Latest / The Ben and Ashley I Almost Famous Podcast / Introducing our Golden Who is…Famously Available

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Introducing our Golden Who is…Famously Available · The Ben and Ashley I Almost Famous Podcast

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: iHeart Podcasts bring you the ultimate Summer of love Tree.
• 0:04
  Speaker 1: This is Famously Available. Welcome back to Famously Available. I'm
• 0:09
  Speaker 1: your host, Ben Higgins, and on this podcast, I have
• 0:13
  Speaker 1: the pleasure of getting to do a deeper dive into
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  Speaker 1: the love lives of some incredible single women. You've gotten
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  Speaker 1: to know them through Bachelor Nation, but this time they're
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  Speaker 1: taking control of their love lives and putting themselves out
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  Speaker 1: there to hopefully find their match. We here, famously Available,
• 0:35
  Speaker 1: get to be a part of it. We've already started
• 0:38
  Speaker 1: the journey with Deanna Mercedes, but we told you and
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  Speaker 1: hinted at at some point we'd eventually get a golden
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  Speaker 1: So now, without further ado, we have three generations of women,
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  Speaker 1: all looking for love, and I'm excited to announce our
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  Speaker 1: golden famously Available woman is no other than the one
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  Speaker 1: we love, the one we support, the one we cherish,
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  Speaker 1: the one that we know. Kathy Swartz, Hello, Kathy, Oh
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  Speaker 1: my goodness, I'm so good. This This was a journey
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  Speaker 1: getting you locked in for this. I remember, Kathy when
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  Speaker 1: this whole idea got brought up to you, kind of
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  Speaker 1: when we started recording and getting you know, Mercedes and
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  Speaker 1: Dianna that you said I want to do this, and
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  Speaker 1: due to some hurdles and speed bumps, we couldn't quite
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  Speaker 1: make it work. We finally did, But you've been ready
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  Speaker 1: for this for a while.
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  Speaker 2: That is ultrue true Savings.
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  Speaker 1: Today, we're just gonna get to know you better. We
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  Speaker 1: know you well. You're very vulnerable, transparent to anybody that
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  Speaker 1: listens to your show. But today we're going to kind
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  Speaker 1: of dig in a little bit to what this season
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  Speaker 1: of life you're most looking forward to when it comes
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  Speaker 1: to maybe finding a partner. Kathy, I do want to
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  Speaker 1: start though, just to give everybody kind of a recap.
• 2:15
  Speaker 1: You were on the Golden Bachelor. Have you dated since then?
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  Speaker 2: Yes, I have unsuccessfully.
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  Speaker 1: How unsuccessfully like one date done any like interest, or
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  Speaker 1: just how unsuccessfully on.
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  Speaker 2: A scale one to ten. Since I'm single, I've given
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  Speaker 2: a ten. You know, I've dated. I've had several one
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  Speaker 2: time dates. I've had several two time dates. But the
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  Speaker 2: thing for me is I'm at a point in my
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  Speaker 2: life where I know what I'm looking for, and so
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  Speaker 2: you know, I don't spend a lot of time saying
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  Speaker 2: we maybe I can make it work. If it doesn't work,
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  Speaker 2: it doesn't work.
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  Speaker 1: This is going to be a fun show. You know
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  Speaker 1: what you're looking for? Then, before we kind of dig
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  Speaker 1: into what you're looking for. Now, I do want to
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  Speaker 1: take a second. One thing I know about you is
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  Speaker 1: you absolutely door your family. You love your family, You
• 3:03
  Speaker 1: love your grandkids. We also became familiar with your love
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  Speaker 1: story up until the Golden Bachelor during the Golden Bachelor.
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  Speaker 1: For listeners out there who maybe didn't watch that season
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  Speaker 1: or just can't remember, can you give us kind of
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  Speaker 1: a recap of your love story up until the Golden
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  Speaker 1: Bachelor and also a little idea of where your family
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  Speaker 1: stands today.
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  Speaker 2: So before so, I was married almost forty six years.
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  Speaker 2: I met my husband when I just turned eighteen, I
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  Speaker 2: got married. I met him at college the first week
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  Speaker 2: of university. We were married eighteen months later. I was
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  Speaker 2: married almost forty six years. And my husband died by suicide.
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  Speaker 2: As I said, almost six years ago or just over
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  Speaker 2: six years ago. And my daughter just had a baby,
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  Speaker 2: and I was sitting with her in the nick You
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  Speaker 2: and scrolling through Facebook book and I saw an advertisement
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  Speaker 2: for women sixty five and over for the Golden Batchlman.
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  Speaker 2: I thought, why not clicked the button and six weeks
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  Speaker 2: later I was in a mansion outside of LA and
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  Speaker 2: that was great fun. It was clear really quickly to
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  Speaker 2: me that Gary and I were not a nice guy
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  Speaker 2: but not my guy. But I had a great time
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  Speaker 2: and I made lots of friends and came home from
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  Speaker 2: from that show feeling I'm pretty confident I know who
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  Speaker 2: I am, and so the show didn't really change me.
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  Speaker 2: It just affirmed who I am, and so I came
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  Speaker 2: home and when I you know, when I was allowed to,
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  Speaker 2: I sort of got back into the dating pool again.
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  Speaker 2: Let me underscore unsuccessfully. And my kids, my sons were
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  Speaker 2: very supportive of me doing the Bachelor. My daughter thought
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  Speaker 2: it was great until they chose me that. She was like, Mom,
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  Speaker 2: You're not really doing this, are you. She's now it's
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  Speaker 2: been enough time since her dad has passed, and she
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  Speaker 2: is now very supportive. All three of my kids are
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  Speaker 2: very supportive of me finding somebody.
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  Speaker 1: I'm sure, I mean for you. I think the difference
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  Speaker 1: with you compared to some of the other golden women
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  Speaker 1: I know is you are one that took the chance
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  Speaker 1: on yourself. You said, I see this, I want this again,
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  Speaker 1: I desire this again. If we can like pull back
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  Speaker 1: the layer a bit. Why do you want this again? Like,
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  Speaker 1: why are you so intentional on finding your next partner?
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  Speaker 2: Well, first of all, it's not my next partner. It's
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  Speaker 2: going to be my last partner. But the reason for
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  Speaker 2: me is I am an active, I'm fun, I love
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  Speaker 2: to laugh, I love to live, and I just think
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  Speaker 2: that's better with a partner. I have lots of great friends,
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  Speaker 2: but I want someone. You know, it sounds like something
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  Speaker 2: out of a Hallmark card, but I want someone to
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  Speaker 2: share those sunsets with, someone to travel with, someone to
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  Speaker 2: cook dinner with and have a glass of wine while
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  Speaker 2: I'm slicing my fingers off cutting cucumbers for the salad.
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  Speaker 2: That to me is just it doesn't feel complete. I
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  Speaker 2: am complete without a man, but my life doesn't feel
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  Speaker 2: complete without a man.
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  Speaker 1: And these are things that you've looked for, as you said,
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  Speaker 1: since your time on the Golden Gary wasn't your guy,
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  Speaker 1: but you came out of it with a ton of friendships.
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  Speaker 1: And we also got to see you in Paradise with
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  Speaker 1: another friendship. Ye, Kathy, you seem to be really good
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  Speaker 1: at building friendships right now? Are you good at the
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  Speaker 1: romantic side given the.
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  Speaker 2: Chance, Yes, I am I think the thing is the
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  Speaker 2: men that I've met Keith on Paradise. He and I
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  Speaker 2: are great friends. Talked with him last night on the
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  Speaker 2: phone for an hour. We're great friends, but we're not
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  Speaker 2: a good romantic match. But I am a you know,
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  Speaker 2: people say they're hopeless romantics. I am a hopeful romantic.
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  Speaker 2: I believe in love. I believe I'm worthy. All those
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  Speaker 2: things that people say, they say them repetitively because they're true.
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  Speaker 2: We're all deserving of love. We're all deserving of finding
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  Speaker 2: that special person. I just haven't found him.
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  Speaker 1: Okay, are you ready to deep dive into this person? Okay,
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  Speaker 1: it's kind of going to feel rapid fire. If that's okay,
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  Speaker 1: We're just going to kind of bounce around because today
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  Speaker 1: is to get to know your type. As our listeners
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  Speaker 1: start this whole thing out, let's just start with what
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  Speaker 1: usually somebody is most attuned to in the first meeting.
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  Speaker 1: What do you find most attractive or what kind of
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  Speaker 1: traits do you find attractive physical and also in personality?
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  Speaker 2: So easy for me, The first thing that attracts me
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  Speaker 2: is a man's eyes and a smile. Don't care of
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  Speaker 2: his hair, don't care if he's bald. I'd like to
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  Speaker 2: be taller than I am. I want someone who can
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  Speaker 2: laugh with me. It's those I don't really want to
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  Speaker 2: shine man. I want someone who knows how to have fun,
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  Speaker 2: who will listen to me, and it'll be a joint partnership.
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  Speaker 1: Okay, I want to push back a little bit on this. Okay,
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  Speaker 1: you are not shy. No, I'm not, and you do
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  Speaker 1: love to have a good time. I think I said
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  Speaker 1: it to Ashley when Kathy's in the room. I also
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  Speaker 1: think Susan has this category, this characteristic about her. I
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  Speaker 1: love Nancy. She's one of my favorite people I've ever
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  Speaker 1: been around. She doesn't have this. I don't have this.
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  Speaker 1: So it's not a good or bad. But when you
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  Speaker 1: two walk into a room, the energy level gets picked up.
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  Speaker 1: It just does. Also, the noise level gets picked up.
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  Speaker 1: It does.
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  Speaker 2: Guilty on all accounts. Guilty.
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  Speaker 1: And as I've witnessed relationships grow, oftentimes it is the shier,
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  Speaker 1: more quiet, admiring person that compliments the louder, more energetic human.
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  Speaker 1: You're saying you want somebody that can hold his own
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  Speaker 1: I'm saying, what if this guy is just the like
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  Speaker 1: admirer of your energy and supports you as you continue
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  Speaker 1: to pick up a room and he just doesn't take
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  Speaker 1: up that much space.
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  Speaker 2: So so my husband was that kind of guy, wonderful
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  Speaker 2: in every way. But here's the thing, and I say
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  Speaker 2: this all the time. If a man says to me, Wow,
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  Speaker 2: you're a lot, You're too much, I say, no, No, I'm
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  Speaker 2: not too much. You're just not enough for me. I
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  Speaker 2: think I can find that because I'm not blowing up
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  Speaker 2: a room all the time. I'm not high energy all
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  Speaker 2: the time. That's what people see because it's through TV,
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  Speaker 2: it's through a podcasts where that's what I'm doing. But
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  Speaker 2: believe me, I can settle in in front of a
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  Speaker 2: fire with a glass of wine and just have low
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  Speaker 2: key conversation be very happy as well. You just have
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  Speaker 2: to get to know me first, and therein lies the rub,
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  Speaker 2: right because I am a big person. But at the
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  Speaker 2: same time, Ben, I can't be what I'm not. I
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  Speaker 2: can't be that sweet, chy, demure person because that is
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  Speaker 2: an authentic and a guy's going to pick up on
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  Speaker 2: that really quickly.
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  Speaker 1: Yeah, I don't think you should change it all. I
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  Speaker 1: love you for who you are and I do think though,
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  Speaker 1: there is that ability for somebody not to feel like
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  Speaker 1: you're too much, but for the quieter, shier person to
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  Speaker 1: never feel like you're too much, but to also never
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  Speaker 1: have to meet you where you're at energy level wise,
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  Speaker 1: can support you, be there for you, but maybe not
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  Speaker 1: have that same boisterous kind of spirit.
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  Speaker 2: Yes, to be clear, I'm not looking for Kathy's twin.
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  Speaker 2: I'm not looking to look in the mirror and see
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  Speaker 2: me in a male form. But I'm looking for someone
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  Speaker 2: who has energy, who wants to do things, who has opinions,
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  Speaker 2: who we can have intellectual conversation with where we can laugh.
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  Speaker 2: So you have to have some amount of personality. I
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  Speaker 2: don't want to sit back and quote run the show.
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  Speaker 2: I don't want a guy who wants to sit back
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  Speaker 2: and let me run the show.
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  Speaker 1: No, that's exhausting. It's not a partnership. Has your type
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  Speaker 1: evolved over time? This is something I'm intrigued by talking
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  Speaker 1: to you. With Mercedes, you know, obviously she's younger, she's
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  Speaker 1: still trying to figure this thing out. You know, Dianna
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  Speaker 1: is different because she's gone through a divorce and she's
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  Speaker 1: trying to do this again, and she's trying to figure
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  Speaker 1: out what her type is. Honestly, I think we're all
• 11:42
  Speaker 1: trying to figure it out, and it's kind of fun
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  Speaker 1: or interesting to watch that. But you do know, I
• 11:48
  Speaker 1: think what your type is has it changed.
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  Speaker 2: It's somewhat. First of all, when I was younger looks,
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  Speaker 2: you didn't hear me say he has to have dark hair,
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  Speaker 2: or he has to have who He doesn't have to
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  Speaker 2: be a specific hight. I like to wear heels. Would
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  Speaker 2: be nice if I could get a guy a little
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  Speaker 2: taller than I am. But those exterior characteristics at my
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  Speaker 2: age means so much less to me now than they
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  Speaker 2: used to. And it's their heart, it's their character, it's
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  Speaker 2: their integrity. Means so much more to me now. You know,
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  Speaker 2: I want a guy who, as I've said it a
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  Speaker 2: million times, who wants me for me, who wakes up
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  Speaker 2: every day next to me and looks at me and says, Wow,
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  Speaker 2: how do we get so lucky at this stage of
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  Speaker 2: our life. You didn't hear me say, you know, he's
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  Speaker 2: got curly black hair, or he had a particular profession.
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  Speaker 2: I think at my age, I am financially set. I
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  Speaker 2: have three kids, I have two grandchildren. I'm not looking
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  Speaker 2: for a guy to build a family with. I'm looking
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  Speaker 2: for a guy that has his family. I have my family,
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  Speaker 2: and we will integrate our families together.
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  Speaker 1: It's a it's an interesting situation or path you're in. Now,
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  Speaker 1: what if this guy doesn't have a family. Is that
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  Speaker 1: a red flag? Okay, no, it's.
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  Speaker 2: A red flag. I won't date. I dated a man
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  Speaker 2: once who had never been married. I won't do that again.
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  Speaker 2: Interesting why because the man what I found was and
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  Speaker 2: I realized that's not fair. Maybe to throw all men
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  Speaker 2: in a barrel, but because he had never been married,
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  Speaker 2: everything revolved around him fair enough. His life. Dislikes his travel,
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  Speaker 2: his home. He didn't really want to make space to
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  Speaker 2: to coordinate a life lack of a better word. With me,
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  Speaker 2: someone who doesn't have children, that doesn't bother me because
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  Speaker 2: you don't know maybe they really wanted children. I've dated
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  Speaker 2: men who don't have children, but they're very close with
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  Speaker 2: their nieces and nephews. The interesting thing that you haven't
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  Speaker 2: asked me yet, which I I find so interesting given
• 14:02
  Speaker 2: the golden bachelor or scenario, what we've been through. And
• 14:05
  Speaker 2: I've said this from the beginning, I'm the girl that'll move.
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  Speaker 2: I will move to be with a guy because that's
• 14:11
  Speaker 2: what our plans are for I can come back and
• 14:14
  Speaker 2: spend a week a month with my kids and my grandkids.
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  Speaker 2: I'm the very one who will move.
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  Speaker 1: I mean, yeah, that's a conversation we've heard so many
• 14:22
  Speaker 1: times come up from the Golden Bachelor, and you're one
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  Speaker 1: of the onlies that have said it openly, like I
• 14:30
  Speaker 1: would move.
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  Speaker 2: Yeah, I would.
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  Speaker 1: I don't even know if that was a question I
• 14:34
  Speaker 1: was going to ask, But I think I'm interested in why.
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  Speaker 1: I mean, you have your house, ye, you have your
• 14:40
  Speaker 1: you know, you have your own rhythms, your own friendships.
• 14:44
  Speaker 1: Why would you be interested in moving?
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  Speaker 2: Because I don't. First of all, I don't believe long
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  Speaker 2: distance relationships work. I think they're fun, and I think
• 14:54
  Speaker 2: they're exciting, and I think but that to me is
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  Speaker 2: not the committed relationship I'm looking for. I'm not saying
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  Speaker 2: that doesn't work for some people. That is not the
• 15:02
  Speaker 2: relationship I want. So, you know, if when I said
• 15:07
  Speaker 2: I would move, I would keep my house. We could
• 15:09
  Speaker 2: go back and forth. In other words, at our age,
• 15:12
  Speaker 2: we're not raising children. I don't have to get my
• 15:15
  Speaker 2: son to baseball practice. We're more fluid. We can go
• 15:20
  Speaker 2: his place, my place, but people who are very fixcated
• 15:23
  Speaker 2: on staying in their location. I don't really get that personally.
• 15:28
  Speaker 1: The part here that I think I relate with and
• 15:32
  Speaker 1: I get it. I hear what you're saying. If somebody
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  Speaker 1: hasn't been married. I was even nervous about this. You know.
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  Speaker 1: I had met my wife in my late twenties. We
• 15:42
  Speaker 1: dated for a few years, we got engaged, COVID hit
• 15:44
  Speaker 1: and so we were together a long time. I mean
• 15:49
  Speaker 1: I felt like I was single or not married for
• 15:53
  Speaker 1: a long period of my life. And I told my
• 15:56
  Speaker 1: wife this when we got engaged. I said, there are
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  Speaker 1: things that I just do because I've never had to
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  Speaker 1: ask anyone. I live alone, I have my job, I
• 16:08
  Speaker 1: travel when I want. You know, I don't have these
• 16:09
  Speaker 1: responsibilities over these people. And that's going to be a
• 16:13
  Speaker 1: hard kind of like ripping away at me at certain
• 16:17
  Speaker 1: things because of the rhythm and the period of time
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  Speaker 1: in my life that I've just done this. I have
• 16:22
  Speaker 1: to learn what it's like to be in relationship because
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  Speaker 1: I hadn't been. So I get it. I mean, goodness,
• 16:28
  Speaker 1: you give me sixty years of that, seventy years of that.
• 16:32
  Speaker 1: That's a long time.
• 16:34
  Speaker 2: But here's the thing. You ask me how I'm different.
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  Speaker 2: Another way, I am extremely different from when I was younger.
• 16:40
  Speaker 2: I am so much more flexible now, you know, the
• 16:46
  Speaker 2: little things just don't matter any more to me, and
• 16:48
  Speaker 2: the older I get, the bigger things become smaller and smaller.
• 16:53
  Speaker 2: I just don't care. Oh you really want to do that?
• 16:55
  Speaker 2: Where before I might have put up a fighter or
• 16:58
  Speaker 2: say no, no, no, and try to try to get
• 17:00
  Speaker 2: into it. Who cares? Life is short? I mean, I say,
• 17:04
  Speaker 2: I'm just filled with these little pithy otages, you know, quotes,
• 17:07
  Speaker 2: but I just don't care. Do I have to live
• 17:10
  Speaker 2: with a man twenty four to seven? No, But I'm
• 17:14
  Speaker 2: open to exploring various ways of making a relationship work.
• 17:20
  Speaker 2: What I'm not willing to do is have a relationship
• 17:23
  Speaker 2: where I see, I'm making this up, see a guy
• 17:26
  Speaker 2: two weekends a month, because that, to me, is for me,
• 17:29
  Speaker 2: is not the relationship I want. And in terms of evolving,
• 17:35
  Speaker 2: that is one of the biggest changes in me. I'm
• 17:37
  Speaker 2: just so much more flexible than I used to be.
• 17:41
  Speaker 2: And people talk about the you know, compromise, you have
• 17:44
  Speaker 2: to compromise in a relationship. I've said this repeatedly. Yes,
• 17:49
  Speaker 2: you have to compromise, you also have to sacrifice. And
• 17:53
  Speaker 2: my same example is if I'm red and you're blue,
• 17:57
  Speaker 2: sometimes it's going to be red and sometimes it's going
• 18:01
  Speaker 2: to be blue. Well, if I want it to be
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  Speaker 2: red and it's blue, that is sacrifice, that's not compromise.
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  Speaker 2: I am sacrificing what I want for you, the red
• 18:10
  Speaker 2: and blue. The compromises when you mix the pap two
• 18:12
  Speaker 2: colors together and you get purple. And I think sometimes
• 18:15
  Speaker 2: people forget that. But at my age, I am so
• 18:18
  Speaker 2: much more willing to sacrifice and compromise than I was
• 18:21
  Speaker 2: when I was younger.
• 18:23
  Speaker 1: I mean, tell me if I'm wrong. I'm just trying
• 18:25
  Speaker 1: to I'm always wrong, Goodness, ask my wife. Like if
• 18:29
  Speaker 1: we're summarizing the conversation at this point, one of the
• 18:33
  Speaker 1: things that you are are most looking forward to when
• 18:36
  Speaker 1: it comes to this final partner is experiences, the compromise,
• 18:43
  Speaker 1: the sacrifice. But these experiences, it feels like you have
• 18:47
  Speaker 1: this deep desire to explore the world with a curiosity
• 18:54
  Speaker 1: that has not gone away, with an excitement that has
• 18:56
  Speaker 1: not gone away. And as much fun as that is
• 18:58
  Speaker 1: to do with friends and to do alone, you're really
• 19:03
  Speaker 1: wanting somebody to get out into the world with to
• 19:07
  Speaker 1: do these things that you've dreamed of, planned for, thought about.
• 19:11
  Speaker 2: Yes, and I've traveled a lot. The other thing, then,
• 19:15
  Speaker 2: is I have a lot of energy. I walk five
• 19:20
  Speaker 2: miles a day, I kayak, I work out with weights.
• 19:22
  Speaker 2: I do a lot of things that a lot of
• 19:25
  Speaker 2: people my age don't do. And so that has been
• 19:28
  Speaker 2: a problem for me to find someone who, in equal
• 19:31
  Speaker 2: measure has not just an adventurous spirit, but the physicality
• 19:36
  Speaker 2: to actually do those things.
• 19:49
  Speaker 1: We've seen you obviously on the Golden Bachelor, We've seen
• 19:51
  Speaker 1: you on Paradise. I don't think Paradise was fair to
• 19:55
  Speaker 1: be to make a judgment calm, because there wasn't a
• 19:58
  Speaker 1: plethora of men coming on the beach. But you have
• 20:03
  Speaker 1: gotten to watch now the Golden Bachelorette with Joan. Is
• 20:09
  Speaker 1: there any guys that kind of stood out to you
• 20:13
  Speaker 1: from Gary, I guess we'll throw him in the pot
• 20:16
  Speaker 1: two then the Paradise into all these other men who
• 20:19
  Speaker 1: maybe got wrapped up in relationships and couldn't come to Paradise.
• 20:22
  Speaker 1: Is there anybody on those shows that have stood up
• 20:24
  Speaker 1: to you so far.
• 20:26
  Speaker 2: That I would date?
• 20:27
  Speaker 1: Yeah?
• 20:28
  Speaker 2: No, I love c k and I are extremely good friends.
• 20:32
  Speaker 2: I love him, we talk all the time, but you know,
• 20:37
  Speaker 2: he's moving I believe into a relationship, and Keith and
• 20:41
  Speaker 2: I are really good friends. But no, and to be fair,
• 20:45
  Speaker 2: many of those guys are in relationships with women, and
• 20:50
  Speaker 2: a lot of those women are quite a bit younger
• 20:52
  Speaker 2: than they are. I am not going to apologize for
• 20:55
  Speaker 2: who I am, or my age or anything else. It's
• 20:58
  Speaker 2: just not a good match. Joan is what is She's
• 21:01
  Speaker 2: sixty two, I think, and so her bevy, if you will,
• 21:06
  Speaker 2: her stable of men were young. And our culture, whether
• 21:12
  Speaker 2: I like it or not, I'm not complaining our culture is.
• 21:16
  Speaker 2: It takes a special guy who's willing to date an
• 21:18
  Speaker 2: older woman. My son got married two years ago to
• 21:21
  Speaker 2: a woman ten years older than he, but that's unusual,
• 21:25
  Speaker 2: and so for me there's a disparity. There's a disconnect
• 21:28
  Speaker 2: between my age and my energy level.
• 21:31
  Speaker 1: Would you be willing to date younger?
• 21:34
  Speaker 2: Oh? Absolutely, I think I'm going to have to because
• 21:37
  Speaker 2: well I shouldn't that it's not like a punishment. I
• 21:39
  Speaker 2: would prefer to date younger because they're going to have
• 21:45
  Speaker 2: theoretically more energy and more desire and willingness to travel.
• 21:49
  Speaker 2: You've heard my thing ben about used to guys. You
• 21:53
  Speaker 2: know that as they get older men, you know, do
• 21:56
  Speaker 2: you kayact? Do you snow? Ski? Oh? I used to ski,
• 22:00
  Speaker 2: used to play tennis? I used to And I call
• 22:02
  Speaker 2: them used to guys because now they sit on the
• 22:04
  Speaker 2: couch with a baseball hat turned backwards with a can
• 22:09
  Speaker 2: of bear in their hands.
• 22:11
  Speaker 1: So would you get older.
• 22:13
  Speaker 2: If they have the energy? Age to me really is
• 22:17
  Speaker 2: just I don't care. I don't want to date a
• 22:19
  Speaker 2: guy who's working full time because then you're limited in
• 22:22
  Speaker 2: what you can do.
• 22:24
  Speaker 1: Okay, so you need So we're looking for somebody retired
• 22:28
  Speaker 1: or partially retired with time on their hands. Who has energy.
• 22:32
  Speaker 1: Seems like the big the big attraction here. It also
• 22:37
  Speaker 1: seems like the differentiator on if you'd be into it
• 22:40
  Speaker 1: or not. Energy is the key focus and kindness.
• 22:46
  Speaker 2: I need a man who is kind, who has a
• 22:49
  Speaker 2: warm heart, who is spiritual, who who has lots of interests.
• 22:58
  Speaker 2: And you're gonna laugh. But I don't cook a lot,
• 23:02
  Speaker 2: So if a man is looking for a cook, I'm
• 23:07
  Speaker 2: probably not your girl. I make great breakfast, but that's
• 23:10
  Speaker 2: kind of about it.
• 23:11
  Speaker 1: Yeah, here's one that's a little more personal You are
• 23:16
  Speaker 1: financially stable, you are able to explore, you do have
• 23:20
  Speaker 1: the flexibility. Say a guy comes in at high energy levels,
• 23:25
  Speaker 1: super kind, just absolutely adores you. Are you okay with
• 23:31
  Speaker 1: him maybe not being as financially stable. Let's say he didn't,
• 23:35
  Speaker 1: you know, have a career that brought that upon and
• 23:37
  Speaker 1: that you maybe are supporting financially this new relationship.
• 23:43
  Speaker 2: No, I again, I am nothing of not honest, No,
• 23:47
  Speaker 2: I'm not okay with that. And I'll tell you why.
• 23:49
  Speaker 2: My husband worked really hard. I did too, but my
• 23:54
  Speaker 2: husband worked really hard, and my money, you know, whatever,
• 24:01
  Speaker 2: I don't spend or meet when I turn one hundred
• 24:03
  Speaker 2: and twenty for health care, he's going to go to
• 24:05
  Speaker 2: my kids.
• 24:06
  Speaker 1: Okay, So no, I can't.
• 24:10
  Speaker 2: That just feels it feels disrespectful to my husband and
• 24:16
  Speaker 2: the and the and the marriage we had. So no,
• 24:20
  Speaker 2: that's I can't do that.
• 24:22
  Speaker 1: Have you thought about this before, like, is this something
• 24:24
  Speaker 1: I'm just curious more for your own personal life. Has
• 24:27
  Speaker 1: this been a thought through your head of what would
• 24:29
  Speaker 1: be respectful now in this season and what wouldn't.
• 24:31
  Speaker 2: Be Yes, yes, you know I'm my behavior. I believe
• 24:41
  Speaker 2: I act respectfully. I think you know my husband looking
• 24:44
  Speaker 2: down would be proud of who I am and how
• 24:48
  Speaker 2: I've behaved, if you will. But I am not going
• 24:52
  Speaker 2: to date a thirty year old because he's got a
• 24:54
  Speaker 2: lot of entergy. No, that's just that's not respectful. To
• 24:57
  Speaker 2: my kids, it's not respectful. It's just not it's not happening.
• 25:01
  Speaker 1: Yeah, So what I mean you started to get into there?
• 25:04
  Speaker 1: What things are respectful? Like? What things kind of do
• 25:07
  Speaker 1: fall into that? This feels right to my kids, to
• 25:12
  Speaker 1: my husband, to yourself.
• 25:15
  Speaker 2: It's it's dating a man who respects the marriage I had.
• 25:23
  Speaker 2: I respect the relationship he had, but we're sort of
• 25:27
  Speaker 2: starting from this neutral place where we're building a relationship together.
• 25:32
  Speaker 2: I am not looking to replace my husband, Ben. I
• 25:34
  Speaker 2: could never do that. But again, these just sound like
• 25:38
  Speaker 2: some of a Hallmark card. But you know, my heart
• 25:41
  Speaker 2: was broken when he died, and but as time has
• 25:45
  Speaker 2: gone by and I've done the work I needed to do,
• 25:47
  Speaker 2: my heart has expanded. So what is respectful is having
• 25:51
  Speaker 2: a relationship that is about love and caring. I mean
• 25:56
  Speaker 2: that It's pretty simple to me.
• 25:58
  Speaker 1: Yeah, and it sounds like meual support both financially, oh personally,
• 26:04
  Speaker 1: and this that Hey, I'm not dragging you along and
• 26:09
  Speaker 1: doing this whole thing on my own. We're entering this
• 26:12
  Speaker 1: life together, conjoining the lives we've built.
• 26:15
  Speaker 2: He can spoil me, I mean if he wants, if
• 26:17
  Speaker 2: he wants to find me first class, I'm not telling
• 26:19
  Speaker 2: him now. Let's be clear.
• 26:22
  Speaker 1: You deserve it. Kathy. Thanks a little bit about dating here.
• 26:25
  Speaker 1: Would you kiss on the first date?
• 26:27
  Speaker 2: Yep? Yeah? And have.
• 26:31
  Speaker 1: You said that very quickly? Yeah, Okay, I'm gonna touch you.
• 26:34
  Speaker 2: I'm a central person, I'm a toucher, i'm a hugger,
• 26:37
  Speaker 2: I'm all those things.
• 26:38
  Speaker 1: So yeah, And with dating in general, I mean I
• 26:43
  Speaker 1: thought this is where you're gonna go. When you said
• 26:45
  Speaker 1: yes so quickly, I would imagine just with what you're
• 26:50
  Speaker 1: looking for and this next chapter of life, the final partner,
• 26:54
  Speaker 1: there's an intentionality to dating. I mean in your mind.
• 26:58
  Speaker 1: I think this is a very unfair question, but I
• 26:59
  Speaker 1: think it's interesting. How quickly would you move on from
• 27:04
  Speaker 1: like first date to hey, let's actually like make this
• 27:06
  Speaker 1: thing official, let's get this thing going. I feel like
• 27:09
  Speaker 1: there's an expedite, a timeline.
• 27:11
  Speaker 2: And and that is again where I've evolved. If I
• 27:15
  Speaker 2: meet somebody and I have before it hasn't worked out.
• 27:19
  Speaker 2: But if I've met if I meet someone, I can
• 27:22
  Speaker 2: feel it, it's you know, you can call it the butterflies,
• 27:26
  Speaker 2: you can call it whatever you want. I have this
• 27:28
  Speaker 2: sense inside that I want to get to know this person.
• 27:32
  Speaker 2: I see where we have so much in common. There's
• 27:35
  Speaker 2: some his smile, his eyes. I want to go. I
• 27:38
  Speaker 2: want to go down that road, and I will go
• 27:40
  Speaker 2: down it quickly if I if I feel that.
• 27:43
  Speaker 1: With the guy, is it important that you go down
• 27:46
  Speaker 1: it quickly? Though?
• 27:47
  Speaker 2: No? Okay, But but here's the thing I don't I
• 27:52
  Speaker 2: don't want to be I'm I'm I'm not dating for
• 27:57
  Speaker 2: the sake of dating, because you know, I have a
• 27:59
  Speaker 2: pretty schedule. I'm dating intentionally to find that person. So
• 28:05
  Speaker 2: if a guy says to me, you know, I'm just
• 28:08
  Speaker 2: casually dating. You know, I have ten dates a week,
• 28:11
  Speaker 2: I already know he's not my guy because he's not
• 28:14
  Speaker 2: in he's not dating with the intentionality that I am.
• 28:18
  Speaker 2: Even though if he meets me, I usually you know,
• 28:21
  Speaker 2: I can knock him off. Their knock him off, their games,
• 28:24
  Speaker 2: say maybe maybe I should pick you.
• 28:26
  Speaker 1: Oh my goodness, this is gonna be a lot of fun, Kathy.
• 28:29
  Speaker 1: This has been fantastic. I think we've gotten a good overview.
• 28:33
  Speaker 1: We're gonna come back with you during a future episode
• 28:37
  Speaker 1: and do the rapid Fire quiz to really like, just
• 28:41
  Speaker 1: like hit these points. But the elaboration on some of
• 28:44
  Speaker 1: this has been really helpful. Kathy, this journey is just
• 28:48
  Speaker 1: getting started. I am excited to watch it along the way,
• 28:51
  Speaker 1: this has been famously Available, introducing our golden famously available human,
• 28:57
  Speaker 1: Kathy Swartz. Thanks for joining us. Until next time, I've
• 29:01
  Speaker 1: been bad.
• 29:08
  Speaker 2: H