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Suture Self - Season 2 Episode 3 · The Steve & Jeff Show

• 0:04
  SPEAKER_03: Well, hey everybody.
• 0:05
  SPEAKER_03: Welcome to yet another exciting episode of the Steve and Jeff Show.
• 0:09
  SPEAKER_03: I'm Steve.
• 0:10
  SPEAKER_03: And I'm Jeff.
• 0:11
  SPEAKER_03: How's it going, Steve?
• 0:12
  SPEAKER_03: Jeff, Jeff.
• 0:13
  SPEAKER_03: You know, you know, things are improving.
• 0:15
  SPEAKER_03: You know, we still have that great producer crisis of 2023 that we talked about in the last show.
• 0:20
  SPEAKER_03: The last by the way, Jeff, we've been getting some great comments on the last show.
• 0:24
  SPEAKER_03: In fact, I've been following that hybrid vegan diet, and I had today, today, I had some delicious cheeseburgers with pea protein.
• 0:33
  SPEAKER_03: It was so good.
• 0:34
  SPEAKER_03: I and I feel so vegan, but I digress.
• 0:36
  SPEAKER_02: I don't want to get in a fight with you, Steve, but I don't think you can have a producer issue if you don't have a producer.
• 0:43
  SPEAKER_03: Not to go all Kierkegaard on you, but the produ the lack of the producer is the producer issue.
• 0:49
  SPEAKER_03: See?
• 0:49
  SPEAKER_03: Oh, okay.
• 0:50
  SPEAKER_03: See, actually, that's really more Hegelian, but I digress.
• 0:53
  SPEAKER_03: But but anyway, so no, that is that is the issue that our producer still missing, Jeff.
• 0:59
  SPEAKER_03: I checked the junk drawer again just to make sure because I you know I sometimes miss stuff very I think she's with my dad.
• 1:04
  SPEAKER_03: She's in Stateville.
• 1:05
  SPEAKER_03: Oh well, you know, Stateville.
• 1:07
  SPEAKER_03: Well, that would explain we weren't her one phone call.
• 1:10
  SPEAKER_03: I mean, go figure, right?
• 1:12
  SPEAKER_02: You know, no, and it's too bad because I have a feeling this is going to be a wonderful episode.
• 1:17
  SPEAKER_03: This Jeff, I am so glad you said that, Jeff, because Jeff, tonight we've got more authors of books.
• 1:24
  SPEAKER_03: We've got, we you know, we had an author that wrote the hybrid vegan one that we had on last time.
• 1:29
  SPEAKER_03: Tonight, we've got an author that wrote a book, and actually, I think he he brought his literary agent with him too.
• 1:35
  SPEAKER_03: But we have got someone who wrote a book that is going to help people.
• 1:39
  SPEAKER_03: Because you know, Jeff, in in addition to the great producer crisis of 2023, which is which is serious, but it's limited to like you know, us.
• 1:47
  SPEAKER_03: But the crisis that really hits everyone is medical care.
• 1:52
  SPEAKER_03: Oh, medical care, either you can't get it or it's too expensive, or you can't get it because it's too expensive.
• 1:58
  SPEAKER_03: It's something, it's always something, you know.
• 2:00
  SPEAKER_02: Well, and and Steve, I feel bad because you know, there are the haves and the have nots of this world.
• 2:05
  SPEAKER_02: And yes, for me, you know, as you know, I had got a nose job for nothing at maybe the best red roof end in Omaha, Nebraska.
• 2:14
  SPEAKER_02: So, you know, not everybody has those resources, not everybody, you know, can do that.
• 2:20
  SPEAKER_02: And I'm really glad we're we're having having this discussion because as you know, I uh put my old nose back on because my producer said to do that, and I did that, and it's not working real well.
• 2:31
  SPEAKER_02: And I don't know if it's working as well as our producer is working.
• 2:35
  SPEAKER_02: Well, yeah, would that be fair?
• 2:38
  SPEAKER_02: But she's she's nowhere to be found.
• 2:40
  SPEAKER_02: So maybe maybe we can get some help here because I'm just have I'm struggling a little bit.
• 2:45
  SPEAKER_02: So good.
• 2:46
  SPEAKER_02: So who who do we have on that can help me?
• 2:49
  SPEAKER_03: Jeff, I think we've got the people that can actually answer your question and maybe even help your nose.
• 2:54
  SPEAKER_03: Maybe even during this show, we have Taylor Green, who has written a book and brought his literary agent who uh I don't think they're related, but literary agent is named Max Green.
• 3:05
  SPEAKER_03: So Taylor and Max.
• 3:06
  SPEAKER_01: Hello, Steve.
• 3:07
  SPEAKER_01: Hello, Jeff.
• 3:08
  SPEAKER_01: How are you?
• 3:08
  SPEAKER_03: Oh, we're doing great.
• 3:09
  SPEAKER_03: Oh, you know what?
• 3:10
  SPEAKER_03: It occurs to me, I didn't tap the glass.
• 3:12
  SPEAKER_03: Let me so let me just tap the glass.
• 3:13
  SPEAKER_03: Okay, I we gotta get that out of the way.
• 3:15
  SPEAKER_03: All right, go ahead, you various greens.
• 3:17
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, thank you.
• 3:18
  SPEAKER_00: Uh yes, I'm Max Green.
• 3:21
  SPEAKER_00: I mean short for Maxine Green with E and uh uh is one of my clients, a l enfant terrible of the medical industry.
• 3:33
  SPEAKER_00: Uh Taylor, Taylor Green, no E.
• 3:36
  SPEAKER_03: No relations with no E, no relation, yes.
• 3:38
  SPEAKER_03: You know, so so tell me, Taylor, what motivated you to write this book about medical care that really is gonna help, it's gonna help the millions.
• 3:46
  SPEAKER_03: Let's face it, Jeff.
• 3:47
  SPEAKER_03: The millions, let's be honest.
• 3:48
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, yeah, Steve.
• 3:49
  SPEAKER_01: It's it it just comes from being dirt poor.
• 3:52
  SPEAKER_01: Uh you know, I ran into some medical issues, health issues, and I'm like, shoot, I I just can't afford a$200,000 surgery.
• 4:01
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 4:02
  SPEAKER_01: Or let's just say an enhancement that I really needed in the dating world.
• 4:08
  SPEAKER_03: Yes.
• 4:09
  SPEAKER_01: Uh and the bigger the enhancement house and supplies, I uh I figured it out.
• 4:14
  SPEAKER_03: Well, and the bigger the enhancement, the bigger the fee, I would imagine, too.
• 4:17
  SPEAKER_03: So that 200,000, that would have been quite the enhancement, I would think.
• 4:21
  SPEAKER_02: Yes, yes, quite the enhancement.
• 4:22
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, I think I tend to work on a lower level of enhancements.
• 4:26
  SPEAKER_03: Uh yours might be more like 80,000.
• 4:29
  SPEAKER_02: Well, and and the bigger the enhancement, the the harder it is to put put glasses on.
• 4:35
  SPEAKER_02: Because in my case, my enhancement was my nose.
• 4:37
  SPEAKER_02: I know what you're all thinking because you guys are really have dirty minds.
• 4:42
  SPEAKER_03: I was about to I was about to correct your your use of glasses there for so I was gonna say, no wonder you can't see.
• 4:47
  SPEAKER_03: Okay, well, I can explain that.
• 4:49
  SPEAKER_03: I'm not sure.
• 4:50
  SPEAKER_02: It is hard to put those glasses on when you're sitting down.
• 4:53
  SPEAKER_03: It sure is, I'll tell you.
• 4:54
  SPEAKER_03: I try and I've gone through more glasses.
• 4:56
  SPEAKER_03: Uh don't get me started.
• 4:58
  SPEAKER_03: But anyway, but we digress.
• 5:00
  SPEAKER_03: So anyway, Taylor, Taylor, so you were you're poor and you thought, hey, maybe there's a way that I can get this operation done anyway, right?
• 5:08
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, yeah.
• 5:09
  SPEAKER_01: With with the advancement of things like WebMD, and everyone has a DIY video on YouTube or TikTok or just a random guy on a street corner with advice.
• 5:20
  SPEAKER_01: Um, anything goes nowadays.
• 5:22
  SPEAKER_01: Um, anything to save a buck, or in my case, 200,000.
• 5:26
  SPEAKER_03: Oh, yes, medical information is so available these days.
• 5:29
  SPEAKER_03: And and it's, you know, you can look it up and you you find the real truth about medicine if you just look on the internet.
• 5:36
  SPEAKER_03: Uh, that is just so amazing.
• 5:38
  SPEAKER_00: Uh and something my uh that Taylor here, he's too modest, but he what he's failing to bring up is just also the innovations he achieved with through the supplies he used.
• 5:50
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, for this uh enhancement, really all he did was go to the local Sally Beauty supply and get some of those Corvient face razors, and boom, you have a scalpel.
• 6:00
  SPEAKER_00: And then he just went to uh the local tax shop where they have all the animal supplies, and he just got some uh dog raw hide for the ligaments, etc.
• 6:10
  SPEAKER_00: And boom.
• 6:11
  SPEAKER_00: Wow.
• 6:11
  SPEAKER_00: You're in fact that you're MacGyver.
• 6:13
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, it's exactly it.
• 6:14
  SPEAKER_03: Yes.
• 6:14
  SPEAKER_01: I have them called the uh MacGyver of modern medicine.
• 6:17
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you.
• 6:18
  SPEAKER_01: Oh my gosh.
• 6:18
  SPEAKER_03: Yes, I in fact that I was I was just gonna ask that you this must require a lot of medical equipment that might be hard to get or might be very might in itself be very expensive, but it sounds like you've solved that problem.
• 6:29
  SPEAKER_01: Oh yeah, heavens know.
• 6:30
  SPEAKER_01: I and just in one chapter alone, I list 650 uses for the ballpoint pin.
• 6:36
  SPEAKER_01: Wow.
• 6:36
  SPEAKER_00: You know, if just jury-rig it to a little bit of electricity, you got a soldering iron, you got a soldering iron, you got a vasectomy.
• 6:46
  unknown: Wow.
• 6:47
  SPEAKER_02: Well, you know how the world goes full circle all the time, Steve.
• 6:50
  SPEAKER_02: And I was watching the reruns every day.
• 6:53
  SPEAKER_02: Gunsmoke.
• 6:54
  SPEAKER_02: Every day it goes full circle.
• 6:55
  SPEAKER_02: Well, totally, and yeah, every day it does.
• 6:58
  SPEAKER_02: And I was watching reruns of Gunsmoke and Dylan, Matt Dylan, yeah, he ends up not the actor Matt Dillon.
• 7:06
  SPEAKER_03: It was an actor playing Matt Dillon, but not the actor Matt Dillon who didn't play Matt Dillon.
• 7:10
  SPEAKER_02: Fine, you look at it that way, but here's my point.
• 7:12
  SPEAKER_03: You say Matt, I say Dylan.
• 7:13
  SPEAKER_03: Okay, yeah.
• 7:14
  SPEAKER_03: Exactly.
• 7:14
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, so he ends up getting shot, and Doc isn't there because Doc's drinking somewhere.
• 7:21
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, so he has kitty, kitty who is there, gets some whiskey and gets some, I think it was like a table setting at the bar or restaurant, and removes the bullet.
• 7:34
  SPEAKER_02: And I said to myself, why don't we do that now?
• 7:37
  SPEAKER_02: Why do we have to always go to the hospital to do that when everybody has a kitty?
• 7:42
  SPEAKER_03: Well, and see, in the old west, they didn't even have Korean face razors and they didn't have some of these things like toothpaste, you know, that we can use in medicine now.
• 7:52
  SPEAKER_03: So, how much easier would it be now?
• 7:54
  SPEAKER_00: I'll tell you what changed.
• 7:56
  SPEAKER_00: What happened was the formation of uh professional groups, you know, like uh the medical board.
• 8:03
  SPEAKER_00: It's a it's like the the lawyer board, it's a or the bar, it's uh it's a self-regulating profession.
• 8:10
  SPEAKER_00: And uh really it's just born of generation after generation of cronyism and good old boys' clubs.
• 8:18
  SPEAKER_00: And my true my man Taylor here, he's autodidactic in the in the spirit of Abraham Lincoln.
• 8:26
  SPEAKER_03: Well, I don't care about his private life.
• 8:27
  SPEAKER_03: I really don't.
• 8:30
  SPEAKER_03: It doesn't matter to me, I don't care.
• 8:32
  SPEAKER_00: And Huey Newman, and so he's self-taught.
• 8:35
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, wasn't he that Panther guy that yes, he's not Chadwick Bozeman?
• 8:40
  SPEAKER_00: Perhaps.
• 8:41
  SPEAKER_03: Well, yeah, I think Huey and Chadwick were yeah, yeah, I think they're supposed to I I imagine.
• 8:46
  SPEAKER_00: Well, in a similar fashion, you also, like Huey Newman, taught yourself how to read, and then you taught yourself how to uh do breast implants using chicken cutlets, but not chicken cutlets, the slang, chicken cutlets from your fridge.
• 9:01
  SPEAKER_02: I just saw that chicken cutlets are on sale, 99 cents a pound.
• 9:05
  SPEAKER_03: We know from our last guest that they can't be vegan too.
• 9:07
  SPEAKER_03: You could even have veal chops that were vegan.
• 9:10
  SPEAKER_03: Oh, yes, yes.
• 9:11
  SPEAKER_03: Most importantly, decobs.
• 9:13
  SPEAKER_03: Oh, yes, absolutely.
• 9:14
  SPEAKER_03: And no 200,000 for that enhancement, no, sir.
• 9:18
  SPEAKER_03: Four dollars.
• 9:19
  SPEAKER_00: That's gonna be a lot of wow.
• 9:21
  SPEAKER_03: So it'd be four dollars like a pound for the chicken, right?
• 9:24
  SPEAKER_03: But yeah, you know, Jeff, it is so exciting.
• 9:26
  SPEAKER_03: We have yet another author who is sticking it to the man, going against the system, going for the the new world that we all want.
• 9:34
  SPEAKER_03: You know, that is so exciting, Jeff.
• 9:36
  SPEAKER_02: It is, and Mo, do you mind if I quote you?
• 9:39
  SPEAKER_00: No, uh when Mo's talking about this organization.
• 9:43
  SPEAKER_00: I am related to Mo Green, so it I Mo Green.
• 9:46
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, you're not Mo Green.
• 9:48
  SPEAKER_03: You got the same eyes, yeah.
• 9:49
  SPEAKER_03: I I recognize your eyes, man.
• 9:51
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, I have a c I have a cousin named Mo.
• 9:53
  SPEAKER_03: So Mo Mo Max.
• 9:55
  SPEAKER_03: Mo Mo Max, isn't that what that that that rapist film company?
• 9:58
  SPEAKER_03: Wait, no, I'm okay, but I digress.
• 10:00
  SPEAKER_03: Go ahead.
• 10:00
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, yeah.
• 10:01
  SPEAKER_02: But anyways, and and actually I have a cousin named Mo, and he thinks he's a prophet, which is another story, but uh we'll we'll go through some other things.
• 10:10
  SPEAKER_03: He thinks he's Moses, like we okay.
• 10:12
  SPEAKER_03: Let's just let's just say it, right?
• 10:13
  SPEAKER_02: He thinks he's Moses the professional class, the people who took away the common sense, the figure it out yourself, and instead they go to some sort of medical school, like some school that teaches medicine, and we get lost.
• 10:33
  SPEAKER_02: We we lose because in the end we are not able to fix ourselves.
• 10:38
  SPEAKER_02: Now, my wife knows exactly what's wrong with everybody by a single symptom, and it's usually autism or diabetes, and she's right so much of the time.
• 10:49
  SPEAKER_02: And if she could just fix it through surgery, that would be ideal.
• 10:55
  SPEAKER_02: You know, now she can just diagnose it and then she can't do anything about it.
• 10:59
  SPEAKER_02: So I'm hoping that maybe she will listen to this episode and and maybe actually start performing surgery.
• 11:05
  SPEAKER_03: Well, Taylor, do you have do you have surgery that would help a say a diabetic autistic person?
• 11:10
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, yes.
• 11:11
  SPEAKER_01: Actually, page 50 of my book, Suit Yourself, actually describes in detail what household items can simultaneously cure diabetes and autism, and a pinch of cancer if you've got that too.
• 11:23
  SPEAKER_01: Wow.
• 11:24
  SPEAKER_00: Take the door off the microwave, and you got radiation therapy right there.
• 11:29
  SPEAKER_03: And it's so available to everyone, everyone with a microwave.
• 11:33
  SPEAKER_03: A hundred bucks you get a microwave.
• 11:34
  SPEAKER_03: You take the door off, you know, you're done.
• 11:37
  SPEAKER_00: Now, I should say we shouldn't be giving page citations yet, Taylor, because uh we've got multiple editions flying around because uh we're working with Simon and Shyster.
• 11:47
  SPEAKER_00: And and so we don't trust them.
• 11:50
  SPEAKER_00: I mean it's it's oh they're honest.
• 11:52
  SPEAKER_00: We're in our are they well the shyster guy is yeah, we're in our third print in Cuba, apparently, but we've yet to get our advance.
• 11:59
  SPEAKER_00: So that's Simon and Shyster for you.
• 12:01
  SPEAKER_00: It goes into beyond page 50.
• 12:03
  SPEAKER_00: Taylor goes into more complex surgeries like brain surgery, heart surgery, and really those are just pretty intuitive plumbing operations.
• 12:12
  SPEAKER_00: What you've got to plan for is uh blood.
• 12:16
  SPEAKER_00: There's a lot of blood loss, you gotta plan for the blood.
• 12:20
  SPEAKER_00: So in the appendix, we talk about running your own blood drive.
• 12:25
  SPEAKER_00: All you need are some cookies, some juice, some chase lounges.
• 12:29
  SPEAKER_02: It's a good idea.
• 12:30
  SPEAKER_02: I do have a question though, because this is where it always seems to get bogged down.
• 12:35
  SPEAKER_02: If you can't do a blood drive, is there a substitute for blood, something that you could find around the house that you can use at least temporarily, if not permanently?
• 12:46
  SPEAKER_01: Uh tomato juice, tomato sauce, anything that says ragu or prego on it, same color.
• 12:51
  SPEAKER_00: I think I believe Alfred Hitchcock combined uh caro corn syrup and red food dye.
• 12:58
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, yeah.
• 12:58
  SPEAKER_03: You know, you know, tomato juice.
• 13:00
  SPEAKER_03: I there have been there have been some of those Sunday brunches with the the unlimited Bloody Marys.
• 13:05
  SPEAKER_03: And my my blood was probably mostly tomato juice by the time I got done.
• 13:08
  SPEAKER_03: Exactly.
• 13:09
  SPEAKER_03: A little bit of vodka there, too.
• 13:10
  SPEAKER_03: But you know, we have so much more to talk to about, talk to them about.
• 13:14
  SPEAKER_03: But Jeff, I gotta tell you, we have a repeat sponsor tonight.
• 13:18
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, I can't wait.
• 13:19
  SPEAKER_02: Who are publisher kit for us?
• 13:21
  SPEAKER_03: Well, those those good people, uh good people on both sides at Appropriation Station.
• 13:26
  SPEAKER_03: You know, they ran an ad for the restaurant in the last one.
• 13:29
  SPEAKER_03: But, you know, of course, now they're expanding out, they're really appropriating everything.
• 13:33
  SPEAKER_03: So they have gotten into the clothing market.
• 13:35
  SPEAKER_03: And you know, we ran an ad for them last season, but this is the first one for this season.
• 13:40
  SPEAKER_03: So I think why don't we play the tape?
• 13:44
  SPEAKER_03: Rising sorry prices have you stressed?
• 13:46
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• 14:06
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• 14:14
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• 14:21
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• 14:25
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• 14:30
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• 14:39
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• 14:45
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• 14:49
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• 14:54
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• 14:55
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• 14:59
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• 15:00
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• 15:07
  SPEAKER_00: Steve, that was great.
• 15:09
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not even from India, and I want a sorry now.
• 15:12
  SPEAKER_03: Teresa's birthday is coming up here, and I'm thinking, now she asked for a new car, but I'm thinking I should get her a sorry instead.
• 15:19
  SPEAKER_03: Because she'll remember that.
• 15:21
  SPEAKER_00: She'll get like a princess.
• 15:22
  SPEAKER_03: She will.
• 15:23
  SPEAKER_03: She will be, and she'll look Vendaloo hot.
• 15:27
  SPEAKER_01: Forget this one, Steve.
• 15:28
  SPEAKER_03: I'll tell you, she'll remember that forever.
• 15:30
  SPEAKER_03: And she'll never let me forget it either.
• 15:32
  SPEAKER_03: So I we'll both remember it, you know.
• 15:34
  SPEAKER_02: And who's sorry now?
• 15:35
  SPEAKER_02: I think it's gonna be the doctors, yes.
• 15:37
  SPEAKER_02: Those hospitals.
• 15:39
  SPEAKER_02: They're sorry that they're insurance companies.
• 15:41
  SPEAKER_03: Yes, they're not getting the big money because we can do this ourselves.
• 15:44
  SPEAKER_03: We can control it's like we were talking last last show, talking about controlling our own means of production.
• 15:50
  SPEAKER_03: This is controlling your own means of well, if you get a vested, it's controlling your own means of reproduction, I suppose, right?
• 15:56
  SPEAKER_03: But it's still kind of the same idea, isn't it?
• 15:58
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, yeah.
• 15:59
  SPEAKER_00: And I mean, that being said, we are taking Taylor is taking some efforts to get some legitimacy so he can get some privileges at the local hospital.
• 16:10
  SPEAKER_00: Remind me, Taylor, you've applied to uh medical schools in Guyana, Falkland Islands, and was it North or South Korea?
• 16:20
  SPEAKER_01: Both.
• 16:21
  unknown: Okay.
• 16:21
  SPEAKER_00: So we're waiting to hear back.
• 16:23
  SPEAKER_01: You know, Kim gave me really good feedback.
• 16:25
  SPEAKER_01: I I think Kim's really looking forward to uh working with me on this.
• 16:29
  SPEAKER_03: Tell you, if you do get in in North Korea, I never met him personally, but from the pictures, I think he he probably needs a little work.
• 16:35
  SPEAKER_03: So I think you got a real a real fertile uh opportunity there.
• 16:38
  SPEAKER_00: They're doing some amazing things with cabbage and fermentation there.
• 16:42
  SPEAKER_03: Oh, I bet, yeah.
• 16:43
  SPEAKER_03: And so much, so much health can come from that, from just fermented cabbage.
• 16:48
  SPEAKER_03: I mean, who knew, right?
• 16:49
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I don't wanna I don't want to spoil any any secrets here, but um little Kim as I call him.
• 16:55
  SPEAKER_01: Uh is looking to get a little taller, so we're gonna we're gonna add about three to four inches to his height.
• 17:00
  SPEAKER_01: Call it a knee lift.
• 17:01
  SPEAKER_00: We're gonna go to the dog food store, get some more raw high for that one.
• 17:05
  SPEAKER_03: Oh yeah, yeah, it's gonna take a bunch of raw hide.
• 17:07
  unknown: Wow.
• 17:08
  SPEAKER_03: So it is it really, I mean, can can the average person really do surgery on themselves?
• 17:14
  SPEAKER_01: I come from a family and belief system that there's no such thing as average individuals.
• 17:19
  SPEAKER_01: We are all extraordinary, and with the right tools in our hands, we can perform any operation.
• 17:25
  SPEAKER_01: Heck, I perform my own brain surgery.
• 17:27
  SPEAKER_01: Uh I used to have a really, really bad stutter.
• 17:31
  SPEAKER_01: I was just kidding there.
• 17:32
  SPEAKER_02: I don't have any uh it's it's not that bad.
• 17:35
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, it's better, right?
• 17:36
  SPEAKER_02: I bet I bet you didn't have a sense of humor before you operated on your brain.
• 17:41
  SPEAKER_01: Absolutely not.
• 17:42
  SPEAKER_01: Absolutely not.
• 17:42
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, yeah.
• 17:43
  SPEAKER_02: Now it's a great one.
• 17:44
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, it's oh yeah.
• 17:45
  SPEAKER_01: Now I laugh on controlly for three to six hours at a time daily, but it's also while while I study in fish.
• 17:52
  SPEAKER_03: So does this does the surgery take a long time?
• 17:54
  SPEAKER_01: If you surgery doesn't take as long as the healing process, and the money you save anyway.
• 18:01
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, but really, I mean, with all the antibiotics in our chicken cutlets and elsewhere, I mean, you don't really need antibiotics, they're just kind of all over every surface these days.
• 18:13
  SPEAKER_00: So yeah, yeah.
• 18:14
  SPEAKER_03: If you have an infection, just pack yourself in a bunch of chicken breasts and you you know you ought to be fine.
• 18:19
  SPEAKER_03: You know, just lay there for a couple days and you ought to be swell.
• 18:22
  SPEAKER_01: Salmonella does seem to be a cure for the common cold.
• 18:25
  SPEAKER_03: Wow, wow.
• 18:26
  SPEAKER_01: See, nobody had a cure for the common cold, but he found your body will completely forget about the common cold when you have salmonella.
• 18:33
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, I bet, yeah.
• 18:34
  SPEAKER_02: So, Steve, I think you remember that we talked about me starting over the summer, starting a new business where we rent out puppies for the weekend.
• 18:43
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, yes.
• 18:43
  SPEAKER_02: And and then people can play with them and then they can return them, you know, like pick them up Friday and then return them on Sunday.
• 18:49
  SPEAKER_02: Well, I've got a few extra that were not returned, and I've got them downstairs.
• 18:54
  SPEAKER_02: My question is so you're feeling a little uneasy about operating on somebody for the first time.
• 19:00
  SPEAKER_02: What about operating on the puppies to get good at it?
• 19:04
  SPEAKER_02: You know, like maybe do brain surgery on one of the puppies or remove a leg or or add a leg.
• 19:10
  SPEAKER_03: Well, you know, though, that what a great idea because that could free up, that could liberate the veterinary system too, in addition to the human legal system.
• 19:18
  SPEAKER_00: Wow, and it's the same surgery, right?
• 19:21
  SPEAKER_00: I think the challenge is getting the puppies to drink vodka because really you just gotta knock knock the patient out first.
• 19:28
  SPEAKER_03: And so let my mom take care of those puppies for a couple weeks, they'll be drinking vodka.
• 19:34
  SPEAKER_03: No problem, no problem there, right?
• 19:37
  SPEAKER_02: So, yeah, I think I think that's probably I think we're heading down the right track.
• 19:41
  SPEAKER_02: Well, you know what?
• 19:42
  SPEAKER_02: Again, we're just going full circle.
• 19:44
  SPEAKER_02: What did what did they do when they developed different products for the medical category or perfume?
• 19:51
  SPEAKER_02: They would use them on animals, yeah, right?
• 19:53
  SPEAKER_02: Animal testing.
• 19:54
  SPEAKER_02: So it's good enough for them, but not good enough for us because we don't have a diploma.
• 19:58
  SPEAKER_02: So that means we can't like take a dog and do a hernia operation on a dog to see if it works.
• 20:05
  SPEAKER_01: To venture further into that, I I've only dabbled a little bit one with the animals.
• 20:11
  SPEAKER_01: Uh, my sweet, sweet sister-in-law donated to me Freddie, her peacock.
• 20:15
  SPEAKER_01: And Freddie's been a wonderful sport.
• 20:17
  SPEAKER_01: He lets me practice all types of fun operations on him.
• 20:21
  SPEAKER_01: I removed his tonsils.
• 20:22
  SPEAKER_01: Did you know uh peacocks have tonsils?
• 20:24
  SPEAKER_03: I didn't know a peacock even had tonsils.
• 20:26
  SPEAKER_03: Wow.
• 20:27
  SPEAKER_03: I didn't either.
• 20:27
  SPEAKER_03: Do they still talk the same?
• 20:29
  SPEAKER_01: Pretty much the same.
• 20:30
  SPEAKER_01: It's just normally a very loud squawk, and they all sound the same to me.
• 20:34
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, it doesn't affect the tail at all.
• 20:36
  SPEAKER_01: No, no, still elegant, beautiful tail.
• 20:38
  SPEAKER_01: Some of the feathers have fallen off, but that's due to other things that unrelated to the surgery.
• 20:43
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 20:44
  SPEAKER_01: Looks like MC emblem now with proper spacing between the colors.
• 20:48
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 20:48
  SPEAKER_03: Oh, yeah.
• 20:49
  SPEAKER_03: So that that's that's actually kind of a thinning out for art's sake.
• 20:52
  SPEAKER_01: Correct, correct.
• 20:53
  SPEAKER_01: I think it's a much more beautiful look and um pretty much.
• 20:57
  SPEAKER_00: Also, he's got like a like a breast implant that were, you know, it's a prototype made out of hot glue and balloons um on its back that were still in the beta.
• 21:07
  SPEAKER_01: The milk tastes great.
• 21:08
  SPEAKER_03: Peacock breast implant.
• 21:10
  SPEAKER_03: There's something, you know.
• 21:11
  SPEAKER_03: When I woke up this morning, I had no idea that there was such a thing as a peacock breast implant, but here it is.
• 21:16
  SPEAKER_02: They don't seem to really go together, though, peacocks and breasts.
• 21:20
  SPEAKER_01: Until now.
• 21:21
  SPEAKER_01: Until now.
• 21:22
  SPEAKER_01: Until now.
• 21:23
  SPEAKER_01: Until now.
• 21:24
  SPEAKER_01: They're showing on the back, showing on the front.
• 21:26
  SPEAKER_03: I bet peacock breast is pretty tasty too.
• 21:28
  SPEAKER_03: We should we should talk to our Nouvelle vegan author about maybe adding that to the menu.
• 21:33
  SPEAKER_03: That sounds kind of tasty, implant or not.
• 21:36
  SPEAKER_00: This iteration's a bit rubbery.
• 21:38
  SPEAKER_00: Again, it was made out of hot glue and balloons because we were watching uh what what video were we relying on?
• 21:46
  SPEAKER_00: Five minute crafts, right?
• 21:48
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, yes.
• 21:50
  SPEAKER_01: It was a uh buried YouTube video, five minute crafts.
• 21:53
  SPEAKER_00: We we get our inspiration from everywhere.
• 21:55
  SPEAKER_00: I mean it's like I'm helping out, I'm just getting him the deals.
• 22:00
  SPEAKER_02: Well, here's a question I have for you.
• 22:01
  SPEAKER_02: To get started for our first surgery, do you recommend doing a tandem?
• 22:06
  SPEAKER_02: You know, kind of like skydiving, where like should Steve and I operate on each other, or or do you think we should go directly into the self surgeries ourselves?
• 22:17
  SPEAKER_01: For first timers, I always recommend having a trusted, and I do mean trusted uh companion by your side.
• 22:25
  SPEAKER_01: There could be slight mishaps for rookies, like excessive blood loss.
• 22:31
  SPEAKER_01: You'd hate to be the one passing out on your own brain surgery, making you unable to complete it, things like that.
• 22:37
  SPEAKER_01: So you need someone to hold tiles, hand you objects, uh tools, things of that nature, or just read a magazine to you.
• 22:44
  SPEAKER_01: And these things are very important for the recovery process as well.
• 22:47
  SPEAKER_03: I I could see how if you fall asleep or pass out during your own brain surgery, that could that could wind up, you know, pretty much negating the whole process.
• 22:56
  SPEAKER_01: Just on a personal note, my grandmother held my hand through my own vasectomy.
• 23:00
  SPEAKER_01: Uh I mean just squeeze it as tight as she could, uh, you know, just to make sure that hey, your hand is still there, can you feel me?
• 23:07
  SPEAKER_01: Can you squeeze me?
• 23:08
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 23:09
  SPEAKER_01: And I replied, hey grandma, can you feel me?
• 23:10
  SPEAKER_01: Can you feel me?
• 23:11
  SPEAKER_01: And uh yeah.
• 23:12
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, all he had to do was ironically, I think that is the way you recommend to do a vasectomy, is to squeeze really hard.
• 23:20
  SPEAKER_02: Your grandmother's hand, yes.
• 23:21
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, grandma's hand.
• 23:22
  SPEAKER_00: And your vast deference.
• 23:24
  SPEAKER_03: Yes, yes, right, right.
• 23:25
  SPEAKER_03: And there's a vast difference between that and her and her hand, I would think too, you know.
• 23:29
  SPEAKER_00: We've been doing this in the rest of our press junket, but we can also do a little demonstration for you.
• 23:36
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, a demo would be wonderful.
• 23:38
  SPEAKER_03: Yes.
• 23:38
  SPEAKER_03: Now, for the listeners at home, you won't be able to see this, but we we'll we'll they'll describe it and we'll we'll kind of hear our reactions, and you'll oh you'll hear you'll hear it all.
• 23:47
  SPEAKER_03: Yes.
• 23:48
  SPEAKER_00: I've got a skin tag on my inner thigh that's been bothering me for some time.
• 23:53
  SPEAKER_00: It's just been getting bigger and bigger.
• 23:54
  SPEAKER_00: And uh Taylor, where are those uh stirrups uh you've made out of the bow flex?
• 24:00
  SPEAKER_01: I'm out of those, but I will be using dental floss for today.
• 24:04
  SPEAKER_03: All right, ah well, don't kick too hard.
• 24:09
  SPEAKER_00: All right, well, so here's my leg.
• 24:12
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, you've got my leg here.
• 24:14
  SPEAKER_01: Got your leg.
• 24:15
  SPEAKER_00: All right, so I'm simultaneously the patient and the nurse.
• 24:19
  SPEAKER_00: Scalpel, it's a carbon face razor.
• 24:23
  SPEAKER_00: This is so exciting, Jeff.
• 24:24
  SPEAKER_01: Why does this why does this not feel like pork?
• 24:27
  SPEAKER_01: Sanitize the uh the area of spit.
• 24:30
  SPEAKER_00: No, wait, I got this towelette from a KFC.
• 24:33
  SPEAKER_03: Oh good move.
• 24:35
  SPEAKER_03: Jeff, I really like that.
• 24:36
  SPEAKER_03: I wish we had rewind.
• 24:37
  SPEAKER_03: I watched that part again.
• 24:39
  SPEAKER_03: That I really like that part.
• 24:40
  SPEAKER_03: That was good, but I'm gonna digress.
• 24:42
  SPEAKER_03: Go ahead.
• 24:42
  SPEAKER_03: Go ahead.
• 24:43
  SPEAKER_01: All right, I'm gonna get you to say here.
• 24:45
  SPEAKER_00: I it's gonna hurt.
• 24:45
  SPEAKER_00: What if it hurts?
• 24:46
  SPEAKER_01: It's gonna hurt.
• 24:50
  SPEAKER_01: I have my cool will work just fine.
• 24:53
  SPEAKER_00: I'll let it be absorbed through my skin.
• 24:55
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, okay.
• 24:56
  SPEAKER_00: All right, we've got like a local anesthetic going straight from the skin.
• 25:00
  SPEAKER_00: Cool.
• 25:00
  SPEAKER_01: All right, all right, hold still.
• 25:02
  SPEAKER_01: Making the cut.
• 25:03
  SPEAKER_00: I said hold still.
• 25:04
  SPEAKER_00: No, okay, okay.
• 25:08
  SPEAKER_00: Are you still are you sawing at it?
• 25:10
  SPEAKER_00: What is happening?
• 25:12
  SPEAKER_00: It's gotta come off.
• 25:13
  SPEAKER_00: It's a skin tag.
• 25:15
  SPEAKER_02: He's making the cut, and she didn't see if I didn't know better.
• 25:18
  SPEAKER_02: I'm looking at a doctor here.
• 25:20
  SPEAKER_02: I think so.
• 25:20
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, all better now.
• 25:23
  SPEAKER_01: Wow.
• 25:24
  SPEAKER_01: Look at him.
• 25:25
  SPEAKER_01: Hold this towel next to it for the next three days.
• 25:28
  SPEAKER_00: Oh my god.
• 25:29
  SPEAKER_00: How much did you take off?
• 25:31
  SPEAKER_00: All of it.
• 25:31
  SPEAKER_00: Oh there's a lot of blood.
• 25:33
  SPEAKER_01: Wow.
• 25:34
  SPEAKER_01: Well, better get the means that that it's working.
• 25:36
  SPEAKER_02: That's right.
• 25:37
  SPEAKER_02: That means that's a healthy sign.
• 25:38
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 25:39
  SPEAKER_02: And as long as you've got some ketchup in the area or you know, something that can replace that, then I think we'll be fine.
• 25:45
  SPEAKER_02: You know, just smear a little toothpaste on there.
• 25:46
  SPEAKER_03: That's just stopping.
• 25:47
  SPEAKER_03: Toothpaste.
• 25:48
  SPEAKER_03: Good idea.
• 25:49
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 25:49
  SPEAKER_00: You left like a pit.
• 25:50
  SPEAKER_00: It was, I thought you were just gonna like nick what he was eating prunes while he was doing it.
• 25:55
  SPEAKER_02: Wait, Steve, this is this is what doctors do when they're done with surgery.
• 26:00
  SPEAKER_02: They like have these discussions.
• 26:02
  SPEAKER_03: Well, see, but but the patient's knocked out, so they they have they could they kind of BS, but we don't have to be because we're like, you know, we're laying there like in a comb, right?
• 26:10
  SPEAKER_03: It's a little different.
• 26:11
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, it's really hard to see through all the anyquil, but I am just reacting because I'm just so used to the institution and the man's way of performing medicine.
• 26:25
  SPEAKER_00: And so I guess that's just part of the culture shock and the innovation of going to someone like Taylor Green.
• 26:33
  SPEAKER_01: Would you like a post-operation lollipop or joint?
• 26:35
  SPEAKER_00: Joint, please.
• 26:36
  SPEAKER_01: Joint.
• 26:37
  SPEAKER_00: Oh wow.
• 26:38
  SPEAKER_02: Hey, my doctor.
• 26:39
  SPEAKER_03: You can't get that at Michael Reese or My doctor never gave me a joint, let me tell you.
• 26:44
  SPEAKER_02: No, you guys are just amazing.
• 26:47
  SPEAKER_03: I you know, I did smoke a few with guys who later became doctors, but that's not necessarily we'll do that at a different show sometime.
• 26:53
  SPEAKER_00: But I digress.
• 26:56
  SPEAKER_03: Jeff and the listeners at home, that was quick.
• 26:59
  SPEAKER_03: That was that seemed to be after the NyQuil, relatively painless.
• 27:04
  SPEAKER_00: I can't wait to show it off at the pool.
• 27:06
  SPEAKER_03: Wow.
• 27:07
  SPEAKER_03: Awesome.
• 27:08
  SPEAKER_03: Ready for the pool.
• 27:09
  SPEAKER_03: Uh, this is amazing.
• 27:11
  SPEAKER_03: Uh, this book, I think this book is really gonna sell millions of totally if it's not blocked by the oh the medical association.
• 27:19
  SPEAKER_03: They're gonna try to stop it.
• 27:20
  SPEAKER_03: Doctor's association.
• 27:22
  SPEAKER_03: Oh, they're gonna be able to do that.
• 27:22
  SPEAKER_01: Stephen Jeff, I know it's going to be a success because I am already receiving death threats from medical people.
• 27:28
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, yeah.
• 27:29
  SPEAKER_03: Perfect.
• 27:29
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, perfect.
• 27:30
  SPEAKER_00: Really, what we gotta do once we get our advance and our profits from Simon and Shyster, we gotta take this, we gotta take this to the legislature.
• 27:40
  SPEAKER_00: We gotta push for legitimacy because I mean, remember doctors of osteopathy?
• 27:46
  SPEAKER_00: I mean just a few decades ago, everyone thought they were full of shit.
• 27:50
  SPEAKER_00: Then they just went and lobbied all the politicians so that all of a sudden they can practice medicine in the hospitals too.
• 27:57
  SPEAKER_00: I think that's what again, it's money moves the world, you know, it makes the world go round.
• 28:03
  SPEAKER_00: And so that's all Taylor has to do here is just really work with the system to get legitimacy and then Trojan horse his way in.
• 28:12
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm I'm trying to work with my my eighth most distant cousin, uh Majorie Taylor Green.
• 28:18
  SPEAKER_01: Not sure if you've heard of her.
• 28:20
  SPEAKER_01: Um yeah, yeah.
• 28:21
  SPEAKER_01: Maybe we can get this stuff really, really pushed through.
• 28:24
  SPEAKER_01: I hear she's doing well.
• 28:25
  SPEAKER_00: No relation on my part.
• 28:27
  SPEAKER_03: Well, you know, you know, actually, I I I I've got a date later tonight with Lauren Boebert.
• 28:32
  SPEAKER_03: I'll I'll add because I they know each other.
• 28:33
  SPEAKER_03: I'll ask, I'll ask her to put it.
• 28:35
  SPEAKER_02: Don't go to a movie, don't go to a movie theater or we're going to a play.
• 28:38
  SPEAKER_03: I'm really looking forward to it.
• 28:40
  SPEAKER_03: I'm liking I'm liking this idea.
• 28:42
  SPEAKER_02: It's it's it's funny how people get aroused in for uh so many funny reasons.
• 28:48
  SPEAKER_03: I haven't seen the musical play, but the movie Beetlejuice always kind of got me, you know, a little excited.
• 28:54
  SPEAKER_03: I mean, I don't know.
• 28:55
  SPEAKER_01: Jeff, I do have household remedy for uh sporadic arousal uh using only zip ties.
• 29:01
  SPEAKER_01: Ooh.
• 29:02
  SPEAKER_02: Well, and speaking of zip ties, when we get off the air, I know we got to go in a minute here.
• 29:06
  SPEAKER_02: We get off the air, I gotta talk to you about my nose because it's it's it's loose and sometimes it falls off, and I have to put it back on.
• 29:14
  SPEAKER_02: And maybe you could give me some tips because I'd like to take care of that.
• 29:18
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, real quick, uh, I'm a professional.
• 29:21
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, you can just take a small amount of gorilla glue, put it on your index finger, and just push it straight up your nose in each nostril until you feel that hold, or until you have to breathe out of your mouth.
• 29:34
  SPEAKER_01: And that's how you know you've completed it.
• 29:35
  SPEAKER_03: Taylor, I just saved you a thousand.
• 29:38
  SPEAKER_01: Works on hair as well.
• 29:39
  SPEAKER_01: It works on hair or it creates hair.
• 29:41
  SPEAKER_01: If when you start to see hair loss, just apply it, it'll just stay there.
• 29:45
  SPEAKER_01: Whatever hair you have remaining will just simply stay there.
• 29:47
  SPEAKER_02: You know, Steve, I have noticed that I've lost a little hair lately.
• 29:50
  SPEAKER_02: So maybe I should uh maybe I should look into that.
• 29:53
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, you know, maybe I'll maybe I'll give it a shot too.
• 29:56
  SPEAKER_03: I don't know.
• 29:56
  SPEAKER_03: You know, it's of course putting stuff up your nose.
• 29:58
  SPEAKER_03: Well, that shouldn't be a problem for you, Jeff, but I put stuff up your nose, I don't know.
• 30:02
  SPEAKER_03: It's kind of uh kind of odd, but I'll I'll give it a shot.
• 30:05
  SPEAKER_03: Why not?
• 30:06
  SPEAKER_03: Why not?
• 30:06
  SPEAKER_03: Well, you know, you know, Taylor and Mo, Max, Taylor and Max or Mo or we we we are just about to run out of time here.
• 30:15
  SPEAKER_03: They're gonna kick us out of eccentric Lady Land Studios, and we got a nice nice uh engineer now who is just very polite.
• 30:21
  SPEAKER_03: He's not rude like the other guy, but now we got the producer issue.
• 30:24
  SPEAKER_03: But listen, we're gonna get Tippi back and we're gonna we're gonna keep up with you guys, and we maybe would like to have you back once the sales are really rolling in and once you've really stuck it to the man.
• 30:34
  SPEAKER_03: I like that.
• 30:35
  SPEAKER_03: I like that.
• 30:36
  SPEAKER_02: Taylor, Taylor, uh this has been one of the more educational podcasts that I have ever been a part of.
• 30:42
  SPEAKER_02: I am I'm so excited to get off the air and start operating.
• 30:46
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, and we've got a member, call me anytime, guys.
• 30:50
  SPEAKER_03: Oh, yeah.
• 30:50
  SPEAKER_03: If you guys could stick around, we'd we'd like to talk.
• 30:52
  SPEAKER_03: We got a couple of surgeries we're we're thinking about even now.
• 30:54
  SPEAKER_03: So, yeah, stick around, stick around.
• 30:56
  SPEAKER_03: Just uh we'll we'll talk to you out outside the booth here.
• 30:59
  SPEAKER_03: Okay, all right.
• 31:00
  SPEAKER_03: Thanks, Taylor.
• 31:01
  SPEAKER_03: Thanks, everybody.
• 31:02
  SPEAKER_03: Jeff, I'll see you on the next show.
• 31:04
  unknown: Sounds good.
• 31:05
  SPEAKER_03: Talk to you later.