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When a narcissists asks you for "space" · The Mental Healness Podcast

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  What is going on, beautiful people?
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  Today we're going to be talking about why some narcissists ask
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  you for space. What's going on in the mind of a
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  narcissist or toxic person when they ask you to give them some
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  space in the relationship? If you're new here, my name is
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  Lee Hammock. I'm a clinically diagnosed
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  narcissist and welcome to another episode of The
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  Narcissist Code. Damn.
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  Welcome back, welcome back, welcome back.
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  The intro just gets me hype, y'all?
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  It makes me feel like we're about to save some lives or
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  change some lives and things like that.
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  But yeah, so what's going on in the mind of a narcissist or
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  toxic person when they ask you for some space?
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  So I'm gonna. So I'll also in this video, I'm
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  gonna talk about when you what, what, what a narcissist is
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  thinking when you ask for space. So it's going to be a dual
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  breakdown Today. We're going to be, we're going
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  to do, we're going to be doing a dual breakdown of narcissistic
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  mindsets and things of that nature, like when they ask for
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  space. And then when you ask for a
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  space because that's, that's super important in the like when
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  you're dealing in a toxic relationship with a narcissist
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  and whatnot. Yeah.
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  So first of all, what's going on in the mind of a narcissist?
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  How do they feel? What are they thinking?
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  What are they, what are they up to when they ask you for some
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  space in the relationship when they come to you or, you know,
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  y'all having a conversation and or they have a third party or a
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  proxy come in and say, hey, look, I need some space.
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  I think we should need, I think we need a little space.
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  I think I need some space from the relationship for a little
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  while just to, you know, just to heal.
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  And I need some time to myself to think about, you know, a few
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  things and see if this is where I, where I really want to be
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  blah, blah, blah, Boo Boo Boo BBB space.
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  You know, what does the narcissist think when they say
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  that type of stuff right there? Y'all, what do you think?
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  What do you think right there? Because a lot of times when you
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  get a narcissist or a toxic person that is asking you for
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  space, they are typically trying to fill that space with someone
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  else. That's the way it goes right
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  there. They are typically trying to
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  fill that space with someone else.
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  They are asking you for space so they can put somebody else into
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  that space so they can put somebody else into your spot.
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  That is super common. It is extremely common with
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  toxic narcissistic people. Like especially if you feel like
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  it came, it comes out of nowhere when they ask you for some
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  space. And I don't think we should talk
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  for a few days or a few weeks or whatever.
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  I think I'm going to go out of town for a little while and
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  clear my mind to see what I really want.
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  They're going out of town with the new supply.
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  They're going out of town with a new target.
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  They're going to a business meeting where they might
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  actually be planning to meet up with somebody or shoot their
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  shots, so to speak at someone that they're interested in.
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  They might have their eye on someone else.
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  So they feel the need right here.
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  They feel the necessity to tell you to ask you for some space.
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  So if they do something on this vacation on this trip on during
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  this break, doing this, getting this, this space that y'all have
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  been given that this space that they've asked for, they
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  requested if something happens during this time, they can just
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  say they can come out of nowhere and just say, well, it's not
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  really cheating because we weren't really together.
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  I that's why I asked you for some space for because I was
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  confused. Right I was.
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  Super confused. And I didn't really know what I
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  wanted, but you know what I want right now?
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  You know I really want. I want you.
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  They want you now. They want you, right?
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  They want you. I want you so badly I can't even
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  imagine my life without. Nobody but you like, come on.
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  Yeah, y'all come on now. Yeah, it's 2024.
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  We got to wake up or whenever you're watching this video
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  because it could be later on down the road, but we got to
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  wake up now when they're asking you for space and their
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  behaviors have shifted and their behaviors are acting weird.
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  I mean, the behaviors are not acting weird.
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  They themselves are acting weird.
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  There possibly is someone else in the picture.
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  Yes. Could they be depressed?
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  Yes. Could they have an avoiding part
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  part of their personality where they just disconnected?
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  Yes. But most times what I've seen,
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  and this is anecdotally and from the thousands of people I've
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  spoken with, the case is that they, there is someone else in
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  the picture. They just feel like there's
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  somebody else, a new supply that they can replace you with.
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  So they right now they're going to try to do that.
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  That happens quite a bit in these relationship dynamics,
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  y'all, where they will absolutely see that type of
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  stuff right there and they'll change their mindset.
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  Like they'll, they'll start doing things like that, ask you
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  for some space so they can clear their conscience, so they can
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  fill that space with someone else or when they're spending
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  time with someone else, they won't necessarily feel bad.
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  Like I don't really feel bad because we weren't together,
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  blah, blah, blah, Boo Boo, Boo BBB.
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  There's a part of the, there's a lot of some narcissists do have
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  guilty consciousness. And in order to deal with that
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  guilt or that, that, that, that predetermined guilt or the guilt
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  you know, you're going to feel, you go ahead and break up with
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  the person or get ask for some space out of nowhere.
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  And it's typically it's an indeterminate amount of space
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  within an indeterminate amount of time.
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  I think we should take some time apart.
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  I think I need a little space to hear.
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  And to see what I really want. I don't want you to go.
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  This is not a breakup. Just so you know, they'll.
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  When they ask you for space in under this context, they'll tell
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  you a lot of times that they're not.
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  There's no one else. There's no one else.
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  Involved. I just don't know what I want to
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  know please. You know.
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  So please don't go out there and get them cheeks clapped by
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  anybody else with clap nobody else's cheeks.
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  Please promise me you won't. If you love me, you won't.
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  The whole time they're plotting to go bust it open for someone
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  else, bust clap somebody's cheeks, whatever it is in this
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  situation they're planning on, they're plotting on it.
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  So when they ask you for space, they're typically looking to
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  fill that space with someone else.
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  That's the mindset that a lot of narcissists and types of people
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  have right there in order to just, you know, obscure the
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  guilt or make or make it foggy. Make it money. 111 example a lot
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  of people use is Ross and Rachel from Friends.
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  We're on a break. They'll ask you for a break raw
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  and I know that wasn't intentional on Ross's sport.
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  I think Rachel actually asked for the break so Ross felt he
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  can clap some cheeks and it wasn't cheating.
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  You know you, you made you were may give me mixed signals, blah,
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  blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, bleep, bleep, bleep.
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  You know what I mean? So when they're asking for
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  space, they're typically looking to fill that space with someone
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  else. That's the mindset.
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  That's the mindset of a lot of narcissists.
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  Not every single one of them, not every single narcissist, but
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  most narcissists feel that way. They have this type of mindset.
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  But on the flip side of things, I will say this right here.
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  On the flip side, the Flipsies, when you ask a narcissist for
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  space, right when you ask them for space, they automatically
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  think that you're trying to fill that space with someone else.
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  And why is that, Lee? Why do they think that you're
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  trying to fill that space with someone else?
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  Why is that? Why?
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  Why do you think that right there?
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  Why do you think that? Because they think it because
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  that's what they would do. They're thinking that you are
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  going, let's say they're thinking that you are going to
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  go out there and fill that space with someone else, that you
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  found someone else that you're interested, interested in
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  someone else, which you might be.
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  So they automatically think that they could.
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  They can become paranoid, they can become obsessive, they can
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  start to harass you, they can start to threaten you.
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  They can start to try to harm you and things then you know,
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  and things like that. That's the mindset of a lot of
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  narcissistic people. They feel like, OK, you
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  definitely have someone else. You're definitely interested in
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  someone else. That's the only explanation I
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  can come up with to as to why you would won't ask me for space
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  even if they like. And the crazy thing about it is
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  even if you asking for space because they've treated you
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  horribly, like you've caught them cheating, you've caught,
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  they beaten on you, they hit you, they've been lying to you.
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  They still, they, they, they picked up an old habit that they
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  used to have. They're they're an addict again,
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  you know, they're an addict. They're whatever's going to
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  happen. They're drinking again, whatever
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  the situation is they're talking to, they're texting their ex
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  that they promised that they would leave alone.
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  You know, they're doing things like that.
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  So you ask them for space. And so they think that you're
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  going to get your lick back. They think that they think that
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  you're going to go out here and get your proverbial lick back
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  and whatnot. They think that you're going to
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  go out here and try to harm and hurt, break their hurt, their
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  little ego. So they automatically a lot of
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  them will automatically switch on the love bombing phase, a
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  new, a new, a secondary or tertiary love bombing phase, not
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  the preliminary 1. The preliminary, the primary
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  love bombing phase is super intense.
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  These little love pops down to these little, these new little
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  love bombing stage are not going to be as intense as the first
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  one normally is. Typically this is how it
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  typically goes, but I will say that there's so many toxic
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  narcissistic people out there that have to that are dealing
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  with this mindset. Y'all that are dealing with the
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  abuse that are dealing with the, the narcissistic sycophants that
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  are dealing with like, I'm just telling you, if you're dealing
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  with a narcissist and you ask them for space, they typically
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  think you're going to fill up someone else and they can become
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  harassing. Some of them can become
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  dangerous and start stalking you start following, you start doing
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  other things like that. And you know what I mean?
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  They take it as a break up. So they're going to a lot of
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  them will absolutely lose their minds and start to go crazy when
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  you ask for space. They'll start to harass you,
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  reach out to your friends and family, refuse to give you some
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  space, refuse to, you know, allow you some time to heal.
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  But if you ask them for space and they are acting crazy like
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  that and they're refusing to give you that space, that just
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  shows you that they're not going to respect your boundaries.
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  Even if you come back from that space, when the space or the
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  time of the break it's over, they they are still not going to
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  respect your boundaries because they automatically assume that
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  you cheated on them or you went, you went to be with someone
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  else. That's the automatic assumption,
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  assumption that most narcissists make that you're going to go be
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  with somebody else. It sucks, y'all, and it sucks to
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  be a part of it. It sucks that the, you know, as
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  a diagnosed narcissist myself to think that.
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  And I've thought that I've done that.
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  I've asked some space before because I had plans with
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  somebody else. And if the plans with somebody
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  else don't work out, I can always come back to you and just
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  say, hey, look space over. You know, this is that's what a
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  lot of narcissists will do. They'll say if they're planned,
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  if their little insidious plan fails, they'll just come back to
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  you. They feel like you're their safe
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  place. You're their fail safe.
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  So they just put you on, they put pause on the relationship.
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  You know, this is not me ending the relationship.
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  This is me just pushing push. This is me just pushing pause on
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  it. So this is like a lot of things
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  that you have to consider as you're in a toxic relationship.
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  If you think you're in a toxic relationship with a narcissistic
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  person, these are truly things for you to consider.
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  So, and I hope this video brought you some clarity.
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  Hope it brought you some understanding, but y'all know,
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  that's y'all know, that's what I'm here for.
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  Like I said, if you need more clarity, understanding, I have
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  courses available. I have, like I said, a support
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  group available as well. You can check it across the
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  bottom of the screen. It's courses.mentalillness.net
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  and whatnot. I look forward to meeting you in
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  one of my groups. I'm about to start my in person
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  workshops and things of that nature up here pretty soon.
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  So Durham, NC, Dallas, Houston, TX, you're on the map.
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  Toronto, Canada, you're on a map right here too.
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  Atlanta, GA, It's in a few different places.
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  Y'all just get ready, stay on the lookout, subscribe to this
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  channel if you haven't already. And of course y'all mental
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  illness is out. Peace.
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  Oh goodness, this new recording style.