Latest / The You Project / #2242 Adapt or Die - Harps & Tiff

Transcript

#2242 Adapt or Die - Harps & Tiff · The You Project

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: Oh, g'day, Tiff. How are you?
• 0:03
  Speaker 2: Very fabulous. Thank you for asking, Mr Harper.
• 0:06
  Speaker 1: Well, thanks for being here. It's a Saturday morning. This
• 0:08
  Speaker 1: is quite a rude time to do a podcast. We
• 0:10
  Speaker 1: were going to do one yesterday, but we didn't for
• 0:11
  Speaker 1: whatever reason. But nonetheless, you and I and your man child,
• 0:16
  Speaker 1: your great big 60-year-old or 55-year-old, 12-year-old boyfriend. 56 going
• 0:20
  Speaker 1: on 15. Yeah, 56 going on 15. We had coffee
• 0:30
  Speaker 1: this morning and it's already been quite the day. I've
• 0:33
  Speaker 1: been for a walk. I've done 70% of my steps thereabouts.
• 0:38
  Speaker 1: So life is good. Life is good. When did you
• 0:41
  Speaker 1: go for breakfast after you left the Hamptons?
• 0:44
  Speaker 2: We went to Little Ox. I've been there a little
• 0:46
  Speaker 2: bit lately. Little Ox, shout out to them. They have
• 0:49
  Speaker 2: quite delicious. They're good. Good little cafe.
• 0:51
  Speaker 1: What is that? It's a cafe. Describe it.
• 0:55
  Speaker 3: It's a little cafe in kind of, well, maybe Brighton,
• 1:00
  Speaker 3: but right on the edge of Brighton Elwood and not
• 1:03
  Speaker 3: in the kind of vicinity of much else. It's just
• 1:07
  Speaker 3: a lovely little cafe. They do nice work. They're nice people.
• 1:10
  Speaker 3: They've got cool little stickers. I've got one sitting on
• 1:12
  Speaker 3: the dash of my car now.
• 1:13
  Speaker 2: It's a little picture of a locks on it. What
• 1:15
  Speaker 2: did you say?
• 1:15
  Speaker 1: They've got cool stickers?
• 1:17
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 1:19
  Speaker 1: Of all the things that you could have said about
• 1:21
  Speaker 1: what you like about this cafe, they've got cool stickers,
• 1:24
  Speaker 1: wasn't in my top 100.
• 1:26
  Speaker 2: I like the bloke that runs it.
• 1:29
  Speaker 3: I like places where you feel like he's got his
• 1:33
  Speaker 3: girls working there. You feel like they're very nice people.
• 1:36
  Speaker 2: They're fun.
• 1:37
  Speaker 3: They want to get to know you a bit. You
• 1:39
  Speaker 3: feel familiar. You can go there once in a blue
• 1:41
  Speaker 3: moon but feel a little bit familiar.
• 1:43
  Speaker 2: I like that.
• 1:45
  Speaker 1: Isn't that true for so many businesses? Like I think...
• 1:49
  Speaker 1: I hope this doesn't sound braggy McBragster at all, but
• 1:54
  Speaker 1: in my, not always, but most of the time in
• 1:59
  Speaker 1: my gyms, we had this culture where everybody knew everybody's
• 2:02
  Speaker 1: name and everybody used it and everybody, even the trainers
• 2:07
  Speaker 1: that all the clients that weren't theirs, they were other trainers' clients,
• 2:12
  Speaker 1: but they'd talk to them and everybody enjoyed being like
• 2:16
  Speaker 1: it wasn't about people's qualifications or the gym equipment or the,
• 2:23
  Speaker 1: you know, the, I don't know, the decor or the
• 2:27
  Speaker 1: change rooms or the jacuzzi or the fucking timetable for
• 2:30
  Speaker 1: the classes because there weren't any. And all of that
• 2:34
  Speaker 1: stuff was good and the equipment was good and the
• 2:36
  Speaker 1: training was good, but it was really about people just
• 2:38
  Speaker 1: like going to that place. Yes, yeah. And it's funny,
• 2:42
  Speaker 1: you can go somewhere where the coffee's a 7 out
• 2:44
  Speaker 1: of 10 but the vibe's a 12. So you're like, well,
• 2:47
  Speaker 1: I'm coming here.
• 2:48
  Speaker 3: Yeah, that's what, as you know, PCYC just opened up
• 2:52
  Speaker 3: after eight months after them getting rudely.
• 2:56
  Speaker 1: I did not know that, so tell me that. So PCYC,
• 2:58
  Speaker 1: for people who.
• 2:59
  Speaker 3: Don't know- PCYC is an absolute instance. So there's a
• 3:04
  Speaker 3: lot of PCYCs around Australia, or maybe not a lot.
• 3:10
  Speaker 3: I can't say how many, but it's Police and Citizens
• 3:13
  Speaker 3: Youth Club. And the one in St Kilda has been
• 3:16
  Speaker 3: there for many, many, many years. It has a beautiful backstory.
• 3:21
  Speaker 3: And a lot of people, they do a lot of
• 3:23
  Speaker 3: youth initiatives there.
• 3:25
  Speaker 2: A lot of.
• 3:25
  Speaker 3: Youth classes and master's classes and Parkinson's classes. So a
• 3:31
  Speaker 3: real lovely establishment and a kind of, as in a
• 3:36
  Speaker 3: Craig Harper term, a pot puree of clientele. And when
• 3:41
  Speaker 3: it closed last.
• 3:42
  Speaker 1: Year- A veritable pot puree of humanity.
• 3:45
  Speaker 2: Yes.
• 3:46
  Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah.
• 3:47
  Speaker 1: From kids to- A fruit salad of humans.
• 3:49
  Speaker 3: To citizens rehabilitating from their perhaps untoward choices that have
• 3:54
  Speaker 3: landed them in places that don't give them a lot
• 3:56
  Speaker 3: of freedom. Elderly people, just a night. Then there's something
• 4:02
  Speaker 3: about it. And last year, a terrible CEO came in.
• 4:07
  Speaker 3: was attempting to shut down the gym and was attempting
• 4:10
  Speaker 3: to offload that very valuable but a little bit run
• 4:13
  Speaker 3: down piece of land.
• 4:16
  Speaker 2: It got shut down.
• 4:17
  Speaker 3: He got the sack and eight months later after a lot,
• 4:22
  Speaker 3: a lot, a lot of work from a handful of
• 4:25
  Speaker 3: community members and volunteers, the doors have now reopened.
• 4:29
  Speaker 2: And the point I.
• 4:30
  Speaker 3: Make is what you said before is people that left
• 4:34
  Speaker 3: there before And went to other gyms, did kind of go, oh,
• 4:40
  Speaker 3: you know, the equipment at these other places is amazing.
• 4:43
  Speaker 3: But in no time they said, I don't fit. I
• 4:46
  Speaker 3: don't want to be, I just want PCYC back. You
• 4:48
  Speaker 3: couldn't find that place.
• 4:51
  Speaker 1: It's about the people. It's always about the people. It's
• 4:54
  Speaker 1: about the energy. It's about the vibe. It's about the culture.
• 4:57
  Speaker 1: It's about the connection. It's about the feeling that you
• 5:01
  Speaker 1: have when you're in that place and you go to
• 5:04
  Speaker 1: somewhere with all the shiny stuff, which is not bad,
• 5:07
  Speaker 1: of course. Shiny stuff is of itself not bad. But
• 5:10
  Speaker 1: you can go to the razzle-dazzle Hollywood place and you
• 5:14
  Speaker 1: just don't have the experience despite the shiny equipment. that
• 5:18
  Speaker 1: you did at PCYC with their 75-year-old lat pulldown. You
• 5:24
  Speaker 1: know what I mean?
• 5:25
  Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah.
• 5:26
  Speaker 1: And their stinky, rusty plates. I worked in a gym
• 5:30
  Speaker 1: when I was 18, 19 in Mentone called The Stables,
• 5:35
  Speaker 1: and it was called The Stables because originally it was
• 5:38
  Speaker 1: in old stables, horse stables. Yeah, and then it got
• 5:43
  Speaker 1: relocated to a factory in, Which they did pretty much
• 5:47
  Speaker 1: nothing to improve the factory. They just rented a factory
• 5:52
  Speaker 1: and put all the equipment in there. So it was
• 5:53
  Speaker 1: called the stables, right? Now, we're talking 1983. I was
• 6:00
  Speaker 1: the manager. Oh, no, 82. I was 19. I was
• 6:03
  Speaker 1: the manager. Let's put that very loosely in inverted commas
• 6:07
  Speaker 1: with an asterisk. The whole joint had, there was no,
• 6:11
  Speaker 1: it was painted all different colors. Uh, they didn't have
• 6:15
  Speaker 1: the place carpeted per se. They just got carpet from everywhere.
• 6:19
  Speaker 1: So it's hodgepodge carpet on the floors. There was, uh,
• 6:24
  Speaker 1: one female toilet that women didn't go there. I do
• 6:28
  Speaker 1: not blame them, but there was a lady's toilet, guy's toilet,
• 6:30
  Speaker 1: change rooms. Um, Every second guy that came there was
• 6:36
  Speaker 1: on steroids because it was back in the day when
• 6:38
  Speaker 1: steroids were like taking protein powder. Like they weren't even illegal.
• 6:42
  Speaker 1: This is how crazy it was, right? All the dudes
• 6:46
  Speaker 1: were like there was crooks, there was cops, there was military,
• 6:50
  Speaker 1: there was tradies, there was unemployed, there was all colors, shapes, sizes, religions,
• 6:58
  Speaker 1: cultures everywhere. It was fucking amazing. And people came from
• 7:03
  Speaker 1: far and wide to train in a shithole because it
• 7:06
  Speaker 1: was just the best shithole ever.
• 7:08
  Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah.
• 7:10
  Speaker 1: And for me it was a privilege. I just got
• 7:14
  Speaker 1: to walk around. It was like something out of an
• 7:16
  Speaker 1: old movie and everybody encouraged everybody. Everybody spotted everybody. Of course,
• 7:24
  Speaker 1: back then there was not a fucking mobile phone to
• 7:26
  Speaker 1: be seen. There wasn't a telly on the wall. There
• 7:29
  Speaker 1: was probably a boom box in the corner playing ACDC.
• 7:32
  Speaker 1: I can't remember. But there was nothing special about that joint.
• 7:37
  Speaker 1: But the fact was it was so special at the
• 7:40
  Speaker 1: same time. Yeah. People make stuff. It's about the people.
• 7:44
  Speaker 1: It's about the, you know, like you think about the
• 7:48
  Speaker 1: best times that you've had in your life that were
• 7:51
  Speaker 1: just about where you were and who you were with.
• 7:53
  Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 7:55
  Speaker 3: The silver lining is, something I didn't do so much
• 7:58
  Speaker 3: before and probably wasn't that aware of that I do
• 8:01
  Speaker 3: now is just make conversation and ask people's names of
• 8:05
  Speaker 3: just whoever's in their training at the time, which I
• 8:08
  Speaker 3: didn't before. You know, if I see a familiar face
• 8:10
  Speaker 3: a couple of times, I'll ask their name and I'll
• 8:15
  Speaker 3: make a very conscious, because I'm not the best at
• 8:17
  Speaker 3: remembering names, not even four seconds after asking it really.
• 8:21
  Speaker 3: But I've made such an effort for that because like
• 8:23
  Speaker 3: we always say, you don't know what you've got until
• 8:25
  Speaker 3: it's gone.
• 8:27
  Speaker 2: I didn't realize, I don't think anyone.
• 8:29
  Speaker 3: Realized how special that place really was until it got
• 8:33
  Speaker 3: ripped out from under us. And then it was like, oh,
• 8:37
  Speaker 3: you can't find this. When this disappears, this disappears forever.
• 8:42
  Speaker 2: Yep.
• 8:43
  Speaker 1: And now it's back, baby.
• 8:44
  Speaker 2: Very lucky.
• 8:46
  Speaker 1: Yeah. So I want to talk today about.
• 8:51
  Speaker 1: Something I've been thinking about for a while. I've thought
• 8:53
  Speaker 1: about this for a very long time. We've discussed it.
• 8:56
  Speaker 1: I don't know if we've done a standalone episode on it. But,
• 9:01
  Speaker 1: and I've written this as a whiteboard post probably two
• 9:04
  Speaker 1: or three times over the 57,000 I've posted. But I
• 9:08
  Speaker 1: want to talk about our capacity as people who love
• 9:13
  Speaker 1: certainty and predictability and familiarity. We love to know what's coming.
• 9:18
  Speaker 1: We don't like the unknown. Fuck the unknown. fuck the uncertain,
• 9:23
  Speaker 1: which makes it very difficult to become a person who
• 9:26
  Speaker 1: is very adaptable, right? And life is always asking us
• 9:31
  Speaker 1: a myriad of questions, but maybe the question that we
• 9:34
  Speaker 1: really get asked most is how well can you adapt?
• 9:40
  Speaker 1: Like how well can you adapt? Because life is not
• 9:43
  Speaker 1: going to work around you. People are not going to
• 9:45
  Speaker 1: work around you. The government, the weather, the culture, the society,
• 9:52
  Speaker 1: it's not going to work around you. Even your body
• 9:55
  Speaker 1: is not going to work around you. You need to
• 9:57
  Speaker 1: work with you because your body's telling you stuff. Your
• 10:00
  Speaker 1: body's saying, do more of this, do less of that,
• 10:02
  Speaker 1: eat more of this, eat less of that. Your job
• 10:04
  Speaker 1: is maybe telling you this is not the job for you.
• 10:07
  Speaker 1: Your results are saying what you're doing is not working.
• 10:10
  Speaker 1: You need to change the way that you're doing it.
• 10:12
  Speaker 1: This is not hate. This is awareness. And so The
• 10:17
  Speaker 1: thing is our willingness to put ourselves in situations where
• 10:21
  Speaker 1: we are vulnerable, where we're uncertain, where we're scared, where
• 10:26
  Speaker 1: we're unfamiliar, and to be able to go, you know what,
• 10:30
  Speaker 1: this is not where I want to be, but it's
• 10:31
  Speaker 1: where I need to be in order to become more adaptable,
• 10:35
  Speaker 1: more capable, more resilient, more versatile and and more able
• 10:41
  Speaker 1: to do the things that I want to do. It's
• 10:43
  Speaker 1: like my analogy would be, I'm going to go to
• 10:46
  Speaker 1: the gym. Well done, Tiff's going to the gym. Oh,
• 10:50
  Speaker 1: how often are you going? Three days a week, that's
• 10:51
  Speaker 1: fucking amazing. What do you do when you're there? I
• 10:54
  Speaker 1: sit at reception and scroll on my phone. Then 45
• 10:57
  Speaker 1: minutes later, I head out to the car park and
• 11:00
  Speaker 1: I fuck off, right? And this is the analogy in
• 11:03
  Speaker 1: some ways. Some people do not much more than that
• 11:06
  Speaker 1: at the gym, by the way, right? But some of
• 11:10
  Speaker 1: us do that in life. Like we go to the gym,
• 11:12
  Speaker 1: in inverted commas, we metaphorically sit at the table, look
• 11:15
  Speaker 1: at our phones, scroll Instagram, then fuck off. And we say,
• 11:18
  Speaker 1: why am I not learning, growing, evolving, adapting? Well, because
• 11:21
  Speaker 1: you don't go into the gym and lift the fucking weights.
• 11:24
  Speaker 1: You don't get uncomfortable. You don't do hard things. You
• 11:27
  Speaker 1: don't give your body a reason to improve, grow, evolve, adapt.
• 11:32
  Speaker 1: And so that willingness, like... And I was thinking about,
• 11:38
  Speaker 1: without this being self-indulgent, but I was thinking about because
• 11:42
  Speaker 1: my starting point, I've said so many times, was not
• 11:46
  Speaker 1: coming from a place of greatness or superior intellect or
• 11:50
  Speaker 1: genetic disposition or sporting prowess, but I always had to
• 11:54
  Speaker 1: just figure out how to adapt and do stuff if
• 11:57
  Speaker 1: I was going to be any good at things. And perhaps...
• 12:02
  Speaker 1: Most recently is going, not most recently, but six years
• 12:06
  Speaker 1: ago now, but just having kind of stumbled towards the
• 12:09
  Speaker 1: finish line of my PhD, but going into an environment
• 12:13
  Speaker 1: where I was actually the least academic person, probably in
• 12:17
  Speaker 1: the whole kind of lab, you know, neuroscience, neuropsych lab.
• 12:22
  Speaker 1: Definitely hadn't been to university for over 20 years, which
• 12:25
  Speaker 1: is not the case with everybody else there. Not knowing
• 12:29
  Speaker 1: how to read academic literature at that level, not knowing
• 12:32
  Speaker 1: how to write academically, not knowing how to be a researcher,
• 12:38
  Speaker 1: not knowing how to have the level of conversation that
• 12:41
  Speaker 1: I needed to have to not look like a fuckwit.
• 12:44
  Speaker 1: Even knowing what are the questions that I should be asking, um,
• 12:50
  Speaker 1: And just thinking, well, I either need to get out
• 12:53
  Speaker 1: of this and just be humiliated and quit, or I
• 12:57
  Speaker 1: need to figure out how to survive and maybe even
• 13:02
  Speaker 1: thrive in this situation. And so you just start and
• 13:06
  Speaker 1: you just learn and you fall down and you fuck
• 13:08
  Speaker 1: up and you write something that's terrible. Then somebody gives
• 13:12
  Speaker 1: you some input and feedback and then you rewrite it.
• 13:14
  Speaker 1: It's a little bit better. And then eventually... a year
• 13:17
  Speaker 1: or two or three later, you can write academically quite
• 13:19
  Speaker 1: effectively and you can read and you can research and
• 13:23
  Speaker 1: you're learning and all of that. But it's just that
• 13:26
  Speaker 1: people want great outcomes. People want great results. People want
• 13:30
  Speaker 1: great health. People want a great job. People want a
• 13:33
  Speaker 1: great income. People want great relationships. But the thing that
• 13:37
  Speaker 1: will create those outcomes is generally the thing that we
• 13:40
  Speaker 1: don't want, which is choosing hard, which is choosing unfamiliar.
• 13:45
  Speaker 1: So And you think about so many of us in
• 13:51
  Speaker 1: so many ways, mentally, emotionally, practically, behaviorally are static. We're
• 13:56
  Speaker 1: basically a version of what we were the last thousand days.
• 14:00
  Speaker 1: But the world is dynamic. Like the world is evolving.
• 14:05
  Speaker 1: Life is evolving. Everything is evolving. I had a conversation
• 14:10
  Speaker 1: recently with a friend of mine who's my age. He's like,
• 14:13
  Speaker 1: I'm never, this is what he said to me, I
• 14:15
  Speaker 1: only do cash. I'm never doing electronic this or that.
• 14:19
  Speaker 1: I'm like, dude, you actually don't have a fucking choice.
• 14:23
  Speaker 1: I'm never doing AI. I'm like, well, you're a dumbass.
• 14:25
  Speaker 1: You don't need to love AI. But AI is already
• 14:29
  Speaker 1: in your life. And it doesn't mean you've got to
• 14:32
  Speaker 1: love it or be a fan. But if the world
• 14:35
  Speaker 1: has changed and you are the same, guess what? You're
• 14:39
  Speaker 1: in trouble now. Yeah. Yeah. Because your capacity to be
• 14:45
  Speaker 1: able to adjust and adapt to what's going on in
• 14:47
  Speaker 1: your world, now that doesn't mean that the world is
• 14:50
  Speaker 1: going to write your story. It just means there are
• 14:53
  Speaker 1: things that go on in your life external to the
• 14:57
  Speaker 1: things that are in your sovereignty and personal power and control.
• 15:02
  Speaker 1: But I can't ignore the government. I can't ignore the
• 15:06
  Speaker 1: road rules. I can't ignore tax. I can't ignore what's
• 15:10
  Speaker 1: going on in social media if I want to have
• 15:14
  Speaker 1: a social media presence, which I need to for my business.
• 15:18
  Speaker 1: And like you've just developed this program, this online program,
• 15:22
  Speaker 1: which we're talking about this morning. Well, how many things
• 15:25
  Speaker 1: have you learned in the last three months?
• 15:28
  Speaker 2: Lots of things.
• 15:29
  Speaker 1: Lots of things.
• 15:30
  Speaker 3: And how?
• 15:31
  Speaker 1: Because you've adapted. You fucked up. Then you tried again.
• 15:33
  Speaker 1: You did it better. You fucked up, but less than
• 15:36
  Speaker 1: you tried again. Then you made a phone call. Then
• 15:38
  Speaker 1: you talked to your guys. Then you, you know, and
• 15:41
  Speaker 1: now you're down the track and you've got this great
• 15:43
  Speaker 1: little product. You're offering this great program. You're getting bums
• 15:46
  Speaker 1: on seats. it's working commercially, you're enjoying all of these things,
• 15:50
  Speaker 1: but that's been an adaptation process starting from I don't
• 15:55
  Speaker 1: know how to do this, I'm uncomfortable, I don't even
• 15:59
  Speaker 1: know what decision to make or what question to ask,
• 16:02
  Speaker 1: but over time you develop all of that.
• 16:05
  Speaker 3: Yeah, and I'm fascinated by my interest lies mostly I
• 16:09
  Speaker 3: think In the stories that we have developed around our
• 16:16
  Speaker 3: perception of reality and my favorite observations throughout it are
• 16:24
  Speaker 3: the TIF patterns that I see.
• 16:27
  Speaker 2: When I do something new. Because I said to you
• 16:29
  Speaker 2: this morning.
• 16:29
  Speaker 3: One of my biggest realizations is how I function in
• 16:33
  Speaker 3: the learning, the seeking guidance.
• 16:36
  Speaker 2: I have a story that's.
• 16:37
  Speaker 3: Held me back for a long time about– who I
• 16:40
  Speaker 3: trust to help me grow something to the next level
• 16:43
  Speaker 3: or to help me beyond because I've always landed where
• 16:48
  Speaker 3: I've landed because I've tried something just my way. So
• 16:51
  Speaker 3: I have this, I'll go, well, if that works, I
• 16:54
  Speaker 3: don't want you to un-tiffify me. I don't want to
• 16:56
  Speaker 3: be sold a thing that's a scam or that's like
• 17:01
  Speaker 3: everybody else or that doesn't.
• 17:04
  Speaker 2: But what I.
• 17:05
  Speaker 3: Observed from last year's program that I did where I
• 17:10
  Speaker 3: enlisted a coach and then this one is this pattern
• 17:13
  Speaker 3: of knowing I need to open myself up to learn
• 17:19
  Speaker 3: all of the stuff that I don't know how to
• 17:21
  Speaker 3: do and how to optimize doing things better. And then
• 17:24
  Speaker 3: I am a bit resistant to it. And a bit,
• 17:28
  Speaker 3: I mean a lot. I'm like, nah, I'm not even
• 17:32
  Speaker 3: trying that. I'm not doing that. And then I lean
• 17:34
  Speaker 3: into doing it just to tick a box and it
• 17:36
  Speaker 3: has an amazing result.
• 17:38
  Speaker 1: Yes. Well, that's interesting. So what is that resistance? Like
• 17:43
  Speaker 1: when you go, I'm going to do this program, and
• 17:46
  Speaker 1: then they go, okay, do these three steps, and then
• 17:49
  Speaker 1: you're like, fuck those three steps. What is that about?
• 17:51
  Speaker 2: I think it is about feeling, I guess– I'm manipulative.
• 18:00
  Speaker 3: I'm, you know, like I'm, I'm learning a process and
• 18:03
  Speaker 3: I'm wanting, and I just want, I guess I'm scared
• 18:06
  Speaker 3: that I don't want someone to influence, influence me into
• 18:11
  Speaker 3: a process that I look back at any point and
• 18:14
  Speaker 3: feel like there was no personal integrity. Like what matters
• 18:18
  Speaker 3: to me is that I'm just, you know, again, I'm
• 18:21
  Speaker 3: building it. I'm building a program and there's, there's gotta
• 18:24
  Speaker 3: be a commercial aspect. And the reason I enlisted help
• 18:26
  Speaker 3: is because I wanted this to be a substantial thing
• 18:29
  Speaker 3: that I can create that is big and sustainable in
• 18:34
  Speaker 3: terms of the results people get and the continuation of
• 18:39
  Speaker 3: me being better and better and better at delivering it
• 18:43
  Speaker 3: for better results in the future for more people. I
• 18:46
  Speaker 3: can't do that by myself because my background is I'll
• 18:49
  Speaker 3: do this thing, it'll be awesome, and I'll do something
• 18:52
  Speaker 3: completely different next week when I feel like doing that.
• 18:54
  Speaker 3: And that way I'll never really, I can chase these
• 18:58
  Speaker 3: little successes.
• 18:59
  Speaker 2: Oh, that was good. That was successful.
• 19:01
  Speaker 3: And I made another realization about this that I think,
• 19:04
  Speaker 3: that I've been thinking about lately.
• 19:06
  Speaker 2: Again, the story around it. But, yeah, so I guess
• 19:11
  Speaker 2: it's that.
• 19:11
  Speaker 3: It's like, well, you know, you're always successful at something
• 19:15
  Speaker 3: when you give it a crack. People are interested and
• 19:18
  Speaker 3: they give it a go and they have a good
• 19:19
  Speaker 3: response and that feels really nice. Well, don't keep going
• 19:24
  Speaker 3: because you might.
• 19:24
  Speaker 2: Fuck it up.
• 19:26
  Speaker 1: Can I tell you what it is you're scared of? Yes.
• 19:30
  Speaker 1: You're scared of Tiff the person becoming Tiff the product.
• 19:34
  Speaker 2: Yes.
• 19:35
  Speaker 1: Yeah. Because, yes, you don't want to be some product
• 19:39
  Speaker 1: that's just another fucking product on the virtual shelf. that
• 19:43
  Speaker 1: people go, I'll choose that one, right? Because your skill.
• 19:50
  Speaker 1: and potentially one of your skills and my skill, I think,
• 19:53
  Speaker 1: is that we are not cookie cutter, which is not
• 19:59
  Speaker 1: to say we're perfect. We're both quite fucked up with
• 20:02
  Speaker 1: some things, I'm sure. But, you know, for better or worse,
• 20:07
  Speaker 1: we're pretty authentic.
• 20:08
  Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 20:10
  Speaker 1: Like I still get multiple complaints a week about my swearing. Nonetheless, fuck, right?
• 20:15
  Speaker 1: So it's, you know, it's like I'm not going to
• 20:19
  Speaker 1: stop swearing because you're bothered by swearing. You know, and
• 20:24
  Speaker 1: it's or I'm not going to, I'm going to do
• 20:26
  Speaker 1: what I, and by the way, I don't do that
• 20:28
  Speaker 1: for effect. It's just how I talk. If you talk
• 20:30
  Speaker 1: to me at the cafe, you're going to get three
• 20:31
  Speaker 1: fucks an hour, maybe more, maybe less. It's just.
• 20:34
  Speaker 2: Only three and a half. Come on, mate.
• 20:36
  Speaker 1: Depends. That's if I'm not talking much, right? But. But
• 20:40
  Speaker 1: the thing is, like, you can still use all these
• 20:44
  Speaker 1: resources and technologies and frameworks and apps and all this stuff,
• 20:50
  Speaker 1: but still in the middle of that be you. Like,
• 20:53
  Speaker 1: you are not going to be different.
• 20:55
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 20:56
  Speaker 3: But.
• 20:58
  Speaker 1: Both of us by ourselves, it's like just you, a
• 21:03
  Speaker 1: little voice in the wilderness saying, you know, please listen
• 21:06
  Speaker 1: to me. I can help you. That's not enough either.
• 21:08
  Speaker 1: You need the support, the structure, the process, the accountability,
• 21:12
  Speaker 1: the technology around you. So I think as long as
• 21:15
  Speaker 1: you're moving forward with a clarity about, you know, it's
• 21:19
  Speaker 1: where you end and where the product starts, then you're
• 21:24
  Speaker 1: going to be fine because you're not going to be different.
• 21:27
  Speaker 1: And also... If it felt somewhat disingenuous or fraudulent or
• 21:33
  Speaker 1: unrepresentative of you, you would pull the pin on it
• 21:38
  Speaker 1: or you would change it.
• 21:39
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 21:39
  Speaker 1: Exactly the way that, you know, it's like when people go,
• 21:42
  Speaker 1: would you sell alcohol on your show? I go, I
• 21:46
  Speaker 1: would love the money, but I will not sell alcohol.
• 21:49
  Speaker 1: And yes, I'm a commercial entity, more my podcast is,
• 21:53
  Speaker 1: and yes, we advertise shit and all that. but I
• 21:57
  Speaker 1: won't despite the, you know, I won't do that. And
• 22:02
  Speaker 1: I don't need an accolade for that because it's a
• 22:04
  Speaker 1: really easy decision because, you know, and so in the
• 22:06
  Speaker 1: middle of the business and the growth and the development
• 22:10
  Speaker 1: and all of that, you can still be you. But
• 22:14
  Speaker 1: I guess my point is in all of this, you know,
• 22:17
  Speaker 1: and this is what I want people to understand today,
• 22:22
  Speaker 1: or maybe just to consider, I sounded pushy then, didn't I?
• 22:25
  Speaker 1: But how important it is to just try stuff and
• 22:29
  Speaker 1: to just not... Like if where you are right now
• 22:34
  Speaker 1: listening to this equals physical, mental, and emotional kind of joy, nirvana,
• 22:40
  Speaker 1: like if you're in a really, really great place or
• 22:43
  Speaker 1: good place to great, then ignore what I'm saying. But
• 22:47
  Speaker 1: if there's something in your life, a behavior, a habit,
• 22:50
  Speaker 1: an outcome, something physiological, biological, psychological, sociological, relationship, fucking any,
• 22:57
  Speaker 1: that you really want to change, Don't sit on your
• 23:01
  Speaker 1: hands for five years and say, why isn't it different?
• 23:05
  Speaker 1: And don't wait for the mystical, magical right time because
• 23:07
  Speaker 1: it's not coming. There is no magic right time. There's today,
• 23:10
  Speaker 1: there's choices, there's thinking. And the thing is, you know,
• 23:14
  Speaker 1: this time that we start for most people is always
• 23:16
  Speaker 1: going to be somewhat inconvenient or maybe even unplanned. But
• 23:21
  Speaker 1: it's the, you know, I remember when I decided to
• 23:23
  Speaker 1: open a PT studio, of which there were none, I
• 23:26
  Speaker 1: didn't know how to do that. So you've got to learn,
• 23:28
  Speaker 1: you've got to adapt. I didn't know how to talk
• 23:30
  Speaker 1: to a real estate agent. I didn't understand what a
• 23:33
  Speaker 1: lease was. I didn't know how to talk to a lawyer.
• 23:35
  Speaker 1: I didn't know how to go to the council and
• 23:38
  Speaker 1: talk about permitted use of commercial properties in this area.
• 23:41
  Speaker 1: I didn't know how to do that. I didn't know
• 23:43
  Speaker 1: how to administrate a business. I didn't know how to
• 23:47
  Speaker 1: do branding or marketing or advertising. I didn't know leadership.
• 23:52
  Speaker 1: I spent my whole 20s adapting, adapting, adapting, adapting, adapting.
• 23:57
  Speaker 1: Try stuff. Be shit. Try stuff. Be shit. Try stuff.
• 24:00
  Speaker 1: Be a bit better. Have an embarrassing conversation with a lawyer.
• 24:04
  Speaker 1: Have another one. Have a talk to your accountant. I
• 24:06
  Speaker 1: didn't even know. I had an accountant and a lawyer.
• 24:10
  Speaker 1: I was so fucking incompetent, I didn't even know how
• 24:14
  Speaker 1: to ask smart questions. I didn't know what are the
• 24:18
  Speaker 1: questions I should be asking. And so I would say
• 24:21
  Speaker 1: to them, I go, I'm a bodybuilder. I'm a trainer.
• 24:24
  Speaker 1: I'm a coach. I do not know how to build
• 24:27
  Speaker 1: a brand or business. I do not even know what
• 24:29
  Speaker 1: I should be asking you. So don't fuck me over,
• 24:34
  Speaker 1: but help me. Help me to figure out how I
• 24:37
  Speaker 1: develop this thing with your knowledge and skills. And over time,
• 24:42
  Speaker 1: you learn how to hire and fire and you learn
• 24:45
  Speaker 1: about tax and payroll tax and you learn about you know,
• 24:49
  Speaker 1: how to optimize this and minimize that and maximize that.
• 24:51
  Speaker 1: And you learn that this works, but that doesn't work.
• 24:54
  Speaker 1: And you learn that, you know, you probably don't need
• 24:57
  Speaker 1: a $ 10, 000 tech deck that does one thing. You could
• 25:00
  Speaker 1: probably spend that 10 grand on 10 machines, right? All
• 25:05
  Speaker 1: that shit like that, where you only learn that through adaptation.
• 25:10
  Speaker 1: You only learn that through first being not good at it.
• 25:14
  Speaker 1: You only get strong by initially being weak. You only
• 25:19
  Speaker 1: run fast initially by not being able to run. So
• 25:24
  Speaker 1: all of this improvement is adaptation. Learning is adaptation. Becoming
• 25:30
  Speaker 1: happy when your default setting was sad is adaptation, is growth,
• 25:34
  Speaker 1: is improvement. And so there's this constant kind of underlying
• 25:39
  Speaker 1: question from life is how well can you deal with
• 25:42
  Speaker 1: or cope with or adapt to the things that you
• 25:46
  Speaker 1: are not super comfortable in the middle of. And I
• 25:48
  Speaker 1: think that our willingness to go, look, I'm scared or
• 25:52
  Speaker 1: I'm uncomfortable or it's unfamiliar, but I'm quite certain this
• 25:56
  Speaker 1: is the right thing to do based on my desire
• 25:59
  Speaker 1: to grow, learn, evolve. Based on that, not based on
• 26:02
  Speaker 1: my comfort level, but based on that, I'm going to
• 26:05
  Speaker 1: step forward, not back.
• 26:08
  Speaker 3: And I reckon when I come back to kind of
• 26:10
  Speaker 3: observing patterns and Being brave enough to try new things,
• 26:15
  Speaker 3: which is not an issue for me, love new things,
• 26:17
  Speaker 3: it's an exciting part for me. My trepidation over time
• 26:21
  Speaker 3: would kick in around.
• 26:22
  Speaker 2: The, yeah, but you're always excited at this stage.
• 26:27
  Speaker 3: And the concept of this is good, but are you
• 26:33
  Speaker 3: going to make it sustainable and how? But then getting
• 26:36
  Speaker 3: into it and having to unpack why I may not
• 26:41
  Speaker 3: be want to now make it sustainable. In the early days,
• 26:45
  Speaker 3: I would look at that starting something, having success and
• 26:49
  Speaker 3: not continuing. My biggest question back then was, is this self-sabotage?
• 26:53
  Speaker 3: What's the deal with you? That was successful. Why are
• 26:57
  Speaker 3: you scared to continue? What is stopping you? Or why
• 27:01
  Speaker 3: do you have a sudden disinterest? And there was a
• 27:04
  Speaker 3: question mark around this program I'm building now at the beginning.
• 27:09
  Speaker 2: And Because I thought, well, that's cool.
• 27:11
  Speaker 3: But then I spent months developing it and it went
• 27:14
  Speaker 3: deeper and deeper and I went.
• 27:16
  Speaker 1: This is it.
• 27:18
  Speaker 3: I have had to try and incorporate so many different
• 27:22
  Speaker 3: things and then one day the thing you cook up
• 27:26
  Speaker 3: becomes you realise the thing that will have legs and
• 27:29
  Speaker 3: maintain your interest.
• 27:31
  Speaker 1: Yes, yes. And as you become better at business, better
• 27:37
  Speaker 1: at building relationships an organization better at meeting people's needs,
• 27:43
  Speaker 1: better at building online products, services, understanding the dynamics of
• 27:50
  Speaker 1: the commercial landscape that you inhabit, all that kind of
• 27:55
  Speaker 1: bullshitty stuff. Like all of that is you adapting. All
• 28:00
  Speaker 1: of that is you just getting better. All of that
• 28:03
  Speaker 1: is you going, well, fuck, I'm a bit over my
• 28:05
  Speaker 1: head or I'm not sure, but here I am. You know,
• 28:09
  Speaker 1: just like somebody going to the gym and getting fit,
• 28:12
  Speaker 1: that is just them adapting. That is them just doing
• 28:14
  Speaker 1: a hard thing that becomes an easy thing. But there
• 28:19
  Speaker 1: has to be that. I feel like so many people
• 28:22
  Speaker 1: who want to change their life or part of their
• 28:24
  Speaker 1: life are kind of waiting for some fucking mystical moment.
• 28:30
  Speaker 1: It's like if you are listening to this podcast, this
• 28:33
  Speaker 1: is your fucking mystical moment. There it is. If you
• 28:37
  Speaker 1: need a mystical moment, ooh, there you go. There you go.
• 28:42
  Speaker 1: Have that.
• 28:42
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 28:43
  Speaker 3: Like I look at when I do things and go this,
• 28:46
  Speaker 3: you always had the, like you talk about the potential.
• 28:49
  Speaker 3: You always had the potential, the knowledge and the capacity
• 28:51
  Speaker 3: to do this. You just had to make the decision.
• 28:55
  Speaker 1: Yes.
• 28:56
  Speaker 3: Life changes and in different ways at different times for me,
• 28:59
  Speaker 3: it's changed in a heartbeat when I've had the experience
• 29:05
  Speaker 3: I don't know whether it's a tipping point or it's
• 29:06
  Speaker 3: courage or it's excitement or whatever the circumstance is to
• 29:10
  Speaker 3: make a decision to do a thing. And then I go, like, yeah,
• 29:15
  Speaker 3: I just had to do this. And now my life
• 29:17
  Speaker 3: is different.
• 29:20
  Speaker 1: I mean, you know, this is a little melodramatic, but
• 29:23
  Speaker 1: it's true and it's current and it's this week. So
• 29:25
  Speaker 1: it's Saturday morning as we record. Wednesday, is it Wednesday? Wednesday. Yeah,
• 29:35
  Speaker 1: Wednesday I get a phone call. I'm at home. It's 3.15pm.
• 29:40
  Speaker 1: I get a phone call from the aged care facility
• 29:43
  Speaker 1: where mum is telling me, and you know this story,
• 29:46
  Speaker 1: but for the listeners, and I'm working. I'm up to
• 29:49
  Speaker 1: my eyeballs. I've got to go and train at four.
• 29:52
  Speaker 1: It's 3.15. I've got a bunch of appointments. I'm busy.
• 29:55
  Speaker 1: I get a phone call from where mum's staying saying,
• 29:58
  Speaker 1: your mum just tripped and fell. She smashed her head.
• 30:02
  Speaker 1: This is what the nurse said. It's not great. She
• 30:05
  Speaker 1: said there's blood everywhere. She's lost a lot of blood.
• 30:07
  Speaker 1: The paramedics have arrived. And I'm like, so, you know,
• 30:12
  Speaker 1: this is eight weeks after dad's died. And I'm in
• 30:14
  Speaker 1: the middle of just– and it's been an interesting year
• 30:18
  Speaker 1: for a range of other things. I don't need any sympathy,
• 30:21
  Speaker 1: but this is just the reality of my last four
• 30:24
  Speaker 1: or five months, right? Yeah. And mum's just started to
• 30:27
  Speaker 1: settle in. And as you know this, she's just like
• 30:30
  Speaker 1: this little wildering plant that's been watered and coming back
• 30:34
  Speaker 1: to life. And now this, right? So I hear this,
• 30:37
  Speaker 1: she's being rushed to hospital. She cracked her head. There
• 30:41
  Speaker 1: was like a lot of blood. That's it. So she's
• 30:47
  Speaker 1: going to hospital and I'm like, okay, thanks. So I
• 30:53
  Speaker 1: would say five, and I'm in Melbourne, I'm two and
• 30:55
  Speaker 1: a quarter hours away from where she's going to be.
• 30:58
  Speaker 1: I would say within three minutes, I'm in the car.
• 31:03
  Speaker 1: And then I'm just the next hour ringing, cancelling, talking
• 31:07
  Speaker 1: to people, talking to Melissa. I probably spoke to you.
• 31:10
  Speaker 1: I can't remember, but I'm just cancelling shit. I'm just,
• 31:13
  Speaker 1: but in that, like in that moment, nothing in me goes, oh,
• 31:20
  Speaker 1: That doesn't suit me. I've got other things on. I've
• 31:25
  Speaker 1: got appointments. I'll ring later and see how she is.
• 31:29
  Speaker 1: Or maybe if I've got time, I'll drive up there
• 31:32
  Speaker 1: tomorrow if she's still alive. You know, it's like you go, oh,
• 31:38
  Speaker 1: all right, well, this is what I'm doing right now.
• 31:41
  Speaker 1: And so when there is no choice or at the
• 31:44
  Speaker 1: very least you believe there is no choice, like as
• 31:48
  Speaker 1: if I'm not going to jump up, get my keys,
• 31:50
  Speaker 1: fucking and run to the car.
• 31:53
  Speaker 3: Right.
• 31:53
  Speaker 1: So what do you do? Well, when, when there's, is
• 31:57
  Speaker 1: it inconvenient? Yep. Is it uncomfortable yet that I predict it?
• 32:00
  Speaker 3: No.
• 32:01
  Speaker 1: Was it it's. And of course, is it a hardship?
• 32:03
  Speaker 1: Of course not. It's a, it's, it's a responsibility and
• 32:06
  Speaker 1: it's a joy. Well, it's not a joy, but it's
• 32:09
  Speaker 1: what I needed to do. But like, here's my point.
• 32:13
  Speaker 1: When you say to yourself, oh, this isn't optional, then
• 32:16
  Speaker 1: it's actually quite easy. Then you're in the car three
• 32:18
  Speaker 1: minutes later. And there's nothing in you going, oh, this is,
• 32:23
  Speaker 1: I don't feel motivated. I'm not inspired. I'll go and
• 32:27
  Speaker 1: see Mary tomorrow, right? Because the story is get the
• 32:31
  Speaker 1: fuck in the car. Get the fuck in the car.
• 32:35
  Speaker 1: All the other bullshit you've got on does not matter.
• 32:38
  Speaker 1: So what is my point? My point is when you
• 32:40
  Speaker 1: have or you believe you have no option but to adapt,
• 32:44
  Speaker 1: you fucking adapt on the spot. But we've got all
• 32:49
  Speaker 1: these stories of like, oh, it's not a good time.
• 32:51
  Speaker 1: It's not a good time because I've got these things
• 32:54
  Speaker 1: coming up and my ankles sore and it's quite warm
• 32:57
  Speaker 1: out and then you're fucking 50. And people don't realize
• 33:02
  Speaker 1: their thinking is the problem. Your thinking is fucking toxic.
• 33:07
  Speaker 1: Not all of you, not all the time, right? But
• 33:10
  Speaker 1: your thinking is that your potential is vast. Your possibilities
• 33:13
  Speaker 1: are vast. Is it inconvenient today? Of course. Is that okay?
• 33:17
  Speaker 1: Of course. Did you think about doing it before this? No.
• 33:21
  Speaker 1: Could you still do it?
• 33:22
  Speaker 2: Yes.
• 33:24
  Speaker 1: Right? And by the way, fuck you, Craig, for telling
• 33:27
  Speaker 1: me that. I get all that. Cool. Hate me. Love me.
• 33:30
  Speaker 1: I don't give a fuck. But don't wake up in
• 33:32
  Speaker 1: 10 years not having taken action, not having made decisions,
• 33:37
  Speaker 1: not having been brave and not having dared to adapt
• 33:42
  Speaker 1: and then get mad at the world because of your
• 33:44
  Speaker 1: shit life. Because you've been fucking told on repeat by me.
• 33:49
  Speaker 1: I just think, You know, let's do hard things. Let's
• 33:52
  Speaker 1: strategically do hard things that create great things.
• 33:56
  Speaker 2: Yeah, like we are our biggest burden.
• 33:59
  Speaker 3: And I look at the times in my life where
• 34:02
  Speaker 3: I didn't make that decision and then life made it
• 34:04
  Speaker 3: for me and my response felt like freedom, optimism and excitement,
• 34:10
  Speaker 3: you know, like.
• 34:11
  Speaker 1: Yes, yes.
• 34:13
  Speaker 3: Sick of a certain job or wanting something more and
• 34:16
  Speaker 3: not making the decision because you cling to the familiar
• 34:20
  Speaker 3: or the safety.
• 34:23
  Speaker 2: Of the comfort of just you know what I've got,
• 34:26
  Speaker 2: what I've got.
• 34:27
  Speaker 3: Yes. And then getting made redundant and having an amazing opportunity.
• 34:32
  Speaker 3: And literally in that moment of this particular time, I
• 34:36
  Speaker 3: remember going, I'm relieved of that decision now. I don't
• 34:41
  Speaker 3: have to be the person that makes the decision that
• 34:43
  Speaker 3: could go either way. Now I'm just, and I'm excited.
• 34:46
  Speaker 3: And then I get this amazing, like I walk, I
• 34:49
  Speaker 3: leave and I walk into an opportunity and I have
• 34:53
  Speaker 3: a way better job before I've even handed the keys back.
• 34:57
  Speaker 3: I don't leave my new job in my lunch hour
• 34:59
  Speaker 3: to go and deliver the keys back to my old job.
• 35:02
  Speaker 1: Yes.
• 35:03
  Speaker 2: You know, and I go, well, you always have the
• 35:05
  Speaker 2: capacity for that.
• 35:07
  Speaker 1: Yeah, amazing. I want to back over one thing you said.
• 35:10
  Speaker 1: You said we're the burden. I'm going to say, yes,
• 35:12
  Speaker 1: I agree sometimes. Also, sometimes everyone in a more positive note,
• 35:15
  Speaker 1: we're the solution. But it's like we're the problem and
• 35:18
  Speaker 1: the solution. Like the problem quite often is my thinking.
• 35:22
  Speaker 1: The solution is my courage. The solution is my willingness
• 35:26
  Speaker 1: to recognize the fear and say, I'm scared, I'm insecure,
• 35:30
  Speaker 1: I'm a range of things, right? This is not about self-loathing.
• 35:34
  Speaker 1: This is just about honesty. And there's going to be
• 35:38
  Speaker 1: People who might be listening to this, Tiff, who are thinking, yeah,
• 35:41
  Speaker 1: that's cool for you. You're a single woman with this
• 35:44
  Speaker 1: and that or you're a single dude. Totally understand it.
• 35:47
  Speaker 1: And there are times when you are in a shit
• 35:50
  Speaker 1: situation and you can't just fucking turn that switch off
• 35:53
  Speaker 1: and turn on another one and go, oh, I'm just
• 35:56
  Speaker 1: opening a new door and now I'm over here on
• 35:58
  Speaker 1: 150 grand a year. Totally understand that. I have never
• 36:03
  Speaker 1: said it is quick, fun, painless, or easy. Never said that.
• 36:07
  Speaker 1: In fact, I repeatedly say the opposite. What I am
• 36:12
  Speaker 1: saying is, if you are in a situation that over
• 36:17
  Speaker 1: time you don't want to be in, what is one
• 36:21
  Speaker 1: thing that you can do today? It might be fucking tiny.
• 36:25
  Speaker 1: But it's just something that you can do today to
• 36:28
  Speaker 1: create a tiny bit of momentum in the direction that
• 36:32
  Speaker 1: you want to go. I remember I've spoken about this
• 36:37
  Speaker 1: guy before, but I trained a young guy who weighed
• 36:40
  Speaker 1: 202 kilos 30 years ago. And I remember thinking, what
• 36:47
  Speaker 1: the fuck am I going to do? Like he was
• 36:49
  Speaker 1: so big. And so I would take him to the park.
• 36:55
  Speaker 1: among other things. But we would sit on a chair,
• 36:58
  Speaker 1: we would talk, and then like five, 10 meters away,
• 37:01
  Speaker 1: there was another, those park benches. And he would just
• 37:05
  Speaker 1: walk from bench to bench. And we started walking from
• 37:08
  Speaker 1: park bench to park bench. I'd take a ball, I'd
• 37:13
  Speaker 1: take a Frisbee. He'd just stand on the spot. We'd
• 37:15
  Speaker 1: just throw the ball. Now, if you're 202 kilos and
• 37:18
  Speaker 1: you're literally probably, excuse me, 110 kilos overweight, or heavier
• 37:25
  Speaker 1: than your functional optimal, right? Just standing. So you start there.
• 37:30
  Speaker 1: You start there. But that dude lost over 100 kilos.
• 37:34
  Speaker 1: That dude got down to 98 and probably more when
• 37:36
  Speaker 1: he left me. But you go, well, this is going
• 37:40
  Speaker 1: to be a journey, and right now it feels overwhelming,
• 37:43
  Speaker 1: and I understand the overwhelm, but don't let the overwhelm
• 37:48
  Speaker 1: become the author of your story. Because you'll wake up
• 37:53
  Speaker 1: in a minute and you'll be like, oh, fuck, now
• 37:55
  Speaker 1: I'm five years older. And this is the reality of
• 38:01
  Speaker 1: personal growth. This is not the shiny, razzle-dazzle, smokes and
• 38:06
  Speaker 1: mirrors and fucking memes and bullshit. This is the real
• 38:10
  Speaker 1: world human behavior, behavioral psychology, roll up your sleeves, fall down,
• 38:16
  Speaker 1: fuck up, get embarrassed, get upset, get a bit hurt.
• 38:20
  Speaker 1: be resilient, get back up when most people won't, step up,
• 38:25
  Speaker 1: don't give up. And as you start to achieve things,
• 38:29
  Speaker 1: which is one, you start to tick boxes and do stuff,
• 38:33
  Speaker 1: but also you become a different you. And then the
• 38:36
  Speaker 1: version of you that you now are two years later
• 38:39
  Speaker 1: is a fucking weapon. So it's not just about the
• 38:41
  Speaker 1: external achievements, which is great. It's about the internal revolution.
• 38:46
  Speaker 1: You and I were talking about this this morning with Scott.
• 38:50
  Speaker 1: Because of the skills I have, the knowledge I have,
• 38:52
  Speaker 1: the things that I've done, while not at all being special,
• 38:57
  Speaker 1: I know that I could start from scratch tomorrow and
• 39:01
  Speaker 1: be doing pretty well in a year because I have
• 39:05
  Speaker 1: a certain amount of knowledge and understanding and skill and
• 39:08
  Speaker 1: experience that will help me not just survive but thrive
• 39:12
  Speaker 1: moving forward if I had to. But I would not
• 39:15
  Speaker 1: have any of that unless I'd been through 35 years
• 39:18
  Speaker 1: of bullshit like I have. That's how you become. What
• 39:23
  Speaker 1: you achieve matters. Who you become while you're achieving it,
• 39:27
  Speaker 1: that's the prize. That's the gift. because people can't take
• 39:31
  Speaker 1: that away from you.
• 39:35
  Speaker 3: When we were talking earlier and I mentioned that whole
• 39:38
  Speaker 3: like trying different things and having success and how I,
• 39:41
  Speaker 3: you know, that story I had around that or just
• 39:44
  Speaker 3: maybe the observation of it and that it's been on
• 39:48
  Speaker 3: my mind lately because I'm like.
• 39:49
  Speaker 2: Well, how do we frame that?
• 39:53
  Speaker 3: Because there's part of you that goes, oh, yeah, you're
• 39:55
  Speaker 3: always this. And people, if you talk about it, people
• 39:57
  Speaker 3: will say, oh, everything you do turns to gold. Like
• 40:00
  Speaker 3: everything you touch, it's fucking off and rah, rah.
• 40:03
  Speaker 2: And you go, that's actually a negative.
• 40:05
  Speaker 3: Like we think it's, you think it's a, I go, well,
• 40:07
  Speaker 3: that's actually the feedback tells me I wait too long.
• 40:11
  Speaker 2: I'm not brave enough. I'm not, I'm not pushing.
• 40:14
  Speaker 3: If I'm not, falling over more, I'm staying within the
• 40:18
  Speaker 3: perimeters of where I know I'm safe. And that's not
• 40:21
  Speaker 3: a good thing. I'm not going to grow there. What
• 40:23
  Speaker 3: have I cost myself up until today by staying this
• 40:26
  Speaker 3: small that anything I do try is wildly successful. And
• 40:30
  Speaker 3: then I still don't make something of it. I still
• 40:33
  Speaker 3: don't push the boundaries of it.
• 40:35
  Speaker 1: Yeah. Ironically, sometimes safe is death.
• 40:39
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 40:40
  Speaker 1: Like safety is what's going to kill your potential. kill
• 40:44
  Speaker 1: your passion, kill your joy because we're so preoccupied with
• 40:48
  Speaker 1: comfort and safety and certainty. We don't let our potential
• 40:53
  Speaker 1: get out of that fucking cage.
• 40:56
  Speaker 3: So I think we need to look at like what,
• 40:58
  Speaker 3: What brings up the feeling in me? What makes me
• 41:02
  Speaker 3: feel and what's the story and how can I work
• 41:07
  Speaker 3: with that or unpack it or lean into it or
• 41:10
  Speaker 3: change it in the future? Because it's always going to
• 41:12
  Speaker 3: be there and it's always going to show up somewhere
• 41:14
  Speaker 3: and stop you.
• 41:17
  Speaker 1: Correct. Look at us. I've got my old dory sitting
• 41:20
  Speaker 1: by the side of the river just bucking with our
• 41:23
  Speaker 1: fishing lines waiting for something to bite. Jesus. Just eating marshmallows,
• 41:28
  Speaker 1: just putting them on the fire. It's quarter to 12.
• 41:34
  Speaker 1: I'm almost due for coffee number two. How many coffees
• 41:36
  Speaker 1: are you having a day these days?
• 41:38
  Speaker 3: Look, normally they're quite often decaf. I'll have one caffeinated
• 41:43
  Speaker 3: coffee and the rest are decaf.
• 41:46
  Speaker 2: Not a great deal. I'm going to have two today.
• 41:48
  Speaker 1: How much, I mean, this is completely subjective, but How
• 41:56
  Speaker 1: big a difference is there in taste? I'm sure it
• 41:58
  Speaker 1: varies from decaf to decaf, but between caff and decaf
• 42:03
  Speaker 1: for you, can you taste it clearly or?
• 42:06
  Speaker 2: No, I have no, I feel no difference.
• 42:09
  Speaker 3: And I also don't, you could give me a decaf
• 42:12
  Speaker 3: coffee and I'll drink it and I wouldn't know. I
• 42:14
  Speaker 3: won't know unless the only reason I avoid it is,
• 42:19
  Speaker 3: especially in the previous years, my nervous system has enough
• 42:23
  Speaker 3: stimulation to And I don't sleep– if I have it
• 42:25
  Speaker 3: late in the day, I don't sleep well. And if
• 42:27
  Speaker 3: I don't actually feel any sort of cognitive optimization or
• 42:31
  Speaker 3: energy from it, like I literally don't unless I have
• 42:34
  Speaker 3: way too much and can't sleep. So there's no benefit
• 42:36
  Speaker 3: to me. I'm happy to have a decaf.
• 42:40
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I don't think your particular nervous system needs more stimulants.
• 42:44
  Speaker 2: No, no, it does not.
• 42:46
  Speaker 1: I mean, I'm just– look, I'm no doctor. I'm just
• 42:49
  Speaker 1: taking a stab. I'm just– I'm just taking a walk.
• 42:55
  Speaker 3: If you just repeat that last line you said, I
• 42:57
  Speaker 3: think you might have just told a fib.
• 43:00
  Speaker 1: Oh, well, okay.
• 43:02
  Speaker 2: Have you formally announced it?
• 43:04
  Speaker 1: Well, no.
• 43:05
  Speaker 2: How's the time?
• 43:07
  Speaker 1: No, it's not, and I've told you why. Okay, I
• 43:10
  Speaker 1: have had a few people asking. I will say, feel
• 43:14
  Speaker 1: free to jump off because this could be the most
• 43:16
  Speaker 1: boring two minutes you've ever heard on a podcast.
• 43:18
  Speaker 2: Fucking stop it.
• 43:20
  Speaker 1: So- I finished all my work in my PhD, written
• 43:27
  Speaker 1: all my articles, finished my thesis. My thesis, as does
• 43:31
  Speaker 1: every research-based thesis or PhD project, gets sent off to
• 43:36
  Speaker 1: what's called peer reviewers. Now, they are actual experts in
• 43:41
  Speaker 1: the field that you have researched. You cannot have had
• 43:45
  Speaker 1: any previous relationship, engagement, contact with them, You can't know them.
• 43:50
  Speaker 1: They can't be tied in any way to your university.
• 43:52
  Speaker 1: So it's truly independent review. So you can't get your
• 43:56
  Speaker 1: fucking uncle to do it for you, right? So my
• 44:01
  Speaker 1: thesis got sent off to one reviewer in, I forget
• 44:04
  Speaker 1: which country, it was like Finland or Poland or somewhere,
• 44:07
  Speaker 1: and the other one in the States. They came back,
• 44:13
  Speaker 1: got reviewed, takes months, came back, both glowing, which is
• 44:17
  Speaker 1: very good, So I passed. Now, so it'll come back.
• 44:27
  Speaker 1: Your thesis will come back with sometimes minimal kind of
• 44:33
  Speaker 1: suggestions like, oh, hey, maybe put an intro in this section.
• 44:40
  Speaker 1: I think it doesn't need it, but I think it'd
• 44:42
  Speaker 1: be better with an intro, like little things which are
• 44:45
  Speaker 1: not objective mistakes. So I have no mistakes per se.
• 44:50
  Speaker 1: I have a couple, like about an hour or two
• 44:53
  Speaker 1: of work, which then gets, I'm actually waiting on my
• 44:58
  Speaker 1: senior supervisor, who's the busiest man in the world, but awesome.
• 45:03
  Speaker 1: So he and I, and Melissa, who's my RA, research assistant.
• 45:08
  Speaker 1: So anyway, the long-winded version is it will be, there'll
• 45:12
  Speaker 1: be a couple little changes made, then it gets sent
• 45:14
  Speaker 1: back to the university and that's it. So they look
• 45:17
  Speaker 1: at the feedback from the reviewers, make sure you've addressed it,
• 45:21
  Speaker 1: and then they rubber stamp it. So I do not
• 45:24
  Speaker 1: know when that will happen, but sometime, hopefully, it could
• 45:29
  Speaker 1: be in a week, it could be in a month.
• 45:30
  Speaker 1: But when you get that, you get sent the congratulations, Dr. Harper, blah, blah, blah.
• 45:36
  Speaker 1: So I'm like my chest is touching the finishing line tape,
• 45:41
  Speaker 1: but I haven't broken through yet. So it's just a
• 45:45
  Speaker 1: matter of time. So, yes, I passed everything, which is great. Yes,
• 45:51
  Speaker 1: I'm excited. But I haven't got that official thing yet,
• 45:54
  Speaker 1: so I don't want to be too, you know. Melissa
• 45:58
  Speaker 1: wants to write Dr Harper on all of our shit
• 46:01
  Speaker 1: so that when she's sending out stuff to companies, I'm like,
• 46:04
  Speaker 1: let's hold off on that.
• 46:07
  Speaker 2: What was it like?
• 46:11
  Speaker 3: To when you first got that feedback that it was,
• 46:17
  Speaker 3: that you, what was the, the, the moment, the sensation,
• 46:19
  Speaker 3: the thoughts, the feelings, the, like what happened?
• 46:22
  Speaker 1: Honestly, honestly, honestly, disbelief. Like I did because it's, cause
• 46:29
  Speaker 1: it's been so long. It just felt surreal. Um, I'm
• 46:34
  Speaker 1: going to actually, which is very self-indulgent. I'm going to find, um,
• 46:39
  Speaker 1: So this is the first thing I got. Hi, Craig.
• 46:41
  Speaker 1: Huge congratulations on such brilliant examiner reports. Both examiners nominated
• 46:47
  Speaker 1: your thesis for an award and their assessments are excellent
• 46:49
  Speaker 1: to exceptional, mostly exceptional. It is wonderful for them to
• 46:54
  Speaker 1: recognise the originality of your ideas and blah, blah, blah.
• 46:57
  Speaker 1: I really enjoyed working on this project with you, blah, blah, blah.
• 47:00
  Speaker 1: So this is my supervisor. So all of that, yes, passed.
• 47:03
  Speaker 1: That's great. But it just feels weird. I don't know.
• 47:09
  Speaker 1: It was after so long, literally November 1, 2019. So
• 47:14
  Speaker 1: next month, it would actually be seven years. Wow. So
• 47:18
  Speaker 1: it's crazy. And, you know, doing that, the first year
• 47:23
  Speaker 1: or so was in COVID, first two years was in COVID.
• 47:28
  Speaker 1: I changed the focus. In fact, I changed the whole
• 47:33
  Speaker 1: research focus in the first six months. It was originally
• 47:36
  Speaker 1: going to be around motivation and So that changed, yeah,
• 47:42
  Speaker 1: and working and dealing with a sick dad and, you know,
• 47:46
  Speaker 1: traveling interstate for gigs. But, you know, what is good
• 47:51
  Speaker 1: is you go, oh, well, you know, like now I go, well,
• 47:56
  Speaker 1: I'm 63 and I'm just finishing this and I feel good.
• 48:02
  Speaker 1: Like my brain feels good. My mind feels good. My
• 48:04
  Speaker 1: body feels good. My energy is good. I am excited
• 48:07
  Speaker 1: about the future. Nothing in me thinks, oh, in 10
• 48:11
  Speaker 1: years I'll be this age, therefore I should plan accordingly
• 48:15
  Speaker 1: for my career. I don't think of that. Like I
• 48:18
  Speaker 1: literally don't think like that. I think what am I
• 48:20
  Speaker 1: going to do, be, create, change, learn in the next one, two, five,
• 48:25
  Speaker 1: 10 years, 20 years. That's just how I think. And
• 48:29
  Speaker 1: until something happens where I get smacked with some kind
• 48:34
  Speaker 1: of reality stick that doesn't allow me to do that,
• 48:37
  Speaker 1: then I'll just keep being the healthiest, best version of
• 48:40
  Speaker 1: me that I can. I think because I genuinely am
• 48:45
  Speaker 1: curious and I genuinely want to keep learning and I
• 48:49
  Speaker 1: genuinely want to help people and I genuinely don't give
• 48:53
  Speaker 1: that much of a fuck about money. And I'm lucky
• 48:56
  Speaker 1: because I'm in a situation where I don't have a
• 48:59
  Speaker 1: wife and five kids and huge financial stressors. I mean
• 49:03
  Speaker 1: that respectfully, not that my wife couldn't be earning all
• 49:07
  Speaker 1: the money, of course, but you know what I mean?
• 49:09
  Speaker 1: I'm just not in a situation where, and I'm very
• 49:12
  Speaker 1: grateful for that, but also I work like a motherfucker
• 49:15
  Speaker 1: to be in this situation. I didn't accidentally end up here,
• 49:18
  Speaker 1: you know. spent decades working 12, 14-hour days to now
• 49:24
  Speaker 1: be where I don't have to.
• 49:26
  Speaker 3: It's really interesting that when I saw you at the
• 49:32
  Speaker 3: gym that day and you've just handed me that message
• 49:34
  Speaker 3: on your phone to read. Yeah, yeah.
• 49:37
  Speaker 2: The emotion that I.
• 49:40
  Speaker 3: Felt was quite unexpected, which was like sometimes these moments
• 49:44
  Speaker 3: for me are just as interesting where I go, oh,
• 49:48
  Speaker 3: like I've got goosebumps now thinking about it.
• 49:49
  Speaker 2: I had goosebumps.
• 49:50
  Speaker 3: I wouldn't even name the emotions that I felt and
• 49:53
  Speaker 3: I was like, isn't it nice to have someone in
• 49:57
  Speaker 3: your life that you've looked up to and that you've
• 50:00
  Speaker 3: built this relationship with over time and they're– their experience.
• 50:07
  Speaker 2: Has such an emotional impact on you. It was funny.
• 50:10
  Speaker 2: It was funny for me. So I was interested.
• 50:12
  Speaker 3: I was like, God, I wonder what it felt like
• 50:15
  Speaker 3: to be Craig reading that message.
• 50:17
  Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. This is weird, right? This
• 50:27
  Speaker 1: is the weirdest. So the crab, my training partner, everyone,
• 50:31
  Speaker 1: who's like his stoic, is a fucking statue, right? He's
• 50:37
  Speaker 1: just like, he's just, I mean, he's great. He's great. But,
• 50:42
  Speaker 1: you know, he's, I've been trying to get him to
• 50:46
  Speaker 1: give me a hug for 25 years. He just won't
• 50:49
  Speaker 1: be part of it. And I go, mate, I love you.
• 50:52
  Speaker 1: Do you love me? And he just looks at me
• 50:54
  Speaker 1: like his fucking kidney is going to explode or something.
• 50:57
  Speaker 1: It just is like he's emotionally, I can't say the word,
• 51:02
  Speaker 1: but you know the word.
• 51:03
  Speaker 2: Inept.
• 51:04
  Speaker 1: He's that. We'll just say inept. But I sent it
• 51:09
  Speaker 1: to him. He was away and he told me when
• 51:17
  Speaker 1: he got back that it made him shed a tear,
• 51:22
  Speaker 1: that message, because him and I basically have been talking
• 51:26
  Speaker 1: about it every second day for the last nearly seven
• 51:28
  Speaker 1: years and he's been on the journey with me. Cause
• 51:33
  Speaker 1: you know, we see each other seven days a week and,
• 51:36
  Speaker 1: and he's taken quite an interest, you know? And so
• 51:40
  Speaker 1: I think for him, it was almost a relief as well,
• 51:43
  Speaker 1: you know, fuck, I don't have to listen to this anymore.
• 51:48
  Speaker 1: So yeah, yeah, yeah. So it is, you know, I'm,
• 51:54
  Speaker 1: I'm happy. It's a, it's a great achievement. And you know,
• 51:59
  Speaker 1: I don't mean that sound like, like for me, I'm,
• 52:03
  Speaker 1: I like it more because for me it's a way
• 52:06
  Speaker 1: of encouraging others because I know that if I can
• 52:10
  Speaker 1: do that, then not that anyone needs to do one,
• 52:13
  Speaker 1: but anyone who sets their mind, obviously when people go,
• 52:17
  Speaker 1: you can do anything, well, that's not true, but we
• 52:21
  Speaker 1: can do a lot more than we think. I believe
• 52:23
  Speaker 1: that to be true. Yeah. Like I think the shit
• 52:27
  Speaker 1: that we are actually capable of, should we choose to,
• 52:32
  Speaker 1: pursuant to today's conversation, take the risks, get uncomfortable, choose uncertainty,
• 52:38
  Speaker 1: be brave, and put ourselves in a situation where we just,
• 52:42
  Speaker 1: we're either going to adapt or die, metaphorically. You're going
• 52:45
  Speaker 1: to adapt or die. That could be the title. Then
• 52:50
  Speaker 1: when you really, really dive in, then the byproduct is,
• 52:56
  Speaker 1: at the very least, you're going to be a better
• 52:57
  Speaker 1: version of you. Hmm. Should you, and again, this is cliche,
• 53:03
  Speaker 1: but if you go every day, really, and I know
• 53:05
  Speaker 1: this sounds super bullshitty, but imagine if you embrace this
• 53:09
  Speaker 1: as a personal philosophy. You go, the world's my classroom.
• 53:14
  Speaker 1: Every day is a new lesson. And every person I
• 53:18
  Speaker 1: intersect with, good or bad, fuckwit or genius, love me
• 53:21
  Speaker 1: or hate me, everyone is a teacher. And even the teacher,
• 53:26
  Speaker 1: even the people that are cunts, let's say it, fuck it.
• 53:30
  Speaker 2: Right?
• 53:32
  Speaker 1: They can teach you what not to do and how
• 53:34
  Speaker 1: not to be. I'm partly how I am because of
• 53:40
  Speaker 1: the cunts that were in my life, the people that
• 53:43
  Speaker 1: stole from me, the people that did shit things to me,
• 53:46
  Speaker 1: the people that were disrespectful, the people that were two-faced.
• 53:50
  Speaker 1: And there were many many. I don't hate them. I
• 53:55
  Speaker 1: don't think about them. I don't dwell on it. I
• 53:58
  Speaker 1: wish them, you know, if I could only make their
• 54:00
  Speaker 1: life better or worse, I'd choose better. But what I
• 54:03
  Speaker 1: learned from them is this is not how I ever
• 54:06
  Speaker 1: want to be. This is not how I want to live.
• 54:08
  Speaker 1: This is not my values. This is not how I
• 54:10
  Speaker 1: want to treat people. This is not how I will
• 54:13
  Speaker 1: show up in the world. So even the the pricks
• 54:17
  Speaker 1: and the pigs, and as well as all the beautiful, amazing, joyful, helpful,
• 54:22
  Speaker 1: glorious people, everyone can teach you something. And whether or
• 54:25
  Speaker 1: not it's moving away from a behavior or moving towards
• 54:29
  Speaker 1: a behavior, they're still your teacher.
• 54:32
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 54:33
  Speaker 1: It's the mindset that you take into the day. It's like, oh,
• 54:38
  Speaker 1: That was horrible. That was this. That was that. Oh,
• 54:40
  Speaker 1: he was, she was. Wah, wah, wah. Cool. What am
• 54:43
  Speaker 1: I learning here? Oh, I'm learning. I'm not going to
• 54:46
  Speaker 1: do that. You know, and even if it's about yourself,
• 54:50
  Speaker 1: sometimes I'm the prick. Like if I'm being honest, am
• 54:54
  Speaker 1: I ever the prick? Of course. Like this is the real,
• 54:58
  Speaker 1: this is the test of true, I believe, a true
• 55:02
  Speaker 1: desire to really change yourself. is when you can critique
• 55:08
  Speaker 1: yourself as hard as you critique others. Maybe harder.
• 55:14
  Speaker 3: Well, that's where we have the most agency and control.
• 55:17
  Speaker 3: We can't change other people, but if we can go,
• 55:20
  Speaker 3: what part did I play?
• 55:21
  Speaker 2: Yeah. Well, what part can I change then?
• 55:24
  Speaker 1: Yeah. I've loved this conversation.
• 55:27
  Speaker 2: Me too.
• 55:28
  Speaker 1: Thank you. You're quite good at this. I don't want
• 55:31
  Speaker 1: to pump up your tyres too much, but I'll give
• 55:33
  Speaker 1: you a seven. I'll give you a seven and keep
• 55:37
  Speaker 1: chipping away.
• 55:39
  Speaker 2: I'll do the work.