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Parenting through the Seasons: Trusting God through every Stage w/ Cara Ray · 5–Minute Parenting: Tips to Help You Raise Competent, Godly Kids.

• 0:01
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome to another episode of the Five Minute Parenting Podcast.
• 0:05
  SPEAKER_00: I'm your host, Karen Ferguson, wife, mom, grandmom, and children's book author with a background in K-8 education and a passion for equipping parents to raise confident and God-confident kids.
• 0:18
  SPEAKER_00: In this podcast, we'll cover parenting practices for both a practical view and a biblical view.
• 0:23
  SPEAKER_00: Our goal is to help you raise kids with a positive, godly self-image so they can become all they were created to be.
• 0:30
  SPEAKER_00: I know you're busy, so we'll keep it short.
• 0:32
  SPEAKER_00: Let's take just five minutes and dive in.
• 0:39
  SPEAKER_00: Hello and welcome back to Five Minute Parenting, tips to help you raise competent and God-confident kids.
• 0:45
  SPEAKER_00: I'm excited for today's episode because we have a special guest, Kara Ray, with us to talk about parenting through the seasons, trusting God through every stage.
• 0:55
  SPEAKER_00: Kara is a writer, Bible teacher, and founder of the Writer's Block community and podcast.
• 1:01
  SPEAKER_00: As a former quiet time checkbox checker, she now writes to help others slow down, savor scripture, and pursue holy leisure.
• 1:09
  SPEAKER_00: Her work has been featured on Desiring God, Challies.com, Gospel Centered Discipleship, and the U Version Bible app.
• 1:16
  SPEAKER_00: Cara's online community, The Writer's Block, equips women to grow in the art and heart of writing.
• 1:22
  SPEAKER_00: Her weekly podcast by the same name features conversations with Christian writers who desire to encourage others in the craft of writing and write for God's glory.
• 1:32
  SPEAKER_00: She also owns and operates her own copywriting and marketing business, where she helps entrepreneurs and creatives communicate their message with clarity and conviction.
• 1:42
  SPEAKER_00: Kara, welcome to the show.
• 1:45
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you, Karen.
• 1:46
  SPEAKER_00: I'm so delighted to be here with you.
• 1:48
  SPEAKER_00: It's so great to have you.
• 1:49
  SPEAKER_00: You know, I looked at your outline and I'm excited because you're going to take us through four seasons of parenting and connect them to the four natural seasons.
• 1:57
  SPEAKER_00: It's fascinating and I know it will be encouragement to many.
• 2:01
  SPEAKER_00: So please jump right in and just begin by telling us a little bit about your own season that you're in with your with your family.
• 2:10
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, thank you.
• 2:11
  SPEAKER_01: Well, um, this whole idea was kind of came to me as I was thinking about um writing.
• 2:19
  SPEAKER_01: As you mentioned in my bio, I I do write and I have a writing community, and I was thinking about all the frustrations I was having with writing and um and just the process of creation.
• 2:33
  SPEAKER_01: And it really took me to God's word, where in Ecclesiastes chapter three, it's that famous passage that there is a time to weep and there is a time to mourn, and there is a time for every season under heaven.
• 2:47
  SPEAKER_01: And that was such an encouragement to me because I feel so often, both creatively and also relationally, that I tend, and maybe you all do too, to kind of get frustrated with the season that I'm in.
• 3:03
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, I think that's a common phrase.
• 3:05
  SPEAKER_01: We talk about the seasons we're in all the time, but how often do we really connect that actual season to the four seasons that we see around us in the world?
• 3:16
  SPEAKER_01: And so it got me thinking.
• 3:18
  SPEAKER_01: Um, and it's so neat because it applies to so many things, including family.
• 3:25
  SPEAKER_01: And that's what we're here to talk about today.
• 3:27
  SPEAKER_01: But I have four kids and they range from 16 to 24.
• 3:33
  SPEAKER_01: So I'm in a later season of parenting them, but I've realized as I've grown as a mother that they're they're constantly changing and their seasons are are changing.
• 3:46
  SPEAKER_01: And right now, um my the seasons are always changing, just like they are outside our window.
• 3:52
  SPEAKER_01: I have a daughter who just got married last year, so that's changed.
• 3:56
  SPEAKER_01: That's changed the way we relate to one another.
• 3:59
  SPEAKER_01: I have um another child who is a college graduate and he is starting his you know professional life, and so that's changing.
• 4:08
  SPEAKER_01: And then I also have two daughters who are still in high school, but um yeah, they're they're constantly changing, and so I'm still parenting in that stage, um, but the needs are often changing.
• 4:22
  SPEAKER_01: And so when I learned to connect, you know, this I this concept from Ecclesiastes chapter three, that everything has a season in life, including parenting, it really helped me um work with uh I I keep saying it, the season, or or maybe like a different metaphor to go with the grain or the flow of things instead of often trying to push against it, to be more accepting of where we all were in relation to what was happening in our world around us.
• 4:54
  SPEAKER_00: That's good.
• 4:55
  SPEAKER_00: That's good.
• 4:56
  SPEAKER_00: Well, let's start with spring then, the season of beginnings.
• 5:01
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, so I think just like when we look outside, and we're recording this in January, so it's probably um, you know, there's a lot of winter left over, probably wherever you are.
• 5:16
  SPEAKER_01: But spring is that time of new beginnings, like we we start to see the little buds come up out of the ground, and so really I kind of connect spring um with parenting with like think times of growth and curiosity and hope.
• 5:31
  SPEAKER_01: There's there's this hope for a new beginning.
• 5:34
  SPEAKER_01: Um, and you know, we often in parenting, you know, what kind of transitions are are happening in your home?
• 5:40
  SPEAKER_01: Are do you have a child getting married off or going to college or coming out of diapers, right?
• 5:46
  SPEAKER_01: All of those things are transitions in life, and it creates and prompts in us a lot of curiosity, um, questions, trying to figure out new things, new rhythms.
• 5:58
  SPEAKER_01: And so it's a it's a time to like nurture this new life, these new beginnings, to realize they're new, and so therefore more grace can be applied both to our children and to us as moms, um, to to this new new transition that we're in.
• 6:16
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 6:16
  SPEAKER_00: And would you go uh when you think of seasons, do you think of it in an age range?
• 6:22
  SPEAKER_00: Because I think of spring, and yes, there's so many times throughout our life when we may have transitions and new beginnings.
• 6:28
  SPEAKER_00: Do you look at this more by age?
• 6:32
  SPEAKER_01: I look at it more by stage, if that makes sense, because I think in every age, I think there's constant change inside that that little parameter of time.
• 6:44
  SPEAKER_01: And so, you know, as I look at my kids and their different age ranges, I think they all fall in different places based on where they're what what's happening in their lives.
• 6:54
  SPEAKER_01: And so I think I think it divides up.
• 6:56
  SPEAKER_01: And I don't think it's always like a perfect cycle, you know.
• 7:00
  SPEAKER_01: Um sometimes it is, and it's great when that happens, but um, I think sometimes we kind of can bounce a little bit between maybe winter and a spring or a summer and a fall, where we're, you know, summer is that time of like steady work, and you know, there's a lot of formation happening, a lot of consistency and presence.
• 7:20
  SPEAKER_01: It's a lot of training.
• 7:21
  SPEAKER_01: I think of um little years really sometimes feel like just a one long summer because what you're doing is you're laying this foundation of like obedience and um honoring mom and dad and all of those kind of things, those repetitive patterns and lessons that we have to instill in our children sometimes feels like when's the harvest gonna come, right?
• 7:46
  SPEAKER_01: Right.
• 7:46
  SPEAKER_01: It feels like it's years and years and years of summer, but as we as we work that that season out and we're faithful and following God's commands, and we're we're repeating and we're we're establishing routines and we're putting up boundaries and we're doing all of those things, like we're laying a groundwork for a future harvest.
• 8:09
  SPEAKER_01: And so that's what I think of with parenting sometimes in difficult seasons, like often, like if we can think about those hard times with our kids as not being a worthless time of just like this is just hard, and I don't even know what God's doing in this, but to see it as like, okay, like what formation is happening right now?
• 8:31
  SPEAKER_01: What can I how can I um nurture and encourage my child towards this, whatever it is, the virtue that you want to see um produce fruit in their lives, that kind of thing.
• 8:45
  SPEAKER_01: If I can look at it in that sense, then it doesn't feel so endless, number one.
• 8:50
  SPEAKER_01: And it also feels like, oh, there's a purpose, like there could, Lord willing, there will be a harvest, there will be a reward that comes from from this long summer of long days, sweaty days of work.
• 9:02
  SPEAKER_01: It will pay off.
• 9:03
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, the seeds that have been planted, the watering, attending to the garden.
• 9:08
  SPEAKER_00: It does lead to the harvest, which is the next one, um, the season of fruit.
• 9:12
  SPEAKER_00: What do you have to share on that?
• 9:14
  SPEAKER_00: That's a that's a great place to be at, right?
• 9:17
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, we love we love autumn and fall for a reason.
• 9:20
  SPEAKER_01: Like we see the leaves turn and there's such beauty around us.
• 9:26
  SPEAKER_01: There's a fruitfulness, there's a a gathering in.
• 9:29
  SPEAKER_01: And I really think that harvest season, like it comes down to that.
• 9:33
  SPEAKER_01: I think as moms really we're looking for that harvest all the time.
• 9:37
  SPEAKER_01: We want to see that the the roots that we've been tending in this that came up in the spring and then we've been nurturing through the summer.
• 9:46
  SPEAKER_01: We want to see those those things come to life and to come to full fruition.
• 9:52
  SPEAKER_01: And so I think that is, you know, like I said, it comes in stages.
• 9:56
  SPEAKER_01: I don't think it's always, you know, there's a harvest that you know automatically falls after every summer necessarily.
• 10:05
  SPEAKER_01: Sometimes it just takes more and more time.
• 10:08
  SPEAKER_01: But, you know, um, it's it's that signs of maturity that you start to see over time in your children, more godly character, a desire for a hunger for God's word, um a willingness to even suffer for the Lord, right?
• 10:24
  SPEAKER_01: Like all of those things are signs of fruit, fruit of the spirit, and um we can see it in our own hearts and lives, and hopefully in our children's too.
• 10:33
  SPEAKER_01: And so um sometimes it's like one or two little pickings off of a tree, and you're like, oh, I'm gonna take that.
• 10:41
  SPEAKER_01: I'm gonna, I'm gonna be encouraged by this little teeny fruit that I'm seeing growing in my child's life.
• 10:48
  SPEAKER_01: But like rejoice in that.
• 10:49
  SPEAKER_01: That's a good thing, that's a sign of growth.
• 10:52
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, and I think, you know, when it's appropriate and we feel led, mentioning those things to our kids too, you know, no matter how small it is.
• 11:00
  SPEAKER_00: That, hey, I saw you act this way, I saw you choose this, I, you know, that decision you made, I know, you know, honored God or whatever it is, but just also I think letting them know, even the in the small wins, those that small growth, that we are their cheerleaders, right?
• 11:16
  SPEAKER_00: And we're supporting them.
• 11:17
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, yeah, yeah.
• 11:18
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, and that really affirms them and encourages them to maybe want to see more fruit grow as well.
• 11:25
  SPEAKER_01: I agree.
• 11:26
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 11:26
  SPEAKER_00: Well, that leads us to winter.
• 11:28
  SPEAKER_00: So the season of release and trust.
• 11:31
  SPEAKER_00: Winter is not one of my favorite seasons in the natural realm, but me too.
• 11:37
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, but you know what?
• 11:38
  SPEAKER_01: See, that is a good season too.
• 11:40
  SPEAKER_01: Like, I agree.
• 11:41
  SPEAKER_01: I think my body tends to resist the cold, and there's there's a season feeling of discomfort.
• 11:48
  SPEAKER_01: But if you can kind of think about rest, uh winter as a season of rest, right?
• 11:54
  SPEAKER_01: Like there can be a season of like, okay, we've worked really hard, we've seen some fruit, and now we can really enjoy.
• 12:02
  SPEAKER_01: We can we can rest, we can a lot of um new growth and new ideas.
• 12:08
  SPEAKER_01: Um that kind of that kind of happens when you're stuck inside, right?
• 12:12
  SPEAKER_01: You can't go outside and do all the things that you would do in the rest of the year.
• 12:17
  SPEAKER_01: And so winter lets you be a little bit more contemplative.
• 12:21
  SPEAKER_01: It helps you to plan for the future, maybe to spend some time in prayer for your your kids.
• 12:28
  SPEAKER_01: Um, I think it's also like I mentioned earlier, my daughter getting married, you know, it is a season of release.
• 12:35
  SPEAKER_01: I think it's a a time of of letting go.
• 12:38
  SPEAKER_01: And that doesn't just mean when they get married, but you know, little milestones along the way as as they grow in independence.
• 12:46
  SPEAKER_01: Like I can, I think we can see that as a little bit of resting from for mom and dad.
• 12:51
  SPEAKER_01: Like you've you've planted, you've sown, you've harvested, and now you get to rest and you get to enjoy some of the fruits of that labor that you've you've really um invested in your children's lives.
• 13:04
  SPEAKER_01: And so, yeah, maybe we can cozy up to winter a little bit more with our kids' stages and not again, like I said before, not resist it so much because there's so much good things that happen when we rest.
• 13:17
  SPEAKER_01: Yes.
• 13:18
  SPEAKER_00: Well, and I like the points you made.
• 13:20
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and I think it's something that you know we all kind of have to warm up to, at least I know in my experience with adult children, the the less direct influence, right?
• 13:29
  SPEAKER_00: More listening than instructing.
• 13:32
  SPEAKER_00: And sometimes that's not always easy, you know.
• 13:35
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and it requires, like you you had um wrote here, just a deeper reliance on prayer and trust.
• 13:42
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, yeah, I think too, as just the mom heart in us, right?
• 13:47
  SPEAKER_01: Like we're changing, they're changing as they're growing and developing, and we're changing too.
• 13:52
  SPEAKER_01: And in terms of like how much direct influence do we have, how much should we speak into this area of their lives?
• 14:00
  SPEAKER_01: Do they need us to to really tell them what we think, or is this more of a private matter that now I as the mom need to just take that to the Lord on their behalf?
• 14:13
  SPEAKER_01: You know, I think I'm learning that right now is that um I have to step back a little bit from my married daughter, and I need to let her kind of figure out some of those things.
• 14:24
  SPEAKER_01: And and my influence is much less direct than it once was, and so and that's okay.
• 14:30
  SPEAKER_01: I'm learning how to walk in that season as well.
• 14:32
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, it's a learning process.
• 14:35
  SPEAKER_00: Well, then in closing, what what encouragement do you want to give to parents?
• 14:40
  SPEAKER_00: You know, just about being faithful in every season.
• 14:44
  SPEAKER_01: Well, Ecclesiastes 3 is is a beautiful little poem, but I I'll just read the right after it ends with the time for for war and a time for peace, it says, What gain has the worker from his toil?
• 15:00
  SPEAKER_01: I have seen the business that God has given to the children of men to be busy with.
• 15:05
  SPEAKER_01: He has made everything beautiful in its time.
• 15:08
  SPEAKER_01: Also, he has put eternity into man's heart, yet so that he cannot find out what God has done from beginning to the end.
• 15:15
  SPEAKER_01: That's it, uh, Ecclesiastes 3, 9 through 11.
• 15:19
  SPEAKER_01: I feel like that's such a great way to end this discussion and just our thinking about seasons is like God makes all things beautiful in its time.
• 15:30
  SPEAKER_01: And I think that's one of the things that we have to constantly turn over to the Lord as we often don't know what God is doing in our seasons.
• 15:39
  SPEAKER_01: But he is making all things beautiful, and we need to just let him do that and remember that he's put eternity in our hearts, and that so therefore we can look to him and trust him.
• 15:51
  SPEAKER_01: That if he doesn't forget to turn the leaves on the trees every autumn, he's not forgotten us too.
• 15:59
  SPEAKER_01: We can we can trust him with our kids, we can trust him with our lives.
• 16:04
  SPEAKER_00: That's good, that's a good word there.
• 16:06
  SPEAKER_00: And you know, we spoke a little bit before we recorded about uh don't wishing away the season that we're in, either for an easier one.
• 16:15
  SPEAKER_00: Or, you know, you talk about how the goal of parenting isn't to rush through the seasons, but to walk faithfully with God and our children.
• 16:21
  SPEAKER_00: And that was that was a good reminder for me that we can learn there's something to be learned and um developed and there is blessing in every season.
• 16:33
  SPEAKER_00: So don't don't wish it away and don't rush through it.
• 16:36
  SPEAKER_00: I love that.
• 16:37
  SPEAKER_01: It goes so fast, right?
• 16:38
  SPEAKER_01: And and all the times that we we wish we were past this hard season, we're gonna be into a new season at some point, right?
• 16:46
  SPEAKER_01: And so you don't want to look back and go, oh, I wish I had really savored all the things God was doing in that in that time with my kids.
• 16:54
  SPEAKER_01: It goes so fast.
• 16:55
  SPEAKER_00: So true.
• 16:56
  SPEAKER_00: Well, this has been a real treat, Kara.
• 16:58
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you so much for being here to share with our audience.
• 17:01
  SPEAKER_00: Uh, before we close, I want uh please tell listeners the best place to find you online and then share about your book and the seasons of creativity resource.
• 17:12
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, well, the best place to find me online.
• 17:15
  SPEAKER_01: I have a website.
• 17:16
  SPEAKER_01: It's kara-ray.com, C-A-R-A-Ray R A Y dot com.
• 17:22
  SPEAKER_01: Um, and and you'll learn a lot about what I do there.
• 17:26
  SPEAKER_01: Um, and my book is coming out in March on St.
• 17:29
  SPEAKER_01: Patrick's Day.
• 17:30
  SPEAKER_01: It's called The Pursuit of Holy Leisure, Enjoying God in Everyday Places.
• 17:35
  SPEAKER_01: It's a book really born out of my own struggle to see time and God's Word as uh a pursuit of holy leisure.
• 17:43
  SPEAKER_01: I found that phrase in a book, and it just really changed my entire mindset about my quiet times and the way I saw that time.
• 17:52
  SPEAKER_01: Instead of being a box to check, it was the leisure my soul was really longing for.
• 17:58
  SPEAKER_01: So my book explores that topic.
• 18:01
  SPEAKER_01: And then if you're interested in learning more about the seasons, I do have a resource.
• 18:06
  SPEAKER_01: Um, it's really aimed towards creativity, but as we talked about today, I think it can apply to a lot of different topics in our lives.
• 18:14
  SPEAKER_01: It's called Seasons of Creativity.
• 18:16
  SPEAKER_01: And Karen, I do I do I need to give you the link to that for the show notes.
• 18:21
  SPEAKER_00: I think I do, I believe I have that, but I will let you know.
• 18:24
  SPEAKER_00: We'll we'll be sure to post that along with your website.
• 18:28
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, and I've got it on my website too.
• 18:29
  SPEAKER_01: So if it's under my resource tab, if if not.
• 18:33
  SPEAKER_01: So that might be a helpful resource for your listeners.
• 18:36
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 18:37
  SPEAKER_00: Well, again, Kara, thank you so much for being here.
• 18:40
  SPEAKER_00: And listeners, thank you for joining us today.
• 18:42
  SPEAKER_00: I pray this episode has been an encouragement to you.
• 18:46
  SPEAKER_00: Be sure to check the show notes for links to Kara's website, follow her on social media, check out her book and the creativity workbook, and then come back next week for another episode of Five Minute Parenting.
• 18:57
  SPEAKER_00: Have a blessed week.