Latest / The Difficult Boss Podcast with Fexingo: Managing Up, Toxic Managers, and Workplace Survival / How to Manage a Boss Who Is Never Available
Transcript
- Lucas: Alright, let's talk about a boss who is never available. Not the micromanager — the ghost. Luna: The one who cancels your one-on-ones, takes three days to reply to a simple email, and somehow is always 'in back to backs'. Lucas: Exactly. I want to anchor this in a number. A 2023 survey from Calm Business — the workplace wellness arm — found that 41 percent of employees said their manager cancels scheduled one-on-ones more than half the time. Luna: Wow, that's nearly half. And that's just the ones that are scheduled. What about the rest of the week? Lucas: Right. The study also showed that 28 percent of employees said their manager takes more than 24 hours to reply to a time-sensitive message. So this isn't just a minor annoyance — it's structural. Luna: Why do bosses do this? I mean, some might just be overwhelmed, but others seem to weaponize it. Lucas: I think there are three distinct motives. One: intentional gatekeeping. The boss withholds access to maintain power or avoid making decisions. Two: pure overwhelm — they're drowning and they don't know how to say 'I can't handle another meeting'. Three: and this is subtler — fear of being exposed as not having the answers. Luna: So the avoidance becomes a shield. Lucas: Exactly. And the problem is, no matter the motive, the impact on you is the same: stalled projects, unclear priorities, and a feeling that you're on your own. So what do you do? The standard advice is 'just send a follow-up Slack' or 'book 15 minutes on their calendar.' But that often backfires. Luna: I've seen that. You send a Slack, they 'like' it but don't answer. You book a time, they reschedule. It becomes a game of whack a mole. Lucas: Yes. So I want to offer a different approach: treat their unavailability as a constraint, not a personal failing. That reframes your job from 'get my boss to pay attention' to 'make progress despite their absence.' Luna: Okay, I like that. How does that work practically? Lucas: First: use their calendar against them. Don't ask for a meeting — look at their calendar, find the smallest open slot, and send an invite with a specific agenda. Not 'catch up'. Something like: 'Decision needed on vendor X — 3 options, 10 minutes.' That signals you respect their time and you have a clear ask. Luna: But what if they decline or ignore it? Then you're back to square one. Lucas: Then you escalate through a different channel. Here's a tactic I've seen work: email your boss with a clear, one-question request. If they don't respond in 48 hours, forward the email to their assistant — if they have one — with a note: 'Hi, I sent this to on Tuesday and haven't heard back. Could you help flag it?' Suddenly, it's not you nagging; it's a coordination issue. Luna: That's smart. You're leveraging their own infrastructure. The assistant has an incentive to clear the queue. Lucas: Exactly. And if the boss has no assistant, you can do something similar with a peer. Find someone who has their ear and ask them to bring up your question in a meeting where the boss is present. It's not tattling — it's getting the answer in the room where decisions happen. Luna: I'd add one more thing: document everything. Not as a gotcha, but as a way to show you're not the bottleneck. I had a friend who kept a simple log: date, request, response time, outcome. After three weeks, she showed her boss a pattern and said 'I need a better way to get your input.' The boss didn't even realize they were doing it. Lucas: That's good. And it's a non-confrontational way to make the invisible visible. Because a lot of unavailable bosses genuinely don't see the impact. They think 'I'm just busy' — they don't see that you're stuck. Luna: But what about the bosses who do it on purpose? The ones who are gatekeeping or using silence as a power move? Lucas: That's harder. With those, you need to change the game. One tactic: start making decisions without them, but in a way that forces a response. Send an email that says 'I'm going with option A unless I hear otherwise by end of day.' Then follow through. If they don't respond, you have a decision. If they do, you got their input. Either way, you break the stalemate. Luna: That's bold. It essentially says 'your silence is consent.' Risky, but sometimes necessary. Lucas: It is risky. You need to know your organization's culture. At a startup, that might be totally fine. At a large bank, it could get you in trouble. So calibrate. But the principle stands: don't let their unavailability become your paralysis. Luna: And if none of this works? If you're constantly blocked and the boss refuses to engage? Lucas: Then you have a data point about whether this job is sustainable. A 2022 Gallup study found that employees who feel their manager is available when needed are three times more likely to be engaged. Chronic unavailability isn't just annoying — it's a performance killer. If you've tried all the tactics and nothing changes, it might be time to look internally for a transfer or externally for a new role. Luna: That's a hard truth, but it's real. And it's worth remembering that a boss who is never available is also a boss who isn't developing you. You can't grow if you never get feedback or direction. Lucas: Exactly. And you know, this topic is exactly why we keep this podcast ad-free and listener-supported. If you've ever felt stuck because of a boss like this, and this conversation helped you see a way forward, that's the kind of thing that keeps us going. Luna: Yeah, we hear from listeners all the time who say these specific tactics made a difference in their day-to-day. If you want to help us keep having these real conversations, you can support the show at buy me a coffee dot com slash fexingo. Lucas: And we genuinely mean it — any amount, no pressure. It helps us stay independent and focused on what actually works, not what's trendy. Now, back to that final tactic: if you do decide to leave, make sure you're leaving for the right reasons, not just running away from a ghost. Luna: Right. Don't let one bad boss rewrite your entire career story. Sometimes the best move is to find a manager who actually shows up. Lucas: So to wrap it up: if your boss is never available, first diagnose the motive — gatekeeping, overwhelm, or fear. Then use tactics like calendar framing, assistant leverage, and decision-escalation emails. Document the pattern. And if nothing sticks, take that as signal, not failure. The goal is to move your work forward, not to fix your boss. Luna: Well said. And maybe the next time your boss cancels a one-on-one, you'll have a plan instead of just frustration. Lucas: Exactly. Thanks for the conversation, Luna. Luna: Thanks, Lucas.