Latest / Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families / #391 I'll Do Better Tomorrow

Transcript

#391 I'll Do Better Tomorrow · Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families

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  Speaker 1: It's the Happy Families podcast. It's the podcast for the
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  Speaker 1: time poor parent who just once answers.
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  Speaker 2: Now for me, it's just this wonderful freedom that it
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  Speaker 2: seems like the less you have maybe the easier.
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  Speaker 3: Life could be.
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  Speaker 1: And now here's the stars of our show, my mum
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  Speaker 1: and Dad.
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  Speaker 2: I look forward to Friday's so very much for a
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  Speaker 2: couple of reasons. First of all, I mean, the weekend's
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  Speaker 2: nearly here. Who's going to be not happy about that?
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  Speaker 2: But secondly, it's because our Friday podcast is called Old
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  Speaker 2: Do Better Tomorrow.
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  Speaker 3: For those of you who are new to the podcast,
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  Speaker 3: and we welcome you. It's so great to have you listening.
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  Speaker 2: The purpose of our Friday Older Better Tomorrow podcast is
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  Speaker 2: for Kylie and I to reflect on the week that
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  Speaker 2: was for us and look at the stuff we did
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  Speaker 2: well the stuff we didn't do so well. Try to
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  Speaker 2: do more of the good stuff and a little less
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  Speaker 2: of the not so good stuff. We try to be
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  Speaker 2: more intentional and reflective as parents to make our family happier.
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  Speaker 2: By the way, I am doctor Justin Coulson, the co
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  Speaker 2: host and parenting expert on Channel nine's TV show One
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  Speaker 2: TV Show.
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  Speaker 3: I might just add Parental Guidance.
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  Speaker 2: And Kylie Hi move to our six Kids and podcast
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  Speaker 2: co host extraord There. Hey, Kylie, just did you know
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  Speaker 2: that was That was quite French, wasn't it? That was
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  Speaker 2: a jan and Donna ran on the show anymore. Somebody's
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  Speaker 2: got to hold the French flag high. That one was
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  Speaker 2: for you, Yarn. So the podcasts at Happy Families dot
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  Speaker 2: com dot au email address has been overheating this week.
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  Speaker 2: We've had a lot of response to not only our
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  Speaker 2: Parental Guidance episodes, but also to a couple of episodes
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  Speaker 2: from last week that really got people going.
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  Speaker 3: One of them was one of the hardest.
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  Speaker 2: Podcast episodes we've ever had to do. It was last
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  Speaker 2: week's Older Better Tomorrow, where I didn't end up sharing
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  Speaker 2: anything because I couldn't I couldn't speak. And you talked
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  Speaker 2: about the devastating loss that our friends suffered of a
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  Speaker 2: newborn baby, and we received quite a lot of feedback
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  Speaker 2: from that, but one in particular stood out to you,
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  Speaker 2: and you thought it was worth sharing because we just
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  Speaker 2: love your feedback so much and we want you to
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  Speaker 2: know that we read all of it.
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  Speaker 4: One of our regular listeners said, I've just listened to
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  Speaker 4: Friday's podcast and wanted to say thank you and give
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  Speaker 4: you a virtual hug. That was one of the very
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  Speaker 4: very few times I've heard someone talk about neonatal death
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  Speaker 4: with genuine empathy rather than sympathy. My first wife and
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  Speaker 4: I lost to our son in similar circumstances in two
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  Speaker 4: thousand and two. Like your friends, we knew from very
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  Speaker 4: early on that something was wrong, and at twenty seven
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  Speaker 4: weeks he was born weighing six hundred and eighty grams.
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  Speaker 4: We at least had forty two days with him, so
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  Speaker 4: we had time to be baptized and family could visit.
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  Speaker 4: The turnout to the funeral was beautiful, and we were
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  Speaker 4: surrounded by people that loved us, but the only people
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  Speaker 4: that managed to say something of any substance with those
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  Speaker 4: who had experienced the loss of a child. Also, so
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  Speaker 4: to hear you talk with such emotion, even after all
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  Speaker 4: this time, was truly beautiful. Thank you.
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  Speaker 2: Now that you've said that, I'm still really affected by
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  Speaker 2: what we talked about, and that email has actually back
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  Speaker 2: even though we agreed that we were going to talk
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  Speaker 2: about it, it's just so so hard.
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  Speaker 3: Onto a different topic.
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  Speaker 2: Last week, we also had a really interesting conversation about
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  Speaker 2: sleep training, and we talked with Carli Grubb from Beyond
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  Speaker 2: Sleep Training about how we can.
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  Speaker 3: Make sure that we don't go down that path.
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  Speaker 2: This is always a controversial topic, but we received a
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  Speaker 2: really wonderful email from Scott and Sarah to podcasts at
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  Speaker 2: Happy Families dot com dot IU. The email is the
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  Speaker 2: length of a short book. Wow, and it's a great
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  Speaker 2: email and I appreciated it so very much. But the
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  Speaker 2: upshot that the short version of it is they love
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  Speaker 2: the podcast as it happens. Sarah has done a bit
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  Speaker 2: of research and she's highlighted something that we didn't talk about.
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  Speaker 3: In last week's podcast.
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  Speaker 2: But I know for a fact to be true, and
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  Speaker 2: that is that the whole sleep training issue is Number one,
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  Speaker 2: very very very controversial. People have huge opinions about it,
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  Speaker 2: so emotive. But number two, from a research point of view,
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  Speaker 2: the reality is it's pretty under researched. There's not a
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  Speaker 2: lot of data around and what little data there is, well,
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  Speaker 2: the fact that there's so little data people want to
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  Speaker 2: jump all over it and argue for one thing or another.
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  Speaker 2: And what she basically said was we've got a couple
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  Speaker 2: of kids, but she's just finished sleep training one of
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  Speaker 2: their children. She said, I didn't want to do it.
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  Speaker 2: I never wanted to do it. I think that it's
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  Speaker 2: a terrible option. I wish that I hadn't had to
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  Speaker 2: do it. But sometimes the not best option is the
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  Speaker 2: best option. And she says this is why the mother
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  Speaker 2: who is so tired she drifts off to sleep while
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  Speaker 2: she's bathing her baby. The father who's so frustrated that
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  Speaker 2: the baby won't sleep that he feels like shaking it.
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  Speaker 2: The mother who was so strung out that she started
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  Speaker 2: to feel depressed and distant from her baby.
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  Speaker 3: The truth is that parenting is messy.
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  Speaker 2: And then she says, sometimes the best option is well
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  Speaker 2: the best option, and then she shares some stories about
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  Speaker 2: what they went through and why they made the decision
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  Speaker 2: to sleep train, and then she said something and it
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  Speaker 2: really struck me deeply, and I'm going to share it
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  Speaker 2: because we love your feet back. She said, when I
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  Speaker 2: heard the podcast, I felt defeated. I felt guilty, I
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  Speaker 2: felt trapped. Should I not put her in her cot
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  Speaker 2: for a nap today? Should I try one of the
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  Speaker 2: dozens have failed other settling methods.
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  Speaker 3: And eventually she says.
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  Speaker 2: My reason in writing is that I think that many
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  Speaker 2: parents sleep train out of necessity, not out of delight,
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  Speaker 2: And while it's an unpleasant experience, there's no real reason
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  Speaker 2: to believe that you're damaging your child based on what
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  Speaker 2: research we do have, especially if it allows you to
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  Speaker 2: be more loving and responsive to their needs in all
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  Speaker 2: the other moments. But mainly because sometimes what us exhausted
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  Speaker 2: parents need to know is that the kids are going
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  Speaker 2: to be okay. And so I wanted to just give
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  Speaker 2: Scott and Sarah acknowledgment because even though we do try
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  Speaker 2: to put out what is going to be best, either
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  Speaker 2: from research or from a logical or emotional or ethical
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  Speaker 2: point of view, we recognize that sometimes you just got
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  Speaker 2: to do what you've got to do. And it was
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  Speaker 2: such a wonderful email, and Scott and Sarah thank you
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  Speaker 2: so very much for taking the time to send it through.
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  Speaker 2: We love your feedback podcasts at Happy Families dot com
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  Speaker 2: dot a U. Without all seven done, let's talk. I'll
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  Speaker 2: do better tomorrow, Kylie. We've both had experience this week
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  Speaker 2: that have helped us to be better or not so
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  Speaker 2: better as parents. After the break, we're going to hear
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  Speaker 2: from you, and then I'm going to wrap things up.
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  Speaker 1: It's their Happy Families podcast.
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  Speaker 4: For a happier family, Try a Happy Families membership, because
• 6:17
  Speaker 4: a happy family doesn't just happen. Details at happy families
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  Speaker 4: dot com dot au. It's the Happy Families podcast, the
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  Speaker 4: podcast for the time poor parent who just wants answers now.
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  Speaker 4: And today we're sharing our reflections from the week that was.
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  Speaker 2: First of all, a couple of reflections from you via
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  Speaker 2: our email address podcasts at happy families dot com dot you.
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  Speaker 2: But when we talk, I'll do better tomorrow. This is
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  Speaker 2: our opportunity to be intentional and mindful. Kylie, what's struck
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  Speaker 2: you this week about your parenting?
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  Speaker 1: You know?
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  Speaker 4: Watching Parental Guidance with our children beside us, it's been fun,
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  Speaker 4: has really brought up a whole heap of conversation around
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  Speaker 4: the dinner table and especially in the car the next morning,
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  Speaker 4: as they've had, you know, slept on the things that
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  Speaker 4: they've seen, and we've been our to talk about things
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  Speaker 4: on the way to school. And I think that what
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  Speaker 4: I really want to highlight today is just as I've
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  Speaker 4: watched it, there's been opportunity for me to reflect on
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  Speaker 4: the things that I'm doing in my role as a
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  Speaker 4: mother in our home and the take homes for me.
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  Speaker 4: The things that I'd like to do more of that
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  Speaker 4: I'm aware are not strengths of mine, but I see
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  Speaker 4: it and I know that I can and I have
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  Speaker 4: done them in the past, but I'd like to see
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  Speaker 4: more of them in our family. When the nature parents
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  Speaker 4: were kids for a day and the dad made his
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  Speaker 4: little sculpture and he told his mum coming out a lot,
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  Speaker 4: what have I done? Look what I've done, and she
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  Speaker 4: kind of just brushed him, and it really affected him.
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  Speaker 4: And I have to say I'm probably that parent often
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  Speaker 4: because as a mum at home, I'm constantly doing one
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  Speaker 4: hundred and one things at a time, and so the
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  Speaker 4: kids come and show me something and I'm like, I've
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  Speaker 4: just got to get this load of washing out before
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  Speaker 4: the sun goes.
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  Speaker 3: Or whatever it is, I've finished it.
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  Speaker 4: I've just got to finish, and so constantly feeling like
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  Speaker 4: I'm on the go, go, go go, and it's hard
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  Speaker 4: for me to be in the moment sometimes and appreciate
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  Speaker 4: what my children are actually trying to get my attention for.
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  Speaker 4: And so that was a really big moment where it
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  Speaker 4: just kind of made me reflect on how I can
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  Speaker 4: be more intentional in showing up for them. But I
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  Speaker 4: also loved watching again the Nature parents and just the
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  Speaker 4: curiosity that their kids had, just the way they all
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  Speaker 4: work together, and they just they loved being in their space.
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  Speaker 4: That again, is not something that comes natural to me,
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  Speaker 4: and being curious scares me a little bit. I don't
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  Speaker 4: like the unknown, and so again just highlighting that this
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  Speaker 4: is something I have done and I know I can do,
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  Speaker 4: but it doesn't come naturally to me, pushing myself to
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  Speaker 4: try and try new things and be open to asking questions,
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  Speaker 4: to discovering things and even if it makes me look
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  Speaker 4: like I'm silly because I don't know all the answers.
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  Speaker 2: What I love about your old Do Better Tomorrow is
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  Speaker 2: at the start of the week, you were like, they
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  Speaker 2: live in a tent, they don't send their kids to school,
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  Speaker 2: like it was really foreign to you. And yet as
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  Speaker 2: you've reflected on the week, the family that's probably been
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  Speaker 2: most influential in your insights and your desire to do
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  Speaker 2: better has been the family that you were least responsive
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  Speaker 2: to when the show began.
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  Speaker 4: Maybe, but they weren't the only ones. They're just the
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  Speaker 4: ones I'm highlighted to start.
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  Speaker 2: With, right okay, Well, we could talk all day about
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  Speaker 2: reflections on the TV show in the interest of this
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  Speaker 2: being the podcast for the typoor parent who just one
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  Speaker 2: answers now my reflections my old do better tomorrow also
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  Speaker 2: ironically relate to Richard and lyddon the Parents for a
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  Speaker 2: parental guy.
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  Speaker 4: Giving me a hard time. Should we live in a tent?
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  Speaker 3: I don't know that that way. Our kids don't close
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  Speaker 3: the door, why not? Can't go and close the door
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  Speaker 3: for anything.
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  Speaker 4: I'm loving the idea of just one room.
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  Speaker 3: Yeah, one room, one tidy updone in half way.
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  Speaker 4: They can't bite. I don't forget out of my room
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  Speaker 4: because they're all in there.
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  Speaker 2: For me, it's just that this wonderful freedom, that it
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  Speaker 2: seems like the less you have, maybe the easier life
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  Speaker 2: could be. But I get the sense with watching all
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  Speaker 2: of this, I just this weekend, I want to spend
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  Speaker 2: time in nature with our kids. I want to go
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  Speaker 2: somewhere with a really relaxed agenda and say, let's just
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  Speaker 2: spend time together, Let's take it easy, enjoy one another's company.
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  Speaker 2: And as I've watched these parents connect, these good parents,
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  Speaker 2: these brave parents, whether it's Andrew and Miriam, who might
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  Speaker 2: be strict, but they definitely know how to have fun
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  Speaker 2: with their kids, and their kids are great kids. Or
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  Speaker 2: whether it's rich and Leed and their nature parents, or
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  Speaker 2: Lara Andrew who are just so doing everything they can
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  Speaker 2: to be tuned into their kids, or Breton Tony who
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  Speaker 2: are just like it's a bit of a madhouse with
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  Speaker 2: the four boys.
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  Speaker 3: So much energy in that house, and.
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  Speaker 4: No one has more energy than Tony, seems.
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  Speaker 2: And Yan and Donna who were just such a great
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  Speaker 2: couple with such a gorgeous kid. The one thing I
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  Speaker 2: will say, though, I wish that little old Harper got
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  Speaker 2: to have a.
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  Speaker 3: Bit more fun.
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  Speaker 2: And watching her experience with a mum, particularly who isn't
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  Speaker 2: that keen I'm playing with her. I'm not shaming Don
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  Speaker 2: and Donna's great mum and she's such a delight to
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  Speaker 2: have had on the show. But comparing what Harper's life
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  Speaker 2: is like living in the unit in Sydney compared to
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  Speaker 2: Richard and Ledden's kids living in that tent and having
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  Speaker 2: that freedom to explore, it's just made me want to
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  Speaker 2: make sure that the kids get out this weekend and
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  Speaker 2: really explore and that we're they're with them and living
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  Speaker 2: life and really experiencing it with them. So that's that's
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  Speaker 2: my older better tomorrow. It's been a long week in
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  Speaker 2: the office, there's been a lot of work to do,
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  Speaker 2: and this weekend it's all about family time outside. So
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  Speaker 2: that's my one my take home message. Make sure you
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  Speaker 2: get outside and explore nature and freedom with your kids
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  Speaker 2: and your one be in the.
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  Speaker 4: Moment, get curious even if you don't know all the
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  Speaker 4: answers that.
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  Speaker 2: We can't wait to join you again or have you
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  Speaker 2: joined us again on Monday morning for our next Happy
• 12:06
  Speaker 2: Families podcast, and of course Monday Night parental guidance continues
• 12:10
  Speaker 2: as we are introduced to five new families and five
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  Speaker 2: new parenting styles. The Happy Families podcast is produced by
• 12:17
  Speaker 2: Justin Ruland from Bridge Media, with Craig Bruce as our
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  Speaker 2: executive producer.
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  Speaker 3: If you'd like morofo about making your
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  Speaker 2: Family happier, we invite you to check us out at
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  Speaker 2: Happy Families dot com dot au and have a great weekend.