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Redoubling Our Efforts · Sober Readings

• Scott Hayes: Hey everyone, welcome back to Sober Readings. Today is Monday, the tenth of August. Let's get started with the Serenity Prayer. God, grant us the serenity to accept the things we cannot change, courage to change the things we can, and the wisdom to know the difference. And before I get started with the readings, I just want to welcome all of our listeners from Austria. That country has had the most listeners in the past seven days. So thank you all for listening. Today's reading from Daily Reflections Redoubling Our Efforts. To a degree, he has already done this when taking moral inventory, but now the time has come when he ought to redouble his efforts to see how many people he has hurt and in what ways. And that's from the Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, page seventy seven. As I continue to grow in sobriety, I become more aware of myself as a person of worth. In the process, I am better able to see others as persons, and with this comes the realization that these were people whom I had hurt in my drinking days. I didn't just lie, I lied about Tom. I didn't just cheat, I cheated Joe. What were seemingly impersonal acts were really personal affronts, because it was people who People of worth whom I had harmed. I need to do something about the people I've hurt, so that I may enjoy a peaceful sobriety. Today's reading from 24 hours a day. August 10, AA Thought for the Day. The tremendous fact for every one of us is that we have discovered a common solution. We who have found this solution to our alcoholic problem, who are properly armed with the facts about ourselves, can generally win the entire confidence of another alcoholic. We who are making the approach to new prospects have had the same difficulty they have had. We obviously know what we are talking about. Our whole department shouts at new prospects that we are people with a real answer. And today's question of the day Am I a person with the real answer to the alcoholic problems of others? The meditation for the day. Frustraying from the right way, there is no cure except to keep so close to the thought of God that nothing, no other interest, can seriously come between you and God. Sure of that, you can stay on God's side. Knowing the way, nothing can prevent your staying in the way, and nothing can cause you to seriously stray from it. God has promised peace if you stay close to Him, but not leisure. You still have to carry on in the world. He has promised heart rest and comfort, but not pleasure in the ordinary sense. Peace and comfort bring real inward happiness. And today's prayer for the day. I pray that I may keep my feet on the way. I pray that I may stay on God's side. And for today's final reading, I'm gonna read from Living Sober. And this is chapter 19. It's called Being Grateful. It's rather long, that's why I skipped ⁓ the daily meditation from Touchstones today. So let's get started with the Living Sober reading. Being Grateful. One AA member recalls that, even during the worst of her drinking career, she never lost her faith. I had a firm, unshakable belief in disaster, she explains. Every morning, almost my first conscious thought was, ⁓ my god, I wonder what new troubles are going to hit me today. When someone knocked at the door, she was sure it was for an unpleasant reason. She confidently expected only bills and other news in the mail. And if the telephone rang, She sighed in anticipation of dreary tidings. Such an enormous expenditure of energy and negative speculations is familiar to many of us. We remember the dark cast of mind that prevailed during the active stage of our alcoholism. Some of it, to be sure, may have been simply a pharmacological effect of alcohol, which is a depressant drug. When we get the last molecules of alcohol out of the system, A lot of the gloom disappears along with it. But the habit of thinking in such neurotically depressed ways can stay with some of us, we have found, until we learn to spot it and carefully root it out. There is no prescription for mindless polyannism. We do not pretend that hardships are meaningless, nor deny that everyone has mountains to climb from time to time. Grief really hurts, and so do other kinds of pain. However, Now that we are free of alcohol, we have much more control over our thinking. We have a broader range of thoughts, in minds that are no longer so blurred. The thoughts we choose to spend time on in any given 24 hours can strongly influence the complexion of our feeling for that day. Bright and healthy or murky and disheartened. Since so much of our thinking used to be intricately associated with our drinking lifestyle, We have found it worthwhile to look closely at our thinking habits and find different and better ways of using our minds. The following illustrations may not be an exact fit for you, but even if the words are new, perhaps your emotions will be moved to recognize familiar emotional tunes accompanying them. Some are intentionally exaggerated to make the point unmistakably clear. Others may, at first glance, look trivial. Scores of us have found though that easy little changes are a good starting point for a big, strong recovery. When our favorite toddler falls, bumps her head, and squalls, it's fairly simple to see whether she is seriously hurt or just frightened. Then we have a choice. We can either shriek hysterically because the child got hurt or fight frightened, and carry on over what could have happened. Or we can keep our cool and be comforting. and grateful that no serious harm occurred. When our ninety year old grandfather, long ill and unhappy, finally dies, we again have a choice. We can insist that the only thing to do is rage in grief and anger at the surprise of it, or wallow in guilt, and perhaps drink in either case. Or we can, besides being sad, remember that he did have a long, often good and happy life. That we did try to be good to him and assure him of our continuing love, and that his suffering and unhappiness are now over. It is doubtful that he would appreciate our using his passing as an excuse to get drunk and endanger our health. When we finally get to visit a place long dreamed of, we can concentrate on the inconveniences of our lodging and the weather, the passing of good old days, and the fact that we have only a few days or weeks to spare. Or we can be grateful that we finally got there at all, and keep adding to a mental list of the delights we can find if we look for them. We can watch out for a tendency to say yes but in response to an optimistic, complimentary, or positive statement. A friend's good luck, or his youthful appearance, or a sub celebrity's plug for a charity, may tempt us to say sourly, yes but but Does this thinking habit help anyone, including ourselves? Can't we let something good simply be? Can't we just be pleased about it, rather than trying to downgrade it? Those who try to quit smoking realize a number of possibilities are open. Complaining ad infinitum about how hard it is to quit, or searching out a smoking cessation program, talking to a doctor about what kinds of treatment might be available, or simply enjoying a deep, Smoke-free breath when we think of it, being grateful an hour has passed without a drag. And even if we do light up unconsciously, congratulating ourselves for putting it out without smoking it down to a stub. If one of us wins only $500 in a sweepstakes that has a $50,000 top prize, the sensible mood is easy to pick out. It is not bitterness at losing the biggest pot. We continually find opportunities to make similar considered choices, and our experience convinces us that feeling gratitude is far more wholesome makes staying sober much easier. It will come as a pleasant surprise to discover that it is not difficult to develop the habit of gratitude if we just make some effort. Many of us were reluctant to try, but the results, we have to admit, did speak for themselves. It may sting at first to bite the cynical comment from the tip of your tongue. We may have to swallow twice before getting out a mildly positive remark of the type we called saccharin during our drinking life. But it soon comes easier and can become a strong and comfortable force in our recovery. Life was meant to be enjoyed, and we mean to enjoy it. Rifling back through the memories of our drinking past. Some of us spot another manifestation of negativism. But it too is a type of behavior many have learned to change. And the change in our actions has also brought better attitudes and an improvement in our feelings. For some reason, we spent a lot of time thinking or noting or talking about how wrong or mistaken so many other people persistently were. Whether they really were or not is irrelevant to the welcome change in our own feelings now. For some, the change begins with a tentative willingness to wait and see, to accept for a moment the hypothesis that the other person just possibly might be right. Before rushing to judgment, we suspend our own argument, listen carefully, and watch for the outcome. It may or may not prove us to be in the wrong. That is not the important issue here. Whichever way the chip falls, we have at least temporarily freed ourselves from our driving need to be always right or one up. We have found that a sincere I don't know can be rejuvenating. Saying I'm wrong, you're right, is invigorating when we are sufficiently at ease with ourselves not to be bothered about actually being in the wrong. We are left feeling relaxed and thankful that we can be open to new ideas. The finest scientists are always alert to new evidence which may prove their own theories wrong, so they can discard any false notions and move closer to the ultimate truth they are seeking. When we achieve a similar openness, we find our instant negativism has begun to evaporate. Perhaps an illustration can clarify the relationship between the desire to be always right, the negativism of seeing almost everyone else as wrong. And the freedom to be wrong ourselves, to grasp and use new ideas, and other help for staying sober. Many of us, when drinking, were deeply sure for years that our own drinking was harmless. We were not necessarily a smart alec about it, but when we heard a clergyman, a psychiatrist, or an AA member talk about alcoholism, we were quick to observe that our drinking was different. That we did not need to do any of the things those people suggested. Or even if we could admit that we were having a bit of trouble with our drinking, we were sure we could lick it on our own. Thus we shut the door against new information and help. And behind that door, our drinking went on, of course. Our troubles had to be pretty dire, and we had to begin to feel pretty hopeless before we could open up a little bit and let in some fresh light and help. For thousands of us, one of the clearest memories which incorporate the wisdom of being grateful is our recollection of what we originally thought and said about Alcoholics Anonymous when it first came to our attention. It's fine for them, but I'm not that bad, so it isn't for me. I've met a couple of former AAs drunk in ballrooms. From what they say, I can tell it wouldn't work for me either. I knew a fellow who joined AA. ⁓ He turned into a rigid, fanatic, dull, intolerant teetotaler. All that god stuff and going to meetings turn me off. Anyhow, I've never been a joiner. Now honesty makes us admit that we spent more time concentrating on those negative opinions and reinforcing our own reasons for drinking than we spent actually looking into AA with an open mind. Our investigation of it was hardly scientific. Rather it was superficial and pessimistic, a search for things not to like. We neither talked with many of the sober members nor read at depth the quantities of literature by and about AA. If we did not like a few things or people we first encountered in AA, we gave up. We had tried it, hadn't we? Remember the man who said he didn't like reading? He had already read a book and didn't like it. It is clear now that we could have acted differently. We could have invested some time in searching out things we did like in AA, ways we could go along with it, statements and ideas we did agree with. We could have been thankful that AA welcomes casual visitors and that we were not required to jump in headlong. We could have been grateful that AA has no dues or fees and demands no adherence to any doctrine, rules, or rituals. If some talkative AAs weren't to our taste, we could have been pleased that so many others kept quiet, or spoke more to our liking. We could have kept trying to find out why so many Eminent professional experts have endorsed AA over and over for many years. It must be doing something right. Staying sober can boil down to just such a choice, we have learned. We can spend hours thinking of reasons that we want or need or intend to take a drink. Or we can spend the same time listing reasons that drinking is not good for us and abstaining is more healthful and listing things we can do instead of drinking. Each of us makes that choice in his or her own way. We are pleased when anyone else chooses to make a decision like ours. But whether you are interested in AA or not, we offer good wishes to anyone starting out to stay sober in any way. We keep being grateful that we are free to do it in the ways described here. And so that was chapter 19 Being Grateful. Out of the book Living Sober. I know that was much longer than any of the readings I usually do on the daily episodes, but that's such a good one. I really wanted to get through it. So thank you so much for tolerating me and for listening. And so with that, I'll close out today's episode of Sober Readings. Again, thank you so much for listening. I appreciate it. ⁓ if you enjoyed it, hit that like button and share and subscribe. ⁓ if you'd like to drop a dollar in the virtual donation basket for today's readings, just go to sobereadings.com and click the donate button. So again, thank you so much for listening and tolerating that long reading. Stay sober, keep reading, and I'll catch you in the next episode. Until then, take care of yourselves and each other, and remember, just for today, don't drink, go to a meeting, and keep coming back. Have a great day, everyone, and as my friend Larry says, best day ever.