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Want Healthy Relationships? It Starts with Your Boundaries. · RiseUp - Live Joy Your Way

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_01: Today's episode is produced by my friends at Walk West.
• 0:03
  SPEAKER_01: If you're looking to grow your brand and generate leads through podcast or video production, head over to walkwest.com.
• 0:10
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, let's start the show.
• 0:14
  SPEAKER_00: Rise up, live joy your way.
• 0:19
  SPEAKER_00: From emotional intelligence through cognitive distortions, certified Life and Wellness Coach Comedy Wood is on a mission to help people see the magnificence of their own unique human spirit.
• 0:30
  SPEAKER_00: Through these small bites of self-visualization and self-confidence, you can have healthy relationships, success in business and career, and live the life you want to live.
• 0:40
  SPEAKER_00: Rise up, live joy your way.
• 0:47
  SPEAKER_01: Hi there and welcome to another episode of Rise Up, Live Joy Your Way.
• 0:51
  SPEAKER_01: Whether it is morning, afternoon, or evening when you have chosen to tune into this podcast, I just want to take a minute to say thank you.
• 0:59
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you for taking some time out of your day to spend with me.
• 1:03
  SPEAKER_01: So on previous episodes, we have been talking about boundaries.
• 1:07
  SPEAKER_01: We talked about the different types of boundaries, we talked about why boundaries are difficult.
• 1:11
  SPEAKER_01: And today we are talking about why they are important.
• 1:16
  SPEAKER_01: Because the truth is we want to preserve our relationships with other people.
• 1:20
  SPEAKER_01: We want to truly be our own person, and yet oftentimes we conflate the two and think that we can't be our own person, have boundaries, and still have relationships with other people.
• 1:34
  SPEAKER_01: So in truth, oftentimes we will shy away from setting boundaries because there's this fear that if we set boundaries with other people, they are going to abandon us.
• 1:46
  SPEAKER_01: But the truth is they're important because without setting boundaries, we don't get to decide, we don't get to determine what works for us and what doesn't.
• 1:55
  SPEAKER_01: We don't get to honor our needs, our wants, and our desires.
• 1:59
  SPEAKER_01: And instead, we are consistently functioning, maybe overfunctioning for other people.
• 2:07
  SPEAKER_01: Boundaries are so important because what they are doing, they are enabling you to really truly live into your own self-worth and separate the you from the other person.
• 2:20
  SPEAKER_01: And it's not about separating to essentially put up a wall.
• 2:26
  SPEAKER_01: That's not what we're doing.
• 2:27
  SPEAKER_01: What we're doing with boundaries is saying, you know, this is the line, and in being able to define your own self for yourself, what ends up happening without boundaries is that's when codependency really starts to fester because there is no clear distinction between you as your own person and another person in a relationship.
• 2:49
  SPEAKER_01: So it's really important to be able to delineate yourself from somebody else.
• 2:54
  SPEAKER_01: The other thing is that when we build boundaries, when we have boundaries for what we're willing to put up with, what we are willing to accept, honoring our needs, we're actually building and solidifying our own self-trust.
• 3:09
  SPEAKER_01: And if you've been following me for a while, you will recognize that one of the key elements that I always talk about is the relationship with self.
• 3:17
  SPEAKER_01: Really, what we're doing is building relational self-awareness, recognizing, you know, what works for us, what we're willing to accept, what our needs are, what we're feeling.
• 3:27
  SPEAKER_01: All of those are parts of building our relational self-awareness, building that relationship with self.
• 3:32
  SPEAKER_01: So when we are trying to protect our own identity, when we're trying to protect our own autonomy, setting boundaries is so important because it allows us the space to really define who we are outside of somebody else.
• 3:46
  SPEAKER_01: Also setting boundaries and why they're so important is because it allows us space to potentially take us out of fight or flight.
• 3:57
  SPEAKER_01: And what I mean by that is when we are triggered into a space where we don't feel comfortable or we are overcompensating or over-functioning or overgiving, we're really throwing our nervous system into that fight or flight space.
• 4:13
  SPEAKER_01: And when we are able to set boundaries, we're able to bring ourselves back into our own parasympathetic nervous system.
• 4:21
  SPEAKER_01: We're able to calm down, come out of that fight or flight stage, and be able to truly um engage in healthier relationships with others as well as with ourselves.
• 4:32
  SPEAKER_01: So building boundaries is more than just um, you know, saying, here's this wall.
• 4:39
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, that's not that's not even what we're doing.
• 4:41
  SPEAKER_01: What we're really doing is saying what we are building self-trust within our own being to say, we know what works for us and what doesn't work for another person.
• 4:51
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, what works for us versus allowing what other people want take over.
• 4:58
  SPEAKER_01: I recently just had an example of this in context of a client conversation where she was being pushed and pushed and pushed to engage in something in a behavior that she that just didn't align with her value system.
• 5:11
  SPEAKER_01: And afterwards she really felt bad and her inner critic took over.
• 5:15
  SPEAKER_01: And really, what she ended up doing was allowing her own self-trust to take a hit, versus if she had set that boundary and simply honored that boundary and said, you know, that particular act does not align with my value system, I'm not okay with that, and allowed for that to stay put when all was said and done, she would have actually helped solidify her own self-trust and knowing that she can determine what works for her and what doesn't.
• 5:47
  SPEAKER_01: And it's important to remember that when we are setting boundaries, we're not putting up walls with people.
• 5:53
  SPEAKER_01: We're not saying it's this way or no way.
• 5:57
  SPEAKER_01: Boundaries can be flexible, boundaries can be negotiated.
• 6:01
  SPEAKER_01: But the key here is that by expressing boundaries and setting boundaries, we are giving ourselves our own autonomy back.
• 6:09
  SPEAKER_01: We are honoring who we are as individuals, and we're building up our own self-trust, which are just real key elements when we are trying to really come into our own solid foundation of a relationship with ourselves and when we are trying to build healthy relationships with others.
• 6:28
  SPEAKER_01: Oftentimes people mistake boundaries as thinking that it means that they will be separate from somebody else.
• 6:35
  SPEAKER_01: And it makes sense.
• 6:37
  SPEAKER_01: There's a lot of fear that revolves around setting boundaries because there's a fear that if I set this boundary, this person is gonna leave my life forever.
• 6:45
  SPEAKER_01: And the question we always have to ask ourselves is if that person can't honor and respect your boundary, were they really showing up fully for you in your life anyway?
• 6:55
  SPEAKER_01: Or was that relationship already having issues?
• 6:59
  SPEAKER_01: Because truthfully, a healthy relationship should be able to honor both people's boundaries and honor both people's needs and wants within their relationship.
• 7:08
  SPEAKER_01: If you are struggling with boundaries or want to talk more about boundaries in general, feel free to book a call with me at any time at chatwithcomedy.com.
• 7:17
  SPEAKER_01: And until next time, stay healthy.
• 7:23
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you for listening to Rise Up, Live Joy Your Way.
• 7:26
  SPEAKER_00: For more information, book a chat with comedy at www.chatwithcomedy.com.
• 7:32
  SPEAKER_00: Or visit her website at www.comedywood.com.
• 7:37
  SPEAKER_00: You can also find comedy on Facebook or Instagram.
• 7:40
  SPEAKER_00: Username it's authentic me.
• 7:43
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you for listening.