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He Refuses to Date Women Who Challenge His Leadership | Selection Process · Social Proof Podcast

0:00
[SPEAKER_00]: Welcome to the selection process.
0:01
[SPEAKER_00]: We are trying to understand why singles are single, but specifically entrepreneurs, if we got another good strapping brother today.
0:10
[SPEAKER_00]: What's happening, man?
0:11
[SPEAKER_01]: What's going on, bro?
0:12
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm good, but how are you?
0:13
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm good, man.
0:14
[SPEAKER_00]: Man, I introduce you something to your wife.
0:17
[SPEAKER_00]: Yes.
0:18
[SPEAKER_01]: Whoa.
0:19
[SPEAKER_01]: What's going on, man?
0:21
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm more peaceful than you know, it's not going by keys.
0:23
[SPEAKER_00]: Keys.
0:24
[SPEAKER_00]: All right, so I'm going to kick it off upfront.
0:27
[SPEAKER_00]: What is your selection process for finding somebody you like?
0:32
[SPEAKER_01]: Man is tough, so I'm kind of out of the box a little bit with the fact that for one I've been single for like 10 plus years.
0:40
[SPEAKER_01]: single for 10 years.
0:41
[SPEAKER_01]: I don't think for 10 plus years now.
0:44
[SPEAKER_01]: I know exactly what I want.
0:45
[SPEAKER_01]: I have a 19 year old son.
0:47
[SPEAKER_01]: He's about to be a sophomore just fall at more house.
0:50
[SPEAKER_01]: And so for me, I'm not having any more kids.
0:53
[SPEAKER_01]: And so like when I meet women, that's the number one thing that I put on a table like hey, if you look for a kid, you know, I apologize.
1:00
[SPEAKER_00]: You know, I'm giving out no more babies.
1:02
[SPEAKER_00]: I can't do it.
1:03
[SPEAKER_01]: I can't do it.
1:03
[SPEAKER_01]: And so between not wanting to have any more kids and being the second thing, these two things have really shrunk my dating pool.
1:12
[SPEAKER_01]: I only like natural beauty.
1:14
[SPEAKER_01]: So I'm not into wig waves.
1:16
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm not into fake braids, fake anything.
1:18
[SPEAKER_01]: Like nails are cool, but I like women with minimum to know makeup and what they real hair.
1:23
[SPEAKER_01]: That's how I saw my mom, my grandmother, my
1:32
[SPEAKER_01]: Blush, lipstick, start at rear hair, walk out the house, and so that's what I'm attracted to in women today Don't a good number them don't embrace that natural beauty in my first opinion and if they do Don't not on the market somebody's already stacked up No wigs
1:48
[SPEAKER_01]: No, I came to it like I'm the type of man I will pay to keep you in your real hair.
1:53
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm gonna get with braids Because I know women wear braids That's my question.
1:56
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, I'm gonna get with braids.
1:57
[SPEAKER_01]: I know they wear that and that's a protected style So I actually Pay for her to see in her real hair and I pay for braids like the woman I Reason stop dating and mark she she can attempt to you know, she was like I met her about a pixie cut and I loved it and I told her I was like hey
2:14
[SPEAKER_01]: you know, I'll pay for that.
2:15
[SPEAKER_01]: She's like, no, I don't pay for that.
2:16
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm just letting you know.
2:17
[SPEAKER_01]: I actually, you know, pay for that too.
2:19
[SPEAKER_01]: Ensure that you stay natural.
2:21
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
2:22
[SPEAKER_00]: I don't think I've ever heard that before.
2:24
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, I know.
2:24
[SPEAKER_01]: It's very unique.
2:25
[SPEAKER_01]: That's why I kind of stayed private and kind of stay out the grid.
2:28
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
2:28
[SPEAKER_00]: Because I know, but this is good.
2:29
[SPEAKER_00]: This is your preference.
2:30
[SPEAKER_00]: You have a right to have a preference, right?
2:33
[SPEAKER_01]: Man, women attack me and over our preferences.
2:37
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, but that's, but that's, I just get tired of.
2:40
[SPEAKER_01]: You know, you're right.
2:41
[SPEAKER_01]: I just get tired of going through this.
2:42
[SPEAKER_00]: That's unfortunate, right?
2:43
[SPEAKER_00]: Like why would someone attack someone else for what they like?
2:48
[SPEAKER_01]: You know what I mean?
2:48
[SPEAKER_01]: That's because you trigger people.
2:50
[SPEAKER_01]: And they don't instead of people saying, hey, I'm triggered.
2:54
[SPEAKER_01]: Why did this trigger me?
2:56
[SPEAKER_01]: It's for check and lash out.
2:58
[SPEAKER_01]: That's a fact.
2:59
[SPEAKER_01]: That's a fact.
3:00
[SPEAKER_00]: I like that.
3:01
[SPEAKER_00]: Okay, so braids are cool.
3:02
[SPEAKER_00]: Like if I'm a if the you know, I'm gonna do a bunch of trips a lot of women Go on vacation.
3:08
[SPEAKER_00]: They rather just have braids.
3:09
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, you're cool with that.
3:10
[SPEAKER_00]: Okay, but not just making their hair more bounce.
3:14
[SPEAKER_01]: You're more flowy.
3:16
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm not in the weeks and weeks, you know, like where you're hair braids are you gonna hair?
3:21
[SPEAKER_01]: And then, so yeah, women's that we're trying to control my hair, and I'm like, you all throw that word out there so loosely.
3:26
[SPEAKER_01]: I said, that's not controlling out the breakdown what control it is, because they don't really understand how to decipher between the two.
3:33
[SPEAKER_01]: I said for a man tells you what he's looking for or for it.
3:35
[SPEAKER_01]: He's giving you the opportunity to make a decision if you want to go down that path with him.
3:39
[SPEAKER_01]: I said, control is when the man tells you something and then you and then down the line, he switches up and tries to change things.
3:47
[SPEAKER_01]: That's controlling.
3:48
[SPEAKER_01]: I said, but if someone tells you what they're looking for in front, you have the choice to say, hey, I'm going to agree with that.
3:53
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm not going to agree with that.
3:55
[SPEAKER_01]: And that just falls into preference.
3:56
[SPEAKER_01]: But a good number, women say, no, you're trying to police and control women's hair.
4:00
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm like, no, I'm not.
4:01
[SPEAKER_01]: I just want to woman that embraces our natural hair.
4:04
[SPEAKER_01]: And that's your beauty.
4:04
[SPEAKER_01]: That's my
4:09
[SPEAKER_01]: I like what I like.
4:10
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm not mad at that.
4:11
[SPEAKER_00]: I listen.
4:12
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm on your side on this.
4:14
[SPEAKER_00]: Okay?
4:14
[SPEAKER_00]: And if anybody want to be mad, be mad at me.
4:16
[SPEAKER_00]: Okay?
4:16
[SPEAKER_00]: Because I'm with you on that.
4:18
[SPEAKER_00]: I like that.
4:19
[SPEAKER_00]: Not for my wife.
4:20
[SPEAKER_00]: She could do whatever she wants.
4:21
[SPEAKER_00]: Because I'm afraid to be happy.
4:22
[SPEAKER_00]: But the fact that you are bold enough to say, yeah, this is what I want.
4:26
[SPEAKER_00]: If you either take it or leave it.
4:27
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
4:28
[SPEAKER_00]: I like that.
4:29
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
4:29
[SPEAKER_00]: All right.
4:29
[SPEAKER_00]: So
4:31
[SPEAKER_00]: No, no, be, yeah, what if it's a, what if it's a respectable BVL?
4:35
[SPEAKER_01]: No, it's not.
4:36
[SPEAKER_01]: No, because women that typically, from, so I've been creating the vets in a down the phone for 15 plus years.
4:42
[SPEAKER_01]: And I've seen a number of women spend money on their body.
4:45
[SPEAKER_01]: And women that just spend the money on their body are doing it so that they can also attract a certain type of man, you know.
4:53
[SPEAKER_01]: And so my thing is, and I'm okay with that teaches on, but I don't want
5:00
[SPEAKER_01]: feels the need to attract someone to her that doesn't actually want her for her, you know, if you're attracting me for monetary gain at some type of gain, you know, that's just not my thing.
5:12
[SPEAKER_01]: I mean, we're all looking for something, but I want what you're looking for to be rooted in grounded in things of the substance, things that are internal, more sodium things that are external,
5:23
[SPEAKER_01]: Don't get me wrong.
5:23
[SPEAKER_01]: We all want someone that's attracted, but you have to also understand, looks are going to fade.
5:28
[SPEAKER_01]: And when they fade, do we actually enjoy each other?
5:32
[SPEAKER_01]: Do we laugh?
5:32
[SPEAKER_01]: Do we connect?
5:34
[SPEAKER_01]: Do we have a good time together?
5:36
[SPEAKER_01]: Are we in alignment?
5:37
[SPEAKER_01]: Do we have the same values and morals and principles?
5:40
[SPEAKER_01]: Like, so I want a woman that's more rooted than that than she is, how she looks.
5:44
[SPEAKER_00]: Hmm, so my wife, we've been going through this because she's given me two small babies, okay.
5:52
[SPEAKER_00]: Had a child before me, so um, and she hasn't done anything, but we talked around the idea of getting work done, and I don't think it's to attract another man, but for some women, they want to, they want to feel sexy.
6:07
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, and on a regular basis,
6:11
[SPEAKER_00]: you're still attracted to me on a regular basis and I'm like, oh my god, I hate the question, but I understand where it's coming from.
6:17
[SPEAKER_00]: Okay.
6:17
[SPEAKER_00]: You know what I mean?
6:18
[SPEAKER_00]: So where's it coming from?
6:20
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm pretty sure you grab or kiss or hold or like do you do things that make sure that she doesn't have to ask that question?
6:28
[SPEAKER_01]: Thank you.
6:28
[SPEAKER_01]: All right, first off, let's head about.
6:30
[SPEAKER_01]: Okay, my bad, my bad, my bad.
6:32
[SPEAKER_01]: I've just really do more.
6:33
[SPEAKER_01]: Just curious, because I went through that with a woman before where she was, where she started gaining weight.
6:38
[SPEAKER_01]: We weren't dating, we was just kind of hanging out.
6:41
[SPEAKER_01]: And she, I forget what happened.
6:43
[SPEAKER_01]: I think she, I think.
6:45
[SPEAKER_01]: I can't remember, so I don't want to speak erroneously, but she has some type of injury, so she ended up being down for a couple months not being able to work out, and she started to gain weight, and I wasn't initiating physical intimacy with her, and she brought it up.
7:00
[SPEAKER_01]: She's like, I don't think you're attracted to me.
7:02
[SPEAKER_01]: And I was like, well, we're not in a relationship, we're not in a relationship, we're in a scapegoat, but she was right.
7:06
[SPEAKER_01]: She had to start gaining weight and I didn't, she just didn't bring that out of me anymore.
7:12
[SPEAKER_01]: So I think if you're still grabbing her, kissing her, smack her, can we use profanity or together?
7:19
[SPEAKER_01]: If you're still smack her on her, but you know, and give her things to that nature,
7:23
[SPEAKER_01]: then I don't think she would actually feel that, but if you're not doing things, when she walked by like grab a, you know, pulling her to you, then that could create where she's like, you're not attracted to me.
7:35
[SPEAKER_01]: What is going on here?
7:37
[SPEAKER_01]: I mean, I'm single though.
7:40
[SPEAKER_01]: I don't know.
7:40
[SPEAKER_00]: You 100% right, bro.
7:43
[SPEAKER_00]: Because, and I don't think, of course, I'm not attracted to my wife, but I think the longer you're married, it's easy to get away from those things.
7:54
[SPEAKER_00]: You know, because we got the kids and you know, like, kids, we like sleeping in our beds, was like, it's, we got a really creep around to be able to be able to deal with it.
8:05
[SPEAKER_00]: It's wild, but you're absolutely right, maybe.
8:08
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm thinking that's coming from a,
8:10
[SPEAKER_00]: I want you look good for me, but maybe if she feels maybe something slipping away, yeah, part of it is, I don't want to look up for you too.
8:19
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, it could be, I think it's good.
8:22
[SPEAKER_01]: Just throwing out ideas, like I said, I've been single for 10 plus years, man.
8:25
[SPEAKER_01]: So I just don't want ideas out there.
8:27
[SPEAKER_01]: I don't, I don't, I don't, I am 43 by before the four next month.
8:31
[SPEAKER_00]: 43 and you have it.
8:33
[SPEAKER_00]: One, we're going to describe what single means.
8:36
[SPEAKER_00]: However,
8:38
[SPEAKER_00]: At 43, when you start, let's just describe, let's find this now.
8:47
[SPEAKER_00]: Okay.
8:48
[SPEAKER_00]: When you say I've been single for two years, what does that mean?
8:51
[SPEAKER_01]: Like, single mean and I haven't been in a committed relationship, I haven't led any women to believe that they're in a relationship with me.
9:01
[SPEAKER_01]: I haven't allowed any women to believe that they're in a relationship with me, like I legit been single, me and then I've been able to do what I want to do freely, without anyone else as an input, and how I move, how I choose to move and what I choose to do.
9:15
[SPEAKER_01]: So do you want to be in a community relationship?
9:17
[SPEAKER_01]: I do, I do people that say they don't, I think they are, you know, the process and do a her or something, you know, some type of traumatic or emotional situation or experiencing a life.
9:33
[SPEAKER_01]: I don't really think any of us are meant to be alone but for me I've made peace with it because I know that I want a certain type of woman and I know exactly what I want I know exactly what I like and I know exactly how I want a woman to think like believe it or not I can ask one simple question and it eliminates at least 95% of the women I meet was that question
9:52
[SPEAKER_01]: I say, hey, you can't add any variables to this question.
9:55
[SPEAKER_01]: And then love to try to add variables.
9:57
[SPEAKER_01]: You can't not add any variables.
9:59
[SPEAKER_01]: A decision has to be made.
10:01
[SPEAKER_01]: I don't agree with you.
10:02
[SPEAKER_01]: You don't agree with me.
10:03
[SPEAKER_01]: Who makes that decision?
10:04
[SPEAKER_01]: And I ask again, can't add any variables.
10:07
[SPEAKER_01]: A decision has to be made.
10:09
[SPEAKER_01]: I don't agree with you.
10:10
[SPEAKER_01]: You don't agree with me.
10:11
[SPEAKER_01]: Who makes that decision?
10:13
[SPEAKER_01]: Basically, if I want to answer that question, tell me everything I need to know.
10:16
[SPEAKER_01]: If she pushes back on the question, maybe her won't work.
10:19
[SPEAKER_01]: If she's saying, well, I make the decision, maybe her and I won't work.
10:25
[SPEAKER_01]: If she's saying, well, well,
10:27
[SPEAKER_01]: Who does what better her and I won't work?
10:29
[SPEAKER_01]: Because we're not talking about all that.
10:31
[SPEAKER_01]: I want you to be the stage within the framework of what we're talking about.
10:35
[SPEAKER_01]: And the answer that works for me is the man makes that decision.
10:39
[SPEAKER_01]: The reason why that works for me because that's a woman who is naturally submissive.
10:44
[SPEAKER_01]: Meaning she has her dad in her life.
10:45
[SPEAKER_01]: She has her uncle, a grandfather.
10:47
[SPEAKER_01]: Like she know that, hey, me and Lee.
10:50
[SPEAKER_01]: Now, you can hear about the lyrics and say,
10:55
[SPEAKER_01]: If she deal with finances better than you, maybe you have the finances.
10:58
[SPEAKER_01]: If she does certain things better than you, you default to her, but we're not getting into all of that right away.
11:03
[SPEAKER_01]: I just want to see the framework of how you think and how you was raised.
11:06
[SPEAKER_01]: And typically for me, that question allows me to immediately identify how this woman thinks.
11:12
[SPEAKER_01]: Default answers should be men-made decision for women-made the final decision in a relationship.
11:19
[SPEAKER_01]: If the woman believes in the men lead, women that don't believe in men lead or women that challenged men on leadership, they don't answer that question that way.
11:28
[SPEAKER_01]: But women that naturally believed, like the woman I was just reclaimed, stop dating when we first went out.
11:33
[SPEAKER_01]: I said, hey, we was jealous and so well.
11:36
[SPEAKER_01]: I said, hey, question for you.
11:38
[SPEAKER_01]: The decision has to, so you can't add any variables.
11:40
[SPEAKER_01]: The decision has to be made.
11:41
[SPEAKER_01]: I don't agree with you.
11:43
[SPEAKER_01]: You don't agree with me.
11:44
[SPEAKER_01]: Who makes that decision?
11:45
[SPEAKER_01]: She said, you do.
11:50
[SPEAKER_01]: Like, yeah, so I just know my type of woman and I think sometimes, you know, and I tell a women this all the time, a group number women know what they don't want, but they don't know what they do want.
12:03
[SPEAKER_01]: And so they go through like navigate and measuring me and based on what they don't want.
12:09
[SPEAKER_01]: And they want to get with that man, they realize like, oh, excuse me, I thought I wanted this, but I don't want this.
12:17
[SPEAKER_01]: I thought I wanted to be a man like that, but I don't want that, and with me, I know exactly what I want, and so I went through my last 10 years knowing exactly what I want, and so it's been easy for me not to fall by the waistline with women that don't align with it, because I know exactly what type of woman I'm looking for.
12:36
[SPEAKER_00]: If you start with that conversation, I would imagine that most women won't give you what you're desiring in terms of not, I wouldn't know.
12:47
[SPEAKER_00]: But I would imagine in the 10 years it's not like you've been abstaining, right?
12:51
[SPEAKER_00]: You meet some women, you all have a good time.
12:53
[SPEAKER_00]: But I guess you don't get that deep into conversations until after.
12:59
[SPEAKER_01]: Wouldn't know for me, it's about, if I meet a woman and let's just say, I don't see it going anywhere, you're not put the offer of friends, friends with benefits on the table to see if she's open to that.
13:10
[SPEAKER_01]: And what I've learned is that if you just be honest with a woman, not all women, because some women in my pain don't really want honesty.
13:17
[SPEAKER_01]: But if you just put it on the table like, hey, I'm going to look for anything serious if you're open to friends with benefits, that's where I am.
13:23
[SPEAKER_01]: They're like, she's like, a cool, that works with me.
13:26
[SPEAKER_00]: And people take that and they be like, I'm with it.
13:28
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, she's with, yeah, along with you, I'm just with her, and you consistent with her.
13:33
[SPEAKER_01]: Jeremy and I, we were just on a recent podcast with Amanda, and we brought up this topic, and Jeremy was talking about shout out to him.
13:39
[SPEAKER_01]: It was a great conversation.
13:41
[SPEAKER_01]: He talked about how he just don't even do the friends with benefits, type of situations.
13:46
[SPEAKER_01]: He's like, look, we just have a sex, because he don't win when we're in the fall down that wrap up.
13:49
[SPEAKER_01]: He's like, I just want the benefit, we don't get what you're here.
13:52
[SPEAKER_01]: But whereas with me, I'm more so like, hey, there's a win which I was raised that you have to treat a woman.
13:59
[SPEAKER_01]: Like, no matter what you like this woman or not, you open up doors, you move her to the inside.
14:03
[SPEAKER_01]: You make sure that she always feels safe, comfortable, respected and protected.
14:08
[SPEAKER_01]: So it is more so a friend's with benefits situation with me because I'm whether I want to be with you or not.
14:15
[SPEAKER_01]: There's a win which I have to treat you.
14:17
[SPEAKER_01]: There's a win which I have to move based off the way I was raised and and the things that was instilled within me.
14:24
[SPEAKER_01]: So yeah.
14:25
[SPEAKER_00]: I want to go back to something you said that women don't really want honesty.
14:29
[SPEAKER_00]: What do you mean?
14:30
[SPEAKER_01]: So, I look at how you respond to honesty.
14:34
[SPEAKER_01]: So, if you really want honesty, then your first inclination of your first reaction, shouldn't be to overreact.
14:44
[SPEAKER_01]: It should be to process and digest what was said to you.
14:48
[SPEAKER_01]: Like I, it may be me like that as well, but I don't date me in, but I can simply say that, what you and I love had to go.
14:55
[SPEAKER_01]: I've seen you, mutual friends, mutual places.
14:59
[SPEAKER_01]: Man, you could put a topic on the table, even if it's something that you didn't want to hear.
15:04
[SPEAKER_01]: Or vice versa, something I don't want to hear.
15:06
[SPEAKER_01]: We're going to process, do, and it'd be like,
15:08
[SPEAKER_01]: Why did their brothers say that to me or what was this about?
15:12
[SPEAKER_01]: I've known it was a good number of women.
15:13
[SPEAKER_01]: You say something to them and they're immediately triggered.
15:16
[SPEAKER_01]: Versus process and do what was said, why it was said, right?
15:21
[SPEAKER_01]: If you really want honesty, you take the time to process through what was said and why it was said.
15:26
[SPEAKER_01]: And if you disagree with it, then you dismiss and if you find some validity in it, then you address it and you try to correct it, you know, if possible.
15:36
[SPEAKER_01]: If your mindset is anything underneath, then you really don't want the truth.
15:40
[SPEAKER_01]: And then your experience, lots of women don't want the truth.
15:43
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
15:44
[SPEAKER_01]: They don't say, well, I just want to be honest, and then when I'm honest, it's like, well, why did you say it like that?
15:50
[SPEAKER_00]: Oh, that's the fact.
15:51
[SPEAKER_01]: You know, it's okay.
15:53
[SPEAKER_01]: What are you saying?
15:54
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
15:55
[SPEAKER_00]: It's like, what do you mean?
15:56
[SPEAKER_00]: You said it'd be honest.
15:58
[SPEAKER_00]: Well, my answer or just tell me what answer you want.
16:02
[SPEAKER_00]: And I said that out of turn a bunch of times, like just give me what answer you want.
16:05
[SPEAKER_01]: If you don't answer my answer, what answer do you want?
16:07
[SPEAKER_00]: Just give me the answer you want me to give you and I'll give you that.
16:09
[SPEAKER_01]: Thanks.
16:10
[SPEAKER_01]: And so that's how you know.
16:12
[SPEAKER_01]: A woman that wants honesty versus a woman that does it.
16:15
[SPEAKER_00]: Okay.
16:17
[SPEAKER_00]: You don't want kids.
16:18
[SPEAKER_00]: It's a non-negotiable man, non-negotiable.
16:20
[SPEAKER_00]: Here's the crazy.
16:22
[SPEAKER_00]: There might be somebody that you really fall for and they want kids and you give it to them.
16:27
[SPEAKER_01]: I walked away several times already.
16:29
[SPEAKER_01]: I know for a family.
16:30
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
16:31
[SPEAKER_00]: What's up with the kids?
16:32
[SPEAKER_00]: What's wrong with you?
16:33
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm not raising another child, man.
16:34
[SPEAKER_01]: Truth be told, my son is a blessing, but I never wanted kids.
16:39
[SPEAKER_01]: All I'm making do is not get a woman pregnant.
16:42
[SPEAKER_01]: Once we get a woman pregnant, the ball is out of our court.
16:45
[SPEAKER_01]: It's up to her.
16:46
[SPEAKER_01]: It's her body, her choice, I'm whether or not she wants to keep that child or not.
16:50
[SPEAKER_01]: So with my son mother and she's two years old in the mean, I was 25 when she had him.
16:56
[SPEAKER_01]: She was 27, both of our first child.
16:59
[SPEAKER_01]: And immediately, she said, hey, I'm pregnant and I said, well, what do you want to do?
17:04
[SPEAKER_01]: She said, I want to have it.
17:06
[SPEAKER_01]: I said, well, I'm not ready to be a father.
17:08
[SPEAKER_01]: And then she asked my very pivotal question.
17:11
[SPEAKER_01]: Very pertinent question.
17:12
[SPEAKER_01]: She said, well, you be there.
17:14
[SPEAKER_01]: Because, and I respected that.
17:15
[SPEAKER_01]: Because, when I said, I wasn't going to be there.
17:18
[SPEAKER_01]: She was not having my son.
17:19
[SPEAKER_01]: She's like, I'm not going to be here.
17:21
[SPEAKER_01]: She's like, I'm not going to procreate with a man.
17:23
[SPEAKER_01]: That's going to abandon me and my child.
17:25
[SPEAKER_01]: And I told her, yeah, I'll be there.
17:28
[SPEAKER_01]: And so she decided to have our side and I made sure she was good mood in my place took care of her because I told her at the time like I can't pay two rents.
17:35
[SPEAKER_01]: So we paid to break our lease mood in my place and I took care of her and we've been co-parenting for the last 19 years and I've had to live a life of sacrifice, I'm sacrificing now.
17:45
[SPEAKER_01]: like I've had the minimize my lifestyle, more houses is expensive, my son.
17:50
[SPEAKER_01]: The little more campus is get the three-kill year.
17:52
[SPEAKER_01]: We got like 31 kids college just the first year.
17:55
[SPEAKER_01]: I had to pay 22k out of pocket.
17:56
[SPEAKER_01]: Like when we talk about rent, we talk about food, you know, gas, electricity, all the different things we're talking about tuition, you know, and so for me,
18:05
[SPEAKER_01]: to go into the framework of having to take care of myself, my son, and another person, and with the way women are so entitled now, the way someone in the women are, what can a man do for me, that doesn't work for me.
18:22
[SPEAKER_01]: Like, if she doesn't have a partnership type of mentality,
18:25
[SPEAKER_01]: Meaning she comes into my life saying how can I add to his life is there anything that he needs for me?
18:31
[SPEAKER_01]: And I'm better just taking care of my son and myself.
18:34
[SPEAKER_01]: So I just don't see at a net level of weight on my shoulders again.
18:40
[SPEAKER_01]: That's a lot of weight, bro.
18:41
[SPEAKER_00]: That's a lot of weight every got in anyone pregnant in the last.
18:44
[SPEAKER_00]: Nope.
18:45
[SPEAKER_00]: No, it's easy not to.
18:47
[SPEAKER_00]: It's not, I don't know, it's easy.
18:48
[SPEAKER_00]: It is, it is.
18:49
[SPEAKER_00]: Because the way you have that question, what you were doing about it?
18:52
[SPEAKER_00]: I got a rolled off your tongue, like you said.
18:54
[SPEAKER_01]: Well, the reason I rolled up my tongue, this we talking the 19 years ago, 20 years ago, whereas now I don't only deal with women that won't be a baby, but I'm like the woman I was just, I just reached a stop dating.
19:06
[SPEAKER_01]: She is not having any more kids.
19:08
[SPEAKER_01]: And so I don't have to worry about it.
19:11
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, like I did put this way.
19:13
[SPEAKER_01]: I deal with women and I've never heard this before, but it's funny.
19:17
[SPEAKER_01]: I deal with women that tell me, say, hey, I'm not having any more kids.
19:20
[SPEAKER_01]: What is playing be your plan C?
19:22
[SPEAKER_01]: And I'm like, what is playing C?
19:24
[SPEAKER_01]: That's like, oh wow.
19:26
[SPEAKER_01]: So, I deal with women now that are just not going to be baby mom.
19:29
[SPEAKER_01]: It's like they're not having a child out of with it.
19:31
[SPEAKER_01]: So, I don't have to worry about.
19:33
[SPEAKER_01]: being pregnant or getting them pregnant because then on both ends we're both protected in our cells and making sure we're safe and so I and they're just parents I haven't had to take any woman to the clinic I haven't had any woman have an abortion in 20 years because I just don't deal with women that are going to let you be baby and my many of them are women that are going to have a man child out of weight loss you didn't you didn't get the surgery yourself though I'm thinking about it I was like the easiest where I
20:00
[SPEAKER_01]: Well, being there as I'm not in the relationship and I'm not actively just sleeping with random women, it's no big concern.
20:07
[SPEAKER_01]: It's like again, the women I'm intimate with, I don't have to worry about getting their pregnant.
20:12
[SPEAKER_01]: It's proven.
20:13
[SPEAKER_01]: And so for me, if I get a vasectomy which I'm planning on getting the vasectomy, it'll be more so when I get in the relationship and get
20:21
[SPEAKER_01]: get what one woman, because when you get with the woman, you don't necessarily want her to be on Burkantro put in different things or her body to throw off, you know, the imbalance of her body and her chemical makeup, right?
20:31
[SPEAKER_01]: And so, for me, I would take on getting a vasectomy to ensure that she doesn't have to do what is it, I UV, you know, different things and the Burkantro patch or Burkantro appeals.
20:43
[SPEAKER_01]: I would more so take that step to ensure she's healthy and safe.
20:47
[SPEAKER_01]: Got it.
20:47
[SPEAKER_01]: Okay.
20:47
[SPEAKER_00]: So, your last
20:50
[SPEAKER_00]: I guess I can't call it relationship.
20:51
[SPEAKER_00]: The last person you were serious with because you wouldn't count that as a relationship?
20:56
[SPEAKER_00]: We almost got on the cuffs of her.
20:58
[SPEAKER_01]: We was on the cuffs of her relationship.
21:00
[SPEAKER_00]: You know, what makes the relationship relationship?
21:02
[SPEAKER_01]: A relationship is a commitment between two people that, hey, we're only focused on each other and we're moving towards either marriage or a life partnership.
21:13
[SPEAKER_01]: That's what makes the relationship.
21:14
[SPEAKER_01]: That's the relationship, you know.
21:16
[SPEAKER_01]: How long were y'all dating almost a year?
21:20
[SPEAKER_01]: Almost a year.
21:22
[SPEAKER_00]: Were you still sleeping with other people?
21:24
[SPEAKER_01]: No, she was on the one last night's in the way.
21:25
[SPEAKER_01]: You were in a relationship.
21:26
[SPEAKER_01]: I wasn't the material you are.
21:28
[SPEAKER_01]: So the thing for me is this, I think today's time we move way too fast.
21:34
[SPEAKER_01]: So what I mean about it is this.
21:37
[SPEAKER_01]: when you meet someone, you can immediately jump to date and date.
21:41
[SPEAKER_01]: A good number of women don't like my mentality when the conflict is, but it's just what it is.
21:44
[SPEAKER_01]: When I first meet you, we're hanging out.
21:47
[SPEAKER_01]: Let's hang out, let's get to know each other.
21:48
[SPEAKER_01]: Let's see if we even like each other.
21:50
[SPEAKER_01]: See if we are lying.
21:52
[SPEAKER_01]: After hanging out for a while, then I'll say, hey, can I take you on a date?
21:57
[SPEAKER_01]: We sit down and we talk about what that means to you and what that looks like, because prior to me, moving this way,
22:03
[SPEAKER_01]: I'll have women that's got to go around and say, hey, him and I were dating, I'm like, no, we weren't.
22:07
[SPEAKER_01]: We never dated.
22:08
[SPEAKER_01]: But in their mind, because you took them on a date, at some point, a date turns into dating, and those are unspoken conversations.
22:15
[SPEAKER_01]: Whereas with me, I just communicate every step of the way.
22:18
[SPEAKER_01]: So for me, the hangout stage is, whatever it looks like for that woman, and she doesn't want to be intimate, cool.
22:24
[SPEAKER_01]: If she wants to be intimate, and we feel comfortable crossing that threshold, cool.
22:28
[SPEAKER_01]: But it's really more so about little your life.
22:31
[SPEAKER_01]: freely however you choose to let you know obligation no obligation just with honesty right transparency so beyond that we're moving to a space of hey I like you all right well let's go on a date and so now what does that look like you know are you going on dates with multiple guys on her in on my inch your ass hey are you going on dates multiple women like no I'm only going on a date with you I'm still hanging out with other women but I'm only going on a date with you
23:00
[SPEAKER_01]: difference between hanging out and going on a date.
23:02
[SPEAKER_01]: I don't understand.
23:02
[SPEAKER_01]: I know, so this is, this is for me.
23:06
[SPEAKER_01]: So once you say date, you've now put yourself in a space that you're going to eventually start dating, because I don't know how many dates lead to your dating.
23:15
[SPEAKER_01]: I've just learned that once you use that word date, you're now dating that woman.
23:19
[SPEAKER_01]: If that makes sense.
23:21
[SPEAKER_00]: So, you're saying, if I'm talking to somebody, you're careful of the word date, you're like, yo, so it's not like, or even a date, okay, so for me, when you take someone to dinner,
23:38
[SPEAKER_01]: which is hanging out.
23:39
[SPEAKER_01]: That is a date, bro.
23:40
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm gonna tell you why.
23:41
[SPEAKER_01]: Maybe for you, but not your mayor.
23:43
[SPEAKER_01]: Well, in the past, maybe that was for you, but I'm gonna tell you for me, I've learned that when you were so important, it's like saying kids versus children.
23:51
[SPEAKER_01]: When you hear someone say my kids, you think baby kids, they might be a little unruly, maybe a little managed, but when you say children, it seems more like they come from a stable, two-parent house and kids and children.
24:02
[SPEAKER_01]: Okay, cool.
24:03
[SPEAKER_01]: All right, well, I'm just telling you semantics does matter.
24:05
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
24:06
[SPEAKER_01]: You know what you say is how you say it.
24:08
[SPEAKER_01]: It's not what you do is how you do it.
24:10
[SPEAKER_01]: And I'm sorry.
24:10
[SPEAKER_00]: It's not in the comments.
24:11
[SPEAKER_00]: I know.
24:13
[SPEAKER_00]: I know.
24:13
[SPEAKER_00]: They use this word that I thought was so funny.
24:17
[SPEAKER_00]: And you haven't done it yet, but I want to imagine.
24:20
[SPEAKER_00]: In your, I'm talking to say, relationship, your encounters, you be using words, salads.
24:27
[SPEAKER_00]: Word they call it words.
24:29
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, we're a salad.
24:30
[SPEAKER_00]: We're just you.
24:30
[SPEAKER_01]: That was so It's not so much worse salad.
24:33
[SPEAKER_01]: It's just that you really have to be careful and like so I tell people at a time I'm purposeful.
24:39
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm not intentional and a lot of people out here intentional and it's too completely different things So intentional is this
24:47
[SPEAKER_01]: I spoke to college nine o'clock, and I don't call it nine o'clock, and when I do, when you fall in the hear from me, I'd like my bad for giving me, I got tied up, that's intentional.
24:57
[SPEAKER_01]: Purpose food is, I spoke to college nine o'clock, nine o'clock comes, you don't hear from me when you do hear from me, my bad, I apologize, how can I make this up to you?
25:06
[SPEAKER_01]: I wasn't able to call it now.
25:07
[SPEAKER_01]: Here's what happened.
25:08
[SPEAKER_01]: What I do value you see.
25:09
[SPEAKER_01]: Purpose ensures that you are a value.
25:12
[SPEAKER_01]: Intention ensures that you know I ain't my bad for giving me.
25:16
[SPEAKER_01]: And those are two completely different things.
25:18
[SPEAKER_01]: And so I've learned it's just a little more of a purpose driven life and to live a purpose driven life means that there has to be clarity in every aspect of your life.
25:27
[SPEAKER_01]: My life is peaceful and drama-free.
25:29
[SPEAKER_01]: I have no drama and no dysfunctionalism in my life.
25:33
[SPEAKER_01]: And the reason why is because I make sure things are clearly communicated.
25:38
[SPEAKER_01]: So a woman can't say, oh, he manipulated me.
25:41
[SPEAKER_01]: Oh, he led me on a, he led me on.
25:45
[SPEAKER_01]: Or he played games with me.
25:46
[SPEAKER_01]: You know exactly where we're staying.
25:48
[SPEAKER_01]: So if I'm telling you we're hanging out, you know that we're just hanging out.
25:52
[SPEAKER_01]: So there's no need for you to put any emphasis on anything other than the fact that we're hanging out.
25:57
[SPEAKER_01]: I've learned that that works because when I were using the word date,
26:02
[SPEAKER_00]: Then I didn't have no clue about dating, but you can't stop them.
26:06
[SPEAKER_00]: If you are, let's say you're seeing someone on a regular basis.
26:10
[SPEAKER_00]: Got it.
26:10
[SPEAKER_00]: Let's say you're going out to eat maybe once a week.
26:14
[SPEAKER_00]: Okay.
26:14
[SPEAKER_00]: You're dating that person, bro.
26:16
[SPEAKER_00]: You're according to that person.
26:18
[SPEAKER_00]: I may not.
26:19
[SPEAKER_00]: That might, may not be your girlfriend.
26:21
[SPEAKER_01]: But you are dating, I'm just saying for me, I'm not.
26:25
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm not quarter you until I see myself being, like until I see myself, actually being with you all the possibility of being with you.
26:33
[SPEAKER_00]: How long were you with the young lady that you were just with, where it was exclusive, where you all came together saying, I'm not dating nobody else, you're not dating nobody else, we're exclusive.
26:44
[SPEAKER_01]: Let's see.
26:45
[SPEAKER_01]: Maybe about four months into it.
26:48
[SPEAKER_01]: Don't you grow from growing?
26:49
[SPEAKER_01]: Maybe about four, five months.
26:50
[SPEAKER_00]: I got a girl who was six months.
26:51
[SPEAKER_01]: Well, this is the thing.
26:54
[SPEAKER_01]: So the reason why I would say that she wasn't my girlfriend or we weren't in a relationship is because
27:02
[SPEAKER_01]: She still live her own independent life like we didn't keep tabs on each other like that.
27:06
[SPEAKER_01]: So we were just honest with each other and trust each other on how we moved them and the things that we did.
27:11
[SPEAKER_01]: But we didn't necessarily have to say, hey, this is where I'm at, this is what I'm doing.
27:16
[SPEAKER_01]: Have anything like that, what we did, trust each other.
27:19
[SPEAKER_01]: For me to take her on as a relationship with me and that, I'm now looking at her as being my life partner in my wife.
27:27
[SPEAKER_01]: And we never got to that threshold where we're like, okay, we're going to start doing life together.
27:32
[SPEAKER_01]: That's really what a committed relationship is is, hey, hit her parents, I haven't met up parents.
27:37
[SPEAKER_01]: She met my mom, but I met like some of her siblings, because she lived, she's from a different state.
27:43
[SPEAKER_01]: And so that's why I never met her.
27:44
[SPEAKER_00]: My answer is, okay, you celebrate holidays?
27:47
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, let's just say Valentine's Day, we're y'all together all Valentine's Day.
27:53
[SPEAKER_01]: We weren't, but she chewed me out about it too.
27:58
[SPEAKER_01]: Christmas.
27:59
[SPEAKER_01]: We're all together.
28:00
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, we would get on Christmas.
28:02
[SPEAKER_01]: Nice given.
28:04
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, we was good at this.
28:05
[SPEAKER_00]: That was your girlfriend, bro.
28:07
[SPEAKER_01]: That's your girlfriend, why are you trying to force the girlfriend?
28:10
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm not forcing it.
28:11
[SPEAKER_00]: But so if you go into a if you go into a building, okay, and you see teachers and students and shop boards and stuff like that.
28:27
[SPEAKER_00]: But the building says
28:31
[SPEAKER_00]: It's not a hospital.
28:32
[SPEAKER_00]: That's a school.
28:33
[SPEAKER_00]: I don't care what you call it.
28:34
[SPEAKER_00]: Let's say no school, which means there's a podcast studio.
28:38
[SPEAKER_00]: You like, bro, it's, you're got graduation next week here.
28:41
[SPEAKER_01]: This is a school.
28:43
[SPEAKER_01]: I get what you come up from, but that analogy doesn't apply to this issue.
28:45
[SPEAKER_01]: Yes, I would say you are.
28:47
[SPEAKER_00]: The activity, here's my point.
28:49
[SPEAKER_00]: The activity determines what it is.
28:52
[SPEAKER_00]: Not what you label it.
28:54
[SPEAKER_00]: In terms of, from, I guess, this is all personal.
29:00
[SPEAKER_00]: But in my mind, okay, it's not the label that you put on it.
29:05
[SPEAKER_00]: It's the activity and the intention and what you're showing, like I'm together with holidays.
29:11
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm like, like, this is my person.
29:12
[SPEAKER_00]: We've decided that we're not gonna see nobody else.
29:16
[SPEAKER_00]: If you've seen her out with somebody, maybe you're feeling like I can't say anything.
29:23
[SPEAKER_00]: But you're gonna say something later.
29:25
[SPEAKER_01]: Well, it's over.
29:27
[SPEAKER_01]: All the reason I would say something is because it would be a lie that she's told me and vice versa.
29:32
[SPEAKER_01]: It would be a lie that I told her, but it wouldn't be because she's cheating.
29:35
[SPEAKER_01]: I wouldn't say she cheated on me and she couldn't say I cheated on her.
29:39
[SPEAKER_01]: So I get where you're coming from, but it's bigger than just, hit me out, it's bigger than just action.
29:44
[SPEAKER_01]: It is about what you say to them, tell you why.
29:47
[SPEAKER_01]: Because,
29:48
[SPEAKER_01]: I can't hold you to your actions until I know what your actions mean.
29:52
[SPEAKER_01]: For example, I can tell you I love you, but if I never show you, I love you, you're going to question what I love you or not.
29:59
[SPEAKER_01]: For sure.
29:59
[SPEAKER_01]: But I can never tell you I love you, but being and show you things that I love you,
30:04
[SPEAKER_01]: And you would say, oh, he loves me because those actions.
30:09
[SPEAKER_01]: But then you would be incorrect.
30:10
[SPEAKER_01]: We'll tell you why, because you don't know that I would just raise the do things in decency and has nothing to do with me loving you.
30:18
[SPEAKER_01]: It's just that that's how I treat everybody.
30:20
[SPEAKER_01]: That's the way I am.
30:22
[SPEAKER_01]: It's not because I love you.
30:23
[SPEAKER_01]: It's because I just believe in being a good person.
30:26
[SPEAKER_01]: But if I tell you, I love you.
30:28
[SPEAKER_01]: And then I start doing no things.
30:30
[SPEAKER_01]: You now know that I love you because I've told you and now I'm showing you.
30:35
[SPEAKER_01]: So you can't have one without the other.
30:37
[SPEAKER_01]: You're gonna always miscommunicate.
30:39
[SPEAKER_01]: You're gonna always misinterpret things if you don't have both.
30:43
[SPEAKER_01]: You must know what those action mean.
30:45
[SPEAKER_01]: So that's what I said.
30:46
[SPEAKER_01]: That was a good analogy about the school in hospital, but it doesn't align.
30:50
[SPEAKER_01]: Because the internet there you're still conflicted because you're like,
30:53
[SPEAKER_01]: It says hospital, but I see teachers and students.
30:55
[SPEAKER_01]: Why does it say hospital?
30:56
[SPEAKER_00]: So now you go in here like, no, this is a school, but why does it say hospital?
30:59
[SPEAKER_00]: But what if there's no label on the building at all?
31:02
[SPEAKER_00]: Because what you're saying is, I'm not labeling what we do.
31:05
[SPEAKER_00]: Okay.
31:06
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm just showing you what we do, right?
31:08
[SPEAKER_00]: So in there are certain things that you would do for somebody that you wouldn't do for somebody that you don't love.
31:14
[SPEAKER_00]: So in the situation, I'm showing you that I love you.
31:19
[SPEAKER_00]: Without even saying, I'm showing you that I love you, and that's what it is, especially, because it's really difficult to show everyone you know that you love them.
31:33
[SPEAKER_00]: You think so?
31:34
[SPEAKER_00]: 100, it takes time, energy, attention, and sensionality to show that.
31:40
[SPEAKER_00]: Can you love that many people?
31:42
[SPEAKER_00]: I think you can have the love for humanity.
31:45
[SPEAKER_00]: Okay, cool, all right.
31:49
[SPEAKER_00]: I love our money.
31:50
[SPEAKER_00]: If he's in a situation, I got him.
31:53
[SPEAKER_00]: If it's some people that's trying to jump and we together, we end it together.
31:57
[SPEAKER_00]: Right?
31:59
[SPEAKER_00]: But my everyday action, I can't put intentionality in letting him know that because I just don't have the capacity to talk about my wife.
32:09
[SPEAKER_00]: I have a responsibility to show her that I love her.
32:13
[SPEAKER_00]: But you do, let me tell you why.
32:14
[SPEAKER_01]: Because there are different variations of love.
32:17
[SPEAKER_01]: There's friendship, love, force, romantic love.
32:19
[SPEAKER_01]: There's family love.
32:20
[SPEAKER_01]: So it's about what bucket of love.
32:22
[SPEAKER_01]: You're not romantic.
32:23
[SPEAKER_01]: You'll have romantic love to your point.
32:25
[SPEAKER_01]: So there's a certain bucket of relationship that you were in.
32:29
[SPEAKER_01]: But I get what you're coming from.
32:31
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm just simply saying you can't have one without the other.
32:34
[SPEAKER_01]: If you go back to that building,
32:36
[SPEAKER_01]: No matter what you see in that building, what do you see nurses, what do you see teachers, students, whatever, you still have to put a label on that building so people know exactly what they're walking into.
32:47
[SPEAKER_01]: Regardless of what they see in that building and you're implied that building that is, until you label that building, it still does not match to what the building is.
32:56
[SPEAKER_01]: It's still simply just a building.
32:57
[SPEAKER_01]: It could be a building of nurses.
32:59
[SPEAKER_01]: But it doesn't make it a hospital until you call it hospital.
33:02
[SPEAKER_01]: No, no, no, no, no, the activity.
33:04
[SPEAKER_00]: It doesn't, no.
33:05
[SPEAKER_00]: I walked into, so I'm sure you've been to recording studios.
33:10
[SPEAKER_00]: Okay.
33:10
[SPEAKER_00]: A lot of them don't have recording studio in there.
33:13
[SPEAKER_00]: It's a warehouse.
33:14
[SPEAKER_00]: When you go in there, you see a recording studio, you see the mixer board, you see where they're going to be recording.
33:20
[SPEAKER_00]: You're like, oh, this is a recording studio.
33:22
[SPEAKER_00]: What shop you're going to hear?
33:23
[SPEAKER_00]: Record a music?
33:24
[SPEAKER_00]: This is a regardless of what's on the building.
33:27
[SPEAKER_00]: My point is, okay, there is a, but to your point,
33:31
[SPEAKER_00]: Like you said, there's certain buckets of love.
33:34
[SPEAKER_00]: You have to at some point admit that there was a bucket of relationship, especially if there was an anticipation that curses were going to spin together.
33:42
[SPEAKER_00]: Of course, what else would we do?
33:45
[SPEAKER_01]: Right.
33:46
[SPEAKER_01]: That's the thing.
33:47
[SPEAKER_01]: There was no anticipation.
33:48
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, there was an expectation, bro.
33:50
[SPEAKER_01]: Maybe on her aim but not for me.
33:52
[SPEAKER_01]: For me, it was more so than a relationship by herself.
33:54
[SPEAKER_01]: Because we weren't in a relationship.
33:56
[SPEAKER_00]: It was like, get you to say.
33:58
[SPEAKER_00]: I love this this is my favorite conversation I've had all year for this is good one I do I love your transparency bro.
34:07
[SPEAKER_01]: Thank you.
34:08
[SPEAKER_00]: I love it
34:10
[SPEAKER_00]: I think most people can appreciate it because if they see you and let's say from this interview they DM you, there isn't understanding that he is not looking for a relationship right now, even though you may, but if IBM and right now, it could take two years before we even label
34:40
[SPEAKER_00]: where you care about them.
34:42
[SPEAKER_00]: Number how you say it, you don't want to hurt them.
34:45
[SPEAKER_00]: You would never, you would never put yourself in a situation where she could see you out on a link up with somebody.
34:58
[SPEAKER_00]: Because you don't want to hurt her feeling because there's a certain level of relationship you all have.
35:04
[SPEAKER_00]: If we're dating absolutely, so we're dating
35:07
[SPEAKER_00]: But y'all weren't dating you're saying the last person.
35:09
[SPEAKER_00]: No, we were dating.
35:10
[SPEAKER_01]: We weren't in a relationship.
35:11
[SPEAKER_01]: We didn't make it to a relationship.
35:12
[SPEAKER_01]: But we were dating.
35:14
[SPEAKER_01]: For me, I just feel like we don't have the capacity to date multiple people.
35:18
[SPEAKER_01]: And people challenged me on this all the time.
35:19
[SPEAKER_01]: I said, let's just be honest.
35:21
[SPEAKER_01]: When you are dating multiple people, either you like nothing or you only gravitate to want to do.
35:25
[SPEAKER_01]: So why not just take your time and hang out and just get the no people until you gravitate to the person that you actually like and then you start dating them you can't date multiple people you can try but you just not you don't have a band with not a capacity and if you're like us where you just making moves in your life you don't even have the energy to juggle multiple people for sure so for me that's why i just hang out because i don't have the energy to try to date multiple women
35:52
[SPEAKER_01]: So we hang out, get to know each other, and if I see myself going on a date with her, then that way, I start hanging out with other women, and I start focusing my attention on getting to know her because I don't know what it can go.
36:04
[SPEAKER_01]: If I don't give it my full attention, I promise.
36:07
[SPEAKER_01]: And you can't give something your full attention if you're divided amongst other people.
36:11
[SPEAKER_01]: And so for me, I just simply take my time and that's why hang out first, if we're lying, then we're going to date, we talk about what that looks like, if she wants to go on a date again, then we start, if she brings up where are we dating, then we talk about that.
36:25
[SPEAKER_01]: We just talk about everything, everything, every stuff for women.
36:28
[SPEAKER_01]: It's not easier.
36:29
[SPEAKER_00]: I think you're not immune to getting your car key, though.
36:34
[SPEAKER_00]: I never had my car here for sure.
36:36
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm just saying even if we don't we start out like that think once you get together with somebody for a certain amount of time they identify themselves as yours.
36:45
[SPEAKER_00]: Here's my last question.
36:46
[SPEAKER_00]: Okay.
36:47
[SPEAKER_00]: What happened in the last situation?
36:50
[SPEAKER_00]: The last why didn't it work out?
36:54
[SPEAKER_01]: My lifestyle is
36:58
[SPEAKER_01]: I feel like a lot of women don't necessarily like my lifestyle per se, I think my lifestyle is the challenge to them.
37:05
[SPEAKER_01]: So amongst me having a corporate career and several businesses, one of my businesses is I curate events.
37:12
[SPEAKER_01]: I've been doing that for about 15 years now.
37:16
[SPEAKER_01]: One of my staples is I curate R&B Thursdays at Whiskey, Mitches, every Thursday, they've been doing that for 15 years now.
37:22
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, R&B Thursdays every Thursday.
37:24
[SPEAKER_01]: Pull up tonight.
37:25
[SPEAKER_01]: That's the third thing I got you with that being a good food.
37:29
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, we got food.
37:30
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm supposed to go out my wife tonight, actually.
37:32
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, come on.
37:32
[SPEAKER_00]: We've got to take care of that.
37:34
[SPEAKER_01]: So with that being said, women, I know a lot of successful women and beautiful successful women.
37:41
[SPEAKER_01]: And they're single.
37:42
[SPEAKER_01]: So nurse practitioners, anesthesiologists, pharmacists, lawyers, doctors, you name it.
37:48
[SPEAKER_01]: And women get around me and they say they're okay.
37:51
[SPEAKER_01]: I trust you.
37:52
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm okay, but what I've learned is that
37:55
[SPEAKER_01]: a good number women are also threatened by other beautiful successful women.
38:00
[SPEAKER_01]: And so that's what I went into where it's like, hey, I thought I was okay with this, but you know way too many women.
38:09
[SPEAKER_01]: Not this woman, I was just recently dating, but I thought that women that I that were, excuse me, I was interested in and they was interested in me and they've counted the number women that came up and hugged me.
38:18
[SPEAKER_01]: Like I was out one night and this woman was like 17 B's came and hugged you.
38:22
[SPEAKER_01]: I was like,
38:23
[SPEAKER_01]: It's got to be bees, like this is the first no one but she literally started counting and she's like, that's number 17.
38:30
[SPEAKER_01]: That's walked over here, hey, keys, I'm like, why are you counting?
38:34
[SPEAKER_01]: Who's hugging me?
38:35
[SPEAKER_01]: But like little things like that where I think it's just that disconnect where women are like, hey, I like you, you're good man.
38:43
[SPEAKER_01]: I don't want to have to question if you intimate with her or not.
38:46
[SPEAKER_01]: But I'm like, oh, yeah, do us ass.
38:48
[SPEAKER_01]: You know, watch the interactions like, no, I don't want to do all that.
38:51
[SPEAKER_01]: I need my man to be because let's be honest women want a man that other women want But they also want that man to be put up where it's like those women can't get to him, which that makes no sense to me
39:04
[SPEAKER_01]: But they really want to man the other women are attracted to, but at the same time they want that man to also be put up to the point where he draws a boundary and those women don't have access to them.
39:15
[SPEAKER_01]: And I understand that, but I'm just like, hey, me current events, I have to meet women.
39:21
[SPEAKER_00]: Women are how I make money for show like you bring up the women take care of and they bring up the guys to guys being a money boom that's how I do what I do like you see I love everything about this conversation right I go a lot to okay so you don't want kids know BVL's no we've no I I'm understanding all of that yeah um are you cool with someone that is wanting to wait for marriage for intimacy?
39:49
[SPEAKER_01]: Man, I got a hunger right now in my DM.
39:52
[SPEAKER_01]: See all my, when I tell you, see all my neck about this.
39:55
[SPEAKER_01]: So it's a two-fold scenario, kind of trying to navigate through it.
40:01
[SPEAKER_01]: My flesh man says, no, I cannot see myself committing to a marina woman that I haven't been intimate with because sex is very essential for me.
40:12
[SPEAKER_01]: Like I have a high sex drive and I have to tame it continuously.
40:16
[SPEAKER_01]: But she's on my neck about the fact that if you allow your spirit man to lead you,
40:24
[SPEAKER_01]: God, when the way God will move through you and that woman, y'all will connect, essentially, if you wait to marriage, to do it then, it's order, do it things with them.
40:38
[SPEAKER_01]: You know, the way they was designed to be done, according to his word and his will.
40:43
[SPEAKER_01]: So, I can honestly say I'm at a crossroad when it comes to that question because there's a piece of me that says, no, I can't be with the woman without me intimate with their first from a commitment to a marriage standpoint, but then I also have a friend of mine who's and that's a lot of the time, I just listen because she don't think I'd be listening what I do.
41:04
[SPEAKER_01]: She's challenging my spirit, man, to say, hey, you know, you've already changed your life drastically and what I mean by that is that was the time in my life where on average I was Intimate with five to six women a year on a friends with benefits type of situation
41:21
[SPEAKER_01]: If you were to told me in the last year, I would only have been intimate with one woman, which is the woman I just updated.
41:27
[SPEAKER_01]: I'd have been like your lion.
41:28
[SPEAKER_01]: And if you were to told me in the last two years that I would only have been intimate with two women, I would have been like your lion.
41:34
[SPEAKER_01]: So I've already slowed my lifestyle down tremendously when it comes to just having discipline, sexual discipline, you know.
41:45
[SPEAKER_01]: So, to answer your question, I'm on the face about it.
41:47
[SPEAKER_00]: I really don't know.
41:49
[SPEAKER_00]: The one woman that you're talking about is that someone you're interested in?
41:53
[SPEAKER_00]: No, she's just a friend.
41:54
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, we've just a friend.
41:55
[SPEAKER_01]: We've been known each other for a minute.
41:57
[SPEAKER_01]: But she's just a beautiful person.
41:58
[SPEAKER_01]: If you see her, she's gorgeous and she's fine.
42:01
[SPEAKER_01]: So I feel polite.
42:01
[SPEAKER_01]: Why are you not pursuing each other?
42:03
[SPEAKER_01]: But she is so...
42:05
[SPEAKER_01]: I don't think I can lead to a line.
42:08
[SPEAKER_01]: I don't think I can lead to a line.
42:09
[SPEAKER_01]: I don't think I can lead to a line.
42:12
[SPEAKER_01]: Well, if that's the thing, I don't know if I could lead her first.
42:15
[SPEAKER_01]: We talk like I don't think I could lead her because I would, because God leads her.
42:20
[SPEAKER_01]: God leads her and I would have to be completely led by God to lead her.
42:24
[SPEAKER_01]: Like, she's on that type of time.
42:27
[SPEAKER_01]: Go home by nine o'clock.
42:28
[SPEAKER_01]: She works out, goes to the gym, goes to the grocery store, and goes home.
42:32
[SPEAKER_01]: She's in the bed by nine.
42:33
[SPEAKER_01]: She's a classic like what she wears, covers her body, wears her rear hair.
42:39
[SPEAKER_01]: Like she just like she makes a lot of the criteria that I would say that I mentioned I want, but I just know that.
42:46
[SPEAKER_01]: Just the God.
42:46
[SPEAKER_01]: where I would have to be with my walk with God to leave her like she's on fire like she's serious and so like to the point where she speaks to me and she don't think I be convicted because I'd be giving a pushback but here I am on your podcast showing my conviction like she literally has me questioning like hey do I abstain to you know get mad or do I keep moving in the way I want to move which is I don't know if I can be with a
43:14
[SPEAKER_01]: So I do, I am convicted by what she says to me.
43:18
[SPEAKER_01]: And so, tells your question, I don't necessarily see myself with her, but she is convicted me with how I'm fired for God.
43:26
[SPEAKER_01]: She is, though.
43:27
[SPEAKER_00]: And you don't, you don't consider yourself led by God.
43:31
[SPEAKER_01]: I do, I do, but I'm also honest with myself about things, what is your, like, I'm a Christian.
43:36
[SPEAKER_01]: So I do not have a Christian, I believe in followers of Christ, and I feel we, in my opinion, because I can't say feeling because you have to speak in, in truth.
43:46
[SPEAKER_01]: We all have to pick up our cross and bury it daily, right?
43:50
[SPEAKER_01]: You also have to be honest with yourself about where you are, what you're doing, and where you're staying.
43:56
[SPEAKER_01]: And she told me this is, she's like, he says in a scapegoat, but I hear you're okay.
44:00
[SPEAKER_01]: So the scapegoat that she said I use is, I still find a cake, but I know I can get married and I can watch a way that's seeing it.
44:08
[SPEAKER_01]: And she's like, well, you're just not thinking that way, but I'm like,
44:12
[SPEAKER_01]: What law?
44:13
[SPEAKER_01]: I can get married and correct that seeing it.
44:15
[SPEAKER_01]: So even though it's a seeing and I'm a follow-up correction, a follow-up guy, I think I kind of lean on the fact that, hey, I can marry whoever I'm with and I can watch the way that seeing it.
44:28
[SPEAKER_01]: So for me, it doesn't impact me the way it impacts her, which is like, no, you out of alignment.
44:35
[SPEAKER_01]: You know, you need to walk this walk completely with God, whereas I'm like, I walk my walk with God.
44:40
[SPEAKER_01]: I, you know, I'll profess my faith, but I'm also earning with the errors of my life that don't completely align with the word of God.
44:49
[SPEAKER_01]: And I'm also earning with, am I really working to improve it, which I know I should be.
44:54
[SPEAKER_01]: But I'm just honest and I don't know if I'm afraid of a side like I'm somebody that I'm not I did I'm living and doing something that I'm not if that makes sense.
45:02
[SPEAKER_00]: So I'm just honest with myself and I'm honest with God.
45:04
[SPEAKER_00]: So the woman that you see yourself with and it's so interesting because this young lady has everything but the one thing is she's too deep into her walk with God and that's not something that you want right now.
45:19
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, I don't, it's not so much that it's not something that I want.
45:24
[SPEAKER_01]: It's one of those things to wear as a man to be with her.
45:30
[SPEAKER_01]: It almost feels like she's leading me.
45:34
[SPEAKER_01]: And I need to be the one that's leading.
45:36
[SPEAKER_00]: That makes sense.
45:37
[SPEAKER_00]: Why the if someone's leading you to a place that you feel ultimately would be helpful for you?
45:44
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
45:47
[SPEAKER_00]: why do you feel like you need to have that sort of control?
45:51
[SPEAKER_01]: Well, it's not so much about a control thing.
45:53
[SPEAKER_01]: It's about at the end of the day the highly-arkly is God, man, woman, children, and children involved.
46:00
[SPEAKER_01]: And so,
46:03
[SPEAKER_01]: If a woman is leading you in any capacity, right?
46:06
[SPEAKER_01]: At some point, you have to now get to a place to wear.
46:11
[SPEAKER_01]: You reverse that and you're leading her.
46:14
[SPEAKER_01]: Like, it's not meant for her to be the one leading.
46:18
[SPEAKER_01]: Even if she do something better, like, there's things your wife.
46:21
[SPEAKER_01]: probably do better than you, but you still lead your household.
46:25
[SPEAKER_01]: It's never gonna be a point where your wife is 100% lean your household unless you're down sick or something is going on with you and you just can't.
46:34
[SPEAKER_01]: But if you, if you're physically able, you're gonna lead your household even if your wife does certain things better than you.
46:41
[SPEAKER_01]: Being with her and her walk with God, she is so deep into it and I have in reach that level.
46:48
[SPEAKER_01]: that she's naturally would just be leading and like, hey, we're going to pay our time.
46:53
[SPEAKER_01]: So, hey, we're going to do XYZ or hey, we're going to do that because that's how I'm fired for God she is and it'll be more so mean, accuracy to that because that's how deep she is versus me being in the situation where I'm with the woman and like, hey, this is where we are with our spiritual journey, you know, where are you at with yours?
47:14
[SPEAKER_01]: And she'll say, hey, well, if you want to be intimate before marriage, I'm okay with that.
47:20
[SPEAKER_01]: If you want to hold off until marriage, then I'm okay with that as well.
47:24
[SPEAKER_01]: I can lead that woman better than I can lead a woman.
47:27
[SPEAKER_01]: That's like, hey, we're not having sex until marriage.
47:30
[SPEAKER_01]: We're doing XYZ because I haven't 100% committed myself today.
47:34
[SPEAKER_00]: If that makes sense.
47:36
[SPEAKER_00]: There is, if you are truly being led by God, God has the ultimate say.
47:43
[SPEAKER_00]: where God will reverse the role, like the story of Abraham and Sarah, God told Abraham, do what that woman says do.
47:56
[SPEAKER_00]: So Abraham has a child, and this is essentially his first child, which means he's supposed to get the inheritance, but him and Sarah had a child.
48:05
[SPEAKER_00]: This
48:14
[SPEAKER_00]: She told him to get rid of his first son.
48:17
[SPEAKER_00]: Hi, Archie says, God, man, whatever the man's decision is, she's supposed to follow.
48:25
[SPEAKER_00]: But God said, hey, listen to that woman.
48:27
[SPEAKER_00]: I think do whatever she's saying.
48:29
[SPEAKER_00]: So what I'm saying is in that hierarchy, if you're saying, is God, man, woman, God trumps the man, woman dynamic.
48:37
[SPEAKER_00]: And I'm always saying this again,
48:38
[SPEAKER_00]: This woman may never be your person, but she could be there for a reason because what I'm hearing is something essentially that you've been taught.
48:51
[SPEAKER_00]: And you believe, right?
48:53
[SPEAKER_00]: The man runs a household based off that question, you may have lost a lot of good women, women, because it's not like a
49:04
[SPEAKER_00]: is willing to listen to who he's leading.
49:07
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, absolutely.
49:08
[SPEAKER_01]: Right.
49:08
[SPEAKER_00]: So from you never know that you might have asked a woman that question.
49:12
[SPEAKER_00]: And she's been in a situation where she's like, dang, this man is leading me to a path.
49:18
[SPEAKER_00]: There's been a multiple times if my wife let me lead.
49:23
[SPEAKER_00]: We'd be in a bad situation.
49:25
[SPEAKER_01]: I agree with that.
49:25
[SPEAKER_01]: And that's not the premise of why I asked that question.
49:28
[SPEAKER_01]: And to your point, I'm okay with it, but it's not on those women.
49:31
[SPEAKER_01]: For me, it's really just about the mindset, regardless of what a woman's been through, like don't project going to me.
49:36
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm not that man.
49:37
[SPEAKER_01]: It's just really about me and the woman that's in a healthy, emotional, mental, spiritual state to where she's like,
49:44
[SPEAKER_01]: Hey, the man leagues.
49:45
[SPEAKER_01]: It's not saying that I want my little man league blindly.
49:48
[SPEAKER_01]: It's just that I need her make up her nature to be a man leagues But if she sees that she does something better than obviously she takes the lead in that we talked about that Obviously if you know I know that she do something better my head baby.
50:02
[SPEAKER_01]: I'll take a step back.
50:03
[SPEAKER_01]: You got it
50:04
[SPEAKER_01]: It just for me when I initially meet a woman, I just want to see the framework of how she thinks and how she feels about a man.
50:11
[SPEAKER_01]: And for me, I just have better interactions, better friendships, better relationships, and rapport with women that say, hey, the man makes that decision.
50:21
[SPEAKER_00]: Okay, I'm gonna come up with like some lightning round questions and I'm gonna attempt it right now Okay, so this is so you can't there's no context okay, so I got to be a this with that Okay, so I'm gonna throw some stuff out down on freestyling is because this is gonna be really good I'm gonna ask you this or that and you just have to give me your preference.
50:41
[SPEAKER_00]: Okay Skinny or big Skinny skinny
50:49
[SPEAKER_00]: uh uh CEO or employee.
50:54
[SPEAKER_00]: CEO.
50:54
[SPEAKER_00]: You're rather data CEO than employee.
50:56
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
50:57
[UNKNOWN]: Okay.
50:59
[SPEAKER_00]: Um bad.
51:04
[SPEAKER_00]: Uh oh.
51:06
[SPEAKER_00]: Oh.
51:06
[SPEAKER_00]: Okay.
51:14
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm gonna prepare next time because it's gonna be really, really good.
51:20
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm gonna sell dining this because yeah, this is good.
51:21
[SPEAKER_00]: Well, actually dining told me we're going to do this.
51:23
[SPEAKER_00]: So okay, um, no, I think you are, you are really, wholesome brother.
51:31
[SPEAKER_00]: I appreciate that man.
51:33
[SPEAKER_00]: really awesome appreciate that man.
51:36
[SPEAKER_00]: And so most honest men, they be awesome.
51:41
[SPEAKER_00]: Wow.
51:43
[SPEAKER_00]: What do you mean?
51:44
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm honest in a way where, you know, listen, I'm about to tell you right now, I'm be with multiple women, take it or leave it.
51:50
[SPEAKER_01]: But as thank you, you have a real awesome approach.
51:53
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm a cool square man.
51:54
[SPEAKER_01]: I tell people I tell I'm a cool, but I'm a square and I embrace my square and it's bro like it's like Some people find this hard to believe.
52:00
[SPEAKER_01]: I never done drugs in my life like my only two drugs is alcohol and black women Like I love it.
52:06
[SPEAKER_01]: I can get rid of alcohol, but man when God created black woman
52:11
[SPEAKER_01]: Man, he did his thing, and so for me, I just really believe in three things, man, that when you interact with people, you plant your water, your harvest.
52:20
[SPEAKER_01]: So I've been, I'm also an adjunct professor.
52:22
[SPEAKER_01]: I've been teaching college for 15 plus years, over 400, 200 students, and I've had students outside of my class or in my classroom in tears.
52:31
[SPEAKER_01]: And I didn't understand why, and I realized that your voice is designed to speak to people that mine isn't.
52:37
[SPEAKER_01]: His voice is designed to speak to people that you and I can't, and my voice is designed to speak to people that your voice is can't reach.
52:45
[SPEAKER_01]: And what happens is we plant we water and we harvest.
52:48
[SPEAKER_01]: And you never know what soccer you're in.
52:51
[SPEAKER_01]: We're interacting with someone.
52:52
[SPEAKER_01]: You don't know if you're planning something positively or negative to the end of life.
52:56
[SPEAKER_01]: You don't know if you're watering something that's already been planted and you don't know if you're harvesting what's already been planted in water And so for me, I'm always country inches of this may be a woman's first encounter with a good man What a man that cares about her whether I want to be with her or not I want to put a whole healthy woman back out into the world so that the next man is not having to deal with and go through the things I've taken her through
53:21
[SPEAKER_01]: You know, so now she's like, you know what, he's not in work out, but he was honest, he was real, he was a gentleman, he treated me with respect and so now she's more inclined to have a healthier mentality when she go ahead and meet the next man versus a woman who get lied to and get manipulated and used.
53:38
[SPEAKER_01]: Now, she's going to be a damaged woman.
53:40
[SPEAKER_01]: That's going to go out here and damage the next man.
53:42
[SPEAKER_01]: That man's going to be a damaged man.
53:44
[SPEAKER_01]: That now damaged the next woman.
53:46
[SPEAKER_01]: And so we just bunch of damaged people, damaging people, hurt people, hurting people.
53:50
[SPEAKER_01]: And I just try to remove myself from that cycle.
53:54
[SPEAKER_01]: And that's all.
53:54
[SPEAKER_01]: So it's not that I'm perfect.
53:55
[SPEAKER_01]: It just doesn't get up every single day.
53:57
[SPEAKER_01]: And do what we all need to do.
53:59
[SPEAKER_01]: And I tell people all the time, we all live in the largest room on earth.
54:02
[SPEAKER_01]: What would you say, the largest room on earth?
54:04
[SPEAKER_00]: It's the largest room on earth.
54:06
[SPEAKER_01]: People never get it right somewhere.
54:07
[SPEAKER_01]: I don't know.
54:08
[SPEAKER_01]: No, just take a step at the larger room on earth.
54:10
[SPEAKER_00]: The largest room on earth.
54:11
[SPEAKER_00]: We all live there.
54:14
[SPEAKER_00]: Earth.
54:14
[SPEAKER_01]: So, okay.
54:15
[SPEAKER_01]: The largest room on earth is the rule for improvement.
54:17
[SPEAKER_01]: 90 a.m. Who you are?
54:19
[SPEAKER_01]: There's something you can improve.
54:21
[SPEAKER_01]: You can work out more.
54:22
[SPEAKER_01]: You can eat better.
54:23
[SPEAKER_01]: You can get more sleep.
54:24
[SPEAKER_01]: You can budget your money better.
54:25
[SPEAKER_01]: You can make more money.
54:26
[SPEAKER_01]: You can treat people together.
54:28
[SPEAKER_01]: Like there's always something that you can improve.
54:31
[SPEAKER_01]: And so for me, I just wake up and lower life of.
54:33
[SPEAKER_01]: continuous improvement even with my son.
54:35
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm like, what did you improve today?
54:37
[SPEAKER_01]: What did you improve this week?
54:39
[SPEAKER_01]: You know, what are you better at?
54:40
[SPEAKER_01]: What are you, you know, what can you, who did you treat good today?
54:44
[SPEAKER_01]: Because also about treating people good, you know, and so I just wake up every single day, Matt's driving me to do that.
54:49
[SPEAKER_01]: That's all.
54:50
[SPEAKER_01]: Could you data one of my kids?
54:52
[SPEAKER_01]: One kid.
54:54
[SPEAKER_01]: One kid.
54:54
[SPEAKER_01]: And the kid has to be over five.
54:57
[SPEAKER_01]: one kid over five, you know you become that baby daddy at some point if it worked out.
55:03
[SPEAKER_01]: I know that's not my preference.
55:04
[SPEAKER_01]: You just mean could I do it?
55:06
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, you could do okay.
55:07
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, I could.
55:07
[SPEAKER_01]: The woman I was dating she had twins.
55:09
[SPEAKER_01]: They're they're about to be 13 this year.
55:12
[SPEAKER_00]: Okay.
55:12
[SPEAKER_00]: So now I'm going to search for twins.
55:14
[SPEAKER_00]: We'll do this to if it's over the age threshold.
55:16
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, well, I'll do the two of their twins and it's over the third age they're show because, you know, they're pretty much even a two kids they're growing up at the same time versus stairs step and I mean, once they're in the house and so I mean, that's this question.
55:31
[SPEAKER_00]: Go here.
55:31
[SPEAKER_00]: Is there ever a reason for a man to put his hands on a woman?
55:36
[SPEAKER_01]: No.
55:37
[SPEAKER_01]: Well,
55:39
[SPEAKER_01]: know, however, I'm not because I've been slapped by one before and I clinch my face.
55:45
[SPEAKER_01]: I really wasn't not going to take that, but I did it.
55:48
[SPEAKER_01]: So I would say no.
55:49
[SPEAKER_00]: Why did you do that?
55:50
[SPEAKER_01]: I said, I said no, how did you back?
55:52
[SPEAKER_01]: What held you back?
55:53
[SPEAKER_01]: I wasn't raised that way.
55:55
[SPEAKER_01]: Good.
55:55
[SPEAKER_01]: And then I see my mom abuse growing up too.
55:58
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, so I try not to talk about it.
56:00
[SPEAKER_01]: I just touched a subject for me, because it's one of my siblings dad that did it.
56:04
[SPEAKER_01]: And I still, him and I don't speak to each other still.
56:07
[SPEAKER_01]: This is the same way.
56:09
[SPEAKER_01]: And but then I have to respect the fact that there's still my siblings dad, right?
56:13
[SPEAKER_01]: But with that being said, so for me, know, however, if a woman puts her hand on the man,
56:23
[SPEAKER_01]: I can't fault that man for protecting himself from retaliating.
56:27
[SPEAKER_01]: I won't because that's how I was raised, but I was at the same time I won't fault a man that if they want me to hit him and he retaliates.
56:34
[SPEAKER_01]: But just in general, I would say no, a man should have put a hand on the one.
56:38
[SPEAKER_00]: Good, good.
56:39
[SPEAKER_00]: OK.
56:41
[SPEAKER_01]: wedding or you get married?
56:43
[SPEAKER_00]: Oh, it was like what?
56:44
[SPEAKER_00]: Is it wedding?
56:45
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm saying would you would you do a wedding?
56:48
[SPEAKER_00]: Will you get married?
56:49
[SPEAKER_01]: It's really up to the woman.
56:50
[SPEAKER_01]: I think this is all for the woman man.
56:51
[SPEAKER_01]: I don't really care.
56:52
[SPEAKER_01]: So you don't care.
56:53
[SPEAKER_01]: No, I think it's about the woman man.
56:55
[SPEAKER_01]: We can do it at the courthouse.
56:55
[SPEAKER_01]: I don't really care.
56:57
[SPEAKER_01]: God.
56:57
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
56:57
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
56:57
[SPEAKER_01]: Okay.
56:58
[SPEAKER_01]: You know, they come with their preferences about rings and weddings and dresses and destinations and stuff.
57:04
[SPEAKER_01]: Like did you have wedding?
57:06
[SPEAKER_00]: Uh, we went to the court.
57:07
[SPEAKER_00]: I was going to be in months later, I hope we did like a small ceremony.
57:11
[SPEAKER_00]: Okay.
57:12
[SPEAKER_01]: That's what she wanted what you wanted.
57:14
[SPEAKER_01]: That's what she wanted.
57:15
[SPEAKER_01]: See, that's my point.
57:16
[SPEAKER_00]: So yeah, whatever she'd led me, bro.
57:21
[SPEAKER_00]: I was laying, I was like, I don't want to do it, she's like, but I want one, I'm like, all right, cool, cool, no problem, um, do you take care of bills once you get serious?
57:30
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, I mean, I feel like your last situation, were you paying bills?
57:33
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, I mean, was your girlfriend, bro?
57:35
[SPEAKER_01]: No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no
57:50
[SPEAKER_01]: in some capacity when he's I mean for a like I mean if you're dating my wife was the first build up it well hello so before you start dating your wife you didn't take her to get a nail done or a ticket to get a hair done or something like that could that's a bill that's not that's that is a bill you you you it's not you looking at this as house bills utility bill bill bill bill bill by guy Cleopher this way he's a bill right my guy Cleopher
58:20
[SPEAKER_01]: Okay, see, there you go, cause you got that of the new golden standard, but I mean, honestly, cause you go, there's no, look, when you interact with the woman, you have to give her three things, your time, your energy and your finances, you're not going to have a woman your life without those three things, it's just not going to happen.
58:36
[SPEAKER_01]: Were you paying anything recurring?
58:38
[SPEAKER_01]: No, I wasn't paying the thing with crying, no, but I mean, because she make her own money, she has a successful business, just a successful career.
58:45
[SPEAKER_01]: So it was more so for me about, so if you were to talk about the bill, you know, to be something like getting a hair line, like I said, I love a woman standing like that.
58:54
[SPEAKER_00]: Okay, that's like a pain for dinner or something like that.
58:56
[SPEAKER_01]: No, that's a bill.
58:58
[SPEAKER_01]: Bro, that's a little bill.
58:59
[SPEAKER_01]: You just don't look at it that way.
59:00
[SPEAKER_01]: Wait, what is a bill?
59:01
[SPEAKER_01]: Is it like something you gotta do every third Wednesday or the month?
59:06
[SPEAKER_01]: Well, she got a hair done pretty often, so that's still a bill.
59:09
[SPEAKER_01]: It wasn't, you know, because she was natural, so women that are natural don't do sure.
59:13
[SPEAKER_01]: And then if she gets braids, you know, they keep braids in for two to three months.
59:16
[SPEAKER_01]: You put it on her foot or more spot, most of the other.
59:19
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, that's all for $100,000.
59:21
[SPEAKER_01]: Okay, you guys, let's say you got the show girl.
59:24
[SPEAKER_01]: I hope she don't see this episode.
59:26
[SPEAKER_01]: Okay, she, because I just want someone like you to be around, so she can like,
59:36
[SPEAKER_00]: That's why I say you're not immune to get your car key, even though no matter what the understanding is, those things.
59:42
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm gonna say something else.
59:43
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm gonna tell you why.
59:45
[SPEAKER_01]: You're not immune from my hurting a woman no matter how honest you are.
59:49
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, but it's how your onions see the thing is as you can still do things in these things in order and so it's not what you say is how you say it It's not what you do is how you do it.
59:59
[SPEAKER_01]: So let's just say I know that a woman is hurt.
1:00:02
[SPEAKER_01]: So first thing I do is I say hey your mood change or hey you're going to do something
1:00:08
[SPEAKER_01]: She said, I'm okay.
1:00:09
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm fine.
1:00:09
[SPEAKER_01]: I don't want to talk about it.
1:00:10
[SPEAKER_01]: I was like, okay, cool.
1:00:12
[SPEAKER_01]: I'll give you today, but tomorrow we're going to circle back to me.
1:00:14
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm going to take you to dinner, or whether it case may be, and let's talk through whatever your process and through right there.
1:00:20
[SPEAKER_01]: And so that's how I go about it is I learned that you keep a big, excuse me, you keep a brick wall from growing by identifying the brick before it becomes another brick on
1:00:38
[SPEAKER_01]: It's like, let's talk about it, let's address it, let's resolve it.
1:00:41
[SPEAKER_01]: And so, if she's feeling the way she'll say, hey, I don't like this.
1:00:44
[SPEAKER_01]: Like, well, Vincent, she brought up, I don't like that.
1:00:47
[SPEAKER_01]: I thought I was okay with your career, I mean, excuse me, for sure, business of career and events, but I'm not.
1:00:54
[SPEAKER_01]: I said, okay, well, we're a Westy path forward, because this comes what I do, I enjoy what I do, and I'm not gonna stop doing it.
1:01:01
[SPEAKER_01]: So you're going to accept it or not, and if you're not going to accept it, then let's go ahead and part ways because I'm not going to stop doing it.
1:01:09
[SPEAKER_01]: So, and then if I don't stop doing it, I don't want you to feel like it's because I don't love you or that I don't want to be with you.
1:01:16
[SPEAKER_01]: It's because you're making me choose between something I enjoy doing and you.
1:01:21
[SPEAKER_01]: And that's unfair to have to make that choice.
1:01:23
[SPEAKER_01]: But I...
1:01:24
[SPEAKER_01]: It's like she walks away, knowing that I respect her, she walks away, knowing that I love her, and I care about her, we're just not on the same page.
1:01:35
[SPEAKER_01]: You're not getting your car key when you interact with a woman on that level.
1:01:38
[SPEAKER_01]: You're not getting your car key when you sit a woman down with complete understanding the transparency and you make sure she's safe and comfortable.
1:01:45
[SPEAKER_01]: And if you do get your car key, that means you chose the wrong type of woman in the first place.
1:01:49
[SPEAKER_00]: That's the fact.
1:01:50
[SPEAKER_01]: Because you shouldn't even be with each of the Sodom signs.
1:01:52
[SPEAKER_01]: Thanks, women that keep your cars.
1:01:54
[SPEAKER_01]: They let you know they keep cars.
1:01:55
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, yeah, for sure.
1:01:56
[SPEAKER_01]: Women that break out your window.
1:01:58
[SPEAKER_01]: They let you know they break out window.
1:02:00
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
1:02:00
[SPEAKER_00]: That's all it's like.
1:02:01
[SPEAKER_00]: Right, it's for you.
1:02:02
[SPEAKER_01]: You know, say this, I tell people.
1:02:05
[SPEAKER_01]: two things that we cultivated, these two things, relationships, dating would be so serious, discernment and tuition.
1:02:14
[SPEAKER_01]: Like, people can't hide this spirit, bro.
1:02:15
[SPEAKER_01]: Like, I knew you was a good dude.
1:02:16
[SPEAKER_01]: I knew you before you knew me because we know mutual people.
1:02:19
[SPEAKER_01]: I knew you were a good dude before I met you because you got good energy, got a good spirit.
1:02:22
[SPEAKER_01]: Like, I'm big on spirit and energy, bro.
1:02:24
[SPEAKER_01]: You can't hide that.
1:02:26
[SPEAKER_01]: You cannot hide that, bro.
1:02:27
[SPEAKER_01]: But are you romantic?
1:02:31
[SPEAKER_01]: I would say I am just pays on who you asked because I don't think every person brings out the same thing.
1:02:37
[SPEAKER_01]: You like some women bring out certain things, the other women don't.
1:02:40
[SPEAKER_01]: So one woman may say, oh, he's not romantic, another woman's like, girl, I can stop him from being alone with me, you know, so they just depends on the one man to be on his kitchen.
1:02:50
[SPEAKER_00]: All right, let's see.
1:02:51
[SPEAKER_00]: How can someone reach out to you, man?
1:02:53
[SPEAKER_00]: Like, let's say they see this interview.
1:02:55
[SPEAKER_00]: Gotcha.
1:02:55
[SPEAKER_00]: What's a good, what's a good way for them to let you know that they're interested?
1:03:02
[SPEAKER_00]: my DM.
1:03:04
[SPEAKER_01]: So you can find me on Instagram, Instagram is at still shivers.
1:03:09
[SPEAKER_01]: So STL people believe in that, my people can't spend a shivers, man.
1:03:13
[SPEAKER_01]: That's it.
1:03:13
[SPEAKER_01]: Let me check me out.
1:03:14
[SPEAKER_01]: So I can't browse away.
1:03:16
[SPEAKER_00]: If it's not that joy.
1:03:17
[SPEAKER_00]: It's not.
1:03:19
[SPEAKER_01]: STL, STH, I, V, A, L, R, O, U, S, still shivers.
1:03:26
[SPEAKER_01]: That's
1:03:30
[SPEAKER_00]: send them a deal listen you know anything about what he's about i think this is a really really good conversation uh last thing the the person this is my last one's the person you were last with did you ever tell your lover yeah i definitely love she'll go for it bro why you're looking for me yeah i don't know why can't i
1:03:51
[SPEAKER_01]: Look, before we get out of the ice.
1:03:53
[SPEAKER_01]: Why can't I not love her, though?
1:03:54
[SPEAKER_01]: Wait, what's wrong with you, man?
1:03:56
[SPEAKER_01]: You can't, 100%.
1:03:57
[SPEAKER_00]: Why didn't you want me to, let your kid, you can't love her, then tell her you love her, then spin the holidays together, and then be exclusive and say, that's not my girl, that's not, we're not in a relationship.
1:04:08
[SPEAKER_00]: When you say that, when you say exclusive is exclusive, it's a relationship to me.
1:04:12
[SPEAKER_00]: Exclusive means, so I'm not dating nobody else, you're not dating nobody else.
1:04:15
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm not being into nobody else, you're not dating us, and we have this understanding.
1:04:21
[SPEAKER_00]: So here's where I'm coming from, yes or no, because I know if you don't have that understanding.
1:04:25
[SPEAKER_01]: Before I answer that, before I answer that, this is about quick insert.
1:04:35
[SPEAKER_01]: As I stated, when you're in, when you're in a trial with multiple people, you can't focus on that person, right?
1:04:41
[SPEAKER_01]: And so yes, to answer your question, I did move in that path down that path with the witches.
1:04:47
[SPEAKER_01]: Hey, I'm only talking to you.
1:04:49
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm only answering you.
1:04:50
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm only dating you.
1:04:51
[SPEAKER_01]: Yes, that's correct.
1:04:53
[SPEAKER_01]: However, that was to see could we align to get to a relationship because for me and forward transparency, if I get in a relationship with a woman, it's because I can see her as my wife.
1:05:06
[SPEAKER_01]: And her and I didn't necessarily get to the place of me being there to say, OK, I can see this woman being there.
1:05:12
[SPEAKER_01]: I see.
1:05:13
[SPEAKER_01]: So that's why it's hard for me to label and that's a relationship because once I label and that's a relationship, all we're doing now is preparing ourselves to be either partners or to get married.
1:05:27
[SPEAKER_01]: And so now, because me, once I get a relationship with a woman,
1:05:31
[SPEAKER_01]: I may propose to her within that first year because at that point it's no because the tip of the women I'd meet want to get married.
1:05:39
[SPEAKER_01]: So at this point I'm saving note for a ring.
1:05:41
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm going to take a good care of her ring finger size and I'm going to start saving note for a ring because we're not going to be in a relationship for two or three years like that's time.
1:05:50
[SPEAKER_00]: You know, that's why I take a while to understand it but that answer that gave me more clear understanding.
1:05:55
[SPEAKER_00]: Do I see myself marrying this woman if the answer is no
1:06:01
[SPEAKER_00]: then it's not, not, not in a disrespectful way, but this is the best person, the best option that I have right now.
1:06:08
[SPEAKER_01]: Yes.
1:06:09
[SPEAKER_01]: So, okay, it's not necessarily a relationship.
1:06:13
[SPEAKER_01]: It could get there, but it's still us just dating and focusing on each other, seeing if she's willing to work on her things, because all I tell people all the time, two people being together is just really just this simple, our better mean for us.
1:06:25
[SPEAKER_01]: That's it.
1:06:27
[SPEAKER_01]: You and your wife, very with you, you all say I better mean for us.
1:06:30
[SPEAKER_01]: You better you for her.
1:06:32
[SPEAKER_01]: She better hurt for you.
1:06:33
[SPEAKER_01]: That's it.
1:06:33
[SPEAKER_01]: And so if you can find someone where you keep better in your sense, for the union, for each other, the end, that's the person you can do life with and you can commit yourself to an relationship and the end get married.
1:06:45
[SPEAKER_01]: But of that person that's struggling to give you any pushback on things that ultimately were better, you are, were first better themselves to build the you all.
1:06:54
[SPEAKER_01]: Then you know, I may not necessarily be to make this committal relationship step this person, because they're still on the fence about bettering themselves, which ultimately bothers us, and vice versa.
1:07:05
[SPEAKER_00]: I love it.
1:07:06
[SPEAKER_00]: I love it.
1:07:06
[SPEAKER_00]: Man, y'all, send them a DM.
1:07:08
[SPEAKER_00]: You're interested.
1:07:09
[SPEAKER_00]: This is somebody who could build with you.
1:07:11
[SPEAKER_00]: I worry about them being dishonest because I think you're a very honest person.
1:07:15
[SPEAKER_00]: Very genuine person.
1:07:17
[SPEAKER_00]: Good brother makes good bread like, you know, is job and businesses on the side and not on the side because those, you got mean businesses and you invest in lots of stuff.
1:07:28
[SPEAKER_00]: So, man, you really good candidate here, ladies.
1:07:32
[SPEAKER_00]: Okay.
1:07:35
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm from a small town called America's Georgia.
1:07:37
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm here.
1:07:37
[SPEAKER_00]: I've been living here for 26 years.
1:07:39
[SPEAKER_00]: Okay, from the A. Y'all, hit him up.
1:07:42
[SPEAKER_01]: Now I appreciate you coming through the way.
1:07:43
[SPEAKER_01]: Thank you, man.
1:07:43
[SPEAKER_01]: Appreciate you, brother.