Latest / Inner Work With MaryAnn Walker: Life Coach for People Pleasers / 233: Divine Subtraction: How Less Can Create More Peace, Freedom & Abundance

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233: Divine Subtraction: How Less Can Create More Peace, Freedom & Abundance · Inner Work With MaryAnn Walker: Life Coach for People Pleasers

• 0:20
  What if the thing you need more of in your life is actually less?
• 0:24
  Less scrolling, less explaining, less worrying, less rushing, less taking responsibility for the things that aren't even yours.
• 0:33
  We currently live in a culture that tells us that more is more, and that more is always better.
• 0:39
  And so we seek out more productivity, more money, more followers, more self-improvement, more information, more things on our to-do list.
• 0:47
  And if we're unhappy or if we're overwhelmed, then our first instinct is to ask,"Okay, what else do I need to do?" But what if that's the wrong question?
• 0:57
  What if instead of adding something to your life, if instead you just took something away?
• 1:02
  Today we're going to be exploring the idea of divine subtraction.
• 1:06
  This is the idea that sometimes we actually are able to create more abundance, more peace, and more space in our lives, not by adding more things to it, but by eliminating the things that no longer serve us.
• 1:19
  And I think that this is an especially important conversation for those of us that tend to overgive.
• 1:24
  Because when you're used to taking care of everybody else, then your instinct is often to do more, to try harder, to communicate better, to give more, to sacrifice more, explain more, fix more.
• 1:38
  But sometimes the most loving thing that you can do for yourself, it's not adding something else to your to-do list.
• 1:45
  It's actually taking something off of it.
• 1:48
  And so today we're going to look at a few everyday examples of what can happen when we stop asking,"What do I need more of?" And instead start asking,"What might I need to eliminate?" Because sometimes less, it really is more.
• 2:03
  So let's explore a few examples, and as I share these with you, then I want you to notice what it is that we're creating abundance-wise when we eliminate a few of these things, okay?
• 2:12
  Because this is divine subtraction.
• 2:14
  This is abundance through subtraction.
• 2:17
  So notice the abundance here.
• 2:19
  First, let's talk about creating less distraction.
• 2:23
  Imagine this It's the end of a really long day, and you know deep down that your body, it really desperately needs some time to truly rest, to get some quality sleep so that it can do what it needs to do the very next day.
• 2:37
  And so you tell yourself,"Okay, I'm only going to scroll for five minutes, 10 minutes max, and then I'm going to go right to bed." And then 45 minutes later, then you look at your clock and you might realize,"Oh my goodness, the time that I had designated that I would go to bed, that time has now passed, and now I realize that I'm not actually feeling relaxed.
• 2:58
  That wasn't actually fulfilling for me, and now my head is more busy and I'm having a harder time actually getting myself to sleep." Now, it might be really easy to tell yourself,"Okay, well, I need to add in something else to help me to sleep.
• 3:11
  So instead, I should add in 20 minutes of meditation before I go to bed, and then that will fix it if I add another thing to my to-do list." But what if instead of adding something, you just needed to take something away?
• 3:24
  What if instead you just took your phone out of your bedroom?
• 3:28
  Or maybe you decide that you just want to delete one social media app.
• 3:32
  How would that change how it is that you spend your time in your bedroom in the evening?
• 3:36
  How would it change the quality of your sleep?
• 3:39
  How would it change your level of connection with yourself?
• 3:43
  Maybe by creating less distraction, then you're actually creating more peace, connection, and fulfillment with yourself.
• 3:52
  Okay, next, let's talk about creating less urgency.
• 3:56
  Somebody texts you, and all that the text says is,"Can you call me?" And there's no explanation.
• 4:02
  There's no additional information here.
• 4:04
  There's just a request to call, and you notice that your nervous system is now reacting.
• 4:10
  Anxiety is starting to build.
• 4:12
  Your people-pleasing brain, it is immediately jumping into emergency mode and self-preservation mode.
• 4:19
  Your brain is thinking,"Oh, no.
• 4:21
  What happened?
• 4:22
  Are they upset with me?
• 4:23
  Did I do something wrong?
• 4:25
  Are they going to ask me to do something?
• 4:27
  Will I be able to do that thing?
• 4:29
  What do they want from me?
• 4:30
  They must be expecting me to respond right now.
• 4:33
  What if it's an emergency?" But you're at work right now, and you're going to be at work for the next few hours, and so you might think that what is needed is another strategy for managing your time so that you can respond to these text messages.
• 4:46
  Or maybe you need some more tips and tricks for managing your anxiety or another boundary tool.
• 4:51
  But what if you just needed less?
• 4:54
  What if instead you just chose to subtract the belief from your mind that every single text is urgent and requires an immediate response?
• 5:02
  What if you decided to subtract the belief that everything is on your shoulders and that you are the only one that can problem solve for someone else?
• 5:08
  What if instead you just responded less frequently and made a deal with yourself that rather than interrupting your workflow, that you're going to give yourself permission to not text all day during the workday?
• 5:21
  When you don't answer immediately or when you let the text just sit for a little while, then you might discover that, oh, not only am I able to get more work done, but also I can see that, okay, yeah, I am capable of waiting to respond until I'm actually ready.
• 5:34
  And also, miraculously, when you do that, you might also discover that many of the requests that people are making of you during the workday, they've now gone on to other people, and so now that frees up more of your personal time Not everything that feels urgent in your body is an actual emergency.
• 5:52
  And maybe by practicing having less urgency and being less available during the workday, then you might find that you're experiencing more peace.
• 6:02
  Next, less explaining.
• 6:04
  You tell someone no, and then immediately you launch into a five-minute explanation.
• 6:09
  So this might sound like,"Well, I mean, you know, I would help you, but I kind of got this thing, and I don't want you to think I'm ditching out on you.
• 6:15
  I mean, I really do wanna be there for you," and you just go on and on and on.
• 6:21
  And you might think that offering more by way of an explanation, that that's going to make your"no" magically more acceptable to the other person.
• 6:28
  But sometimes the most powerful thing that you can do is subtract the need to convince somebody else that your boundary is reasonable.
• 6:36
  So you might say something as simple as,"Hey, I don't wanna do that, but thanks for thinking of me," and that's it.
• 6:42
  Less explaining, it creates more room for self-trust and for more inner peace.
• 6:47
  Because now you're not so busy trying to control everybody else's perception of you, and you finally have room to just be you, to just exist.
• 6:56
  You do not have to overexplain your no.
• 6:58
  Your no is sufficient.
• 7:01
  Less responsibility.
• 7:03
  You're always the one checking in, making plans, remembering birthdays, smoothing over conflict, asking how everybody's doing, and trying to figure out what it is that everybody else around you needs.
• 7:14
  And then you might find yourself wondering,"Huh, why does nobody ever show up for me?" And so you might decide that, okay, nope, I know the problem.
• 7:23
  I just need to communicate better.
• 7:25
  I need to ask for more.
• 7:27
  I need to find better friends.
• 7:28
  And maybe that's true, and another possibility is that maybe something just needs to be subtracted.
• 7:36
  Maybe it's time to stop doing some of the things that you've automatically taken responsibility for.
• 7:40
  Maybe you just decide that you're not going to send the reminder.
• 7:44
  Maybe you don't fix the awkward silence.
• 7:47
  Maybe you don't make the plan.
• 7:48
  Maybe you don't immediately jump in to solve the problem.
• 7:52
  And when you do that, what might happen?
• 7:56
  Because sometimes when you stop stepping in and doing everything, it actually creates a beautiful space where other people are able to learn how to step up and step in for you.
• 8:06
  All right, next, less self-abandonment.
• 8:10
  You keep asking yourself,"What should I do?
• 8:12
  What would make everybody else happy?
• 8:14
  What does everybody else need right now?
• 8:17
  What's the right thing for me to do?" And you've gotten so good at considering everybody else that you might not even know what it is that you want anymore.
• 8:26
  And so you might think,"Okay, well, the solution is that I need to journal more.
• 8:30
  I need more affirmations.
• 8:31
  I need more self-care.
• 8:33
  I need more personal development." But what if instead, this is an opportunity for divine subtraction, where you just decide to stop self-abandoning?
• 8:43
  Maybe this means that you stop asking everybody else what it is that they want to do.
• 8:47
  Maybe you stop automatically saying yes.
• 8:50
  Maybe you stop overriding your first instinct to just give and give and give and give.
• 8:56
  Maybe you stop dismissing your preferences simply because somebody else might be disappointed.
• 9:02
  What if through applying divine subtraction, you stopped self-abandoning and actually made some room for you?
• 9:08
  So maybe the question that you wanna take with you this week isn't so much what can I add to my life, but maybe instead it's what can I subtract?
• 9:15
  What can I stop doing?
• 9:17
  What can I stop carrying?
• 9:19
  What can I stop explaining?
• 9:21
  What can I stop worrying about?
• 9:23
  And what can I stop saying yes to?
• 9:27
  Because here's the beautiful thing is when you remove what is taking up space for you, when you remove the thing that is no longer serving you, then it creates some room for something new to grow.
• 9:37
  When you subtract the constant distraction, then you have more presence.
• 9:42
  When you subtract the urgency, you have more peace.
• 9:46
  When you subtract the overexplaining, you have more self-trust.
• 9:50
  When you stop taking responsibility for everybody else, then you have more energy for yourself and for the relationships that are actually reciprocal.
• 9:59
  And when you subtract the ways that you've been abandoning yourself to keep everybody else happy, you create more room for you.
• 10:06
  And that's the abundance that comes through this divine subtraction.
• 10:10
  Abundance, it means having more time, more peace, more energy, more freedom, more connection, and more joy.
• 10:19
  And sometimes the way to finally get there is just being willing to finally let something else go.
• 10:26
  So this week, I want you to look at your life and actually ask yourself,"Where might less actually give me more?" And if you're starting to realize that you've spent a lot of your life adding more responsibility, more giving, more worrying, and just overall doing more because you don't know how to stop, or if you're not even sure what's underneath all of that or how to stop, then I want you to know that you do not have to figure this out alone.
• 10:49
  That is exactly the work that I do with my clients.
• 10:52
  I help women who are tired of over-giving, of overthinking, and putting themselves last.
• 10:57
  I help them learn how to come back to themselves, to trust their own decision-making, and to create a life that actually feels like theirs.
• 11:04
  So if you're ready to stop abandoning yourself and start living from a place of self-trust and intention, then come and work with me.
• 11:12
  You can find all of my contact information in the show notes, but remember that you don't always need to add more in order to create a better life.
• 11:20
  Sometimes divine subtraction is exactly what creates that abundance.
• 11:25
  All right, well, I hope you have an abundant week, and let's talk soon.
• 11:28
  Bye now.