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From Ranch Life to Law Enforcement: How Early Lessons Still Guide Today's Leaders · The Mentor Sessions

• BigMike Coyle: Hello, and welcome to the mentor sessions. I'm Big Mike, the host of the mentor sessions. This is a podcast where we take a moment to talk about those that have impacted our lives and have helped us grow and become the people that we are. Today, my guest is Darren Durfee. Darren was one of my commanders and at the Utah County Sheriff's Office. I've known Darren for probably about 20 plus years now. ⁓ And he was someone that I looked up as a mentor. I'm going to share an interesting story with Darren as we talk today about changing perceptions and understandings ⁓ that I don't know if I've ever shared with him, but I want to take the opportunity to share this with him. Darren's been in law enforcement for 36 years now, starting his 37th year. He's been the jail commander at the Utah County Sheriff's Office and is now the jail commander at the Tooele County Sheriff's Office. ⁓ Very, very different beast, very different. facilities. Utah County Sheriff's Office jail was a very large facility compared to what Twillett County is. And so he's probably the best person to help bring it back up or bring it up to modernization and bring a lot of the tools that we were able to implement in Utah County. With his knowledge, know Darren's won the Utah County or the Utah Sheriff's Association jail commander the year once or twice, Darren. Twice. So he's very knowledgeable in law enforcement. He didn't just work in the jail. He worked probably every position they had at Utah County while he was a deputy there. He was a sergeant. When I met him, he was a lieutenant. And ⁓ I'm just great to have this opportunity to speak with Darren today and get his insight on ⁓ what mentorship means to him. Darin Durfey: Twice now, yeah. Yeah. BigMike Coyle: So Darren, why don't you tell us some more about yourself, where your journey began and who you are. Darin Durfey: Sure. So Darren Durfee, I I grew up here in Utah. ⁓ grew up in southern Utah. ⁓ we had two different homes. We had a ranch where ⁓ we spent the summers and ⁓ then a a home in ⁓ Wayne County where during school we ⁓ spent most of our time there and ⁓ went to school. Course weekends and and ⁓ other times we ⁓ went to the ranch. That was a very good background. anybody who's grown up working on a ranch, you learn the value of many different things. The value of hard work, ⁓ the value of relationships, ⁓ how to treat animals, which I think is ⁓ It might sound funny, but I think that translates into how we ⁓ interact and and treat people as well. But it was a good place to grow up. spent a lot of time outdoors, a lot of time hunting, ⁓ most most of the time working, but ⁓ hunting, ⁓ riding motorcycles, ⁓ doing things that ⁓ kids in a in a smaller area are able to do. ⁓ a lot of times people that grow up in in a more urban area don't have that opportunity. ⁓ Later I I went to BYU and then I went ⁓ on a mission to New Zealand. And ⁓ when I came back I actually enrolled at ⁓ UVU and ⁓ I met my wife while I was going to school at UVU. we got married and ⁓ a short time after getting married I tested for ⁓ Utah State Prison and got hired by them. ⁓ I worked there for a little over five years. After two and a half years, ⁓ they they started a new program with sergeants. They didn't have sergeants when I first ⁓ started there and ⁓ I was ⁓ able to promote to sergeant. I was one of the first ones actually I did go through the very first sergeant's academy that the Department of Corrections put on. And I was kind of at a a crossroads in my career I guess where I had some decisions to make. Do I wanna stay at the prison for my career? ⁓ lieutenant's openings that ⁓ were gonna post and I kinda figured if I test for lieutenant and I'm promoted, I might be there for the rest of my career. But I had some other things that I really wanted to do. I wanted to work patrol, I wanted to work ⁓ investigations and some of the other things that ⁓ to me were I I guess fulfilling, if you would. So ⁓ I I had a ⁓ buddy that I worked with there at the prison that ⁓ said, Hey, Utah County's hiring. if you're interested, ⁓ you oughta test. And that was an interesting experience. ⁓ as you know, Mike, things have changed a lot in law enforcement. Nowadays when we test, we probably have thirty to forty people show up if we're lucky. ⁓ BigMike Coyle: you Darin Durfey: When I tested for Utah County, there were 300 of us that tested. We did the PT at ⁓ Smithfield House on BYU campus. it was a pretty big process. Anyway, long story short, ⁓ I did I got hired on by ⁓ Utah County and as you mentioned I I worked many, many facets of of law enforcement ⁓ throughout my career. ⁓ With Utah County Sheriff's Office and and it was a great experience. I often say that ⁓ I started my career in corrections and I'm finishing my career in corrections. But I spent about half of my time ⁓ on the enforcement side as well. So which I think was really good. It it was something that I wanted to do. ⁓ it was something that I felt like I excelled at. I worked about twelve years in investigation, so ⁓ either as a detective, a sergeant, or ⁓ the division commander or lieutenant. ⁓ worked sex crimes. I was part of ⁓ the initial Utah County Sex Crimes Task Force with Jerry Monson and ⁓ Patty Johnston. and then later Sean Chipman and it kind of grew from there. And before I went back to the jail I was the in investigations division commander and also over the sex crimes task force for Utah County. That was a really good experience. representing those that can't represent themselves. ⁓ and I think that that you know you see good and bad in in your career. ⁓ you see the the horrible things that people do to the not just themselves but other people as well. Sex crimes is definitely one of those areas where ⁓ it destroys two families, it destroys the family of the the victim, and it also destroys the family of the perpetrator. ⁓ a lot of times they're they're the innocent victim as well to ⁓ that person's behavior and and ⁓ violation of law. So I ran for sheriff and was not successful in that and ⁓ and so I retired in twenty eighteen ⁓ went to the private sector for a while. Enjoyed that, but it was very different. And ⁓ got a call from Towilla County and they asked me if I would be willing to to come out and be their jail commander, ⁓ or at least apply for. And I s I said, well I'm not gonna say yes, I'm not gonna say no, let's talk about it and I ended up applying for that position and was selected and so that's where I am currently and ⁓ who knows how many years I'll do. ⁓ Sheriff Wimmer was just re-elected and ⁓ if all things ⁓ remain the same, I'll probably be there for another four and a half years until he finishes his term. And and ⁓ at that point, who knows? ⁓ we'll see what happens. A lot of people ⁓ talk about retirement, but ⁓ you know one of the people that was really important in my life was my grandfather and ⁓ my grandpa Durfee, wiseman. not ⁓ college educated but very wise man. And one of the things that he taught me was that you should always have purpose in your life. And and to me, I guess that can mean a lot of different things. It can mean, you know, you doing your your podcast and other things like that. It's it's purpose driven. ⁓ for me it's probably contributing to the world in a working fashion, I'll probably end up working part time ⁓ even after I I retire from full time employment. I I just think, you know, having a reason to get up in the morning and shower and put your clothes on and and be of value is is something that's critical and something that's important. BigMike Coyle: Yeah, for sure. I, ⁓ I really believe that too. And even now, I mean, I'm sitting in a home studio, but I still take the time to wake up intentionally, you know, wake up and get the day going. ⁓ Darin Durfey: Yes. BigMike Coyle: Because like you said, you got to have a purpose. And that's one thing I found when I worked in law enforcement is that waking up with a sense of purpose and a sense of direction really helped. then I'll tell you, I struggled when I got out of law enforcement for a while there of like, okay, what am I contributing anymore? You know, who, who am I kind of an identity crisis? Who am I now? And having to rebuild and refine my identity outside. And that actually kind of led me here because like you, I went into the private sector and I enjoyed what I was doing, but I wasn't feeling as fulfilled as successful. Uh, mentorship is something I've always loved. I've always sought out people to help guide me in a direction, you know, and so just trying to float along. And so I decided I wanted to highlight that. And it was, you know, to be honest, it was kind of a tough sell to Christine, my wife, that, Hey, I think I can do this. And I want to do this because I think it's important for people to understand. We don't always just get there. We get there with the help and with the influence of someone. ⁓ You mentioned your grandfather. ⁓ What are some of the life lessons that he taught you that you still take with you today? Darin Durfey: Well, you know, things were different back then as as you well know. He ⁓ he was born in nineteen ⁓ three, so he went through the Great Depression. ⁓ he he grew up one of sixteen children. you know, grew up herding sheep and herding cattle and and ⁓ a lot of different things. But one of the things that I remember about my grandpa is We live neck door next door to each other on the ranch and and ⁓ he would come through the front door of the house before it was light and kinda slam the front door and walk out the back door and slam the back door. That was your cue to get up. And you know, it's it's time to get busy, right? and so, you know, I did spend a lot of time with him. I ⁓ we had cattle. ⁓ For a lot of my youth, ⁓ we'd go out on the mountain and and herd cattle for the week, you know, during the week, me and my grandpa, and ⁓ you know, I learned a lot of things from him. Like say he wasn't college educated, but he was a very wise guy. And ⁓ you know, integrity, honesty, a lot of those things. I probably spent more time with my granddad than I did my my dad, ⁓ just because my dad was ⁓ super busy doing what he was doing. But I learned a lot from both. But ⁓ having spent that much time with my grandfather, there were a lot of life lessons that that I learned. And you know, part of that was ⁓ speak speak the truth, you know, treat people fairly and honestly, ⁓ have empathy and compassion, ⁓ those types of things. So I won't say that ⁓ he always had empathy and compassion 'cause animals can be ⁓ trying at times, but he was a good man. So yeah. BigMike Coyle: I remember when I was working for you, every time you'd go down to the ranch, you'd put out an email saying you were going to be unavailable. ⁓ you were going down and you specify that you didn't have cell service. You didn't have internet down there. And I always thought, boy, that's gotta be the biggest fib he tells just so people leave them alone for a little bit. And then one day I, looked it up on a map and I found out you really had no internet or cell service down there. And I thought. Darin Durfey: Yeah. It's true. BigMike Coyle: And at that time in my life, I was like, I don't know if I could live like that because I was still kind of young and the internet was booming. And I was like, how could you not want all this at your hand? But it really teaches you a sense of living intentionally where you don't have all the distractions you have, what's in front of you at that moment. And and. That's such a great way to live now, as I have learned to Darin Durfey: Yeah. BigMike Coyle: disconnect for periods of time. We just went down to Hawaii with some of our friends. And having those moments where you just put the phone away and you just kind of disconnect and enjoy the moment that you're in the presence you're in. It's one of the reasons why I personally quit wearing an Apple watch. Because that's too many distractions going on all the time. And you're taken out of the moment with people, like moments like this where you're talking to someone and the Apple Watch is buzzing. ⁓ So let's talk about some of the... times in your life where you were headed down a different direction that it took maybe your grandfather or your father or someone else to step into your life to kind of like, hey, they saw in you what you probably didn't see in yourself at those moments, if that makes sense. Is there a time like that that stands out for you? Darin Durfey: you know, I I'll be honest with you, Mike, I haven't had a lot of like negatives in my my life, which is you know, I'm w I would count myself fortunate, right? But ⁓ I I will give you a a a couple of experiences ⁓ that probably shaped ⁓ probably shaped me as a person, shaped my life a little bit. ⁓ When I was on my mission in New Zealand, it was near the end of my my time there. I I think I'd been there twenty two, ⁓ maybe twenty-three months. And ⁓ on our P Day, our our day off, we were gonna go to Wyatoma Caves to see the Kiwi bird. And it's if you know anything about the Kiwi bird, they are They're in darkness and so there's very few places that you actually can see ⁓ Anyway, on our way there, it was random cats and dogs. ⁓ we were involved in a traffic accident and one of the guys in the back seat was ejected out of the vehicle. ⁓ I remember I I was in the front seat ⁓ with the driver. ⁓ We ⁓ and I can remember it distinctly. We rolled ⁓ three times, went end over end twice, came to a rest. I don't know how I'm still here. None of us were wearing a seatbelt. I wasn't wearing a seatbelt. I can remember seeing turf flying around in the car. ⁓ as everybody affectionately refers to their rule book, their little white bible. I remember watching that come out of my pocket. Flying through the car. I don't remember any sounds. I remember everything that happened. I remember watching things in slow motion in the vehicle. Came to rest on the wheels. ⁓ I went out to ⁓ Brian Smart, who had been ejected from the vehicle. He was laying in the road. And I remember him saying to me numerous times, I don't want to die, I don't want to die. And his his pupils were like the size of a pinhead. And ⁓ You just had that sen I had that sense, ⁓ this very well could be the end for him. Anyway, ambulance showed up, all these people showed up and I'm like, how did they know that we ⁓ had this accident, right? When I was talking to a few of ⁓ and they said it was the most unbelievable sound I've ever heard. And ⁓ anyway, ⁓ a ⁓ police officer took me down to the hospital where they'd taken Brian. And I remember walking through the front door. And when I walked through the front door, it was like I felt him pass. And he did pass away. Doctors and nurses came out and told me, hey, he just passed away. That had a pretty significant impact on me because I was the I was the zone leader. I was the one that pushed everybody to go to see ⁓ the Kiwi birds that day. And ⁓ I kind of blamed myself a little bit for that because I was the one that was pushing for that activity on that day. In hindsight, you know, you realize it's not your fault, but did that have an impact on me? Did that have ⁓ you know Did that influence the way that I I acted the next year or so? Yes. I remember driving up to he was from Evanston, Wyoming. I remember driving up. Actually went to his parents' home, but didn't go and knock on the door. And ⁓ y I just felt a sense of guilt, I guess, for ⁓ for that event, if that makes sense. But ⁓ the other part of that Is that also had a positive impact on me as well, not And you may have heard me you well, we may not have talked about this, I don't know. But ⁓ it it was one of the things that probably led me to to law enforcement, to serving people, is ⁓ I felt like I needed to be ⁓ do something good with my life. I needed to be a force for good. ⁓ not just go through life like some people do. ⁓ and get to the end and look back and think, well, I didn't really accomplish anything. ⁓ so that's always kind of been a driver for me, I guess. anybody that knows me knows that I And and and I understand this about myself. I don't take a lot of time ⁓ to go on vacations or do things like that. I'm kind of a workaholic. ⁓ but I enjoy what I do. And I think part of that was growing up on ⁓ the ranch and and other things throughout my life where it was it was always about work, it wasn't about play. And ⁓ as a consequence I think sometimes maybe I was a little too serious, ⁓ throughout my life, ⁓ not not taking the opportunity to slow down a little bit and have fun with people I guess, you know, that type of thing. But ⁓ here I am, fifty nine years old. I don't regret any of it either, so, you know. BigMike Coyle: Well, I know the times that we got to golf together, there was definitely a different Durfee out there than when we were back in the jail, back to work. was, ⁓ there's more to Durfee than just head down working and ⁓ like, okay, he does lighten up, he does laugh, you know, because when we were in the jail, you had your game face on. ⁓ know, even even when I first met you as you were the lieutenant over IA in the hiring process. And so when I met you there, you were you were very you had your game face on. ⁓ That's the only way I can describe it. And so it was it was. But then the more I got to know you. And so that's that's where the story I want to share with you is because I always saw you with that game face on it kind of because I'm You know me, I like to joke around. I like to have a good time. It kind of put us at different. I didn't want to cross any lines with you or anything. When I had back surgery and I came back, I remember I I brought my letter really telling me I could come back to work to Suzette. And I was like, hey, what do I do with this? And all the lieutenants were gone and she says, well, let's just give it to Durf. And we came in your office. And I said, Hey, Chief, here's my letter, relieving me back to work. And you looked at me and it was one of those micro tells, if you will, if you're a card player that you were like, where the hell have you been? And I was like, DERF, had back surgery eight weeks ago and I could tell that news hadn't got to you. And you were really upset about that, that somewhere along the chain, you did not know what was going on with me. And that gave me a better perspective of he does know and care where all of us are. And you were more upset that you didn't show up because that's the seriousness of you when you're on the job, but you were like, this is gonna be changed right now. I mean, and that's how I perceived it and I could have been wrong, but that's how I perceived it at that moment. And it gave me more insight into you than I think you probably will ever know that. Alright, there's more under ⁓ this game face. There's more humanity there, I think. And I say that kindly and jokingly at the same time. Alright, there's more to this guy. We can open up a little bit more now. So, I have always appreciated that. Darin Durfey: Yeah. Well I I I do think that's you know, you you kinda touch on on something. I Some people may have believed that, well, hey, you know, Darren doesn't necessarily know or Darren doesn't necessarily care. That that was one of the things that I always kinda prided myself on was knowing what was going on with people, hopefully demonstrating that I did care about ⁓ you know, one of the things that I started to do, and you may remember this, is I would send everybody an ⁓ an email on their birthday. And You know, I I know some people probably thought somebody else was doing that for me. There w there there was a time where somebody ⁓ actually said that. And ⁓ And I thought, well, if it's not appreciated, you know, maybe I'll quit doing it, you know. And ⁓ but I do think a lot of people did appreciate that. ⁓ it wasn't something that I had to do. It's something that I wanted to do. ⁓ and and despite what people may think, there may be some even today that think, Well, you know, ⁓ did he really care? Yeah, I did. ⁓ I did care about everybody there. ⁓ and and wanted everybody to be successful and be happy. At the end of the day, that's that's really I guess one thing that I would say is I don't know I don't know if that ever got translated, if you guys ever felt felt that way, but I always wanted people to be happy in what they were doing. ⁓ and that could be different things. You know, happy for one person might be different for the next, right? ⁓ but corrections is a tough place to work. as you know. And ⁓ it's a negative environment. for whatever reason we seem to work closely with each other but end up trying to tear each other down and and ⁓ speak ill about each other behind ⁓ others backs, you know, and stuff. There's a lot of that that goes on. That was one thing that I always wanted to try to fix, but never could, ⁓ is to get everybody to to work together as a cohesive team and and actually enjoy each other's company, right? So ⁓ you know when you talk about BigMike Coyle: Right? Right? Yeah. Yeah. Darin Durfey: That's probably an impossible task, but when you talk about failures and it you know, that was one thing that I really, really did want to accomplish, but never was able to, ⁓ is to get people to kind of be more cohesive, I guess. BigMike Coyle: I think. In that environment, whenever people, whenever new deputies would ask me about kind of, you know, they'd come in and they'd see that and feel that I always told them, said, ⁓ in this environment, we have two things to talk about. We can talk about our coworkers or we can talk about the inmates and the inmates aren't, aren't as fun to talk about. So we're going to tear each other down. And I would try to steer people away from getting into that, you know, as I, as I was training new guys, like Everybody's here trying to do a different thing and you're going to find the thing that you're good at. You and I both know I got really good at the gang intelligence and working with major crimes and stuff like that. And being given that opportunity of like, this is something you're good at ⁓ helped me find my path and my directions later on. ⁓ Some other people get really good into teaching. Some people get really good into the defense tactics of the firearms and But it always seemed like when you got whatever you were good at, there was always someone that wanted to take that away from you. Someone that was going to not give you the flowers, as they say, as to, this is a great resource we can use, and this is a great tool, and we're grateful that this person has taken this opportunity. I want to ask, so you ran for sheriff, and I remember that. ⁓ Darin Durfey: Yeah. BigMike Coyle: Who do you think helped put you in a position where you felt comfortable running for sheriff and knowing that you did have the skills? Darin Durfey: ⁓ I I think there were a number of people that did, ⁓ honestly. ⁓ I mean it it's hard to even describe I guess. I I will say this, you know, throughout my career and I tell people all this time, I I had people that were really, really good leaders, really, really good ⁓ examples I guess. And then I had people that were horrible leaders, ⁓ that were very good examples about what not to do. And ⁓ and and I think it's important to know the difference, right? and I think it's important when you're developing yourself, ⁓ BigMike Coyle: Right. Darin Durfey: To be in a leadership position, that you recognize that there are different forms of leadership, there are different styles of leadership. ⁓ You have to find what works for you best. ⁓ And you, you know, what I always said to myself was when I had somebody who was a horrible supervisor, I would say, Hey, I'm never going to do if I'm ever in a leadership position, I'm never going to do that. Or for those that were really good leaders, I want to emulate what they're doing. And you know, I learned a lot from Jerry Monson. ⁓ I worked I worked with him and for him for a lot of years. ⁓ Jim Tracy. ⁓ I learned more about probably that's that next step about running for sheriff from Jim than anybody else. ⁓ i in my opinion, he was a really, really good sheriff. And more importantly, he's a really, really good person. and so, you know, watching what he did, a lot of people don't understand ⁓ the magnitude of that job. They don't understand ⁓ how many hours he spent up at the Capitol ⁓ in meetings and doing other things that ⁓ are required of that position. And I and I think watching him, being with him, being part of that leadership team for a lot of years, made me feel comfortable running for sheriff. ⁓ helped prepare me for that. BigMike Coyle: Thank you. Darin Durfey: ⁓ you know, I st I mean I still believe that had I been elected I would have been a very similar ⁓ sheriff to himself. ⁓ but you know, you talk about trying times that when you lose and and very few people understand what it's like to run a campaign, ⁓ especially at that level, and come out the loser. it's Y you learn a lot about yourself. learn about ⁓ how you handle stress, how you handle defeat. ⁓ Just just a lot of things about yourself. You know, and I I knew going into that, there was always the o the the obvious ⁓ outcome of not being successful. And you know, you kinda go into it and you say, Well, if I'm not successful, what am I gonna do? And ⁓ you know, I I was pretty confident that BigMike Coyle: . Darin Durfey: If I was not successful, I was not gonna be part of the next administration. And so, you know, you kind of you have to also have an an exit strategy. that's that's kinda hard to think about, but you do have to think about the possibility of if I am not elected, then what and ⁓ and have a plan. So i it was kind of an interesting time. But you know, when y back to your original question, I think probably in that process, ⁓ Jim Tracy was probably the most influential ⁓ person as far as preparing me or convincing me that I could take that next step. BigMike Coyle: He's a great man. I enjoyed working for him. I enjoyed the opportunities he gave me personally. I remember one day I was not called to his office, but I needed to go talk to him. when you're a young deputy, you don't know what to expect. And you know as well as I do, you go into Jim's office, he sits down, offers you a Diet Coke, and just a five minute conversation turns into a half hour really quick. Darin Durfey: Yeah. Yeah. BigMike Coyle: because he always cared and he always wanted to see how you and your family were doing and what was going on. ⁓ What do you think the young people misunderstand about success? The next generations growing up and getting into there. Darin Durfey: Well, I I think ⁓ I don't know if they misunderstand success. I think their definition of success is very different than what ours was. And so but but I do think ⁓ the the way that they grew up, When you don't have any hardship in your life, ⁓ it's hard to have really good perspective, ⁓ i in my opinion, right? And so most of the kids today, and I when I say kids, I mean ⁓ I'll even say up to thirty years old, a lot of them have never experienced any hardship in their life. And and so their whole perspective ⁓ about life or about ⁓ work ethic drive success i is very different than what ours is. You know, ⁓ I I like to read and I'm I I think you do as well. You know, I I remember reading not very long ago, and when I say not very long ago, maybe maybe five years within the last five years, that ⁓ most of this generation will have between ⁓ five and ten different jobs and when I say when they said jobs, it's career choices. So a lot of a lot of people nowadays they don't engage in a career like we did, where you stay in law enforcement. It's I'm in law enforcement for two years, I'm a plumber for three years, I'm a you know it it they bounce around. And in in my opinion, if you never dedicate yourself to something, you'll never achieve ⁓ success. so I think it depends on what your definition of success is. ⁓ but BigMike Coyle: you Darin Durfey: And and to everybody that's different, right? ⁓ My definition of success is that I actually brought value to something or somebody ⁓ throughout my life. And ⁓ you know, I don't I don't know what yours is. I mean there are a lot of different definitions that we can or or things that we can use or we can gauge. Do I have a home? You know, do I ⁓ am I able to pay all my bills? ⁓ was I able to make ⁓ a good retirement for myself and my family? ⁓ all those types of things. So I think there's there's a lot of different definitions of success. And so ⁓ it probably depends on what a person views as what is successful, right? BigMike Coyle: Well, I'll tell you when people ask me about my career in law enforcement and ⁓ you know, what I enjoyed or what was the best part about it. ⁓ I always point out, I always go to this, this is how I know I had a good career. I had cops, reformed criminals, ⁓ judges, prosecutors, and defense attorneys all at my retirement open house, sitting down, breaking bread together. To be able to bring all those people together where... there was a celebration of a career, a celebration of a person. to me, that's how I told my wife afterwards, I said, that shows I did it right. I had the right goals and the right impact in my career. ⁓ And so I, you know, that meant a lot to me and it still does. That's the highlight of my career. That's my mountain peak is like, okay, I did it right. You we, you and I both have seen a lot of good officers, good deputies who either lose the the understanding of the job or the recognition of what it meant. And then they either mess up and lose their career or they just go and they go to choose being something else. And maybe they find success and happiness in that. So that's how I knew I did it right. And the fact that Shortly after my career, having people reach out and ask questions about this, that, and the other, you know, about, what's the recommendation for this? How would you feel about that? And still having an impact on people's careers coming up. ⁓ As a jail commander, you know, with a different county in both, you yourself have moved into that spot where you're... a teacher and a mentor to the next generation. ⁓ When did you realize that like, okay, I have to take this opportunity to help train and mentor the next step of deputies and what is it that I want to show them and help them to benefit their careers? Darin Durfey: Sure. you know, it well it's interesting that you mentioned that because ⁓ you know, I I think that if if you look back when you started your career, Mike, ⁓ And as I look back to when I started my career, I'm certainly not the same person today as that twenty-two year old kid that that started that started in profession. Yeah. And and and I look back to the early stages of being in a leadership position, ⁓ to where I am today. And, you know, ⁓ I was just having a conversation with a couple of my sergeants. ⁓ BigMike Coyle: ⁓ 100%. 100%. Darin Durfey: the last couple days. And ⁓ my job is to prepare people to take my place. It it it's always been my job, right? ⁓ but you don't identify one person. It's you should be mentoring every single person who works for you and with you. To one day be able to take your place. Now, not everybody may want to, but we should try to impart our experiences, our knowledge, ⁓ what it takes to do the job ⁓ to everybody. ⁓ and and and I would even say that that that should go to deputies that are working ⁓ for us, you know, in in this profession. Now that can translate into any profession, not just law enforcement, but ⁓ you know if you're if you're really a impactful person and leader, ⁓ you should try to share what you know and what you've gained throughout your life with those that you work with. And ⁓ I know you've heard this, you know, servant leadership. You you can you know leadership you can talk about it in very very different forms, right? There's people who are micromanagers, there's people who are aloof, they they don't care about their people. ⁓ there's people that are engaged, there are people that are managers, there are people that are true leaders. ⁓ but you know if you really want to be an effective leader and mentor ⁓ our job is not to protect what we know. You've been around people like that that They don't want to share what they know because they're afraid that somebody might come and take their job or take their place. Right? ⁓ you should never fear that in the position that you're in, unless you're just really inept. ⁓ and I always found that interesting that people wanted to somehow protect knowledge and be secretive and ⁓ you know keep you at bay. I don't want you to know everything that I know. BigMike Coyle: ⁓ yeah, ⁓ yeah, you know. Darin Durfey: That's that's the wrong approach. ⁓ we should be trying to impart all of our knowledge to to people that we work with so that they can be effective and they can be successful and they can be happy. ⁓ I think the more knowledge that people have, the better off they are. ⁓ so, you know, I I don't know if that answers your question or not, but ⁓ BigMike Coyle: No, and it actually brings up a memory. ⁓ When I was the president of the deputies association and you were the jail commander, you asked me to come to the office and you laid out the budget for me. ⁓ And you said, this is what we're dealing with and this is what we have to argue with the commission. And this is what the commission was going. And we sat there for probably a good half hour to an hour. ⁓ I'm not a spreadsheet genius. That's my wife. She's the accountant, but You showed me ⁓ what it was. And then as I got to go to those meetings and sat in those meetings, it does help to see it from another perspective, another point of view, because when you're the line staff and you're the line officer, you do tend to see to have that negative feeling that no one's fighting for you. And then going and seeing what it was like to fight for the commission or to not for the commission, but for the line staff with the commission. and trying to explain to them the things that we needed and why we needed it, you see a very different side of it. you bring up a great point about the different kinds of leaders. are those that their ego is so important to them that they don't share with the line staff. They don't share with people. ⁓ I'm sure as you were the jail commander or as you are now, you see those leaders that you could say, if I handed the reins to him tomorrow, he'd be ready. And then you see the ones that maybe you're like, he wants the reins and he's good at XYZ aspect, but he needs to be taught more about the ABC aspect of this job and what to expect here. Sometimes that's the personnel and the leadership part and sometimes it's the management part. You know that and there are great people. There are people that are great with the management part and the spreadsheets and the data. And there's people that you know when you need to have a heart to heart with someone you're like hey, why don't you come in and help me do this because you know they might be able to. Articulate better and help that person come out knowing that they made some errors. but knowing that it's not the end of the world and they can fix it and they can get back to where they were. ⁓ And so... ⁓ When you retire at the end of the day and you step away from law enforcement and you spend time with Val and your dogs, what kind of mentor do you want people to say about you? What kind of mentor do you want people to say that you were? Darin Durfey: ⁓ I I hope that people will say that ⁓ I shared my knowledge freely, that I was transparent. that I genuinely cared about them as a person, ⁓ not just in their professional life, but in their personal life as well. And that I tried to share the knowledge ⁓ of the profession with them so that they could be successful and carry carry this on and carry it forward. And honestly, you know, Mike, ⁓ at the end of the day, if we're not doing that, we're not a very good leader. And you know this. I mean you've worked for people that you're like, geez, you know, I they need to they need to choose a different career path or or they shouldn't be in a leadership position or or whatever, right? And it we've all seen people like that. We all it's it's just the nature of of the beast. It would exist in any any job or any profession. And it does, quite frankly, but ⁓ There are people that should lead people, there are people that should never lead people, and ⁓ and and I think we see the differences. But you know, ⁓ when you talk about leading a legacy or ⁓ you know, when you step away, ⁓ I I think for me personally I just want people to to say that I I genuinely cared about ⁓ and I and I tried to to do the best that I could to share that knowledge with them. And ⁓ yeah that's that I would consider that a success, I guess. BigMike Coyle: Was there ever a time where you saw something in someone and you wanted to give them the opportunities but their direct supervisors or supervisors over an area that that that individual wanted to work in wouldn't give them a chance and and how did you deal with that and advocating for that person to be given that opportunity? Does that make sense? Darin Durfey: It does. ⁓ I I I think You know, I didn't I didn't know if you would bring this up or not, but and hopefully you're all right with it. ⁓ I remember when you tested for patrol and you'd tested a number of times. and I remember you came to me. Do you remember coming to my office and asking me? Yeah. but you know, BigMike Coyle: Yeah, absolutely. ⁓ This isn't where I was going with it, but yeah, we're happy. I'm happy to discuss it with you. Darin Durfey: You said, you know, I I've gone over there and and asked why, you know, I wanna know why I'm not not ⁓ getting selected to go to patrol. And ⁓ Yeah, we had a pretty heart to heart conversation about that aspect of your career and I was probably one of the few that was advocating for you. ⁓ there's there's another person that went to patrol, which is ⁓ Justin Mortenson, who had tested many, many, many times, been declined many, many times, and I I said it just give the guy a chance. He'll do a good job for you. And he did, right? ⁓ yeah. BigMike Coyle: He did a great job. Darin Durfey: And and I had said the same thing about you and and and I remember you asked me a few questions and and I said, Hey Mike, if you wanna know, I'll tell ya. Since nobody else is, ⁓ just be pre be be prepared for what the answer is and and then we had a good ⁓ discussion. ⁓ It's unfortunate that people are not willing to have those difficult conversations with other people. And and at the end of the day, you know, if if you're going to hold somebody back for something perceived or or or real, you ought to have the stones to sit down and talk to somebody and tell them what it is, you know. Now that didn't have anything to do with me because I was the jail commander at the time. ⁓ and and you were tested for patrol. But I remember sitting down and having a conversation with you and telling you why, because nobody else was willing to sit down and and have that conversation. BigMike Coyle: Right. Darin Durfey: conversation with you, which I thought was was really ⁓ poor on their part. So ⁓ you know and to your credit, ⁓ you know you you took that all in and and and you were not bitter about it. ⁓ you worked just as hard the next day as you you were that day. I think that was probably hard to hear during our discussion, but but at least it was honest, right? And and I and I think at the end of the day, you know, we talked about this a little bit earlier. If you're not willing to be honest, if you're not willing to maintain your integrity throughout your career, what is it that you have in law enforcement? That's really ⁓ at at the end of the day that's all we've got. So when I finish my career, if I ever jeopardize or ⁓ compromise my integrity in this profession, everything that I've done's for naught, you know. ⁓ so I don't know, it's ⁓ it's kind of interesting how ⁓ when it comes to having hard conversations, I and I know it's difficult. It's human dynamics, it's ⁓ human nature to not want to hurt somebody else's feelings or or whatever. But conversely, ⁓ it you're hurting somebody's feelings by ⁓ or you're not serving them well, but by not having a conversation with them and telling them the things that they need to improve or can improve or whatever the case may be. BigMike Coyle: Yeah. That's the thing that I think, you know, if you have... the ability to go in and sit down and ask for those hard conversations, you gotta be willing to get the answers and take that in and see what it is you can change and do. ⁓ you know, and then you also have to show that, okay, I can accept this defeat at this moment, but I'm not going to let it change me. You know, I remember One of those times I tested for patrol and ⁓ my wife and I just happened to go on vacation, just a little weekend getaway. think it was around our anniversary and she could tell I was really upset. And I said, I'm just going to take this weekend to lick my wounds. So on Monday I can go back and show them this doesn't change who I am and who I believe I can be and what I'm about. And I think. And you know, when the opportunity to go to judicial came up, you called me and said, hey, they're going to offer you this opportunity. What do you want to do? And I said, I'm going to take it because it will give me a chance to show those who don't believe in me that I am more than what they think I am. And you congratulated me on that attitude. Like, yes, you're going to do great. You're going to show them. And, you know, those are the kind of That's why I wanted to have this talk with you because that's the kind of mentorship that people need and that kind of leadership and friendship that people need to be like, okay, here's your chance. What are you gonna do? You're gonna reject it because it's not what you want or are you gonna take it and say, look what I can do with this? And I mean, I did a great job in judicial. I was a great bailiff. I still have great relationships with the... personnel that worked over there, the judges and the lawyers and the clerks. And I know that's because I didn't go over there with the attitude of like, well, I'm just here because I didn't get what I wanted. I went over there like, this is an opportunity for me to grow and for me to change. So ⁓ we're wrapping up here and I just wanted to say thank you on that. And I want to ask like, is there a mentor in your life that Darin Durfey: Absolutely. BigMike Coyle: you feel like you want to take an opportunity to shout out because of the impact they had. could have been a teacher. We talked about your grandfather, there are this and Jim Tracy's or someone else in your life that really helped get you to where you are today that you want to say thanks to. Darin Durfey: Well, you know, I mean in in different respects I guess, you know, my mother, you know, ⁓ my my dad passed away in ⁓ nine, so I mean he's not here to necessarily hear me say it, but ⁓ you know, my I I had really good parents that raised me right, ⁓ emphasized the importance of ⁓ education, you know, when you you talked about where I I grew up down on the ranch. No phone, no internet, ⁓ no TV, no distractions. So it was it was work and then I read a lot of books. And ⁓ you know, I think that that was ⁓ my mom is even today reads a ton. ⁓ and and I think ⁓ her direction, you know, ⁓ being a good person, ⁓ and when I say being a good person, you know, treating people Treating people well. that probably comes more from my mom than anybody else. ⁓ my grandfather, yeah, a a very important role in my my life. my mom's grandparents, same thing, but you know, ⁓ they lived in California and wasn't around them a ton. ⁓ one of the one of the things that one of my hobbies that I have that came from my grandpa carpenter, my mom's ⁓ father, which is fishing. and you know I still love to do that today. ⁓ and that's really primarily because of him. But as far as my career goes, You know, I I I would say ⁓ honestly, ⁓ in in one aspect of my career, ⁓ Gary Deland was ⁓ very much a mentor for me. ⁓ And when I say that, you know, ⁓ you you know I've done jail inspections, I've done ⁓ teaching and other things. ⁓ that was because Gary saw something in in me and and developed that, ⁓ was a mentor for me and in that part of my career. ⁓ but more importantly, ⁓ when I came back to corrections, he was the guy that you wanted to emulate. Well, you know, he taught me the importance of ⁓ knowing why you BigMike Coyle: Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Darin Durfey: Yeah. ⁓ and I think that that's really important in life. It's always about the why in life, right? ⁓ you can tell somebody to do something, but if you then explain why you want them to do something, that's critically important. If somebody understands why, they're much more willing to do something than just asking somebody or telling somebody to do something. That was one of the things that I gained from ⁓ Gary, ⁓ the reason. BigMike Coyle: Yeah. Darin Durfey: we do this is because case law dictates that we should do it this way. The reason we do this is because ⁓ there are certain standards or guidelines that you should follow ⁓ that will keep you out of ⁓ legal liability, ⁓ things like that. And so Gary was very much a a a mentor for me. Jim Tracy as we as we talked about very much a mentor for me. ⁓ You know, and I I still have a relationship with both those guys today. ⁓ even though they're they're both really retired. I retired once, ⁓ back in the business. So, you know, but ⁓ I I think that that's important. You know, it you can kind of you you can tell who you're w we talk about friendship. ⁓ our friends are a pretty small tight group of people. ⁓ BigMike Coyle: Yeah. Darin Durfey: In this business you would think you had more friends than what you have. I call ⁓ associates. You know, it's ⁓ it's yeah, y there's a lot of associates, but there's very few that ⁓ are actually friends ⁓ that you stay in touch with, ⁓ that ⁓ you have that genuine connection with, right? ⁓ so you know, ⁓ those mentors I would say that they're friends as well. ⁓ I consider ⁓ friends. BigMike Coyle: for Darin Durfey: But yeah, that's I I you know, it's a pretty small group of people I think that are true mentors in your life. there's people that have influence in your life, certainly, but ⁓ I I think those that you would consider a mentor or a friend, ⁓ that's a pretty small tight group of people. BigMike Coyle: Yeah. Well, Tifa, I appreciate your time. And I appreciate everything that you've taught me. And you talked about the why. And it made me think, I don't remember a time where you asked us to do something or to change the way we did something without first telling us why we were going to be doing it that way. And sometimes you had to say, I can't tell you right now. But if you want to talk about it, come see me. ⁓ because sometimes you can't put information on blast like that. But you were always very transparent. were always, ⁓ your door was always open in the literal sense that those that took the opportunity could come in and discuss whatever we wanted to be it ⁓ the state of the Denver Broncos or ⁓ a person's career and or what's going on with some of the inmates and some of the decisions. So I appreciate that. ⁓ And I appreciate you taking the time to sit down with us today on the mentor sessions and sharing your story and your thoughts about mentorship and being a mentor and ⁓ those that influenced you in your life. So thank you so much for joining us today. Darin Durfey: Yeah, thanks for having me on, Mike. I appreciate it.