Latest / High n' Dry Podcast / Episode 12. The Witch's Asshole & Mr. Peanut vs. Col. Sanders (Feat. a special guest)

Transcript

Episode 12. The Witch's Asshole & Mr. Peanut vs. Col. Sanders (Feat. a special guest) · High n' Dry Podcast

• 0:15
  SPEAKER_02: All right, everybody.
• 0:16
  SPEAKER_02: Welcome to High and Dry.
• 0:17
  SPEAKER_02: I'm Ryan Barron North, Resident Drunken Philosopher.
• 0:19
  SPEAKER_02: With me as always, James Crosslin, Resident High Philosopher.
• 0:23
  SPEAKER_02: Hey.
• 0:23
  SPEAKER_02: James, how you doing?
• 0:24
  SPEAKER_05: I'm doing good.
• 0:25
  SPEAKER_05: How are you doing today, Ryan?
• 0:26
  SPEAKER_02: I'm doing good.
• 0:27
  SPEAKER_02: I'm doing good.
• 0:28
  SPEAKER_05: I'm excited to get Hi.
• 0:30
  SPEAKER_02: Hi, uh let's do this.
• 0:35
  SPEAKER_02: Today, joining us is a guest Hi Philosopher.
• 0:38
  SPEAKER_02: We have a web developer for Cross Coders LV, Sher Crosslin.
• 0:41
  SPEAKER_03: Hey.
• 0:42
  SPEAKER_02: Sherry, how are you doing today?
• 0:43
  SPEAKER_02: Welcome to the show.
• 0:44
  SPEAKER_03: Good.
• 0:45
  SPEAKER_03: Thank you.
• 0:45
  SPEAKER_03: Thank you for having me.
• 0:46
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, thanks for being here.
• 0:47
  SPEAKER_02: We're excited to have you.
• 0:48
  SPEAKER_02: So for our guest and for our new listeners, um, High and Dry starts with a thought-provoking question and ends in a fight.
• 0:55
  SPEAKER_02: That's the good question today.
• 0:56
  SPEAKER_02: We got a good fight today.
• 0:58
  SPEAKER_05: Like all great interactions.
• 0:59
  SPEAKER_05: It starts with a question and ends with a fist fight.
• 1:02
  SPEAKER_02: And that's what we're trying to bring to high and dry.
• 1:05
  SPEAKER_02: Um, so but first, before we get into the philosophical question and the fight at the end, um, we got to get drunk and high.
• 1:12
  SPEAKER_02: So, James, what are you gonna be smoking this week?
• 1:14
  SPEAKER_05: Uh, I'm bringing back an old favorite of mine.
• 1:17
  SPEAKER_05: Uh, I'm gonna be smoking tangy, which is a wonderful strain that tastes like tangerines a little bit.
• 1:24
  SPEAKER_02: I do recall.
• 1:25
  SPEAKER_02: All right, all right.
• 1:26
  SPEAKER_02: Cheryl, what are you gonna be smoking today?
• 1:28
  SPEAKER_03: Uh, I am gonna be smoking something called green crack.
• 1:33
  SPEAKER_03: Uh, it is a marijuana product, and I cannot tell you much more about it.
• 1:37
  SPEAKER_03: But um, our in-house weed expert over here can probably give you more intel.
• 1:43
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah, green crack is a really interesting one.
• 1:45
  SPEAKER_05: Uh, it's got a lot of pinene in it, uh, which is good for uh like energy and concentration.
• 1:52
  SPEAKER_05: Uh, for me, it makes me a little hyper, so I decided I was gonna smoke the tangy instead, which should calm me down a little bit.
• 1:59
  SPEAKER_02: Okay, alright, alright.
• 2:00
  SPEAKER_02: Well, I'm uh I'm envious of both of you.
• 2:03
  SPEAKER_05: Well, you're you're gonna have uh you're gonna have something, will you?
• 2:06
  SPEAKER_02: So I have this primrose London dry gin.
• 2:09
  SPEAKER_02: Distilled from premium grain, pure spring water, and fine botanicals.
• 2:13
  SPEAKER_05: Well, gin is delicious.
• 2:15
  SPEAKER_05: Gin's one of my favorite alcohols.
• 2:16
  SPEAKER_02: Is it really?
• 2:17
  SPEAKER_05: Oh yeah.
• 2:18
  SPEAKER_05: It's made with juniper berries.
• 2:19
  SPEAKER_02: I suppose.
• 2:20
  SPEAKER_02: I always felt just that it has a very odd flavor just compared to the alcohols I'm used to, I guess.
• 2:26
  SPEAKER_05: It's like musky and sweet.
• 2:28
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 2:28
  SPEAKER_05: And I like that.
• 2:29
  SPEAKER_02: It's different.
• 2:30
  SPEAKER_02: Well, let's get started.
• 2:33
  SPEAKER_02: So here's our first hit and first shot.
• 2:35
  SPEAKER_02: Sherra, this one's to you.
• 2:37
  SPEAKER_02: Thanks for coming on.
• 2:37
  SPEAKER_03: Hey, thanks.
• 2:39
  SPEAKER_03: Super special.
• 2:42
  SPEAKER_02: Cheers.
• 2:42
  SPEAKER_03: Cheers.
• 2:47
  SPEAKER_02: Oh boy.
• 2:50
  SPEAKER_03: You're a little late for the cool made an end episode, I'm afraid.
• 2:53
  SPEAKER_03: Oh my wow.
• 2:57
  SPEAKER_02: That uh that's a good hit.
• 2:59
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, let me uh she's gonna be fucked up.
• 3:02
  SPEAKER_05: That one's a big one.
• 3:03
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, that that makes her the best shows.
• 3:06
  SPEAKER_02: Makes her the best shows.
• 3:07
  SPEAKER_02: So let's see here.
• 3:08
  SPEAKER_05: So for our next one has been some of our most consistent listeners.
• 3:14
  SPEAKER_02: Is it Chicago that we're doing this second one too?
• 3:16
  SPEAKER_02: I feel like Chicago got one last week.
• 3:18
  SPEAKER_02: Are they getting this one again?
• 3:19
  SPEAKER_05: Uh we also have a listener in San Jose who's really been killing it.
• 3:24
  SPEAKER_02: We got so alright.
• 3:25
  SPEAKER_02: Well, here's to San Jose.
• 3:26
  SPEAKER_02: Here's our second shot, second hit.
• 3:27
  SPEAKER_05: San Jose.
• 3:29
  SPEAKER_05: I think they were the first one to download last week's podcast.
• 3:33
  SPEAKER_05: That was before even I downloaded it to check to see how it was doing.
• 3:36
  SPEAKER_05: They're like, I'm on it.
• 3:39
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, thank you, San Jose.
• 3:40
  SPEAKER_02: Um, I also saw that we got uh I think it was our first listener from Oklahoma last week.
• 3:45
  SPEAKER_05: Oh, nice.
• 3:46
  SPEAKER_05: Hey Oklahoma.
• 3:47
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
• 3:48
  SPEAKER_05: That was uh I thought it was really cool that the Supreme Court handed like a huge chunk of that state back to tribal nations.
• 3:53
  SPEAKER_05: I thought that was awesome.
• 3:55
  SPEAKER_02: That was out of nowhere, I thought.
• 3:56
  SPEAKER_02: Like since when did we start doing things like this?
• 3:59
  SPEAKER_05: I don't know.
• 4:00
  SPEAKER_05: I feel like there's some insidious thing where they handed it back to tribal nations to like deregulate it because right, you know, United States regulations don't apply fully to tribal land.
• 4:11
  SPEAKER_05: And so like it would suck if it was like a sweetheart deal where they were gonna like drill on land that was previously protected or something.
• 4:18
  SPEAKER_05: I don't know.
• 4:19
  SPEAKER_03: When have we ever done something horribly insidious to people like a single time?
• 4:25
  SPEAKER_05: I'm pretty sure you're gonna have.
• 4:27
  SPEAKER_02: I I think you'd be hard pressed to find anyone who could give you a single example.
• 4:31
  SPEAKER_02: It's true.
• 4:32
  SPEAKER_05: We've always been good to the Native Americans.
• 4:35
  SPEAKER_02: Uh yeah, just historically.
• 4:37
  SPEAKER_02: All right, so here's uh oh yeah.
• 4:41
  SPEAKER_02: And here's our third shot, this one to uh episode 11.
• 4:47
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, fucking sorry.
• 4:49
  SPEAKER_02: Cheers.
• 4:51
  SPEAKER_02: Oh boy.
• 4:53
  SPEAKER_05: Oh boy, yeah.
• 4:56
  SPEAKER_05: That was a good one.
• 4:58
  SPEAKER_05: All right.
• 4:59
  SPEAKER_02: Three hits, three shots of Jin.
• 5:02
  SPEAKER_02: Let's talk about some stuff, huh?
• 5:04
  SPEAKER_05: I can't I can't reiterate enough that this is all live.
• 5:07
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, it's all live, all live.
• 5:09
  SPEAKER_02: Uh and I hope everyone had a good holiday.
• 5:11
  SPEAKER_02: You guys had a good holiday?
• 5:12
  unknown: Yeah, that was pretty good.
• 5:13
  SPEAKER_03: Oh yeah, yeah.
• 5:14
  SPEAKER_03: Very laid back.
• 5:15
  SPEAKER_03: Uh since we didn't have any children to entertain, uh, we usually have my niece and nephew around.
• 5:20
  SPEAKER_03: Um, it was really nice.
• 5:22
  SPEAKER_03: We uh totally did nothing important and nothing special, and it was great because we didn't have to plan anything.
• 5:29
  SPEAKER_02: He said nothing wrong with that.
• 5:30
  SPEAKER_02: We gotta be safe in this weird ass year.
• 5:32
  SPEAKER_03: So absolutely.
• 5:34
  SPEAKER_02: Um is it is it New Year's Eve?
• 5:36
  SPEAKER_04: It's New Year's Eve today.
• 5:37
  SPEAKER_05: It is New Year's Eve.
• 5:38
  SPEAKER_02: Holy shit, it's New Year's Eve.
• 5:40
  SPEAKER_02: All right, well, happy New Year's.
• 5:41
  SPEAKER_05: Happy New Year's to everyone.
• 5:43
  SPEAKER_05: We really hope 2021 is better than 2020.
• 5:47
  SPEAKER_05: Probably not.
• 5:48
  SPEAKER_05: We'll see.
• 5:49
  SPEAKER_02: Well, in honor of the laid-back holiday and laid-back New Year's, we have a laid-back kind of question this time around.
• 5:56
  SPEAKER_02: We're gonna jump back from morality for for an episode.
• 6:00
  SPEAKER_02: Instead, the question for you guys this week, guests answer first, is would you rather know when you are going to die or how you are going to die?
• 6:12
  SPEAKER_03: So, my first impression is I would like to know when.
• 6:16
  SPEAKER_03: So I would assume that it's probably immutable.
• 6:21
  SPEAKER_03: Even if I tried to change it, that could very well push me further into the path of death.
• 6:26
  SPEAKER_05: Self-fulfilling prophecies.
• 6:27
  SPEAKER_03: Self-fulfilling prophecies, but it would be nice to know how much time I had to plan for.
• 6:32
  SPEAKER_03: That way I could make the most of the time that I was fairly confident I would still have left in my life.
• 6:37
  SPEAKER_05: Interesting.
• 6:38
  SPEAKER_05: That is an interesting answer.
• 6:40
  SPEAKER_05: I really like that answer.
• 6:41
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, and I think the assumption of the question is that this is completely set in stone.
• 6:47
  SPEAKER_02: Nothing can change it.
• 6:49
  SPEAKER_02: It is just how it is.
• 6:52
  SPEAKER_02: And now you have this knowledge that you have to live with.
• 6:55
  SPEAKER_02: Well, uh, James, uh, what are your initial thoughts?
• 6:58
  SPEAKER_05: So, my initial thought is I I I really like Shara's answer, but I also know that even given a deadline, I'm not awesome at planning.
• 7:09
  SPEAKER_05: My plans seem to fall through anyway.
• 7:12
  SPEAKER_05: And so uh This is a literal deadline.
• 7:15
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, it is.
• 7:17
  SPEAKER_05: And uh and I'm sure to let deadlines slip past before.
• 7:20
  SPEAKER_05: I don't know how well I deal with this one.
• 7:22
  SPEAKER_02: So it's gonna be like, oh shit, I die today.
• 7:24
  SPEAKER_02: Fuck.
• 7:26
  SPEAKER_03: Probably.
• 7:26
  SPEAKER_03: Oh, was that today?
• 7:28
  SPEAKER_03: Oh god.
• 7:29
  SPEAKER_02: You have a 10-minute timer on your phone starts beeping.
• 7:33
  SPEAKER_02: Oh no.
• 7:35
  SPEAKER_05: I thought I said it for two months.
• 7:38
  SPEAKER_01: Oh god, I got some calls to make.
• 7:42
  SPEAKER_05: But I would I would still pick time, I think, because then I'd know I was immortal until that point.
• 7:50
  SPEAKER_05: If if I if because the um, you know, in all the media where like people get their wishes, you know, or whatever, or they learn how they're gonna die, they always end up encountering that thing in an unlikely scenario anyway.
• 8:03
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 8:04
  SPEAKER_05: That thing always comes around, like, oh, I get hit by a car and they stay away from streets and then a car like falls off a plane or something, you know.
• 8:12
  SPEAKER_05: So I'd rather know the amount of time because then I'd be immortal until then, unless it was some big practical joke.
• 8:17
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 8:18
  SPEAKER_02: Well, so well, let me add a uh a kind of a caveat, an extra way to go.
• 8:25
  SPEAKER_02: Would you want to know either?
• 8:28
  SPEAKER_05: Well, I thought it was a forced choice.
• 8:30
  SPEAKER_02: So, well, I want to I'm I'm curious after hearing the reasonings between you two answers, um, if now it was just a choice in general.
• 8:39
  SPEAKER_02: Like you'd look, you can know how, you can know when, or you can just walk away from this witch you found in the woods.
• 8:47
  SPEAKER_05: Well, I let's do that.
• 8:48
  SPEAKER_05: But also you didn't tell us what you would pick yet.
• 8:50
  SPEAKER_02: Uh yeah.
• 8:51
  SPEAKER_02: Um well I think back to I don't know if you guys recall the movie with Obi-Wan Kenobi, um Big Fish.
• 8:57
  SPEAKER_05: Oh, yeah, Big Fish.
• 8:58
  SPEAKER_02: Well, so he's faced with a similar choice where they've the him and his friends meet this witch in the woods, and if you look into her eye, you see how you die.
• 9:07
  SPEAKER_02: Um and his two friends took off.
• 9:09
  SPEAKER_02: Um, but he says, I want to see it.
• 9:11
  SPEAKER_02: And the reason why he wanted to see it was because he knows, like he sees, like, oh, that's how I'm gonna die.
• 9:18
  SPEAKER_02: He knows everything now, like he can now live his life fearlessly.
• 9:22
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 9:22
  SPEAKER_02: Um, so like jumping out of a plane, for example, he says, I've seen how I'm gonna die, and it's not from jumping out of a plane.
• 9:29
  SPEAKER_02: I can jump out of this plane fearlessly.
• 9:31
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, um, and so both options to me would be fantastic, just because I could now live my life fearlessly, because I either know it's not today or I know this is not the method.
• 9:43
  SPEAKER_02: But so that being the case, because my main goal out of it would be to live my life fearlessly, I would want to know how.
• 9:52
  SPEAKER_05: You would want to know how?
• 9:53
  SPEAKER_02: I'd want to know how.
• 9:54
  SPEAKER_02: Because with how I could still live fearlessly.
• 9:57
  SPEAKER_02: Like I know that I don't die from this plane, I know that all that sort of thing.
• 10:00
  SPEAKER_05: Well, it's always tricky.
• 10:01
  SPEAKER_05: You could you could have you could have had cancer bubbling that whole time, and as soon as you jumped out of the plane, you died of cancer.
• 10:07
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
• 10:08
  SPEAKER_05: You don't know.
• 10:08
  SPEAKER_02: I think it's a plane.
• 10:10
  SPEAKER_05: You don't know.
• 10:11
  SPEAKER_02: Um, see, I because I wouldn't my initial thought of it, I would not use the knowledge in an attempt to avoid death.
• 10:18
  unknown: Uh-huh.
• 10:18
  SPEAKER_02: I would strictly use the knowledge to live my life fearlessly.
• 10:22
  SPEAKER_02: Um, and so if I saw in this witch's eye, in this proposed witch's eye, that I'm gonna die from a plane, and the day came where someone's like, it's time to go skydiving, I wouldn't say, no, I'm not going skydiving.
• 10:35
  SPEAKER_02: I'd say, like, oh, shit.
• 10:38
  SPEAKER_05: That's it.
• 10:40
  SPEAKER_02: Wow.
• 10:40
  SPEAKER_05: But but you don't even know if that's the time because uh because you could learn to be a you can spend like 10 years becoming a pilot.
• 10:48
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, and then every day I'm fucking flying.
• 10:50
  SPEAKER_05: And then and then you spend your life you spend 30 years of your life being a pilot and no problems, and then you take a plane trip to like Florida and it crashes, and you die when you're 90.
• 11:03
  SPEAKER_02: Well, so but I'd also be able to see, like, if they're showing me how I died, and I like I get that quick video image of it, you know, and if I saw an old man plummeting out of a plane, that kind of gives me some clues as well.
• 11:15
  SPEAKER_05: I didn't know that we got how much information we got.
• 11:18
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, I think so.
• 11:19
  SPEAKER_02: The way I see it, you get 30 seconds.
• 11:24
  SPEAKER_02: Like you see the image.
• 11:26
  SPEAKER_02: Well, so you see um from the second it starts to a maximum of 30 seconds.
• 11:33
  SPEAKER_02: So you you kind of see the uh what's the name of that movie where the uh the death is coming from the mall because they missed it in a plane press.
• 11:42
  SPEAKER_02: You get to see the final destination moment and you get to kind of watch for a second for however long you get to look into this you know perceived future just long enough for you to see this is the cause of death.
• 11:54
  SPEAKER_02: You fall out of a plane and you hit the ground.
• 11:56
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, fun side note, I was just the perfect age to be like massively traumatized by the final destination movie.
• 12:03
  SPEAKER_03: Same.
• 12:03
  SPEAKER_02: See, I always thought, even see, I was traumatized by so much more so early on.
• 12:08
  SPEAKER_02: Um and I think that's why I do all the horror stuff.
• 12:11
  SPEAKER_02: By the time Final Destination came out, I'm sitting there as a kid going, he's fucking deaf.
• 12:16
  SPEAKER_02: Why doesn't he why is he so sadistic?
• 12:18
  SPEAKER_02: Why doesn't he just fucking give him a heart attack?
• 12:20
  SPEAKER_04: Why is he putting the Goldberg machine?
• 12:23
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, like what the fuck?
• 12:25
  SPEAKER_03: Nothing excites him anymore.
• 12:27
  SPEAKER_01: He has to be elaborate, otherwise his dead is the people who come so like like this there's the guy who's putting bubble wrap on everything, you're fighting fucking death, and death is just like heart attack.
• 12:40
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah, yeah.
• 12:43
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, you have an aneurysm or explodes.
• 12:46
  SPEAKER_02: Or death is just you died in your sleep.
• 12:48
  SPEAKER_02: I don't know why I'm being weird about this.
• 12:50
  SPEAKER_05: I still can't drive behind log trucks.
• 12:54
  SPEAKER_05: I can't drive anywhere near a truck with logs on it.
• 12:58
  SPEAKER_05: No logs.
• 12:59
  SPEAKER_03: Two by fours, even I'm like, I don't know about this.
• 13:02
  SPEAKER_05: I'll pull over and let them keep going.
• 13:04
  SPEAKER_02: Well, so let me let me come on back.
• 13:08
  SPEAKER_02: Let me come on back.
• 13:09
  SPEAKER_02: And and uh Cher is a first-time guest, you'll find this happens a lot.
• 13:13
  SPEAKER_02: When the when the gym hits my bloodstream and whatever he's smoking finds his way into his brain, um, we get off track.
• 13:21
  SPEAKER_02: Um so back around, Sherra.
• 13:24
  SPEAKER_02: So now we're adding the the caveat of you can just walk away.
• 13:28
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 13:29
  SPEAKER_02: Would you walk away?
• 13:30
  SPEAKER_03: That's such an interesting question.
• 13:32
  SPEAKER_03: Because like I do love the idea of being fearless as somebody who uh you can probably tell by my final destination comment has uh anxiety a lot of the time.
• 13:41
  SPEAKER_03: You know, I'm constantly worrying about oh, what if, what if, what if, you know, and so having that kind of insight might be really empowering, or it might like double down on that anxiety, and that's a really really uh enticing offer.
• 13:59
  SPEAKER_05: That's how they get you.
• 14:00
  SPEAKER_03: That's how they get you.
• 14:01
  SPEAKER_03: You know, I was born in and raised in Vegas.
• 14:04
  SPEAKER_03: I'm actually not a gambler at all, but like I am a very curious person, and then what a what a possible gift, but also possible curse.
• 14:14
  SPEAKER_02: That's interesting.
• 14:15
  SPEAKER_02: See, and me coming from a point where I I don't like I have so little anxiety that I think my lack of anxiety might be an issue.
• 14:23
  SPEAKER_05: Well, that's a that's caused by anxiety, you think I think the root of that is.
• 14:27
  SPEAKER_03: You have meta anxiety.
• 14:29
  SPEAKER_03: Congratulations.
• 14:30
  SPEAKER_05: You have a really meta anxiety.
• 14:31
  SPEAKER_02: I'm breaking the fifth wall with my anxiety.
• 14:34
  SPEAKER_02: I talked to the critics about my anxiety.
• 14:36
  SPEAKER_05: Well, you know, we did we have talked about your anxiety on this show.
• 14:40
  SPEAKER_05: In fact, we talked about the Tyler Durden stuff and the way you had to craft this identity.
• 14:44
  SPEAKER_05: That's more like an insecurity.
• 14:46
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah, it's anxiety, you know.
• 14:48
  SPEAKER_02: And so my my my overt lack of anxiety in itself is a manifestation of the anxiety.
• 14:54
  SPEAKER_02: That's interesting.
• 14:55
  SPEAKER_02: That's interesting.
• 14:56
  SPEAKER_02: Well, so well, it it affects me in my interpersonal relationships, yeah, uh, because they all have normal anxiety, yeah, which to me is irritating as fuck.
• 15:05
  SPEAKER_03: Oh, it's irritating for us too.
• 15:08
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, and oh, but but then to them, my complete overt lack of anxiety some ch sometimes translates into a do you even care about this?
• 15:19
  SPEAKER_02: And I'm like, yeah, it's just yeah, I don't know.
• 15:22
  SPEAKER_02: I don't know.
• 15:23
  SPEAKER_02: But I also feel like the gin's pulling us off again.
• 15:25
  SPEAKER_03: And now I'm just thinking I'm thinking of Tyler Durden.
• 15:30
  SPEAKER_05: So anyway, so um, would you you said you would do it no matter what, right?
• 15:35
  SPEAKER_02: I want it just so I can live fearlessly.
• 15:38
  SPEAKER_05: So you would make the choice.
• 15:39
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, yeah.
• 15:40
  SPEAKER_05: I I'm more on Sherid's side that I think it would turn me into a ball of anxiety, possibly.
• 15:47
  SPEAKER_05: I don't know, I'd flip a coin.
• 15:48
  SPEAKER_02: Well, I think like just I think the knowledge is in itself a superpower.
• 15:53
  SPEAKER_02: But then I then I want to super curse too.
• 15:57
  SPEAKER_05: With great power comes a great responsibility.
• 15:59
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
• 15:59
  SPEAKER_05: You know what happens when people become powerful.
• 16:01
  SPEAKER_02: They become pretty crazy.
• 16:03
  SPEAKER_05: They become assholes.
• 16:04
  SPEAKER_02: So so that is a that wow, fuck, that's interesting.
• 16:07
  SPEAKER_02: Because Ewan McGregor in Big Fish, he he was a great guy all throughout.
• 16:13
  SPEAKER_05: He never he was a bit of an asshole at times.
• 16:15
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah, I guess he was very inconsiderate of some people at times.
• 16:19
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, no, because there is now that I think about it, there's definitely a pull as I'm standing, I'm putting pantyhose over my face outside of a bank with a shotgun in my hand.
• 16:29
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, like I know I don't die in prison, and I know I don't get shot to death.
• 16:32
  SPEAKER_03: Let's honestly know how fucked up would it be to like die in a prison?
• 16:37
  SPEAKER_03: You'd be like, Well, that doesn't help.
• 16:39
  SPEAKER_00: Oh no.
• 16:42
  SPEAKER_03: What's gonna send me to prison?
• 16:44
  SPEAKER_03: Okay, you know what?
• 16:45
  SPEAKER_03: I'm I'm I'm gonna like I'm just gonna push that witch in the face and run.
• 16:49
  SPEAKER_05: What if we look what if you look like pretty close to how you look now?
• 16:55
  SPEAKER_00: Oh no!
• 16:56
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, but then how would you feel then first?
• 16:59
  SPEAKER_00: Like, oh no.
• 17:01
  SPEAKER_00: Like I don't I own that shirt.
• 17:05
  SPEAKER_00: I'm wearing it right now.
• 17:07
  SPEAKER_02: Oh no.
• 17:08
  SPEAKER_02: Well, well, so then what I would do then in that case is I would take that shirt and I would put it where no one could ever find it.
• 17:17
  SPEAKER_02: And then I know the day that like my girlfriend is like, hey, I found this awesome shirt, and I'm looking like, ah, so it's today.
• 17:27
  SPEAKER_02: Because I know within 10 minutes I'm like, I gotta go put bury this again.
• 17:30
  SPEAKER_02: She's like, Yeah, I was just digging up the garden and I found this awesome shirt.
• 17:34
  SPEAKER_02: You should totally put it on.
• 17:36
  SPEAKER_05: Here's what would happen if you went to go bury that shirt.
• 17:39
  SPEAKER_02: That's when it's gonna happen.
• 17:39
  SPEAKER_05: That's when it's gonna happen.
• 17:40
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah, because if someone you're gonna like get in a car crash and then someone's gonna put the shirt on you.
• 17:44
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
• 17:45
  SPEAKER_05: And then like the Mickey's cold, okay.
• 17:47
  SPEAKER_02: Well, so that's the interesting part when the final destination, death, puts on a new shirt for me.
• 17:53
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 17:56
  SPEAKER_03: It just flies in on the breeze and wraps around your I'm trying desperately to take the shirt off.
• 18:05
  SPEAKER_05: That's what kills you.
• 18:07
  SPEAKER_00: And I suffocate on the shirt.
• 18:10
  SPEAKER_01: And then that's what it'll uh what the fuck were we talking about?
• 18:16
  SPEAKER_06: Super good.
• 18:17
  SPEAKER_02: So gin, and I've uh well, I will say so.
• 18:20
  SPEAKER_02: This is interesting.
• 18:21
  SPEAKER_02: So I'm not I haven't been a huge gin drinker, um, unless I'm really trying to do the you know the traditional James Bond martini.
• 18:31
  SPEAKER_02: It's giving me like it's different.
• 18:33
  SPEAKER_02: Like I'm saying, as far as the mental I think gin's great.
• 18:37
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, no, I might try it again because it is uh getting a weird little high off.
• 18:44
  SPEAKER_03: Like it doesn't smell bad, it smells weird.
• 18:46
  SPEAKER_05: It smells musty.
• 18:47
  SPEAKER_05: Musty.
• 18:48
  SPEAKER_05: It smells like fermented juniper.
• 18:51
  SPEAKER_05: Well, we have one so it smells like kind of like um sangria almost.
• 18:57
  SPEAKER_02: Well, it's it smells like vodka pushed on a gentle summer breeze over a babbling brook into a field of roses.
• 19:07
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
• 19:08
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
• 19:11
  SPEAKER_00: What the fuck are we?
• 19:12
  SPEAKER_02: Alright.
• 19:13
  SPEAKER_03: So please send Ryan free gin.
• 19:17
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, Primrose.
• 19:18
  SPEAKER_02: We'll we'll we'll hashtag you or whatever the fuck we have to do to finally get a goddamn free bottle around here.
• 19:24
  SPEAKER_03: Jesus Christ.
• 19:25
  SPEAKER_02: God, uh I don't know how much we free advertising we gotta do in this world.
• 19:29
  SPEAKER_02: It's just all these companies are listening.
• 19:31
  SPEAKER_02: That's who was in Oklahoma listening in, going, You're doing free advertising.
• 19:35
  SPEAKER_02: Why would I all right?
• 19:36
  SPEAKER_02: So anyway, Sarah, if we could please, before we move on to the next portion of this, what are your final thoughts?
• 19:45
  SPEAKER_03: All right, so I think did we have two questions here?
• 19:48
  SPEAKER_03: So so the first uh response I'd still stand by, I'd want to know when if I had to choose between uh when and how.
• 19:56
  SPEAKER_03: Uh and uh after this conversation, I think I would decline, but probably be tortured with what wouldn't say.
• 20:06
  SPEAKER_03: You know, like I I'm just gonna write serious phobo.
• 20:10
  SPEAKER_03: You got anxiety either way.
• 20:12
  SPEAKER_03: I think I'd be completely unsatisfied if this satisf if this uh scenario presented itself to me.
• 20:18
  SPEAKER_04: I this is just a lose lose losing.
• 20:21
  SPEAKER_03: I'm a massively indecisive person, you may have figured uh from how I talk, but this is like an impossible decision.
• 20:27
  SPEAKER_02: I feel like I'd see, and you only get this one shot.
• 20:30
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, because I I feel this has sort of turned into where you've run into that witch in the woods and she's like, all right, look into my ball or my asshole.
• 20:42
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, she's got a hole that you look into, and uh you suddenly see how or when you're going to die.
• 20:52
  SPEAKER_02: So you all right, so this might change your answer.
• 20:55
  SPEAKER_02: You have to you have to look into her asshole to see how.
• 20:59
  SPEAKER_04: Then I definitely do.
• 21:01
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, I want to know how.
• 21:03
  SPEAKER_05: How many times can I see how?
• 21:06
  SPEAKER_05: Do I have to look away from her asshole?
• 21:07
  SPEAKER_05: Can I just all right?
• 21:11
  SPEAKER_00: Well, well, thank you.
• 21:12
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you, Share.
• 21:15
  SPEAKER_00: Um, James, um final thoughts.
• 21:19
  SPEAKER_02: Um just go ahead and look into my asshole.
• 21:25
  SPEAKER_02: And I'm like, oh no, you're not a witch at all.
• 21:30
  SPEAKER_04: I'm pretty sure if I look at your asshole, I'm I am gonna see how I'm gonna die.
• 21:36
  SPEAKER_05: I think you're totally right.
• 21:38
  SPEAKER_05: I don't think it's magic.
• 21:40
  SPEAKER_00: Just a son of a bitch.
• 21:41
  SPEAKER_00: This is the second time I've been in the woods looking into a stranger's asshole.
• 21:45
  SPEAKER_05: You you get like you get like a killer form of peak guy.
• 21:56
  SPEAKER_00: Don't you wipe?
• 22:00
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, James, James, final thoughts outside of the asshole.
• 22:04
  SPEAKER_05: I would flip a coin, I would flip a coin, and if it came up heads, I would uh I'd want to know when.
• 22:12
  SPEAKER_05: Okay.
• 22:12
  SPEAKER_05: That's what I'd do.
• 22:13
  SPEAKER_02: All right, all right.
• 22:15
  SPEAKER_05: Because I am I I have I think equal parts overt and like and um internal anxiety so I couldn't decide between which one it was gonna I'm pretty I'm pretty balanced that way.
• 22:29
  SPEAKER_05: So live I could live fearlessly or I could fucking be a bundle of anxiety with either choice.
• 22:36
  SPEAKER_02: Interesting.
• 22:36
  SPEAKER_02: Okay.
• 22:37
  SPEAKER_02: Alright.
• 22:37
  SPEAKER_02: Well then I think my own special brand of mental illness allows me then because I so for me I I know that I want to see how, just because I feel that offers the greatest chance of even more bravely living.
• 22:54
  SPEAKER_02: Because if I do see that I, you know, like if I peacefully go surrounded by family, I become you failed.
• 23:03
  SPEAKER_02: I'm like, wow.
• 23:06
  SPEAKER_05: Well then that's how I tell that happens to me.
• 23:09
  SPEAKER_02: Well, see, I know because right after this, like I'm gonna go live fearlessly.
• 23:13
  SPEAKER_02: So I must be lucky as some bitch on this side of the Mason Dixie.
• 23:19
  SPEAKER_02: So I, you know, like I'm gonna go enjoy my life now.
• 23:24
  SPEAKER_02: I know I live happy long and surrounded by family members.
• 23:27
  SPEAKER_02: Um I'm gonna go do something crazy now, and I'm gonna lift my face away from her asshole.
• 23:37
  SPEAKER_05: Sadly.
• 23:40
  SPEAKER_02: And uh, I mean, even because I in my head, I'm I'm looking into this witch's asshole.
• 23:46
  SPEAKER_02: I'm about to leave it completely fearlessly.
• 23:50
  SPEAKER_02: All of a sudden I'm thinking, very, yeah, no, I could definitely see how I'm about to leave her asshole as an asshole.
• 23:59
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 24:00
  SPEAKER_02: Like life is my bitch now.
• 24:03
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 24:03
  SPEAKER_05: Um but now that you have power over life, you've kind of given up humility, which is something that's necessary.
• 24:09
  SPEAKER_02: Interesting in order to well, so then I hope I would come back to this podcast and have you guys remind me.
• 24:17
  SPEAKER_02: What are you gonna do?
• 24:18
  SPEAKER_04: Kill me?
• 24:22
  SPEAKER_02: What are you the cops?
• 24:24
  SPEAKER_04: I don't die this way, I can do it I don't want.
• 24:27
  SPEAKER_02: Well, I hope that some part of me survives the witch's asshole.
• 24:33
  SPEAKER_02: And you guys can bring me back into the light, and I turn more closely towards that Obi-Wan Kenobi.
• 24:40
  SPEAKER_02: Like, well, I don't die today, so let's help people bravely.
• 24:46
  SPEAKER_02: That'd be great.
• 24:47
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, so that that's what friends are for.
• 24:50
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 24:50
  SPEAKER_02: Friendship.
• 24:51
  SPEAKER_05: We wouldn't want the power, but we would help you cultivate the power.
• 24:55
  SPEAKER_02: Well, with those being our final last thoughts, it's time to move into our drunken fist fight.
• 25:01
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah! Oh shit, I forgot about this.
• 25:04
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, remember?
• 25:06
  SPEAKER_02: Um slowly, every week, slowly, this podcast becomes just more about the whole first part.
• 25:11
  SPEAKER_06: Yeah.
• 25:11
  SPEAKER_02: Um, but that's not what brings in viewers and clicks.
• 25:14
  SPEAKER_02: What brings in them viewers and cliques is Colonel Sanders and Mr.
• 25:20
  SPEAKER_02: Peanut just beating the shit out of each other.
• 25:23
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, yeah.
• 25:24
  SPEAKER_02: You friggin' animals, whom we love so much.
• 25:28
  SPEAKER_05: We got a military, uh like an upper class military man versus the Colonel.
• 25:37
  SPEAKER_05: It's true.
• 25:38
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah, we did find some interesting information on Mr.
• 25:41
  SPEAKER_05: Peanut, which we'll share shortly.
• 25:43
  SPEAKER_02: Well, before we get into that, we have to do our fourth and final hit.
• 25:48
  SPEAKER_02: Um, and I will say this though, is Sashera, you are the first guest who hasn't come on here, gone wild as fuck.
• 25:56
  SPEAKER_02: Because normally this would be our fifth or sixth shot.
• 25:59
  SPEAKER_02: So thank you for that.
• 26:01
  SPEAKER_02: Thank you for having a level of self-control.
• 26:04
  SPEAKER_03: Well, so part of this is knowing that I have to talk for a while.
• 26:07
  SPEAKER_03: Um, and so even though I've been really tempted to take another hit, I'm like, I don't want to get so blasted where I'm like, who's Mr.
• 26:15
  SPEAKER_03: Pina?
• 26:16
  SPEAKER_01: Fucking what?
• 26:17
  SPEAKER_00: What does this on me on that fucked up?
• 26:20
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know what's going on.
• 26:21
  SPEAKER_02: And Ed, every every goddamn time, he's like, all right, let's just are we drinking or what?
• 26:27
  SPEAKER_02: All right, all right.
• 26:28
  SPEAKER_02: So we're still a little lucid.
• 26:30
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, so we're a little there.
• 26:31
  SPEAKER_02: So let's call it a day to that.
• 26:34
  SPEAKER_02: Let's have our fourth one.
• 26:35
  SPEAKER_02: Here's to high and dry in our 11th episode.
• 26:38
  SPEAKER_02: Let's do it into 11 more.
• 26:40
  SPEAKER_05: We know the podcast is canceled in exactly 11 episodes.
• 26:44
  SPEAKER_05: Well, how do we spend those episodes?
• 26:46
  SPEAKER_02: We've looked into the witch's asshole.
• 26:51
  SPEAKER_03: Only 11 more.
• 26:54
  SPEAKER_03: Really gotta spread these out.
• 26:55
  SPEAKER_03: Like once a year, are you saying?
• 26:58
  SPEAKER_02: 11 years later.
• 27:01
  SPEAKER_05: Well, we just got back from our reporting in Beijing.
• 27:07
  SPEAKER_00: What are you wearing on the carpet?
• 27:09
  SPEAKER_05: This is the second time they've hosted the Olympics.
• 27:13
  SPEAKER_02: Oh my god.
• 27:16
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, the power of the witch's asshole.
• 27:20
  SPEAKER_03: Uh great name for a new strain of weed.
• 27:22
  SPEAKER_03: Any any weed.
• 27:23
  SPEAKER_02: The witch's asshole.
• 27:24
  SPEAKER_02: Holy shit.
• 27:26
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, you got Witch's Titty.
• 27:29
  SPEAKER_03: That's right.
• 27:29
  SPEAKER_03: It was right next to the Frog Tis, I believe.
• 27:31
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, Frog.
• 27:32
  SPEAKER_02: What an underrated movie.
• 27:34
  SPEAKER_02: It really was.
• 27:35
  SPEAKER_02: It really was.
• 27:35
  SPEAKER_02: And hopefully, um Andy Sandberg.
• 27:39
  unknown: Right?
• 27:39
  SPEAKER_02: That's Andy Sandberg, yeah.
• 27:41
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, hopefully he can send us a bottle of something.
• 27:43
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah, that'd be cool.
• 27:44
  SPEAKER_05: We should have one on Andy Sandberg's character spicing one.
• 27:47
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, we should.
• 27:47
  SPEAKER_05: All right, anyway.
• 27:48
  SPEAKER_02: Okay, so oh boy.
• 27:52
  SPEAKER_05: We're gonna take a break right now to plan our next episodes.
• 27:56
  SPEAKER_02: Alright, so on high and dry, we get excuse the crinkling of snacks.
• 28:08
  SPEAKER_03: This must be some good shit.
• 28:11
  SPEAKER_02: So, on high and dry, in between our shots and what have you.
• 28:15
  SPEAKER_02: Um who the fuck are we?
• 28:18
  SPEAKER_02: Alright, so anyway.
• 28:19
  SPEAKER_02: Take a deep breath.
• 28:22
  SPEAKER_02: Alright, so we move to our second part of the podcast where we jump into our fight club between two of our favorite characters.
• 28:30
  SPEAKER_02: In this week's episode, we have Colonel Sanders facing off against Mr.
• 28:34
  SPEAKER_02: Peanut.
• 28:35
  SPEAKER_05: It's the it's the lethal legume versus I don't know, the cockfighter.
• 28:43
  SPEAKER_05: Cockfights and legoons.
• 28:44
  SPEAKER_04: The Kentucky cockfighter.
• 28:47
  SPEAKER_02: So, how this works, Sheriff, for the first time joining us, we do this in three rounds.
• 28:52
  SPEAKER_02: And this three-round patented method of determining who's the better fighter leads to a result that is completely indisputable.
• 29:00
  SPEAKER_02: Um, so much so that when two people on the podcast vote one way, the third person's opinion changes.
• 29:08
  SPEAKER_02: It's a magical experience, and you'll see shortly.
• 29:11
  SPEAKER_04: You think we're gonna have some disagreements?
• 29:14
  SPEAKER_02: I don't know.
• 29:15
  SPEAKER_02: See, this is this is a hot.
• 29:17
  SPEAKER_03: If you looked in the witch's asshole, you'd know the answer.
• 29:19
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 29:19
  SPEAKER_03: Uh-huh.
• 29:20
  SPEAKER_02: And see, that's why you gotta look.
• 29:21
  SPEAKER_02: This is a lot, this has been a hotly contested episode.
• 29:24
  SPEAKER_02: I don't think we've seen a hot, more hotly contested episode.
• 29:27
  SPEAKER_05: The chatter online has been crazy.
• 29:29
  SPEAKER_02: It's been insane.
• 29:30
  SPEAKER_02: Since since uh Gritty went up against the Kool-Aid Man, have we seen something like that?
• 29:36
  SPEAKER_05: Larger than Obama's inauguration.
• 29:38
  SPEAKER_02: Without a doubt.
• 29:41
  SPEAKER_02: Easily.
• 29:42
  SPEAKER_02: Um, so if we do this first round, is the two characters remove their shirts, their shoes, their belts, and they just punch each other to death inside a screaming circle of people who make up this ridiculous fight club.
• 29:57
  SPEAKER_03: Do monocles stay on?
• 29:59
  SPEAKER_03: No, they weren't expressly messed up.
• 30:00
  SPEAKER_02: No monocles.
• 30:01
  SPEAKER_03: So the monocles are off.
• 30:02
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, so he loses the magical powers and Nate in his monocle.
• 30:07
  SPEAKER_05: He can't see up with his left eye.
• 30:13
  SPEAKER_05: I think that's important to ring flags.
• 30:16
  SPEAKER_01: That's a good thing to keep in mind.
• 30:18
  SPEAKER_01: Um, he's coming in from the left.
• 30:24
  SPEAKER_03: Explain that blind spot.
• 30:25
  SPEAKER_03: He's gonna give him a left wing.
• 30:31
  SPEAKER_03: We haven't even explained the rules yet.
• 30:33
  SPEAKER_03: No.
• 30:33
  SPEAKER_01: So in the second round, these two characters get a manila envelope slid underneath.
• 30:38
  SPEAKER_05: No, no, we're not doing the second round yet.
• 30:39
  SPEAKER_05: We have to finish the first round.
• 30:41
  SPEAKER_02: But I have to explain what they are.
• 30:43
  SPEAKER_05: We'll explain it when we get out there.
• 30:44
  SPEAKER_02: No, we always explain.
• 30:46
  SPEAKER_05: Oh my god.
• 30:47
  SPEAKER_05: Alright.
• 30:47
  SPEAKER_02: We always explain.
• 30:49
  SPEAKER_05: I don't remember.
• 30:50
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 30:50
  SPEAKER_02: So second round, these two characters move into a city view where they've each received a manila envelope slid under the door of their city apartment, and they see that now that they have to kill the other, and they're then able to use tactics and what have you.
• 31:02
  SPEAKER_05: The Colonel definitely has a CD apartment.
• 31:04
  SPEAKER_05: Oh, yeah.
• 31:05
  SPEAKER_05: Sabina has like a mansion that he was built on the backs of the suffering a man.
• 31:11
  SPEAKER_02: And then the third round is the same concept, except this time they get to bring a friend.
• 31:17
  SPEAKER_02: And we'll discuss that in the third round, who they would bring and how it changes the battlefield.
• 31:21
  SPEAKER_02: But first, let's bring it back to that first round where these two people are now fighting each other punch for punch, um, looking at their reach, the density of a peanut shell against the ballistic capacity of a man who eats nothing but fried chicken while Tyler Durden looks on.
• 31:41
  SPEAKER_02: Um who would win?
• 31:43
  SPEAKER_02: Sherra, your initial thoughts, please.
• 31:46
  SPEAKER_03: You know, this uh this is actually a little tougher than I thought.
• 31:50
  SPEAKER_02: Um punch for punch.
• 31:52
  SPEAKER_03: I think uh Colonel Sanders, he's just he's got more mass.
• 31:57
  SPEAKER_03: He's more massive, I think.
• 31:58
  SPEAKER_03: He's not as empty.
• 32:00
  SPEAKER_02: That's true.
• 32:02
  SPEAKER_05: At least in the physical sense of the word.
• 32:05
  SPEAKER_02: That's a good point.
• 32:06
  SPEAKER_05: Um he was less hollow.
• 32:09
  SPEAKER_02: Well, well, James, uh, initial thoughts.
• 32:11
  SPEAKER_05: My initial thoughts is um I think that the peanut shell uh I think that the peanut shell also gets thicker as he grows.
• 32:22
  SPEAKER_05: And he's and like if you think about the thickness of a peanut shell, uh, like compared to its size, and then you blow that up by like 600.
• 32:32
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, yeah.
• 32:33
  SPEAKER_03: If you've looked at Jaravus.
• 32:35
  SPEAKER_03: If you've looked at his new nutmobile, he's got some pretty thick he's got some thick ridges.
• 32:40
  SPEAKER_03: They're like dummy thick.
• 32:43
  SPEAKER_04: He doesn't get he doesn't get the peanut mobile yet.
• 32:46
  SPEAKER_05: He gets that next round.
• 32:48
  SPEAKER_02: Well, see, I would also say that the first round, so you're Colonel Sanders, right?
• 32:53
  SPEAKER_02: You're this southern gent who's been granted the honorary title of Colonel.
• 32:58
  SPEAKER_02: You know, you you're out there, you you go to the PTA meetings, you're sitting there punching in your corner, and then a fucking living peanut steps into the ring.
• 33:10
  SPEAKER_02: I'd be terrified.
• 33:13
  SPEAKER_05: I love the idea of him like training like Rocky that when instead of like Simon Beef, he's punching raw chicken.
• 33:22
  SPEAKER_05: He's punching like hanging raw chicken.
• 33:24
  SPEAKER_00: He gets so much salmon now.
• 33:30
  SPEAKER_00: He's so sick by the time we watch his video.
• 33:34
  SPEAKER_03: Raw like whole chickens.
• 33:39
  SPEAKER_03: Some hanging and tenders hanging.
• 33:42
  SPEAKER_03: Rip him to shreds.
• 33:44
  SPEAKER_05: So my thought is that uh uh perhaps the Mr.
• 33:47
  SPEAKER_05: Peanut is a bit too thick.
• 33:49
  SPEAKER_05: He is he is a bit too hard of an exterior versus the chicken breast he's used to pounding.
• 33:58
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, I I I think that just the pure fear that would come like that would come in as this fucking living peanut.
• 34:09
  SPEAKER_02: Giant fucking peanut with with these black arms that lead to gloves.
• 34:16
  SPEAKER_02: I like me as the colonel is like, what the shit am I dealing with?
• 34:20
  SPEAKER_02: Like, what is he capable of?
• 34:25
  SPEAKER_02: And and I think maybe Mr.
• 34:26
  SPEAKER_05: Peanut should be worried what Colonel Sanders is capable of.
• 34:30
  SPEAKER_02: Well, well, Mr.
• 34:30
  SPEAKER_02: Peanut is a soldier.
• 34:33
  SPEAKER_02: Um, we saw that in World War I.
• 34:35
  SPEAKER_02: So he knows what it is to take the life of a man.
• 34:38
  SPEAKER_02: That's true.
• 34:39
  SPEAKER_05: And and I think just that alone Colonel Sanders knows what it's like to take the life of many chickens.
• 34:45
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, and but he's never taken the life of a peanut.
• 34:48
  SPEAKER_03: Oh, I think he has.
• 34:52
  SPEAKER_02: But like he's never taken the life of a six foot two peanut.
• 34:57
  SPEAKER_02: Um, and I think that but and but I also the top hat.
• 35:01
  SPEAKER_05: He's only like five foot six.
• 35:03
  SPEAKER_02: So five foot six peanut.
• 35:05
  SPEAKER_02: Um which gives him maneuverability.
• 35:10
  SPEAKER_02: Um but I would say, just from my personal experience of of the world, if if this is your first fight, you're gonna lose.
• 35:19
  SPEAKER_02: Um, and peanut is a proven soldier through World War I, World War II, um, and I think just the peanuts intrinsic knowledge of taking life.
• 35:34
  SPEAKER_03: I think we just have uh found a new tagline for the show.
• 35:38
  SPEAKER_03: Peanuts intrinsic.
• 35:42
  SPEAKER_04: The value of taking life.
• 35:45
  SPEAKER_02: And I think that he would bring that warrior's ferocity into a businessman's world who's just terrified of a living peanut.
• 35:54
  SPEAKER_02: He he's clawed his way to uh wealth and no, and and when the peanut so when Colonel Sanders steps into the ring and he sees the living peanut, he's like, oh my god, what is life?
• 36:06
  SPEAKER_02: What is existence?
• 36:07
  SPEAKER_02: Mr.
• 36:08
  SPEAKER_04: Peanut fucking wails off the top.
• 36:09
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 36:10
  SPEAKER_02: Meanwhile, Mr.
• 36:11
  SPEAKER_02: Peanut is like, this is another man that I have to slaughter.
• 36:16
  SPEAKER_05: Yet another life I must take, so be it.
• 36:20
  SPEAKER_02: And he does.
• 36:22
  SPEAKER_02: Um, and I I the way I'm hearing it, I think I'm ready to take this to a vote.
• 36:26
  SPEAKER_02: Guests first, first round, Sarah.
• 36:29
  SPEAKER_02: Who do you think is gonna take it?
• 36:30
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, you know, you were making some great arguments about this Mr.
• 36:34
  SPEAKER_03: Peanut fella.
• 36:35
  SPEAKER_03: And uh also he was like a triathlete in one of his commercials.
• 36:39
  SPEAKER_03: He was a trial and he won.
• 36:40
  SPEAKER_03: He won against human beings.
• 36:43
  SPEAKER_05: Well, I do think he won against animals.
• 36:45
  SPEAKER_05: He won against like a basilisk lizard.
• 36:49
  SPEAKER_05: He swam faster than a basilisk and ran faster than a rat in a wheel.
• 36:53
  SPEAKER_02: Well, well, I do think it's important to mention that the Colonel Sanders is a professional wrestler to the level that can defeat Shawn Michaels in 2017.
• 37:06
  SPEAKER_02: Um truly.
• 37:08
  SPEAKER_02: Truly.
• 37:08
  SPEAKER_05: Oh my god.
• 37:10
  SPEAKER_05: Well, that might change things.
• 37:11
  SPEAKER_05: Well, no, he's still a giant peanut.
• 37:13
  SPEAKER_03: He was also the mountain.
• 37:15
  SPEAKER_03: The mountain, I tell you.
• 37:16
  SPEAKER_03: He's got a very Icelandic name, which I can't remember.
• 37:19
  SPEAKER_03: Oh, he was also the colonel, yes.
• 37:21
  SPEAKER_05: He was the colonel at one point.
• 37:22
  SPEAKER_05: He was.
• 37:23
  SPEAKER_05: So that would be the colonel's famous form, but I still think he's a giant peanut.
• 37:26
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, but what I think is gonna take is just that mental game that happens in the beginning of a fight, where yeah, the colonel has uh a WE title.
• 37:37
  SPEAKER_02: You know, he he's defeated Shawn Michaels in wrestling combat, but just in the world of like, I need to take this other man's life, while he's grappling with the idea that his world is crumbling and there are living peanuts, the World War I peanut will kill him.
• 38:00
  SPEAKER_05: I totally agree.
• 38:02
  SPEAKER_05: Uh I also have to add that I did some quick math, and if uh if the width of a peanut grew proportionally with the pe with Mr.
• 38:12
  SPEAKER_05: Peanut, um it would his shell would be almost two and a half feet thick.
• 38:21
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, and that's the assumption being that you have to reach the inner peanuts in order to slay Mr.
• 38:27
  SPEAKER_02: Peanut.
• 38:28
  SPEAKER_02: But that'll come up in round two.
• 38:30
  SPEAKER_02: So I think we're ready to vote.
• 38:31
  SPEAKER_02: Um, Sherra, if I'm reading you correctly, that's one for peanut.
• 38:34
  SPEAKER_03: That's one for peanut.
• 38:35
  SPEAKER_02: James, if I'm reading you correctly, that's two for peanut.
• 38:38
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, that's two for peanut.
• 38:39
  SPEAKER_02: And me, I'm gonna have to say that's three for peanut.
• 38:41
  SPEAKER_05: Um it's too bad that uh that uh Colonel Sanders couldn't exploit that blind spot on Mr.
• 38:47
  SPEAKER_05: Peanut.
• 38:48
  SPEAKER_05: He was just too.
• 38:49
  SPEAKER_05: If if it was maybe someone else who was a little more monstrous, they wouldn't be as surprised.
• 38:54
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah, they could really get in on Mr.
• 38:55
  SPEAKER_05: Peanut.
• 38:56
  SPEAKER_05: You know.
• 38:57
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, clock twist.
• 38:58
  SPEAKER_03: Colonel Sanders is alert, uh, no, damn it, Mr.
• 39:01
  SPEAKER_03: Peanut is allergic to Colonel Sanders' secret spices.
• 39:06
  SPEAKER_06: How do you like being allergic, son of fucker?
• 39:09
  SPEAKER_02: Well, so so well, well, there we have it.
• 39:11
  SPEAKER_02: So round one is definitely going to Mr.
• 39:14
  SPEAKER_02: Peanut.
• 39:16
  SPEAKER_02: Simply because Colonel has been punching into raw chicken breast, saying that, hey, in a week's time you're gonna be fighting Mr.
• 39:23
  SPEAKER_02: Peanut.
• 39:23
  SPEAKER_02: And he thinks that's just a moniker.
• 39:26
  SPEAKER_02: And then all of a sudden, this living horror of peanut comes in and just rips him apart.
• 39:33
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 39:33
  SPEAKER_02: So round two.
• 39:35
  SPEAKER_02: Now this is more interesting because we move into the city view, which I I imagine is some sort of southern area where monocles are worn.
• 39:47
  SPEAKER_05: Um so there are like wealthy Kentucky like landowners.
• 39:51
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, and I think, yeah, they're they're two wealthy.
• 39:54
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, yeah.
• 39:55
  SPEAKER_02: And so the the two of them wage war on Mitch McConnell's ranch.
• 40:00
  SPEAKER_02: And you know, because they they share him as a neighbor, a middle neighbor.
• 40:06
  SPEAKER_04: This is this is the row of horrible people.
• 40:09
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, yeah.
• 40:09
  SPEAKER_02: The Colonel, Mitch McConnell, and then Mr.
• 40:12
  SPEAKER_02: Peanut.
• 40:14
  SPEAKER_02: And Mr.
• 40:14
  SPEAKER_02: Peanut and the Colonel have beef.
• 40:18
  SPEAKER_02: So, of course, they fight in Mitch McConnell's fields.
• 40:21
  SPEAKER_02: Um and but this here, so it's small town.
• 40:25
  SPEAKER_05: It's a small town.
• 40:26
  SPEAKER_02: It's a small town, and they just wage war in this place where we've never left the late 1950s, and uh Mr.
• 40:34
  SPEAKER_02: Peanut is just expected, and he wanders around.
• 40:38
  SPEAKER_02: And now the colonel has time to digest that there's a living peanut that wants him dead.
• 40:46
  SPEAKER_05: A five foot six peanut wandering around trying to kill them.
• 40:50
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 40:51
  SPEAKER_02: Um, so now the characters change a little bit.
• 40:53
  SPEAKER_02: So, Sherra, as the guest, what are your what are your initial thoughts?
• 40:57
  SPEAKER_02: So, Mr.
• 40:57
  SPEAKER_02: Peanut has his war chest.
• 41:00
  SPEAKER_02: Yes, the colonel Yeah.
• 41:03
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 41:04
  SPEAKER_02: Just your initial thoughts, who would win?
• 41:07
  SPEAKER_03: I think it's gotta go to Mr.
• 41:08
  SPEAKER_03: Peanut again.
• 41:09
  unknown: Mr.
• 41:09
  SPEAKER_02: Peanut.
• 41:10
  SPEAKER_02: Interesting.
• 41:10
  SPEAKER_02: Well, well, James, what do you think?
• 41:13
  SPEAKER_05: So I think in this round, uh, the Colonel gets to use uh some of his some of his stuff to his advantage.
• 41:20
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
• 41:21
  SPEAKER_05: So he stuff some stuff that he couldn't do at the time, uh, because he was in that round and they they just had to fight hand to hand.
• 41:29
  SPEAKER_05: Uh he can control buckets of chicken, first off.
• 41:33
  SPEAKER_05: He can like move them with his mind.
• 41:36
  SPEAKER_02: So he has telekinetic abilities limited to chicken buckets.
• 41:40
  SPEAKER_05: Limited to chicken.
• 41:41
  SPEAKER_05: But also, but but not just chicken, also objects of his likeness.
• 41:47
  SPEAKER_05: He controlled like a statue that was like him.
• 41:50
  SPEAKER_05: He controlled that statue.
• 41:52
  SPEAKER_02: That is true, and I would also like to bring up the point that Japan experienced a colonel's curse because one of his likenesses fell into the river.
• 42:03
  SPEAKER_02: Um and be and because of that, his effigy was lost, and the local team, the baseball team, I believe it was, lost the series.
• 42:11
  SPEAKER_05: Oh shit.
• 42:12
  SPEAKER_02: So he's also he gives curses.
• 42:15
  SPEAKER_02: He he can curse.
• 42:16
  SPEAKER_05: Wow.
• 42:17
  SPEAKER_05: Um, that's pretty amazing.
• 42:18
  SPEAKER_05: Uh he also has a giant bucket of chicken fortress that he can lock himself in.
• 42:24
  SPEAKER_05: It's like uh it's like one of those old safes that had like the spinning wheel on the door.
• 42:29
  SPEAKER_02: And he like so he has a safe room.
• 42:31
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah, he has a safe room.
• 42:33
  SPEAKER_02: Now, is that constructed out of a chicken bucket?
• 42:35
  SPEAKER_05: No, no, it's like constructed out of gold and then made to look like a chicken bucket.
• 42:40
  SPEAKER_02: Well, gold is a soft metal.
• 42:42
  SPEAKER_05: It might used to be gold painted.
• 42:43
  SPEAKER_05: I'm gonna assume that it's it's the structural integrity of a vault, because that's what it kind of had a door of it.
• 42:48
  SPEAKER_05: Alright.
• 42:49
  SPEAKER_05: Um, and also I think he can he can either shrink or make chicken giant.
• 42:57
  SPEAKER_05: I don't know which of those things maybe both.
• 42:59
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, each one is surprisingly useful.
• 43:00
  SPEAKER_02: I I think he'd be capable of both, depending on sponsorship.
• 43:03
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah, I think so too.
• 43:05
  SPEAKER_05: I think he could do both.
• 43:06
  SPEAKER_05: And I think that uh Colonel really has some shit that he brings to the table.
• 43:10
  SPEAKER_03: Oh man, so sorry, I uh that power to shrink, like that skin ratio we talked about, he's gonna just fucking work right on through.
• 43:20
  SPEAKER_03: That's a great point.
• 43:20
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, no, so that's interesting.
• 43:22
  SPEAKER_02: So the Colonel is now entered into the metaphysical um supernatural, and he's able to move chicken buckets with his mind.
• 43:32
  SPEAKER_02: Um, is there I mean, there would definitely be a KFC in town.
• 43:36
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah, I don't I I actually don't think that Colonel, thinking about it now, I don't think Colonel can shrink.
• 43:41
  SPEAKER_05: I think he just makes chicken giant.
• 43:43
  SPEAKER_02: Okay.
• 43:43
  SPEAKER_05: I don't think he can shrink.
• 43:45
  SPEAKER_03: He can make a chicken with proportionately thicker skin that could crush a very large peanut.
• 43:52
  SPEAKER_05: When crispy's skin gets that large, it is dangerous.
• 43:55
  SPEAKER_02: Well, so what we then have to consider is does Mr.
• 43:59
  SPEAKER_02: Peanuts so Mr.
• 44:01
  SPEAKER_02: Peanut is going to pull out of so the colonel steps out of his of his manner of chicken bucket.
• 44:08
  unknown: Yeah.
• 44:09
  SPEAKER_02: And he's wielding the ability to increase the size of chicken and throw chicken buckets with his mind.
• 44:15
  SPEAKER_02: Meanwhile, Mr.
• 44:17
  SPEAKER_02: Peanut rolls out with automatic weaponry, um, handled grenades.
• 44:23
  SPEAKER_05: Does he have automatic weaponry?
• 44:25
  SPEAKER_02: I would say so.
• 44:27
  SPEAKER_05: No, he's he was in World War I.
• 44:30
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, that looked like a very well are we saying.
• 44:34
  SPEAKER_02: Are we saying that he doesn't have he wasn't in World War II?
• 44:37
  SPEAKER_05: All we know is that he has a bayoneted weapon.
• 44:40
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah, yes.
• 44:41
  SPEAKER_03: Our research wasn't very extensive, but we found one um one advertisement of Mr.
• 44:47
  SPEAKER_03: Peen, and it was like uh what is it, like sell bonds or something for World War I.
• 44:52
  SPEAKER_03: Um, but Colonel Sanders isn't like a real colonel, that's like uh somebody who has an honorary document.
• 44:59
  SPEAKER_02: Mr.
• 44:59
  SPEAKER_02: Peanut is he's one of those war-torn veterans who came back.
• 45:06
  SPEAKER_02: Hello, everybody.
• 45:07
  SPEAKER_02: This is Ryan Barron North, and we upon trying to fix this and get this edited and ready for you guys to hear, we realized that we had some sort of glitch in our equipment and we lost the second half of our round two.
• 45:21
  SPEAKER_02: So just to fill you in, um, we proceeded through round two.
• 45:25
  SPEAKER_02: It went to the kernel, and if not, you'll find out in a moment.
• 45:30
  SPEAKER_02: Um, and now as we continue the podcast, we are in round three, and we are just about to decide who the Mr.
• 45:40
  SPEAKER_02: Peanut will be bringing as his backup for the round three fight.
• 45:45
  SPEAKER_02: Again, sorry about the issues and enjoyment.
• 45:49
  SPEAKER_02: But they did when they resumed the campaign for the Super Bowl commercial featuring um Mr.
• 45:56
  SPEAKER_02: Peanut, there was the Kool-Aid Man and Mr.
• 45:59
  SPEAKER_02: Clean.
• 46:00
  SPEAKER_03: Oh shit.
• 46:03
  SPEAKER_03: We already know how those guys fight, too.
• 46:05
  SPEAKER_04: So those guys fight and fight.
• 46:07
  SPEAKER_02: Yes.
• 46:09
  SPEAKER_02: Now, um Mist the Kool-Aid Man was defeated.
• 46:14
  SPEAKER_02: No, the Kool-Aid Man eventually came down to a tie.
• 46:17
  SPEAKER_02: However, Mr.
• 46:18
  SPEAKER_02: Clean is a powerful character indeed, countering any sort of Kentucky chicken witchery.
• 46:26
  SPEAKER_02: Um, who's the Colonel bringing?
• 46:28
  SPEAKER_05: So I was just looking up KFC, and they are part of Yum Brands.
• 46:37
  SPEAKER_05: Yum Brands has places like Burger King.
• 46:42
  SPEAKER_05: He can bring the king.
• 46:44
  SPEAKER_02: Well, we know that the king is an assassin, um, in in as far as you know, sneak king.
• 46:50
  SPEAKER_05: Huh?
• 46:50
  SPEAKER_02: So the king has stealth.
• 46:52
  SPEAKER_05: That's true.
• 46:52
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah, yes, he's incredibly stealthy.
• 46:55
  SPEAKER_05: And he's also vindictive.
• 46:56
  SPEAKER_05: He's a bully a little bit.
• 46:58
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 46:58
  SPEAKER_02: So could he stand up to the magic of Mr.
• 47:01
  SPEAKER_02: Clain?
• 47:01
  SPEAKER_05: I don't know.
• 47:02
  SPEAKER_05: Mr.
• 47:02
  SPEAKER_05: Clean does not have the pine saw lady this time.
• 47:05
  SPEAKER_05: She was the one who ferreted out bullshit.
• 47:07
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
• 47:07
  SPEAKER_05: Mr.
• 47:07
  SPEAKER_05: Clean doesn't ferret out bullshit.
• 47:09
  SPEAKER_05: He just cleans.
• 47:11
  SPEAKER_02: But we also figure he can magically erase.
• 47:14
  SPEAKER_02: That's right.
• 47:14
  SPEAKER_05: Um Buffalo Wild Wings is part of young brands.
• 47:17
  SPEAKER_05: He could bring a giant-winged bubble.
• 47:19
  SPEAKER_02: Well, and we know that uh the colonel has power over chicken.
• 47:23
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah, that would work too.
• 47:25
  SPEAKER_02: Um Snara Bread have a frightening mascot.
• 47:30
  SPEAKER_03: It is a 450-foot-tall uh it's my mortal enemy, please.
• 47:35
  SPEAKER_02: Chicken grease.
• 47:39
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, and so I see the two of them having a common enemy.
• 47:41
  SPEAKER_02: Um, so it might turn into an epic fight of the cleaning gods again.
• 47:45
  SPEAKER_02: Um knocking out Mr.
• 47:47
  SPEAKER_02: Colonel Sanders.
• 47:48
  SPEAKER_02: But either way, I think it's time to bring this down to a vote.
• 47:51
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 47:52
  SPEAKER_02: Sarah, in the third round, who do you think's gonna take it?
• 47:55
  SPEAKER_03: Uh team clean it.
• 47:57
  SPEAKER_02: Team Clean it with uh Mr.
• 47:59
  SPEAKER_02: Clean and Mr.
• 47:59
  SPEAKER_02: Peanut.
• 48:01
  SPEAKER_06: Cleanup.
• 48:02
  SPEAKER_06: Team Cleanup?
• 48:05
  SPEAKER_02: All right, we got one vote for Mr.
• 48:07
  SPEAKER_02: Peanut.
• 48:07
  SPEAKER_02: James, would you like to do the this vote?
• 48:10
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah, I think that I I'm I'm still not convinced.
• 48:15
  SPEAKER_05: I still think uh Colonel Sanders would be able to uh would be able to pull it out.
• 48:21
  SPEAKER_05: He just has so many so many amazing abilities.
• 48:23
  SPEAKER_05: He could be like surrounded by an army of statues.
• 48:26
  SPEAKER_05: He seems to be able to control multiple things at a time without his contention without his intention breaking.
• 48:32
  SPEAKER_05: So I think I'm gonna give it to Colonel Sanders on this one.
• 48:37
  SPEAKER_02: Hello, Ryan Barron North again.
• 48:39
  SPEAKER_02: So as you can see, we did definitely have some problems on the previous episode.
• 48:43
  SPEAKER_02: However, we just felt that some of the material that we had from the discussion in the beginning and with Mr.
• 48:49
  SPEAKER_02: Peanut was just too good not to put out there.
• 48:53
  SPEAKER_02: So at the end, we'd like to thank Sherry Crosslin for joining us.
• 48:56
  SPEAKER_02: We're gonna have her on again soon for another really great episode.
• 49:00
  SPEAKER_02: Thank you all for your patience and dealing with us having these issues on this episode.
• 49:05
  SPEAKER_02: We hope you still got some enjoyment out of it.
• 49:07
  SPEAKER_02: We will catch you next week.
• 49:08
  SPEAKER_02: Thank you.