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How to Build a Life You Don't Need a Break From · Candid Coach Conversations

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Would you love to create a life that you don't want to escape from?
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I'm Kimberly Boyd, founder of Live Life Fully,
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and welcome to Candid Coach Conversations.
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Today I have with me Teresa Anderson,
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Certified Live Life Fully Coach Hey Teresa,
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how are you? Doing great.
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Hi, how are you? Excellent.
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And you? Yay!
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Thinking about creating a life that we don't want to escape from.
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yeah, I want to hear your thoughts about this,
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what comes up for you when you hear that.
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And I want to jump right in because I think it's so important.
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Okay.
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When we're living
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life fully, that means we're living a life we don't want to escape from.
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So yeah, tell us.
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Absolutely.
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I think the first thing that comes up for me is
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The need to identify what do I constantly need a break from?
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Like, is there something in my life that every time I'm doing it or
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I'm engaged in it, I immediately feel like,
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when is this gonna end? I think that would be like a really good pointer towards:
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am I escaping from this? Right?
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Or do I desire to escape? And then I think like,
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where am I actually surviving instead of living?
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I think
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Mm.
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that's another thought that comes to mind.
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Mm-hmm.
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Yes. So how does that show up for you?
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Or how has it shown up for you?
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And I guess if you were giving advice,
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How to create a life that you don't want to escape from,
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what would you share?
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I think the first thing I would ask is a series of questions.
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So I would be really curious,
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To define for the client what feels good about life?
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What do you really enjoy? Where do your passions lie?
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Is your life currently built around other people's expectations?
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Or are you living a life that feels true and authentic to your genuine purpose,
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or desires, or passions, or dreams?
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~ or even just on a smaller scale,
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daily living that feels good to walk out,
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right? I think I would want
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to know like is there joy in your life and where is it present?
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I would be really curious like what routines are in place to support
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a life that feels well lived instead of feeling exhausted constantly.
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Mm-hmm.
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Those are some of the things that come up for me immediately.
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It's so good and I think it's so interesting because
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The questions that you're asking and that you would want to know from a person,
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I don't think people realize how important it is to even know,
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or they don't even know. Like we don't know what we don't know.
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That happens
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Mm-hmm.
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to me a lot. And so like peeling that off and saying,
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these are areas in my life where I didn't even realize that I didn't have
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joy or that I was trying to escape.
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And I also think like when I think about scrolling or just endlessly watching T V,
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this is the remote control, like even if you're not watching it,
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you're just moving through every single channel,
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like just
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Mm.
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stop and pause and say, Wait, is there something I'm escaping from?
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Is that
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Absolutely.
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I think we all do this to some degree too.
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w we probably do it mindlessly without realizing that we've like turned
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off our mindset. We're not l making any choices currently and we
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are literally just operating in gray brain matter,
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you know.
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Mm-hmm.
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Yes. Yeah. So what's the remedy?
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Like and then think about your own life,
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if you don't mind sharing. are there areas in your life where you've wanted
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to create an escape before? And what have you done about that?
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I feel like I've had to ask myself what needs to change so I actually come home
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to a life that I love. And so for me,
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I remember waking up one day and literally putting every single piece
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of furniture that I had on Facebook Market.
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And I literally sold it and I didn't have a couch or a table for like two weeks.
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But I was done with the space and I had enough,
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I made enough money to purchase things that I actually wanted.
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And it really was like this wonderful experience of changing out my space
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and really creating a place that it feels good to be in.
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It feels good to entertain in.
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It feels good to come home to.
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So that I am loving my experience on a daily basis.
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That was a huge one for me.
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Okay, I'm so curious. How often have you done that?
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~ I was so thankful I did that.
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I do that
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Like nothing at all.
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probably once a year.
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It's
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kinda she takes the Christmas tree out and
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But
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then puts it away and she sells all the furniture and starts fresh.
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Yes. So that is something that I did do.
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But ever since doing that and then getting like these little like lighting fixtures
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and just like these things that kind of romanticize my life,
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you know, buying the kind of cups and glasses that I wanted to drink out of.
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doing things that us elevated even my basic everyday experience
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for me made everyday walking out life feel joyful,
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feel like it was my own. And so I don't now I'm pretty happy with the way it is.
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I don't foresee myself
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Doing that again here in the next year.
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But I will probably change out blankets or change out glasses or
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buy more like candles or lighting fixtures,
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right? I'll probably continue to do things like that.
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Get I bought one of those like sensey things where you push a button
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and it smells like a hotel. Like that
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~
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was everything for me.
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Yes. Yes. Does
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make a difference.
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Yes. So that
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is a way that I did it at home.
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at work.
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I think with work, I decided I'm in a room all day and my office is rather small.
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I do have a window, so I always keep the window open and I get to see
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the birds and look at nature. I'm very aware of outside constantly,
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just so that I don't feel trapped in the four corners of my office.
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And then whenever I get
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Mm-hmm.
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an opportunity and I see like a co-worker who's out like in the hallway
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or in the break room, I'll come and see them,
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say hi, hugs, kisses, I miss you,
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or I'll walk around and just
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get some sunlight, some vitamin D,
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even for like 10-15 minutes. So these are all just like small samples of ways that
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I make my life feel like I'm living it and I'm choosing how to enjoy it
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on a daily basis, even when I'm entertaining the mundane,
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right? Or what could be considered the mundane.
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Hm. Yeah, tell us more about that,
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the mundane. Because people
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The mundane.
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Ooh. So we I think we all have spaces in our life that
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Maybe if we wanted to be somewhere else,
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we there was absolutely somewhere else we would want to be.
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sometimes that's work, sometimes that's entertaining certain people in
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our lives or showing up to certain events.
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You know, sometimes the mundane feels just like the thing that you
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do because it's it could be connected to your values.
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Like to me, it's important to go to work,
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it's important to create a living and be fruitful.
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And so, of course, I'm gonna show up and I'm gonna.
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do those things and yet there's moments where it's so rehearsed and it's something
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I do every day, day in, day out,
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that it can become a little monotonous.
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And I think that part of it is the part I have to pay attention to so that
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I don't feel drained and I don't feel weighed down.
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I have to decide what do I want to do with the in-between.
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Do I like I said, do I want to go for a walk?
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Do I want to try to engage with a coworker?
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Do I want to make a phone call?
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do
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I want to watch something funny.
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I love watching funny animal videos.
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It lights up my whole world, you know?
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So doing things like that, even in those spaces that they are
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a little bit programmed. They happen every day.
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You go to work same time, you leave the same time.
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Maybe it's it's super programmable.
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So how do I break that up into an experience that feels like I'm still choosing
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how my day looks?
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Yeah, it's so good. Like, and asking for me,
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asking myself, like, what have I tolerated?
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Which sounds terrible. And what have I tolerated that has now become normal?
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And is that contributing to a life that I want to live?
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Is it contributing to a life that I want to escape from?
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And really getting clear about that.
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Like, what do I want my life to look like?
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And what is it going to take to make it look that way and to feel the way
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I want to feel?
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But I did. I took a long look at what have I been tolerating.
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And not that it was bad, nothing,
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I'm not even saying anything was bad.
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It's simply I was tolerating things that was limiting my life from living more
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Mm-hmm.
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fully.
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And the example, one quick example is scrolling.
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And I know we mentioned that already.
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Like I was tolerating that of myself and then when I c thought about
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all the hours and I did the math,
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my word, gross. Like I was giving my life away.
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Yeah.
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to a screen. Ugh. So no longer
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Right. And then even
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the science behind how bad scrolling is for our brains and how it's
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the reason dementia is on the rise at much younger ages,
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they think is all relative to this like dead scrolling that we do.
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Yeah.
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But
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it also scrolling studies are showing that it increases negativity,
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it contributes significantly to depression and anxiety,
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and it raises that whole thing about comparison and
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Mm.
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I know Brendan talk Brendan Brashard talks about this a lot.
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Like everything we look at when we're scrolling,
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we're making decisions. Do I like it?
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Do I not like it? Do I comment?
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Do I not comment? But what thoughts am I having?
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Like every single one. That is a lot of brain power going to sometimes people
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we don't even know. Or like what?
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And sometimes people we know that we don't even hang out with on purpose,
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and yet
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Mm.
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we're looking at this stuff.
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So it is, it's raising that whole comparison piece,
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which definitely in my opinion,
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contributes to a life that one would want to escape from because you're
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in that negativity, that space of ugh.
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Mm-hmm.
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Observing instead of actually living.
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And I think that's the important part of like,
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where am I overcommitted? Where am I over functioning?
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Where am I simply over it? You know,
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maybe it is in the comparison game.
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Maybe it is. I'm watching other people's lives while my while mine passes by.
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And so
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So
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in thinking about your weeks, what are some things that you do that makes
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an ordinary usual week feel joyful and more like the life you want to live?
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How do you set that up for yourself?
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It
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depends, right? During the week I have a program schedule.
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I'm a mom, of course, so I have to live by the school bell.
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So I'm got morning clients in the morning and then I'm off to sit in
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the car rider line.
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I'm
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writing this down. Live by the school bell.
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But there's something there. We gotta do something with it.
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There is something there. ~
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Cause I do live by the school bell.
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So I have to get her off in the morning really,
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really early. And then I have a couple of hours to do some things that I need
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to do around the house. Then I gotta get into cl to to work and see
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my clients and I'm there for a few four hours doing that.
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Then I take that break to go pick her up and go back to that school bell waiting
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line. And then
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Yes.
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I get her home, gotta get her fed at eight,
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you know, to make sure that she's eaten for the day and eat something myself.
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And then I'm rushing back to work to do another four hours of clients.
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And so in those moments on those particular days that are so jam-packed that
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I have very little time really to,
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you know, magnify my experience of joy,
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I have to be really intentional about what does it look like.
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So when I am in the school writer line,
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I'm usually reading something that I enjoy,
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or I'm listening to my favorite jams and having like a little jam session
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in the car. it depends on my mood.
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What song I put on? What am I feeling like?
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Right? And then I'm a big bubbles girl because I had an amazing coach talk
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to me about childlike wonder a long time ago,
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and it inspired my world. And so I buy bubbles all the time now,
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and I keep them. They're either in my car,
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they're in my garage, they're at my front door.
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And whenever I get an opportunity,
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if I have just a moment, maybe I'm rushing in and out it between.
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I even have bubbles at my office.
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So when I let a client out, oftentimes
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if we've had something that we want to celebrate,
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like something that they actually did well or they finally accomplished some task
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or behavior modification that they're really excited about,
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I'll blow bubbles right then and there.
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And we celebrate for a moment.
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And so finding these little spaces on those busy,
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busy days to really consider like how can I lift my soul and lift my spirit,
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even though I'm in the rat race of the school bell
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Ha ha.
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and getting back and forth.
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To work and getting everyone where they need to be.
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Now on the weekends, that's gonna look a little different because
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my weekends are for me. I'm gonna,
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of course, I have to play Uber Mom.
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So see these things,
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Ha ha.
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we need to we need a list of these things.
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So Uber Mom and waiting in the school bell line.
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Living my life by the school bell.
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These are on the list for sure of things that can easily
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huh.
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steal my joy. So I laugh I laugh because I think of a comedian automatically where
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he's like.
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Singing, he's like, I gotta pick them up and drop them off and pick them
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up and drop them off and drop them off and pick them up.
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And that's basically like the life of an Uber mom,
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Yeah Yes. Yes.
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right? And so
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I can easily get bogged down with that,
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or I can have conversations with my teenager and teach her about time management
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as well, and let her know, like,
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hey, I have a life too, and so I would like for the picking up and dropping
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off to happen between these hours so that I can get some things done.
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And so we've had to come to terms on some systems that actually work for
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me to be able to manage.
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That and then look at her schedule,
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look at my schedule, look at my spouse's schedule,
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and decide okay, what are we gonna do for the weekend?
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For me, it's gonna involve cooking because I love to feast and create meals
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for family, and it's gonna involve water for sure.
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If there is a lake, a river, a pool somewhere nearby,
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I'm probably gonna take a gander,
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right? And there's just little moments like that where I'm gonna make sure that
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I'm feeding or feeding my soul,
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I think. So that's what.
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comes to mind for me for now. ~
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I love it.
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So good. and I love that you brought up bubbles.
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I really do think that we as a society underestimate the value of bubbles.
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I mean, for real. I love that you said celebrating and blowing bubbles with clients.
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I think I mean, come on. What better
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Ha ha
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way? And I also think
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And I thought about the you ~ living by the school bill.
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And in that car writer line while you're doing your jam session,
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I don't know, like blow bubbles out the window because A,
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people are gonna be like, What is this woman doing?
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And then eventually they're gonna be like,
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my gosh, she's blowing bubbles.
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Like we're going back to that comparison and that judgment piece.
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And it okay, and and it's gonna happen.
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Like judgment happens every single day with every single person on the planet.
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Yeah. It's human. Yeah.
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So if you
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can be blowing bubbles out the window for yourself.
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What?
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And getting people to like take pause to be like,
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bubbles. Many people might even think,
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Gosh, I have not blown bubbles in fifty years And then
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Right.
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so I think about one of our retreats that we had,
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And there was a point we did have bubbles out on the tables and there
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was a point where people were lined up along the bulkhead here at the lake,
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standing there blowing bubbles.
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And then when everybody came back together,
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several people were talking about the
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how refreshed and renewed they felt after blowing the bubbles.
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And it makes so much sense because you have to take a breath in and then
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if you're blowing to see like how big of a bubble.
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I mean there's so many ways to blow
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Mm-hmm.
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bubbles. I'm so glad you brought up bubbles.
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my god.
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I love footballs.
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Yes, like you can blow and have a whole bunch or you can blow real slow
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and yes. And it's about the
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And get a pick one. Yeah. And
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bubble, but what it's doing internally is bombastically phenomenal.
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I even like the iridescent, right?
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Like the color of it. It's almost like magical in this tiny little way.
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And it's literally a dollar at the dollar store.
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And here's this like experience that has magic if you allow it to.
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Yeah.
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Gosh.
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Okay, so I think we're gonna have bubbles again at this upcoming retreat.
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So if you don't want to go to the dollar store,
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come to the retreat. And
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Hmm.
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you'll get to walk away with some bubbles.
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no, but seriously, like they are magical.
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I'm so glad you brought up the iridescence of them too.
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gosh, how joyful.
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Yeah.
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I think it there's just magic in the little things.
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Like at work when I see a hummingbird come and like tap on my window,
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or I see like the red and the blue birds and they're just flying around,
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or I start to notice like their little patterns or whatnot.
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And even that, just slowing my life down enough to pay attention to these beautiful,
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like little magical moments of nature,
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it just brings it soothes me. It's very like self-soothing.
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And when I get home and someone says,
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Well, how was your day? I'm today was pretty
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Good. And I'm not even really realizing that I blew bubbles with a client
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and I saw these beautiful magical birds out the window.
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Right? Because I'm holding a lot of heavy stuff,
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and yet there's these little pieces in between that are making it still feel like
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a good day. And so I think it's really important to find the magic in every day.
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Yes.
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Absolutely. ~ and I love that you said that too.
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I had a thought that popped into my head.
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talking about noticing the birds,
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yes.
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Yeah.
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Okay, so you and I are both in this aim and hole for program and learning more
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and more about the brain and getting in touch with ourselves and
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it's phenomenal and I'm so excited to start sharing that more with more people more
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details to come
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Mm-hmm.
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and but one thing so of course I wake up thankfully I wake up every morning
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and then I go let the dogs out so I let them out and I get to you know
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out the door out to the screen through the screened porch thing and I open the
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Mm-hmm.
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door and I let them out and I don't stand there I usually go back in
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and get my water and then then by the time I go to the utility room
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get the water come back
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They're ready come in, so I go get it.
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Okay, all the details that are not necessary.
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Right, all the things.
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So thank you for listening. And so
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I get that little blip of sunlight,
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depending on the time of year.
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Sometimes it's still dark outside.
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All that to say, what I have been very intentional about doing that we're learning
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in the whole four is you've got to get that sunshine within 30 minutes of waking up.
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Or if
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Mm.
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like me, whenever I first get up,
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it's
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still dark outside so getting that 30 I mean when the sun's up to
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get outside as quickly as possible.
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Mm-hmm.
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So I have really been intentional about doing that.
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As soon as that's and I love watching the sunrise.
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I usually watch it from inside while I'm doing my journaling or
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my high performance planner. But I've been stopping
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Mm-hmm.
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and getting up and going outside putting my feet on the ground barefoot yes
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It is a different experience.
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It
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is, it's gorgeous. You have some of the best sunsets and sunrises out there too,
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the way that it comes over the water.
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And I love that as the sun is rising,
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you can feel that pressure of the water changing.
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It's
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Yeah.
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it's really magical. So I can imagine that the difference between being outside
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and being inside, especially over at your property.
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Yes. my gosh. Yeah.
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Yeah. Gorgeous.
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I love it. Thank you. I do love it.
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And I love that Doctor Amen has talked so much about the sun in the morning,
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like with in the morning time,
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getting out there. And it it does.
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It has definitely created a shift.
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It's amazing.
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Mm.
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Instead of like grabbing for your phone,
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right? Which is what everybody does.
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And I get it, our alarms are on our phones,
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so it's such an easy thing to do.
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But I mean, be intentional about putting it right back down,
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going outside, looking at the sun,
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getting that vitamin D for the first few minutes,
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drinking a glass of water, really getting centered for your day,
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how good it is for your brain and for your body.
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So many times people think that it's these like complex interventions that are
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Yeah.
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gonna change your life, and it's so
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funny how simple it is like diaphragmic breathing and getting outside
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to see the sun, you know, to bilateral tapping and the calm that that can bring.
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Some of it is so simple and yet we still don't make time for it.
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I know. And and
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talking about diaphragmatic breathing,
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that is what happens when we're blowing bubbles.
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Y'all,
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Is what happens when we're blowing bubbles.
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~
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you've got to go get
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a bottle of bubbles. I'm very excited.
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Have to, have to.
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Like I want to start seeing people walking through parking lots before they imagine
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how much
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More pleasant. The post office,
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the grocery store, the dry cleaners.
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How much more pleasant it would be if people got out of their car
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and blew bubbles from their car to the door of the establishment.
21:34
I bet we would see more smiles.
21:35
It would be fabulous. I think
21:39
so, because you automatically look up at the sky when you see bubbles.
21:42
You just see them floating, and it's this magical experience.
21:46
And most of us experienced the vast majority of bubbles when we were children.
21:50
So there's an there's a neuropathic experience there that we're leaning into.
21:55
And that's even more beautiful,
21:57
that childlike wonder. It's amazing.
22:00
Yes. And it's definitely part of creating a life you do not want to escape from.
22:04
Or sure.
22:05
Absolutely.
22:08
We build routines around the things that do eventually exhaust us,
22:13
right? The on the third day of the car rider line and you know,
22:18
the uber momming and the dinners and the homework and getting into work
22:24
and doing all the things that we have to do for those spaces as well.
22:27
It's so easy to feel exhausted or like you're over functioning.
22:31
And I think that's why we have to commit to the things that support
22:35
us and center us, especially.
22:38
Especially on those difficult days.
22:40
And it might seem like one more thing to do,
22:43
but if it's one thing that changes your vibration or your frequency for
22:47
the rest of that day or gains you an hour of peace,
22:50
it's worth it. It's worth it to put it on the list.
22:52
it is. my gosh,
22:54
Yeah.
22:56
yes it is for sure.
22:58
And I love that you brought that up.
22:59
So here lately we're building this building so we can host events inside
23:04
and not suffocate in the 115 million degree weather.
23:08
it's been a lot.
23:09
Like there's a lot to building a building and a lot
23:12
Mm-hmm.
23:12
of decision making and color choices and my gosh,
23:17
ordering new chairs and how cushy do we want I did not know that
23:22
a question was gonna be how many inches wide do you want the chairs?
23:25
And I'm like to fit a rear end?
23:27
I mean I don't
23:29
measuring people's backsides. I just don't.
23:31
I didn't even know that was a thing.
23:32
I thought you just ordered a chair.
23:34
But y'all, you order these chairs.
23:36
And you've got 18 inches, you've got 20,
23:38
22, and 24 inches. Like, let's go with 22.
23:42
I mean I don't know.
23:43
Mm.
23:44
Anyway, so a lot of decision making and
23:47
I I I started feeling overwhelmed and I was like,
23:50
I I don't want any more. I don't want any more questions asked of me.
23:53
I wanted to escape. I did. I was like and I love where I
23:55
Ha ha.
23:56
live. This is my this is my this is my vacation home.
23:58
Yeah. It's your sacred space.
24:01
Yes.
24:01
Yeah.
24:04
like I take vacations just outside.
24:06
I walk out of my house and I'm on vacation.
24:08
I I love it here, but I really last week I was like
24:12
I gotta go. I've gotta run. This is too much.
24:15
It's it's too much thinking. I've got work.
24:17
I've got clients. I'm writing a curriculum.
24:19
I'm planning a retreat. I'm thinking about dishes.
24:22
How many napkins do we need? What color are we going with?
24:24
Are we going with silver? Are we going with gold?
24:26
and the menu. Like what are we gonna serve people to eat?
24:29
It's like I wanna go. And then I thought,
24:31
whoa, Kibberly, this is out of hand.
24:32
You're feeling overwhelmed, which I when I start thinking overwhelmed,
24:37
I think, okay, I think this is funny.
24:40
When I feel overwhelmed, then I ask myself,
24:42
where am I overthinking?
24:44
Mm.
24:45
'Cause generally it means I'm overthinking,
24:47
which I was.
24:47
Mm-hmm.
24:48
~ and I it was necessary, and then there were parts that I was thinking about that
24:53
were not. So I say all of that to say I wanted to escape every single thing that
24:58
was happening around here and the mess and the stuff and the deliveries.
25:02
Holy moly.
25:04
If anybody needs boxes, once I unpack all of this stuff,
25:07
we will have boxes. Anyway, we'll have a box party.
25:11
but I really I was like, okay,
25:13
I gotta get back to the basics.
25:15
Hm.
25:16
So when you talked about it doesn't have to be this big massive thing,
25:20
which me packing up and going to Galveston for a weekend,
25:24
that would be a massive move at this point.
25:26
Right.
25:27
And so the simple things, I was like,
25:29
okay, I really cannot leave. So
25:31
Mm.
25:32
what can I do? And so it was, I have I realized I hadn't lit a candle
25:38
in two weeks. So
25:40
Mm.
25:41
I was like, what am I doing? Candles bring me joy.
25:45
They can't be the cinnamon roll candles though,
25:47
because when it's a cinnamon roll candle,
25:48
I want to eat people's elbows.
25:50
I get so hungry.
25:52
Wait.
25:53
How come I'm starving? it's that smell
25:53
Ha ha ha.
25:55
of cinnamon. Anyway, so no cinnamon,
25:57
Mm.
25:58
no cookie candles. but I didn't realize I was like,
26:00
I haven't even lit a candle in two weeks.
26:02
Okay, number one, I gotta light candle.
26:04
my gosh, I haven't had an Epsom salt bath.
26:06
I gotta get an Epsom salt bath.
26:08
Like these simple things that I had gotten so busy and so overwhelmed with questions
26:14
and deliveries that I put all these simple things aside.
26:17
So when I lit the candle,
26:17
Mm-hmm.
26:18
I took the Epsom salt bath and I was like
26:21
And listen to music and go sit.
26:23
If I didn't want to get in the pool,
26:25
go sit and put my feet in the pool.
26:27
I
26:28
Mm.
26:29
recentered and I was like, whoa,
26:32
I'm good to go. I don't want to escape anymore.
26:35
And I went to the contractor and I'm like,
26:36
okay, do you have more questions for me?
26:38
Like, I'm good.
26:38
Mm-hmm.
26:42
I love that 'cause it's like reconnecting to the part of yourself that you've
26:45
put on hold. And we don't
26:47
Yes.
26:47
always realize that we've done that.
26:49
Yeah.
26:52
And I'm a coach.
26:53
I work with people on this and I d I I've done it to myself.
26:56
Yes.
26:57
It's easy to do. It's so
27:00
easy to get lost in the the movements and not sit for a moment and ask yourself,
27:05
What do I really need right now?
27:07
Or what am I overdoing? You know.
27:09
Yeah.
27:10
Yes.
27:12
So good. Love it. So creating a life you do not want to escape from.
27:17
So Teresa, for our listeners, like what do you want them,
27:20
if you had to leave them with something,
27:22
what do you want to leave them with today?
27:25
I would say give yourself permission to want something different,
27:28
even when you ha what you have is already good.
27:33
I loved that and felt it in my heart.
27:36
And to follow up on that, go get some bubbles,
27:39
y'all. You are.
27:40
Get some bubbles guys. You're missing out.
27:43
~
27:46
Spin around
27:46
God.
27:47
with it. It's so fabulous. ~
27:50
Yeah, I don't
27:50
wanna eat now I wanna even go and get the big wand.
27:53
The long
27:53
ones, those are the ones I have at the office.
27:56
Incredible. So good.
27:58
So good. Teresa, thank you so much for being with us today.
28:02
I always love talking with you.
28:04
Yes. And for our listeners, absolutely.
28:05
Thank you for having me, Kimberly.
28:07
And for our listeners,
28:08
thank you for joining us today on Candid Coach Conversations.
28:12
And until next time, remember to live life fully and enjoy every moment.
28:18
All right, cool.