Latest / Aspergers & Autism Podcast [The Aspie World] AuDHD / How Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria Shows Up in My Life

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How Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria Shows Up in My Life · Aspergers & Autism Podcast [The Aspie World] AuDHD

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  So how did RSD impact my life? And if you don't know what it
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  is, it's rejection sensitivity dysphoria.
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  And I'm going to talk to you exactly about that and how it
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  kind of shows up in my life. So that maybe if it does show up
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  in your life, you'll be a lot more in the know than I was
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  because I only just found out that it was rejection
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  sensitivity dysphoria. But we're going to get into it
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  right now. Don't go anywhere.
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  Boom. OK, so rejection, rejection
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  sensitivity, dysphoria, what it means, how does it manifest?
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  What does it come from? Basically, it's exactly what it
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  says. It's a sensitivity for feeling
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  rejected. And the dysphoria means that
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  autistic individuals and ADHD individuals, we will instantly
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  think that somebody does not like us even though we've never
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  spoken to them. So my instant thought is that,
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  oh, everybody hates me. I just thought like this for
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  years. This is the way my mind worked.
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  And my, my mind was like, yeah, this is it.
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  Everybody hates you. And I was like, OK, that's fine.
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  And then I found out recently that this is untrue and it down
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  to some kind of, umm, extremes where I'd be talking to my
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  partner and I'd be like, I found my partner.
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  She may be like, umm, busy with something or kind of like maybe
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  she's kind of occupied with something And I'm like, hey, you
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  OK? Yeah, just, you know, think
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  about something. I'm like, wait, it's not me.
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  You know, I haven't offended you, have I?
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  She's like, no, why? Why would you?
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  And I'm like, I instantly think I'm like, I'm known as offended
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  people. And why does this happen?
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  And, and I have a theory on it, I don't know the clinical side
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  of it, but my theory on it from what I can see is this, that
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  growing up as an autistic person, growing up as an ADHD.
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  So if you've got any neurodivergent brain type or if
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  you're neuro spicy, you don't know a lot of the typical social
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  conventions of being around people.
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  So you may say the wrong things, you may have a filter, you may
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  cuss and say things that you don't know.
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  I remember once I said a cuss word in front of my mother.
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  It's a horrendous 1. And I didn't know what it was.
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  And she gave me a slap across my face.
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  This is going back to like the early 90s, late 80s.
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  So but she gave me a slap across the face.
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  I've never had a slap like this from my mum before.
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  And like, I just remember thinking myself, whoa, like,
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  what the heck, Why was that? And but she was so shocked.
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  She was like, you know, like Daniel.
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  And I was like, what? And I didn't know this was a
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  cuss word. I didn't even know.
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  I just heard the word and just used it right.
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  Like how was I supposed to know? And So what we've tend to do is
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  growing up as newer spicy people or neuro divergent people, we're
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  growing up thinking we're always wrong, especially in social
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  situations. So when people are involved,
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  we're wrong. And if we're wrong when people
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  are involved, oh bugger, that means we're wrong most of the
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  time. So if we're wrong most of the
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  time, that means we have a rejection sensitivity.
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  That dysphoria is the fact that it's not correct, but the
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  rejection sensitivity is that like, I was just thinking that,
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  you know, that's it. Somebody doesn't like me.
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  And because I'm already defaultedly at fault, I'm, I'm
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  at fault because why wouldn't I be?
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  I've been at fault my entire life.
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  And so the, the bigger picture of this is that if most people
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  actually think like this, like I do, if most autistic individuals
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  think like this, like I do, well, no wonder there's social
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  issues, right? And so how do we move forward
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  from that? What, what do we kind of think
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  about it? And so for I've been kind of
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  like ruminating, meaning I've been thinking about this a lot,
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  right? Rumination of thought means
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  like, you know, something that kind of keeps returning and
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  you're thinking about it over and over again.
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  It's a good word, rumination, isn't it?
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  Ruminating thought. And I've been ruminating on this
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  for about, I don't know, maybe two months.
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  And I'm like, holy smokes. Like I, I honestly didn't
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  realize this was a thing, but it actually could impact things.
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  It can impact your relationship because then your significant
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  other may be thinking, why do you think I'm always angry at
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  him? And anyway, I've got a good
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  point. Why would I think that, you
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  know, or why would you think that I'm always doing something
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  wrong? Am I guilty of doing something
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  wrong all the time? Oh my goodness.
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  You know, So it can impact your life in many different ways,
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  especially when friends, especially with relationships,
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  you know, romantic and not. And so it's a really big input,
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  you know, something that impacts a lot.
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  And it's not to sound like, you know, snowflakey, you know, I
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  have rejection sensitivity just for you, but on the biggest
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  scale, it's that we just need more reassurance.
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  And that's kind of what I've been thinking of.
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  It's not so much that I have to change, you know, much in my
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  life. The only thing I really need to
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  do is, is kind of go now. Well, this person doesn't hate
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  me. I, I need to stop thinking like
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  that, right? So I, so I instantly like, oh,
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  this person hates me. And I remember it's just
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  rejection sensitivity, OK, it's from doesn't hate me and wait
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  until they prove to me that they hate me.
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  But if they don't prove that they hate me, then OK, maybe
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  they're OK with me. And by doing that, that will
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  allow you a little bit more relaxation around other people.
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  But for other people, we need more kind of reassurance.
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  So artistic people or neurospicy people, when we're around people
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  who are are neurotypical, the neurotypical people should
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  really be trying to help us feel more or less rejected, but more
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  kind of like reassured that hey, no, it's all good.
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  Like don't worry about it, you know, like it's all good.
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  Like what, what can I do to help you make you feel more
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  reassured? That would be cool if, if, if
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  neotypical people could say, Hey, what can I do to help you
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  feel more reassured that I don't hate you, You're not doing
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  anything wrong. I think that would like change
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  the game that would change my life.
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  I think it would change my life for the better.
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  So that is something that has been deeply impacting my life.
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  Now, I don't know what your experience with rejection
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  sensitivity dysphoria is now two things.
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  One is that I read every single comment.
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  So if you want to join in this conversation and drop a comment
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  down below. My name is Dan, by the way, and
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  I have autism and ADHD and I do videos like this all the time
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  like every every day if I can, but you know a few times a week
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  at the very least. And so if you want to join this
• 5:48
  family here on YouTube, help me get to 500,000 subscribers
• 5:50
  because we're really close We're almost at 300,000.
• 5:52
  Then please drop the subscribe down below.
• 5:54
  It mean the world to me. Thank you so much.
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  I want to know what you thought. What are your thoughts on
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  rejection sensitivity because you know it's really
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  interesting. It doesn't damage my confidence,
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  but it, it, it creates a gap in my social understanding for
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  social normality, right. And so because I teach, I teach
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  confidence. I, I do want to run coaching
• 6:16
  with autistic adults, but I also have a program.
• 6:18
  It's amazing. It's called the Bulletproof
• 6:20
  brain program and you can actually get it.
• 6:22
  It's just launched. So if you go to link down below
• 6:24
  or I'll leave a link to you somewhere, even in AQR code, if
• 6:26
  I can fit it on the screen. You can go to
• 6:28
  www.bulletproofbrain.org/get you, you can check out the
• 6:34
  program. But it's amazing.
• 6:35
  Like it, it, it covers everything and like the results
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  are amazing. You know, so like when I'm
• 6:39
  helping clients, you know, I'm working with autistic adults
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  just like me where I was when I wasn't confident and improving
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  their confidence. And you know, the feedback is
• 6:47
  amazing. Like on the site, there's a,
• 6:48
  there's a testimonial from Jason.
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  He's like in three days. This is a 7 day program.
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  It's lifetime access. I mean, you get access to it the
• 6:55
  whole time. You can do it within seven days,
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  one day, whatever, but it's laid out in seven days.
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  But within seven days, within three days out of the seven, he
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  increased his confidence by 100, which is crazy good.
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  And it's just so cool to know that we can increase our
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  confidence, but while still having RSD, right, rejection
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  sensitivity as far it doesn't go away.
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  And it's really, really interesting.
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  Now the future of that. How does that work?
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  How does it, how does it come to play?
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  I've not yet figured out a way to train my brain to not have
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  RSD but mark my words, I'm going to figure out a way so that I
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  don't have reject intensivities for it because it really bugs
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  me. I mean I think what makes it
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  worse is that if you have OCD as well, which I do.
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  So I have autism, OCD, dyslexia and ADHD.
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  And one of the biggest issues happens, and this happened quite
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  recently to me is it was like OCD is, you know, when you you
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  need to do something. They're not about autism OCDOCD
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  on its own as a as a mental health condition, like I have to
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  do something because I feel like something bad's going to happen
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  if I don't do it. And kind of with RSD, I'm like,
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  well, this person hates me. Why wouldn't he?
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  You know, like this person doesn't like me, but there's no
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  confirmation of that, right. And same with OCD.
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  There's no confirmation. And that's part of the treatment
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  of OCD. When you realize that there is
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  no confirmation that, you know, if you don't do something,
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  actually nothing bad happens. And that's kind of how you start
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  to kind of overcome a lot of OCD.
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  But we're rejecting sensitivity to euphoria.
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  You know, the same thing applies if the person's like, no, hey,
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  you're cool, I'm cool with you. You're kind of, oh, cool, OK.
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  It starts to feel cool. But the opposite can happen.
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  And it happened to me. I was like, hey, how come you
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  won't talk to me, Mr. X? And they were like, I don't like
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  you. I was like, oh, no, the edge fry
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  my rejection sensitivity. The foray was just backed up by
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  the fuck this person doesn't like me.
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  And so interesting. It's a very interesting concept.
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  So I don't know how how to kind of combat that, but I will.
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  I'm going to combat it. I'm going to figure it out right
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  here. And you're going to be first to
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  know, so don't go anywhere. Make sure you subscribe, guys.
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  Peace.