Latest / Unstoppable Success Podcast / 9 - Leading with Heart: The Power of Emotional Intelligence in Leadership with Pamela Zimmer

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9 - Leading with Heart: The Power of Emotional Intelligence in Leadership with Pamela Zimmer · Unstoppable Success Podcast

• 0:04
  SPEAKER_01: Welcome to the Unstoppable Leadership Spotlight, influential leaders and their game-changing insights.
• 0:10
  SPEAKER_01: I'm Jackson Stuminger, CEO and founder of Leap Tier Success.
• 0:15
  SPEAKER_01: That's LeapTeerSuccess.com.
• 0:17
  SPEAKER_01: We help entrepreneurs, leaders, and CEOs grow their business, become unstoppable high achievers in their careers in life, giving that 1% edge.
• 0:28
  SPEAKER_01: We believe every professional has the power within them to lead to their greatest success.
• 0:34
  SPEAKER_01: That not only will impact their life, but the lives of the people they touch.
• 0:40
  SPEAKER_01: So stick around to the end of the show and we will share with you how you can be our next guest.
• 0:45
  SPEAKER_01: So stick around for those 15 to 20 minutes and let's be unstoppable.
• 0:55
  SPEAKER_01: Welcome everybody, and welcome to the Unstoppable Leadership Spotlight podcast, where we hear from influential leaders and their game-changing insights.
• 1:04
  SPEAKER_01: I am Jacqueline Strominger, your host, and today I want to welcome our amazing guest, Pamela Zimmer, my friend.
• 1:13
  SPEAKER_01: I love her.
• 1:14
  SPEAKER_01: Anyway, a little bit of a background on Pamela.
• 1:17
  SPEAKER_01: There's a lot to hear.
• 1:18
  SPEAKER_01: She, first and foremost, is a best selling author.
• 1:24
  SPEAKER_01: She, oh yeah, which you guys, she's just amazing.
• 1:28
  SPEAKER_01: She's been featured on countless radio shows, TVs, podcasts, blogs, virtual summits.
• 1:33
  SPEAKER_01: She is a professional architect and she turned stay-at-home mom.
• 1:36
  SPEAKER_01: She is an amazing thought leader, and she is also known as the self-care concierge.
• 1:43
  SPEAKER_01: She teaches professionals how to take care of themselves on every level, not just physical, mental, emotional, spiritual, so they can do what they were put on the earth to do.
• 1:54
  SPEAKER_01: So with a leap of faith, she quit her career of 13 years, which she did not anticipate was the six-year struggle she would face battling severe postpartum depression, which many of us women totally understand.
• 2:06
  SPEAKER_01: But out of her pain, a lot of times, as we all know, out of her pain came her purpose and the lesson about self-care.
• 2:11
  SPEAKER_01: So now she mentors women.
• 2:14
  SPEAKER_01: She has helped people with so again, with self-care, helping them feel great about themselves.
• 2:20
  SPEAKER_01: Welcome, Pamela, and my dear friend, love you.
• 2:24
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, thank you so much, Jacqueline.
• 2:26
  SPEAKER_00: I think this is a long time coming.
• 2:28
  SPEAKER_00: We've been friends for many years, and I think we've both seen each other kind of transition in and out of things.
• 2:34
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm super excited to finally be on your show.
• 2:39
  SPEAKER_00: So thank you for having me.
• 2:41
  SPEAKER_00: I'm so excited to have you.
• 2:42
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, so you've done a ton of things, and we shared a little bit about that background, but part of that journey, you had to become the leader within.
• 2:55
  SPEAKER_01: And so take us through that and how that transformed.
• 3:00
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, so I'm gonna take us all the way back to when I became a stay-at-home mom.
• 3:06
  SPEAKER_00: I even probably before that.
• 3:08
  SPEAKER_00: So growing up, I always wanted to have a career like my dad and also be the amazing, perfect, wonderful stay-at-home mom like my mom was.
• 3:19
  SPEAKER_00: I did the career route first because that's just how life unfolded for me.
• 3:25
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and then when I finally met my husband Will, and we got married, and we were starting to talk about having a family and kids and everything, my heart was just tugging.
• 3:36
  SPEAKER_00: I really longed and yearned to be that stay-at-home mom.
• 3:41
  SPEAKER_00: So when I finally got that opportunity, it was not after our first son, Zachary, was born in 2007, and I had to go back to work because it was right smack in the middle of the depression or sorry, session.
• 3:56
  SPEAKER_00: My husband was out of work and my name was on the door because I owned my own architecture firm, which I was grateful for.
• 4:03
  SPEAKER_00: But I just had lost my passion for it.
• 4:06
  SPEAKER_00: I lost that zeal.
• 4:08
  SPEAKER_00: It wasn't really in my heart anymore.
• 4:10
  SPEAKER_00: I really just wanted to be home with my baby.
• 4:14
  SPEAKER_00: So when we were pregnant with number two, I was able to create my exit plan.
• 4:20
  SPEAKER_00: We actually closed our company down and my business partner went off to his dream job.
• 4:25
  SPEAKER_00: So it was great timing.
• 4:27
  SPEAKER_00: My husband had gotten a job by that time.
• 4:30
  SPEAKER_00: So it was again great timing.
• 4:32
  SPEAKER_00: I got to be this stay-at-home mom.
• 4:34
  SPEAKER_00: And then smack diagnosed with postpartum depression.
• 4:38
  SPEAKER_00: And then we realized that I had had it all the way back from when Zachary was born almost three years prior and just didn't know.
• 4:45
  SPEAKER_00: So that was a huge world upside down.
• 4:49
  SPEAKER_00: The one thing that it did do for me was it gave me an answer to what was wrong with me.
• 4:56
  SPEAKER_00: So it was a blessing in disguise.
• 4:58
  SPEAKER_00: And then five, six years of working through that lesson that I learned, the biggest lesson I learned was about self-care and how to take care of myself.
• 5:07
  SPEAKER_00: And so I'm getting to your question about the leader within, because that's where I had to discover that I had to lead myself, right?
• 5:16
  SPEAKER_00: I had to be the one to advocate for myself, to take care of myself.
• 5:20
  SPEAKER_00: And as many times as people would be like, just go outside, just take a walk, just go do something fun, just this.
• 5:27
  SPEAKER_00: As someone going through postpartum depression and anyone else who's gone through any kind of mental illness knows it's hard to even just get out of bed in the morning, let alone get dressed, let alone brush your teeth, or eat, or do any of the things that are just common things that we take advantage of now.
• 5:46
  SPEAKER_00: So for me to be able to advocate for myself and say, first off, say, hey, I need help.
• 5:54
  SPEAKER_00: There's something wrong with me.
• 5:55
  SPEAKER_00: I need help.
• 5:56
  SPEAKER_00: That was huge.
• 5:56
  SPEAKER_00: I was probably the hardest phone call I ever made was to my doctor, asking for help.
• 6:02
  SPEAKER_00: And asking for help does not make someone weak.
• 6:04
  SPEAKER_00: It is one of the strongest, bravest things that anyone could do in their entire life.
• 6:10
  SPEAKER_00: So full stop there.
• 6:12
  SPEAKER_00: But I had to work through all of the guilt, all of the shame, all of the thoughts in my head saying, Oh, I'm not worthy and I'm not good enough to say, nope, I deserve to take care of myself because if I want to be the mom that I want to be, I have to be the full version of myself.
• 6:31
  SPEAKER_00: And so for me, that was the beginning of this leader from within journey, is really discovering, and I'm giving myself chills now.
• 6:41
  SPEAKER_00: I'm telling you, it just it really was discovering that I get to stand up for myself and I get to do the things that I need to do in order to be that person that I want to be.
• 6:53
  SPEAKER_01: And such a beautiful story, and it's so it's and I and I would say for any listeners out there, there's a couple of key things that I want to make sure that we like reiterate, and that is leading yourself, right?
• 7:06
  SPEAKER_01: Number one, I've talked about being the CEO of yourself, being the CEO of you.
• 7:10
  SPEAKER_01: It's finding that leader within you because you're the one that runs your life, and being able to pull that out is so important.
• 7:17
  SPEAKER_01: And if you need to take steps to figure that out, but uh the other thing is that no matter where you are in your leadership journey, to be the best leader, you might need to ask for help or remember for your team members and partners to remind them hey, this is not a one hit wonder, one show, one person.
• 7:43
  SPEAKER_01: If you need help, ask.
• 7:46
  SPEAKER_01: We are it's the team of that.
• 7:48
  SPEAKER_01: Whether you're talking about it from the standpoint of corporate or being at home, it takes a tribe.
• 7:57
  SPEAKER_00: It takes a village, right?
• 7:59
  SPEAKER_00: It takes a village, it takes a tribe.
• 8:01
  SPEAKER_00: We can't get to where we want, we can only go so far on our own, right?
• 8:06
  SPEAKER_00: And then we need people to pull us up, push us up, to to have us reach down and bring them up with us.
• 8:15
  SPEAKER_00: We need people to get to the top.
• 8:17
  SPEAKER_00: You think about a team, there's multiple people, and you think about everyone has a purpose, and it might not be the most glamorous job, but what you're doing for the team overall might be the one thing that is the missing link to get everyone up to the top and to succeed and to that next level.
• 8:37
  SPEAKER_00: So absolutely ask for help.
• 8:39
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm still working on that, Jaclyn.
• 8:41
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I'm still okay, no, it's okay.
• 8:44
  SPEAKER_00: I can ask for someone else to do this for me.
• 8:46
  SPEAKER_00: I can delegate, I can ask for help at home, I can relieve, release some control.
• 8:52
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 8:53
  SPEAKER_01: So now, like fast forward, you have been super successful in network marketing and you have a team.
• 9:00
  SPEAKER_01: And tell me what about your experiences have helped you be a great leader to your team.
• 9:12
  SPEAKER_00: I think that the thing that makes me a great leader is I never feel like I know everything.
• 9:21
  SPEAKER_00: I am always looking at where I was when they were starting.
• 9:27
  SPEAKER_00: I or look comparing myself to where I was way back when.
• 9:32
  SPEAKER_00: And I've not been in it very many years, four and a half for a little over four years in this company and a year before in the prior company.
• 9:40
  SPEAKER_00: That was not a great experience for me, but I gave it a shot and I was ready to quit because I didn't have a good leader.
• 9:48
  SPEAKER_00: And then I'm very thankful that I stuck it out with this company because it's a great company and I've learned a lot.
• 9:55
  SPEAKER_00: But mainly what I believe makes me a great leader is I'm real, I'm authentic, I don't sugarcoat things, I'm encouraging, and I remind them that hey, I was once where you are.
• 10:11
  SPEAKER_00: I was once clueless and didn't know a thing and had no after no.
• 10:17
  SPEAKER_00: In fact, even on my team training this morning, we had a whole discussion about what do you do when you keep getting no's and you keep going through it.
• 10:25
  SPEAKER_00: So just knowing that I'm not above them, I could have someone on my team that has far more experience in the industry than me, that surpasses me in the comp plan and rank and all this stuff.
• 10:39
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm gonna cheer for them the loudest, Jaclyn, because it's not about me.
• 10:44
  SPEAKER_00: I'm only a good leader because I have a team that follows me.
• 10:49
  SPEAKER_00: And I think that's something to be said about leaders too is do you have people following you?
• 10:55
  SPEAKER_00: It's hard to be a leader when no one's there.
• 10:57
  SPEAKER_00: So the the proof is in the pudding.
• 11:00
  SPEAKER_00: When you have people showing up for your calls, leading their teams, it's because you're doing something right.
• 11:06
  SPEAKER_00: And I don't, and this sounds awkward even for me to say, I don't want to pat my ego or anything, but just I'm there.
• 11:13
  SPEAKER_00: I'm there on their level and I'm encouraging them.
• 11:15
  SPEAKER_00: And every little win counts, every little hiccup is something that we can get over.
• 11:22
  SPEAKER_00: There's a solution to every problem.
• 11:24
  SPEAKER_00: I stay positive, and I think that's important too, is just maintaining that hey, not everything is gonna work out every day, but remember your why.
• 11:34
  SPEAKER_00: Remember why you started.
• 11:36
  SPEAKER_00: And again, just reiterating like I remember what it was like to be them, and I don't ever put myself above them.
• 11:44
  SPEAKER_01: I think that's it's so important.
• 11:46
  SPEAKER_01: I had a guest on the other actually earlier today, and we were talking actually about the idea of the idea of boots on the ground, right?
• 11:56
  SPEAKER_01: And that you're there doing the exact same thing that your team members are doing, and you're right there with them, you've got your sleeves rolled up, and you're leading from within from as opposed to leading from above, and that's a huge part of that is it's huge to create that atmosphere of people working together, which is so important.
• 12:22
  SPEAKER_00: I never asked them to do anything that I wouldn't do or am not already doing, yeah.
• 12:29
  SPEAKER_01: And that's so important, and them seeing that too.
• 12:33
  SPEAKER_01: Because you could say it, but seeing it is a whole right, yeah.
• 12:39
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, well, she just said that on that call.
• 12:41
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, but she's now going out in there and doing that.
• 12:44
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, oh, I can see on her app she actually did do her follow-ups.
• 12:48
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, she is presenting.
• 12:49
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, she did show up to that Zoom.
• 12:52
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 12:54
  SPEAKER_01: So when you're thinking about obviously leadership, how do you find yourself balancing or leveraging your strengths with learning from any weaknesses that you have in leadership?
• 13:06
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 13:07
  SPEAKER_00: I think that's an everyday practice.
• 13:10
  SPEAKER_00: Let's just be honest.
• 13:11
  SPEAKER_00: It's everyday practice, depending on what the schedule of my family is.
• 13:16
  SPEAKER_00: My the team call, all of this.
• 13:19
  SPEAKER_00: We have new kittens, and you'll see them pop across the screen.
• 13:23
  SPEAKER_00: So I'm managing balancing that.
• 13:26
  SPEAKER_00: I think it's just knowing every day what do I have to get done today?
• 13:31
  SPEAKER_00: What's important today?
• 13:32
  SPEAKER_00: And I put all the big things in.
• 13:34
  SPEAKER_00: You have you see that analogy all the time.
• 13:36
  SPEAKER_00: You have the jar and you have the big rocks, and then you fill it with the medium rocks and then the pebbles and the water.
• 13:41
  SPEAKER_00: You have to do that.
• 13:42
  SPEAKER_00: We have to do that.
• 13:43
  SPEAKER_00: And for me, the big rocks are myself, which sometimes end up being a pebble that I put in at the end, unfortunately, because I'm still learning that lesson about self-care, which is why I teach it, because I need to learn it the most.
• 13:58
  SPEAKER_00: But for me, the big rocks are my family, my kids.
• 14:01
  SPEAKER_00: It's why I do this industry in particular, and it's why I became an entrepreneur so that I can be there for them.
• 14:08
  SPEAKER_00: And the big rocks are what keeps the balance.
• 14:14
  SPEAKER_00: Because if you don't have those big rocks, if I don't have my family first, then I'm gonna be out of balance.
• 14:21
  SPEAKER_00: And I know teaching, being someone that teaches about self-care, there's four areas of self-care: physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual.
• 14:30
  SPEAKER_00: We have to take care of all of those areas.
• 14:33
  SPEAKER_00: And in the same way, there's my self-care, there's my family's self-care, there's my spiritual self-care, there's social self-care, there's everyone has a little piece of the pie, but remembering that I have to fill myself up first, or I can't be the leader I want to be, I can't be the mom I want to be, I can't be the wife I want to be, the friend I want to be.
• 14:57
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and bottom line, that's what balance comes down to is you got to figure out what's important to you.
• 15:03
  SPEAKER_00: And everyone's priorities are different.
• 15:05
  SPEAKER_00: And everyone's stage in life is different too.
• 15:09
  SPEAKER_00: You might have a CEO of a company that is single, no kids, and man, their priority is probably climbing up that CEO corporate ladder, right?
• 15:20
  SPEAKER_00: Very different to a stay-at-home mom who's just starting something and has two babies at home.
• 15:27
  SPEAKER_00: So you got to give yourself grace.
• 15:29
  SPEAKER_00: You got to understand that those priorities will shift and change.
• 15:34
  SPEAKER_00: And I know people say, Oh, there's no such thing as life balance.
• 15:38
  SPEAKER_00: And my response to that is balance doesn't have to be equal.
• 15:43
  SPEAKER_01: That is a huge thing.
• 15:45
  SPEAKER_01: So, key thing, balance.
• 15:46
  SPEAKER_01: I think what you just said is so important.
• 15:49
  SPEAKER_01: Balance does not have to be equal.
• 15:51
  SPEAKER_01: The scale doesn't have to be sitting right here.
• 15:54
  SPEAKER_00: Because it's more than there's more than two things on this scale.
• 15:57
  SPEAKER_00: There's 10 things.
• 15:58
  SPEAKER_00: So you got to do the math formula.
• 16:01
  SPEAKER_01: Right.
• 16:01
  SPEAKER_01: And the other key thing that you said, I think is really important, and I share this.
• 16:05
  SPEAKER_01: We've all seen the with the rocks in the jar, and then you can fill it up, and you know what there's always things that can go around it, can that might move things around too.
• 16:14
  SPEAKER_01: But I always say, what can what do you what has to be done?
• 16:18
  SPEAKER_01: So what do you have to do?
• 16:19
  SPEAKER_01: What can you delay?
• 16:21
  SPEAKER_01: What can you delegate, or what just needs to get ditched?
• 16:24
  SPEAKER_01: If it doesn't meet that goal or one of your goals, then it needs to be it doesn't go in the jar, it doesn't go, it doesn't make it in there, doesn't make it part, doesn't make part of the plan.
• 16:38
  SPEAKER_01: Right, exactly, exactly.
• 16:40
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, yeah.
• 16:42
  SPEAKER_01: So yeah, so that balance.
• 16:44
  SPEAKER_01: So as you've as you're on this journey, because it is a journey, what do you think is the most the single most game-changing insight you discovered in your career?
• 16:56
  SPEAKER_01: And how do you think it impacts your leadership style?
• 16:59
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, I think for me, it's when I've had a few, I've had a few big moments in my life personally and within my immediate family.
• 17:16
  SPEAKER_00: Probably one of the most recent ones was back in 2021.
• 17:21
  SPEAKER_00: My husband was in the hospital.
• 17:23
  SPEAKER_00: We all know what was happening in 2020 to those years following.
• 17:28
  SPEAKER_00: He was in the hospital, he almost died.
• 17:30
  SPEAKER_00: He spent 34 days in ICU, two weeks on a ventilator, and he walked out of there.
• 17:36
  SPEAKER_00: He is a living miracle, and to this day, he is 100% healthy.
• 17:44
  SPEAKER_00: So that's a whole other podcast that we can have another time.
• 17:49
  SPEAKER_00: But it was a reminder that life is short, life is precious, you have no idea how long you have.
• 17:58
  SPEAKER_00: And so when I'm talking to people about my business, I just remember look, what if I have the answer to their last hope?
• 18:10
  SPEAKER_00: What if I am the answer to their prayer?
• 18:13
  SPEAKER_00: Because, God forbid, if I didn't talk to them and then something happened, but I had what they needed.
• 18:20
  SPEAKER_00: And again, it could be the product, it could be my book, it could be a speaking opportunity, something I say, just me being there.
• 18:28
  SPEAKER_00: If I don't reach out, that's so selfish of me.
• 18:32
  SPEAKER_00: Because what if they're not there tomorrow?
• 18:36
  SPEAKER_00: So that experience with my husband was scary.
• 18:39
  SPEAKER_00: It is a true miracle, but it really just gave me this screw it.
• 18:44
  SPEAKER_00: What's the worst that can happen?
• 18:45
  SPEAKER_00: They say no to me.
• 18:46
  SPEAKER_00: I'd rather they say no to me than they're not there tomorrow because I was too afraid to speak up.
• 18:53
  SPEAKER_00: And I think just holding on to that and then just remembering that it's not about me.
• 18:58
  SPEAKER_00: I have this saying called audience of one.
• 19:00
  SPEAKER_00: So for me, faith is a very big part of everything I do.
• 19:03
  SPEAKER_00: So for me, audience of one, like I only care what God thinks.
• 19:08
  SPEAKER_00: And when I'm scared and I'm writing my chicken list down, I just remember, gosh, what would have happened if I was not able to bring my husband home?
• 19:18
  SPEAKER_00: What would have happened if I didn't share it with Susie, Josh, Joe, Mark?
• 19:25
  SPEAKER_00: And again, whatever it is.
• 19:26
  SPEAKER_00: What would have happened if I didn't pick up the phone and just sent a little text like, hey, thinking of you?
• 19:33
  SPEAKER_01: And it's true.
• 19:34
  SPEAKER_01: And that time crazy.
• 19:36
  SPEAKER_01: And it's and it is your husband's a miracle.
• 19:39
  SPEAKER_01: And I I it makes me think about him.
• 19:41
  SPEAKER_01: It makes me think about a friend of mine in Boston who was one of the first people to go into ICU and came out.
• 19:49
  SPEAKER_01: And there's a couple of things that life is precious, and I'm and I think your ability to share that and have empathy for other people as you are talking to them and letting them know that that life is precious, that it makes like being the leader, it's not again, it comes back to making it about them and how their life can be better.
• 20:23
  SPEAKER_00: Absolutely.
• 20:24
  SPEAKER_00: It's never about me.
• 20:26
  SPEAKER_00: Nothing is ever about me.
• 20:28
  SPEAKER_00: It's always about the other person.
• 20:31
  SPEAKER_00: And I always strive to come from a place of I care so much about you, I can't not share this with you.
• 20:39
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 20:40
  SPEAKER_01: And this actually goes to my my next question because it's emotional intelligence plays such a huge part in leadership.
• 20:49
  SPEAKER_01: And so it obviously has a huge influence on how you lead your teams.
• 20:58
  SPEAKER_01: So talk about almost like the balance of having a team where you're leading with emotional intelligence and having the team not.
• 21:06
  SPEAKER_01: Because I know you probably have experienced that before and now, right?
• 21:11
  SPEAKER_01: Right.
• 21:12
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 21:12
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 21:13
  SPEAKER_00: Like I think it does come down to can I see myself in someone else's shoes and understand where they're at and have empathy and have grace?
• 21:23
  SPEAKER_00: And also on the flip side, come from a place of that as well.
• 21:28
  SPEAKER_00: When my team isn't succeeding, when they think that they failed, when they're not hitting their goals, when they got the no, remembering that, hey, you can give yourself grace too and just pick yourself back up and move forward.
• 21:44
  SPEAKER_00: It doesn't define you.
• 21:45
  SPEAKER_00: Our are the no's that we get aren't personal.
• 21:48
  SPEAKER_00: And that's really hard.
• 21:50
  SPEAKER_00: And again, that's the exact conversation we had this morning.
• 21:53
  SPEAKER_00: Like all of these no's, they're not personal against me.
• 21:57
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe one in a thousand, right?
• 21:59
  SPEAKER_00: So Someone just doesn't like me, which I just can't fathom.
• 22:02
  SPEAKER_01: But it's never that.
• 22:04
  SPEAKER_01: And by the way, I will share with you I have a no sheet.
• 22:06
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 22:07
  SPEAKER_00: And the challenge that I put out to my team today was who can get the most no's this week?
• 22:13
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 22:14
  SPEAKER_00: And not in a place of just calling people because you know that they'll say no to you, but the genuine connection.
• 22:20
  SPEAKER_00: Let's connect with people first.
• 22:22
  SPEAKER_00: And I think having a team that understands that's what you have to do in any industry.
• 22:28
  SPEAKER_00: People buy from people they know and trust.
• 22:31
  SPEAKER_00: You don't develop those three things from cold calling someone, from spamming them in their messenger inbox, from mailing them a flyer, from grabbing them at some event when they walk by.
• 22:45
  SPEAKER_00: They have no idea who you are.
• 22:47
  SPEAKER_00: And so working with people who understand that it takes time and effort to put in a relationship, it's huge and it's fun.
• 22:57
  SPEAKER_00: And we laugh and we get to say, oh my gosh, I reached out to so and I hadn't talked to her in two years, and you wouldn't believe what they're doing.
• 23:05
  SPEAKER_00: And now we're gonna collaborate on this, and it's exciting.
• 23:09
  SPEAKER_00: And I I hope that answered your question.
• 23:11
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know.
• 23:12
  SPEAKER_01: It's the cold call can actually lead to the warm call, which can lead to the friend call.
• 23:18
  SPEAKER_01: It starts there, but you have it's not just leading with the pitch.
• 23:22
  SPEAKER_01: No, and I can I could I I feel these days we get onto some of the social media platforms and it's we've connected.
• 23:29
  SPEAKER_01: And I all I want to do is have a conversation with somebody and they're like, hey, let me tell you about my here's my webinar, and here's my six-day retreat.
• 23:37
  SPEAKER_00: Here's the link to book.
• 23:38
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you so much.
• 23:39
  SPEAKER_01: Like, oh, by the way, I can help you with this.
• 23:41
  SPEAKER_01: I'm like, how do you know what I need?
• 23:43
  SPEAKER_01: I don't even know I need help with that.
• 23:44
  SPEAKER_01: Oh X next.
• 23:46
  SPEAKER_01: So speaking of that, where we were talking about before a little bit, as we're talking about whether it's no's, can you share a time when you faced a significant resistance or failure or setback and how you transformed that into a leadership win?
• 24:04
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 24:05
  SPEAKER_00: So in this industry, there are several people that are on my chicken list, right?
• 24:12
  SPEAKER_00: And so I was challenged.
• 24:15
  SPEAKER_01: It is the people that you are afraid to pick up the phone to call.
• 24:18
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 24:18
  SPEAKER_00: And they're human, just like I am, just like you are, they're human beings.
• 24:22
  SPEAKER_00: So I was challenged by my leader, by my mentor to call your chicken list.
• 24:28
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 24:28
  SPEAKER_00: So I did, and it ended up being a really great conversation.
• 24:34
  SPEAKER_00: And then as I was expecting, okay, this is actually going really well.
• 24:39
  SPEAKER_00: So there's a lesson there.
• 24:41
  SPEAKER_00: Never be afraid to pick up the phone and call your chicken list.
• 24:44
  SPEAKER_00: But as I was going through the process and doing all the things in the funnel that I was taught to do, and it was earlier on in my leadership career, I was doing all the right things.
• 24:58
  SPEAKER_00: And then all of a sudden it went south.
• 24:59
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm like, what's going on?
• 25:01
  SPEAKER_00: Now, now they're trying to pitch me, and now this and this.
• 25:04
  SPEAKER_00: And it got totally flipped upside down.
• 25:07
  SPEAKER_00: To now I had to block this person because it literally was like four times a week, and they're pitching me and doing all the stuff that I swore I would never do to them, they're doing back to me.
• 25:24
  SPEAKER_00: So one of the lessons is okay, one, don't get your hopes up until the money's in the bank, they've signed on the line, all of that stuff.
• 25:34
  SPEAKER_00: But also be more authentic.
• 25:37
  SPEAKER_00: And that was the biggest lesson is I did what, and it's not my current mentor or sponsor now, but I did what I was told to do the script, the say this, the do this, send that, the follow up with this.
• 25:53
  SPEAKER_00: And I did it step by step, but it wasn't me.
• 25:56
  SPEAKER_00: It was not me.
• 25:58
  SPEAKER_00: It wasn't coming from my heart.
• 26:00
  SPEAKER_00: I was just going through the checklist.
• 26:02
  SPEAKER_00: And it worked to a degree, and then it got flipped right back on me.
• 26:08
  SPEAKER_00: So my lesson and what I coach my team to do is here is a guideline, here is what I've done, here is what I have said, but you must take that and make it your own.
• 26:21
  SPEAKER_00: You must take something, whether it's a post, whether it's an introduction phone call, whether it's a follow-up message, whatever it is, you must make it your own so that if you're in front of someone having a conversation and I'm not there and your notes aren't there and your script isn't there, you're not like, oh my gosh, I don't know what to say to you.
• 26:42
  SPEAKER_00: And it's coming from here, it comes from your heart.
• 26:44
  SPEAKER_00: You guys come from your heart and you have to be authentically you.
• 26:50
  SPEAKER_00: There are countless different ways to lead and have a conversation and share ideas.
• 26:56
  SPEAKER_00: But if you know what it is that you want to get across, if you know the three things that are important to you that you want this person to understand, if you know what the intention is behind your conversation, then it doesn't matter what the words are, it just has to come from here.
• 27:14
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, it's so true.
• 27:16
  SPEAKER_01: And that's it, and I like how it's your resistance or calling your chicken list and how that turned out, and then realizing what somebody else was doing, because you and then you get to see, oh, I don't want that.
• 27:27
  SPEAKER_01: So you really solidifies what you don't want to do, and then just having and what you said creating the words that make it you and authentically you.
• 27:36
  SPEAKER_01: So there is a book, it is a kid's book.
• 27:38
  SPEAKER_01: So for listeners, if you ever have to figure out and teach, knowing what your words are, I love this book.
• 27:44
  SPEAKER_01: It is called Ellison the Elephant, and Ellison the Elephant is all about coming up and making up his own.
• 27:50
  SPEAKER_01: He can't make the trumpet sound like a regular elephant.
• 27:53
  SPEAKER_01: And he ends up going out, he has an imaginary friend, Weasel.
• 27:57
  SPEAKER_01: Although I I question whether it's really an imaginary friend, but whoever he and Weasel go out and like Weasel helps him come up with his sound, and he ends up making this beautiful trumpet, jazzy, amazing sound.
• 28:13
  SPEAKER_01: And uh all of a sudden, all of the other elephants who teased him because he couldn't make a sound, pushed him away, were like, Ellison, teach us, and but Ellison knew he made it his own, and he didn't.
• 28:26
  SPEAKER_01: So, anyway, so that's why I'm like, read this book to it's it's awesome.
• 28:30
  SPEAKER_01: Anyway, I love this book, and they do actually have it.
• 28:34
  SPEAKER_01: There is a CD for it, and you can also get the video, like there's probably a YouTube video of it, so you can hear the jazzy sound.
• 28:40
  SPEAKER_01: Anyway, it's like my favorite book teaching people uh that uh scripts are great to get you started, started, but then you need to make it your own.
• 28:51
  SPEAKER_01: And as a leader, too, no matter what we're leading, whether you're leading a fortune 100, 500, a thousand company, a call center, whatever, scripts are great, but people have to know that comes from their heart to make it their own.
• 29:06
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 29:07
  SPEAKER_00: And even I'm gonna add and expand on that too, even leading your family too.
• 29:12
  SPEAKER_00: We have a 17-year-old and a 14-year-old, and our 17-year-old has a job now, and he needed to ask for an adjustment in his schedule so he could work a morning instead of an afternoon.
• 29:24
  SPEAKER_00: And he's what do I say, mom?
• 29:26
  SPEAKER_00: What do I say?
• 29:27
  SPEAKER_00: And I said, What do you want the outcome to be?
• 29:30
  SPEAKER_00: And he told me, I'm like, okay, what is the current situation?
• 29:33
  SPEAKER_00: And he told me.
• 29:34
  SPEAKER_00: I said, Then you call and you ask for so-and-so in the so-and-so department that you're in, and then you just speak, just talk, right?
• 29:43
  SPEAKER_00: I didn't want to, he's like, Can I write?
• 29:44
  SPEAKER_00: I'm like, no, don't write it down.
• 29:46
  SPEAKER_00: Just you know what the situation is, you know what the situation you'd like it to be.
• 29:51
  SPEAKER_00: You have to be your own advocate.
• 29:54
  SPEAKER_00: And I think we have to teach our kids earlier and earlier to go be advocates for themselves.
• 30:01
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 30:01
  SPEAKER_00: Because we're the leaders of our homes, right?
• 30:04
  SPEAKER_00: As parents, we are the examples.
• 30:06
  SPEAKER_00: And if we're always spoon feeding them what to say and what to do and how to dress and how to act, and we've got to let them go out and make their mistakes and come back with, oh, I learned this lesson, and oh, it's not so scary calling my supervisor and asking for a shift change, and then I got it.
• 30:23
  SPEAKER_00: See, you can do it.
• 30:25
  SPEAKER_01: And I think the other key lesson here is it's also communication.
• 30:28
  SPEAKER_01: We need to teach communication.
• 30:30
  SPEAKER_01: Leadership is about communicating.
• 30:33
  SPEAKER_01: We need to know our strengths and our weaknesses, we need to know what matters to us, and we need to be able to communicate with others so that we can share our message uh in a good and good in a good way so that we can let the other people know what's going on.
• 30:51
  SPEAKER_01: And so that's a huge, amazing lesson that you've shared with your son.
• 30:54
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 30:55
  SPEAKER_01: And it's a great gift because how many kids are like they're stuck on their phones and they're just like, I don't know what to say.
• 31:03
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 31:03
  SPEAKER_01: It's crazy.
• 31:04
  SPEAKER_01: I'm like, I tell my kids, they'll say, Oh, I want to order pizza.
• 31:07
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, well, pick up the phone and call.
• 31:09
  SPEAKER_01: And they're like, Huh?
• 31:10
  SPEAKER_01: What do you mean?
• 31:10
  SPEAKER_00: What do I say?
• 31:12
  SPEAKER_00: Say that you want to order a pizza.
• 31:14
  unknown: Exactly.
• 31:15
  SPEAKER_00: Well, what kind of pizza do you want?
• 31:18
  SPEAKER_00: Right, right.
• 31:18
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 31:19
  SPEAKER_01: But it's it's some of those things.
• 31:20
  SPEAKER_01: And it's and I think unfortunately, a lot of times with text messaging, and so much has happened that we have forgotten in the role as a leader that we need to actually use our words to communicate both to ourselves, to our teams, to the people around us, our clients, and not hide behind texting or emails.
• 31:42
  SPEAKER_00: But it's safe here, right?
• 31:44
  SPEAKER_00: It's safe behind our computer and our screen.
• 31:47
  SPEAKER_01: Um, yeah, and it's so funny because I'm I know you're like this too.
• 31:51
  SPEAKER_01: It's oh, I don't I don't mind being on a screen.
• 31:54
  SPEAKER_01: I don't mind going live.
• 31:55
  SPEAKER_01: And but the key thing is is like the first time you did it, you're probably maybe freaking out.
• 32:01
  SPEAKER_01: Like, oh my god, what are people gonna think and say and do?
• 32:04
  SPEAKER_01: Now who cares?
• 32:05
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, yeah.
• 32:06
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 32:07
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, I've gone on hair mess and no makeup or whatever, and just hey, I have this inspired message that I want to share, and I'm gonna share it.
• 32:15
  SPEAKER_00: And boom, if you like it, great.
• 32:16
  SPEAKER_00: And if you don't, oh yeah, I go live almost all the time.
• 32:20
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, all the time my peloton sweaty.
• 32:25
  SPEAKER_00: But it makes you real and relatable and authentic.
• 32:28
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, and I think that's the key too, is that we can't just show up when we're polished and perfect and ready because that's not real life.
• 32:37
  SPEAKER_00: Real life is never ready every minute of the day.
• 32:41
  SPEAKER_00: It's real life is ready like 1% of the time, and it's the other 99% of the time how we show up in between that readiness that I think gives us that relatability and that trust and that wow, she's someone that's real and I want to follow her.
• 32:57
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 32:57
  SPEAKER_01: And what you just said, I think is so important, Kamla, like showing up in the moments, not 100% quaff.
• 33:09
  SPEAKER_01: So if you're leading a team in your in a company, your team needs to know that you are a real person.
• 33:14
  SPEAKER_01: They need to see the good, the bad, and the ugly and how you handle it.
• 33:20
  SPEAKER_01: And it's again leading by example.
• 33:22
  SPEAKER_01: So that's incredible.
• 33:24
  SPEAKER_01: So here's here's you have been growing this team.
• 33:29
  SPEAKER_01: And so if you're talking to an emerging leader to help them accelerate their growth and impact, what advice would you share?
• 33:39
  SPEAKER_00: I would share that they get to choose what's important to them, what's the the glue that everyone on their team is going to share?
• 33:50
  SPEAKER_00: Who are they attracting?
• 33:52
  SPEAKER_00: So for me, I'm very clear that I attract faith-based entrepreneurs, people that don't want to work a nine to five, or maybe they're trying to get out of their nine to five, people that are very health and wellness is very important to them, natural health and wellness, and they have a strong faith or they're open to growing their faith.
• 34:16
  SPEAKER_00: And those are three big tenets for me of the people that I am attracting.
• 34:21
  SPEAKER_00: So for an emerging leader, I would just say, who do you want to attract?
• 34:24
  SPEAKER_00: Who do you want to work with?
• 34:26
  SPEAKER_00: Who do you want to go on vacations with?
• 34:29
  SPEAKER_00: Who do you want to invite into your home?
• 34:31
  SPEAKER_00: Who do you want to go to Sunday dinner with?
• 34:34
  SPEAKER_00: Who do you want to spend life with?
• 34:37
  SPEAKER_00: Not to say that you will, but who do you who can you see yourself surrounded by that gives you that warm, fuzzy feeling?
• 34:45
  SPEAKER_00: And go put that out there and go ask for those people to come find you.
• 34:50
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, that's great.
• 34:51
  SPEAKER_01: We've shared this, like your vibe attracts your tribe, and that's what you want.
• 34:54
  SPEAKER_01: And so that's really key.
• 34:56
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, so what aspect, as you shared a little bit, it's like another area that you're growing, you're still working on, but in leadership, what are you working on and how are you challenging yourself to grow in that area?
• 35:12
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, this is a good one.
• 35:14
  SPEAKER_00: I am working on not being so nice all the time.
• 35:21
  SPEAKER_00: I can be kind.
• 35:23
  SPEAKER_00: I can always come from a place of love and grace and compassion.
• 35:27
  SPEAKER_00: But I sometimes I'm just too nice.
• 35:30
  SPEAKER_00: I'm like, oh, that's okay, Jacqueline.
• 35:33
  SPEAKER_00: You didn't do what you said you were gonna do.
• 35:35
  SPEAKER_00: It's okay.
• 35:36
  SPEAKER_00: You can you have a lot going on in your life right now, and it's okay, like just give yourself grace.
• 35:42
  SPEAKER_00: Instead of I'm holding you accountable, you didn't do what you said you were gonna do.
• 35:46
  SPEAKER_00: What are you gonna do now?
• 35:48
  SPEAKER_00: What are you gonna do that's different?
• 35:50
  SPEAKER_00: Instead of just being that not tough leader, but more tough love in a way that people will receive it.
• 35:58
  SPEAKER_00: Because I've been on the other end of that too, where it's oh my gosh, this is like extreme military tough love and I just am not ready to receive that yet.
• 36:07
  SPEAKER_00: But just holding people accountable and not being so nice.
• 36:12
  SPEAKER_00: And even when it comes to talking to prospects or potential clients, if they are telling me that they have this problem and they've been suffering with this problem for so long and they're ready to do something about their problem, but they're not ready yet.
• 36:30
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, okay.
• 36:31
  SPEAKER_00: Instead of how long are you gonna still be with that problem?
• 36:35
  SPEAKER_00: All of those kinds of things.
• 36:37
  SPEAKER_00: So I, in all of my vulnerability, am working on not being as nice.
• 36:46
  SPEAKER_01: So I might twit switch that around for you being the coach.
• 36:49
  SPEAKER_01: How would it be?
• 36:50
  SPEAKER_01: Please, yes, please.
• 36:52
  SPEAKER_01: So because you're being nice.
• 36:54
  SPEAKER_01: I think the question is what questions can you ask to help people realize where they are?
• 37:01
  SPEAKER_01: So it's it's the question.
• 37:03
  SPEAKER_01: Like you just you were thinking, oh, I'm like, they've got this problem.
• 37:06
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, so what is it gonna take for you to want to actually make that fit fix or change?
• 37:13
  SPEAKER_01: Or what's your breaking point?
• 37:18
  SPEAKER_01: Or your team member.
• 37:20
  SPEAKER_01: So you said you're gonna do it.
• 37:24
  SPEAKER_01: What stopped you?
• 37:25
  SPEAKER_01: Do you want to keep going or do you want to keep stopping?
• 37:29
  SPEAKER_00: Or do you need to change it?
• 37:31
  SPEAKER_00: Do you need to adjust what you said that you wanted?
• 37:35
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I love my I love the analogy of MMA, right?
• 37:37
  SPEAKER_01: What do we have to measure?
• 37:38
  SPEAKER_01: What do we have to monitor, and what do we need to adjust to make that change?
• 37:43
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, yeah.
• 37:44
  SPEAKER_00: Um and I will clarify like I will always come from a place of love.
• 37:50
  SPEAKER_00: I will always be kind.
• 37:51
  SPEAKER_00: I'm never gonna be mean or anything like that.
• 37:55
  SPEAKER_00: I am working on my questions.
• 37:59
  SPEAKER_00: I'm working on holding you accountable.
• 38:02
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, but you know what?
• 38:03
  SPEAKER_01: But that's but again, and that makes a great leader because you're because knowing that you do have things to work on, we are all works in progress.
• 38:11
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, all of us, yeah.
• 38:12
  SPEAKER_00: None of us are perfect, and none of us have ever arrived.
• 38:15
  SPEAKER_00: Like we will always be on our way.
• 38:17
  SPEAKER_00: We will always be on the journey.
• 38:19
  SPEAKER_00: It is a practice, not a destination.
• 38:22
  SPEAKER_00: It's there's always something to work on.
• 38:25
  SPEAKER_00: And I think a great leader recognizes that too, having that beginner's mind that, oh, I'm not perfect, and there are some things that I need to work on, and I'm willing for someone else to point it out for me and offer up that coaching.
• 38:38
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, yeah.
• 38:39
  SPEAKER_01: No, it's really it's so important.
• 38:41
  SPEAKER_01: And you and what you said too, it's it's so important.
• 38:43
  SPEAKER_01: We never, we never can just say we've arrived.
• 38:46
  SPEAKER_01: And if we do that, and we and I can be the first one to say this, because I've been there, where we've oh, I hit this great goal, I've arrived, and then it was now what?
• 38:57
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, yeah.
• 38:58
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, oh it's like the downer after you've had this huge high, right?
• 39:04
  SPEAKER_00: It's the crash after.
• 39:05
  SPEAKER_00: I used to experience that after my retreats or the first time I published a book.
• 39:10
  SPEAKER_00: It was like, oh my gosh, it was this huge high.
• 39:12
  SPEAKER_00: And then a couple days later, I just was like, now what?
• 39:16
  SPEAKER_00: And now I just I don't have a purpose anymore.
• 39:18
  SPEAKER_00: What am I doing now with my life?
• 39:20
  SPEAKER_00: And I had to figure this stuff out.
• 39:22
  SPEAKER_00: And then I had to give myself time to say, okay, well, what's next?
• 39:27
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, like what's the next thing?
• 39:29
  SPEAKER_00: And I think always having that next thing, like, yeah, I have this goal, and then once I hit that goal, I'm gonna go for this one and kind of always having it next.
• 39:37
  SPEAKER_00: My husband has this great thing, I it's not even really an analogy, but that he gets really depressed if he doesn't have a vacation planned, which I can like I can appreciate that.
• 39:51
  SPEAKER_00: And so a lot of times when we're on our vacation, like we already know when the next one is, even if it's six months away, we know when the next one is.
• 40:00
  SPEAKER_00: And we went to Dubai this last last November with my company.
• 40:06
  SPEAKER_00: I earned a trip.
• 40:07
  SPEAKER_00: And on the way home, he was just so down.
• 40:10
  SPEAKER_00: And he said, We don't have another big trip planned.
• 40:13
  SPEAKER_00: I'm like, let's do something about that.
• 40:17
  SPEAKER_00: But it's true, it's like you have this high, and it's the same.
• 40:20
  SPEAKER_00: Like I've seen that in clients before where they've reached their, oh my gosh, this is the the pinnacle goal.
• 40:26
  SPEAKER_00: They didn't think that they could surmount it, their Mount Everest.
• 40:30
  SPEAKER_00: And then, and now what?
• 40:31
  SPEAKER_00: And now what?
• 40:32
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, creating that vision and having something else to look forward to is so important.
• 40:36
  SPEAKER_01: Pamela, I could talk to you for hours and hours.
• 40:39
  SPEAKER_01: This has been absolutely amazing.
• 40:41
  SPEAKER_01: Please share with all of our listeners where people can find you and if they want to reach out to you, get your insight and more wisdom from you, how do they reach you?
• 40:50
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I'm all over social media.
• 40:52
  SPEAKER_00: So Facebook, Instagram, LinkedIn, YouTube.
• 40:57
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not on Twitter anymore, formally Twitter, X formally Twitter.
• 41:01
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, but my website, yourselfcareconcierge.com, has links to everything.
• 41:07
  SPEAKER_00: So you can go there and disperse where you want to be.
• 41:10
  SPEAKER_00: And obviously they can find me through you as well.
• 41:14
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, right.
• 41:15
  SPEAKER_01: Awesome.
• 41:16
  SPEAKER_01: And we'll put all the links, of course, in the show notes too.
• 41:19
  SPEAKER_01: So thank you so much for being a guest and listeners.
• 41:22
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you so much for tuning in to the Unstoppable Leadership Um Spotlight podcast.
• 41:27
  SPEAKER_01: Game changing insights from amazing leaders like Pamela.
• 41:31
  SPEAKER_01: So thank you so much.
• 41:32
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you, Jaclyn.
• 41:33
  SPEAKER_00: It's been fun and such a pleasure.
• 41:35
  SPEAKER_02: Thank you.
• 41:42
  SPEAKER_01: I'm Jacqueline Strominger, and I want to thank you so much for listening to the Unstoppable Leadership Spotlight, Influential Leaders and Their Game Changing Insights podcast.
• 41:51
  SPEAKER_01: If you are a successful CEO, entrepreneur, or leader in your industry, and you have insights you would like to share, we want you to be a guest on this program.
• 42:01
  SPEAKER_01: So please visit go.leaptier success.com slash podcast.
• 42:06
  SPEAKER_01: And if you have gotten something out of this interview and you'd like to share the episode on social media, just go ahead and take a screenshot with your phone and text it to a friend or post it on social.
• 42:18
  SPEAKER_01: If you know somebody who would be a great guest, please type them on social media and let them know about the show and include the hashtag Unstoppable Leadership Spotlight.
• 42:32
  SPEAKER_01: I'd love seeing your posts and your guest suggestions.
• 42:36
  SPEAKER_01: So we regularly are putting out new episodes and content.
• 42:40
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• 42:44
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• 42:46
  SPEAKER_01: Ratings and reviews go a long way to help promote the show, and they mean so much to me and my team.
• 42:53
  SPEAKER_01: You want to know more about the podcast or about Leap Cheer Success?
• 42:58
  SPEAKER_01: Just go to the website leapturesuccess.com or follow me, Jacqueline Strominger, on LinkedIn, Facebook, and Instagram.
• 43:07
  SPEAKER_01: Just plug in my name, Jacqueline.
• 43:10
  SPEAKER_01: That's J H C L Y N dot Strominger S-T-R-O-M-I-N-G-E-R, and follow me on all the socials.
• 43:20
  SPEAKER_01: So thank you so much for listening.
• 43:22
  SPEAKER_01: And remember, be on