Latest / Very Fine Friends / Drop Dead Spooky

Transcript

Drop Dead Spooky · Very Fine Friends

• 0:00
  francis do you have a favorite halloween costume that you've ever had
• 0:18
  this is a sore subject oh no no it's okay it's just i always want to dress up for halloween
• 0:24
  and then I'm always like
• 0:26
  it's the day
• 0:29
  I'm like I'm busy
• 0:30
  I forgot I'm an adult
• 0:32
  and so usually
• 0:34
  one time I met this guy his name was Paul
• 0:36
  and he used to work at a Walgreens
• 0:38
  Paul Greens?
• 0:42
  that's it
• 0:42
  that's the podcast
• 0:43
  sorry
• 0:46
  go on
• 0:47
  how did I never think that
• 0:49
  anyway
• 0:53
  he kissed me like Spider-Man once.
• 0:58
  Oh.
• 0:58
  What?
• 0:59
  Yeah, like upside down.
• 1:00
  Anyway.
• 1:03
  Anyway.
• 1:03
  Anyway, he gave me his name tag.
• 1:05
  Oh.
• 1:06
  So on Halloween, I used to just put it on.
• 1:08
  Oh.
• 1:08
  Walk around in it.
• 1:09
  That's pretty good.
• 1:10
  Did Spider-Man kiss you at Walgreens?
• 1:13
  No.
• 1:13
  No, on the couch.
• 1:16
  In the furniture section at Walgreens?
• 1:19
  The furniture section of his house.
• 1:23
  You?
• 1:24
  Um, not really.
• 1:26
  I've always felt like, I don't know, people get super into Halloween costumes.
• 1:32
  I like doing the very subtle one that's basically not a costume.
• 1:37
  Like, I think, was it last year, maybe?
• 1:43
  Or two years ago?
• 1:44
  There's a Tim Robinson sketch where a character in it has a shirt that says, yeah, I play drums.
• 1:50
  And so I just got that shirt.
• 1:52
  So I was that character from that sketch that nobody knew.
• 1:55
  That counts.
• 1:56
  And a real fan would have.
• 1:58
  Raj, King of the Lambs.
• 1:59
  That's the character.
• 2:01
  But yeah.
• 2:04
  A real fan might know.
• 2:05
  Except right.
• 2:06
  Yeah.
• 2:07
  I mean, they wouldn't.
• 2:11
  Because, I mean, he was like a tall, thin, bald man.
• 2:15
  But did he have that shirt on?
• 2:17
  Yeah, you wore that shirt.
• 2:18
  Then they would know.
• 2:19
  Okay.
• 2:20
  All right.
• 2:21
  I guess none of the little kids that came to my door were two true fans of Tim Robinson.
• 2:28
  Well, they are stupid.
• 2:29
  Kids are dumb.
• 2:30
  You know what that reminds me of when I was a kid?
• 2:32
  I would go around in my Scream costume.
• 2:34
  I was big into Scream.
• 2:35
  Oh, yeah.
• 2:36
  And so I wore the Scream outfit with the mask.
• 2:38
  Like in July.
• 2:40
  Terrorizing my neighborhood.
• 2:42
  Like how little kids just like, like they'll wear like their Spider-Man suit all the time.
• 2:46
  You're just walking around in your Scream costume.
• 2:48
  What made you think of Spider-Man?
• 2:51
  I don't know.
• 2:52
  Is it Paul?
• 2:52
  It was a deep, no, it was a deep cut.
• 2:54
  I pulled it from the far reaches of my brain.
• 2:56
  I could never wear a Spider-Man costume because it's too tight fitting.
• 2:59
  I know.
• 3:00
  No one's going to believe I'm Spider-Man.
• 3:05
  Very few people can pull it off.
• 3:06
  Yeah.
• 3:08
  Anyway, this lady wouldn't give me candy unless I took my mask off and I didn't want to.
• 3:12
  Why?
• 3:13
  She was afraid.
• 3:15
  And she had like a metal door and she, and I was.
• 3:17
  It's Halloween.
• 3:18
  I know, but I was always a pretty big kid.
• 3:21
  And I wasn't like a kid kid.
• 3:22
  I was like in sixth grade or something.
• 3:25
  Oh, you were one of those like.
• 3:26
  Sixth grade's okay.
• 3:27
  That's the cutoff probably.
• 3:30
  And so I was taller than other kids.
• 3:31
  And like I'm in the scream costume.
• 3:32
  And I've got like the bloody knife, you know.
• 3:35
  And she literally like opened the door but left the screen door closed.
• 3:38
  And she was like, very good, very good.
• 3:40
  I can't give you candy until I see the whites of your eyes.
• 3:43
  And I was just standing there.
• 3:45
  And then I just left.
• 3:48
  I'll be back later.
• 3:51
  Better lock your doors.
• 3:54
  Well, welcome to Friends Like Us, a podcast where friends talk about stuff.
• 4:00
  It's Halloween tomorrow.
• 4:04
  So we're getting spooky with it on this episode.
• 4:09
  Yeah.
• 4:11
  Well, happy Halloween.
• 4:13
  Happy Halloween.
• 4:14
  Or is it?
• 4:18
  I don't know what any of that meant.
• 4:22
  Quick interruption.
• 4:23
  Every week on the podcast, we do something where our producer Joe gives Francis and I each our own secret word.
• 4:33
  Throughout the course of the podcast, we need to find a way to slip the secret word into our conversation without the other person noticing.
• 4:42
  If the other person can correctly guess the secret word, they get a point.
• 4:45
  and right before we die we add up all the points and then we get a prize whoever has the most points
• 4:54
  for guessing the most secret words here's joe with today's secret words jenna's secret word
• 5:01
  is stalkings francis's secret word is conquering back to the pod uh well let's uh get with our
• 5:10
  let's get with our first segment.
• 5:13
  You want to get with our segment?
• 5:14
  Yes.
• 5:16
  I gotta get with my segs.
• 5:20
  Oh, safe segs. We gotta call it that.
• 5:25
  Francis, I think
• 5:26
  you know what time it is. It's time for
• 5:28
  the invention of the
• 5:30
  week. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 5:32
  Meow.
• 5:33
  Meow.
• 5:36
  Inventions.
• 5:41
  Sure, I'll go.
• 5:44
  Oh, you scared me.
• 5:45
  Oh, I'm sorry.
• 5:46
  Here, you're the ones in my eyes.
• 5:47
  Oh, there you are.
• 5:49
  Okay, this is a man-repelling invention.
• 5:52
  Ooh.
• 5:53
  You're gonna like this.
• 5:53
  Okay.
• 5:57
  The invention is, you know how sometimes men won't stop?
• 6:03
  You know, like...
• 6:04
  Stop what?
• 6:05
  Like attention.
• 6:06
  Talking.
• 6:07
  Oh, yeah.
• 6:07
  You know?
• 6:08
  I do know that
• 6:11
  yeah I know
• 6:11
  I know you have a problem with it
• 6:14
  yep
• 6:15
  so I was thinking
• 6:18
  it's Halloween
• 6:19
  how do we
• 6:22
  stop these men
• 6:23
  from talking to us
• 6:25
  yes
• 6:27
  big problem around Halloween
• 6:28
  it's a huge Halloween problem
• 6:30
  it peaks every October 31st
• 6:34
  this problem
• 6:34
  it's dangerous
• 6:35
  it's scary and it stinks
• 6:37
  Well, this is right in time, then.
• 6:39
  Yeah, you're all going to thank me.
• 6:42
  Here it is.
• 6:44
  Okay.
• 6:45
  I'm ready.
• 6:46
  You know how you have hair.
• 6:49
  I do know that.
• 6:50
  Yes.
• 6:51
  And so sorry for anyone who doesn't.
• 6:53
  This, unfortunately, is not, this is not one for you.
• 6:56
  You could buy it for a friend who has hair.
• 7:00
  You're familiar with...
• 7:01
  Are you familiar with squibs?
• 7:07
  Squid packs?
• 7:08
  Like gunshot in movies?
• 7:11
  Yeah.
• 7:11
  We make tiny versions of it.
• 7:14
  They're like little, almost flat beads.
• 7:17
  Almost flat.
• 7:18
  And you put them on your scalp, hidden by your hair.
• 7:21
  Kind of close to the hairline, wherever you can hide it, where you can't see.
• 7:24
  Okay?
• 7:25
  I'm just now picturing...
• 7:27
  I might be ahead of you on this.
• 7:29
  Are we going to have fake blood shooting under the tops of our heads?
• 7:33
  We're going to have fake blood running down our face.
• 7:37
  It's not like a pop.
• 7:38
  It's like a light pop.
• 7:40
  Anyway, here's what happens.
• 7:42
  You can trigger them with your phone, like an app.
• 7:49
  You could say, like, release the squibs.
• 7:51
  Or you can calibrate it to your scream decibel.
• 7:55
  When your phone hears you scream.
• 7:57
  So imagine a man's talking to you.
• 7:59
  You want us to stop.
• 8:00
  So I just go, ah!
• 8:02
  Yeah.
• 8:02
  And it pops all the squibs.
• 8:05
  And the blood starts running down your face.
• 8:07
  he's out of there.
• 8:08
  I guarantee you.
• 8:09
  I think he might be out of there if like midway him talking about his fantasy
• 8:15
  football team or whatever.
• 8:16
  And then I just start screaming.
• 8:19
  He might be out of there just from the screen.
• 8:22
  We'll never know what was the cause because it happened simultaneously.
• 8:29
  This is not just good for men.
• 8:31
  Any situation you want to get out of.
• 8:33
  You don't think that that's going to attract way more attention.
• 8:35
  you think people are going to leave you alone if they're suddenly bleeding from the head?
• 8:40
  Yes.
• 8:40
  You think people are going to be like, you know what?
• 8:43
  She's fine.
• 8:44
  I'm just going to go now.
• 8:45
  I don't think they're going to think.
• 8:46
  I think they're going to be like, I'm out.
• 8:47
  I'm out of here.
• 8:47
  They're not going to be like, what's happening?
• 8:50
  Are you okay?
• 8:50
  Do you need me to call 911?
• 8:52
  You don't think the man's instinct to like protect the woman or help her is going to kick in?
• 8:59
  I don't think so.
• 9:01
  I know that's not an instinct that you have.
• 9:03
  No, I do.
• 9:04
  I have that instinct.
• 9:05
  But I think that, you know how they say, like, don't yell help, yell fire, because, like, people won't help you.
• 9:11
  But they will come see about a fire.
• 9:13
  Yeah.
• 9:13
  You ever heard that?
• 9:16
  Yes.
• 9:17
  Yeah.
• 9:17
  It's real.
• 9:18
  It's human psychology.
• 9:20
  So maybe you could scream fire and the blood will come down.
• 9:24
  Then he'd just go, where's the fire?
• 9:27
  Then he'd stick around.
• 9:28
  It's the opposite of what you were saying.
• 9:30
  So I should yell help than if I want to not have him stay.
• 9:33
  Yeah.
• 9:35
  So he's standing in front of me, talking to me.
• 9:39
  Here, let's try this out.
• 9:42
  Am I the man?
• 9:42
  Yes.
• 9:43
  Okay, great.
• 9:44
  My dream.
• 9:46
  No, actually, because I want to see how this works.
• 9:49
  I'll be the man.
• 9:50
  Okay, I'll back up when I scream.
• 9:53
  Okay.
• 9:54
  Oh, just coming out of the store.
• 9:55
  Oh, I got everything I need for Halloween.
• 9:57
  Oh, Jeanette.
• 9:59
  Hey, how's it going?
• 10:00
  Oh, hey.
• 10:02
  Oh, I'm so glad I got you.
• 10:04
  I'm just so busy right now.
• 10:05
  Listen, I know it's a little early, but I'm already planning my Super Bowl party.
• 10:08
  I just told you I was busy.
• 10:08
  And, uh, yeah.
• 10:10
  Anyway, last year, everyone loved your dip.
• 10:13
  Yeah.
• 10:13
  And it feels like it really wouldn't be a party.
• 10:14
  Yeah, okay.
• 10:15
  I'm pretty sure the 49ers are going to be in the Super Bowl again.
• 10:18
  Yeah!
• 10:22
  If you'll excuse me, I have to go now.
• 10:25
  Oh.
• 10:26
  Oh.
• 10:27
  Wait.
• 10:28
  Uh-uh.
• 10:29
  Wait, wait.
• 10:30
  I was about to leave, but now there's blood running down your head.
• 10:34
  Are you okay?
• 10:34
  What happened?
• 10:35
  Quick, somebody
• 10:36
  Somebody get
• 10:37
  No, I don't need help
• 10:39
  Somebody
• 10:39
  Janette, what's going on?
• 10:44
  Somebody call 911
• 10:46
  No
• 10:46
  I will hold your bloody head until help gets here
• 10:51
  No
• 10:51
  And in the meantime, I'm going to keep talking about football
• 10:54
  To keep you calm
• 10:56
  Gunshot
• 10:56
  I don't know, I don't think it would work
• 11:01
  Well, you're just a good friend
• 11:02
  I think most people
• 11:04
  if someone started spontaneously bleeding from the top of their head.
• 11:08
  I know where this went wrong.
• 11:10
  Oh, okay.
• 11:10
  There's one tiny detail that if you change it,
• 11:13
  it'll be...
• 11:14
  It's a bit of a detail.
• 11:16
  This is not for friends or people you know.
• 11:20
  This is for random people you don't know.
• 11:26
  Okay, so how often are you being...
• 11:28
  Okay, so...
• 11:30
  You're going out.
• 11:31
  Okay.
• 11:32
  Guess what?
• 11:33
  What?
• 11:33
  Your divorce just got finalized.
• 11:35
  Okay.
• 11:35
  It's time to party.
• 11:36
  Put on your lube bootings.
• 11:39
  All right.
• 11:39
  Let's play this scenario out.
• 11:42
  Are you the divorcee?
• 11:43
  No, I'm the man again.
• 11:45
  Oh, okay.
• 11:46
  Great.
• 11:47
  Oh, my God.
• 11:49
  Love this club.
• 11:51
  Wow.
• 11:52
  Drink is good.
• 11:53
  I'm hot.
• 11:54
  Hey.
• 11:55
  Yeah, I heard that.
• 11:56
  You are hot.
• 11:57
  Oh, thanks.
• 11:57
  This is for me, though.
• 11:58
  Have a nice night, sir.
• 11:59
  Whoa.
• 12:01
  What's that?
• 12:02
  Sorry.
• 12:02
  It's so loud in here.
• 12:03
  It's not that loud.
• 12:03
  I said no.
• 12:05
  What?
• 12:05
  Thank you.
• 12:05
  I don't mean to be a, you know, just please.
• 12:08
  Hey, hey, hey.
• 12:09
  Someone pretty like you shouldn't be all alone.
• 12:18
  I'm bleeding.
• 12:19
  Go away.
• 12:22
  This is too much drama for me.
• 12:24
  I don't need this in my life right now.
• 12:26
  Have a good night.
• 12:28
  Whoa.
• 12:29
  Francis.
• 12:29
  I know.
• 12:30
  That's the secret.
• 12:31
  It can't be a friend.
• 12:32
  Oh.
• 12:33
  If they care, they stay.
• 12:36
  Caring voids the warranty.
• 12:39
  Oh, caring voids the warranty?
• 12:41
  Yeah.
• 12:42
  Must be used on strangers.
• 12:44
  Okay.
• 12:45
  You like it?
• 12:46
  Well, I mean, we now know that it would absolutely work.
• 12:49
  Yeah.
• 12:49
  God, I want to know the rest of her story now.
• 12:51
  I want to know what she goes on to do.
• 12:54
  I guess we'll have to save that for another invention.
• 12:57
  Great.
• 12:59
  So does this have a name?
• 13:01
  Yeah.
• 13:02
  What is its name?
• 13:03
  X-Men.
• 13:05
  Hmm.
• 13:06
  We might get sued.
• 13:08
  Well, not if we spell it E-X.
• 13:10
  That's what I was going for.
• 13:11
  Wait, but does it sound like former men?
• 13:16
  Um, yes.
• 13:18
  How about we do a different name?
• 13:23
  Oh, okay.
• 13:24
  How about, um, just spitballing here.
• 13:28
  Gigan.
• 13:30
  Damn, that's good.
• 13:31
  Miss Guygon?
• 13:34
  Like Miss Saigon?
• 13:35
  That works.
• 13:37
  Wow, that's good.
• 13:38
  No I was thinking like Goo Gone Oh like Goo Gone Oh got to be Gloosbury Yeah that the best we going to do
• 13:48
  Thank you, Joe.
• 13:49
  Not release the squibs?
• 13:53
  That's funny.
• 13:56
  Guy Gone.
• 13:57
  Release the squibs, that's cute.
• 14:01
  It's cute?
• 14:02
  Highfalutin in your Labutins.
• 14:08
  Divorce the night away.
• 14:17
  Okay.
• 14:18
  I feel like there's another name in there.
• 14:19
  It's not reigning men.
• 14:23
  Maybe that could be the tagline.
• 14:26
  That's a good tagline.
• 14:30
  Divorce the night away.
• 14:31
  Okay.
• 14:32
  Sorry, I'm making notes for myself.
• 14:34
  I know people would try this.
• 14:35
  well it would be honestly best as a weird halloween prank but listeners do not do this without
• 14:45
  buying it from us first yeah we're also gonna get it yeah that's right you couldn't even get
• 14:51
  it anywhere you can't even make this you can't even jury rig this yeah don't even try if you do
• 14:57
  try we'll know because we'll see your failed attempts yeah and no amount of screaming will
• 15:03
  The blood runs dry.
• 15:06
  No, that's stupid.
• 15:07
  I would go to their house if I found out they were using it,
• 15:09
  and I would jimmy their door and scare them late into the night,
• 15:13
  and I would jimmy every door.
• 15:15
  I'd go around.
• 15:16
  I'd hit the windows.
• 15:17
  You'd jimmy all the doors?
• 15:18
  Yeah.
• 15:19
  Just, here's your closet.
• 15:22
  I'm making eye contact.
• 15:25
  Get that off your head.
• 15:27
  Bathroom door.
• 15:28
  i don't think jimmying the doors is as menacing if the person isn't on the other side of the door
• 15:35
  like if someone's in their bedroom and you're like like in the laundry room jimmying a door
• 15:42
  it's not it doesn't have the same menacing effect i don't think well anything's scary when you're
• 15:48
  home alone like i have a a clothes steamer like a super nice one and i put like clothes on it and
• 15:55
  I always forget it's there when I use it and like I turn the corner in the dark and I see
• 15:58
  like the silhouette of a person and I like it's a nice night one day I'm gonna be in those clothes
• 16:08
  the night I conquer my fear yeah when you're ready for it okay good uh well we've proven that
• 16:17
  this works so i i don't know how every single lady on earth won't buy one of these and the blood
• 16:27
  doesn't stain oh that's that's a nice feature yeah it's a detergent it's actually it actually
• 16:33
  cleans your clothes it gets on your then you can just throw your clothes in the washer it's actually
• 16:36
  a beautiful exfoliant on your face and then it cleans your clothes it's an exfoliant when it's
• 16:41
  on your face and then when it's on your clothes it's detergent it's yeah uh how quickly does the
• 16:48
  blood run down is it like a slow burn yeah okay it's thick viscous viscous goop you have time to
• 16:56
  like here's a rendition of what's actually happening it starts it's in the middle of my
• 17:05
  forehead. It's now
• 17:08
  touching my eyebrow. Does that kind of help?
• 17:10
  Yeah. It's relatively fast.
• 17:14
  I guess normal speed.
• 17:16
  Yeah, that's the technology.
• 17:20
  You specially
• 17:21
  timed it.
• 17:23
  You practiced. You hit a lot
• 17:25
  of people in the head.
• 17:28
  Clocked how quickly the blood
• 17:29
  ran down their forehead. Yeah.
• 17:31
  So that it would perfectly mimic
• 17:33
  that speed. Because accuracy
• 17:35
  is key. I couldn't
• 17:37
  look at myself in the mirror and live with
• 17:39
  myself and love myself if I hadn't
• 17:41
  assaulted those strangers
• 17:43
  for the science.
• 17:45
  And the strangers
• 17:46
  are grateful, by the way. They got a free
• 17:49
  one. Oh, yeah.
• 17:52
  They got
• 17:53
  a free one.
• 17:55
  They screamed and they bled.
• 17:57
  They screamed, they bled,
• 17:59
  and you immediately left the scene.
• 18:01
  Yeah, I did. Further proving that it works.
• 18:03
  Yeah. God, I'm good.
• 18:05
  I just want to see if this works.
• 18:10
  Oh, good.
• 18:11
  Yes, it does.
• 18:11
  I see blood and I immediately want to leave.
• 18:13
  And they were all divorcees.
• 18:14
  Oh, good.
• 18:15
  Well, I divorced the night away.
• 18:18
  Probably on shelves by the time this episode drops.
• 18:20
  Yeah.
• 18:21
  I guess.
• 18:21
  I'm sold out.
• 18:23
  Just in time for you to use it not for your Halloween costumes.
• 18:27
  No, this is a serious.
• 18:28
  No, this is serious.
• 18:29
  This is like pepper spray.
• 18:30
  This is if you are trick-or-treating.
• 18:32
  If you're a grown woman trick-or-treating.
• 18:34
  and a man doesn't, wants to talk to you for a long time before giving you candy.
• 18:41
  But they don't care about you.
• 18:42
  But they don't care about you.
• 18:43
  Yeah.
• 18:43
  If they cared about you, then sadly this will.
• 18:46
  You can't use this.
• 18:46
  It avoids the warranty.
• 18:48
  Yeah.
• 18:48
  And it's a crime.
• 18:50
  Punishable by Jill.
• 18:52
  Sounded like he said punishable by Jill.
• 18:56
  That's right.
• 18:57
  Here at Friends Like Us, we have a special enforcer named Jill.
• 19:02
  Yeah.
• 19:02
  she handles all our crimes
• 19:05
  hi it's Jill
• 19:06
  Jill get back off mic
• 19:08
  alright
• 19:10
  sorry
• 19:11
  man tough fraud
• 19:13
  anyway you don't want to know what happens
• 19:16
  that's the point of Jill
• 19:18
  scary Jill
• 19:19
  cool well go to friendslikeuspod.com
• 19:23
  to buy your own
• 19:24
  divorce the night away
• 19:25
  and
• 19:29
  enjoy your freedom, ladies.
• 19:34
  Sometimes I feel like I have too much talent.
• 19:38
  I agree.
• 19:40
  Yeah.
• 19:42
  Oh, and that wraps up the invention of the week.
• 19:45
  Now let's talk about your talent.
• 19:46
  Yeah, I just feel like
• 19:48
  some people out there can't think of one good idea.
• 19:50
  And here I am.
• 19:51
  I can't.
• 19:53
  That's not true.
• 19:54
  Divorce the night away was your
• 19:56
  words.
• 19:58
  I'm pretty sure you mostly inspired it though
• 20:02
  Let's just do an exercise
• 20:03
  I'm going to show you that anyone can do this
• 20:05
  Name one problem you have
• 20:07
  See I can't even think of a problem
• 20:10
  But I know I have them
• 20:11
  You put me on the spot
• 20:14
  Here's a foolproof way
• 20:15
  Your dryer is broken
• 20:17
  Oh no your clothes are wet
• 20:19
  You have somewhere to go
• 20:20
  You have a line in the backyard
• 20:23
  How do you dry your clothes?
• 20:27
  My hair dryer
• 20:27
  i would take what i what i need to do and just air dry it that's absolutely brilliant
• 20:34
  thank you so i invented a hair dryer you invented a hair dryer you just gotta do one little thing
• 20:39
  different like maybe it could have two barrels it could be like a shot or like a shotgun
• 20:43
  shaped but it's a hair dryer so it's a portable clothes dryer yeah it looks like a hair dryer
• 20:49
  no it looks like a gun well but yeah sorry it looks like a gun see double barrel shotgun
• 20:55
  actually would be kind of fun to use
• 20:59
  see and you thought of it
• 21:00
  no you didn't
• 21:03
  well alright I guess then we're all
• 21:11
  geniuses
• 21:11
  good talent
• 21:13
  except Jill
• 21:14
  well Jill has other talents
• 21:16
  like what
• 21:20
  Jill you're an enforcer
• 21:23
  you know you're an enforcer
• 21:24
  You're the muscles behind Friends Like Us.
• 21:27
  And that's it.
• 21:30
  Look.
• 21:31
  I thought you just kept me around for my body.
• 21:34
  We do for your muscly, muscly body.
• 21:38
  I love you.
• 21:46
  Francis is dying.
• 21:50
  Ow.
• 21:51
  Hold on, Francis.
• 21:52
  Let Jill Heimlich you.
• 21:53
  Enforce me.
• 21:54
  Wow. That was great.
• 21:59
  Oh,
• 22:01
  baloney.
• 22:04
  All right. Well,
• 22:06
  thanks for fixing Francis,
• 22:09
  Jill.
• 22:12
  It's time
• 22:13
  for our next segment.
• 22:20
  Our next segment.
• 22:23
  John,
• 22:23
  I don't know if I can do it
• 22:33
  you can
• 22:34
  you invented a hair dryer
• 22:35
  you can do this
• 22:36
  okay
• 22:37
  it's time for her
• 22:40
  this is all stinging
• 22:52
  this is great podcasting
• 22:57
  it's time for our next segment
• 22:59
  JonBenet
• 23:00
  Francis can you say it?
• 23:12
  yeah I can say it
• 23:14
  thank you
• 23:15
  it's time for our new segment
• 23:17
  JonBenet
• 23:19
  fancy
• 23:20
  hey y'all it's joe benet fancy
• 23:28
  all right
• 23:31
  in this segment we detail we've decided to turn to a true crime podcast
• 23:44
  so buckle up listeners we're now a true crime podcast
• 23:50
  and always have been and and yeah have always been but we're now revealing it to you
• 23:55
  um we are about to detail a heinous crime
• 24:00
  that never happened but it's real but it's real and it's heinous and every disgusting detail
• 24:09
  is verifiable on Wikipedia.
• 24:12
  Wikipedia.
• 24:14
  You said that funny.
• 24:18
  Joe, well, we know everything about
• 24:19
  all crimes ever. Yeah.
• 24:21
  So Joe just needs to
• 24:23
  give us a suggestion and it'll immediately
• 24:25
  make us think of a certain crime.
• 24:28
  We'll know exactly what's crime.
• 24:29
  Which is like our Rolodex. Yeah.
• 24:33
  Joe had to
• 24:34
  step away for a second, but Jill
• 24:35
  can give you a suggestion if you want.
• 24:37
  Sure, Jill. We're not paying you extra for this, though.
• 24:40
  Oh, okay.
• 24:42
  Your suggestion is rainforest.
• 24:46
  Oh, no.
• 24:48
  Rainforest.
• 24:50
  Well, Francis, I know we're thinking of the same one.
• 24:54
  Obviously, there's only one heinous rainforest.
• 24:58
  The Rainforest Cafe.
• 25:00
  Yeah.
• 25:02
  The Nasty Murders and Disfigurement.
• 25:07
  At the Rainforest Cafe.
• 25:08
  Rainforest Cafe, yep.
• 25:10
  Of 1995.
• 25:12
  Yep.
• 25:13
  This one, well, I feel like this is almost cheating because we're picking one that listeners all know.
• 25:19
  I know.
• 25:20
  I mean, everyone knows where they were when they heard about the Rainforest Cafe grizzly murders and disfigurements.
• 25:27
  Of 1995.
• 25:28
  Of 1995.
• 25:29
  Yeah, it was people, I've heard them say it's the Manson murders of the 90s.
• 25:34
  it's i've heard people call the manson murders the rainforest cafe disfigurement and murders of
• 25:45
  the 70s 60s yeah it was 1969 i only know that because of the rainforest
• 25:52
  grizzly murders and disfigurements of 95 yeah yeah well uh this is a tough one to talk about
• 26:02
  You okay?
• 26:03
  I'm okay.
• 26:04
  I'm okay.
• 26:04
  No, I mean, it's been 30 years at this point.
• 26:09
  So, you know, time heals all wounds.
• 26:12
  Yeah.
• 26:12
  Thank goodness.
• 26:13
  Well, not their wounds.
• 26:14
  Not theirs, no.
• 26:15
  Yeah.
• 26:17
  Well, it was, as you remember, Francis, a bachelorette party.
• 26:23
  Yes.
• 26:24
  And they hadn't made a reservation.
• 26:26
  I remember that.
• 26:26
  No.
• 26:27
  Yeah.
• 26:27
  which is that like to me that's so heartbreaking because it like it underscores just how like fun
• 26:35
  and full of life these young ladies were yeah that they just the the world was still their oyster
• 26:41
  they didn't even think of reservations they just like they just knew that things were going to work
• 26:45
  out for them yeah i mean it's a bachelor it's a bachelorette party so already you're on top of the
• 26:49
  world yeah you feel like you can do anything you know they're out here breaking hearts conquering
• 26:56
  men. Yeah. Going
• 26:58
  wild.
• 27:00
  Thinking that someday they're going to
• 27:02
  be able to divorce the night away.
• 27:04
  Little did they know.
• 27:07
  The night would be divorcing
• 27:08
  their blood.
• 27:10
  That blood would be real
• 27:12
  running down their heads. Yeah. So
• 27:13
  they get in
• 27:16
  there. I remember this like it was yesterday.
• 27:17
  In a way it was. It still is.
• 27:20
  Every day it the same for me Every day I wake up and for like half a second I forgotten that it happened And then I remember it It just I know That why we always like to work Yep
• 27:32
  Yeah.
• 27:32
  And our bosses understand.
• 27:33
  They understand.
• 27:33
  Because this is a national tragedy.
• 27:34
  Yeah.
• 27:35
  Because these were blonde women.
• 27:37
  Well, yeah.
• 27:39
  And technically not bottle blonde, but still.
• 27:43
  Yeah.
• 27:43
  It doesn't matter.
• 27:44
  It doesn't matter.
• 27:44
  As long as the light catches.
• 27:46
  Which in the end was how the killer found them.
• 27:50
  because their blonde hair was reflecting the light from the ceiling,
• 27:56
  which reflected into the eye of a decorative toucan.
• 28:00
  Yep.
• 28:01
  Which then shot upon them.
• 28:03
  Which, actually, the toucan involvement in this is,
• 28:07
  this is actually why Kellogg suspended the toucan as the mascot of Froot Loops
• 28:14
  for a good year and a half, at least.
• 28:17
  I think it was at least 18 months.
• 28:19
  It might have been a full two years.
• 28:20
  that the toucan was not the mascot.
• 28:23
  Toucan was not a mascot
• 28:25
  because it was like too,
• 28:27
  just an image of a toucan was too much for.
• 28:30
  Yeah.
• 28:31
  Yeah.
• 28:31
  He only got his job back because of the union.
• 28:35
  Well, I know.
• 28:36
  But he was, he didn't push it for too,
• 28:39
  like he was gracious, he understood.
• 28:41
  Yeah, it was hard on him too.
• 28:42
  It was hard on him too,
• 28:43
  but he was willing to take that hit
• 28:44
  because it was like,
• 28:45
  this is a nation in mourning.
• 28:47
  And if my seeing me makes things harder,
• 28:50
  that I want to accelerate this.
• 28:51
  But after a while, you know, he was kind of like, okay, I got to get back to work.
• 28:55
  And which then, you know, in America, ultimately understood.
• 28:58
  Yeah.
• 28:58
  It's not like he could do anything else.
• 29:00
  No, no.
• 29:01
  I mean, there's only one job for a toucan.
• 29:03
  Red Forest Cafe or cereal.
• 29:05
  Cereal box.
• 29:05
  Yeah.
• 29:06
  So what I'm remembering now, God, this is coming back like crazy.
• 29:11
  Before anything happened, little objects started to go missing from the women at the table.
• 29:15
  And they didn't notice because they were having such a good time.
• 29:18
  Oh, yeah.
• 29:19
  I know.
• 29:20
  They didn't notice until the sash, the bride-to-be sash, was the thing that went missing.
• 29:25
  Yeah.
• 29:26
  And her friends were like, Dana, Dana, where's your sash?
• 29:28
  Where's your sash?
• 29:29
  Yeah, they're like, did you change your mind?
• 29:31
  Yeah.
• 29:31
  Yeah.
• 29:32
  No, Gregory's great.
• 29:34
  Oh, Gregory and Dana.
• 29:35
  I'm so mad just because what a great couple name.
• 29:38
  I know.
• 29:39
  I know.
• 29:41
  This is kind of a weird twist to all of this.
• 29:44
  So, you know, a few years later, Gregory ended up marrying somebody also named Dana.
• 29:50
  There are conspiracy theorists who think that was no accident.
• 29:54
  Really?
• 29:55
  Yeah.
• 29:56
  What's he liked about it was the name.
• 29:59
  Well, anyway, we're not here to talk about...
• 30:01
  Allegedly.
• 30:02
  Allegedly.
• 30:03
  Yeah.
• 30:04
  Gregory's a whole other podcast, quite frankly.
• 30:07
  We could get into the psychology of Gregory.
• 30:10
  But we're going to put that to the side for now.
• 30:12
  That's a whole other segment another time.
• 30:17
  Yeah, but the ladies, Dana, she was so young.
• 30:23
  And also her maid of honor, Jessica.
• 30:27
  Yeah.
• 30:29
  Tiffany.
• 30:30
  Yeah.
• 30:31
  Rebecca with a K.
• 30:32
  And Berbar.
• 30:35
  Berbar was kind of an unfortunate one because she wasn't actually originally going to make it.
• 30:40
  because she was in Sweden, obviously.
• 30:46
  But Dana was like, it's not going to be the same without you, Brabara.
• 30:48
  I'll pay.
• 30:49
  Is it money?
• 30:50
  I'll pay.
• 30:50
  I know.
• 30:51
  And then Brabara was like, no, no, no.
• 30:53
  But she then made her realize how much Dana wanted her to be there.
• 30:56
  Yeah.
• 30:57
  But she didn't tell Dana.
• 30:59
  And so when Dana got to the Rainforest Cafe, Brabara was there waiting.
• 31:03
  And it was like this big celebration.
• 31:06
  And they were like, oh, I didn't think you'd be here.
• 31:08
  It was beautiful.
• 31:08
  I know, it was beautiful.
• 31:09
  Everyone in the restaurant was like, oh.
• 31:12
  I know.
• 31:13
  Send them a drink.
• 31:15
  Yeah, I know.
• 31:15
  They actually didn't pay for drinks.
• 31:17
  I'm glad they didn't have to.
• 31:18
  Yeah.
• 31:18
  Well, no, they didn't pay for anything in the end.
• 31:21
  Or they paid with their lives.
• 31:23
  Ultimately, I know.
• 31:25
  So the first disfigurement.
• 31:27
  Ah.
• 31:28
  Sad to say, it was Jessica.
• 31:30
  I know.
• 31:32
  Well, Jessica was kind of like the loud.
• 31:35
  She was the loudest in the group.
• 31:37
  So it kind of makes sense that she was the one that was taken down first.
• 31:42
  Yeah.
• 31:42
  The irony of her coming back to the table with no lips.
• 31:47
  Yeah, I know.
• 31:49
  Yeah.
• 31:50
  And she didn't know.
• 31:51
  She didn't.
• 31:52
  She didn't even know.
• 31:53
  She did not realize.
• 31:54
  She's just trying to talk and they were like, girl, what?
• 31:58
  And well, she succeeded in talking because she still had her tongue.
• 32:04
  Those were that was next to go.
• 32:06
  Yeah.
• 32:06
  Every time she left, she came back missing something.
• 32:10
  Yeah.
• 32:11
  And next was Rebecca with a K.
• 32:17
  Yeah.
• 32:18
  A big capital K in the middle.
• 32:20
  Oh, yeah.
• 32:21
  Big capital K.
• 32:23
  She was like the life log, like the kindergarten friend.
• 32:29
  The one who she wasn't.
• 32:31
  She wasn't like in the rest of the group, really.
• 32:34
  Yeah.
• 32:34
  but
• 32:35
  don't judge her too
• 32:39
  she
• 32:39
  she was the least attractive
• 32:42
  out of all of them
• 32:44
  and she was kind of the
• 32:47
  dorkiest
• 32:47
  she had her like
• 32:51
  really shiny
• 32:52
  long kind of like muumuu dress
• 32:54
  like pink
• 32:55
  you just said it all with muumuu didn't you
• 32:59
  no I meant
• 33:00
  she didn't have a sense of proportion
• 33:02
  she was actually not
• 33:03
  it just made her look boxy.
• 33:06
  Yeah.
• 33:06
  And she was wearing
• 33:07
  she was wearing white stockings
• 33:08
  and white stockings
• 33:09
  always make legs look like tree trunks
• 33:11
  you know
• 33:12
  and white shoes too.
• 33:15
  Oh God.
• 33:15
  I know.
• 33:16
  Bad look.
• 33:17
  But she was like
• 33:18
  she was like the sweetest person.
• 33:19
  So nice.
• 33:20
  Everyone said she was
• 33:20
  they were like
• 33:21
  she earned that capital K.
• 33:23
  Kind.
• 33:24
  Kind with a capital K
• 33:25
  is what they would say.
• 33:27
  Yeah.
• 33:27
  Oh.
• 33:28
  I know.
• 33:28
  God it's like so sad.
• 33:30
  But I think what I'm remembering now
• 33:32
  is that
• 33:32
  someone came and said
• 33:33
  There's a phone call for Rebecca?
• 33:36
  Because they didn't know her.
• 33:37
  They were just like.
• 33:38
  Yeah.
• 33:38
  They just thought it was a weird name.
• 33:40
  Yeah.
• 33:40
  And Rebecca just got up and was like, oh, someone's calling me?
• 33:43
  It was the killer.
• 33:45
  Yeah.
• 33:45
  But we didn't know that then.
• 33:46
  No, I know.
• 33:48
  And it was weird.
• 33:49
  No, and they didn't seem to notice.
• 33:50
  The call was coming from inside the restaurant.
• 33:53
  It was coming from inside one of the trees in the restaurant.
• 33:56
  The tree phone.
• 33:57
  Yeah.
• 33:58
  The tree phone.
• 33:58
  Yeah.
• 33:59
  Which I don't know if listeners know this, but every rainforest cafe has three tree phones.
• 34:03
  Yep.
• 34:05
  I mean, not anymore.
• 34:08
  What do you mean?
• 34:09
  They disabled the tree.
• 34:11
  Because of the tragedy.
• 34:12
  Because of the tragedy.
• 34:13
  I heard there's one, but it doesn't work.
• 34:14
  It's just there.
• 34:16
  Right.
• 34:16
  Yeah.
• 34:17
  It's symbolic.
• 34:18
  It's...
• 34:18
  Yeah.
• 34:19
  You can go pilgrimage to it.
• 34:21
  You can leave a sash.
• 34:22
  Yeah.
• 34:23
  It's in Daytona, which is where the ladies wanted to go in the bachelorette party, but
• 34:30
  they couldn't afford it, so...
• 34:33
  Too bad, huh?
• 34:34
  I know.
• 34:35
  Let this be a lesson to you all.
• 34:36
  Spring for Daytona.
• 34:38
  Yep.
• 34:39
  Oh, that's a good...
• 34:40
  That was a good dad for the Daytona Chamber of Commerce.
• 34:44
  You think?
• 34:45
  Spring break.
• 34:46
  Spring for Daytona.
• 34:46
  Spring for Daytona.
• 34:48
  They can't use it.
• 34:49
  Yeah, they can...
• 34:49
  We'll talk, Daytona.
• 34:51
  We know you're listening.
• 34:52
  We gotta negotiate.
• 34:53
  We'll talk after the pod.
• 34:55
  The first heinous murder.
• 34:56
  Heinous murder.
• 34:57
  Heinous.
• 35:00
  Was with a shoe.
• 35:03
  Yeah.
• 35:03
  and it was used.
• 35:05
  It was a dirty used shoe.
• 35:09
  And
• 35:09
  they never found the shoe.
• 35:13
  So they only know it because of the shoe prints.
• 35:15
  Yep.
• 35:17
  I know.
• 35:17
  It's amazing how much you can tell from a shoe print.
• 35:20
  You can.
• 35:20
  There's a whole wing of science devoted to the bottoms of shoes.
• 35:24
  They can look up any shoe by the print.
• 35:27
  Yep.
• 35:29
  Isn't that crazy?
• 35:29
  They just look up the shoe.
• 35:31
  Yeah.
• 35:31
  The shoe database.
• 35:32
  what they do is they take a picture of the print
• 35:35
  and they send it cc all
• 35:37
  to
• 35:37
  shoe and all the executives
• 35:41
  of shoe companies get the email
• 35:42
  and then quickly they're like not mine
• 35:44
  or like
• 35:46
  what's this about
• 35:48
  it does look familiar
• 35:49
  anyway
• 35:53
  who
• 35:56
  who was your favorite one to die
• 35:59
  oh
• 36:00
  that's a weird way to phrase it well you know we're americans we're really into this stuff
• 36:05
  um i
• 36:09
  brabar probably yeah i think because of the poetic way that it happened oh and she came so far i know
• 36:20
  i know came so far that's where that song came from that's what it was about her actually um
• 36:28
  yeah it's one of the spice girls slow jams but yeah remember when they sang the acoustic
• 36:34
  remembrance not a dry eye in the house that's why they stopped music i know another see the
• 36:42
  rainforest cafe killer cutting short a lot of lives the death toll continues to rise i know
• 36:48
  anyway it was gotta be barbaric because she she actually went looking for she climbed up the tree
• 36:57
  looking for whoever it was
• 37:00
  that took her friend's lips
• 37:02
  and laid her tongue.
• 37:04
  Yeah, and at some point sash.
• 37:06
  Well, yes.
• 37:08
  But I think the sash was fine
• 37:10
  when they were like,
• 37:11
  maybe we're a little drunk,
• 37:12
  we lost a sash.
• 37:13
  But when Jessica came back
• 37:15
  without her lips,
• 37:16
  then that was a little bit like...
• 37:18
  Because why are they going to do shots now?
• 37:20
  Yeah, well, also,
• 37:21
  where are your lips?
• 37:23
  so she climbed to the top of this tree i know and then she and then the killer was up there
• 37:31
  but she didn't know she didn't know it was dark you know you've been to a rainforest cafe yeah
• 37:35
  they purposely make it dark up there they do so they don't have to clean i know yeah well
• 37:40
  don't sue us rainforest cafe but that's the truth we all know it yeah and he pushed her
• 37:46
  right onto a pile of forks that were all pointing up yep all pointing up because i don't know if
• 37:51
  you know this rainforest cafe used to store their cutlery in boxes of sand on the table yeah i know
• 37:56
  long one for the party yeah such a shame yeah this is jill i heard recently that now you can
• 38:05
  only buy boxes of sand to hold forks straight up in the black market because they were illegalized
• 38:11
  after the rainforest that is correct very reactionary lawmaking if you ask me but but
• 38:17
  There have been no other crimes like that since.
• 38:19
  That's true.
• 38:19
  So maybe it's doing some good.
• 38:21
  Maybe it did some good.
• 38:22
  Isn't it sad that Brabant was Swiss and died with a lot of holes in her?
• 38:31
  Yeah.
• 38:32
  I know.
• 38:33
  Oh, Brabant.
• 38:35
  Sick.
• 38:36
  Twisty.
• 38:37
  I know.
• 38:38
  She went from Switzerland to her foreign exchange place in Sweden to Oklahoma City.
• 38:46
  where she ultimately
• 38:48
  had her demise.
• 38:49
  Yes.
• 38:50
  Two different countries.
• 38:51
  No, but the killer
• 38:52
  had a sick...
• 38:54
  He had a sick,
• 38:56
  twisted sense of humor
• 38:57
  like that.
• 38:57
  It was not a mistake.
• 38:58
  No, he knew.
• 38:59
  And she's the one.
• 39:00
  He knew.
• 39:01
  Old Swiss barbar.
• 39:03
  Old Swiss
• 39:04
  by way of Sweden barbar.
• 39:07
  And then
• 39:08
  the last
• 39:09
  last murder, Dana.
• 39:11
  God.
• 39:12
  Poor
• 39:13
  sashless Dana.
• 39:14
  Yep.
• 39:15
  At least she died with her lips.
• 39:18
  A lot of good they do Gregory at that point, but.
• 39:21
  He still goes to the gravesite.
• 39:22
  They were preserved.
• 39:24
  Yeah.
• 39:24
  So he goes to the gravesite every year on the anniversary of her death and leans in.
• 39:28
  And kisses it.
• 39:29
  Yeah.
• 39:29
  Spider-Man style.
• 39:33
  Yeah.
• 39:36
  So sad.
• 39:37
  Well, I feel like we could go on about this forever.
• 39:41
  We should stop, though, because it's actually hurting my heart.
• 39:45
  I know.
• 39:46
  I know.
• 39:47
  I would like to go out for some treats, though.
• 39:51
  We can go to our Rainforest Cafe.
• 39:53
  Okay.
• 39:54
  Sounds good to me.
• 39:55
  We'll bring our fork box.
• 39:58
  I'll bring the sand.
• 40:00
  Well, all right.
• 40:02
  Well, I guess this segment has a happy end, then.
• 40:04
  Yeah.
• 40:04
  Because we're going to get treats after this.
• 40:06
  Yeah.
• 40:07
  And there's still a living Dana, thanks to Gregory.
• 40:10
  Yes.
• 40:11
  rest in peace for war and gregory and dana if you're listening and we know that you are
• 40:18
  uh thank you for listening and uh all right that wraps up
• 40:27
  john benet fancy yay
• 40:32
  i did it you guys i said it i like that we didn't tell them who did it i think they should never know
• 40:38
  His name be not uttered.
• 40:43
  Yes, I said that word on purpose.
• 40:45
  His name be not uttered.
• 40:50
  Well, some sad times on this Halloween pod.
• 40:54
  Yeah, but we need murder.
• 40:56
  Otherwise, we wouldn't have a true crime podcast.
• 41:00
  Yeah, that's true.
• 41:01
  So.
• 41:02
  So worth it.
• 41:04
  Right.
• 41:04
  It sucks, but like.
• 41:06
  Oh I know Thank you Uh well there only one thing left to do Well no there a couple things left to do but the next thing is the big question
• 41:17
  the question is very
• 41:21
  big
• 41:21
  you like it a big question?
• 41:24
  I love it a big question
• 41:26
  I'll ask you a big question
• 41:28
  I would love that
• 41:29
  this is not the big question
• 41:32
  but it's a quick one I'm just curious what you'd say
• 41:34
  because it just popped into my head and I want to know.
• 41:35
  Okay.
• 41:36
  You know how we love music?
• 41:37
  I do know that.
• 41:38
  Yeah.
• 41:39
  Do you know you always ask me leading questions?
• 41:41
  We used to before it was outlawed after the rainforest got.
• 41:44
  Well, we have the memory of music.
• 41:47
  Spice Girls were outlawed.
• 41:49
  Yeah.
• 41:49
  Because they're such a touching tribute.
• 41:51
  And if you're caught listening to them, they'll rip your lips off.
• 41:54
  Mm-hmm.
• 41:56
  Yep.
• 41:57
  Anyway.
• 41:58
  They'll go, fork you!
• 42:00
  Burbar!
• 42:01
  I was thinking
• 42:03
  you know when you hear a new song and you're like
• 42:05
  whoa oh my god I love it
• 42:07
  oh it's touching me
• 42:09
  if you had the opportunity
• 42:13
  to listen to a channel
• 42:15
  like Spotify channel or whatever
• 42:17
  I'm not plugging them but whatever
• 42:18
  where it was like a channel of songs
• 42:21
  that you would
• 42:22
  like your 10 out of 10 songs that you've never
• 42:25
  heard before this is a channel of new music
• 42:27
  you've never ever heard
• 42:28
  and everyone's a banger
• 42:30
  but you can never hear the song again.
• 42:34
  Would you still like to have that channel
• 42:35
  or would you like to find them organically
• 42:37
  so you could listen to them?
• 42:40
  Oh, like they're still in the,
• 42:41
  like if I don't listen to the channel
• 42:44
  then they still exist and I could run across them
• 42:46
  in the wild.
• 42:47
  Will you?
• 42:49
  William you?
• 42:51
  I would say I wouldn't want to listen to it.
• 42:54
  I would hope that I run across them in the wild.
• 42:57
  Yeah, that's beautiful.
• 42:58
  the real question
• 43:01
  okay
• 43:01
  that was a small question
• 43:03
  it was a little question
• 43:05
  a little cute
• 43:06
  anyway
• 43:08
  my question to you is
• 43:11
  if I said Jenna you have to
• 43:14
  you have to
• 43:16
  frame a random celebrity
• 43:18
  for a weird crime
• 43:20
  what celebrity would you pick
• 43:22
  and how would you frame them for this crime
• 43:23
  um okay
• 43:27
  I
• 43:29
  first I feel like there's the perfect celebrity out there
• 43:33
  that I'm trying to think
• 43:34
  could have been Brebar, she'd lived
• 43:36
  I would
• 43:41
  frame
• 43:44
  Denise Richards
• 43:47
  I would frame Denise Richards
• 43:52
  for
• 43:53
  insider trading
• 43:57
  I have to.
• 43:57
  I have to hear more.
• 43:58
  First of all, why her?
• 44:00
  And why insider trading?
• 44:02
  She doesn't strike me as very bright.
• 44:04
  So I feel like she wouldn't put up a good defense.
• 44:07
  Denise, I'm sorry.
• 44:08
  That's the persona you put out.
• 44:09
  And I know you're listening.
• 44:10
  I'm sorry, Denise.
• 44:11
  Well, when you're hot, you don't have to be bright.
• 44:13
  So she's not going to be insulted.
• 44:16
  Does she even know she was insulted?
• 44:18
  Oh, Denise, I'm sorry.
• 44:20
  Just shot after shot.
• 44:21
  Also, she's just like random enough.
• 44:25
  Yeah.
• 44:25
  Yeah.
• 44:25
  It's not going to make like, well, it will be on the news, but it's not going to be like all people are talking about.
• 44:31
  Okay, Denise did a crime.
• 44:32
  Okay, so, but I think, so I would plant evidence of, like, I would go, I would break into, I would break into a top secret weapons manufacturing company, steal some kind of secrets that have release dates for their next big, like, okay.
• 45:02
  there's a weapons company
• 45:03
  um
• 45:05
  let's call them Raython Martin
• 45:08
  okay yeah it's so
• 45:10
  random yeah I don't know where that name just
• 45:12
  came to me it's a beautiful name yeah
• 45:13
  Raython Martin boy or girl
• 45:16
  yeah Raython Martin
• 45:17
  yeah that's cute
• 45:19
  uh
• 45:21
  and
• 45:23
  they have a new tank coming out
• 45:26
  right that's gonna
• 45:27
  revolutionize the way people
• 45:30
  tank
• 45:30
  this tank is going to also double as a drone oh a tank drone a tank drone td
• 45:39
  so it's it's a like an imposing like massive force coming at you when it's on the ground when
• 45:47
  it needs to like with but it can like collapse and like fold into itself and then origami yes
• 45:53
  It's like an Oregon and they've created this kind of like steel, like carbon fiber hybrid.
• 46:03
  So it allows it to be like really like sturdy when it's on the ground, but like light enough to be like drone and can fly away.
• 46:12
  And so this is coming out.
• 46:13
  Right.
• 46:14
  And so obviously their stock is going to go through the roof when it's announced.
• 46:17
  Yeah.
• 46:17
  So I steal the plans for it, including the release date.
• 46:23
  which the plans have the release date on it.
• 46:26
  I then open an E-Trade account under Denise Richards' name.
• 46:35
  I have these plans.
• 46:38
  I put them into Denise's.
• 46:40
  She's got an office.
• 46:41
  She's got...
• 46:42
  That she's never been in.
• 46:43
  I know.
• 46:45
  She's never been in it.
• 46:46
  Exactly.
• 46:47
  And she's got her grandmother's antique desk.
• 46:49
  It's beautiful.
• 46:50
  It's got one of those, like, the bottom drawer is like a file cabinet.
• 46:53
  the lock old-fashioned lock yeah yeah but she never goes in there and it's really just because
• 46:57
  she has the room right so she it's an office it's called an office but she whenever she needs to like
• 47:02
  do any actual like computery type work she just she sits at the island in the kitchen yeah i mean
• 47:06
  that's kind of where everyone does their work right so no fault to denise no one goes into
• 47:10
  their office um but so i put these plans inside of her off the bottom drawer of her grandmother's
• 47:20
  antique desk locket, right? But it's I have gloves on. So obviously, my fingerprints aren't on it at
• 47:27
  all. I opened this E-Trade account under her name. Then two days before the announcement, I buy
• 47:40
  just a shitload of stock in her name, right under her account. Now she doesn't already have an E-Trade
• 47:49
  account right so there's a denise richards is that name is not taken in the e-trade account
• 47:55
  so there's no nothing suspicious about it that way right they're like e-trade people are like
• 48:00
  like somebody on the other end is like hey like you will never know we'll ever like us you just
• 48:04
  signed up wait a minute it's crazy that sounds familiar yeah denise oh she was the bond girl
• 48:10
  she was that hot chick yeah yeah um and there is you know they're just talking about in the office
• 48:15
  and so like e-trade's already aware of it because it's like that's on their radar the guys in the
• 48:18
  backend that see every new account that comes in they notice it and they're like hey babe it's that
• 48:23
  hot girl um yeah yeah uh so they're already aware of it yeah right so then the announcement comes
• 48:31
  on monday so she opens this account on friday or i open it in her name on friday
• 48:36
  monday raython martin announces this drone tank stock immediately goes through the roof but she
• 48:46
  meanwhile has just purchased a shitload of it in her e-trade thing unbeknownst to her so it's like
• 48:52
  whoa whoa whoa suddenly all these red flags are raised how did she know like what there's no way
• 49:01
  this was just perfect timing she didn't buy any other stocks she bought a whole bunch of it she's
• 49:05
  never even had an e-trade account before so it's not like she's a stock girl and we all know this
• 49:11
  about her and she dabbles yeah she's not a stock girl no she's not a stock girl so how did she have
• 49:17
  this information okay knock knock knock the scc comes knocking at her door excuse me denise
• 49:26
  we're gonna have to take a look around then they go and they're looking everywhere and they're like
• 49:31
  what's in this desk and she's like oh i don't know it was my grandmother's i have never really
• 49:36
  use it i always use i just take my laptop to the island in the kitchen whenever i gotta write
• 49:42
  something and um and then they're like well we're gonna need the key and so she pulls out the little
• 49:47
  cute little antique key and they're like oh this is a cute little key they dust it for prints only
• 49:52
  see her prints on there open the bottom drawer of the dress desk uh-oh what's inside that's the
• 50:00
  official police term uh-oh oopsies plans oh she's going away yeah she's going away for a long time
• 50:09
  and then she is going to be like i don't know what this where this came from she's gonna play
• 50:14
  into the whole everyone thinks she's stupid thing yeah which is then gonna make them be like uh-uh
• 50:19
  there's more going on between those years another term uh-uh-uh yeah more going on between those
• 50:26
  years and you're letting on, Denise.
• 50:28
  Yeah.
• 50:29
  You know what an office is.
• 50:33
  You know how to use a desk.
• 50:36
  Wow.
• 50:36
  And then she couldn't argue her way out of it.
• 50:39
  You're right, and she goes away for a long time.
• 50:41
  Yep.
• 50:42
  Diabolical.
• 50:42
  Yep.
• 50:43
  Sugar crush.
• 50:45
  Thank you, that was...
• 50:46
  So, anyway.
• 50:47
  Yeah, well thought out.
• 50:48
  Sorry, Denise.
• 50:50
  I'm not.
• 50:51
  She's lived a nice life.
• 50:52
  She can have a suffer now.
• 50:54
  Yeah.
• 50:56
  and
• 50:58
  Raython Martin
• 51:00
  sorry to take you down with her
• 51:02
  they're fine they didn't do anything wrong
• 51:03
  yeah they let me sneak in and steal their plans
• 51:06
  well the security is its own conversation
• 51:08
  we can have that conversation
• 51:09
  meanwhile I've opened like
• 51:12
  a thousand
• 51:14
  other little accounts and made
• 51:16
  tiny Raython Martin
• 51:17
  purchases and all of those
• 51:19
  all the attention's on her
• 51:21
  you're raking it in
• 51:22
  I'm Raython Martin it in
• 51:24
  Wow.
• 51:24
  Yep.
• 51:25
  So anyway, that's why I'm rich now.
• 51:28
  I love it.
• 51:29
  Yeah.
• 51:31
  So.
• 51:33
  Great.
• 51:33
  You answered my question.
• 51:34
  That was the, I answered your.
• 51:36
  You did a good job.
• 51:38
  Thank you.
• 51:42
  That's it then.
• 51:43
  Okay.
• 51:43
  Well, I think that wraps up the big question.
• 51:46
  And a small one.
• 51:46
  The big question.
• 51:48
  And the small one.
• 51:49
  Yeah.
• 51:49
  Big question and small question.
• 51:51
  Yeah.
• 51:52
  Little Q.
• 51:52
  Little Q.
• 51:53
  Well.
• 51:56
  All right.
• 51:57
  Only one final thing to do.
• 51:59
  Uh-huh.
• 52:00
  And that is see if we can guess the secret words.
• 52:04
  Do you have good feelings about guessing?
• 52:07
  I have a guess.
• 52:09
  Shoot.
• 52:09
  No.
• 52:10
  But I don't think it's right.
• 52:12
  All right.
• 52:12
  Well, what do you think it is?
• 52:14
  I think your word is database.
• 52:17
  Nope.
• 52:18
  Did I say database?
• 52:19
  There's a shoe database.
• 52:20
  You said there's a shoe database.
• 52:22
  Oh.
• 52:23
  That's a good guess, then.
• 52:24
  Oh, okay.
• 52:25
  Good guess, but wrong.
• 52:26
  Okay, dang it.
• 52:27
  Do you have any other guesses?
• 52:31
  No.
• 52:31
  Okay.
• 52:33
  What's your guess for me?
• 52:35
  Raython Martin.
• 52:37
  No, my guess is antique.
• 52:40
  And if that's not it, I guess psychology.
• 52:43
  No, neither of those are correct.
• 52:48
  All right.
• 52:49
  Well, what was your word?
• 52:52
  Stockings.
• 52:53
  do you remember me saying that no rebecca with a k don't judge her i had to set up i had to drag
• 53:03
  rebecca under the bus to set up a whole scenario where she's the frumpy one in the group wearing
• 53:08
  like stockings white stockings with white shoes trunks yep i remember now yep well you covered
• 53:15
  it well thank you what was your word conquering conquering oh yeah and i was worried i was gonna
• 53:22
  to love this one but when did you say it i said that the the bachelorette party they were out
• 53:28
  conquering men oh wow okay another week well it's rough go to friends like us pod.com to check the
• 53:39
  running total of uh who's winning uh i'm fairly certain francis is winning i i have to double
• 53:47
  check but and also you can make a donation to rainforest cafe and the estate of brabar uh and
• 53:54
  buy yourself a divorce the night away and um also uh follow us on social media uh we're at
• 54:04
  flu pod official at across all socials um you'll get to see drawings of all of our inventions
• 54:13
  I say our inventions
• 54:15
  they're Francis's inventions
• 54:16
  no so we succeed together
• 54:18
  okay all of our inventions
• 54:20
  along with the other fun stuff
• 54:23
  yeah
• 54:24
  I guess that's it
• 54:26
  thanks for listening to our spooky Halloween
• 54:29
  oh no
• 54:31
  Francis your head
• 54:32
  okay bye I'm gonna leave now
• 54:35
  that scared me
• 54:36
  and you should leave too listeners
• 54:38
  bye
• 54:43
  We'll see you next week.