For a lot of people, it's really
17:24
Speaker 1: hard for an affirmation to feel believable when they feel.
17:27
Speaker 2: So shit about themselves.
17:28
Speaker 1: Okay, because I can guarantee you, and this is the
17:32
Speaker 1: funny thing about external comments, they only feel good when
17:35
Speaker 1: they align with exactly what you want. Because if you're
17:37
Speaker 1: unhappy with your body right now, and someone comes up
17:39
Speaker 1: to you and says, yeah, but you look so great.
17:41
Speaker 1: I love your body. I think you look great, you're
17:43
Speaker 1: gonna be like, yeah, that's nice. Two seconds later you're like,
17:45
Speaker 1: I don't like how I look. Okay, because at the
17:47
Speaker 1: end of the day, we have to believe what we
17:49
Speaker 1: say to ourselves ultimately, Okay.
17:53
Speaker 2: So what I.
17:53
Speaker 1: Would do is, you've got to look at how you're
17:56
Speaker 1: structuring your goals. And I think I mentioned this not
17:59
Speaker 1: that long ago in an episode, but it's this idea
18:01
Speaker 1: of am I running away from something or am I
18:04
Speaker 1: running towards something? And often when it comes to our
18:06
Speaker 1: negative appearance, about our negative opinions about our appearance. We
18:10
Speaker 1: are running away from a body, a look, or whatever
18:14
Speaker 1: that we don't like. So that comes in the form
18:16
Speaker 1: of I'm going to train really hard. I don't like
18:18
Speaker 1: how I look. I'm punishing myself. I don't like it,
18:20
Speaker 1: and you're kind of living in this. It's quite a
18:23
Speaker 1: negative thing. So while you're technically thinking, well, I'm working out,
18:25
Speaker 1: I'm doing all the things that I need to be doing,
18:27
Speaker 1: while am I not feeling better? Because people say working
18:29
Speaker 1: out makes you feel good, But if the premise around
18:31
Speaker 1: working out is because you're angry or annoyed at how
18:34
Speaker 1: you look or you're disappointed, that's all going to be tainted,
18:37
Speaker 1: very tainted experience. And then you're reinforcing this like I
18:41
Speaker 1: don't look good enough, I am not good enough. So instead,
18:45
Speaker 1: when you train, I want you to change up how
18:48
Speaker 1: you train, and I want you to start setting yourself
18:50
Speaker 1: some goals in your physical, goals in your training. We're
18:54
Speaker 1: no longer running away from a body type we don't like,
18:56
Speaker 1: or a look or an esthetic that we are currently
18:59
Speaker 1: living in that we don't like, because that's just going
19:01
Speaker 1: to fuel more of this unhealthy language towards yourself. Instead,
19:04
Speaker 1: I want you to think, Okay, that's all well and good.
19:07
Speaker 1: I want to lose weight. Fine, I've established that, but
19:08
Speaker 1: I'm not focusing on that anymore. I'm going to move
19:11
Speaker 1: my body in a way that really fucking excites me.
19:13
Speaker 2: So pick a physical goal, and it's going to be scalable.
19:15
Speaker 1: It's different to everyone, but you could say, I don't
19:18
Speaker 1: know what your finness level is, but this is we're
19:20
Speaker 1: just talking in general here. I want to be able
19:22
Speaker 1: to do ten full body push ups with no rest.
19:25
Speaker 1: That's a big that's hard, right, five full body push ups.
19:28
Speaker 1: I want to be able to run five k's. I
19:30
Speaker 1: want to be able to squat x amount of weight.
19:32
Speaker 1: I want to be able to do a full spin
19:34
Speaker 1: class without resting at any point.
19:36
Speaker 2: I want to be able.
19:37
Speaker 1: All these things that I've just mentioned are things that
19:40
Speaker 1: you can work towards. They're scalable. You can change the
19:44
Speaker 1: goalpost and then you can keep increasing. Once I've done ten,
19:46
Speaker 1: I want to now do fifteen push ups, or I
19:48
Speaker 1: want to do ten with a plate on my back,
19:50
Speaker 1: or I want to learn how to do one strict
19:52
Speaker 1: pull up, or whatever I can tell you for sure.
19:55
Speaker 1: When you start, they're all measurable, and that's the beautiful
19:59
Speaker 1: measurable goal because you can measure your progress. And when
20:02
Speaker 1: you can measure your progress, you are seeing improvements, you
20:05
Speaker 1: are seeing growth. There is nothing better, there's no better
20:10
Speaker 1: feeling than tracking your own progress and seeing some kind
20:14
Speaker 1: of a result. It is the best and it's the
20:17
Speaker 1: best kind of feeling because it makes you feel good
20:19
Speaker 1: about you. And then you start to notice the difference
20:23
Speaker 1: between Oh, I have to like what I see in
20:25
Speaker 1: the mirror, and I'm always tearing myself apart versus I
20:28
Speaker 1: like me, I like who I am. It's okay to
20:31
Speaker 1: be like, Ah, probably don't look great at that outfit.
20:34
Speaker 1: I think I look better in this outfit or whatever.
20:35
Speaker 1: We're all gonna have a level of critiquing that goes on.
20:38
Speaker 1: We all do. And mind you, this goes on no
20:40
Speaker 1: matter what body type you are. You might look at
20:43
Speaker 1: someone and think they have the dream body type, and
20:44
Speaker 1: I can guarantee you that they have kind of thoughts
20:47
Speaker 1: of like I look good in this, I don't look
20:48
Speaker 1: good in that. But we're focusing on how am I looking,
20:51
Speaker 1: how do I feel?
20:52
Speaker 2: I feel good about myself?
20:53
Speaker 1: So now you're running towards a goal. I'm running towards
20:57
Speaker 1: this thing I can measure my oh my god. And
20:58
Speaker 1: the beauty about this kind of goal is that when
21:01
Speaker 1: you hit that milestone, you've then already set the next
21:04
Speaker 1: goal already, So then you're like, better, now I'm aiming
21:07
Speaker 1: for this, and now I'm aiming for that. And before
21:09
Speaker 1: you know it, you were so invested not just in
21:12
Speaker 1: your goal but in you. Because you're happy, you associate
21:15
Speaker 1: that training session with like, fuck, I'm getting strong. This
21:18
Speaker 1: is so fucking excited. Maybe I'm going to sign up
21:19
Speaker 1: for this now I've met all these people in this
21:21
Speaker 1: NA and then it just turns into this whole new
21:24
Speaker 1: awareness that you have for yourself.
21:26
Speaker 2: It's very exciting. Versus I'm going to crash diet.
21:29
Speaker 1: I'm gonna hate my body while I'm doing I'm going
21:31
Speaker 1: to train like a dog because I'm punishing my body.
21:33
Speaker 2: I hate, hate, hate hatte.
21:34
Speaker 1: Now I've gotten to the weight that I wanted to
21:36
Speaker 1: get at, but now I've got self loathing.
21:38
Speaker 2: Now what's next to pick apart? Now? What? Now?
21:40
Speaker 1: What?
21:40
Speaker 2: Now? What? Turn it around? I'm going to start running
21:44
Speaker 2: towards things.
21:45
Speaker 1: And the beauty about this goal that you're running towards
21:47
Speaker 1: is that fitness overall fitness, physical health, and if you
21:51
Speaker 1: want to lose weight, weight loss is going to be
21:53
Speaker 1: just a byproduct of that goal that you've got set
21:56
Speaker 1: for yourself.
21:57
Speaker 2: Okay, so that's what I would do in that scenario. Okay,
22:01
Speaker 2: another question, how to get rid of negative self talk?
22:06
Speaker 2: I think the number one thing you want to focus
22:08
Speaker 2: on here is not about I've got to eliminate I've
22:10
Speaker 2: got to get rid, because then you're focusing on I can't,
22:14
Speaker 2: I can't, I stop, I can't, I can't, and we
22:17
Speaker 2: almost were trying to avoid it and then it crops up.
22:20
Speaker 2: It's almost like we make it bigger in our heads
22:23
Speaker 2: than what it is.
22:24
Speaker 1: So instead of thinking I've got to eliminate it altogether,
22:28
Speaker 1: you want to say, I want to get really good
22:30
Speaker 1: at intercepting my negative thoughts. I want you to realize
22:34
Speaker 1: that even the most confident people, who are genuinely confident,
22:37
Speaker 1: not even putting it on, but confident people, people that
22:40
Speaker 1: are happy with themselves, happy with their journey, happy with
22:43
Speaker 1: a lot, will likely still engage in some level of
22:46
Speaker 1: negative self talk, you know, or they'll be like, oh,
22:49
Speaker 1: today was a shit dare I did nothing like Negative
22:51
Speaker 1: self talk I think occurs in ninety nine point nine
22:54
Speaker 1: percent of people. But for some it's stabilitating, and for
22:57
Speaker 1: others they take it into strand and they're like, ah what,
22:59
Speaker 1: and they just really know how to intercept it relatively quickly.
23:02
Speaker 1: So I think that should be your goal. Instead, we're
23:05
Speaker 1: not trying to get rid. We understand that our mind
23:08
Speaker 1: is very complicated. There's so much information coming in all
23:11
Speaker 1: the time. There's going to be things that we take
23:13
Speaker 1: on subconsciously and consciously.
23:15
Speaker 2: So we're not trying to get rid here.
23:16
Speaker 1: Let's make it a whole lot easier for us. Let's
23:18
Speaker 1: just learn how to intercept. Now, I want you to
23:20
Speaker 1: think of, what are a few things that I can
23:22
Speaker 1: say to myself when I intercept this, or a few
23:26
Speaker 1: things that I can think of when I intercept this
23:30
Speaker 1: negative self talk. So certain things can be statements that
23:33
Speaker 1: you make to yourself. So say you have a negative
23:35
Speaker 1: comment about your body. You could be like, yeah, but
23:38
Speaker 1: I also achieve this, and I've done this, and I've
23:40
Speaker 1: done this, so overall I'm doing fucking well and then
23:43
Speaker 1: you move on to the next thing. So some of
23:45
Speaker 1: them could be statements that you say to yourself. If
23:48
Speaker 1: you say, oh, I'm such a failure, then you think, no,
23:51
Speaker 1: I might have failed at that, but.
23:52
Speaker 2: I also did really well at that. Remember that time
23:54
Speaker 2: that I achieved that thing. Remember this, Remember that, and
23:56
Speaker 2: then it starts to even. And the reason for this
23:59
Speaker 2: is there's two reasons.
24:00
Speaker 1: Number one, you actually are counter counteracting that thought, so
24:04
Speaker 1: every negative thought you bring in three positive ones and
24:06
Speaker 1: then you start to like really come down. But then
24:07
Speaker 1: the other second really important reason, and this is linked
24:10
Speaker 1: to this name entertainment thing, is that you also end
24:13
Speaker 1: up using a different.
24:15
Speaker 2: Part of the brain.
24:16
Speaker 1: Negative self talk is often automatic, subconscious and emotional. So
24:21
Speaker 1: this is coming from like a fear based thing of
24:23
Speaker 1: like like you're not good enough, or don't go and
24:26
Speaker 1: do that, you're taking too much risks, give up, don't
24:28
Speaker 1: do that. Like it's very few based. That's this name entertainment.
24:32
Speaker 1: You become aware of the negative thought, and then you
24:35
Speaker 1: bring in your more logical part of the brain, the
24:38
Speaker 1: logical mind, to intercept it, being like, don't be so dramatic.
24:41
Speaker 2: You might have failed at that one thing, or you
24:43
Speaker 2: might but look at all these other good things.
24:44
Speaker 1: But you will instantly feel calmer because You've now got
24:48
Speaker 1: the prefrontal cortex, your like executive function. You're forward planning
24:52
Speaker 1: your logical part of the brain, intercepting and telling the
24:56
Speaker 1: fear based centers of the brain basil ganglia Migdaler saying sure,
25:00
Speaker 1: can't shush all right, shut it, I'm taking over.
25:05
Speaker 2: Let's be a bit more logical, and you just feel better.
25:08
Speaker 2: You just feel better.
25:10
Speaker 1: Maybe not one hundred percent, but you've talked yourself down
25:12
Speaker 1: off the ledge to an extent. Another thing that you
25:15
Speaker 1: can do as well is what I call I haven't
25:17
Speaker 1: spoken about this in so long, but it's such a
25:18
Speaker 1: good tool. A circuit breaker. Okay, So a circuit breaker
25:23
Speaker 1: is a set of tools in your arsenal that you
25:27
Speaker 1: can use to turn your mood around. So I've intercepted
25:32
Speaker 1: the thought I've noticed negative self talk. Cool, intercepted with
25:35
Speaker 1: some statements cool. Now what's my mood? What's my circuit
25:38
Speaker 1: breaker going to be? Is it a playlist? And you've
25:40
Speaker 1: got to be so specific on that playlist. There can't
25:43
Speaker 1: be any doom and gloom, sad girl summer songs. It's
25:45
Speaker 1: got to be like fucking yes, like a playlist where
25:50
Speaker 1: it's just the best of the best Bangers Or is
25:53
Speaker 1: it going to be a little album in my photos
25:56
Speaker 1: section of my phone of just really funny videos and
26:00
Speaker 1: quotes or is it whatever? It is whatever, or like,
26:03
Speaker 1: I've got a section in my notes.
26:06
Speaker 2: This is such a good section, mind you.
26:08
Speaker 1: It's a section in my notes and it's really funny
26:10
Speaker 1: quotes that all my friends have said where they've slipped
26:13
Speaker 1: up on something or said something that they didn't meant
26:15
Speaker 1: to say and whatever. And it's hysterical. I'm talking hysterical
26:18
Speaker 1: if I'm ever like ah, if I open that notesapp
26:21
Speaker 1: I by the time I close it, I'm in tears
26:24
Speaker 1: of laughter. And I've likely also texted someone being like
26:27
Speaker 1: lol la la, l'l remember the time that so and
26:30
Speaker 1: so I said this, is that you said this and whatever?
26:32
Speaker 1: And I'm elated by the end of reading through those things.
26:36
Speaker 1: It just brings back all these memories. It's very visceral,
26:39
Speaker 1: very emotional in a positive way, and all of a sudden,
26:42
Speaker 1: I'm not thinking about this negative self talk that I had.
26:45
Speaker 1: So use those tools and you'll be amazed at Yeah,
26:48
Speaker 1: negative self talk will come into your life, and especially
26:52
Speaker 1: for some people that they engage in all the time,
26:53
Speaker 1: probably quite regularly at the start, but it fades off
26:57
Speaker 1: quite quickly.
26:58
Speaker 2: It's really nice, It's really nice. Okay.
27:02
Speaker 1: Next, someone said, this is a very good question. How
27:08
Speaker 1: do I release attachment from past versions of myself?
27:12
Speaker 2: That is very good question.
27:14
Speaker 1: So when you are attached to past versions of yourself,
27:18
Speaker 1: you are telling yourself that that old me still serves me.
27:23
Speaker 1: Because we don't do things for no reason. We're not morons, Okay.
27:28
Speaker 1: The reason we do things is because we either feel protected,
27:31
Speaker 1: makes us feel safe, we think that it's a smart decision,
27:34
Speaker 1: we get something from it, We gain from it in
27:38
Speaker 1: some way, even if it's just this false sense of
27:40
Speaker 1: security that if you were to break down it might
27:42
Speaker 1: not give me. But you're not doing something for no reason.
27:45
Speaker 1: So when you're attached to your past, it is likely
27:48
Speaker 1: an attachment because it represents some level of security, knowing
27:53
Speaker 1: it's the devil that I know at least consistency, safety.
28:00
Speaker 2: Whatever it is.
28:02
Speaker 1: So firstly, I want you to identify what aspects of
28:05
Speaker 1: my old self am I holding on to and why
28:09
Speaker 1: is it so difficult to let go off? Because, as
28:12
Speaker 1: I think most of us realize, the more you hold
28:15
Speaker 1: onto your old self and your old traits and your
28:17
Speaker 1: old whatever. The harder it is to then like break
28:20
Speaker 1: through and let go because you're kind of hoarding and
28:23
Speaker 1: you're like, no, it's going to be scary, and the
28:25
Speaker 1: more you clutch onto it, you're unable to let go
28:27
Speaker 1: and detach, and then you reinforce that changing and doing
28:31
Speaker 1: something you is bad. It's negative, it's not helpful, it's
28:34
Speaker 1: not good. Okay, So that is number one that you've
28:38
Speaker 1: got to think about why we're doing what we're doing.
28:40
Speaker 1: Another thing that's really going to help you change from
28:42
Speaker 1: your old self to your new self is start by
28:44
Speaker 1: changing the external and then it's going to be a
28:47
Speaker 1: little bit easier to change the internal.
28:50
Speaker 2: So what can you do with your physical things?
28:52
Speaker 1: Even if it's like I don't want to throw anything out,
28:54
Speaker 1: I don't have anything to throw out, that's okay. Can
28:57
Speaker 1: I change up how my house is set up? Can
29:00
Speaker 1: I like streamline if possible, tidy up whatever. If you
29:03
Speaker 1: start to update your physical surroundings with the resources that
29:08
Speaker 1: you have. Some people are going to have way more
29:10
Speaker 1: resources than other people, and that doesn't matter. But wherever
29:13
Speaker 1: you can update, rearrange, change this little style here, change
29:17
Speaker 1: how I do this, Change how I approach this whatever.
29:19
Speaker 1: Then you're going to start to be like, wow, I'm
29:21
Speaker 1: really coming into my own I'm really leveling up as
29:23
Speaker 1: a different person. And then you start realizing how nice
29:26
Speaker 1: that feels. And then you're like, Okay, now I'm starting
29:29
Speaker 1: to be able to let go off things from my
29:30
Speaker 1: past self, and the past self could be habits that
29:34
Speaker 1: you've been into, relationships that you've been able to have
29:37
Speaker 1: been unable to let go off, whether it's romantic or
29:40
Speaker 1: even friendships. You start to feel a lot bolder because
29:45
Speaker 1: the most important thing to remember is sometimes the new
29:48
Speaker 1: things that you want in your life are actually cock
29:51
Speaker 1: blocked by holding onto the old things that you are
29:54
Speaker 1: just clutching onto and cannot fathom letting go of. Okay,
29:59
Speaker 1: so it's so important to be like, I need to
30:01
Speaker 1: start changing because many little things around me. So I
30:03
Speaker 1: start feeling that change is good. And once I associate
30:06
Speaker 1: change as being a good thing, a beneficial thing, then
30:09
Speaker 1: I start to realize I actually don't need that anymore.
30:11
Speaker 1: It's so not necessary. I've actually outgrown it. I've got
30:14
Speaker 1: to shed that skin.
30:15
Speaker 2: Okay.
30:15
Speaker 1: But if you sit there and think of this perfect
30:18
Speaker 1: new life that you want to have, it's clear in
30:20
Speaker 1: your mind, but nothing's changing at all in your internal
30:23
Speaker 1: and external.
30:24
Speaker 2: Then it's like where do I start, Where do I
30:25
Speaker 2: take the leap? How do I shake it off? Okay, okay,
30:28
Speaker 2: two more questions.
30:29
Speaker 1: Somebody wrote how to be confident actually asking a guy
30:33
Speaker 1: out when you're not sure if the feelings are mutual.
30:37
Speaker 2: That's such a good question.
30:38
Speaker 1: And I think the way you have to frame it,
30:41
Speaker 1: You've got to frame it as I am never ever
30:45
Speaker 1: going to get this time back, and as hard as
30:48
Speaker 1: it is, and as not confident as I'm going to feel,
30:51
Speaker 1: because you probably won't feel that confident. I consider myself
30:54
Speaker 1: a very confident person. But if I had to ask someone, hey,
30:57
Speaker 1: do you want to go out? And I thought that
30:58
Speaker 1: maybe they didn't like me, I can guarantee you shitting
31:00
Speaker 1: myself as well. I think there's a lot of people,
31:02
Speaker 1: even when confident, that would be very nervous to do
31:04
Speaker 1: something like that because it's a scary thing. No One,
31:06
Speaker 1: you don't want to get rejected by the person that
31:08
Speaker 1: you like, So don't feel bad for not feeling confident
31:10
Speaker 1: for doing that.
31:10
Speaker 2: Number one, that's so fair. I'd be like sco like
31:14
Speaker 2: fucking yah, avoid avoid avoid.
31:17
Speaker 1: Okay, so that's fair, But you've got to think what
31:20
Speaker 1: is the most important thing for me If you want
31:23
Speaker 1: a relationship in your life, Stop telling yourself I want
31:26
Speaker 1: a relationship with that person, because then you'll you'll waste time,
31:31
Speaker 1: you will avoid seeing the truths. You will be like, oh,
31:34
Speaker 1: make excuses for why you need to string it along
31:36
Speaker 1: or drag it along or not us in the difficult
31:38
Speaker 1: question or this, or because you're fixated on this person
31:40
Speaker 1: instead thinking I want a really healthy relationship with the
31:43
Speaker 1: person that is like and you tick off all the boxes,
31:47
Speaker 1: or like you list off all the things, being like,
31:50
Speaker 1: you know someone that I can be spontaneous with, someone
31:52
Speaker 1: with great band or someone who's really securing themselves other
31:54
Speaker 1: So you create an idea of what kind of person
31:56
Speaker 1: you want to be in love with, and number one
31:58
Speaker 1: most important thing, who loves me back, who's into me,
32:02
Speaker 1: who like sings my praises in front of other people,
32:05
Speaker 1: who's fucking there's that?
32:07
Speaker 2: And who I feel the same way about them.
32:08
Speaker 1: So now you've got a really good idea of who
32:10
Speaker 1: you want as a concept of a person, it's no
32:14
Speaker 1: longer that fixating. You can still have feelings to this
32:16
Speaker 1: person you can still be in love with them, but
32:18
Speaker 1: you know that the most important thing is that because
32:20
Speaker 1: it's all well and good to be in love with someone,
32:22
Speaker 1: but at the end of the day, if they don't
32:23
Speaker 1: love you back, that is the biggest waste of your
32:25
Speaker 1: own time ever. And the more the faster you can
32:27
Speaker 1: rip the band aid, the bigger the service you're going
32:29
Speaker 1: to do for yourself. Doesn't feel like it now, but
32:31
Speaker 1: in five ten years, you're going to look back and
32:33
Speaker 1: being like, I am so proud of myself that I
32:36
Speaker 1: asked that question, because if they turn around and say
32:38
Speaker 1: they like me, fucking I'm a gun. If they then
32:40
Speaker 1: turn around and say that they actually don't like me back,
32:44
Speaker 1: I'm probably even more of a gun. Because I put
32:47
Speaker 1: myself first. I did my future self the biggest service,
32:51
Speaker 1: because I'm never gonna get time back.
32:54
Speaker 2: This time right now, you'll never get back. You have
32:57
Speaker 2: to maximize every opportunity. You've got to maximize every time.
33:01
Speaker 2: You have to put yourself first.
33:03
Speaker 1: To waste your time waiting around for someone who you
33:07
Speaker 1: don't know if they like you or not, you have
33:10
Speaker 1: to hit them between the eyes. You've got to bite
33:12
Speaker 1: the fucking bullet, and you need to ask the question
33:13
Speaker 1: because you've got to put yourself first and respect yourself
33:16
Speaker 1: and most importantly, respect your time. A commodity you will
33:19
Speaker 1: never get back. And trust me, if they don't like
33:21
Speaker 1: you back, they're not your person. They are not your person.
33:24
Speaker 1: Go listen to the episode I did with Matthew Hussey.
33:26
Speaker 1: He words it so fucking well. But basically, if the
33:31
Speaker 1: person doesn't reciprocate how you feel, they've done you a
33:33
Speaker 1: favor in making you realize they're not your person. It
33:36
Speaker 1: is impossible for someone to be your person if they
33:37
Speaker 1: don't feel the same way. So I know it's scary,
33:40
Speaker 1: but you've just got to like equip yourself with all
33:43
Speaker 1: the gumption possible and be like, I'm doing this for me.
33:46
Speaker 1: I'm doing this for me because both outcomes are going
33:49
Speaker 1: to be good. One will feel good in the moment,
33:51
Speaker 1: another one is going to feel good a little bit
33:53
Speaker 1: later on, once I've gotten over it and grieved that
33:55
Speaker 1: it's not it.
33:56
Speaker 2: But I can look back and be like, I'm a
33:58
Speaker 2: fucking gun.
33:59
Speaker 1: And confidence is going to go up as well because
34:01
Speaker 1: you're like, well, like even if they say I don't
34:03
Speaker 1: like you back, your confidence will go up because, like
34:04
Speaker 1: I did it and I didn't.
34:06
Speaker 2: I didn't dissolve, I didn't crumble. I was able to
34:08
Speaker 2: have this hard conversation and I did it for me.
34:11
Speaker 1: Okay, last co question. God, there's so many I could, like, honestly,
34:16
Speaker 1: just go on and on and on. Someone said, how
34:19
Speaker 1: to stop comparing yourself to everybody else? I think comparisons
34:25
Speaker 1: are going to happen often, even for people that are
34:30
Speaker 1: really happy with where they're at and where their life
34:33
Speaker 1: is headed. So I want you to be really strict
34:35
Speaker 1: on what kind of comparisons you're drawing, because when you
34:38
Speaker 1: compare yourself to other people sometimes it can be quite educational.
34:42
Speaker 1: You can learn a lot from that comparison, because when
34:44
Speaker 1: you initially compare yourself to someone, it initially doesn't feel good.
34:49
Speaker 1: Whether it's jealousy or whether it's a feeling of inadequacy
34:52
Speaker 1: or I'm not doing enough. It doesn't feel nice right,
34:55
Speaker 1: as we all know. But if you can intercept that thought,
34:58
Speaker 1: being like, I'm comparing myself to this person, why why?
35:02
Speaker 1: And what aspect of them? Is it their business success?
35:05
Speaker 1: Is it how they carry themselves? Is it because they're
35:08
Speaker 1: just so confident around other people? And the people gravitate
35:10
Speaker 1: to them. Is it because they've got really good style?
35:12
Speaker 1: Is it because they're rich? Is it because like they're
35:15
Speaker 1: further ahead in their career? What exactly has triggered this comparison,
35:20
Speaker 1: Because normally it's going to be one, two, or three things.
35:22
Speaker 1: It's not going to be every aspect of their life.
35:25
Speaker 1: Like with everyone that I compare myself to and think, oh, fuck,
35:29
Speaker 1: you know they're doing really well at that, or I'd
35:31
Speaker 1: love to achieve that, or I would love that, or
35:32
Speaker 1: that's really cool. I always ask myself what do I
35:35
Speaker 1: want that that person has? What's the comparison? What do
35:38
Speaker 1: I want that they have? And then it's normally around well,
35:41
Speaker 1: the success that they've got in this business, how organized
35:43
Speaker 1: they are, how they've managed to create this out of that,
35:45
Speaker 1: how they've managed this, and how they've built this, and.
35:47
Speaker 2: How a lot of it is around Korea.
35:49
Speaker 1: When I notice myself drawing these comparison, so I instantly
35:52
Speaker 1: ask myself why, and then I figure out what exactly
35:55
Speaker 1: it is that I, you know, compare myself to.
35:57
Speaker 2: But there's not one person that exists that I compare.
36:01
Speaker 1: Myself to that I would want to do a full
36:03
Speaker 1: life trade for, not one and Hopefully a lot of
36:06
Speaker 1: us feel the same way. Hopefully you're able to be like, well,
36:09
Speaker 1: I really value or envy that, or.
36:11
Speaker 2: Am jealous of that. I also don't want all this
36:13
Speaker 2: other stuff to come.
36:14
Speaker 1: I want this thing, which then helps you compartmentalize the
36:17
Speaker 1: set things.
36:18
Speaker 2: That it is that you look up to.
36:19
Speaker 1: It's not like I'm not happy with my life in general,
36:21
Speaker 1: I'm throw my whole life out just to be that
36:23
Speaker 1: person in general. No, you probably wouldn't, because think of
36:25
Speaker 1: all the relationships you have or the other things that
36:27
Speaker 1: you've achieved, there's a lot. Then once you've identified exactly
36:30
Speaker 1: what it is, then you can be like, this is
36:32
Speaker 1: a learning moment for me. Is this something that I
36:35
Speaker 1: can achieve in my life? And if the answer is yes,
36:38
Speaker 1: instead of comparing myself and feeling negative towards this person,
36:41
Speaker 1: can I use this person as inspiration? Can I instead
36:45
Speaker 1: of being like holding animosity, maybe not even to their face,
36:47
Speaker 1: but deep down being like, oh it's annoying this that,
36:50
Speaker 1: and like, you know, could you be like I really
36:53
Speaker 1: admire what they're doing and I can act this. I
36:56
Speaker 1: can really learn from this person, even if I don't
36:58
Speaker 1: know them personally. I can take less from their journey
37:01
Speaker 1: and from how they've done and I can actually, you know,
37:03
Speaker 1: use that as a benchmark of what I'd like to
37:05
Speaker 1: achieve and I can admire this, and I can. And
37:07
Speaker 1: when you start feeling positive, then you start looking at
37:10
Speaker 1: this person more like an expander. They're kind of showing
37:13
Speaker 1: you what's possible for yourself or you know, even if
37:16
Speaker 1: it's not exactly in that field, what's possible for you
37:18
Speaker 1: as far as growth in another area of your life.
37:21
Speaker 1: And you look at how they carry themselves and how
37:23
Speaker 1: they overcome things, and then you start being like, I've
37:25
Speaker 1: gone from feeling like I'm comparing feeling shit about myself
37:28
Speaker 1: to this person's whatever it is that they're achieving excites me.
37:32
Speaker 1: I actually get excited because I'm like, well, if it
37:34
Speaker 1: was possible for them, that or something similar could be
37:38
Speaker 1: possible for me. And then, you know, what you look
37:41
Speaker 1: at expands what you focus on. You know, where energy goes,
37:44
Speaker 1: energy flows, the whole thing. So you could go from
37:46
Speaker 1: like I'm shutting this person out, I feel jealous, I
37:48
Speaker 1: feel like I'm I feel bad about myself, and then
37:51
Speaker 1: you're not expanding, you're not being proactive, being reactive versus
37:55
Speaker 1: this person's now going to be.
37:56
Speaker 2: On my fucking vision board. I'm going to look up
37:58
Speaker 2: to this person.
37:59
Speaker 1: I'm going to learn from this cant. They're going to
38:01
Speaker 1: fucking teach me shit and it's going to help me.
38:04
Speaker 1: And thanks to them succeeding, I'm now able to learn more.
38:08
Speaker 1: So it's a good thing that they've succeeded, because not
38:10
Speaker 1: only have they proven that something's possible, but I'm watching
38:12
Speaker 1: them do things and I'm learning as i go.
38:14
Speaker 2: How cool is that?
38:15
Speaker 1: How cool is it that I'm around people that do
38:18
Speaker 1: well that could possibly teach me things? How good is
38:22
Speaker 1: it that my friends are succeeding at things, and if
38:24
Speaker 1: they're good friends, they're going to be passing on knowledge
38:27
Speaker 1: and information and networks and they're helping me and we're
38:29
Speaker 1: helping each other.
38:30
Speaker 2: How good's that?
38:31
Speaker 1: And then your language starts to change, like how good
38:33
Speaker 1: is it that finish the sentence? How amazing is it
38:36
Speaker 1: that finish the sentence? And then all of a sudden,
38:38
Speaker 1: this comparison turns into like this.
38:40
Speaker 2: Is really fucking epic. I'm now around all these people
38:42
Speaker 2: that inspire me. Notice the difference. That's all for today.
38:45
Speaker 2: That is all for today. I love you guys so much,
38:49
Speaker 2: so much.
38:50
Speaker 1: I'm very elated after my ocean swim. This has to
38:52
Speaker 1: happen at least once a week, probably twice a week,
38:55
Speaker 1: if not more.
38:56
Speaker 2: Anyway, great fucking times. Love you all. I'm reply.
39:00
Speaker 1: I might actually do like a reply to these questions,
39:03
Speaker 1: maybe as like stories or TikTok or something, because there's
39:06
Speaker 1: quite a few that it came.
39:07
Speaker 2: Through and they were really really good questions.
39:10
Speaker 1: But a lot of them are around like confident after
39:12
Speaker 1: a breakup and stuff, so hopefully I did kind of
39:15
Speaker 1: address that.
39:16
Speaker 2: Anyway, That is all for today's episode. I love you
39:17
Speaker 2: guys so much, my beautiful beans of the land, the
39:20
Speaker 2: global beans of the Lord. As always, remember be kind
39:24
Speaker 2: to yourself, be kind to your brain, don't take shit
39:26
Speaker 2: from anyone, and especially don't take shit from yourself. Dunkers,