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Type B Plus: Done Beats Perfect · Momtalk Maryland

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_00: Hey friends and welcome to Mom Talk Maryland.
• 0:02
  SPEAKER_00: I'm your host, Claire Duarte, founder of the Columbia Mom.
• 0:06
  SPEAKER_00: And this is your spot for real conversations, local love, and a whole lot of community.
• 0:10
  SPEAKER_00: Whether you're folding laundry, running errands, or hiding in your car for some peace and quiet, let's dive in.
• 0:17
  SPEAKER_00: So you know, another thing about me is I am a very self-proclaimed type B.
• 0:25
  SPEAKER_00: And I don't know if anybody else relates to this, but um I was raised by uh my mom who is a Virgo, very perfectionist.
• 0:35
  SPEAKER_00: She's a 45-year-plus uh career working woman.
• 0:40
  SPEAKER_00: Um, both my parents, you know, worked full-time, and um, you know, I'm the oldest of five kids.
• 0:47
  SPEAKER_00: Uh, so we had a very busy household growing up, and you know, my mom was always very tidy.
• 0:53
  SPEAKER_00: Obviously, we had a very busy, kind of chaotic household with so many of us and so many activities and just so many things going on in life, right?
• 1:01
  SPEAKER_00: Like there's five of us that were all going in different directions.
• 1:03
  SPEAKER_00: My parents both worked full-time in DC.
• 1:05
  SPEAKER_00: So they had three hours of commuting every single day.
• 1:08
  SPEAKER_00: So they Lord knows they had just so much on their plates.
• 1:10
  SPEAKER_00: So we had to have, you know, some kind of structures and system to maintain the chaos that was life, right?
• 1:16
  SPEAKER_00: Um, but you know, I think in natural uh formation of life, I feel like because my mom was, you know, rather type A and very perfectionist, you know, I I think I kind of like pushed against that and um never really naturally felt much of a perfectionist.
• 1:35
  SPEAKER_00: I'm I'm always I've it's just kind of in my nature.
• 1:38
  SPEAKER_00: I feel like um I love the quote um like good is is better done is better than perfect.
• 1:47
  SPEAKER_00: Sorry, done is better than perfect.
• 1:50
  SPEAKER_00: And and I love that and I've always kind of felt that way.
• 1:54
  SPEAKER_00: Um you know, and it's funny, we're I was talking, we were talking about art the other day, and I was like, I think that's why I've never considered myself like super great at art, because I'm like, oh, done is better than perfect, right?
• 2:06
  SPEAKER_00: Like, doesn't you know, and that's talent aside, right?
• 2:09
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know that I'm very talented in that regard.
• 2:12
  SPEAKER_00: But um, you know, and I I just even though maybe not didn't have those words as a kid or growing up, you know, like I said, that done is better than perfect, it just resonates so much with me, and I feel that in my soul because I don't know the relief that it feels to be like, you know what, it's okay to not have to put that crazy amount of pressure on yourself for something to be perfect and you know look a certain way and be a certain way, you know.
• 2:37
  SPEAKER_00: But being a B type B plus, I feel like um I'm I I I have a very flexible, spontaneous nature, but I thrive on structure and I need it.
• 2:52
  SPEAKER_00: Um obviously the way I was raised, right?
• 2:54
  SPEAKER_00: But I was like, I love me a spreadsheet, and and trust me, I flirt with type A hard.
• 2:59
  SPEAKER_00: Um, I'm probably surrounded by majority type A people in my life because I need to be surrounded by y'all.
• 3:06
  SPEAKER_00: Y'all lift me up, right?
• 3:07
  SPEAKER_00: And then I think we would argue that, you know, you crazy type A's need me to bring you down.
• 3:13
  SPEAKER_00: Uh not mentally, but like you'd need me to soften that edge.
• 3:17
  SPEAKER_00: You need me to be like, you know what, let's go have fun.
• 3:20
  SPEAKER_00: You know what?
• 3:21
  SPEAKER_00: Let's relax.
• 3:21
  SPEAKER_00: Let's go do this fun thing.
• 3:22
  SPEAKER_00: Da-da-da-da-da.
• 3:24
  SPEAKER_00: You know, like live live in the moment.
• 3:25
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and I think what's neat about being uh type B or B plus, as I like to say, is like I feel like I get a little bit of both worlds, right?
• 3:32
  SPEAKER_00: I can kind of stretch to be to be both.
• 3:35
  SPEAKER_00: I can, you know, have that crazy messy drawer um and also my have my car be like spic span, super clean, nothing on the floor ever, blah, blah, blah, blah.
• 3:49
  SPEAKER_00: I know that's probably the weirdest confession I could ever make as a mom, but yes, my car is other than like dusty and needing a car wash, um, I never keep crap in my car.
• 4:01
  SPEAKER_00: Um, I've just, my car's always been clean.
• 4:04
  SPEAKER_00: That's just, I don't know.
• 4:05
  SPEAKER_00: I feel like that's the most anti-mom thing I could ever say.
• 4:08
  SPEAKER_00: So please don't come for me.
• 4:10
  SPEAKER_00: I should have led with a different example.
• 4:12
  SPEAKER_00: Um, I feel like that's that's uh a real confessional that I shouldn't have have said.
• 4:17
  SPEAKER_00: Um but um, but yeah, uh, you know, I mean, I feel like there's so many things like uh I recognize in life.
• 4:25
  SPEAKER_00: My and my husband's very type A, like very type A.
• 4:28
  SPEAKER_00: And obviously that's what's made him so successful.
• 4:32
  SPEAKER_00: Um, is because, you know, I think being type A, you know, uh you have very strong attention to detail.
• 4:38
  SPEAKER_00: I feel like your memory is better for remembering things and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
• 4:43
  SPEAKER_00: You can just really juggle those balls kind of seamlessly.
• 4:46
  SPEAKER_00: Um, whereas for me, I feel like I can carry a lot.
• 4:50
  SPEAKER_00: Um, but at the same time, my I can work really hard, but I can work hard in in probably different spurts of of time.
• 4:59
  SPEAKER_00: And my ability to do so is not as long.
• 5:03
  SPEAKER_00: My Lord knows my my brain needs a little break.
• 5:06
  SPEAKER_00: She needs to be able to wander and do weird things, and you know, uh I'm a dopamine chaser, so you know, I gotta have a little fun, I gotta be able to let loose, I gotta be able to be me, you know.
• 5:18
  SPEAKER_00: Um, but you know, there's so many examples of like when I think about like, you know, say like running my business, a Klumby mom and things like that, I have a spreadsheet for probably everything.
• 5:29
  SPEAKER_00: Does it get updated all the time?
• 5:32
  SPEAKER_00: Meh, you know what I mean?
• 5:33
  SPEAKER_00: But I have them, right?
• 5:34
  SPEAKER_00: I have tons of spreadsheets.
• 5:36
  SPEAKER_00: I'm the kind of person that like I need order because a lot of my life is chaos, you know.
• 5:41
  SPEAKER_00: Um, I was gonna say, like, I'm the kind of person that like, I bet you if you open all of my husband's drawers, everything that you would see would be crisp and clean and the shirts would all be nicely folded and da-da-da-da-da.
• 5:55
  SPEAKER_00: And when you open my drawers, historically they were pretty bad.
• 6:01
  SPEAKER_00: I funny enough, I actually just folded a few things the other day because it was like bothering me.
• 6:06
  SPEAKER_00: Um, so actually my drawers are in my closet are actually decent at the moment.
• 6:12
  SPEAKER_00: Um, except for like socks and underwear, because who gives a shit about that?
• 6:15
  SPEAKER_00: Um and uh, you know, because I've also like heard the the phrase like visual clutter equals like mental clutter.
• 6:25
  SPEAKER_00: And I was kind of just having one of those moments where I was just like felt like I kept seeing clutter, and I was like, my brain needs to get rid of this so I can like breathe.
• 6:32
  SPEAKER_00: So I like did something, I like cleaned up in my closet, and I did um went through the kids' school papers in the office, and I was like, I just need to like reduce the amount of clutter in my visual field because um I was talking about feeling like stuck in a creative rut, and I was like, I just need clutter to be gone so I can kind of keep thinking and being productive and blah blah blah.
• 6:51
  SPEAKER_00: Um but you know, I think being type B, I feel like I'm also one of those people like I don't I feel like I have crap handwriting.
• 6:58
  SPEAKER_00: I don't love my handwriting, I feel like it doesn't look very feminine and pretty, and I've had many years of my life being like super um self-conscious about that.
• 7:09
  SPEAKER_00: And um, but I remember when I was learning how to write, like in well, I guess we learn way more than before like first grade, but like when you're like doing your letters and words and all that first grade, second grade, I guess third grade when they were teaching us calligraphy, which I know is not done anymore.
• 7:26
  SPEAKER_00: Um I remember thinking, oh, like I did it, right?
• 7:29
  SPEAKER_00: As opposed to like striving to make it look a certain way.
• 7:33
  SPEAKER_00: Do you know what I mean?
• 7:35
  SPEAKER_00: And and I'm so then I'm like, man, I wish I had like I had it in my head to like want to make it look pretty.
• 7:41
  SPEAKER_00: Um, or I don't know, just whatever, but that's not what my hands were gonna do.
• 7:46
  SPEAKER_00: And not that I make it sound like it's freaking horrible.
• 7:49
  SPEAKER_00: It's not, but you know, um I feel like compared to when I see like other other women, you know, um, like that was just something I was oddly self-conscious about.
• 7:58
  SPEAKER_00: Now I don't care about it as much.
• 8:00
  SPEAKER_00: Um, or I don't have to like get up in front of the class and write like things on the board anymore, right?
• 8:04
  SPEAKER_00: So I don't have to stress about that in life.
• 8:07
  SPEAKER_00: Um, but you know, that's just like one example that I think of that.
• 8:11
  SPEAKER_00: And, you know, it's something that obviously I try to like preach to my kids.
• 8:15
  SPEAKER_00: It's very funny running a household with someone, you know, with your partner who's the opposite, which I would imagine most households are usually comprised of that, right?
• 8:26
  SPEAKER_00: Someone's an introvert, the other one's an extrovert, someone's type A, someone's absolutely not.
• 8:31
  SPEAKER_00: And that's why partnerships work, because if you're both extroverts and you're both introverts, like there would be like a literal civil war, right?
• 8:39
  SPEAKER_00: Where which is funny because there are st we still have civil wars because we're so different.
• 8:44
  SPEAKER_00: Um, but you know, we're meant to balance each other out, right?
• 8:48
  SPEAKER_00: Um, I mean, I always argue that, you know, say being around my husband helps kind of like raise me up a little bit, um, you know, to to be more organized.
• 8:57
  SPEAKER_00: And um, you know, because he's so organized and so clean, it kind of forces me to want to be the same way.
• 9:03
  SPEAKER_00: Um, which is true because and I like being in a tidy space.
• 9:07
  SPEAKER_00: I do, and I because that's how I was raised, you know.
• 9:09
  SPEAKER_00: We made our beds every day, and you know, we couldn't have like clutter everywhere, which is so true.
• 9:14
  SPEAKER_00: So I enjoy that because I was raised that way.
• 9:17
  SPEAKER_00: It just it feels good to be in a you know clean home with crap that isn't everywhere.
• 9:23
  SPEAKER_00: Um again, this is like literally not mom shaming if you have a house that's littered with toys, because if I wasn't married to him, Lord knows that's what my house would look like.
• 9:32
  SPEAKER_00: But he can't tolerate it, and therefore, like that's just how our lives are, you know what I mean?
• 9:36
  SPEAKER_00: Um, which is fine.
• 9:37
  SPEAKER_00: I'm very grateful to have uh a partner that is very clean and tidy, um, except for when he gets on me about it.
• 9:45
  SPEAKER_00: Um, like I'll tell you know, I say the dishwasher is your domain.
• 9:48
  SPEAKER_00: I will never load that thing the way you like.
• 9:51
  SPEAKER_00: And I know that kills him, but I was like, it's just not a battle that I I'm not gonna probably spend the time and invest.
• 9:57
  SPEAKER_00: Uh because I d mmm, I say this with love, I also say this without love.
• 10:04
  SPEAKER_00: I don't care.
• 10:07
  SPEAKER_00: I I should care because I should want to make my husband happy.
• 10:12
  SPEAKER_00: It's just it's very hard for me to care about how the dishwasher is loaded.
• 10:17
  SPEAKER_00: I just I just want to put it in there and move on.
• 10:22
  SPEAKER_00: I got other shit to do.
• 10:24
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and I know he hates me for it, but I I don't know how to change that in my brain.
• 10:30
  SPEAKER_00: I really don't.
• 10:30
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm like, that's just one of those battles that like I'm like, honey, that's just it's just gonna be your world.
• 10:35
  SPEAKER_00: I'm sorry that you're gonna come home and reorganize it to the way that you please.
• 10:39
  SPEAKER_00: You know, uh I apologize, but also don't scoff and make me feel shitty about it.
• 10:45
  SPEAKER_00: So sorry, dude.
• 10:47
  SPEAKER_00: Um, you know, and he's got a lot of isms that used to drive me crazy, you know, because I'm just like, well, you know, like it's fine, like it's okay, you know what I mean?
• 10:57
  SPEAKER_00: Um, you know, about whether it's loading the dishwasher or or um the drying rack or lord knows all these other things.
• 11:05
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, this is not meant to be a whole marriage thing, it's just, you know, I'm trying to give those examples of being like type B versus type A, you know what I mean?
• 11:13
  SPEAKER_00: Um, you know, and it's funny because like come like same thing when it comes to like making plans with like with friends, and he'll always be like, oh, well, like I'm gonna make a reservation, which is great.
• 11:24
  SPEAKER_00: Not all places take reservations, like, oh, we can just roll up there, it'll be fine, uh, you know, or if like I remember taking the kids bowling.
• 11:30
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, we better like you know, get our bowling spot.
• 11:32
  SPEAKER_00: I'm like, I think I'll be fine going midday on a Friday or on a weekend or whatever.
• 11:38
  SPEAKER_00: Um, that's just like how my brain is wired.
• 11:43
  SPEAKER_00: I'm just I don't know.
• 11:45
  SPEAKER_00: I'm a little bit more go with the flow, you know, we can jump in and find out.
• 11:50
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, and then like I said, but then I can code switch and and I can flirt and be, you know, high strung and wanting things a certain way.
• 12:01
  SPEAKER_00: Um my clothes might not ever be crisply folded.
• 12:05
  SPEAKER_00: They're folded, they just might not be like, I don't know, military perfect by any means, you know.
• 12:11
  SPEAKER_00: Um, but I don't know what to say.
• 12:15
  SPEAKER_00: Like that's that's just how that's my life philosophy.
• 12:17
  SPEAKER_00: That's how I live my life.
• 12:18
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know if anybody else can relate to being kind of this type B.
• 12:22
  SPEAKER_00: So I feel like there was a thing going around we're talking, they were like talking about type C, where it's like you're type B and type A.
• 12:28
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know.
• 12:28
  SPEAKER_00: I think that's why I call myself type B plus because I'm like, isn't that the same thing?
• 12:31
  SPEAKER_00: You know, that I can be very militant and super hyper-organized about many things, and then other things I'm just like like I, you know, God help me, you know what I mean?
• 12:44
  SPEAKER_00: Um, I think as I've gotten older, you know, I definitely have gotten more organized in different places of my life because I'm like, oh, the less clutter that I have, the what the more I feel better.
• 12:53
  SPEAKER_00: Like if you go into my storage room, it is, I will say, pretty immaculate immaculate Immaculately Is that even a word?
• 13:02
  SPEAKER_00: Immaculate, immaculate, immaculately, whatever, immaculately organized.
• 13:08
  SPEAKER_00: Um, granted, my husband had done the majority of like placing things, but I remember when we moved here, I slowly was like buying like shelves and then I was like buying um tubs, and then I labeled all of them because I was like, I need to see and know.
• 13:21
  SPEAKER_00: Granted, I will say I am very much a passenger princess in many forms of many aspects of my life.
• 13:29
  SPEAKER_00: And doing the season decorations, God bless them.
• 13:33
  SPEAKER_00: I don't think I've ever decorated in this house ever.
• 13:36
  SPEAKER_00: Uh, because when we moved in here, um, well, Brooke was six months old when we moved to this house, but then shortly after I got pregnant with Grant and I was super sick and it was the holidays, and I was like on the couch, and I was like, You, I'm sorry, you have to do this.
• 13:52
  SPEAKER_00: I I cannot, I'm miserable.
• 13:54
  SPEAKER_00: And then after I was pregnant, then I had, you know, a newborn and a toddler, two under two, and it's COVID.
• 14:00
  SPEAKER_00: So luckily, just kind of became his thing, and he does it all every single season.
• 14:06
  SPEAKER_00: He brings up every single box um and switches them over.
• 14:09
  SPEAKER_00: Like he did put out all the Valentine stuff.
• 14:11
  SPEAKER_00: He God bless him, you know.
• 14:14
  SPEAKER_00: So it's funny that I'm sitting here saying that I needed to organize it.
• 14:16
  SPEAKER_00: I think I just wanted every what when I came down to the space to see that it like everything had a place and that we could easily find things if we needed to, etc.
• 14:26
  SPEAKER_00: etc.
• 14:27
  SPEAKER_00: And you know, so that's the funny part of me that like it makes me sound super type A, even though it's like I need those things, they're well organized, and then it gives me the capacity and the breath to be like, okay, then I can just roll into my life at my own terms when I want to, when I feel like it.
• 14:47
  SPEAKER_00: Like, perfect example.
• 14:48
  SPEAKER_00: I know like my husband will get up out of bed, like um, when his alarm goes off the first time.
• 14:54
  SPEAKER_00: I gotta snooze it.
• 14:55
  SPEAKER_00: It's just that's just unfortunately the bad habit I've carried into life.
• 15:01
  SPEAKER_00: Um and Lord knows on the weekends lately, I've just been laying in bed for like an hour plus sometimes.
• 15:07
  SPEAKER_00: I'm like, I just it's oh, it's also cold, I'm sleepy, you know.
• 15:12
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, wintertime, we're not meant to rise and grind, we're meant to just like veg out, like literally, you know.
• 15:20
  SPEAKER_00: Um, so you know, it's just funny the different isms that we all have, and these are definitely a few of mine.
• 15:27
  SPEAKER_00: I could like keep going on and on for and ever and ever.
• 15:30
  SPEAKER_00: But I don't know.
• 15:31
  SPEAKER_00: Let me know if you're also, you know, similar in nature of this type B plus.
• 15:36
  SPEAKER_00: Again, I would say, you know, it was kind of birthed out of a response to, you know, not being type A, and I never wanted to be, and I was like, ugh, like this is too high strung and too stressful for me.
• 15:48
  SPEAKER_00: Um, but you know, I I just I feel comfy in the middle.
• 15:52
  SPEAKER_00: But my some of my best, like literally my best friends are all type A.
• 15:56
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and and they're hand selected for a reason.
• 16:02
  SPEAKER_00: You know who you are.
• 16:03
  SPEAKER_00: I yeah, I feel like the majority of people in my life likely are.
• 16:06
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and and and I come close to it, but um I'm also very comfortable, very happy uh being more of the go with the flow.
• 16:16
  SPEAKER_00: Let me think of a thousand different ideas.
• 16:17
  SPEAKER_00: Let's be spontaneous and flexible and fun and da da da.
• 16:21
  SPEAKER_00: Because you know what?
• 16:22
  SPEAKER_00: I think that's important.
• 16:23
  SPEAKER_00: I think, you know, and I like being the person that can bring the fun, bring the energy, bring that softness, bring that weirdness to life, whatever you might want to call it.
• 16:32
  SPEAKER_00: So, you know, that's my little type B plus rant.
• 16:35
  SPEAKER_00: Let me know if you're similar.
• 16:36
  SPEAKER_00: Thanks for tuning in to this episode of Mom Talk Maryland.
• 16:39
  SPEAKER_00: If you loved it, leave a review, share it with a friend, or tag me at the.columbia mom on Instagram.
• 16:46
  SPEAKER_00: I'd love to hear what you think.
• 16:47
  SPEAKER_00: And don't forget to follow the show so you never miss an episode.
• 16:50
  SPEAKER_00: Until next time, keep showing up, keep supporting local, and keep being the incredible mom, woman, human that you are.