Latest / Unbalanced with Cerys Davage / 37. Mwgwd: A platform for autistic actors (ft. Megan Featherstone)

Transcript

37. Mwgwd: A platform for autistic actors (ft. Megan Featherstone) · Unbalanced with Cerys Davage

• 0:09
  Hello everyone, welcome back to Unbalanced with me, Kara Savage.
• 0:13
  How are we all doing? I'm back in radio platform.
• 0:16
  It's I feel like it's been a while, but I'm really excited
• 0:18
  today to meet for the first time.
• 0:20
  Megan, how are you doing? I'm good, thank you.
• 0:23
  I'm excited to be here. I've never done, like, a podcast
• 0:25
  interview. Oh.
• 0:26
  That's exciting. So yeah, introduce yourself to
• 0:29
  us. Tell us a bit about.
• 0:30
  Yourself. I'm Megan.
• 0:31
  I'm 21 from Cardiff and I'm an actor, theatre maker, writer.
• 0:36
  I do quite a lot of work with the Sherman and like
• 0:39
  facilitating shows, writing things.
• 0:41
  I've done a bit of acting. I did something like a really
• 0:44
  small role for S4C once, which was cool.
• 0:46
  Yeah, I do quite a lot of acting things and I basically set up
• 0:50
  like an online page on Instagram called Muggered, which means
• 0:53
  mask in Welsh. It's a platform for autistic
• 0:57
  actors so they can get like resources, information, all that
• 0:59
  sort of stuff. Amazing and I can't wait to get
• 1:02
  to know a bit more about More Good.
• 1:04
  So have you been in the acting industry for a long time?
• 1:07
  No, actually when I was in school I was really shy.
• 1:09
  So when I was younger, my dream job was actually to be a stand
• 1:12
  up comedian. Oh really?
• 1:14
  Oh wow. But I realised I didn't really
• 1:15
  know how to tell a joke properly, so I never had a
• 1:19
  punchline. Like I would just talk.
• 1:20
  Yeah, I. Feel you there, because I love
• 1:23
  bouncing off people. I feel like I'm funny if I'm in
• 1:26
  a conversation with someone, but if someone asked me to stand up
• 1:29
  and tell a joke, oh, I have no idea what to say, you know?
• 1:33
  I used to do like stand up routines for my class in primary
• 1:35
  school. I used to stand in front of
• 1:36
  everyone, give jokes. So I always wanted to be a stand
• 1:39
  up comedian. And then I guess I kind of
• 1:40
  forgot about it when I went to school, got a bit shy.
• 1:43
  I didn't do like drama GCSE or A level or anything.
• 1:45
  And then I left, went to college, didn't do any sort of
• 1:48
  like performing arts related subjects at all.
• 1:51
  And it was only after that I got a job working in retail and I
• 1:54
  was bored. And I was like, I'll just take
• 1:56
  acting classes. And it kind of started from
• 1:58
  there. So it's been about two and a
• 1:59
  half, three years. Oh, cool.
• 2:01
  Do you think that's definitely what you want to get into now?
• 2:04
  Yeah, I really, really enjoy. I kind of, I thought for a while
• 2:06
  that it was just acting, but now I like to do kind of theatre and
• 2:10
  generally writing as well as like directing.
• 2:13
  I want to do a lot more than just acting.
• 2:15
  She's fun. Yeah, but you're in the Sherman
• 2:17
  Theatre as well now. Yeah.
• 2:19
  What do you do with them? So I actually work behind the
• 2:21
  bar, which is fun. Oh, nice.
• 2:23
  Like lots of coffees and things. And I kind of got to know a lot
• 2:26
  of people from working behind the bar because we'd have, like,
• 2:28
  writers coming up to us or kind of get a chance to like, network
• 2:31
  and ask questions, which is really fun.
• 2:33
  It's all about networking, isn't it?
• 2:34
  Yeah. Yeah, I do love writing, acting
• 2:37
  with the Sherman. I'm currently facilitating one
• 2:39
  of the Youth Theatre shows. I'm like helping out in
• 2:41
  rehearsals with that. I had some pieces of written
• 2:44
  work performed at the Sherman before and they published it
• 2:46
  into like a little Playbook, which was fun with people's
• 2:48
  writing. Wow, that's so cool.
• 2:51
  I feel like everyone who works in theatre, like all parts of
• 2:54
  theatre, including behind the bar, they're all in the same
• 2:57
  industry and they're all interested in the same thing.
• 2:58
  So it's all about networking and just getting to know people.
• 3:01
  Yeah, I feel like the more, you know, you end up like finding
• 3:04
  mutual people all the time and they're like, how do I know you?
• 3:07
  Definitely, especially in Wales as well.
• 3:09
  It's a very small world. Tell me a bit about More Good
• 3:13
  and why you started it and maybe your own experiences as well.
• 3:16
  So I started it because I feel like there aren't a lot of
• 3:19
  acting jobs or opportunities for autistic actors.
• 3:22
  I think there's this weird misconception that if you're
• 3:25
  from like a marginalised group, you're more likely to get work.
• 3:27
  People are like, oh, you're the minority.
• 3:29
  Like you're more likely to get in drama schools or work 'cause
• 3:32
  they need those people now to like fill out boxes.
• 3:34
  But in reality, it's not always the case.
• 3:36
  And I feel like when people act like people are there only to
• 3:39
  tick boxes, they're kind of diminishing all the work that
• 3:41
  they've put in to get to that point.
• 3:43
  So I feel like there's a lot of work that needs to be done and I
• 3:46
  kind of created it. So there's like resources.
• 3:49
  I do like shout outs on there. And that will be like every
• 3:52
  Saturday I'll have someone new. So I've already got a few
• 3:54
  messages about that sort of thing.
• 3:56
  And then I just want to be able to like share resources.
• 3:58
  I've spoken to a couple different theatre companies that
• 4:00
  said they're willing to like chat a little bit about what
• 4:02
  they do to help kind of accommodate to autistic actors.
• 4:05
  So I want to post that and share that.
• 4:07
  Wow, amazing. So that's on Instagram, is it?
• 4:09
  Yeah, that's on Instagram. I don't know if I would ever
• 4:11
  take it to like I was. I've got like an e-mail for it,
• 4:13
  so I should be able to get a bit more professional, but yeah.
• 4:17
  What your hopes for it? Because I know it's probably a
• 4:20
  lot of networking and getting yourself out there.
• 4:22
  In terms of my hopes for it, I'm hoping that it just builds a
• 4:25
  slightly bigger community or I get to kind of reach more people
• 4:28
  because at the moment I feel like it's very Cardiff based,
• 4:31
  which isn't a bad thing, but I'd like to be able to have maybe
• 4:33
  autistic actors from around the UK or across the world even.
• 4:36
  To be able to feel like they have that kind of space,
• 4:39
  definitely feel seen, yeah. So did you start it based off
• 4:44
  your own experiences and maybe negative experiences in the
• 4:47
  industry? I've been in the industry not
• 4:49
  that long, so I haven't had a lot of experiences.
• 4:51
  There have been some really negative experiences.
• 4:53
  I once did a theatre audition that was really odd and it was
• 4:57
  physical. It didn't feel very like
• 4:59
  inclusive of a lot of people and it was a really like awkward
• 5:02
  experience. I remember going in and
• 5:05
  everything, you could tell that they'd almost set it up with no
• 5:07
  other people in mind, but like people who are like able bodied
• 5:10
  neurotypicals is what they'd kind of expected everybody to be
• 5:13
  able to do this dance circle in front of a bunch of people.
• 5:16
  And I remember being in the audition and feeling really
• 5:18
  uncomfortable the entire time and wondering why.
• 5:21
  And I think hopefully we can, like, start conversations around
• 5:24
  that sort of thing and how you can make auditions comfortable
• 5:26
  for a lot more people because it can be hard.
• 5:28
  If you've got something that makes you a bit anxious or
• 5:31
  you've got something where you can't do whatever else does,
• 5:33
  then you have to go into an audition and do it because
• 5:35
  that's how the industry is. It's quite, yeah.
• 5:37
  Yeah, especially if it's not obvious to other people at first
• 5:40
  as well. Like they can just assume that
• 5:41
  you can do everything when you actually can't.
• 5:43
  Yeah, it can be quite difficult and I think some people struggle
• 5:45
  to be the one who puts their hand up and it's like, oh, I'm a
• 5:47
  bit scared to do that or I can't do that.
• 5:49
  Especially in an audition, because if you do that, then you
• 5:52
  think, oh, they're not going to want me, then they're not going
• 5:54
  to pick me. Yeah, it can be hard.
• 5:56
  Hopefully that will change slowly.
• 5:58
  Hopefully. So.
• 5:59
  Tell us a bit about your personal journey with autism and
• 6:02
  your diagnosis. So I feel like a lot of people
• 6:05
  nowadays, because there's a lot more information online, a lot
• 6:08
  of people nowadays are seeking out diagnosis, which was not the
• 6:11
  case for me. So I, when I was a toddler,
• 6:13
  suffered really badly where my brain couldn't really regulate
• 6:16
  the feeling of hunger. So I wouldn't get hungry or I
• 6:19
  could go hours without feeling the need to eat food.
• 6:21
  My brain wasn't telling my body to eat food even if my body was
• 6:24
  hungry. It wasn't sending the messages
• 6:26
  to my brain or something was not right there.
• 6:28
  And I had no appetite and I couldn't feel hunger like at
• 6:31
  all. So I had to start going to the
• 6:33
  doctors when I was really, really young, like maybe a
• 6:35
  toddler because my kind of development in terms of that
• 6:38
  area of my life was really far behind.
• 6:40
  So I think I kind of got flagged up from quite a young age as
• 6:43
  having something that might have been a little bit of a weird
• 6:46
  issue. And I would kind of get tested
• 6:47
  for all different things, like celiac disease and different
• 6:50
  things that they thought maybe were causing the food issues.
• 6:52
  I had to start taking medication for it when I was like 6 or 7
• 6:55
  for like 10 years. And I wasn't diagnosed till I
• 6:58
  was 18 with something called ARFID.
• 6:59
  So it took 18 years for them to figure out what was wrong.
• 7:02
  Whoa, yeah, It's called avoidant restrictive food intake
• 7:05
  disorder. And I wasn't diagnosed that till
• 7:07
  I was literally 18. And I'd been on medication for
• 7:09
  like 10 years. Yeah, So what did the medication
• 7:12
  do? It was like these things, we
• 7:15
  called them build up drinks, but they were just like really
• 7:17
  thick, high calorie smoothies that they would prescribe me
• 7:19
  that I'd have to have like three of them a day.
• 7:21
  Yeah, it was really stressful. So that started when I was a
• 7:24
  toddler. And then when I was about six or
• 7:26
  seven, a teacher came up to my parents and told them that we
• 7:28
  were like playing tennis outside in primary school.
• 7:30
  And he told them that my tennis skills were not up to what they
• 7:33
  should have been. And he thought maybe I had
• 7:35
  dyspraxitic tendencies. So he told my parents that they
• 7:38
  should like, check it out, go to the doctor to see if there's
• 7:40
  something that could help. And then I kind of got tested
• 7:42
  from that point for basically everything, dyscalculia,
• 7:45
  dyslexia, dysphraxia, ADHD, like anything.
• 7:48
  And then when I was 10, I was diagnosed with dyscalculia,
• 7:51
  which is basically mathematical dyslexia.
• 7:53
  And then when I was 13, they sat in a room with all the
• 7:57
  information that they'd gathered from the eater and the maths,
• 8:00
  they're kind of learning difficulties and the our fit is
• 8:03
  very much linked to autism, that they're all kind of intertwined.
• 8:06
  OK. So they sat down with kind of
• 8:07
  all the information they had and came to the conclusion that I
• 8:10
  was autistic. And then I didn't find out till
• 8:12
  I was 14 because NHS waiting lists and all that stuff.
• 8:14
  Oh yeah, yeah. So I didn't find out till quite
• 8:17
  a while later. Did you feel like the diagnosis
• 8:20
  helped you kind of figure yourself out a bit?
• 8:22
  I was 14 when I was diagnosed and I think at the time and I
• 8:26
  was just really embarrassed, which I look back now and it's
• 8:28
  quite sad and I'm OK with it now.
• 8:30
  But I think at the time I was really embarrassed and confused.
• 8:33
  And there wasn't really a lot of research at that point about
• 8:36
  autism and women. It's only been in like the last
• 8:38
  few years that you've seen like a massive shift and I've like,
• 8:41
  I've seen a big shift in it, but for a really long time I was
• 8:44
  really kind of embarrassed about it and confused actually about
• 8:47
  what was going on. Yeah, especially that young as
• 8:50
  well, because yeah, I doubt you learn that much about it in
• 8:52
  school. No, I didn't know anything about
• 8:54
  it when I was like, I thought was like Sheldon Cooper and like
• 8:58
  nerds. I'm a nerd.
• 9:01
  Well, yeah. And I guess especially in the
• 9:04
  previous years, maybe not in the recent years, but there has
• 9:06
  definitely been a negative stereotype around just
• 9:10
  neurodivergent disabilities in general.
• 9:12
  There has, I feel like especially in characters on TV
• 9:15
  shows, they usually portray them as usually boys who kind of
• 9:18
  dress like teenagers, even if they're adults and have
• 9:21
  tantrums. And obviously there are autistic
• 9:23
  people who definitely have higher support needs or need
• 9:26
  accommodation. But I think that the way it
• 9:28
  could be represented in film and TV is a little bit too negative
• 9:31
  sometimes. Yeah, definitely.
• 9:33
  But hopefully that'll change. I was watching like a show.
• 9:36
  Heartbreak High, I think it is, and they've got a character on
• 9:39
  there who's autistic, and the actress is autistic and she's a
• 9:43
  really, really interesting character.
• 9:44
  And there's parts of it that I relate to and parts where that I
• 9:45
  don't. But I feel like it's just nice
• 9:47
  to be able to see something that, you know, is a more
• 9:50
  authentic representation. So I think we are moving forward
• 9:53
  slowly. Yeah, and do you think autistic
• 9:55
  characters weren't portrayed by people with autism?
• 9:58
  No, a lot of the time the actors would have no knowledge.
• 10:01
  There was a movie that came out, I can't remember.
• 10:03
  I think it was during COVID where there was an autistic
• 10:06
  character that was written by someone who wasn't autistic, the
• 10:10
  actress wasn't autistic, and there was a a lot of complaining
• 10:12
  about that movie when it came out.
• 10:14
  And I feel like there's been a lot of negative things like
• 10:16
  that. But I do think that we are
• 10:18
  moving forward. Yeah, I think I remember that
• 10:20
  one, actually. Yeah.
• 10:21
  And I think that's definitely pushed creators in film and TV
• 10:24
  and even theatre. There's enough disabled people
• 10:26
  out there that would love to portray that in its most natural
• 10:30
  form. I guess, you know, they have the
• 10:31
  experience and research and they know obviously all about it
• 10:35
  first hand. So yeah, definitely needs to
• 10:37
  change in that way. Yeah, I feel like a lot of
• 10:39
  people who have disabilities can probably remember the first time
• 10:43
  that they saw something that was actually them and when they
• 10:46
  first felt represented. And I remember watching, I think
• 10:48
  it was ABBC video when I was like, 15, and it was called
• 10:51
  Things You Shouldn't Say to Autistic People.
• 10:53
  And they were all adults. And I was like, yeah, I think I
• 10:56
  was about 14 or 15. And it was just a short YouTube
• 10:58
  skirt with, like, autistic adults reading out, like,
• 11:01
  stereotypes and joking and laughing about it.
• 11:03
  And it was one of the first times that I ever saw any people
• 11:06
  that were like me. And I remember because I was
• 11:07
  young when I was watching it, I was like, oh, my God, I could be
• 11:09
  like them in a few years. Like, I could actually grow up.
• 11:12
  And they're like adults having jobs and laughing and making
• 11:15
  jokes. And it was really nice.
• 11:16
  And I hope that that can continue.
• 11:18
  Exactly. That's why it's so important to
• 11:20
  have representation because I'm sure just from seeing that, it's
• 11:24
  probably changed the way you saw autism and the way that you saw
• 11:27
  yourself maybe in the future. Yeah, there was a whole bit
• 11:30
  where this guy was talking about how autistic people can actually
• 11:33
  have more empathy sometimes too much of it that they don't know
• 11:37
  how to, like, give it out. And I believe that I wasn't very
• 11:40
  empathetic. And I was watching it and I was
• 11:41
  like, oh, that makes sense. Like I didn't even know that.
• 11:43
  And I was learning all these new things.
• 11:45
  Wow. So important to have
• 11:47
  representation, definitely. So I wanted to ask you how
• 11:51
  you're affected now, because obviously you had the diagnosis
• 11:53
  at 14. How was it kind of through your
• 11:56
  teenage years in school and things?
• 11:58
  I struggled a lot when I was a teenager because I felt like I
• 12:02
  didn't really know what was going on.
• 12:05
  And I think I, yeah, I struggled a lot with being isolated,
• 12:08
  especially in like female friendships.
• 12:10
  I felt like I never really understood what was going on.
• 12:13
  And I feel like on TikTok, you see a lot of stuff about
• 12:15
  girlhood and what it was like having girl groups growing up.
• 12:18
  And I could never relate to any of that because I was always the
• 12:21
  one who kind of wasn't being invited or was trying to like
• 12:24
  figure it out. And I used to write Diaries
• 12:26
  every single day. And I would look back through
• 12:28
  some of my Diaries from when I was like 12 and it was just
• 12:30
  entries, but how I didn't understand why I hadn't been
• 12:32
  invited to something or and I remember like reading them all
• 12:36
  and thinking I could probably make a play about this as my
• 12:39
  fear to brain like reading every like.
• 12:40
  Yeah. Oh, definitely.
• 12:42
  So I struggled a lot in my teenagers and I also think in
• 12:45
  school I struggled quite a bit academically as well because I
• 12:48
  didn't really know what help I needed.
• 12:50
  I think a lot of especially state schools that maybe don't
• 12:52
  have enough funding need to be able to research more about
• 12:56
  learning difficulties or what can be done.
• 12:58
  Because in my school, the way that they set all the GCSE
• 13:01
  classes was based off of your maths grades.
• 13:03
  And because I have discalculia, I was put into like bottom set
• 13:07
  for almost all of my GCS, ES. And so everything I was being
• 13:10
  taught was at like C grade level.
• 13:12
  And I ended up doing all my GCS, ES and coming up with like B's
• 13:14
  and C's and I could have gotten A's.
• 13:17
  And I look back now and I feel like people with learning
• 13:19
  difficulties think that they're stupid or are convinced that
• 13:23
  they're stupid, or even if it's just jokes that I said to them
• 13:26
  or the fact that they're put into the wrong classes for
• 13:28
  subjects based on subjects that they struggle with, they never
• 13:32
  end up being able to be intelligent.
• 13:34
  They never realise that they can be intelligent or they could be
• 13:36
  smart. And so I think I struggled a lot
• 13:38
  in my teenagers with like school, education, all of that
• 13:41
  sort of thing. That sounds so tough and it's
• 13:43
  such a bad way to put you into classes and sets, even if you're
• 13:47
  bad at maths, let alone, you know, if you have an actual
• 13:50
  learning difficulty, that's such a bad way to to group, you know,
• 13:53
  because people have different strengths.
• 13:54
  And maybe I'm generalising, but people who sometimes aren't bad
• 13:58
  at maths can be maybe better with writing, you know, in
• 14:01
  English or anything else, you know?
• 14:03
  I feel like it's just such a bad way.
• 14:05
  To to group. I don't think I realised that I
• 14:08
  wasn't stupid for a really long time.
• 14:10
  Like I was kind of convinced that I was dumb.
• 14:12
  And then at some point I realised I was actually, I'm
• 14:15
  quite good at writing because I've been learning.
• 14:17
  I'm quite good at learning languages.
• 14:18
  And I do think I have a bit of a language brain and a writing
• 14:21
  brain. And I had no idea because all of
• 14:24
  the classes I was in were being taught at like a kind of
• 14:26
  intermediate or lower level because of my maths.
• 14:28
  And I think schools need to have a really big conversation about
• 14:32
  that and work around what they're doing for that sort of
• 14:34
  thing and figure out how they can make classes that are
• 14:37
  actually being taught that everybody's learning something.
• 14:39
  Not just kids who are good at everything, but kids who are
• 14:42
  maybe good at one thing can be good at that one thing.
• 14:44
  Yeah, exactly. And just make them feel like
• 14:46
  they're not stupid and make them feel like yeah, they are really
• 14:49
  good and brainy and whatever. Yeah.
• 14:51
  Did you go to a college afterwards?
• 14:53
  Yeah, I went to Saint David's excellent college, which was
• 14:57
  fun, and I did media studies, English language and sociology.
• 15:01
  I wasn't the best at sociology, but I was OK with the other two.
• 15:03
  I really liked college. I found with like my auf it as
• 15:06
  well, because that was also something I struggled with a lot
• 15:08
  in school. Like I was really, really ill
• 15:10
  throughout school. I was really ill with it.
• 15:11
  And when I got to college, I would have a lot of free lessons
• 15:15
  so I'd be able to come home, make my own food, figure out
• 15:17
  whether or not I felt hungry, what times I wanted to eat.
• 15:19
  I felt like there's a lot more independence in college and I
• 15:22
  actually did better in my A levels and I felt like I was
• 15:25
  able to do well because the classes were different.
• 15:28
  It felt a lot more student focused and the teachers seemed
• 15:31
  like they had a genuine interest in what the students were
• 15:34
  learning. I just felt like I had a much
• 15:35
  better time at college. I liked college and I feel like
• 15:38
  when you get older, autism becomes slightly easier to deal
• 15:42
  with. I think when you're a young
• 15:44
  teenager, everything feels really embarrassing.
• 15:46
  Definitely, yeah. And I think tough time.
• 15:49
  I think when you get older it doesn't get so embarrassing
• 15:52
  anymore and you're like, OK, this is easier.
• 15:53
  So I feel like it can get more manageable as you get older.
• 15:56
  Definitely. I think in school you feel so
• 15:59
  much pressure to fit in and to be like everyone else and still
• 16:02
  trying to figure out who you are.
• 16:03
  Yeah, I guess the more you get out of school and go into the
• 16:07
  real world, the more accepting. Do you find that the world is a
• 16:09
  bit more accepting? I think now, yeah, around about
• 16:12
  2020 on TikTok, I started seeing a lot of videos from people.
• 16:15
  I guess because it's COVID, it gives you time to think maybe
• 16:18
  people who were probably scared to talk about things were like,
• 16:21
  oh, there's nobody around anyway, so I'll just talk about
• 16:23
  it. So there was a lot of stuff on
• 16:25
  TikTok around about 2020 of talking about experiences with
• 16:28
  autism. And I felt everything slowly
• 16:30
  started to become a lot more sort of accepting.
• 16:33
  Like a lot of things became more accepting.
• 16:36
  I think now if I mention it, I don't get so many kind of, Oh my
• 16:39
  God, what's that anymore? I don't get as many people being
• 16:42
  confused anymore or finding it weird or questioning it.
• 16:45
  I think as well, because I used to get a lot of questions be
• 16:48
  like, oh, but you don't look autistic or yeah, but you're a
• 16:50
  girl. And now it's, I don't think it's
• 16:52
  so much that anymore. I think there's a lot less
• 16:54
  ignorance around it. And I do think it is getting
• 16:57
  better. Definitely.
• 16:58
  I really think TikTok, it's one of the best ways to, yeah,
• 17:02
  educated on things because it's people talking about their own
• 17:04
  experiences. And that's the best way to learn
• 17:06
  about things, listening to experiences first hand instead
• 17:10
  of like having to go off and do your own research.
• 17:13
  And like, people don't want to do that because people only care
• 17:15
  about themselves. But if you scroll through
• 17:17
  TikTok, you do learn so many things and maybe seeing some
• 17:21
  people raise their voices about their own disabilities and
• 17:24
  conditions and just experiences in general and let people ask
• 17:27
  questions. And it's so nice to see this
• 17:29
  generation being so open because I feel like that's the best way
• 17:32
  to understand each other. Yeah, I agree.
• 17:35
  I think TikTok can be a good space.
• 17:36
  I think sometimes it can be over saturated a little bit with
• 17:40
  videos that might not be the most authentic or videos.
• 17:43
  Like I see a lot of trends of people saying things like is he
• 17:46
  acoustic? Or like there was a whole trend
• 17:48
  about women talking about how they want a boyfriend with a
• 17:50
  touch of the tism and you can't have a touch of a disability.
• 17:54
  You either have the disability. Habit.
• 17:56
  Yeah. When you don't, yeah.
• 17:57
  And I think there can be, sometimes it does feel a little
• 18:00
  bit like it's being turned into a trend on certain things.
• 18:02
  But I think if you find genuine creators, there's a lot of
• 18:05
  really useful resources and information that they have on
• 18:08
  their pages, which is nice. Yeah, I guess you need to find
• 18:10
  the right people. Do you agree with this statement
• 18:13
  that I've heard actually a lot through my life.
• 18:16
  Everyone's on the spectrum somewhere.
• 18:18
  No, no. OK, OK.
• 18:20
  I think it's a bit of a weird statement because I have family
• 18:23
  members who have had the whole debate with my family members
• 18:26
  about they think everyone's on the spectrum.
• 18:27
  I think if there's family members who have children with
• 18:30
  autism or something, or they've got lots of family members with
• 18:33
  different conditions, they kind of see it all in their little
• 18:35
  bubble and they end up thinking that everybody's a little bit
• 18:38
  autistic because maybe the people they surround themselves
• 18:40
  with all have their like, quirks.
• 18:42
  But it doesn't mean that everybody's on the spectrum
• 18:45
  because the spectrum is not like a medium to like spicy, you
• 18:50
  know? It's not, It's not like kind of
• 18:52
  just A1 singular line where where there's like somebody who
• 18:56
  has a few quirks and then somebody who's actually
• 18:58
  disabled. It's everyone's actually
• 19:00
  disabled and there's people on there with different needs.
• 19:02
  So yeah, I don't think everyone's a little bit
• 19:04
  autistic. I do think everyone's got quirks
• 19:06
  and they've got traits and there are certain things that people
• 19:09
  do that might coincide with autistic traits or symptoms or
• 19:12
  whatever you want to call it. But I don't think it means that
• 19:15
  you're on the spectrum because you like doing something in a
• 19:17
  particular way or you like certain things.
• 19:19
  Yeah. Well, thanks for your input on
• 19:21
  that. Because I feel like it's, it's a
• 19:23
  10 that's so widely used that people just believe it.
• 19:25
  Like, Oh yeah, you know, everyone's, everyone's a bit
• 19:27
  spectrummy or whatever, Everyone's got something.
• 19:29
  But actually maybe it's just who they are.
• 19:31
  Maybe it's just them. Yeah, I, I remember going to
• 19:34
  like a counselling once and I was telling this woman about
• 19:37
  something that happened to Trent.
• 19:38
  Do you think maybe she's on the spectrum?
• 19:40
  And I was like just telling her about something that had
• 19:43
  happened. And I thought like, maybe that's
• 19:45
  not diagnosed people. Well, randomly because it's,
• 19:47
  it's not as simple as like, oh, maybe they're just on the
• 19:50
  spectrum a little bit. Maybe they're just a little bit
• 19:52
  quirky. Maybe that's it.
• 19:53
  I feel like there's a lot of people that kind of go around,
• 19:57
  you know, diagnosing people. And I think everybody should be
• 20:00
  diagnosing themselves, not other people diagnosing other people
• 20:03
  or talking about other people potentially having autism.
• 20:06
  I feel like it's quite common. I've known people who will joke
• 20:09
  and be like, oh, you're definitely autistic or you
• 20:10
  definitely go show me signs. And I'm like, just leave it for
• 20:13
  themselves. If they want to research, if
• 20:14
  they want to find out, that's on them.
• 20:16
  It is a thing that people do, and it's very easy to kind of
• 20:19
  notice a quirk and be like, well, you can connect it to
• 20:21
  that. But also autism has so many
• 20:23
  different, yeah, symptoms and tendencies that it's really easy
• 20:27
  to spot one in someone and then connect it to that straightaway.
• 20:30
  But I guess that can be more harmful, especially if the
• 20:32
  person themselves like don't really want to look into a
• 20:35
  diagnosis or anything like that. Yeah, and I think that's OK as
• 20:38
  well. This might be controversial to
• 20:39
  say, but not everyone's comfortable with being proud of
• 20:42
  being autistic. And I think that's OK because
• 20:44
  it's all a journey. Like not everybody is going
• 20:46
  absolutely love being autistic and be really proud about it
• 20:49
  because I used to hate it. Like, well, not everybody is
• 20:51
  going to be really, really proud of having a disability or want
• 20:55
  to talk about it all the time. Some people will just kind of
• 20:58
  put up with it and whether or not that works for them is up to
• 21:00
  them. Yeah, people say like, oh, I'm
• 21:02
  proud of my disability and good for them if they are, but I have
• 21:06
  days where I wish I didn't have my disability.
• 21:08
  I wish I just had an able body. Yeah, You know, I don't look at
• 21:12
  someone that can do something that I can't.
• 21:14
  I think, oh, I'm so proud of the fact that I can't do that, you
• 21:17
  know, like I just wish that I could.
• 21:19
  So yeah, it's definitely a journey and just accepting it
• 21:21
  might be enough, more than actually being actively proud of
• 21:24
  it. Yeah, I agree.
• 21:25
  I think there are definitely times I don't think I always
• 21:28
  love every part of being autistic.
• 21:30
  There are a lot of times where I'm like, I wish I wasn't or I
• 21:33
  get overwhelmed about something or I get over stimulated and
• 21:36
  like it would be so much easier if I didn't have autism.
• 21:39
  It doesn't mean that I hate myself or I hate my disability.
• 21:41
  It's just it just comes and goes and you sometimes you can be
• 21:44
  really happy and OK with it and sometimes it's less manageable.
• 21:48
  You know, sometimes it's just really inconvenient.
• 21:50
  Unbalanced is proudly sponsored by the Cure LGMD 2I Foundation.
• 21:54
  The foundation was created by the Brazzo family when their
• 21:57
  daughter Sammy was diagnosed with Limb Gerdal Muscular
• 22:00
  Dystrophy Type 2 I at the age of 2.
• 22:03
  At that time, there were no FDA approved therapies for two I, so
• 22:06
  they created this nonprofit organisation with a mission to
• 22:10
  spread awareness, provide advocacy for the patient
• 22:13
  community, and to raise funds to support research for LGMD 2 I.
• 22:17
  To find out more or to donate, visit curelgmd2i.com.
• 22:21
  And thank you so much to the foundation for sponsoring this
• 22:24
  podcast. So how are you feeling with it
• 22:26
  now? Like what are your experiences
• 22:27
  in the theatre industry with it? I think that I've found a lot of
• 22:32
  ways to manage it, whether it's bringing headphones, a lot of
• 22:35
  places with me, bringing my big headphones and listening to
• 22:37
  music, or there's a lot of theatres now.
• 22:39
  I know the theatre, the Sherman have a lot of like fidget toys.
• 22:42
  They have like a box of fidget toys and they even have menus
• 22:45
  with pictures on them and certain things.
• 22:47
  I think that theatre companies are doing a lot more now and I
• 22:50
  feel it's also, it's down not just to theatre companies, but
• 22:53
  it's also down to the individual to kind of learn about
• 22:55
  themselves and what they need. If you figure out what makes you
• 22:58
  feel stressed, even though that's not the best method, but
• 23:00
  if you kind of figure out what maybe doesn't make you feel OK,
• 23:03
  you can figure out what you can do to help.
• 23:05
  So I've figured out things that make me anxious, which may be
• 23:09
  not knowing how to get there. So figuring out which public
• 23:12
  transport I'm taking or whatever it is, if you can figure out how
• 23:15
  to accommodate yourself, it makes it a lot easier.
• 23:16
  And you have to rely so much on things.
• 23:18
  So I feel in terms of theatre, I think it's gotten a lot easier
• 23:21
  because I've just, I've kind of figured out how to look after
• 23:24
  myself, which I think is really, really important.
• 23:26
  Good. Yeah, that is definitely the
• 23:27
  most important thing. And people aren't going to know
• 23:29
  straight away, especially if you get comments that you don't look
• 23:32
  autistic and you're a girl, so no, you shouldn't.
• 23:34
  So yeah, like being an advocate for yourself is definitely
• 23:37
  really important, and I'm sure once you express your needs,
• 23:40
  other people will be happy to accommodate to those, you know.
• 23:43
  Yeah, I think also talking to directors or whoever you're
• 23:46
  working with and letting them know, oh, I need a 15 minute
• 23:49
  break at this time just because I like to be able to sit down
• 23:52
  and listen to music or if everyone goes for lunch and I
• 23:55
  sit on my own. Please don't think I'm being
• 23:56
  rude. Whatever it is, letting people
• 23:58
  know so that you can do what makes you feel good so you're
• 24:01
  not burnt out by the end of the day, I think is really, really
• 24:03
  important. I've not really had that many
• 24:05
  negative experiences with theatre because I feel like most
• 24:07
  of them have come from the fact that I've not been brave enough
• 24:10
  to stay what I wanted. Whereas I think in the last
• 24:13
  maybe year or so I've gotten a bit more confident with
• 24:15
  thinking, OK, this might be weird but I'm just going to put
• 24:17
  my head rose on right now and like whilst we're having a
• 24:19
  break. Or I'll walk off and get some
• 24:21
  food and stay on my own and people will know that I'm not
• 24:23
  being rude because I've obviously explained it to them.
• 24:25
  That's good. Yeah.
• 24:26
  And most of the time, they probably, like, don't care.
• 24:28
  Like if you want to do your own thing, sure, go for it.
• 24:30
  Go ahead. What does listening to music do
• 24:33
  to you? Like does it calm you down?
• 24:34
  Sometimes I think it's, it's not even the music itself, it's just
• 24:37
  being able to put something on that shuts me off a little bit.
• 24:40
  Or sometimes, and it might sound bad, but people don't end up
• 24:43
  speaking to you because you've got big headphones on.
• 24:45
  They think you be able to hear them.
• 24:46
  So sometimes it can just be a little bit of a, a sign to be
• 24:49
  like, I'm just relaxing on my own now so people won't bother
• 24:52
  you as well. But yeah, I do like listening to
• 24:54
  music though on the way to like walking to different things or
• 24:57
  walking to work or catching the bus.
• 24:59
  I do like listening to music because I do think it can be
• 25:01
  relaxing as well. Definitely.
• 25:03
  And I guess over stimulated if you don't have that as an
• 25:07
  option, like if you have too much communication with other
• 25:10
  people is that does that get too much sometimes?
• 25:12
  I kind of bring my headphones everywhere now because I
• 25:14
  realised there was like the main thing that I do need is my
• 25:17
  headphones. So if I bring my headphones with
• 25:19
  me, I'm pretty much sorted for that.
• 25:21
  That's good. I mean, it's nice anyway.
• 25:23
  I love listening to music. It's just like if I'm feeling a
• 25:25
  bit down, listen to music with a nice beat.
• 25:28
  Just really puts me back in the right mood.
• 25:30
  And I don't know, I just love listening to music so much, it's
• 25:33
  like I can't go a date without it.
• 25:35
  I love Sabrina Carpenter this new song.
• 25:37
  Oh yeah? Oh, I'm obsessed with espresso.
• 25:39
  Yeah, please, please, please. I've been listening to it all
• 25:41
  the time. My eyebrows.
• 25:42
  Are it's so, yeah, it's so good. But I hate the fact that they're
• 25:46
  so big on TikTok because I hear it all the time now and I feel
• 25:49
  like I'm going to get really annoyed because I hear it so
• 25:52
  often. I feel like I get the ick with
• 25:54
  songs sometimes where like I'll enjoy for a little while and
• 25:57
  then TikTok just overplays it so much that I'm like blocking it
• 25:59
  from my Spotify. I don't hear it come.
• 26:01
  Out and that's so annoying because they're so catchy, but
• 26:04
  when everyone knows it, it's just a bit like, OK, can we can
• 26:07
  we use other songs as well? I'm always trying to discover
• 26:10
  new music as well to listen to when I'm walking somewhere
• 26:13
  figuring out whatever comes up on Spotify is new
• 26:15
  recommendations or things, I'm always playing them.
• 26:18
  I. Love that.
• 26:18
  What kind of music do you like listening to apart from Sabrina
• 26:22
  Carpenter? I listen to a lot.
• 26:23
  I'm trying to think what I've been listening to.
• 26:25
  Recently I've been getting into like Welsh language music.
• 26:28
  Actually, it's like Willem. I listen to Gwellem on the way
• 26:31
  here. I love Gwellem.
• 26:33
  Music is a really good way as well, for me at least of
• 26:35
  learning Welsh is like a really good resources listening to
• 26:39
  music because I think a lot of the time if it's sung by young
• 26:42
  people as well, it can be a lot more colloquial and you'll hear
• 26:44
  like Welsh the way that it is spoken rather than from what
• 26:47
  you're getting on like a course. So it can be nice.
• 26:50
  Yeah, like very informal bit of Wanglish thrown in here as well.
• 26:54
  So with Muggled I want to know. So the name itself is in Welsh.
• 26:58
  Where did you get the inspiration for the name
• 27:00
  Muggled? So it means mask.
• 27:03
  I've been going back and forth on like trying to find a name.
• 27:05
  And I thought mask made sense because obviously in theatre,
• 27:08
  the kind of symbol of theatre is the two masks.
• 27:11
  You do a lot of mask work in theatre.
• 27:13
  So I thought a mask would make sense.
• 27:15
  And then I was like, Oh my God, what's so cool for like names?
• 27:18
  And I started thinking of them and then realising that they'd
• 27:20
  all been taken already and I'd go onto like Instagram or search
• 27:23
  up a name and it would already been taken.
• 27:25
  OK, I guess I'll try and figure out something else.
• 27:28
  And then I was coming up with all these different ones.
• 27:30
  I was on AI. They came up with some really
• 27:31
  bad examples. It was like special stars.
• 27:35
  Oh no. Yeah.
• 27:37
  I couldn't find anything on AI that was actually good.
• 27:41
  Hilarious. Yeah, they're so like cringe.
• 27:44
  They. Were really, they were really
• 27:45
  not very good on AI. So I was like, maybe I'll try
• 27:48
  and figure out something else. And then I thought because I'd
• 27:51
  be learning Welsh and if it's based in Wales I can also try
• 27:53
  and add a bilingual element. I was like, I'll just figure out
• 27:56
  the Welsh language word for mask.
• 27:58
  And then it was more good. And at first I was like, I never
• 28:00
  heard a word be pronounced like that.
• 28:02
  So I was like, oh. It's quite a fun word to say.
• 28:04
  Actually, yeah, it's a nice word.
• 28:06
  And I messaged, I messaged my one of my friends who speaks
• 28:09
  Welsh to double check that I'd got it correct.
• 28:11
  So I didn't give some like weird name, but she was like, that's
• 28:13
  correct. Perfect And do you find with
• 28:17
  autism that you have to mask yourself sometimes in?
• 28:20
  Situations. Yeah.
• 28:21
  I think that, yeah, people are always social masking.
• 28:24
  I feel like I started doing it when I was really, really
• 28:26
  little, and then I became more conscious of it when I got
• 28:28
  diagnosed, and I would kind of mask even more because I didn't
• 28:31
  mention this. But when I got diagnosed, I
• 28:33
  actually got my parents to e-mail all the teachers and let
• 28:35
  them know they weren't allowed to talk about it in front of
• 28:37
  anyone. So it was like a massive secret
• 28:40
  at school where the teachers were not allowed to mention it
• 28:42
  at all in front of my class. They had to pull me outside
• 28:45
  separately and privately if they wanted to talk to me about it.
• 28:47
  So it would just never kind of get mentioned.
• 28:50
  And it was only when I was 17 that I posted on Instagram
• 28:53
  saying I had autism. And then it got like 300 likes
• 28:56
  and all these people from my school were finding it.
• 28:57
  And I was like, Oh, no, well, yeah, I kind of kept it a secret
• 29:01
  for my whole life, pretty much. And I don't know what was going
• 29:05
  through my brain, but I think I was just tired of masking.
• 29:07
  And I was like, you know, I'm gonna post about it and
• 29:09
  hopefully see what people think. And then people had a positive
• 29:12
  reaction actually, which was nice.
• 29:14
  That's amazing. You know what?
• 29:15
  I can really relate to that. I didn't really tell anyone but
• 29:18
  my closest friends in high school about my disability.
• 29:21
  Yeah, mostly because it wasn't that obvious, but also I was
• 29:24
  struggling to deal with it myself, let alone the feedback
• 29:27
  or the reactions from my peers in school.
• 29:30
  And you don't want to be different.
• 29:32
  You know, you want to fit in and you have enough going on.
• 29:34
  But then as soon as I released my podcast and started to be a
• 29:37
  bit more open about my condition, it's kind of like
• 29:41
  coming out as like with a disability.
• 29:43
  But the feedback was just so amazing and people were so
• 29:45
  supportive. And now kind of everyone knows.
• 29:48
  And it's really weird because you wouldn't be able to tell in
• 29:51
  school and people be like, I never would have known if you
• 29:54
  like hadn't said. But maybe now it is a bit more
• 29:56
  obvious because it's like more prominent in my life.
• 29:59
  But yeah, it was just such a weird feeling.
• 30:01
  But I felt so much better. I felt like a weight lifted off
• 30:04
  my shoulders because I didn't have to hide who I was anymore.
• 30:07
  Did you feel like that? Yeah, I felt a lot better.
• 30:09
  I think I got to a point where I posted it online as well,
• 30:12
  because when I was in high school, obviously everyone's
• 30:14
  immature, everyone wants to fit in, No one wants to be a bit
• 30:16
  different. But because I went to sixth form
• 30:18
  instead, like I didn't stay at high school.
• 30:20
  I think if I'd stayed at high school, I probably never would
• 30:22
  have posted it. But because I'd gone to college
• 30:24
  and I had new friends who were really supportive and
• 30:27
  interesting and I had friends who were just a lot more
• 30:29
  interesting, different people that I got to meet when I was at
• 30:32
  college, I didn't feel as judge. So I thought, oh, I'll post it
• 30:36
  now. And it was, it was OK.
• 30:37
  Like I realised it was always OK.
• 30:39
  It was never anything to be embarrassed of.
• 30:41
  And I do think that is the positive thing I've noticed is
• 30:43
  that people younger now are becoming a little bit more
• 30:46
  accepting. Whereas I think for me it was a
• 30:48
  journey of waiting till I got older to accept myself or I've
• 30:50
  I've noticed now that younger people are accepting themselves
• 30:53
  from the beginning which is a lot nicer to see.
• 30:55
  That's amazing. And probably because there's so
• 30:57
  many things online, so many resources, so many people out
• 31:00
  there that makes them feel like they're not the only one.
• 31:02
  Because growing up, I didn't know a disabled person my age.
• 31:05
  So I was like, I don't want to be the only one.
• 31:07
  That's weird. But it's so nice to see like
• 31:09
  younger people just accepting who they are from the beginning
• 31:11
  and being open. Yeah, when I was diagnosed, the
• 31:15
  doctor was like, oh by the way, maybe you should watch some
• 31:18
  YouTube videos of women with autism and see what like how
• 31:21
  they react or how they behave and see what you come up with.
• 31:24
  And he went on to YouTube in front of me was like just type
• 31:27
  in and he searched up women with autism or something and there
• 31:29
  was like 3 results and he was like see there's not much on
• 31:32
  here but he was maybe have a look through these videos.
• 31:35
  There's not a lot on here. I do apologise and I was just
• 31:37
  looking through and there was literally nothing until I found
• 31:40
  that random BBC video and I used to come home and watch it
• 31:42
  whenever I felt a bit stressed. I'd like click on that video and
• 31:45
  just watch it because it was like comforting to me.
• 31:47
  The fuck? They had to rewatch the same
• 31:48
  video because there was nothing else.
• 31:50
  Wow. But now there's like so many and
• 31:52
  it's amazing. I recently read or actually
• 31:55
  listened to the audio book Fern Brady.
• 31:57
  Have you heard of her? I saw her live at Reading.
• 32:00
  She's really funny. I'm so heard a book.
• 32:02
  I didn't know she had a book. Yeah, so she's recently released
• 32:05
  a book called Strong Female Character, Where basically her
• 32:09
  whole life she had been misinterpreted.
• 32:11
  She was just a girl with autism, but no one knew and like no one
• 32:15
  could diagnose her properly. And her parents rejected her a
• 32:18
  bit because she was just weird. And yeah, she's been through
• 32:22
  some crazy stuff. I really recommend and as an
• 32:25
  audio book as well. And she reads it out herself.
• 32:28
  So it's nice to hear the book like read by the actual author
• 32:31
  because they know how to tell the story properly.
• 32:33
  But. And she's Scottish as well, so
• 32:36
  yeah, she's better Celtic. Yeah, I had no idea she had a
• 32:39
  book. I saw her in reading and she was
• 32:41
  really funny. With more goods.
• 32:43
  What have you been most proud of since starting this?
• 32:47
  I think just I've been able to reach a lot more people.
• 32:50
  I'm kind of just proud of the fact that hopefully I can create
• 32:52
  more of a community or outreach a little bit further than just
• 32:55
  the few autistic actors that I know currently.
• 32:57
  Hopefully there can be more people that I know, but I'm
• 32:59
  proud of the fact that we've created more of a community and
• 33:01
  there's more people joining. Amazing, and hopefully it'll
• 33:04
  just grow from here. And the more connections you
• 33:06
  make, the more the word will spread about more good.
• 33:09
  So I really hope that it becomes massive and that it creates a
• 33:14
  community which which I guess maybe didn't exist a few years
• 33:17
  ago. No, I think I was told the other
• 33:20
  day by someone at work he was, oh, I think it's the first of
• 33:22
  its kind. And I, I didn't realise that,
• 33:24
  but I was like, oh. Especially in Welsh as well,
• 33:27
  Yeah, I feel like there's not many resources in that, that
• 33:29
  kind of area. Yeah, somebody actually told me
• 33:32
  that they were going to help do some translations as well for me
• 33:34
  so that I can have it more bilingual, which will be really
• 33:36
  good. Oh, wow, amazing.
• 33:38
  Yeah. I guess my last question is, is
• 33:41
  there a piece of advice you would give to other autistic
• 33:44
  people in theatre, or maybe someone that was in your
• 33:47
  position when you were younger? I never did theatre when I was
• 33:50
  younger. I was too embarrassed of it.
• 33:52
  I think I spent too much time worrying.
• 33:54
  I was worrying so much about fitting in or social masking.
• 33:57
  So I guess I would say stop worrying about people looking at
• 34:00
  you. Just take up space.
• 34:02
  Go on that stage. If people already think you're a
• 34:04
  bit weird, then just be a bit more weird.
• 34:07
  Like embrace it. If people already think you're a
• 34:09
  bit strange, just embrace it and keep doing things.
• 34:12
  Keep doing more stage projects and get involved in theatre even
• 34:16
  if you think more people are going to watch you.
• 34:17
  Because it's nicer to be seen than to be stared at.
• 34:20
  And I feel like I spent most of my teenagers feeling like I was
• 34:22
  being stared at but never feeling seen.
• 34:23
  And now I feel like I'm being seen.
• 34:25
  So just take up space. That's a very beautiful way of
• 34:28
  putting it, being seen rather than stared at.
• 34:30
  And also, everyone's a bit weird so may as well embrace it
• 34:33
  because no one's going to make a name for themselves if they are
• 34:36
  like everyone else, you know? Yeah, from the theatre space
• 34:38
  I've been, I've never really met any theatre person who's really
• 34:41
  straight and boring and square. Like, I think most of the
• 34:44
  theatre people that I've met are really interesting, quirky
• 34:47
  individuals and. They are, yeah, definitely.
• 34:50
  Can we find you on social media? Yeah, so my Instagram is MO
• 34:54
  good, which is MWGWD. Did I spell that right?
• 34:57
  Yeah, well done. Yes, and I'll obviously I'll
• 35:00
  leave a link in the description as well.
• 35:02
  So definitely give more good follow and give it some support
• 35:05
  because that is how companies grow, especially now that
• 35:08
  everything's on social media. Thank you so much, Meg, for
• 35:12
  coming onto this podcast today. Thank you for having me.
• 35:14
  It's been, really. Nice.
• 35:16
  It's just been so nice to get to know another Cardiff gal who's
• 35:20
  smashing it in in her own way and I'm so excited to see where
• 35:24
  you and Muggad go. If you guys really enjoyed
• 35:27
  listening as well, make sure to give Muggled a follow on
• 35:30
  Instagram. Make sure to give this podcast a
• 35:32
  follow. Rate it five stars on wherever
• 35:35
  you listen to this podcast. Don't forget to press the bell
• 35:37
  button next to the follow button to make sure you're notified
• 35:40
  every time I release an episode. I will be back with you guys
• 35:44
  very soon in a couple weeks, but until then, bye bye.